beyond the sea

Politicians From America’s Weirdo Unattached States Form Unholy Alliance

TLAThere has often emerged from the American electorate a sort of vague, inchoate idea that more “bipartisanship” is needed in our politics. Elitists who are heavily connected to the financial services industry but are cool with abortion and gay people think, completely incorrectly, that this indicates that there’s room for some sort of middle ground third-party, when it probably actually just means that people want Congress to not treat every little vote about trade policy or whatever like it’s the debate over the Fugitive Slave Act, and at least pretend to be nice to each other. Sadly, the only elected officials still capable of doing this come from the dispersed American Pacific Empire, as we can see in a new ad in which a Republican congressman from Alaska endorses a Democratic congresslady for Hawaii, for Senate. What terrible debts are being repaid over the course of this low-budget 90-second ad?

Aww, look how cute it is, these two getting along!

Isn’t it cute how Alaska Republican Don Young literally spends the entire ad begging to be allowed to call Nancy Pelosi a rude name? WONKETTE GUESSING GAME: Does this name start with “b” or “c”? You be the judge! The Washington Post “She The People” politics ladyblog calls it “refreshing,” so we know it’s all in fun.

Anyhoo, Mazie Hirono (D) is still running in her primary for Hawaii’s open Senate seat this year against Ed Case, who’s actually more of a centrist than she is. Former Hawaii Governor Linda Lingle is unopposed for the Republican nomination, and the Republicans think this is a good opportunity to pick up a seat, which means that someone must have pissed off Don Young pretty bad to get him to do this. Probably something about the education for native Hawaiians and Alaskans they mention in the ad, which sounds exactly like the sort of reverse racism that the brave heroes of the Republican caucus have sworn to defeat.

Anyway, let’s see what America’s most thoughtful political commentators, the people who post comments on YouTube, think of this outbreak of bipartisanship:

Statist alkie troll! That's the name of our new rap-metal band

We all of course knew that Hawaii wasn’t really part of America, but it’s just sad to see Sarah Palin’s Alaska joining it, in hell. Enjoy quietly seceding from the union and pressing on with your trans-Pacific lovefest, losers! [WP]

About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • nounverb911

    When did Alaska become an actual state?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      When they done discovered oil in them thar sounds!

  • Katydid

    Don Young is a closeted human being.

  • metamarcisf

    Young to Pelosi: "See you next Tuesday"

    • WhatTheHeck

      Pelosi to Young (as she punches out on the Time clock): I’ve got my eye on you. You, you, you sneaky beast.

  • SayItWithWookies

    This is a shocking development — Alaska has Mennonites?

  • Callyson

    Isn’t it cute how Alaska Republican Don Young literally spends the entire ad begging to be allowed to call Nancy Pelosi a rude name? WONKETTE GUESSING GAME: Does this name start with “b” or “c”?

    Yes.

    • LesBontemps

      AOTK.

    • SorosBot

      "Badass" or "cool"?

  • Grief_Lessons

    Someone has photos of someone with a moose.

  • gullywompr

    The only B-word you should call a woman is "beautiful". Bitches love that shit.

  • mavenmaven

    But can he see Hawaii from his house?

  • sbj1964

    When did the GOP make the word Moderate a slur?Oh right 1980.

  • KeepFnThatOwl

    So, is the news here that bipartisanship works, or that Nancy's a bitch, or that people (other than the Wonkerati, natch!) can be evil asshole trolls?

  • mrpuma2u

    If they call their party the "Kamanaiwanaleiya" party I am all in.

    • mavenmaven

      The Humuhumunukunukuāpuaʻa Party?

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Tiny fish. Big name.

        • mavenmaven

          I get told that all the time….

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I hope Alaska lets Hawaii ride on top, otherwise he'll crush the poor thing.

    • Callyson

      Cause she only comes when she's on top.

  • Callyson

    How long before FOX News talks about Don Young (D – Alaska)?

    • WhatTheHeck

      He’s a traitor to the Republican Empire.

    • kittensdontlie

      Gotta love GOP on GOP political hate 'crime'….

  • Ruhe

    Realpolitik translation: "The party balance in the Senate will have no real affect on the quality or quantity of work that gets done so…whatever. Vote for this lady if you like."

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

    A bipartisan compromise: 3 inches.

    • Beowoof

      Most republican men can understand this.

  • LastGasp

    What kind of name is Mazie Hirono anyway? Kinda like Barack NooBama.
    There's no point in voting for her anyway because, as Mitt Romney informs us, she's not Ango-Saxon, and therefore she just doesn't… understand.

  • freakishlywrong

    Harold Ford Jr. and Mark McKinnon are jizzing themselves in to a coma as we post.
    "No Lapels!!1" "Bipantismanship11!"

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Mazie doats and dozy doats and liddle lamzy divey
    A kiddley divey too, wouldn't you?

  • FakaktaSouth

    You know what? Fuck these assholes. I am not in the mood to sit around and talk about how cute it is that they are acting above something by not being children, when all the while they are being childish. THIS IS BULLSHIT. They are paid, quite well actually, to make policy for the nation that keeps us from crashing our cars into each other and having safe drinking water and not getting retaliated against by one of the numerous countries we have pissed off – PLEASE STOP ACTING LIKE "Personalities." You are not – you are fucking public servants and need to start serving a god damned purpose.
    Just SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP and do your jobs.

