GAY  5:59 pm July 19, 2012

Louis Gohmert Travels Alllll Around The World To Hug Muslims, He Does

by Jim Newell

Now we wouldn’t want to let Michele Bachmann’s various House conspirators get off the hook for this “Muslim terrorists infiltrating the government because they are Muslim” summer-of-a-reelection-year stunt, would we? Here’s the dumbest person in the Western Hemisphere, Rep. Louis Gohmert, berating Jan “BIG SIS” Napolitano today about why she let a Muslim terrorist in her employ download secret terrorism documents from The System and then give them to his terrorist friends. Yes, indeed, why would Secretary Napolitano do that? Gohmert assures her that he’s not just scanning the database of government employees for Arabic names and then accusing each of them of offering material support for terrorists because… you know… look at ‘em… No, Louis Gohmert loves Muslims so much that he travels around the world to hug them. Sorry, there’s no way this guy has a passport.

Hugging muslins isn’t anything to be proud of, but at least he’s not hugging black Harvard Law professors in the early 1990s:

WASHINGTON — Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Texas), one of five House Republicans who claimed the Muslim Brotherhood may have infiltrated the government, promised Thursday that he doesn’t accuse anyone of nefarious behavior just because they are Muslim.

“You follow me around the world, you see me hugging Muslims around the world, because the ones I hug are our friends,” Gohmert told Department of Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano during a House Judiciary Committee meeting. “This administration seems to have a hard time recognizing members of terrorist groups who are allowed into the White House.”

And she just has no. fucking. idea. what he’s babbling about. Louis Gohmert genuinely believes that he runs a better security operation through his occasional googling than the United States national security apparatus and the Secret Service will ever do. “This administration seems to have a hard time recognizing members of terrorist groups who are allowed into the White House.” This guy doesn’t want to have a conversation about anything, as you can tell by the way he keeps interrupting her with the same straw man question rather than letting her elaborate. He should just be grateful that she doesn’t take the more rational path of walking out and having him arrested for being a dick.

The instinct Gohmert’s working off of is that the White House perhaps enjoys hosting terrorists or giving them classified information, because how else could they have allowed the major security breaches that exist in his imagination?

John Boehner said in an interview earlier this year that in Congress, “We got some of the smartest people in the country who serve here, and some of the dumbest.” And then if you dive far enough down to where no light ever enters, you’ve got Louis Gohmert.

[HuffPo]

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 252 comments }

flamingpdog July 19, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Louis Gohmert loves Muslims so much that he travels around the world to hug them.

Just stay away from Sherrod Brown, Louis!

nounverb911 July 19, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Gohmert's gay?

Mahousu July 19, 2012 at 6:54 pm

He might be, if he could ever figure out how that worked.

Don't count on it.

anniegetyerfun July 20, 2012 at 10:55 am

Tactfully left out of the conversation is the fact that any international Muslims hugging Gohmert back have been led to believe that he's part of a Special Olympics Goodwill Tour in their country.

"What event is he in?"
"Oh, probably the five hundred metre dash, Allah bless his simple little soul."

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 1:01 pm

There's a term that Muslims use for mentally disabled people, something like "children of God." I wouldn't be a bit surprised if that was Louie Gohmert's nickname among the Muslim Masses.

anniegetyerfun July 20, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Mommy's Little Angel.

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Oh, stop, you're awful. I wish I could remember what it was. Allah's Chosen? The family down the block from us, the mother was a really sweet and devout Muslim, and she used that term on another neighbour's kid, and the neighbour took it badly. Orphans of God?

Gratuitous World July 19, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Can't spell "Shame Fuck" without MEK

not that Dewey July 20, 2012 at 9:37 am

Touché.

nounverb911 July 19, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Isn't Gohmert one of Allen West's communists?

EdFlintstone July 19, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Everything is bigger in Texas, including assholes.

Lascauxcaveman July 19, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Plenty o' wide open spaces – between this guy's ears.

AncienReggie July 19, 2012 at 6:46 pm

This guy is actually my brother's congressman. Of course, that makes Perry his governor too also. Granted, Brother Bill is a Republican, but even so he feels the shame.

emmelemm July 19, 2012 at 6:58 pm

A Republican capable of feeling shame? I thought those were all but extinct in the wild.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Good. I hope you deliver the occasional needle of subtle snark to keep him well-inoculated against the creeping Republican shamelessness that appears to be taking over these yutzes.

sbj1964 July 19, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Hugging Muslims? The next hot ticket toy for Christmas! F-you Elmoe.Yesterdays news you hack.(Warning: Hugging Muslims may explode on contact with ANYTHING !) 9v battery,and cell phone detonator not included.Ages 6 years and up.TM* Iranian Toy Co.U.S patent pending.A Bain corp LLC subsidiary.Made in China

ChillBill July 19, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Maybe Louis and Michelle can hug each other.

nounverb911 July 19, 2012 at 6:07 pm

One-L please.

Antispandex July 19, 2012 at 6:25 pm

I thought he meant Malkin. Most Teaguys find her very huggable.

Terry July 19, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Malkin is a whole lot of nastiness in a little tiny package. A teacup wingnut, basically.

AncienReggie July 19, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Evil, evil, nasty little bitch. (Malkin, i mean–not you, T.)

Beowoof July 19, 2012 at 7:15 pm

Why poor Malkin is an anchor baby, who doesn't yet realize her tawny brown skin will exclude her membership in the he-man republican club. And on top of that she has a vagina, which means in their eyes she Can't Understand Normal Thinking.

