modern times

Ice-T, Conservative Hero

And so it’s 2012, and rapper Ice-T is not just a television star, but a conservative hero, for his stance on guns. If nothing else in modern times showed you so vividly how twisted our politics have become, let the very existence of this ad hoc coalition do the trick. Back in the day, Ice-T was history’s greatest monster for writing protest songs about police brutality called “Cop Killer;” now he is a brave defender of a man’s right to defend himself against tyranny, with kewl guns.

“Quite a cogent argument from Ice-T,” Hot Air tells us, before showing this recent interview of the man who now plays a cop on television:

“It’s legal in the United States,” the rapper said. “The right to bear arms is because that’s the last form of defense against tyranny. Not to hunt. It’s to protect yourself from the police.”

“And do you see any link between that and this sort of instance?” Guru-Murthy challenged.

“No. Not really,” Ice-T responded. “If somebody wants to kill people, they don’t need a gun to do it.”

“Makes it easier though, doesn’t it?” the host pushed back.

“Not really. You can strap explosives on your body. They do that all the time.”

At least Ice-T has been consistent over all of these years: He glorified gun ownership then and now as a last line of protection against the police. The same tyrannical police whom conservatives have been thrusting newer and more powerful weaponry into the hands of to protect them against scary ghetto people all the time.

Do we dare even breach the gray area here, reader? Let’s say you interpret the Second Amendment as necessary as a citizen’s last line of defense against whatever array of government powers are conspiring to kill you. Where’s the line on what you can buy, really easily, in the open market? Most would agree that private citizens shouldn’t be able to buy tanks, RPGs, land mines, and so forth. They are military-grade weapons. And so the line, established under the assault weapons ban, used to be drawn at certain classes of semi-automatic rifles, pistols, and shotguns. That ban expired in 2004, and now there’s no clear societal understanding of what private citizens should and shouldn’t be able to acquire, and we have these endless stupid vague debates about Freedom From Tyranny vs. Guns Are Bad instead, leading us nowhere.

Not to mention the problem on the police side. If Ice-T and his merry band of conservative bloggers are so worried about the awesome power of the police, then why not solidify restrictions there, too? The Pentagon quietly auctions off insane weaponry to police forces around the country, and SWAT raids over minor infractions of the law are becoming ever more common. Maybe the police should have fewer insane weapons, and then the people would need fewer insane weapons.

But if everyone just wants to continue being brainwashed into funneling more money to the NRA and gun manufacturers, then fine, go ahead and do that. Some of us just don’t think it’s such a crazy freedom-destroying idea to ban high-capacity magazines for semi-automatic rifles.

Anyway, your Wonkette looks forward to being told that it doesn’t know anything about guns and they should all be legal for secret counterintuitive reasons.

[Hot Air]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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178 comments

    1. tessiee

      If for no other reason than to see everyone's reaction when he says he needs guns to protect himself against the police.

    1. bumfug

      I'd just like to see the part where he looks at her and says "Who's this cross-eyed bitch?"

  1. Barb_

    I didn't know that Ice-T felt this way. I was too busy looking for my government issued ID so that I can go and pick up my over-the-counter allergy relief pills.

    1. finallyhappy

      I remember the first time I had to show ID for sudafed- I asked the clerk why I should show her my ID- as I had never showed ID at CVS before. She explained that it was because sudafed was used to make meth- I had no idea at the time. Thank goodness she explained – if my cold hadn't been so bad- i could have used some of the 12 pills to make a batch.

      1. Barb_

        Now someone is trying to come up with the plan that we should have to show ID to buy Nyquil.

          1. boobookitteh

            Ayup. I've had to show ID in Mass. Don't know if it's the law or store policy since I've also bought it without showing ID.

            Not that I'm buying Nyquil all the time. I just… have a lot of colds.

          2. Barb_

            BooBoo, that is just crazy.
            I hope that no one figures out that you can get loopy by drinking vanilla extract or we will never get to bake chocolate chip cookies without a hassle.

          3. AbandonHope

            Oops, I tried to use the word intr!guing and got smacked down by the mod-bot. Anyways, as I was saying, here in IL anything at all that contains pseudoephedrine is behind the counter, requires ID, and has the sale recorded in a statewide database.

    1. tessiee

      "I'd rather get my incisive policy analysis from Coco."

      Incisive policy analysis? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

  2. Billmatic

    When reached for comment, Ice Cube said, "Sorry man I ain't got no opinion, I'm filmin a new family movie."

    1. OneDollarJuana

      Vanilla Ice was also questioned in this matter. "I'm still a no-talent douche", he said.

    1. sewollef

      True story:
      The residents association of 6th Avenue in Brooklyn [NY] have just acquired their first Exocet surface-to-air missile, complete with mobile launcher [no, I don't mean an iPhone app].

      Well, they're damned expensive see…. so we pooled our monies together, held raffles and bake-offs at the local school, then, bingo! We're protected.

      There'll be no NSA drones in our neighborhood, I can tell you that.

  3. Come here a minute

    The police have every right to bust in your house and shoot your dog — that thing eats too much and then just goes and poops it out anyway.

  4. sbj1964

    I have the solution to the problem Keep guns legal,and only sell Nerf bullets.There is nothing in the Constitution that says it's a right to own deadly bullets.

  5. ChernobylSoup

    Seems a sling shot was all David, God's favorite warrior/adulterer/murderer, needed. What say you, fundies?

  6. BaldarTFlagass

    I was going to inject some clever quote from "Three Kings" here, but I realized that I was thinking of the wrong Ice guy.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Don't know, but I'm sure that Tupac Shakur, Notorious BIG, and Big L all have something to say about it. Oh wait.

  7. x111e7thst

    I take a strict constructionist view of this – flintlock muzzle loaders – Constitutionally protected – other guns not so much

    1. Fraudulently_Joe

      I always thought it was kinda funny that Schomlito were willing to INSIST that "cruel and unusual punishment" only applies to things that would be torture by 18th-century standards, but that "arms" obviously includes magazine-fed weapons, which didn't exist in the 1780's (to say nothing of, say, breech-loaded rifles, handguns, or semiautomatic weapons).

      1. Generation[redacted]

        Don't forget, the Constitution says the federal government will run the post office, but it doesn't say anything about the Internet. Snail mail only, not email!

  8. wonkettkinkster

    Haha, he wants to keep his guns because he wants to defend himself against cops. That's pretty fucking gangster.

    1. emmelemm

      "Starring Rutger Hauer, Ice-T, Charles S. Dutton, Gary Busey, F. Murray Abraham, John C. McGinley, William McNamara, And Jeff Corey"

      That's a bundle of awesomeness tied with a crazy string. I think I just might have to see this movie. (To be fair, I probably have already, but 1994 is sooo looooong ago and I have a terrible memory.)

  9. IonaTrailer

    Because everyone should be able to buy 6000 rounds of high powered ammo on the internet (every day) with no questions asked.

    1. Generation[redacted]

      I sleep better knowing the next psychopath who wants to do this will be guaranteed that Constitutional right.

  10. BaldarTFlagass

    The police on the 12-man force in the exurban bedroom community where I live are issued with 5-kiloton suitcase nukes for when they are on patrol.

  11. poorgradstudent

    Well, to be fair it's kind of adorable that people still think they can go all "WOLVERINES!!!1!!1!" in an era when most local police forces are more well-armed than most Third World national armies and when the US military has a legion of killer drones.

    At least it supports my theory that one of the reasons pro-gun control advocacy is such a dead movement in much of this country is that it lets people indulge in the fantasy of being independent yeoman freedom fighters without noticing just how fucked their rights are in reality.

  12. hagajim

    I say guns should be legal. So should rocket launchers, bazookas, tanks and even military jets. It's the fucking ammo that should be illegal. A gun without ammo is at best a club. Nuff said.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      There's a B-58 Hustler strategic nuclear bomber on static display over by the old HQ building here at Kelly that I've had my eye on for a few years. If nothing else it would look really cool in my front yard. "Don't fuck with that guy, his plane goes Mach 2 and carries up to four B61 300-kiloton strategic nuclear bombs."

      Yeah, there it is. Fifth bullet item. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/B-58_Hustler#Aircraf

      1. va_real

        Was gonna make an 'unsafe at any speed' joke, but then realized that wasn't 'corvair'… Rats! Foiled again!

  13. Jus_Wonderin

    I will say this, Ice-T can't act his way out of a paperbag. Wait, that was rude. What I meant to say is Ice-T plays the same fuckin' character in any role he takes on. I bet he is a joy to work with.

  14. Beowoof

    In a country where you have the police getting drones and tanks, you will not have much use for your gun. As a matter of fact once you start shooting at the police they will bring the pain. God is this country full of goofy bastards.

  15. Goonemeritus

    When Conservatives talk about the second amendment I don’t think they are comfortable with extending the right to the more “urban” among our citizenry.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Well, when the 2nd amendment was written, the "citizens" had a very limited urban/melanin content. Seems only fair to stick with the original intent, right?

  16. mavenmaven

    I guess the conservatives don't get that when Ice-T arms himself against "the man", he means them….

  17. Weenus299

    Silly me, I kinda thought the second amendment was a state check on the spectre of a federal army, in that if the federal government should — one day — organize and maintain a standing army, the states could also organize a citizens group not as a component of, but as a counterpart to, that federal army.

    But shit, gangs and guns and po-po.

  18. SayItWithWookies

    “Not really. You can strap explosives on your body. They do that all the time.”

    Yeah, and it's just shocking the number of robberies and muggings that take place using explosives strapped to the perpetrator's body.

    1. mrblifil

      And he does seem to have miscalculated that in the case of the Colorado shooting (the recent one not all those other ones) the shooter preferred to remain alive thank you very much.

    2. sullivanst

      Why just the other day a cop accidentally blew up his son with an explosives belt after mistaking him for an intruder when he got back to the motel late at night.

      Wait, no, that was a gun.

  19. An_Outhouse

    "You can strap explosives on your body. They do that all the time.”
    Yeah, on the evening news last night there were some brothers all strappin' shit and blowin' themselves up and shit. It happens all the time. Somebody's been smokin' too much Ice-T.

  20. calliecallie

    I want to post something witty and clever, but all I can come up with is "OMG, who the fuck cares what this guy has to say about it?"

    Why don't they interview LL Cool J? Will Smith? Chris Rock? Queen Latifah? Honestly.

  21. SorosBot

    They're praising him now; but somehow I suspect that if more black men started arming themselves to protect against the cops, like the real Black Panthers did back in the day, the NRA folks would be all "gun rights for me, but not for thee".

    1. Fraudulently_Joe

      Well cops, and also random white supremacists that were firebombing black churches at the time. Not to suggest that there wasn't considerable overlap between the two. The BPP were basically THE example of a militia movement that actually was based on defending against a real, non-imaginary threat to a community.

      1. Generation[redacted]

        And contrary to NRA beliefs, the completely unarmed Freedom Riders accomplished a lot more in that regard.

          1. Generation[redacted]

            I can picture them all getting off the bus, each carrying an M4 with 100 round drum mag, standing in front of Bull Conner's men all like, "What you got? Dogs and fire hoses? I brought M-Fing Ice T!"

  22. UnholyMoses

    "If somebody wants to kill people, they don’t need a gun to do it."

    Yes, that's true.

    But here's the thing, you ignorant, fuckfaced, skanky-ass-whore-having asshole: if someone wants to kill a LOT of people, they do need a gun to do it, as it's kinda hard to kill a dozen or more people with a knife.

    Of course, I doubt that T could even count to 12, so …

    1. Generation[redacted]

      No I'm sure this guy could just mix up twelve tons of fertilizer and diesel fuel in large cooking vats in his 1 bedroom apartment without anyone noticing.

  23. Jus_Wonderin

    I ALWAYS love the scenes in Law & Order: SVU where Tutuola (played by Ice-T) hands the vital information in a manilla folder to the real stars and focus of that show.

      1. Jus_Wonderin

        Wait, just a minute there. She loves me!! (Seriously, I think she is beauuutiful.)

          1. tessiee

            If I'm remembering right, she was in the car when the accident happened that killed her mother. They look very much alike, in the face, especially their eyes.

  24. randcoolcatdaddy

    I can't form an opinion until a few other rapper holograms weigh in with their thoughts on the matter.

  25. Antispandex

    Well, in his defense, there was another black man who believed in guns for self defense against the police, and rampaging rednecks. Malcom X. But, that was a while back. Things are better now.

  26. chascates

    And yes, we are so close to tyranny. If not for the 270-300 million guns in private hands we could wake up tomorrow and be just like North Korea. Of course, once Obama signs the United Nations treaty on arms all the guns will be confiscated so consider a killing spree while you can.

    1. Fraudulently_Joe

      Ah, see that is why Iraq couldn't fight off Saddam Hussein's tyranny, without America's help. Iraq only had 1 gun for every three people, when they should have had a gun for every one person, like in America.

      Way to slack off, Iraq! Imagine, only the 8th highest rate of private gun ownership in the world??! You're going to have to do way better than that, to fight off the shackles of tyranny on your own!

    1. Radiotherapy

      Or as Reagan noted:

      The Pathers’ efforts provoked an immediate backlash. Republicans in California eagerly supported increased gun control. Governor Reagan told reporters that afternoon that he saw “no reason why on the street today a citizen should be carrying loaded weapons.” He called guns a “ridiculous way to solve problems that have to be solved among people of good will.” In a later press conference, Reagan said he didn’t “know of any sportsman who leaves his home with a gun to go out into the field to hunt or for target shooting who carries that gun loaded.” The Mulford Act, he said, “would work no hardship on the honest citizen.”

    1. sullivanst

      Well, the RWers used to like the parts about 3/5ths and fugitive returns when they were applicable.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      And ya know, if it is Christian Lemonade I bet the girls could run the operation tax-free.

