Texas Congressman Pete Olson Is Here to Defend Honor of America, Capitalism, Ladies’ Purse Parties

  avon calling!

But what about Pleasure Parties?Question: is the American spirit of entrepreneurship, self-reliance, and rugged individualism so very very delicate that it can’t withstand the weight of a simple declarative sentence? Answer: yes. Yes it is. Luckily, many people, some of them idiots and most of them Republicans, have taken to the internets and airwaves to defend the honor of America, and FREEDOM! Like: this guy! Representative Pete Olson (R-Tex), who took time away from the Beef Caucus, the Rice Caucus, and the Diabetes Caucus (along with a bunch of other caucuses) to type a bunch of stuff for the Hill about entrepreneurial spirit and defend the honor of  those ladies who have purse parties. (No, seriously.) Because is Obama really saying that these nice ladies didn’t “build” their own purse party empires, and how DARE he?

“If you’ve got a business — you didn’t build that. Somebody else made that happen.” – President Obama, Roanoke, VA on July 13, 2012

Mr. President, I fundamentally disagree.  In our capitalist system, businesses are created by an individual or group of individuals who have an idea for a product or service that others will want to purchase and, yes, so they can make a profit. This fundamental truth of our opportunity society is what built America, not government, bureaucrats, or mass armies of community organizers.

Do you really need examples? If so, consider the woman who starts selling homemade purses that she thinks women will want to buy, or a cook who decides to open a restaurant to feed people meals that he thinks they will appreciate. On a larger scale, a college dropout may sit in his basement trying to develop better ways for people to connect, communicate, or move data – think Steve Jobs and Bill Gates.

Huh. Here we are, thinking that it was Founding Fathers™ that built America, but good to know that they were nothing but a bunch of bureaucrats and community organizers. Glad that’s settled! Oh, and Pete? Steve Jobs actually started Apple in a garage, not a basement, and Microsoft began in Bill Gates’ Harvard dorm room. And also,  that data wouldn’t be able to move very far without the Internet which, as we discussed, was the result of a government funded project, but we digress.

These humble business ideas gave birth to a multitude of mom and pop shops we find in every community across America, as well as many reputable corporations that employ thousands around the world. The initiative and creativity of these entrepreneurs feed us, clothe us, and revolutionize how people across the globe communicate. Initiative and creativity are responsible for the historic strength of our economy and the vast majority of jobs created in the United States.

And outside the United States too, we bet!

Creating a new business takes coming up with an idea that will be of value to the marketplace, a successful business plan and the commitment to invest in the concept. Most businesses are born out of creativity or as a result of necessity – all involve a tremendous amount of resources, hard work and/or risk.

For any business to succeed, someone must be willing to step forward, make the investment and take the risk. While many businesses succeed, just as many fail. Good entrepreneurs learn from their failures and try again, often realizing the success that eluded them previously. Many smart people develop good business plans at the wrong time or in a bad economy, but those that succeed are the ones who stay at it.

Hear that, Poors? If you succeed, it’s because you “learned from…failures” and “stayed at it.” If you didn’t succeed, well, you must not have learned, or failed to stick with it; that’s the only explanation. Or maybe you didn’t work hard enough, or risk enough. Like Blackwater. Blackwater learned from its failures and tried again.  Same with AIG! Or the Corrections Corporation of America, which manages private, for profit prisons across the country — they tried again and again and again, and — well, they’re still trying but they’ll get it right, eventually! And THAT — not airy-fairy concepts like “freedom” or “the pursuit of happiness” –THAT is what makes America great!

[The Hill]

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Kris E. Benson writes about politics for Wonkette and is pursuing a doctorate in philosophy. This will come in handy for when they finally open that philosophy factory in the next town over. @Kris_E_Benson

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146 comments

  1. Barb_

    I hope the purse is big enough to hold the chicken I have to take to the doctor to pay for my exam.

  2. DrunkIrishman

    I am so fucking tired of lying, hypocritical twatbag Republicans who feel the need to distort the truth because reality can't help them make their illogical point work. You know what? Go take those ten fingers and shove 'em up your goddamn ass you skinny, balding, butt chin piece of fucking maggot shit.

    1. Callyson

      Seriously–this fucking deliberate misquote is one of the most irritating things the Reeps have done this year, though I am sure that by November it won't even make my Top Ten list of asshole GOP moves…

    2. MrsConclusion

      To my dismay, I agree completely with this comment. That idiot Olsen's drivel was like a ninth grader's done-in-homeroom civics report. My question, as always, is: Lying, or stupid? I need a drink, Irishman.

  3. mrpuma2u

    Yeah Bill Gates built Harvard, then got his degree from there and then invented digital everything without any help from anybody, especially not his rich dad.

    1. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Not to mention he created all of disks he used, put together a computer from scratch, didn't utilize any one else's theories or computer science and even made his own axe, went out to the woods and chopped down his own trees to make a desk from a patch of forest he owned. He never used anything subsidized in production…because that's gubmint! Then…he built his own trucks and paved his own roads to supply storefronts he personally built and owned. Then, he built his own phone lines parallel to those parasitic "government" lines, built his own schools and educated his future workforce based upon books he had written, desks he'd made and chalkboards he personally built. Face it people…Bill Gates did ALL of that so he's CLEARLY entirely self-made.

  4. ChernobylSoup

    But now that the infrastructure fairy is getting old and not building things like she used to, more and more of those great ideas never get off the ground.

  5. sbj1964

    Was Texas ground Zero test range for our Top secret idiot bomb?People in Kansas are like yeah were stupid ,but at least were not TEXAS.

      1. bflrtsplk

        Man, if we had to look at Rush Limbaugh n——-, no I can`t even write it, let alone say it.

  6. bumfug

    I like that picture – it looks like he's saying "My mind works at the level of someone this many years old".

    1. FakaktaSouth

      I thought he looked like the grandma on Sixteen Candles right before she felt up Samantha and forgot her birthday.

          1. Extemporanus

            "CAW! CAW!"

            [Alright, this is the third fucking time that I've left this dumb reply. Why does IntenseDebate hate hand shadow puppets?!]

  7. SorosBot

    "If so, consider the woman who starts selling homemade purses that she thinks women will want to buy, or a cook who decides to open a restaurant to feed people meals that he thinks they will appreciate. "

    Or consider the wealthy son of an auto CEO who decides to buy up those smaller companies, fire all their employees and liquidate their assets for profit.

    1. Boojum

      And gets sued, based on spurious copyright/trademark claims and is driven into bankruptcy.

  8. bumfug

    "And then when someone buys a purse, the lady who made it delivers it to her. By walking In the dirt, 'cause FUCK government roads."

    1. NellCote71

      And what is she going to buy said purse with? Government-issued money? I don't think so.

  9. Allmighty_Manos

    Good point Pete. How else do we explain the amazing rise of the world's latest economic superpower Somalia?

    1. HistoriCat

      "Roads and sewers are made" is pretty good but after that Space Jeebus and the Invisible Hand really went downhill. Their last album was an embarrassment.

  10. elviouslyqueer

    An elected governmental representative who is, by definition, on the government payroll bitches about what now?

  11. FakaktaSouth

    Yes, a woman with a purse making company, she starts off with some cotton and and cows, grows all of this for fabric and leather, and when people ask her where she got the sewing machine, she tells folks, I smelted it. Women with purse companies really CAN do it all and this man did not prove PresO's point one bit. Man what the hell have I been doing?

    1. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Not to mention she also tanned the leather herself and then paved the roads from her home so all her customers could come by and check out her wares. Then, to top it off…she wired all the phones in the city herself, printed the newspapers and nickel ads for advertising and delivered those nickel ads herself…my god, Pete Olson is right!

  12. bobbert

    Pete Olson, whose business experience is

    1. Attending College
    2. Attending law school
    3. Nine years in the US Navy (socialist!)
    4. Nine more years on the congressional staffs of Phil Gramm and John Cornyn
    5. Two terms in the US Congress

    Talk to me more about mom-and-pop businesses, Pete, from your vast personal experience.

    1. OneDollarJuana

      3. Nine years in the US Navy (socialist!)

      And sodomist, if what I hear about the Navy is true.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        Since he had to do nine years in the Navy after attending law school, my guess would be that the Navy paid for his law school too, and maybe even his undergrad degree…

        1. elviouslyqueer

          Yes, but that was military, not government. And HOW DARE YOU confuse the two.

          Oh, wait.

    2. mwittier

      "Talk to me more about mom-and-pop businesses, Pete, from your vast personal experience."

      And by all means, be as condescending (and consequently inaccurate) as possible. No, really: talk to me like I'm a third-generation Palin. About how ladies like purses, and "cooks" create restaurants out of nothing but food and man-dreams. Assume I know as little as our current President and need to be spoonfed "facts" like they're Lucky Charms cereal.

