MUSIC  1:36 pm July 27, 2012

Wacky British Floppybums Clearly Unprepared for Olympics, Murder Bells Flying Everywhere

by Jim Newell

Drat, the bell! Did no one think of securing the bells? Hells bells, drat drat drat bollocks, splat. Here is Tiddlywinks McNinnypants, the UK’s “Secretary of State for Culture, Olympics, Media and Sport,” trying to ring a bell, like all British people are required to do during their lunch breaks, and whoops, there goes the bell, breaking apart, flying into a lady, who is now dead. No, she is fine. She has flown off with her umbrella to defeat the Dragons of the North. Where is a glib American management consultant to bring some bloody order to this pippy helltown?

What music do all you Wonketteers want to see at the Londontowne Open-inge Ceremoneye tonight? Let’s have a dance party, right here, on the Internet.

[Gawker]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 160 comments }

nounverb911 July 27, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Mitt to take credit for this in 3… 2… 1…

satyricrash July 27, 2012 at 1:40 pm

The Damned! When are they going to get around to making Captain Sensible Sir Captain Sensible??

GunToting[Redacted] July 27, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Wouldn't it make more sense for him to be Admiral Lord Sensible?

satyricrash July 27, 2012 at 4:10 pm

God damn it, you win all my whore diamonds.

metamarcisf July 27, 2012 at 1:41 pm

"Charlie Don't Surf !" – says Romney supporter Robert Duvall

DustBowlBlues July 27, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Boo Radley is a Rmoney supporter? Put that dude back in the basement and don't let him come out again.

extreme_left July 27, 2012 at 8:58 pm

smells like victory to me.

fartknocker July 27, 2012 at 1:42 pm

That bell was made by a former US bell manufacturer that has since moved to India after being purchased by Bain Capitol.

Barb_ July 27, 2012 at 1:42 pm

He was just warning the British that Mitt Romney wasn't going to be taking away our caffeinated sodas, by ringing those bells and making sure as Ann was riding her prancing horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free of jobs here soon.

HistoriCat July 27, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Back from the Palin-sense Barb – you're too close!

Barb_ July 27, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Nah, I am okay now and Palin is out of my head.
I just found the Amazon.com ad here and I've figured out that if I use that ad to get to Amazon to make my orders it helps Wonkette. Heck, you could get lost for days looking at the Kindle downloads. I wonder what this "Fifty Shades of Grey" is about?
Does anyone know?

HistoriCat July 27, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Sounds like some sort of photography book for people who eschew color photography. Probably dry and academic.

Jus_Wonderin July 27, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Is that a study of new trends in Interior Design? With a reproduction of the monochromatic palette by Sherwin-Williams.

natoslug July 27, 2012 at 4:47 pm

I think it's an adventure book. My wife bought it, and apparently it came with 200 feet of rope, a bullwhip, and a pair of small clamps.

Jus_Wonderin July 27, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Barb, a doctor would advise that using this type of wording for an extended length of time will result in brain damage. IE: Sarah Palin.

CrunchyKnee July 27, 2012 at 1:42 pm

I bet that bell was made in China by a company that Mittens outsourced. Job creation at its best.

JustPixelz July 27, 2012 at 1:43 pm

I had sorta the same thing happen while I was dancing a jig in bell-bottom pants. Let's just say I really put my foot in my mouth that day.

bumfug July 27, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Only possible choice: Echo & the Bunnymen – Bring On the Dancing Horses http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GaWs79v0ugE

Chet Kincaid July 27, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Exactly!

SorosBot July 27, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Am I the only one who doesn't give a shit about the Olympics, and plan on watching absolutely none of it?

DerrickWildcat July 27, 2012 at 1:46 pm

I am watching every single event! I watched Archery today! The Koreans broke another record. I saw it! I saw history being made!

MissTaken July 27, 2012 at 2:03 pm

A blind Korean man broke an archery record. How does that work? A little Korean can't possibly be strong enough to pull a bow back. Weird.

DerrickWildcat July 27, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Little Yellow Different.

emmelemm July 27, 2012 at 2:16 pm

in fact: Little Yellow Different Better! People always leave off that last part.

Not_So_Much July 27, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Yes, Commie Elitist.

