avon calling!

Texas Congressman Pete Olson Is Here to Defend Honor of America, Capitalism, Ladies’ Purse Parties

But what about Pleasure Parties?Question: is the American spirit of entrepreneurship, self-reliance, and rugged individualism so very very delicate that it can’t withstand the weight of a simple declarative sentence? Answer: yes. Yes it is. Luckily, many people, some of them idiots and most of them Republicans, have taken to the internets and airwaves to defend the honor of America, and FREEDOM! Like: this guy! Representative Pete Olson (R-Tex), who took time away from the Beef Caucus, the Rice Caucus, and the Diabetes Caucus (along with a bunch of other caucuses) to type a bunch of stuff for the Hill about entrepreneurial spirit and defend the honor of  those ladies who have purse parties. (No, seriously.) Because is Obama really saying that these nice ladies didn’t “build” their own purse party empires, and how DARE he?

“If you’ve got a business — you didn’t build that. Somebody else made that happen.” – President Obama, Roanoke, VA on July 13, 2012

Mr. President, I fundamentally disagree.  In our capitalist system, businesses are created by an individual or group of individuals who have an idea for a product or service that others will want to purchase and, yes, so they can make a profit. This fundamental truth of our opportunity society is what built America, not government, bureaucrats, or mass armies of community organizers.

Do you really need examples? If so, consider the woman who starts selling homemade purses that she thinks women will want to buy, or a cook who decides to open a restaurant to feed people meals that he thinks they will appreciate. On a larger scale, a college dropout may sit in his basement trying to develop better ways for people to connect, communicate, or move data – think Steve Jobs and Bill Gates.

Huh. Here we are, thinking that it was Founding Fathers™ that built America, but good to know that they were nothing but a bunch of bureaucrats and community organizers. Glad that’s settled! Oh, and Pete? Steve Jobs actually started Apple in a garage, not a basement, and Microsoft began in Bill Gates’ Harvard dorm room. And also,  that data wouldn’t be able to move very far without the Internet which, as we discussed, was the result of a government funded project, but we digress.

These humble business ideas gave birth to a multitude of mom and pop shops we find in every community across America, as well as many reputable corporations that employ thousands around the world. The initiative and creativity of these entrepreneurs feed us, clothe us, and revolutionize how people across the globe communicate. Initiative and creativity are responsible for the historic strength of our economy and the vast majority of jobs created in the United States.

And outside the United States too, we bet!

Creating a new business takes coming up with an idea that will be of value to the marketplace, a successful business plan and the commitment to invest in the concept. Most businesses are born out of creativity or as a result of necessity – all involve a tremendous amount of resources, hard work and/or risk.

For any business to succeed, someone must be willing to step forward, make the investment and take the risk. While many businesses succeed, just as many fail. Good entrepreneurs learn from their failures and try again, often realizing the success that eluded them previously. Many smart people develop good business plans at the wrong time or in a bad economy, but those that succeed are the ones who stay at it.

Hear that, Poors? If you succeed, it’s because you “learned from…failures” and “stayed at it.” If you didn’t succeed, well, you must not have learned, or failed to stick with it; that’s the only explanation. Or maybe you didn’t work hard enough, or risk enough. Like Blackwater. Blackwater learned from its failures and tried again.  Same with AIG! Or the Corrections Corporation of America, which manages private, for profit prisons across the country — they tried again and again and again, and — well, they’re still trying but they’ll get it right, eventually! And THAT — not airy-fairy concepts like “freedom” or “the pursuit of happiness” –THAT is what makes America great!

[The Hill]

About the author

Kris E. Benson writes about politics for Wonkette and is pursuing a doctorate in philosophy. This will come in handy for when they finally open that philosophy factory in the next town over. @Kris_E_Benson

View all articles by Kris E. Benson

Comments

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  • Barb_

    I hope the purse is big enough to hold the chicken I have to take to the doctor to pay for my exam.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Go to a clinic. They take cutlets.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      They'll give you your change in chicken mcnuggets.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Say, do you have change for a roaster?

      • NellCote71

        Maybe even Chik Fil A in change.

  • DrunkIrishman

    I am so fucking tired of lying, hypocritical twatbag Republicans who feel the need to distort the truth because reality can't help them make their illogical point work. You know what? Go take those ten fingers and shove 'em up your goddamn ass you skinny, balding, butt chin piece of fucking maggot shit.

    • Baconzgood

      What he said.

      • CrunchyKnee

        What he said he said. Also, too.

        • Goonemeritus

          I'm in

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            I'm all in

          • UnholyMoses

            In like Flynn.

