THE EXORCIST  1:10 pm July 25, 2012

NRO Editor Kathryn Jean Lopez: Was Aurora Shooter Possessed By Beelzebub?

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Kathryn Jean Lopez
Does Kathryn Jean Lopez believe the Aurora shooter, James Holmes, was possessed by demons? She does not say so. What she says is that a story by a Catholic priest who says possession is real and posits that James Holmes was in fact possessed by demons, is “interesting.” Are RTs endorsements? Of course not, DON’T BE RIDICULOSE! But when something is Catholic and ‘tarded, you can bet K-Lo is taking it for her gospel every time:

Idiots on Aurora: Pt. All of Them

Here is the work of Fr. Dwight Longenecker, which K-Lo finds “interesting”:

Some say the demonic Joker drove Heath Ledger to kill himself.

Now it’s getting spooky. There was a weird phone message with bizarre guttural voices and moans. Was he demon possessed? Maybe. It happens.

Demonic infestation is a rare, strange and terrible psycho-spiritual affliction. In simple terms, a malevolent, separate intelligence infests the mind and spirit of a person. It takes over the rational faculties and dominates the personality. The phenomenon is real, but anyone who has ever dealt with the problem realizes that the demonic realm is complex. The human person is an intricate organism in which the physical, mental and spiritual aspects are totally interwoven. Therefore, in most cases, trying to diagnose the possibility of demonic influence is extremely difficult. [...]

Is James Holmes demon possessed? It is impossible to say without a detailed diagnosis. Even then, it is a slippery question. We are dealing with a reality that is rubbery. In many ways this is the wrong question. Better to ask, “Was James Holmes taken over by Evil?”

Yes. Something happened to the mild mannered science geek. He turned into a monster. Something twisted in his mind and heart, and Evil made an entry. Evil infested his life. It took him over. Whether the twist was through mental illness, some inner wound or some terrible dark intelligence, we cannot say. The fact that we can’t say what went wrong and don’t have a neat and tidy answer is the key to understanding the terrible conundrum of evil.

What else might have happened to the mild mannered science geek, besides turning into a monster? Well, we’re just spitballing here, since we are not a psychiatrist or even a Catholic priest so we can’t speak to the “evil” that he was possessed by, but we would assume “young man develops schizophrenia at textbook-classic age for developing schizophrenia” was rather more likely than “young man possessed by Beelzebub.” Sort of an Occam’s Razor kind of situation.

Probably not very interesting, though. Or, for K-Lo, enough brimfire, judgment, and adherence to medieval fanatic versions of sometimes-modern religions. We will try better next time.

[NRO, via Wonkette operative "Maggie"]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 361 comments }

IncenseDebate July 25, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Guns don't kill people Satan kills people.

OneDollarJuana July 25, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Based on the assholes we've elected the last few years it's obvious that it's not bullets that kill, it's ballots.

Nibbler of Niblonia July 25, 2012 at 2:37 pm

and it's the Kathryn Jean Lopezes of history who wrote the Bible. sure would explain a lot, no?

JohnnyQuick July 25, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Allowing demons to buy automatic weapons with 100 round clips is just the price we pay for Freedumb! Wait… Are these demons white?

Jus_Wonderin July 25, 2012 at 1:14 pm

"…..but we would assume “young man develops schizophrenia at textbook-classic age for developing schizophrenia” was rather more likely than “young man possessed by Beelzebub.”

Excellent!

I live in a bit of fear that I get my daughter her 30th year without this awful affliction falling on her. But, I live in fear most days.

commiegirl99 July 25, 2012 at 1:24 pm

We had an older brother who was schizophrenic; getting past the "textbook age" was an absolute weight off all us younger kids. We never knew if it was going to happen. Hmm, that's not very funny, is it? Oh well.

Boojum July 25, 2012 at 4:59 pm

No, but I feel your pain, by proxy.

BaldarTFlagass July 25, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Well, at least you're never alone, when you're schizophrenic.

Jus_Wonderin July 25, 2012 at 1:41 pm

So that accounts for those extra footprints in the sand.

actor212 July 25, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Why do you say that?

SHADDAP, let the man speak!

Fraudulently_Joe July 25, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Youch, that's a tough hand to be dealt. Especially since the prevailing theory holds that the stress of dreading the onset of symptoms can help contribute to the onset of…

I definitely wish you and yours the best of luck, and a stress-free early-adulthood, to boot.

Jus_Wonderin July 25, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Thanks for that. Well, it's not that we have a definite history, but I remember her Mom (who was having "anger issues" stemming from her upbringing) recounting a time she saw someone in the campus parking lot leaning back into their car…and the ex/wife wanted to go and slam the door on her. Maybe I share too much. That should have forshadowed our marriage, right? Face palm!!

The daughter is fine and a prize to be proud of, but I do "pray" that she won't get overwhelmed as she begins her career. (Stop worrying JW!!)

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Stop worrying JW! Most kids turn out just fine. I know it's not much of a consolation to you, but trust me. I grew up with a totally fucking insane bitch who specialized in throwing sharp objects and heavy furniture at her kids. None of us is schizophrenic. Depressed? Yes. Understandably. But you worked hard to raise your girl right, and she'll be just fine.

My partner adopted a little girl with FAS. It's a relatively mild case, but raising her has been a huge challenge. She just graduated high school, something we never thought she could do. So, don't worry. It'll be fine.

sullivanst July 25, 2012 at 2:52 pm

I'm sure there's more to it than just that one anecdote, but anger issues, even a lack of impulse control, do not contribute to a diagnosis of schizophrenia. As a result of an episode our eldest had a couple of years back, I researched the DSM criteria for most of the psychiatric disorders backwards and inside-out. Fortunately for us, a day or two after the Doctor had told us he'd been out of it too long for to have been chemically induced and therefore we needed to prepare for the long haul, he started a rapid and full recovery, and has been fine ever since.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 9:21 pm

I'm glad to hear that. Poor kid, that must have been horribly scary and confusing.

actor212 July 25, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Seriously, and no snark:

This is the best they can come up with?

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 2:24 pm

It's tough being a parent. Having kids is like giving hostages to fortune. You never know what you'll end up with. However, if it's any consolation, young men are more susceptible than young women.

I sincerely hope that your daughter is not so unfortunate as to suffer from this terrible mental illness, and that she reaches her 30th birthday safe and sound, J_W. You're a good Dad to your little girl.

Boojum July 25, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Thanks a lot. Father of two boys, here.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Great, Booj. I try to make J_W happy, I end up making you miserable.

