hush now just shhhh

Idiots On Aurora

Most US Americans took a rare day off yesterday from being total dicks — exception, as always, for Rep. Louie Gohmert, the newest supernova in the Cavalcade of Wonkette Stars — but a few of our fellow citizens just could not keep the stupid from oozing out between their poo-flecked lips. Let us look at them, shaking our head in sadness at their total and complete lack of humanity, together.

Jim Hoft, America’s Stupidest Pundit, let us start with you. Would you like to soulfully whine about something idiotic? You would? Fantastic. Here, in its entirety, is Hoft’s post:

Barack Obama offered condolences today to the victims of the Aurora Theater shootings the best way he knows how – by talking about himself.
The president used “I”, “me” or “we” over 20 times and used it as an opportunity to talk about himself and his family.
Here’s part of his speech today:

My daughters go to the movies. What if Malia and Sasha had been at the theater, as so many of our kids do every day? Michelle and I will be fortunate enough to hug our girls a little tighter tonight, and I’m sure you will do the same with your children. But for those parents who may not be so lucky, we have to embrace them and let them know we will be there for them as a nation.

So, again, I am so grateful that all of you are here. I am so moved by your support.

And you’re surprised?

Yes, Jim Hoft. But what we are surprised about is that you would include Barack Obama speaking about “we as a nation” and you would count that as him talking about himself. Because we had no idea anyone could be that imbecilic and not be put down by the state of Texas.

The rest of the people we were going to link to all seem to be Alex Jones types who think James Holmes was a government operative who went on his spree so we could have gun control, but we are tired of linking to schizophrenics and then feeling bad about it, so we will just tell you: some people, who are probably schizophrenic, think James Holmes was a government operative who went on his spree so we could have gun control.

Everybody, the line for 6,000 rounds of ammo starts to the left. Haha, just kidding, you don’t even have to stand in a line. Lines are for Communists. You just sit right there, we will bring your 6,000 rounds of ammo to your door.

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
What Others Are Reading

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

184 comments

    1. MittBorg

      If anyone would like to come along and hold his fat ass down while I practice ballet kicks on it, I would be much obliged. I need to strengthen the quads and the sartorius.

      1. Dudleydidwrong

        Me! Me! I'll hold him down! Just let me get one good kick at the end–his end, that is. And I'll say "Ni! Ni!" while he is being pummeled. (I'll bet the bastard has no use for a shrubber, either.)

        1. MittBorg

          Sounds like a plan! Let's bring bread and a salad and a cold roast chicken and wine so we can rest and enjoy ourselves between pummelings!

          These pusillanimous, puling pussies are simply BEGGING for this and have been for a decade. I've had enough.

    1. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      I second that…it would be nice if for just ONE FUCKING day these assholes would shut the fuck up and let the crisis alone. I love how Jim Hoft was accusing Obama of me-ism when clearly Hoft was saying, "fuck the victims, pay attention to me!"….stupid, self-centered prick that he is….

  1. Schmannnity

    Instead of the personal pronouns I and we, Jim Hoft prefers "you people" and "your kind."

    1. Boojum

      And "your fault for being a socialist who went to a movie instead of buying a movie theater".

    2. DocChaos

      A response to Jim Hoft using an apparently more appropriate pronoun:

      Fuck YOU and the goat YOU blow for inspiration.

  2. Jus_Wonderin

    His career just hasn't been the same after Baywatch. Oh, I see, not him. Well, he is a boob.

  3. sbj1964

    All that was needed to be said is; Our hearts go out to all the victims ,and families of this tragic event.Personally from my family to yours I hope you can one day find peace.

  4. notgross

    Well… can we have gun control? Can we, can we? Come on, George, we want gun control. Please, please, please, please. Can we?

    1. soeoho

      No, not yet.
      If gun control is premature there will be too many "Meeks" and they'll inherit the earth.

    2. deanbooth

      I'm reminded of this story a friend told me:

      Friend: "Doctor, I might be losing my hearing."
      Doctor: "Would you be willing to wear a hearing aid?"
      Friend: "No."
      Doctor: "Then there's nothing I can do for you."

