furries

Bristol Palin Will Be A Furry On Dancing With The Stars, Again


Noted “furry” enthusiast Bristol Palin has signed on to Dancing With The Stars again, because her five million other reality shows keep getting canceled.

Sadly, no Tucker Carlson or Nancy Grace or Tom Delay this year, but let’s remember the good times of the Lord of the Dance!

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

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  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Why? Haven't we suffered enough?

    • JohnyEdge

      No. Until you understand the Four Noble Truths and have followed the Eight-Fold Noble Path you will continue to suffer.

      Or, alternatively,

      You have sinned greatly (that's a given if you're on Wonkette) and have much to do penance for.

      Your choice.

    • kittensdontlie

      I for one, can't get enough of that zany bristle!! I can't wait for 'A Pa(l)in and Eight'(all with different last names), the now-in-production 'Tripp and Tiaras', and a special appearance on 'What Not To Wear-Fur edition'. Soon,with the inevitable decline in her mental health and the baby daddys accumulating, a couple of seasons of 'Hoarders-Mommy and Me' will be a sure winner.

    • Halloween Jack

      If you're still watching DWTS, then definitely "no." Pop in a random episode of Breaking Bad and do a shot every time Jesse says "bitch" or someone cooks Walter Jr. breakfast; you'll pass out and your pain will be gone (until you wake up, anyway), and DWTS will die its long-deserved death.

  • Allmighty_Manos

    Isn't that kind of gay?

    • nounverb911

      According to Bristol's son, that's Aunt Willow.

      • worrytron

        "When I was growing up, gay just meant lame." -Michael Scott

      • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

        Isn't that the talking tree from Pocahontas?

  • nounverb911

    Will her partner be Rafalco?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Ann.

      It will be MS vs meth in a steel cage match

      • widestanceromance

        Thank you for going there.

    • Wadisay

      Her partner will be Marcus Bachmann

  • https://twitter.com/worrytron worrytron

    Jesus Christ.

    • GemlikeFlame

      Seconded. Bristol, honey, listen to your Uncle Gem.

      Your fifteen minutes was up a couple of years ago, and all you're doing now is ratcheting up the wince factor every time you open your mouth or appear on TV. If I were Willow, I'd pay to have you shot with my very first real paycheck. If you want to continue to make an idiot out of yourself and your family, be my guest, but if you want your child to make it to puberty with anything resembling self-respect you'll slink back into the tundra where you came from.

      • ChessieNefercat

        Bristol: "I'm sorry, somebody was waving money at me. Were you saying something?"

    • ChessieNefercat

      Amen.

  • Barb_

    Time for the wardrobe department to let the gorilla suit out a few sizes.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I vote for the show to let out a real gorilla. I watch that, with popcorn.

    • KarenJ503

      Actually, she's recently been on the same diet as her mother has for the past year — i.e., Red Bull, meth, and energy bars — partly to counteract all those french fries she and her sister ate during "BP:LATripp" — so she could possibly fit into a chimp suit.

  • OurHoboSenator

    Whew! I was afraid she might be out of the public eye for a little while. And who would want THAT?

  • prommie

    Oh, Rebecca, I would say I love you, but I don't want to start any rumors. This is just so delightful.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    I know that Alaskans are used to sucking off the public tit, but do we really owe this girl a celebrity lifestyle?

    • worrytron

      You had me at "tit".

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Absolutely! After all, her alternative is to spread some vile STD.

  • veritass

    This really is the end of days.

    • BornInATrailer

      I'm just rooting for the Mayans at this point.

      • worrytron

        In the Mayan culture, the winner of dancing with the stars was ritually murdered.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        As my Dad used to say "You ain't a wolfin'"

        • chascates

          I thought it was "You ain't woofin'" As in 'bark, bark'.

          • Jus_Wonderin

            It's been so long, but he always used it as a response like “You're not telling a lie”. I took to be an allusion to the boy that cried wolf. We need a etymologist, uh, eer….uh….person of words to figure this out.

    • Nostrildamus

      A plague of leeches?

  • SheriffRoscoe

    I wouldn't have thought that her job as receptionist for the dermatology doctor in Wasilla would afford her the time to be one of teevee's dancing stars.

    • chascates

      The doctor probably suggested it.

