DUH  2:30 pm July 21, 2012

Tea Party Nation President: Obama Is Obviously A Gay Black Crack Addict

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

That's rudeWhat are two things that are exactly the same? Are they “Arab witch-hunts” and “questions about Mitt Romney’s tax returns”? No. Those two things are not the same, as we proved with our persuasive logic yesterday. But here are two things that are exactly the same: “Mitt Romney opening his tax returns” and “Barack Obama proving he isn’t smoking crack or doing sex in men’s bottoms.” Yup. Those will work! Thanks, Judson Phillips, president of Tea Party Nation!

Blah blah blah Obama is an idiot who sucked at school, how did he get into Harvard oh right Affirmative Action, where is it … let’s see … oh! Here it is:

Obama by his own admission was a very heavy marijuana user in his youth. He has also admitted to using cocaine, though he denies using drugs such as heroin. He also says he was a significant drinker.

Why is this important?

Because these are all symptoms of addiction.

A man named Larry Sinclair claims that in 1999 he and Barack Obama had sex and then smoked crack cocaine. This is 1999, nine years before Obama would run for President.

Crack cocaine is very addictive. It is very destructive. Addiction specialist will tell you that a crack addiction is very tough to break.

Is Obama an addict? Was he an addict in the past?

These are all legitimate questions to ask about a man who has his hands on the nuclear trigger.

Why is Obama hiding these records and why isn’t the drive by media asking these questions. Why aren’t Republicans demanding the answers to these questions, instead of telling Mitt Romney he needs to play into Obama’s hands by releasing more tax returns?

Well-typed, Judson Phillips! Your grassroots band of merry Constitutionalists knows the really important issues facing our country: that we are presided over by a gay black crack addict.

And demanding that the gay black crack addict prove he is not a gay black crack addict is totally the same as asking to see the same tax returns that every presidential candidate has released for decades.

You got us this time, Judson Phillips! DOH!

[TeaPartyNation, via RawStory]

 

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{ 138 comments }

nounverb911 July 21, 2012 at 2:33 pm

I thought we already elected a drug addict as president in 2000.

weejee July 21, 2012 at 2:39 pm

And also too Washington and Jefferson were early Hemp Fest supporters.

ShreditorsDesk July 21, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Don't confuse republicans with facts!

LetUsBray July 21, 2012 at 3:04 pm

And we're still waiting for an answer on what (or who) Jeff Gannon was doing on all those overnight stays at the Shrub White House.

chascates July 21, 2012 at 3:47 pm

He was doing Karl Rove.

Callyson July 21, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Ew…I may never be able to have sex again. At least nor until a drink or ten chases that mental image away..

MittBorg July 21, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Yes, but he was a WHITE drug addict. We need more of those.

Veritas78 July 21, 2012 at 5:22 pm

"If it's white, it's awwwright!"

MittBorg July 21, 2012 at 5:39 pm

If it's yellow, let it mellow.

No, wait, that's the wrong one.

Veritas78 July 21, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Well, it worked for Donovan. (The kidz won't get this reference.)

vodkamuppet July 21, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Elected?

arihaya July 22, 2012 at 7:09 am

HEY !! Al Gore is NOT a drug addict. !!!

weejee July 21, 2012 at 2:36 pm

<Alt text> In addition to 'rude' it's downright nutz!!

PubOption July 21, 2012 at 2:39 pm

So, some crackpots don't like crack or pot smokers.

Blueb4sunrise July 21, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Geez.
Fantasize much there Judson?

Gratuitous World July 21, 2012 at 2:40 pm

he forgot "Secret Muslin." Stay on message, fucker!

ShreditorsDesk July 21, 2012 at 2:40 pm

I blame Bush. Yes, for pretty much everything. But leaving his crack pipe and stash in the oval office desk, that just takes the cake.

snackypants July 21, 2012 at 6:03 pm

They were hidden underneath the secret note that outgoing presidents write to incoming presidents.

WhiteyMcFlyover July 21, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Needs more information about the butsecs! As a muslin, as long as Barry was on top, he doesn't catch the ghey!

shortsandpants July 21, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Oh c'mon. Crack is so 1980's. Barry was well into his meth addiction by '99.

snackypants July 21, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Yeah, haven't you seen his perfect teeth? Meth head all the way!!!

ProgressiveInga July 21, 2012 at 2:42 pm

LEAVE BARRY ALONE!!!

sbj1964 July 21, 2012 at 2:45 pm

President Obama,even gave up cigarettes.What kind of a jerk is he?(Snark)Where as, Mittens is still drinking the Ray-gun Kool-aid.Drunk with stupid.

CrunchyKnee July 21, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Why is 1970s Peter Brady holding that tea bagger sign?

deletedroommate July 21, 2012 at 3:56 pm

That looks more like Bobby to me. Peter had no upper lip.

bflrtsplk July 21, 2012 at 2:47 pm

I am still waiting on that birf certificate. Man I just can`t keep up.

StealthMuslin July 21, 2012 at 2:47 pm

I would like to see Judson Phillips' long-form "Not a Gay Drug Addict" certificate first.
Or is he hiding something?!?!

Biel_ze_Bubba July 21, 2012 at 3:15 pm

I read on the internet that Judson Phillips is a gay cocaine addict.
And it was reported elsewhere (right here).
He hasn't denied it.
It must be true.
Etc.

"Judson Phillips is a moron", on the other hand, is self-evident.

satyricrash July 21, 2012 at 2:48 pm

If BAMERZ! is some big drug addled Friend of Dorothy (from The Wiz!) then why is he super boring and makes me want to fall asleep into a coma whenever I think of him?

SayItWithWookies July 21, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Hey, character counts — even if you have to make up the flaws that you're pointing out.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 21, 2012 at 3:16 pm

The very fact that you have to make up the flaws ought to tell you something.
Oh wait … "fact" … haha, never mind.

not that Owls July 21, 2012 at 2:52 pm

[TeaPartyNation, via RawStory]

via Wonkville Super Operative chascates. C'mon, dudes. If we're gonna do this Wonkville thing, let's do it. Half measures avail us nothing.

User-of-Scowls July 22, 2012 at 12:07 am

Progress, not perfection.

coolhandnuke July 21, 2012 at 2:53 pm

From Huffpo:
Sinclair's biography, though, may get in the way of that pitch: Public records and court filings reveal that he has a 27-year criminal record, with a specialty in crimes involving deceit. The record includes forgery charges in two states, one of which drew Sinclair a 16-year jail sentence. The Pueblo County, Colo., Sheriff's Office also has an outstanding warrant for Sinclair's arrest for forging an acquaintance's signature and stealing her tax refunds.

Just another whistling teapot that the Judson Phillips's invite to their party.

arihaya July 22, 2012 at 7:30 am

Mitt Rmoney, we have found your running mate.

not that Owls July 21, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Poopyhead.

Doktor Zoom July 21, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Huh. Nope, this one is just too stupid to even snark on.

MittBorg July 21, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Aw, c'mon, Dok, give it the old school bash!

ChessieNefercat July 21, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Hey there, Judson, or should I call you Fucknozzle? How about you prove that Larry Sinclair is telling the truth about anything he has ever said or written? And by prove, I mean an impartial, bi-partisan team of investigators comes to that conclusion.

Until then, shut your fucking, stupid, rancid, racist piehole, you un-American creep. Just go home and keep yourself busy organizing all those files you downloaded when you were researching gay, anal, black, sex.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 21, 2012 at 3:21 pm

He's had that stuff organized for years … it's only since Obama was elected that he's found it useful for political purposes.

Biff July 21, 2012 at 5:47 pm

I think if I had the FBI in my pocket, I'd want to take a look at this guy's hard drive–gotta be some underaged porn in there somewhere!

Blueb4sunrise July 21, 2012 at 2:57 pm

I remember now. Judson Phillips was in that short-lived gay cover band: The Papas and the Papas.
NTTAWWT. His singing on 'Cream a Little Cream of Me' was pretty good.

elisabeth_vt July 21, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Hmmm, Barry is a little on the thin side.

johnnyzhivago July 21, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Too much arugula!

Butch_Wagstaff July 21, 2012 at 8:37 pm

He's under 300 lbs so he's clearly not a Real 'Merican!!!!

johnnyzhivago July 21, 2012 at 3:02 pm

This pales compared to the proof that Obama was the 20th Highjacker.

BTW, if Romney had a brain, he would be saying "That lousy thief Obama, he stone cold STOLE Romneycare from me!!!!!!!!"

Guppy July 21, 2012 at 3:08 pm

A man named Larry Sinclair claims

If a gay, black, crack addict is a reliable character witness, then a gay, black, crack addict is a reliable president.

QED, ergo, ipso facto, also too.

LetUsBray July 21, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Plus a gay, black, crack addict president is still light-years better than a Republican one.

Left_Leftie July 21, 2012 at 4:00 pm

I'll take a nicotine addicted fake-muslin who sat in Jeremiah's church for years over a corporate raiding Mormon who's tithed tens of millions to his after-death baptizing church and is afraid of a cup of coffee. Romney's millions helped pay for the overturn of Prop 8 in California.

MittBorg July 21, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Not forgotten. Not forgiven.

bobbert July 21, 2012 at 8:14 pm

There you are.

Good point about Prop H8 (although you've got yes and no reversed). It's possible that not all non-Californians realize just how hateful the LDS were about that.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 21, 2012 at 3:23 pm

And the one who's not a felon gets to be president.

ManchuCandidate July 21, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Sinclair's white.

LetUsBray July 21, 2012 at 4:18 pm

A gay, white, crack addict president is also better than a Republican one. So is a straight crack addict president.

Guppy July 21, 2012 at 4:30 pm

My mistake, I assumed that the Teabaggers would at least strive for a modicum of respectability, rather than defaulting to giving credit to the white guy when there is the presumption that all other things are equal.

glasspusher July 21, 2012 at 4:15 pm

e.g., i.e., fuck you!

DahBoner July 22, 2012 at 11:38 am

It's in the Bible!

ttommyunger July 21, 2012 at 3:13 pm

"Yeah, and Obammer was on the Grassy Knoll in '63, I've seen the pictures. You can't make him out good because he's so dark and all, but it's him all right, oh yeah, it's him. "(Reaches for a Marlboro, takes a swig of Diet Mountain Dew)

BerkeleyBear July 21, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Diet anti-freeze colored soda libel!

ManchuCandidate July 21, 2012 at 3:22 pm

I can't wait till he brings up the Larry Johnson tape of "Whitey" that Michelle Obama allegedly said.

WhiteyMcFlyover July 21, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Wut did I do? That's not me on that tape!

Edit: Oh, that tape. Yeah, she was talking to me. Sorry for overreacting, it's just, "those people" keep blaming me for stuff!

RadioScowls July 21, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Piss test the President!!1!

MittBorg July 21, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Just like all those OTHER welfare-sucking culluds, yaknow?

Pithaughn July 21, 2012 at 3:34 pm

These people suffer from a rare malady, ok not that rare.
Insataiable desire to believe crazy shit about humans you hate.
IDBCSAHYH

Left_Leftie July 21, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Why is NoBama hiding the records of his drug-fueled butt-sex??? We know EVERYONE keeps record of these things. I just bought a new file cabinet to contain my detailed records of drug and sex and addictions. I label each file: Police do not read this it is private information on my sexytimes.

zippy_w_pinhead July 21, 2012 at 4:00 pm

I see what your problem is- a common mistake in fact. The records you're looking for are filed under the proper spelling- butt secks

Biff July 21, 2012 at 8:02 pm

If I didn't maintain records, I'd forget when the last time was.
Not even kidding.

Callyson July 21, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Why is Obama hiding these records

Because, on his way back from time traveling to Hawaii to fake his birth certificate and newspaper announcement of his birth, he had them all erased…

and why isn’t the drive by media asking these questions

They're far too busy ROTFLTAO over this most recent wingnut idiocy to ask anything, except maybe to ask how long you've been off your meds…

Biff July 21, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Meds–thanks for the reminder! BRB…

SexySmurf July 21, 2012 at 3:41 pm

That explains why Obama sold me the Washington Monument for five dollars.

Callyson July 21, 2012 at 3:44 pm

There are a lot of records that Americans should want to see from Barack Obama

Wow, the Tea Partiers are crushed that Americans don't give a shit about their idiotic crackpt theories…

Butch_Wagstaff July 21, 2012 at 8:36 pm

"There's a lot or records that Americans want to see from Mitt Romney."

There, all fixed. That'll be $150.

Schmannnity July 21, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Obama is such a multi-tasker. He's straight and he's gay, he's a Nazi and a Communist, he's an addict and he's sober, he's a Muslim and he's a Christian.

deletedroommate July 21, 2012 at 3:54 pm

He's like rain on your wedding day.

BerkeleyBear July 21, 2012 at 4:04 pm

He is the Alpha and Omega. Holy shnike, Batman – the Tea Party just proved Obama is the Second Coming!

kittensdontlie July 21, 2012 at 8:06 pm

By jiminy, he's one of those damn FLIP FLOPPERS! (Except he stays both flipped and flopped.)

Barrelhse July 21, 2012 at 9:55 pm

"He's a walking contradiction
Partly truth and partly fiction
Taking every wrong direction
On his lonely way back home."

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 22, 2012 at 2:52 am

Obama is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma.

Oh my God, he is a Communist!

Goonemeritus July 21, 2012 at 3:45 pm

“Well-typed, Judson Phillips”!

Even more impressive when you remember he was likely wearing a hood at the time.

BerkeleyBear July 21, 2012 at 4:04 pm

and getting choked out by his auto-eroticism rig.

Callyson July 21, 2012 at 3:45 pm

The important records that everyone should demand Obama release are his medical records. George Bush, John McCain, even John Kerry and Bill Clinton released voluminous medical records.
What did Obama release in 2008? It was a one page statement from a doctor saying he was in good physical condition.
That was it.

Yeah, well, generally when people are in good physical condition, their medical records are not so voluminous…

Moran.

BerkeleyBear July 21, 2012 at 4:08 pm

When you are 44, with no history of health issues, shockingly your records are slimmer than a 70 year old with a whole shitload of problems. Plus, he's released multiple physicals since then.

Next up, and argument about why water is wet.

And dipshit really doesn't want to go down that road – Romney's service records will show he's due for a tune up and a battery change, and that wouldn't look good to his backers.

C_R_Eature July 21, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Ugly bag of mostly water.

MittBorg July 21, 2012 at 5:51 pm

For *decades,* that was my favourite insult for humans. Including my mother.

C_R_Eature July 21, 2012 at 5:55 pm

I love that bit, fellow Nerd.

MittBorg July 21, 2012 at 6:19 pm

One of my favourite ST episodes evah.

C_R_Eature July 21, 2012 at 6:29 pm

ST TNG. Seen 'em all. A regular eTREKulator.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 July 21, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Well with a name like Judson it's amazing this guy doesn't spend his off-hours burning crosses in yards. It's funny though, about the teabaggers and their racism…Stormfront has said before that the tea party represents and excellent recruiting ground for their disgusting ideology and phoney causes. Every time a teabagger acts like Obama is beneath them (yes Judson, he tain't as good at book larnin' as u's is cuz he's blah) I just think back to Stormfront and figure (there's another recruit), isn't that right…Jud-son.

Butch_Wagstaff July 21, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Back in 2009, when the Tea Party was gettin' started, one of the local throwaway weeklies had a profile of a black TP supporter. Yes! They found one of 'em! And she was a Female-American, too! So that meant the TP couldn't possibly be racist, right?
But then, at every TP rally they had here, white supremacist skinheads showed up & passed out recruitment flyers. Wonder how the lady profiled felt about that? And I wonder if she's still a TP supporter?

Willardbot9000_V2.5 July 21, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Judson Phillips still hasn't produced proof that he didn't hold down that young woman the Beckster raped and murdered back in 1990, either

va_real July 21, 2012 at 3:50 pm

It is very hard to prove a negative, but much too easy to be one.

bobbert July 21, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Hey, Judson!!

You know who else was a heavy-drinking, coke-snorting*, fondler of young men?

*allegedly

JustPixelz July 21, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Jesus?

ProgressiveInga July 21, 2012 at 4:12 pm

John Travolta?

MittBorg July 21, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Gee Dumbya?

MittBorg July 21, 2012 at 5:53 pm

No, wait, HITLER! I meant HITLER!!

bobbert July 21, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Well, he's dead, same as Breitbart, so okay.

chascates July 21, 2012 at 3:51 pm

I tried enlisting in the military when I was about 20 but was not allowed in because of my very poor eyesight. One of the questions asked was if you were gay. I answered no and the questioner stamped my paperwork with a stamp that said 'denies homosexuality". Not 'no' but 'denies homosexuality'! I guess if they discovered otherwise they could also bust you for lying.

BerkeleyBear July 21, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Ding ding ding. Apparently busting people for lying on various parts of the intake forms (like drug use) is a cottage industry, not just to bust people out directly but to deny assignments, dole out punishments, and later deny benefits.

ChessieNefercat July 21, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Doctors do that too, on your medical history: "Patient denies VD", etc.

My sister (a doctor) told me it's because people in general lie about everything. So they write down what you said, which is not at all the same as believing what you said, or making medical determinations based on what you said.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 22, 2012 at 2:55 am

Still, your denial of your homosexuality is more than Glenn Beck, who has never denied raping and murdering a young girl.

deletedroommate July 21, 2012 at 3:52 pm

The fat one in Judson Phillips was always the one with the best personality.

User-of-Scowls July 21, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Since we're comparing things, how about Romneycare vs. Obamacare?

DahBoner July 22, 2012 at 11:34 am

BAM!!!!

Schmannnity July 21, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Wow. You should go to the website and read about "Obama's Kenyan Birth Records Found In British National Archives." One commenter referred alliteratively to the "‘Manchurian’ Muslim from Mombasa."

Joshua Norton July 21, 2012 at 3:59 pm

The Tea Party is God’s judgment on us for teaching our parents how to use the Internet.

The new daredevil game is seeing how long you can listen to fools like this before you start feeling syphilis symptoms.

Chichikovovich July 21, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Obama can't dodge this one. Ever since George Romney in '68 released airtight documentary evidence that he wasn't a gay crack addict, it's been expected of every Presidential candidate.

sudsmckenzie July 21, 2012 at 4:04 pm

weed, . blacks. … AND Crack, thats my pregame for the voting booth.

JustPixelz July 21, 2012 at 4:06 pm

I kinda liked it better when they used the dog whistle.

StarsUponThars July 21, 2012 at 4:14 pm

You just know that when Judson Phillips wrote "hands on the nuclear trigger," in his head he pronounced it "nukular."

mavenmaven July 21, 2012 at 4:34 pm

I like this "re-vetting" thing from the Right, it is revelatory. They pretend the last four years haven't happened, as though Obama is not known to the world yet, much as they pretend the previous eight years under Bush didn't happen, either.

viennawoods13 July 21, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Yeah, I was under the impression that no one has been more under a microscope than Obama, before and during his presidency. The real irony is when Tundra Barbie says that he was never vetted.

MittBorg July 21, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Irony is, of course, lost on that thick-skulled individual.

Designer_Rants July 22, 2012 at 12:48 am

They not so good with the History.

ElPinche July 21, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Case in point that Repukes have nothing on Obama.

Designer_Rants July 21, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Oh, this guy's good. He KNOWS we can't resist a story, no matter how fantastically untrue, about the intersection of 'Butt Sechs' and 'Obama'.

Naked_Bunny July 21, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Why is Obama hiding these records

What? His crack cocaine receipts? His gay sex videos? His Malboro points?

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 22, 2012 at 2:56 am

Makes you wonder if deductions for the same thing are why Romney is not releasing his tax records.

rocktonsam July 21, 2012 at 5:26 pm

now that the teabaggers have crawled out of their cave, mama grizzly can't be far behind.

ChessieNefercat July 21, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Shh!

Biff July 21, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Denying he is a gay black crack addict is a sure sign he's a gay black crack addict, I mean come ON, those guys lie all the TIME!

valthemus July 21, 2012 at 5:57 pm

"Why is this important? Is Obama an addict? Was he an addict in the past? Why is Obama hiding these records? Why isn’t the drive by media asking these questions? Why aren’t Republicans demanding the answers to these questions, instead of telling Mitt Romney he needs to play into Obama’s hands by releasing more tax returns? Who am I? What am I doing here? Are these your pills? What's the frequency, Kenneth? Are you my mommy?"

Butch_Wagstaff July 21, 2012 at 8:13 pm

When will these bugs stop crawling all over me?

rickmaci July 22, 2012 at 2:58 am

Why does it always have to be snakes?

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 22, 2012 at 2:58 am

You all can mock Mr. Philips all you want, but how else to you explain Obama being behind the White House every day offering to blow tourist for $15.

usuhname July 22, 2012 at 6:17 am

Not sure who these loons think this'll appeal to, outside the loon-initiated?
Word on the street, people seem all wrapped up in this 'jobs' thing.

DahBoner July 22, 2012 at 11:32 am

Why is Romney hiding his tax returns?

His occupation on the returns: "Gay Black Crack Addict"….

Tommy1733 July 22, 2012 at 11:49 am

Vetting = fapping. Vett vett vett fap fap fap.

barto July 22, 2012 at 11:51 am

I'm assuming that's not the same Larry Sinclair who claimed to have had sex and done some blow with a Willard Romney, is it? Have research get right on it.

outragedcitizen July 22, 2012 at 1:16 pm

And George W was on the wagon when he was Preznit. Give me a fucking break.

lulzmonger July 22, 2012 at 2:04 pm

In FoxWorld, everything is possible (& VERY SCARY)!

Heh heh heh. As if a REAL gay black crack-addict wouldn't have fair odds of being a noticeable improvement on the doped-out Trustifarian frat-jock psychopath that Obama replaced.

greenide1 July 22, 2012 at 8:27 pm

What kind of "records" would one have to produce to prove he is/isn't a crack addict? Rick James records?

GeoatBeck July 23, 2012 at 5:09 am

Same tax returns as all other presidents? No fact checking performed on this article.

Ducksworthy July 23, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Had sex then smoked crack? I think you're doing it wrong.

Tangled sin tax July 21, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Quite rightly

MittBorg July 21, 2012 at 6:14 pm

I think that was a different *kind* of Mellow Yellow, tho.

BerkeleyBear July 21, 2012 at 7:13 pm

And definitely not Mello Yello, the crappy midwest answer to Mountain Dew.

bobbert July 21, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Yeah. Mythical, unfortunately.

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