the demons of fleet street

Fox & Friends Will Defend Mitt Romney’s Honor From Brit Press — With Their Fists!

Fox & Friends cohost and squinty-eyed walking artist’s composite of every date-rape wanted poster ever, Brian Kilmeade, is not very pleased with the tabloids across the pond, and how they have torn the flesh from Mittens Romney’s bones, one by one, even the conservative and Tory ones! They’d better back off, Kilmeade warns, this guy could be president! Yes, we know what respect and deference Fox & Friends pays to the office of the presidency.

For your viewing pleasure, here is Brian Kilmeade getting murdered with a mace or something.


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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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  1. Madfall

    Mittens will be President the moment they deactivate his C3P0 interpersonal skills and give him an upgrade.

    1. JustPixelz

      I'm going to buy a robot vacuum. I'll let you know if it sucks as much as Mitt. Regardless, I'm going to cal it "Callista".

    2. CountryClubJihadi

      If they turned his belly button into Suri, she would respond with more intelligent answers.

  2. nounverb911

    Why does Fox News hate Rupert Murdoch? After all its Rupie's press that is hardest on Mittens.

    1. Terry

      Obviously they haven't opened the latest guidance email from Murdoch so they didn't have the talking points right.

    2. SayItWithWookies

      Because that's just how impartial FOX really is — see, it exposes this whole Rupert Murdoch empire as a colossal lie. There, another lunatic conspiracy theory disposed of.

  3. Come here a minute

    The British press better back off — Romney will have his fancy horse trample them!

  4. memzilla

    Nice one, Rupert. Using your media empire on the other side of the Atlantic to denounce the candidate you're just meh about, while providing fodder and grist for the talking heads of your media empire on this side of the Atlantic.

    Nevertheless, you miss the point entirely: namely, how will this affect Sarah Palin and her grifting progeny?

    1. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Shit…got me on that one, too? I guess even though Tr!g is still r$tard#d we're still not aloud to remark as such? Dirty pool, wonkette.

    2. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Oh and since my first comment was censored here is the short of it. "I'll answer your question by posing another question, is Tr!g still r$tard#d? Is Bristol still easier than beating Dubya in a spelling contest? The answers to those cryptic questions will tell you how Sarah and her grifting progeny are doing"

  5. Barb_

    This tweet was great:
    RT @BorowitzReport: Mitt Romney is coming across as an out-of-touch rich person in a country that still has a Queen.

    1. prommie

      I am somewhat surprised, that after years of being consistently dull and completely unfunny, Borowitz actually came up with something amusing. Blind squirrel, meet acorn.

    2. Tommy1733

      This is a win-win situation. If Obama wins, we get 4 more of Obama. If Willard wins, we get 4 years of free comedy!!

    3. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      True…Mitt has somehow looked more like the Monopoly guy in the country from whence the concept of the Dickensian nightmare was based. The only thing missing is for Mittens to pull a 'Christian conservative' by going over to Germany and purchasing priceless works of 'found' art from the hard right ala how Bob Jones II came across his collection. Just saying but I think ole BJU probably bars any Israeli from coming within 20 miles of that particular collection.

  6. ChernobylSoup

    You Wonketteers better be nice to me; I might (probably will) be King of the Internet some day.

        1. SayItWithWookies

          Oh great — a golden retriever. And I was so hoping it would turn out to be a saluki.

  7. SorosBot

    This guy could be President; but he seems to be doing everything in his power to insure that will never happen.

    1. actor212

      This guy could be President in the same way I could marry Michelle Obama.

      In fact, they'd probably happen around the same time and for the same reasons.

      Think "zombie apocalypse".

      1. JustPixelz

        Wait! I want to marry Michelle Obama too. Maybe if Mittens is POTUS he'll legalize polygamy.

    2. Callyson

      Making this the first day in a while that I have not wished for a pre – lunch Happy Hour.

    3. BoatOfVelociraptors

      Ensure! It's a varb Goldangit!! Ensure is pre-hoc, whilst insure is both pre and post hoc.

  8. noodlesalad

    It's almost as if the British don't want us to elect another know-nothing, silver-foot-in-the-mouth vulture capitalist Republican. How dare they insert themselves into the business of corporate America our elections!

  9. FNMA

    "This guy could be president…"
    I think those of us on this side of the pond fear that much more than the Brits.

  10. widestanceromance

    Shouldn't we support the press "going after" Willard over there so we don't have to support them "going after" him here?

  11. johnnymeatworth

    "Coming up next: Wiping Your Ass With The Magna Carta and What It Means For Your Weekend–after these messages!"

    1. AbandonHope

      Feh, the Magna Carta had absolutely nothing to do with the Constimatution; it sprung, fully-formed, out of the fertile (yet virgin) loins of the Bah-bull.

  12. elviouslyqueer

    47 seconds of "Fox and Friends" equals at least two full days of getting the smell of Massengill original scent out of my computer. Thanks for nothing, Rebecca.

    1. Ducksworthy

      Thanks a lot. Whenever I think of Massengill I think think of Michele with one L. Yuck.

  13. Billmatic

    You'd think that pissing off David Cameron and Tories, their ideological bedfellows, would be enough to make Republicans realize they're insane but it just strengthens their resolve to annoy everyone on earth.

    After all, America is Exceptional – as per Hannity, "The Greatest Country God Gave Man in the History of the World" – and everyone should kiss the rings.

    1. AbandonHope

      Not annoy — dominate.

      These are people who are extremely envious of the former British Empire and really believe that the world needs to be united under the jackboots of a New American Empire's rule, because we (white male Evangelican Christian Republicans) know what's best for them. Don't worry, though, there will still be fair and democratic elections, in the same way that Putin lets people pretend to run against him in Russia.

    2. fuflans

      i think the republican party stopped being ideological bedfellows with the tories in like 1964.

      they're more like the national front.

    1. actor212

      You get the sense that, on Nov 7, FOX will go into full denial mode and start following the Romney transition team until inauguration, when President Romney will step smartly to the microphone and repeat the words of Chief Justice Roberts to be sworn in as #45…

      Then MSNBC will rush in…bless its little liberal heart…and cradle FOX as it sprawls across the bed, and with the doctor and attendants rushing in, FOX will breathlessly whisper, "Whoever you are, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers."

      1. AbandonHope

        You know, I think there's a word for refusing to accept the outcome of a fair and democratic election… what was it…

      2. Biel_ze_Bubba

        I watched the Faux News blowhards concede in 2008, and it was fucking priceless. It will be even better this year … I might have to buy a TV just for the occassion.

  14. johnnyzhivago

    Crawl: "Experience is everything. Romney is better at…."

    What the FUCK would that be?????????? Romney can't go a day without saying something stupid, can't visit a foreign country without creating an international incident. Seriously if he's elected it probably WILL be the end of the world.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Borrowing a boatload of money against somebody else's equity, and pocketing it?
      Letting other people run a business, and then claiming to have business experience?
      Letting other people handle his money, and then claiming financial acumen?

  15. Goonemeritus

    I have a better shot at being a Calvin Klein underwear model than Mitt has at being POTUS.

      1. Goonemeritus

        Picture if you will a bald middle aged engineer just with less clothing and now visualize that picture 40 feet long and pasted on the side of a city bus.

  16. chascates

    To make it a fair fight how about Lindsey Graham versus Elizabeth? Two old queens battling it out for bragging rights.

      1. chascates

        Gwen Ifill was interviewing Elton John and keep calling him 'Sir Elton'. It's like the Seinfeld sketch and 'Maestro'.

  17. chicken_thief

    Did not watch; can not stomach Fuckhead and Friends, but what really surprises me is that they have notes. And that is the best they can come up with?!

      1. shelwood46

        Back in '88, I worked in a copy shop. Fax machines were expensive, so we offered fax service for $1/page. One of the people who used our service was a marketing guy who did political consulting. Nearly every day, he would come in and have me fax stuff to Roger Ailes's home office. Dear lord, I wish I still had that number memorized, since you know that thing is still hooked up.

      1. HistoriCat

        And here I thought Fox provided the GOP with with notes, memos, and talking points.

  18. MonkeyMotion

    "If Mitt becomes President…"

    You know, there were, like, say 3 or 4 dozen people around the world who didn't totally hate us during the reign of King George the W. Mittens and Queen Ann will finish the job.

    1. Limeylizzie

      Do they know he is actually an American? Truly, relinquished his citizenship a few years ago.

      1. sewollef

        Er, Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson [no shit] was definitely born here in New York City… but to an Englishman. Stanley Johnson [his father] was an employee of the European Commission and The World Bank — and a former tory Euro MP — born in Cornwall apparently.

        But wait, there's more….. on his father's side, Boris is a great-grandson of Ali Kemal Bey, the Interior Minister in the Turkish government of Damat Ferid Pasha, Grand Vizier of the Ottoman Empire.

        He's still an elitist creep though.

          1. sewollef

            Jesus…. too funny.

            Have you seen the names of his kids? I think one is called Peaches and another Lettuce. When those girls grow up, they're gonna disembowel Boris for inflicting them with those names — just as soon as the inheritance comes through.

            "The bumbling Henley MP…" is perfect for this clown.

  19. ThundercatHo

    Thx, that clip just made my day and I'm having 60 teenagers over for a band party tonight. I'm breakin' out the bullwhip and greetin' them at the door with an enthusiastic, "Como esta, bitches!".

  20. Baconzgood

    Back off, because you have no right to have opinions on how Mitt insulted your country.

  21. Blueb4sinrise

    Every 200 or so tweets at romneyshambles someone attempts a 'but, but, Obama….', they're bailing with a Dixie Cup.

  22. fartknocker

    I must say that watching Commander Hair Helmet practicing his foreign relations skills is as entertaining as waiting for the latest diatribe from the Queen of Wasilla. Everyday he is out of the US he seems to offer even more gaffes. As someone else said, he's the American Borat.

  23. sbj1964

    Wait until the Brit's find out what Mormons think of Harry Potter.The Mormons are filing charges of copy right infringement.

    1. Katydid

      We need a modern-day Boston Tea Party in Utah. Down with British-made magic panties! Throw 'em in the Great Salt Lake! (hint: take 'em off first)

  24. neiltheblaze

    Watch yourself UK – Brian Kilmeade is as mad as an ineffectual little candy-ass can be.

  25. bonghitforjesus

    " I swear, sometimes I think some Americans shouldn't leave the country. Are you kidding me, stay home if you don't know what to say." — Carl Lewis on Mitt Romney

  26. AbandonHope

    I never, ever thought that the Republicans could manage to find somebody more loathsome than W as a candidate, short of reanimating the foul remains of Nixon… but I was wrong. Boy, was I wrong.

    1. TribecaMike

      Nixon and J. Edgar Hoover had a baby and brainwashed George Romney into thinking it was his.

    1. Katydid

      If I could do the maths, which is hard for a girl, that poll would give me a pretty good idea of the percentage of the stupidest people in this country.

      And why do 8% of Democrats think he's Muslim?

    2. TribecaMike

      Oy brother. Btw, according to polling done earlier this year, 30% of Texans think humans and dinosaurs co-existed, and 29% chose "I don't know."

  27. ElPinche

    OT & WGAS: "Como estas , pinches?" is the line I heard at the moment I created my wonktard login . Sorry, too early for Fox n Friends. I need at least two shots of Patron in me before I can tolerate Kilmeade's corniness.

  28. Guppy

    Because it just wouldn't be a Fox & Friends clip without a little misogyny thrown in at the end.

  29. Generation[redacted]

    You British need to back off, because he could be President someday and he might ask you to follow us to war, and then what are you going to do, huh?

  30. qwerty42

    Well, that should get the British tabloids off Mitt's back. Don't wanna mess with Brian Kilmeade.

  31. rickmaci

    Bwhahahahhahhah. The last few seconds of the clip are hysterical.

    "If that suit makes you look fat…" because it does and by the way your fucking head looks like an inflated Mylar balloon…bwhahahahahaha

  32. Wadisay

    Wall to wall Fox News coverage of How Romney Stood Up To the British!!! coming up in 3…2…

  33. owhatever

    The Murdoch empire which owns Fox and Friends also now has its top editors in England under indictment. Exactly what should they be watching out for, Brian? You're all the same puppet show.

  34. thefrontpage

    But what does the wisened sage and political analyst Mindy Meyer think about the 2012 Summer Olympics, England, the country's preparations, and the socio-political implications of the Olympics this year in a post-9/11 world beset by terrorism, recession, lagging economies and housing, food, water and agriculture crises? What would Mindy Meyer do?!!

  35. OneYieldRegular

    Surely this line of defense should be encouraged, no? What better way to improve the perception of Mitt's capacity to competently conduct foreign policy than to argue that "Americans don't care what furriners think."

  36. ttommyunger

    I think I can safely state (without undergoing the pain of watching these clips) that an empty wagon always makes the most noise-or as my grampa used to say: "Rave on cat-shit, you'll be covered!"- whatever that means.

  37. Ducksworthy

    Here's how the Wikipedia listing starts regarding our potential strong new Commander in Chief.

    Willard is a meek social misfit with a strange affinity for rats. He lives in a large mansion, accompanied only by his cranky and decrepit mother.

  38. hippie13

    using romneys words against him…damn those crafty foreigners…it's no wonder mitty hangs in france.

  39. docterry6973

    Old truth: UK is extra-special ally that Obama can't understand because he is, you know.

    New truth: UK is a pathetic bunch of second-rate socialists who better watch out!

    And so on down the memory hole.

  40. labman57

    Essentially, Kilmeade is suggesting that Romney would base his foreign policy decisions on personal vendettas and acts of petty vindictiveness.

    Thanks for the heads-up.

  41. outragedcitizen

    Typical Fuck Nudes wingnuts. Don't go with will anybody can make a mistake, especially in the international arena, and let it go at that. Oh, no, they have to get all "Just wait you limey bastards, as soon as Mittens is our Preznit, we are going to nuke your fucking asses back to Stonehenge."

Comments are closed.