america's greatest pundits

The Proper Conservative Patriot’s Take On The Olympic Opening Ceremonies

Not even kiddingPoor Jennifer Rubin, the unofficial public voice of the Romney campaign who continues to have a job at the Washington Post. Why doesn’t your Wonkette make fun of her more often? Maybe it’s too easy, but it’s not like that consideration has ever stopped us. Jen Rubin is sad today. Just a few days ago she was crowing, “The Obama campaign can’t bear the thought that the well-traveled Mitt Romney will make a nice impression on his overseas tour” — that the foreigns would instantly fall in love with Romney, a born diplomat. Unfortunately, within his first day or two of his arrival in our Special Friend country of England, Romney managed to insult the nation badly enough to earn a public rebuke from the conservative Prime Minister, the Mayor of London, and every newspaper and television station in the United Kingdom. What’s a Rubin to say now? How about… the Olympics opening ceremony is dumb, anyway, sorta like David Cameron is dumb.

We’d been wondering when conservatives would begin to bitch about the Olympics opening ceremony, what with its atmosphere of inclusiveness and camaraderie among competitors from across the globe, who tonight shall all stand together to watch a militia of Mary Poppinses fend of Voldemort in the Shire. Sort of like how conservatives will all call the World Cup collectivist (and gay) whenever it rears its quadrennial Trotskyist head. Where is the American exceptionalism at the London 2012 games, anyway? Take it away, Rubin:

The canard that if we just shot put together we’ll have a more peaceful world grows more cloying, if not galling, every four years. It perpetuates the patently false notions that there is a “global community” and that our problems are the result of misunderstanding or “fear of the ‘other.’” Sorry, but a Pepsi commercial featuring teams from the Syrian, Iranian, North Korean and Cuban regimes as representatives of simply three more frolicking countries in good standing with the “family of nations” is false advertising…

However, especially in turbulent and chaotic times, when nations are choosing whether to pursue freedom or religious zealotry, civil war or reconciliation and respect for human rights or inhumanity, I wish we’d stop perpetrating the idea that all you have to do to be part of the “international community” is to show up. No, to be part of the “global community” and to encourage “common humanity and universal ideals” countries must foster liberty, abhor violence, practice tolerance and defend human rights. We shouldn’t blur the distinction between those who uphold those values and those who threaten them.

Umm… okay… here we have a classic case of someone not even bothering to separate the views of a government from those of its people. But what we really enjoy in this Rubin column is the dig she takes against David Cameron, whom she hates now mostly because he made fun of Mitt Romney in public yesterday:

(By the way, British Prime Minister David Cameron’s apology for the flag mix-up to the Great Leader’s gulag should give the American press a clue about this guy’s view of the world.)

Romney should be proud of having that guy insult him yesterday! Have we seen that spin yet? Andrew Sullivan has the most accurate take so far on what Republican hacks are hoping for in the coming days: “Next up: the entire right-wing noise machine will now be praying for Olympic failure almost as fervently as they are praying for a new recession.”

[Washington Post, photo via Deadspin]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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  • Barb_

    "….. that the foreigns would instantly fall in love with Romney, a born diplomat."
    He wasn't a "diplomat" he was a "diplowMitt", which is the complete opposite.

    • elgin_pelican

      Diplomat, that's debatable. But we know he was constructed, not born.

    • memzilla

      Well, he's a dip… something… I don't think the word ends with "lomat," though…

    • rickmaci

      Hmmm. Me thinks it's more like a born dickwad.

    • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroomba

      He's a diploshit!

      • http://news.yahoo.com/fact-check-rich-taxed-less-secretaries-070642868.html NY9 Solyndra

        Sooooo clevuh!

  • https://twitter.com/worrytron worrytron

    Well, to be fair to Jennifer Rubin, she is a soulless bitch…

    • rickmaci

      Ask her what Twitt intends to do about what BarryO did with the bust of Churchill and watch her face turn red as the blood vessels in her forehead start to burst and her eyes bulge out of her head. LMAO

  • chascates

    Where's the American flag? And they will sing 'The Star Spangled Banner', right?

