NOT ENOUGH BONGO  3:00 pm July 23, 2012

This Old Man By The River Has the Perfect Mitt Romney Theme Song

by Jim Newell

Here is a man who calls himself the “Third Eagle of the Apocalypse” and “Co Prophet of the End Times” in front of a green screen, playing a beautiful song on his keyboard called “Mitt Romney, A Hero In My Mind.” You should all listen to it, if you care about anything culture-related.

A little bit more about our mysterious siren here from his YouTube bio, “About Third Eagle’s Prophecies and Warnings”:

My title “Third Eagle of the Apocalypse” came to me when I asked God who was the “Eagle” as found in Revelation 8:13. He told me: “you are”. Now, I should explain, I do not hear voices, but sometimes God gives prophecy to me by a revelation which I know comes not from my own thoughts but outside my mind. My title “Co Prophet of the End Times” means that I complete the end times prophecies of Daniel, Ezekiel, Esther, John and even of our Lord in the Olivet Discourse (Matthew 24-25).

So… parody? Yea or nay?

[JoeMyGod via Andrew Sullivan]

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 233 comments }

SmutBoffin July 23, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Isn't it more traditional for Harbingers of the Apocalypse to play trumpets and not keyboards?

Generation[redacted] July 23, 2012 at 3:07 pm

I think for the modern age, harbingers of the apocalypse will be playing keytars.

actor212 July 23, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Not retars?

starfanglednut July 23, 2012 at 11:32 pm

d

(missing letter)

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 23, 2012 at 3:21 pm

At least it isn't the early 90s, when the apocalypse was singled by a midi file.

bobbert July 24, 2012 at 12:06 am

digital spin libel!!

actor212 July 23, 2012 at 3:17 pm

He's the Vegas edition

Maman July 23, 2012 at 3:26 pm

I believe that keyboard can reproduce the sound of tinny trumpets.

WhatTheHeck July 23, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Tambourines could have made it a bit more Jesusy.

va_real July 23, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Linda McCartney was Jesus?

Oblios_Cap July 23, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Needs more cowbell.

bobbert July 24, 2012 at 12:06 am

Upside the head.

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 10:58 pm

"Linda McCartney was Jesus?"

Judging by the pictures of Jesus I've seen, he was a lot prettier than Linda.

actor212 July 23, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Also, I think the double thumbs up at the end might be a giveaway

HateMachine July 23, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Originally, yeah, but he's 3rd wave.

Chichikovovich July 23, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Later chroniclers changed it to trumpets for a bit more dramatic punch, but in the original manuscripts the Apocalypse was announced by four overweight old ladies in sweat pants, alternating between "Blame it on the Bossa Nova" and "Chicken Dance" on a Hammond organ.

bobbert July 24, 2012 at 12:07 am

B-3 Libel!!!!

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Panflute or GTFO.

Dashboard Buddha July 23, 2012 at 3:05 pm

"I do not hear voices,"

That's good to know.

"He told me…”

Now wait a minute. "I don't hear voices" and "he told me" are kind of that mutually contradictory thing-y the young people are all talking about these days.

bumfug July 23, 2012 at 3:08 pm

His God passes messages to him on an old chalkboard, no voices necessary.

Dashboard Buddha July 23, 2012 at 3:25 pm

So, that's what that screeching noise is?

WhatTheHeck July 23, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Glenn Beck is his god?

chicken_thief July 23, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Jeebus got a sweet deal on one of those sky writing planes.

emmelemm July 23, 2012 at 3:05 pm

NOT ENOUGH BONGO

Needs More Cowbell.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 23, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Doesn't he look a little bit like weejee?

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 23, 2012 at 3:22 pm

That's not him?

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 23, 2012 at 3:24 pm

That man is a genius!

savethispatient July 23, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Haha… On first glance I thought that, but I was not going to say it here. There is such thing as libel, you know!

