That's rudeWhat are two things that are exactly the same? Are they “Arab witch-hunts” and “questions about Mitt Romney’s tax returns”? No. Those two things are not the same, as we proved with our persuasive logic yesterday. But here are two things that are exactly the same: “Mitt Romney opening his tax returns” and “Barack Obama proving he isn’t smoking crack or doing sex in men’s bottoms.” Yup. Those will work! Thanks, Judson Phillips, president of Tea Party Nation!

Blah blah blah Obama is an idiot who sucked at school, how did he get into Harvard oh right Affirmative Action, where is it … let’s see … oh! Here it is:

Obama by his own admission was a very heavy marijuana user in his youth. He has also admitted to using cocaine, though he denies using drugs such as heroin. He also says he was a significant drinker.

Why is this important?

Because these are all symptoms of addiction.

A man named Larry Sinclair claims that in 1999 he and Barack Obama had sex and then smoked crack cocaine. This is 1999, nine years before Obama would run for President.

Crack cocaine is very addictive. It is very destructive. Addiction specialist will tell you that a crack addiction is very tough to break.

Is Obama an addict? Was he an addict in the past?

These are all legitimate questions to ask about a man who has his hands on the nuclear trigger.

Why is Obama hiding these records and why isn’t the drive by media asking these questions. Why aren’t Republicans demanding the answers to these questions, instead of telling Mitt Romney he needs to play into Obama’s hands by releasing more tax returns?

Well-typed, Judson Phillips! Your grassroots band of merry Constitutionalists knows the really important issues facing our country: that we are presided over by a gay black crack addict.

And demanding that the gay black crack addict prove he is not a gay black crack addict is totally the same as asking to see the same tax returns that every presidential candidate has released for decades.

You got us this time, Judson Phillips! DOH!

[TeaPartyNation, via RawStory]

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  • nounverb911

    I thought we already elected a drug addict as president in 2000.

    • And also too Washington and Jefferson were early Hemp Fest supporters.

    • ShreditorsDesk

      Don't confuse republicans with facts!

    • LetUsBray

      And we're still waiting for an answer on what (or who) Jeff Gannon was doing on all those overnight stays at the Shrub White House.

      • chascates

        He was doing Karl Rove.

        • Callyson

          Ew…I may never be able to have sex again. At least nor until a drink or ten chases that mental image away..

    • Yes, but he was a WHITE drug addict. We need more of those.

      • Veritas78

        "If it's white, it's awwwright!"

        • If it's yellow, let it mellow.

          No, wait, that's the wrong one.

          • Veritas78

            Well, it worked for Donovan. (The kidz won't get this reference.)

          • Quite rightly

          • I think that was a different *kind* of Mellow Yellow, tho.

          • BerkeleyBear

            And definitely not Mello Yello, the crappy midwest answer to Mountain Dew.

          • bobbert

            Yeah. Mythical, unfortunately.

    • vodkamuppet


    • arihaya

      HEY !! Al Gore is NOT a drug addict. !!!

  • <Alt text> In addition to 'rude' it's downright nutz!!

  • PubOption

    So, some crackpots don't like crack or pot smokers.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Fantasize much there Judson?

  • he forgot "Secret Muslin." Stay on message, fucker!

  • ShreditorsDesk

    I blame Bush. Yes, for pretty much everything. But leaving his crack pipe and stash in the oval office desk, that just takes the cake.

    • snackypants

      They were hidden underneath the secret note that outgoing presidents write to incoming presidents.

  • WhiteyMcFlyover

    Needs more information about the butsecs! As a muslin, as long as Barry was on top, he doesn't catch the ghey!

  • shortsandpants

    Oh c'mon. Crack is so 1980's. Barry was well into his meth addiction by '99.

    • snackypants

      Yeah, haven't you seen his perfect teeth? Meth head all the way!!!

  • ProgressiveInga


  • sbj1964

    President Obama,even gave up cigarettes.What kind of a jerk is he?(Snark)Where as, Mittens is still drinking the Ray-gun Kool-aid.Drunk with stupid.

  • CrunchyKnee

    Why is 1970s Peter Brady holding that tea bagger sign?

    • That looks more like Bobby to me. Peter had no upper lip.

  • bflrtsplk

    I am still waiting on that birf certificate. Man I just can`t keep up.

  • StealthMuslin

    I would like to see Judson Phillips' long-form "Not a Gay Drug Addict" certificate first.
    Or is he hiding something?!?!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I read on the internet that Judson Phillips is a gay cocaine addict.
      And it was reported elsewhere (right here).
      He hasn't denied it.
      It must be true.

      "Judson Phillips is a moron", on the other hand, is self-evident.

  • satyricrash

    If BAMERZ! is some big drug addled Friend of Dorothy (from The Wiz!) then why is he super boring and makes me want to fall asleep into a coma whenever I think of him?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Hey, character counts — even if you have to make up the flaws that you're pointing out.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      The very fact that you have to make up the flaws ought to tell you something.
      Oh wait … "fact" … haha, never mind.

  • not that Owls

    [TeaPartyNation, via RawStory]

    via Wonkville Super Operative chascates. C'mon, dudes. If we're gonna do this Wonkville thing, let's do it. Half measures avail us nothing.

    • User-of-Scowls

      Progress, not perfection.

  • coolhandnuke

    From Huffpo:
    Sinclair's biography, though, may get in the way of that pitch: Public records and court filings reveal that he has a 27-year criminal record, with a specialty in crimes involving deceit. The record includes forgery charges in two states, one of which drew Sinclair a 16-year jail sentence. The Pueblo County, Colo., Sheriff's Office also has an outstanding warrant for Sinclair's arrest for forging an acquaintance's signature and stealing her tax refunds.

    Just another whistling teapot that the Judson Phillips's invite to their party.

    • arihaya

      Mitt Rmoney, we have found your running mate.

  • not that Owls


  • Huh. Nope, this one is just too stupid to even snark on.

    • Aw, c'mon, Dok, give it the old school bash!

  • ChessieNefercat

    Hey there, Judson, or should I call you Fucknozzle? How about you prove that Larry Sinclair is telling the truth about anything he has ever said or written? And by prove, I mean an impartial, bi-partisan team of investigators comes to that conclusion.

    Until then, shut your fucking, stupid, rancid, racist piehole, you un-American creep. Just go home and keep yourself busy organizing all those files you downloaded when you were researching gay, anal, black, sex.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      He's had that stuff organized for years … it's only since Obama was elected that he's found it useful for political purposes.

    • Biff

      I think if I had the FBI in my pocket, I'd want to take a look at this guy's hard drive–gotta be some underaged porn in there somewhere!

  • Blueb4sunrise

    I remember now. Judson Phillips was in that short-lived gay cover band: The Papas and the Papas.
    NTTAWWT. His singing on 'Cream a Little Cream of Me' was pretty good.

  • elisabeth_vt

    Hmmm, Barry is a little on the thin side.

    • Too much arugula!

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      He's under 300 lbs so he's clearly not a Real 'Merican!!!!

  • This pales compared to the proof that Obama was the 20th Highjacker.

    BTW, if Romney had a brain, he would be saying "That lousy thief Obama, he stone cold STOLE Romneycare from me!!!!!!!!"

  • Guppy

    A man named Larry Sinclair claims

    If a gay, black, crack addict is a reliable character witness, then a gay, black, crack addict is a reliable president.

    QED, ergo, ipso facto, also too.

    • LetUsBray

      Plus a gay, black, crack addict president is still light-years better than a Republican one.

      • Left_Leftie

        I'll take a nicotine addicted fake-muslin who sat in Jeremiah's church for years over a corporate raiding Mormon who's tithed tens of millions to his after-death baptizing church and is afraid of a cup of coffee. Romney's millions helped pay for the overturn of Prop 8 in California.

        • Not forgotten. Not forgiven.

        • bobbert

          There you are.

          Good point about Prop H8 (although you've got yes and no reversed). It's possible that not all non-Californians realize just how hateful the LDS were about that.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      And the one who's not a felon gets to be president.

    • Sinclair's white.

      • LetUsBray

        A gay, white, crack addict president is also better than a Republican one. So is a straight crack addict president.

      • Guppy

        My mistake, I assumed that the Teabaggers would at least strive for a modicum of respectability, rather than defaulting to giving credit to the white guy when there is the presumption that all other things are equal.

    • glasspusher

      e.g., i.e., fuck you!

    • DahBoner

      It's in the Bible!

  • ttommyunger

    "Yeah, and Obammer was on the Grassy Knoll in '63, I've seen the pictures. You can't make him out good because he's so dark and all, but it's him all right, oh yeah, it's him. "(Reaches for a Marlboro, takes a swig of Diet Mountain Dew)

    • BerkeleyBear

      Diet anti-freeze colored soda libel!

  • I can't wait till he brings up the Larry Johnson tape of "Whitey" that Michelle Obama allegedly said.

    • WhiteyMcFlyover

      Wut did I do? That's not me on that tape!

      Edit: Oh, that tape. Yeah, she was talking to me. Sorry for overreacting, it's just, "those people" keep blaming me for stuff!

  • RadioScowls

    Piss test the President!!1!

    • Just like all those OTHER welfare-sucking culluds, yaknow?

  • Pithaughn

    These people suffer from a rare malady, ok not that rare.
    Insataiable desire to believe crazy shit about humans you hate.

  • Left_Leftie

    Why is NoBama hiding the records of his drug-fueled butt-sex??? We know EVERYONE keeps record of these things. I just bought a new file cabinet to contain my detailed records of drug and sex and addictions. I label each file: Police do not read this it is private information on my sexytimes.

    • zippy_w_pinhead

      I see what your problem is- a common mistake in fact. The records you're looking for are filed under the proper spelling- butt secks

    • Biff

      If I didn't maintain records, I'd forget when the last time was.
      Not even kidding.

  • Callyson

    Why is Obama hiding these records

    Because, on his way back from time traveling to Hawaii to fake his birth certificate and newspaper announcement of his birth, he had them all erased…

    and why isn’t the drive by media asking these questions

    They're far too busy ROTFLTAO over this most recent wingnut idiocy to ask anything, except maybe to ask how long you've been off your meds…

    • Biff

      Meds–thanks for the reminder! BRB…

  • SexySmurf

    That explains why Obama sold me the Washington Monument for five dollars.

  • Callyson

    There are a lot of records that Americans should want to see from Barack Obama

    Wow, the Tea Partiers are crushed that Americans don't give a shit about their idiotic crackpt theories…

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      "There's a lot or records that Americans want to see from Mitt Romney."

      There, all fixed. That'll be $150.

  • Schmannnity

    Obama is such a multi-tasker. He's straight and he's gay, he's a Nazi and a Communist, he's an addict and he's sober, he's a Muslim and he's a Christian.

    • He's like rain on your wedding day.

    • BerkeleyBear

      He is the Alpha and Omega. Holy shnike, Batman – the Tea Party just proved Obama is the Second Coming!

    • kittensdontlie

      By jiminy, he's one of those damn FLIP FLOPPERS! (Except he stays both flipped and flopped.)

    • Barrelhse

      "He's a walking contradiction
      Partly truth and partly fiction
      Taking every wrong direction
      On his lonely way back home."

    • Obama is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma.

      Oh my God, he is a Communist!

  • Goonemeritus

    “Well-typed, Judson Phillips”!

    Even more impressive when you remember he was likely wearing a hood at the time.

    • BerkeleyBear

      and getting choked out by his auto-eroticism rig.

  • Callyson

    The important records that everyone should demand Obama release are his medical records. George Bush, John McCain, even John Kerry and Bill Clinton released voluminous medical records.
    What did Obama release in 2008? It was a one page statement from a doctor saying he was in good physical condition.
    That was it.

    Yeah, well, generally when people are in good physical condition, their medical records are not so voluminous…


    • BerkeleyBear

      When you are 44, with no history of health issues, shockingly your records are slimmer than a 70 year old with a whole shitload of problems. Plus, he's released multiple physicals since then.

      Next up, and argument about why water is wet.

      And dipshit really doesn't want to go down that road – Romney's service records will show he's due for a tune up and a battery change, and that wouldn't look good to his backers.

  • C_R_Eature

    Ugly bag of mostly water.

    • For *decades,* that was my favourite insult for humans. Including my mother.

      • C_R_Eature

        I love that bit, fellow Nerd.

        • One of my favourite ST episodes evah.

          • C_R_Eature

            ST TNG. Seen 'em all. A regular eTREKulator.

  • Willardbot9000_V2.5

    Well with a name like Judson it's amazing this guy doesn't spend his off-hours burning crosses in yards. It's funny though, about the teabaggers and their racism…Stormfront has said before that the tea party represents and excellent recruiting ground for their disgusting ideology and phoney causes. Every time a teabagger acts like Obama is beneath them (yes Judson, he tain't as good at book larnin' as u's is cuz he's blah) I just think back to Stormfront and figure (there's another recruit), isn't that right…Jud-son.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      Back in 2009, when the Tea Party was gettin' started, one of the local throwaway weeklies had a profile of a black TP supporter. Yes! They found one of 'em! And she was a Female-American, too! So that meant the TP couldn't possibly be racist, right?
      But then, at every TP rally they had here, white supremacist skinheads showed up & passed out recruitment flyers. Wonder how the lady profiled felt about that? And I wonder if she's still a TP supporter?

  • Willardbot9000_V2.5

    Judson Phillips still hasn't produced proof that he didn't hold down that young woman the Beckster raped and murdered back in 1990, either

  • va_real

    It is very hard to prove a negative, but much too easy to be one.

  • bobbert

    Hey, Judson!!

    You know who else was a heavy-drinking, coke-snorting*, fondler of young men?


    • JustPixelz


    • ProgressiveInga

      John Travolta?

    • Gee Dumbya?

    • No, wait, HITLER! I meant HITLER!!

      • bobbert

        Well, he's dead, same as Breitbart, so okay.

  • chascates

    I tried enlisting in the military when I was about 20 but was not allowed in because of my very poor eyesight. One of the questions asked was if you were gay. I answered no and the questioner stamped my paperwork with a stamp that said 'denies homosexuality". Not 'no' but 'denies homosexuality'! I guess if they discovered otherwise they could also bust you for lying.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Ding ding ding. Apparently busting people for lying on various parts of the intake forms (like drug use) is a cottage industry, not just to bust people out directly but to deny assignments, dole out punishments, and later deny benefits.

      • ChessieNefercat

        Doctors do that too, on your medical history: "Patient denies VD", etc.

        My sister (a doctor) told me it's because people in general lie about everything. So they write down what you said, which is not at all the same as believing what you said, or making medical determinations based on what you said.

    • Still, your denial of your homosexuality is more than Glenn Beck, who has never denied raping and murdering a young girl.

  • The fat one in Judson Phillips was always the one with the best personality.

  • User-of-Scowls

    Since we're comparing things, how about Romneycare vs. Obamacare?

    • DahBoner


  • Schmannnity

    Wow. You should go to the website and read about "Obama's Kenyan Birth Records Found In British National Archives." One commenter referred alliteratively to the "‘Manchurian’ Muslim from Mombasa."

  • The Tea Party is God’s judgment on us for teaching our parents how to use the Internet.

    The new daredevil game is seeing how long you can listen to fools like this before you start feeling syphilis symptoms.

  • Chichikovovich

    Obama can't dodge this one. Ever since George Romney in '68 released airtight documentary evidence that he wasn't a gay crack addict, it's been expected of every Presidential candidate.

  • sudsmckenzie

    weed, . blacks. … AND Crack, thats my pregame for the voting booth.

  • JustPixelz

    I kinda liked it better when they used the dog whistle.

  • StarsUponThars

    You just know that when Judson Phillips wrote "hands on the nuclear trigger," in his head he pronounced it "nukular."

  • mavenmaven

    I like this "re-vetting" thing from the Right, it is revelatory. They pretend the last four years haven't happened, as though Obama is not known to the world yet, much as they pretend the previous eight years under Bush didn't happen, either.

    • viennawoods13

      Yeah, I was under the impression that no one has been more under a microscope than Obama, before and during his presidency. The real irony is when Tundra Barbie says that he was never vetted.

      • Irony is, of course, lost on that thick-skulled individual.

    • They not so good with the History.

  • ElPinche

    Case in point that Repukes have nothing on Obama.

  • Oh, this guy's good. He KNOWS we can't resist a story, no matter how fantastically untrue, about the intersection of 'Butt Sechs' and 'Obama'.

  • Naked_Bunny

    Why is Obama hiding these records

    What? His crack cocaine receipts? His gay sex videos? His Malboro points?

    • Makes you wonder if deductions for the same thing are why Romney is not releasing his tax records.

  • rocktonsam

    now that the teabaggers have crawled out of their cave, mama grizzly can't be far behind.

    • ChessieNefercat


  • Biff

    Denying he is a gay black crack addict is a sure sign he's a gay black crack addict, I mean come ON, those guys lie all the TIME!

  • "Why is this important? Is Obama an addict? Was he an addict in the past? Why is Obama hiding these records? Why isn’t the drive by media asking these questions? Why aren’t Republicans demanding the answers to these questions, instead of telling Mitt Romney he needs to play into Obama’s hands by releasing more tax returns? Who am I? What am I doing here? Are these your pills? What's the frequency, Kenneth? Are you my mommy?"

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      When will these bugs stop crawling all over me?

      • rickmaci

        Why does it always have to be snakes?

  • You all can mock Mr. Philips all you want, but how else to you explain Obama being behind the White House every day offering to blow tourist for $15.

  • usuhname

    Not sure who these loons think this'll appeal to, outside the loon-initiated?
    Word on the street, people seem all wrapped up in this 'jobs' thing.

  • DahBoner

    Why is Romney hiding his tax returns?

    His occupation on the returns: "Gay Black Crack Addict"….

  • Tommy1733

    Vetting = fapping. Vett vett vett fap fap fap.

  • barto

    I'm assuming that's not the same Larry Sinclair who claimed to have had sex and done some blow with a Willard Romney, is it? Have research get right on it.

  • And George W was on the wagon when he was Preznit. Give me a fucking break.

  • lulzmonger

    In FoxWorld, everything is possible (& VERY SCARY)!

    Heh heh heh. As if a REAL gay black crack-addict wouldn't have fair odds of being a noticeable improvement on the doped-out Trustifarian frat-jock psychopath that Obama replaced.

  • greenide1

    What kind of "records" would one have to produce to prove he is/isn't a crack addict? Rick James records?

  • Same tax returns as all other presidents? No fact checking performed on this article.

  • Ducksworthy

    Had sex then smoked crack? I think you're doing it wrong.

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