Mitt Romney Does England, Day 1: Meeting The Dandies

Never forgetThe trip of the century has begun! Mitt Romney is in Londontowne, visiting the enemy Empire against whom we literally revolted because of tea taxes. How many lobsterbacks has he killed yet? None; he got a graduate school deferment from fighting in the Revolutionary War. Let’s check in our next, greatest Republican president, as he tries to prove to the world that he “knows stuff” about foreign policy by giving handsies in Covent Garden.

  • The gay babble about the US-UK “special relationship” was instantly checked off his list of conservative-y type things he’s allowed to say in Europe: “US presidential candidate Mitt Romney said he recognised the “unique relationship” which exists between Britain and the United States as he met Labour leader Ed Miliband in Westminster today.”
  • Sure, he’s meeting with the head of the British Labour party, which supports Soviet communism, but at least they can josh about American baseball squads. Ed Milliband loves to watch the Red Sox knicket the wicket!

    The Labour leader said he was looking forward to discussions with Mr Romney on a range of issues, including the international economy, Syria and events in the eurozone, adding: “And also our shared commitment to the Boston Red Sox, the baseball team I believe you support.”

  • Romney is movin’ right up the chain of command today — eat dust, Milliband! He’ll meet with Tony Blair, a horrible warlord despised by his people, and David Cameron, a bumbly frumbly who is also despised by his people. No Queenage yet, however:

    (CBS/AP) LONDON – With the Olympics Games as a backdrop, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney met Thursday with former British Prime Minister Tony Blair, beginning a day of meetings with Britain’s most powerful people. The likely GOP nominee sought to send a message that he recognizes the close bonds between the U.S. and its top ally — and to project an image of leadership.

    “We have a very special relationship between the United States and Great Britain,” Romney told NBC News in an interview in London on the first day of a weeklong overseas trip that will also take him to Israel and Poland. “It goes back to our very beginnings — cultural and historical.”

    Romney’s first official appearance during a campaign swing intended to highlight longtime U.S. alliances was with Blair. He was slated to meet later in the day with current Prime Minister David Cameron.

Here he is, off to see his dear friend John Bull. Do us proud, Mitt!

[The Independent, AP]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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  1. James Michael Curley

    Mick Jagger's birthday! 69 freakin' years old. In his honor;

    "You say you are a Chris-i-yan,
    I think that you're a hypocrite,
    You call yourself a patriot,
    I think you are a crock of shit.

    How come you're so wring?
    My Sweet Neo Con."

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      When you were a child
      You were treated kind
      But you were never brought up right.
      You were always spoiled with a thousand toys
      But still you cried all night.
      Your mother who neglected you
      Owes a million dollars tax.
      And your fathers still perfecting ways of making unions crack.

    2. Dashboard Buddha

      Mick Jagger is 69 and he still rocks it ponces about on stage like a meth addled peacock.

  2. ttommyunger

    <a href="” target=”_blank”>…” target=”_blank”> Can you spot Mittens? Blair? Cameron?

        1. Nostrildamus

          No, no, it's great. Just needs some more documentation and a few regression tests.

  3. Hera Sent Me

    [The Special Relationship] goes back to our very beginnings — cultural and historical."


    While getting an education about how to exploit people and make money by destroying their lives, Mitt did take a history class or two, didn't he? He did learn the "Special Relationship" between us and the English started with us shooting at them, right?

    To laugh or to cry?

    Fuck it, I'll just have a drink.

    1. chicken_thief

      My thoughts exactly – keep reminding them, Mitt, how we kicked their pussy Euro asses in a couple of wars early on and then saved their asses in the last couple.

  4. ttommyunger

    Hmmm. Link does not seem to work. Oh well, google: "Monty Python Upper-Class Twit Contest", you'll get my drift.

    1. Guppy

      Nobody's replied to it yet, you can still edit it.

      By the way, you can usually get away with erasing everything in a URL beyond and including the first ampersand.