Also, I want another meetup to happen.

emmelemm July 23, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Naw, man! Weejee Libel!

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 23, 2012 at 3:23 pm

You can never have enough bongo during the apocalypse.

emmelemm July 23, 2012 at 3:38 pm
Lionel[redacted]Esq July 24, 2012 at 1:57 am

So, you are saying that Mathew McConaughey is a harbinger of the Apocalypse? It all makes sense now!

memzilla July 23, 2012 at 3:06 pm

I asked God who was the “Eagle” as found in Revelation 8:13. He told me: “you are”.

He's confusing being bald, with being a bald eagle.

HogeyeGrex July 23, 2012 at 3:29 pm

confondendo culo con cultura

As the kids say

actor212 July 23, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Holy crap! This nutbag made it to Anderson Cooper…..*sigh….Andersonnnnnnnnn…Anderson Cooper's blog last year!

bumfug July 23, 2012 at 3:06 pm

What have we learned today? Mostly that batshit crazy people are getting more tech savvy every week.

Wadisay July 23, 2012 at 3:25 pm

He also bluescreened this in front of a babbling brook someplace in Momon-istan.

HistoriCat July 23, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Bah – the real batshit crazy people don't rely on third parties like Youtube. This guy is about 0.1 to 0.15 Timecubes on the crazy scale.

sudsmckenzie July 23, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Well, he does have a better voice than Mittens.

The_Lucky_Wife July 23, 2012 at 3:12 pm

And he has a more pleasant facial expression. He really seems to be enjoying himself. Mittens looks like he's getting an enema when he has to pretend to interact with "you people."

actor212 July 23, 2012 at 3:58 pm

A sack of rabid kittens has a better voice than Mittens

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 11:01 pm

You made a pome!

sbj1964 July 23, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Evolution is true.Diversity within a species. You have Einstein on one end ,and this guy/Sarah Palin/Michell bachmann/the RNC/Mittens,and ABBA fans on the other end.The shallow end of the gene pool.

ChernobylSoup July 23, 2012 at 3:06 pm

What do you know… Nostradamus was right.

noodlesalad July 23, 2012 at 3:07 pm

I think this is the antithesis of the double rainbow guy. The double rainbow antichrist, as it were.

LastGasp July 23, 2012 at 3:07 pm

… I asked God who was the “Eagle” as found in Revelation 8:13. He told me: “you are”

Whoa, that's the sign to stop paying attention to this delusional man right now.

FakaktaSouth July 23, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Wait, which God told him that he was the Eagle? His Jesus' daddy, or the one in whom Mitt's people believe? Who's saving whom here in this song? FACTS in your Patrio-Jesus-Anthems – that's all I am asking for. (shut up I know)

Also, are you supposed to say "what a crock" when warbling on terribly about Jesus? I thought that's what people thought we were so tacky for here.

prommie July 23, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Crocks are so out now.

FakaktaSouth July 23, 2012 at 3:28 pm

You have to have such beautifully outstanding legs to be able to end them with a pair of rubber shoes, people just can't keep up. Of course, I still wear the ORIGINAL rubber shoe jellies I had in 1983.

emmelemm July 23, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Saltwater Sandal libel!

Boojum July 23, 2012 at 3:40 pm

No, for us it is "what a cock".

FakaktaSouth July 23, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Wait, so the Passion of the Christ is a porno? Maybe I DO want to see that after all.

prommie July 24, 2012 at 9:59 am

Seriously, Last Temptation is the one Jeebus movie to watch if ya gotta watch a jeebus movie.

fuflans July 23, 2012 at 4:23 pm

maybe it's just me, but i would think any self-respecting eagle of the apocalypse would have more 'talons of death' and less 'golf shirt'.

Generation[redacted] July 23, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Very nice. Did he write that song in a van down by the river?

Come here a minute July 23, 2012 at 3:22 pm

The camera's "tripod" is a chair in the van.

