Surely no one will say anything racist about this

Genealogy Shocker: Barack Obama May Be Black

Chain, chain, chain...In news that is certain to leave birthers confused and angry, a team of genealogists has announced that President Barack Obama may be descended, through his mother, from one of the first African slaves in North America. In a transparent PR bid that may nevertheless turn out to be historically significant, online genealogy outfit Ancestry.com published a paper suggesting that Obama’s mother, Stanley Ann Dunham, was descended from John Punch, who traveled to colonial Virginia as an indentured servant, but after running away in 1640, was sentenced to a lifetime of servitude, making him one of the first documented African slaves in the colonies.

The Ancestry.com team used DNA analysis to make the connection, and it also combed through marriage and property records to trace Mr. Obama’s maternal ancestry to the time and place where Mr. Punch lived. The company said records suggested that Mr. Punch fathered children with a white woman, who passed her free status on to those children, giving rise to a family of a slightly different name, the Bunches, that ultimately spawned Mr. Obama’s mother, Stanley Ann Dunham.

We already knew that Obama has New England roots going back to 1669, and now it would appear that another branch of his maternal line goes back even farther into the American past. This could be rather embarrassing to greenhorn Mitt Romney, whose family didn’t even set foot on the continent until the 1840s — indeed, can such newcomers to our shores ever shed their strange foreign ways?

While the connection to John Punch cannot be fully documented due to gaps in the earliest records, DNA evidence of sub-Saharan roots for modern descendents of the Bunch family led the researchers to make the link. “The odds, based on what does actually survive, strongly suggest that President Barack Obama is a descendant (he would be the 11th great-grandson) of the first enslaved African in America,” said the paper’s lead author, Anastasia Harman. Two independent genealogists contacted by the New York Times found the analysis persuasive, if ultimately inconclusive.

This will surely come as news to writers like Stanley Crouch or Debra Dickerson, who once fretted that Obama’s lack of genuine slave heritage meant that he was “not black enough,” let alone Laura Ingraham, who once suggested that Herman Cain would be America’s REAL “first black president.” Furthermore, it remains to be seen if this news will inspire any hack columnists to meditate on its greater meaning for Race In America (it definitely will).

Readers of Free Republic and The Blaze were quick to conclude that the researchers’ conclusions were utterly false, planted by the Obama campaign, calculated to incite voter fraud (and / or liberal white guilt), and completely trivial compared to the President’s continued refusal to turn over all of his college records, particularly what is believed by many to be a trenchant English 101 analysis of the theme of conformity in Shirley Jackson’s “The Lottery.”

About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom

Comments

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  • Barb_

    Wow, someone is up early this morning.
    Let me finish my coffee and Plan B and I will have something to say.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      If someone is up early, Plan B might want to be delayed a few moments.

      • Serolf_Divad

        Plan B? isn't that what liberal ladies eat every morning instead of Cheerios?

        • tessiee

          We used to, but we had to stop, because it interfered with our having eight or nine abortions every year.

    • Millennial Malaise

      Oh, so on top of being the fastest wonkette commenter, you're a mind reader too. Nothing gets pass you!

  • Goonemeritus

    I was cool with 50% black but 50.001% black maybe a little too urban for me.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I noticed he stopped drinking iced lattes and went for iced tea.

      • AutomaticPilot

        Ahem, mother-fuckin iced tea.

        • chicken_thief

          Mother-fuckin sweet iced tea. Not that pussy New England shit.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          The brother ain't THAT black.

    • horsedreamer_1

      What are 'things overheard in gentrifying neighborhoods'?

      I'll take 'Trustifarianism' for 600$, Alex.

  • Estproph

    "Readers of Free Republic and The Blaze"

    There can be no readers of Free Republic and The Blaze. It's impossible by definition of the word "reader".

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Sir or Madam, I do believe that given copious amounts of lip movement it is possible for the average conservative to read.

      A bit.

    • sewollef

      They're not "readers" per se…. they is looking at the pictures.

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Yes…and when their 'readers' can't make out those little squigly things what light up the screen they'll just put in copious links to "Birth of a Nation"…that'll get just the right amount of honkey anger, especially when they say Obama is the savage white guy in blackface as their "alternative theory" to ancestry.com.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Mr Punch and Ms Judy

  • Goonemeritus

    Isn’t Ancestry.com affiliated with the Church of Latter Day Saints? I’m sure not going to vote for anyone mixed up with that outfit. I guess I’m a Romney man now.

    • kittensdontlie

      Ancestuous.com is the mormons way of gettiing everyone to figure out their own lineage so after death they may be brought into their 'faith', and you people had better fear the mormon god, for he is a vengeful one.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    GASP!

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    I'm sure that Obama and his ancestors fully understood the "special" Anglo-Saxon relationship.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      I'm sure we all do…

      • Beowoof

        You plant the cotton and the you pick the cotton, then we will sell it and keep all the profit. I think that is the plan they are still using, just now it applies to everyone but the wealth.

        • thatsitfortheother1

          At least they stole the land fair and square in those days. Some element of risk, unlike today.

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

    Someday, far in the future, nearly everyone will be a descendant of a Wonkette commenter.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Wait. You can get pregnant from teh buttsechs?

      • LesBontemps

        And fapping?

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          I think my tube sock might be evolving

    • CthuNHu

      Really? Which one?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Most of us have barely done any reproductive duty (thank TPTB).

      • sewollef

        I did my reproductive duty — once — she turned out to be gorgeous, blonde, tall, going on 12-years-old and lives with her batshit crazy mother in the south of France.

        Sadly, I'm 5,600 kilometres away in Noo Yawk. Thank god for, er, Skype.

        There is only one god and her name is Skype!

        • mavenmaven

          I feel your pain…

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

          How batshit crazy can she be, having obtained a sweet setup in the south of France?

          • sewollef

            Good point… and sometimes I wonder.

            But my ex is French [from Marseille — an absolutely great city, btw]. We were living in the south before it all fell apart 10 years ago.

            New York was as far as I could get from Toulouse on one tank of gas.

          • tessiee

            Didn't the car get all wet crossing the Atlantic?

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          (Hugs sewollef) You, my friend, could use a hug. I'm so sorry your little girl isn't with you. I hope she does come to visit and lights up your life. She sounds like a little ray of sunshine.

          • sewollef

            Thanks MB. We get to 'video-conference' from time to time…. where we flit back and forth from French [her main language] to English. I fly back to France as often as I can, given only 2 weeks vacation here [ grrr.]

            She's a bit of a celebrity at school, since she has an English dad who lives in NYC… and for a young girl, she's got a wickedly good sense of [gallic] humour.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            She sounds like the little girl in Muriel Barbery's The Elegance Of The Hedgehog. Lucky you!

      • finallyhappy

        I did but am pretty sure one will never reproduce and not too sure about the second one

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          The younger stepson used to say he was going to have dozens of kids. We signed him up at the local childcare center one summer. He's in his 30s now, and no kids on the horizon. OTOH, at least we won't have to worry about the grandkids suffering on a water-poor planet.

    • tessiee

      "a descendant of a Wonkette commenter"

      Not this commentrix, thank god.
      I prefer disposable income to disposable diapers.

      • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

        As far as you know, of course.

        (What? It could have been a little tiny baby that snuck out while you were sleeping and made its way in the world.)

      • horsedreamer_1

        Cloth diapers or get the feces out.

        (Seriously, better for the environment AND creates jobs for didie services.)

    • 102415

      I'm in the pool and my granddaughter is already wearing a Obama onesie. At 6 months the snark in deep in this one. Plus she started loling at 3days.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Another Obot? OMG. This is wut happens when you give LIBTRADZ munnies. They churn out the Obots.

        • 102415

          She only wears it to irritate and educate.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I'm so proud of her! Hey, I couldn't fit into that onesie, SUMbuddy had to!

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    So he's a real American story, pulling himself up by his bootstraps from his slave roots in Colonial America to become leader of the greatest nation in the history of the fucking planet, bitchez?

    And this Mitt Romney fellow moved here from Mexico for the waters, right?

    • thatsitfortheother1

      But he's, ahem, blah.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        So slavery was just another form of affirmative action?

        Bastards!

        • thatsitfortheother1

          To know for sure, we need to see John Punch's transcripts.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            But he was editor of the Plantation Law Review!

          • Texan_Bulldog

            And long form birth certificate.

          • thatsitfortheother1

            Thatsa kinda high falootin way to spell "birf," ain't it?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            That's one a them EDJIMACATED Texans you're talkin' to there, feller.

    • Terry

      Not just Mexico, but a seeekrit polygamist compound in Mexico.

  • TootsStansbury

    Dude in the photo needs to be beaten with his sign. I'd say beaten senseless but…

    • Steverino247

      Amateur proctology, perhaps?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Reverse Tonsil Massage.

    • YasserArraFeck

      ….but that would imply that the bozo had some sense to begin with…..

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Bit late for *that.*

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

      I love the term "white slavery," as if slavery is just lightly immoral if the enslaved are black and brown, but enslaving white women is the deepest and darkest horror.

      • tessiee

        Huh.
        Interesting.
        I didn't even think of the traditional connotation of "white slavery" as "sex slavery". I was picturing a reversal of the plantation South, because I think that's the fear of a lot of racists and wingnuts: "what we did to them, they'll do to us".

  • Steverino247

    You know, I was thinking. A guy who would carry a sign like that must not be able to remember that if it wasn't for white slavery, he wouldn't get any pussy at all.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Perfect!

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Ha!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Dude, a guy like that would never make the connection between "white slavery" and "pussy."

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Let's not forget Lucy while lookin' at Barry's African rootz.

  • sharethegrief

    The Romney family tree split in half 2 generations ago from the weight of all those great-aunts.

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Shouldn't that be the Romney's make and model split into two serial numbers? Because I refuse to believe that robotic tin man is human; no one but no one can be THAT boring…even Joe Lieberman.

  • Hera Sent Me

    So Obama's earliest recorded ancestor was a proto-marxist, who took other people's property (i. e., himself) and used it for his own purposes.

    I guess being a commie is genetic.

  • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

    In a very tenuous connection to this story, I recently learned something odd about the heritage of my 73 Chevy, Vlad the Impala. It turns out that the differential, which died noisily and expensively on the way to the Wonkette Drinky Thing in Seattle last month, is (egad!) not actually from a 1973 Impala; at some time while the car was owned by my Idiot Brother, the rear end was replaced with one from god knows what other GM vehicle. Not that I'm opposed to vehicular miscegenation; this is just a complication in finding the right parts.

    What I'm saying is, the Tip Jar is still open…

    • Steverino247

      "Vehicular miscegenation?" Chevy v. Virginia libel!!!!

      • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

        You may have something there…since the mystery differential is from another GM product, then…Oh dear… my car may be a hillbilly?

    • Terry

      Vlad the Impala should be called Victor Frankenchevy.

    • chascates

      At least it wasn't from a Ford.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      I want my money back. You conveniently failed to mention that Vlad is of mixed heritage.

      • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

        Where's the Build Sheet?????

        • thatsitfortheother1

          Long form, if you please.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors
  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    "White Slavery", yeesh — again? Let whitey hurry up and get over this world of butthurt, please. I've had it up to here waiting for someone to address the true anathema of our times, White Slovenly.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      I didn't even know you were form Slovenia. Or is it Slovakia?

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Two different nations. Slovakia is from the former Czechoslovakia.

        Slovenia was Yugoslavia.

        Slovenly is the US heartland

        • IncenseDebate

          Slovenia has better polkas.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            Everybody loves a polka!

          • DahBoner

            Dot?

        • thatsitfortheother1

          My grandad was from Ljubljana. He stowed away out of Bremmerhaven and made it to Ellis Island. I took may parents and we found the old sod, about ten years ago.

          • IncenseDebate

            My grandfather was from near Trieste (Trst) and grandmother from near Ljubljiana. I want to go there someday.

          • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

            Word. To both your grandmothers, from mine (see avatar). Interesting. I'm looking up Ljubljiana now.

        • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

          Or, as the dissident midget from Prague said to his friends at the safehouse, "Can you cache a small Czech?"

          • thatsitfortheother1

            Their abortion clinics advertise for Cancelled Czechs.

          • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

            And Edmund Husserl was an important Reality Czech.

    • RadioBowels

      Leave my Slovenly habits alone.

      • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

        Soon as you're done developing a riding Slanket habit for one's four-legged equines themselves, I'm sure you'll get a phone call from Ann Romney-owned subsidiary Dressage For Success.

    • calliecallie

      How can you not love a Snuggie Pub Crawl?

      • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

        Thinking about wearing one to the wonkette meetup. Could function as a sort of beer bib. It'll be impossible not to recognize me. "…Something Slank'ed this way comes!"

  • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

    Did the Romneys own Barry's Great-great-great-great-grandfather?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      They may have merely rented.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Some of his friends did.

    • sewollef

      Did the Romneys own Barry's Great-great-great-great-grandfather?

      There's a 200 year gap since Barry dates from the 1640's or so and Mittens from the 1840s.

      I'm sure Mitt will make up some shit to fill in the missing time though…

      • tessiee

        He'll buy him retroactively.

  • freakishlywrong

    I get the feeling that somehow this will be spun by wingnutz in to something dark and sinister. (It's Obama's fault).

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Something about Obama expecting reparations, no doubt.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      It can't *help* but be dark. And he is left-handed.

      • bobbert

        Darn you.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          I'm tellin' ya. Ya gotta get to the party early, or all you get is bones and crumbs.

  • LesBontemps

    Also, records suggest John Punch was a gay Kenyan Muslim Fascist Socialist terrorist educated at a radical madrassa in Indonesia, according to lead researcher Jerome Corsi.

  • eggsacklywright

    Yes, it is Obama's fault.

    Sincerely,
    Honkie Peckerwood

  • kittensdontlie

    Soon we will have expert confirmation that his ancestors were technically never freed, so impeachment and enslavement will only rightfully follow–A. Scablia

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    In the usual wingnutty racist wank fests about Barry HUSSEIN OBMAER, they always seem to forget his US Amercian white (or partially white) mother.

    Now the wingnuts have every reason to hate her memory as much as they hate Barry.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

      Fucking an African and an Indonesian wasn't enough?

      • Advn2rgirl

        Well, it wasn't like she could go back.

    • tessiee

      Don't worry, they already hate her for making the sexay with a blah guy.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

        Yes, one of the favorite pastimes of the Corsis and their ilk is typing furiously about the poor morals and judgement of race traitor Stanley Ann Dunham, going so far as to accuse her of being a porn model.

  • IncenseDebate

    Where the historical white women at?

  • StealthMuslin

    "Descended from dark-skinned individual who "fathered children" (raped!) a white woman?
    Yeah, we can work with that." -R. Murdoch

  • TavariousChinaSmith

    Wingnuts claiming that this explains why Barry's mother was attracted to a black man in 3…2…1…

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      Once you go black, you never go back!

      • tessiee

        It used to be, "Once you go urban, you don't wear a turban", but that's since been disproven, because muslin.

    • LesBontemps

      Once you go black, something something … to the 12th or 13th generation.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Black…to the future!

  • chascates

    This will just serve as proof of what miscegenation has wrought and the southern states will call for new laws to protect the 'traditional [white] family".

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Genealogists obsessing over Obama's ancestrals produce a surge in interactivity.
    The Salt Lake area is a known magnet for family researchers seeking preserved records documenting their past/ forebears.
    Ergo, this is good news for Mormon archivists and by extension their favorite shopkeeper, Mitt Romney.

  • IncenseDebate

    I project at least another inch on Bam's johnson.

    • http://wonkette.com NorbertsRevenge

      That's quite an extrapolation.

    • tessiee

      Pics or GTFO.

  • RadioBowels

    I knew he was more uppity than I thought.

  • arihaya

    what will these so-called "scientists" say next? Thomas Jefferson fucked a black lady?

  • BornInATrailer

    I wonder how Michele feels about Barack's family being "down with the swirl."

    (to an even greater extent)

  • RedneckMuslin

    Well, this proves Obama's socialist slave roots.

  • DahBoner

    But Rush said he was "Halfrican". That's like, Science or something!

  • arihaya

    Your headline is incomplete. It should say "Genealogy Shocker: Barack Obama May Be Black and All of His Ancestors Have been Baptized as Mormons. "

  • HistoriCat

    Why are we only finding out about this now? Nobama was never properly vetted! I blame the librul media.

  • bureaucrap

    If romney's really Mexican, shouldn't he be with his countrymen at the home depot, waiting for someone to pay him 5 bucks an hour to shovel dirt? Really, he should.

  • bflrtsplk

    Wait a minute. I went to all the trouble of voting illegally for a ….? Say it ain`t so!

  • chicken_thief

    Well, that accounts for the hoops skills.

  • fitley

    I find it ironic that people assign all these diabolical plans to Obama, all of them not true at all, even though he's introduced plenty of real substantive plans. Then you have Romney who has no plans of any kind and that same crowd thinks he's the smarter one, he has a vision.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Romney's whah. Ergo.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Old and Busted
    Romney aid: "Kiss my ass"

    New Hotness
    Obama aid: "Kiss my BLACK ass"

    • Come here a minute

      Because, Why Not, I Paid for it on Ancestry.com
      Random White Guy: "Kiss my Jeffersonian Black ass"

  • Trannysurprise

    Hmm – Obama is a descendant of one of the first slaves??? Doesn't this make him more of an American than about 99% of all the birther assholes?

    • thatsitfortheother1

      He's got about 300 years in America on my family.

      We're starting to move back.

    • Advn2rgirl

      Umm, no. Hello? He's blah.

  • MacRaith

    I'm somewhat skeptical of Ancestry.com, after using them to trace my wife's ancestry all the way back to the Norse god Odin. Seriously – no snark, I'm not making that up. According to their records she's descended from Odin via Thor. Also the biblical Adam AND King Priam of Troy.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      COUSIN!

    • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

      Next you're going to tell me this piece of the True Cross they sold me is fake.

    • Dildeaux

      Ancestry.com is owned by mormons. Just sayin.

      • MacRaith

        Yeah, I know, which means that Odin and Thor have now been baptized as Mormons.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      They came up with a family crest for my Dad. I was like "Gee Dad, why all the swords and castles, but nary a goat?"

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      STOP! Hammertime!

    • PsycWench

      If she asks for coffee in bed, you better deliver.

  • prommie

    He says "the sherrif is near."

  • http://matthewgreenbaum.com swordfis

    Impeach the octoroon!!!!

  • BarackMyWorld

    Kizzy and Chicken George demand a recount.

  • eggsacklywright

    I have been acting affirmatively since I was a mere prat.

  • BarackMyWorld

    "Do you have any black in you? Would you like some?"

  • http://matthewgreenbaum.com swordfis

    OT: Every morning I hope to see this headline: "Romney admits he's an idiot, withdraws candidacy." But it never happens.

  • KeepFnThatOwl

    In an unrelated story of meaninglessness, the Democratic Party acknowledges its approval of same-sex marriages. Wingnuts will now speak of how gay marriage is being used as a political prop, which is designed to energize (according to Wikipedia, because I'm lazy) the 2 to 3 % of gay people in America.

    They say shit like this as if it's a swing state. By my estimate, of the same "2 -3% of homosexuals," I'd wager 2 – 3% of them are Republican.

    I mean, while we're talking about non-issues being issues…

    • BarackMyWorld

      Karl Rove wept.

      • 102415

        Why was that ? His daddy could have gotten married again.

  • Dildeaux

    White people would make very bad slaves. Too high maintenance.

    Although some white people might be put to better use, as say, boat anchors.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Fraudulently_Joe

    But the MAIN take-away is that, not unlike Familial Mediterranean Fever and the FEMV gene, Jungle Fever actually has a genetic basis and runs in families?

    Actually, that does go a fair ways to explaining my family tree also, come to think of it.

    • Advn2rgirl

      I thought the main take-away was "You might not be as white as you think you are."

    • vulpes82

      All it means is "Humans like to fuck each other, and don't much care about race or any of that other bullshit." We'll generally do it with anything vaguely human. Just ask the Neanderthals and the Denisovans.

      • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Fraudulently_Joe

        That's nothing. You should read up on the quadruped=>biped hominid transitional period, which is hypothesized to have occurred during or immediately after the chromosomal fusion event.

        Let's just say that that the claim that early hominids were willing to fuck anything that walked on two feet is perhaps inaccurate, on account of undue specificity.

        • vulpes82

          Yeah, we're not terribly particular. And more and more evidence mounts as we study our DNA that all the hominin primates were mixing together for millions of years

  • thatsitfortheother1

    " suggesting that Obama’s mother, Stanley Ann Dunham, was descended from John Punch, who traveled to colonial Virginia as an indentured servant, but after running away in 1640, was sentenced to a lifetime of servitude…"

    It occurs to me that running away in 1640 and just kinda trying to blend in ANYWHERE in America must have been a little tough.

    Not like now where all you have to do is pack on a couple hundred pounds and go down to the nearest RNC headquarters.

    • MosesInvests

      Actually, most escaped slaves would try to join Native American tribes-who generally didn't care what color your skin was, as long as you could hunt or fish. The Seminoles in Florida took in a lot of runaways, which was one of the main reasons for the Seminole wars. There are still a lot of Seminoles of African descent-they're still known as the Seminole Freemen.

    • Advn2rgirl

      Irony of ironies? He was apparently owned by a black former indentured servant who'd become a land-owner on the Eastern Shore of VA.

      Who's The Man? It's unclear.

  • MissTaken

    Woah, woah, woah. Are you implying that some white people in America are actually descended from black people?? Oh my! Get me my smelling salts!

    • vulpes82

      A lot of white people can get rather "nasty" shocks if they dig deep enough in the old family tree or in the DNA.

  • le petit mort

    Great. Now hopefully Ancestry.com can knock it off with the godd-mn banner ads.

  • mavenmaven

    Suddenly this old song started to run through my head (warning- may bring back sordid 70s memories): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHYKoSu62WY

    • sharethegrief

      No disco ball?

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    'the lottery' did – and continues to – freak me right the fuck out.

    that is all.

    • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom
  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    They also found that when you line up Barack's mitochondrial DNA strands end to end under an electron microscope they spell out "REPARATIONZ!!1!"

  • ttommyunger

    This news was also the subject of the lead story in this Month's Issue of "Who Gives a Fuck" Magazine.

    • Redgyal

      You mean the issue with the cover story titled "Meh…that's cool."??? Because I bought that today. Good read.

      • ttommyunger

        Thass da one!Sent from my iPhone

        • Redgyal

          They like to keep bringing that issue back. It is popular in the USA.

          • ttommyunger

            Each issue is identical but no one seems to mind.Sent from my iPhone

          • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

            It's all good.

            (*shudder*)

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Where's all this large p-ness coming from lately?
    I gotta get in on this.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      The p-ness gets into you.

      • HistoriCat

        It's that forced gay marriage thing, isn't it?

  • DahBoner

    Unlike India, it's a good thing we have electricity.

    Otherwise, we'd have a BLACKOUT, and then how would Teabaggers know who to chase down and kill, if everyone was dark???

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

    This business of Barack Obama not being an authentic African-American because he (supposedly) was not descended from slaves is one of the silly things a small number of intra-snobby African-Americans say when their heads are up their asses looking for their "specialness" in the African Diaspora — like when they try to make distinctions in the culture/oppression of black people in the Caribbean or South America vs. the USA, or somehow miss that Colonial oppression of Africans is as much a form of humiliation, suffering, and economic theft/destruction as enslavement.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Torii Hunter Libel!!!

  • tihond

    THIS IS GREAT NEWS! FOR KUNTA KINTE!

    • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

      Peggy Fleming!

    • horsedreamer_1

      Toby! Yo' name… Is Toby.

  • tessiee

    So, let me see if I understand this correctly:

    There's this guy who, his opponents can't go for two minutes without calling him black black black blackity black banana fana bo flack black black black (when they're not using much more hateful terms for it)…
    And now, those same opponents are shocked — shocked and dismayed — that this black black black fella has a previously unknown ancestor *who came from Africa*?

    Have I got that right?

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

    The original and most widespread epidemic of miscegenation in this country was white men routinely raping the black slave (and later, free) women whom they could assault with few or no consequences. (I'm sure Pat Buchanan thinks we should be grateful for the genes.)

    • DCBloom

      This was way before slavery was institutionalized. In 1640 there were only about 150 blacks in Va. At first, they were treated as indentured servants, just like the Irish and English peasants. It was common to intermarry, til the laws changed. Lots of those mixed race folks moved away and intermarried with whites, Indians, and other mixed race people. We Americans are more complicated than we know!

      I read the article on Ancestry.com. My mother is still fanning herself on her fainting couch after finding out that Obama was our cousin…. I had so hoped that I could really freak her out with this. Unfortunately, this is a different branch.

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        I downloaded all the pdfs about this from the site.
        There were way to many online "sources" cited for my taste. But maybe that's because I prefer the "old fashioned" way of doing genealogy research.
        Admittedly, I just skimmed the descendancy report but it's actually one of shortest I've ever seen.
        IMO, I think it was just a public relations move to promote ancestry.com.

  • not that Dewey

    Does this mean Obama is not a Pakistani spy?

  • Karma_Suture

    I hate these goddamned avatar popups!

    • KeepFnThatOwl

      I only want the picture enlarged when there is nakedness.

  • TribecaMike

    The president's mother was named for Bette Davis' character Stanley Timberlake in the 1942 tearjerker "In This Our Life."

    With that in mind, my question to the President is: what ever did happen to Baby Jane?

    • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

      There's RATS in the basement, Blanche.

      And as for the woodpile…

  • Advn2rgirl

    Hey man, everyone's a little bit racist. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RovF1zsDoeM

  • Redgyal

    And this is why we so need to continue classifying ourselves according to race?

  • ttommyunger

    No, I think that has something to do with an old man choking his chicken.