          • Callyson

            Win.

          • Typodong3

            Down like a clown!

          • Boojum

            All the way to ass town (where he lives).

    • Callyson

      Seriously–this fucking deliberate misquote is one of the most irritating things the Reeps have done this year, though I am sure that by November it won't even make my Top Ten list of asshole GOP moves…

      • NellCote71

        Not taking that bet.

    • MrsConclusion

      To my dismay, I agree completely with this comment. That idiot Olsen's drivel was like a ninth grader's done-in-homeroom civics report. My question, as always, is: Lying, or stupid? I need a drink, Irishman.

  • mrpuma2u

    Yeah Bill Gates built Harvard, then got his degree from there and then invented digital everything without any help from anybody, especially not his rich dad.

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Not to mention he created all of disks he used, put together a computer from scratch, didn't utilize any one else's theories or computer science and even made his own axe, went out to the woods and chopped down his own trees to make a desk from a patch of forest he owned. He never used anything subsidized in production…because that's gubmint! Then…he built his own trucks and paved his own roads to supply storefronts he personally built and owned. Then, he built his own phone lines parallel to those parasitic "government" lines, built his own schools and educated his future workforce based upon books he had written, desks he'd made and chalkboards he personally built. Face it people…Bill Gates did ALL of that so he's CLEARLY entirely self-made.

  • guangho

    And the meals were made by magical capitalist pixie dust.

  • ChernobylSoup

    But now that the infrastructure fairy is getting old and not building things like she used to, more and more of those great ideas never get off the ground.

    • bobbert

      Imma steal "infrastructure fairy".

  • sbj1964

    Was Texas ground Zero test range for our Top secret idiot bomb?People in Kansas are like yeah were stupid ,but at least were not TEXAS.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Just thank God it wasn't the Nude Bomb. We might never recover from that.

      • bflrtsplk

        Man, if we had to look at Rush Limbaugh n——-, no I can`t even write it, let alone say it.

        • Boojum

          Guys, one word: Editrix.

          Drop the bomb, baby!

  • bumfug

    I like that picture – it looks like he's saying "My mind works at the level of someone this many years old".

    • Baconzgood

      I was thinking "I once sucked this many Rent Boy's cocks in one sitting"

    • FakaktaSouth

      I thought he looked like the grandma on Sixteen Candles right before she felt up Samantha and forgot her birthday.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I see his hands, and I am convinced he's a catcher

    • TavariousChinaSmith

      No, he's saying, "Smell my fingers!"

  • Baconzgood

    Nice Jazz hands.

    • ChernobylSoup

      "Just Jack!"

      • Extemporanus

        Spirit Fingers!

        • elviouslyqueer

          Fosse Fosse Fosse!

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            Vogue!

          • Extemporanus

            "CAW! CAW!"

            [Alright, this is the third fucking time that I've left this dumb reply. Why does IntenseDebate hate hand shadow puppets?!]

  • SorosBot

    "If so, consider the woman who starts selling homemade purses that she thinks women will want to buy, or a cook who decides to open a restaurant to feed people meals that he thinks they will appreciate. "

    Or consider the wealthy son of an auto CEO who decides to buy up those smaller companies, fire all their employees and liquidate their assets for profit.

    • Boojum

      And gets sued, based on spurious copyright/trademark claims and is driven into bankruptcy.

  • bumfug

    "And then when someone buys a purse, the lady who made it delivers it to her. By walking In the dirt, 'cause FUCK government roads."

    • NellCote71

      And what is she going to buy said purse with? Government-issued money? I don't think so.

  • Allmighty_Manos

    Good point Pete. How else do we explain the amazing rise of the world's latest economic superpower Somalia?

    • Boojum

      Do they even have white people there?

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Roads and sewers are made by Space Jeebus and the Invisible Hand.

    • HistoriCat

      "Roads and sewers are made" is pretty good but after that Space Jeebus and the Invisible Hand really went downhill. Their last album was an embarrassment.

  • elviouslyqueer

    An elected governmental representative who is, by definition, on the government payroll bitches about what now?

  • Extemporanus

    "Like all black men, President Obama is a purse snatcher."

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Or a snatch purser.

      Hey, just cuz he drives a Cad'lac and wears a big floppy hat…

      • elviouslyqueer

        ROLL DEEP!

        • Extemporanus

          Adele?!

      • Extemporanus

        GOPHER LIBEL!

  • FakaktaSouth

    Yes, a woman with a purse making company, she starts off with some cotton and and cows, grows all of this for fabric and leather, and when people ask her where she got the sewing machine, she tells folks, I smelted it. Women with purse companies really CAN do it all and this man did not prove PresO's point one bit. Man what the hell have I been doing?

