Politicians From America’s Weirdo Unattached States Form Unholy Alliance

  beyond the sea

TLAThere has often emerged from the American electorate a sort of vague, inchoate idea that more “bipartisanship” is needed in our politics. Elitists who are heavily connected to the financial services industry but are cool with abortion and gay people think, completely incorrectly, that this indicates that there’s room for some sort of middle ground third-party, when it probably actually just means that people want Congress to not treat every little vote about trade policy or whatever like it’s the debate over the Fugitive Slave Act, and at least pretend to be nice to each other. Sadly, the only elected officials still capable of doing this come from the dispersed American Pacific Empire, as we can see in a new ad in which a Republican congressman from Alaska endorses a Democratic congresslady for Hawaii, for Senate. What terrible debts are being repaid over the course of this low-budget 90-second ad?

Aww, look how cute it is, these two getting along!

Isn’t it cute how Alaska Republican Don Young literally spends the entire ad begging to be allowed to call Nancy Pelosi a rude name? WONKETTE GUESSING GAME: Does this name start with “b” or “c”? You be the judge! The Washington Post “She The People” politics ladyblog calls it “refreshing,” so we know it’s all in fun.

 
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Anyhoo, Mazie Hirono (D) is still running in her primary for Hawaii’s open Senate seat this year against Ed Case, who’s actually more of a centrist than she is. Former Hawaii Governor Linda Lingle is unopposed for the Republican nomination, and the Republicans think this is a good opportunity to pick up a seat, which means that someone must have pissed off Don Young pretty bad to get him to do this. Probably something about the education for native Hawaiians and Alaskans they mention in the ad, which sounds exactly like the sort of reverse racism that the brave heroes of the Republican caucus have sworn to defeat.

Anyway, let’s see what America’s most thoughtful political commentators, the people who post comments on YouTube, think of this outbreak of bipartisanship:

Statist alkie troll! That's the name of our new rap-metal band

We all of course knew that Hawaii wasn’t really part of America, but it’s just sad to see Sarah Palin’s Alaska joining it, in hell. Enjoy quietly seceding from the union and pressing on with your trans-Pacific lovefest, losers! [WP]

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About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger

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73 comments

    1. WhatTheHeck

      Pelosi to Young (as she punches out on the Time clock): I’ve got my eye on you. You, you, you sneaky beast.

  1. Callyson

    Isn’t it cute how Alaska Republican Don Young literally spends the entire ad begging to be allowed to call Nancy Pelosi a rude name? WONKETTE GUESSING GAME: Does this name start with “b” or “c”?

    Yes.

  2. KeepFnThatOwl

    So, is the news here that bipartisanship works, or that Nancy's a bitch, or that people (other than the Wonkerati, natch!) can be evil asshole trolls?

  3. Ruhe

    Realpolitik translation: "The party balance in the Senate will have no real affect on the quality or quantity of work that gets done so…whatever. Vote for this lady if you like."

  4. LastGasp

    What kind of name is Mazie Hirono anyway? Kinda like Barack NooBama.
    There's no point in voting for her anyway because, as Mitt Romney informs us, she's not Ango-Saxon, and therefore she just doesn't… understand.

  5. freakishlywrong

    Harold Ford Jr. and Mark McKinnon are jizzing themselves in to a coma as we post.
    "No Lapels!!1" "Bipantismanship11!"

  6. BaldarTFlagass

    Mazie doats and dozy doats and liddle lamzy divey
    A kiddley divey too, wouldn't you?

  7. FakaktaSouth

    You know what? Fuck these assholes. I am not in the mood to sit around and talk about how cute it is that they are acting above something by not being children, when all the while they are being childish. THIS IS BULLSHIT. They are paid, quite well actually, to make policy for the nation that keeps us from crashing our cars into each other and having safe drinking water and not getting retaliated against by one of the numerous countries we have pissed off – PLEASE STOP ACTING LIKE "Personalities." You are not – you are fucking public servants and need to start serving a god damned purpose.
    Just SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP and do your jobs.

  8. SexySmurf

    Fun fact: Mazie Hirono is a Buddhist. Which means if she wins, we can expect a (an?) hilarious Michele Bachmann freak-out over the possible infiltration of the Senate by the "Yellow Peril."

  9. BaldarTFlagass

    "Why is this stooge endorsing a democrat when we need all the Senate seats we can get to repeal Obamacare?"

    Dude should change his screen name from SassoGran to Don Quixote. Good luck!

  10. Tequila Mockingbird

    Hawaii's state motto is Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru – "Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money"

    Alaska's is "Hey, at least our slaves were white!"

  11. Goonemeritus

    As Alaskan women say about their men folk “the odds are good but the goods are odd”

  12. ChernobylSoup

    This cooperation will really pay off in a few years when Alaska is a tropical paradise and Hawaii is under the sea.

  13. Dashboard Buddha

    OT, Personal:

    Good news: I start a new job on Monday. It's a temp job, but it will do for now. It may last until January.

    Bad news 1: I'm going to be one of the things I despise most…a collection agent for a bank. At least they don't employ adversarial tactics. I was told that they not only want to collect the money, but also keep the people as customers, so there's that.

    Bad news 2: Not really bad news, but just simply appalling. I have to undergo a background check (I hope I cancelled my subscription to Muslim Brotherhood Monthly in time) AND a piss test. Background check and a drug test For.A.Fucking.Temp.Job.

    As the young people say, FML.

    1. Mittens Howell, III

      Congrats on the job!

      You might want to drink a lot of water to flush all the snark out of your piss. (The job creators hate snark.)

    2. Oblios_Cap

      That's why I only use credit unions. I want my tellers to be stoned when they're counting out $$$.

  14. Terry

    The Congressional delegations from AK and HI have a long history of working together. Inouye and Stevens in particular had a long and successful working arrangement and friendship. They'll partner on issues that were obvious, such as legislation related to the education issues of Alaska Native and Pacific Island peoples, but also on less obvious ones. Inouye was one of the few Dems to support drilling in ANWR, while Stevens supported Federal recognition of Native Hawaiians.

  15. Trannysurprise

    I guess the Teatards will be lashing Don Young to John Roberts as they light the bonfire.

  16. Chow Yun Flat

    Bipartisanship in Amerikka.

    Gay rights, decriminalizing marijuana, stem cell research for one side.

    Control of capital including fiscal and economic policy; control of the military and police for the other side.

    You can get gay married in a number of states but don't try anything that might slow the flow of munies to the 1%.

  17. littlebigdaddy

    Yes, but of course Hawaii is not a state unless we see its long-form birf certificate!

  18. AlaskaGrrl

    I don't like Don, I don't like a whole lot of what he does, but he does work hard for rural and Native Alaskans. Credit where credit is due.

  19. homotownrecords

    that ad made me well up! yay bipartisanship! why the hell was he such an asshole though? jesus.

  20. aklibtard

    for whatever reason our shameless money-over-fist greedy conservative congressional delegation has always been BFF with the communist aloha grifters. Ted Stevens was besties with sen. Inoye (sic?) too. As shameless as he usually is, Young is pretty sincere about Native education because his wife is Native Alaskan and they were both school teachers out in a village a million years ago. All of the backwoods militia teatards up here (in other words moderate Alaskans) are freaking the hell out over this though.

  21. DahBoner

    I think you're supposed to thaw out Alaska politicians for a couple hours before you try to microwave them…

Comments are closed.