  5. ChernobylSoup

    Prediction: For the opening ceremonies the next-to-last torch bearer will light a soccer ball aflame, then David Beckham will kick the ball into the Olympic torch, ala Barcelona in 1992 with the bow and arrow.

    1. actor212

      That made the rounds a week ago, after Becks was left off the squad. FYI, Becks was also the first torch bearer when the torch made it to England.

        1. actor212

          You would have been wrong anyway

          I was pondering this very trope this morning: how do you kick a flaming ball without catching on fire, yet make sure the ball lights the torch?

          My prediction? Prince William and Princess Kate.

          1. ChernobylSoup

            Shit. This issue is going to consume me for the next 24 hours.

            Harry Potter lights the torch with a wand?
            The Scots invade and torch everything in sight?
            IRA firebomb?

          2. GunToting[Redacted]

            They're planning to set Wills and Kate on fire? Hell, about half of the population would support that.

    2. lunchbox360

      I predict Jim Broadbent fart lights the torch while doing the police officer bit from Young Frankenstein.

  6. JackDempsey1

    He's pandering to the segent of the English population who cling to their guns and religion, though we all know that the Brits would be better off with more guns and better religions.

    1. NorthStarSpanx

      He's proving that he too can also perhaps have as strong an excellent working relationship with the Queen like our dear maverick hero [god bless him] John McCain and so anyone but obama can continue to have an open dialog with the Queen so we can shore up our American Exceptionalism like the Dutch with their dykes, reigning in oil spills and it's all about job creation.

  7. ThankYouJeebus

    This will be the only time when Mitt isn't the whitest guy in the room. Now he'll be able to say that he's a minority (as well as being unemployed.)

  8. eggsacklywright

    Mittz off to Londinium to see if the fops are the correct height. Perhaps he'll learn the difference between fops, toffs, and wankers. Lettuce bubble and squeak in his honor.

  9. ChernobylSoup

    Up next, Mitt in Poland to promise a missile defense shield that will never work (and wouldn't do Poland a damn bit of good if it did).

    1. Hera Sent Me

      Wrong. It will allow Poland to be a prime target in the event of a standoff between Russia and the West.

  10. Goonemeritus

    London has become the Republican dream city; the middle class has been pushed out by ever rising prices. What remains is a city almost totally devoted to the parasitic financial sector. London has become Manhattan without Manhattan’s legendary friendliness.

  11. SoBeach

    Mittens says he wants to repeal and replace "Obamacare". Maybe he can get some ideas for the replacement from his "special relationship" buddies.

        1. viennawoods13

          True story, if slightly OT. When the Americans invaded SW Ontario in 1812, they proclaimed that any white man on the British side found fighting next to an Indian would be killed, not taken prisoner, because to fight with the Indians against other whites was being a traitor to the race. I just wanted to share that.

  12. annettaj

    Are they going to let the walking cardboard cutout speak? Get your sunglasses people. Its gonna get real white. Anglo- Saxon white.

    1. James Michael Curley

      That's actually "Anglo-Saxon ruddy with lots of brown spots and melanoma."

  13. BaldarTFlagass

    “And also our shared commitment to the Boston Red Sox, the baseball team I believe you support.”

    I'm sure the Brits find baseball as perplexing and boring as we Americans find cricket.

  14. BaldarTFlagass

    He's going to be so surprised when he sees the immigrants from the West Indies. "I thought everyone here was white!"

    1. NorthStarSpanx

      Triple jumper Voula Papachristou of Greece is looking for a new career path, perhaps she can be his director of colored relations.

    2. anniegetyerfun

      "So much for 'shared cultural heritage.' Unless, of course, you imported yours for hard labor? No? (sighs)"

        1. actor212

          "Black man gotta lot a problems
          But they don't mind throwing a brick
          White people go to school
          Where they teach you how to be thick"?

  15. actor212

    “And also our shared commitment to the Boston Red Sox, the baseball team I believe you support.”