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Not to mention she also tanned the leather herself and then paved the roads from her home so all her customers could come by and check out her wares. Then, to top it off…she wired all the phones in the city herself, printed the newspapers and nickel ads for advertising and delivered those nickel ads herself…my god, Pete Olson is right!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    This guy is just stone cold sucking the cocks of them entrepeneurs.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    He's just shilling for Big Purse!!

  • Billmatic

    Is he trying to get down with the Wu in that picture?

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      He's telling us "I'm this many years old!"

  • bobbert

    Pete Olson, whose business experience is

    1. Attending College
    2. Attending law school
    3. Nine years in the US Navy (socialist!)
    4. Nine more years on the congressional staffs of Phil Gramm and John Cornyn
    5. Two terms in the US Congress

    Talk to me more about mom-and-pop businesses, Pete, from your vast personal experience.

    • OneDollarJuana

      3. Nine years in the US Navy (socialist!)

      And sodomist, if what I hear about the Navy is true.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Since he had to do nine years in the Navy after attending law school, my guess would be that the Navy paid for his law school too, and maybe even his undergrad degree…

        • elviouslyqueer

          Yes, but that was military, not government. And HOW DARE YOU confuse the two.

          Oh, wait.

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      He's knows all about small bidniz helping deregulate the financial industry to allow "small" big banks to become even bigger ones.

    • http://mwittier.tumblr.com/ mwittier

      "Talk to me more about mom-and-pop businesses, Pete, from your vast personal experience."

      And by all means, be as condescending (and consequently inaccurate) as possible. No, really: talk to me like I'm a third-generation Palin. About how ladies like purses, and "cooks" create restaurants out of nothing but food and man-dreams. Assume I know as little as our current President and need to be spoonfed "facts" like they're Lucky Charms cereal.

      Because I find that really winning, and likely to change my point of view.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    How come Olson knows so much about "purse parties"? Is he not hetero? What "real man" knows what women do?

    • elviouslyqueer

      What "real man" knows what women do?

      Peter Scolari and Tom Hanks?

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        I'm not convinced on Scolari.

  • Pragmatist2

    And this would be the very same Pete Olson who has spent every day of how working life on the government payroll? http://olson.house.gov/index.cfm?sectionid=2&…

  • CrunchyKnee

    Once again Texass, you set the bar for Arizona and South Carolina.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    In the Hippie states they have Cuddle Parties. Which is weird I think.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Huh, I thought David Byrne had gone gray.

    • bumfug

      He's from Texas. David Byrne wouldn't live there if you paid him to.

      • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

        He wouldn't do the things those people do.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        He does occasionally grace us with his presence with a concert or two though, probably because he feels sorry for us.

      • Baconzgood
    • sullivanst

      Nick Cage libel!

      • bobbert

        Yeah, that was mt first reaction. What the fuck is a picture of Nick Cage doing on this story?

  • Tequila Mockingbird

    What a coincidence, next week I'm hosting a party for some nice Honduran orphans who make 23 cents an hour at the Louis Vitton factory.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    If all you've got is a quote ripped from its context, then the rest of the world looks like a box of hammers.

  • OneDollarJuana

    " Good entrepreneurs politicians learn from their failures and try again, often realizing the success that eluded them previously. " Except for you and the other Tea Baggers.

  • Come here a minute

    President Obama: "You didn't macramé that!"

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "You didn't manufacture that Tupperware bowl set!"

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        But you might live long enough to die from the results of the climate change helped along, ever so slightly, from plastics.

  • OneYieldRegular

    "These humble business ideas gave birth to a multitude of mom and pop shops we find in every community across America, as well as many reputable corporations that eat up these mom and pop shops like Rush Limbaugh in front of a pile of hamburgers and take advantage of massive corporate tax breaks and cheap foreign labor to provide the goods and services they deliver to thousands of unemployed Americans."

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Your move, Small Business Administration loan.

  • ChernobylSoup

    It's time to fire up the old "I like to fire people."

    Nobody wants to stoop to their level but if they want to throw context to the same place they tossed nuance back in 2000, fuck it, we can do it too.

  • gullywompr

    Businesses operate within, and benefit from, the environment created by the government. Without government, business would literally not exist, not the least of which reason is there would be no legal system to recognize the status of a corporation. Cripes almighty, man! That's what govenment was initially created for in the first place!

    That whole "we the people thing" is the new kid on the block. Government for the people, not just for business, is truly an American invention. Get used to it, Mr. Olsen.