      Because I find that really winning, and likely to change my point of view.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        He does occasionally grace us with his presence with a concert or two though, probably because he feels sorry for us.

      1. bobbert

        Yeah, that was mt first reaction. What the fuck is a picture of Nick Cage doing on this story?

  13. Tequila Mockingbird

    What a coincidence, next week I'm hosting a party for some nice Honduran orphans who make 23 cents an hour at the Louis Vitton factory.

  14. OneDollarJuana

    " Good entrepreneurs politicians learn from their failures and try again, often realizing the success that eluded them previously. " Except for you and the other Tea Baggers.

  15. OneYieldRegular

    "These humble business ideas gave birth to a multitude of mom and pop shops we find in every community across America, as well as many reputable corporations that eat up these mom and pop shops like Rush Limbaugh in front of a pile of hamburgers and take advantage of massive corporate tax breaks and cheap foreign labor to provide the goods and services they deliver to thousands of unemployed Americans."

  16. ChernobylSoup

    It's time to fire up the old "I like to fire people."

    Nobody wants to stoop to their level but if they want to throw context to the same place they tossed nuance back in 2000, fuck it, we can do it too.

  17. gullywompr

    Businesses operate within, and benefit from, the environment created by the government. Without government, business would literally not exist, not the least of which reason is there would be no legal system to recognize the status of a corporation. Cripes almighty, man! That's what govenment was initially created for in the first place!

    That whole "we the people thing" is the new kid on the block. Government for the people, not just for business, is truly an American invention. Get used to it, Mr. Olsen.

    Furthermore, parsing out the "roads and bridges" part of the President's sentence makes you a liar.

  18. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    And if I open a restaurant and poison everyone with my new and improved botulism burger (Now WIth EXTRA Rat Feces!!!!) that is for the free market to sort out.

    1. savethispatient

      That's all right, as long as you have health certification from the BSFD Board of Restaurant Hygiene. Members: 1.

    1. mwittier

      Purse-y purse-y lady lady.
      Microsoft good! Obama bad bad man.
      LOOK AT MY WIGGLY FINGERS! LOOK AT MY WIGGLY FINGERS!

      DEBATE SUPERSTAR!

  19. Tundra Grifter

    Was the Corrections Corporation of America the private prison enterprise that wrote Arizona's anti-immigrant law?

      1. Tundra Grifter

        Jukes: Always nice to hear from you – things are just too quiet when you take time off.

        1. Jukesgrrl

          TG, are you the Wonk I was talking to about the book club?I still haven't found that blog you told me about.If you want to discuss, feel free to contact me at the name-you-know-me-by at yahooooo dot com.If I have this screwed up, feel free to slap me with a forgetful tag and ignore this.

  20. James Michael Curley

    The itsy, bitsy spider went up the water spout,
    Out came Bain and wiped the spider out, …

  21. BaldarTFlagass

    "as well as many disreputable corporations that exploit hundreds of thousands around the world."

    FTFY

  22. anniegetyerfun

    Someone prolly already submitted this, but Rmoney's ad picking apart Obama's "you never built nothin', cracker" statement (that's exactly what he said) featured a businessman who was all indignant and, like, "Yo, I totally built everything with my bare hands, Obama!" – yeah, that guy got so much money from the government.
    http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/politics/2012/07/star

      1. anniegetyerfun

        I tried! And it was all “Give us a URL and then another URL.” What the fuck do they need with the second URL?

        1. sullivanst

          Well, that's unfortunate.

          I totally stole your link and submitted it myself. I totally didn't understand the system well enough to credit you. Sorry ;) I also totally noticed that Designer_Rants submitted a different link for the same story this morning, and in addition noticed that Wonkville needs to punish links for age much more heavily than it's currently doing.

          1. sullivanst

            BTW, it looks like the "domain" is supposed to be filled in by javascript, so if that's not working, maybe try a different browser (it worked for me in Firefox; I think I might possibly remember Rebecca saying something about it taking a while to fill in sometimes, so maybe just waiting might work too)

          2. anniegetyerfun

            Ah, yes, Domain. I'm using Firefox, and am loath to switch to IE, but could. Without a domain, though, you get an error message.

          3. sullivanst

            I just had a look at what it's doing when you enter the URL, and changing browsers probably won't help, the code looks cross-browser-safe, but it's phoning home to ask the Wonkette server about the page; the Wonkette server probably goes off and looks up your URL, then processes the answer it gets into a new answer for you, and that whole process might end up taking a while depending on how clogged the tubes are.