  27. Guppy

    If you ever need more than a .38 revolver in your day-to-day activities, odds are your problems are not the kind you'll be able to resolve on your own regardless.

    And really, that goes for the cops themselves.

  28. sullivanst

    What you have to remember about the AWB, is that it was mostly very silly.

    The ban on large-capacity magazines was seemed eminently sensible, but its effectiveness was seriously undermined because LCMs manufactured prior to 1994 remained legal – even if made overseas and imported after the ban took effect – so the ban didn't actually reduce the number of LCMs used in crime in jurisdictions studies by the National Institute of Justice.

    Otherwise, there was no one feature of a gun that made it a prohibited assault weapon. You could have a semi-auto rifle with a pistol grip, as long as it didn't have a collapsible stock. You could have a rifle with a pistol grip and collapsible stock, as long as it wasn't semi-auto.

    The other thing that confuses a lot of people, is that fully-auto guns were effectively banned long before the AWB, by the National Firearms Act of 1934, and remain effectively banned.

    Anyway, Ice-T's interpretation is not exactly consistent with the well-ordered militia clause, which suggests the 2nd Amendment was intended to guarantee that states would be able to defend themselves both against invasion and against Federal usurpation. Given it's the states that have police powers, and that militias were associated with the states, it doesn't make sense that the 2nd Amendment was intended to guarantee a private right of defense against the police.

    Supreme Court precedent has, however, found that the types of weapons the 2nd Amendment is supposed to protect is specifically those weapons of military use – when Justice Sotomayor correctly applied that precedent in a case involving nunchucks (deeming them not of military use and therefore upholding New York state law banning them), the RWNJs of course freaked out and tried to leverage the decision to persuade the GOP Senate Caucus to filibuster her SCOTUS nomination.

  29. Naked_Bunny

    I don't doubt that the police justify their military purchases by pointing out how so many civilians have guns.

  30. Designer_Rants

    For conservatives who like to pretend that they're strict constitutionalists (as long as it serves their agenda), realize the Founding Fathers, the Framers of the constitution, did not write the 2nd amendment to ensure that everyone slept with a fully-automatic Uzi under their pillow (surely no one could conceive of such a thing then). In fact, it had nothing to do with individual citizens' "gun rights". It was JUST TO LEGALIZE THE GOVERNMENT'S ABILITY TO ORGANIZE A STANDING ARMY.

    Second Amendment

    Conservatives, the prime supporters of originalist constitutional interpretation, seem to lose their zeal for the idea when the issue concerns the Second Amendment to the Constitution of the United States. It is widely held that the Second Amendment was meant solely, as is clearly stated, to pertain to a "standing militia". The pro-gun factions seem not to notice the "militia" part of that amendment and are quite happy to have that amendment be interpreted to mean something different than the original intent.

    Another significant problem with an originalist interpretation for conservatives would be that rights granted by the amendment would only apply to flintlock and older technology weapons. Post-18th century weaponry could not have been considered by the original constitutional framers of 1783 and, as such, would not be a part of the rights granted by the original intent of the amendment written by said framers.

    However, emerging legal scholarship is making the case that the Second Amendment, when interpreted in the strict constructionalist manner, clearly gives Americans the right to ursine appendages.[2]
    http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Originalism#Second_A

  31. rocktonsam

    he has a white wife with fake boobs and she seems smarter than he is, so he must be cool.

  32. pinkocommi

    I just hope no one catches me in the crossfire when shit goes down and I am an unarmed, innocent and peace-loving bystander.

  33. Jennyjen798

    Hey, you know what's strange? Just the other day my six year old son said the same thing!
    Son: "Mom, I need a gun."
    Me: "What??? No you don't! That's ridiculous!"
    Son: "Yeah I do. I need a gun to protect me from the police. They just kill everyone all the time. It's what they do. If a cop comes up to you, he always has his gun out and is going to shoot you and then you die. You can't stop them unless you're a soldier or you have a bigger gun. I seen it on the news and movies."
    Me: "Wow, son we need to talk a bit more about this…"

    Then again we live in Texas, so he really isn't too far off on his observation. =/

  34. glamourdammerung

    So are these cretins going to finally stop whining about those two "black panther" guys?

  35. redDeadTonto

    Let's see a black man with guns. Is this actually a "conservative hero" or a "conservative nightmare"? I am confused. Love the bit about "stolen land".

  36. johnetic

    I seem to remember Charlton Heston reading from the lyrics of Cop Killer at some press conference back in the day and denouncing T as a terrible black man. Is this racial transcendence?

  37. ttommyunger

    "Cops wear body armor, so aim for the head." – Conservative darling G. Gordon Liddy.

  38. ingloriousbytch

    You know Common is wondering when the hell conservatives decided they liked rappers.

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