(I don't really know what those words mean. But that clearly isn't necessary these days.)

MissTaken July 27, 2012 at 1:51 pm

I like to watch the opening ceremonies because it's nice to see athletes from small, developing countries that you rarely hear about otherwise proudly walk into the stadium showing themselves off to the rest of the world.

But the events themselves, and the GO USA! bullshit, I couldn't give a rat's backside.

SorosBot July 27, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Oh the NBC coverage is just awful; it's all jingoism and stupid heartwarming stories. Really, why are we supposed to cheer for people just because they happen to have been born in the same country as us?

SexySmurf July 27, 2012 at 1:53 pm

I'm going to watch all the loser events: speed walking, canoeing, and I think they added LARPing this year.

MissTaken July 27, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Don't forget trampoline. But whatever you do, do NOT double-bounce! http://www.london2012.com/gymnastic-trampoline/ab

SheriffRoscoe July 27, 2012 at 1:53 pm

I only watch the men's gymanstics. And maybe a little of the men's swimming, because I don't need to understand the rules for those events to enjoy them.

MissTaken July 27, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Yummy Ryan Lochte

elviouslyqueer July 27, 2012 at 2:55 pm

OH HELL YES. Fap fap fap fap fap, also, too.

Chet Kincaid July 28, 2012 at 2:39 am

I bet that's not the remote in your hand.

mull_man July 27, 2012 at 2:00 pm

No, you are not. I never could give a fuck-all about the Olympics, apart from it coming to my home city so I could AirBnB my house for a mint. Unfortunately, the rest of my household luvs these shitsoganzas, and so I've spent the last few evenings crawling under by house to position cable for the "telly".

Chet Kincaid July 27, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Yes.

ttommyunger July 27, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Nope!

HistoriCat July 27, 2012 at 2:21 pm

There are parts I find fascinating – human beings pushing themselves to their limits can do astonishing things. Sadly, you will not hear or see 95% of them because they a) are not USA Americans and/or b) have not beaten cancer/survived a tragic car wreck which killed 15 other members of their family/overcome a childhood of crime and poor parenting.

DustBowlBlues July 27, 2012 at 2:48 pm

I'll probably watch the opening ceremonies, as they're called. That's it. I hate the Olympics and agree with my wonkeratti friends that the human interest stories are bull shit. The only mega event I watch is the World Cup.

Now that I think about it, will someone let me know when synchronized swimming in on? Just so I can watch it for a minute to make fun of it.

MissTaken July 27, 2012 at 2:54 pm

What?! You're going to miss out on the Wonkette Live Blog of future First Horse Refalco prancing and dancing around in the Horse Ballet Competition? For shame!

Callyson July 27, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Well, I do get into track and field, and swimming. I like to watch the athletes who get very little attention otherwise (which means fuck the Dream Team: whoever decided NBA players should be Olympians is an asshole.) But yeah, the endless commercialization is irritating…

Callyson July 27, 2012 at 1:44 pm

What music do all you Wonketteers want to see at the Londontowne Open-inge Ceremoneye tonight?

"God Save the Queen" or GTFO.

Blueb4sinrise July 27, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Lee Greenwood?

fartknocker July 27, 2012 at 1:53 pm

London Homesick Blues?

johnnymeatworth July 27, 2012 at 1:58 pm

"Hell's Bells" by AC/DC.

Chet Kincaid July 27, 2012 at 2:19 pm

"London Calling", of course.

johnnymeatworth July 27, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Armagideon Time….

jodyleek July 27, 2012 at 3:31 pm

"Eat the Rich" – Motorhead.

WordSaladNation July 27, 2012 at 1:45 pm

I was thinking the other day about how inappropriate it was for Randy Newman's "I Love L.A." to be played during the 1984 Olympics and was wondering if it would be similarly inappropriate to use Blur's "London Loves" during this Olympics.

XTC's "Towers of London", on the other hand, would be perfect.

ChernobylSoup July 27, 2012 at 1:45 pm

I can't keep up… do we like the Brits now?

savethispatient July 27, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Ugh, I hope not.

