Never forgetThe trip of the century has begun! Mitt Romney is in Londontowne, visiting the enemy Empire against whom we literally revolted because of tea taxes. How many lobsterbacks has he killed yet? None; he got a graduate school deferment from fighting in the Revolutionary War. Let’s check in our next, greatest Republican president, as he tries to prove to the world that he “knows stuff” about foreign policy by giving handsies in Covent Garden.

  • The gay babble about the US-UK “special relationship” was instantly checked off his list of conservative-y type things he’s allowed to say in Europe: “US presidential candidate Mitt Romney said he recognised the “unique relationship” which exists between Britain and the United States as he met Labour leader Ed Miliband in Westminster today.”
  • Sure, he’s meeting with the head of the British Labour party, which supports Soviet communism, but at least they can josh about American baseball squads. Ed Milliband loves to watch the Red Sox knicket the wicket!

    The Labour leader said he was looking forward to discussions with Mr Romney on a range of issues, including the international economy, Syria and events in the eurozone, adding: “And also our shared commitment to the Boston Red Sox, the baseball team I believe you support.”

  • Romney is movin’ right up the chain of command today — eat dust, Milliband! He’ll meet with Tony Blair, a horrible warlord despised by his people, and David Cameron, a bumbly frumbly who is also despised by his people. No Queenage yet, however:

    (CBS/AP) LONDON – With the Olympics Games as a backdrop, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney met Thursday with former British Prime Minister Tony Blair, beginning a day of meetings with Britain’s most powerful people. The likely GOP nominee sought to send a message that he recognizes the close bonds between the U.S. and its top ally — and to project an image of leadership.

    “We have a very special relationship between the United States and Great Britain,” Romney told NBC News in an interview in London on the first day of a weeklong overseas trip that will also take him to Israel and Poland. “It goes back to our very beginnings — cultural and historical.”

    Romney’s first official appearance during a campaign swing intended to highlight longtime U.S. alliances was with Blair. He was slated to meet later in the day with current Prime Minister David Cameron.

Here he is, off to see his dear friend John Bull. Do us proud, Mitt!

[The Independent, AP]

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  • ChernobylSoup

    Romney wins the gold for whiteness.

  • James Michael Curley

    Mick Jagger's birthday! 69 freakin' years old. In his honor;

    "You say you are a Chris-i-yan,
    I think that you're a hypocrite,
    You call yourself a patriot,
    I think you are a crock of shit.

    How come you're so wring?
    My Sweet Neo Con."

    • BaldarTFlagass

      When you were a child
      You were treated kind
      But you were never brought up right.
      You were always spoiled with a thousand toys
      But still you cried all night.
      Your mother who neglected you
      Owes a million dollars tax.
      And your fathers still perfecting ways of making unions crack.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Mick Jagger is 69 and he still rocks it ponces about on stage like a meth addled peacock.

  • ttommyunger

    <a href="” target=”_blank”>…” target=”_blank”> Can you spot Mittens? Blair? Cameron?

    • That's easy for YOU to say.

    • Nostrildamus

      Needs moar octal.

      • ttommyunger

        Looks to me like I fucked up….

        • Nostrildamus

          No, no, it's great. Just needs some more documentation and a few regression tests.

          • ttommyunger

            Will it hurt?Sent from my iPhone

          • Nostrildamus

            No more than your typical colonoscopy.

  • Hera Sent Me

    [The Special Relationship] goes back to our very beginnings — cultural and historical."


    While getting an education about how to exploit people and make money by destroying their lives, Mitt did take a history class or two, didn't he? He did learn the "Special Relationship" between us and the English started with us shooting at them, right?

    To laugh or to cry?

    Fuck it, I'll just have a drink.

    • Or worse, having been kicked out of England…

    • chicken_thief

      My thoughts exactly – keep reminding them, Mitt, how we kicked their pussy Euro asses in a couple of wars early on and then saved their asses in the last couple.

  • ttommyunger

    Hmmm. Link does not seem to work. Oh well, google: "Monty Python Upper-Class Twit Contest", you'll get my drift.

    • You mean this?

    • Guppy

      Nobody's replied to it yet, you can still edit it.

      By the way, you can usually get away with erasing everything in a URL beyond and including the first ampersand.

      • ttommyunger

        Thanks.Sent from my iPhone

  • ChernobylSoup

    Prediction: For the opening ceremonies the next-to-last torch bearer will light a soccer ball aflame, then David Beckham will kick the ball into the Olympic torch, ala Barcelona in 1992 with the bow and arrow.

    • That made the rounds a week ago, after Becks was left off the squad. FYI, Becks was also the first torch bearer when the torch made it to England.

      • ChernobylSoup

        The Internet is always retroactively stealing my best predictions.

        • You would have been wrong anyway

          I was pondering this very trope this morning: how do you kick a flaming ball without catching on fire, yet make sure the ball lights the torch?

          My prediction? Prince William and Princess Kate.

          • ChernobylSoup

            Elton John could just stand next to the torch for a few moments.

          • And just light it with his awesome fabulousness. I like!

          • ChernobylSoup

            Shit. This issue is going to consume me for the next 24 hours.

            Harry Potter lights the torch with a wand?
            The Scots invade and torch everything in sight?
            IRA firebomb?

          • True story: one of the rumours on the TeeVee I heard was an army of Mary Poppins fighting Voldemort.

          • ChernobylSoup

            Thumbs down; they should do something fanciful instead.

          • A genetically modified cricket will light the torch by rubbing its flint and steel legs together. PETA will protest its instant immolation.

          • bobbert

            What, they're not flammable?

          • GunToting[Redacted]

            They're planning to set Wills and Kate on fire? Hell, about half of the population would support that.

    • lunchbox360

      I predict Jim Broadbent fart lights the torch while doing the police officer bit from Young Frankenstein.

    • Ms_Anthrope

      I was hoping a dragon would swoop in.

  • Baconzgood

    He's got the British vote locked up.

    • Well, the LIBOR-fixing segment of the vote, anyway. Mitt is definitely Barclays' buttboy.

  • JackDempsey1

    He's pandering to the segent of the English population who cling to their guns and religion, though we all know that the Brits would be better off with more guns and better religions.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      He's proving that he too can also perhaps have as strong an excellent working relationship with the Queen like our dear maverick hero [god bless him] John McCain and so anyone but obama can continue to have an open dialog with the Queen so we can shore up our American Exceptionalism like the Dutch with their dykes, reigning in oil spills and it's all about job creation.

      • chicken_thief

        Did you read that off the notes on your hand?

    • jakegittes

      And better food and better dentition.

  • ThankYouJeebus

    This will be the only time when Mitt isn't the whitest guy in the room. Now he'll be able to say that he's a minority (as well as being unemployed.)

  • eggsacklywright

    Mittz off to Londinium to see if the fops are the correct height. Perhaps he'll learn the difference between fops, toffs, and wankers. Lettuce bubble and squeak in his honor.

  • ChernobylSoup

    Up next, Mitt in Poland to promise a missile defense shield that will never work (and wouldn't do Poland a damn bit of good if it did).

  • Goonemeritus

    London has become the Republican dream city; the middle class has been pushed out by ever rising prices. What remains is a city almost totally devoted to the parasitic financial sector. London has become Manhattan without Manhattan’s legendary friendliness.

  • MrFizzy

    Our Ambassador of Blandness. I am so proud.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    You people have enough information on this already.

  • SoBeach

    Mittens says he wants to repeal and replace "Obamacare". Maybe he can get some ideas for the replacement from his "special relationship" buddies.

  • An_Outhouse

    Has Mitt apologized for the War of 1812 yet?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I thought that was Obama's job.

      • He doesn't apologize for white men fighting

        • viennawoods13

          True story, if slightly OT. When the Americans invaded SW Ontario in 1812, they proclaimed that any white man on the British side found fighting next to an Indian would be killed, not taken prisoner, because to fight with the Indians against other whites was being a traitor to the race. I just wanted to share that.

          • An_Outhouse

            That must have been right before Canadia kicked our ass back across the border.

          • viennawoods13

            Well, it took us a couple of years, but damn right!

  • annettaj

    Are they going to let the walking cardboard cutout speak? Get your sunglasses people. Its gonna get real white. Anglo- Saxon white.

    • James Michael Curley

      That's actually "Anglo-Saxon ruddy with lots of brown spots and melanoma."

      • NorthStarSpanx

        Isn't he going to import his Blah's for this too?

        • James Michael Curley

          Just a couple of Lawn Jockeys to care for Ann’s horse.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    “And also our shared commitment to the Boston Red Sox, the baseball team I believe you support.”

    I'm sure the Brits find baseball as perplexing and boring as we Americans find cricket.

    • doloras

      Baseball = cricket with all the good bits taken out.

  • Mittens Goes to London: Slobs meet the Yobs

  • I hear Mitt is going to miss the "Dressage" event because if he goes he would be caught saying a French word?

    • chicken_thief

      But he'll still claim the visit on his taxes.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    He's going to be so surprised when he sees the immigrants from the West Indies. "I thought everyone here was white!"

    • NorthStarSpanx

      Triple jumper Voula Papachristou of Greece is looking for a new career path, perhaps she can be his director of colored relations.

    • anniegetyerfun

      "So much for 'shared cultural heritage.' Unless, of course, you imported yours for hard labor? No? (sighs)"

  • "Crackers, Gromit! Look at all the crackers!"

    • Typodong3

      Me cheese, Gromit!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Needs more Clash.

    • Harrison Wintergreen

      Should he stay or should he go now?

      • SoBeach

        Rock The Cash Bar

        • "Black man gotta lot a problems
          But they don't mind throwing a brick
          White people go to school
          Where they teach you how to be thick"?

    • eggsacklywright

      White Riot.

    • prommie

      Very very white man in Hammersmith Palais.

  • James Michael Curley

    Don't take the "D" train.

  • “And also our shared commitment to the Boston Red Sox, the baseball team I believe you support.”

    When Romney's not supporting the Colorado Rockies. Or the San Diego Padres. Or the Seattle Mariners. Or the Mexico City Huaraches.

    • viennawoods13

      Or cheesy grits! Or trees (of just the right height).
      What a whore he is.

    • Go Yankees!

  • mavenmaven

    "You built an empire in India? So did I!"

    • ChernobylSoup


    • BaldarTFlagass

      Obama: "If you've got an empire, you didn't build that."

    • Guppy

      Raj are people too, my friend.

  • “It goes back to our very beginnings — cultural and historical.”

    Tonto say, me think you dumb as hammer, Kemosabe.

    • Bezoar

      Yeah, that one really made me go "Huh?!"

    • anniegetyerfun

      Mittens is allowing an 11 year-old grandchild to write most of his speeches now.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Toot toot, tut tut and all that rot, wot's with this new Wonkette shedjewel? You're up with the lark this mornin', you are! Bloody 'ell. Even the lorry drivers hadn't had their tea 'n' crumpets 'n' bangers 'n' mash 'n' wot not yet. It's that Lord Mittens of Romney, is it? Creatin' jobs 'n' wot not 'n' so forth?

    • 'E got knocked up early, guv'nor!

    • Shall we be loppin' off 'eads today, m'lud?

      • Winks as good as a nod to a blind 'orse…

        • Bezoar

          "I say, Sir; your wife, is she a goer?"

  • Mitt is getting advanced training in upper lip stiffness.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Mitt Romney met Thursday with former British Prime Minister Tony Blair, beginning a day of meetings with Britain’s most powerful people.

    When's his meeting with Rupert Murdoch?

    • Steverino247

      Oh, Rupert will be along somehow, I'm sure.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      I thought Tony was an American now, teaching at Yale? Or did they let him go for kissing Bush's ass?

    • anniegetyerfun

      No need! All the rooms in Great Britain are bugged. Like, all of them.

      Bugged, not buggered. Just to be clear.

  • KeepFnThatOwl

    Will he be back in time to celebrate Chick-Fil-A Day™?

    • anniegetyerfun

      Ha! Like chocolate donuts, I'm pretty sure that Mitt has never heard of Chick-Fil-A. It'd be hilarious to hear him waffle back and forth on the topic for a few days, but chances are that he'll keep his head down and hope that the hateful poor (the people who eat at Chick-Fil-A) won't notice.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Did he make time to stop off and pay a visit to Sir Guy Grand?

    • James Michael Curley

      He was very excited and almost showed an emotion when told he was visiting the Queen until he found out it was to be Sir Elton.

  • Oblios_Cap

    “We have a very special relationship between the United States and Great Britain,” Romney told NBC News in an interview in London on the first day of a weeklong overseas trip that will also take him to Israel and Poland. “It goes back to our very beginnings — cultural and historical.”

    If only he'd stop in Ireland and Italy, he'd be hitting all of the countries whose citizens Americans make most of their ethnic jokes about! Talk about cultural.

    • You forgot about… oh wait, they're there. Never mind.

    • Mitt might single-handedly create the world's funniest Polish joke.

      Only it won't be about the Polacks.

      • Oblios_Cap

        how are you recovering from your ass back surgery?

        • Apart from the glob of bandaging on my ass, I'm OK. Slept like shit last night but not because of the back. It's really itchy, that's about all. Thanks for asking.

  • eggsacklywright

    Mittz has friends who own the Olympics.

  • Well… as the Conservative candidate I just drone on and on and on and on without letting anyone else get a word in edgeways, until I start to froth at the mouth and fall over backwards. OOwwwaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

  • Limeylizzie

    "Mitt Romney is perhaps the only politician who could start a trip that was supposed to be a charm offensive by being utterly devoid of charm and mildly offensive. "
    That was the headline in the Tory Telegraph today.

    • I liked mine better: "Only Mitt Could Fuck Up A Party"

      EDIT: What is keeping Blogger with that post???

    • prommie

      What do you think are his chances in this year's Upper Class Twit of the Year competition?

      • chicken_thief

        The trophy was made in his image.

      • I think he'll trip up on "Unhooking the Debutante's Bra" but I really hope he can come from behind in the "Shoot Yourself" finale.

        • prommie

          With votes!

    • anniegetyerfun

      That's unfair. I'm pretty certain that Mitch McConnell would be even more horrific.

    • "I have listened to Mitt Romney's stump speech countless times. A standard refrain is to run down Europe – not a hard case to make at the moment – and that includes us."

      Maybe his European trip is going to be like his speech to the NAACP–primarily an opportunity to be seen telling the useless* layabouts that their free ride is over.

      *I was going to say "no-account," but at least in Switzerland, his accounts are well-loved…

    • excellent. i look forward to upcoming interviews on special privileges for the very religious in israel and talks about improving polish airline safety

  • Pragmatist2

    Is he stopping in at the Ministry of Silly Walks?

  • Isn't a visit to Poland going to throw away the entire German and Russian vote?

    Will he be visiting any Polish death camps?

    • Katydid

      can't take away the honest citizens' right to have zyklon b just because of a few hundred thousand madmen…

  • Zombie_Reagan

    I wonder if, in between the verbal fellatio, Mittens and his supporters are even aware of England's much-lauded, state-run health care system?


    • anniegetyerfun

      Yes, as covered in the lovely article (linked below by others), Mitt's criticism of the NHS has not gone unnoticed:

      • shelwood46

        That is glorious. He dissed NHS, their Olympics, and he's calling people "dear leader". Truly charming.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Welcome to Dark Empire of Granbretan. Mitt's used to always wearing his mask. Order of the Weasel, I imagine.

  • Baconzgood

    Do they have to use a different adaptor to plug in Mitt over there?

    • Katydid

      Where exactly does the plug go?

      • Dashboard Buddha

        Everywhere, Katie.

  • owhatever

    All these castles and crookberry-toff-on-the-turnip pubs are okay, but you Limeys must remember that only Americans are exceptional. I mean, what did the English ever do that was worthwhile? Or the Parisites or the Germanic tribes? I have better teeth than your entire nation. Now, while I'm here, Queenie, let's buy a British company and bankrupt it.

  • chascates

    Now he just needs to have his picture taken with Margaret Thatcher. Standing next to her hospital bed I mean.

    • chicken_thief

      Lou Sarah facebook rant that she wasn't invited too also in 3….2….1….

    • DahBoner

      That would answer the age old question, what does Thatcher wear under her Motherfucking™ kilt????

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I hope he gets slapped with a fish.

  • If the Brits think that he's awkward already, just wait until they ask Sir Willard The Wanker to "have a pint" with them…

    • Worse, he'll be asked to step behind the bar and pull one.

      After the language barrier is breached, watch Mitt pull on a rubber glove…

  • “And also our shared commitment to the Boston Red Sox, the baseball team I believe you support.”

    Why does Labour hate the Yanks??!!! Don't they believe in the Special Relationship????

    • anniegetyerfun

      Everyone hates the Yanks*, Joe. I'm really sorry. It's just a thing.

      *To be fair, I hate the Red Sox a great deal more, just on principle.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Apparently, Mitt is doing us proud!

    (gotta credit attaturk)

    • Amusing that even the Tories don't like him.

      Still, minor (major) nitpick on this line:

      It is true the current president is less enamoured of traditional allies than his predecessors, but that reflects as much his exotic background and upbringing than his country’s changing interests. There have been plenty of bumps and kinks in relations before.

      Actually, it might have a bit more to do with some of those "bumps and kinks", since the especially chummy Blair/Bush relationship ended up being a source of embarrassment for both countries, and hasn't exactly been banished from recent memory as yet. Remember that period, Alex Spillius? No? Wow, you seem to have developed a case of that weird contagious amnesia circulating among the American Right.

    • anniegetyerfun

      "Mr Romney is the scion of Liverpudlians who sought and found fortune and the freedom to practice the Mormon faith (eventually). His wife Ann has Welsh pedigree."

      Two things: (1) "Liverpudlian" is a hilarious word. (2) Can you technically use the word "pedigree" if you are Welsh? I can see saying, "Is descending from a long line of vowel-hating, inbred Welshmen*", but pedigree seems a stretch.

      *As someone of Scottish heritage, I promise that I am not throwing rocks from a glass mansion here. Just commiserating.

  • Has he mashed his banger yet with his Veep selection?

    • Katydid

      I love you weej, and I've missed you. Although I'm here lurking every day, I rarely have the chance to post…don't trust my job not to be monitoring our Web use for filthy Web sites although I haven't seen many references to teh buttsechs on Our Wonkette lately. WTF?

      • Thanks Katydid. Love you too. I've been sad that you have been making fewer postings because of the job intertube wardens.

    • He has not. He's keeping that as secret as a toad in the hole.

      • Toad Hall? Willow is too young, so it just can't be a wind in the willows.

  • RedneckMuslin

    While out of the country, will Mitt be visiting his money?

  • viennawoods13

    Hey, maybe he can visit the place that his ancestors lived before they were hounded out of the country for converting to Mormonism. Speaking of a special relationship.

  • Terry

    “We have a very special relationship between the United States and Great Britain,”

    Mitt, you don't have to say that to every single Brit you meet. They know it already.

    • anniegetyerfun

      But it's cultural AND historical, Terry! (that's code for "both of our countries used to be mostly-white, if you don't count our Natives and slaves, nudge nudge wink wink.")

  • Dashboard Buddha

    Dear British Friends,

    Pay no mind to the robotic stick up the ass dude. We Americans are over here, oversexed, and over Romney.

    • that my friend made me laugh out loud for the first time since we lost harry on tuesday.

      thanks for that.

  • Guppy

    But does he have a chance of swinging the Welsh electoral vote?

  • TribecaMike

    Something tells me that during his stay in London, Mitt won't be going on many pub crawls.

  • prommie

    When will he be interviewed by Ali G?

  • The likely GOP nominee…

    wouldn't if be funny if he wasn't?

  • rickmaci

    Why does Benedict Arnold Romoney hate America and the Founding Fathers? They tarred and feathered the last of the traitor Torries in 1789 and ran them out of the country on a rail. If he wants to be such an anglophile prig, he should GTFO and go live with his f*ing limey socialist buddies.

  • Nostrildamus

    “And also our shared commitment to the Boston Red Sox, the baseball team I believe you support.”

    Not bloody likely. Mitt's a firm supporter of the Marlins. Or the Pirates. Or the Indians. It depends on the latest polls.

  • larrykat

    Yep, the beginnings of our relationship with Britain sure WERE "special"… Who else stands 100 yards part across an open field and tries to kill each other? No one but us and the Brits! Hurrah!

  • Nostrildamus

    Think of it as data massage.

    • ttommyunger

      Kinky! I like it.Sent from my iPhone

    • ttommyunger

      Kinky! I like it.Sent from my iPhone

  • le petit mort

    "Look I came here for an argument."

    "No you didn't."

    "Yes I did!"

  • DahBoner

    Did he go Motherfucking™ Meghan Fox hunting yet?

  • DahBoner

    I say old Chap, banger?

    Or did ya just meat 'er?

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