SLUTS  4:14 pm July 21, 2012

NRO’s Kathryn Jean Lopez Just Doesn’t See What All The Fuss Is About S-E-X

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Dare you to fapKathryn Jean Lopez, better known by her gang moniker, K-Lo, is a pill. She is unpleasant and obsequiously pious and constantly telling all other American Catholics how they’re doing Catholicism wrong by actually following the edicts of Vatican II (which said Catholics should follow the dictates of their own consciences). She moans a lot about how unfair and unconstitutional it is to tell the Church they are not in fact in charge of their employees’ personal lives if the Church is not in fact paying the bill. She calls this an attack on religious liberty, and logically and persuasively and not at all histrionically explains that by classifying birth control as “preventative medicine,” the government has now “classified fertility as a disease.” In an earlier and much-missed American epoch, she would have been Goody Lopez, calling in the witch-burners on Goody Greensmith. But now? With her latest musings for NRO — of which she is the editor — we just feel sort of deflated and sad for her. Why are people so obsessed with sex? she asks her interviewee, over and over in slightly differing forms. What’s the big freaking deal? Oh, K-Lo.

There are several pages of K-Lo yowling along with her interviewer about how sex is terrible for women, and what’s the deal with food and sex anyway, and how can we get college students and feminists to stop being such terrible sluts? And it puts the lie to everything she has previously claimed about the GOP’s War on Women really being an Obama attack on religious liberty, because she is quite, quite clear: It is not about the Church. It is about women having filthy, disgusting, premarital sex, and we need to get back to the ’50s, when women were shamed. She thinks women who have sex are victims of the sexual revolution, and all her previous caterwauls about the Church’s “religious liberty” to deny their employees the Pill even if the Church is not paying for it are, simply, exposed. It’s not the Church’s religious liberty. It’s K-Lo being squicked out by the joys of a throbbing, juicy cock. And since K-Lo doesn’t like sex, well, why do you insist on being a whore?

So, that is not funny! It is sad! But we think if K-Lo doesn’t like cock, maybe she could be try eating some bush instead? And then she could shut the fuck up when the rest of us are doing #annromneysdancinghorse.

[NRO]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 217 comments }

Native_of_SL_UT July 21, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Thinking of K-Lo is the cure for sexual obsession.

bobbert July 21, 2012 at 4:21 pm

K-Lo is the cure for sex.

Toomush_Infer July 21, 2012 at 4:36 pm

plus birth control – double points!…

ManchuCandidate July 21, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Kills my boner.

MittBorg July 21, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Dude, she killed RAFALCA ROMNEY's boner.

ttommyunger July 21, 2012 at 4:18 pm

I would feel sorry for this person if she weren't such an insufferable prig and meddler. In fact, I still feel sorry for her, I can't help myself. That pix says it all: "Never had one, never will, so no one else should." Sad.

HogeyeGrex July 22, 2012 at 4:34 am

I looked at that pic and started hearing the Oompa-Loompa song.

GemlikeFlame July 22, 2012 at 5:32 am

I don't think Ms. Lopez need worry overmuch about somebody trying to get her pants off.

Unless they were trying to stuff them in her mouth.

ttommyunger July 22, 2012 at 1:37 pm

And that, dear reader, is her main problem…

JohnnyQuick July 22, 2012 at 8:16 pm

What I don't get is why she never became a nun. Maybe because she's a bigger ass about other people having sex than any other nun?

ttommyunger July 23, 2012 at 8:38 am

Her Lord and Savior Ronald Reagan would not approve that, donchaknow.

JudasPeckerwood July 21, 2012 at 4:19 pm

If your only experiences with S-E-X were failed drunken fumblings with Jonah Goldberg, you'd be pretty down on it, too.

emmelemm July 21, 2012 at 6:19 pm

'Zactly.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 22, 2012 at 2:59 am

Still, imagine what successful fumbling with Jonah Goldberg would do to you.

Chichikovovich July 21, 2012 at 4:19 pm

It is telling that the picture displayed up above is [no snark] the most attractive picture of Lopez I've ever seen.

CrunchyKnee July 21, 2012 at 4:20 pm

I can't fap to that at all, no ma'am, cannot do it.

BarackMyWorld July 21, 2012 at 5:53 pm

I wouldn't hit that with Scott Brown's truck.

MittBorg July 21, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Shit, I wouldn't hit it with Scott Brown's dick.

Chet Kincaid July 21, 2012 at 8:20 pm
WhiteyMcFlyover July 21, 2012 at 4:20 pm

You know, I miss the good old day days when we all knew Catholics were part of an evil plot to take away our freedoms.

LetUsBray July 21, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Nowadays it's just the bishops and the Bill Donohue League who are in on the plot. Progress?

va_real July 21, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Mel Gibson is a bishop now?

Jukesgrrl July 21, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Mel Gibson is the Pope. He has his own branch of Catholicism because the one in Rome wasn't crazee enough.

kittensdontlie July 21, 2012 at 7:30 pm

It was JFK who fooled us into believing catholics were cool with s-e-x….they're not.