Oblios_Cap July 23, 2012 at 3:49 pm

After he shot his baby.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 24, 2012 at 1:58 am

Shot her dead?

Wilburgton July 24, 2012 at 2:04 am

After doing a lot of doobie-rolling I hope!

bumfug July 23, 2012 at 3:09 pm

When his cataracts get worse he can be "Third Eagle Blind".

Schmannnity July 23, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Who cares about the “Third Eagle of the Apocalypse?" I want to know who is the third jackass.

ibwilliamsi July 23, 2012 at 3:10 pm

It's a little heavy on the whackadoodle.

ElPinche July 23, 2012 at 3:10 pm

I love Tim and Eric!

Chet Kincaid July 23, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Alright, which one of you fuckers is Third Eagle of the Apocalypse?!

noodlesalad July 23, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Sorry, I'm the second eagle. I do soundboard mixing and upload the videos. And also I will throw the whore of Babylon into a lake of sulfur, when the time comes. I think we're looking for a fourth, if you're interested.

actor212 July 23, 2012 at 3:16 pm

HEY!

I am NOT going back to work with Dave Mason!

noodlesalad July 23, 2012 at 3:25 pm

It's not you, it's the first eagle. He got an offer to be one of the jaguars of the 2012 Mayan Apocalypse and couldn't turn it down.

actor212 July 23, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Fucking Frey…great, he's breaking up the band again!

FlownOver July 23, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Finnigan – is that you?

actor212 July 23, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Whoa! Don't look at me! I'm only Eagle Number Four…you know, Randy Meissner

ChernobylSoup July 23, 2012 at 3:15 pm

So basically you cause one plague and then split? Taking it to the limit, indeed.

actor212 July 23, 2012 at 3:16 pm

She told me she had been cured!

coolhandnuke July 23, 2012 at 3:22 pm

As a roadie for "Up With People" I can speak of the horror.

Dashboard Buddha July 23, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Sorry…I'm just a session dude on bass.

CapeClod July 23, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Not me. I've already got dibs on Seventh Wombat of the Armegeddon.

Fraudulently_Joe July 23, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Me, I'm actually the Fifth Eagle- Pete Best.

Toomush_Infer July 23, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Hey, I'm just trying to keep my wick trimmed….but I think this guy is in my exercise gym, watching Faux while he hums to himself on the cross-trainer….

imissopus July 23, 2012 at 3:50 pm

No one has said it yet? Today, we are all the Third Eagle of the Apocalypse!

ChillBill July 23, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Today, we all are.

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 11:03 pm

???
I thought it was Don Henley.

bobbert July 24, 2012 at 5:51 am

This is why I don't do the goatee thing anymore.

IncenseDebate July 23, 2012 at 3:10 pm

If you play this backwards it gives you a very good recipe for plum pudding.

EatsBabyDingos July 23, 2012 at 3:17 pm

I played it backwards and it said "Paul is dead. This song killed him."

WhatTheHeck July 23, 2012 at 3:41 pm

please sir, can I have no more pudding. Its chock full o nuts.

va_real July 23, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Olivet libel!

EatsBabyDingos July 23, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Mitt, a Nero in My Hiney

va_real July 23, 2012 at 3:50 pm

I wondered what that fiddling noise was.

coolhandnuke July 23, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Needz Phyliss Schlafley strumming a harp and Ashcroft yodelling for this to be a true apocalyptic eagle forum.

ChillBill July 23, 2012 at 3:11 pm

It should be titled “Mitt Romney, A Hero In His Own Mind.”

Come here a minute July 23, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Barney the Dinosaur flashbacks.

ChernobylSoup July 23, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Peter got away with denying Jesus 3 times. I reckon this fella could deny Him, like, 1000s of times and Jesus would be cool with it.

FlownOver July 23, 2012 at 3:32 pm

And this guy would do it just for the cock.

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 11:05 pm

I think Jesus denied *him* 3 times.