  • Slim_Pickins

    Last time, I was so bummed by her loss that I didn't watch any of it.

  • ttommyunger

    Oh good! Another show I'll never fucking see in a million years…

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    What a faggot.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      A serious load of sticks.

    • worrytron
  • emmelemm

    Honestly, as a person who HAS* to watch DWTS, this is really shitty news.

    * My mom = former ballroom dancer = me: obligated to watch DWTS with her. No, I can't get out of it. And I'm not the world's greatest daughter, so I have to score points where I can.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      It is a far, far better thing that I do…

      Kinda makes Sydney Carton's sacrifice pale in comparison. Seriously!

    • ThundercatHo

      I feel your pain since my mom is a current ballroom dancer but she has a new hubby with whom to dance and watch. Maybe I'll watch anyway so I can call her up and ask for her critique.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Can you bring booze? I mean, bad daughter though you may be, she's got to make some concessions too.

      • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

        My mother would demand it.

      • emmelemm

        I have been known to pour a glass of wine or two.

    • redarmyzombie

      Emmelemm, that's why God gave us such things as Bird Flu…

    • widestanceromance

      There's the time-honored trick of pretending to drift off while thinking about dick. That's gotten me through every holiday gathering since I was a lad (and still works, even when dinner is at my home–nope, no shame here).

    • valgal2342

      My mom is a current ballroom dancer at 83 and I watch DWTS with her & some of the other dancers from the studio (ages 40-83) while drinking wine and enjoying fine snacks. You'd think it was World Federation Wrestling we're watching to hear those divas disagree with the judges or diss the dancers. Vicious. They hated Palin. Agree, this is shitty news.

      • emmelemm

        Exactly. It gets catty up in my mom's livin' room. (With just the two of us.)

    • CivicHoliday

      jesus can't you guys watch So You Think You Can Dance instead?

    • KarenJ503

      I know what you mean. I was going to say "hell no I'm not watching it as long as she's on!", but my sister (we live in a shared household) probably will tune in anyway, so I might as well watch — and vote for "anybody but Bristol".

  • ChernobylSoup

    This comment has been deleted by the user because, seriously, who cares?

    • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

      This comment climbed up through the user's fingertips and deleted itself out of sheer embarrassment at the thought of being a comment on this topic

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    She's a furry only because the carpet has to match the drapes and vice versa.

    • glasspusher

      Better a furry than a furriner?

  • coolhandnuke

    When Breitbert appears on this dancing show, I'll tune in.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    And, by any measure, how is Bristol a star? How many 19 year olds get knocked up by their idiot boyfriend and get to live a 1% life because of it? Shit, I should have used that line in high school and college. Sleep with me, you never know, you might be the next reality show star! I have the B&Js right here.

    • emmelemm

      Was trying to figure out what B&Js were…

      Blowjobs? No, that would just be BJs.
      Ben & Jerry's? Well, who doesn't like Ben & Jerry's?
      Wait… oh, I got it.

      • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

        I"m showing my age, but if you have the time, I have the Ben and Jerry's.

  • SorosBot

    Does ABC hate its viewers?

    • MissTaken

      No, only it's viewers with eyesight.

      • SorosBot

        They'll also air that thing talking, so they seem to hate the viewers with hearing as well.

    • Ducksworthy

      Isn't that obvious by now?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      No, just America.

      You know why they're doing this: they have the Nov. 6 results in hand already and are punishing America for re-electing the negro.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Say, when did Wonkette turn int DMZ or whatever the fuck that horrid show is called?

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

      When politicians and their families started getting entertainment deals.

    • Halloween Jack

      DMZ would be a great show. Koreans glaring at each other, what's not to like?

  • Jus_Wonderin

    "New ‘Dancing With The Stars’ cast; fans to vote for final member"

    Anthony Weiner?

  • barto

    That's just embarrasing. Promise me Rmoney will never do this.

    • AutomaticPilot

      If he wears his Mom jeans, I might watch.

    • LetUsBray

      I'm guessing it'll be one of those big oafish sons who look just like him and serve their country by trying to foist his presidency upon us who ends up doing it.

    • KarenJ503

      Not Rmoney…Rafalca.

  • Blunderthing

    She'll be selling jewelry on a cable channel in 10 years. Snowbilly spawn.

  • fartknocker

    Great. Another episode of Thunder Thighs dancing like a forklift. Do we get to boo her mother like last year, because that would be fun.

    • prommie

      Forklifts are actually graceful, they go spinning around in those big warehouses, its a sight to see. Comparing Brisdol to a forklift is forklift libel.

  • Baconzgood

    All right I've had enough. GET OFF THE FUCKING TEEVEE BEFORE I CUNT KICK YOU!!!!!!!!!!

  • Goonemeritus

    I remember when people danced to increase their chance of having coitus. All this newfangled competition just cheapens it somehow.

  • Thurman Munster IV

    I'd watch if it was Dancing with the Wolves and Mama Grizzly was shooting from a chopper. '

  • lunchbox360

    You know who else would like a total homo in the suit Delay is wearing in the video?

    • Preferred Customer

      Dan Cathy?

  • SorosBot

    Do they figure it's OK to bring a "star" back because she has a completely different face than last time?

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I have to believe that most of the Palin clan has always had two faces. (I bet I could turn that phrase better but….fuck it.)

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      You'd be amazed what an expert blow job can get you.

      EDIT: I mean, a well-practiced blow job. Somehow, I suspect she still sucks at sucking.

      • widestanceromance

        What's so expert about quitting halfway through a BJ?

        On the other hand, it would take an expert BJ recipient to cold get up and walk away before she had a chance to quit.

        • Jus_Wonderin

          Saying, "Sorry, I have boxers to fold."

          • widestanceromance

            You are too kind to apologize. I'd just zip and go without small talk.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Oh please, Bot. Just because she had her chins raised up to her hairline doesn't mean we still can't see the same angry, bitter, entitled, grifting face.

  • joyinil

    All I gotta say is she must have a great agent. I don't know of anyone else that could sell recycled shit like he (she) can. They have to know the freshness date is nearing it's end.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Well, cheese is made from milk, right?

    • KarenJ503

      You can thank Mark Burnett for all this. One can only imagine what Sarah Palin did to wangle "Bristol Palin: Life's a [Bad] Tripp", "Sarah Palin's Alaska", AND Todd Palin in "Stars Earn Stripes". There's some serious scamming going on there.

  • Ducksworthy

    Gawh. OK. Thanks Wonkette. I'm going for a walk in the woods now.

  • thefrontpage

    ABC Entertainment News just reported that Bristol Palin's partner on "Dancing with the Former Stars" will be…………Mindy Meyer!

    And both will be required to wear midriff-exposing outfits!

    The first few episodes of this year's "Dancing" show are sponsored by Larry Flynt's Hustler Club and Scores.

    # # #

  • rickmaci

    Her constant media whoring makes Kim Kardashian look like a modest wall flower.

  • worrytron

    Somewhere, Meghan McCain is wearing pajamas, crying into a salad.

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

    The gorilla suit should have a red and blue butt, to symbolize a divided America.

  • mavenmaven

    A second time? I guess this time she'll gain like a thousand pounds.

  • MissTaken

    All that 'dancing' will disinterest all males making her re-virgin-ness easy to maintain.

  • http://www.tumblr.com/blog/hamsterpantsworld Hammiepants

    This is the new DWTS with the added twist that they ritually sacrifice the losers, right? RIGHT?

    • Jus_Wonderin

      But not on the Monday night airing. That will happen on "Dancing with the Stars: The Results", that airs the next night.

  • SayItWithWookies

    This just makes me sorry for Knute the polar bear, who became an attention-starved has-been after he outgrew his cuteness appeal. I'm not sure what caused it in Bristol, though.

  • fartknocker

    When Bristol's dancing, ABC should rename the show "Dressage With The Stars."

  • Eve8Apples

    They're allowing the public vote on who should be the final contestant. Carson Kressley (Queer Eye for the Straight Guy) is one of the choices for the final spot. If Wonketteers want to make Bristol Palin suffer — like she has made all of us suffer — you should be voting to have Carson appear in the same show. He'll skewer that fame whore.

  • ThundercatHo

    Was Snooki unavailable?

  • SenileAgitation

    Her Pop Todd Palin I saw advertised to appear in a show about "stars" (the definition is elastic beyond all reason) earning bars or something, bootcamp for boobs, manly efforts, difficult undertakings. Why is this family catnip to reality TV producers?

    • JustPixelz

      Not to mention the documentary "Who's Nailin' Paylin?"

  • savethispatient

    Lets hope Obama doesn't take my guns before I get a chance to shoot my teevee.

    • widestanceromance

      If that happens, just steal a car and floor it.

      What? Who hasn't driven a car into a TV?

      • emmelemm

        Whatever happened to just throwing it out the window? Works, don't it?

        • widestanceromance

          Like a charm, unless you live on the ground floor, in which case you just hope the neighbors don't see the humiliation on your face as it just gets dented.

  • Antispandex

    Furry, or fury? You be the judge! All I know is everytime I see that Delay clip I am reminded of the scene in Police Academy where the two guys stumble into that leather bar.

  • DahBoner

    This show is like a Mind Rape Dispenser©…

  • Dildeaux

    Does Willow care for Tripp whilst the competiton rages on? Inquiring minds and all….

    • HistoriCat

      Just open a few packages of Pop-Tarts and turn on the TV – the kid should be fine for a few days.

      • widestanceromance

        Leave the toilet seats up so the little tyke can get a drink, though. Social services are real Nazis about that.

        • HistoriCat

          Drink from the toilet? Gross!!

          We'll open a couple two-liters of Mountain Dew.

    • rocktonsam

      Tripp is old enough to go get his own cigarettes and mountain dew now.

  • elviouslyqueer

    I refuse to comment until I hear what Gino has to say about this.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Really, are there any casting couches she hasn't visited and/or talent booking producers she hasn't blown?

  • Eve8Apples

    ABC has a very low threshold when it comes to identifying "stars." Under their definition, any old meth addict arrested for prostitution could qualify if the hooker's name was published in a newspaper.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I do think we are only a few years away from "Infamous murderer, Charles Mason, included in the 20th season of Dancing with the Stars".

  • Not_So_Much

    Why do I smell rancid bacon every time I read her name?

    • Nostrildamus

      Bristol
      Say it loud and there's cellulite shakin'
      Say it soft and you smell rancid bacon
      Bristol

  • JustPixelz

    See? She got a job dancin' on the teevee. Because a rich person job creator had extra money from his Bush tax cut. That's how it works, right?

  • redarmyzombie

    Oh god, the Furries are going to lynch that woman…

  • Jerri

    Why? Did everyone else on the D-list turn it down so now they need to recycle the has-beens?

  • http://gorejusgeorge.tumblr.com CheeseBro69

    Their definition of the word "Star" is looser than Shep Smith after a couple of appletinis.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Becca, that wasn't nice….

  • chicken_thief

    Tawd pass again?

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroomba

    Her first appearance was pre-chin job. She may be able to move more freely with her new chin.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    It's an exciting time to be alive!

  • chascates

    Joke's on YOU pagans! Turns out God Hisself was involved in this:
    Many of you saw Episode 12 of Life’s a Tripp when Gino and I had our big blowout. Well, it was very painful for everyone involved. After that fight, Tripp and Willow both dozed off, so it gave me – finally – some quiet time to think. I prayed about my life.
    I asked for some sort of direction as to what to do, which direction to go…
    After Lifetime wrapped up filming for the day, they took the microphones off Willow and me. It wasn’t ten minutes later that my cell phone rang.
    It was the casting director of Dancing with the Stars.
    I was ecstatic. It was like God placed this opportunity right at my feet.
    What I’m learning: God’s plan is much greater than our own.
    But this is what I do know. I’m trying to live every day a little more confidently, because I know that God is in control of our lives, our futures, and even our foxtrots.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      OMFG, while she dismisses the trial marriageship with Gino with little remorse, DWTS called her in private to say her babymaker needs to shake again. God IS great.

  • Katydid

    Whoring with the Has-Beens and Never-Weres

  • glasspusher

    Dancing Twit the Stars?

  • Butch_Wagstaff

    I care as much about DWTS as I do about who Kirsten Stewart fucks.

  • TribecaMike

    Whatever happened to the show biz adage "Leave 'em wanting more?"

  • viennawoods13

    God. Why did I click on that clip? I will now need MUCH tequila to wipe the memory of Tom DeLay's ass from my mind.