Chill_Bill July 19, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Had you given me 10 more seconds, I would've been able to fix it, you damn Speedy Gonzales.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 19, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Can you imagine what Rep. Gohmert would say if the president sent bibles and a cake to known terrorists?

nounverb911 July 19, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Rep Peter King (R-IRA)?

sullivanst July 19, 2012 at 7:04 pm

I soooooo can't wait 'til January when redistricting will ensure that fuck is no longer my congresscritter.

BerkeleyBear July 19, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Depends on the color of the President, of course.

ProgressiveInga July 19, 2012 at 6:06 pm

"This administration seems to have a hard time recognizing members of terrorist groups who are allowed into the White House.”

Will someone please ask Osama Bin Laden if he had a hard time being recognized by Seal Team 6? And has he been to the WH lately?

SorosBot July 19, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Well he did get a lot of money and weapons from the White House; specifically from a man named Reagan.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 19, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Back when Reagan was selling weapons to Saddam, Iran, and the Taliban, all at the same time? I remember that. Good times. Bad hair.

flamingpdog July 19, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Gohmert = Pyle o' Shit.

nounverb911 July 19, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Was Gohmert in the French Foreign Legion?

Chill_Bill July 19, 2012 at 6:07 pm

"Texas Department of Public Safety…"

The NRA, then?

Doktor Zoom July 19, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Hugging, holding hands, it's fine, just as long as there's no bowing.

Vecchiojohn July 19, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Curse you, Zoom, you've beaten me to the punch once again, and this time I didn't even notice it. I am going to retire to my secret lair and plot my revenge.

emmelemm July 19, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Be sure to tent your fingers, then stroke your pussy.

sullivanst July 19, 2012 at 7:12 pm

CeeLo libel!

Vecchiojohn July 19, 2012 at 7:53 pm

I can tent my fingers, but I'm not a girl so . . . Oh, you are a sly one, aren't you.

edgydrifter July 19, 2012 at 6:10 pm

I don't know how you say "Silkwood Shower" in Arabic, but I'll bet it gets said a lot by people who've experienced Gomert's genuine International Muslim Hug.

DemmeFatale July 19, 2012 at 6:10 pm

I thought "Dipshit McGoo" was Fred Thompson.
I stand corrected.

sullivanst July 19, 2012 at 7:06 pm

It was always hard to tell with Thompson whether it was stupidity or just his spectacular laziness.

Hammiepants July 19, 2012 at 6:10 pm

These goatblowing assclowns wouldn't recognize an actual terrorist if they opened fire on them with a flamethrower.

Doktor Zoom July 19, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Well, if it was a white guy, then, no, he's a criminal, but not a terrorist.

smokefilledroommate July 19, 2012 at 6:11 pm

I wish she was as rude to him as he was to her. What a complete dick.

va_real July 19, 2012 at 6:48 pm

She oughta put him on the No-Fly List for all that Muslim hugging.

flamingpdog July 19, 2012 at 8:44 pm

Guys like Louis don't need a fly – they believe in trickle-down.

bikerlaureate July 20, 2012 at 12:02 am

Well, his middle name is Buller.

Callyson July 19, 2012 at 6:11 pm

“This administration seems to have a hard time recognizing members of terrorist groups who are allowed into the White House.”

Why might that be the case? Oh, right, because that has NEVER FUCKING HAPPENED…

Asshole.

frostbitefalls July 19, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Tailgunner Joe is looking a little soft on communism, in retrospect.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 19, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Rush Limbaugh hugs little Dominican boys, doesn't mean he actually likes them.

va_real July 19, 2012 at 6:12 pm

It will be easier to convince me that he has a passport than to convince me this guy knows how to Google…

smokefilledroommate July 19, 2012 at 6:13 pm

There is no way Gohmert is a Muslim Hugger.

Dudleydidwrong July 19, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Wrong spelling. He is a " Huggie" which is a shit-filled diaper in any language.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Actually, it is, in more than one. (snicker) (upfist)

smokefilledroommate July 20, 2012 at 5:08 am

Maybe I meant a Muslim Lover..

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 12:56 pm

He can love 'em all he wants, but I'm bettin' most Muslims will be extremely put off by his close resemblance to a camel in heat.

Fairtackle July 20, 2012 at 1:13 am

I am guessing he has hugged more terrorists than there are in the government.

smokefilledroommate July 20, 2012 at 5:06 am

Darrell Issa aside..

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Ha!

rickmaci July 19, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Oh geez. Wonketteers dredging (or should I say Drudging) Google clips from shallow end of the gene pool again.

Antispandex July 19, 2012 at 6:14 pm

“You follow me around the world, you see me hugging Muslims around the world, because the ones I hug are our friends,”

They have oil.

“This administration seems to have a hard time recognizing members of terrorist groups who are allowed into the White House.”

Because…you know…negros.

“We got some of the smartest people in the country who serve here, and some of the dumbest.”

Liburls suck!

Tea speak translation by Antispandex…you're welcame.

Vecchiojohn July 19, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Have you thought of offering your services to Rosetta Stone?

Callyson July 19, 2012 at 6:14 pm

"I'm asking you if you know simple facts"

No, asshole, you are yelling at Janet Napolitano and berating her, and getting mad because she won't fall for the bait. Guess what, jerk–she was a Democrat in *Arizona*, meaning she's had plenty of experience in dealing with ignorant and belligerent Reeps like you…

starfanglednut July 19, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Oh, don't blame Gohmert. He's just using the words that are there.