    • fartknocker

      Greatest post of the day.

    • Beowoof

      Oh I can't up fist this enough.

    • eggsacklywright

      Needs upfist derivatives tranch.

    • chicken_thief

      That's enough to make Boehner cry.

    • prommie

      Bravissimo, maestro!

    • bobbert

      Nice thought, but we're talking about Yon Dung here, so no such luck.

  • SexySmurf

    Fun fact: Mazie Hirono is a Buddhist. Which means if she wins, we can expect a (an?) hilarious Michele Bachmann freak-out over the possible infiltration of the Senate by the "Yellow Peril."

    • Callyson

      I for one welcome our new Buddhist overlords…

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      An. The accent in "hilarious" is on the second syllable.

      • just_a_head

        "a" because the h is pronounced, not silent.

    • Guppy

      Pete Hoekstra's on the case!

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    OMG! CATS SLEEPING WITH DOGS!

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Don Young is someone's creepy uncle.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Why is this stooge endorsing a democrat when we need all the Senate seats we can get to repeal Obamacare?"

    Dude should change his screen name from SassoGran to Don Quixote. Good luck!

  • Tequila Mockingbird

    Hawaii's state motto is Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru – "Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money"

    Alaska's is "Hey, at least our slaves were white!"

  • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

    Dear Russia,

    What is your return policy?

    Yours Truly,

    America

    • Callyson

      Dear America,

      You broke it, you bought it.

      Sincerely Yours,

      Russia

  • Goonemeritus

    As Alaskan women say about their men folk “the odds are good but the goods are odd”

  • ChernobylSoup

    This cooperation will really pay off in a few years when Alaska is a tropical paradise and Hawaii is under the sea.

  • Goonemeritus

    I thought Hawaii was part of Kenya.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    OT, Personal:

    Good news: I start a new job on Monday. It's a temp job, but it will do for now. It may last until January.

    Bad news 1: I'm going to be one of the things I despise most…a collection agent for a bank. At least they don't employ adversarial tactics. I was told that they not only want to collect the money, but also keep the people as customers, so there's that.

    Bad news 2: Not really bad news, but just simply appalling. I have to undergo a background check (I hope I cancelled my subscription to Muslim Brotherhood Monthly in time) AND a piss test. Background check and a drug test For.A.Fucking.Temp.Job.

    As the young people say, FML.

    • SorosBot

      Nice! Now if only I could get one of those job things too.

    • SexySmurf

      Since it's a bank, I'm assuming they won't hire you unless you have a criminal record.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Now I'm going to have to put you on call-block.

    • Mittens Howell, III

      Congrats on the job!

      You might want to drink a lot of water to flush all the snark out of your piss. (The job creators hate snark.)

    • Oblios_Cap

      That's why I only use credit unions. I want my tellers to be stoned when they're counting out $$$.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Know what you really need to do?
      Find out why they think this job is temporary.

  • Terry

    The Congressional delegations from AK and HI have a long history of working together. Inouye and Stevens in particular had a long and successful working arrangement and friendship. They'll partner on issues that were obvious, such as legislation related to the education issues of Alaska Native and Pacific Island peoples, but also on less obvious ones. Inouye was one of the few Dems to support drilling in ANWR, while Stevens supported Federal recognition of Native Hawaiians.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Not fapping.

  • Trannysurprise

    I guess the Teatards will be lashing Don Young to John Roberts as they light the bonfire.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      If you can't goose-step in synch with the rest of the platoon, you're a RINO.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Bipartisanship in Amerikka.

    Gay rights, decriminalizing marijuana, stem cell research for one side.

    Control of capital including fiscal and economic policy; control of the military and police for the other side.

    You can get gay married in a number of states but don't try anything that might slow the flow of munies to the 1%.

  • Oblios_Cap

    But will she chew up his sealskins so that Don can have new mukluks?

  • chicken_thief

    Methinks Don has a chubby for the geishas.

    • homotownrecords

      I was thinking the same thing. He gets awfully pink in the middle of that ad.

  • thefrontpage

    MIndy Meyer for President of the American Pacific Empire!!!

  • littlebigdaddy

    Yes, but of course Hawaii is not a state unless we see its long-form birf certificate!

  • AlaskaGrrl

    I don't like Don, I don't like a whole lot of what he does, but he does work hard for rural and Native Alaskans. Credit where credit is due.

  • CapeClod

    Alaska and Hawaii are like the Alabama and Massachusetts of the Pacific.

  • homotownrecords

    that ad made me well up! yay bipartisanship! why the hell was he such an asshole though? jesus.

  • ttommyunger

    Living proof that Politics is Hollywood for ugly people.

  • aklibtard

    for whatever reason our shameless money-over-fist greedy conservative congressional delegation has always been BFF with the communist aloha grifters. Ted Stevens was besties with sen. Inoye (sic?) too. As shameless as he usually is, Young is pretty sincere about Native education because his wife is Native Alaskan and they were both school teachers out in a village a million years ago. All of the backwoods militia teatards up here (in other words moderate Alaskans) are freaking the hell out over this though.

  • DahBoner

    I think you're supposed to thaw out Alaska politicians for a couple hours before you try to microwave them…