Isyaignert July 27, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Really? But, aren't youe a Brit? I met you at the Seattle Wonkette drinky thingy.

savethispatient July 27, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Haha, yes, but I'm also a contrarian. :)

Isyaignert July 27, 2012 at 6:55 pm

Ha! I spelled "you" "youe" as if in olde Englande. I went to London for the first time in 2007 and luved it! In fact, I've got a pint or two of Brit blood in meself. Have a great weekende!!

chicken_thief July 27, 2012 at 2:06 pm

I'm always willing to give a Page 3 girl a hug. Or two.

vasty_derp July 27, 2012 at 2:36 pm

The enemy of our enemy is our friend…

RadioBowels July 27, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Wouldn't Brand New Cadillac be more apropos for Ann and her horse?

sullivanst July 27, 2012 at 2:18 pm

And of course the rest of us should Be Thankful for What You've Got.

SayItWithWookies July 27, 2012 at 1:46 pm

I didn't expect the Brits to top the Beijing Olympics' opening ceremonies, but having a guy in a suit ring a handbell? That's just giving up, mates.

Isyaignert July 27, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Wait until you see the 40 sheep on the field – outta the box baby!!

Goonemeritus July 27, 2012 at 1:46 pm

I’m somewhat confused as to why it took the world so long to get out from under the boot of the UK. I hasten to add that the Queen’s picture still appears on Canada’s money even now.

HistoriCat July 27, 2012 at 2:00 pm

The inbreeding finally caught up with the upper-class.

Goonemeritus July 27, 2012 at 2:06 pm

As a historian I would be interested in your opinion of how long it will take for America to have this same issue?

HistoriCat July 27, 2012 at 2:24 pm

I'm not a historian, just a feline with a long view perspective. That being said, I fear the country will collapse before we reach the point of inbreeding destroying the upper class. As long as it's acceptable for rich men to acquire beautiful women, regardless of their background, there will be enough genetic churn to keep the upper class going.

savethispatient July 27, 2012 at 2:24 pm

There was a lot of paperwork to fill out to extract yourself from the British Empire – it was the finest bureaucracy known to man.

bonghitforjesus July 27, 2012 at 1:46 pm

The highlight of the Olympics so far has been Patsy from AbFab lighting her ciggie off the torch…
http://ris.fashion.telegraph.co.uk/RichImageServi

fuflans July 27, 2012 at 2:10 pm

i've been idly contemplating making that my avatar for the last two days.

MissTaken July 27, 2012 at 1:47 pm

That's just Paul Revere ringing his bells warning them silly Britishfolk that we will run all races freely and with arms.

JustPixelz July 27, 2012 at 1:47 pm

In honor of Mittens visit, I vote for The Heavy's "How you like me now?"

DerrickWildcat July 27, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Suede never had a chance in the U.S.

mrblifil July 27, 2012 at 2:03 pm

TONS of great UK acts suffered similar fates…The Vibrators, The Damned, The Sundays, The Las, The Saints (Australian but London-based when they were ignored), Echo & Bunnymen, The SMITHS!!!, The Undertones (Northern Ireland was part of England), Elastica, The UK Subs… that's an eighties-heavy list but best I could do off top of my head.

Let's add to the dance list this old chestnut: http://youtu.be/Mj3HBwp3cps

DerrickWildcat July 27, 2012 at 2:08 pm

I say Suede in particular because at the time, dirty hairy plaid wearing apes were all the rage in in the U.S. Suede was not that.

sullivanst July 27, 2012 at 2:30 pm

I thought Elastica had a degree of success stateside… at least, I recall the rumor that it put a strain on Damon Albarn's relationship with Justine Frischman that they were outselling Blur in the US.

You can add Pulp to the list too.

BTW, Pearl Jam did a pretty decent cover of Timeless Melody in Manchester a few years back.

elviouslyqueer July 27, 2012 at 3:10 pm

True. And who DID hit it big stateside? Fucking Oasis.

Not_So_Much July 27, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Needs moar Spotted Dick.

SayItWithWookies July 27, 2012 at 1:55 pm

When is Rupert Murdoch scheduled to testify before Parliament again?

Baconzgood July 27, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Baconz getting his groove on.

MissTaken July 27, 2012 at 1:53 pm

♫ Go Baconz
It's your birthday ♫

ChernobylSoup July 27, 2012 at 1:50 pm

I'm So Bored with the USA will probably be getting a lot of play.

