SHOCKING CONCLUSIONS  11:35 am July 26, 2012

Liberal Scientists Claim That Health Insurance Stops Poor People From Dying, Somehow

by Josh Fruhlinger

I don't want to go in the cartYou know the “conventional wisdom” that the “lamestream media” is always trying to feed you: people who go to the doctor when they’re sick tend to live longer than people who just hope that pus-filled abscess on their leg will “go away” if they put a mud poultice on it. And since here in USA America you have to pay money or have insurance to go to a doctor (usually both!), it stands to reason that people who don’t have money and/or insurance tend to die more quickly than people who do. But what if … the opposite were true? What if giving poor people access to insurance causes them literally to die? Wouldn’t the whole Obamacare business basically be the Holocaust, then? The very fact that a bunch of Harvard red diaper babies are trying to claim that Medicaid helps keep poor people alive is solid proof that Medicaid is murder!

So you might remember that when Politburo Chief John Roberts ended American freedom and approved the Health Care Law, he threw conservatives a bone and said that states didn’t have to pay for poor people’s health insurance, via Medicaid, if they didn’t want to. This has made the efficacy of Medicaid a live political issue, not that it hasn’t always been! The New York Times, working hard to “teach the controversy” in its article about how a peer-reviewed study showed that expanding Medicare resulted in fewer poor people dropping dead, informs us that:

Medicaid expansions are controversial, not just because they cost states money, but also because some critics, primarily conservatives, contend the program does not improve the health of recipients and may even be associated with worse health.

We are very curious about the Slate-style “counterintuitive take” articles written by conservatives, about how health insurance is bad for poor people, but will not search them out since they will probably put us into a murderous rage. We’ll just stay optimistic and assume that it speaks well of humanity that people need to hear “No, see, giving free health insurance to poor people will kill them,” because “Enh, giving free health insurance to poor people is too pricey, fuck ‘em” still doesn’t play that well.

Anyway, we are liberal arts majors so we may be misunderstanding the math and numbers, but the Times says that liberal Harvard “estimated that the Medicaid expansions were associated with a decline of 6.1 percent in deaths, or about 2,840 per year for every 500,000 adults added.” And the CBO estimates that, what with all the Freedom states opting out, three million people won’t have insurance who otherwise would have under the law as written. That makes for 17,000 more dead people a year! Enjoy all your dead people, Freedom states. Meanwhile, hold tight for the next round of counterintuitive think pieces on Bizarro World Conservative Slate, with theme being “Obamacare is bad because it doesn’t cover enough people.” [NYT]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 122 comments }

Beowoof July 26, 2012 at 11:40 am

Well poor republican voters don't want that. And keep your government hands off my medicare. That cash bought me this fancy hover-round.

ChernobylSoup July 26, 2012 at 12:10 pm

True fact: Yesterday republicans in the Arkansas leg requested an increase Medicaid co-pays so the poor would learn to appreciate the value of healthcare.

Here's the letter: http://talkbusiness.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/0

va_real July 26, 2012 at 12:15 pm

So is there a plan to help the AR legislature appreciate the value of life? Of people who have already been born, that is….

Callyson July 26, 2012 at 12:30 pm

I'd settle for reducing their pay, thus teaching them the value of money.

What? I can dream, right?

Callyson July 26, 2012 at 11:40 am

We had to kill the poor people to save them.

Oblios_Cap July 26, 2012 at 11:54 am

Decreasing the surplus population!

eggsacklywright July 26, 2012 at 11:54 am

I think I'll ask my parents for 20 large so I can start up a mortuary bizness. Gonna catch fire!

Biff July 26, 2012 at 12:23 pm

People will be dying to get in!

TribecaMike July 26, 2012 at 1:03 pm

And then we ate them to savor them.

kittensdontlie July 26, 2012 at 1:41 pm

How true! Given enough time, those poors would screw up their lives for an eternity. The sooner they find their eternal resting place, the better.

SorosBot July 26, 2012 at 11:41 am

"but also because some critics, primarily conservatives, contend"

Stop there, Times. There is no way that this sentence can be finished that is not a total lie. You do not have to give space to what "some critics" say when it is objectively untrue.