Oh, and Janet has the patience of a saint.

emmelemm July 19, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Nice call-back to yesterday. I like.

new_pic_for_NEWTer July 19, 2012 at 6:15 pm

I made it 32 seconds – any longer I would've punched his face (on my computer).

flamingpdog July 19, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Maybe somebody can tell a funny joke so you can at least spew beer on his face.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 7:12 pm

So this guy's going out of town, and he's worried because he knows his old lady, and she's a horndog, and he decides to buy her a little, you know, toy, to keep her company till he gets back. So he's over in that district of town where they sell toys for naughty girls, and he's looking in one shop and then in another, but nothing quite seems like the right toy. Finally, he confesses to the clerk who's assisting him that he just can't find anything for his Special Lady.

The clerk gets a funny look on his face, and he says, "Well, I have something here that might just do the trick." And he pulls out a box and in it is a large, well-shaped dildo. "This," says the clerk, "is a Voodoo Penis. It's very expensive, but guaranteed to satisfy." And he explains to the gentleman how to use this toy. Whereupon the gentleman pitchforks over the requisite amount of cash and departs with the Voodoo Penis clutched firmly to his person, and presents it to his wife. To activate this toy, the user simply specifies "Voodoo Penis, [portion of my anatomy]," and off it goes to do its dark work.

The genteman leaves town and the lady amuses herself and all is going peachy-keen until the night she forgets how to turn it off. Since she is being ravaged by this toy like a road being jackhammered, her drive to the hospital is more than a *little* erratic. OK, she's weaving around like a drunken sailor on the road, when a motorcycle cop pulls her over.

She tries to explain why she's on her way to the hospital, and why she's driving so terribly, but sees that with each word, the cop is looking more and more cynical. When she finally ends her story, he can't take any more. "Lady," he says, "I've heard a lot of bullshit in my time, but this takes the cake. Voodoo Penis, my ass!"

Geminisunmars July 19, 2012 at 7:22 pm

I gave you upfist just to Voodoo your p-ness.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 7:35 pm

It worked! It worked!

Oh. You said "p-ness."

flamingpdog July 19, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Well, it's Thursday evening, and I'm pdog-tired, so it took me a couple of seconds, but I did just about spew water on the monitor.

docterry6973 July 19, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Actually, I wish Janet had shouted "That's it! It's GO TIME!" and jumped across the table the up onto the podium, grabbing for the asshole's tie. i guarantee Gohmert would be sniveling under his desk.

starfanglednut July 19, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Another misogynistic asshole. "Shut up lil woman, a man is talking"

SorosBot July 19, 2012 at 6:17 pm

“This administration seems to have a hard time recognizing members of terrorist groups who are allowed into the White House.”

Well that may be true; I've heard the President has allowed avowed members of the terrorist organization that calls itself The Tea Party into the White House just because they were members of Congress.

OldWhiteLies July 19, 2012 at 6:19 pm

“You follow me around the world, you see me hugging Muslims around the world, because the ones I hug are our friends,”

Bullshit – no way this guy doesn't shit his depends when he sees anyone darker than egg-shell white coming near him.

Nostrildamus July 19, 2012 at 6:21 pm

the ones I hug are our friends

How many get a reach around?

Blueb4sunrise July 19, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Pics or it didn't happen.
.
.
.
.
.
.NO! WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Dude, you gotta be careful what you ask for, yaknow?

flamingpdog July 19, 2012 at 8:52 pm

I went to Google images and typed in "Gohmert" and "hug", and I got exactly one hit. And I promise you it won't require eye bleach if you look at it. But I got about a dozen pics of Obama hugging peoples by typing in "Gohmert" and "hug". Go figure.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Well, that totally gasted my flabber! I'm off to try it.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Well, fuck me blind. You're right.

flamingpdog July 19, 2012 at 10:44 pm

GOOGLE IS A LIBRUL CONSPIRACY!!!

redarmyzombie July 19, 2012 at 9:19 pm

MY EYES!!! MY EYES ARE BURNING!!!!!!!

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 10:03 pm

There, there, sweetie. There, there. (Splashes water in RAZ's eyes)

Remember NEVER to click on pdog's or weejee's links, and you should be fine.

redarmyzombie July 20, 2012 at 5:37 am

Thank you kindly. I will remember that. I, too, once mastered the art of trolling, namely through surgical use of Rule 34'd Doctor Who artwork. Sadly, it is an art one must constantly hone to keep from losing it…

(Have I mentioned I can be evil when it pleases me?)

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 1:27 pm

No. No, no, no, no, NO. NO Doctor Who + Rule 34 EVAH!!

It's bad enough we have fucking sexy SMURFS already, geez.

Fairtackle July 19, 2012 at 6:25 pm

So she let someone with security clearance download documents that require security clearance?

This may be one of those situations where I am afraid I am not understanding what the guy is saying and it turns out he does not understand what he is saying.

YouBetcha July 19, 2012 at 6:26 pm

I would not hit that.

flamingpdog July 19, 2012 at 6:32 pm

I would – if I had a crowbar.

Made of paper ballots, of course.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Well, you *might* if there's a good chance it would never rise again.

With votes, of course.

worrytron July 19, 2012 at 6:27 pm

This is basically what it's like to have a conversation with a schizophrenic asshole.

Maman July 19, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Isn't the TX Department of Public Service the DMV?

coolhandnuke July 19, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Louis Gohmert anagram: Rims Huge Tool

Vecchiojohn July 19, 2012 at 6:36 pm

This guy is clearly not a diplomat. As W could have told him, you interact with good Muslims (the ones with oil) by holding hands with them.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 7:15 pm

You forget all the face-sucking Bush performed on the Saudis.

chascates July 19, 2012 at 6:40 pm

By 'hugging Muslims' Louis actually meant handing the 7-11 clerk a buck for the latest issue of Conspiracy Weekly.

