BEYOND THE SEA  12:01 pm July 25, 2012

Politicians From America’s Weirdo Unattached States Form Unholy Alliance

by Josh Fruhlinger

TLAThere has often emerged from the American electorate a sort of vague, inchoate idea that more “bipartisanship” is needed in our politics. Elitists who are heavily connected to the financial services industry but are cool with abortion and gay people think, completely incorrectly, that this indicates that there’s room for some sort of middle ground third-party, when it probably actually just means that people want Congress to not treat every little vote about trade policy or whatever like it’s the debate over the Fugitive Slave Act, and at least pretend to be nice to each other. Sadly, the only elected officials still capable of doing this come from the dispersed American Pacific Empire, as we can see in a new ad in which a Republican congressman from Alaska endorses a Democratic congresslady for Hawaii, for Senate. What terrible debts are being repaid over the course of this low-budget 90-second ad?

Aww, look how cute it is, these two getting along!

Isn’t it cute how Alaska Republican Don Young literally spends the entire ad begging to be allowed to call Nancy Pelosi a rude name? WONKETTE GUESSING GAME: Does this name start with “b” or “c”? You be the judge! The Washington Post “She The People” politics ladyblog calls it “refreshing,” so we know it’s all in fun.

Anyhoo, Mazie Hirono (D) is still running in her primary for Hawaii’s open Senate seat this year against Ed Case, who’s actually more of a centrist than she is. Former Hawaii Governor Linda Lingle is unopposed for the Republican nomination, and the Republicans think this is a good opportunity to pick up a seat, which means that someone must have pissed off Don Young pretty bad to get him to do this. Probably something about the education for native Hawaiians and Alaskans they mention in the ad, which sounds exactly like the sort of reverse racism that the brave heroes of the Republican caucus have sworn to defeat.

Anyway, let’s see what America’s most thoughtful political commentators, the people who post comments on YouTube, think of this outbreak of bipartisanship:

Statist alkie troll! That's the name of our new rap-metal band

We all of course knew that Hawaii wasn’t really part of America, but it’s just sad to see Sarah Palin’s Alaska joining it, in hell. Enjoy quietly seceding from the union and pressing on with your trans-Pacific lovefest, losers! [WP]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 73 comments }

nounverb911 July 25, 2012 at 12:04 pm

When did Alaska become an actual state?

actor212 July 25, 2012 at 12:14 pm

When they done discovered oil in them thar sounds!

Katydid July 25, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Don Young is a closeted human being.

metamarcisf July 25, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Young to Pelosi: "See you next Tuesday"

WhatTheHeck July 25, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Pelosi to Young (as she punches out on the Time clock): I’ve got my eye on you. You, you, you sneaky beast.

SayItWithWookies July 25, 2012 at 12:07 pm

This is a shocking development — Alaska has Mennonites?

Callyson July 25, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Isn’t it cute how Alaska Republican Don Young literally spends the entire ad begging to be allowed to call Nancy Pelosi a rude name? WONKETTE GUESSING GAME: Does this name start with “b” or “c”?

Yes.

LesBontemps July 25, 2012 at 12:19 pm

AOTK.

SorosBot July 25, 2012 at 12:24 pm

"Badass" or "cool"?

Grief_Lessons July 25, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Someone has photos of someone with a moose.

gullywompr July 25, 2012 at 12:09 pm

The only B-word you should call a woman is "beautiful". Bitches love that shit.

mavenmaven July 25, 2012 at 12:09 pm

But can he see Hawaii from his house?

sbj1964 July 25, 2012 at 12:10 pm

When did the GOP make the word Moderate a slur?Oh right 1980.

KeepFnThatOwl July 25, 2012 at 12:10 pm

So, is the news here that bipartisanship works, or that Nancy's a bitch, or that people (other than the Wonkerati, natch!) can be evil asshole trolls?

mrpuma2u July 25, 2012 at 12:11 pm

If they call their party the "Kamanaiwanaleiya" party I am all in.

mavenmaven July 25, 2012 at 12:15 pm

The Humuhumunukunuku─üpua╩╗a Party?

actor212 July 25, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Tiny fish. Big name.

mavenmaven July 25, 2012 at 12:27 pm

I get told that all the time….