    Furthermore, parsing out the "roads and bridges" part of the President's sentence makes you a liar.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    And if I open a restaurant and poison everyone with my new and improved botulism burger (Now WIth EXTRA Rat Feces!!!!) that is for the free market to sort out.

    • savethispatient

      That's all right, as long as you have health certification from the BSFD Board of Restaurant Hygiene. Members: 1.

    • bobbert

      Don't forget to include the lemonade with proprietary ingredients.

  • Fairtackle

    Nothing wins me over like being talked down to by an idiot.

    • http://mwittier.tumblr.com/ mwittier

      Purse-y purse-y lady lady.
      Microsoft good! Obama bad bad man.
      LOOK AT MY WIGGLY FINGERS! LOOK AT MY WIGGLY FINGERS!

      DEBATE SUPERSTAR!

  • UnholyMoses

    Dude's got small hands.

    I bet he doesn't have a very big caucus …

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      He's got a purty mouf, tho.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Was the Corrections Corporation of America the private prison enterprise that wrote Arizona's anti-immigrant law?

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Yes. They write legislation, but apparently don't pay the governor enough to get a decent hairdresser.

      • Tundra Grifter

        Jukes: Always nice to hear from you – things are just too quiet when you take time off.

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          Awww, thanks, friend.

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          TG, are you the Wonk I was talking to about the book club?I still haven't found that blog you told me about.If you want to discuss, feel free to contact me at the name-you-know-me-by at yahooooo dot com.If I have this screwed up, feel free to slap me with a forgetful tag and ignore this.

  • James Michael Curley

    The itsy, bitsy spider went up the water spout,
    Out came Bain and wiped the spider out, …

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "as well as many disreputable corporations that exploit hundreds of thousands around the world."

    FTFY

  • anniegetyerfun

    Someone prolly already submitted this, but Rmoney's ad picking apart Obama's "you never built nothin', cracker" statement (that's exactly what he said) featured a businessman who was all indignant and, like, "Yo, I totally built everything with my bare hands, Obama!" – yeah, that guy got so much money from the government.
    http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/politics/2012/07/star

    • sullivanst

      Get that link over to Wonkville at once!

      • anniegetyerfun

        I tried! And it was all “Give us a URL and then another URL.” What the fuck do they need with the second URL?

        • sullivanst

          Well, that's unfortunate.

          I totally stole your link and submitted it myself. I totally didn't understand the system well enough to credit you. Sorry ;) I also totally noticed that Designer_Rants submitted a different link for the same story this morning, and in addition noticed that Wonkville needs to punish links for age much more heavily than it's currently doing.

          • anniegetyerfun

            And I thought I understood the interwebz.

          • sullivanst

            BTW, it looks like the "domain" is supposed to be filled in by javascript, so if that's not working, maybe try a different browser (it worked for me in Firefox; I think I might possibly remember Rebecca saying something about it taking a while to fill in sometimes, so maybe just waiting might work too)

          • anniegetyerfun

            Ah, yes, Domain. I'm using Firefox, and am loath to switch to IE, but could. Without a domain, though, you get an error message.

          • sullivanst

            I just had a look at what it's doing when you enter the URL, and changing browsers probably won't help, the code looks cross-browser-safe, but it's phoning home to ask the Wonkette server about the page; the Wonkette server probably goes off and looks up your URL, then processes the answer it gets into a new answer for you, and that whole process might end up taking a while depending on how clogged the tubes are.

            Wow, that sentence almost ran on long enough to count as Melvillesque. No, I didn't much enjoy reading Moby Dick.

          • bobbert

            Chrome, baby.

            (I'm a fairly recent convert, but so far what I've noticed is it fucking works).

    • AncienReggie

      Thanks, a!

    • viennawoods13

      I did, but it's buried somewhere by now.

  • http://wonkette.com OldWhiteLies

    I can't be the only one with an unscrubbed mind such that Purse Parties sounds like some double entendré for a Laydeez-Only party at which catalogues of sex toys are gleefully handed about – am I?

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      No, that's called a Bridal Shower.

    • Bezoar

      No, that's what I thought too! "Purse party"!? Hah!

    • Gleem McShineys

      I threw a pistol-polishing party for myself, just picturing this.

    • bobbert

      Pursey parties.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    To whom did he deliver this lecture? Miss Stowe's second grade class?

  • sullivanst

    And those purse parties would totally work without public highways.

  • Antispandex

    Now were those purses made from leather? Because we heavily subsidize the catlle industry…no he would know that, being from Texas and all…foreign purses perhaps? Well sure, it's un-American and all, but still very…no, wait, they get even MORE subsidies than U.S.of America farmers…I give up. I have no idea what the fuck he is talking about.
    (BTW, restaurants fail at an incredible rate, like, over 20% in the first year…but what would I know about it? Listen to the neo-Reagans.)

    • http://mwittier.tumblr.com/ mwittier

      Nuh-uh!

      Like to cook? Open a restaurant! That all it takes! If you like to cook, the rest comes naturally. I learned this from watching Gordon Ramsey. From between my horrified fingers, while hiding between sofa cushions.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Actually, I'm just really impressed that he knows how to spell "clothe".

  • mavenmaven

    "Good entrepreneurs learn from their failures and try again, often realizing the success that eluded them previously."
    Unless they die of starvation in between jobs, which no longer happens in America thanks to "socialist" unemployment benefits, etc.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      We also have a history of presidential administrations that are reelected and given a second chance to try again. We only draw a line if the color of the president doesn't match the color of the executive mansion.

  • BlueStateLibel

    And if all else fails, get a massive government bailout. Or better yet, go all Romney, buy up companies with money lent from your daddy's friends, plunder pension funds, ship jobs overseas or eliminate them entirely, and then charge the company massive "consulting fees" which the hapless employee slobs have to pay off. Amirite?

    • bobbert

      Or, in this guy's case, live off the government teat for your whole life.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    In an effort to leverage the popularity of an existing program, the History Channel has invited Olson to host their newest offering, American Nose Pickers

  • majicunderwear

    So glad these republicans is learnin that Blah bout our freedoms and the godliness of capitalism. This and our precious second amendment protections of assault weapons is really all any civilized nation needs to to be exceptional.

  • chascates

    Oh yeah? Well what about Jesus, huh? Bet you Pete Olson can't do anything without the help of his lord and savior.

  • widestanceromance

    Is he demonstrating how to perform scissors while saving yourself for gay marriage?

  • widestanceromance

    Sometimes, when two hand turkeys love each other very much. . .

    • Tundra Grifter

      wsr:

      Had to think about that one for a moment – then it went off.

      Nice.

      • widestanceromance

        Glad you enjoyed time-release snark.

  • Me_K_Cong

    And just to be clear, the oil companies don't owe any of their success to the fact that Earth's atmosphere is 20% oxygen.

    • Boojum

      19…18…17…

  • thefrontpage

    My wife went to a Purse Party this past weekend that was hosted by Mindy Meyer, and my lovely wife said it was a lot of fun. Among the attendees were Michelle Malkin, Michelle Bachmann, Sarah Palin, Bristol Palin, Ann Coulter, Condeeleezzaa Rice, Harriet Miers, Dana Perino, Laura Bush and Meghan McCan't. Apparently, the Purse Party, sponsored by Trojan, went on all night, and everyone crashed on beds together. Everyone ended up buying various products, and they went out to brunch on Sunday morning, after stopping to buy aspirin. So these things do contribute to the economy! And they improve marriages, too!

    • viennawoods13

      And they were all wearing ladylike kelly green outfits that hid their knees.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    society is what built America, not government

  • LocalGirlMakesGoo

    Mittens/Jazzhands 2012!

  • DahBoner

    The fatal error Jesus made is that he didn't build his own roads & bridges to escape after he pissed off the Temple bankers.

    JESUS YOU DIDN'T BUILD THAT

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    … and in his Mom's garage, for Pete's sake!! Doesn't anyone read Wikipedia??

  • rickmaci

    A person could get very tired trying to keep up every day with all the really stupid shit that comes out of the mouths of the Texas Reptard congressional delegation.

  • TribecaMike

    What kind of Anglo-Saxon name is Olson?

  • TribecaMike

    Even a third-rate amateur Slydini like me can see that his left hand is backpalming the quarter. In the magic world, that's called flashing. He should stick to the kind of flashing he does best.

  • ttommyunger

    Alt Cap: "And as you can see, there is nothing up my sleeves – except hair…..lots and lots of hair.

  • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

    It seems like every time I make an effort to see things from conservatives' point of view and try to get a feeling for the genuine anxieties they have about the state of things and how the solutions they put forward might contain elements of something useful and worthy, along comes a five-ton meme-turd like "You didn't build that!" and it becomes clear what a bunch of mentally stunted delusional cretins we're dealing with. I don't *want* to call you nasty names, you sorry-ass Republican morons, but you *make* me do it! YOU MAKE ME DO IT!!

  • shelwood46

    I know Jobs is dead and Gates is notoriously apolitcal, but perhaps Steve Wozniak and Steve Ballmer would like to day something about Jobs and Gates building their companies all by themselves.