FWIW, I raised two boys to adulthood (STEP-parent), and they haven't killed anyone yet. They'll be just fine.

Boojum July 25, 2012 at 5:32 pm

No worries. I have misery potential enough all on my own.

pinkocommi July 25, 2012 at 4:14 pm

I sincerely wish you the best. A close family member of mine was just diagnosed as bipolar with manic and psychotic episodes at 36. I read the reports about Hughes and my heart goes out not only to the gun violence victims but also Hughes himself (yes I do) and his family. There but for the grace of god/ chance go I.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 5:29 pm

On the *plus* side, bipolar disorder can be controlled very well with medication.

Boojum July 25, 2012 at 5:33 pm

On the minus, the medications are hit or miss, usually cause weight gain, and can cause various forms of organ damage.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Sounds like you know a lot more about this than I do, sweetie, so I'll shut up now.

prommie July 25, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Paging "Bobby" Jindal! Emergency exorcism on Aisle 10!

commiegirl99 July 25, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Plus one.

Boojum July 25, 2012 at 6:17 pm

You know, Bobby, demons live in volcanos, which are direct gates to Hell. Who was it again wanting to stop all of the gummint volcano (Hell demon) monitoring, hmmmm???

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Arre, just give up and call the bugger "Piyush," na? I'll bet it pisses him off no end.

BaldarTFlagass July 25, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Does James Holmes weigh the same as a duck?

Jughead2130 July 25, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Maybe he is made of wood?

UnholyMoses July 25, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Well, wood does float. And it burns.

Just sayin'.

boobookitteh July 25, 2012 at 4:44 pm

He turned me into a newt. I got better though.

CindynEncinitas July 26, 2012 at 3:49 pm

We did the nose…

FlownOver July 25, 2012 at 1:16 pm

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world K-Lo exists.

Oblios_Cap July 25, 2012 at 1:23 pm

K-loser Soze!

BaldarTFlagass July 25, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Who is K-Lo Soze?

Edit: Damn.

Oblios_Cap July 25, 2012 at 1:28 pm

A bad attempt at Keyser Söze

BoatOfVelociraptors July 25, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Seriously. Have you seen the way she mangles the English language? The devil's getting rusty in his old age.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 2:32 pm

I'm not convinced.

Mumbletypeg July 25, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Demonization. An area of expertise for the far-right wingnutty company K-Lo keeps.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Something she ought to know PLENTY about. That's all that bunch of idiots do, attempt to convince their mouthbreathing followers that liberals are the real Hitlers Among Us, yada yada.

Goonemeritus July 25, 2012 at 1:16 pm

I believe in demonic possession what else explains what happened to the Republican Party.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 25, 2012 at 1:59 pm

I rely on Occam's Razor to provide plausible deniability.

Boojum July 25, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Never underestimate the power of stoopid.

bobbert July 25, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Never underestimate the power of stoopid vast amounts of inherited money..

LetUsBray July 26, 2012 at 12:11 am

To say nothing of stoopid in possession of vast amounts of inherited money.

sbj1964 July 25, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Really,she's going to go with the devil made him do it?Maybe he did it to impress Jody Foster?

weejee July 25, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Is K-Lo trying to pin this on Wayne LaPierre?

elviouslyqueer July 25, 2012 at 1:17 pm

I would say that K-Lo is possessed by Jonah Goldberg's tumescent penis, but that would be assuming that J-Glo actually has a penis.

OldWhiteLies July 25, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Though it does assume facts not in evidence, let us assume that J-Glo does have said penis.

What we are then left with is that he has seemingly long been confused about exactly what he should do with it (said penis). And K-Lo isn't helping him with said confusion.

iburl July 25, 2012 at 2:06 pm

not enough flour in the world…

actor212 July 25, 2012 at 2:23 pm

See, now that image would make me spit pea soup, which I haven't had in 40 years.

weejee July 25, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Pea soup vomit in 3, 2, 1…

BaldarTFlagass July 25, 2012 at 1:18 pm

"Demonic infestation is a rare, strange and terrible psycho-spiritual affliction. "

Actually, this should read "Belief in demonic infestation is a rare, strange and terrible psycho-spiritual affliction."

MacRaith July 25, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Take out the word "rare" and you've got it exactly right.

Alas.

Oblios_Cap July 25, 2012 at 2:07 pm

o/t, but Actor apparently had surgery (according to his website) and has a hole in his head back. That's gotta hurt!

HistoriCat July 25, 2012 at 2:31 pm

I know that skull-fucking is frowned upon but do we have any rules on other kinds of fucking?

actor212 July 25, 2012 at 2:32 pm

It would allow for an extra penetration, yes.

HistoriCat July 25, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Sorry dude – that sounds … uncomfortable? Frightening? Something I don't want to think about too much? Yeah, one of those.

actor212 July 25, 2012 at 2:33 pm

The hole in the head, that was the last two surgeries.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 2:36 pm

I'm so sorry, dude. I wish there was something I could do to help, but I got rid of all my heavy-duty pain meds. I could tell you a story.

actor212 July 25, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Actually, I'm fine. It was superficial surgery, basal cell carcinoma and I barely need tylenol. And not even the cool Canadian "three" kind. I was a little concerned because of where it was (below the water line, if you catch my drift, and I don't sunbathe, especially not nude)

In fact, if anything, the fucking stitches itch like a motherfucker. But thanks!

The facial ones, those I needed the Vicodin for, and got it.

Hera Sent Me July 25, 2012 at 1:18 pm

K-Lo has been driven mad by being possessed by Frigidius – demon lord of not getting any.

Beowoof July 25, 2012 at 1:27 pm

I was going to say she clearly isn't afraid of her Frigidaire.

Sir_Fartz_Alot July 25, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Zuul Libel!

el_donaldo July 25, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Is James Holmes demon possessed? It is impossible to say without a detailed diagnosis. Even then, it is a slippery question. We are dealing with a reality that is rubbery.

Slippery? Rubbery? Evil? Ten to one, someone finds Father Longenecker lubed and dildoed up in a latex gimp suit before next year is out.

FraAnima July 25, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Longenecker. Need we say more?

Monsieur_Grumpe July 25, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Nothing like cherry picking the sure bets.

SayItWithWookies July 25, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Are you saying that Mr. Longneck is low-hanging fruit?

SorosBot July 25, 2012 at 1:33 pm

He's a Catholic priest; his likely sexual activities are much more vile and harmful than that.

bobbert July 25, 2012 at 1:41 pm

He's a Catholic priest who started out as an Anglican priest, but apparently was pining for the OG crazy.

pdiddycornchips July 25, 2012 at 1:37 pm

And just who is qualified to give this "detailed diagnosis"? Oh, I know! Let's ask the pedophile crime syndicate in Vatican City!!

