The Devil Accuses Bobby Jindal Of Sinning In His Heart (And In His Hand) To Amy Grant

  get thee behind him lucifer

Behold this dramatization of Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal’s account of the exorcism of a friend that he performed in college. This is just an excellent film, detailed and insightful about the spiritual warfare that aims to drive Lucifer from the bodies of our fellow humans.

It is better than any piece of filmmaking yet to include the trenchant declaration, “I queef on your Bible.”

[CultJamPro]

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186 comments

  1. randcoolcatdaddy

    I wasn't aware that one could exorcise Dick Cheney. I guess he could use some aerobics.

    1. MittBorg

      I hope whenever you two get to see each other, you lock all the doors and windows, draw all the curtains, turn off all the phones, scream "Towanda!" at the top of your lungs and sin mightily for the first 24 hours together, at least.

      And not just because it would make the Republicans plotz.

  2. Extemporanus

    "There is nothing that keeps wicked men at any one moment out of hell, but the mere pleasure of God."

    - John Edwards, Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God

    FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP

    /God

    1. sewollef

      Jesus…. that'd be 11 minutes 32 seconds of my life I'd never get back. Ever.

      Can I afford it? What else could I be doing with those valuable minutes? Oh, that's right, I have a creative brief all-day meeting to attend. All day. For an insurance company.

      Y'know, some days, you're damned to hell if you do and damned to hell if you don't. Bugger.

      1. HistoriCat

        You could really enliven that meeting if you re-enacted that video. Just a suggestion.

  3. BlueStateLibel

    But does Bobbi Jindal have a ceremony to drive the stupid from Republicans' brains? Because that's what we really need.

    1. Typodong3

      There has never been a priest ordained that could handle driving the stupid from the Republicans. Thats a whole nuther level of demonic.

  4. smokefilledroomba

    Susan complained of smelling a sulfur like odor
    Was Susan smelling farts? Or Satan? And what if Satan farted?

    edit: I posted before I watched the whole thing. All of the above are true.

  5. va_real

    So the devil popped out of her & into Booby Jindal, who has been a willing slave to Satan ever since. The end.

  6. Nostrildamus

    Those Christian "support" meetings look awesome. I'm glad everyone there is free to purchase an assault rifle.

    1. Fare la Volpe

      Dude. Watch it. Watch every last second of it.

      Your life will never be the same.

  7. sbj1964

    Satan & Jesus are brothers just ask a Mormon Mittens.Demons/Corparations are people too my friend.

    1. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Speaking of Mittens…I took my nephews to go see "the Dark Knight Rises" today and it occured to me that there are unintended similarities between Bane and Bain (spoiler alert!). There's a part where Bane attacks the 'Gotham Stock Exchange' (aka the Chicago Stock Exchange…oh I wish Santelli had been there to get beaten down and/or killed) in order to force Bruce Wayne to make a horrible trade liquidating all of his assets, at least temporarily so some rich dildo could take over Wayne Enterprises. Then Bane turned around and liquidated said rich dildo bodily when all didn't go as planned…and it got me to thinking. Bain has pretty much made a brand out of taking over and then forcibly liquidating unassuming companies after forcing them to go into debt. Then Bain turns around and sells whats left off and pockets pensions, etc…Viking capitalism so to speak. The big difference is in the film, Bane isn't as vilanous because everything he does is to accomplish a goal greater than money and Bain of course does this over and over out of simple greed and avarice. Interesting thought, though…and yes Bain is MUCH worse than Bane…nuke bomb and all (end spoiler).

  8. Dashboard Buddha

    "Susan complained of smelling a sulfur like odor "

    Burritos: Satan's express ticket.

      1. Dashboard Buddha

        Sort of like, "Hey big fella…did you cavort with Satan or just get take out at South of the Border?"

    1. Jukesgrrl

      Although I wouldn't give you a dollar for the rest of her oeuvre, there's something to be said for When the Lights are Coming on in the House of Love. Inspired by adultery instead of Jesus, so shit yeah. Don't watch the video, though, or you'll be spewing, too.