VaWyo July 23, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Is there a grammy category for most ridiculous wingnut song? If so, he is going to win.

WhiteyMcFlyover July 23, 2012 at 3:12 pm

White Horse Prophesy libel!! 1!1!!

LastGasp July 23, 2012 at 3:17 pm

White Horse Prophesy — that's a great name for my extremist Christian Bible-lecturing pseudo-pop band I'm putting together. And this guy will be playing the keyboards.

WhiteyMcFlyover July 23, 2012 at 3:30 pm
OldWhiteLies July 23, 2012 at 3:13 pm

I can haz a prophesy and revelation from my doG, thus transforming my bizarro vomitous utterings into earth-shattering pronouncements?

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 23, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Only if you have a keyboard and a green screen.

OldWhiteLies July 23, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Will a monstrous drum kit and a mauve king-sized flat sheet suffice, mebbe?

Chet Kincaid July 23, 2012 at 3:13 pm

This kind of lurches between 2/4 and 3/4 in a confused way. That's pretty avant-garde for a fundie wingnut.

prommie July 23, 2012 at 3:25 pm

White guys have no rythm.

James Michael Curley July 23, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Wait till he rocks out playing only the black keys.

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 11:12 pm

Is that Ocracoke Lighthouse in your new pic?

James Michael Curley July 24, 2012 at 5:37 am

It’s Great Beds Lighthouse in the Raratin Bay. It’s visible from my front door. Although that’s my picture, I haven’t modified it to fit the avatar format so it looks out of proportion. Hey, some like ‘em longer and some like ‘em thicker. I’m thinking taking Ms. Curley on an afternoon cruise later next month where the NY/NJ Baykeeper will tour about a dozen off shore and on shore light houses in the NY/NJ ‘Gateway Area’.

ChillBill July 23, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Sounds like a retard trying to play "Take Five."

BaldarTFlagass July 23, 2012 at 3:37 pm

He's actually Brian Eno, but he got hit on the head by a big river rock.

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 11:15 pm
dijetlo July 23, 2012 at 3:13 pm

There is only one punishment for being a false prophet and one test.

3rd eagle….where did my wife leave her car keys?

Gentlemen…stones at the ready if you please…..

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Right, who threw that?
NO one is to stone ANY one until I blow this whistle, even if — and I want to make this *absolutely clear* — even if they DO say "Jehovah"!

bobbert July 24, 2012 at 12:11 am

Sudo throw those stones.

gullywompr July 23, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Third eagle of the apocalypse? More like Sméagol from the third book of Lord Of The Rings…

inapewetrust July 23, 2012 at 3:14 pm

to be fair to Third Eagle, this is better than anything the Romney campaign has put out

SayItWithWookies July 23, 2012 at 3:14 pm

That's exactly the kind of musical talent and political/eschatological viewpoint I would expect from a guy who looks like a failed child molester.

On the other hand, maybe I'm underestimating his technical abilities — it has to take some sort of skill to make a moderately costly keyboard sound worse than one of those dreadful hallmark cards with the musical chip inside it.

CrunchyKnee July 23, 2012 at 3:17 pm

PedoBear Libel!!

CapeClod July 23, 2012 at 3:29 pm

How do you know that he's a failed child molester?

weejee July 23, 2012 at 3:16 pm

At 1:49 is that Bigfoot peaking through the trees?

SayItWithWookies July 23, 2012 at 3:25 pm

No — absolutely nothing is peaking in that video.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 23, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Sorry weejee! (see above)

BaldarTFlagass July 23, 2012 at 3:16 pm

I hate the fucking Eagles, man.

IncenseDebate July 23, 2012 at 3:18 pm

They were better without Joe Walsh.

prommie July 23, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Careful, I have a beverage here.