    • mookwrthwilson

      No…but they will be singing the alternate lyrics to "My Country tis of Thee"

      • bobbert

        Well spotted.

    • Terry

      It's the 200th anniversary of the War of 1812. Maybe they'll recreate the burning of the White House.

      • Generation[redacted]

        Don't give Jennifer any ideas!

  • prommie

    Whats so funny about war hate and prejudice? The conservative, or at least neocon, lament, why can't we live in a world free from the scourges of peace, love, and understanding?

    • FakaktaSouth

      Fuck that shit, I want bombs and hate, fire and destruction, chaos and blood.
      Or maybe shrimp and grits. Either way.

      • prommie

        None of that polenta, though, Fuck that dent corn. Not to put too fine a point on it.

        • FakaktaSouth

          AAAARG FOR THE LAST TIME, grits ARE dent corn, Polenta is Spanish Flint. I swear you will never learn.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

            I thought the varieties were "Instant Grits", "Quick Grits" and "Old-Fashioned Grits." But I am only a descendant of Southerners, natural-born into Northern Citizenship.

          • prommie

            She is the world's foremost expert on the difference between grits and polenta. She knows the DNA sequence of the dent-corn variety which made its way to Italy via Spanish ships returning from the Caribean in the 17th century. And don't get her going about the effects of the northern italian corn-intensive diet, particular the topic of pellagra.

          • FakaktaSouth

            To Italy as a way to transport GOLD you know, til they got so starved they had to eat what they used for packing materials. Pirates will eat anything, it's one of their best qualities. And, I see now, I am a very boring person.

          • prommie

            There is nothing the least bit boring about dent corn, my dear, perish the thought.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

            Pirates Of The Caribbean V: Dead Man's Grits

          • prommie

            Yo-ho yo-ho, the pirates life for me!

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

        With some cheese in it, and maybe some bacon. That would be mighty fine! Bombs, hate, grits, cheese and bacon!

        • FakaktaSouth

          Cheese and Bacon do make EVERYTHING better, always.

          • prommie

            So does melon.

          • FakaktaSouth

            or pineapple.

          • prommie

            AND pineapple

          • miss_grundy

            AND chocolate–lots and lots of chocolate!

        • prommie

          I used shallots, horseradish-cheddar cheese, and prosciutto. I am a fancy lad, you see, and like my fancy things. When we do the northeast wonkette-together (TM) I would gladly cater the affair, nay, even host it. I be hoping you are close enough to make it. If, when, Becky should deign to trickle this down on us.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

            I do declare! I might show my face for such vittles.

          • prommie

            I just can't get past that word "vittles," it so brings to mind Jed Clampett (a fellow Gator).

          • FakaktaSouth

            WHY? WHY would you do that to me? I had no idea – oh wait, you said Jed. I was thinking my beloved Jethro. You can have Jed. That's fine, he's dead, yes?

          • prommie

            Yes, long dead, I believe he was in the class of 1920-something, the mists of antiquity.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Why can't we just send the military in and take all the gold medals for ourselves?

    Why does Obama make us look like pussies?

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    The canard that if we just shot put together we’ll have a more peaceful world grows more cloying, if not galling, every four years.

    TRANSLATION: What do you mean the US soccer team didn't qualify for that pussy sport????

  • memzilla

    I'm sure that Mitt is still shocked that Britons didn't strew rose petals in his path, and greet his entourage as liberators. Maybe he should try pulling down a statue or three, and draping an American flag over the carcass?

    • widestanceromance

      Tradition dictates that we must kill some children first. with fatal exceptionalism.

    • http://guyclinch.blogspot.com GuyClinch

      Heh. Saw this comment on the Guardian site: "Mitt Romney is a Mormon (the second 'm' is silent)."

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Copied from last thread: The opening ceremonies are about as depressing as a Bush third term.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Why can't we just send the military in and take all the gold medals for ourselves?

    Why does Obama make us look like pussies?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Or we could just buy them.

    • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

      Sorry for double posting it. I personally blame Obama for this.

      • RadioBowels

        Drones.

    • Terry

      That blind South Korean archer might give Seal Team Six a run for their money

  • OzoneTom

    And as she always is, Rubin is wrong.

    And Sullivan is correct.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    BTW, London is the stupidest place on earth! They can't even figure out how to drive on the right side of the road.

    • JustPixelz

      Plus they have socialized medicine which is ramming two more years of life down the throats of their citizens versus U.S.A.

      • https://twitter.com/worrytron worrytron

        You can pull those two years of my life out of my cold, dead body!

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    No, to be part of the “global community” and to encourage “common humanity and universal ideals” countries must foster liberty, abhor violence, practice tolerance and defend human rights. We shouldn’t blur the distinction between those who uphold those values and those who threaten them.

    Hey, Jen?

    Lemme know when America gets those, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmK?

    • Boojum

      Yeah, I'm thinking we would be in the penalty box.

      • NellCote71

        Abhor violence? Practice tolerance? Defend human rights? Are you fucking kidding me?

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

          My thoughts exactly, reading that.

        • miss_grundy

          Since when does the GOP stand for that??????????

  • JohnnyQuick

    Jennifer Rubin: K Street's Mindy Meyer

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Minus the tits

      She couldn't lactate if you injected those tatas with Carnation condensed milk

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroomba

    So Cameron wasn't supposed to apologize? Like, "Yo, Kim Jong Ding Dong–your country's gettin' the South Korean flag, muthafucka!"

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Question… in "dressage" does the HORSE get the gold medal?

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      No. He gets to fuck the horse who wins the silver.

      • Graham Cracker

        Even if they are both stallions???

        • GunToting[Redacted]

          Especially.

    • JustPixelz

      Mitt gets it. If it he can figure out when his wife's "pet" project is under way. Then he puts it in a London safe deposit box. Wouldn't wanna bring that "foreign" gold back to the USA. He's running for President, for Pete's sake.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        Yes. The OWNER always gets the prize. Except in hockey. Tip o' the hat to Lord Stanley who designed an egalitarian award because he knew those damn Canadians are Commies.

        • viennawoods13

          isn't it the rider who gets the medal?

          • janicket

            The rider and the owner (if different, and at that level they usually are) get the medal — the rider gets it draped on at the podium and then s/he and the owner[s] can duke it out afterwards over who gets to hang it on the wall back home, or flaunt it at parties, or hock it in Vegas after a bad night at the tables.

            The horse gets a nice warm bran mash with carrots and peppermints in it, and is happy.

          • viennawoods13

            Well, the official Olympic records of medal winners don't mention the owner, just the rider. So in terms of the "winner", it's the human being on the horse. And what do they do if there is more than one owner, if the owner gets the medal?

          • janicket

            Oh, certainly, the official winner is the actual athlete who was on the horse; but judging by a number of the sport horse owners I've observed, where the actual medal winds up isn't necessarily beholden to the record books but rather to the deepest pockets, and to the ability to take the horse away from the rider who spent years and untold sweating effort getting it to world-class status, and to bestow future rides upon a new trainer.

  • metamarcisf

    If the U.S. Basketball Team had any sense of patriotism, they'd throw Sunday's opener against communist France.

  • Schmegeg

    Holy shit, if Mittens wins the Brits might burn the White House again.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Could you blame them?

    • SorosBot

      Hey now, that was really the Canadians; that's why the burning was so polite and soft-spoken.

      • viennawoods13

        Nope, we were too busy defending Upper Canada and Lower Canada from Yankee invasion. It was British regular troops.

    • OzoneTom

      Hopefully they will remember to take the Churchill bust out first.

    • Barrelhse

      Huzzah!

  • angerbear

    Contrary to Republican belief, there is more to diplomacy than executive hair and a well-tailored suit.

    • https://twitter.com/worrytron worrytron

      That's right, you also have to make sure the other delegation speaks english.

      • Rotundo_

        Or you can always yell at them in english; it helps those foreign types understand what you're saying if you over-enunciate and bellow really loudly. They appreciate the extra effort on your part.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroomba

    Suddenly I feel wider.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Does this thread make my words look fat?

    • widestanceromance

      Me, too, with diminished returns.

    • MissTaken

      I knew I shouldn't have had all those carbs for lunch.

  • TribecaMike

    "Seriously, some Americans just shouldn't leave the country." — Carl Lewis, nine-times Olympic gold medal winner

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/jul/27/carl-

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      I've wanted to get a room with that quote ever since I read it.

  • SmutBoffin

    "However, especially in turbulent and chaotic times, when nations are choosing whether to pursue freedom or religious zealotry, civil war or reconciliation and respect for human rights or inhumanity…

    …cats or dogs, donuts or bagels, butter or Icantbelieveitsnotbutter…"

    • emmelemm

      Mayonaise or Miracle Whip…

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        Chocolate or vanilla…

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Google "dressage horse abuse" —– where is PETA on this?

  • SayItWithWookies

    That's quite a stinging criticism, coming from a woman who can't count to four.

  • chascates

    When are the quidditch matches?

    • SorosBot

      But the rules make no sense! The way the scoring works, whoever gets the Golden Snitch will always win; the other points, and players, are completely superfluous!

      • chascates

        How about combing quidditch with skeet shooting? Just blow the little bugger out of the sky!

      • bobbert

        Not true, e.g., Quidditch World Cup.

        Oops. So I'm told.

  • Boojum

    Willard Mittens Romney, Duke of Nothingham, Earl of Worstcandidateshire, Esquire of Moroni and Dressage, Diplomate of the College of Cocksfart.

    Born fucking diplomat. And I'm the Queen of fucking England.

    • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroomba

      You forgot Grand Wizard of Enchanted Undergarments.

    • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

      Bugs Bunny: Mittens, in gratitude for your faithful service, I shall knight thee.
      Mittens: Your most gracious Majesty.
      Bugs Bunny: In the name of my most royal Majesty, I knight thee.
      Bugs Bunny: [Conks Mittens on the head with his scepter] Arise, Sir Loin of Beef.
      Bugs Bunny: [Conks him again] Arise, Earl of Cloves.
      Bugs Bunny: [Conk] Arise, Duke of Brittingham.
      Bugs Bunny: [Conk] Arise, Baron of Munchausen.
      Bugs Bunny: [Conk] Arise, Essence of Myrrh…
      Bugs Bunny: [Conk] Milk of Magnesia…
      Bugs Bunny: [Conk] Quarter of Ten.
      Mittens: [extremely dazed] You are too kind, Your Majesty.
      Bugs Bunny: [aside to audience] Got lots of stamina!

  • coolhandnuke

    That is one bang-up not-so miniature golf course they built there. Mitt's mug agape as the 18th hole would be the perfect replacement for the clown's mouth.

  • user-of-towels

    Rubin knows that Olympic athletes are chumps; I mean, she and Mitt didn't have to go through all that hard work, discipline, and sportsmanship to get their gold.

  • SmutBoffin

    SOME PEOPLE ARE BAD THEREFORE THE OLYMPICS SUCKS

  • chascates

    Romney's horse heads to the Olympics: http://dailydish.typepad.com/.a/6a00d83451c45669e

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I read this as "Romney's horse's head to the Olympics" and was hoping Vito Corleone caught up with him

      • chascates

        Or possibly, "Romney's a horse's ass".

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      That's a big ass horse.

    • dennis1943

      I think it should be : Romney, horses ASS at the Olympics…………

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Rubins always come with a lot of saurkraut.

    • https://twitter.com/worrytron worrytron

      Saurkunt

  • Goonemeritus

    Fuck her; it is only because of the regular neighborhood Bocce tournament that we have avoided becoming two roaming bands armed with machetes.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

      "In a world…"

  • SorosBot

    "when nations are choosing whether to pursue freedom or religious zealotry"

    Whoa, do we have a conservative willing to go after the fundamentalist Christians trying to destroy freedom in America?

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Damn, too slow. Also, you write more goodly.

    • pdiddycornchips

      She's not talking about the Saudi Arabia or Uzbekistan is she?

    • Native_of_SL_UT

      Let me ask Michelle Bachman about that and get back to you.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Jenny "My Love for Mitt Burns Like Day 2 of a Thousand Chipotles" Rubin.

  • angerbear

    How shocking that someone whose entire outlook on life is built on a foundation of zealotry, division and intolerance would find an aspirational ceremony depicting harmony and coexistence galling. In Rubin's world, you're not moving up unless you're pushing someone else down.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    OK, that was actually cool the way the Queen parachuted into the stadium

    • Nostrildamus

      Wish she had worn knickers, though.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    No, to be part of the “global community” and to encourage “common humanity and universal ideals” countries must foster liberty, abhor violence, practice tolerance and defend human rights.

    Bitch is kidding, right? Amerikkka is extremely violent, both at home and abroad, defends human rights when if suits foreign policy (never at home, of course) ; tolerates anyone who is a straight white male and fosters the liberty of corporations to run the country.

  • docterry6973

    Only weaklings have noble impulses.

  • https://twitter.com/worrytron worrytron

    Before meltdown: Romney has proven experience managing the Olympics, a complex and diplomatically significant international event.

    After meltdown: Whatever the Olympics are bullshit.

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    "…nations are choosing whether to pursue freedom or religious zealotry,"

    She is talking about us, right?

  • SorosBot

    London is a really fucked up place; why when I was there, I saw a werewolf drinking a piña colada at Trader Vic's, and his hair was perfect.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Yea? Well I saw Lon Chaney JUNIOR walking with the queen!

    • coolhandnuke

      A naked American man stole my balloons.

    • Antispandex

      Was that the guy who was looking for Lee Ho Fooks?

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

      And for some reason, the bar was playing "Sweet Home Alabama."

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      well i'd like to be his tailor.

    • viennawoods13

      I totally hate that Kid Rock song that fakes me into thinking that it's going to be Werewolves of London.

    • http://www.eloquentscience.com EloquentScience

      I'd like to meet Liz Taylor.

  • coolhandnuke

    At the opening ceremony, Mitt should be the lone "athlete" representing the Cayman Islands, holding their flag/logo with a huge $ sign.

    • Nostrildamus

      Total win.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

      Oh yes!

  • http://gorejusgeorge.tumblr.com CheeseBro69

    Maybe conservatives would be friendlier to the Olympics if the following events were included:

    Abortion Slut Shaming
    Fellating The Free Market's Cock n' Balls
    Who Can Hold The Longest NRA-Induced Erection

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    HOLY SHIT! They do a tribute to the National Health Service in the opening ceremony!

    Watch wingnuts go crazy this weekend! WOOHOO!!!!

  • https://twitter.com/worrytron worrytron

    "Poor Jennifer Rubin…"

    Let me stop you right there, Jim.

  • OneYieldRegular

    We abhor violence so much here in the United States that we perpetuate violence just so that we can abhor it some more.

  • johnnymeatworth

    1980 HOCKEY TEAM! FUCK YOU LIMEYS! EAT YOUR MCDONALD'S FRIES AND SHUT UP!!!!

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      I have no doubt you're quoting an actual person.

  • el_donaldo

    So if the countries that don't foster liberty, abhor violence, practice tolerance and defend human rights don't get to show up, who will show up? Will the USA be allowed to send a partial contingent, or is the ban absolute?

  • anniegetyerfun

    Since Wonkville is still borked, I would like to submit Fox News's explanation as to why that rightwing Greek athlete should NOT have been banned from the Olympics:
    http://video.foxnews.com/v/1758034785001/is-olymp

    To be fair, at least they had ONE analyst on who thought the ban was fair, but they gave her two seconds of airtime to the pro-racist fuckwit's MILLIONS OF MINUTES of airtime.

    • thefrontpage

      This is not funny or snarky. This is a humor site! And mostly a liberal, left, progressive, forward-thinking site. No one here watches Faux News, or gives a dern about Faux News. They're all morons and idiots. And so are people who watch Faux News!! They're brainwashed, and wildly ignorant and biased.

      • anniegetyerfun

        Honestly, go fuck yourself. I'm tired of you. This comment is also snark-free, as it is 100% sincere.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Oh – my …. Ann Romney accused of ANIMAL ABUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/ann-romney?before=13

    • Barrelhse

      I told her NOT to put the horse on the roof of the station wagon.

  • MissTaken

    Mitt Romney has $10,000 on Mary Poppins kicking Voldemort's ass.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Shit just got real. The Poppinses just landed…and there's Voldemort!

      And she pulls out a spoon! And there's white crytals on it!

      And she snorts them!

      Wait. That's Bristol Palin, sorry.

    • TribecaMike

      If Donovan shows up I'm going Elvis on my TV set.

  • RadioBowels

    Mitt's campaign can't wait to get to Poland and gain a little lebensraumney.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Is this where Lemming of the B.D.A. comes in?

  • MissTaken

    Did we just take a collective Viagra because my comments are now 8 and a half inches long?

    and I'm a girl

    • SorosBot

      Maybe Wonkette followed "Ron Jeremy's secret tip" advertised on YouPorn?

      • MissTaken

        There is *nothing* secret about Ron Jeremy's tip.

    • AncienReggie

      I thought you were just oddly happy to see me.

    • elviouslyqueer

      How YOU doin'?

    • pdiddycornchips

      If it lasts longer than four hours, better see a doctor

  • anniegetyerfun

    "No, to be part of the “global community” and to encourage “common humanity and universal ideals” countries must foster liberty, abhor violence, practice tolerance and defend human rights."

    That's why we opened and refused to close Gitmo, people. FOSTERING!

    • thefrontpage

      I drink Foster's! Isn't the gitmo a sex device?

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    They should just show the Chinese Opening Ceremony again for the London Opening Ceremony, because nobody is going to be able to top that for awhile. My God, did you see the Bird Nest Stadium? Gaudi would have been impressed.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Gaudi would have been impressed.

      …and jailed

    • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

      You and your pro-bird bias again!

      • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

        Why do you hate birds so much?

        • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

          I love birds! Many are quite tasty!

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

            Again with the British slang!

    • HistoriCat

      Yeah but that shit was "digitally enhanced" … the Brits should have gone full CGI. Sure it would suck for people at the stadium but who cares about them?

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Gawd, Jenny, just go get laid!

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

    My Wonkette's lap band just popped, and the guts of the comments are spilling out into the Ronald Wilson Reagan Banner Ad Enterprise Zone.

  • chascates

    Will U.S. Dip American Flag at Olympic Ceremony? http://radio.foxnews.com/toddstarnes/top-stories/
    A controversy is brewing over whether the United States might break tradition and dip the American flag at the opening ceremony for the London Olympics. However, the American Legion said to do so would not only violate the U.S. Flag Code, but would also be un-American.

    We dip to NO ONE!

    • docterry6973

      How 'bout we only dip Old Glory to the UN flag, and only on May 1. That would be a good compromise.

  • UnholyMoses

    Shorter Rubin: "The Olympics are stupid because they do all the thing I will later say only good nations do, like foster liberty, abhor violence, practice tolerance, and defend human rights."

    The lack of self awareness possessed by those on the right really is quite amazing.

  • AlaskaGrrl

    What's with the big hamster wheel?

    • Nostrildamus

      Keeps the Windsors occupied so they won't embarrass everybody.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Sounds like Ms. Rubin's tor has need of a diddle ,

    h/t to chicken_thief.

  • MacRaith

    "Sorry, but a Pepsi commercial featuring teams from the Syrian, Iranian, North Korean and Cuban regimes as representatives of simply three more frolicking countries in good standing with the “family of nations” is false advertising…"

    So which of the above four countries doesn't count as a country in Rubin's "three more frolicking countries" standard? Or is this another case where math is a liberal thing?

    • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

      Considering the London Olympics' near obsessive approach to branding, a Pepsi ad of any sort would be about as rare as a non-douchey comment from Jennifer Rubin.

    • MissTaken

      North Korea counts as only 1/10 a country because they only eat what 1/10 of a country their size would eat.

    • miss_grundy

      Probably Cuba, or as real Amurricans pronounce it–Quberrr.

  • RadioBowels

    Hey Jen, I'm still waiting for my "Jews For Romney" bumper sticker.

  • chascates

    http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2012/07/27/should-
    Should American flag be dipped at London Olympics opening ceremony?
    ____Never. Americans have fought and died defending the flag, for which it stands.
    ____Yes. It's time for America to get in line with the rest of the world.
    ____Undecided. Is it really that important an issue?

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

      Oh for fuck's sake.

      • Generation[redacted]

        "Oh for fuck's sake" – That should be an option on all their polls.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

      Should Americans dip at the Olympics?
      ____ Never. Chaw is a filthy, disgusting habit that would offend foreigners.
      ____ Optional. Y'all should try them little "Snus" packets from Sweden. They're like a teabag of snuff!
      ____ Carefully. Always use your commemorative 2012 Olympics Spittoon.
      ____ Always!! Give them Limeys an eye-full! USA! USA!

      • horsedreamer_1

        To this, Kobe responded, "I put my hand up on her hip. When I dip, she dips, we dip". Then, he put IT to Kara Goucher — doggystyle.

    • b[redact]opple

      Oh my god, I thought you made that up. Then I clicked the clicky.

  • rickmaci

    Wait, wait. The Monty Python Romoney tour gets better and better.

    Isn't one of the big pluses on Twitt's presidential resume that he successfully put on one of these "Pepsi commercial" “global community” thingys, albeit in the middle of nowhere? Does she realize she is now saying the bosses big party was nothing but a jock fest waste of time anyway? LMAO.

    • rickmaci

      Maybe we should call his campaign Romney Python and the Holy Fail?

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

      Nice catch! She outsmarted herself!

  • Antispandex

    There used to be a time way back, oh, four years or so, when people who went overseas and embarrassed the U.S. of Amerians were sort of looked down upon. Everything is different with a Bush as President. Will we return to those halcyon days under a Willard Romney Presidency? Who knows. Who cares?

  • elviouslyqueer

    Man, when my toddler niece throws a hissy fit not unlike that of La Rubin, it usually means that her diaper needs changing.

  • Wilcoxyz

    Please tell me Spinal Tap is playing the ceremony and there's an 18" Stonehenge for dwarves to trample.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    You should watch, Rubin! Batman will be there!

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    Jennifer Rubin= sycophant (and not in a good way)

  • pdiddycornchips

    Jenny isn't about to tolerate any international gathering not designed to enrich Haliburton and/or kill brown people.

  • ibwilliamsi

    "The canard"? She needs to use more anglo-saxon words if she wants Mitt's fans to understand what the hell she's talking about without thinking that "they" are all uppity.

    • bobbert

      Does she weigh the same as a canard?

  • TribecaMike

    When was Pepsi nationalized? I must have been out of town when that was announced.

  • caieva

    Can't wait for the new season of Increasingly Poor Decisions Of Mitt Romney. Though I have to say these reruns are slightly different than I remember them.

    • Generation[redacted]

      I love that show! Especially the episode where he sticks his head out the backside of 10 Downing St.

  • Generation[redacted]

    Shorter Rubin: Needz moar us vs them

  • barto

    "countries must foster liberty, abhor violence, practice tolerance and defend human rights"

    Soooo, not the USA then, amirite Ms. Rubin?

  • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

    Rubin also announced her disgust at the plaque left on the Moon by the Apollo 11 mission. "'We came in peace for all mankind'? What a lot of pie in the sky claptrap! It should have said, 'USA: Don't fuck with us or we'll light you up, motherfucker.'"

    • savethispatient

      Or perhaps just "This moon, its minerals and its likeness are property of America Inc, an Antigua-registered Corporation. All rights reserved."

  • Beetagger

    Our nation already chose religious zealotry.

  • TootsStansbury

    This person is as hack even by WAPO standards.
    "Right Turn" feh where's our left turn WAPO librul media?!

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

    My Wonkette comments are now Wide Screen 16:9. (Heh, I said "16:9")

  • b[redact]opple

    "…foster liberty, abhor violence, practice tolerance and defend human rights." I suppose she's thinking of her favorite country, which is Israel.

    What an asshole.

  • owhatever

    So Jennifer, please explain then why the Olympics in Utah were so important when the Mittbot was in charge, but are no longer and never were important except when held in America. Jen just misses her boyhood idols, those plus-sized East German women weightlifters, who are no longer involved.

  • whatupirondog

    That's some damned fine scare-quotin'!

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    The "patently false notion" that there is a global community? Patently false, I guess, if you believe in Kobol and other planets full of zombie Mormons … but that just makes you an imbecile.

    Personally, I'm pretty damned sure we're one species, and that we're all together on this one planet.

  • Barrelhse

    Pretty much sums up why I detest conservatives.
    Thanks, Jen. You cow's twat.

  • Fare la Volpe

    nations are choosing whether to pursue freedom or religious zealotry, civil war or reconciliation, and respect for human rights or inhumanity

    But enough about the U.S.

  • Attila_T_Hun

    Is that a dog whistle for "if we just shot Putin"?

  • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

    Blimey. I just watched the opening ceremony. I'm expecting it to be utterly incomprehensible to most of the world.

    The body-popping Abraham Lincolns were pretty nifty though, especially when they arrived in the horse-drawn hearse.

  • DustBowlBlues

    What a bummer that the Mayor of London is a Conservative. Should have left it the Lord High Mayor of London, which sounded way cooler, if they're going to elect a Tory anyway.

    I thought the Queen was a good sport and that was a cool sequence. I so wish they would end all the noise and the games would begin with the queen announcing, "I declare these Olympic games well and truly open." Then all the 15,000 cast members would yell in unison, "There will always be an England."

    BTW–Has anyone heard if the press in England has done any quoting from the shit Rmoney said about Merrye Olde England in his book? Never read it, but know it's shitty because the ghost writer was working with a robot.

  • Typodong3

    No snark here. Just some flucking ranting. That was the most gawdawful opening ceremony in the history of the world. Dark, depressing, completely fucked up in every way. The only good part was the queen parachuting in (I called that before she did it), and ok Mr. Bean wasnt too bad either. What the hell were they thinking putting teens texting each other for 20 freaking minutes in the fucking Olympic ceremony? How about something related to… oh I dont fucking know.. SPORTS maybe? And what was with celebrating the dark, depressing, soulless industrial revolution? You really think its a good idea to showcase rich filthy fuck bankers lording it over the dirty, desperate poors for 1 half hour.. in our age of the 99% vs the 1% Was this a veiled pushback against occupy wall street? My whole family watching this was like.. what the hell is this crap?

    /rant off

  • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

    Jennypoo's planet sounds like a sad and bitter place where there are no Bugs Bunny cartoons.

  • CivicHoliday

    So…in a historic olympics where, for the first time in history, every nation is being represented by at least a few women athletes, while at the same time here in 'Murrikah the GOP is pushing to send women's rights back to the 50s, his rep is going to bitch about inclusiveness and gender equity lacking in foreign nations? Ray Charles sees the world better than these asshats.

  • ttommyunger

    Pussyfart actually owns a pussy.

  • thefrontpage

    Jennifer Rubin, Romney, and Mindy Meyer are all tools.