OldWhiteLies July 25, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Wait, this Longnecker is a Friar. Don't they have different rules than Priests and Monks? Mebbe Slippery Rubbery Evil is cool if one is a Friar.

EeDit: And if that isn't one of the best names for a group of middle-aging, girth-enlargened, [moderately-demonically-themed] bubblegum-rock revivalist guys, whom have chosen spandex for stage wear, I'm at a loss to find better. Slippery Rubbery Evil

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 2:39 pm

With TWO condoms.

lumpenprole July 26, 2012 at 1:53 pm

For some reason I pictured a magic 8 ball – "situation rubbery"

gullywompr July 25, 2012 at 1:18 pm

She says that sex is uninteresting, however. Really? Hey K-Lo, that voice in your head screaming "Lick me, lick me!" ain't a demon. Stop projecting.

worrytron July 25, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Oh ho but it IS a demon! There's a demon in her [area]!!!

emmelemm July 25, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Pussy troll?

worrytron July 25, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Cunt goblin

emmelemm July 25, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Cunt gobblin'?

SorosBot July 25, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Someone needs a decent vibrator.

gullywompr July 25, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Or some sort of OrgasmoBot… Willing to take one for the team?

SorosBot July 25, 2012 at 3:39 pm

With that? Fuck no. Besides, I've got a girlfriend and I don't think she's appreciate that.

FraAnima July 25, 2012 at 1:18 pm

K-lo, your mother sucks corks in hell.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Wut, they won't let Momser have her own bottle o'wine?

Mumbletypeg July 25, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Holmes: "I'm not a demon, but I play one in Kathryn Jean Lopez's head."

Mumbletypeg July 25, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Demon: "I'm not James Holmes. I would rather play around with Kathryn Jean Lopez's head instead."

mrpuma2u July 25, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Reminds me of the journalistic integrity portrayed on the Simpsons by Kent Brockman when he says " I'm not saying the cat burgler is a supernatural monster, like the wolfman. But he could be"

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 2:43 pm

It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Oh, Mumblety! There isn't enough ROOM for a demon in KLo's head! It's full of flapping pink butterflies and little glittery hearts dotted on i's.

Mumbletypeg July 25, 2012 at 4:32 pm

I'm fisting this up to "5." Above you are replies with 6,6, 6 pee's in turn. Beware, the Beast draws near! Somebody out there, plz *thwack* MB once more making it 4 six's, so we can negate the fateful outcome portended by this numerological voodoo spell!

Fraudulently_Joe July 25, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Third Eagle of the Apocalypse, is that you?

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Hey, I got that number right here in my hairline.

Why are you all shushing me?

Slim_Pickins July 25, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Was that Bill Buckley that K Lo just through under the bus?

BoatOfVelociraptors July 25, 2012 at 1:37 pm

THREW! When dealing with an editor, always get your homonyms correct.

Geminisunmars July 25, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Well, to be fair, I'm sure Buckley was through with K Lo.

sullivanst July 25, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Aren't those homophones? Homonyms have the same spelling.

Sorry for making an ad homonym attack.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 25, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Your forgiven.

sullivanst July 25, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Take those nails off that chalkboard at once!

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Homos, homos, homos. It's ALL ABOUT the homos, with you lot, ain't it?

Buncha fuckin' FAGS, the lotta ya!

sullivanst July 25, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Beats thinking about K-Lo.

Boojum July 25, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Wait, if K-Lo is a homophone, wouldn't that make her a thespian?

bobbert July 26, 2012 at 12:01 am

"K-Lo, phone homo?"

Slim_Pickins July 25, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Well, Derp!

RadioBowels July 25, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Some kind of demon hit her with both the ugly stick and the stupid stick.

littlebigdaddy July 25, 2012 at 2:00 pm

And don't forget the obesity stick.

RadioBowels July 25, 2012 at 2:32 pm

And she would have no problem with that label as she is not PC and would take offense at "satiety impaired."

Biel_ze_Bubba July 25, 2012 at 5:10 pm

OK, but where did she get her conservatard schtick?

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 3:26 pm

He wanted to be sure she wouldn't recover from the FIRST beating, I guess.

ChernobylSoup July 25, 2012 at 1:21 pm

I blame Satan for neckties, wind chimes, girls who wear shoes with chunky heals, golfers, and the Star Wars prequels. But to blame him for the violence in this world is just silly.

tessiee July 25, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Also, for gutta percha. I don't know what it is, but it definitely sounds awful.

sullivanst July 25, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Charles Sumner agreed.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 3:27 pm

It's good stuff. You can roll it up into fake boogers and put it down your classmates' shirts.

emmelemm July 25, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Some short girls just really like to wear chunky heels. (Cause we can't walk on the pointy ones.)

What's yer damage?

DemmeFatale July 25, 2012 at 4:20 pm

I don't get that.
I know, at 5'8," I don't understand, cause short girls in chunky high heels don't look taller to me. They just look like they are TRYING to be taller (and their ankles look too thick).

bobbert July 26, 2012 at 12:04 am

Tokyo. Thousands of nearly-identical-height Japanese girls in four-inch platforms. Which makes them all 5'5".

Actually, it's kinda cute, as I recall.

CindynEncinitas July 26, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Clomping around does not make anyone look better.

Boojum July 25, 2012 at 5:10 pm

K-Lo has the chunky that never heals.

SheriffRoscoe July 25, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Yesterday it was all a part of a government conspiracy to take away our guns. Today it's Beelzebub. Damn mutherfuckers are crazy, y'all.

PubOption July 25, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Government = Evil (esp if Democratic)
Beelzebub = Evil

Same thing, really.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 5:35 pm

No shit. And they ain't gettin' better any time soon.

bobbert July 26, 2012 at 12:06 am

Or, you know, possessed.

Goonemeritus July 25, 2012 at 1:21 pm

I can’t see any harm in classifying mental illness as demonic possession, what could possibly be the downside?

Extemporanus July 25, 2012 at 1:47 pm

In cases involving the criminally insane, demonic possession is 9/10s the law.

PubOption July 25, 2012 at 1:56 pm

That was the way things were, back in the middle ages.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 25, 2012 at 2:01 pm

That's the "back" in "taking America back".

deanbooth July 25, 2012 at 3:26 pm

And torture was the cure. Make the body an unpleasant place to be, and the demon will leave.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Worked for me.

