the demons of fleet street

Fox & Friends Will Defend Mitt Romney’s Honor From Brit Press — With Their Fists!

Fox & Friends cohost and squinty-eyed walking artist’s composite of every date-rape wanted poster ever, Brian Kilmeade, is not very pleased with the tabloids across the pond, and how they have torn the flesh from Mittens Romney’s bones, one by one, even the conservative and Tory ones! They’d better back off, Kilmeade warns, this guy could be president! Yes, we know what respect and deference Fox & Friends pays to the office of the presidency.

For your viewing pleasure, here is Brian Kilmeade getting murdered with a mace or something.

[TPM]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

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  • Madfall

    Mittens will be President the moment they deactivate his C3P0 interpersonal skills and give him an upgrade.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      His emotion chip fused to his positronic neural net. They'll have to deactivate him.

      • GhostBuggy

        Does that mean we can beam him out into space?

    • nounverb911

      Mitten's will never be the droid we are looking for.

    • JustPixelz

      I'm going to buy a robot vacuum. I'll let you know if it sucks as much as Mitt. Regardless, I'm going to cal it "Callista".

    • CountryClubJihadi

      If they turned his belly button into Suri, she would respond with more intelligent answers.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    So much for that "special relationship", huh, KILLmeade?

    • Mojopo

      Vultures have a special relationship with carcasses, too.

    • Tommy1733

      The humor just jumps right out, doesn't it? It's a wonderful life!!

  • nounverb911

    Why does Fox News hate Rupert Murdoch? After all its Rupie's press that is hardest on Mittens.

    • Terry

      Obviously they haven't opened the latest guidance email from Murdoch so they didn't have the talking points right.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Because that's just how impartial FOX really is — see, it exposes this whole Rupert Murdoch empire as a colossal lie. There, another lunatic conspiracy theory disposed of.

  • Come here a minute

    The British press better back off — Romney will have his fancy horse trample them!

  • memzilla

    Nice one, Rupert. Using your media empire on the other side of the Atlantic to denounce the candidate you're just meh about, while providing fodder and grist for the talking heads of your media empire on this side of the Atlantic.

    Nevertheless, you miss the point entirely: namely, how will this affect Sarah Palin and her grifting progeny?

    • mavenmaven

      She came off good in this one, Romney was "worse than Palin"

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      "I can see money from my front porch!"

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Shit…got me on that one, too? I guess even though Tr!g is still r$tard#d we're still not aloud to remark as such? Dirty pool, wonkette.

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Oh and since my first comment was censored here is the short of it. "I'll answer your question by posing another question, is Tr!g still r$tard#d? Is Bristol still easier than beating Dubya in a spelling contest? The answers to those cryptic questions will tell you how Sarah and her grifting progeny are doing"

  • sbj1964

    Fox & Friends your not helping! Expect the call from Mittens saying shut the fuck up!

  • Barb_

    This tweet was great:
    RT @BorowitzReport: Mitt Romney is coming across as an out-of-touch rich person in a country that still has a Queen.

    • nounverb911

      Elton John?

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        OK, make that TWO queens.

      • Barb_

        Morning! I like your answer, thanks!

    • prommie

      I am somewhat surprised, that after years of being consistently dull and completely unfunny, Borowitz actually came up with something amusing. Blind squirrel, meet acorn.

    • Tommy1733

      This is a win-win situation. If Obama wins, we get 4 more of Obama. If Willard wins, we get 4 years of free comedy!!

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      True…Mitt has somehow looked more like the Monopoly guy in the country from whence the concept of the Dickensian nightmare was based. The only thing missing is for Mittens to pull a 'Christian conservative' by going over to Germany and purchasing priceless works of 'found' art from the hard right ala how Bob Jones II came across his collection. Just saying but I think ole BJU probably bars any Israeli from coming within 20 miles of that particular collection.

  • ChernobylSoup

    You Wonketteers better be nice to me; I might (probably will) be King of the Internet some day.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I'll see your "King" and raise you my "God"

      • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

        "God" is soooo overrated.
        "D-O-G", however

        • SayItWithWookies

          Oh great — a golden retriever. And I was so hoping it would turn out to be a saluki.

          • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

            saluki

            That's nothing. Wait'll the pastafarians learn the truth.. instead of a spaghetti monster in the sky, all along it was souvlaki.

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          Oh, you and your Endian ways.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Sorry Cher, but you'll have to fight DrunkIrishman for that title.

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    Brian, you're a wanker. And I don't mean that in a good way.

  • nounverb911

    Brian Kilmeade fights like the six year old girl he is.

    • viennawoods13

      He could start his own lemonade stand! With no help from ANYONE!!

    • Thurman Munster IV

      As a six year old girl I take offense at that comment.

      • bonghitforjesus

        any 6 year old girl would fight much harder

  • SorosBot

    This guy could be President; but he seems to be doing everything in his power to insure that will never happen.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      This guy could be President in the same way I could marry Michelle Obama.

      In fact, they'd probably happen around the same time and for the same reasons.

      Think "zombie apocalypse".

      • JustPixelz

        Wait! I want to marry Michelle Obama too. Maybe if Mittens is POTUS he'll legalize polygamy.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Now that's finding a silver lining in a cloud of shitstorm! Of course I'd share! It would be bigamy?

          • SayItWithWookies

            Yeah that would be mighty big o' you. What?

    • Callyson

      Making this the first day in a while that I have not wished for a pre – lunch Happy Hour.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Ensure! It's a varb Goldangit!! Ensure is pre-hoc, whilst insure is both pre and post hoc.

    • mull_man

      WMD = Willard's Mouth of Destruction

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    You know what scary fact I learned this week?

    Steve Doocy squeezed out another Dookie. Peter Doocy.

    • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

      Yeah, and he's super gay to boot!

      • chicken_thief

        You'd think he'd be better groomed.

  • http://www.marionstein.net Self-Uploader

    "They better back off. This guy could be President."
    And then what? He'd hold them down and cut their hair?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      To be fair — that is a scary proposition.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Yay, another Country for the drooling window lickers to hate!

  • noodlesalad

    It's almost as if the British don't want us to elect another know-nothing, silver-foot-in-the-mouth vulture capitalist Republican. How dare they insert themselves into the business of corporate America our elections!

  • FNMA

    "This guy could be president…"
    I think those of us on this side of the pond fear that much more than the Brits.

  • widestanceromance

    Shouldn't we support the press "going after" Willard over there so we don't have to support them "going after" him here?

  • johnnymeatworth

    "Coming up next: Wiping Your Ass With The Magna Carta and What It Means For Your Weekend–after these messages!"

    • AbandonHope

      Feh, the Magna Carta had absolutely nothing to do with the Constimatution; it sprung, fully-formed, out of the fertile (yet virgin) loins of the Bah-bull.

  • smitallica

    No, Brian, he couldn't.

  • elviouslyqueer

    47 seconds of "Fox and Friends" equals at least two full days of getting the smell of Massengill original scent out of my computer. Thanks for nothing, Rebecca.

    • Terry

      Now hold on. Massengill is useful, where Fox and Friends is not. Stop insulting it.

    • Ducksworthy

      Thanks a lot. Whenever I think of Massengill I think think of Michele with one L. Yuck.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Not-Steve Doochey would go over to England to defend Twitt Rmoney's honor if only he could find it on a map.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      England… Isn't England that big island off the coast from Germany?

      • http://mbouffant.blogspot.com M. Bouffant

        No. That island is Danish Land.

  • Billmatic

    You'd think that pissing off David Cameron and Tories, their ideological bedfellows, would be enough to make Republicans realize they're insane but it just strengthens their resolve to annoy everyone on earth.

    After all, America is Exceptional – as per Hannity, "The Greatest Country God Gave Man in the History of the World" – and everyone should kiss the rings.

    • AbandonHope

      Not annoy — dominate.

