WE PREFER 'BILLY' OR 'FRANK'  12:43 pm July 23, 2012

What Are We Naming After Ronald Reagan Today? (Hint: It Is ‘All The Oceans’)

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

You are an angel in heaven nowHighly esteemed car robber and arsonist Darrell Issa is taking a moment’s break from his hectic schedule of arresting the president for purposely giving guns to Mexican gangsters so the UN can implement gun control in Colorado, and focusing on what really matters: naming the oceans after a great man whose main claim to fame was being married to Hollywood’s Greatest Fellatrix. Oh, and something about selling missiles to terrorists? We don’t know, we might have heard something about that once, but probably not.

From The Hill:

Rep. Darrell Issa (R-Calif.) is floating legislation that would name most U.S. coastal waters after former President Ronald Reagan.

Issa reintroduced his bill Wednesday to rename the country’s Exclusive Economic Zone (EEZ), which generally extends from three miles to 200 miles offshore, as the Ronald Wilson Reagan Exclusive Economic Zone.

So, it’s not like Darrell Issa, the great patriot who made his fortune by stealing cars committing arson popularizing the car alarm — wants to actually rename the Pacific Ocean the Ronald Reagan. That would be presumptuous! Nope, just 200 miles of ocean all up and down the West and East coasts, and probably the Gulf of Mexico too. And who named that fucker anyway? Gulf of Mexico? What, is it where you go to nap under your sombrero? How about Gulf of RONALD REAGAN U.S. AMERICA DERP BURP FART!

[TheHill, via DailyKos]

 

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{ 214 comments }

chascates July 23, 2012 at 12:47 pm

"Tear down this beach!"

freakishlywrong July 23, 2012 at 12:48 pm

I shouldn't. But I did.

ChillBill July 23, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Ronnie was a true son of a beach, wasn't he?

actor212 July 23, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Ronnie would cut a beach.

Gratuitous World July 23, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Issa just trying to find a creative way to posthumously Drill Ronald Reagan.

SoBeach July 23, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Win.

Designer_Rants July 23, 2012 at 6:22 pm

I believe Issa renamed "Posthumously" to "Retroactively".

anniegetyerfun July 23, 2012 at 12:48 pm

This is going to create so many jobs!

ChillBill July 23, 2012 at 12:54 pm

…for road sign manufacturers, in China.

Hera Sent Me July 23, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Let's name every sewage treatment plant in the country after Darrell Issa.

And every mental institution after Michele Bachmann.

Estproph July 23, 2012 at 1:00 pm

I already decided to call my anus Darrell Issa.

An_Outhouse July 23, 2012 at 1:38 pm

we could rename Uranus too!

weejee July 23, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Sewage treatment plant libel.

/ Sorry, that meme is getting olde like me, but we do too much work with the wastewater treatment folks. It's a shitty job, but somebody has to do it.

Hera Sent Me July 23, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Absolutely. Abundant clean water and indoor plumbing are the hallmarks of civilization.

We were hit by a bad hurricane a few years back. We lost electricity, which was annoying, but manageable. Then we lost running water (because the system was driven by electric power). We realized we'd have to evacuate if that wasn't fixed within two days. Fortunately, it was.

Weallscream July 23, 2012 at 5:03 pm

You'd certainly have to evacuate no matter what, if you know what I mean.

emmelemm July 23, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Echo what Hera said. Sewage treatment plants may not be glamourous, but try living without them.

PS That meme never gets old.

Lascauxcaveman July 23, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Sewage treatment plants may not be glamourous, but try living without them.

But don't try living next to them.

(JK, you get used to it after awhile.)

ph7 July 23, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Who knew we had a subset of shit plant Wonketteers.

Egg digesters for $500, Alex!

AncienReggie July 23, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Let's not be hasty. Issa and Bachmann are stars, to be sure, but Congressderp Gohmert qualifies as namesake in both categories. In fact, four-fifths of the delegations from Texas and Arizona inter alia point up the wisdom of reserving naming honors for shit pools and loony bins for regional luminaries.

Callyson July 23, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Wasn't someone going to name a sewage treatment plant after W? Seems like too much of a promotion for Issa, if so…

Biff July 23, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Yep, San Francisco. How it never came to pass is a mystery to me.

CapeClod July 23, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Perhaps every ambulance chasing attorney outfit should be required to include "Issa" as one of the partners' names.

fartknocker July 23, 2012 at 12:48 pm

I propose that the sewage treatment plant in Austin be renamed the Rick and Anita Perry Shit Processing Plant.

sullivanst July 23, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Doesn't the process involve bacterial digestion?

Can't we call it the Rick and Anita Perry Shit Eating Plant on that basis?

owhatever July 23, 2012 at 12:49 pm

And name the sky up to the moon, too. President for Life (even when dead) Reagan giveth both water and air. Why does Congressman Issa hate Ronald Reagan?

GeorgiaBurning July 23, 2012 at 1:58 pm

We need to build statues of Reagan in every city, and refer to him as "Eternal President". Why should North Korean dictators get all the glory for economic achievements?

doloras July 23, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Ronald Reagan is our Kim Il Sung, Eternal President and Sun of Juche Supply-Side Economics.

ChillBill July 23, 2012 at 12:49 pm

"Rep. Darrell Issa (R-Calif.) is floating legislation that would name most U.S. coastal waters after former President Ronald Reagan."

The Alzheimer's Coast?

chicken_thief July 23, 2012 at 12:51 pm

I was thinking that if they named it after Reagan, wouldn't everyone forget it?

Lascauxcaveman July 23, 2012 at 1:26 pm

'Bonzo Coast' has a nice ring to it.

Callyson July 23, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Featuring Teflon Beach.

actor212 July 23, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Blow Job Bay

Which would also be a great name for a gay nude beach.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 23, 2012 at 2:05 pm

"Floating legislation?" Does that mean it can be flushed?

freakishlywrong July 23, 2012 at 12:49 pm

The fucking Hill really say Issa is "floating" legislation for this steaming pile of horseshit? (I despise The Hill.)

AncienReggie July 23, 2012 at 1:29 pm

I find the Hill useful, but their commenters is a roster of rightwing spew.

sullivanst July 23, 2012 at 2:09 pm

The Hill is "useful" for finding out what's on the GOP's talking points memo for the day.

sbj1964 July 23, 2012 at 12:50 pm

The GOP loves to talk Reagan as long as you don't mention how many times he raised taxes,the debt ceiling,or Iran Contra.

chicken_thief July 23, 2012 at 12:52 pm

"Emergency healthcare for all" and that shit with legalizing some brownz gives them a sad, too, also.

sbj1964 July 23, 2012 at 1:28 pm

And let's not forget declaring a fruit Tomatoes a vegetable,Increasing the national debt more than every president before him Combined!,and cutting education making Americans even dumber than we thought we could.Bravo Mr. Reagan !

GunToting[Redacted] July 23, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Don't you mean declaring ketchup a vegetable? More HFCS for the children!

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 7:23 pm

And then Raygun himself became a vegetable. Karma's such a bitch.

Infrogmation July 23, 2012 at 2:03 pm

YM the Ronald Wilson Reagan Memorial National Debt.

va_real July 23, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Car alarms = domestic terrorism.
Darrell Issa = domestic terrorist.

CrunchyKnee July 23, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Can we name that huge pile of garbage floating in the Pacific after Issa?

ChernobylSoup July 23, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Attention young men: There are a lot of girls in your generation named Reagan. DO NOT MARRY THEM. Their parents are awful people.

Clancy_Pants July 23, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Unless her name is Regan. Then her parents are simply twisted and/or just loved Linda Blair doing the 360 head turn and vomiting pea soup. Either case she's a keeper.

emmelemm July 23, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Awesome.

MosesInvests July 23, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Or they're fans of Shakespeare's "King Lear".

actor212 July 23, 2012 at 1:41 pm

That would be girls named Gonnorhea.

Angry_Marmot July 23, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Under stress, their heads start spinning. Crucifix on the bedstand? You don't want to know.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 23, 2012 at 1:41 pm

I dunno. A girl named Reagan in a full parental rebellion could be a fun date.

Guppy July 23, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Two words: daddy issues.

Lascauxcaveman July 23, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Back in the '80s, I had a boss named Regan. Lovely, charming woman.

Also, born in the '40s, back when it was just another Waspy Irish/Anglo thing to name a girl, back in New England.

1stNewtontheMoon July 23, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Dimebag Darrell Issa (and every other republican who's attended every Grover Nordquist's Boys' Summer Camp for GOP Buttsecks for 27 straight summers) rolls out of bed hungover/drunk on any given morning and just starts calling random things "Reagan." They want to re-name the telephone Reagan and change wikipedia to show Reagan as the inventor. They're as bad as Moore-mans re-baptizing dead hitlers and stuff.

Generation[redacted] July 23, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Dimebag Darrell Issa

PANTERA LIBEL!!11!

Lascauxcaveman July 23, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Hitler was a Morman?

I knew there was something about that guy I didn't like.

rickmaci July 23, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Issa also is floating a bill to have all American men renamed Ronald Wilson Reagan.

As a compromise I suggest an amendment to instead only require that all men refer to their penis as a Reagan.

1stNewtontheMoon July 23, 2012 at 6:25 pm

It would really confuse my asshole if I started calling my cock the same thing.

vtxmcrider July 23, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Never. I have far too much respect (and love) for my penis. I just refer to Reagan instead as a dick.

Gleem McShineys July 23, 2012 at 6:16 pm

"Honey! Did you remember to Reagan the Reagan?"
"Which Reagan, the one in the Reagan room, or the one in the … other Reagan room?"

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 7:25 pm

The Reagan in the Marklar.

bobbert July 24, 2012 at 5:06 am

"Didn't have to. It had already Reaganed itself".

freakishlywrong July 23, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Ron Reagan must be red-assed embarrassed all the time by these assholes. I know I am.

sharethegrief July 23, 2012 at 12:52 pm

I think those waters should be named after Nancy because she was Double EZ.

Maman July 23, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Why don't we name the big floating island after Reagan too.

rickmaci July 23, 2012 at 2:59 pm

You mean Australia?

Maman July 23, 2012 at 3:42 pm

That is a floating pile of rocks and dust.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 24, 2012 at 2:11 am

And rapist and murderers. Don't forget the rapist and murderers.

Mumbletypeg July 23, 2012 at 12:52 pm

"floating legislation" like this should be floated, right down the sewer.

prommie July 23, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Sounds like a good time to sell my boat.

UnholyMoses July 23, 2012 at 12:53 pm

I don't know what's more pathetic.

The actual Presidency of Reagan, in which income inequality started to rise, jobs started to be shipped offshore, and he sold advanced missile tech to Iran to fund rightwing death squads in Central America known for killing women, children, nuns … pretty much whomever they wanted. And the fact that, by the end of his second term, he was obviously showing signs of Alzheimer's.

Or the fact the right think Ronny was more like this SNL sketch.

They are impossible to parody any more. They really are.

BarackMyWorld July 23, 2012 at 12:56 pm

I knew which skit it was without clicking the link. Because its awesome.

UnholyMoses July 23, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Macha johnny hey, macha johnny ho!

Lascauxcaveman July 23, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Oh, man. Yet a another highlight of Phil Hartman's utterly brilliant career.

Come here a minute July 23, 2012 at 12:54 pm

I will support support Rep. Issa's bill if he agrees to limit it to the oil spills.

weejee July 23, 2012 at 1:03 pm

And areas where the fish have no eyes and the octopi 17 arms.

Generation[redacted] July 23, 2012 at 1:29 pm

The Reagan's Brain Gulf Coast Dead Zone?

SheriffRoscoe July 23, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Great Buggering Buddha there's just no limit to the stupidity of this man! Did Darrell Issa just wake up one morning and say to himself "Let's see what's the absolutely most pointless piece of shit legislation anybody has ever thought of"?

Crank_Tango July 23, 2012 at 12:59 pm

He probably wakes up every morning thinking that.

freakishlywrong July 23, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Along with the rest of the "jobs, jobs, jobs" ilk.

Crank_Tango July 23, 2012 at 1:11 pm

hand- blow- foot- ? Did I get that right?

x111e7thst July 23, 2012 at 1:00 pm

He says that every morning.

ChessieNefercat July 23, 2012 at 1:02 pm

He wakes up and says that to himself every morning.

ChessieNefercat July 23, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Apparently great minds think alike.

rickmaci July 23, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Issa is never awake because he is brain dead.

x111e7thst July 23, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Hollywood’s Greatest Fellatrix Exclusive Economic Zone. Has a certain ring to it.

vtxmcrider July 23, 2012 at 10:17 pm

That name should be reserved for the specific sections of the Ronald Wilson Reagan Exclusive Economic Zone where the riptides suck really bad.

coolhandnuke July 23, 2012 at 12:56 pm

If the waters around Baja California are given Ronnie's name, then it is only fitting that Baja California be renamed Blowjob California after Nancy.

OneYieldRegular July 23, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Is George W. Bush attending the GOP convention? No. Is George H. W. Bush attending it? No. Is Ronald Reagan attending it? No.

Tampa is going to be the worst pride parade ever.

Hedley_Lamarr July 23, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Between the gunfire, strippers and a massive TB outbreak, I think it's gonna ROCK.

kittensdontlie July 23, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Actually Reagan is still a maybe…Nancy has been in touch with his spirit regularly and is hopeful of a reincarnation by convention day…

va_real July 23, 2012 at 2:14 pm

I thought there were scores of Zombie Reagans attending?

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 23, 2012 at 12:56 pm

I named something after Reagan just this morning. Then I flushed it down the toilet and it is, as we speak, making its way towards the Reagan off the west coast. It's the circle of life!

prommie July 23, 2012 at 1:04 pm

I call bullshit; chicks don't poop, I know this for a fact.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 23, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Somebody should tell that to the bathroom I completely wrecked this morning.

emmelemm July 23, 2012 at 1:19 pm

We do poop; it just smells like roses and vanilla.

bobbert July 24, 2012 at 5:09 am

Haha

BoatOfVelociraptors July 23, 2012 at 1:48 pm

I think you would call cowshit.

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 7:31 pm

"chicks don't poop"

Personally, I poop rainbows and fart stardust.

BarackMyWorld July 23, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Welcome to the United States of Reagonia.

weejee July 23, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Today we all have Alzheimer's.

chicken_thief July 23, 2012 at 12:57 pm

He must be in cahoots with One L because this will be a great way to test the loyalty of the House to America's greatest Preznit eveh. Only a muslin commie could vote against that bill.

Pragmatist2 July 23, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Is this in recognition of the fact that he put America's economy "under water"?

SayItWithWookies July 23, 2012 at 12:57 pm

I think we should name something after Reagan that reflects his astute policy implementation, his wisdom and how much he was loved throughout the world. Like maybe the Beirut airport.

anniegetyerfun July 23, 2012 at 12:59 pm

I'd suggest mental institutions, but I think he closed them all.

SayItWithWookies July 23, 2012 at 1:20 pm

They could name the millions of park benches where Reagan's once-institutionalized legacy still resides after him.

CivicHoliday July 23, 2012 at 2:06 pm

AIDS clinics?

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 7:33 pm

How about all the empty, burnt-out shells of factories where American jobs used to be?

TootsStansbury July 23, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Bonus point. A couple of miles off shore you can empty your holding tanks. So you can poop on RWR's name!

anniegetyerfun July 23, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Ronald who?

Crank_Tango July 23, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Go ahead and name it that, and I will go take a dump in the Reagan Memorial Waters/Whatever.

BaldarTFlagass July 23, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Whenever I have to fly to DC for work, I always make sure I stop and take a huge shit at his airport. And I put a piece of toilet paper over the motion sensor on the back of the toilet so it doesn't flush.

JerkCade July 23, 2012 at 12:59 pm

We shall call it the "Zone of Confusion"

Cue the Sid & Marty Krofft puppets.

BaldarTFlagass July 23, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Well, rename away, motherfucker; I never refer to it as the Exclusive Economic Zone anyway. I'm just headed down to the coast.

plinkleton July 23, 2012 at 1:01 pm

the goodly people of teh California were so wise to choose this issa thing as their representative, no?

rickmaci July 23, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Issa represents a district comprised of Camp Pendleton and part of the brain fried area on the edge of the desert near San Diego. You have to understand California geo-politics. There is metro LA and there is the greater Bay Area. Everything else is Alabama.

bobbert July 24, 2012 at 5:12 am

I live near Yosemite. Red, yes, but even here I think Issa would have trouble.

ChessieNefercat July 23, 2012 at 1:01 pm

I want President Obama to tell Issa, nope, won't sign it unless it is to honor President Jimmy Carter who was actually a real live Annapolis Naval Academy grad and naval officer who served in submarines.

JustPixelz July 23, 2012 at 1:01 pm

It's all part of a conspiracy by Ronald Reagan to take away our freedom of religion. His plot started in 1961 when he became a Republican. Then continued while he was raising taxes and legalizing abortion as governor of California. Then he sold missiles to Iran so they could help the Taliban and then gave bin Laden a way to carry out the 9/11 attacks. Then — in a shrewd move to take us "off the scent" — Reagan died. OR DID HE?!?!? That left Dubya Bush free to destroy the economy. So Mitt Romney could get elected and ram his Mormon faith down our throats. (Will he take the oath of office on a Bible? I think not.)

Say what you will about Reagan, but his plan is sheer elegance in its simplicity.

va_real July 23, 2012 at 1:28 pm

"Will he take the oath of office on a Bible?"

Someone please tell MB that THIS is the question the RW's need to ask themselves.

HogeyeGrex July 23, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Most. Awesome. Whisper. Campaign. Evar.

Sometime in September I'm going to start trolling RW sites saying I just can't vote for someone who won't take the Oath on the Bible, dammit. I suggest everyone do it.

So fine.

kittensdontlie July 23, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Your retelling of Reagan's was elegant and precise, knowledge of which only the true MASTERMIND of said plot would know…you have showed us your cards, now come clean Nancy!

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 7:35 pm

/Dale Gribble/
That is what they WANT you to believe!

bobbert July 24, 2012 at 5:27 am

This is, in fact, a fabulous parenthetical.

I know quite a few Mormons, who are nice people. I've also read most of their theological literature, which is roughly as unbelievable as the Old Testament, but one thing that stands out is the Mormon precedence of holy scripture.

And that is

1. The Book of Mormon
2. The Doctrines and Covenants (D&C's, I have to laff)
3. The Pearl of Great Price
4. The Old Testament (as "reinterpreted"* by Joe Smith)
5. The New Testament

* "reinterpreted" means inventing some new bits of Isaiah that appear to foretell the LDS.

If Rmoney does win the election, and chooses to be sworn in on, say, a regular OT/NT Bible instead of the BoM, it will say a lot about weaselness. There is absolutely no doubt that the BoM outranks the conventional Bible in Mormon theology.

Thank you, JustPixels. I'm going to beat the shit out of this fact that I already knew, but wasn't paying attention to.

YasserArraFeck July 23, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Soon as I get me a gurlfriend, I'm gonna name her fun garden the George W Bush.

plinkleton July 23, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Ewww!

sezme July 23, 2012 at 1:18 pm

It's almost like the question of why you don't already have a girlfriend answers itself!

Hammiepants July 23, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Jesus, how many highways/airports/libraries/oceans/frozen yogurt shops/clap clinics/shoe shine stands do they expect me to avoid???

Biel_ze_Bubba July 23, 2012 at 1:57 pm

aotk

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 7:37 pm

I really think the VD clinics should have "Palin" somewhere in their names, although you'd still have to avoid them.

Estproph July 23, 2012 at 1:03 pm

I am officially naming this post The Ronald Reagan Wonkette post. Notice that there is no content other than self-aggrandizement.

ChernobylSoup July 23, 2012 at 1:03 pm

When your misguided policies in the Middle Reagan result in the meaningless death of two hundred and forty-one Marines, you can simply invade an island in the Reagan Ocean to change the news cycle.

fartknocker July 23, 2012 at 1:04 pm

I would prefer that we memorialize the 4 U.S. Navy SEAL team members that died in Raygun's little war in Grenada because this former president propelled the operation so quickly and with so little planning that accurate weather information wasn't made available to them. They drowned at sea because DOD wasn't given time to adequately prepare. Just like Darrell Issa's legislation – quickly prepared with no thought about its tangible benefits to anyone other than his minions who send him campaign dollars.

HempDogbane July 23, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Some of the polluting trees should be named for him too. California Reagans, Black Hills Reagans, Reagan Blossom time in D.C., tapping the beautiful Vermont Reagans for their tasty Reagan syrup.

YasserArraFeck July 23, 2012 at 1:09 pm

I think Lady Fellatrix should be consulted about tapping tasty Reagan syrup

va_real July 23, 2012 at 1:36 pm

You know, the druids & tree spirits are comin' after you for that one…

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 7:40 pm

When I was a teeny tiny Tessie, age 3 or so, my mother explained to me that you got maple syrup out of a tree by tapping it. I tried tapping with my chubby toddler hands on several trees over the next few days, but no syrup.

StealthMuslin July 23, 2012 at 1:06 pm

The only things that should be named after Ronald Reagan are the national debt and AIDS.

freddymcmurray July 23, 2012 at 3:05 pm

And the homeless epidemic.

bobbert July 24, 2012 at 5:30 am

I do like the Ronald Wilson Reagan National Debt.

BaldarTFlagass July 23, 2012 at 1:06 pm

So, when the USS Ronald Reagan (CVN-76) returns from overseas deployment and enters the Ronald Reagan Exclusive Economic Zone as she approaches San Diego, will there be some kind of matter/anti-matter reaction, like crossing the streams in "Ghostbusters"? Maybe this reaction will actually remove the name "Ronald Reagan" from the earth and from our collective consciousness. That's a win, in my book.

BlueStateLibel July 23, 2012 at 1:09 pm

There's a scummy green pond down the road from me that will now be officially known as the "Rep. Darrell Issa (R-Calif.) Scum Pond."

va_real July 23, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Algae libel!

emmelemm July 23, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Algae are people too, my friend!

vtxmcrider July 23, 2012 at 10:24 pm

The name would be so much prettier if it contained "Memorial."

bobbert July 24, 2012 at 5:31 am

We can but hope.

Goonemeritus July 23, 2012 at 1:09 pm

So we are naming the part of the ocean that most coastal communities dump their sewage into after Reagan?

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 23, 2012 at 1:10 pm

and probably the Gulf of Mexico too

Normal anti-American Wonkette. That is the Gulf of Reagan from now on.

chascates July 23, 2012 at 1:30 pm

The Gulf of the Gipper has a certain ring to it.

bobbert July 24, 2012 at 5:31 am

The Goof of Reagan?

Joshua Norton July 23, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Has Reagan been converted to Mormonism yet?

kittensdontlie July 23, 2012 at 1:54 pm

If he has, can you imagine him waking up one heavenly morning with Saint Paul tapping him on the shoulder and telling him to pack his bags, "you're being sent to the Mormon Outer Darkness"…Fearful….you should be, it could happen to you and your deceased loved ones under a Rmoney presidency…

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 23, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Maybe Rep. Issa should put together a special congressional medal for making deals with terrorist and name it after Reagan, to honor his great legacy. To keep the Conservatives happy, he can give it to Obama for having worked with ACORN the first time.

BZ1 July 23, 2012 at 1:13 pm

This the same Reagan who couldn't get elected today (if he suddenly came from the dead)?

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 7:43 pm

No, *Reagan* could get elected today, or tomorrow, or next week, no matter what. However, anybody else who said and did the exact same things as Reagan couldn't get elected dog catcher.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 23, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Elected, hell …. in the GOP, he couldn't get the nomination. Probably be booed off the stage in the "debates".

BaldarTFlagass July 23, 2012 at 1:20 pm

He should stop fucking around and just go ahead and introduce legislation to rename our home spheroid "Planet Reagan of the Milky Weagan galaxy."

Not_So_Much July 23, 2012 at 1:21 pm

"Contra Cove"?

Oblios_Cap July 23, 2012 at 1:22 pm

How do the Air Traffic Controllers at Reagan Airport feel about sharing?

YasserArraFeck July 23, 2012 at 1:41 pm

They can kiss my ass with that one as well – always was and always will be National

SayItWithWookies July 23, 2012 at 1:46 pm

As a moderate, I like to seek out the middle ground on this issue, and call it Idiot National.

fuflans July 23, 2012 at 1:23 pm

to be fair, this will create a lot of jobs.

mull_man July 23, 2012 at 1:27 pm

The only body of water worthy of the name is the 1.6 liters of water in my porcelain tank. Oh – I forgot – I already call that Goldwater Basin. I've got it – the pond at Kandahar Air Field.

BaldarTFlagass July 23, 2012 at 1:50 pm

*sigh* ah the memories. I remember driving by that landmark back in 'ought-seven. It was especially fragrant that August when daytime temps exceeded 110 F.

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 7:45 pm

"the 1.6 liters of water in my porcelain tank. … I already call that Goldwater Basin."

I see that you're familiar with the literal translation of "goldwater".

prommie July 23, 2012 at 1:32 pm

They should name Bristol Palin's cunt the Ronald Reagan Dickspressway.

bobbert July 24, 2012 at 5:34 am

I don't have a very high opinion of Bristol Palin's cunt, but this seems unneccessarily abusive.

GunToting[Redacted] July 23, 2012 at 1:32 pm

The car alarm part is sole reason enough to consign Issa to the deepest, hottest (coldest?), circle of Hell. I competed in a Highland Games yesterday, and there was a car in the lot next to the field, and the car alarm went off at least 10 times.

SayItWithWookies July 23, 2012 at 1:47 pm

That's it? Clearly some people weren't tossing their cabers hard enough.

GunToting[Redacted] July 23, 2012 at 1:59 pm

There was this pesky fence intervening. Our class was on caber when people started breaking down, and one woman blundered nearly into the danger zone before being re-directed. One guy did make a good attempt to kill off the car with a hammer throw, and stove in a good section of the backstop.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 23, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Issa had best stay out of NYC — he'd be set upon and dismembered.

AncienReggie July 23, 2012 at 1:33 pm

It probably escaped Issa's attention that other nations also have coastlines. If that jackass starts a fad, navigation maps are going to blur to unreadability.

chicken_thief July 23, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Especially when Iran names theirs "The Ronald Reagan Sucks Zone".

chascates July 23, 2012 at 1:36 pm

This would fail to follow the principles of the Free Market. Instead offer naming rights for a short period of years to raise revenue for our oil wars:
Gulf of British Petroleum
Exxon Bay, Alaska
Union Oil Channel, California

BoatOfVelociraptors July 23, 2012 at 1:36 pm

The REEZ would be pronounceable, but the RWREEZ? The hell?

BoatOfVelociraptors July 23, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Imagine Cheney being even more gangster. "Deficits don't matter here son, you're in the REEZ".

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Or he could use that to refer to himself in the third person: "The REEZ will have a grilled cheese sandwich". That would be pretty cool.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 23, 2012 at 1:38 pm

NO WAY! The republicans have always been jealous that liberals control most of this country's coast and this is their way to ruin the coasts by surrounding them with something awful. I, for one, won't stand for it! I would rather die than ever go swimming in the Reagan, or watch the sun set over the Reagan, or GOD FORBID eat anything caught in the Reagan. I WON'T HAVE IT!!!!

Ducksworthy July 23, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Needs moar oil!

Fox n Fiends July 23, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Lets not forget the Ronald Wilson Reagan National Deficit

Guppy July 23, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Atlantic? Pacific? You're forgetting about the Arctic Ocean, where the Russians are still talking about "continental shelves."

Diplomacy!

Blueb4sinrise July 23, 2012 at 1:44 pm

thinking ahead………as the ocean rises due to notclimatechange, will the EEZ be increased, or redefined from the new coastline?

Weenus299 July 23, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Really, I mean, what better place to load up a ship full of guns and missiles to sell for hostages or bankers or whatever?

Estproph July 23, 2012 at 1:44 pm

I am now changing all words to Reagan.

Reagan reagan reaganreagan reagan rea gan reagan reagan-reagan. Reagan! Rea! Gan! Reagan reagan reagan?

Reagan.

Reagan reagan. Reagan?

chicken_thief July 23, 2012 at 2:28 pm

ROF-reagaining!!!!!

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 7:48 pm

Beer beer, beer beer?

poorgradstudent July 23, 2012 at 1:51 pm

This isn't as frivolous as it seems. We'll all get jobs crossing out the old names and filling in new ones on maps and textbooks.

GeorgiaBurning July 23, 2012 at 1:52 pm

How is an "Exclusive Economic Zone" part of a small government, free-enterprise agenda? About the same way car thieves sell car alarms, maybe?

Biel_ze_Bubba July 23, 2012 at 1:55 pm

OK, he's been asking for this long enough: what should we name after Issa?

Darrell Issa _________

C_R_Eature July 23, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Vomitorium.

sullivanst July 23, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Why does he hate Ronald Reagan so much that he wants to name something created by international treaty (which he presumably therefore hates) after him? Is it because Reagan proposed and started negotiating START? It can't be because Reagan operated the most corrupt administration in history, car thieves love that shit.

DahBoner July 23, 2012 at 2:12 pm

I've beat Issa to it.

I already named this morning's bowel movement:

The Ronald Wilson Reagan Turd Empowerment Zone

Terry July 23, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Issa and his pals have to fetishize Reagan. They don't have much else to work with.

G.W. Bush? Nerve endings are a little too raw over him.

G.H.W. Bush? Most GOP'ers can't remember what he did, other than follow Reagan

Gerald Ford? Amiable chap, athlete who had a reputation for falling down. GOP'er's don't care about him.

Richard Nixon? Even the GOP can't fete the Watergate guy. Additionally, he was a bit too cozy with the Red Chinese.

Dwight Eisenhower? Actual veterans seem to scare the GOP'ers.

Herbert Hoover? The Depression. Bummer of a subject

Calvin Coolidge? Reagan tried to polish Silent Cal's cred, but failed. The guy who set up the Depression, or at least got a strong assist.

Warren G. Harding? Yawn. Who was that guy again?

William Howard Taft? Fat guy. Not much else known about him. Another yawn.

Teddy Roosevelt? Hippie liberal pretending to be a Republican. Liked parks and nature too much, even if he did shoot a fair amount of nature.

Let's just skip a whole bunch of snore inducing Republicans in the late 1800's

Abraham Lincoln? National icon, but the GOP can't tout him much because Lincoln freed the slaves and the GOP base isn't too hot on minorities. He also wouldn't let the South have their freeeeeeedom.

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Woodrow Wilson had a stroke; that would give him about the same mentality as Raygun.

Barrelhse July 23, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Hey, Darrell- does your face hurt?

Nostrildamus July 23, 2012 at 2:42 pm

I named a floating entity after Reagan this morning.

Exhausted66 July 23, 2012 at 2:52 pm

On the bright side, I know where I'm peeing.

outragedcitizen July 23, 2012 at 3:13 pm

I named my anus Ronald Wilson Reagan, isn't that enough?

rickmaci July 23, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Someday, if there is any justice, history will give all this constant Ronald Reagan hagiography the Joe Paterno treatment.

bobbert July 24, 2012 at 5:37 am

Unfortunately, TANJ.

MonkeyMotion July 23, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Would you rather…
listen to Issa, or to Gohmert?
watch Mittens act 'normal', or pay homage to Ronaldus Dumbus?
drown in shit, or burn alive?

[And no looking at your neighbor's answers.]

tessiee July 23, 2012 at 7:50 pm

Make a porno with Newt, or with Chris Christie?

mavenmaven July 23, 2012 at 4:31 pm

David Foster Wallace Libel! The years should all be named after Reagan.

VespulaMaculata July 23, 2012 at 4:35 pm
tessiee July 23, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Interesting.

homotownrecords July 23, 2012 at 5:40 pm

I'm still bummed the new UCLA med center is named after this guy, especially after what he did to public education.

dsgruntled July 23, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Damn it Issa…….as a postal worker I demand you get back to gutting my Union and the Post Office.

ChessieNefercat July 23, 2012 at 6:55 pm

Now I know why Rep. Issa is so repulsive. Isn't that what that obnoxious Jar-Jar Binks always said? Issa? Or was that "meesa"? Never mind. But! Might as well have been Issa. Issa = Jar-Jar on the want-to-kick-in-the-nuts scale.*

*If Issa has nuts of course. Or if Jar Jar does for that matter.

vtxmcrider July 23, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Any day now these insane corpse worshipers will change the calendar system so that 2011 AD becomes 100 AR (Anno Reagani).

ttommyunger July 23, 2012 at 10:59 pm

Not exactly an ocean, but it is a body of water, and I name one or two after Ronnie every morning before I flip the handle.

bobbert July 23, 2012 at 11:40 pm

This will have exactly the same impact as renaming National Airport.

NYNYNYjr July 24, 2012 at 12:24 am

I mean naming all the ocean's after Reagan is nice, but it would be respectful if we called ourselves The Reagans (as a country) and just went Smurf on that shit and just said "I Reaganed the Reagan out of that Reagan, and then went home and Reaganed."

mcrummett July 24, 2012 at 1:40 am

Finally, Congress is getting something done!

MonkeyMotion July 24, 2012 at 9:11 am

To satisfy Issa's odd Reagan fetish, I suggest a simpler approach: take a bronze bust of the Gipper and jam it straight up his ass. (Remember to remove his head first!)

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