  9. ChernobylSoup

    I was at Brown around that time and I'm calling BS. No way there's a Christian Prayer Fellowship amongst the euro trash and Hollywood spawn on that campus.

    1. Spurning Beer

      You're a Camp Bruno alumnus, too? That makes at least three of us, then, including Editor Kirstin, wherever she is these days.

      I was there back in the nineteen-tickities, and in my day there were a sprinkling of fervent fundamentalistas and even some Jews for Jesus around, but mostly keeping a low profile.

      Traditionalists like me stuck with acid and Korean Zen.

      1. ChernobylSoup

        Late 90s for me and just for grad school, so I was once removed from the regular campus culture. But from what I saw Jindal must have been part of a very small clique indeed.

  10. kittensdontlie

    Some head W-kette has mixed up videos/stories!! Bristle was casting devils out of the possessed Guido( who bears a likeness to BJindal) who was capable of speaking in tongues since the tongue wasn't otherwise occupied in a Palin love-quest..

  11. mush2

    "…a rival campus christian group.." I didn't know there was a competition for the favors of the Lord. Does that involve the speaking in tongues challenge?

  12. mavenmaven

    Was that intended to be a parody? Did that virtuous Asian girl actually show her boobs to a MAN?

  13. rickmaci

    When I was in college I briefly had a girlfriend who would carry on and get all raving insane if I came before she did. Oh the shit that erupted from her mouth when she was enraged, just like Susan. The last time that happened I really thought she was about to start levitating off the bed. I heard recently, she had some legal problem involving her husband and is now doing 25 to life somewhere in California. I did not become the governor of anything.

  14. sbj1964

    Every Time I think the right wing GOP party of God has said,
    or done something stupid they raise the bar by putting a Mormon cult member up for President.Who has held almost the same opinion on politics as Obama.Until the GOP told him what he really stands for.Amazing!

    1. MittBorg

      Somebody needs to talk to Casting. Couldn't they find a single fucking Indian to play that loser Piyush Jindal? Not only did they get themselves a shada-samra, but they painted him so bad it's scary.

      1. commiegirl99

        Yeah, I really didn't know what to say about the brownface, so I pretended I didn't see. Is that wrong?

        1. MittBorg

          Nah. I know you taught PoliSci in CA, so it's good.

          But srsly, dudina, is that sad or what? I mean, they've got like that Kal Penn dood and that Asif Mandvi dood, and fuck, Bollywood's even bigger than Hollywood, and there's even that gorgeous Jimi Mistri.

          They had to give us this fucking panwallah from the streets of Peoria, no less.

          1. HistoriCat

            Maybe someone was trying to slip in a very subtle statement about Bobby Jindal. Hmmm.

      2. nobodyssweetheart

        He also is nowhere near college age. That's a hard, haggard 18 year old.

        Or Jindal has Benjamin Button syndrome in addition to everything else wrong with him.

  15. ManchuCandidate

    The devil went down to Brown U. He was lookin' for a soul to steal. He was in a bind 'cause he was way behind, and he was willin' to make a deal, when he came across this young man talking' to a lady and getting' her hot.

    And the devil jumped up on a hickory stump and said, "Boy, let me tell you what. I guess you didn't know it but I'm a humping demon, too. And if you'd care to take a dare, I'll make a bet with you. Now, you have some good Xtian game, boy, but give the devil his due. I'll encase your virginity in gold against you screwing her, 'cause I think I'm better than you."

    The boy said, "My name's Bobby, and it might be a sin. But I'll take your bet, you're gonna regret, 'cause I'm the first brown exorcist anyone's seen."

    Johnny, lube up your brow and wave your cross hard, 'cause hell's broke loose in the Ivy League and the devil deals the cards. And if you win you get to keep your virginity encased in gold. But if you lose, the devil will make you screw.

    1. Dashboard Buddha

      "He was in a bind 'cause he was way behind"

      OT. Am I the only one who thinks this makes Satan look like a used car salesman, and Sal, the owner of Honest Sal's Pre-Owned Cars is jumping in his shit because he didn't make quota this month.

      Hold on here…he'd the fucking devil. Who dictates quotas to the devil?

      1. LetUsBray

        Half-remembered joke: A guy walks into a restaurant and up to a table set for three. The devil is sitting at one place, and the guy sits at another. The devil says, "Look, man, Cheney couldn't make it." The guy says, "See here, I talk to your boss or no one!"

        I'm sure the joke would make more sense/be funnier if I knew who the guy was. But even so I once told it to a class and was treated to half the kids whispering to the other half, "He's saying Dick Cheney is the devil's boss."

  16. MiniMencken

    They were saying "queef" at Brown in 1994? No wonder the admissions office is deluged with applications. Go Bears!

  17. rickmaci

    In the video Bobby seems a little, well let's be blunt, chicken. Stays way far out of the picture during most of the real action. I mean, how you gonna stand up to the Red Chinese if you can't stand up to exorcise a queefing coed possessed by Satan?

  18. fawkedifiknow

    I really really really hope that other religious fruitcake – Romney – picks this Jindal guy. It would be better than McCain and Palin, I guarantee. The two of them make Huckabee appear sane, and his Jebus fixation is pretty ridiculous on it's own merits.

  19. Self-Uploader

    There was a point at which participating in these shenanigans would have destroyed Jindal's chance for higher office. Unfortunately, we are past that point.

  20. Callyson

    Made it to 1:02–is that supposed to be background music?

    I think I need an exorcism of sorts after that

    (…rushing off to the liquor store…)

    1. PubOption

      I gave up at about the same point. I couldn't understand what the Christian group were mumbling.

  21. poorgradstudent

    Oh why didn't I think of something like this to troll my alma mater's chapter of Campus Crusaders for Christ?

  22. Goonemeritus

    Does anyone else think Susan’s small penis crack was likely made to Bobby? I personally don’t blame him for switching things up but let’s face it he kind of has that hung like a hamster look.

    1. Madam Killjoy

      Goonemeritus, I didn't watch the video but I up-fisted you anyway. Because I had a FREE LUNCH from Rossi's today, and that makes me fisty (in a good, thumbs up, not throat-punching way; or the dirty way it sounds, whatever you prefer).

      1. Goonemeritus

        Why postpone Joy, with the world growing more and more irrational sometimes I think that it is only places like Rossi’s that affirm humanities goodness.

        1. Madam Killjoy

          The little things that make life worth living.* They close for August and go to Italy, which is also closed for August. Which just seems like a damned good idea, but whadda I know, flower child hippie commie loser that I am?

          *Chicken parm, in vodka sauce. Yes.

          1. Goonemeritus

            Hell I would settle for mortadella on semolina bread. I live in Western NY in a very rural area, it’s beautiful but you can’t even buy a tolerable buttered roll much less a sandwich.

  23. Fare la Volpe

    Who knew that demonic possession was just the result of really bad Irritable Bowel Syndrome?

    1. BoatOfVelociraptors

      Hey man, The snes had a pretty badass sound chip for its day. Compare the street fighter 2 ports for both genesis and snes.

  24. HarryButtle

    I've got 10 minutes to kill…do I clickee this linkee and watch the dramatization of Bobby Jindal chasing demons out of a cute coed, or do I visit ivyleaguegangbang.com and watch a cute coed chasing cumshots out of a few dozen large cocks?

    1. Mittens Howell, III

      Watch the porn with the sound down while listening to the exorcism as a fapping soundtrack.

  25. docterry6973

    Hey, I'm as big a demon as the next guy but I'm not going to queef on anyone's Bible. Live and let live, I say.

  26. Boojum

    It is amazing how many of these young Christians were just eaten up with the sexual issues. Like all of them.

    And by "amazing", I mean "completely to be expected".

  27. BaldarTFlagass

    Dude, did the chick have, like, 8 arms? Because if so you might have pissed off your grandparents' god really bad.

  28. glasspusher

    If you're a college student and don't complain about the smell of sulfur, you're a chemistry major. Butyric acid will have you begging for something as pleasant as sulfur!

      1. glasspusher

        Wooo…brutal. Stay away from the thiols and mercaptans, too, but of course, they have sulfur in them.Hydrogen telluride, I'm told, smells like rotten garlic.

  29. nobodyssweetheart

    This '90s period piece was probably a breeze to costume since today's college Christian fellowships are still rife with pale-denim mom jeans for boys, Cosby sweaters and plastic hairbands. (The only unironic wears of such on campus.)

  30. Aridzona

    This was great! And hey, masturbating to a picture of Dan Quayle? Priceless. Yahoo images has some really good ones. Thwack, thwack, thwack, ooooooh Danny.

  31. ttommyunger

    Well, I've fucked a few Amy Grant's in my day. For some reason they seem to break out in baby talk after a screamer…..Really creeps me the fuck out.

  32. UW8316154

    I kind of skipped through, but the fury and yelling and writhing on the floor that I did see only reminded me of Friday night fights with my ex.

    I'll let you know about ivyleaguecoedgangbang.com in a minute, but I'm guessing that just going to remind me of another Saturday night in Lander Hall.

  33. iburl

    Bobby Jindal knows all kindsa pimped out ways to act as a conduit for spiritual forces. Word. When he is Vice-President, just imagine the vast dank plumes of stanky queefage that will be exorcised from within the covens of communo-socialism that I'm told rule every aspect of our existence.

    The downside is, that it could blot out the sun and lead to an extinction level climate event, but I'm sure Bobby and his special friends will be able to pray the clouds away. That is unless Utah Jesus has anything to say about it. Amen.

  34. MittBorg

    Dear fucking christ on a pogo stick, that was simply hideous. Which one of you said this would change my life? Fess up cuz I think I might want to make long pig.

        1. HistoriCat

          Sweetie – I'm reading your comments on a website. I remember things and make connections between them … it's what I do. Plus, I get bored at work so there's usually time to go back and see what the important commenters have added.

  35. helefink

    This is a masterful tribute to both Lars Von Trier and Bobby Jindal. Might Bjork have won an Academy Award had she been cast as Susan?

  36. Willardbot9000_V2.5

    Here I thought wingnuts, especially teabaggers pretty much considered all people of a color different than pasty, peach, burnt orange and old nasty leather-skin to be secretly posessed by the devil…I guess Booby isn't aware of that quite yet.

  37. Shadowmuffin

    What I love is the dude in the beattle wig who is playing little Bobby literally spends half of the video standing against the whiteboard clutching his pearls! Then he waits for a friend to come and walk him home so he won't have to go out alone. Apparently Lucifer keeps his balls in a little jar in his workshop of evil.

  38. Mojopo

    Ten thumbs up for the guy who looks like he's about to shoot nurses from the clock tower, wearing a black wig made out of vinyl fibers. I don't know what's more wickedly crazy – Bobby's take on the incident or the screenplay and staging that makes Ed Wood look talented. And then he became governor. Unfreakingreal.

  39. HogeyeGrex

    I desperately want to know if those "denunciations" are verbatim from Bobby's account, or are "artistic license."

    I'm having a hard enough time trying to figure out if the whole thing is parody or not. It ain't easy these days.

  40. CogitoErgoSumo

    Just so I get all the nuance, the huge guy is into midgets AND cockrings. OK I totally get it now. (BTW, cockrings; so 1994.)

  41. IndianaKevin

    I thought Satan was a pussy in this. For the Dark Lord to acquiesce so easily just ain't like her.

  42. Oblios_Cap

    So – the rival Xtian group saved the day? And what's his name has a small penis. Simply A-fuckin-mazing

  43. sullivanst

    Susan punked those Godboys&girls good. "I queef on your bible", genius.

    And pretty sure she was right about that being the closest that one guy would ever get to scoring.

  44. smitallica

    Is this supposed to be funny? Please tell me this is supposed to be funny. Because this is the funniest fucking thing I have ever seen in my entire life.

  45. Baba_NinjaCat12

    Worst M. Night Shyamalan Movie Ever!

    Could that sulfur smell came from the roommate fart or was it George W. Bush walking by? We may never know.

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