Arizona Sen. Jon Kyl: America Has No Class

  quiet rooms

larry bird, we guessWhy is our socialist Kenyan Marxist Muslim president being so NEGATIVE, hmm? The richest 1% of Americans are doing great! Corporate profits are at an all time high! It should be champagne and caviar for EVERYONE but NO, Obama is insisting on talking about something called the “Middle Class.” Of course, as Senator Jon Kyl (R-Arizona) points out, the existence of such a class is a total fiction because of rising income inequality because there is no such thing as “middle class values.” Even if there were (but there aren’t!), you shouldn’t run around DISCUSSING them, in PUBLIC, when you are the President, because it is un-American! And when you do it, you pit the middle class against people like Michael Jordan, which is bad for everyone. Jon Kyl kindly explained this to his colleagues and to the American people during a speech he made Monday on the Senate floor.

“We have a president who talks incessantly about class, particularly the middle class,” Kyl said.

“I just think the whole discussion of class is wrong. It’s not what we do here in America,” said Kyl, the Senate minority whip. He added, “I don’t think there’s anything called ‘middle class values’ that are different from the values of other people in this country. Tell me what’s different about the values of someone who the president identifies as middle class?”…

When Michael Jordan came, after he established how great he would be, he was given an enormous, almost unheard of salary. Did the other players say, ‘That’s not fair?’ No, actually all the other players got big salary increases, too,” Kyl said. “The whole franchise did well, the people selling popcorn, the people parking the cars … made more money than they ever would have had Michael Jordan never came to the team.”

Oh yeah, the NBA cheerleaders who still earn between $50 and $135 per game and the minimum wage workers who sell popcorn at the Chicago Stadium and the janitors at the Chicago Stadium and the little kids in China who make the Nike shoes that Michael Jordan eventually got the opportunity to act as a highly paid spokesperson for — well, even though their wages didn’t exactly go UP because of Michael Jordan’s salary, they weren’t jealous! Not one bit. So let’s all just calm down about this “class” business, and go back to worshipping our economic and social betters as though they are the Michael Jordans of the economy, which they totally are.

[Huffington Post]

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Kris E. Benson writes about politics for Wonkette and is pursuing a doctorate in philosophy. This will come in handy for when they finally open that philosophy factory in the next town over. @Kris_E_Benson

View all articles by Kris E. Benson

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153 comments

  1. Maman

    Somebody needs to read Pygmalion. Or at least watch My Fair Lady if he wants to know about different classes and values. ooops.. that is the arts and would turn him the gayz no doubt.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      Maman, don't give him any ideas. He'll begin thinking that anyone can mimic a rude, blowhard and over the course of the feature learn to stay…and bring him his slippers.

    2. Dudleydidwrong

      Rex Harrison for senator from Arizona–as if he'd stoop that low. (I know, I know, he's slightly dead, but he still would be better than Kinky kocksucker Killer Kyl.

  2. sbj1964

    The Middle class,if the GOP had it they're way you would only be able to view their remains at a Natural History Museum.

      1. Nostrildamus

        As a Mariners fan, hosting the Yankees is like throwing a party for the jock who stole your girl – about ten million times. No bitters about Ichiro, though. He was the most exciting player on the field for 10 years and deserves a chance to play for a winner for once.

    1. mrpuma2u

      Yes indeed, they are rapicious, elitist predators exploiting the working class, but they are so darn nice about it!

  3. hagajim

    …"the whole discussion of class is wrong. It’s not what we do here in America."

    Yeah we don't talk about 'em, we just do everything in our power to screw them over seven ways to Sunday, while spending all of our public talking time trying to scare the shit out of everyone.

  4. Baconzgood

    You know that Michael Jordan is an ass hole? Honestly, I bought some Hanes boxer-briefs and they get all bunchy in the ass.

  5. coolhandnuke

    Kyl is blissfully unaware of the union Michael Jordan was a member of for his entire career. A union that went on strike multiple times so rich, white old fucking men would negotiate fairly and show some transparency in their financial books and spread the wealth more fairly.

    1. Veritas78

      He doesn't mean that Michael Jordan. He means the wealthy basketball player with all the endorsements, the famous one.

  6. prommie

    Those people, they keep going on and on about class, its simply dreadful. They really just don't understand they way things work. They just don't come from the right background, though, what can you expect coming from such poor stock. And still they wonder why we wouldn't dream of letting them in our club.

    GHW Bush had a verbal tic that was so obvious, he would say "this guy over here," exactly as if he were referring to an atrocious social climber he had blackballed at the country club. This guy over here, this Saddam, . . .

  7. Goonemeritus

    The difference between sports teams and the US Government is that sports teams are run on SOCALIST principles. Look at the NFL, most revenues are put into a pool and split between winning and losing teams. What is this Kyl guy a Trotskyite?

    1. FNMA

      And the NBA is way over-regulated, what with that salary cap and refs who call fouls on guys even when no blood is shed.

  8. mrpuma2u

    It goes without saying (but here I am saying it) that Sen Kyl is in a class by himself of epic douchebaggery.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      Mine said "Don't pick at it" and, if you fell and broke all the bones in your body, "rub it". Looking back, I think she wanted us dead.

  9. MLHencken

    Invoking Michael Jordan to attempt to give your self cover with an issue that has overtone of race?

    Let me know how that works out for you.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      Ha, the race thing didn't occur to me! I just remember thinking, "Uh, outdated reference – 1991 called and they want their pop culture back."

      But you are right – he used Jordan as an example specifically because of his race.

      1. va_real

        To prove to himself and his copycat followers that they cannot be racisty if they admire a blah…

        1. Trannysurprise

          And to also illustrate the fact that the only blah person's name he can come up with in a pinch is a sports star.

  10. SorosBot

    "Tell me what’s different about the values of someone who the president identifies as middle class?"

    Well for starters, most of us have no idea what the fuck Dressage is, and when we see it recognize that it's not a sport.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      And what kind of sport is it when the horse does all the work? I mean, the horse should ride the rider. That makes more sense. That would be one hell of a sport.

    2. AncienReggie

      Easy. The value of the middle class tax burden is around 32%. The upper classes pay 15% on the money their accountants are too inept to shove through the loopholes their tame legislators installed.

  11. Gratuitous World

    for the record, players constantly complained about Jordan getting calls, preferential treatment, etc.

    Though MJ's greatness was at least genuine, as opposed to some self-important lobbyist-turned-senator who has spent a decade being an ordinary GOP douchebag

  12. HogeyeGrex

    Jon Kyl is a weeping syphilitic chancre on the flaccid and rotting wang that is Congress.

    That is all.

  13. sbj1964

    Mittens Claims he has a lot of Middle Class friends,and that he has even had them in his home before.And thinks that they should not have to ride in the back of a bus.Whatever that is?

  14. YouBetcha

    I'm sure Governor Snowbilly can class it up for ya, Joe. You guys are also after all in the Party of Class too, such as.

  15. Callyson

    "I don't think there's anything called 'middle class values' that are different from the values of other people in this country. Tell me what's different about the values of someone who the president identifies as middle class?"

    What's different? Well, for starters, people who identify as middle class don't believe that we should have an economic system in which profits are capitalized (i.e., a few benefit) but risks are socialized (i.e., the taxpayers cover the costs of the speculation of the economic elite.) Also, people who identify as middle class also prioritize the provision of basic social services (education, public safety, infrastructure) over tax cuts for the wealthy who are not even creating jobs in the first place. And, people who identify as middle class would like to see elected officials prioritize doing what is best for the country over the destruction of President Barack Obama…those are a few things that are "different" about middle class values, compared to those of the Republicans in Washington…

    God, I fucking hate Jon Kyl.

  16. anniegetyerfun

    As usual, the Republican talking points on income inequality boil down to, "Ur just so jelly."

  17. va_real

    Can I skip the champagne & caviar & just have the money instead? Unlike these folks, I'll need to pay taxes.

      1. va_real

        Yes, I suppose I might find a winning lotto ticket on the ground somewhere, or be the recipient of wealth from some currently unknown source…

        Gosh- so maybe I should start voting Republican, just in case?

  18. SorosBot

    But yes, he is right in that discussing class issues is not what we do in America; our media has long insisted on perpetuating the fiction that this country is a meritocracy, and that class issues may exist over in other countries but not here in America, no we just pretend class doesn't exist and ignore the poor.

    Of course this asshole doesn't get that that is a very bad thing and we fucking should be discussing the long-ignored issue of class in the US.

    1. va_real

      Yes, if you equate 'class' with economic status, then we have them, sure. But class IS more easily distinguished from financial status in some (most?) other countries…

      I think two ideas about class that the 1% want to preserve are that a) the 1% are just regular folks no different from us & b) that socioeconomic status is extremely fluid in this country. With income inequality & fewer investments in the public sector, these claims have less basis in reality, but the American Dream is an extremely powerful fiction.

  19. danielwalldammit

    Why keep supporting the middle class, when every time you hurt them, the middle class blames someone else anyway.

  20. SoBeach

    Tell me what’s different about the values of someone who the president identifies as middle class…

    I'll go with "they want to make their communities and country better and stronger, while the super rich, being insulated and all, really couldn't care less about those things and resent helping to pay for them."

    How's that, senator?

    1. AbandonHope

      "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go pick up my Social Security check. Under an assumed name, of course."
      – Ayn Rand

  21. CapeClod

    "Tell me what’s different about the values of someone who the president identifies as middle class?”

    They're the ones trying to figure out which kidney to sell in order to buy medicine for their kid.

  22. Not_So_Much

    This pantload knows a thing or two about no class. Please talk more, Mr. Not-intended-to-be-a-factual-statement!

  23. MissTaken

    I can only imagine the vast quantity of hemorrhoid cream needed by someone who talks out of his ass so much.

  24. gullywompr

    When somebody in the 1% does well, everbody in the 1% does well, there's nothing middle class about it.

  25. anniegetyerfun

    He added, “I don’t think there’s anything called ‘middle class values’ that are different from the values of other people in this country.

    I'll bet he has some thoughts on "welfare" or "lower class values", though.

  26. UnholyMoses

    "It’s not what we do here in America"

    Except for when we did at the outset, making sure only land-owning white males could vote … or that time when we (well, most of us at least) decided that treating humans as property was a bad idea … or that time when we decided that letting granny starve to death on the street was a bad idea and, thus, created things like Social Security and Medicare … or that time when we decided that poverty sucks and we should do something to fight it, setting up many of the social programs that have saved millions upon millions of Americans from untold grief and pain … and when we elected a not-white and non-rich and non-from-a-rich-family guy to the Presidency …

    Other than all those times, plus the countless others during our nation's long history, he's correct.

    ADDING: Sorry. All outta snark today.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      No, no, it's different when it FAVORS white, rich males. If there's a chance that someone else might get ahead, or god forbid, be able to make a normal living, then it's class warfare.

    2. AbandonHope

      Hang on, I'll go get some more snark shipped over to you. You'll have to be present to sign for it, though.

  27. JustPixelz

    Imagine there's no middle class …
    It's easy if you're Kyl.
    No poor beneath us
    Above us an unreachable money pile
    Imagine all the people … living for today

    Imagine no possessions
    I wonder if you can
    We'll still have greed and hunger
    The Koch Brothers are The Man
    Imagine all the people .. sharing the crumbs they've left.

    You, you may say
    I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one
    I hope some day you'll join us
    And wake me from this nightmare.

  28. anniegetyerfun

    “The whole franchise did well, the people selling popcorn, the people parking the cars … made more money than they ever would have had Michael Jordan never came to the team.”

    See? Trickle down! You know who else did well? The owners! He didn't talk about that, though, which is sort of odd.

    1. SorosBot

      And the owners shared that wealth – with the owners of the TV stations, the NBA, advertisers, etc.

  29. BaldarTFlagass

    John Kyl is the reason that John McCain is only the second-biggest asshole in the Senate from Arizona.

  30. Weird_Times

    Funny stuff. I'm going to have to start reading you. But could you ditch the talking ads. They interfere while I'm listening to Dylan. And that's a stone-cold bummer.

  31. JustPixelz

    He can start by not calling rich people "job creators". That's a class distinction. And a lie.

    "If you inherited a business, you didn't build that."

  32. emmelemm

    I think I need to go lie down in a quiet room.

    The assholery is a little overwhelming today.

  33. mavenmaven

    He's speaking from experience. When the GOP officials say the right things to make the Koch bros happy, they all get a little more money tossed their way.

  34. ph7

    Tell me what’s different about the values of someone who the president identifies as middle class?

    Should I be suspicious that a rich person is asking this question?

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Middle-class people are less likely to fire people like themselves, for the sake of the bottom line and Wall Street "expectations"?
      Middle-class people don't install a car elevator in one of their six homes?
      Middle-class people don't hide their money overseas?
      Middle class people don't take a tax deduction for the costs of their dancing horse hobby?
      Middle-class people don't tie the dog to the roof of the car?

      Lots of diferences, you dumb fuck. Important ones. And if we're lucky, they'll matter in November.

  35. James Michael Curley

    "When Michael Jordan came, after he established how great he would be, he was given an enormous, almost unheard of salary."

    Bring a towel.

  36. Mumbletypeg

    If I recall correctly, this is the same Kyl who asked several legislative terms ago, in similar douchepile fashion, why maternity costs had any business gettin' shouldered as obliged to insurers for sharing — since pregnancy's a condition applying to only half the population?

    I think I hear my grandmother rolling over in her grave… and over & onward… tunneling across the lengths… miles of root systems and past caverns of other decomposing miscreants wave at her as she rolls … on her way to the burial site of zombie Mama-Kyl to slap her posthumously for the legacy she and we reaped from her disrespectful son.

  37. BlueStateLibel

    Could this guy be even more a prostitute for the 1%? How do these lowlifes get elected?

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Let me rephrase the question: How does a lowlife like Kyl lay hands on millions of dollars for campaign spending? Oh, look, you answered it already!

  38. YasserArraFeck

    Kyl is right – there are no "Middle Class values", there are simply "values" – a concept that most of us understand, but which is beyond the comprehension of Kyl and his masters, who would skullfuck their dead mothers in the middle of an oil slick, to maximize profit.

  39. Fox n Fiends

    Good ol' unionized socialist Michael Jordan.

    i've have many flame-wars with Can'tservatives that ended up with me telling them that if they watch pro sports, they are socialists. pisses them off quite nicely.

  40. Radiotherapy

    If it wasn't for religion relentless Right Wing propaganda the poor would murder the rich.

    Napolean Radio.

  41. SayItWithWookies

    Could there be a more coherent argument against the existence of class differences than how a guy getting offered a quarter of a billion dollar contract in an elite sports league increased the average salary from $3 million a year to $4 million a year? Truly Jon Kyl has his finger on the pulse of the American public, and that pulse is just thrumming along like the engine in his gold-plated Cadillac.

  42. James Michael Curley

    "When Michael Jordan came, after he established how great he would be, he was given an enormous, almost unheard of salary."

  43. chascates

    And to Michael Jordan's credit when asked how he felt about taking hundreds of millions in endorsements from a shoe company that used practically slave labor to make them replied, "Hey, I just shoot hoops."

  44. Baba_NinjaCat12

    Kyl doesn't believe in middle-class because he was last in class in college and high school.

  45. rickmaci

    Remember that great statement by President Sorkin that "American used to be great back in the day when we fought a war on poverty and not a war on the poor," or something to that effect.

  46. Guppy

    (A)s far as there may be any real difficulty in the exercise of the power of internal taxation, it will impose a disposition to greater care in the choice and arrangement of the means; and must naturally tend to make it a fixed point of policy in the national administration to go as far as may be practicable in making the luxury of the rich tributary to the public treasury, in order to diminish the necessity of those impositions which might create dissatisfaction in the poorer and most numerous classes of the society. Happy it is when the interest which the government has in the preservation of its own power, coincides with a proper distribution of the public burdens, and tends to guard the least wealthy part of the community from oppression!

    But what does ol' Ten-Dollar know?

  47. labman57

    Fiscal conservatives are primarily interested in two outcomes:
    1) Increasing the income divide between the wealthiest Americans and the rest of society
    2) Increasing profit margins for corporations via lowered taxes and minimized environmental and workplace regulations

    Reducing unemployment is a secondary issue — if said corporations opt to use their increased profits to hire additional employees, that's their prerogative.

    Alas, historical evidence overwhelming demonstrates that increased corporate profits do not translate into increased hiring — increased demand for goods and services does.
    And, of course, increased demand requires increased purchasing power by that subset of society which does the majority of the purchasing, i.e., the middle class.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Way too complicated. For starters, corporations are people (too) (my friend).

      Fiscal conservatives are interested in increasing the wealth of the already-rich, because they deserve it (which is obvious because, duh, they're already rich.) Everything else they do, or want to do, follows from that.

  48. Biel_ze_Bubba

    If you're going to talk about the middle class, you should be high-class about it, and do it in quiet rooms.

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