BLACK HELICOPTERS ALSO TOO  2:33 pm July 23, 2012

Oklahoma ABC Affiliate Running Excellent NRA-Produced Journalism About UN Coming For Your Guns

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

wayne lapierreWonkette Okie operative “Commie Mom” reports that only two days after the Aurora, Colorado, massacre, Oklahoma City ABC affiliate KOCO was doing Journalism and the Universe the mitzvah of running slickly produced NRA programming explaining how Barack Obama and the UN are coming for your guns. Good job, KOCO! Busy making journalism a better place, so Aaron Sorkin doesn’t have to!

Commie Mom reports that she spent the rest of her Sunday writing a sternly worded letter to ABC, and crying. [Contact KOCO]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 159 comments }

nounverb911 July 23, 2012 at 2:35 pm

I doubt anyone from the UN has ever been west of the Hudson River.

actor212 July 23, 2012 at 2:39 pm

That's not true. For instance, I know for a fact that the Belarusan delegate made a wrong turn in the Heights trying to score some Peruvian flake and ended up in Fort Lee.

Why he simply didn't go to the Peruvian envoy is beyond me…

Come here a minute July 23, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Commie Mom, you may not be aware of the proper salutation for this type of correspondence. Your letter should commence with "Dear Shit Fer Brains" followed by a colon.

nounverb911 July 23, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Or the contents of a colon.

Ayn Rand Paul Tard July 23, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Missive vérité.

qwerty42 July 23, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Would all caps or with weird capitalization help? Or is that just a requirement for right-wing nutcases?

Come here a minute July 23, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Well it certainly wouldn't hurt — here is the style guide.

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Lots of exclamation points tell the reader that what you have to say is IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!

BaldarTFlagass July 23, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Brian Ross reporting?

emmelemm July 23, 2012 at 2:37 pm

That picture really gets around the Internet, doesn't it?

A classic for the ages.

Schmannnity July 23, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Chuck Todd used to have long hair.

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 10:28 pm

All over his entire torso, apparently.

Baba_NinjaCat12 July 23, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Doesn't he look like a meat puppet.

anniegetyerfun July 23, 2012 at 3:50 pm

I have to confess that I don't recall ever seeing this before, but I can't figure out how that could be.

ETA: Alzheimer's, maybe?

HistoriCat July 23, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Baby brain – that kid is draining you of your mental faculties. Happened to my wife too.

CindynEncinitas July 23, 2012 at 4:54 pm

I have a cousin in Texas who looks disturbingly similar, except I doubt he plays guitar.

Butch_Wagstaff July 23, 2012 at 5:23 pm

I have it saved. I use it for the moments when I think I may have seen enough porn.

mannacler July 23, 2012 at 11:44 pm

Hey ladies, he's single!

BaldarTFlagass July 23, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Man, Ted Nugent has certainly packed on a few pounds.

Butch_Wagstaff July 23, 2012 at 5:24 pm

You can clearly see why he wears those hats.

actor212 July 23, 2012 at 2:37 pm

OHGODI'MBLIND!!!!!!!

again…

Naked_Bunny July 23, 2012 at 3:28 pm

You should stop getting better.

It only leads to more hurting.

EatsBabyDingos July 23, 2012 at 2:38 pm

The New Channel 7-Up Yours: The UN-cola.

Hammiepants July 23, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Well, that's extra-revolting in light of current events. And I'm not just talking about whatever the hell that is in that picture. I think it may be a partially shaved Wookie that's greatly in need of orthodontia and liposuction.

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 10:30 pm

That's not even the most disturbing element in the picture.
Why is he reclining on what appears to be a child's bed? Dear God, why?

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 10:32 pm

"greatly in need of orthodontia and liposuction"

And manscaping.

sbj1964 July 23, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Damn,I knew that picture would come back to haunt me! Removing pics from the Net is like trying to get pee out of the POOL.

BaldarTFlagass July 23, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Well, at least the walls and floors of your domicile are clean, and you are certainly well organized.

BaldarTFlagass July 23, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Well, there's a quarter of a billion guns out there, so if Obama decided to take them all away, there'd be plenty of openings in the gun-taker-away career field, and we'd probably have full employment at least.

EatsBabyDingos July 23, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Why is Ted Nugent's hairy wife wearing Sarah's black pool undies?

starfanglednut July 23, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Whatever that Is in the picture, it looks like it's about to shoot itself in the dick. which would make sense, Darwin wise.

OneDollarJuana July 23, 2012 at 2:42 pm

If there was a dick to shoot off. I'm convinced that lack of dick-ness leads to love of gun-ness.

Wadisay July 23, 2012 at 2:40 pm

By the looks of it, this guy already shot his dick off.

TribecaMike July 23, 2012 at 9:46 pm

That's a guy???

ShreditorsDesk July 23, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Guitars, guns and guts, I always say. That guy in that picture is either dead or in jail by now, I'll bet.

WhatTheHeck July 23, 2012 at 2:41 pm

I’ve never made love to a gun before. Will I be smokin’ afterwards?

AddHomonym July 23, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Is that a noodle?

Come here a minute July 23, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Yes! Now I am wondering, what is up with that NOODLE?

wondering where i am July 23, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Or are you not glad to see me?

IncenseDebate July 23, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Something with the name KOCO should be either a chimp, a stripper, or a hot sweet comforting beverage.

emmelemm July 23, 2012 at 2:43 pm

I vote chimp.

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 10:34 pm

Gotta be. If that ugmo was a stripper, he'd starve to death, and we can clearly see that's not the case.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 24, 2012 at 11:17 pm

The FCC made them shorten the double-O's.

Oblios_Cap July 23, 2012 at 2:42 pm

I never realized just how defenseless the residents of Knifecrime Island are until I saw that mockumentary! Poor ole Losbsterbacks.

dennis1943 July 23, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Similar aired last week Lansing Michigan……i wrote it off as proximity to Ted Nugent….

Goonemeritus July 23, 2012 at 2:42 pm

I’m more worried about the UN coming for my town’s hookers

YasserArraFeck July 23, 2012 at 3:45 pm

That would be the Secret Service

glasspusher July 23, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Coming _in_ your town's hookers.

va_real July 23, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Okay, who's in charge of supplying the brain bleach?

glasspusher July 23, 2012 at 6:50 pm

Hell of a line, I suspect…

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 10:35 pm

I don't think brain bleach is gonna do the trick; this calls for spork-induced lobotomies.

Maman July 23, 2012 at 2:43 pm

I know NRA members. Can't they revolt and take that asshole down? God knows they are armed.

va_real July 23, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Members. Heheh…

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 23, 2012 at 2:44 pm

That picture just shifted me one more step down the Kinsey scale. Puke.

Blueb4sinrise July 23, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Which Strat is that?
LP behind it?

FNMA July 23, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Can't ID the Strat, but the LP looks like some kind of cheap Chinese knock-off.
OH MY GOD! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT IN THE PHOTO WITH THE GUITARS?

Blueb4sinrise July 23, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Oops, sorry.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 24, 2012 at 11:23 pm

What in God's name is the thing that looks like a triple-kielbasa, in front of the left-most gun?

northernbassist July 23, 2012 at 3:18 pm

The LP is definitely a 'Guitar Hero/RockBand' controller–Strat looks like one, too. Too bad his penis substitutes aren't as worthless and ineffective.

FlownOver July 23, 2012 at 3:26 pm

True dat. Whenever you see a guitar that seems to have a single coil pickup mounted parallel to the strings, and multicolored neck inlays, you needn't look around for Herb Ellis.

FNMA July 23, 2012 at 3:39 pm

You got it. Sorry, but I was distracted by the presence of Jabba The Nugent.

barto July 23, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Well, as a nation we may draw the line after the first public bazooka-ing incident. Maybe. Don't hold your breath. God, we suck…

OkieDokieDog July 23, 2012 at 2:46 pm

It ain't called OkHELLoma fer nuthin' Gobdamnit!!1!

gullywompr July 23, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Obama has now given two national addresses in the immediate aftermath of mass murders with guns. Third time's a charm?

Schmegeg July 23, 2012 at 2:47 pm

This just in, UN Security Council passes resolution to totally ignore Oklahoma forever.

Chet Kincaid July 23, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Wait, what? Under what circumstances did they run this NRA video? Was it paid programming? Was it during a news program, and passed off as news? I prefer understanding what I'm supposed to be offended about before being sent off to swarm.

BaldarTFlagass July 23, 2012 at 2:54 pm

I'm guessing paid programming, amongst the Body by Jake and whatnot they sell on Saturday afternoons on local affiliates. I sure miss Saturday afternoon Japanese monster movies and Hong Kong kung fu flicks.

BoroPrimorac July 23, 2012 at 6:55 pm

It's paid programming.

Trannysurprise July 23, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Oddly, to me anyways, this guy looks like a Klingon that should be saying "Scissor me baby!"

Chet Kincaid July 23, 2012 at 3:05 pm

"Scissor Me Klingon" did not set off the expected toy-buying frenzy last Christmas, for some reason.

UnholyMoses July 23, 2012 at 2:48 pm

The fact that picture is posted all over the Internet doesn't bother me.

The fact it was ever taken is what bothers me.

Callyson July 23, 2012 at 2:52 pm

The fact that the man *willingly* posed for that shot, in that pose, wearing that hammock, is truly frightening…

actor212 July 23, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Quit judging. I needed the money.

emmelemm July 23, 2012 at 3:01 pm

And how much, exactly, did you receive in compensation?

YasserArraFeck July 23, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Got to keep the fancy black skivs

Dildeaux July 23, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Conspiracy theories have been mainstreamed. Its fun for major networks to trade in CT. Helps their viewership numbers.

FakaktaSouth July 23, 2012 at 2:49 pm

I would LITERALLY (yes, literally) rather that guy shoot me in the hoohah than come anywhere near me with what is in those black panties.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 23, 2012 at 2:52 pm

I really hope you never find yourself in a situation where those are your only options. For your hoohah's sake.

BaldarTFlagass July 23, 2012 at 2:52 pm

I like how the guy thought outside the box and went with the full-body tattoo of a welcome mat. Much more imaginative than a Harley logo.

va_real July 23, 2012 at 3:20 pm

So much for the theory that "people will always be tempted to wipe their feet on anything with 'welcome' written on it."

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 23, 2012 at 2:53 pm

What dating website did that picture come from, anyway?

weejee July 23, 2012 at 3:00 pm

LaPierre's own Wayne's World Dating Circus.

Naked_Bunny July 23, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Red State.

FlownOver July 23, 2012 at 3:57 pm

I'm guessing Christian Mingle.

superdave July 23, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Late Night Shots.

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 10:40 pm

It could only have been the craigslist personals.

elviouslyqueer July 23, 2012 at 2:53 pm

I would like to invite Wayne LaPierre and his ilk to shove a bazooka up their collective asses, because that's probably the only bang they're going to get during their lifetime.

CthuNHu July 23, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Bristol has really let herself go.

WhatTheHeck July 23, 2012 at 2:56 pm

If Neilist were here, he would identify every gun in that pic.
Me, I’m afraid to look too long.

weejee July 23, 2012 at 3:09 pm

With these olde eyes the photo is too small to be sure, but that looks like one of them there Messican Strats leanin' against the wall. Loyal 'Murican, pshaw.

SheriffRoscoe July 23, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Guy poses "sexxxy" with a gun in his hand. Whatever gets you hard, I suppose.

iburl July 23, 2012 at 2:58 pm
FakaktaSouth July 23, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Holy. God. I am now in love. Or want her for my body guard actually. She ain't playing, not a bit.

Tundra Grifter July 23, 2012 at 3:06 pm

The black kitten in the window is a nice touch.

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 10:39 pm

"Make fun of MY bellybutton, huh? I'll mace you good!"

coolhandnuke July 23, 2012 at 2:58 pm

If a more appropriate pic of a lug sporting a bullet–a bald mullet–exists, I have yet to see it.

emmelemm July 23, 2012 at 3:00 pm

I have always heard them referred to as skullets.

BaldarTFlagass July 23, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Whereas that guy could have the most bad-ass combover on the planet, if he wanted to.

BoroPrimorac July 23, 2012 at 7:04 pm

The Donald. Also known as a back to forward with a sideways swoop.

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Hey, if it didn't work for Ben Franklin, it's not gonna work for speedo lad.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 23, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Oh, and this guy is soooo not going in the porno, obvs.

FakaktaSouth July 23, 2012 at 3:01 pm

OH HELL NO, none of this guy for our closet-gymnastics-fireworks-porno EVER – we are WAY too classy for that.

Jus_Wonderin July 23, 2012 at 2:59 pm

He's hawt! Is that what they call a "bear"?

Jus_Wonderin July 23, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Honestly, that photo looks like a compilation of every item for sale and personal ad I have ever seen on CraigsList.

Naked_Bunny July 23, 2012 at 3:01 pm

I was going to tell you to stop running photos of me, but then I realized I'm neither balding nor dressed so modestly.

SayItWithWookies July 23, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Wayne LaPierre — proof that you can get lead poisoning from a poorly-ventilated gun range, especially if you spend six hours a day there.

pdiddycornchips July 23, 2012 at 3:02 pm

If good people don't have guns, then only criminals will have guns. If 2000 of us take away five guns each and give them to the criminals in our towns and cities, we'll fix the economy and solve this divisive gun thing once and for all.

Naked_Bunny July 23, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Ms. Schoenkopf will be cutting your check right away, Mr. Friedman.

HistoriCat July 23, 2012 at 3:24 pm

I was told there would be no math.

P__Drizzle July 23, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Wow, Russell Brand really let himself go. I assume he retired to a bunker in the Midwest.

/not that I've seen any of his movies

Allmighty_Manos July 23, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Look if the UN is really planning on taking our guns, can they please get their ass in gear and get it over with? I've been hearing about this for 30 plus years, and yet dumb Americans are still shooting up public places with high-powered assault weapons.

Naked_Bunny July 23, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Unfortunately, the UN isn't a tenth as effective at doing anything as the conspirators imagine they are.

BlueStateLibel July 23, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Wonkette, what have your loyal readers ever done to you to make you post that photo?! (soft weeping).

emmelemm July 23, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Fighting amongst themselves, it seems.

Tundra Grifter July 23, 2012 at 3:54 pm

People who can't be nice don't deserve nice things.

shortsandpants July 23, 2012 at 3:15 pm

can't touch deez gunz.

valgal2342 July 23, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Is that a blue swim noodle on the lower left?

Naked_Bunny July 23, 2012 at 3:29 pm

I originally read that as "blue swiss noodle" which led to disturbing thoughts.

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 10:45 pm

No, it's part of the bedframe of the CHILD'S BED in the picture.
[high pitched shrieking a la the shower scene in "Psycho"]

fartknocker July 23, 2012 at 3:23 pm

The guy own a mandolin. How gay.

Baba_NinjaCat12 July 23, 2012 at 3:26 pm

What you and I have been watching was an NRA produced comedy show scaring teabaggers, hillbillies and gun fetishist in buying their membership in order to get made in China cheapo trinket bag and a cracker-jack knife that wouldn't last a 100 years. I laughed so hard, I had to get up and get a drink of water. It's better to throw money in a fire-pit than waste your hard earn dollars for these jokers.

Naked_Bunny July 23, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Between the guitars and his body, I wonder why LaPierre thinks he even needs guns to frighten people away.

HistoriCat July 23, 2012 at 3:35 pm

That image is truly disturbing. I realize this is a shameful part of American history which we should never forget but that picture is just too much.

An_Outhouse July 23, 2012 at 3:43 pm

KOCO is Koo Coo.

fuflans July 23, 2012 at 3:45 pm

oh and btw: so not safe for work.

i speak from personal experience.

CountryClubJihadi July 23, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Wow, it's like Mrs. Bin Laden's version of Reclining Odalisque.

Boojum July 23, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Wait. Somebody made Commie Mom cry?

WHERE'S MY SURVEYOR'S MARK!!! I'm going to give somebody a vote right where it counts!

JustPixelz July 23, 2012 at 3:51 pm

We know the First Amendment doesn't give the right to shout "Fire" in a crowded theatre. But the NBA believes the Second Amendment gives the right to fire in a crowded theatre. Why? Because they lobby for "stand your ground" laws, which don't legalize gun possession, they legalize killing. (As part of God's Plan, I'm told.)

Supposedly the Bill of Rights is not a suicide pact. But the Second Amendment is. Activist judges have nullified the "well regulated" clause, leaving only the "right to bear arms". Anyone can get guns. Sadly and inevitably, they turn them on us. It's suicide.

Tundra Grifter July 23, 2012 at 3:54 pm

It's a small step from KOCO to COOKOO.

fawkedifiknow July 23, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Did you pay the NRA for that centerfold from their magazine, "Shooting Illustrated"?

Jukesgrrl July 23, 2012 at 4:21 pm

CORRECTION: This isn't only on television in Oklahoma. There's a 30-minute gun porn fantasy produced by the NRA running on TruTV (formerly CourtTV) almost daily. Yay Basic Cable!! Coast-to-coast fear and loathing. We can all play!

TruTV is owned by the same swell company that owns CNN and Headline News. Infomercials always run on that station preceded by an announcement that "the following program only reflects the views of its producer and is not the work of TruTV." All except for the Secret War on Guns.

It begins right after the very watchable Forensic Files, so viewers will think it's just another TruTV entertainment offering. One can only assume that this work of investigative reporting reflects the views of Wolf Blitzer, Anderson Cooper, Nancy Grace, and every other star in the heaven created by Ted Turner (who now disavows it, as they used to say on Mission Impossible).

D'ya think it ever occurred to the Blonde Bloodhound that the criminals stealing little girls might be getting ideas from THIS VERY TV PROGRAM?? I'd suggest that Nancy line up her Platoon of Paranoid Couch Potatoes to fight this thing, but they're probably armed to the teeth themselves. Joran Van Der Sloot might be breakin' out of prison any day now, PEOPLE!!!!

fishwharf July 23, 2012 at 4:24 pm

This guy should get together with the old man with the keyboard and the catchy Mitt Romney theme song. They could jam and maybe take their show on the road, perhaps to Tampa and the RNC National Convention next month.

Designer_Rants July 23, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Anyone else have gun nut friends that talk about "The U.N. Small Arms Treaty"? Well, it's a load of shit, in case you want to tell them, not that they'll believe you over their conspiracy websites.
http://www.snopes.com/politics/guns/untreaty.asp

DahBoner July 23, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Ha! The UN never keeps any of it's treaties.

Just ask an Indian!

Barb_ July 23, 2012 at 5:15 pm

I'm just happy this picture wasn't one of those scratch-and-sniff things.

commiegirl99 July 23, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Everybody: just confirming this is our Barb.

Barb_ July 23, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Could you imagine this guy trying to hang his bathrobe? It would take a chunk out of the wall of the closet.

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Yeah, right; like Sasquatch there owns a bathrobe!

Barb_ July 23, 2012 at 10:54 pm

TESSIE! I know that I wouldn't want to be the one who laundered that robe.

The reference was to Rebecca, who got a new closet and when she hung her robe she heard a little snap, crackle, pop this weekend.

AbandonHope July 23, 2012 at 6:32 pm

It is indeed. Welcome back. Those of us who aren't dickheads missed you!

Barb_ July 23, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Thank you, AbandonHope.

CountryClubJihadi July 23, 2012 at 5:50 pm

So you wouldn't like the "Eau Du Wet Speedo in the Hamper" by Cody?

Barb_ July 23, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Oh my, CountryClub!
I bet this put on boxer shorts and once he gets them up they instantly turn into the skimpiest of thongs.

emmelemm July 23, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Different kitten photos! Hooray, kittens.

Barb_ July 23, 2012 at 6:10 pm

I'm searching for the perfect kitten picture ever! : )

chascates July 23, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Commie Mom just needs to move to Eugene, Oregon or Bellingham, Washington.

DahBoner July 23, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Y'all can't fool me!

That looks like Jack Black, the famous performance artiste Tenacious "D", who's playing the ironic role of a NRA-endorsed ner'do'well and lookey here!

Looks like he just shoved an AK-47 up Mitt Romney's glory hole until he said this:

Romney: New gun laws aren't necessary after Aurora

ChessieNefercat July 23, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Well. I'm grossed out. On the other hand, seldom have I seen more evidence that for some (icky) people firearms possession = (wishful thinking) penis size.

Ick. You are still not a man.

BoroPrimorac July 23, 2012 at 7:09 pm

The right wouldn't be running these ads if the lunatics who actually believe this sort of shit were enthusiastic about their candidate. .

extreme_left July 23, 2012 at 7:12 pm

that guy wins the internet

BZ1 July 23, 2012 at 7:41 pm

The site has the scary message: "This message must be heard and this administration must be stopped. We're in the fight of a lifetime and every gun owner needs to join me (Wayne) in going ALL IN (for freedom!)." Freedom to purchase thousands of rounds of ammo, buy assault hunting rifles??

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 10:46 pm

I am finding this impossible to masturbate to.

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 10:49 pm

This picture broke my internetz.

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 10:53 pm

What, no Stars and Bars hanging up on the wall in the background?

decay500 July 23, 2012 at 11:04 pm

OMG .. It's Russell Brand !! He did lose a bunch of weight…

ttommyunger July 23, 2012 at 11:08 pm

These types always choose dark colored panties so that the skid marks won't be so visible. Smellable? Oh yeah, from across the room.

bobbert July 24, 2012 at 12:04 am

While several commenters obviously read it, I have to explicitly salute the totally wonderful alt-text.

(Since I now live in the red area code part of California, I periodically get solicitation phone calls from the NRA. Sometimes, they play me a recording from Wayne LaPierre. Dude sounds like Mickey Mouse.)

Lynne July 24, 2012 at 1:36 am

Gross!

PuglyDoRight July 24, 2012 at 7:28 am

Well, your graphic certainly convinced me that guns are sex-y.

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