FakaktaSouth July 23, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Get the fuck out of my cab.
(I really really really hate the Eagles in real life, cept Joe Walsh, he can stay)

prommie July 23, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Don Henley must die, don't let him get back together, with Glenn Fry, Don Henly must die! So sayeth Mojo Nixon in my favorite Mojo Nixon song.

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 11:22 pm

What, better than "Elvis is Everywhere"?

prommie July 24, 2012 at 10:02 am

Oh yes, any song which refers to jabbing Don Henley in the eye with a shark stick, thats a quality song there.

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 11:20 pm

BaldarTFlagass: I hate the fuckin' Eagles, man.
Me: I'm pretty sure that guy isn't in the Eagles.
Baldar: Yeah, I know he isn't; I was just making a general observation.

imobannon July 23, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Not at all crazy. To quote OJ: Absolutely, 100% not" … sane.

BaldarTFlagass July 23, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Wasn't this guy the keyboardist for Stryper?

SmutBoffin July 23, 2012 at 3:25 pm

I'd make a Rick Wakeman joke but Rick Wakeman doesn't deserve it.

BaldarTFlagass July 23, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Your move, Keith Emerson.

actor212 July 23, 2012 at 3:36 pm

No, but he bears an eerie resemblance to Mike Score of Flock of Seagulls…

actor212 July 23, 2012 at 3:36 pm

He does look frighteningly like Mike Score of Flock of Seagulls…

SmutBoffin July 23, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Reached for comment, Romney YouTube advisor SkoalRebel had this to say regarding the new campaign anthem:

"That's fuckin' gaigh."

Goonemeritus July 23, 2012 at 3:21 pm

I think it would be funkier on a Hammond B3

FlownOver July 23, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Finnigan, is that you?

James Michael Curley July 23, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Or being hammered by a Boeing B2.

WhatTheHeck July 23, 2012 at 3:58 pm

There’s nothing like a big organ to get the congregation up on their feet.

AncienReggie July 23, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Dude can use a green screen? Now that's tech-savvy.

prommie July 23, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Let the Third Eagle Soar! I say he is sincere, remember, if we know anything, its that the right wing fundies can outdo the most outlandish parodies.

FakaktaSouth July 23, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Okay, but does he not honestly look like that guy with the Teeter or Tit-tays or some kind of boobies sounding name that hangs upside down on that thing he sells on TV? You have no idea what I am talking about, do you? He's a real person though, not another character from my flashbacks, I am sure of it.

prommie July 23, 2012 at 3:45 pm

I am utterly clueless here. Not that Earnest fellow, I suppose?

Wouldn't it be funny if we found out that Andy Kaufman actually faked his own death, and has been performing as whatsisname from Westboro Baptist ever since?

FakaktaSouth July 23, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Okay, look here, I ain't kidding. And his name is ROGER TEETER, that make me laugh anyway. And If Andy Kaufman were the Westboro Baptist guy it would give me the tiniest bit of hope for humanity.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GEHeZgBoLqY&fe

Billmatic July 23, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Man I was gonna say that the House that Heaven Built was song of the year but this guy blew it out of the WATER!

BaldarTFlagass July 23, 2012 at 3:22 pm

"NEWS ITEM: You Tube blocks Romney campaign advertisement for copyright infringement."

Stupid songwriters, wanting money from people for using their songs.

Chichikovovich July 23, 2012 at 5:12 pm

I knew it would turn out that Romney's love of Free Enterprise is a bit flaccid.

Jus_Wonderin July 23, 2012 at 3:24 pm

I'm sorry, but there is NO WAY I am watching that. NO WAY.

BaldarTFlagass July 23, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Good choice!

anniegetyerfun July 23, 2012 at 4:02 pm

I got ten seconds in before I cringed my face off.

viennawoods13 July 23, 2012 at 5:28 pm

50 seconds. When he started singing I bailed.

elviouslyqueer July 23, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Well, the lyrics were inane, but it had a good beat, and it was easy to dance to. I give it an 85.

