THE HORSEY SET  2:20 pm July 26, 2012

Why Won’t Mitt Romney Root For His Wife’s Dumb Horse?

by Josh Fruhlinger

That is it, isn't it? You're not planning to eat it?Mitt Romney has taken a look at how they do things over there in old England-Land, and has quickly come to the well-justified conclusion that their Olympics are just a hot metric tonne of garbage compared to the awesome USA American Olympics he ran in Salt Lake City. But you’d think that he’d at least take some time out of hating the 2012 Olympics in general to show a little love for America’s greatest Olympian! We’re of course talking about Rafalca, the dressage horse partly owned by Mitt’s wife Ann. Why is he pretending that he hasn’t spent long evenings out in the stables, feeding Rafalca carrots and pouring out his soul?

We’ve been a bit harsh on Ann Romney of late, what with her growing contempt for people who don’t have nine-figure net worth, but apparently she’s never really wanted Mitt to run for President, and now that he’s doing it he should probably be nicer to her? Like, you know, he’s in London for the Olympics where her horse is going to be dancing and all, the least he could do is show up and cheer or something! But instead, he said this:

It’s a big, exciting experience for my wife. I have to tell you, this is Ann’s sport. I’m not even sure which day the sport goes on. She will get the chance to see it, I will not be watching the event. I hope her horse does well.

Nice try distancing yourself from Rafalca, Mitt. Everyone knows that three months ago you were super-excited about the Dressage World Cup and personally picked out the music Rafalca danced to, so don’t try to claim you are not 100% gay for that horse. [ABC]

 
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{ 237 comments }

IncenseDebate July 26, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Rafalca should kick the crap out of him!

Pat_Pending July 26, 2012 at 3:30 pm

straight in the taco, Katie.

actor212 July 26, 2012 at 2:24 pm

He's expecting RAFLAC! to lose.

ph7 July 26, 2012 at 2:40 pm

In fact, Mitt is bundling Raflac futures, selling them to investors, and then heavily shorting those same derivatives.

actor212 July 26, 2012 at 2:43 pm

After the Olympics, he'll fire RAFLAC! and outsource the medal contention to a Chinese horse

Barb_ July 26, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Maybe the horse just isn't the right height.

lunchbox360 July 26, 2012 at 2:38 pm

It probably has a cheap rain poncho as well.

Boojum July 26, 2012 at 3:14 pm

I bet I know which part of the horse she owns.

But why does she only own part? What, is she a Poor, and couldn't afford her own horse?

zippy_w_pinhead July 26, 2012 at 3:17 pm

it's a time share…

Ruhe July 26, 2012 at 3:14 pm

But Mitt could just stand on the same footstool he uses when he's tying the dog onto the car.

Typodong3 July 26, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Its probably the right length tho…

CheeseBro69 July 26, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Some of my best wives own horses

ChillBill July 26, 2012 at 2:50 pm

I could've sworn I read "some of my best wives are horses."

Fox n Fiends July 26, 2012 at 2:56 pm

puntastical

JudasPeckerwood July 26, 2012 at 2:25 pm

The relationship has been strained ever since Mitt tried to tie Rafalca to the top of the family car.

anniegetyerfun July 26, 2012 at 3:18 pm

It's a big animal – he had to use BOTH of Ann's Cadillacs.

snackypants July 26, 2012 at 3:45 pm

I bet you $10,000 the Romneys have a car elevator and a horse elevator.

GeneralLerong July 26, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Y'all saw this, right?

Romney's Horse Heads to the Olympics

actor212 July 26, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Everyone knows that three months ago you were super-excited about the Dressage World Cup and personally picked out the music Rafalca danced to

Hey, Mitt? Everyone knows, you call the tune, you pay the piper.

Get your ass in the seat, bitch!

elgin_pelican July 26, 2012 at 4:35 pm

See, he is one of us! Unlike the rest of the 1%, who hire horse-music picker-outers.

VinnieSaltine July 26, 2012 at 10:26 pm

The sauce for the goose….

Baconzgood July 26, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Jesus man. His wife is into this but he doesn't give a flying fuck? Dude's trying to lose her vote too. Honestly, I don't like to watch Drag Race with RuPaul but I still sit there and read while the lil' lady watches it. This guy won't even go to the Olympics with his wife. It's called being in a relationship douch hat.