      These are people who are extremely envious of the former British Empire and really believe that the world needs to be united under the jackboots of a New American Empire's rule, because we (white male Evangelican Christian Republicans) know what's best for them. Don't worry, though, there will still be fair and democratic elections, in the same way that Putin lets people pretend to run against him in Russia.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      i think the republican party stopped being ideological bedfellows with the tories in like 1964.

      they're more like the national front.

      • Billmatic

        I always thought Reagan and Thatcher were besties.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Must See REALITY TV: 10 News Corporation anchors and editors from around the world, one 20 foot deep pit and 30 hungry crocodiles.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Pay-per-view gold.

  • AbandonHope

    Mittypoo will always be the President of the Fox and Fiends' hearts.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      You get the sense that, on Nov 7, FOX will go into full denial mode and start following the Romney transition team until inauguration, when President Romney will step smartly to the microphone and repeat the words of Chief Justice Roberts to be sworn in as #45…

      Then MSNBC will rush in…bless its little liberal heart…and cradle FOX as it sprawls across the bed, and with the doctor and attendants rushing in, FOX will breathlessly whisper, "Whoever you are, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers."

      • AbandonHope

        You know, I think there's a word for refusing to accept the outcome of a fair and democratic election… what was it…

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Republicanism? Brooks Brothers Riot?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I watched the Faux News blowhards concede in 2008, and it was fucking priceless. It will be even better this year … I might have to buy a TV just for the occassion.

  • mavenmaven

    Limey Lamestream Media!

    • docterry6973

      Those Fox guys should slap down the owner of those UK rags. Wait, what?

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Brian Kilmeade is the smart one.

  • An_Outhouse

    Does this suit make me look 'tarded?

    • RadioBowels

      I wouldn't tell you anyway.

    • Baconzgood

      No, you make you look 'tarded.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Crawl: "Experience is everything. Romney is better at…."

    What the FUCK would that be?????????? Romney can't go a day without saying something stupid, can't visit a foreign country without creating an international incident. Seriously if he's elected it probably WILL be the end of the world.

    • viennawoods13

      BUT on likability, 60-30 for Obama. Wow. And on a Fox news crawl.

      • Katydid

        I couldn't believe they let that through. Even they don't like Mittens, do they?

    • AbandonHope

      Firing people. Obviously.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Borrowing a boatload of money against somebody else's equity, and pocketing it?
      Letting other people run a business, and then claiming to have business experience?
      Letting other people handle his money, and then claiming financial acumen?

  • Goonemeritus

    I have a better shot at being a Calvin Klein underwear model than Mitt has at being POTUS.

    • elviouslyqueer

      This comment demands the obligatory PICS or GTFO.

      • Goonemeritus

        Picture if you will a bald middle aged engineer just with less clothing and now visualize that picture 40 feet long and pasted on the side of a city bus.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Boxers. Please let it be boxers.

          • elviouslyqueer

            I will withhold fapping until this question is answered to my satisfaction.

  • chascates

    To make it a fair fight how about Lindsey Graham versus Elizabeth? Two old queens battling it out for bragging rights.

    • chicken_thief

      Elton John to ref? Oops, I mean SIR Elton…

      • chascates

        Gwen Ifill was interviewing Elton John and keep calling him 'Sir Elton'. It's like the Seinfeld sketch and 'Maestro'.

      • Toomush_Infer

        I never understood this, why didn't they just PRINCESS him instead….?

  • chicken_thief

    Did not watch; can not stomach Fuckhead and Friends, but what really surprises me is that they have notes. And that is the best they can come up with?!

    • ozacrot

      Well, Ailes etc. only had overnight to write/print out the talking points.

      • shelwood46

        Back in '88, I worked in a copy shop. Fax machines were expensive, so we offered fax service for $1/page. One of the people who used our service was a marketing guy who did political consulting. Nearly every day, he would come in and have me fax stuff to Roger Ailes's home office. Dear lord, I wish I still had that number memorized, since you know that thing is still hooked up.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      The GOP provides them with printed notes, memos and talking points, free of charge.

      • HistoriCat

        And here I thought Fox provided the GOP with with notes, memos, and talking points.