Serolf_Divad July 20, 2012 at 5:47 am

He probably hugged Osama Bin Ladin back when he was fighting the Soviets and Saddam Hussein back when he was at war with Iran. No doubt those are the hugs he's referring to.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 19, 2012 at 6:47 pm

"(R-Texas)" — 'nuff said.

weejee July 19, 2012 at 6:49 pm

And then if you dive far enough down to where no light ever enters, you’ve got Louis Gohmert.

Well this certainly appears to be sound reasoning. If someone is a really big asshole and continues unfettered assholiness, physics tells us that this giant mass will attract more and more bullshit until it eventually collapses into its own fundament, producing an event horizon from which light cannot escape.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 19, 2012 at 6:57 pm

The GOP's biggest idiots seem determined to provide the Dems with video clips for their ad campaigns. I hope this stuff gets a shitload of airtime over the next few months.

SorosBot July 19, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Which is why I think the slightly less crazy Republicans are turning against Michele and her ilk; their psychotic rantings are starting to get mainstream airplay, and the leadership is realizing that coming off as the party of unhinged lunatics might not help in November.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 7:37 pm

I'm doing my best to ensure it. Perhaps you could prod some of our fine media representatives with that handsome pitchfork you wear so well?

pdiddycornchips July 19, 2012 at 7:44 pm

Be careful what you wish for.

"Next up in the Situation room, Janet Napolitano unable to understand simple facts"

DemmeFatale July 19, 2012 at 10:04 pm

I don't know why I'm afraid the Dems will blow it, and not exploit all these golden opportunities.

va_real July 20, 2012 at 12:43 am

Just click your heels 3 times while chanting, "Past performance is no guarantee of future results."

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 6:58 pm

I will admit that I have spent the better part of today offering to support Joe Arpaio's campaign under the nom du Net of our fine Representative up there. Rotten of me, perhaps, but.

Blueb4sunrise July 19, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Were you really trolling Shitter Joe?

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 7:36 pm

Yeah. I'm getting RLY tired of seeing his squashed-pumpkin face glowering at me porcinely from every fucking news site I read. Will it cost him money if I click on his ads?

Blueb4sunrise July 19, 2012 at 7:51 pm

What kinda perverse sites are you looking at? PHX news?

Or his re-elect thing?

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Hey, it's all over Raw Story and TPM, I'll have you know!

Butch_Wagstaff July 19, 2012 at 8:09 pm

I'm trying decide which is true:
1) Sheriff Joe knows all this birther shit is BS and he's just playing along for the financial/political benefits.
2) He actually believes this shit. At first, I was gonna say that maybe it's because he's 80 and some older folks do go a little nuts. But I don't like saying that because it seems a bit ageist and this sort of craziness from the RW doesn't seem limited to older folks anymore.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 8:14 pm

I commend you on resisting the urge to indulge in ageism, but after listening to what that man has been saying over the past week, in all honesty I would schedule a bunch of neurological tests. He's starting to lose it bigtime.

sullivanst July 19, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Any halfway decent ad-provider has spent a lot of time writing algorithms to combat what they consider to be "click fraud". Depending on how desirable the keywords that caused the ad to appear are, you can cost him anywhere from pennies to a couple of dollars, once per computer per day (maybe once per browser per computer per day).

Multiple clicks will not result in further charges.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 9:03 pm

(takes careful notes)

How interesting. A couple of pennies PER PERSON per day might make an impact, might they not, my Brother/Sister Wonketteers?

Blueb4sunrise July 19, 2012 at 8:53 pm

just checked GOS too……..top of page linked to New Times…………
http://blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com/valleyfever/2012

Blueb4sunrise July 19, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Also, some sort of trial going on…..
http://www.kpho.com/slideshow?widgetid=57601

Biel_ze_Bubba July 20, 2012 at 12:06 am

Seems that Joe Piehole's assorted idiocies have cost his county close to a million dollars so far.
Much fun to be had clicking around that site, btw … Arizona liberals can be hysterically snarky (I guess they'd have to be, with so much daily practice.) The comments from the local orcs are, as expected, astoundingly stupid.

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 1:21 am

There's also the little matter of the missing $99 million from his department's books over the years. SOMEONE has been running a VERY lucrative racket, which would explain why Joe R. Piehole is fighting so hard against any investigation, I suppose. And also too why he is now hysterically losing it big time live on national media.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Thanky for the linky, Blue.

Cicada July 19, 2012 at 7:00 pm

"The evidence speaks for itself, not that I'll provide any evidence beyond lunatic gibberish and insinuation. Now answer my baseless accusations, you idiot woman!"

Serolf_Divad July 20, 2012 at 5:50 am

The evidence seems to be that there's a "Freedom and Justice" party in Egypt, and a guy in the U.S. runs a "Freedom and Justice" foundation, and that can't possibly be a coincidence, because who in the world would claim to promote those three words in precisely that order other than a goddamned terrorist.

sullivanst July 19, 2012 at 7:01 pm

The ones that ban wimminz from driving, have religious police, and massive oil resources are our friends.

The ones that believe in science = turrurrsts

pdiddycornchips July 19, 2012 at 7:31 pm

Why have the FBI or the NSA doin' background checks when wez got Louie Gohmert to tell us the good muslins from da bads? Wasteful spendthrifts!