Gratuitous World July 21, 2012 at 4:21 pm

When K-Lo finally has sex, she'll likely be the Big Deal.

sudsmckenzie July 21, 2012 at 4:33 pm

I fear the Hadron Collider may implode.

Vecchiojohn July 21, 2012 at 4:51 pm

The hardon collider already has.

sudsmckenzie July 21, 2012 at 6:33 pm

* golf clap *

emmelemm July 21, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Do you mean she'll likely SEE the Big Deal? (What it is?)

Because I don't think she's ever going to BE a Big Deal.

Jukesgrrl July 21, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Well, she's big. I don't know about any deal.

Callyson July 21, 2012 at 9:18 pm

More likely, she'll have to offer a sweet deal to whoever jumps into bed with her…

…and *now* I know where Mittens' "$300K is not very much money" comes from…

Chichikovovich July 21, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Ooooooh! That's a subtle one.

[Are you really Joe Biden? Glad to have you on the board Joe!]

Chichikovovich July 22, 2012 at 9:13 am

Thanks.—

shortsandpants July 21, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Priests were a lot happier when their alter boys would succumb in Latin. She has a point.

salt_bagel July 21, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Heh heh…You said "succumb".

chascates July 21, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Vulgate.

MittBorg July 21, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Chascates, you erudite person, you.

bobbert July 21, 2012 at 8:01 pm

What, there's a scandal about K-Lo's beef curtains?

sudsmckenzie July 21, 2012 at 4:22 pm

I'm Protestant, my fapping for the day is already over, … praise Jeebus and happy Ramadan.

salt_bagel July 21, 2012 at 4:22 pm

I like sex because I get to fuck during it.

Boojum July 22, 2012 at 8:14 am

That's funny! I like fucking because of the sex! I guess it takes all kinds…

Goonemeritus July 21, 2012 at 4:22 pm

If I’m doing Catholicism wrong I don’t want to be right.

MittBorg July 21, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Does it involve lots of orgasms? Then you're doing it right.

sbj1964 July 21, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Women today need put out more heterosexuals are losing the battle,I'm not saying you can keep up with all the oral & Anal sex,but you must try for the sake of the children.(Do you think they are going to buy that?) Worth a shot!

Limeylizzie July 21, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Epic Alt-text.

OneYieldRegular July 21, 2012 at 4:25 pm

99% of conservatism comes down to a pathological phobia of liberated sexuality. The other 1% comes down to not knowing what sexuality is.

emmelemm July 21, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Works on many levels. +1

Schmannnity July 21, 2012 at 4:25 pm

I thought the Catholic Church was against gluttony.

viennawoods13 July 21, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Yeah, the chat in there about food vs sex was ironic.

JustPixelz July 22, 2012 at 8:54 am

Yes, according to Catholic Encyclopedia. But let's ask Newt Gingrich or Chris Christie to be sure.
http://www.catholic.org/encyclopedia/view.php?id=

BarackMyWorld July 21, 2012 at 4:26 pm

I was going to make a comment that she probably would have trouble finding a male partner, but honestly know there are guys out there who would definitely hit that.

Butch_Wagstaff July 21, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Feed it and then hit it.

BarackMyWorld July 21, 2012 at 5:51 pm

"Roll her in dough and look for the wet spot."

Jeri 2.0 July 21, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Shit, she'd eat all the dough before you could get her halfway turned. The wet spot would just be spittle from chewing so fast.

PsycWench July 21, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Out here in southwestern Virginia, that's about the average sized woman and a lot of them have men. The men aren't too attractive, though. True story: when we first moved here I happened to buy a church fundraiser cookbook that had more than one recipe for "Girdle Buster", a ice cream concoction that included cookies and butter.

BarackMyWorld July 22, 2012 at 11:19 am

Sometimes the guys are with them because they were better looking when they first got married, look cute even with all the extra weight, make up for it with a their personality, or they do awesome stuff in bed.

Obviously none of those applies in this case.

shelwood46 July 22, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Seriously. It's not the looks or weight that make K-Lo unfuckable, it's the personality.

Come here a minute July 21, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Kathryn Jean needs to watch some nature documentaries, maybe then she'll understand.

Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it.

bikerlaureate July 21, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Best idea so far…

LOPEZ: Seriously, why are we so obsessed with sex?

Dudleydidwrong July 21, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Tried to fap to that. Didn't work. My sig other tried to fap to that. Couldn't do it, either–too much laughter. She's unfappable along with being a stupid, caterwauling shit. If that's what is in Catholic pews no wonder the priests start looking at the boys.

mavenmaven July 21, 2012 at 4:27 pm

They argue that sex is like communism, and that its better to be "kantian" about sex. Dr Freud, emergency!!! "red peril" These two just need to come out of the closet.

MittBorg July 21, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Personally, I prefer being Cuntian about sex. But that's just me.

C_R_Eature July 21, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Read K-Lo long enough and don't be surprised if you kantian get it up anymore.

Calapine July 21, 2012 at 6:49 pm

*laughing* oh my god. You should go into writing…or something!

C_R_Eature July 21, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Thanks, you're too kind. There's a whole lot of clever people here.

I can only get away with that kind of thing on Wonkette.

Hera Sent Me July 21, 2012 at 4:27 pm

I find it terrible that people go flying in their personal private jets. How can they possibly enjoy traveling the world at will? How can they stand it, flitting around above the clouds, always knowing that just a few hours stand between them and any place they choose to be? It's not that I'm jealous or anything, it's just disgusting, is all.

(The difference between me and K-Lo is that I have a better chance of owning a jet than she does of having an orgasm.)

emmelemm July 21, 2012 at 6:28 pm

After all, you have some chance of winning the lottery.

Goonemeritus July 21, 2012 at 4:28 pm

I believe there is not nearly enough promiscuity at least not enough for my taste.

Rotundo_ July 21, 2012 at 4:29 pm

KLo seems amazed to be in the midst of a culture that is obsessed with drugs and sex. These two things are also single minded focuses of groups of people with some sort of vested interest in hyperventilating about them for profit. If they would just make contraception more available and reliable, and let folks smoke marajuana for giggles on the weekends, much less damage would get done to people and we would be a hell of a lot more relaxed. We can't have that sort of thing though, because joykills like KLo make money ranting about it. The cottage industry of idiocy triumphs again.

nounverb911 July 21, 2012 at 4:30 pm

K-Lo meet K-Y, K-Y meet K-Lo.

weejee July 21, 2012 at 4:36 pm

You found the only jelly on the planet that K-Lo doesn't know on a first name basis.

Blue Gal July 23, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Not to blog whore, just letting you know the photoshop of that has been done. http://bgalrstate.blogspot.com/2010/04/eat-your-h

weejee July 21, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Here's a banana K-Lo would really like to get her mouth around.

fappy trails darlin'

MittBorg July 21, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Two nanoseconds after I clicked that link, I remembered about you and BAD LINKS!! But it was too late for a take-back, and I do want to say that I experienced something very much like an organism when the resulting visual did NOT cause immediate barfage.

weejee July 21, 2012 at 6:34 pm

What? All my clickies have the Betty Crocked Seal of Approval.

Chet Kincaid July 21, 2012 at 8:28 pm

You experienced an organism?! I hope it was not too painful, wherever that thing busted out!!

Butch_Wagstaff July 21, 2012 at 8:46 pm

No eating utensils required. She'd just go down on it.

tbogg July 21, 2012 at 4:31 pm

K-Lo hasn't gotten over the time her vibrator demurred by telling her "I'm just not that into you".

viennawoods13 July 21, 2012 at 4:32 pm

And in other news on the same site… Questions about Huma Abedin For the love of Pete.

MittBorg July 21, 2012 at 6:08 pm

How fitting. It's written by one McCarthy.

gullywompr July 21, 2012 at 6:17 pm

We need to halt this creeping influence of the Christian Brotherhood.

coolhandnuke July 21, 2012 at 4:33 pm

The brain is the only sexual organ in our body. That is why most of the intellectually uncurious and rigid fundamentalists will never ever have a true orgasm.
Exhibit a) Kathryn Jean Lopez.

Toomush_Infer July 21, 2012 at 4:40 pm

well, maybe not the only organ….

coolhandnuke July 21, 2012 at 4:48 pm

I should have used main instead of "only."

Steverino247 July 21, 2012 at 5:06 pm

How about "only" and "oily" would that help?

Schmannnity July 21, 2012 at 4:35 pm

I guess J Lo got the looks and talent in the family.

sudsmckenzie July 21, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Thanks editrix, now i really am inspired to get outdoors today !12

Goonemeritus July 21, 2012 at 4:35 pm

As to the Alt- txt were I to land a research grant I would give it a go but I’m not optimistic.

rickmaci July 21, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Kathryn Jean is the explanation for why all the Catholic guys I grew up with married Jewish women.

viennawoods13 July 21, 2012 at 4:37 pm

I had a good Catholic friend like her. She would say things like "If they were Catholic and knew they had to stay together instead of getting divorced, how would they make it work?" Yes, she was that naive. She couldn't understand why the few guys who were attracted to her ( some definite similarities to K-Lo there, by the way) sorta lost interest when she wouldn't go past god knows, probably first base. As far as I know she is still unmarried.

IceCreamEmpress July 21, 2012 at 4:41 pm

It's so cute when people pretend annulments don't exist!

gullywompr July 21, 2012 at 4:40 pm

This country needs another 1960's. Just keep the Hell's Angels out of it this time.

bflrtsplk July 21, 2012 at 6:15 pm

And the generals and Nixon and chrystal meth and …

Beetagger July 21, 2012 at 4:41 pm

I didn't know Wonkette was an orgasm denial game.

rmjagg July 21, 2012 at 10:03 pm

you're thinking of ' Wankette '

IceCreamEmpress July 21, 2012 at 4:42 pm

She wants to know what love is. She wants you to show her.

For srs, she should do that whole "consecrated virgin" thing. Make a virtue out of necessity.

VA_Dreaming July 21, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Why are y'all so convinced that she never has sex. I can see clearly from her pictures that she has a lover and spends lots of time with him; Captain Crunch.

kittensdontlie July 21, 2012 at 7:26 pm

I hope her other lover Mr. Goodbar doesn't find out.

(Yes,we are all going straight to catholic hell, see you all there.)

C_R_Eature July 21, 2012 at 4:48 pm
Blueb4sunrise July 21, 2012 at 5:13 pm

First time I hesitated before clinking one of your links. Fear of the K-Lo.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQ1SPhXWTgo&fe

C_R_Eature July 21, 2012 at 5:34 pm

You're thinking of Weejee. I usually get Mittborg to click on his links first. Can't be too careful.

Big Mama Thorton Rocks! Thanks!

You know, I liked K-Lo better when she Rocked.

Never Say Never, you know.

Blueb4sunrise July 21, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Too much talent for K-Lo. They had a good mix of stuff they did and were cool enough to try for fun too. I'm sure some people said WTF over the wailing sax in that one.

However, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5obfD5SaDA&fe

C_R_Eature July 21, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Hey, I like the Sax on that. You're too right about the talent, but the resemblance amuses me.

Chug Chug Chug-A-Lug (Push And Shove) sounds like what happened to K-Lo and Jonah at the end of the last office Christmas party.

Funniest sound I ever heard. You know I can't understand a single word

CountryClubJihadi July 21, 2012 at 4:52 pm

I tried to read the NRO piece, but was distracted by Huma's photo and just ended up Googling images of her and posting it to the "My Style" board on Pinterest. I don't have a board for K-Lo.

Fare la Volpe July 21, 2012 at 5:17 pm

I got a board for her, but I don't think she'll like all the rusty nails.

emmelemm July 21, 2012 at 6:32 pm

And thus, you were able to fap.

ManchuCandidate July 21, 2012 at 4:55 pm

That's just virgin talk, K-Lo.

chascates July 21, 2012 at 4:58 pm

I'm reminded of Bill Buckley's son writing about his dad in 'Mum and Pup'. Pops Buckley would take his Hispanic servants to Mass all the time. I wonder if K-Lo is a love child . . .
No. Couldn't be.

va_real July 21, 2012 at 5:41 pm

It's as good a theory as any…

LetUsBray July 21, 2012 at 6:25 pm

" Pops Buckley would take his Hispanic servants to Mass all the time.

THAT's what elderly wingnuts call it?!?!? Ewwwwwwwwww….

Joshua Norton July 21, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Poor pie-eyed, pie eating K-Lo.

All her type of Christianity does with their time is take offense. They’re biological machines elegantly constructed by an intelligent designer (Pat Robertson) to convert food and air into complaints.

mwittier July 21, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Mostly food. Apparently.

Steverino247 July 21, 2012 at 5:04 pm

May Fred Willard shoot her in a theater.

Blueb4sunrise July 21, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Sure, our editrix makes the alt-text challenge when the ''mutually beneficial arrangement' ad is gone.
But there is a Ben and Jerry's ad….worth a try anyway.

JustPixelz July 22, 2012 at 8:44 am

Whoever placed the MBA ad, must have assumed Wonkette readers are largely single men who can't get laid. OK, that may actually be true. But what made them think any of us have enough spare money to be … um … "mutual"?

C_R_Eature July 21, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Even Priapus would have a hard time fapping to this.

Tsunami Ali July 21, 2012 at 5:13 pm

With all this talk about "yowling" and "caterwauling" are you implying that K-Lo might be in heat?

finallyhappy July 21, 2012 at 5:14 pm

I just noticed that there are condom machines in the Paris metro stations. Not sure how that fits in here but I wanted to say it

JustPixelz July 22, 2012 at 8:40 am

In a recent survey, 30% of French men said they fall asleep after sex, 25% smoke a cigarette, and 45% go home to their wives. [rim shot!]

redarmyzombie July 22, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Actually, you're not that far from the truth.

One of my English professors lived in France for some time. One of her friends there came by when here flight was cancelled and asked to stay the night. when my professor asked why she didn't just go home, she replied, "Oh, I wouldn't want to disturb him if his mistress is there. That would be rude."

(Another time she was talking with another friend about how lonely she was because her husband was a physicist working at CERN, and the friend asked, "Well, why don't you take a lover then?")

iburl July 21, 2012 at 5:15 pm

If K-Lo undressed in front of me, I'd be a victim of the sexual revulsion.

mwittier July 21, 2012 at 5:20 pm

She looks nice, in her papal-lady muu-muu.

rocktonsam July 21, 2012 at 5:20 pm

maybe K-Lo should consult a priest on issues sexual in nature.

ProgressiveInga July 21, 2012 at 5:26 pm

I would not hit that.

hippie13 July 21, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Well, maybe, with a bus.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 22, 2012 at 9:30 am

A tragic waste of a perfectly good 2×4.

ChrisM2011 July 21, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Sounds like someone needs to get laid, amiright?? *nudge nudge*

YouBetcha July 21, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Come on Wonketteers, someone take one for the team and go down on her. She doesn't know what she's missing.

starfanglednut July 21, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Ummm… No.

sudsmckenzie July 21, 2012 at 6:40 pm

I don't even think the entire 1927 Yankees lineup could get her 'there', http://www.baseball-almanac.com/articles/best_maj
I'm leaving out post 1947 cause that would include the blahs (N Silver)

raffinemilligan July 21, 2012 at 5:43 pm

"Have you been reading my inbox again?"

Is that lesbian code?

smitallica July 21, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Apparently, cock and pussy are the only things K-Lo won't put in her mouth.

Veritas78 July 21, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Internets Win of the Day!

Fare la Volpe July 21, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Guys guys guys, let's not get on K-Lo's case about her looks.

Sure, she has the body of an engorged amorphous cow blob and a face that even a seeing-eye pig would mistake for garbage. But remember — it's what inside that counts. The thing that makes her truly hideous, inside and out, is her personality.

va_real July 21, 2012 at 5:49 pm

I don't think she's so unattractive, and some of these RW's are real ugly on the inside, regardless of exterior packaging. My guess is that she's probably a victim of a) strict Catholic upbringing, b) hormone imbalance and/or c) lack of imagination.

What I find a little disturbing is the quiz to the right asking me "do you think texters should also be responsible for distracting drivers?' WTH does that even mean?

BoroPrimorac July 21, 2012 at 8:22 pm

d) Thought her perfect Catholic girl act was going to make her an amazing catch.

va_real July 21, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Of course, she could be pulling everyone's chain if that is an act & she's got a secret life…

Callyson July 21, 2012 at 9:37 pm

I was wondering about that quiz too. Maybe the idea is that if someone is walking while texting, they are distracting because drivers figure they better pay attention for once, as opposed to speeding up and yelling "Run, foolish pedestrians, run!"

Or not…

va_real July 21, 2012 at 10:07 pm

The phrasing is odd, no? Like if you're going to text, you must accept the responsibility to also be sure to distract drivers. That sounds kinda dangerous- especially for pedestrians, as you point out…

ShreditorsDesk July 21, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Jesus weeps for those who cannot get laid.

MittBorg July 21, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Something tells me K-Lo's incessant caterwauling might have somewhat impinged upon Editrix' LAST FUCKING NERVE.

We could just take up a collection and buy the poor girl a Pearl, yaknow.

kittensdontlie July 21, 2012 at 7:48 pm

The Etrix's last few sentences sent a chill up my spine.

Antispandex July 21, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Food and sex. I can see she has probably nothing to worry about when it comes to giving up sex, but the gluttony looks like it may be a tougher for her, 'cause, damn.. Also, too, I hope she is as successful at getting women to go along with her no sex plan as she is at Jenny Craig.

valthemus July 21, 2012 at 6:08 pm

"It is about women having filthy, disgusting, premarital sex…"

This will help horny teenage boys on Google find this site.

Thanks again to the Wonkette crew for reading NRO so the rest of us don't have to. You should probably burn your computer now and go bathe.

SayItWithWookies July 21, 2012 at 6:17 pm

LOPEZ: Why are so many memorable Atlantic Monthly pieces about sex?

EBERSTADT: Because they’re written of, by, and for women — and a lot of women out there are apparently really miserable.

What the hell does that even mean? My understanding is that if a magazine has lots of articles about, say, model trains, the drought and the latest treatments for cancer, for example, it's because people are interested in these topics and want to read about them.

Apparently sex is different — if people want to read about sex it's because they're miserable. I'm not sure why they're miserable, because Eberstadt gets so caught up in her metaphor that she never bothers to explain it with any clarity — but boy it's an extended metaphor.

Callyson July 21, 2012 at 9:42 pm

It's part of the whole right wing mantra about how feminism has supposedly made women unhappy. They base that claim on some social science surveys that show that as a group, a larger % of women today say that they are not happy compared to 40 years ago.

Of course, what they never consider is that 40 years ago, "nice" women would never admit to being less than ecstatic to have an MRS degree and a couple of rug rats and an utterly dull life, whereas today women don't have to lie to themselves and others about how they are really feeling. They also don't stop to think that if women are so unhappy about the sexual revolution, they should have enthusiastically endorsed cutting birth control coverage and PP funding. Uh, no, not happening…

mookwrthwilson July 21, 2012 at 6:19 pm

So is she unmarried? That would mean she's still got her V-Card right?

dopper0189 July 21, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Just looking at her and reading her writing have cured me of any sexual desires I may have had for the weekend!

EatsBabyDingos July 21, 2012 at 6:22 pm

She should have sex with Lindsey Graham because, uhh Higgs Boson. Anti-sex matter. A video might cure teen pregnancy, and we all want that.

BlueStateLibel July 21, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Those that talk about It the most do it the least: I rest my case.

deletedroommate July 21, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Why have sex when you can stuff your repressed homosexuality down with food?

MonkeyMotion July 21, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Betcha she's just bitter she never got to be an altar boy.

raffinemilligan July 21, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Instead of Chastity rings do these folks now wear Chaz rings?

docteur_giraud July 21, 2012 at 6:57 pm

"Have you been reading my inbox again?"

"I don’t have to, Kathryn — I can already guess what’s in it!"

Lamest flirting ever.

Sister_Ray July 21, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Ya know, I have been wondering the exact same thing: what's all the fuss regarding sex about? Except I am wondering it for a completely different reason than K Lo here.

Jukesgrrl July 21, 2012 at 7:25 pm

When I was a servant in the executive suite of a Fortune 100, I had the exact jacket she's wearing in that photo (purchased at TJ Maxx). I couldn't get any action there. Maybe it was my clothes! I always thought my bad attitude prevented my from seducing one of 1% away from his hausfrau and her dancing horses.

DocChaos July 21, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Granted, while K-Lo doesn't resemble the women found modeling overly clever T-shirts on the web, it is not her appearance which keeps her from having a sex life. Look at some of the women pushing strollers around Wal-Mart and it's plain to see that for females, virginity is always a choice, not a condition brought about by lack of opportunity.

I don't think that Ms. Lopez is a closeted lesbian either, she's just one of those people that find the whole idea of sex disgusting. Just like some people won't eat snails, no matter how much butter and garlic you cook them with.

aklibtard July 21, 2012 at 10:37 pm

So you're saying that you'd like to eat out K-Lo if she was covered in butter and garlic? Whew! I thought it was just me.

kittensdontlie July 21, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Oh that chick is a closet(vegeatables stay fresher in the dark) cosmo reader if I ever saw one…

"Father forgive me for I have sinned…

Billmatic July 21, 2012 at 7:50 pm

It's okay if you don't think sex is that important. #morrissey

Chet Kincaid July 21, 2012 at 8:03 pm

I bothered to skim the article. Whole bunch of crap from the interviewee about how it was predicted 60 years ago that the sexual revolution would result in broken homes and social dysfunction; feminism and the sexual revolution go hand in hand; women are miserable because of the sexual revolution; women are now righteous scolds about food instead of sex, when 60 years ago they were righteous scolds about sex instead of food; people now know that the Communist Manifesto was a bunch of garbage, so sooner or later the sexual revolution and feminism will be on the ash heap of history, too.

I would say you could argue that the stereotype of the sexual revolution benefited the mind-set of certain men more than certain women. But feminism only figures into it in the fact that decoupling (intended!) sex from being provided for allows women freedom of choice and movement in their life's work and lifestyle, right? But these two seem to think women are helpless and in need of men's protection, so you must bargain sexual favors in a binding contract to get economic and social (intended!) security.

Jesus, this shit is exhausting. Kathryn, if you don't want to fuck, don't fuck! If nobody wants to fuck you because they can get the cow for free elsewhere, date harder with your conservative friends! Surely somebody will pity-marry you. If you don't like modern pharmaceutical-medical advances like the pill, go to the fucking Amish and renounce everything else as well, instead of just composing buzzkill screeds for everyone else! The Nunnery is also an option, unless social justice also offends you! Gawd.

docteur_giraud July 21, 2012 at 9:04 pm

"Surely somebody will pity-marry you"

Cheer up, K-Lo! There's a Marcus Bachmann somewhere out there for you.

Jukesgrrl July 22, 2012 at 1:11 am

Isn't that what Christian Mingle is for?

Chet Kincaid July 22, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Haha, they should fire the agency that places their ads on MSNBC!

Jukesgrrl July 22, 2012 at 6:00 pm

I know.I see those stupid “Buy Gold” ads on there all the time, too, and think WTF.Then again, we should be glad those tools are wasting some of their profits.

User-of-Scowls July 21, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Way to go Chet. Especially the last paragraph. A Wonkette Classic.

Chet Kincaid July 21, 2012 at 11:38 pm

I don't know that I deserve that, but thank you!

Fare la Volpe July 22, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Please, K-Lo's the type that would get on the nuns' cases because they weren't fighting against abortion and gay marriage hard enough. She and that Roman Nazi have a lot in common.

bobbert July 21, 2012 at 8:04 pm

Put the P-E-N-I-S in teh A-N-U-S and mix it all

Oh, fuck no.

Sorry.

Gopherit July 21, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Hoo…..is….Owls…..

Chet Kincaid July 21, 2012 at 8:13 pm

I thought the point of Catholicism was that you could do whatever the fuck you want, so long as some creepy old guy waves a spell over you in Latin before you croak. Isn't that what gangsters and Kennedys have always believed?

bobbert July 21, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Can't imagine what else the point would be.

User-of-Scowls July 21, 2012 at 8:13 pm

K-Lo can go fuck herself with Romney's tax records.

Butch_Wagstaff July 21, 2012 at 8:41 pm

I think she already did. That's why they can't be released.

Jukesgrrl July 22, 2012 at 1:14 am

It would never fit. Waaaaay too many pages for a virgin.

emmelemm July 22, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Oooh, paper cuts.

hippie13 July 21, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Isn't the idea to pick an outfit that hides the fact you look like a killer whale

Jukesgrrl July 22, 2012 at 1:15 am

It's black with a vertical line down the middle. She's not going to do any better than that without shopping in a Muslim country.

One_Man_Band July 21, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Apparently, she also writes for the Onion under the pen name "Jean Teasdale."

Callyson July 21, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Pitirim Sorokin…went so far as to argue that the sexual revolution would be the most consequential modern revolution for all humanity, excepting only the totalitarian political experiments.

Yeah, because the technological revolution is peanuts in comparison.

Hyperbolic much?

mwittier July 22, 2012 at 12:28 am

Not just hyperbolic; that's the province of teens and other vurginds. This is something much more: misguidedly, hyperbolically fixated.

To the ironic extent that her tiny-minded, hopelessly archaic and inaccurate message is being made available to masses who might have been otherwise spared without a technological revolution, yeah. What a sad, joyless dope, washing out her big cotton panties in public, and hollering, AMIRIGHT? to the winds.

Callyson July 21, 2012 at 9:22 pm

There’s more censorship and self-censorship about the legacy of the sexual revolution than about any other current issue out there. The fact is that people today are less free to talk candidly about this legacy than people were half a century ago. That tells us a lot. A mind can be a terrible thing to change.

Yeah–it's not as if we've had to endure endless yammering on the topic from Frothy Mix and the Fundies…

Bitch.

Callyson July 21, 2012 at 9:24 pm

That fucking NRO link crashed my browser. Figures.

telecustom1972 July 21, 2012 at 9:59 pm

I think Ms. Lopez has just never been romanced properly. Ahh to behold her beauty in the moonlight. She and I alone with a loaf of bread, a jug of wine, a sack of flour……

Biel_ze_Bubba July 22, 2012 at 9:42 am

A sack of flour, or a flour sack?

FlownOver July 22, 2012 at 4:55 pm

“I can see it now: you and the moon. Wear a necktie so I'll know you.”

–– Groucho Marx, The Cocoanuts, 1929.

M. Bouffant July 22, 2012 at 5:47 pm

That presupposes a wet spot for the flour to bring out.

telecustom1972 July 22, 2012 at 7:01 pm

You have uncovered the one short coming to my plan of seduction.

aklibtard July 21, 2012 at 10:20 pm

She's pre-Vatican II Catholic, so it goes without saying that she has a terrible guilt complex about any sexual urges she may have. You can add to that the everyday run-of-the-mill body image problems that all fat women have. Any guy that would actually be with a chick like that is probably just as cowed. Sex would be a once a month awkward chore to be gotten out of the way. Just looking at her, you get the feeling that she's never actually had an orgasm. In. Her. Life.

mwittier July 22, 2012 at 12:36 am

For Kathryn Jean, sex is like a trip to the laundromat.
So much heat and perspiration! Bloomers seen publicly! Correct change only! Awkward mingling of genders! Crass magazines lying about! Moisture and germs! Unflattering lighting! Dragging everything out and putting it back away!
Which also explains the dry-clean only armor in the photo above.

Jukesgrrl July 22, 2012 at 1:24 am

If she's pre-Vatican II and wants to feel guilty, I have a great idea for her. She could direct some of her boundless energy and piety to wondering why Pope Pius couldn't convince that house painter from Austria to leave the Jews alone in the name of all that is holy?

Veritas78 July 21, 2012 at 11:12 pm

What's not to like? She's jolly from the neck up, and sweaty from there down.

Egomet_bonmot July 22, 2012 at 1:15 am

She's dressed for the Tubeaway Army.

smokefilledroom-owl July 22, 2012 at 7:13 am

and she's got 5 Michelin folds..

Boojum July 22, 2012 at 8:29 am

I just read the entire article. I am left wondering just exactly what she thinks the sexual revolution changed.

I mean, people were having sex before. My grandmother got knocked up when she was 14, got married, and he promptly scarpered. My great grandmother had 17 children. How are those things better than using a condom?

JustPixelz July 22, 2012 at 8:38 am

Some women are Viagra … then there are the others.

JustPixelz July 22, 2012 at 8:47 am

Oh, K-Lo. Your ideas about contraception make me think: K-Why?

IndianaKevin July 22, 2012 at 9:14 am

Am I the only one who appreciates Rebecca writing, "the joys of a throbbing, juicy cock?" That makes this a very fappable article despite the picture up top, IMHO.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 22, 2012 at 9:58 am

As long as we're on the topic of the GOP's "ewww" ladiez: http://www.salon.com/2012/07/19/ann_romneys_snobb

BenGleck July 22, 2012 at 10:39 am

You mean carpet munching isn't sex?

Schmegeg July 22, 2012 at 11:39 am

Two suggestions for K-Lo:

1 http://www.trojanvibrations.com/

2. http://www.planetfitness.com/

That should get her started toward a somewhat more healthy outlook

Troubledog July 22, 2012 at 12:31 pm

This is simply KLo's desperate cry for help. And when I say help, I mean a guy to get a handful of that crappy hair and take charge.

Let's not forget, women (especially repressed women) claim disdain for sexual practices while they remain uncertain how you feel about them. This is an enormous trial balloon, kids. It's how they test you to see if you're tall enough to ride the ride without any risking of being personally judged.

Of course no means no, but pay attention! Usually it's not no. It's conditional. For example, they say "I'm not interested in anal, it hurts." but they're looking at you very directly to get your reaction. This is not a boundary statement, it's actually a question. You are being screened for suitability.

If you act grossed out, it never gets discussed again. HA! You will never get another date. You just judged her! She hates you now. Girls are awesome.

If you instead return the eye contact, lower your voice, lean in conspiratorially, and say "Really? I've never been on the receiving end", and she moves a little closer or touches your forearm while giggling a little bit, you have reached an understanding. The understanding is you're good to hit it from behind if you take it slow or she is really drunk.

So let's inquire why Darling KLo is so obsessed with all the hetero sex that's going on. OMG all the fucking, I don't care for it one bit — she's looking at you very directly right now. BTW, looks like she's geared up for some roleplay in a Cardinal's frock.

She wants it so bad. Go talk to her, dude. You can totally hit that. In two weeks she'll be doing your laundry and writing your name over and over on her Pee-Chee. Just bring a little game. In the old days I might suggest we send Riley over with a box of Franzia Chillable Red and get some footage.

HistoriCat July 23, 2012 at 12:01 am

Troubledog, you would make an excellent wingman.

outragedcitizen July 22, 2012 at 1:13 pm

"…and what’s the deal with food and sex anyway…"

From the look of her photos she is getting too much food and probably not enough, (any), sex.

lulzmonger July 22, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Shorter Lopez = non-marital humping makes a diaper rash happen to Babeh Jesus!

Dare you to fap

CHALLENGE AC- … AC- … ack … nope, sorry.

Gonna lay down my "Eldritch Cloak Of Aborting FUBAR Challenges" enchantment on that monster – it's just not possible until my penis gives me a REEEEEEEEALLY GOOD reason to hate-fap.

M. Bouffant July 22, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Ha ha.

Also, hey, jim.

Dashboard Buddha July 22, 2012 at 2:59 pm

There's hope, K-Lo…there's still hope

VinnieSaltine July 22, 2012 at 6:19 pm

" It is about women having filthy, disgusting, premarital sex, and we need to get back to the ’50s, when women were shamed."

Going back to the '50s seems perfectly in line with the Republican plan to reduce unemployment. Imagine how our unemployment rate would be if women were no longer allowed to have to real jobs, and instead were supposed to stay at home?

Every man could finally have a job, every women would go back to cleaning the house and watch her soaps, and our nation would have 100% (male) employment. Huzzah!

Jukesgrrl July 23, 2012 at 1:20 am

I wonder how quick that would turn the new CEO of Yahoo into a feminist? She claims she isn't one because, eww they're so icky, yet she's perfectly happy to embrace all the opportunities feminism has provided for her. She's nice looking — in the '50s, she would have been the front office receptionist.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 July 22, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Yes it's a huge surprise that this odious bag of shit hates sex because no man…not even a human version of Glenn Quagmire would hit that. Now that I've said this…what's the odds that Baio would? I'll bet if we called him racist against the browns (because there's a 99.6% chance he is) that in order to overcompensate and prove isn't he might just hit that and then she'd eat him preying mantis style with the added bonus that getting laid would lead to far less uptightness. It's a win, win!

Beowoof July 23, 2012 at 10:03 am

She needs a chubby chaser to help with her issues.

Preacher_Griz July 23, 2012 at 11:39 am

she is SO HAWT!!! I'd like to see her with a sick tat!!!

ArthurEther July 24, 2012 at 12:16 pm

A shame she's unaware of sex. So much to love…

Blueb4sunrise July 21, 2012 at 6:25 pm

As one commenter wrote , "poppa ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo".

Maybe Rick Estrin would like to meet K-Lo.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zg4mZR3iMu0&fe

C_R_Eature July 21, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Dayum, that's big! I'll bet Rick would.

Thing is, She's Too Much For My Mirror.

Blueb4sunrise July 21, 2012 at 6:58 pm

On to the latest Bachmania.

C_R_Eature July 21, 2012 at 7:00 pm

A Crazy Eyes Post? Our Editrix is busy tonight. Or angry. Or both.

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