  5. CrunchyKnee

    If I read one more post by some under sexed, over fed, Bruce Willis wannabe about how if they had been there and they had a gun, it wouldn't have gone down that way, I'm going to….shit, I don't know what I'm going to do, maybe go outside for a while.

    1. gullywompr

      I wonder if the libertarians will chime in about how the victims should be paying for the investigation and eventual prosecution of the shooter themselves. Clearly it was their own fault for patronizing a business that was so unbelievably unprotected.

    2. Native_of_SL_UT

      I'm thinking that any Bruce Willis wannabe would take one look at the kevler vest and decide he was a much softer target and hide.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        The wannabes don't lose a moment loading imaginary armor-penetrating rounds into their imaginary guns, before jumping up and telling us all about their imaginary courage (and, it seems, bionic nerves, infrared vision, and perfect aim.)

        You expect this in 13-year-old boys whose knowledge of firefights is derived from video games — it's the nominally adult conservatards of equal mental facilities that worry me.

        1. pdiddycornchips

          If there were several gun toting Die Harder's in the theater that day, it's quiet likely they would have shot each other.

    3. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Yes…that delusion has about as much place in this discussion as Sarah Palin has at a MENSA gathering. Okay, so Cowboy Jim…you have a gun, there are several problems to you firing it: 1) a crowded, darkened theater full of terrified people trying to escape, 2) teargas in the air which means your eyes will be too wattery to get off a clean shot, 3) many humans getting up and running making several bodies between you and the shooter and 4) the fucking shooter is covered head to toe with ballistics armor. So, even if you manage to SOMEHOW get a shot off at him assuming his rapid fire shooting hasn't hit and killed you while you attempt to get one…your bullets will actually kill other patrons and not hurt the shooter making for instead of 14 slain we have 30 and still the shooter lives to surrender. Nice idea there Palin-for-brains.

      The other is O/T but it dovetails nicely: this stupid idea that any successful business person makes their success happen alone without government involvement. This is a stupid, anachronistic philosophy that made sense in the early 19th Century when the Frontier existed and people COULD create communities without the governments involvement. Nowadays it has rhetorical holes Chris Christy could fit through…it comes off as being dumber than Bristol Palin trying to explain atomic theory.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        You left out the half-dozen other cowboys waving guns around, in the NRA wet-dream version of events. Which one is the shooter, cowboy? The one who's looking at you kinda funny, like he's deciding whether to blow you away, while you're looking at him kinda funny, deciding whether to blow him away? What could possibly go wrong there, cowboy?

        1. Native_of_SL_UT

          One man's cowboy may be another man's co-conspirator. The cowboys would probably end up shooting each other.
          Win-win?

  6. ttommyunger

    That means a lot coming from a front line “in the trenches” warrior like yourself. Thanks.

  7. Left_Leftie

    I think Jim Hoft lead the charge in Texas public school against critical thinking.

  8. chascates

    And from the 'we can't talk about gun control now because that would be exploiting the victims' to 'possibly staged by Obama/Holder to pass the UN gun grabbing treaty' the real story is that are already millions of guns in our country, millions of high capacity magazines, and billions of ammo. Fortunately mass slayings like this happen only every few years, unfortunately people are killed by guns every day.
    I'm a gun owner in a state where a lot of people including fellow progressives like myself own guns. I paid the fee for my CHL several years ago but haven't pursued it further. I know most non gun owners don't have a problem with more restrictive laws just as those who own guns don't want them. I confess I more fear the tea partier down the street (they're all around me) more than the rare psychopath but perhaps they're becoming the same.

    1. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Personally, I think the issue that always gets left out is why…why do Americans kill each other so often? What is it about our culture that makes shooting another person a diserable outcome? I mean know ultimately the causality is very wide-reaching and that maybe this particular massacre holds few answers aside from psychopaths having easy access to as many weapons and ammunition as their heart desires but really…what is it? That question gets overlooked or discussed in such a shallow manner that killings like this will definitely continue while the debate about why they happen in the first place never advances.