BaldarTFlagass July 25, 2012 at 12:11 pm

I hope Alaska lets Hawaii ride on top, otherwise he'll crush the poor thing.

Callyson July 25, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Cause she only comes when she's on top.

Callyson July 25, 2012 at 12:11 pm

How long before FOX News talks about Don Young (D – Alaska)?

WhatTheHeck July 25, 2012 at 12:22 pm

He’s a traitor to the Republican Empire.

kittensdontlie July 25, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Gotta love GOP on GOP political hate 'crime'….

Ruhe July 25, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Realpolitik translation: "The party balance in the Senate will have no real affect on the quality or quantity of work that gets done so…whatever. Vote for this lady if you like."

deanbooth July 25, 2012 at 12:13 pm

A bipartisan compromise: 3 inches.

Beowoof July 25, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Most republican men can understand this.

LastGasp July 25, 2012 at 12:13 pm

What kind of name is Mazie Hirono anyway? Kinda like Barack NooBama.
There's no point in voting for her anyway because, as Mitt Romney informs us, she's not Ango-Saxon, and therefore she just doesn't… understand.

freakishlywrong July 25, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Harold Ford Jr. and Mark McKinnon are jizzing themselves in to a coma as we post.
"No Lapels!!1" "Bipantismanship11!"

BaldarTFlagass July 25, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Mazie doats and dozy doats and liddle lamzy divey
A kiddley divey too, wouldn't you?

FakaktaSouth July 25, 2012 at 12:13 pm

You know what? Fuck these assholes. I am not in the mood to sit around and talk about how cute it is that they are acting above something by not being children, when all the while they are being childish. THIS IS BULLSHIT. They are paid, quite well actually, to make policy for the nation that keeps us from crashing our cars into each other and having safe drinking water and not getting retaliated against by one of the numerous countries we have pissed off – PLEASE STOP ACTING LIKE "Personalities." You are not – you are fucking public servants and need to start serving a god damned purpose.
Just SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP and do your jobs.

fartknocker July 25, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Greatest post of the day.

Beowoof July 25, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Oh I can't up fist this enough.

eggsacklywright July 25, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Needs upfist derivatives tranch.

chicken_thief July 25, 2012 at 12:43 pm

That's enough to make Boehner cry.

prommie July 25, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Bravissimo, maestro!

bobbert July 25, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Nice thought, but we're talking about Yon Dung here, so no such luck.

SexySmurf July 25, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Fun fact: Mazie Hirono is a Buddhist. Which means if she wins, we can expect a (an?) hilarious Michele Bachmann freak-out over the possible infiltration of the Senate by the "Yellow Peril."

Callyson July 25, 2012 at 12:26 pm

I for one welcome our new Buddhist overlords…

actor212 July 25, 2012 at 12:30 pm

An. The accent in "hilarious" is on the second syllable.

just_a_head July 25, 2012 at 4:30 pm

"a" because the h is pronounced, not silent.

Guppy July 25, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Pete Hoekstra's on the case!

actor212 July 25, 2012 at 12:14 pm

OMG! CATS SLEEPING WITH DOGS!

Mittens Howell, III July 25, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Don Young is someone's creepy uncle.

BaldarTFlagass July 25, 2012 at 12:16 pm

"Why is this stooge endorsing a democrat when we need all the Senate seats we can get to repeal Obamacare?"

Dude should change his screen name from SassoGran to Don Quixote. Good luck!

Tequila Mockingbird July 25, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Hawaii's state motto is Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru – "Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money"

Alaska's is "Hey, at least our slaves were white!"

ChillBill July 25, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Dear Russia,

What is your return policy?

Yours Truly,

America

Callyson July 25, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Dear America,

You broke it, you bought it.

Sincerely Yours,

Russia

Goonemeritus July 25, 2012 at 12:18 pm

As Alaskan women say about their men folk “the odds are good but the goods are odd”

ChernobylSoup July 25, 2012 at 12:18 pm

This cooperation will really pay off in a few years when Alaska is a tropical paradise and Hawaii is under the sea.

Goonemeritus July 25, 2012 at 12:19 pm

I thought Hawaii was part of Kenya.

Dashboard Buddha July 25, 2012 at 12:19 pm

OT, Personal:

Good news: I start a new job on Monday. It's a temp job, but it will do for now. It may last until January.

Bad news 1: I'm going to be one of the things I despise most…a collection agent for a bank. At least they don't employ adversarial tactics. I was told that they not only want to collect the money, but also keep the people as customers, so there's that.

Bad news 2: Not really bad news, but just simply appalling. I have to undergo a background check (I hope I cancelled my subscription to Muslim Brotherhood Monthly in time) AND a piss test. Background check and a drug test For.A.Fucking.Temp.Job.

As the young people say, FML.

SorosBot July 25, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Nice! Now if only I could get one of those job things too.

SexySmurf July 25, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Since it's a bank, I'm assuming they won't hire you unless you have a criminal record.

BaldarTFlagass July 25, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Now I'm going to have to put you on call-block.

Mittens Howell, III July 25, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Congrats on the job!

You might want to drink a lot of water to flush all the snark out of your piss. (The job creators hate snark.)

Oblios_Cap July 25, 2012 at 1:26 pm

That's why I only use credit unions. I want my tellers to be stoned when they're counting out $$$.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 25, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Know what you really need to do?
Find out why they think this job is temporary.

Terry July 25, 2012 at 12:22 pm

The Congressional delegations from AK and HI have a long history of working together. Inouye and Stevens in particular had a long and successful working arrangement and friendship. They'll partner on issues that were obvious, such as legislation related to the education issues of Alaska Native and Pacific Island peoples, but also on less obvious ones. Inouye was one of the few Dems to support drilling in ANWR, while Stevens supported Federal recognition of Native Hawaiians.

Blueb4sinrise July 25, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Not fapping.

Trannysurprise July 25, 2012 at 12:30 pm

I guess the Teatards will be lashing Don Young to John Roberts as they light the bonfire.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 25, 2012 at 1:45 pm

If you can't goose-step in synch with the rest of the platoon, you're a RINO.

Chow Yun Flat July 25, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Bipartisanship in Amerikka.

Gay rights, decriminalizing marijuana, stem cell research for one side.

Control of capital including fiscal and economic policy; control of the military and police for the other side.

You can get gay married in a number of states but don't try anything that might slow the flow of munies to the 1%.

Oblios_Cap July 25, 2012 at 12:33 pm

But will she chew up his sealskins so that Don can have new mukluks?

chicken_thief July 25, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Methinks Don has a chubby for the geishas.

homotownrecords July 25, 2012 at 6:14 pm

I was thinking the same thing. He gets awfully pink in the middle of that ad.

thefrontpage July 25, 2012 at 12:49 pm

MIndy Meyer for President of the American Pacific Empire!!!

littlebigdaddy July 25, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Yes, but of course Hawaii is not a state unless we see its long-form birf certificate!

AlaskaGrrl July 25, 2012 at 2:06 pm

I don't like Don, I don't like a whole lot of what he does, but he does work hard for rural and Native Alaskans. Credit where credit is due.

CapeClod July 25, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Alaska and Hawaii are like the Alabama and Massachusetts of the Pacific.

homotownrecords July 25, 2012 at 6:12 pm

that ad made me well up! yay bipartisanship! why the hell was he such an asshole though? jesus.

ttommyunger July 25, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Living proof that Politics is Hollywood for ugly people.

aklibtard July 27, 2012 at 5:45 am

for whatever reason our shameless money-over-fist greedy conservative congressional delegation has always been BFF with the communist aloha grifters. Ted Stevens was besties with sen. Inoye (sic?) too. As shameless as he usually is, Young is pretty sincere about Native education because his wife is Native Alaskan and they were both school teachers out in a village a million years ago. All of the backwoods militia teatards up here (in other words moderate Alaskans) are freaking the hell out over this though.

DahBoner July 28, 2012 at 1:17 pm

I think you're supposed to thaw out Alaska politicians for a couple hours before you try to microwave them…

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