MissTaken July 26, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Guess Mitt has completely given up on receiving blowjobs from Ann.

emmelemm July 26, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Mormons don't do blowjobs.

Baconzgood July 26, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Reason # 10,569 why I'll never be Mormon.

Ducksworthy July 26, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Correction: Mormon women don't.

emmelemm July 26, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Point well taken.

bibliotequetress July 28, 2012 at 8:53 am

Why? Sperm has caffeine?

IncenseDebate July 26, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Or from Rafalca.

OkieDokieDog July 26, 2012 at 2:37 pm

That's what the "help" is for.

SorosBot July 26, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Well he shouldn't be getting them, at least according to a hilarious Mormon sex blog google brought up:

" Married persons should understand that if in their marital relations they are guilty of unnatural, impure, or unholy practices, they should not enter the temple unless and until they repent and discontinue any such practices. Husbands and wives who are aware of these requirements can determine by themselves their standing before the Lord. All of this should be conveyed without having priesthood leaders focus upon intimate matters which are a part of husband and wife relationships. Skillful interviewing and counseling can occur without discussion of clinical details by placing firm responsibility on individual members of the Church to put their lives in order before exercising the privilege of entering a house of the Lord. The First Presidency has interpreted oral sex as constituting an unnatural, impure, or unholy practice. If a person is engaged in a practice which troubles him enough to ask about it, he should discontinue it."

actor212 July 26, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

Baconzgood July 26, 2012 at 2:44 pm

There's a really good "that blows for mormans, NOT!" joke in there but I just can't flush it out.

ph7 July 26, 2012 at 2:50 pm

The First Presidency has interpreted oral sex as constituting an unnatural, impure, or unholy practice.

So is riding a bicycle with a necktie on.

actor212 July 26, 2012 at 2:55 pm

That's just perverse.

SayItWithWookies July 26, 2012 at 2:56 pm

"If a person is engaged in a practice which troubles him enough to ask about it, he should discontinue it."

Well then — Mormons who engage in oral sex should, if they practice something troubling, resolve it in the most sensible way — by leaving the damn church.

MissTaken July 26, 2012 at 2:58 pm

But I can't even say the word 'Mormon' without opening my mouth a la blowjob.

actor212 July 26, 2012 at 3:04 pm

I'm sorry…what word was that you were trying to say?

IonaTrailer July 26, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Sounds like anal is off the table too….

BoatOfVelociraptors July 27, 2012 at 9:58 am

Well, a table might help.

Geminisunmars July 26, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Is tuchus-lingus okay then?

bibliotequetress July 28, 2012 at 8:59 am

I like that out: "If a person is engaged in a practice which troubles him enough to ask about it…" So if getting a hummer BOTHERS you, and you ask your godperson, THEN you should stop. Of course, if it doesn't bother you and you repent each time you enter the temple, you're kosher! Or whatever Mormon "kosher" is.

OldWhiteLies July 26, 2012 at 2:34 pm

He keeps this up and Ann will be saying You People can have him.

Do mormons do divorce?

SayItWithWookies July 26, 2012 at 2:57 pm

If a married Mormon couple divorces, the wife could face excommunication.

va_real July 26, 2012 at 3:08 pm

But then she can gay-marry her true love, Rafalca. And, boy, is Mitt jealous…

emmelemm July 26, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Also also also, apparently if a husband kills himself (suicide being a ginormous sin), the wife also goes to hell, because she's joined forever (FOREVER) with her husband. And no amount of good deeds or right livin' can save her from that fate.

(I know someone whose next door neighbors were Mormon, husband committed suicide, wife would come over to their house and cry and cry about going to hell; no one else she could talk to, because everyone else she knew was Mormon.)

IonaTrailer July 26, 2012 at 3:22 pm

And when a good Mormon dies, he gets his own planet. And this planet is populated by all his spiritual wives. And THEIR idea of heaven is that they are perpetually pregnant!

(This religion was so made up by a horny 16 year old boy.)

bibliotequetress July 28, 2012 at 9:00 am

Wow.

bibliotequetress July 28, 2012 at 9:01 am

How is this an improvement on posthumous virgins?

SayItWithWookies July 26, 2012 at 2:26 pm

C'mon, Mitt can't pour out his soul — as a teetotaler, he wouldn't have a shot glass to put it in.

actor212 July 26, 2012 at 2:44 pm

He might have a thimble laying about.