        1. chascates

          In my cart now. I'm afraid it'll be one of those books that further convinces me I need to emigrate to Europe.

        2. Willardbot9000_V2.5

          Thanks for the link…unfortunately I'm broke for now since my employer tossed me out on my ear…but I've got it into my favorites and look forward to checking it out sometime.

    2. ChernobylSoup

      I got a concealed carry permit a few years ago when I was between jobs and a judge friend of mine appointed me as a process server. Made sense at the time because people can get really pissed when you hand them divorce papers they weren't expecting. Now I hardly ever carry because I spend most of my time in government buildings and bars, and damn if guns aren't banned in both.

      That said, pulling a gun in the theater yesterday would have just gotten you killed deader. The shooter had every advantage.

      1. Willardbot9000_V2.5

        What I think is likely and this is my rule of thumb is the idiots who thump their chests the most about how they would have "taken him out" would have run like chickens run away from Chris Christy (they run so fast you can see little fire tracks behind them) which was the smart thing to do. I don't think anyone would seriously have tried…he just had too many advantages and even trying to shoot him would have led to many others aside from him dead as well. But maybe I just have too much faith in humanity, ultimately

  9. rocktonsam

    What we really need is Idiot control

    I guess you can't control idiots like Hoft or Fox News

  10. Tsunami Ali

    James Holmes didn't kill those people, it was the Internet's fault for letting him buy those thousands of rounds of ammo online, including the 100 round magazines.

    1. Boojum

      Perhaps, since we are socialists, we wouldn't mind sharing some blame? Like, oh, multiple causes, one of which is that Holmes was a psycho, one of which is ready access to firearms, and one of which is a society that glorifies violence?

        1. emmelemm

          You could have paid extra taxes if you wanted adequate mental health facilities! So there!

      1. Crank_Tango

        I think all we libtards require is that he feels bad enough already for what he did.

  11. weejee

    Iffin' our fearless leaders cannot say no to assault rifles and semi-automatic pistols, can they at least say no to high capacity magazines and clips? The shooter in Aurora had a 100 round drum magazine on his assault rifle. How about some single digit national limit, something under 10. Obviously there is no way to identify all the potential nutzos in a population of over 300 million, but do we have to provide them opportunity to have essentially unlimited mail order capacity to inflict damage?

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      The right of the people to bear 100-round magazines shall not be abridged.

      That's what the FFs meant to say, as any die-hard textualist Supreme Court Justice could tell you.

    2. kittensdontlie

      We had that reasonable mag capacity limit but that teenie weenie Bush and congress bowed to NRA pressure and let it expire in 2004.

  12. Hammiepants

    Between these goatblowers, and the assclown fanboys who are hysterically defending their right to see Batman WITHOUT SPOILERS PLEASE, I freaking despair for humanity.

    1. sewollef

      Damn it, the entire alphabet and grammar structure has a liberal bias.

      Whenever morans like Hoft speak, the alphabet and English grammar exposes them for the fucking idiots they truly are.

      1. wondering where i am

        Vague pronouns, on the other hand, are a wingnut's delight. Obama says, "You did not build that," and many Romney attack ads are born.

  13. BerkeleyBear

    I gotta say, the fact you can stockpile thousands of rounds of ammo without leaving your house is pretty creepy. I just have this vision of a nation of paranoid Howard Hughes types, only with the addition of heavy weapons and claymores set out on the front lawn in a classic crossfire pattern.

      1. BerkeleyBear

        Yeah, nothing like idiot proofing weapons so well that they can be turned around by your enemies when you aren't looking, is there (at least if various vets are to be believed)? Especially when it still doesn't keep morons from killing themselves?

        I don't want to set them, I'm just scared shitless that if I don't go all that far from downtown Portland that's what I'll run into.

        1. weejee

          Yes, it is not likely that the 'SAT' exam needed to join the Army has become more selective since the draft went away. There are islands in Oregon, even in eastern Oregon. A number of the college towns, except on football weekends, and Yachats on the coast is rather, ah, er, shall we say downright festive.

      2. Crank_Tango

        Yeah but have you tried that explosive?

        It's like there's a party in your mouth, and everyone is getting peppered with shrapnel.

  14. mavenmaven

    You will probably be able to run a whole month's worth of idiotic material from the Right based on this incident. I'm waiting for the connection to his having been a university grad student and why science education is at fault and why "our children" shouldn't be exposed to it.

    1. Ayn Rand Paul Tard

      The RW has really learned to push the envelope during chaotic times: mass shooting—LESS gun control laws, financial collapse—LESS regulation and more breaks for the wealthy, terrorist attack on American soil—LESS freedom for us and consider everyone a suspect.

    2. IceCreamEmpress

      The waiting was over a while ago. Rick Warren, Purpose-Driven Rectum, Tweeted that "if we teach students they are no different than animals" blah blah.

      Because bonobos are constantly shooting up movie theaters and all.

  15. SexySmurf

    The president used “I”, “me” or “we” over 20 times

    Does that include the part where Obama said, "Jim Hoft has a small wee-wee" because I don't think he should count that.

  16. SayItWithWookies

    And here I thought the postmodernist/deconstructionist movement was supposed to be the epitome of liberal academic excess, not conservative rectal-cephalic punditry.

    Clearly Mr. Hoft (whoever the fuck he is) can find no fault with the actual content of President Obama's (does it bother you, Hoft, every time someone says President Obama? I'll bet four more years of President Obama will have driven you to rip your eardrums out — I'd suggest using those teeny tiny tweezers you use for your ideas) speech, he must resort to this type of infantile, pre-literate textual analysis.

    Next he'll be telling us that "me" represents blackness (I've always pictured m as brownish and e as black, if that makes any bit of synaesthetic sense), and that the i in the word I, capitalized and fully erect as it is, represents — well, you know what. Thus the me and I repetition is not a device for conveying ideas about him as much as it is a reinforcement of the phallocratic, misogynistic intolerable fully erect blackness of our first Kenyan Overlord.

    1. gullywompr

      Next he'll be telling us that "me" represents blackness

      There's no next, that's exactly what he meant. Extensive use of the pronoun "me" means the President is "arrogant", i.e. "uppity", i.e. black.

      1. bikerlaureate

        Good catch.

        W wouldn't have responded with a personal reflection on the impact, because that would presuppose at least a trace of empathy.

    2. finallyhappy

      sort of off topic but I was just with some seemingly political liberal people(from my original conversations with them- pro-Obama- really anti- Romney) but who live near "only light brown people"(the wife said this). There were a fair number of Africans where we were and the lady said to me-" they are very black- I am not used to that. " Here in metro Dc- we have so many African immigrants and American black people-I don't usually think -"gee, how black is that guy!!" And maybe this lady was thinking penis- who knows

      1. MittBorg

        Yes, white people's reactions to people of colour never fail to surprise me. I once attended a very posh party in Newport Beach, and was the only nonwhite non-wealthy person there. For reasons that are still not entirely clear to me, every single one of those benighted white motherfuckers felt obliged to tell me the coarsest, most racist "nigger" jokes I have EVER heard. It was my first introduction to racism in America, and I have despised it heartily ever since.

      1. SayItWithWookies

        I just have deconstructionist nonsense on the brain, since I was reading about the subject a few days ago — also, Sean Assity was doing this very same form of mongoloid textual analysis a few days ago, so it's apparently been thought of as an effective meme for the right.

        And as much as deconstructionism and moral relativism are supposed to be effete liberal affectations, the right-wing pundits are at a loss for anything besides this deconstructionism to criticize the president about — and as far as moral relativism, is there anything more morally relativistic than American exceptionalism?

        They undermine their own arguments at every turn, and yet are continually frustrated that seems to "get away" with all these huge moral flaws that only they can see.

        So yeah — losing it.

        1. MittBorg

          It is essential to their worldview that everyone other than themselves somehow be viewed as "getting away" with things. I call it "Lucky Ducky Syndrome."

          I might not have any hair left by the end of today.

  17. weejee

    Too much static from Mr. Hoft. I need to order some polonium on-line to reduce that static. Alexander Litvinenko and Yasser Arafat give it their seal of approval.

    1. MittBorg

      I'd like to give Mr. Hoft my seal of approval, but it might lead to a tremendous loss of height for him, and in, uh, short order.

  18. Veritas78

    I trust I'm not the only one who is finding it difficult to fap to these Aurora stories?

    More pron, please, Rebecca, before Willard takes it all away.

      1. emmelemm

        Apparently he doesn't know about internet porn, either, so he'll just hog all the old-fashioned theater porn.

        1. bikerlaureate

          Noooooo, I refuse to believe a level-headed, low-key guy like ol' Fred would ever do such a thing "in public".
          The theater owner was emphatic about his innocence. I hope America's Favorite Crazy Uncle gets exonerated…

  19. va_real

    Obama was speaking on behalf of all of us. It's sad that you can't recognize that because of your inability to relate to anyone not exactly like yourself. If you can expand your wee concept of 'we' past you & your Red Team cronies, you may become worth listening to.

  20. NellCote71

    " Because we had no idea anyone could be that imbecilic and not be put down by the state of Texas."

    Texans, serving the nation.

  21. StarsUponThars

    Any lunatic can buy 6,000 rounds of ammunition legally but if I, me, and we potheads get caught with an ounce — or, God forbid, a Kinder Egg — we go to jail. Totally fucked set of priorities right there.

    1. finallyhappy

      I'm guessing(OK, I'm old, I admit it) that a Kinder Egg does not mean those hollow chocolate(german or Swiss) candies with the toy in the middle.

      1. StarsUponThars

        yes, they're banned in America because the toys are choking hazards to the children of parents who are too stupid not to give it to them.

  22. Goonemeritus

    We all struggle to find a why in these incidents, we go to our favorite sites and when there isn’t enough to satiate our curiosity we go back minutes later. I’m told people need to know the “why” to rationalize that it couldn’t happen to them. The truth is that it could happen to you but the chances are remote. Whether this particular guy was schizophrenic a sociopath or just crumbled under the strain of loneliness and grad school pressure we may never know. One thing however is abundantly clear Jim Hoft can eat a bag of dicks.

    1. finallyhappy

      It could happen to us- the being murdered part. Pretty sure that my kids(I hope) or I – for any or all of our problems would not buy guns and no one has the planning skill to carry something like this out. I guess it happens a lot more often on the small scale- one killing or beating or suicide. Of course, what is much more frequent is being killed in a car accident

      1. Goonemeritus

        I wasn’t suggesting that a Wonketeer could be a perpetrator in an incident like this more that we could find ourselves in harm’s way on one of the rare days we are not at home safely drinking.

    2. MittBorg

      I'm betting on schizophrenia. He's at the right age. Young men seem to suffer it disproportionately, and it seems to affect them between the ages of 18 and 30.

      Great argument for keeping guns out of the hands of these people, but you won't hear it from anyone.

      1. Goonemeritus

        I once watched an engineering grad student get up from a final and throw himself at the feet of the professor while begging not to be flunked. The professor reassured him that based on his work todate he would be hard pressed to give him anything but an “A”. Turns out the guy hadn’t slept in days and was living on strong tea and toast. I have had more than a few classmates commit suicide and even more who tried. But yes if I were going to guess with the caveat that I don’t know crap about the subject I would have to say Schizophrenia.

        1. MittBorg

          Good lord, Goon. Talk about stress! Something tells me that's not a very effective way to educate people.

          Have you ever heard of Shantiniketan?

          1. redarmyzombie

            I myself am partial to burrowing owls. Those guys are a-DOR-able!

            I mean, come on! They're owls! And they're wee! And they live in holes!

            In seriousness though, I know I speak for everyone here when I say we hope he's doing alright and that he comes back to us soon.

  23. vodkamuppet

    ABC News took all of 4 hours to get to the "but how do I explain this to the childrens!" stage of a national tragedy yesterday. I think the answer to that is easy: "some asshole shot some people for no damn reason. Blame Ronald Reagan"

    How to explain the existance of dipshits like Jim Hoft to children is something I'd be much more interested in seeing on the news.

  24. Chet Kincaid

    The rest of the people we were going to link to all seem to be Alex Jones types who think James Holmes was a government operative who went on his spree so we could have gun control, but we are tired of linking to schizophrenics and then feeling bad about it,

    It is an editiorial dilemma for you guys at Wonkette, because it is really easy to find thousands of people in the blogosphere publishing outrageous right wing nonsense at any hour of the day. Most of them are just crazy and have no influence, and I don't know whether giving them extra play on Wonkette does anything but make the regular readers here angry and depressed. Perhaps the threshold of whether they deserve a Wonkette post is how prominent and/or influential the author or the venue really is; maybe that's already your litmus test. At any rate, I find that the posts exposing idiotic actions and policies are more worth discussing than posts of predictable right wing paranoia, distortions and lies about facts, reality, liberals and Obama.

    1. Designer_Rants

      I prefer a focus on the politicians, lobbies, and officials over the pundits too. But some pundits are influential and should be shamed accordingly. This is more of a "Let's pat ourselves on the back for not being (hopefully) as lame as this guy" post. I'm sure a Psych PhD could tell us all about how this is one way how groups reinforce their values, or something.

    2. wondering where i am

      *pouts* Gee, Chet, you're no fun. I like making funny of batshit crazy wingnuts spouting their paranoid delusions. But you do have a point. So I found a new site that does that:
      http://vikingkitties.blogspot.com/2012/07/1st-pho

      So I'll just go over there when the inclination stikes. Wonkette can be the place to make fun of *serious* delusions.

  25. Tribbz

    I got mobbed by white-wringers at work last night because my car has a bumper stickerOMG and part of their Obama's a-takin' mah guns away shtick is a UN small arms treaty to be voted on July 27, to which I referred them to Snopes. One guy even tried to tie this into Fast Und Furorous. Also I heard, "would rather have a Mormon than a Muslim," and other top-ten hits such as "welfare state" and "I love black people, Herman Cain!," which is rich coming from people who regularly use the N-word and tell me I won't be getting tipped on this run 'cause they sounded ethnic on the phone.
    Anyway, I told them to just imagine how upset they would be if anyone were actually attempting to regulate guns in any manner whatsoever.

    1. MittBorg

      How do you *stand* it, Tribbz? I'm feeling srsly stabby-hatey already. In fact, I'm looking for prommie so I'll have some company in the stabby-hatey department.

      1. Tribbz

        It is my fate for now I guess. It's also my own fault that I am in this position to have to do this job to keep the rainbow-money flowing in. Mistakes were made.

          1. MittBorg

            Consider yourself on the Permanent Hug List. You can have one any time you want. I just wish there was something better that I could do.

          2. Tribbz

            It is an honor to be on your hug list. I think "we" all could use a hug today. No hugs for right wingers though, who, when identified as "conservatives" want to drink a toast to the misery of others, and when identified as "Libert-aryan" want to masturbate to the misery of others.

  26. UW8316154

    Obama was speaking from his heart, as a parent and a human being. Naturally he would use the first person singular.

    I have no idea how the Mittbott is programmed to respond to tragedies, probably in whatever manner he thinks "you people" deserve.

  27. Callyson

    And you’re surprised?

    No, actually, I am not at all surprised that a wingnut does not understand the whole "there but for the grace of God go I, so let's have some compassion for those who were impacted by this event." I am not surprised in the least that a righty has no clue about what it means to be empathetic, but nails the concept of being fucking pathetic…

    Asshole.

  28. shortsandpants

    Growing up in Chicago and having broadcasted television meant seeing commercials for "Aurora: That Hollywood Casino Town."…. happy to say i we we i me i i i never played roulette there.

  29. emmelemm

    There's a major thoroughfare in Seattle known as "Aurora" (Avenue). When I saw the headline, I thought, "Well, yes, there are a lot of idiot (drivers) on Aurora. But why would Wonkette care?"

    Sigh.

  30. Pennywhistler

    "we had no idea anyone could be that imbecilic and not be put down by the state of Texas."

    Of course not. Texas makes them Governor … and then President.

  31. bobbert

    How the fuck do you express condolences without using the first person (singular or plural)? "Bad things happened. Condolences are expressed."?

    Hoft may be illustrating why it seems to be impossible for right-wingers to apologize (i.e., just say "I'm sorry").

    1. MittBorg

      You noticed. It is customary among RWNJ gasbags and their mouthpieces to use the passive voice, so that there is no responsibility nor any attribution. Mistakes were made. But it was not WE who made them.

      I hate these fuckwits with a passion today.

    2. Estproph

      Actually, no. The reason it is impossible for rightwingers to apologize is because they just don't care.

  32. Steverino247

    OK. Here's what would have happened if "others were carrying" at the time of the shooting:

    a) You're sitting there with your date, firearm safely in the holster at your hip. You've got one hand on your 84 oz Coke and the other in her hand, hoping she moves it someplace moist. There's some noise which you take to be a part of the movie, maybe you hear a scream or two. It slowly dawns on you that THIS IS A JOB FOR ARMED MAN, but your date is screaming and clutching your hand and there's no place to put the megadrink. You put it on the floor while you say, "Bitch, leggo my hand!" You stand up in order to unholster your firearm. The psycho sees you reaching for your weapon and shoots you and your date between the eyes.

    b) All of the above except you manage not to get spotted. You open fire on a guy you see with a firearm, killing the other guy who thought to bring his piece to the show.

    c) You shit yourself like everybody else in the theater did.

    Unless you're specifically waiting for a psycho to appear (where nobody would ever expect one) with weapons drawn, you're never going to get the first shot off in such an encounter. Not. Gonna. Happen.

    1. MittBorg

      Exactly. Because that motherfucker is coming through the fucking door shooting, because he's acting out HIS fantasy. Unless you *have already drawn your gun* — as stupid a thing as you can possibly do in a crowded, sold-out theater with lots of CHILDREN around — ain't no fucking way you ever get the first shot. I wish these shit-fer-brains chickenhawks who have never actually seen any blood and guts and close-up shooting would *think* about this for a bit. They're already doing their "WAAAAH-mbulance!" calls all over the internet. Yodeling shitstains.

  33. M. Bouffant

    Looky looky, King of Internet Dilrods Donald(e) Douglas hearts Wonkette!

    When Even Sick Left-Wing Sites Like 'Wonkette' Want Brian Ross Fired, Despicable Hate-Blogger Repsac3 Attacks Michelle Malkin as 'Whiney Wingnut Victim'

    1. Chichikovovich

      When Even Sick Left-Wing Sites Like 'Wonkette'…

      I must say I find that extremely offensive. There are no other Sick Left-Wing Sites Like Wonkette.

  34. Pithaughn

    Gun toting colleagure — " I carry, you can see my ( insert some fancy schmancy gun brand and model) right here in my holster, I've never had to draw it, and I've never been shot at, so that is proof that guns prevent gun violence, by deterrent".
    However, when he and I walk into a bank to troubleshoot a firewalls access rules, he gets the stink eye every time.

    1. MittBorg

      You know, I would not feel comfortable with someone carrying a gun into my home and/or business. Because I have no way of knowing that the nutbag gun-toter is not mentally ill or having an especially bad day and about to lose it. And if any armed person is gonna be losing it at MY home and/or business, that person should be ME.

      Fuck these maroons. Jesus! Pls to remind your colleague about that brilliant lad who shot off a couple of inches he couldn't afford in the dickal region because he was shifting his fucking Glock around in his waistband.

      1. pdiddycornchips

        Ask Plaxico Burress how smart it is to bring a gun with you whenever you leave the house.

    2. pdiddycornchips

      "I've never had to draw it, and I've never been shot at, so that is proof that guns prevent gun violence, by deterrent".

      I never where underwear and I've never been probed by aliens. That's proof not wearing underwear prevents alien sex assault.

  35. Grokenstein

    Gawker reports: American Family Association news director Fred Jackson has announced the shooting took place because God hates f**s. Also, liberals.

    Quote: "…God will not be silent when he's mocked, and we need to remember that."

    So, yeah, worship hard, pray until you sweat blood, every hour of every day, or Almighty Jehovah will send his Son to slaughter your children in movie theaters. In his mercy. It has nothing to do with guns!

  36. MonkeyMotion

    "Jim Hoft, America’s Stupidest Pundit"

    With all due respect, while Hoft is certainly a frontrunner, we haven't yet heard from the pantheon of stupids such as Rush, Hannity, Krauthammer, Kristol, et al, ad nauseum.

    Judgment should be reserved 'til the whole bunch of 'em weighs in…assuming our heads don't explode attempting to decipher their wisdom.

  37. VA_Dreaming

    When did empathy become a bad character trait? That is what President Obama is showing empathy for the victims and empathy for the people trying to make sense of an insane event.
    Then again we have Mitt Romney who seems to have empathy for society as a group, but not for any particular individuals. Perhaps that is what this particular presidential election is coming down to, do we want a leader who shows empathy, or a leader who shows some empathy, but only when it doesn't hurt his plans.

  38. rickmaci

    My SO asked me this morning, "what does that mean, 6000 rounds." So I explained to her, let's do the math. Assuming his AR-15 was a legal semi-auto firing weapon, the weapon would probably be capable of firing about 50 rounds a minute. That would be 120 minutes, or two hours, of continuous firing. Except he couldn't get off that many rounds without stopping because the barrel of the weapon would quickly get heated up and it would be practically melting after about 15 minutes or so.

    The Founding Fathers were not total fucktards (despite what they did to legalize slavery) and they could not in their wildest imaginings have intended the 2nd amendment to allow for this.

    1. WABishop

      Yes, exactly. Imagine if the 2nd Amendment read, "Children's happiness, being necessary to the welfare of a free State, the right of the people to keep and fly Kites, shall not be infringed," and this was taken to mean that anyone could fly helicopters without regard for the community at large.

  39. finallyhappy

    Please save me from morons on the interwebs. I got into a "conversation" with a woman who said this guy could have gotten excellent free mental health care but got a gun as is everyone's right who is not a felon but chose to do something "stupid" . Wow, so murdering 12 people and wounding many more is just a "stupid" thing a gun owner can do. I need to limit my internet use to Wonkette and weather.com

  40. SheriffJoeBiden

    I forget how this happened, but I'm (facebook) friends with this lady from Texas who is basically a cartoon version of the Platonic Ideal of a Tea Party US American, and it is THE BEST:

    "I will not go into any building that has a gunfree zone logo on it.But then again the way I see it IF IT'S COMCEALED THEY WON'T KNOW IT SO I'LL LEAVE THE GUESS WORK UP TO THEM BUT IF YOU GO IN EMPTY YOU MIGHT COME OUT IN A BODY BAG YOUR CHOICE."

    She clarifies, her only comment:

    "GUN CONTROL SIMPLE SOLUTIONS FOR SIMPLE MINDS. VEGETARIAN IS AN OLD INDIAN WORD FOR POOR HUNTER, NEVER HESITATE OR APOLOGIZE FOR KILLING THE ENEMY.These are stickers on my truck I don't shy away from TRUTH.And another one is DEMOCRATES BRAVE ENOUGH TO KILL UNBORN BABIES BUT NOT OUR NATIONS ENEMIES."

    I swear. The best. She does ridiculouse too. I'll prove it to you someday.

        1. serf

          been fine
          been banned on many sites.
          so i don't use use ID much

          Politics of insanity is raging in America as the collectivist republicans and democrats push their brand of hate and insanity. Our country is falling off a financial cliff and they both want to kick the can down the road to save their corruption and power. They offer unicorns to the people and their party members cheer with glee at the nonsense they are told.

        2. Miller

          Hey, Tea Tard, good job on all your hard work pissing people off and convincing them to vote against the right. Four more years! Thanks, man. And thanks for living in a blue state; that's the icing on the cake, isn't it?

Comments are closed.