            Wow, that sentence almost ran on long enough to count as Melvillesque. No, I didn't much enjoy reading Moby Dick.

          4. bobbert

            Chrome, baby.

            (I'm a fairly recent convert, but so far what I've noticed is it fucking works).

  23. OldWhiteLies

    I can't be the only one with an unscrubbed mind such that Purse Parties sounds like some double entendré for a Laydeez-Only party at which catalogues of sex toys are gleefully handed about – am I?

  24. Antispandex

    Now were those purses made from leather? Because we heavily subsidize the catlle industry…no he would know that, being from Texas and all…foreign purses perhaps? Well sure, it's un-American and all, but still very…no, wait, they get even MORE subsidies than U.S.of America farmers…I give up. I have no idea what the fuck he is talking about.
    (BTW, restaurants fail at an incredible rate, like, over 20% in the first year…but what would I know about it? Listen to the neo-Reagans.)

    1. mwittier

      Nuh-uh!

      Like to cook? Open a restaurant! That all it takes! If you like to cook, the rest comes naturally. I learned this from watching Gordon Ramsey. From between my horrified fingers, while hiding between sofa cushions.

  25. mavenmaven

    "Good entrepreneurs learn from their failures and try again, often realizing the success that eluded them previously."
    Unless they die of starvation in between jobs, which no longer happens in America thanks to "socialist" unemployment benefits, etc.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      We also have a history of presidential administrations that are reelected and given a second chance to try again. We only draw a line if the color of the president doesn't match the color of the executive mansion.

  26. BlueStateLibel

    And if all else fails, get a massive government bailout. Or better yet, go all Romney, buy up companies with money lent from your daddy's friends, plunder pension funds, ship jobs overseas or eliminate them entirely, and then charge the company massive "consulting fees" which the hapless employee slobs have to pay off. Amirite?

  27. actor212

    In an effort to leverage the popularity of an existing program, the History Channel has invited Olson to host their newest offering, American Nose Pickers

  28. majicunderwear

    So glad these republicans is learnin that Blah bout our freedoms and the godliness of capitalism. This and our precious second amendment protections of assault weapons is really all any civilized nation needs to to be exceptional.

  29. chascates

    Oh yeah? Well what about Jesus, huh? Bet you Pete Olson can't do anything without the help of his lord and savior.

  30. widestanceromance

    Is he demonstrating how to perform scissors while saving yourself for gay marriage?

  31. Me_K_Cong

    And just to be clear, the oil companies don't owe any of their success to the fact that Earth's atmosphere is 20% oxygen.

  32. thefrontpage

    My wife went to a Purse Party this past weekend that was hosted by Mindy Meyer, and my lovely wife said it was a lot of fun. Among the attendees were Michelle Malkin, Michelle Bachmann, Sarah Palin, Bristol Palin, Ann Coulter, Condeeleezzaa Rice, Harriet Miers, Dana Perino, Laura Bush and Meghan McCan't. Apparently, the Purse Party, sponsored by Trojan, went on all night, and everyone crashed on beds together. Everyone ended up buying various products, and they went out to brunch on Sunday morning, after stopping to buy aspirin. So these things do contribute to the economy! And they improve marriages, too!

  33. DahBoner

    The fatal error Jesus made is that he didn't build his own roads & bridges to escape after he pissed off the Temple bankers.

    JESUS YOU DIDN'T BUILD THAT

  34. rickmaci

    A person could get very tired trying to keep up every day with all the really stupid shit that comes out of the mouths of the Texas Reptard congressional delegation.

  35. TribecaMike

    Even a third-rate amateur Slydini like me can see that his left hand is backpalming the quarter. In the magic world, that's called flashing. He should stick to the kind of flashing he does best.

  36. ttommyunger

    Alt Cap: "And as you can see, there is nothing up my sleeves – except hair…..lots and lots of hair.

  37. valthemus

    It seems like every time I make an effort to see things from conservatives' point of view and try to get a feeling for the genuine anxieties they have about the state of things and how the solutions they put forward might contain elements of something useful and worthy, along comes a five-ton meme-turd like "You didn't build that!" and it becomes clear what a bunch of mentally stunted delusional cretins we're dealing with. I don't *want* to call you nasty names, you sorry-ass Republican morons, but you *make* me do it! YOU MAKE ME DO IT!!

  38. shelwood46

    I know Jobs is dead and Gates is notoriously apolitcal, but perhaps Steve Wozniak and Steve Ballmer would like to day something about Jobs and Gates building their companies all by themselves.

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