Fraudulently_Joe July 19, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Well, I decided to use google to find an example of the sorts of Muslims that Louis Gohmert hugs, and who are our friends, and all I came up with is this.

But that guy's definitely not Muslim.

Cicada July 19, 2012 at 7:09 pm

You mean he's been palling around with terrists?!?

Quelle suprise!

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Thanks. I just went over there, Tweeted it, and sent it to various people I know. Let's hope it gets legs.

Butch_Wagstaff July 19, 2012 at 8:32 pm

I knew the group's name rang a bell with me.
John Hagee's outfit with a good measure of Falwell offspring & Gary Bauer thrown in.
'Course, all these folks think that the Jews who don't convert to Christianity will burn in pools of fire during the end times.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Thank you. That's good research. Hateful fucks.

Some adult men in Louisville beat the living shit out of a little girl today because they thought she was a lesbian. The kid's 15 or 16. She's gonna need a plate in her jaw.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb July 19, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Slightly better than Texas, where teen lesbians can be murdered while on a date by someone who looks like Jesse Pinkman.

flamingpdog July 19, 2012 at 9:00 pm

I tried the same thing, and all I got was a weenie picture of him with his hands on some unfortunate child. I guess the Joes have better Googles than the pdogs.

Mumbletypeg July 19, 2012 at 7:14 pm

I'd like to thank teh Gohmert for this teachable moment. Everything I need to know about peabrained, condescending, bottom-feeding mushmouth fuckwits I've hereby learned from him.

flamingpdog July 19, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Ann Romney haz the sadz.

Trannysurprise July 19, 2012 at 7:15 pm

HUGS? BORING.

Alert me when he travels around the world to give Muslims tugs, then maybe I will watch his boring YouTube channel.

pdiddycornchips July 19, 2012 at 7:18 pm

First Dubya, then Rick Perry, now this guy. Is it me or is Texas actually getting dumber?

moar_plz July 19, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Here's what Napolitano should have replied with.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8HoaFWI5S0Q

shortsandpants July 19, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Whores. The lot of them.

Cicada July 19, 2012 at 7:42 pm

Not fair! Whores actually have to work for their money.

Chow Yun Flat July 19, 2012 at 7:25 pm

because how else could they have allowed the major security breaches that exist in his imagination?

This is why I love Jim Newell in a somewhat "no homo" kind of way.

pdiddycornchips July 19, 2012 at 7:40 pm

Jim Newell is very good at using words that are there. Also, too, I would not have sex with him but I would scissor with him if he asked.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 July 20, 2012 at 3:29 am

Well not me…my plate is already full of a female flesh orgy consisting of the Editrix, Tina Fey, Sarah Silverman and Erin Burnett to add another name to the list. But I will say this, other than once or twice that I've disagreed with Newell on a column (which usually occures on the rare occassions that he's further left than I am on a given issue) the man is usually spot on and hilarious, too. With that being said…can't Rebecca like maybe offer to scissors with Sara Benincasa to get her to come back every so often? Just a thought and another name to add to my faptastic fantasy.

BarackMyWorld July 19, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Seriously though…fuck that guy.

flamingpdog July 19, 2012 at 9:05 pm

With Ann Coulter's dick.

valgal2342 July 19, 2012 at 10:19 pm

My favorite Coulter quote:
" Well I'll put it in a nutshell, if we don't run Chris Christie Romney will be the nominee and we'll lose."

sullivanst July 20, 2012 at 8:38 am

What she forgot to mention, though, was that when "we" lose, America wins.

NellCote71 July 19, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Against my better judgment, I watched the video. On behalf of all Texans, I apologize from the bottom of my heart.

redarmyzombie July 19, 2012 at 9:30 pm

I accept your apology. The rest, however, have NO excuse!

fartknocker July 19, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Hey Louie, when you find one of those terrorist babies would you let me know? My wife and I would like to adopt one. Stupid goat fuck.

sullivanst July 19, 2012 at 8:04 pm

So a very, very quick bit of wikipedia research highlights the utter absurdity of one of Gohmert's baseless innuendoes, wherein he attempts to imply that because the name of Elbiari's "Freedom and Justice Foundation" shares some words with the name of the political wing of the Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt, the "Freedom and Justice Party", Elbiari must be considered an Islamist terrorist.

Freedom and Justice Foundation: founded 2002.
Freedom and Justice Party: founded 2011.

Louis Gohmert: quite possibly the dumbest fuck on the planet.

Callyson July 19, 2012 at 8:11 pm

But, you see, the FJP time travelled back to 2002 to set up that foundation–it's a trick, just like Obama's going back in time to create a fake birth certificate and birth announcement in the Hawaii papers was a trick! We must stand up against Islamic terrorists now!

Seriously, though, good catch on the Wikipedia facts. Too bad none of the idiots and assholes who sent this jerk to Congress will care about them…

redarmyzombie July 19, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Oh, I don't know, sullivanst; it is early yet…

Biel_ze_Bubba July 19, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Freedom? Justice? Foundation?

I bet $10,000 I can rustle up half a dozen wingtard/teabagger Koch front organizations with those words in their names.

EDIT: I wasn't going to bother actually looking them up, but now that I think of it, it would be fun to send the list to Gomer (R-Texas).

va_real July 20, 2012 at 12:27 am

Better still, let's set up our own & see how much moolah we can get before anyone realizes we're on the WRONG TEAM…

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 12:42 am

I like the way you think.

va_real July 20, 2012 at 1:12 am

So what should we call our new venture? Gadsdenians for Growth? Dred Scott 4Ever? Call of the Loon?