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 11:31 pm

That's still a pretty damn fine compliment to pay any song.

hagajim July 23, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Mittens might be a hero in that guys mind, but I think that's about the only thing in his mind, because that song was terrible, offal, horrible…and I do mean offal.

An_Outhouse July 23, 2012 at 3:27 pm

"Third Eagle of the Apocalypse" is what I call my dick.

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 11:32 pm

???
I thought you called it "Reagan".

Estproph July 23, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Here's a song for him:

This old man
He played dumb
He thinks Romney's Number One!
With a knick-knack paddy-whack give your dog a bone
This old man needs a thorazine drip STAT.

Chet Kincaid July 23, 2012 at 3:28 pm

I know why, hate you like I do
All the tyranny you put me through!
Take my taxes, rifles and guns
Negro Anti-Christ, you are the one!!

I wanna know, Lord please help me,
Get on my knees and praaaay…

Take me to the river,
Save me from Obama,
Take me to the river,
Save me from Obama,
Takin' my guns, takin' my GUNS!!

(Keyboard solo)

BaldarTFlagass July 23, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Needs more Bernie Worrell.

WinterOuthouse July 23, 2012 at 8:21 pm

I can picture the Penn State cheer squad yelling the stanzas while showing their cute bloomers/thongs.

BaldarTFlagass July 23, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Man, that Eagle can soar!!

BloviateMe July 23, 2012 at 3:29 pm

"World War three, that's Obama's plan for you and me" is so very sinister and ominous with the Casio standard beat, and a guy who enunciates so heavily "friend" becomes a two syllable word.

All in all, awesome.

PubOption July 23, 2012 at 5:23 pm

I thought that Mittens was in favor of bombing Iran.

PuckStopsHere July 23, 2012 at 3:30 pm

"Keyboards don't kill people…"
Wait, we can't say that anymore.

rickmaci July 23, 2012 at 3:35 pm

I listened to about 10 seconds of that shitz. 10 seconds of my mortal life lost and gone forever. As recompense, Swiss Mitt owes me a public disclosure of 20 years of tax returns.

Nostrildamus July 23, 2012 at 3:30 pm

What's that giant sucking sound?

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 23, 2012 at 3:30 pm

This Friday, in the Armada room at the Holiday Inn, it's Third Eagle and the Apocolypse! One night only!

CapeClod July 23, 2012 at 3:31 pm

I hope that God encourages him to give up on his musical career.

rickmaci July 23, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Jeebuzcripes. Sounds like something they sang at Berchtesgaden.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 23, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Am I the only one who cannot wait to see the great cultural flowering this country will under go under Mitt Romney's Mormon regency?

Toomush_Infer July 23, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Um,,, I can wait….

Jus_Wonderin July 23, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Seriously though, I wish I could observe both potential timelines. If Romney wins can you IMAGINE all the warpspeed backpeddling regarding spending, foreign affairs, or any other fucking thing they criticize BO for????

Romney/Republicans: "Osterity? Fuck that. Let's all spend like GWB!!!"

FlownOver July 23, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Thomas Kinkade, you left us too soon.

bobbert July 24, 2012 at 12:14 am

Third Eye Skullfucked

YasserArraFeck July 23, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Gramps should be more concerned about the tumor in his brain……..

pdiddycornchips July 23, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Does he say something about trimming your wig if you want to go to heaven? (1:09 or thereabouts) WTF? Is this some sort of Jesus loves landing strips reference? My bible is silent on the bald vs bush debate.

PubOption July 23, 2012 at 5:24 pm

There was that business with the burning bush.

BitterKlingon July 23, 2012 at 10:29 pm

I think he's referring to "trimming your wicks" from the parable of the wise and foolish virgins in Matthew 25, which is followed by the parable of the sheep and the goats, in which Jesus tells the Republicans he's sending them all to hell.

YasserArraFeck July 23, 2012 at 3:35 pm

And that would be the Economy, trickling down in the background?

FlownOver July 23, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Dick Clark, you left us too soon.

BaldarTFlagass July 23, 2012 at 3:40 pm

This would have been a bit more sufferable if he had played it on Augie Meyer's Vox organ.

Nostrildamus July 23, 2012 at 3:40 pm

America's got talent !!!

Chet Kincaid July 23, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Skim Milk Rain
Eagles dip their wings and cry in shame
SKIM Milk Raaaain…
Fed'ral reg-ulations are to blame…

Boojum July 23, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Modern Lovers with Mr. Rogers.

actor212 July 23, 2012 at 3:44 pm

The only theme Romney ever needs is the national anthem of the Cayman Islands.

anniegetyerfun July 23, 2012 at 4:05 pm

God Save the Queen? That's really more of a Lindsey Graham thing.

Oblios_Cap July 23, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Damn. Chris Elliot really needs to find some steady work.

CthuNHu July 23, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Ol' Man River,
Dat Ol' Man (by the) River
He mus' sing sumpin'
But don't know nuthin',
He jes' keeps derpin'
He keeps on derpin' along.

He don' like Satan,
He don't like Kenyans,
An' dem dat likes 'em
is doom'd to hellfahr,
But Ol' Man (by the) River,
He jes keeps derpin' along.

You an' me, we sweat an' strain,
Body all achin' an' racket wid pain,
Fist dat post!
Click' dat link!
Git a little drunk
An' weep at the fail.

Ah gits weary
An' sick of trollin'
Ah'm tired of Bachmann
An' skeered of Adelson,
But Ol' Man (by the) River,
He jes' keeps derpin' along.

cheetojeebus July 23, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Lady Gaga has really pushed the envelope with this one.

anniegetyerfun July 23, 2012 at 4:05 pm

OK, that shuts down the thread for me.

James Michael Curley July 23, 2012 at 3:54 pm

With background by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir this could hit #96 on the Billboard 50.

Hammiepants July 23, 2012 at 3:54 pm

OMG, the comments on YouTube! THE COMMENTS!!! They are the finest in epic shithouse rat cray-cray! This, for example: If Mr. Romney wins in Nov, and takes office in Jan, this means that WW3 as prophecized can still occure, because the "leopard", the "king of the south" can still lose to the "bear", the "king of the north", before January 2013.

Someone's been taking "Game of Thrones" too seriously again…

Jus_Wonderin July 23, 2012 at 4:05 pm

It was always irreversible on Star Trek. Any event, however trivial, would have disasterous effects in the future.

Though, the hobo that toasted himself with Bones' phaser in "The City on the Edge of Forever" didn't change the outcome our history after the untimely "death" of Edith Keeler set our future back to "all is as was before. Time has resumed its shape".

anniegetyerfun July 23, 2012 at 3:55 pm

You would think that the Osmonds could have taken care of the need for "new and original" music for Romney already.

Chet Kincaid July 23, 2012 at 4:24 pm

I think they already did: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yiNnDpIW918

It's got your dressage horses, your White Horse Prophesy, your horsey dance moves…

viennawoods13 July 23, 2012 at 11:29 pm

That was truly atrocious.

Chet Kincaid July 24, 2012 at 9:10 am

Yeah, I stumbled across this a while ago while idly surfing the Osmonds to figure out what their claim to fame was other than "One Bad Apple." That was unexpectedly horrible.

YouBetcha July 23, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Your move, Willard.

imissopus July 23, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Walked away from my computer for a few minutes and found that that damn song is stuck in my head. Now I'm off to find a piano wire I can jab through my eyeball into my brain.

Jus_Wonderin July 23, 2012 at 4:11 pm

If you are very careful, know one will even notice the entry hole.

HistoriCat July 23, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Skull-fucking yourself? There's such a thing as taking a Wonkette meme too seriously you know.

Barrelhse July 23, 2012 at 4:02 pm

More bass.

MonkeyMotion July 23, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Did someone once suggest the human species was worth saving?

anniegetyerfun July 23, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Haha, no, I mean, outside of Battlestar Galactica, and even then, it was questioned a great deal.

fishwharf July 23, 2012 at 4:05 pm

This guy is not serious. It's a parody, a joke, designed to make supporters of Mittens look like no talent morons. I suspect Jon Stewart is behind this.

fuflans July 23, 2012 at 4:14 pm

nice shirt though.

SheriffRoscoe July 23, 2012 at 4:18 pm

That sounds like something JS Bach might have written, had he gone mad. Minuet Lunatique.

TribecaMike July 23, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Jesus Christ had a fine tenor voice, but he had the good sense to off himself at age 33.

DahBoner July 23, 2012 at 4:45 pm

//holds up lighter

FREE BIRD!!!

Buckminster July 23, 2012 at 4:46 pm

There should be a law against publishing videos of really shitty music. Somebody get Homeland Security on that. Otherwise, the Muslins have won.

Self-Uploader July 23, 2012 at 4:52 pm

"I do not hear voices, but sometimes God gives prophecy to me by a revelation which I know comes not from my own thoughts but outside my mind."*

Don't tell anyone. It's only when you "know" it comes from "outside" your mind, that those pesky mental health professionals have cause to lock you up.

(*emphasis added)

Blunderthing July 23, 2012 at 4:58 pm

The cruel irony is that he probably learned music in a public school system.

OneYieldRegular July 23, 2012 at 5:02 pm

I have a sudden craving for an Eagle-Fil-A sammich.

TeaNuts July 23, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Could this be the infamous 5th Beatle?

va_real July 23, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Nope.

smokefilledroom-owl July 23, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Third Eagle of the Apocalypse is tone deaf… who knew?

Poindexter718 July 23, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Deft circumcision reference at 1:09.

johnnyzhivago July 23, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Make it stop!

homotownrecords July 23, 2012 at 6:17 pm

this is awesome… really, i actually like this kind of music. reminds me of r. stevie moore.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1MfeLx6Uds

BZ1 July 23, 2012 at 7:50 pm

Quite a ditty if he wasn't positively insane …

Jennyjen798 July 23, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaa!

WinterOuthouse July 23, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Pitiful

C_R_Eature July 23, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Not Enough Bongo Fury.

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 10:55 pm

So, does he live in a van by the river, or what?

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Meh, still better than Nickelback.

ttommyunger July 23, 2012 at 11:12 pm

"I will now read from the Book of Matthew, Mark, Luke and DUCK!"

decay500 July 23, 2012 at 11:13 pm

"If you keep your wick trim.."

I was trimming it nicely until I heard his clip, and now wicky all gone.
Possibly forever, or at least till the memory of his voice fades…

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 11:38 pm

I can hardly wait for his duet with Yoko Ono.

Buckminster July 23, 2012 at 11:46 pm

God revealed to me that I should not listen to false prophets, especially ones that write such crappy music. I've heard better work from 5th grade students who never had a day of music lessons.

NYNYNYjr July 24, 2012 at 12:18 am

Mitt Romney, a Hero in a Crazy Person's mind.

A hero in his car elevator.

Left_Leftie July 24, 2012 at 12:51 am

Thank you Editrix! I have not laughed so much in weeks.
The thumbs up at the end makes me think the old man by the river is also in on the joke.

Ok, after watching 1 minute of the Co Prophet of the End Times' next video entitled "Daniel, Zombies and World War 3" I see he is just another religious wacko.

mcrummett July 24, 2012 at 1:37 am

Hard to be truly apocalyptic with a shirt like that. Also, needs more brimstone.

rmontcal23 July 24, 2012 at 11:10 am

This guy just straight up loves to embarrass his grandchildren.

nowave July 24, 2012 at 1:43 pm

That really trimmed my wick.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: