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Bummed About Your 15 Percent Tax Rate, Job Creators? Have You Considered Paying ‘Zero’ Instead?

job creatorIt is with a heavy heart that we inform you that we have not significantly appeased our lords and masters the job creators and so they have taken to laundering their money, investing their money speech in offshore tax havens. Some of the world’s money launderers biggest banks, in fact, have been quietly helping 100,000 of our finest job creators and their families hide somewhere between $21 and $32 trillion in assets offshore in places like Switzerland and the Cayman Islands. The good news, however, is that this isn’t really anything that you people need to worry about. After all, being as you’re a Poor, you’re not as educated and wouldn’t understand that this is just how the system works, is all! These are swashbuckling captains of industry, taking such RISKS for the betterment of the economy and for us all, surely they deserve to evade avoid a little taxes here and there as repayment for their fulfilling their patriotic duty of being rich creating jobs? It’s as AMERICAN AS APPLE PIE!

Via Al Jazeera English:

Rich individuals and their families have as much as $32 trillion of hidden financial assets in offshore tax havens, representing up to $280bn in lost income tax revenues, according to research published on Sunday.

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The study estimating the extent of global private financial wealth held in offshore accounts – excluding non-financial assets such as real estate, gold, yachts and racehorses – puts the sum at between $21 and $32 trillion.

This amounts to roughly the US and Japanese GDP combined. Roughly 10 million people worldwide have offshore accounts, with 100,000 people owning half of those secreted assets.

The research was carried out for pressure group Tax Justice Network, which campaigns against tax havens, by James Henry, former chief economist at consultants McKinsey & Co.

John Christensen of the Tax Justice Network told Al Jazeera that he was shocked by “the sheer scale of the figures”.

“What’s shocking is that some of the world’s biggest banks are up to their eyeballs in helping their clients evade taxes and shift their wealth offshore,” said Christensen.”We’re talking about very big, well-known brands – HSBC, Citigroup, Bank of America, UBS, Credit Suisse – some of the world’s biggest banks are involved… and they do it knowing fully well that their clients, more often than not, are evading and avoiding taxes.”

Much of this activity, Christensen added, was illegal.

Well your Wonkette is shocked, SHOCKED, to find that banks like HSBC, Bank of America, UBS, and Credit Suisse are engaging in illegal activity. So they’ve each been involved either in mortgage fraud, bond fraud, rate fixing, or securities fraud in the past two years; big deal. That could have happened to ANYONE. The big picture here is that this is all for the benefit of our social and economic superiors. It’ll trickle down eventually!

[Al Jazeera]

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About the author

Kris E. Benson writes about politics for Wonkette and is pursuing a doctorate in philosophy. This will come in handy for when they finally open that philosophy factory in the next town over. @Kris_E_Benson

View all articles by Kris E. Benson

Hola wonkerados.

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152 comments

      1. deelzebub

        As someone who once was the beneficiary of the terrible US America destroying socialism of Pell Grants, WIC, the Montgomery GI bIll, and MEDICAID, I gladly pay my tax bill. I know where some of that money goes and the world of good it can do in a person's life. In summary, fuck you, Koch-suckers and Paultards.

  1. memzilla

    Once again, Al Jazeera reports on the terrorist criminal masterminds destroying Western civilization.

    1. kittensdontlie

      Those Al J bastards are trying to foment revolution and you wonketteers are falling right for their ruse. Let's show those muslins and give the rich not 0% taxes but tax CREDITS(The poors are doing just fine and don't need them anymore.).

    1. sbj1964

      Mittens likes to talk about the jobs he created,but does not like you to know they were all in CHINA!

    2. Nowisallthereis

      There is an upstairs maid job open. Boot-licker is also available. How about a nice minimum wage job shoveling horse shit from Ann's stable? We also need help creating fake twitter accounts so it will seem like somebody (anybody) likes Mitt.

      1. BerkeleyBear

        But Ann never had help with her brood. Just cleaning services. And car services. And gardening services. You know, anonymous things that could be replaced (ie fired) without any consideration of the human impact.

        But help? Never.

        Not to sound too ridiculous, but I actually think in some ways these assholes have become less humane because of the dwindling of the servant class. Sure, the rich often treated servants shittily, but at least they had to acknowledge at some level that their leisure was aided by the efforts of actual, living breathing humans. Now, the ability to never actually interact with "the help" insulates them from even that slight glimmer of realization.

        1. MittBorg

          Have you ever seen Traficante De Suenos, shown here as Sleep Dealer? Made in Mexico, it's a very interesting little indie film with good production values, and it, um, addresses the same questions you do. Very enjoyable. Er, educational.

          1. MittBorg

            I don't remember if there was sex (which is how good the movie was; usually, I remember every sweaty second). Let's just say one doesn't so much *enjoy* the movie as *learn* from it. It deals with the growing American need for labour to do all those dirty jobs we don't want to do — but without the inconvenience of having actual real human beings to interact with. I don't want to give too much away, but if you like good film, or SF film, you'll like this.

          2. MittBorg

            Trust me on this: it's something you want to see with your partner or a friend who shares your politics. Afterwards you'll grab each other by the collar and scream "Well what about THAT scene? You're forgetting about THAT!" while your fellow movie-goers back away slowly.

    3. ph7

      I'm completing my dressage trainer certification next week, buddy. You've got to learn to pull yourself up by your Cavallo bootstraps!

  2. SexySmurf

    In what I'm sure is completely unrelated news, Mittens has still not released his tax returns.

      1. anniegetyerfun

        Are you sure that's unrelated? I remember reading on the internet that there might be some connection.

        1. Veritas78

          Didn't it have to do with smuggling in child brides, using the Olympics as a cover? That's what I heard.

  3. ThankYouJeebus

    Leave the Job Creators aloooooone!!! Haven't they done enough for you vultures?

  4. Come here a minute

    Fortunately we don't have to see Mitt Romney's tax forms and trouble ourselves over whether his money trickled out there legally or not.

    1. Come here a minute

      Maybe if they were sitting on trillions of gallons of oil deposits, instead of trillions of dollars in illegal cash deposits.

      1. actor212

        See, here's where I think the gun nuts and I could find common ground: we send a well-armed militia, just like it says in our Second Amendment, over to Georgetown or Geneva and start claiming our 'Mercian munnees back.

        I'll gladly hold it until we can sort out how much each of us is entitled to

        1. Callyson

          I've actually met a couple of gun enthusiasts–whom I won't call gun nuts because they are more intelligent than the usual NRA types–who would be down with this plan. Now, if only they could educate the rest of the gun owners…

  5. ChillBill

    “What’s shocking is that some of the world’s biggest banks are up to their eyeballs in helping their clients evade taxes and shift their wealth offshore"

    How is this "shocking" again?

      1. MittBorg

        That's pretty fucking shocking. Hell, in the Gulf coast, the shrimp and fish don't have any eyeballs.

        Or maybe that's where the banks done got 'em.

    1. Callyson

      Much of this activity, Christensen added, was illegal.

      The fact that the banksters haven't figured out *legal* means by which to pull this crap off is pretty surprising to me. You'd think their paying customers would demand a better deal than that…

      …oh what am I saying, it's not as if anyone will be held accountable, save maybe for a few low level bank sycophants. Le sigh…

  6. BaldarTFlagass

    These offshore accounts—are they outside the 200-mile Ronald Wilson Reagan Exclusive Economic Zone?

  7. FakaktaSouth

    Obviously this is all Elizabeth Warren's fault. See where all this "consumer protection" nonsense gets you?

    1. prommie

      Yes, see where it gets you? It gets you unlimited Wonkette time during working hours, thats what it got me.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        Whatever all braggin about having a job you get to do whatever during, I hear you. I bet you pay more than 15% in taxes though, huh? I know I have loved not paying nothing in taxes from the not having one of those job-things of it all. Fuck.

        1. prommie

          I like paying taxes. I have paid my share and I have the right to fucking bitch about what they do with the money now.

          1. FakaktaSouth

            Ah yes, very well, I guess that's why I am still waiting on something to trickle down upon my dumbass. I got ya. Bitch away.

  8. coolhandnuke

    As a coastal resident of the Pacific Northwest, I too have an offshore account. It's a box of yen, saki and sushi floating around from the Japanese tsunami just waiting for me to find.

  9. Goonemeritus

    I’m sure they would demand boots on the ground if the Cayman Islands refused to pay out on these deposits.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      I swear my first thought was, if this was somehow an anti-conservatard thing, they'd be allllll about bombing the fuck out of the Swiss already.

  10. FlownOver

    I can assure you the tax on every one of those dollars has/will have had/is to were/was/haveshall/forewhen/presooning/pay-yet are/retroceipt. Romneynomics just has different verb tenses.

    1. Generation[redacted]

      It's so refreshing to see someone use the correct form of the future semiconditionally modified subinverted subjunctive intentional tense.

  11. BaldarTFlagass

    This would be of minimum importance to me if I had chosen the right parents. Goddammit.

      1. Not_So_Much

        That attitude is why it's buried instead of creating jerbs for ungrateful dogs like you.

  12. elviouslyqueer

    Not that I would wish anything bad to happen to the good Cayman Islanders, but really, is a Cat 6 hurricane too much to ask?

    1. Sparky McGruff

      The address of the banks may be in the Caymans, but you can bet your ass that the money (and the bankers) are in London and New York City.

  13. WhatTheHeck

    Why, why was I not taught this in Economics class? That certain Banks and certain Countries are there to help the odd investor. Where did I go wrong?

  14. User-of-Scowls

    What is even more sickening with these greedy bastards is their maniacal-Norquist defense of the Bush-Obama tax cuts is only over a 3-5% marginal tax rate.

    1. MittBorg

      However, in related GOOD news, Mishmash Bachmanniacal has decided that Grover Norquist is a member of the Muslim Brotherhood.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      Ain't it a pisser? "America! America! Sure the rest of you have to pay, but don't take my money!"

  15. user-of-towels

    That's nothing. In Soviet Russia, you walk up to the window in the bank, and the teller holds up a gun and hands you a note!

    Oh, wait, shit, that's here. Never mind.

    1. Butch_Wagstaff

      When I tried to close my SunRust account last year, I felt like they were pointing a gun at me daring me to try to go ahead with it.

  16. actor212

    I'm not sure, but I bet $32 trillion would go a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnng way to paying off this so-called deficit our nation is running and get us all free ball-washings (or boob washings, depending on gender)

  17. mavenmaven

    It will trickle down as acid rain after the rich destroy the environment completely for profit.

  18. CrunchyKnee

    Place a few of these, erm, jerb creators heads on a few well positioned pikes in large metro areas and watch things start trickling down.

    Ahhh, who am I kidding, they have their own armies as well.

    Drinking is the answer! Good thing I traded my last can of hobo beans for a half bottle of blue MD20/20.

  19. fartknocker

    In other happy economic news, it appears the Feds and European law enforcement are about to drop the hammer on banks setting arbitrary LIBOR values:
    http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/07/23/us-bank

    The real problem is the fines will be so small. We should just nationalize one or two of these big banks, tear them apart, and let these fuckers know that the accounts are filled with the investments of the working middle class. I would enjoy watching a few hundreds of these asshats enjoying the services of the US Marshals Service.

    1. ph7

      They got they money but we've got the numbers
      Gonna win yeah, we're taking over. Come on!
      [resumes surfin' net]

    1. kittensdontlie

      'We the People' are just getting too damn nosy for our own good. Let the rich work their magic and soon we all be Rmoneys gliding down easy street with our favorite pets strapped to our cadillac's roofs.

    1. CrunchyKnee

      Silly person, as some guy once said, we do not have peasants in the USA, we have temporarily embarrassed millionaires.

    2. SoBeach

      Well? Where are the peasants, with their pitchforks and torches?

      They're dressed up in red, white, and blue and demanding we reduce corporate, capital gains, and estate tax rates to zero, because someone told them that will fix everything.

  20. ElPinche

    Bu bu but shouldn't job creators be allowed to launder protect their money from blahs, illegal aliens , poors, and olds taking hand outs from our socialistic communist sharia kenyan government? Oh! It's time for my salt bath!

  21. SayItWithWookies

    If these motherfuckers don't want class warfare (or at least class warfare against them) they should stop pissing regular people the fuck off.

  22. sbj1964

    The 1% are more a threat to America than any Terror organization.They are not about creating jobs,but creating wealth for themselves,and the way they do it is by bleeding the middle class dry.Oh it's class warfare,but the average American dose not realize the enemy is at the gate,and he owns the key.

    1. sbj1964

      Hey Mike! Join the party my friend.But calling them job creators is a misnomer at best.They are ,and have always been about greed.This Gordon Gekko Mitt Romney is the poster child of the 1%.

  23. CindynEncinitas

    That's alotta rum cake…
    How did they get Ghost Adventurer Zak to pose for that picture? Did they tell him he could keep the money?

  24. Abernathy

    When adding up how much money I have, I also exclude non-financial assets such as real estate, gold, yachts and racehorse. The superrich really are just like us!

    1. anniegetyerfun

      Counting all that stuff is such a pain, anyway. Who has time to keep taking those ingots out of the safe, anyway? That's why I got myself an ingot elevator, btw.

  25. sati_demise

    Just think, all this cash is in ONE building that holds over 60,000 corporations in the Caymans.

  26. CogitoErgoSumo

    When you really thing about it, anything that trickles down on you feels kinda icky.

  27. anniegetyerfun

    You can store money in a racehorse? Don't they need to, I don't know, digest stuff?

  28. AbandonHope

    WHOA WHOA WHOA. Rich people are helping other rich people stay rich? And at the expense of those who are not rich?

    The hell you say.

  29. Veritas78

    If we had a REAL Attorney General instead of one who goes after whistle-blowers and pot-heads, there would be a RICO investigation of the banks and Lloyd Blankfein would have perfected his perp walk.

  30. ttommyunger

    Really? Interesting, but wait, what? Fred Willard got caught stroking his moker in a skin-flick movie house? Tell me more…..

  31. DahBoner

    if you’re a U.S. citizen,you’re supposed to declare any amount over $10,000

    And of course, Romney has complied fully with the law, correct?

    //snort

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