Your Wonkette is so good at capitalizing on its comparative advantages during major news events that, umm… it’s taken us four days to remember that we had a post about someone in May who sat next to Michele Bachmann on a plane, while she was reading a dumb book about Muslim infiltration of the government. Who knew she would act on that? (Everybody.) Let’s call it a re-scoop and give ourselves some Pulitzers and filet mignon.

Thanks to this fourth commenter from a Minnesota Public Radio article for reminding us of what was on our website! We were there, man, meaning we took some screen-grabs of a lady’s tweets and made jokes. But these forgotten tweets show that Bachmann’s letter demanding an investigation of Hillary Clinton aide Huma Abedin’s ties to the Muslim Brotherhood — she had a father who had an uncle with a father who knew a guy and the father and the uncle knew the person associated with the Muslim Brotherhood, decades ago — were in fact based on some nutter book she read on an airplane.

Research werks!

Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • Look, Ginger, even God takes a little time off. I mean, just look at the last article and Gohmert all butthurt because God needed a snooze last night!

    • Chichikovovich

      Well, yeah, but when they talk about the instruction "Thou shalt have no gods before Me", that's not God talking, "Me" is Allah! And Allah is like a completely different guy so that's the opposite of the real commandment because it's saying take Allah before God!!!!! Allah before God!!!!!!

      Yep, they worship a different guy, Allah. Just like the Germans worship a totally different guy "Gott" and, and, the French worship "Le Dieu" I mean: who is that?, and the Finns "Jumala",….

      America is God's last hope, people!!

      • emmelemm

        Wait wait wait… where's this Jumala coming from?

        I thought I knew a lot about Finnish mythology.

        • Chichikovovich

          In early Suomi mythology, Jamala was the god of a very spicy rice and tomato dish, a mixture, usually with chicken, sausage, or shrimp.But I guess He got a promotion.—

          • A rare Chichi misstep! Don't we mean "Jambalaya"?

          • Chichikovovich

            No, man, that was the brilliance of it. I'm so misunderstood. But then many geniuses are….Jamala *is* the Finnish word for “God”. When I was asked “where did that come from?” I figured: I have no idea so I'll have to make up something preposterous. OK, say Jamala came from the Finnish flavor of Nordic mythology. I thought “OK, what's Jamala the God of” — and the sound-alike Jambalaya came to mind. Which is an extra-absurd choice because it's absolutely not the kind of food you'd expect to find in Finland 1000 years ago.Cheez, will my struggles never end?—

          • A simple "Jamala (contracted over time from'Ja-em balaya' " would have saved it. This concludes the Joke Autopsy.

          • Chichikovovich

            Easy for you to say – It's not 1AM where you are. But yeah, that's exactly what the joke needed.Damn.I'm too foggy. Bedtime.—

          • It is very rare indeed that a Chichi composition leaves anything for improvement. Enjoy your Frenchy vacation!

        • It's basically a generic name for the Finnish version of Norse mythology– as opposed to the Kaleva, if I recall correctly (my dad used Jumala a lot, but more in the scatlogical phraseology).

          Jumo (also Juma, Jumal, Inmar, Jen, Num, and Jomali around the northeastern region of Europe) is a generic concept of god (small s) and is borrowed from the Baltic language term Jumis.

  • nounverb911

    Did Michele ever get to part in the book where it says the Ten Commandments are Sharia law too, also?

  • ChernobylSoup

    In light of what's happened today, it's hard to get too up in arms about some crazy congressperson who incites fear, hate, and anger at those different from us.


  • OneYieldRegular

    Only Louis Gohmert's God knows where we'd be now if Michele had been reading a book about Roswell.

  • nounverb911

    Why isn't Bachmannn on the "No-Fly" list?

    • Doesn't cover brooms

      • emmelemm

        Zing! I like it.

  • She's now going all-out on attacking Keith Ellison "for having ties to CAIR and the Muslim Brotherhood." I think it might be curtains for Mishmash.

    • nounverb911

      Depends, is her district bat-shit crazy too?

        • va_real

          Even if they don't vote for her, she'll git werk on teevee.

        • Oblios_Cap

          Wait – According to that site, Rmoney hasn't sewn up the GOP nomination yet. That's funny.

          • It does. See the yellow line?

          • Oblios_Cap

            Oops. Damn!

        • sullivanst

          " In 2010, despite spending $13.6 million, she won reelection with just 53 percent — a relatively weak performance for a Republican incumbent who spent that much money in a great Republican year."