Or do I mean "worked ON me"?

GunToting[Redacted] July 25, 2012 at 1:21 pm

I'm waiting until the guy from the "Psychic Kids" program weighs in.

BaldarTFlagass July 25, 2012 at 1:21 pm

The saddest thing here is that there are people out there who actually follow this woman's twitter account.

ph7 July 25, 2012 at 1:49 pm

…in hopes of seeing an Instagram of her posing in the bathroom mirror.

Doktor Zoom July 25, 2012 at 2:12 pm

NOT cool, dude! It is still lunchtime in some parts of the country!

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 3:28 pm

'S OK. Some of us need to diet anyway.

Fraudulently_Joe July 25, 2012 at 1:22 pm

That depends, the one definitive piece of evidence is this: did he make the homosex? Everyone knows that demons enter through the anus, via the P.E.N.I.S, and its wrigglings, that is simply a medical fact.

widestanceromance July 25, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Too bad the shooter was not among the 40% that die during the homosex.

chicken_thief July 25, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Marcus is on the 'puter as we speak, requesting additional research funding.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Requesting SUMP'N for sure. Does additional research funding come from hotboysexxx at fux.xxx?

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Well, his intestines haven't burst yet, and EVUHbody knows that happens when the P-E-N-I-S enters the anus.

Fraudulently_Joe July 25, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Hey. HEY. Which one of us is the medical professional here, buddy?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Everybody said Fraudulently_Joe was just a nice, regular quiet sorta guy. UNTIL (cue rising music with LOTS of theremin) …

Wadisay July 25, 2012 at 1:22 pm

K-Lo needs to loosen the cilice a little.

BaldarTFlagass July 25, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Now there's a word you don't get to use much in casual conversation.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Or maybe just lay off the Cilician cuisine.

Monsieur_Grumpe July 25, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Rubbery reality is a very good description of the modern Republican mindset.

Oblios_Cap July 25, 2012 at 1:22 pm

We are dealing with a reality that is rubbery.

When did priests begin using rubbers?

Wilcoxyz July 25, 2012 at 1:39 pm

It was that altar boy's stained robe. Church policy now.

SmutBoffin July 25, 2012 at 1:22 pm

As long as Wonket is accepting stupid theories:

Did CIA mind-control lasers drive Holmes to shoot people? Maybe!
Was it because of Twinkies? Delicious, golden cakes with creme filling? Maybe!
Could it be Holmes was from the future and was attempting to warn us about something (aliens)? Maybe!

BaldarTFlagass July 25, 2012 at 1:32 pm

I think your last one is it. James Holmes is Kyle Reese, and he was shooting up the theater to try and stop the Terminator. He failed, and it's still out here somewhere, and it will not be stopped.

emmelemm July 25, 2012 at 3:30 pm

No pity, no remorse… can't be reasoned with, can't be bargained with…

Wait, am I talking about Republicans? Yes. Yes I am.

Boojum July 25, 2012 at 5:14 pm

No, no! He shot at the Terminator as IT was shooting up the theater! It's a government frame up!

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 5:38 pm

You *do* realize that *that's* the latest conspiracy theory, right? I've had to boot several people I used to follow on Twitter because they're having multiple orgasms over every little detail of the case.

tessiee July 25, 2012 at 1:41 pm

The saucer people, in league with the reverse vampires…

Wilcoxyz July 25, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Sometimes I think my penis is possessed. Should I ask a priest to have a look at it?

Geminisunmars July 25, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Shouldn't be too hard.

tessiee July 25, 2012 at 1:42 pm

I see no way that could possibly have negative consequences.

BaldarTFlagass July 25, 2012 at 1:43 pm

You're probably safe to do so as long as you've reached puberty already.

actor212 July 25, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Post pictures here. We'll crowdsource your problem

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 3:33 pm

If you're under 18, ABSOLUTELY NOT.

What you do after the age of consent is up to you.

Steverino247 July 25, 2012 at 1:23 pm

KLO: Let Jesus fuck you!

ph7 July 25, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Jesus is coming!

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Let? How about, as SomethingAwful so coyly phrases it, "surprise sex."

Nostrildamus July 25, 2012 at 1:23 pm

I'm tired of looking at K-Lo. Please use someone else's pic in future posts.

nonbeliever7 July 25, 2012 at 2:30 pm

I can't pinpoint it, but she looks better in this photo than I remember.

SorosBot July 25, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Maybe he was possessed by demons; or maybe a Death Eater compelled him to commit the massacre using the Cruciatus Curse.

HistoriCat July 25, 2012 at 2:46 pm

You don't use a Cruciatus Curse to compel someone. An Imperius Curse is much better for controlling someone.

SorosBot July 25, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Dammit, you're right; I should have looked that up first. Now I'm hanging my geek head in shame.

SayItWithWookies July 25, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Some people say that religion's last bit of usefulness to society is that it can provide a vague, if transient, bit of comfort in times of incomprehensible crisis in peoples' personal lives.

Thus it comes as a relief to see K-Lo and Mr. Longneck disabuse everyone of this sordid and freakish notion.

OneYieldRegular July 25, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Even people in Inquisitional Spain weren't this deluded.

tessiee July 25, 2012 at 1:42 pm

They might have been surprised, though.

MosesInvests July 25, 2012 at 2:09 pm

ISWYDT.

IncenseDebate July 25, 2012 at 1:25 pm

From the photo it looks like K-Lo lost some weight.

Monsieur_Grumpe July 25, 2012 at 1:27 pm

It's that new pea soup diet.

DerrickWildcat July 25, 2012 at 1:25 pm

I am also very bothered by Watermelon candy not tasting anything like Watermelon. Probably the Devil.

tessiee July 25, 2012 at 1:43 pm

OT, but I have even more poor quality cell phone photos of that flycatcher bird (at one point, there were TWO of them perched on my bird feeder!). If you send an email address to my email address, or post a modified email address here, I will gladly send the pictures to you from my phone.

DerrickWildcat July 25, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Lady, I've already sent you 3 e-mails. ;(

tessiee July 25, 2012 at 2:05 pm

But my dear Cat in the Cat Hat, as nice as those were, none of them had an email. Is there any other way I can send pictures from my phone, or somehow send them to your flickr page?
Sorry to be so un-tech-savvy.

DerrickWildcat July 25, 2012 at 2:09 pm

It would have just been, Reply to.
I'll try again and put e-mail in message body.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 25, 2012 at 2:31 pm

The flickr app?

Boojum July 25, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Wonkettegtfo. At. Gmail.

tessiee July 25, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Sent.From: notifications@intensedebatemail.comTo: jrrzgrrl@hotmail.comSubject: Boojum replied to your comment on NRO Editor Kathryn Jean Lopez: Was Aurora Shooter Possessed By Beelzebub?

chicken_thief July 25, 2012 at 1:54 pm

It's the root beer barrels that don't taste like Stewart's and scrape the roof of my mouth that really causes me concern.

ThundercatHo July 25, 2012 at 2:19 pm

He must also have something to do with the blue raspberry phenom also too.

DemmeFatale July 25, 2012 at 4:29 pm

And what is red color supposed to taste like?
Cherry? Strawberry? Raspberry? Huh?
At least yellow (blech!) sorta tastes like lemon (or lemon floor cleaner).

UnholyMoses July 25, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Even more evil: Candy corn isn't really candy, and tastes nothing like corn.

DerrickWildcat July 25, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Well I can tell you that when some weirdo gave me candy corn on Halloween, I'd throw it back at them!

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 5:42 pm

It's a PLOT! (plotzes)

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 25, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Circus Peanuts. WTF?!

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Undoubtedly. Nothing else could explain the lack of watermelon taste in a watermelon candy.

And how 'bout them bananas?

FlownOver July 25, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Worse yet, the ubiquitous replacement of lime with "sour apple," a "flavor" previously created only by mistake with an A.C. Gilbert chemistry set.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 9:36 pm

I don't know anyone in real life who would *want* to eat a sour apple. Don't these eejits think this stuff through?

Callyson July 25, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Is Kathryn Jean Lopez demon possessed? It is impossible to say without a detailed diagnosis. Even then, it is a slippery question. We are dealing with a reality that is rubbery. In many ways this is the wrong question. Better to ask, “Was Kathryn Jean Lopez taken over by Evil?”

Yes.

Boojum July 25, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Slippery, rubbery, K-Lo. Sounds like a wet latex body blimp.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 5:43 pm

What have I *ever* done to you to deserve this? (returns to scrubbing eyeballs with bleach, bleeding at eyes)

Ducksworthy July 25, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Hmm. So now K-Lo is suggesting Aurora was her uncle at work? I suspect some underlying child abuse issues.

TribecaMike July 25, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Grand Inquisitor Tomas de Torquemada may have been a batshitcrazy mass murderer, but at least he didn't write like a fan boy.

randcoolcatdaddy July 25, 2012 at 1:26 pm

I came for the cool Batmotorcycle, Bain mumbling, guns and explosions. And all I got was a lousy demonic possession.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 25, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Will Dante do?

Nostrildamus July 25, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Beelzebub, please comment.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 25, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Definitely schizophrenic, delusional, and bat-shit crazy.

Oh wait … were you asking about Holmes?

Boojum July 25, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Hey, can I sell you my soul? See, I'm not using it, and I thought you might have some interest.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 25, 2012 at 5:21 pm

It's not like there's a shortage … but if your put it up on eBay I'll be happy to bid.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 5:45 pm

So, no private deals, Biely?

actor212 July 25, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me.

widestanceromance July 25, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Snarky: I have nothing but fond memories of my youthful schizophrenia. It was classic and timely!

Snark-free: I lived with a self-medicating (alcohol) schizophrenic for too many years and have stories you would not believe. I'm glad I got to live, but to this day wonder if he is waiting around a corner ready to kill me.

prommie July 25, 2012 at 1:29 pm

You all watch, its gonna turn out to be the neighbor's dog that told him to do it.

FakaktaSouth July 25, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Either that or the pig in the basement where all the blood is on the walls. What the heck, is it really stupid fucking asshole people day? Just everywhere all over?

ElPinche July 25, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Ug….she needs to stop eating 4 tiers of Oreos before she writes these pieces of shit.

SheriffRoscoe July 25, 2012 at 1:33 pm

We told her oreos were gay, Pinchy. So she cut back to 3 tiers, in protest.

ElPinche July 25, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Hahahaha!!! oh god…thats funny.

jodyleek July 25, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Or, maybe he was raped by a priest as a child and that's what caused him to perpetrate such evil? Just asking questions. It would be irresponsible not to.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 25, 2012 at 1:30 pm

What else might have happened to the mild mannered science geek?

The football team.

ph7 July 25, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Is James Holmes demon possessed? It is impossible to say without a detailed diagnosis

Are you fucking kidding me?

LesBontemps July 25, 2012 at 2:10 pm

I'd love to see this guy's differential diagnosis:

"Hmm, could be schizophrenia, antisocial/histrionic personality disorder, delusional disorder, drug-induced psychosis, organic brain disease, or demonic possession. I'm gonna have to go with demonic possession as most likely."

KeepFnThatOwl July 25, 2012 at 2:27 pm

I want to upfist you so hard.

(please take as compliment)

widestanceromance July 25, 2012 at 2:40 pm

And he will make this diagnosis from the footage shown on network TV.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 25, 2012 at 6:40 pm

It'll be in the next DSM.

Blueb4sinrise July 25, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Geez, I've been waiting to post this
From
Aunt Julia and the Scriptwriter
By Mario Vargas Llosa, translated by Helen R. Lane

One night a peasant had frightened another peasant half to death by disguising himself as a "pishtaco"- a devil- and leaping out at him from the middle of a canebrake. The victim of the joke had been so scared out of his wits that he'd attacked the "pishtaco" with his machete, dispatching him to the next world with a skull split in two., and taken to the hills. Shortly thereafter, a group of peasants leaving a fiesta had come upon a "pishtaco" prowling around the village and beaten him to death. The dead man turned out to be the murderer of the first "pishtaco," who was in the habit of disguising himself at might in the guise of devils to visit the community, where two of them had already been hacked to death with machetes by the terror-stricken villagers, who in turn, et cetera….

AbandonHope July 25, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Aha! I knew fish tacos were demon possessed.

actor212 July 25, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Fish tacos are the work of the Devil!

A tasty, loving devil with chipotle.

tessiee July 25, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Is "phishtaco" another word for a vajayjay?

prommie July 25, 2012 at 1:58 pm

More traditionally, "tuna taco."

prommie July 25, 2012 at 1:57 pm

This was made into one of my favorite movies!

Blueb4sinrise July 25, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Which?

prommie July 25, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Tune In Tomorrow.

Blueb4sinrise July 25, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Cool. Will look for it. Just stole the book from a friend. It's hysterical.