  • MonkeyMotion

    "If Mitt becomes President…"

    You know, there were, like, say 3 or 4 dozen people around the world who didn't totally hate us during the reign of King George the W. Mittens and Queen Ann will finish the job.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Were those 3 or 4 dozen people all feeding us false intel on Iraq?

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    I think Chris Wallace was a touch too subtle for Mr. Kilmeade.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Getting run over by a semi would be too subtle for Brian Kilmeade.

  • Baconzgood

    What a snipey little bitch.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Willard Mitt Romney supporters are having a great old time making fun of Boris Johnson's name.

    • Limeylizzie

      Do they know he is actually an American? Truly, relinquished his citizenship a few years ago.

      • sewollef

        Er, Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson [no shit] was definitely born here in New York City… but to an Englishman. Stanley Johnson [his father] was an employee of the European Commission and The World Bank — and a former tory Euro MP — born in Cornwall apparently.

        But wait, there's more….. on his father's side, Boris is a great-grandson of Ali Kemal Bey, the Interior Minister in the Turkish government of Damat Ferid Pasha, Grand Vizier of the Ottoman Empire.

        He's still an elitist creep though.

        • Limeylizzie

          I know he has a crazy background and his wife is half-Sikh!

        • Limeylizzie
          • sewollef

            Jesus…. too funny.

            Have you seen the names of his kids? I think one is called Peaches and another Lettuce. When those girls grow up, they're gonna disembowel Boris for inflicting them with those names — just as soon as the inheritance comes through.

            "The bumbling Henley MP…" is perfect for this clown.

  • ThundercatHo

    Thx, that clip just made my day and I'm having 60 teenagers over for a band party tonight. I'm breakin' out the bullwhip and greetin' them at the door with an enthusiastic, "Como esta, bitches!".

    • viennawoods13

      I hate that movie, but I LOVE that scene!

  • Baconzgood

    Back off, because you have no right to have opinions on how Mitt insulted your country.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Every 200 or so tweets at romneyshambles someone attempts a 'but, but, Obama….', they're bailing with a Dixie Cup.

  • Blunderthing

    Yeah. Right. Tough guys. Sheee-it.

  • fartknocker

    I must say that watching Commander Hair Helmet practicing his foreign relations skills is as entertaining as waiting for the latest diatribe from the Queen of Wasilla. Everyday he is out of the US he seems to offer even more gaffes. As someone else said, he's the American Borat.

  • sbj1964

    Wait until the Brit's find out what Mormons think of Harry Potter.The Mormons are filing charges of copy right infringement.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Brian Kilmeade is here to defend Mitt's honor.

    Which is more than Mitt ever did.

  • http://gorejusgeorge.tumblr.com CheeseBro69

    We bail them out of two wars and they return the favor by mocking one of our most precious and greatest job-creators

    This is an outrage!

    • Katydid

      We need a modern-day Boston Tea Party in Utah. Down with British-made magic panties! Throw 'em in the Great Salt Lake! (hint: take 'em off first)

    • hippie13

      To be fair the bankers blew him and gave him $2 mil.

  • RadioBowels

    Hey guys, for those of you that miss Gretchen, here's an upskirt update.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      From like six years ago?

    • Katydid

      Is she dead?

      • RadioBowels

        She's dead down there.

  • neiltheblaze

    Watch yourself UK – Brian Kilmeade is as mad as an ineffectual little candy-ass can be.

  • bonghitforjesus

    " I swear, sometimes I think some Americans shouldn't leave the country. Are you kidding me, stay home if you don't know what to say." — Carl Lewis on Mitt Romney

    • HarryButtle

      Of course Carl Lewis would say that…he's a blah!

  • AbandonHope

    I never, ever thought that the Republicans could manage to find somebody more loathsome than W as a candidate, short of reanimating the foul remains of Nixon… but I was wrong. Boy, was I wrong.

    • JustPixelz

      Mitt is Dubya after getting HPV vaccine.

    • TribecaMike

      Nixon and J. Edgar Hoover had a baby and brainwashed George Romney into thinking it was his.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Slightly OT (since I couldn't post on Wonkville DAMMIT), but this just in from Ohforfuck'ssakeland.