Nowisallthereis July 26, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Nor a soul to pour.

Gleem McShineys July 26, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Bain Capital liquidated it long ago.

RadioBowels July 26, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Horses are people too my friend!

anniegetyerfun July 26, 2012 at 3:20 pm

But no one can talk to a horse, of course.

ChillBill July 26, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Ann obviously rides that horse more often than he rides Mitt.

Generation[redacted] July 26, 2012 at 2:29 pm

The horse rides Mitt?

ChillBill July 26, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Damn it…that's what I get for editing my comments a million times. I either meant "she" or "Ann Coulter."

MissTaken July 26, 2012 at 2:37 pm

The horse is a girl, so we would've given you shit either way. That's how we show Wonkett love!

ChillBill July 26, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Go ahead, I can take it (and probably deserve it)!

Baconzgood July 26, 2012 at 2:32 pm

CATHERINE THE GREAT LIBEL!!!!!!!!

ph7 July 26, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Mitt always spits the bit out of his mouth when Ann pulls the bridle.

Fox n Fiends July 26, 2012 at 2:57 pm

best typo ever

Ruhe July 26, 2012 at 3:17 pm

So it's not really a dressage horse so much as a frottage horse? And that's an Olympic event? And Mitt's not interested? All very strange.

smitallica July 26, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Seriously, if you were casting for "RICH ASSHOLE AND STEPFORD WIFE" characters in a play, could you do any better than these twits?

bobbert July 26, 2012 at 7:43 pm

George and Laura could certainly understudy.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 27, 2012 at 10:01 am

They're goin for the gold!

lunchbox360 July 26, 2012 at 2:27 pm

I bet it was awful when Rafalca got the squirts while riding on top of the plane to London. That's how the Romney's roll, yo!

GunToting[Redacted] July 26, 2012 at 2:27 pm

I'm looking forward to hearing Pat Boone's Greatest Hits during the dressage coverage.

Generation[redacted] July 26, 2012 at 2:28 pm

I would have thought badmittens was more his sport.

emmelemm July 26, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Hee!

Nostrildamus July 26, 2012 at 2:41 pm

When Ann brings out the leather whip?

Mittens Howell, III July 26, 2012 at 2:55 pm

I doubt it's bedmittens.

Gleem McShineys July 26, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Without a doubt. After all, Ann did go and tell the world about how Mitt is "not stiff" if you "unzip him."

Caelan Aegana July 26, 2012 at 4:07 pm

He's just waiting until nail-hammering gets OK'd by the Olympics Committee.

BaldarTFlagass July 26, 2012 at 2:28 pm

That horse and Mitt probably have the same kind of relationship that Kent "Flounder" Dorfman had with Doug Niedermeyer's horse.

Harrison Wintergreen July 26, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Maybe he'd prefer to have the kind of relationship Lt. Harris had with the police horse in the first "Police Academy" movie… or the relationship Don Corleone's boys had with movie magnate Jack Woltz's horse in the first "Godfather" movie.

MittBorg July 26, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Or the relationship Marlon Brando had with his horse — and his ass — in Missouri Breaks. And you can take that any way you want to.

Eve8Apples July 26, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Rafalca sounds very Muzlin, Messican, Socialist Kenyan to me. I DEMAND TO SEE RAFALCA'S BIRF CERTIFICATE!!111!11

An_Outhouse July 26, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Rafalca is an anagram for ala FARC, the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia, a Marxist–Leninist revolutionary guerrilla organization.

Coincidence? I doubt it.

actor212 July 26, 2012 at 2:49 pm

WHAR BIRF CERFICKICKACK?????

BoatOfVelociraptors July 27, 2012 at 10:04 am

Given that WASPs and Mormons are all about breeding, it shouldn't take long for at least ten generations to show up. Baptized.

Pat_Pending July 26, 2012 at 3:37 pm

I think she's Dutch, fwiw… aren't they sorta librul??

NYNYNYjr July 26, 2012 at 4:10 pm
Goonemeritus July 26, 2012 at 2:29 pm

That’s no way to be a supportive husband, I am always there to support my wife in whatever ridiculous estrogen poisoned nonsense she wastes our time and money on.

actor212 July 26, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Yes, but for you and me, that would be like planting a garden or going to the opera. I can sort of sympathize with Mitt here. It must be awful embarrassing trying to feign interest in hours of dancing horses. No emotion chip could possibly last that long without a meltdown

Chet Kincaid July 26, 2012 at 2:52 pm

So CNN kept the raw feed running live for the end of Mitt's statement?

sharethegrief July 26, 2012 at 2:29 pm

I know which part of the horse Ann owns.

Boojum July 26, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Damn, you beat me to it.

Nowisallthereis July 26, 2012 at 3:20 pm

So she owns TWO horses asses.

i_AM_ready July 26, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Mitt Romney flip-flopped on supporting the only thing his wife has ever done? That's unpossible!

rickmaci July 26, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Mitt thinks there is a reason that God gave man a mouth with two sides and that he should use them as the Lord intended to talk out of both sides.

deanbooth July 26, 2012 at 4:05 pm

They call it the clip-clop flip-flop.

Generation[redacted] July 26, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Look you know how it is. You're watching late night TV and you see an infomercial about how great it is to be a rafalca farmer. Next thing you know you got a bunch of obnoxious rafalcas in your back yard and you couldn't sell crafts made of their itchy wool even if you wanted to go to the trouble of sheering them.

anniegetyerfun July 26, 2012 at 3:23 pm

This almost happened to my dad who, no joke, somehow got the impression that rafalca are roughly the size of jackrabbits.

tessiee July 26, 2012 at 7:39 pm

And don't even get me STARTED on what a rip-off those Sea Monkeys are!

SorosBot July 26, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Which is the least legitimate "sport"; dressage, rhythmic gymnastics, synchronized swimming, or ice dancing?

Generation[redacted] July 26, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Don't forget my personal favorite: synchronized trampoline.

BaldarTFlagass July 26, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Sychronized fucking would be a good one, though.

Jus_Wonderin July 26, 2012 at 2:46 pm

I have heard that sport requires years of practice.

ph7 July 26, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Hope Solo is pushing for synchronized masturbation.

actor212 July 26, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Finally. A fappable event.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 27, 2012 at 10:07 am

There's this place in amsterdam that does stunt sex.

BaldarTFlagass July 26, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Isn't skeet shooting still in the lineup? They might as well make Call of Duty: Black Ops an olympic sport.

prommie July 26, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Rythmic gymnastics? That sounds strangely interesting.

SorosBot July 26, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Sure, if you like watching pre-pubescent girls twirling around with streamers.

Guppy July 26, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Sounds like it caters to half the world's internet users.

anniegetyerfun July 26, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Prepubescent, 17 year-old girls.

Guppy July 26, 2012 at 3:32 pm

And the Chinese have the official documents to prove she's 17!

actor212 July 26, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Um, not so much. They run around with streamers and hoops. No naked chicks on the floor, banging the audience.

ChillBill July 26, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Golf, which will be part of the next Olympics.

actor212 July 26, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Oooh, still time to get this in:

All of them, Katie!

fartknocker July 26, 2012 at 2:47 pm

I''m not a fan of curling, unless it involves a 12 ounce glass filled with some ice and Jack Daniels.

actor212 July 26, 2012 at 2:52 pm

What other Olympic sport can be played with a keg at each end of the playing field, tho?

prommie July 26, 2012 at 2:53 pm

All of them, Katie. I mean, they could be, you know?

actor212 July 26, 2012 at 3:07 pm

100m dash?

Well, I mean, the keg would be incentive, sure…but I meant one you could actually drink out of during the event.

Boojum July 26, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Bubba?

Jennyjen798 July 26, 2012 at 3:22 pm

SRS RESPONSE INCOMING:

Least Legitimate = Ice dancing. It's fucking figure skating (which is already in the Olympics) without the requirement of jumps and lifts (i.e. axels, loops, lutz, you know the exciting parts where you wonder if they are about to bust their ass on ice) and less emphasis on formal techniques because you're doing ballroom dancing on ice. Its like oh yeah you couldn't cut it as a figure skater? Oh I know you can go out there and "dance". Run along child, we can all be winners!

The others I could see being a pain in the ass. Horses have to be broken and trained. If they break something you have to kill them. All that time and money down the drain. Sorry, horse off to the alpo factory. Start all over with a new horse. While the "owner" might not be doing anything, someone is training that damn horse to perform. My ex's mother and sister run a horse ranch in MT. Breaking just 1 horse can take hours depending on the horses attitude (legit breaking not drugging it up so its in a stupor like some people do). Training is a bajillion hours more. I'd say this is the second least legit because the owners usually arent doing the work.

Rhythmic gymnastics, ok do some flips and shit with things in your hand, don't fall and break your neck kid. It's almost at the ice dancing level of oh you couldn't cut it at the floor work, here's a sport for you category. However, running around with shit that might poke out your eye if you land wrong kind of makes up for it. The fact that its mostly growth stunted malnourished kids/teenage girls in this sport makes this one farther up the legit scale because that takes serious dedication and/ or crazy parents to treat yourself this way.

Synchronized swimming is probably the most legit imo. First of all you have to be able to not die in 5 ft of water. You have to have be able to follow directions, have some rhythm, stamina, and flexibility. Plus getting 20-30 catty girls doing the same thing at once and smile about it? That's serious work.

IonaTrailer July 26, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Could we have rhythmic gymnastics on ice? With no panties on under those little skirts?

Jennyjen798 July 26, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Wouldn't it be more effective on the trampoline? Since that's an event now or something?

anniegetyerfun July 26, 2012 at 3:26 pm

While I totally understand why people would mock it, I rode dressage in high school and I can testify that any sport involving horses, other than eating them, is not a walk in the park.

Unless, of course, your fucking horse decides, mid-course, that it wants to simply leave the stadium and take a walk through and orchard and into the city park, like mine did.

Geminisunmars July 26, 2012 at 3:34 pm

So, your horse showed some horse sense there.

iburl July 26, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Is that picture a reference to this: http://www.guardian.co.uk/artanddesign/artblog/20

Nostrildamus July 26, 2012 at 2:47 pm

That article wins the day. We can all go home now.

va_real July 26, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Wow, a blowjob logo & a penis mascot. Wot's up with those Brit marketers?

Geminisunmars July 26, 2012 at 3:39 pm

This must be why this is the first time I've seen the logo.

veritass July 26, 2012 at 2:31 pm

While Romney is indeed listed as the CEO of the dancing horse team, he isn't involved in their day-to-day prances.

BaldarTFlagass July 26, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Coconut halves.
That is all.

Ducksworthy July 26, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Brave brave brave Sir Robin.

actor212 July 26, 2012 at 2:47 pm

That would make dressage interesting

"Up, Concord!"

GlowneyHouse July 26, 2012 at 2:32 pm

I bet he didn't even install horse elevators in any of his homes…

BoatOfVelociraptors July 27, 2012 at 10:11 am

But his wife…

emmelemm July 26, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Horsey libel! The horse may be dumb, but it's smarter than Mittens.

ETA: And it can dance.

weejee July 26, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Needz moar Mr. Ed.

BornInATrailer July 26, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Wi-i-i-il-lard!

noodlesalad July 26, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Mitt Romney, secret brony, not-so-secret wife-hater.

IonaTrailer July 26, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Holy My Little Pony…

MissTaken July 26, 2012 at 2:33 pm

If SorosBot had a dog that was competing in the 'jump through a hoop, lick your foot, and then take a nap' competition of the Greater Philadelphia Dog Show I would get my ass on a plane and cheer louder than any other fool at that show.

Way to show support for the lady you love, Mitt.

Baconzgood July 26, 2012 at 2:38 pm

That's because you're a "person" that has "concern" about "supporting" people you "love".

SorosBot July 26, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Aw, thanks hon. And my parents' dog would do great at the foot-licking and napping part of the contest.

BaldarTFlagass July 26, 2012 at 2:41 pm

I guess those dog shows don't have "butt sniffing" as part of the scored competition.

GunToting[Redacted] July 26, 2012 at 2:46 pm

That event takes place just before "synchronized ball licking."

fartknocker July 26, 2012 at 3:04 pm

The phrase "synchronized ball licking" sound exciting for the recipient.

Chet Kincaid July 26, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Loyal, and funny as hell! Don't blow it, Dude!

Guppy July 26, 2012 at 3:01 pm

I'm going to show an uncharacteristic amount of decorum and decline to make certain comments in response to this.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 26, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Jump through a hoop? I'm offended. Dogs have way too much dignity to do that. Foot licking and napping sounds good though. Maybe with a role around on the dead squirrel competition.

Spurning Beer July 26, 2012 at 8:44 pm

The glamor event is Dorsage, popularly known as Butt Dancing or Butt Scooting.

Geminisunmars July 26, 2012 at 3:47 pm

"Love? Lord above. Now you're tryin' to trick me in love, ay!"

coolhandnuke July 26, 2012 at 2:33 pm

We've been hearing the lies flow from the back end of this horse for the past year.
Now it's England's turn to savor the manure.

BaldarTFlagass July 26, 2012 at 2:33 pm

If he attended, he'd probably just end up criticizing the fuck out of the equestrian centre anyway.

Ducksworthy July 26, 2012 at 2:34 pm

I was somewhat disturbed to learn of the importance of massaging the peni of show horses, cleaning the "sheath" they call it, to prevent unsightly drips when performing. I suppose Mitt has "people" to perform this duty. But he may like doing it himself, just from time to time, you know.

swordfis July 26, 2012 at 2:55 pm

goyim

Chet Kincaid July 26, 2012 at 2:59 pm

I'd ask for proof via links, but I'm not sure I want that in my browser history.

Guppy July 26, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Ctrl+Shift+P

BaldarTFlagass July 26, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Is that like when GWB would milk the stallions at his ranch?

sbj1964 July 26, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Mitt's parents named him Mittens.What did they name the Cat "Chuck"? Now he named a horse Ralfalca?WTF is wrong with this family?

Jus_Wonderin July 26, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Tripp was taken and, it wouldn't have been a good name for a Dressage horse anyway.

SorosBot July 26, 2012 at 2:49 pm

No, they named him Willard.

kittensdontlie July 26, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Sounds like his Mittenship has a case of sour apples….(horses don't like grapes).

ManchuCandidate July 26, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Road Apple, actually.

Chet Kincaid July 26, 2012 at 2:36 pm

If Mitt would let her ride cowgirl, she wouldn't be spending so much time with the damned horse.

Jus_Wonderin July 26, 2012 at 2:49 pm

I never understood the whole sidesaddle thing. If anything, men should ride sidesaddle. Trust me, that saddlehorn is a fuckin' bitch when you have to stop hard.

Edit: Stop short, I meant stop short.

Pat_Pending July 26, 2012 at 3:38 pm

no you didn't…

randomsausage July 26, 2012 at 2:36 pm

As we say back in merry-olde-Brit-land, Mitt is a Horse's Arse. Not Rafalca's arse of course….he's in no way associated with that horse, no sireeee!

Chet Kincaid July 26, 2012 at 2:36 pm

"Ann who?"

Billmatic July 26, 2012 at 2:37 pm

I submit that Mitt's campaign song should be "Bigmouth Strikes Again"

GunToting[Redacted] July 26, 2012 at 2:47 pm

This is all kinds of awesome.

phlox✔ July 26, 2012 at 3:21 pm

My avatar appreciates this reference!

schvitzatura July 26, 2012 at 4:01 pm

I'd pay to see a Coldstream Guard smash every pearly white in Mitt's head…

ManchuCandidate July 26, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Mittens is just jealous because the horse shows more human emotion than he does.

Eve8Apples July 26, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Mitt picked out Rafalca's dance music?

Let me guess. Was it "Raining Men?" or "YMCA?" or "I'm Coming Out?" or "Supermodel?"

Any other suggestions?

coolhandnuke July 26, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Pink Floyd "(R)Money"

elviouslyqueer July 26, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Um, The Gay National Anthem, obvs. Hel-LO.

IonaTrailer July 26, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Gay Cowboys, by Cory Dangle

actor212 July 26, 2012 at 3:33 pm

I would love to see RAFLAC! do the Macarena.

yellojkt July 26, 2012 at 3:44 pm

"Hot Stuff"

PubOption July 26, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Nowhere Man – The Beatles http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Nowhere-Ma
Seems to describe Mitt pretty well.

user-of-towels July 26, 2012 at 2:38 pm

HEY, KIDS! What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Mitt Romney?

One pissed his wife off with a blue dress; the other pissed his wife off by thinking dressage blew!

AYUKYUKYUKYUKYUKYUKYUKYUK!!!

Nostrildamus July 26, 2012 at 2:39 pm
Baconzgood July 26, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Worst Cramps cover band EVAR!

ph7 July 26, 2012 at 3:07 pm

DJ Mittmau5

Pat_Pending July 26, 2012 at 3:39 pm

I wanna do my musical freestyle to select tunes from American Idiot.

Maman July 26, 2012 at 2:41 pm

It isn't as if Mittens could look more like an Olympic jerk

Chet Kincaid July 26, 2012 at 2:41 pm

"That's just a misconception. I've never been a Mormon."

Dildeaux July 26, 2012 at 3:22 pm

a mittconception. now in the urban dictionary.

tessiee July 26, 2012 at 7:48 pm

Mitt-con-cep-tion [n]: An accurate description or verbatim quote for which there is ample evidence, but which is inconvenient to Mitt at any given moment.

Spurning Beer July 26, 2012 at 8:48 pm

He retroactively left the faith.

widestanceromance July 26, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Willard has rejected and denounced both his wife and the horse she rode in on. Retroactively, so only the liberal lamestream media will claim he even has a horse or a wife.

Chet Kincaid July 26, 2012 at 2:44 pm

I don't think Ann is coming back home with him.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 26, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Mitt gets excited about the horses every year — on April 15.

ShreditorsDesk July 26, 2012 at 2:46 pm

"O-o-o-h W-i-i-l-bu-u-u-u-r, you s-h-o-o-u-ld have let m-e-e-e d-o-o the Ta-a-a-a-alk-ing."

swordfis July 26, 2012 at 2:57 pm

tremendous

Self-Uploader July 26, 2012 at 2:46 pm

"Why is he pretending that he hasn’t spent long evenings out in the stables, feeding Rafalca carrots and pouring out his soul?"

Hey Wonkette, don't think that subtile reference to the Soprano's and Tony's relationship with Pie-O-My went unnoticed. But comparing Tony to Mitt? C'mon!

One's a low-life, greedy sociopath whose only concern is gaining more power and money, and the other's a fictional character on a television show.

Eve8Apples July 26, 2012 at 2:48 pm

This overseas trip is really helping Mittens' campaign. I think he should stay overseas for the next four months. The average American worker earning minimum wage and working two full time jobs can really relate to a multi-millionaire attending the Olympics debating whether or not he should attend the dressage competition with his wife.

actor212 July 26, 2012 at 3:02 pm

If he went to France, he'd manage to be rude to the waiters.

Eve8Apples July 26, 2012 at 3:17 pm

There are plenty of opportunities to make an ass of himself. Next he's going to Israel so he empathize with their plight, "Hey, you people are like Mormons. We both wandered around the desert looking for our promised land." And then off to Poland to tell some "dumb Pollock" jokes. Mitt to his Polish host, "Did you hear about the Pole who studied for 5 days? He was scheduled to take a urine test."

IonaTrailer July 26, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Do you know why they can't make ice in Poland?
The lady that had the recipe died.

savethispatient July 26, 2012 at 2:48 pm

"100% gay for that horse"
Careful: I think that's what got Catherine the Great into trouble.

TribecaMike July 26, 2012 at 2:48 pm

And on top of that, Ann's chaperone showed up totally shitfaced (again)… http://www.smoothpolitical.com/images/i-love-you-

Blunderthing July 26, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Jesus said to Peter, "You will deny me thrice before the cock crows." Mitt will put this pony out to pasture in more ways than one if it gets in the way of his ruthless race to be President of the Rich.

Doktor Zoom July 26, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Mitt just thinks that horses should only dance in quiet rooms.

Mittens Howell, III July 26, 2012 at 2:56 pm

if she wins he'll have watched it retroactively.

Guppy July 26, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Just keep Rafalca away from Grassley on Mondays.

poorgradstudent July 26, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Spouse or no, I'd find it too boring to even pretend to watch too. Hell, wake me up when the Olympics add Ultimate Fighting, competitive male stripping, and "Mortal Kombat" to the list of events.

mrblifil July 26, 2012 at 3:04 pm

He hopes her horse does well? Does Mitt realize that Rafalca is competing FOR AMERICA!!!11! These colors will not be shat upon.

He's either the world's dumbest husband or this is part of a very intricate Teacher/Student or Mommy/Son role playing ritual.

rickmaci July 26, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Man can't even enjoy his tax deductions for all the secret 1040 envy and Ra$alca libel !!!

Just because he gets more in TAX DEDUCTIONS per year ($77K) for his horse than the median ANNUAL INCOME for an American family of four ($51,413). Let them eat carrot cake!!!

Generation[redacted] July 26, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Wait, so he gets to skip out on his wife's dressage horse, but I still have to sit through all the women's gymnastics, including the ridiculous looking one with the ribbon?

Nostrildamus July 26, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Ann and Mitt should complete together in the Olympic Snatch and Jerk.

bobbert July 26, 2012 at 7:56 pm

I'd like to add something to this, but it's just perfect the way it is.

rickmaci July 26, 2012 at 3:21 pm

He will cheer retroactively once the games are over.

MUHAMMED_PBUH July 26, 2012 at 3:24 pm

I suggest a better way for Romney to spend money on his horse than teaching it to mince around like a Wonkette commenter:
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7dofrUmkL1ry14

IonaTrailer July 26, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Fuckin' awesome.

va_real July 26, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Y'all, this is just what he's saying TODAY. When he gets negative feedback on not supporting his wife, he'll be reprogrammed. I can't wait to see him yelling, "Come On Rafalca! Move Yer Bloomin' Arse!"

phlox✔ July 26, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Jeez, he can't even be a douchebag husband without sounding like a liar.

sati_demise July 26, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Even horse fanciers fall asleep during the dressage competitions. they only wake up when the 3 day Eventing competition starts. Or show jumping, depending on the weather.

thewarmingsun July 26, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Shouldn't the headline read, "Why Won't Mitt Romney Root for his DUMB Wife's Horse?

I suspect Rafalca is much smarter than YOU people.

DemmeFatale July 26, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Oh Mitt!
You just don't get it, do you?
You try to distance yourself from a stupid, elitist, sport, and just just come off more stupid and elitist, than ever.

(Plus, there's the bonus of acting like a douchebag and being a shitty husband!)

IonaTrailer July 26, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Ta-bump-ching!

TribecaMike July 26, 2012 at 3:41 pm

I much prefer Michelle Obama wearing a dress to Ann Romney's wearying dressage.

Robman2 July 26, 2012 at 3:44 pm

The final scene in Luck, was actually shot with Mitt's stable's complicity, Adobe After Effects provided the Dustin Hoffman placement animation overlay…

smokefilledroomba July 26, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Why would you name a horse 'Alpaca'?

Schmegeg July 27, 2012 at 9:43 am

As long as the nickname isn't Alpo

viennawoods13 July 26, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Everyone knows that three months ago you were super-excited about the Dressage World Cup and personally picked out the music Rafalca danced to,.

Of course.

Fraudulently_Joe July 26, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Shorter Mitt: I only give a shit about Rafalca during tax season.

emmelemm July 26, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Or: I'll concern myself with Rafalca when it's time to dismantle him and sell his assets for dog food and glue.

starfanglednut July 26, 2012 at 9:35 pm

You mean tax evasion season, right?

12X34X July 26, 2012 at 4:33 pm

A. Romney does not have a soul.
B. Rafalca is not a dumb horse. Rafalca is a poor horse who very well may be injured, under pressure to perform, and doped way up into the stratosphere.

sati_demise July 26, 2012 at 4:43 pm

nah, they do pee and blood tests on all the horses for drugs.

TribecaMike July 26, 2012 at 4:36 pm

I'll get in that just as soon as I find out why Brits call Clue "Cluedo."

bobbert July 26, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Doh.

Typodong3 July 26, 2012 at 5:41 pm

I dunno… because he is a douchebag?

docterry6973 July 26, 2012 at 7:28 pm

The horse is worth what, 500K? That is like expecting Romney to care about his used Kleenex.

Schmegeg July 26, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Mittens just lies like he means it. Sometimes he is truly scary. If the wife was in a bowling tournament, maybe you can blow it off, but the Olympics? Why did he go to England this week, it is not like they have the time to entertain him.

On to Poland! Perhaps a nice lunch at Oschweim? I hear some German tourists built a nice camp there.

fatbob54 July 27, 2012 at 6:10 am

Mormon horses that dance go to Mormon Horse H-E-double toothpick.

DahBoner July 27, 2012 at 9:48 am

Then he added, I've got a ten spot on her to win the Motherfucking™ 9th race…

ttommyunger July 27, 2012 at 10:58 am

This poor guy is just tone-deaf; politically, socially and personally. That must come from a life of total privilege.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 27, 2012 at 10:00 am

You deserve it good and hard, son.

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