GunToting[Redacted] July 27, 2012 at 2:15 pm

That and "I'm afraid of Americans."

vasty_derp July 27, 2012 at 2:21 pm

By now the Brits are probably bored with 'I'm so bored with the USA'. At least I would be if I played it every time Americans were obnoxious…

SheriffRoscoe July 27, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Dis-ah-ster Ah-vurh-ted. Aw. I'm totally saying that from now on when I fuck up but nobody dies because of it.

coolhandnuke July 27, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Waterboys "Old England."

A man looks up on a yellow sky
And the rain turns to rust in his eye
Rumors of his health are lies
Old England is dying

His clothes are a dirty shade of blue
And his ancient shoes, worn through
He steals from me and he lies to you
Old England is dying

Still he sings an Empire's song
Still he keeps his navy strong
And he sticks his flag where it all belongs
Old England is dying

You're asking what makes me sigh now
What it is makes me shudder so
Well, I just freeze in the wind
And I'm numb from the pummeling of the snow

That falls from high in yellow skies
Where the well loved flag of England flies
Where the homes are warm and the mothers sigh
Where comedians laugh and babies cry

Where criminals are televised, politicians fraternized
Journalists are dignified and everyone is civilized
And children stare with heroin eyes, heroin eyes, heroin eyes
Old England, old England, old England is dying, dying

Evening has fallen, swans are singing
The last of Sunday's bells is ringing
The wind in the trees is sighing
And old England is dying

HempDogbane July 27, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Or "Strange Boat."

We're sailing on a strange boat
heading for a strange shore
We're sailing on a strange boat
heading for a strange shore
Carrying the strangest cargo
that was ever hauled aboard

We're sailing on a strange sea
blown by a strange wind
We're sailing on a strange sea
blown by a strange wind
Carrying the strangest crew
that ever sinned

We're riding in a strange car
we're followin' a strange star
We're climbing on the strangest ladder
that was ever there to climb

We're living in a strange time
working for a strange goal
We're living in a strange time
working for a strange goal
We're turning flesh and body
into soul

DerrickWildcat July 27, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Fisherman's Blues is really a fantastic work.

HempDogbane July 27, 2012 at 6:27 pm

I thought about that one too. Wanted to suggest "A Man Is In Love" but that would have been too OT.

savethispatient July 27, 2012 at 1:51 pm

♪ ♫ "Girlfriend in the discus, I know, I know, it's serious…" ♩ ♬

SorosBot July 27, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Can't we get some music from some of Britain's biggest celebrities, like Madonna and Gwenneth Paltrow?

sudsmckenzie July 27, 2012 at 1:52 pm

The Hogwarts Owl will wash up in the sound

sbj1964 July 27, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Ding,dong,Bring out your dead,bring out your dead.

Preferred Customer July 27, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Gah, how could you post a YouTube clip of True Faith without including the bizarrely awesome Bauhaus-inspired video?
http://www.myspace.com/video/32545/new-order-true

ChillBill July 27, 2012 at 1:53 pm

To honor Sir Willard, the obvious choice is The Charming Man by The Smiths.

Preferred Customer July 27, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Not Bigmouth Strikes Again?

Or Panic?

ManchuCandidate July 27, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Do not ask for whom the bell tolls, cause it's on the floor.

OneYieldRegular July 27, 2012 at 1:58 pm

I suppose we should be grateful that he wasn't in charge of shooting off the guns on that ship, thus causing a farewell to arms.

kittensdontlie July 28, 2012 at 10:14 am

What could be a more fitting addition to the pastoral sheep scene, than with the grave of the lone bell-fiasco fatality. May she rest in peace.

x111e7thst July 27, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Once more, this time with balalaikas: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bz5cLIWSB2I

ChernobylSoup July 27, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Too bad nobody respects the Beatles anymore, now that John Lennon and George Harrison are Mormons.

ManchuCandidate July 27, 2012 at 2:00 pm

It explains why the lyrics for "I Am the Walrus" changed to "I am the eggman, I am the Mormon Koo koo ka choo."

I really do hope the Mormons will let the idea of converting Paul into one live and let die.