    • Katydid

      If I could do the maths, which is hard for a girl, that poll would give me a pretty good idea of the percentage of the stupidest people in this country.

      And why do 8% of Democrats think he's Muslim?

    • Limeylizzie

      I can't post on Wonkville either, no idea why.

    • TribecaMike

      Oy brother. Btw, according to polling done earlier this year, 30% of Texans think humans and dinosaurs co-existed, and 29% chose "I don't know."

  • Not_So_Much

    Kilmeade speaks(?) just like a 4th grade bully who's going to be held back. Again.

    • rocktonsam

      haw haw

  • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

    "Some of my best friends own Fox & Friends"

  • ElPinche

    OT & WGAS: "Como estas , pinches?" is the line I heard at the moment I created my wonktard login . Sorry, too early for Fox n Friends. I need at least two shots of Patron in me before I can tolerate Kilmeade's corniness.

  • Guppy

    Because it just wouldn't be a Fox & Friends clip without a little misogyny thrown in at the end.

    • Generation[redacted]

      "Does this show make my head look fat?"

  • Generation[redacted]

    You British need to back off, because he could be President someday and he might ask you to follow us to war, and then what are you going to do, huh?

  • qwerty42

    Well, that should get the British tabloids off Mitt's back. Don't wanna mess with Brian Kilmeade.
    Sure.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    You can almost hear the Aspirin grind in that segment.

  • rickmaci

    Bwhahahahhahhah. The last few seconds of the clip are hysterical.

    "If that suit makes you look fat…" because it does and by the way your fucking head looks like an inflated Mylar balloon…bwhahahahahaha

  • DahBoner

    Kilmeade?

    But I love mead!

    No, kill me

  • usuhname

    LOL it does make him look fat too.
    fat headed and fat suited.

  • Wadisay

    Wall to wall Fox News coverage of How Romney Stood Up To the British!!! coming up in 3…2…

  • owhatever

    The Murdoch empire which owns Fox and Friends also now has its top editors in England under indictment. Exactly what should they be watching out for, Brian? You're all the same puppet show.

  • thefrontpage

    But what does the wisened sage and political analyst Mindy Meyer think about the 2012 Summer Olympics, England, the country's preparations, and the socio-political implications of the Olympics this year in a post-9/11 world beset by terrorism, recession, lagging economies and housing, food, water and agriculture crises? What would Mindy Meyer do?!!

  • thefrontpage

    Mindy Meyer for Prime Minister!!

  • OneYieldRegular

    Surely this line of defense should be encouraged, no? What better way to improve the perception of Mitt's capacity to competently conduct foreign policy than to argue that "Americans don't care what furriners think."

  • ttommyunger

    I think I can safely state (without undergoing the pain of watching these clips) that an empty wagon always makes the most noise-or as my grampa used to say: "Rave on cat-shit, you'll be covered!"- whatever that means.

  • phlox✔

    Do these pants make my butt look gay? Or just fuckable?

  • Ducksworthy

    Here's how the Wikipedia listing starts regarding our potential strong new Commander in Chief.

    Willard is a meek social misfit with a strange affinity for rats. He lives in a large mansion, accompanied only by his cranky and decrepit mother.

  • hippie13

    using romneys words against him…damn those crafty foreigners…it's no wonder mitty hangs in france.

  • docterry6973

    Old truth: UK is extra-special ally that Obama can't understand because he is, you know.

    New truth: UK is a pathetic bunch of second-rate socialists who better watch out!

    And so on down the memory hole.

  • BeefHardcake

    All I heard from that clip was "ARGLE BARGLE YURP BAD" then I passed out.

  • labman57

    Essentially, Kilmeade is suggesting that Romney would base his foreign policy decisions on personal vendettas and acts of petty vindictiveness.

    Thanks for the heads-up.

  • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

    Typical Fuck Nudes wingnuts. Don't go with will anybody can make a mistake, especially in the international arena, and let it go at that. Oh, no, they have to get all "Just wait you limey bastards, as soon as Mittens is our Preznit, we are going to nuke your fucking asses back to Stonehenge."