MissTaken July 26, 2012 at 11:45 am

"but also because some critics, primarily conservatives, contend"…

that the Sun circles the Earth and that leeches and bloodletting are acceptable forms of healthcare.

starfanglednut July 26, 2012 at 11:49 am

The sun circles the flat, 4000 year old earth, on which evolution never took place, and which is not warming up, you mean.

SorosBot July 26, 2012 at 11:55 am

And π is exactly three, because it says so in an old book, measurements be damned.

MissTaken July 26, 2012 at 11:56 am

Quit talkin' bout my Pinkie Pie!

BoatOfVelociraptors July 26, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Is it wrong to draw a circle around a Pinky pi?

James Michael Curley July 26, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Leeches and bloodletting? Stay on topic! This post is not about the Palins.

anniegetyerfun July 26, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Meanwhile, OTHERS contend that…

Modern media: happy to tell you what hacks on both sides of an issue believe, not interested in investigating and reporting the actual truth.

HateMachine July 26, 2012 at 1:35 pm

But the Times isn't in the business of "truth vigilantism"
http://publiceditor.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/01/12/

Bezoar July 26, 2012 at 11:41 am

It may be that giving people health insurance won't harm them, but I know from years of participating in health care delivery that if they actually use it to obtain treatment, some of them will die. Sorry, not really snarky.

PubOption July 26, 2012 at 12:05 pm

True, medicine can only postpone death. I consider that the ACA is a reasonable attempt at making the degree of postponement less dependent on income.

va_real July 26, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Yes, it looks like the docs who actually want to spend enough time with their patients to find out what ails them are also the ones who are no longer accepting insurance for care. Some of those docs might still accept chickens, though?

tessiee July 26, 2012 at 1:11 pm

"Some of those docs might still accept chickens, though?"

Thereby keeping those chickens out of the clutches of the Chick-Fil-A folks, so it's really a win-win.

monsieurleghorn July 26, 2012 at 12:51 pm

"some of them will die"
So, it's better not to insure anyone?

Bezoar July 26, 2012 at 3:58 pm

It's best to insure everyone, with universal third-party coverage by a socialist government. But I can tell you that the system we now have is filled with perverse incentives; patients are over-diagnosed, over-tested, over-treated, and, well, mistakes are made.

actor212 July 26, 2012 at 11:41 am

Mortuary science will be a growing business for all you young folks out there. Get in on the ground floor!

Oblios_Cap July 26, 2012 at 11:45 am

or six feet lower!

Bezoar July 26, 2012 at 11:45 am

When I worked in tissue banking years ago, I attended a mortician's conference where all they could talk about was the catastrophic decrease in the scale and number of funerals the bereaved were commissioning. When I inquired about whether our tissue recovery methods were adversely impacting their mortuary activities, their association president said "Hell, if you give us a head, we can have a funeral" .

widestanceromance July 26, 2012 at 11:46 am

Jump in with all six feet!

actor212 July 26, 2012 at 11:51 am

It is hard digging up new clients, to be sure, but you can vault ahead of the competition and land a nice gig.

montreal_bruin July 26, 2012 at 12:05 pm

People are dying to keep you in business!

SayItWithWookies July 26, 2012 at 11:41 am

Well everyone has to die of something, right? Do you want people dying from being too healthy and seeing the doctor all the time? Is that it? Huh?

actor212 July 26, 2012 at 11:43 am

I want to die of old age, say 100 years from now. Can I make an appointment?

tessiee July 26, 2012 at 1:14 pm

One of my assignments for a Journalism class in college was to write our own obituaries. Mine was "The world's wealthiest woman died today at the age of 237. Her death was attributed to natural causes."

MissTaken July 26, 2012 at 11:42 am

I went to the doctor last week for evil birth control and now I have a hangnail. Obviously health care is bad for you.

SorosBot July 26, 2012 at 11:48 am

And now you have to record every time you have sex and send the video to Rush Limbaugh.

anniegetyerfun July 26, 2012 at 12:43 pm

That could get expensive!

kittensdontlie July 26, 2012 at 1:16 pm

No, Rush pays postage and a stipend.

widestanceromance July 26, 2012 at 11:52 am

Right. Now, you can't create jobs, can you?

BoatOfVelociraptors July 26, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Well, the jobs will be different.

JustPixelz July 26, 2012 at 11:52 am

Bad because you are — (googles "limbaugh contraception") — a slut and a prostitute.

hollywooddood July 26, 2012 at 11:53 am

MissTaken, you slut.

Geminisunmars July 26, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Sounds like the doc needs some retraining on using a speculum.

Biff July 26, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Sounds to me as if he was using one of those wooden salad tong thingies instead. You know, because obamacare is putting him out of bidness.

James Michael Curley July 26, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Depending on the method of birth control that could hurt.

ChernobylSoup July 26, 2012 at 11:43 am

My granddad went to a hospital once and then he died. Fuck healthcare.

Jus_Wonderin July 26, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Damn, the same thing happened to my Grandmom. Are we related?

Katydid July 26, 2012 at 11:44 am

Meh. They're 17,000 of the wrong kind of people…call me when 17,000 of the .1% are going to die prematurely.

va_real July 26, 2012 at 12:26 pm

To the ramparts!!!

Doktor Zoom July 26, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Good idea. Need to order party supplies in advance

tessiee July 26, 2012 at 1:14 pm

That day just might come sooner than they're expecting.

Oblios_Cap July 26, 2012 at 11:44 am

While the data included all deaths, not just deaths of Medicaid recipients, the decline in mortality was greatest among nonwhites and people living in poorer counties, groups most affected by expanded Medicaid coverage.

Well, Hell. Why waste scarce resources on those folks? Just let the Invisible Hand of the Awesomest Free Market Ever slap them up to heaven to meet Jeebus sooner.

elviouslyqueer July 26, 2012 at 11:48 am

Why waste scarce resources on those folks people?

FTFY.

widestanceromance July 26, 2012 at 11:45 am

Die free or live, sheapals!11!

They can have my pre-existing condition/freedoms when they pry them from my cold dead hands!

rickmaci July 26, 2012 at 11:45 am

Only means there will just be more poors getting all pissy about paying taxes for the 1%. Prince Romoney will take care of all of THAT when he becomes King!!!

ChernobylSoup July 26, 2012 at 11:46 am

Global circumnavigations are controversial, not just because they cost money, but also because some critics, primarily conservatives, contend the ships will fall off when they reach the edge of the planet.

tessiee July 26, 2012 at 1:15 pm

"Global circumnavigations are controversial"

Some people think we should just leave the foreskins intact.

sbj1964 July 26, 2012 at 11:46 am

Zombie Poor people?Just great.( Face palm)

Goonemeritus July 26, 2012 at 11:46 am

This should be fascinating to watch you will have 1/3 of the states going all tuff love on their poor and 2/3 of the states trying to help. This may finally replace kitten death match as my favorite viewing sport.

SorosBot July 26, 2012 at 11:58 am

Well the poor can just get up and move to one of the non-sociopathic states! Which is very easy to do when you're poor.

ChernobylSoup July 26, 2012 at 12:06 pm

That is the basis of an actual issue in Arkansas right now. The governor (Dem) wants to expand Medicaid. Republican legislators are afraid all the poors from Mississippi, Texas, Oklahoma, and Alabama will move here for the sweet, sweet healthcare.

Goonemeritus July 26, 2012 at 12:07 pm

My wife works in the social service field, they specialize in short term crises help. A typical client may be days away from being evicted or having their lights turned off. Over the last few months she has seen a strange number of clients who have just arrived in state. Logic would say if you are hard against it why would you spend money on moving. I call your attention to the dustbowl, it really does happen.

tessiee July 26, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Really, I don't know why people who live in a shitty state like Mississippi don't just pack a bag and start walking in any direction.

Goonemeritus July 26, 2012 at 1:21 pm

When you live in Mississippi it’s a pretty long walk to get away from shity. Your best bet is to swim to Cuba.

PubOption July 26, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Bain Capital to buy into Greyhound Bus!

Biff July 26, 2012 at 3:06 pm

This explains why it's taking me so damned long to get back to California…

Katydid July 26, 2012 at 12:05 pm

I saw a chart that seemed to say NJ would opt out…I don't know how to find out for certain…if that fuck Christie has state-sponsored health care, and he is a pre-existing condition – why can't everyone else?

Grief_Lessons July 26, 2012 at 11:46 am

Introduce all the Medicaid you want. The death rate inevitably holds steady at 100%

DahBoner July 27, 2012 at 12:54 pm

See?

That proves medical intervention doesn't work!

CLOSE DOWN THE HOSPITALS AND PUT THOSE LEACHES, I MEAN 'DOCTORS' IN JAIL

Baconzgood July 26, 2012 at 11:47 am

Health care is bad news for the funeral industry.

MissTaken July 26, 2012 at 11:48 am

Life is a disease with a 100% mortality rate.

Billmatic July 26, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Sexually transmitted, too.

FakaktaSouth July 26, 2012 at 11:50 am

You know, I find it fascinating how much time people are willing to waste on debating false premise arguments. I am prepared now to say, you know what, you are stupid, I hope you get Obamacare and die, to each and all these fuckers.

Schmannnity July 26, 2012 at 11:51 am

Does this mean that feeding people tends to reduce starving?

FakaktaSouth July 26, 2012 at 11:56 am

No, here in this case, feeding people is the problem. If you are eating you could choke, and then you will die because of Obamacare.

nounverb911 July 26, 2012 at 11:53 am

“It’s not that I’m afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”
–Woody Allen

tessiee July 26, 2012 at 1:18 pm

"Some people achieve immortality through their work. I prefer to achieve immortality by not dying."
– Woody Allen

TribecaMike July 26, 2012 at 4:25 pm

"It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune." — Woody Allen

arduinohacker July 26, 2012 at 11:56 am

You'd think the Reps would be ALL FOR prolonging the olds, as that's a big part of their reliable voters. Fox, same likewise, isn't like 78% of O'Reillys audience over 80, or os it 80% is over 78? Can't recall, I'm over 50 now.

hagajim July 26, 2012 at 12:08 pm

But the olds are taken care of by the Medicare. It's the poors who get the Medicaid, and the Republicans have made it pretty clear they don't give two shits about the poors.

Biff July 26, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Not anymore, since $arah introduced the USAmericans to Death Panels!

Baconzgood July 26, 2012 at 11:56 am

So it took Harvard to prove if you don't go to the doctor it makes you dead. I hope they spent 1.5 Billion to prove that.

hagajim July 26, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Nobody on the right will believe it anyway – because Harvard and Librulz.

Jus_Wonderin July 26, 2012 at 11:56 am

Conservative really have to tie their logic up in knots, on cosmic scales, to convince themselves their arguments have value. My brain hurtz soooo bads some daze.

JustPixelz July 26, 2012 at 11:57 am

If the GO-Pee'ers are right and health insurance causes bad health, how can it be legal? OH WAIT … These are the same ass hats who say more guns make us safer. Snow proves global warming isn't happening. Rich people, not customers, are job creators. Reagan was great. Dubya was great. I think I've sussed it out.

DerrickWildcat July 26, 2012 at 11:57 am

We really need a Fox Science and Nature channel to get a fair and balanced conservative view of Science and Nature

SorosBot July 26, 2012 at 12:01 pm

The existing History and Science channels already seem to be there, with their shows on the "history" of the Bible, Ancient Aliens, Nostradamus and ghosts.

MissTaken July 26, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Giorgio Tsoukalos LIBEL!1!

Ruhe July 26, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Founding editorial principle of the Fox Science Channel? "Remember everyone, correlation is not causation…unless it is. That is all."

Beowoof July 26, 2012 at 12:24 pm

If Jesus wanted those people saved he would have miracled their ass into being well.

WhatTheHeck July 26, 2012 at 11:57 am

Dying is so underrated these days. Its the only time in your “life” when people make the least amount of money off your “existence.”

Katydid July 26, 2012 at 12:06 pm

have you seen what a funeral costs these days? $8,000 minimum just to put you in the ground…

hippie13 July 26, 2012 at 6:32 pm

The poor are using asymetrical warfare against the state, just like the terrorists…leaving their bodies in the morgue with nobody to pick them up.

eggsacklywright July 26, 2012 at 11:58 am

Dying in hospitals is a common occurrence. For us commons.

Biff July 26, 2012 at 3:14 pm

But dying in the ambulance on the way to the hospital by no means absolves you or your estate from paying them to call TOD, which is very expensive, because they say paramedics are too dumb to know that when your heart stops, you stop breathing and you turn blue, you're DEAD!

ifthethunderdontgetya July 26, 2012 at 12:00 pm

They're playing my song!
~

LesBontemps July 26, 2012 at 12:00 pm

It's a classic win-win: Only people actually treated by doctors are killed by medical malpractice. If you don't let people go to the doctor, you're saving them from being killed AND lowering the number of malpractice cases!

randcoolcatdaddy July 26, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Your all purpose Madlib for election coverage:

"[SOMETHING CONSERVATIVES HATE] is/are controversial, not just because it/they cost states money, but also because some critics, primarily conservatives, contend the program does not [DO WHAT IT IS SUPPOSED TO] and may even be associated with [BULLSHIT CONSERVATIVES HAVE NO PROOF OF]."

gullywompr July 26, 2012 at 12:06 pm

We've already given you people all the healthcare you need.

starfanglednut July 26, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Damn! Beat me by 4 minutes!

James Michael Curley July 26, 2012 at 12:07 pm

I got a healthcare policy 18 years ago and "I'm not dead yet."

Oblios_Cap July 26, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Rumors of my death are greatly exaggerated.

WhatTheHeck July 26, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Who’s to say you and the rest of us are not dead and Wonkette is the holding room until we get sorted out.

SorosBot July 26, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Great, did you have to trigger flashbacks to the Lost finale again?

SorosBot July 26, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Great, did you have to set off flashbacks to the Lost finale again?

James Michael Curley July 26, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Until this point I never believed in a vindictive God.

eggsacklywright July 26, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Be patient.

MosesInvests July 26, 2012 at 12:35 pm

You're not fooling anyone, you know.

sbj1964 July 26, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Only in America can you offer people low cost medical insurance,and they fight you tooth,and nail.Inconceivable.

James Michael Curley July 26, 2012 at 12:11 pm

A poultice? Now I understand, I was putting a pustule on my abscess.

tessiee July 26, 2012 at 1:20 pm

I had asteroids, and my gentleman friend had polaroids — but that's probably just a coincidence.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 26, 2012 at 12:12 pm

More dead people = fewer sick people. That's good, right?

RadioBowels July 26, 2012 at 12:13 pm

We paid 3-4 times what any other civilized country would pay for this study, and got the same obvious results.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 26, 2012 at 12:13 pm

I'm blaming this stress fracture in my foot on my health insurance.

MissTaken July 26, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Gawd people, if people just stopped going to the doctor then they'd never be diagnosed with cancer or heart disease or syphilis so the rates would go down. Stupid liberals wanting their high levels syphilis!

DerrickWildcat July 26, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Oh, here's some fun Olympic News. NB FUCKING C has decided to show FUCKING COMMERCIALS during it's broadcast of FUCKING SOCCER Games. Before commercial:
Switzerland 0 Gabon 0. After Commercial: Switzerland 1 Gabon 0.

tessiee July 26, 2012 at 1:07 pm

I call shenanigans. If there was any reason to think that Obamacare killed the poorz, the conservatives would be singing its praises from the rooftops.

Nostrildamus July 26, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Sounds like the author of the Investors.com article is suffering from the Watery Gripes.

Baba_NinjaCat12 July 26, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Looks like my death cart company to haul dead poor people has just become a booming business.

hippie13 July 26, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Will you be hiring callers? I can do bring out the dead in a number of regional accents.

hippie13 July 26, 2012 at 6:28 pm

The poor aren't just gonna kill themselves….despite years of effort by the GOP to make them despondant enough.

ttommyunger July 27, 2012 at 10:28 am

"WATER ALSO WET!"

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: