WAR ON CHICK-FIL-A  4:40 pm July 25, 2012

Santorum Family Just Cannot Get Enough Of This Chick-Fil-A Special Sauce

by Jim Newell

Yummy brown sauceRick Santorum & fam marched straight to the front lines of the War on Chick-fil-A today, to stand arms-linked with the fast food chicken diabetes company that hates gay people. But Rick Santorum, you ask, Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day isn’t until August 1! You say so yourself! Well, that’s no matter. Everyday is Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day in the Santorum household. Except Sundays! That’s Jesus Time.

Before spreading delicious, delicious Santorum sauce all over his chicken sandwich, Santorum posted this Facebook note endorsing Mike Huckabee’s Chick-fil-A appreciation day:

Help us fight to [sic] for traditional families and eat chicken at the same time.

Mmm mmm mmm, slacktivism has never been so tasty. He continues:

It is sad that liberal groups call for tolerance yet they are vicious in their intolerance when someone disagrees with them.

I think Governor Mike Huckabee said it best when he wrote, “Too often, those on the left make corporate statements to show support for same sex marriage, abortion, or profanity, but if Christians affirm traditional values, we’re considered homophobic, fundamentalists, hate-mongers, and intolerant.”

And that’s why I am joining Mike in his effort to fight for traditional values. Please join me and Governor Huckabee on August 1 by eating at Chick-fil-A. No signs and no protests are needed to make your voice heard. Just simply have a meal at Chick-fil-A on August 1 for “Chick Fil-A Appreciation Day” and our support for traditional values will be heard loud and clear.

See you all at the insulin ward.

[Facebook]

 
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{ 270 comments }

Come here a minute July 25, 2012 at 4:43 pm

You don't really support traditional marriage unless you have breakfast, lunch, and dinner at Chick-fil-A every single day (Sundays in a doggie bag).

OneYieldRegular July 25, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Go back for thirds. Fourths, even. Heck, just let yourself go and see if you can eat Chick-Fil-A non-stop for the entire 24 hours of Chick-Fil-A Appreciation Day. Do it. Do it because you know it's the right thing to do.

bumfug July 25, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Keep suckin' that chicken!

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Uh … I don't think they like that too much.

GhostBuggy July 25, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Well, they do, they just like to keep it in Chik-fil-A's men's room stalls, as Gawd intended.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 10:11 pm

The *chickens*? Eww.

CheeseBro69 July 25, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Santorum sure loves smearing that brown sauce all over his chicken.

HogeyeGrex July 25, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Keep fuckin' that chicken, Santorum.

Or is that "chicken/santorum?"

sullivanst July 25, 2012 at 4:44 pm

enjoying chick-in-strips

Is it just because I watch Dexter, or does that sound serial-killy to anyone else?

glasspusher July 25, 2012 at 4:51 pm

You can chick-in any time, but you can never leave?

or…

Chick-in strip clubs?

OneYieldRegular July 25, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Chickendales?

glasspusher July 25, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Well played, sir.

smokefilledroomba July 25, 2012 at 5:00 pm

All chopped up and no place to go… except the freezer.

glasspusher July 25, 2012 at 5:22 pm

That works with Meat Loaf on many levels.

smokefilledroomba July 25, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Julianne julienned!

sullivanst July 25, 2012 at 5:39 pm

FTW!

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Oh, I definitely had twitchy fingers at the flensing knife upon hearing that.

Tequila Mockingbird July 25, 2012 at 4:45 pm

I pray to Irony Jebus that one or all of his sons, 15 years from now, end up wearing assless chaps on a penis float in the Gay Pride Parade.

glasspusher July 25, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Regression to mean, or beyond? Odds favor it.

LesBontemps July 25, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Mean and stupid.

glasspusher July 25, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Deviation, their standard mode?

timbo71351 July 25, 2012 at 5:04 pm

I hope all of his children end up starring in S&M themed same-sex porn. I'm talking stuff with fisting and peeing.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 6:29 pm

The slings and aerosols of outrageous fortune.

Rotundo_ July 25, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Up the ante: Wearing assless chaps on a penis float supporting Gay Pride in the Tournament of Roses Parade. "The Shaft is covered in American Beauty petals each lovingly glued to the base by volunteers and the Corona and Head are done with more than a dozen varieties of violets, the corporate sponsors are Astroglide and the American Beef Council."

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 6:30 pm

I think you just gave the entire fucking gay community of the Greater San Francisco-Bay Area a collective boner.

Callyson July 25, 2012 at 5:41 pm

I vote for his crying daughter to lead the Dykes on Bikes in San Francisco's Gay Pride.

Butch_Wagstaff July 25, 2012 at 9:41 pm

"Fuck you, Daddy!"

Typodong3 July 25, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Is Irony Jebus the older brother of Baby Jebus?

elviouslyqueer July 25, 2012 at 5:46 pm

I'm pretty sure it won't take 15 years for dear sweet Daniel.

Butch_Wagstaff July 25, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Huh? I guess one or two signs in one spot isn't enough?

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Aren't they kinda old for that? We'll have to hope for the grandsprogs.

Although it is rumoured that one or more of his sons, despite having apparently nubile healthy young breeder wives, had to resort to artificial assistance to produce the required grandsproggen.

rmjagg July 25, 2012 at 8:11 pm

can't improve on that ;-)

tweeksmom July 25, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Have you *seen* his sons? I don't think you're going to have to wait that long….

glasspusher July 25, 2012 at 4:45 pm

The only place I'll see Rick at next Wednesday is the Rialto Feel-o-rama

metamarcisf July 25, 2012 at 4:45 pm

If the Aurora shooter had eaten mor chikin….

Butch_Wagstaff July 25, 2012 at 5:07 pm

…he wouldn't have been possessed?

sullivanst July 25, 2012 at 5:13 pm

…he might've been in a diabetic coma by curtains-up?

Typodong3 July 25, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Maybe he ate TOO much Chik-Fil-A, thats why his hair turned orange. Or, that wasnt the same person in the courtroom as we saw in the original pic (try it yourself and see!).

KeepFnThatOwl July 25, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Yes! Your greatest accomplishment on August 1 will be to eat fast food.

glasspusher July 25, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Set reasonable goals.

actor212 July 25, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Soft bigotry of low expectations.

Come on, Ricky! Only two more big boy bites and you'll have finished your sandwich! Go! Go! Go!

glasspusher July 25, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Where's the incentive? No picture of a bunny at the bottom of the bowl. Lame.

KeepFnThatOwl July 26, 2012 at 9:14 am

Swear to Jesus, I saw a photo of a kid last week, sitting in front of his breakfast. He already looks swole up and diabetic, and yet his prepared meal is thick pancakes wrapped in syrup… and the pancakes spell his name.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 6:32 pm

*Achievable.*

glasspusher July 25, 2012 at 8:28 pm

“Why Ricky can't lead”A rising tide destroys all sandcastles…lead, follow or get the hell out of the way…if 80% of success is showing up, why do so many people lack the other 20…I'm out…

user-of-towels July 25, 2012 at 4:54 pm

The joke's on them. All those chickens that they'll be eating were lesbians.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 6:33 pm

I can just see them in their little denim vests, giving the farmer a quizzical eyeball and saying, "You want eggs, get a *breeder.*"

Butch_Wagstaff July 25, 2012 at 5:08 pm

For Santorum, it'll be his biggest victory since the primaries.

tessiee July 25, 2012 at 5:47 pm

That's their greatest accomplishment every day of the year.

KeepFnThatOwl July 26, 2012 at 9:15 am

creating feces to throw.

Beowoof July 25, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Well it could be trouble, if the Hover round line at the drive through is too long.

miss_grundy July 25, 2012 at 9:26 pm

They might pull out their concealed weapons and start shooting each other.

Barb_ July 25, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Does anyone have the phone number of PETA? This could be hilarious!

Boojum July 25, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Flash mob, Santorum bomb!

Come here a minute July 25, 2012 at 4:46 pm

The floor of the Santorum family truckster is covered in a frothy mix of chicken fat and peach shake.

Boojum July 25, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Keep fucking those chickens, Rick.

SexySmurf July 25, 2012 at 4:46 pm

I wonder if that "awesome" peach shake was thick and chunky or runny and frothy?

Typodong3 July 25, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Im thinking … oh nm I just threw up a little in my mouth.

elviouslyqueer July 25, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Funny, I would've thought that deep-fried rat dicks were much more to Creamcup's liking.

va_real July 25, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Not mutually exclusive…

BZ1 July 25, 2012 at 4:47 pm

As usual, Rick is full-a ……. (fill in the blank)

JustPixelz July 25, 2012 at 5:41 pm

chicken?

Callyson July 25, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Santorum.

GunToting[Redacted] July 25, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Colossal asshole?

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Fil-A.

Tequila Mockingbird July 25, 2012 at 4:47 pm

"Peach shake" is a euphemism for rimjob, right?

metamarcisf July 25, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Probably. But then I work in Albuquerque, known worldwide as the City of Rimjobs

AncienReggie July 25, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Ooh! I work in ABQ too also. We're both albuqueers!

tessiee July 25, 2012 at 5:49 pm

My milkshake brings all the boyz to my yard.

LetUsBray July 25, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Santorum? Special Sauce? Obvious tasteless jokes are obvous.

Not that I'm not looking forward to reading them, mind you.

glasspusher July 25, 2012 at 4:55 pm

When every sauce is special, no sauce is special.

va_real July 25, 2012 at 5:49 pm

So Santorum doesn't understand special relationships? Does that mean he's a blah?

glasspusher July 25, 2012 at 5:54 pm

It's my understanding that Santorum doesn't understand (or care to understand) a lot of things.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 6:35 pm

No, it means he's a *closeted* queer in denial.

redarmyzombie July 26, 2012 at 1:39 am

I can understand closet queers. It took me a while to get out myself. It's the ones in denial I have utter contempt for.

jqheywood July 25, 2012 at 11:05 pm

What a snob!

glasspusher July 25, 2012 at 11:56 pm

Commoner!

LesBontemps July 25, 2012 at 4:47 pm

See you here next Wednesday!

Ur doin it rong.

Come here a minute July 25, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Rick Santorum is more of a see you next Tuesday.

randcoolcatdaddy July 25, 2012 at 4:48 pm

On August 1st, I plan on eating beef. And it won't be from McDonald's.

YasserArraFeck July 25, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Why do you hate Amercia?

AbandonHope July 25, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Actually, an Anti-Support-Chick-Fil-A counter-rally on August 1st — where everybody pointedly eats beef everywhere — would be pretty cool.

Wait, no, this is even better… bring a bunch of beef sandwiches and eat them in Chick-Fil-A joints across the nation.

sullivanst July 25, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Or, less criminal-trespassily, just outside, taunting anyone that goes in, forced-birther-style.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Thumbs up for *this* idea. All these fat schlubs will be dragging their children to this thing. A few strategically placed, fashionably turned out fags, dykes, and trannies should result in a WHOLE LOTTA hushing and embarrassed attempts at explanation. Not to mention the fact that it will give the young'uns, um, food for thought.

randcoolcatdaddy July 25, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Here I go and make a crude sex joke and no one runs with it. Disappointed in you, Wonketteers…

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Duud, I was BUSY. But I did think about saying something totally gross and leery at you.

user-of-towels July 25, 2012 at 4:49 pm

"Call the asphalt folks, J.J.; we're gonna need more Hoveround parking spaces!"

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Assphalt is right. It'll be the fault of their collective fat asses if the parking lot wears out before the last one leaves.

TribecaMike July 25, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Enjoy your diabetes, kids!

AncienReggie July 25, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Hugely satisfying that all these chicken-wing-tards are eating shitty chicken just to make a point about the freedom to hate.

Tough for their kids, sure, but you can't butcher a bird without plucking a few feathers.

Boojum July 25, 2012 at 4:50 pm

And they are some pleasant mother pheasant pluckers, who pluck pleasant mother pheasants.

Boojum July 25, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Rick, you are "considered homophobic, fundamentalists, hate-mongers, and intolerant" because we live in a fact based world. And because of Jesus.

ph7 July 25, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Nice to see the Christians circling the wagons. Around deep fried fast food. The Body and Blood of Crisco Christ.

KeepFnThatOwl July 25, 2012 at 5:04 pm

That's going to originate another satanic urban legend on Procter & Gamble…. I can feel it.

user-of-towels July 25, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Vote with your cholesterol!

deanbooth July 25, 2012 at 4:50 pm

we’re considered homophobic, fundamentalists, hate-mongers, and intolerant.

Huh? Calling someone a fundamentalist is now a slur? They're finally catching on.

SorosBot July 25, 2012 at 4:57 pm

And anyway they are homophobic, fundamentalists, hate-mongers, and intolerant.

ManchuCandidate July 25, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Chick Fil-A's secret sauce is Santorum!

sbj1964 July 25, 2012 at 4:51 pm

"I have nothing against straight people.I just don't like to think of them doing it".A.Cooper.

Baconzgood July 25, 2012 at 4:52 pm

I put that shit on everything.

-frothy-

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 6:41 pm

I'll just bet he does.

Or maybe he meant "I get that shit on everything."

YasserArraFeck July 25, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Santorum and special sauce should NEVER appear in the same sentence.

user-of-towels July 25, 2012 at 4:52 pm

White meat only, please.

emmelemm July 25, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Pink slime molded products only, please.

freddymcmurray July 25, 2012 at 7:20 pm

light on the breasts

actor212 July 25, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Creamcup?

Tequila Mockingbird July 25, 2012 at 4:53 pm

An even better scoop is this: Chick Fil-A's PR bot pretended to be a teenage girl on its Facebook page. And got p3wned almost immediately. Niiiice.

Mittens Howell, III July 25, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Fucking awesome.

anniegetyerfun July 25, 2012 at 5:17 pm

This was my favorite news of the day.

Rotundo_ July 25, 2012 at 5:40 pm

The mark of a social media pro-not! Probably some shitwit fresh out of Liberty U. without the slightest whiff of intelligence on this. They're probably thinking they shoulda used one of their kids pics or dragged someone off the street and offered them a grand to shut up about it and took their pic for propoganda purposes. They would of course fuck this up too, and have the same result. Thanks for a good chuckle…

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Yes, that was.

Fraudulently_Joe July 25, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Moar liek Chick-FAIL-A, amirite?

Biel_ze_Bubba July 25, 2012 at 4:53 pm

If you're a true believer, you should be willing to sacrifice your arteries for Jeebus.

rickmaci July 25, 2012 at 4:53 pm

What an egg-o-tist.

Baconzgood July 25, 2012 at 4:53 pm

"liberal groups call for tolerance"

Hold on there Ricky. Neither I or my friends have never or will ever call for tolerance.

CommieLibunatic July 25, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Word. It's not like you get a rebate or even an Xbox Achievement for trying to be fair with militant assholes like Santorum.

Baconzgood July 25, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Aug 1st doesn't work for me because I'll be fucking some dude in the poop chute. How's Friday?

Jus_Wonderin July 25, 2012 at 5:01 pm

LOL

smokefilledroomba July 25, 2012 at 5:04 pm

That's what I was thinking. WIN!

CommieLibunatic July 25, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Gross, dude! You should go oral instead.

MissTaken July 25, 2012 at 7:15 pm

U 8-1!

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 25, 2012 at 4:55 pm

I guess now we know the secret ingredient in chick-fil-a sauce.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Urk. Spread THAT around and see if ANYbody ever eats Chik-fil-A again.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 25, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Is it my preferred cock provider, srichacha? http://www.huyfong.com/no_frames/sriracha.htm

smokefilledroomba July 25, 2012 at 4:55 pm

No signs and no protests are needed to make your voice heard

Like what– "Daddy Loves Mommy's Chicken" or something?

YasserArraFeck July 25, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Keep Fillin' That Chikkin, Rick

elviouslyqueer July 25, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Oh Rick, STFU and crawl back to the primordial ooze from whence you came, you homophobic dickbag.

RadioBowels July 25, 2012 at 4:55 pm

ARBY'S HORSEY SAUCE LIBEL!

anniegetyerfun July 25, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Oh, god, but I do love that stuff.

va_real July 25, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Hey- is that a dressage joke?

SorosBot July 25, 2012 at 4:55 pm

"It is sad that liberal groups call for tolerance yet they are vicious in their intolerance when someone disagrees with them. "

Sigh. You hear this all the time from bigoted assholes who don't know what tolerance means. It's intolerant to judge someone for who they are, for inherent characteristics like their skin color or what gender they are attracted to. It's not intolerant to judge someone for what they actually do or say, like say if they hate others just because of their skin color or what gender they are attracted to and want to deny them full rights; it's perfectly tolerant in fact for being vile evil bigoted douchefucks.

sullivanst July 25, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Of course, Ricky forgets the part about "the only thing we cannot tolerate, is intolerance", which means everything he's ever done. The Huckster too.

Come here a minute July 25, 2012 at 5:17 pm

I demand you tolerate their intolerance!

CommieLibunatic July 25, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Word. Last I checked, I don't march around threatening fiery damnation to anyone who doesn't think and act exactly like me.

Unless the conversation turns towards Homeworld, of course. If I hear you gush about how good the Cataclysm expansion was, Kharak help you.

Callyson July 25, 2012 at 5:46 pm

This. What's really sad is when the intolerant call those who are calling for tolerance of those whom the intolerant refuse to tolerate a bunch of intolerant liberals.

Christ, I can't even keep up with wingnut logic anymore…

sullivanst July 25, 2012 at 5:53 pm

It would have to exist to be kept up with.

tessiee July 25, 2012 at 5:52 pm

"ACLU Defends Neo-Nazis Right to Burn Down ACLU Headquarters" — The Onion

miss_grundy July 25, 2012 at 9:44 pm

People mistake the right of free speech with intolerance. If you want to be a recalcitrant poophead, you have a right to do so but I have the right to disagree with your viewpoint and let you know it.

Fraudulently_Joe July 25, 2012 at 10:23 pm

As a liberal, I'm also rather intolerant towards lactose.

SayItWithWookies July 25, 2012 at 10:49 pm

If I understand Huckabee and Santorum's argument correctly — and they're both proponents of free market solutions to everything — it's that this Chick-Fil-A guy can spend all the money he wants to take away people's rights, but should those people then refuse to pay him money for the very products that will further that bigotry, that itself is intolerant? Yeah, that doesn't make a lick of fuckin' sense.

I remember hearing stories about when the first mixed-race jazz bands would tour through the south, the proprietors of gas stations and restaurants wouldn't let the black people use their facilities — except when the white and black potential customers would say they were all leaving unless he served everyone.

The idea that we owe someone our business, even if we disagree with him, means that society should hold its morals in check to further the making of money, which we owe to those poor rich people who just wanna create jobs. What the fuck. And Mike's allegedly a minister.

ChillBill July 25, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Eat Mor Cok, Rick.

miss_grundy July 25, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Thank you, Jon Stewart.

ChillBill July 26, 2012 at 9:43 am

I pulled a Chuck Norris there, didn't I?

OneYieldRegular July 25, 2012 at 4:57 pm

I don't even want to know what "chick-n-strips" are.

An_Outhouse July 25, 2012 at 5:02 pm

I like chicks that strip. Maybe Chick-a-fill is like Hooters.

Callyson July 25, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Frothy Mix will be so disappointed. He was hoping it would be like Chippendale's.

horsedreamer_1 July 25, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Magic Mike did take place in Tampa. So, I think, come convention time, Rick will end up lost in Ybor City.

miss_grundy July 25, 2012 at 9:47 pm

That means he'll be eating arroz con pollo, smoking cigars and drinking cuban coffee. That should be interesting.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 25, 2012 at 7:21 pm

Chick 'n Dales sounds like an Amsterdam show.

zippy_w_pinhead July 25, 2012 at 6:37 pm

they do serve their wings breaded or naked…

Beowoof July 25, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Chopped and formed, beaks, feet and necks, then breaded and deep fried to a golden goodness.

HobbesEvilTwin July 25, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Glad to see the important political figures of our time tackling the important issues.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 25, 2012 at 4:58 pm

It is sad that liberals who preach tolerance are intolerant of intolerance?
No, Ricky, what's sad is your intolerance, which we refuse to tolerate.

Logic ain't Ricky's strong suit.

arihaya July 25, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Chick-fil-Anusburger?

Rotundo_ July 25, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Cloaca patties, mascerated, masticated,minced poultry pucker musculature, you know, the same thing everyone puts in chicken patties. The stuff with tumors goes into cat food and dog food, unless the boys in the plant want to bump the yields up a percent or two so we give them a dime an hour bonus for the shift…

Extemporanus July 25, 2012 at 5:58 pm

♫♬ Great green globs of greasy, grimy gopher guts,
Mutilated monkey meat,
Marinated chicken feet!
Great green globs of greasy, grimy gopher guts,
And I forgot my spooon!
♫♬

LastGasp July 25, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Please join me and Governor Huckabee on August 1 by eating at Chick-fil-A

This won't really happen. The Conservitards will simply send their man-servants to fetch a modest amount of Chick-Fil-A's menu items, which will then be served by obsequious but well dressed butlers. Afterwards, everyone who dined will chuckle "this is how the poors eat!"

Mittens Howell, III July 25, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Chick-fil-A sauce–a frothy mixture of homophobia, fundamentalist hate, and intolerance.

Jus_Wonderin July 25, 2012 at 4:59 pm

"And that’s why I am joining Mike in his effort to fight for traditional values. Please join me and Governor Huckabee on August 1 by eating at Chick-fil-A."

Seems they are just asking for trouble by giving the Aug 1 date. Am I the only one that sees this?

pdiddycornchips July 25, 2012 at 6:11 pm

I plan on spending that day eating devil dogs and sodomizing anything that moves.

ifthethunderdontgetya July 25, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Maybe somebody should tell these assholes that the one thing liberals hate more than anything else is when someone sticks a fork in their own eye.
~

Mittens Howell, III July 25, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Keep fucking that chicken sandwich.

chicken_thief July 25, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Him and the kids at Chick-fil-A? Wifey must have been off fucking that dentist or doctor or whatever he was again.

SayItWithWookies July 25, 2012 at 5:19 pm

You mean the abortionist?

smokefilledroomba July 25, 2012 at 5:37 pm

I thought maybe she was out getting her bimonthly ECT treatment.

An_Outhouse July 25, 2012 at 5:01 pm

I don't know what chick-in-strip is but it sounds dirty and not at all like something Santorum would be encouraging.

i_AM_ready July 25, 2012 at 5:01 pm

So he dragged 5 of his kids with him to go eat greasy chicken. I bet they love that. Daddy's such a fun guy.
Hey wait, aren't his kids in their 20s or something now? Don't any of them have jobs?

Blueb4sinrise July 25, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Sure
At Chick-fil-A.

Rotundo_ July 25, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Campaign consultants, gotta piss those contributions away "in the family"…

KeepFnThatOwl July 25, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Today, Doctor Buster Wilson (not kidding) was on his AFR program (I torture myself at lunch), seriously huckin' that chicken (to borrow a phrase).

BoatOfVelociraptors July 25, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Santorum went on the internet to talk about spreading his sauce. This is a facepalm that can be heard from orbit, and yes, I realize sound can't travel through a vacuum.

timbo71351 July 25, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Fuck you Santorum, you fucking dickbag.

UnholyMoses July 25, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Fuk Mor Chikin

CrunchyKnee July 25, 2012 at 5:03 pm

These fucking clowns are always rattling on and on about the "invisible hand of the free market." So, let Chic-fil-a sink or swim on their own actions. Fucking asswipes.

Mumbletypeg July 25, 2012 at 6:00 pm

This always bears repeating. +1

smokefilledroomba July 25, 2012 at 5:03 pm

And what's with the whole "cows can't spell" thing?

ph7 July 25, 2012 at 5:06 pm

If cows could spell, it would suggest evolution. But cows can't spell, therefore proving Creationism.

anniegetyerfun July 25, 2012 at 5:18 pm

It's bovine discrimination, is what it is.

Jus_Wonderin July 25, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Oh, cows can spell. The just don't want you knowing they can spell. In fact, cows can do advanced math, are versed in Ergonomic Psychology and many can sing (rather well). Now, knitting is difficult and handling scissors, but, hear me now, don't sell cows short.

Well, unless the price of beef is falling then, sell, sell, sell.

ph7 July 25, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Flanders re-tweeted, Rick.

bureaucrap July 25, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Perhaps Rick should try organizing "Let's eat at chick fil a" days from his Grindr ™ account, which helps him find horny guys in coffee houses.

coolhandnuke July 25, 2012 at 5:05 pm

The wingtards are just getting all proactive now considering they failed to rally and unite over Sambo's closing.

Jus_Wonderin July 25, 2012 at 5:24 pm

They do still have Cracker Barrel.

coolhandnuke July 25, 2012 at 9:05 pm

The Oregon coastal town Lincoln City had a restaurant called Lil' Black Sambos for many decades. I believe it closed around 1998.
I used their bathroom in 1996.

Sassomatic July 25, 2012 at 5:06 pm

"It is sad that liberal groups call for tolerance yet they are vicious in their intolerance when someone disagrees with them."

Yeah, why can't you libs just tolerate hateful attacks on an entire demographic?

SayItWithWookies July 25, 2012 at 5:06 pm

A typical Chick-Fil-A outing takes longer for the Santorums than for the average customer, as Rick's family likes to swaddle their chicken dinner, give it a name, and cuddle it before saying goodbye.

smokefilledroomba July 25, 2012 at 5:07 pm

"Say goodbye to your Chicken Brother".

tessiee July 25, 2012 at 6:00 pm

"Kiss Cluck-cluck! KIIIIISSSSS HIIIMMM!!'

user-of-towels July 25, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Every former ovum is saaaaa-cred. ♫

bobbert July 25, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Now, this is why I come to teh Wonket.

RadioBowels July 25, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Santorum: Another chickenhawk in the War on Chick-fil-A.

Mittens Howell, III July 25, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Keep shakin' that peach, Santorum.

DerrickWildcat July 25, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Henry David Thoreau would be proud.

owhatever July 25, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Somewhere in the Chick-fil-A empire is a gay kitchen worker mixing his own very special batch of special sauce.

Why does the name "Rick Santorum" remind me to flush a toilet?

anniegetyerfun July 25, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Yes, boycotts are so vicious. Or does he mean "viscous"? I ask because of all the sauce-related tweets.

poorgradstudent July 25, 2012 at 5:08 pm

The risk of running into you is not good for Chic-fil-A's business.

Thedongsofwar July 25, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Eat enough Chick-fil-a and you will see God earlier than you expected.

tessiee July 25, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Yet still not soon enough to suit the rest of us.

LetUsBray July 25, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Normally I might advise a business that someone as creepy, weird, and just plain nasty as the Frothmeister isn't the best celebrity spokesperson.

But for Chick-Fil-Anus, he's perfect. Carry on!

anniegetyerfun July 25, 2012 at 5:14 pm

What I find riveting about all this conservative whining and moaning is that they act as though anyone's rights have been trampled on. They haven't. Businesses and cities are choosing to shun Chick-Fil-A because Chick-Fil-A has taken a stand against something that most Americans now support. Chick-Fil-A has the absolute right to take that stand, and their supporters can come forth to their cause if they want. The rest of us can happily boycott them. Why are Rick "Hate the Blahs" Santorum and Mike "Going on 300 Pounds" Huckabee crying like little bitches? "Oh, the vicious ATTACKS from the LEFT! Oh, pearl clutching and hand-wringing! My smelling salts!!"

THAT IS HOW FREE SPEECH WORKS, MOTHERFUCKERS.

RadioBowels July 25, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Yes, my "bully-victim-bully seamlessly" theory is again corroborated.

tessiee July 25, 2012 at 6:07 pm

People like that go on and on about how they like to stand up for their beliefs, but they don't understand what that means, because they're…
how shall I say this?…
weapon quality stupid.
They *think* that standing up for their beliefs means parroting them to an echo chamber full of people who agree with them, and whose only question will be, "Why are you so awesome?"
It's not that they don't think anyone else is entitled to beliefs that differ from theirs (although of course they don't), it's that they so seldom venture outside the bubble that they're actually honestly *surprised* when they're met with something other than fawning approval, as you can tell that Rickles is.
The rest of us, who have to deal with the real world every day, may not LIKE to encounter opposition to our viewpoint — but we're not shocked, terribly terribly shocked, and hurt when we do, either.

Fraudulently_Joe July 25, 2012 at 5:16 pm

You know what?

I'm totally willing to help support Chick-Fill-A support Traditional, Biblical Marriage, and this is why, on behalf of Chick-Fill-A, which has clearly stated that it shares my views, I DEMAND that the Federal Government pass a law prohibiting interfaith and interracial marriages, which are unambiguously condemned in Exodus 34, Deuteronomy 7, Ezra 10, Nehemiah 13, Malachi 2, 1 Corinthians 7, and 2 Corinthians 6.

Or, we could possibly just acknowledge that the United States is not a theocracy governed by the Conservative reading of the bibble, and that while religious individuals are free to live in accordance with their own views, this has absolutely no bearing on what what is or should be legal.

But, in the meantime, we should all interpret Chick-Fill-A's statement as meaning that they are opposed to state recognition of interfaith and interracial marriages. Which is totally what it would have meant, 40 years ago.

anniegetyerfun July 25, 2012 at 5:21 pm

I recently had to look up the "one man one woman" bullshit in the Bible, because seriously, I wanted to see if maybe Jesus said something about it? Because goodness knows that it isn't covered in the Old Testament.

Or the New, it turns out! I mean, there's stuff about marriage and divorce and adultery, but nothing that says "one man one woman" like the wingtards are always going on about. So, that was a fun exercise.

Fraudulently_Joe July 25, 2012 at 5:28 pm

It doesn't, but Jesus says, in the Gospels, that men and women leave their parents homes to get married. Which, could either be interpreted as a purely descriptive, "this is how the average Judean Roman subject used to live" terms, or alternatively (and let's be honest, this is obviously the clearest interpretation) it means that EVERYONE should live with their parents until they get married, and if you move out of your parents' home without getting married first, that is SIN.

swordfis July 25, 2012 at 5:19 pm

I just posted this to Chik-Fila's FB page:

How dare you claim to be a defender of Christian values when you sell a product that CAUSES HOMOSEXUALITY IN MALES? You won't get away with this hypocrisy for long!
http://www.catholicnewsagency.com/news/homosexual

Blueb4sinrise July 25, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Ricky HEARTS Huck.

[where's a fuckn code for that goddammit]

smokefilledroomba July 25, 2012 at 5:42 pm

(copy and paste as you wish)

♥ ♥ ♥ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❥ ❥ ❥

Blueb4sinrise July 25, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Guppy July 26, 2012 at 12:28 am

1.) Hold down the Alt key
2a.) Type the following three-digit numbers on your number pad: http://kode.knopok.net/asci.png
OR
2b.) Type the following four-digit numbers on your number pad (remembering the leading zero):
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Windows-1252

(and if you're really a hardcore nerd, you can enable Unicode input the same way, with lovely hexadecimal numbers and everything.)

Alternative sexting version: <3

arduinohacker July 25, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Been only once to a Chik-fil-A. It was at this large but mostly boarded-up mall in Dayton Ohio. The mall had broken skylights and pigeons flying around inside. The whole mall smelled like old grease and the smell was strongest in the Chilk-Fil-A. Son and I were very hungry and could not avoid eating there, in spite of all the counteracting signs. Never again. Think were were served month-old pigeon, fried in old grease. Never again.

sullivanst July 25, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Dayton: a city in decline since 1960. NCR moving to Georgia (in a cloud of broken promises) was the last thing that town needed.

viennawoods13 July 26, 2012 at 12:08 am

Dayton's best moment was the WKRP episode there.

Franknflower July 25, 2012 at 5:50 pm

I ate in a Chick Fil A once and was followed around by the obsequios employee. I didn't know at the time it was a Christian front organization. The chicken's creepy behavior makes total sense now. I thought he just wanted to blow me in the bathroom.

sullivanst July 25, 2012 at 6:08 pm

… and now you know he did?

viennawoods13 July 26, 2012 at 12:09 am

Some 94 year old asshole tried to convert me at breakfast in MacDonald's last week. The noive.

Butch_Wagstaff July 25, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Gee Rick, desperate for attention much?

Jus_Wonderin July 25, 2012 at 5:39 pm

What exactly is his job now? Law? Grift? Wearing a sandwich sign for the "Leather King Clearance Sale"?

miss_grundy July 25, 2012 at 10:03 pm

All the GOP wanna-be nominees are grifters who work for Faux News. Why hasn't Roger Ailes offered this jerk a contract yet?

a_pink_poodle July 25, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Yeah you liberals are way too intolerant to people who are intolerant of gays. What next, are you going to be intolerant to the KKK and Baltic war criminals?

widestanceromance July 25, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Peach? Really? That kid is gonna suck miles of cock before he even graduates* and it will all be Rick's fault. I make it a point to give the finger to the CFA I pass, even on Sundays, cuz I know Jeebis is looking.

*Home schoolers graduate to living room from kitchen, I guess.

mavenmaven July 25, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Santorum is doing exactly what Jesus would have done in this situation. White-Person-Jesus, of course, not the brown hebrew one.

Antispandex July 25, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Somehow, when he lost (again), I let myself believe we had heard the last of Frothy….and then depression set in.

tessiee July 25, 2012 at 5:32 pm

"in fact, some things taste better with a piece of chicken *shoved way up them*, if you know what I mean"

metamarcisf July 25, 2012 at 5:33 pm

The date of August 1 was chosen specifically by Gov. Huckabee because, in 1966, Charles Whitman killed 16 people at The University of Texas at Austin before being killed by the police.

tessiee July 25, 2012 at 5:34 pm

"if Christians affirm traditional values, we’re considered homophobic, fundamentalists, hate-mongers, and intolerant.”

One of these idiots *actually saying*, "I'm not homophobic, I just don't like homos" in
5…
4…
3…

sullivanst July 25, 2012 at 5:45 pm

"I don't hate gays, I just think they should be put to death"

fartknocker July 25, 2012 at 5:35 pm

They always fail to understand that a heterosexual man and woman created the child that enjoys his or her same sex. Mucking Forons.

tessiee July 25, 2012 at 5:38 pm

I call upon everyone who understands the smutty double meaning of "chicken" to laugh at Santorum in
3…
2…
Annnnnnnddd…
NOW!

Callyson July 25, 2012 at 5:39 pm

It is great that liberal groups call for tolerance and they are vigorous in standing up for themselves when someone is intolerant of them.

/fixed

/asshole

MozakiBlocks July 25, 2012 at 5:39 pm

Three words that should never be used in a headline together.

"Santorum, special and sauce".

Icky

Lazy Media July 25, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Chick-fil-A has sauce? I thought it was just a fried chikkie breast on a bun with a couple pickles. There's sauce now?

Guppy July 26, 2012 at 12:34 am

Get the deluxe club (the chicken is grilled and vegetables and optional cheese are added) and they give you a separate packet of sauce you can apply yourself.

Or so I've been told.

ATLbandita July 26, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Yeah – see, I was wondering the same thing. I think the kids meal may come with some mustard sauce or something, but I've never seen "Chick Fil A sauce" ….less'n you count a packet of mayonnaise. Oh, wait…

Extemporanus July 25, 2012 at 5:46 pm

The Colonel wept.

Typodong3 July 25, 2012 at 5:47 pm

You gotta love the convolutions in this statement: "It is sad that liberal groups call for tolerance yet they are vicious in their intolerance when someone disagrees with them."

So we are intolerant because we are intolerant of intolerance? The mind boggles…

sullivanst July 25, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Hell, even if he lives, it's still a win, because he'll be safely secluded in Chick-Fil-A the whole time, where we'll never be exposed to him.

Typodong3 July 25, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Well played sir.. well played.

tessiee July 25, 2012 at 5:57 pm

No offense, but I almost wish some Christer buttmunch would come right out and say they just plain don't like black people, never have, never will (with or without the bullshit justification that it's in the bibble somewhre) — for no other reason than to watch the repiglican dimwits tie themselves into knots trying to explain how that's not, really not, no really swear to god we mean it really, NOT racist.

Chet Kincaid July 25, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Sealy Posturpedic supports Traditional Marriage, and invites all one-man-one-woman couples with wedding rings to an evening of missionary relations at participating Bedding Experts stores on Saturday from 7 to 7:05 pm.

IonaTrailer July 25, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Off-topic, but relating to the 'Anglo-Saxon" values comment I offer these family values:
From Fox News:

the Republican presidential candidate's great-grandfather had five wives and at least one of his great-great grandfathers had 12.

Polygamy was not just a historical footnote, but a prominent element in the family tree of the former Massachusetts governor now seeking to become the first Mormon president.

Romney's great-grandfather, Miles Park Romney, married his fifth wife in 1897. That was more than six years after Mormon leaders banned polygamy and more than three decades after a federal law barred the practice.

Romney's great-grandmother, Hannah Hood Hill, was the daughter of polygamists. She wrote vividly in her autobiography about how she "used to walk the floor and shed tears of sorrow" over her own husband's multiple marriages.

Romney's great-great grandfather, Parley Pratt, an apostle in the church, had 12 wives. In an 1852 sermon, Parley Pratt's brother and fellow apostle, Orson Pratt, became the first church official to publicly proclaim and defend polygamy as a direct revelation from God.

Guppy July 26, 2012 at 12:40 am

The only part of his family history I give a damn about is the fact he was born on third and thinks he hit a triple.

Besides, ad hominem attacks that revolve around historical religious/cultural practices that are no longer relevant is a road nobody should go down, ever.

An_Outhouse July 26, 2012 at 9:42 am

yeah but Obama is black and Michelle's relatives were slaves.

CommieLibunatic July 25, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Aah, the old "libtards are intolerant" meme. An in-law just recently crapped out some Facebook… what do you call those dumb pictures/comics on Facebook that are overly sentimental/inflammatory?

Whatever. Anyway, he posts a thing, upsets my wife over him calling her an intolerant libtard, declares how he actually loves her like a daughter, then turns back around in the same breath to snarl at the aforementioned libtards.

How the hell does that meme even work, anyway? I don't run around cursing Muslims, Taoists, Jews, and all the other thousands of religions of Earth, at least not until they start harshin' our human rights. Y'know, like Santorum and his would do given the chance.

Thurman Munster IV July 25, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Time for a new Google bomb campaign girls! Chick fil-a also means…

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Awright. Which of you horrible, horrible people mixed up that "special sauce" for those unsuspecting dolts?

el_chupacabra July 25, 2012 at 6:25 pm

The supposedly tolerant are far too often intolerant of the intolerant. This lack of tolerance for the intolerable intolerant is intolerance at its worst. It's like the whole world is made of lactose and I just hate stinky poos.

zippy_w_pinhead July 25, 2012 at 6:29 pm

maybe the Santorums can meet
Abby Farle there for lunch…

Jennyjen798 July 25, 2012 at 6:50 pm

Eww Eww Eww!! For someone who doesn't like having his name associated with fecal matter, he sure likes to mix himself up with items that provoke that imagery. I mean really! He could have picked bbq, buffalo, ranch, honey mustard, or polynesian but nooo he had to pick the creamy brown bbq mustard mess. What a sick man.

Fraudulently_Joe July 25, 2012 at 7:06 pm

FWIW, to turn of my snark for a second, my interpretation has always been the former, but with the corrolary that this insight into courtship in Roman Judea also reveals that any "Biblically-derived" thoughts on courtship are going to be necessarily be coming from a perspective that's fundamentally meaningless to adults living in the modern world, where we live as independent adults for a decade or so, between leaving our parental home and forming families of our own.

Back when I dated an evangelical girl, I tried to explain this to her, but she didn't really buy it at the time. But then we broke up and she started scissoring other ladies, so I suppose she eventually got past that issue in her own way.

horsedreamer_1 July 25, 2012 at 7:29 pm

The closing is quite capable in the course of masturbating.

anniegetyerfun July 26, 2012 at 12:43 am

Oh, sorry about the scissoring! I mean, I'm not, because it's a totally great way to spend an afternoon, but it seems like you went to a lot of work for nothing!

Fraudulently_Joe July 26, 2012 at 4:28 am

Meh, I'm happy enough for her, and it's especially okay that she's heaping her crazy and fear of commitment on someone else for a change. We were on-and-off for a super-rocky FIVE AND A HALF YEARS, ALANANNIE.

Plus, there were plenty of signs that I was too dense to pick up on at the time. I mean, she was really into villanelles, for one.

Biff July 25, 2012 at 7:22 pm

You know, if they were really serious, they'd do this on Sunday. Every Sunday.

What? They aren't open on Sunday? Well. That's different, then.

Never mind…

StealthMuslin July 25, 2012 at 7:54 pm

If it even tangentially involves cock Santorum's all over it.

docterry6973 July 25, 2012 at 8:04 pm

Santorum is all about the sauce.

I attended a workshop with the Chick-a-Fil guy a year or two ago. He is just as annoying in person as you might expect. Screw him, Santorum, and their dancing horse.

ttommyunger July 25, 2012 at 8:30 pm

So, what part of the chicken is the Nugget? Just wonderin'…

mosjef July 25, 2012 at 8:40 pm

This just in: Santorum found in Chick-Fil-A men's room sucking a bone.

annettaj July 25, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Fat, greasy and doughy. Wingnuts like Santorum and anything from Chik-fil-a.

Guppy July 25, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Mandate to buy health insurance = bad
Mandate to buy Chick-Fil-A = good

Does Santorum know that Cathy isn't Cafflick?

fuflans July 25, 2012 at 9:54 pm

i have not listened to beethoven's 7th symphony in a long time.

oddly, it does not fill me with rage.

tweeksmom July 25, 2012 at 10:09 pm

This explains his kids short lifespans…..

Dashboard Buddha July 25, 2012 at 10:52 pm

This is making the rounds. This would be fun. Fuck, I would dress in drag for it. At first I thought there were no CFAs above the Manson-Nixon line, but there are some in NH and MA, and they may be moving northward…Sort of like creeping sharia, except with Christians, HFCS, fat, salt, and dough.

BonoboReview July 26, 2012 at 12:19 am

My only hope in this imbroglio is that the In-N-Out folks are not reached for comment.

DahBoner July 26, 2012 at 6:45 am

If you want some boobs, just fil-a-chik.

Allmighty_Manos July 26, 2012 at 9:32 am

The owner of Chick-fil-a must want to kill Huckabee by now. The guy told a reporters that basically "yeah, I'm a Jesus freak, but back to chicken." It would have probably died except for Huck trying to ignite a culture war out it. Mother fucker has basically made it impossible for me to go there ever again.

LIT_Fag July 26, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Can someone photoshop a pic of Frothy eating
a chicken sandwich with the CFA logo, and the
Headline "Chick-Fil-A with santorum" (and a link
To the urban dic definition) and start distributing it
On FB?

I like they way they have no qualms about
boycotting or speaking out against businesses like
Disney that express their beliefs that The Gheys are ok

GhostBuggy July 25, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Eh, they're ranch-dressed like they want it.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Just goes to show. You can't trust chicks of ANY species.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 27, 2012 at 1:21 am

So you DID see the way that chicken was dressed!

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