HistoriCat July 27, 2012 at 2:26 pm

That would be big change – it don't come easy.
- Ringo

BlueStateLibel July 27, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Will the Limeys also crown Mitt Rmoney official Court Fool on this special occasion? It seems fitting. He could then say something like, "‘It is the Lord's doing, and it is marvelous in our eyes.’”

Jus_Wonderin July 27, 2012 at 1:56 pm

OT: I have no snark in me today. First office emails of the day titled, "Problem" and "Drama".

Why is there always one individual………………………………………….?

HistoriCat July 27, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Ew – is that one of those "one person is a problem so everyone in the office gets an email, so we're not singling anyone out"?

Jus_Wonderin July 27, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Yes, in a way. I had one of those queued up, then deleted it. Its more "one person wants the entire organization to bend to his wishes and can't for the lfe of him understand why that won't happen". Some individuals have talent, but not tact. I can't "retrain" for social interaction.

GunToting[Redacted] July 27, 2012 at 2:16 pm

And some (looking in the direction of my manager…) have neither.

Jus_Wonderin July 27, 2012 at 2:24 pm

I thank God every day that my boss (the owner) is sharp, understanding, tactful and appreciative of hard work. I honestly have never worked in an organization this well run. Then there is my "carton of crazy" (aforementioned individual) that must spend every night planning out how to disrupt a perfectly well-oiled environment.

I am whining and venting. I will stop. It is good noone knows where I work.

(Boss, if you are reading this….how about a raise?_

OneYieldRegular July 27, 2012 at 1:56 pm

I want to lose this skin I'm imprisoned in.

Chet Kincaid July 27, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Creepiest voice ever on a record.

mrblifil July 27, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Since the UK have decided to fuck up the Olympics presumably ending in some nightmare terrorism scenario out of Valdemort's attack on Hogwarts, might I submit for your consideration Buzzcocks "Everybody's Happy Nowadays?" Or Pete Shelley's "Homo Sapien" which will be the theme song when London hosts the Gay Olympics.

And how could I forget (repeated upthread apologies): Streets of London http://youtu.be/Mj3HBwp3cps

savethispatient July 27, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Jim, you're a girl after my own heart with those music picks. I see your Suede, and raise you the Manic Street Preachers – A Design for Life.

sullivanst July 27, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Glad to see you're no champagne socialist.

savethispatient July 27, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Oh, I hadn't heard that track before, thanks. And I'm not a champagne socialist, I'm just a socialist who enjoys champagne from time to time!

sullivanst July 27, 2012 at 2:39 pm

You probably need to get yourself a copy of Lipstick Traces then.

Mumbletypeg July 27, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Hells bells, drat drat drat bollocks, splat.

I think there's a song in there somewhere actually, Jim.

SorosBot July 27, 2012 at 2:00 pm

What about playing some true classic English music?

Yo I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want
So tell me what you want, what you really, really want
I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha)
I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah

If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends
(Gotta get with my friends)
Make it last forever, friendship never ends
If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give
(You've got to give)
Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is

HistoriCat July 27, 2012 at 2:28 pm

The Nineties were over-rated.

SexySmurf July 27, 2012 at 2:02 pm

The saddest thing about the Olympics is that all the gold medalists are going to end up looking like this in 40 years.

(Sorry about posting that picture before lunch.)

SheriffRoscoe July 27, 2012 at 2:05 pm

I KNEW WHO THAT WAS A PICTURE OF BEFORE I CLICKED

MissTaken July 27, 2012 at 2:07 pm

She's a fine looking woman for her age.

GunToting[Redacted] July 27, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Angela Lansbury was in the Olympics?

sullivanst July 27, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Paul McCartney libel!

SorosBot July 27, 2012 at 2:21 pm

If they're still alive in 40 years – steroids often don't lead to a long lifespan.

Come here a minute July 27, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Fashion with a gun, my love. (You can never win or lose if you don't run the race.)

CountryClubJihadi July 27, 2012 at 2:05 pm

That clip reminded me of the Monty Python Silly Olympics: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzrI15uw92k&fe

Mumbletypeg July 27, 2012 at 2:06 pm

I'm wary of clicking on the "HOW SADDINGTON" tag.
Although: Nooningtonshire doth evince the perils of her fancy best when she's stirring the no-more-tears solution into her ablution.

mrpuma2u July 27, 2012 at 2:06 pm

I vote " Waterloo Sunset" by famous medieval bard Raymond of the Davies.

Chet Kincaid July 27, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Look out, the chimes of freedom are flashing!!

ChernobylSoup July 27, 2012 at 2:13 pm

I understand there's been a real clampdown in London. The police are on everyone's back. The army's in complete control. This is England, where they tell you to know your rights, but somebody got murdered and now I'm not sure if I should stay or go. It would be nice to just get back to my safe European home before all of London's burning.

metamarcisf July 27, 2012 at 3:22 pm

And still, Washington Bullets want Castro dead.

Chet Kincaid July 27, 2012 at 4:02 pm

It's up to you not to heed the call-up!

Ducksworthy July 27, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Moar news about Mitt the Twit please. Was he really in the Twit Olympics? http://youtu.be/rCyr1ugzxXM

Chet Kincaid July 27, 2012 at 2:14 pm

You Lot!!
"What?!"
Don't stop! Give it all you got!!

vasty_derp July 27, 2012 at 2:29 pm

You're frettin', you're sweatin'
But did you notice you ain't gettin'?
You're frettin', you're sweatin'
But did you notice you ain't gettin' anywhere?

Chet Kincaid July 27, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Vacuum cleaner sucks up budgie…bye bye!

vasty_derp July 27, 2012 at 2:49 pm

That line has been making me laugh for more than 30 years now? Damn, I feel old…

mavenmaven July 27, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Quite the wanker, a few shakes and suddenly a mess all around.

sullivanst July 27, 2012 at 2:20 pm

I would've sworn that if Wonkette were ever to link to a Suede song, it would've been Animal Nitrate.

GunToting[Redacted] July 27, 2012 at 2:21 pm

This seems appropriate, even if it is sung by a Mick: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVwrrkt22Ag

ttommyunger July 27, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Never-was Candidate visits has-been Country for who-gives-a-fuck-event. Sorry, Lizzie.

Chet Kincaid July 27, 2012 at 2:24 pm
vasty_derp July 27, 2012 at 3:09 pm

I'm thinking "Start" would be appropriate for Romney's quest to communicate:
"It's not important for you to know my name –
Nor I to know yours
If we communicate for two minutes only
It will be enough
For knowing that someone in this world
Feels as desperate as me –
And what you give is what you get."

Chet Kincaid July 27, 2012 at 3:14 pm

I like The Jam, even though their rhythms are too uptight and all the Tamla/Motown and Curtis Mayfield covers in the world haven't been able to take the stick out of Paul Weller's butt.

vasty_derp July 27, 2012 at 3:45 pm

PW had the right look & voice for the Jam, but his post-Jam career has been kinda dull & AOR. They did the 'angry young man' thing pretty well & I reckon the uptight rhythms were appropriate for that.

I have to admit that 'Tales from the Riverbank' is my favorite song of theirs- I like the way the hopeful lyrics contrast with the slow & somewhat ominous arrangement. A nice contrast to 'Town Called Malice' which is sugary pop on the outside with bitter lyrics to contrast…

Chet Kincaid July 27, 2012 at 3:58 pm

I love "Setting Sons". It's the most comparable to their heroes, The Who. The closing song, "Wasteland" (at least in the U.S. vinyl version I owned) gave me the same melancholy feeling as "Riverbank" probably gave you. (I just checked iTunes and wiki, and the running orders for the UK and Canada and digital are completely different from what I remember!)

barto July 27, 2012 at 2:31 pm

MOAR RADIOHEAD
I'm thinking -The National Anthem

thefrontpage July 27, 2012 at 2:31 pm

BUSINESS UPDATE

BLUMBURG FINANCIAL AND ECONOMICAL NEWSWIRE

Blumburg Financial and Economical Newswire (BFEN) is reporting that that bell was manufactured by Bain Capital!

—Sir Winchester McFuddles Willingtonshire
Financial and Economical Reporter
Blumburg Financial and Economical Newswire (BFEN)

vasty_derp July 27, 2012 at 2:34 pm

I think this whole thing with the bell was planned as a message to terrorists who might be plotting to disrupt the Olympics.

"You thought that bell thing was dangerous? Just wait to see what other booby traps are lying in store for you if you try to fuck with us."

Chet Kincaid July 27, 2012 at 2:35 pm

I have always thought this Clash was an excellent poem:

SOMETHING ABOUT ENGLAND

They say the immigrants steal the hubcaps
Of respected gentlemen.
They say it would be wine and roses
If England were for Englishmen again.

Well I saw a dirty overcoat
At the foot of the pillar of the road.
Propped inside was an old man
Whom time could not erode.
The night was snapped by sirens,
Those blue lights circled past,
The dancehall called for an ambulance,
The bars all closed up fast.

My silence gazing at the ceiling
While roaming the single room —
I thought the old man could help me
If he could explain the gloom.
"You really think it's all new,
You really think about it too"
The old man scoffed as he spoke to me,
"I'll tell you a thing or two…

"I missed the fourteen-eighteen war,
But not the sorrow afterwards,
With my father dead an' my mother ran off
My brothers took the pay of hoods.
The twenties turned, the north was dead,
The hunger strike came marching south —
At the garden party not a word was said,
The ladies lifted cake to their mouths.

"The next war began and my ship sailed
With battle orders writ in red.
In five long years of bullets and shells
We left ten million dead.
The few returned to old Piccadily,
We limped around Leicester Square.
The world was busy rebuilding itself —
The architects could not care.

"But how could we know when I was young
All the changes that were to come?
All the photos in the wallets on the battlefield
And now the terror of the scientific sun.
There was masters an' servants an' servants an' dogs.
They taught you how to touch your cap.
Through strikes an' famine an' war an' peace
England never closed this gap.

"So leave me now, the moon is up
But remember the tales I tell.
The memories that you have dredged up
Are on letters forwarded from hell."

The streets were now deserted.
The gangs had trudged off home.
The lights clicked off in the bedsits.
Old England was all alone.

vasty_derp July 27, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Have never been to London, but the Pogues' "London You're a Lady" fits pretty closely with my idea of London, just as 'Something about England' speaks to my idea of the whole country.
http://www.pogues.com/Releases/Lyrics/LPs/PeaceAn

Chet Kincaid July 27, 2012 at 4:05 pm

I've never heard it. Good stuff! That's how you know a lyric's great writing, when it is great without a note of music.

vasty_derp July 27, 2012 at 9:56 pm

It's worth a listen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OL92vwaWS6c

(I took a break to watch opening ceremonies- the Brits do pageantry rather well.)

Blunderthing July 27, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Why haven't we invaded and conquered this crumbspeck of an island? The crumpet is a beastly type of food and treacle oozes from their ears. That "stiff upper lip", well we know what makes the upper crust crusty.

DahBoner July 27, 2012 at 2:47 pm

This is more fun than bloody old Hairy Putter®…

Antispandex July 27, 2012 at 2:53 pm

"What music do all you Wonketteers want to see at the Londontowne Open-inge Ceremoneye tonight?"

The Sex Pistols? They are the only one's I can think of who have a song about the Queen. Which, by the way, if we watch, will we be forced to put up with a parade of the royal inbreds?

smitallica July 27, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Iron Maiden's "The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner" or GTFO!!

homotownrecords July 27, 2012 at 3:07 pm

boiled organs fer ev'ryone!

TribecaMike July 27, 2012 at 3:09 pm

I hear George (Not His Real Name) Orwell was also British.

sbj1964 July 27, 2012 at 3:33 pm

I have been busy getting my shots & passport today the company is sending me to some 3rd world shit hole where they have dirt floors no electricity,more than likely talk some click,click language in the middle of nowhere.I don't know, some place called Oklahoma.I hope they have indoor plumbing.I guess the Internet will be to much to dream.Later Wonkette see you when I get back to civilization,

themcwow July 27, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Blur and New Order (and The Specials) are playing a closing ceremony concert http://www.thespecials.com/index.php

shelwood46 July 27, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Shouldn't Billy Bragg be all up in this Wonkette post? I vote "No Power without Accountability".

Chet Kincaid July 28, 2012 at 2:37 am

Oh, if you care, I figured it out. The vinyl versions of "Setting Sons" had their sides reversed between the UK and US/Canadian versions. Which is really strange, because the "original" US running order is perfect to my ears, and reversing it puts some of the weaker songs first and deprives the album of a perfect closer.

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