Blueb4sinrise July 25, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Sigh, for once I try to raise the level of discourse and add some CULTCHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and this is what I get.

wiki–

According to folklore, it is an evil monster-like man, often a stranger and often a white man, who seeks out unsuspecting Indians, to kill them and abuse their bodies in disgusting ways, primarily by stealing their body fat for various nefarious cannibalistic purposes or cutting them up and selling their flesh as fried chicharrones. Pishtaco is derived from the local language Quechua word: "pishtay" which mean to "behead, cut the throat or cut into slices"

Boojum July 25, 2012 at 5:22 pm

So, basically, Rush Limbaugh.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Cultchah and buttsechs have always been the *worst* possible mix.

docterry6973 July 25, 2012 at 1:36 pm

The Bible says that demons possess people. QED.

TribecaMike July 25, 2012 at 2:03 pm

It also says demons possess pigs. http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matth

BoatOfVelociraptors July 25, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Who knew the Hawaiian Luau was pig exorcism?

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Now I want some luau.

SorosBot July 25, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Father Longenecker's next piece: Every Catholic Priest who ever molested a child, and every member of the hierarchy that covered it up, were possessed by demons at the time and so none of them were responsible and you can't hold any of them or the Church legally or morally culpable.

mavenmaven July 25, 2012 at 2:00 pm

no, they prefer to blame the sixties and the liberals for that. And all those hippies.

mrpuma2u July 25, 2012 at 4:30 pm

That does mean they have to be ritually purified though. I think a cross shaped brand will stop any further demonic intrusions.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Right on the old Dicky-Lee.

Extemporanus July 25, 2012 at 1:37 pm

That was positively Reganesque.

Geminisunmars July 25, 2012 at 1:44 pm

I'm in ah.

SayItWithWookies July 25, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Definitely retreaded.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 25, 2012 at 2:38 pm

What wooks said.

bobbert July 26, 2012 at 12:11 am

Shit. I missed that.

BaldarTFlagass July 25, 2012 at 1:38 pm

You'd think that if Satan was going to possess someone in order to wreak some havoc, he'd just go balls-out and possess a world leader that had a nuclear arsenal at his disposal.

MacRaith July 25, 2012 at 1:42 pm

You mean like Cheney did with W?

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Operative word heah being "think." These people don't.

SmutBoffin July 25, 2012 at 1:39 pm

We now take you LIVE to the 9th circle of Hell, where Beelzebub denies allegations that he was involved in the Aurora shooting…

[Q]
"…No…I wasn't supposed to possess anyone on that date, though I'll have to check with my scheduler. Asmodeus was on call that day…could be him?

[Q]
I know what Ms. Lopez said. Look, I spend most of my time these days modeling for metal album covers. Not as big a take as it used to be, but I need to get by. NRO is just paying GOTCHA here.

[Q]
No, look, those photos were taken by paparazzi and willfully misinterpreted since it makes a good story in OK magazine. Lindsey [Lohan] and I are just friends, got it.

Fraudulently_Joe July 25, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Is James Holmes demon possessed? It is impossible to say without a detailed diagnosis.

NO IT'S NOT. IT IS EXTREMELY EASY TO SAY, BECAUSE DEMONS ARE NOT REAL.

BaldarTFlagass July 25, 2012 at 1:41 pm

There you go again, Joe, bringing logic, reason, and sanity to the table.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 25, 2012 at 2:13 pm

We'll talk. Later.

Iam_Who_Iam July 25, 2012 at 2:42 pm

For some reason I find it incredibly satisfying to know the devil is just chillin' in hell and cruisin' the Wonkette with the rest of us godless heathens. http://www.rpls.ws/class_descriptions/images/tiet

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 9:04 pm

You haven't met Our Biel_ze_Bubba, have you?

OldWhiteLies July 25, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Hey, it is really simple.

If my doG didn't do it, then that other horned dood in the red jumpsuit did. Cuz there are really only two options, amirite?

And of course Eeevyl is spelled with a capitol E, excepting if it is the last word in the last sentence of my exposé – because Eeevyl confuses me like that, cuz, well, cuz reality is rubbery, so just shut up.

chicken_thief July 25, 2012 at 1:58 pm

You know how else you can spell evil? That's right – B-A-R-A-C-K H-U-S-S-E-I-N O-B-A-M-A, that's fucking how.

Iam_Who_Iam July 25, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Yeah, but I'm confused. I thought the other day they were saying God did it because of us killing all the innocent babies. Who keeps the score card on smites vs. evils?

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Biel_ze_Bubba, dood. But god checks over his shoulder, because the Devil is the Father of Lies.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 26, 2012 at 1:48 am

Hey! I resemble that remark.

Baconzgood July 25, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Now that's just stupid.

An_Outhouse July 25, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Wait, we can say 'tarded?

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 9:06 pm

YOU can. I can't. I get et.

Serolf_Divad July 25, 2012 at 1:46 pm

So is K-Lo saying that he's not responsible for his actions? Because that's going to go over….. oh, so well in right-wing nutjob land.

Oblios_Cap July 25, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Excorcising his second Amendment remedies?

Biel_ze_Bubba July 25, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Someone should tell her that in this situation, possession is not 9/10 of the law.

Serolf_Divad July 25, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Congrats, you guys both just added a week to your stay in purgatory with those puns. I hope you're proud of yourselves.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 25, 2012 at 6:41 pm

That's not really a problem…

Serolf_Divad July 25, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Lol, I just noticed your nick/avatar.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 9:06 pm

And who should know better than a devil/lawyer?

Boojum July 25, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Personally, I think he is just fucked in the skull.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 25, 2012 at 1:48 pm

See, this is what happens when god casts out the devil. He could have just sent a card "Dear Lucifer, I'm sorry I got so mad at you. Please come back", attached to some flowers and BOOM! Everything's good.
But NOOOOO, He has to go pal around with the devil and ruin Job's life, granting the devil exclusive rights to the souls of all non-raptured-americans.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 25, 2012 at 2:19 pm

We have a mutually beneficial arrangement.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 25, 2012 at 2:40 pm

The ad agency agrees.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 9:08 pm

You never saw the Mr. Deity series, did you?

tessiee July 25, 2012 at 1:48 pm

"Is James Holmes demon possessed? It is impossible to say without a detailed diagnosis."

No, it is not impossible to say.
It is extremely easy to say.
No, James Holmes is not demon possessed.
Demons do not exist.
Anyone who believes otherwise is a very stupid and/or mentally ill person.
That is all.

*brushes palms together to indicate a fait accompli*

Biel_ze_Bubba July 25, 2012 at 2:19 pm

M-hmm.

Generation[redacted] July 25, 2012 at 2:29 pm

…without a detailed diagnosis

Christ on a fucking fuck, what kind of detailed diagnosis do they have in mind? Drill holes in his head to see if the demon escapes?

emmelemm July 25, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Yes.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 25, 2012 at 6:44 pm

That would be silly. I'm sure they have in mind the usual scientific methods.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 9:08 pm

That'll larn 'em.

BaldarTFlagass July 25, 2012 at 1:49 pm

You know what kind of evil I like? Karn Evil 9. Cool album cover, too.

prommie July 25, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Performing on a stool, 7 virgins and a mule. . . .

tessiee July 25, 2012 at 1:49 pm

I noticed that there are no comments in this thread from Biel ze Bubba.
Coincidence?
I think perhaps not.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 25, 2012 at 2:24 pm

I was busy with my day job, is all.

emmelemm July 25, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Good to know Satan has a day job.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 25, 2012 at 6:47 pm

I have an office on K street. We'll be pretty busy, up until the first week of November.

user-of-towels July 25, 2012 at 1:49 pm

The term "Interesting Piece" should never be juxtaposed with "Kathryn Jean Lopez." Never.

Now I'm ill.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 9:10 pm

You're not the only one. (barfs)

Biel_ze_Bubba July 26, 2012 at 1:58 am

"Interesting piece of work" might pass muster.

Self-Uploader July 25, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Schizophrenia versus demonic possession?
How is that any different from say evolution versus create design?
I mean who can say why the tides rise? Teach the controversy.
Oh yeah, and second amendment as holy writ.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 25, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Well, it is a religion that reveres a man that hears voices in his head, drags his kid up a mountain to slit his throat, changes his mind, comes back to the tribe, and forces everyone to whip out their dick, while he whips out his knife.

Chop Chop!

Biel_ze_Bubba July 25, 2012 at 6:50 pm

It is only religion that would revere a man…
(fify)

And not only in the bad old days, either.

tessiee July 25, 2012 at 1:55 pm

With all due modesty, this is a cliche unworthy of my/our intellect/s…

but Ms. Lopez really, *really*, needs to get down to the adult novelty store and buy one of the fanciest, most state of the art, vibratin'-est, vibrators they sell.

Terry July 25, 2012 at 1:59 pm

"Some say the demonic Joker drove Heath Ledger to kill himself."

Some say that you can find a fool to say most anything.

SorosBot July 25, 2012 at 2:16 pm

So in Catholic-land, I guess the Joker is actually real and a demon instead of a disfigured homicidal maniac, and I guess he must have appeared to Bill Finger and Jerry Robinson in a dream or vision or something like that.

actor212 July 25, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Some people call me the Space Cowboy.

bobbert July 25, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Maurice?

Generation[redacted] July 25, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Woooo Woooo!

BaldarTFlagass July 25, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Will you please explain to me what the fuck the "pompatus of love" is?

sullivanst July 25, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Don't ask us, ask Jon Cryer.

Or alternatively, the Straight Dope.

DemmeFatale July 25, 2012 at 4:45 pm

"Some" say KLo is a heinous asshole.

chicken_thief July 25, 2012 at 2:00 pm

"…Even then, it is a slippery question."

And we all know how them priests love it when it's slippery…

sullivanst July 25, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Occam's Razzzzzzz

Biel_ze_Bubba July 25, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Occam's Razzer? Is that like a Bronx cheer, for when somebody picks the most complicated, preposterous and unlikely explanation?

iburl July 25, 2012 at 2:03 pm

"The human person is an intricate organism in which the physical, mental and spiritual aspects are totally interwoven."

As opposed to the corporate person? They are infallable.

I would agree that the "physical, mental and spiritual aspects are totally interwoven" insofar as the physical brain is where fantasies about evil spirits, demons, angels and ghosts are created.

emmelemm July 25, 2012 at 3:51 pm

I can think of a few corporations that appear to be possessed by demons.

Mittens Howell, III July 25, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Don't be stupid, there's no such thing as Demons.

Holmes was acting under orders from a pack of deranged unicorn puppet-masters.

Next time you see a glitter encrusted rainbow, be scared. Be fucking scared.

littlebigdaddy July 25, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Do Mormons believe in demons? Just wonderin' Need to keep my wingtards straight.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 25, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Sure, why not. It makes about as much sense as the rest of her "religion".

BlueStateLibel July 25, 2012 at 2:07 pm

The devil is clearly too busy taking over bankers' souls to be bothered with some wackjob in Colorado.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 25, 2012 at 2:09 pm

I bet she thinks those "Paranormal Activity" movies actually happened, too.

emmelemm July 25, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Ouija boards! Moving on their own!

bravo_sierra July 25, 2012 at 2:17 pm

I hope the defense goes with "Satanic possession." Religious conservatives would work themselves into a frothy lather having to choose between admitting there's no such thing as Satan and losing out on the opportunity to send the guy to the gas chamber.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 25, 2012 at 7:49 pm

Umm … if history teaches anything, it's that religious types don't see this as an "either-or" proposition.

Antispandex July 25, 2012 at 2:21 pm

I don't know, I look at Malkin, Bachmann, Palin, Limbaugh…it's hard to NOT believe in demon possession.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Fuck these people. The rest of the world is preparing to move into the 22nd century, and they're still clinging to superstitious shit that a CHILD can see through. Just fuck 'em. I'm almost pissed off enough to wish something unfortunate on 'em. Like, if there IS a god, I hope it manifests its presence and godliness by dumping giant buckets of poop all over these assholes.

Oh,yeah, and SOMEbody PLEASE buy that silly bitch a Hitachi Magic Wand, or wutever those things are. Girl hasn't had any in so long, her brain's starting to turn, like cheese.

Doktor Zoom July 25, 2012 at 2:21 pm

I read Mark Vonnegut's The Eden Express years ago, all about the author's experiences with schizophrenia in his 20's (among other things, his conclusion that we are all at the mercy of brain chemistry led his dad, Kurt, to write Breakfast of Champions). I don't remember a lot of it, except that one of his hallucinations involved "Nixon fucking chickens."

Mumbletypeg July 25, 2012 at 2:28 pm

I tried to read it when a friend loaned me a copy — at the time, '93 or something it had gone out of print — and found I couldn't take to the prose style. But it deepened my appreciation for Papa Vonnegut and what the parent's experience of contending w/ one's child's struggle with this must involve.

bobbert July 25, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Had these Nixon-fucking chickens been eating the Food of the Godz?

BaldarTFlagass July 25, 2012 at 2:40 pm

I read that book over 30 years ago, and I can't for the life of me remember if it was "Nixon-fucking chickens" or "Nixon, fucking chickens."

IncenseDebate July 25, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Twisting your head 360 degrees is good excorcise.

larrykat July 25, 2012 at 2:22 pm

If that's the case, with the 100s of thousands dead in Iraq and Afghanistan, GW Bush must have had Satan himself fucking him right up the ass.

Blueb4sinrise July 25, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Nah, when a real American does it, it's ANGELS fucking them …..errrrrrrrrrr……….wait………, must consult Teh Bibble, I'll get back to ya.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Over 1 million. The Lancet/Johns Hopkins study of 2006 showed over 600,000 had lost their lives as a result of our little war, and you'll note that the killing, while slacking off some, hasn't really ended since then.

Generation[redacted] July 25, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Clearly our gun control laws need to be updated. We require a background check, why can't we require a check for demonic possession?

bobbert July 25, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Sure.

Are you insane? ____Yes ____No

Are you possessed? ____ Yes ____No

Simple, see?

Biel_ze_Bubba July 25, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Don't forget the html code that pops up a message when you click on "Yes":

"Are you sure? Federal regulations require you to answer NO before we can ship your grenades, body armor, assault rifle, and 6,000 rounds."
____Yes, I am nuts
____No, I just want my guns

emmelemm July 25, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Throw holy water on a potential gun-buyer and see if they burst into flames.

Sounds reasonable to me.

KeepFnThatOwl July 25, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Is James Holmes demon possessed? It is impossible to say without a detailed diagnosis.

I'm not an expert, but I can say.

NO HE FUCKING WELL IS NOT.

poorgradstudent July 25, 2012 at 2:30 pm

To be fair, demonic possession would explain his unfortunate hairstyle choices…

Generation[redacted] July 25, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Does he weigh the same as a duck?

chascates July 25, 2012 at 2:36 pm

This also explains pedophile priests.
Flip Wilson was right.

rickmaci July 25, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Wouldn't that mean that everyone who buys a gun is a target of Satan and if that is the case, wouldn't it be ok to have everyone who buys a gun go through an exorcism before they can leave with their weapons? Guns don't kill people, people possessed by Satan kill people. Got to take a break. My brain is on K-Lo overload. Hahahahaha.

ritingon July 25, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Billy Occam was a real downer at parties.

fuflans July 25, 2012 at 3:11 pm

i believe in demonic possession more than i believe in republicans.

glamourdammerung July 25, 2012 at 3:55 pm

I am not sure why Lopez would suggest this as there has been nothing to indicate he was a Republican.

Typodong3 July 25, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Ah please that is the most ridiculous idea I have ever heard. Holmes didn't kill those people because he was possessed by the devil. He killed those people because he was mind-controlled by the Illuminati/Cabal. Sheesh.

cultjampro July 25, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Don't scoff. There's a new short film about the Bobby Jindal exorcism at Brown University titled Ivy League Exorcist: The Bobby Jindal Story and you can view it at http://cultjampro.com/ Like Bluto said, "Don't cost nuthin'"

mrpuma2u July 25, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Impressive geek cred historicat.

smitallica July 25, 2012 at 4:28 pm

"Was he demon possessed? Maybe. It happens."

No, you superstitious nonsense-believing nitwit. It doesn't.

barto July 25, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Writing like this just confirms that crazy comes in many forms. Nicely done, Kajello, or whatever your nickname is.

crookedE July 25, 2012 at 4:59 pm
Thedongsofwar July 25, 2012 at 5:13 pm

"Whether the twist was through mental illness, some inner wound or some terrible dark intelligence, we cannot say."

Nah, I'm pretty sure we can say it was not the last one, genius.

Caelan Aegana July 25, 2012 at 6:07 pm

I'm used to grousing about all the confusion about demonic posession and shit, but…

this mild mannered science geek

Apparently, studying science automatically makes you a geek, even if you were about to flunk out. This is not even to mention how many science geeks (and not-geeks) I have met who are borderline psycho and/or NOT mild-mannered.

Mass murderer is not like Spider-man, dudes.

Dashboard Buddha July 25, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Oh for sucks fake

ttommyunger July 25, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Doubt it. Lord Beez has been in the misery business long enough to have advised using an AK instead of an AR, and #4 Buckshot instead of Birdshot. Results would have been much more spectacular.

widestanceromance July 26, 2012 at 12:04 pm

(Hugs, pats, right back) Thanks, MB, I am too!

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Glad to hear that. I might tease you sometimes, but I care about you just as much as I care about all our other good Wonketteers.

I take it this means the facial ones were in the past, and you're all recovered from those? Here's hoping none of them recur, and you live a long and healthy life annoying the shit out of conservatives and Republicans.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 3:26 pm

I was hoping for more of a reaction. Ya work SO hard to get people's panties in a bunch, and … Wonketz, I expected more of ya!

sullivanst July 25, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Yeah, you might have more luck getting Wonk panties bunched using a sockpuppet, you're just too loveable otherwise.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 4:09 pm

You don't know how much I needed that today. (Hugs you)

Thanks.

sullivanst July 25, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Hugs right back.

Also, sounds like you could use a nice cup of tea.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 5:03 pm

That was simply scrumptious, darls. Here, I'll pour you a cup then, shall I?

Boojum July 25, 2012 at 5:07 pm

God, no, please. Spelunking of the damned.

sullivanst July 25, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Have a cup of tea
Have another one

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 6:06 pm

That. OMG. Is simply. OMFG. WONDERFUL.

(takes a huge suck on the vape)

Wonderful. Thank you so much. You dear, sweet soul.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Here, I brought you a Chinese folk tribute to the blessed plant.

Boojum July 25, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Again, no worries. I'm just being a demon possessed hateful fuckstick, because I love the Lord. :-)

Biel_ze_Bubba July 25, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Private placements are managed through Faustian Negociants LLC, a wholly-owned susidiary.

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 9:07 pm

"Nick." That's *nice.*

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Aw, that's so sweet. I think. (Hugs Boojum)

sullivanst July 25, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Sure was a bad couple of weeks, for all of us. Now we just moan about all the parties he throws while he's back from college ;)

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 10:14 pm

In college *already*? Good grief. Why do they grow up so fast?

sullivanst July 25, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Is it bad the first thing that came to my mind was Stephen Colbert's most controversial character?

MittBorg July 25, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Yes. Very bad.

Wutchu doing for dinner this weekend?

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