          And redistricting made her district lean less Republican (plus excluded her house from her district – ha! ha!)

          Her Presidential campaign may have attracted the attention of nationwide wingnuts, which is great for the coffers, but it also highlighted her crazy, which I'm not sure is so helpful for garnering votes from the St Paul 'burbs.

      • I think in She1ey's district there are limits to how batshitty nutzo she can be. In Louie Ghomert's district, there are not likely any limits on how much crazy he can roll-out and then pay the price on election day ('ceptin' Louie sayin' Jebus told him the the EPA and ACLU were the best creations of the human spirit evah).

        • Chichikovovich

          If he said that about the EPA and the ACLU, his constituents would just assume that he had been praying in tongues.

      • Not so much anymore. Redistricting moved some of the nutbags out of her district and brought in some of the sane, causing her to announce last year that she would not run for re-election. However, since she's obviously unemployable in any capacity, and good at pulling money out of the pockets of WingNuttia, she's changed her mind about running.

    • Linkies?

  • Oblios_Cap

    She really didn't want to talk much"

    Some folks have all the luck!

  • arihaya

    not post about this? Romney moneybag handler is a rapist, it's turns out.

    • mavenmaven

      He's wealthy and of the right color, so its not rape, just "droit du seigneur".

  • bumfug

    If Michele wanted to find the real threat to America she'd have been reading that damn SkyMall catalog.

    • sudsmckenzie


    • docterry6973

      Hey, I still have my eye on a neat-o floating lawn chair.

  • RadioSlut

    Our religious fanatics are better than their religious fanatics.

  • Crank_Tango

    Coming up next, Horton hears a WHO? The World Health Organization's great vaccine conspiracy.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Now, that's funny!

    • With 18,000 reported cases of whooping cough this year, we're in the midst of an epidemic return of childhood diseases. Preventable diseases that can kill children. The CDC is calling it the worst in half a century. And all this is caused by those morons who won't vaccinate their children. I am beyond disgusted with this.

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        As whooping cough came roarin' back, Jenny McCarthy posed in Playboy as a way of saying: "I'm 40! I'm still sexy. Look at me! I'm still pretty, dammit! Please tell me I'm still pretty! PLEASE!"

        • I could strangle the rotten bitch. Stupid people, of whom there are many roaming this planet, listened to her and now their kids are dying. 18,000 kids sick. Who knows what effect this will have on their lung tissue, which is still developing, after all. The ones that recover, I mean. Fucking useless bitch.

      • viennawoods13

        Yep. Woman I know with children same age as me, when they were little, saying she didn't need to vaccinate her (home-schooled, natch) kids because the diseases were no longer a problem. Yes, so me getting my kids vaccinated made her kids safe. Right.

        • Yeah, except her *refusing* to vaccinate her kids puts YOUR kids at risk because an 85-95% immunization rate is required to confer the necessary herd immunity. I swear, these useless shits infuriate me. They are willing to bet on an untested strategy with THEIR CHILDREN'S LIVES. I can gamble on whatever I want with my own body and my own life, but I would not be so arrogant as to risk my child's life on a guess. UGH.

  • WhiteyMcFlyover

    This is why Wonkette is my only source for news! She started the crazies and I thought to myself, "Old news!"

  • Larry McAwful

    Flakes on a plane..

    • "I'm sick and tired of these motherfuckin' flakes on this motherfuckin' plane!"

    • This is a thing of beauty.

  • YouBetcha

    Bitch, please. We know you put that dustjacket over a copy of that Fifty Shades garbage. Don't lie.

    • Terry

      No, she was actually reading this book:

      • SorosBot
        • HoytClagwell

          I have a rule of thumb regarding articles found on the web: if the article is written in a 'list' format, or if the title follows the pattern "The [number] Most/Least [Adjective] [Noun]" — the piece is absolutely not worth reading.

 is the only exception I've found to this rule.

    • RadioSlut

      Or Fifty Shades of Gay.

      • AbandonHope

        I hadn't realized Marcus had put out an autobiography.

    • Girl? Was that you on the plane next to BubbleheadMann?

  • Goonemeritus

    Wonkette the first draft of history, now with 20% more snark.

    Edit— I do worry if historian use the Wonkette as a Prima facie source in the future they may get a distorted view on the amount of Buttseks common in the colonies.

    • We do tend to underplay it because it's such a normal part of our lives.

    • widestanceromance

      And just what were all of "them" these people talked about so much?

  • Oblios_Cap

    LT. GEN. WILLIAM "JERRY" BOYKIN. Now where do I know that name from?

    • Didn't he change his name from Boinking? Maybe check on the Bristol Realz TeeVee.

      • Oblios_Cap

        The book was written by a Who's Who of crazies.

  • When Walnuts and The Boner call you out on your shithouse rat brand of craziness, the end is probably nigh.

  • Obviously "Penny" is a spy. Her picture has been airbrushed and the name "Penny" is meant as a slur against capitalism. She is obviously part of a UN/Soros conspiracy to take away our guns and replace our nativity scenes and 10 commandments in our Christian courtrooms with Arab flying carpets and magic genies and other such monuments to Sharia law. Wake up SHEEPLES!!

    • Oblios_Cap

      I'll be right there. As soon as I finish my Hardee's burger and drink the rest of this Big Gulp. Now where did I put that HoverRound?

    • kittensdontlie

      I see a double agent in this' Penny', an understatement for a no-good rotten pile of Romney-money spying on MB. Let others seem crazier, whereby you appear saner. Also, I know for a fact R-money takes regular vacations in the Caymans and the Swiss countryside.

  • Schmannnity

    I can't wait until she starts reading One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I'm sure she will identify heavily with Nurse Ratched.

      • Schmannnity

        Ben Nighthorse Campbell as Chief.

      • AbandonHope

        You know, as an aside, I once dated somebody who really did empathize with Nurse Ratched. She also, God's-honest truth, thought that Alex Forrest in Fatal Attraction was misunderstood and was the real victim in that movie. I am sometimes amazed I escaped from that relationship in one piece.

        • I think I just understood your Net nym. Nom.

        • Butch_Wagstaff

          I take it that no bunnies were harmed?

    • Read it? She lives it.

  • I hope she doesn't start reading anything about those filthy Belgians.

    • Like Belgium is a real place… good one.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Otherwise known as the Flems?

    • Fat Belgian bastards…

    • sullivanst

      She already has a Heart of Darkness.

  • SayItWithWookies

    One day that napkin Michele was taking notes on will be a historic document — just like the napkin the Laffer Curve was described on. Or the napkins Michele puts in her ears to keep the ACLU from melting her brain.

  • sudsmckenzie

    She could see conspiracies in "Sky-Mall".

  • Leave it to the liberal press to get all upset before all the facts are swept under the rug.

  • SorosBot

    So Michele just believes anything she reads in a book? Someone should lend her a copy of Lord of the Rings so she can turn her attention to the more productive end of protecting the US from orcs then.

    • She endorsed Mitt Romney after she read The Book of Mormon.

      • MissTaken

        And then she endorsed Newt Gingrich after she read Goodnight Moon.

        • Breakfast at Tiffany's (borrowed it from Marcus).

          • sullivanst

            Ran for President because of Funny Face.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Retroactive scoop!

  • anniegetyerfun

    I actually tried to link to this the other day (and that nice Twitter lady totally responded to my Tweets, so I was in love), but when I Googled "Michele Bachmann plane reading Twitter" I got some really fucked up results.

    Come to think of it, that must have been Bing.

    • emmelemm

      Microsoft libel?

      I'm confused.

      • anniegetyerfun

        Yes, but I don't care. Bing sucks.

    • If you know it was on Wonkette, it's quicker to use the search box on the home page.

      • anniegetyerfun

        Yeah, I totally didn't remember that it was on here.

    • @uncucumbered?

  • Limeylizzie

    Gosh, I wonder which very smart Wonkette commentator was first to send a tip regarding this?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Going fishing today, Liz.?

    • OneYieldRegular

      YOU LI…meylizzie.

    • We were drunk and/or stoned?

    • AbandonHope

      All of them, Katie?

      Oh crap, my Meme Processor is busted. Hang on, gotta reboot it…

  • BaldarTFlagass

    What sort of day was it? A day like all days, filled with those events that alter and illuminate our times… and you are there.

  • sbj1964

    What state does she represent the state of psycho? Wow,people there must be pretty stupid if this is who they elect to congress.I'm going to just take a stab at this,my guess is Kansas?

  • Sounds like she's going to start looking under chairs and in utility closets for Muslim infiltrators.

    • Those dust bunnies do look like scraggly beards.

    • va_real

      And she's finding them already.

  • MissTaken

    Please keep Miche1e the fuck away from Hunger Games before she thinks it would be fun to play.

    • SorosBot

      What do you think she's doing with all those foster children?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Why … wouldn't you want to make her play it?

      You could wait until you saw the whites of her eyes … and still nail her from 200 yards.

  • elburritodeluxe

    Research done! Now to collect assloads of money from stupid people.

    • Tundra Grifter

      You got that right! Her campaign is sitting on sacks of money and she begs for more, pointing out the potential wealth of her opponent. She's outspending that dude, of course, but according to the financial website she is raking in money like a Vegas casino.

      At least one not owned and operated by Donald Chump, of course.

  • I'm still surprised that, unlike vaccination, Bachmann actually read something on this instead of just listening to the voices in her head.

  • SmutBoffin

    I know a certain Tweeter user who won't be LOLing when the Mooslems come to make her wear a sack and force her to work in the suicide bomb factory/mosk.

  • Does anyone have the copy of the book Bachmann read to establish that Huma Abedin is Hillary's lesbian sex slave? Because I want to read that . . . or at least look at the pictures.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Have you thumbed through Lynne Cheney's novels yet?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I'll wait for the movie to come out. Kathleen Turner and Halle Berry would work.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Are you sure Michele wasn't reading a Lynn Cheney novel? Was she breathing heavily and making funny noises? And was there a wet spot on the seat when she got up?

  • this shit really isn't funny. this woman was a candidate for president.

    i don't know whether to be more horrified by the source of her ideas or her mean-spirited, anti-democratic instincts.

    but then again, the president, IS black.

    • MissTaken

      I take comfort in knowing the primary process worked. It weeded out the crazy-assed, shit fer brains people and left the GOP nothing but an alien robot to nominate. As fucked up as it smells, the system worked this time.

    • freakishlywrong

      POTUS may be blah, but her husband is gay. So there's that.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Too bad she wasn't reading "Devil's Game: How the United States Helped Unleash Fundamentalist Islam (American Empire Project)" by Robert Dreyfuss. It is first rate.

    The right wing nutz don't want to face the fact that the Muslin Brotherhood is largely a creation of Western governments.

    I've previously mentioned "Fear, Inc." (available on the web). Also essential reading.

    • sullivanst

      The fact that members of the Muslim Brotherhood turned to violence is almost entirely due to the CIA trained torturers that convinced them peaceful advocacy would get them nowhere. Does the name "Ayman Al Zawahiri" ring any bells?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Yeah, well, we fixed him, right? RIGHT??

      • AbandonHope

        Yeah, but that only proves that the CIA was-is-will-be infiltrated by Muslim extremist time-travelers who went-will-go back in time to create the idea of Muslim extremism and thus complete the Grandfather Paradox.

        We're through the looking glass here, people.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Most of the problems facing Western governments seem to be those of their own making. Funny, that. After all the efforts they've made trying to bring civilization to the downtrodden, whether they wanted it or not.

      • pdiddycornchips

        Most of my problems are of my own making too. Fortunately they can be solved by a combination of Makers Mark, ice and Vicodin

    • Thank you, TG. I foresee burning books for fuel this winter, since they'll be piled so high we won't be able to leave the house to scrounge for food.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Snake on a plane.

    • Rosie_Scenario

      Flake on a plane. Also, too.

  • smitallica

    I agree with Bachmann. The threat of sharia is so real, we need an amendment to the Constitution that specifically forbids the establishment of any sort of religious laws, ASAP!

    • Guppy

      But Islam isn't really a religion!

  • ttommyunger

    Stupid people use books to keep others from engaging them in conversation, thereby exposing their stupidity. I cannot believe Michele reads, period. OT : caught Michel Martin on NPR Wednesday interviewing Elain Chao about her amazing and meteoric rise from poor Chinese immigrant to Cabinet Member (Dubya). Michel fawned over her for fifteen minutes throwing her softballs about how smart and tough she was, never once mentioning that she was married to Yertle the Turtle Mitch (Fuckface) McConnell. Yeah, sucking the Senate Majority Leader's dick non-stop might be a good career move, ya think?

    • extreme_left

      hey ..sucking a turtles dick takes skill, it's really hard to I've heard.

      • ttommyunger


  • DahBoner


  • extreme_left

    Bachmann reads? sounds faggy.

  • redarmyzombie

    Next, she'll think the Turner Diaries were a documentary…

Previous articleLouis Gohmert Claims ‘FIRST’ In World Comment Thread On Colorado Shootings
Next articleThis Time, It Is U.S. President Barack Obama Who Is The Muslim Terrorist, Obviously