We'll have to get some cheap-ass flag pins from China to give away as premiums- Gadsden flags, natch.

MittBorg July 21, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Do Eeeet.

Serolf_Divad July 20, 2012 at 5:55 am

Hey, if the terrorists had the foresight to plant fake birth announcements for Barack Obama in two Hawaii newspapers all the way back in 1961,what makes you think they didn't have the foresight to found the terrorist "Freedom and Justice" foundation 11 years before the Muslim brotherhood took that phrase as the name of their party?

sullivanst July 20, 2012 at 10:40 am

Well, they forgot to flatten the layers, so they can't be that competent…

Chow Yun Flat July 19, 2012 at 8:07 pm

That. Louie Gohmert was elected to any office shows that large sections of this country aren't yet read for participatory democracy.

Hell, the fact that he got any votes at all should be enough to disenfranchise his district.

Crank_Tango July 19, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Texas.

va_real July 20, 2012 at 12:28 am

Participatory Democracy = 10 syllables.

gullywompr July 19, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Oh my god, these dipshits actually believe this "terrorist infiltration" bullshit!! Literally exhuming McCarthy… Unbefuckinglievable!

sullivanst July 19, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Haven't you heard, McCarthy's a True Amurkkkan Hero again.

emmelemm July 19, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Everybody loves a comeback….

Biel_ze_Bubba July 19, 2012 at 10:38 pm

If zombie McCarthy is stalking the teatard provinces of Texastan in search of brains, he'd better resign himself to going hungry.

poorgradstudent July 19, 2012 at 10:42 pm

At least McCarthy's conspiracy theories were plausible most of the time, if only because there were Communist infiltrators (just not nearly as many as McCarthy claimed).

This crap, though…

sullivanst July 19, 2012 at 8:13 pm

"The gentleman's time has expired" = even fellow Texas Republican Lamar Smith is embarrassed by this prick.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 19, 2012 at 10:39 pm

His time expired in what, 1959?

sullivanst July 20, 2012 at 8:40 am

At long last, he has no decency.

Dashboard Buddha July 19, 2012 at 8:34 pm

"Muslims around the world, because the ones I hug are our friends"

-L Gohmert

"Ok, the dude I kiss? He's your man".

-J Iscariot

mavenmaven July 19, 2012 at 8:34 pm

He wants to lock up all the Moslem men in Gitmo so that he can hug and infiltrate them forever without fear. Another GOP bondage fantasy.

redarmyzombie July 19, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Actually, I believe he's the one who wants to be infiltrated…

Sharkey July 19, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Well, Janny Baby just got some cred in my view, but she is still despicable. "Homeland Security"? Has there ever been a more Nazi-sounding Department in the United States?

Oh.

Oh wait.

Never mind.

gullywompr July 19, 2012 at 10:36 pm

In the State Department, the bureaus go by lettered office symbols. The Secretary of State's office is S, the Deputy Secretary is D, etc. There are "suboffices", which add further letters. The Secretary's front office is Executive Secretariat, which used to go by the official office symbol of S/S, the impropriety of which nobody ever dared to point out.. Colin Powell changed it to S/ES, thankfully.

He did some other things while he was there too.

radio-of-owls July 19, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Ya can't spell Gohmert without wanting to gnaw your fingers off in shame for having done so Gomer!

Barrelhse July 19, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Louis should be the Pope.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb July 19, 2012 at 10:15 pm

As far as I can tell, the only place abroad that Louie has ever been whilst a Representative is Israel.

Which'd make him a liar.

edit: Ah, and Afghanistan. I retract that accusation. How much hugging went on is unreported.

Native_of_SL_UT July 19, 2012 at 10:30 pm

If I acted like that in the conference room at work with a fellow worker, my ass would be fired so fast.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb July 19, 2012 at 10:59 pm

Not to a fellow worker, but I have witnessed a CTO say to a lying (male) vendor: "I'm sorry, I don't speak cunt."

Watching the CEO flinch was priceless.

However, being an overtalking fuckweasel like Gohmert in a meeting would be a ticket for ass-canning.

bflrtsplk July 19, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Tonight I stomped a cockroach that looked a lot like Gohmert in the toilet. It even had the same nose..

Biel_ze_Bubba July 20, 2012 at 1:53 pm

looked a lot like Gohmert in the toilet

Eeeeeew.

a_pink_poodle July 19, 2012 at 10:40 pm

I want to coin a new political term; Bachmannism. Like McCarthyism but with Muslims.

johnnyzhivago July 19, 2012 at 11:32 pm

CSPAN is up to CSPAN-3 now??? Does CSPAN-1 still play music videos???

Serolf_Divad July 20, 2012 at 5:58 am

Nope, it's all horrible reality TV shows like this one.

Troubledog July 19, 2012 at 11:42 pm

Another reason not to live in Texas.

As if there was a shortage.

smashedinhat July 19, 2012 at 11:51 pm

Unacceptable behaviour. What a turd. This man is an elected official?

Fukui-sanRadioBarb July 20, 2012 at 12:09 am

Amazing, really. This is the much-vaunted American Democracy at work.

I thought Napolitano came across well. Patience of a saint.

Mojopo July 20, 2012 at 1:30 am

Racist jackhole with a busted gob full of chaw and bullshit… My God, what do his constituents looks like? If he's the leader, imagine them!

Willardbot9000_V2.5 July 20, 2012 at 3:24 am

Louis Gomer is as stupid as he is ugly and this man is very, very ugly. What the fuck? I thought when even fellow neanderthals called them on this patented stupid bullshit these five idiots would have slinked away to go have their wounds licked by S.E. (two girls, one) Cupp. These Palin-ards will still have the temerity to turn around and accuse Obama of wasting tax dollars on frivolous shit, bet on it.

spareme July 20, 2012 at 5:45 am

Every time Louie Gohmert looks down at this notes, I swear to the Gods that he is reading verbatim from a Tea Party Chat Room.

Serolf_Divad July 20, 2012 at 5:59 am

Every time Gohmert looks down at his notes he's faking it. You really think a guy that dumb can read?

DahBoner July 20, 2012 at 6:54 am

You don't need a passport to travel to a foreign country.

Currently, Arizona, Mississippi, Tennessee and Texas don't require passports for entry…

ttommyunger July 20, 2012 at 8:40 am

In fairness to Louis, with the face and personality of a starving funeral director, the body of Ichabod Crane and breath that would knock a Buzzard off of a gut wagon, he has never ever had a hug; even from his constantly humiliated mother – thus the jealous rant.

James Michael Curley July 20, 2012 at 9:33 am

How about from that gym teacher who used to shower with the boys?

ttommyunger July 20, 2012 at 9:40 am

Soul-mates.

KeepFnThatChicken July 20, 2012 at 9:35 am

Shorter Gohmert: "YOU LIE!"

anniegetyerfun July 20, 2012 at 11:12 am

Wait… does Gohmert have bottom teeth?

notanncoulter July 20, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Huge A**hole Gohmert forgot to put on his Sean Hannity mask first – THAT'S the problem!

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 1:17 pm

(Scritches Historicat's ears) I was worried you woud think I was MAD atcha or sump'n.

HistoriCat July 20, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Oh no, I'm sure you're a lot bitchier when you're mad!

MittBorg July 21, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Goddammit, they've ALL got mah number.

MonkeyMotion July 20, 2012 at 5:38 pm

"Rep. Gohmert, I'd like a simple 'yes' or 'no' answer to this question: Have you always been an insufferable, incoherent, bald-headed, lying, fart-knocker? Just a simple 'yes' or 'no' please!"

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 7:00 pm

See, now, some of us might take that as a *compliment.*

Geminisunmars July 19, 2012 at 7:47 pm

You voodoo my smiler. (hugs the PC)

Blueb4sunrise July 19, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Uh huh.

Okay, there's one at Eshcaton now. Probably from just thinking about Arpaio ads.

HistoriCat July 19, 2012 at 8:40 pm

"Starting to lose it"? I think Joe R-Piehole lost it a long time ago.

Jukesgrrl July 19, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Paranoia is a factor in even mild dementia experienced many elders.

My grandmother, who was one of the most generous souls on the planet for most of her life, by age 80 started trying to get things back she had give away DECADES before, because she now believed the formerly worthy recipients to be evil. She started out nice as pie. Can you imagine how awful someone who is as cruel as Arpaio is could become with just a little bit of the same brain tissue deterioration?

It's not ageism to think that people should step aside from critical positions serving others by the time they reach 75. It's common sense.

flamingpdog July 19, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Actually, I'm pretty sure she can't understand normal thinking*, but it doesn't have anything to do with her having a (word that Republicans can't speak).

*But I DO see what you did there.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 19, 2012 at 8:43 pm

On wonkette, we take "being mean" to an art form. We have the sabbath of snark, and gallons of the sacremental gin. Our bitchforks are long and hard, and ready for work. Shit be needin some rhetorical stabbing.

sullivanst July 20, 2012 at 8:36 am

Ooh you are awful… but I like you.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 9:01 pm

See? You gotta learn to *trust* me, bro. (rifles through Blue's bank account)

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 9:02 pm

I don't know why I waste my time with euphemisms and Nice. It IS Teh Wonketz after all.

Alright, then, I think he's fucking crazy as a shithouse rat. There. You happy?

Blueb4sunrise July 19, 2012 at 9:10 pm

HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA. Get enough for a six pack?

redarmyzombie July 19, 2012 at 9:24 pm

You're too kind, MittBorg. I would contend that he is a fame-greedy toilet-sucking shit whore.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Y'all sure do, honey bunch. (Hides own bitchfork, makes note of cool name)

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 10:00 pm

(Hugs you right back)

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 10:11 pm

(pulls a sad face)

Something tells me you don't *trust* me, bro.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 10:12 pm

You should hear what I call him BEFORE I get presentable.

Gads, what an utterly irredeemable putrid dick the man is. WHY do teabaggers equate stupid rudeness with argument?

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 10:15 pm

I don't know how to set an age limit, or if that's possible. Bertrand Russell was still physically and intellectually active into his late 90s, going so far as to get himself arrested protesting the VietNam war. OTOH, my mother's brain certainly was infected with a mean streak of paranoia early in her 70s. And I see the loss of function in friends and family all around me. There certainly ought to be some form of competence testing.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Such pretty young things, with their whole lives ahead of them. What a fucker.

On the PLUS side, the community seems to be standing up for the little girl in Louisville.

not that Dewey July 20, 2012 at 12:11 am

the shooting was not being investigated as a hate crime.

The shooter was described as a white male in his 20s…

Sure. When has a white male in his 20s ever engaged in a hate crime?

Biel_ze_Bubba July 19, 2012 at 11:03 pm

WHY do teabaggers equate stupid rudeness with argument?

What's the difference between the two? Write that down. There's your answer.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Hey, no fair, man, using Socratic method on a fellow-Wonketteer.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb July 20, 2012 at 12:13 am

What made me laugh here is the idea of any of these screeching Republican Representatives (and their cheerleaders) having any clue about the Socratic method.

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 12:43 am

Hey, watch it, man, you know how they think. "Socratic method"="some Greek bastard or t'other"=BUTTSECHS!

And then we're all in for it.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb July 20, 2012 at 12:49 am

Doesn't happen, right?

Those white boys are always pillars of the community.

va_real July 20, 2012 at 12:50 am

Oh, you think they'll have a clue that Socrates isn't some Ay-rab talk show host?

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 1:17 am

Call of the Loon has the added advantage of product association with Smoking Loon, a fine producer of cheap Chateau Michigan Lakes wine. Actually, their Chardonnay isn't too shabby, and I believe it even features a recorded cry of a loon somewhere on or in the bottle. Or maybe that was the night I drank three of them in a row, and who knows WHAT I was hearing by then.

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 1:19 am

True. They didn't even know Sununu was a Palestinian, fer the love a Mike.

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 1:22 am

They're certainly the *pills* of any community.

va_real July 20, 2012 at 1:39 am

I have seen Smoking Loon product hereabouts, but I can't recall if I've ever sampled the wares. I saw on the Internet that it's good luck to hear a loon cry whilst drinking Chardonnay so it must be true.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 20, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Umm… it's California wine. Amusing review here.

"Tastes like a wet duck." "Chicken." "Whatever."

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 1:48 am

Actually, IIRC, the Smoking Loon covers depict a loon with a cigarette hanging from its beak, and the cry of the loon is punctuated by a smoker's hack. And the wine was OK for a ten- (or maybe twenty)-dollar bottle of plonk.

va_real July 20, 2012 at 2:02 am

I also read that hearing the smoker's hack is not so lucky, but then, you can't believer everything you see on teh Internetz… As for wine over $20/ bottle, it's out of my range & so I tell myself I wouldn't be able to tell the difference if I were comparing plonk to the expen$ive stuff. Probably that's true.

It's 2am here, so am off to Dreamland. Maybe we can conspire some more later today? (But you're on the Left Coast, so that's still tomorrow to you, right?)

sullivanst July 20, 2012 at 9:09 am

Pretty sure I recall having purchased some Smoking Loon, which means it's definitely not as much as $20/bottle. Santa Margherita's the top of our range, and that's only for very special occasions.

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 2:16 am

Goodnight, pet, sleep well. And yes, it's barely time for me to hit the vape. :)

YasserArraFeck July 20, 2012 at 10:00 am

Dick Emery, yes?

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Oh! You were talking to ME. Well, I like you too. So there.

sullivanst July 20, 2012 at 10:38 am

Yes indeed… whose name always makes me think "Chaucer pubbe gagge". Maybe that's because I went to the same school as Bill Bailey.

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Oh, good, I see wine in my future. Do you remember the cry of the smoking loon? It starts off with that eerie, haunting cry and then deteriorates into a smoker's hack. I thought it was *such* a clever marketing ploy.

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Did you? Good lord, the man's a hoot, I loved him in Black Books. So you're Irish, then? Or English? Or do we just say "British," these days?

anniegetyerfun July 20, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Is it an Arabic term? I have never learned it myself, but then, I was too lazy to do much with the religion beyond learning one prayer and showing up to Eid dinner at friends' homes even though I never fasted.

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 2:01 pm

I believe it is. I'll have to go dig up a Muslim friend and pick their brains. I haven't had a decent Eid dinner for ages. Two birds with one stone.

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 2:02 pm

I'm aware of that, dear Biely. I was channelling Rumpole of the Bailey with his Chateau Thames Embankment.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 20, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Ah … like my favorite, Chateau Aubscoeur.
I know you haven't heard of it, but…

sullivanst July 20, 2012 at 2:54 pm

English, British works too, it's all rather confusing though. Did you know that "Britain" is bigger than "Great Britain", for example?

Anyway, early in my time at KES (must've been my first year, since Longworth left by my second year according to wikipedia), Bill and Toby Longworth came back to do a performance. They were hilarious, so it wasn't that big of a surprise to see him on the teevee years later.

And yes, Black Books was surrealist genius. Given recent news, I could probably use The Little Book of Calm.

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 4:10 pm

They're all mad as hatters, that lot. I thought Dylan Moran was a total and complete fucking nutter, and he was just great opposite Simon Pegg (who is another comic genius) in Run, Fat Boy, Run. I find American comedy (the popular kind, not the cutting-edge stuff) pretty flat by comparison.

redarmyzombie July 20, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Oh, don't worry, I reserve that for my most hated enemies these days!

sullivanst July 20, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Well, Black Books was hidden away on Channel 4 with its remit to be "innovative, experimental and distinctive, so it was really more on the cutting edge of British comedy than in the mainstream.

Although, having said that, Father Ted was also on C4, and wikipedia asserts that was "one of the most popular sitcoms in British television history." The Catholic church probably found the character of Father Jack pretty edgy, though.

MittBorg July 21, 2012 at 2:14 am

God, I loved Father Ted (and Father Jack most especially). Tits! ARSE! Jesus, I laughed myself fucking sick watching that. I have to mention I made La Manitobain watch it, and she wasn't impressed in the least.

MittBorg July 21, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Oh, no. It's *much* too Aubscoeur.

sullivanst July 22, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Maybe you should have made sure she had a DRINK! before watching it ;) Father Ted was awesome. RIP, Dermot Morgan, wish you had more time to share your genius with the rest of us.

MittBorg July 22, 2012 at 11:11 pm

She didn't care for that brand of humour. We have very differing senses of humour, oddly.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: