wayne lapierreWonkette Okie operative “Commie Mom” reports that only two days after the Aurora, Colorado, massacre, Oklahoma City ABC affiliate KOCO was doing Journalism and the Universe the mitzvah of running slickly produced NRA programming explaining how Barack Obama and the UN are coming for your guns. Good job, KOCO! Busy making journalism a better place, so Aaron Sorkin doesn’t have to!

Commie Mom reports that she spent the rest of her Sunday writing a sternly worded letter to ABC, and crying. [Contact KOCO]

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  • nounverb911

    I doubt anyone from the UN has ever been west of the Hudson River.

    • That's not true. For instance, I know for a fact that the Belarusan delegate made a wrong turn in the Heights trying to score some Peruvian flake and ended up in Fort Lee.

      Why he simply didn't go to the Peruvian envoy is beyond me…

  • Come here a minute

    Commie Mom, you may not be aware of the proper salutation for this type of correspondence. Your letter should commence with "Dear Shit Fer Brains" followed by a colon.

    • nounverb911

      Or the contents of a colon.

    • qwerty42

      Would all caps or with weird capitalization help? Or is that just a requirement for right-wing nutcases?

      • Come here a minute

        Well it certainly wouldn't hurt — here is the style guide.

      • tessiee

        Lots of exclamation points tell the reader that what you have to say is IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Brian Ross reporting?

  • emmelemm

    That picture really gets around the Internet, doesn't it?

    A classic for the ages.

    • Schmannnity

      Chuck Todd used to have long hair.

      • tessiee

        All over his entire torso, apparently.

    • Baba_NinjaCat12

      Doesn't he look like a meat puppet.

    • anniegetyerfun

      I have to confess that I don't recall ever seeing this before, but I can't figure out how that could be.

      ETA: Alzheimer's, maybe?

      • HistoriCat

        Baby brain – that kid is draining you of your mental faculties. Happened to my wife too.

    • CindynEncinitas

      I have a cousin in Texas who looks disturbingly similar, except I doubt he plays guitar.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      I have it saved. I use it for the moments when I think I may have seen enough porn.

    • mannacler

      Hey ladies, he's single!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Man, Ted Nugent has certainly packed on a few pounds.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      You can clearly see why he wears those hats.

  • OHGODI'MBLIND!!!!!!!


    • Naked_Bunny

      You should stop getting better.

      It only leads to more hurting.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    The New Channel 7-Up Yours: The UN-cola.

  • Well, that's extra-revolting in light of current events. And I'm not just talking about whatever the hell that is in that picture. I think it may be a partially shaved Wookie that's greatly in need of orthodontia and liposuction.

    • tessiee

      That's not even the most disturbing element in the picture.
      Why is he reclining on what appears to be a child's bed? Dear God, why?

    • tessiee

      "greatly in need of orthodontia and liposuction"

      And manscaping.

  • sbj1964

    Damn,I knew that picture would come back to haunt me! Removing pics from the Net is like trying to get pee out of the POOL.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Well, at least the walls and floors of your domicile are clean, and you are certainly well organized.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Well, there's a quarter of a billion guns out there, so if Obama decided to take them all away, there'd be plenty of openings in the gun-taker-away career field, and we'd probably have full employment at least.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Why is Ted Nugent's hairy wife wearing Sarah's black pool undies?

  • Whatever that Is in the picture, it looks like it's about to shoot itself in the dick. which would make sense, Darwin wise.

    • OneDollarJuana

      If there was a dick to shoot off. I'm convinced that lack of dick-ness leads to love of gun-ness.

  • Wadisay

    By the looks of it, this guy already shot his dick off.

    • TribecaMike

      That's a guy???

  • ShreditorsDesk

    Guitars, guns and guts, I always say. That guy in that picture is either dead or in jail by now, I'll bet.

  • WhatTheHeck

    I’ve never made love to a gun before. Will I be smokin’ afterwards?

  • AddHomonym

    Is that a noodle?

    • Come here a minute

      Yes! Now I am wondering, what is up with that NOODLE?

    • wondering where i am

      Or are you not glad to see me?

  • IncenseDebate

    Something with the name KOCO should be either a chimp, a stripper, or a hot sweet comforting beverage.

    • emmelemm

      I vote chimp.

      • tessiee

        Gotta be. If that ugmo was a stripper, he'd starve to death, and we can clearly see that's not the case.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      The FCC made them shorten the double-O's.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I never realized just how defenseless the residents of Knifecrime Island are until I saw that mockumentary! Poor ole Losbsterbacks.

  • dennis1943

    Similar aired last week Lansing Michigan……i wrote it off as proximity to Ted Nugent….

  • Goonemeritus

    I’m more worried about the UN coming for my town’s hookers

    • YasserArraFeck

      That would be the Secret Service

      • glasspusher

        Coming _in_ your town's hookers.

  • va_real

    Okay, who's in charge of supplying the brain bleach?

    • glasspusher

      Hell of a line, I suspect…

    • tessiee

      I don't think brain bleach is gonna do the trick; this calls for spork-induced lobotomies.

  • I know NRA members. Can't they revolt and take that asshole down? God knows they are armed.

    • va_real

      Members. Heheh…

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    That picture just shifted me one more step down the Kinsey scale. Puke.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Which Strat is that?
    LP behind it?

    • FNMA

      Can't ID the Strat, but the LP looks like some kind of cheap Chinese knock-off.

      • Blueb4sinrise

        Oops, sorry.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        What in God's name is the thing that looks like a triple-kielbasa, in front of the left-most gun?

    • northernbassist

      The LP is definitely a 'Guitar Hero/RockBand' controller–Strat looks like one, too. Too bad his penis substitutes aren't as worthless and ineffective.

      • True dat. Whenever you see a guitar that seems to have a single coil pickup mounted parallel to the strings, and multicolored neck inlays, you needn't look around for Herb Ellis.

      • FNMA

        You got it. Sorry, but I was distracted by the presence of Jabba The Nugent.

  • barto

    Well, as a nation we may draw the line after the first public bazooka-ing incident. Maybe. Don't hold your breath. God, we suck…

  • OkieDokieDog

    It ain't called OkHELLoma fer nuthin' Gobdamnit!!1!

  • gullywompr

    Obama has now given two national addresses in the immediate aftermath of mass murders with guns. Third time's a charm?

  • Schmegeg

    This just in, UN Security Council passes resolution to totally ignore Oklahoma forever.

  • Wait, what? Under what circumstances did they run this NRA video? Was it paid programming? Was it during a news program, and passed off as news? I prefer understanding what I'm supposed to be offended about before being sent off to swarm.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I'm guessing paid programming, amongst the Body by Jake and whatnot they sell on Saturday afternoons on local affiliates. I sure miss Saturday afternoon Japanese monster movies and Hong Kong kung fu flicks.

    • BoroPrimorac

      It's paid programming.

  • Trannysurprise

    Oddly, to me anyways, this guy looks like a Klingon that should be saying "Scissor me baby!"

    • "Scissor Me Klingon" did not set off the expected toy-buying frenzy last Christmas, for some reason.

  • UnholyMoses

    The fact that picture is posted all over the Internet doesn't bother me.

    The fact it was ever taken is what bothers me.

    • Callyson

      The fact that the man *willingly* posed for that shot, in that pose, wearing that hammock, is truly frightening…

      • Quit judging. I needed the money.

        • emmelemm

          And how much, exactly, did you receive in compensation?

          • YasserArraFeck

            Got to keep the fancy black skivs

  • Dildeaux

    Conspiracy theories have been mainstreamed. Its fun for major networks to trade in CT. Helps their viewership numbers.

  • FakaktaSouth

    I would LITERALLY (yes, literally) rather that guy shoot me in the hoohah than come anywhere near me with what is in those black panties.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      I really hope you never find yourself in a situation where those are your only options. For your hoohah's sake.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I like how the guy thought outside the box and went with the full-body tattoo of a welcome mat. Much more imaginative than a Harley logo.

    • va_real

      So much for the theory that "people will always be tempted to wipe their feet on anything with 'welcome' written on it."

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    What dating website did that picture come from, anyway?

    • LaPierre's own Wayne's World Dating Circus.

    • Naked_Bunny

      Red State.

    • I'm guessing Christian Mingle.

    • superdave

      Late Night Shots.

    • tessiee

      It could only have been the craigslist personals.

  • elviouslyqueer

    I would like to invite Wayne LaPierre and his ilk to shove a bazooka up their collective asses, because that's probably the only bang they're going to get during their lifetime.

  • CthuNHu

    Bristol has really let herself go.

  • WhatTheHeck

    If Neilist were here, he would identify every gun in that pic.
    Me, I’m afraid to look too long.

    • With these olde eyes the photo is too small to be sure, but that looks like one of them there Messican Strats leanin' against the wall. Loyal 'Murican, pshaw.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Guy poses "sexxxy" with a gun in his hand. Whatever gets you hard, I suppose.

    • FakaktaSouth

      Holy. God. I am now in love. Or want her for my body guard actually. She ain't playing, not a bit.

    • Tundra Grifter

      The black kitten in the window is a nice touch.

    • tessiee

      "Make fun of MY bellybutton, huh? I'll mace you good!"

  • coolhandnuke

    If a more appropriate pic of a lug sporting a bullet–a bald mullet–exists, I have yet to see it.

    • emmelemm

      I have always heard them referred to as skullets.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Whereas that guy could have the most bad-ass combover on the planet, if he wanted to.

      • BoroPrimorac

        The Donald. Also known as a back to forward with a sideways swoop.

      • tessiee

        Hey, if it didn't work for Ben Franklin, it's not gonna work for speedo lad.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Oh, and this guy is soooo not going in the porno, obvs.

    • FakaktaSouth

      OH HELL NO, none of this guy for our closet-gymnastics-fireworks-porno EVER – we are WAY too classy for that.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    He's hawt! Is that what they call a "bear"?

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Honestly, that photo looks like a compilation of every item for sale and personal ad I have ever seen on CraigsList.

  • Naked_Bunny

    I was going to tell you to stop running photos of me, but then I realized I'm neither balding nor dressed so modestly.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Wayne LaPierre — proof that you can get lead poisoning from a poorly-ventilated gun range, especially if you spend six hours a day there.

  • pdiddycornchips

    If good people don't have guns, then only criminals will have guns. If 2000 of us take away five guns each and give them to the criminals in our towns and cities, we'll fix the economy and solve this divisive gun thing once and for all.

    • Naked_Bunny

      Ms. Schoenkopf will be cutting your check right away, Mr. Friedman.

    • HistoriCat

      I was told there would be no math.

  • P__Drizzle

    Wow, Russell Brand really let himself go. I assume he retired to a bunker in the Midwest.

    /not that I've seen any of his movies

  • Allmighty_Manos

    Look if the UN is really planning on taking our guns, can they please get their ass in gear and get it over with? I've been hearing about this for 30 plus years, and yet dumb Americans are still shooting up public places with high-powered assault weapons.

    • Naked_Bunny

      Unfortunately, the UN isn't a tenth as effective at doing anything as the conspirators imagine they are.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Wonkette, what have your loyal readers ever done to you to make you post that photo?! (soft weeping).

    • emmelemm

      Fighting amongst themselves, it seems.

    • Tundra Grifter

      People who can't be nice don't deserve nice things.

  • shortsandpants

    can't touch deez gunz.

  • valgal2342

    Is that a blue swim noodle on the lower left?

    • Naked_Bunny

      I originally read that as "blue swiss noodle" which led to disturbing thoughts.

    • tessiee

      No, it's part of the bedframe of the CHILD'S BED in the picture.
      [high pitched shrieking a la the shower scene in "Psycho"]

  • fartknocker

    The guy own a mandolin. How gay.

  • Baba_NinjaCat12

    What you and I have been watching was an NRA produced comedy show scaring teabaggers, hillbillies and gun fetishist in buying their membership in order to get made in China cheapo trinket bag and a cracker-jack knife that wouldn't last a 100 years. I laughed so hard, I had to get up and get a drink of water. It's better to throw money in a fire-pit than waste your hard earn dollars for these jokers.

  • Naked_Bunny

    Between the guitars and his body, I wonder why LaPierre thinks he even needs guns to frighten people away.

  • HistoriCat

    That image is truly disturbing. I realize this is a shameful part of American history which we should never forget but that picture is just too much.

  • An_Outhouse

    KOCO is Koo Coo.

  • oh and btw: so not safe for work.

    i speak from personal experience.

  • CountryClubJihadi

    Wow, it's like Mrs. Bin Laden's version of Reclining Odalisque.

  • Boojum

    Wait. Somebody made Commie Mom cry?

    WHERE'S MY SURVEYOR'S MARK!!! I'm going to give somebody a vote right where it counts!

  • JustPixelz

    We know the First Amendment doesn't give the right to shout "Fire" in a crowded theatre. But the NBA believes the Second Amendment gives the right to fire in a crowded theatre. Why? Because they lobby for "stand your ground" laws, which don't legalize gun possession, they legalize killing. (As part of God's Plan, I'm told.)

    Supposedly the Bill of Rights is not a suicide pact. But the Second Amendment is. Activist judges have nullified the "well regulated" clause, leaving only the "right to bear arms". Anyone can get guns. Sadly and inevitably, they turn them on us. It's suicide.

  • Tundra Grifter

    It's a small step from KOCO to COOKOO.

  • fawkedifiknow

    Did you pay the NRA for that centerfold from their magazine, "Shooting Illustrated"?

  • CORRECTION: This isn't only on television in Oklahoma. There's a 30-minute gun porn fantasy produced by the NRA running on TruTV (formerly CourtTV) almost daily. Yay Basic Cable!! Coast-to-coast fear and loathing. We can all play!

    TruTV is owned by the same swell company that owns CNN and Headline News. Infomercials always run on that station preceded by an announcement that "the following program only reflects the views of its producer and is not the work of TruTV." All except for the Secret War on Guns.

    It begins right after the very watchable Forensic Files, so viewers will think it's just another TruTV entertainment offering. One can only assume that this work of investigative reporting reflects the views of Wolf Blitzer, Anderson Cooper, Nancy Grace, and every other star in the heaven created by Ted Turner (who now disavows it, as they used to say on Mission Impossible).

    D'ya think it ever occurred to the Blonde Bloodhound that the criminals stealing little girls might be getting ideas from THIS VERY TV PROGRAM?? I'd suggest that Nancy line up her Platoon of Paranoid Couch Potatoes to fight this thing, but they're probably armed to the teeth themselves. Joran Van Der Sloot might be breakin' out of prison any day now, PEOPLE!!!!

  • fishwharf

    This guy should get together with the old man with the keyboard and the catchy Mitt Romney theme song. They could jam and maybe take their show on the road, perhaps to Tampa and the RNC National Convention next month.

  • Anyone else have gun nut friends that talk about "The U.N. Small Arms Treaty"? Well, it's a load of shit, in case you want to tell them, not that they'll believe you over their conspiracy websites.

    • DahBoner

      Ha! The UN never keeps any of it's treaties.

      Just ask an Indian!

  • Barb_

    I'm just happy this picture wasn't one of those scratch-and-sniff things.

    • commiegirl99

      Everybody: just confirming this is our Barb.

      • Barb_

        Could you imagine this guy trying to hang his bathrobe? It would take a chunk out of the wall of the closet.

        • tessiee

          Yeah, right; like Sasquatch there owns a bathrobe!

          • Barb_

            TESSIE! I know that I wouldn't want to be the one who laundered that robe.

            The reference was to Rebecca, who got a new closet and when she hung her robe she heard a little snap, crackle, pop this weekend.

      • AbandonHope

        It is indeed. Welcome back. Those of us who aren't dickheads missed you!

        • Barb_

          Thank you, AbandonHope.

    • CountryClubJihadi

      So you wouldn't like the "Eau Du Wet Speedo in the Hamper" by Cody?

      • Barb_

        Oh my, CountryClub!
        I bet this put on boxer shorts and once he gets them up they instantly turn into the skimpiest of thongs.

    • emmelemm

      Different kitten photos! Hooray, kittens.

      • Barb_

        I'm searching for the perfect kitten picture ever! : )

  • chascates

    Commie Mom just needs to move to Eugene, Oregon or Bellingham, Washington.

  • DahBoner

    Y'all can't fool me!

    That looks like Jack Black, the famous performance artiste Tenacious "D", who's playing the ironic role of a NRA-endorsed ner'do'well and lookey here!

    Looks like he just shoved an AK-47 up Mitt Romney's glory hole until he said this:

    Romney: New gun laws aren't necessary after Aurora

  • ChessieNefercat

    Well. I'm grossed out. On the other hand, seldom have I seen more evidence that for some (icky) people firearms possession = (wishful thinking) penis size.

    Ick. You are still not a man.

  • BoroPrimorac

    The right wouldn't be running these ads if the lunatics who actually believe this sort of shit were enthusiastic about their candidate. .

  • extreme_left

    that guy wins the internet

  • BZ1

    The site has the scary message: "This message must be heard and this administration must be stopped. We're in the fight of a lifetime and every gun owner needs to join me (Wayne) in going ALL IN (for freedom!)." Freedom to purchase thousands of rounds of ammo, buy assault hunting rifles??

  • tessiee

    I am finding this impossible to masturbate to.

  • tessiee

    This picture broke my internetz.

  • tessiee

    What, no Stars and Bars hanging up on the wall in the background?

  • decay500

    OMG .. It's Russell Brand !! He did lose a bunch of weight…

  • ttommyunger

    These types always choose dark colored panties so that the skid marks won't be so visible. Smellable? Oh yeah, from across the room.

  • bobbert

    While several commenters obviously read it, I have to explicitly salute the totally wonderful alt-text.

    (Since I now live in the red area code part of California, I periodically get solicitation phone calls from the NRA. Sometimes, they play me a recording from Wayne LaPierre. Dude sounds like Mickey Mouse.)

  • Lynne


  • PuglyDoRight

    Well, your graphic certainly convinced me that guns are sex-y.

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