FURRIES  2:20 pm July 27, 2012

Bristol Palin Will Be A Furry On Dancing With The Stars, Again

by Rebecca Schoenkopf


Noted “furry” enthusiast Bristol Palin has signed on to Dancing With The Stars again, because her five million other reality shows keep getting canceled.

Sadly, no Tucker Carlson or Nancy Grace or Tom Delay this year, but let’s remember the good times of the Lord of the Dance!

 
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Hola wonkerados.

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{ 136 comments }

Maman July 27, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Why? Haven't we suffered enough?

JohnyEdge July 27, 2012 at 3:57 pm

No. Until you understand the Four Noble Truths and have followed the Eight-Fold Noble Path you will continue to suffer.

Or, alternatively,

You have sinned greatly (that's a given if you're on Wonkette) and have much to do penance for.

Your choice.

kittensdontlie July 28, 2012 at 9:37 am

I for one, can't get enough of that zany bristle!! I can't wait for 'A Pa(l)in and Eight'(all with different last names), the now-in-production 'Tripp and Tiaras', and a special appearance on 'What Not To Wear-Fur edition'. Soon,with the inevitable decline in her mental health and the baby daddys accumulating, a couple of seasons of 'Hoarders-Mommy and Me' will be a sure winner.

Halloween Jack July 30, 2012 at 4:41 pm

If you're still watching DWTS, then definitely "no." Pop in a random episode of Breaking Bad and do a shot every time Jesse says "bitch" or someone cooks Walter Jr. breakfast; you'll pass out and your pain will be gone (until you wake up, anyway), and DWTS will die its long-deserved death.

Allmighty_Manos July 27, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Isn't that kind of gay?

nounverb911 July 27, 2012 at 2:24 pm

According to Bristol's son, that's Aunt Willow.

worrytron July 27, 2012 at 2:28 pm

"When I was growing up, gay just meant lame." -Michael Scott

Maman July 27, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Isn't that the talking tree from Pocahontas?

nounverb911 July 27, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Will her partner be Rafalco?

actor212 July 27, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Ann.

It will be MS vs meth in a steel cage match

widestanceromance July 27, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Thank you for going there.

Wadisay July 27, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Her partner will be Marcus Bachmann

worrytron July 27, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Jesus Christ.

GemlikeFlame July 27, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Seconded. Bristol, honey, listen to your Uncle Gem.

Your fifteen minutes was up a couple of years ago, and all you're doing now is ratcheting up the wince factor every time you open your mouth or appear on TV. If I were Willow, I'd pay to have you shot with my very first real paycheck. If you want to continue to make an idiot out of yourself and your family, be my guest, but if you want your child to make it to puberty with anything resembling self-respect you'll slink back into the tundra where you came from.

ChessieNefercat July 28, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Bristol: "I'm sorry, somebody was waving money at me. Were you saying something?"

ChessieNefercat July 28, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Amen.

Barb_ July 27, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Time for the wardrobe department to let the gorilla suit out a few sizes.

Jus_Wonderin July 27, 2012 at 2:45 pm

I vote for the show to let out a real gorilla. I watch that, with popcorn.

KarenJ503 July 30, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Actually, she's recently been on the same diet as her mother has for the past year — i.e., Red Bull, meth, and energy bars — partly to counteract all those french fries she and her sister ate during "BP:LATripp" — so she could possibly fit into a chimp suit.

OurHoboSenator July 27, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Whew! I was afraid she might be out of the public eye for a little while. And who would want THAT?

prommie July 27, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Oh, Rebecca, I would say I love you, but I don't want to start any rumors. This is just so delightful.

Maman July 27, 2012 at 2:23 pm

I know that Alaskans are used to sucking off the public tit, but do we really owe this girl a celebrity lifestyle?

worrytron July 27, 2012 at 2:26 pm

You had me at "tit".

actor212 July 27, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Absolutely! After all, her alternative is to spread some vile STD.

veritass July 27, 2012 at 2:24 pm

This really is the end of days.

BornInATrailer July 27, 2012 at 2:28 pm

I'm just rooting for the Mayans at this point.

worrytron July 27, 2012 at 2:30 pm

In the Mayan culture, the winner of dancing with the stars was ritually murdered.

Jus_Wonderin July 27, 2012 at 2:37 pm

As my Dad used to say "You ain't a wolfin'"

chascates July 27, 2012 at 4:02 pm

I thought it was "You ain't woofin'" As in 'bark, bark'.

Jus_Wonderin July 27, 2012 at 7:09 pm

It's been so long, but he always used it as a response like “You're not telling a lie”. I took to be an allusion to the boy that cried wolf. We need a etymologist, uh, eer….uh….person of words to figure this out.

Nostrildamus July 27, 2012 at 3:07 pm

A plague of leeches?

SheriffRoscoe July 27, 2012 at 2:25 pm

I wouldn't have thought that her job as receptionist for the dermatology doctor in Wasilla would afford her the time to be one of teevee's dancing stars.

chascates July 27, 2012 at 4:02 pm

The doctor probably suggested it.

Slim_Pickins July 27, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Last time, I was so bummed by her loss that I didn't watch any of it.

ttommyunger July 27, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Oh good! Another show I'll never fucking see in a million years…

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 27, 2012 at 2:25 pm

What a faggot.

weejee July 27, 2012 at 2:31 pm

A serious load of sticks.

worrytron July 27, 2012 at 2:37 pm
emmelemm July 27, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Honestly, as a person who HAS* to watch DWTS, this is really shitty news.

* My mom = former ballroom dancer = me: obligated to watch DWTS with her. No, I can't get out of it. And I'm not the world's greatest daughter, so I have to score points where I can.

weejee July 27, 2012 at 2:30 pm

It is a far, far better thing that I do…

Kinda makes Sydney Carton's sacrifice pale in comparison. Seriously!

ThundercatHo July 27, 2012 at 2:36 pm

I feel your pain since my mom is a current ballroom dancer but she has a new hubby with whom to dance and watch. Maybe I'll watch anyway so I can call her up and ask for her critique.

elviouslyqueer July 27, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Can you bring booze? I mean, bad daughter though you may be, she's got to make some concessions too.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 27, 2012 at 3:10 pm

My mother would demand it.

emmelemm July 27, 2012 at 4:31 pm

I have been known to pour a glass of wine or two.

redarmyzombie July 27, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Emmelemm, that's why God gave us such things as Bird Flu…

widestanceromance July 27, 2012 at 3:08 pm

There's the time-honored trick of pretending to drift off while thinking about dick. That's gotten me through every holiday gathering since I was a lad (and still works, even when dinner is at my home–nope, no shame here).

valgal2342 July 27, 2012 at 3:54 pm

My mom is a current ballroom dancer at 83 and I watch DWTS with her & some of the other dancers from the studio (ages 40-83) while drinking wine and enjoying fine snacks. You'd think it was World Federation Wrestling we're watching to hear those divas disagree with the judges or diss the dancers. Vicious. They hated Palin. Agree, this is shitty news.

emmelemm July 27, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Exactly. It gets catty up in my mom's livin' room. (With just the two of us.)

CivicHoliday July 28, 2012 at 6:13 pm

jesus can't you guys watch So You Think You Can Dance instead?

KarenJ503 July 30, 2012 at 5:04 pm

I know what you mean. I was going to say "hell no I'm not watching it as long as she's on!", but my sister (we live in a shared household) probably will tune in anyway, so I might as well watch — and vote for "anybody but Bristol".

ChernobylSoup July 27, 2012 at 2:26 pm

This comment has been deleted by the user because, seriously, who cares?

Doktor Zoom July 27, 2012 at 2:50 pm

This comment climbed up through the user's fingertips and deleted itself out of sheer embarrassment at the thought of being a comment on this topic

actor212 July 27, 2012 at 2:26 pm

She's a furry only because the carpet has to match the drapes and vice versa.

glasspusher July 27, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Better a furry than a furriner?

coolhandnuke July 27, 2012 at 2:27 pm

When Breitbert appears on this dancing show, I'll tune in.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 27, 2012 at 2:27 pm

And, by any measure, how is Bristol a star? How many 19 year olds get knocked up by their idiot boyfriend and get to live a 1% life because of it? Shit, I should have used that line in high school and college. Sleep with me, you never know, you might be the next reality show star! I have the B&Js right here.

emmelemm July 27, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Was trying to figure out what B&Js were…

Blowjobs? No, that would just be BJs.
Ben & Jerry's? Well, who doesn't like Ben & Jerry's?
Wait… oh, I got it.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 27, 2012 at 3:11 pm

I"m showing my age, but if you have the time, I have the Ben and Jerry's.

SorosBot July 27, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Does ABC hate its viewers?

MissTaken July 27, 2012 at 2:29 pm

No, only it's viewers with eyesight.

SorosBot July 27, 2012 at 2:33 pm

They'll also air that thing talking, so they seem to hate the viewers with hearing as well.

Ducksworthy July 27, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Isn't that obvious by now?

actor212 July 27, 2012 at 2:48 pm

No, just America.

You know why they're doing this: they have the Nov. 6 results in hand already and are punishing America for re-electing the negro.

actor212 July 27, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Say, when did Wonkette turn int DMZ or whatever the fuck that horrid show is called?

Chet Kincaid July 27, 2012 at 2:51 pm

When politicians and their families started getting entertainment deals.

Halloween Jack July 30, 2012 at 4:44 pm

DMZ would be a great show. Koreans glaring at each other, what's not to like?

Jus_Wonderin July 27, 2012 at 2:27 pm

"New ‘Dancing With The Stars’ cast; fans to vote for final member"

Anthony Weiner?

barto July 27, 2012 at 2:28 pm

That's just embarrasing. Promise me Rmoney will never do this.

AutomaticPilot July 27, 2012 at 2:55 pm

If he wears his Mom jeans, I might watch.

LetUsBray July 27, 2012 at 8:27 pm

I'm guessing it'll be one of those big oafish sons who look just like him and serve their country by trying to foist his presidency upon us who ends up doing it.

KarenJ503 July 30, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Not Rmoney…Rafalca.

Blunderthing July 27, 2012 at 2:28 pm

She'll be selling jewelry on a cable channel in 10 years. Snowbilly spawn.

fartknocker July 27, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Great. Another episode of Thunder Thighs dancing like a forklift. Do we get to boo her mother like last year, because that would be fun.

prommie July 27, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Forklifts are actually graceful, they go spinning around in those big warehouses, its a sight to see. Comparing Brisdol to a forklift is forklift libel.

Baconzgood July 27, 2012 at 2:29 pm

All right I've had enough. GET OFF THE FUCKING TEEVEE BEFORE I CUNT KICK YOU!!!!!!!!!!

Goonemeritus July 27, 2012 at 2:30 pm

I remember when people danced to increase their chance of having coitus. All this newfangled competition just cheapens it somehow.

Thurman Munster IV July 27, 2012 at 2:31 pm

I'd watch if it was Dancing with the Wolves and Mama Grizzly was shooting from a chopper. '

lunchbox360 July 27, 2012 at 2:32 pm

You know who else would like a total homo in the suit Delay is wearing in the video?

Preferred Customer July 27, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Dan Cathy?

SorosBot July 27, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Do they figure it's OK to bring a "star" back because she has a completely different face than last time?

Jus_Wonderin July 27, 2012 at 2:39 pm

I have to believe that most of the Palin clan has always had two faces. (I bet I could turn that phrase better but….fuck it.)

actor212 July 27, 2012 at 2:44 pm

You'd be amazed what an expert blow job can get you.

EDIT: I mean, a well-practiced blow job. Somehow, I suspect she still sucks at sucking.

widestanceromance July 27, 2012 at 3:00 pm

What's so expert about quitting halfway through a BJ?

On the other hand, it would take an expert BJ recipient to cold get up and walk away before she had a chance to quit.

Jus_Wonderin July 27, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Saying, "Sorry, I have boxers to fold."

widestanceromance July 27, 2012 at 3:32 pm

You are too kind to apologize. I'd just zip and go without small talk.

elviouslyqueer July 27, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Oh please, Bot. Just because she had her chins raised up to her hairline doesn't mean we still can't see the same angry, bitter, entitled, grifting face.

joyinil July 27, 2012 at 2:33 pm

All I gotta say is she must have a great agent. I don't know of anyone else that could sell recycled shit like he (she) can. They have to know the freshness date is nearing it's end.

Jus_Wonderin July 27, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Well, cheese is made from milk, right?

KarenJ503 July 30, 2012 at 5:11 pm

You can thank Mark Burnett for all this. One can only imagine what Sarah Palin did to wangle "Bristol Palin: Life's a [Bad] Tripp", "Sarah Palin's Alaska", AND Todd Palin in "Stars Earn Stripes". There's some serious scamming going on there.

Ducksworthy July 27, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Gawh. OK. Thanks Wonkette. I'm going for a walk in the woods now.

thefrontpage July 27, 2012 at 2:34 pm

ABC Entertainment News just reported that Bristol Palin's partner on "Dancing with the Former Stars" will be…………Mindy Meyer!

And both will be required to wear midriff-exposing outfits!

The first few episodes of this year's "Dancing" show are sponsored by Larry Flynt's Hustler Club and Scores.

# # #

rickmaci July 27, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Her constant media whoring makes Kim Kardashian look like a modest wall flower.

worrytron July 27, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Somewhere, Meghan McCain is wearing pajamas, crying into a salad.

deanbooth July 27, 2012 at 2:36 pm

The gorilla suit should have a red and blue butt, to symbolize a divided America.

mavenmaven July 27, 2012 at 2:36 pm

A second time? I guess this time she'll gain like a thousand pounds.

MissTaken July 27, 2012 at 2:37 pm

All that 'dancing' will disinterest all males making her re-virgin-ness easy to maintain.

Hammiepants July 27, 2012 at 2:37 pm

This is the new DWTS with the added twist that they ritually sacrifice the losers, right? RIGHT?

Jus_Wonderin July 27, 2012 at 2:42 pm

But not on the Monday night airing. That will happen on "Dancing with the Stars: The Results", that airs the next night.

SayItWithWookies July 27, 2012 at 2:38 pm

This just makes me sorry for Knute the polar bear, who became an attention-starved has-been after he outgrew his cuteness appeal. I'm not sure what caused it in Bristol, though.

fartknocker July 27, 2012 at 2:39 pm

When Bristol's dancing, ABC should rename the show "Dressage With The Stars."

Eve8Apples July 27, 2012 at 2:40 pm

They're allowing the public vote on who should be the final contestant. Carson Kressley (Queer Eye for the Straight Guy) is one of the choices for the final spot. If Wonketteers want to make Bristol Palin suffer — like she has made all of us suffer — you should be voting to have Carson appear in the same show. He'll skewer that fame whore.

ThundercatHo July 27, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Was Snooki unavailable?

SenileAgitation July 27, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Her Pop Todd Palin I saw advertised to appear in a show about "stars" (the definition is elastic beyond all reason) earning bars or something, bootcamp for boobs, manly efforts, difficult undertakings. Why is this family catnip to reality TV producers?

JustPixelz July 27, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Not to mention the documentary "Who's Nailin' Paylin?"

savethispatient July 27, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Lets hope Obama doesn't take my guns before I get a chance to shoot my teevee.

widestanceromance July 27, 2012 at 2:55 pm

If that happens, just steal a car and floor it.

What? Who hasn't driven a car into a TV?

emmelemm July 27, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Whatever happened to just throwing it out the window? Works, don't it?

widestanceromance July 27, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Like a charm, unless you live on the ground floor, in which case you just hope the neighbors don't see the humiliation on your face as it just gets dented.

Antispandex July 27, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Furry, or fury? You be the judge! All I know is everytime I see that Delay clip I am reminded of the scene in Police Academy where the two guys stumble into that leather bar.

DahBoner July 27, 2012 at 2:45 pm

This show is like a Mind Rape Dispenser©…

Dildeaux July 27, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Does Willow care for Tripp whilst the competiton rages on? Inquiring minds and all….

HistoriCat July 27, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Just open a few packages of Pop-Tarts and turn on the TV – the kid should be fine for a few days.

widestanceromance July 27, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Leave the toilet seats up so the little tyke can get a drink, though. Social services are real Nazis about that.

HistoriCat July 27, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Drink from the toilet? Gross!!

We'll open a couple two-liters of Mountain Dew.

rocktonsam July 27, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Tripp is old enough to go get his own cigarettes and mountain dew now.

elviouslyqueer July 27, 2012 at 2:50 pm

I refuse to comment until I hear what Gino has to say about this.

Jus_Wonderin July 27, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Really, are there any casting couches she hasn't visited and/or talent booking producers she hasn't blown?

Eve8Apples July 27, 2012 at 2:50 pm

ABC has a very low threshold when it comes to identifying "stars." Under their definition, any old meth addict arrested for prostitution could qualify if the hooker's name was published in a newspaper.

Jus_Wonderin July 27, 2012 at 2:53 pm

I do think we are only a few years away from "Infamous murderer, Charles Mason, included in the 20th season of Dancing with the Stars".

Not_So_Much July 27, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Why do I smell rancid bacon every time I read her name?

Nostrildamus July 27, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Bristol
Say it loud and there's cellulite shakin'
Say it soft and you smell rancid bacon
Bristol

JustPixelz July 27, 2012 at 2:56 pm

See? She got a job dancin' on the teevee. Because a rich person job creator had extra money from his Bush tax cut. That's how it works, right?

redarmyzombie July 27, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Oh god, the Furries are going to lynch that woman…

Jerri July 27, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Why? Did everyone else on the D-list turn it down so now they need to recycle the has-beens?

CheeseBro69 July 27, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Their definition of the word "Star" is looser than Shep Smith after a couple of appletinis.

Toomush_Infer July 27, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Becca, that wasn't nice….

chicken_thief July 27, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Tawd pass again?

smokefilledroomba July 27, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Her first appearance was pre-chin job. She may be able to move more freely with her new chin.

DerrickWildcat July 27, 2012 at 3:41 pm

It's an exciting time to be alive!

chascates July 27, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Joke's on YOU pagans! Turns out God Hisself was involved in this:
Many of you saw Episode 12 of Life’s a Tripp when Gino and I had our big blowout. Well, it was very painful for everyone involved. After that fight, Tripp and Willow both dozed off, so it gave me – finally – some quiet time to think. I prayed about my life.
I asked for some sort of direction as to what to do, which direction to go…
After Lifetime wrapped up filming for the day, they took the microphones off Willow and me. It wasn’t ten minutes later that my cell phone rang.
It was the casting director of Dancing with the Stars.
I was ecstatic. It was like God placed this opportunity right at my feet.
What I’m learning: God’s plan is much greater than our own.
But this is what I do know. I’m trying to live every day a little more confidently, because I know that God is in control of our lives, our futures, and even our foxtrots.

NorthStarSpanx July 28, 2012 at 3:59 pm

OMFG, while she dismisses the trial marriageship with Gino with little remorse, DWTS called her in private to say her babymaker needs to shake again. God IS great.

Katydid July 27, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Whoring with the Has-Beens and Never-Weres

glasspusher July 27, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Dancing Twit the Stars?

Butch_Wagstaff July 27, 2012 at 5:16 pm

I care as much about DWTS as I do about who Kirsten Stewart fucks.

TribecaMike July 27, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Whatever happened to the show biz adage "Leave 'em wanting more?"

viennawoods13 July 27, 2012 at 7:06 pm

God. Why did I click on that clip? I will now need MUCH tequila to wipe the memory of Tom DeLay's ass from my mind.

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