Now we wouldn’t want to let Michele Bachmann’s various House conspirators get off the hook for this “Muslim terrorists infiltrating the government because they are Muslim” summer-of-a-reelection-year stunt, would we? Here’s the dumbest person in the Western Hemisphere, Rep. Louis Gohmert, berating Jan “BIG SIS” Napolitano today about why she let a Muslim terrorist in her employ download secret terrorism documents from The System and then give them to his terrorist friends. Yes, indeed, why would Secretary Napolitano do that? Gohmert assures her that he’s not just scanning the database of government employees for Arabic names and then accusing each of them of offering material support for terrorists because… you know… look at ’em… No, Louis Gohmert loves Muslims so much that he travels around the world to hug them. Sorry, there’s no way this guy has a passport.

Hugging muslins isn’t anything to be proud of, but at least he’s not hugging black Harvard Law professors in the early 1990s:

WASHINGTON — Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Texas), one of five House Republicans who claimed the Muslim Brotherhood may have infiltrated the government, promised Thursday that he doesn’t accuse anyone of nefarious behavior just because they are Muslim.

“You follow me around the world, you see me hugging Muslims around the world, because the ones I hug are our friends,” Gohmert told Department of Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano during a House Judiciary Committee meeting. “This administration seems to have a hard time recognizing members of terrorist groups who are allowed into the White House.”

And she just has no. fucking. idea. what he’s babbling about. Louis Gohmert genuinely believes that he runs a better security operation through his occasional googling than the United States national security apparatus and the Secret Service will ever do. “This administration seems to have a hard time recognizing members of terrorist groups who are allowed into the White House.” This guy doesn’t want to have a conversation about anything, as you can tell by the way he keeps interrupting her with the same straw man question rather than letting her elaborate. He should just be grateful that she doesn’t take the more rational path of walking out and having him arrested for being a dick.

The instinct Gohmert’s working off of is that the White House perhaps enjoys hosting terrorists or giving them classified information, because how else could they have allowed the major security breaches that exist in his imagination?

John Boehner said in an interview earlier this year that in Congress, “We got some of the smartest people in the country who serve here, and some of the dumbest.” And then if you dive far enough down to where no light ever enters, you’ve got Louis Gohmert.


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  • flamingpdog

    Louis Gohmert loves Muslims so much that he travels around the world to hug them.

    Just stay away from Sherrod Brown, Louis!

  • Can't spell "Shame Fuck" without MEK

    • not that Dewey


  • nounverb911

    Isn't Gohmert one of Allen West's communists?

  • EdFlintstone

    Everything is bigger in Texas, including assholes.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Plenty o' wide open spaces – between this guy's ears.

    • AncienReggie

      This guy is actually my brother's congressman. Of course, that makes Perry his governor too also. Granted, Brother Bill is a Republican, but even so he feels the shame.

      • emmelemm

        A Republican capable of feeling shame? I thought those were all but extinct in the wild.

      • Good. I hope you deliver the occasional needle of subtle snark to keep him well-inoculated against the creeping Republican shamelessness that appears to be taking over these yutzes.

  • sbj1964

    Hugging Muslims? The next hot ticket toy for Christmas! F-you Elmoe.Yesterdays news you hack.(Warning: Hugging Muslims may explode on contact with ANYTHING !) 9v battery,and cell phone detonator not included.Ages 6 years and up.TM* Iranian Toy Co.U.S patent pending.A Bain corp LLC subsidiary.Made in China

  • Maybe Louis and Michelle can hug each other.

    • nounverb911

      One-L please.

      • Antispandex

        I thought he meant Malkin. Most Teaguys find her very huggable.

        • Terry

          Malkin is a whole lot of nastiness in a little tiny package. A teacup wingnut, basically.

          • AncienReggie

            Evil, evil, nasty little bitch. (Malkin, i mean–not you, T.)

          • See, now, some of us might take that as a *compliment.*

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            On wonkette, we take "being mean" to an art form. We have the sabbath of snark, and gallons of the sacremental gin. Our bitchforks are long and hard, and ready for work. Shit be needin some rhetorical stabbing.

          • Y'all sure do, honey bunch. (Hides own bitchfork, makes note of cool name)

          • sullivanst

            Ooh you are awful… but I like you.

          • YasserArraFeck

            Dick Emery, yes?

          • sullivanst

            Yes indeed… whose name always makes me think "Chaucer pubbe gagge". Maybe that's because I went to the same school as Bill Bailey.

          • Did you? Good lord, the man's a hoot, I loved him in Black Books. So you're Irish, then? Or English? Or do we just say "British," these days?

          • sullivanst

            English, British works too, it's all rather confusing though. Did you know that "Britain" is bigger than "Great Britain", for example?

            Anyway, early in my time at KES (must've been my first year, since Longworth left by my second year according to wikipedia), Bill and Toby Longworth came back to do a performance. They were hilarious, so it wasn't that big of a surprise to see him on the teevee years later.

            And yes, Black Books was surrealist genius. Given recent news, I could probably use The Little Book of Calm.

          • They're all mad as hatters, that lot. I thought Dylan Moran was a total and complete fucking nutter, and he was just great opposite Simon Pegg (who is another comic genius) in Run, Fat Boy, Run. I find American comedy (the popular kind, not the cutting-edge stuff) pretty flat by comparison.

          • sullivanst

            Well, Black Books was hidden away on Channel 4 with its remit to be "innovative, experimental and distinctive, so it was really more on the cutting edge of British comedy than in the mainstream.

            Although, having said that, Father Ted was also on C4, and wikipedia asserts that was "one of the most popular sitcoms in British television history." The Catholic church probably found the character of Father Jack pretty edgy, though.

          • God, I loved Father Ted (and Father Jack most especially). Tits! ARSE! Jesus, I laughed myself fucking sick watching that. I have to mention I made La Manitobain watch it, and she wasn't impressed in the least.

          • sullivanst

            Maybe you should have made sure she had a DRINK! before watching it ;) Father Ted was awesome. RIP, Dermot Morgan, wish you had more time to share your genius with the rest of us.

          • She didn't care for that brand of humour. We have very differing senses of humour, oddly.

          • Oh! You were talking to ME. Well, I like you too. So there.

          • Beowoof

            Why poor Malkin is an anchor baby, who doesn't yet realize her tawny brown skin will exclude her membership in the he-man republican club. And on top of that she has a vagina, which means in their eyes she Can't Understand Normal Thinking.

          • flamingpdog

            Actually, I'm pretty sure she can't understand normal thinking*, but it doesn't have anything to do with her having a (word that Republicans can't speak).

            *But I DO see what you did there.

      • Had you given me 10 more seconds, I would've been able to fix it, you damn Speedy Gonzales.

  • Can you imagine what Rep. Gohmert would say if the president sent bibles and a cake to known terrorists?

    • nounverb911

      Rep Peter King (R-IRA)?

      • sullivanst

        I soooooo can't wait 'til January when redistricting will ensure that fuck is no longer my congresscritter.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Depends on the color of the President, of course.

  • ProgressiveInga

    "This administration seems to have a hard time recognizing members of terrorist groups who are allowed into the White House.”

    Will someone please ask Osama Bin Laden if he had a hard time being recognized by Seal Team 6? And has he been to the WH lately?

    • SorosBot

      Well he did get a lot of money and weapons from the White House; specifically from a man named Reagan.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        Back when Reagan was selling weapons to Saddam, Iran, and the Taliban, all at the same time? I remember that. Good times. Bad hair.

  • flamingpdog

    Gohmert = Pyle o' Shit.

    • nounverb911

      Was Gohmert in the French Foreign Legion?

  • "Texas Department of Public Safety…"

    The NRA, then?

  • Hugging, holding hands, it's fine, just as long as there's no bowing.

    • Vecchiojohn

      Curse you, Zoom, you've beaten me to the punch once again, and this time I didn't even notice it. I am going to retire to my secret lair and plot my revenge.

      • emmelemm

        Be sure to tent your fingers, then stroke your pussy.

        • sullivanst

          CeeLo libel!

        • Vecchiojohn

          I can tent my fingers, but I'm not a girl so . . . Oh, you are a sly one, aren't you.

  • edgydrifter

    I don't know how you say "Silkwood Shower" in Arabic, but I'll bet it gets said a lot by people who've experienced Gomert's genuine International Muslim Hug.

  • I thought "Dipshit McGoo" was Fred Thompson.
    I stand corrected.

    • sullivanst

      It was always hard to tell with Thompson whether it was stupidity or just his spectacular laziness.

  • These goatblowing assclowns wouldn't recognize an actual terrorist if they opened fire on them with a flamethrower.

    • Well, if it was a white guy, then, no, he's a criminal, but not a terrorist.

  • I wish she was as rude to him as he was to her. What a complete dick.

    • va_real

      She oughta put him on the No-Fly List for all that Muslim hugging.

      • flamingpdog

        Guys like Louis don't need a fly – they believe in trickle-down.

    • bikerlaureate

      Well, his middle name is Buller.

  • Callyson

    “This administration seems to have a hard time recognizing members of terrorist groups who are allowed into the White House.”

    Why might that be the case? Oh, right, because that has NEVER FUCKING HAPPENED…


  • frostbitefalls

    Tailgunner Joe is looking a little soft on communism, in retrospect.

  • Rush Limbaugh hugs little Dominican boys, doesn't mean he actually likes them.

  • va_real

    It will be easier to convince me that he has a passport than to convince me this guy knows how to Google…

  • There is no way Gohmert is a Muslim Hugger.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Wrong spelling. He is a " Huggie" which is a shit-filled diaper in any language.

      • Actually, it is, in more than one. (snicker) (upfist)

        • Maybe I meant a Muslim Lover..

          • He can love 'em all he wants, but I'm bettin' most Muslims will be extremely put off by his close resemblance to a camel in heat.

    • Fairtackle

      I am guessing he has hugged more terrorists than there are in the government.

  • rickmaci

    Oh geez. Wonketteers dredging (or should I say Drudging) Google clips from shallow end of the gene pool again.

  • Antispandex

    “You follow me around the world, you see me hugging Muslims around the world, because the ones I hug are our friends,”

    They have oil.

    “This administration seems to have a hard time recognizing members of terrorist groups who are allowed into the White House.”

    Because…you know…negros.

    “We got some of the smartest people in the country who serve here, and some of the dumbest.”

    Liburls suck!

    Tea speak translation by Antispandex…you're welcame.

    • Vecchiojohn

      Have you thought of offering your services to Rosetta Stone?

  • Callyson

    "I'm asking you if you know simple facts"

    No, asshole, you are yelling at Janet Napolitano and berating her, and getting mad because she won't fall for the bait. Guess what, jerk–she was a Democrat in *Arizona*, meaning she's had plenty of experience in dealing with ignorant and belligerent Reeps like you…

  • Oh, don't blame Gohmert. He's just using the words that are there.

    Oh, and Janet has the patience of a saint.

    • emmelemm

      Nice call-back to yesterday. I like.

  • new_pic_for_NEWTer

    I made it 32 seconds – any longer I would've punched his face (on my computer).

    • flamingpdog

      Maybe somebody can tell a funny joke so you can at least spew beer on his face.

      • So this guy's going out of town, and he's worried because he knows his old lady, and she's a horndog, and he decides to buy her a little, you know, toy, to keep her company till he gets back. So he's over in that district of town where they sell toys for naughty girls, and he's looking in one shop and then in another, but nothing quite seems like the right toy. Finally, he confesses to the clerk who's assisting him that he just can't find anything for his Special Lady.

        The clerk gets a funny look on his face, and he says, "Well, I have something here that might just do the trick." And he pulls out a box and in it is a large, well-shaped dildo. "This," says the clerk, "is a Voodoo Penis. It's very expensive, but guaranteed to satisfy." And he explains to the gentleman how to use this toy. Whereupon the gentleman pitchforks over the requisite amount of cash and departs with the Voodoo Penis clutched firmly to his person, and presents it to his wife. To activate this toy, the user simply specifies "Voodoo Penis, [portion of my anatomy]," and off it goes to do its dark work.

        The genteman leaves town and the lady amuses herself and all is going peachy-keen until the night she forgets how to turn it off. Since she is being ravaged by this toy like a road being jackhammered, her drive to the hospital is more than a *little* erratic. OK, she's weaving around like a drunken sailor on the road, when a motorcycle cop pulls her over.

        She tries to explain why she's on her way to the hospital, and why she's driving so terribly, but sees that with each word, the cop is looking more and more cynical. When she finally ends her story, he can't take any more. "Lady," he says, "I've heard a lot of bullshit in my time, but this takes the cake. Voodoo Penis, my ass!"

        • Geminisunmars

          I gave you upfist just to Voodoo your p-ness.

          • It worked! It worked!

            Oh. You said "p-ness."

          • Geminisunmars

            You voodoo my smiler. (hugs the PC)

          • (Hugs you right back)

        • flamingpdog

          Well, it's Thursday evening, and I'm pdog-tired, so it took me a couple of seconds, but I did just about spew water on the monitor.

    • docterry6973

      Actually, I wish Janet had shouted "That's it! It's GO TIME!" and jumped across the table the up onto the podium, grabbing for the asshole's tie. i guarantee Gohmert would be sniveling under his desk.

  • Another misogynistic asshole. "Shut up lil woman, a man is talking"

  • SorosBot

    “This administration seems to have a hard time recognizing members of terrorist groups who are allowed into the White House.”

    Well that may be true; I've heard the President has allowed avowed members of the terrorist organization that calls itself The Tea Party into the White House just because they were members of Congress.

  • “You follow me around the world, you see me hugging Muslims around the world, because the ones I hug are our friends,”

    Bullshit – no way this guy doesn't shit his depends when he sees anyone darker than egg-shell white coming near him.

  • Nostrildamus

    the ones I hug are our friends

    How many get a reach around?

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Pics or it didn't happen.
    .NO! WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Dude, you gotta be careful what you ask for, yaknow?

      • flamingpdog

        I went to Google images and typed in "Gohmert" and "hug", and I got exactly one hit. And I promise you it won't require eye bleach if you look at it. But I got about a dozen pics of Obama hugging peoples by typing in "Gohmert" and "hug". Go figure.

        • Well, that totally gasted my flabber! I'm off to try it.

        • Well, fuck me blind. You're right.

          • flamingpdog


    • redarmyzombie


      • There, there, sweetie. There, there. (Splashes water in RAZ's eyes)

        Remember NEVER to click on pdog's or weejee's links, and you should be fine.

        • redarmyzombie

          Thank you kindly. I will remember that. I, too, once mastered the art of trolling, namely through surgical use of Rule 34'd Doctor Who artwork. Sadly, it is an art one must constantly hone to keep from losing it…

          (Have I mentioned I can be evil when it pleases me?)

          • No. No, no, no, no, NO. NO Doctor Who + Rule 34 EVAH!!

            It's bad enough we have fucking sexy SMURFS already, geez.

          • redarmyzombie

            Oh, don't worry, I reserve that for my most hated enemies these days!

  • Fairtackle

    So she let someone with security clearance download documents that require security clearance?

    This may be one of those situations where I am afraid I am not understanding what the guy is saying and it turns out he does not understand what he is saying.

  • YouBetcha

    I would not hit that.

    • flamingpdog

      I would – if I had a crowbar.

      Made of paper ballots, of course.

    • Well, you *might* if there's a good chance it would never rise again.

      With votes, of course.

  • worrytron

    This is basically what it's like to have a conversation with a schizophrenic asshole.

  • Isn't the TX Department of Public Service the DMV?

  • coolhandnuke

    Louis Gohmert anagram: Rims Huge Tool

  • Vecchiojohn

    This guy is clearly not a diplomat. As W could have told him, you interact with good Muslims (the ones with oil) by holding hands with them.

    • You forget all the face-sucking Bush performed on the Saudis.

  • chascates

    By 'hugging Muslims' Louis actually meant handing the 7-11 clerk a buck for the latest issue of Conspiracy Weekly.

    • Serolf_Divad

      He probably hugged Osama Bin Ladin back when he was fighting the Soviets and Saddam Hussein back when he was at war with Iran. No doubt those are the hugs he's referring to.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    "(R-Texas)" — 'nuff said.

  • And then if you dive far enough down to where no light ever enters, you’ve got Louis Gohmert.

    Well this certainly appears to be sound reasoning. If someone is a really big asshole and continues unfettered assholiness, physics tells us that this giant mass will attract more and more bullshit until it eventually collapses into its own fundament, producing an event horizon from which light cannot escape.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    The GOP's biggest idiots seem determined to provide the Dems with video clips for their ad campaigns. I hope this stuff gets a shitload of airtime over the next few months.

    • SorosBot

      Which is why I think the slightly less crazy Republicans are turning against Michele and her ilk; their psychotic rantings are starting to get mainstream airplay, and the leadership is realizing that coming off as the party of unhinged lunatics might not help in November.

    • I'm doing my best to ensure it. Perhaps you could prod some of our fine media representatives with that handsome pitchfork you wear so well?

    • pdiddycornchips

      Be careful what you wish for.

      "Next up in the Situation room, Janet Napolitano unable to understand simple facts"

    • I don't know why I'm afraid the Dems will blow it, and not exploit all these golden opportunities.

      • va_real

        Just click your heels 3 times while chanting, "Past performance is no guarantee of future results."

  • I will admit that I have spent the better part of today offering to support Joe Arpaio's campaign under the nom du Net of our fine Representative up there. Rotten of me, perhaps, but.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Were you really trolling Shitter Joe?

      • Yeah. I'm getting RLY tired of seeing his squashed-pumpkin face glowering at me porcinely from every fucking news site I read. Will it cost him money if I click on his ads?

        • Blueb4sunrise

          What kinda perverse sites are you looking at? PHX news?

          Or his re-elect thing?

          • Hey, it's all over Raw Story and TPM, I'll have you know!

          • Blueb4sunrise

            Uh huh.

            Okay, there's one at Eshcaton now. Probably from just thinking about Arpaio ads.

          • See? You gotta learn to *trust* me, bro. (rifles through Blue's bank account)

          • Blueb4sunrise

            HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA. Get enough for a six pack?

          • (pulls a sad face)

            Something tells me you don't *trust* me, bro.

        • Butch_Wagstaff

          I'm trying decide which is true:
          1) Sheriff Joe knows all this birther shit is BS and he's just playing along for the financial/political benefits.
          2) He actually believes this shit. At first, I was gonna say that maybe it's because he's 80 and some older folks do go a little nuts. But I don't like saying that because it seems a bit ageist and this sort of craziness from the RW doesn't seem limited to older folks anymore.

          • I commend you on resisting the urge to indulge in ageism, but after listening to what that man has been saying over the past week, in all honesty I would schedule a bunch of neurological tests. He's starting to lose it bigtime.

          • HistoriCat

            "Starting to lose it"? I think Joe R-Piehole lost it a long time ago.

          • I don't know why I waste my time with euphemisms and Nice. It IS Teh Wonketz after all.

            Alright, then, I think he's fucking crazy as a shithouse rat. There. You happy?

          • redarmyzombie

            You're too kind, MittBorg. I would contend that he is a fame-greedy toilet-sucking shit whore.

          • You should hear what I call him BEFORE I get presentable.

            Gads, what an utterly irredeemable putrid dick the man is. WHY do teabaggers equate stupid rudeness with argument?

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            WHY do teabaggers equate stupid rudeness with argument?

            What's the difference between the two? Write that down. There's your answer.

          • Hey, no fair, man, using Socratic method on a fellow-Wonketteer.

          • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

            What made me laugh here is the idea of any of these screeching Republican Representatives (and their cheerleaders) having any clue about the Socratic method.

          • Hey, watch it, man, you know how they think. "Socratic method"="some Greek bastard or t'other"=BUTTSECHS!

            And then we're all in for it.

          • va_real

            Oh, you think they'll have a clue that Socrates isn't some Ay-rab talk show host?

          • True. They didn't even know Sununu was a Palestinian, fer the love a Mike.

          • Paranoia is a factor in even mild dementia experienced many elders.

            My grandmother, who was one of the most generous souls on the planet for most of her life, by age 80 started trying to get things back she had give away DECADES before, because she now believed the formerly worthy recipients to be evil. She started out nice as pie. Can you imagine how awful someone who is as cruel as Arpaio is could become with just a little bit of the same brain tissue deterioration?

            It's not ageism to think that people should step aside from critical positions serving others by the time they reach 75. It's common sense.

          • I don't know how to set an age limit, or if that's possible. Bertrand Russell was still physically and intellectually active into his late 90s, going so far as to get himself arrested protesting the VietNam war. OTOH, my mother's brain certainly was infected with a mean streak of paranoia early in her 70s. And I see the loss of function in friends and family all around me. There certainly ought to be some form of competence testing.

        • sullivanst

          Any halfway decent ad-provider has spent a lot of time writing algorithms to combat what they consider to be "click fraud". Depending on how desirable the keywords that caused the ad to appear are, you can cost him anywhere from pennies to a couple of dollars, once per computer per day (maybe once per browser per computer per day).

          Multiple clicks will not result in further charges.

          • (takes careful notes)

            How interesting. A couple of pennies PER PERSON per day might make an impact, might they not, my Brother/Sister Wonketteers?

    • Blueb4sunrise

      just checked GOS too…… of page linked to New Times…………

      • Blueb4sunrise

        Also, some sort of trial going on…..

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Seems that Joe Piehole's assorted idiocies have cost his county close to a million dollars so far.
          Much fun to be had clicking around that site, btw … Arizona liberals can be hysterically snarky (I guess they'd have to be, with so much daily practice.) The comments from the local orcs are, as expected, astoundingly stupid.

          • There's also the little matter of the missing $99 million from his department's books over the years. SOMEONE has been running a VERY lucrative racket, which would explain why Joe R. Piehole is fighting so hard against any investigation, I suppose. And also too why he is now hysterically losing it big time live on national media.

      • Thanky for the linky, Blue.

  • Cicada

    "The evidence speaks for itself, not that I'll provide any evidence beyond lunatic gibberish and insinuation. Now answer my baseless accusations, you idiot woman!"

    • Serolf_Divad

      The evidence seems to be that there's a "Freedom and Justice" party in Egypt, and a guy in the U.S. runs a "Freedom and Justice" foundation, and that can't possibly be a coincidence, because who in the world would claim to promote those three words in precisely that order other than a goddamned terrorist.

  • sullivanst

    The ones that ban wimminz from driving, have religious police, and massive oil resources are our friends.

    The ones that believe in science = turrurrsts

    • pdiddycornchips

      Why have the FBI or the NSA doin' background checks when wez got Louie Gohmert to tell us the good muslins from da bads? Wasteful spendthrifts!

  • Well, I decided to use google to find an example of the sorts of Muslims that Louis Gohmert hugs, and who are our friends, and all I came up with is this.

    But that guy's definitely not Muslim.

    • Cicada

      You mean he's been palling around with terrists?!?

      Quelle suprise!

    • Thanks. I just went over there, Tweeted it, and sent it to various people I know. Let's hope it gets legs.

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        I knew the group's name rang a bell with me.
        John Hagee's outfit with a good measure of Falwell offspring & Gary Bauer thrown in.
        'Course, all these folks think that the Jews who don't convert to Christianity will burn in pools of fire during the end times.

        • Thank you. That's good research. Hateful fucks.

          Some adult men in Louisville beat the living shit out of a little girl today because they thought she was a lesbian. The kid's 15 or 16. She's gonna need a plate in her jaw.

          • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

            Slightly better than Texas, where teen lesbians can be murdered while on a date by someone who looks like Jesse Pinkman.

          • Such pretty young things, with their whole lives ahead of them. What a fucker.

            On the PLUS side, the community seems to be standing up for the little girl in Louisville.

          • not that Dewey

            the shooting was not being investigated as a hate crime.

            The shooter was described as a white male in his 20s…

            Sure. When has a white male in his 20s ever engaged in a hate crime?

          • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

            Doesn't happen, right?

            Those white boys are always pillars of the community.

          • They're certainly the *pills* of any community.

    • flamingpdog

      I tried the same thing, and all I got was a weenie picture of him with his hands on some unfortunate child. I guess the Joes have better Googles than the pdogs.

  • I'd like to thank teh Gohmert for this teachable moment. Everything I need to know about peabrained, condescending, bottom-feeding mushmouth fuckwits I've hereby learned from him.

    • flamingpdog

      Ann Romney haz the sadz.

  • Trannysurprise


    Alert me when he travels around the world to give Muslims tugs, then maybe I will watch his boring YouTube channel.

  • pdiddycornchips

    First Dubya, then Rick Perry, now this guy. Is it me or is Texas actually getting dumber?

  • moar_plz

    Here's what Napolitano should have replied with.

  • shortsandpants

    Whores. The lot of them.

    • Cicada

      Not fair! Whores actually have to work for their money.

  • because how else could they have allowed the major security breaches that exist in his imagination?

    This is why I love Jim Newell in a somewhat "no homo" kind of way.

    • pdiddycornchips

      Jim Newell is very good at using words that are there. Also, too, I would not have sex with him but I would scissor with him if he asked.

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Well not me…my plate is already full of a female flesh orgy consisting of the Editrix, Tina Fey, Sarah Silverman and Erin Burnett to add another name to the list. But I will say this, other than once or twice that I've disagreed with Newell on a column (which usually occures on the rare occassions that he's further left than I am on a given issue) the man is usually spot on and hilarious, too. With that being said…can't Rebecca like maybe offer to scissors with Sara Benincasa to get her to come back every so often? Just a thought and another name to add to my faptastic fantasy.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Seriously though…fuck that guy.

    • flamingpdog

      With Ann Coulter's dick.

      • valgal2342

        My favorite Coulter quote:
        " Well I'll put it in a nutshell, if we don't run Chris Christie Romney will be the nominee and we'll lose."

        • sullivanst

          What she forgot to mention, though, was that when "we" lose, America wins.

  • NellCote71

    Against my better judgment, I watched the video. On behalf of all Texans, I apologize from the bottom of my heart.

    • redarmyzombie

      I accept your apology. The rest, however, have NO excuse!

  • fartknocker

    Hey Louie, when you find one of those terrorist babies would you let me know? My wife and I would like to adopt one. Stupid goat fuck.

  • sullivanst

    So a very, very quick bit of wikipedia research highlights the utter absurdity of one of Gohmert's baseless innuendoes, wherein he attempts to imply that because the name of Elbiari's "Freedom and Justice Foundation" shares some words with the name of the political wing of the Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt, the "Freedom and Justice Party", Elbiari must be considered an Islamist terrorist.

    Freedom and Justice Foundation: founded 2002.
    Freedom and Justice Party: founded 2011.

    Louis Gohmert: quite possibly the dumbest fuck on the planet.

    • Callyson

      But, you see, the FJP time travelled back to 2002 to set up that foundation–it's a trick, just like Obama's going back in time to create a fake birth certificate and birth announcement in the Hawaii papers was a trick! We must stand up against Islamic terrorists now!

      Seriously, though, good catch on the Wikipedia facts. Too bad none of the idiots and assholes who sent this jerk to Congress will care about them…

    • redarmyzombie

      Oh, I don't know, sullivanst; it is early yet…

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Freedom? Justice? Foundation?

      I bet $10,000 I can rustle up half a dozen wingtard/teabagger Koch front organizations with those words in their names.

      EDIT: I wasn't going to bother actually looking them up, but now that I think of it, it would be fun to send the list to Gomer (R-Texas).

      • va_real

        Better still, let's set up our own & see how much moolah we can get before anyone realizes we're on the WRONG TEAM…

        • I like the way you think.

          • va_real

            So what should we call our new venture? Gadsdenians for Growth? Dred Scott 4Ever? Call of the Loon?

            We'll have to get some cheap-ass flag pins from China to give away as premiums- Gadsden flags, natch.

          • Call of the Loon has the added advantage of product association with Smoking Loon, a fine producer of cheap Chateau Michigan Lakes wine. Actually, their Chardonnay isn't too shabby, and I believe it even features a recorded cry of a loon somewhere on or in the bottle. Or maybe that was the night I drank three of them in a row, and who knows WHAT I was hearing by then.

          • va_real

            I have seen Smoking Loon product hereabouts, but I can't recall if I've ever sampled the wares. I saw on the Internet that it's good luck to hear a loon cry whilst drinking Chardonnay so it must be true.

          • Actually, IIRC, the Smoking Loon covers depict a loon with a cigarette hanging from its beak, and the cry of the loon is punctuated by a smoker's hack. And the wine was OK for a ten- (or maybe twenty)-dollar bottle of plonk.

          • va_real

            I also read that hearing the smoker's hack is not so lucky, but then, you can't believer everything you see on teh Internetz… As for wine over $20/ bottle, it's out of my range & so I tell myself I wouldn't be able to tell the difference if I were comparing plonk to the expen$ive stuff. Probably that's true.

            It's 2am here, so am off to Dreamland. Maybe we can conspire some more later today? (But you're on the Left Coast, so that's still tomorrow to you, right?)

          • Goodnight, pet, sleep well. And yes, it's barely time for me to hit the vape. :)

          • sullivanst

            Pretty sure I recall having purchased some Smoking Loon, which means it's definitely not as much as $20/bottle. Santa Margherita's the top of our range, and that's only for very special occasions.

          • Oh, good, I see wine in my future. Do you remember the cry of the smoking loon? It starts off with that eerie, haunting cry and then deteriorates into a smoker's hack. I thought it was *such* a clever marketing ploy.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Umm… it's California wine. Amusing review here.

            "Tastes like a wet duck." "Chicken." "Whatever."

          • I'm aware of that, dear Biely. I was channelling Rumpole of the Bailey with his Chateau Thames Embankment.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Ah … like my favorite, Chateau Aubscoeur.
            I know you haven't heard of it, but…

          • Oh, no. It's *much* too Aubscoeur.

      • Do Eeeet.

    • Serolf_Divad

      Hey, if the terrorists had the foresight to plant fake birth announcements for Barack Obama in two Hawaii newspapers all the way back in 1961,what makes you think they didn't have the foresight to found the terrorist "Freedom and Justice" foundation 11 years before the Muslim brotherhood took that phrase as the name of their party?

      • sullivanst

        Well, they forgot to flatten the layers, so they can't be that competent…

  • That. Louie Gohmert was elected to any office shows that large sections of this country aren't yet read for participatory democracy.

    Hell, the fact that he got any votes at all should be enough to disenfranchise his district.

    • Crank_Tango


    • va_real

      Participatory Democracy = 10 syllables.

  • gullywompr

    Oh my god, these dipshits actually believe this "terrorist infiltration" bullshit!! Literally exhuming McCarthy… Unbefuckinglievable!

    • sullivanst

      Haven't you heard, McCarthy's a True Amurkkkan Hero again.

      • emmelemm

        Everybody loves a comeback….

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      If zombie McCarthy is stalking the teatard provinces of Texastan in search of brains, he'd better resign himself to going hungry.

    • poorgradstudent

      At least McCarthy's conspiracy theories were plausible most of the time, if only because there were Communist infiltrators (just not nearly as many as McCarthy claimed).

      This crap, though…

  • sullivanst

    "The gentleman's time has expired" = even fellow Texas Republican Lamar Smith is embarrassed by this prick.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      His time expired in what, 1959?

      • sullivanst

        At long last, he has no decency.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    "Muslims around the world, because the ones I hug are our friends"

    -L Gohmert

    "Ok, the dude I kiss? He's your man".

    -J Iscariot

  • mavenmaven

    He wants to lock up all the Moslem men in Gitmo so that he can hug and infiltrate them forever without fear. Another GOP bondage fantasy.

    • redarmyzombie

      Actually, I believe he's the one who wants to be infiltrated…

  • Well, Janny Baby just got some cred in my view, but she is still despicable. "Homeland Security"? Has there ever been a more Nazi-sounding Department in the United States?


    Oh wait.

    Never mind.

    • gullywompr

      In the State Department, the bureaus go by lettered office symbols. The Secretary of State's office is S, the Deputy Secretary is D, etc. There are "suboffices", which add further letters. The Secretary's front office is Executive Secretariat, which used to go by the official office symbol of S/S, the impropriety of which nobody ever dared to point out.. Colin Powell changed it to S/ES, thankfully.

      He did some other things while he was there too.

  • radio-of-owls

    Ya can't spell Gohmert without wanting to gnaw your fingers off in shame for having done so Gomer!

  • Barrelhse

    Louis should be the Pope.

  • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

    As far as I can tell, the only place abroad that Louie has ever been whilst a Representative is Israel.

    Which'd make him a liar.

    edit: Ah, and Afghanistan. I retract that accusation. How much hugging went on is unreported.

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    If I acted like that in the conference room at work with a fellow worker, my ass would be fired so fast.

    • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

      Not to a fellow worker, but I have witnessed a CTO say to a lying (male) vendor: "I'm sorry, I don't speak cunt."

      Watching the CEO flinch was priceless.

      However, being an overtalking fuckweasel like Gohmert in a meeting would be a ticket for ass-canning.

  • bflrtsplk

    Tonight I stomped a cockroach that looked a lot like Gohmert in the toilet. It even had the same nose..

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      looked a lot like Gohmert in the toilet


  • a_pink_poodle

    I want to coin a new political term; Bachmannism. Like McCarthyism but with Muslims.

  • CSPAN is up to CSPAN-3 now??? Does CSPAN-1 still play music videos???

    • Serolf_Divad

      Nope, it's all horrible reality TV shows like this one.

  • Troubledog

    Another reason not to live in Texas.

    As if there was a shortage.

  • smashedinhat

    Unacceptable behaviour. What a turd. This man is an elected official?

    • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

      Amazing, really. This is the much-vaunted American Democracy at work.

      I thought Napolitano came across well. Patience of a saint.

  • Mojopo

    Racist jackhole with a busted gob full of chaw and bullshit… My God, what do his constituents looks like? If he's the leader, imagine them!

  • Willardbot9000_V2.5

    Louis Gomer is as stupid as he is ugly and this man is very, very ugly. What the fuck? I thought when even fellow neanderthals called them on this patented stupid bullshit these five idiots would have slinked away to go have their wounds licked by S.E. (two girls, one) Cupp. These Palin-ards will still have the temerity to turn around and accuse Obama of wasting tax dollars on frivolous shit, bet on it.

  • spareme

    Every time Louie Gohmert looks down at this notes, I swear to the Gods that he is reading verbatim from a Tea Party Chat Room.

    • Serolf_Divad

      Every time Gohmert looks down at his notes he's faking it. You really think a guy that dumb can read?

  • DahBoner

    You don't need a passport to travel to a foreign country.

    Currently, Arizona, Mississippi, Tennessee and Texas don't require passports for entry…

  • ttommyunger

    In fairness to Louis, with the face and personality of a starving funeral director, the body of Ichabod Crane and breath that would knock a Buzzard off of a gut wagon, he has never ever had a hug; even from his constantly humiliated mother – thus the jealous rant.

    • James Michael Curley

      How about from that gym teacher who used to shower with the boys?

      • ttommyunger


  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Shorter Gohmert: "YOU LIE!"

  • anniegetyerfun

    Wait… does Gohmert have bottom teeth?

  • notanncoulter

    Huge A**hole Gohmert forgot to put on his Sean Hannity mask first – THAT'S the problem!

  • (Scritches Historicat's ears) I was worried you woud think I was MAD atcha or sump'n.

    • HistoriCat

      Oh no, I'm sure you're a lot bitchier when you're mad!

      • Goddammit, they've ALL got mah number.

  • MonkeyMotion

    "Rep. Gohmert, I'd like a simple 'yes' or 'no' answer to this question: Have you always been an insufferable, incoherent, bald-headed, lying, fart-knocker? Just a simple 'yes' or 'no' please!"

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