    When Romney's not supporting the Colorado Rockies. Or the San Diego Padres. Or the Seattle Mariners. Or the Mexico City Huaraches.

  16. OneYieldRegular

    Toot toot, tut tut and all that rot, wot's with this new Wonkette shedjewel? You're up with the lark this mornin', you are! Bloody 'ell. Even the lorry drivers hadn't had their tea 'n' crumpets 'n' bangers 'n' mash 'n' wot not yet. It's that Lord Mittens of Romney, is it? Creatin' jobs 'n' wot not 'n' so forth?

  17. Oblios_Cap

    Mitt Romney met Thursday with former British Prime Minister Tony Blair, beginning a day of meetings with Britain’s most powerful people.

    When's his meeting with Rupert Murdoch?

    1. NorthStarSpanx

      I thought Tony was an American now, teaching at Yale? Or did they let him go for kissing Bush's ass?

    2. anniegetyerfun

      No need! All the rooms in Great Britain are bugged. Like, all of them.

      Bugged, not buggered. Just to be clear.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      Ha! Like chocolate donuts, I'm pretty sure that Mitt has never heard of Chick-Fil-A. It'd be hilarious to hear him waffle back and forth on the topic for a few days, but chances are that he'll keep his head down and hope that the hateful poor (the people who eat at Chick-Fil-A) won't notice.

    1. James Michael Curley

      He was very excited and almost showed an emotion when told he was visiting the Queen until he found out it was to be Sir Elton.

  18. Oblios_Cap

    “We have a very special relationship between the United States and Great Britain,” Romney told NBC News in an interview in London on the first day of a weeklong overseas trip that will also take him to Israel and Poland. “It goes back to our very beginnings — cultural and historical.”

    If only he'd stop in Ireland and Italy, he'd be hitting all of the countries whose citizens Americans make most of their ethnic jokes about! Talk about cultural.

        1. actor212

          Apart from the glob of bandaging on my ass, I'm OK. Slept like shit last night but not because of the back. It's really itchy, that's about all. Thanks for asking.

  19. Doktor Zoom

    Well… as the Conservative candidate I just drone on and on and on and on without letting anyone else get a word in edgeways, until I start to froth at the mouth and fall over backwards. OOwwwaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

  20. Limeylizzie

    "Mitt Romney is perhaps the only politician who could start a trip that was supposed to be a charm offensive by being utterly devoid of charm and mildly offensive. "
    That was the headline in the Tory Telegraph today.

    1. prommie

      What do you think are his chances in this year's Upper Class Twit of the Year competition?

      1. actor212

        I think he'll trip up on "Unhooking the Debutante's Bra" but I really hope he can come from behind in the "Shoot Yourself" finale.

    2. anniegetyerfun

      That's unfair. I'm pretty certain that Mitch McConnell would be even more horrific.

    3. Doktor Zoom

      "I have listened to Mitt Romney's stump speech countless times. A standard refrain is to run down Europe – not a hard case to make at the moment – and that includes us."

      Maybe his European trip is going to be like his speech to the NAACP–primarily an opportunity to be seen telling the useless* layabouts that their free ride is over.

      *I was going to say "no-account," but at least in Switzerland, his accounts are well-loved…

    4. fuflans

      excellent. i look forward to upcoming interviews on special privileges for the very religious in israel and talks about improving polish airline safety

    1. Katydid

      can't take away the honest citizens' right to have zyklon b just because of a few hundred thousand madmen…

  21. Zombie_Reagan

    I wonder if, in between the verbal fellatio, Mittens and his supporters are even aware of England's much-lauded, state-run health care system?


      1. shelwood46

        That is glorious. He dissed NHS, their Olympics, and he's calling people "dear leader". Truly charming.

  22. owhatever

    All these castles and crookberry-toff-on-the-turnip pubs are okay, but you Limeys must remember that only Americans are exceptional. I mean, what did the English ever do that was worthwhile? Or the Parisites or the Germanic tribes? I have better teeth than your entire nation. Now, while I'm here, Queenie, let's buy a British company and bankrupt it.

  23. chascates

    Now he just needs to have his picture taken with Margaret Thatcher. Standing next to her hospital bed I mean.

    1. DahBoner

      That would answer the age old question, what does Thatcher wear under her Motherfucking™ kilt????

    1. actor212

      Worse, he'll be asked to step behind the bar and pull one.

      After the language barrier is breached, watch Mitt pull on a rubber glove…

  24. Fraudulently_Joe

    “And also our shared commitment to the Boston Red Sox, the baseball team I believe you support.”

    Why does Labour hate the Yanks??!!! Don't they believe in the Special Relationship????

    1. anniegetyerfun

      Everyone hates the Yanks*, Joe. I'm really sorry. It's just a thing.

      *To be fair, I hate the Red Sox a great deal more, just on principle.

    1. Fraudulently_Joe

      Amusing that even the Tories don't like him.

      Still, minor (major) nitpick on this line:

      It is true the current president is less enamoured of traditional allies than his predecessors, but that reflects as much his exotic background and upbringing than his country’s changing interests. There have been plenty of bumps and kinks in relations before.

      Actually, it might have a bit more to do with some of those "bumps and kinks", since the especially chummy Blair/Bush relationship ended up being a source of embarrassment for both countries, and hasn't exactly been banished from recent memory as yet. Remember that period, Alex Spillius? No? Wow, you seem to have developed a case of that weird contagious amnesia circulating among the American Right.

    2. anniegetyerfun

      "Mr Romney is the scion of Liverpudlians who sought and found fortune and the freedom to practice the Mormon faith (eventually). His wife Ann has Welsh pedigree."

      Two things: (1) "Liverpudlian" is a hilarious word. (2) Can you technically use the word "pedigree" if you are Welsh? I can see saying, "Is descending from a long line of vowel-hating, inbred Welshmen*", but pedigree seems a stretch.

      *As someone of Scottish heritage, I promise that I am not throwing rocks from a glass mansion here. Just commiserating.

    1. Katydid

      I love you weej, and I've missed you. Although I'm here lurking every day, I rarely have the chance to post…don't trust my job not to be monitoring our Web use for filthy Web sites although I haven't seen many references to teh buttsechs on Our Wonkette lately. WTF?

      1. weejee

        Thanks Katydid. Love you too. I've been sad that you have been making fewer postings because of the job intertube wardens.

  25. viennawoods13

    Hey, maybe he can visit the place that his ancestors lived before they were hounded out of the country for converting to Mormonism. Speaking of a special relationship.

  26. Terry

    “We have a very special relationship between the United States and Great Britain,”

    Mitt, you don't have to say that to every single Brit you meet. They know it already.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      But it's cultural AND historical, Terry! (that's code for "both of our countries used to be mostly-white, if you don't count our Natives and slaves, nudge nudge wink wink.")

  27. Dashboard Buddha

    Dear British Friends,

    Pay no mind to the robotic stick up the ass dude. We Americans are over here, oversexed, and over Romney.

  28. TribecaMike

    Something tells me that during his stay in London, Mitt won't be going on many pub crawls.

  29. rickmaci

    Why does Benedict Arnold Romoney hate America and the Founding Fathers? They tarred and feathered the last of the traitor Torries in 1789 and ran them out of the country on a rail. If he wants to be such an anglophile prig, he should GTFO and go live with his f*ing limey socialist buddies.

  30. Nostrildamus

    “And also our shared commitment to the Boston Red Sox, the baseball team I believe you support.”

    Not bloody likely. Mitt's a firm supporter of the Marlins. Or the Pirates. Or the Indians. It depends on the latest polls.

  31. larrykat

    Yep, the beginnings of our relationship with Britain sure WERE "special"… Who else stands 100 yards part across an open field and tries to kill each other? No one but us and the Brits! Hurrah!

Comments are closed.