Bristol Palin Will Be A Furry On Dancing With The Stars, Again

Noted “furry” enthusiast Bristol Palin has signed on to Dancing With The Stars again, because her five million other reality shows keep getting canceled.

Sadly, no Tucker Carlson or Nancy Grace or Tom Delay this year, but let’s remember the good times of the Lord of the Dance!

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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    1. JohnyEdge

      No. Until you understand the Four Noble Truths and have followed the Eight-Fold Noble Path you will continue to suffer.

      Or, alternatively,

      You have sinned greatly (that's a given if you're on Wonkette) and have much to do penance for.

      Your choice.

    2. kittensdontlie

      I for one, can't get enough of that zany bristle!! I can't wait for 'A Pa(l)in and Eight'(all with different last names), the now-in-production 'Tripp and Tiaras', and a special appearance on 'What Not To Wear-Fur edition'. Soon,with the inevitable decline in her mental health and the baby daddys accumulating, a couple of seasons of 'Hoarders-Mommy and Me' will be a sure winner.

    3. Halloween Jack

      If you're still watching DWTS, then definitely "no." Pop in a random episode of Breaking Bad and do a shot every time Jesse says "bitch" or someone cooks Walter Jr. breakfast; you'll pass out and your pain will be gone (until you wake up, anyway), and DWTS will die its long-deserved death.

    1. GemlikeFlame

      Seconded. Bristol, honey, listen to your Uncle Gem.

      Your fifteen minutes was up a couple of years ago, and all you're doing now is ratcheting up the wince factor every time you open your mouth or appear on TV. If I were Willow, I'd pay to have you shot with my very first real paycheck. If you want to continue to make an idiot out of yourself and your family, be my guest, but if you want your child to make it to puberty with anything resembling self-respect you'll slink back into the tundra where you came from.

      1. ChessieNefercat

        Bristol: "I'm sorry, somebody was waving money at me. Were you saying something?"

    1. KarenJ503

      Actually, she's recently been on the same diet as her mother has for the past year — i.e., Red Bull, meth, and energy bars — partly to counteract all those french fries she and her sister ate during "BP:LATripp" — so she could possibly fit into a chimp suit.

  1. OurHoboSenator

    Whew! I was afraid she might be out of the public eye for a little while. And who would want THAT?

  2. prommie

    Oh, Rebecca, I would say I love you, but I don't want to start any rumors. This is just so delightful.

  3. Maman

    I know that Alaskans are used to sucking off the public tit, but do we really owe this girl a celebrity lifestyle?

          1. Jus_Wonderin

            It's been so long, but he always used it as a response like “You're not telling a lie”. I took to be an allusion to the boy that cried wolf. We need a etymologist, uh, eer….uh….person of words to figure this out.

  4. emmelemm

    Honestly, as a person who HAS* to watch DWTS, this is really shitty news.

    * My mom = former ballroom dancer = me: obligated to watch DWTS with her. No, I can't get out of it. And I'm not the world's greatest daughter, so I have to score points where I can.

    1. ThundercatHo

      I feel your pain since my mom is a current ballroom dancer but she has a new hubby with whom to dance and watch. Maybe I'll watch anyway so I can call her up and ask for her critique.

    2. elviouslyqueer

      Can you bring booze? I mean, bad daughter though you may be, she's got to make some concessions too.

    3. widestanceromance

      There's the time-honored trick of pretending to drift off while thinking about dick. That's gotten me through every holiday gathering since I was a lad (and still works, even when dinner is at my home–nope, no shame here).

    4. valgal2342

      My mom is a current ballroom dancer at 83 and I watch DWTS with her & some of the other dancers from the studio (ages 40-83) while drinking wine and enjoying fine snacks. You'd think it was World Federation Wrestling we're watching to hear those divas disagree with the judges or diss the dancers. Vicious. They hated Palin. Agree, this is shitty news.

    5. KarenJ503

      I know what you mean. I was going to say "hell no I'm not watching it as long as she's on!", but my sister (we live in a shared household) probably will tune in anyway, so I might as well watch — and vote for "anybody but Bristol".

    1. Doktor Zoom

      This comment climbed up through the user's fingertips and deleted itself out of sheer embarrassment at the thought of being a comment on this topic

  5. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    And, by any measure, how is Bristol a star? How many 19 year olds get knocked up by their idiot boyfriend and get to live a 1% life because of it? Shit, I should have used that line in high school and college. Sleep with me, you never know, you might be the next reality show star! I have the B&Js right here.

    1. emmelemm

      Was trying to figure out what B&Js were…

      Blowjobs? No, that would just be BJs.
      Ben & Jerry's? Well, who doesn't like Ben & Jerry's?
      Wait… oh, I got it.

      1. SorosBot

        They'll also air that thing talking, so they seem to hate the viewers with hearing as well.

    1. actor212

      No, just America.

      You know why they're doing this: they have the Nov. 6 results in hand already and are punishing America for re-electing the negro.

  6. Jus_Wonderin

    "New ‘Dancing With The Stars’ cast; fans to vote for final member"

    Anthony Weiner?

    1. LetUsBray

      I'm guessing it'll be one of those big oafish sons who look just like him and serve their country by trying to foist his presidency upon us who ends up doing it.

  7. fartknocker

    Great. Another episode of Thunder Thighs dancing like a forklift. Do we get to boo her mother like last year, because that would be fun.

    1. prommie

      Forklifts are actually graceful, they go spinning around in those big warehouses, its a sight to see. Comparing Brisdol to a forklift is forklift libel.

  8. Baconzgood

    All right I've had enough. GET OFF THE FUCKING TEEVEE BEFORE I CUNT KICK YOU!!!!!!!!!!

  9. Goonemeritus

    I remember when people danced to increase their chance of having coitus. All this newfangled competition just cheapens it somehow.

  10. Thurman Munster IV

    I'd watch if it was Dancing with the Wolves and Mama Grizzly was shooting from a chopper. '

  11. lunchbox360

    You know who else would like a total homo in the suit Delay is wearing in the video?

  12. SorosBot

    Do they figure it's OK to bring a "star" back because she has a completely different face than last time?

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      I have to believe that most of the Palin clan has always had two faces. (I bet I could turn that phrase better but….fuck it.)

    2. actor212

      You'd be amazed what an expert blow job can get you.

      EDIT: I mean, a well-practiced blow job. Somehow, I suspect she still sucks at sucking.

      1. widestanceromance

        What's so expert about quitting halfway through a BJ?

        On the other hand, it would take an expert BJ recipient to cold get up and walk away before she had a chance to quit.

    3. elviouslyqueer

      Oh please, Bot. Just because she had her chins raised up to her hairline doesn't mean we still can't see the same angry, bitter, entitled, grifting face.

  13. joyinil

    All I gotta say is she must have a great agent. I don't know of anyone else that could sell recycled shit like he (she) can. They have to know the freshness date is nearing it's end.

    1. KarenJ503

      You can thank Mark Burnett for all this. One can only imagine what Sarah Palin did to wangle "Bristol Palin: Life's a [Bad] Tripp", "Sarah Palin's Alaska", AND Todd Palin in "Stars Earn Stripes". There's some serious scamming going on there.

  14. thefrontpage

    ABC Entertainment News just reported that Bristol Palin's partner on "Dancing with the Former Stars" will be…………Mindy Meyer!

    And both will be required to wear midriff-exposing outfits!

    The first few episodes of this year's "Dancing" show are sponsored by Larry Flynt's Hustler Club and Scores.

    # # #

  15. MissTaken

    All that 'dancing' will disinterest all males making her re-virgin-ness easy to maintain.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      But not on the Monday night airing. That will happen on "Dancing with the Stars: The Results", that airs the next night.

  16. SayItWithWookies

    This just makes me sorry for Knute the polar bear, who became an attention-starved has-been after he outgrew his cuteness appeal. I'm not sure what caused it in Bristol, though.

  17. Eve8Apples

    They're allowing the public vote on who should be the final contestant. Carson Kressley (Queer Eye for the Straight Guy) is one of the choices for the final spot. If Wonketteers want to make Bristol Palin suffer — like she has made all of us suffer — you should be voting to have Carson appear in the same show. He'll skewer that fame whore.

  18. SenileAgitation

    Her Pop Todd Palin I saw advertised to appear in a show about "stars" (the definition is elastic beyond all reason) earning bars or something, bootcamp for boobs, manly efforts, difficult undertakings. Why is this family catnip to reality TV producers?

  19. savethispatient

    Lets hope Obama doesn't take my guns before I get a chance to shoot my teevee.

    1. widestanceromance

      If that happens, just steal a car and floor it.

      What? Who hasn't driven a car into a TV?

        1. widestanceromance

          Like a charm, unless you live on the ground floor, in which case you just hope the neighbors don't see the humiliation on your face as it just gets dented.

  20. Antispandex

    Furry, or fury? You be the judge! All I know is everytime I see that Delay clip I am reminded of the scene in Police Academy where the two guys stumble into that leather bar.

  21. Dildeaux

    Does Willow care for Tripp whilst the competiton rages on? Inquiring minds and all….

    1. HistoriCat

      Just open a few packages of Pop-Tarts and turn on the TV – the kid should be fine for a few days.

      1. widestanceromance

        Leave the toilet seats up so the little tyke can get a drink, though. Social services are real Nazis about that.

  22. Jus_Wonderin

    Really, are there any casting couches she hasn't visited and/or talent booking producers she hasn't blown?

  23. Eve8Apples

    ABC has a very low threshold when it comes to identifying "stars." Under their definition, any old meth addict arrested for prostitution could qualify if the hooker's name was published in a newspaper.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      I do think we are only a few years away from "Infamous murderer, Charles Mason, included in the 20th season of Dancing with the Stars".

    1. Nostrildamus

      Say it loud and there's cellulite shakin'
      Say it soft and you smell rancid bacon

  24. JustPixelz

    See? She got a job dancin' on the teevee. Because a rich person job creator had extra money from his Bush tax cut. That's how it works, right?

  25. Jerri

    Why? Did everyone else on the D-list turn it down so now they need to recycle the has-beens?

  26. chascates

    Joke's on YOU pagans! Turns out God Hisself was involved in this:
    Many of you saw Episode 12 of Life’s a Tripp when Gino and I had our big blowout. Well, it was very painful for everyone involved. After that fight, Tripp and Willow both dozed off, so it gave me – finally – some quiet time to think. I prayed about my life.
    I asked for some sort of direction as to what to do, which direction to go…
    After Lifetime wrapped up filming for the day, they took the microphones off Willow and me. It wasn’t ten minutes later that my cell phone rang.
    It was the casting director of Dancing with the Stars.
    I was ecstatic. It was like God placed this opportunity right at my feet.
    What I’m learning: God’s plan is much greater than our own.
    But this is what I do know. I’m trying to live every day a little more confidently, because I know that God is in control of our lives, our futures, and even our foxtrots.

    1. NorthStarSpanx

      OMFG, while she dismisses the trial marriageship with Gino with little remorse, DWTS called her in private to say her babymaker needs to shake again. God IS great.

  27. viennawoods13

    God. Why did I click on that clip? I will now need MUCH tequila to wipe the memory of Tom DeLay's ass from my mind.

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