Louis Gohmert Claims ‘FIRST’ In World Comment Thread On Colorado Shootings

by Doktor Zoom

Let's talk about the REAL victims...In the always-crowded race to become the first public figure to say something incredibly douchey immediately after a tragedy, it would appear that bragging rights go to Rep. Louis Gohmert, (R-TX), who, asked about the shootings in an interview on right-wing radio, took the opportunity to blame the shootings on America’s failure to be Jesusy enough:

“You know what really gets me, as a Christian, is to see the ongoing attacks on Judeo-Christian beliefs, and then some senseless crazy act of a derelict takes place,” Gohmert said….

“People say … where was God in all of this?” Gohmert said. “We’ve threatened high school graduation participations, if they use God’s name, they’re going to be jailed … I mean that kind of stuff. Where was God? What have we done with God? We don’t want him around. I kind of like his protective hand being present.”

Gohmert also wondered why no one at the crowded theater had had the foresight to be packing heat so that, in a dark theater full of screaming people, they could have calmly shot the gunman, and speculated that the root cause of violence is probably atheism:

Most of us that follow the military, love the military know that we have had an extraordinary increase in suicide rates in the military and it’s just heartbreaking … There was a study commissioned, 6,000 personal of index profiles and what they found, and I don’t ‘know if they’ll make it public…but all of the people who have committed suicide within their two percent studied, were part of their 2 percent most atheistic members of the military. We’ve lost our faith.

It is not yet clear whether Gohmert has set a new record for the shortest time between a massacre and a public statement blaming the murderer’s actions on the spiritual beliefs of other Americans, but he clearly hopes to be a contender for the title.

[HuffPo][ThinkProgress]

Thanks to Alert Wonketteer Weejee for calling attention to this story

 
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{ 360 comments }

nounverb911 July 20, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Remind me not to sit near Gohmert in a crowded theater anywhere.

ManchuCandidate July 20, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Sweet Zombie Jeebus. Get off the Cross, Gohmert.

CommieLibunatic July 20, 2012 at 3:41 pm

And use the wood to build a bridge and GET OVER IT.

ChernobylSoup July 20, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Pat Robertson is PISSED.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 20, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Jerry Falwell is probably sitting in hell wondering why he wasn't allowed to live to blame lesbians and witches for this.

emmelemm July 20, 2012 at 2:30 pm
Lionel[redacted]Esq July 20, 2012 at 2:47 pm

You are just trying to cheer me up.

emmelemm July 20, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Is it working?

mavenmaven July 20, 2012 at 2:13 pm

So, Louis, where was God? Why didn't your God stop this murderer? After all, your God packs the sacred heat, correct?

IncenseDebate July 20, 2012 at 2:14 pm

God was busy making sure some baseball team won last night.

CthuNHu July 20, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Red Sox 1, Colorado 0

not that Dewey July 20, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Ouch.

SorosBot July 20, 2012 at 3:41 pm

The Red Sox winning can only be the work of Satan though.

CommieLibunatic July 20, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Like the old song goes, He's in every Zeppelin album, He's in all Rush Limbaugh's rants, He's the reason that the Boston Red Sox even had a chance.

Doktor Zoom July 20, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Isn't it clear? We aren't Godly enough, so God has removed His protective hand. Except for some kid at the theater who narrowly survived–God intervened there, but He sort of forgot to protect some other people. Mysterious ways, man.

Geminisunmars July 20, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Yeah, especially the 6 year old and thee 3 month old.

WIDTAP July 20, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Apparently Gohment doesn't feel the 3 month old's faith was strong enough.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 20, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Hey, did the 3-month old even have a bible with him? I think not.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 20, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Kid was already borned – he was on his own.
Poor choice anyhow for a 3-month-old, going to a loud, violent midnight movie. Kids these days …. sheesh.

HistoriCat July 20, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Mysterious ways nothin. Let's face it – God's an asshole.

jetjaguar July 20, 2012 at 7:19 pm

mysterious and MAGICAL! http://youtu.be/KdocQHsPCNM

MissTaken July 20, 2012 at 2:22 pm

God is too busy with his plans to kill black teenagers in Florida who carry Skittles and iced tea to be bothered with a crowded movie theater.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 20, 2012 at 2:49 pm

They are an existential threat to our country.

SorosBot July 20, 2012 at 3:03 pm

I liked that god fellow better when he was just deciding what football teams should win games based on whichever fans prayed harder.

actor212 July 20, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Dude, God's a busy man and there's only so many hours in a day and he's only got two hands, and there was a game on…

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 20, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Game, please. At midnight I bet he was watching porn on Cinemax. Thank God Romney will crack down on that.

Boojum July 20, 2012 at 2:45 pm

"What have we done with God?"

FUCK! I left God in my other pants!

redarmyzombie July 20, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Actually, God was having dinner with me last night. He had to leave a little early though, when he spilled Fetus Tartar on himself.

MittBorg July 21, 2012 at 1:24 pm

You made him Fetus Tartare?

You never made *me* any. *pout*

redarmyzombie July 22, 2012 at 5:39 am

Oh gosh, MittBorg, I'm so sorry! God had stopped by, saying he decided to try new things in life and that he'd never had Fetus before. I'm sorry, it was thoughtless of me, really.

Why don't I make it up to you? I'll treat you to the best Zygotes Benedict you ever laid eyes on!

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 20, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Clearly, and frighteningly, God must be a Muslim!

Biel_ze_Bubba July 20, 2012 at 3:00 pm

When you're busy smiting red states with shitty climate weather, it's easy to overlook the small stuff.

zippy_w_pinhead July 20, 2012 at 3:38 pm

it's not the sacred heat you should be worried about, He also packs the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch

Vecchiojohn July 20, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Armaments, chapter two, verses nine to twenty-one. "And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high . . . "

toaster_pastry July 20, 2012 at 5:34 pm

God says:

Thou shalt not wield thy mac-10 in a crowded theater.

Thou shalt lob thine Holy Hand Grenade at the heathen commies.

dontcha know.

BaldarTFlagass July 20, 2012 at 2:13 pm

“People say … where was God in all of this?”

Perhaps, maybe, God told this guy to do it. What say you to that, Mr Gohmert?

WhiteyMcFlyover July 20, 2012 at 2:22 pm

True Scotsman libel!

Doktor Zoom July 20, 2012 at 3:38 pm

We found His particle, and He is PISSED.

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 4:56 pm

We found a particle that does away with the need for him, and boy, is he … nonexistent.

Not with a bang but a whimper. Thanks to the scientists all over the world, and to CERN, especially. God is dead, and here's the proof.

nounverb911 July 20, 2012 at 2:13 pm

"where was God in all of this?"
He's busy with the drought across America.

johnnymeatworth July 20, 2012 at 2:25 pm

And He had His hands full with the Zimmerman thing.

Larry McAwful July 20, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Funny how the drought is also an act of God. He gets us coming and going, He does.

SorosBot July 20, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Well of course it's an act of god; I mean anyone who claims that humanity's release of excessive carbon dioxide into the atmosphere changes our climate is part of the commienvirofascist conspiracy to do … something sinister. It's never clear what.

vtxmcrider July 20, 2012 at 11:25 pm

He is too busy right now trying to decide who the fuck should be the Republican nominee. All the people he already asked have lost and let him down, and he never did ask Mitt … and He's smiting Mitt for pretending that God chose him.

CapnRadio July 20, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Comment withheld for fear of banishment.

weejee July 20, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Capn, is your comment along the lines that if we dunked ol' Louie in a vat of tar, and then did it again, and again, and again, and again. Then the Congressman would be multi-tarded, or something like that?? Save, he's done the multitarding all by his lonesome.

BaldarTFlagass July 20, 2012 at 2:35 pm

I've had a couple of those kinds of comments run through my head today also.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 20, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Some days you just have to skullfuck a retard.

Barrelhse July 20, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Holy shit, You're good!

Billmatic July 20, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Oh come on man, we don't even have neg rep anymore.

TeaNuts July 20, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Gohmert is a Pile!

CivicHoliday July 20, 2012 at 9:48 pm

…of shit

Flat_Earther July 20, 2012 at 2:15 pm

It sort of makes you wish Gomhmert was in the theater.

MittBorg July 21, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Oh, GAWD how I wish Gohmert had been in that theater.

BaldarTFlagass July 20, 2012 at 2:16 pm

From some of the comments I've seen elsewhere on the internet, God may very well have been pissed off at people who take their 3-month-old babies to the movies, especially to midnight movies, and sent this Holmes guy along to sort things out.

TheGyrus July 20, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Cut the parents a break. Three months old is the perfect age for sleeping through a movie.

Two year olds in movies, on the other hand – thats trouble.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 20, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Especially nice quiet movies with soothing soundtracks. They sleep right through those.

SorosBot July 20, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Nope; parents taking babies to movies other than Disney stuff made for them is a crime against humanity.

anniegetyerfun July 20, 2012 at 3:16 pm
emmelemm July 20, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Yay Oats!

Butch_Wagstaff July 20, 2012 at 4:28 pm

I approve.

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Oh, man.

viennawoods13 July 20, 2012 at 5:39 pm

My son and I went to see Moonrise Kingdom last Saturday, first matinee, and the theatre was empty!! We were an audience of two! Which meant… no heads in our way, no stupid people talking and… we could talk to each other when we wanted to!! Bliss!

MissNancyPriss July 20, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Hell to the NO. If you are grown up enough to have kids, you are grown up enough to miss a midnight screening of a super loud comic book movie.

TheGyrus July 20, 2012 at 9:30 pm

That's the thing. If you have a three month old, you are frigging exhausted, strung out, and a midnight screening of a super loud comic book movie is exactly the sort of break you need.

MittBorg July 21, 2012 at 1:00 pm

And having your kid's crying interrupt their watching is just what the other patrons need? Lots of kids cried all the way through LOTR when I watched it. The parents had to be SHAMED into taking their poor little tykes out. These movies are NOT for kids! They're designed to be scary for ADULTS!

Larry McAwful July 20, 2012 at 2:33 pm

I'm no expert on children, but I can tell you, as a former baby myself: babies don't like movies. Not that my parents took my three-month-old self to the Columbia Theater to see "Midnight Cowboy", but I'm pretty sure they don't.

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Little human babies — like any other little babies — are eat/sleep/poop machines for the first X months of their lives. Like all other small, fragile creatures, they need a warm and soothing environment with no sudden or loud noises. Taking a kid to a violent movie with explosions and gunshots and god knows what-all screaming and yelling is inexcusable, in my book. When I'm tired and sleepy, I don't put loud rock music on. I expect if babies could talk they would say the same.

redarmyzombie July 20, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Agreed, though I have to say I once had a bunny who would fall asleep to Metallica.

MittBorg July 21, 2012 at 1:00 pm

He didn't star in any Monty Python skits by any chance, did he?

YasserArraFeck July 20, 2012 at 3:11 pm

We used to take our 2-3 mo son with us to the movies – park him in his car seat, stick him on the boob when he woke up – after that, he slept through anything.

Vecchiojohn July 20, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Dad?

YasserArraFeck July 23, 2012 at 10:52 am

Son?

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 3:12 pm

That was me. I srsly don't think ppl should take little babies to loud, violent, scary films.

viennawoods13 July 20, 2012 at 5:41 pm

I saw a baby at a gimungus, crowded, LOUD Who concert back in 1980. I still remember that as a stand-out example of where not to take a baby.

MittBorg July 21, 2012 at 1:04 pm

In their first year of life, babies' exposure to adults should be carefully regulated. Their immune systems are delicate and not quite mature, and things that adults can shrug off can make a little tyke quite ill. Also, too, their tender sensory organs are just starting out in life. Rock music has been *proven* to damage hearing. Is it fair to subject a tiny BABY to this kind of assault? Let the baby grow up and choose for itself if it wants to be deafened and horrified and terrorized. All kinds of shit happens at concerts, loud people, drunks, fights, drugs. Why would any responsible adult want to risk their child's health/wellbeing by dragging it to such events? It's not like the kid has the first fucking clue what it's listening to anyway.

TheGyrus July 20, 2012 at 9:32 pm

At three months old, they are too young to notice the violent, the scary, and possibly even the loud. All they really care about is sleep, pooping, and tits.

nedbeaumontjr July 20, 2012 at 10:13 pm

How is this different from the rest of us?

MittBorg July 21, 2012 at 1:07 pm

There's plenty of scientific evidence that loud and sudden noises register on our consciousness even when we are deeply asleep. Violent scary stuff has a subliminal component. A lot of thought goes into making these movies loud, violent, and scary. A baby has no defenses against this kind of shit. It may seem to be a sleeping food/poop bag, but it has a brain and a nervous system, and they are being affected by the million-dollar electronics being employed.

Barrelhse July 20, 2012 at 3:53 pm

The Taliban Vice Squad has been commenting on this?

anniegetyerfun July 20, 2012 at 2:16 pm

“People say … where was God in all of this?” Gohmert said.

Huh. I never say that.

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 3:13 pm

(Eyes annie suspishusly) Are you a People?

anniegetyerfun July 20, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Well, I am eating for two.

Goonemeritus July 20, 2012 at 2:16 pm

This brave Texan has had quite a week I anticipate a ground swell of VP talk.

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Not with THAT face. It was MADE for radio. Or a brown paper bag.

GunToting[Redacted] July 20, 2012 at 4:37 pm

That's a face made for brass knuckles.

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Those could definitely help.

StealthMuslin July 20, 2012 at 2:16 pm

The Douchebag Olympics are off to a great start.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 20, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Over almost before they started. Gomer is the Usain Bolt of douchebaggery … he's way ahead of everyone, and just coasting through the finish line here.

Yankee_Steve July 20, 2012 at 7:42 pm

That was frigging hilarious!!!

elviouslyqueer July 20, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Your move, Snowbilly.

Rosie_Scenario July 20, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Surveyors marks, you betcha.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 20, 2012 at 2:52 pm

She is probably just wondering why he didn't do his shooting from a helicopter.

imissopus July 20, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Please dog no, I can't take any more.

NellCote71 July 20, 2012 at 4:21 pm

That reminds me. How does this affect Lou Sarah, and in what way is this another example of Obama's failed economic policies.

Hammiepants July 20, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Not only were those comments douchey, they were barely coherent. Are we sure he's not a muslin terrier? Because I'm pretty sure English is not his first language.

Terry July 20, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Yeah, what the heck does "6,000 personal of index profiles"? Personal of index? That's word salad.

miss_grundy July 20, 2012 at 3:00 pm

He's from Texas. As we have experienced in this country, white people of a certain political persuasion are not known to speak the English language well from that state. They can only speak in word salad.

redarmyzombie July 20, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Actually, the correct term is "word murder".

x111e7thst July 20, 2012 at 2:17 pm

God did not have a gun so what could he do?

Doktor Zoom July 20, 2012 at 3:49 pm

No starship, either. It's a drag being God.

didgen July 20, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Yes, where was God's protective hand? Apparently stirring the shit in your head that you call brains Louis. I am failing to understand, is he actually saying that all of the suicides in a group of studied atheists were atheists?

MissTaken July 20, 2012 at 2:26 pm

I think so. Also, in that group of military personnel who committed suicide the study also showed they all committed suicide. Why is this not being made public??

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 3:19 pm

It's a TARP!

Dashboard Buddha July 20, 2012 at 2:18 pm

“People say … where was God in all of this?”

God's away on business.

sbj1964 July 20, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Isaiah 43 :10-13 I am the lord none were created before me nor shall I create any.Beside me there is no savior.So much for Jesus.A Greek myth created for Greeks.

sewollef July 20, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Could've been worse, much worse:

"From there Elisha went up to Bethel. While he was on his way, some small boys came out of the city and jeered at him. "Go up baldhead," they shouted, "go up baldhead!" The prophet turned and saw them, and he cursed them in the name of the Lord. Then two shebears came out of the woods and tore forty two of the children to pieces."
(2 Kings 2:23-24 NAB)

Just saying'…

HistoriCat July 20, 2012 at 5:59 pm

And this is why Bryan Fischer is dead-set on eliminating bears.

Oblios_Cap July 20, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Most of us that follow the military, love the military know that we have had an extraordinary increase in suicide rates in the military and it’s just heartbreaking … There was a study commissioned, 6,000 personal of index profiles and what they found, and I don’t ‘know if they’ll make it public…but all of the people who have committed suicide within their two percent studied, were part of their 2 percent most atheistic members of the military. We’ve lost our faith.

If you really loved the military, you wouldn't be expect them to make repeated tours in god-forsaken parts of the world to fight this county's trade wars. That, the shitty pay, and the strain it puts on the vets and their family life are the reason they're blowing their brains out.

Steverino247 July 20, 2012 at 2:27 pm

That's it exactly.

miss_grundy July 20, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Besides the shit that they see during combat. War is not a John Wayne movie.

Crank_Tango July 20, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Might also explain why so many don't believe in god anymore.

johnnyzhivago July 20, 2012 at 2:18 pm

With all the Muslims, Jews and Hindus in this country, it was only a matter of time before a tragedy like this would happen.

shortsandpants July 20, 2012 at 2:18 pm

As long as nobody blames the person WHO ACTUALLY SHOT AT PEOPLE AND CAUSED THIS, I'm cool with whatevs.

actor212 July 20, 2012 at 2:21 pm

That would mean talking about his gun

JerkCade July 20, 2012 at 2:23 pm

gunz

Oblios_Cap July 20, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Crazy people just aren't always that interesting.

TheGyrus July 20, 2012 at 2:28 pm

BLA BLA BLA I CAN"T HEAARRR YOU!!!!

Rosie_Scenario July 20, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Guns don't kill people, bullets do.

actor212 July 20, 2012 at 2:45 pm

I know I've often thrown a bullet at someone and killed him

SmutBoffin July 20, 2012 at 2:55 pm

LEAD LIBEL!

Bullets don't kill people, exsanguination as a consequence of ballistically-induced puncture wounds kills people.

Crank_Tango July 20, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Everything would have been fine if everyone in that darkened theater was concealed carrying.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 20, 2012 at 2:29 pm

What is the use of talking about him until we know if he was working for or against God?

shortsandpants July 21, 2012 at 12:37 am

We'd have to know which God, first— that mean Old Testament one or that "nice guy's always finish last" New one with the H.R. Department.

Goonemeritus July 20, 2012 at 2:19 pm

“Not Jesusy enough”

If we got any more Jesusy we would be nailing each other to crosses for relaxation.

OneYieldRegular July 20, 2012 at 2:24 pm

You say that as if we're not doing that already.

actor212 July 20, 2012 at 2:32 pm

It's like the Teeter Inversion Table. Now with moar nailz.

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 3:22 pm

I just want you to know that the Catholic Church has come out against crucifixion.

I'm perfectly serious about this. They announced it yesterday.

Bit late, what with the dude being dead already and all, but hey.

Goonemeritus July 20, 2012 at 3:29 pm

The Catholic Church is nothing if not a slave to fashion.

OldWhiteLies July 20, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Religion. The ultimate in US vs THEM dichotomy.

JerkCade July 20, 2012 at 2:19 pm

To some extent everybody is an atheist. Some just believe in one god fewer.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 20, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Where was god while Kyle Huff was walking through the house of my friends, executing them one by one for their differing sexual mores?

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 3:23 pm

You knew this person?

I am so sorry.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 20, 2012 at 6:25 pm

I'll just put this out here, like a drama queen.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capitol_Hill_massacreThanks

MittBorg July 21, 2012 at 1:34 pm

(Hugs you)

ChillBill July 20, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Here's a simple Louis-style, "yes or no question": is Loius Gohmert a fucking idiot?

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Bill? G'wan. You KNOW you don't want to ask that question. There's only ONE ANSWER, dood. That's not fair.

Chill_Bill July 20, 2012 at 3:36 pm

"Just answer the question!!!" I prefer "Chill," btw.

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 5:02 pm

OK. Dang, you're starting to *sound* like Louie, heah.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 20, 2012 at 4:05 pm

No. Because who would fuck him?

ChernobylSoup July 20, 2012 at 2:19 pm

God thought this was a Batman and Robin movie and figured it was time for some smiting.

Oblios_Cap July 20, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Because of The Gayz?

UW8316154 July 20, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Dunno, tough call one what came first – the loss of faith in God….OR being sent to the Sandbox to fight two unjust wars, living in the hell of violence, heat and sand, watching your friends get killed, occasionally losing a limb, and coming back home to untreated PSTD?

actor212 July 20, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Gohmert Piles on

wonkettkinkster July 20, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Dammit! Beaten by seconds.

actor212 July 20, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Scroll up. Minutes

wonkettkinkster July 20, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Gohmert Pyle.

That is all.

C_R_Eature July 20, 2012 at 2:21 pm

I just don't have the proper words for Mr. Gohmert, yet. But I know who does:

Why, thou clay brained guts, thou knotty pated fool, thou whoreson obscene greasy tallow catch!
– Henry V, Part 1

Poisonous bunch backed toad.
-Richard III

Foul spoken coward, that thund'rest with thy tongue, and with thy weapon nothing dares perform
-Titus Andronicus

From the extremest upward of thy head to the descent and dust beneath thy foot, a most toad spotted traitor
-King Lear

A fool, a coward, one all of luxury, an ass, a madman
-Measure for Measure

That is all.

elviouslyqueer July 20, 2012 at 2:37 pm

He is deformed, crooked, old and sere,
Ill-faced, worse bodied, shapeless everywhere;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind;
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.

–The Comedy of Errors

C_R_Eature July 20, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Gold Star. Shakespeare's a veritable gold mine for quotes.

elviouslyqueer July 20, 2012 at 3:02 pm

*doffs English major hat*

C_R_Eature July 20, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Worth every penny. Thanks.

Larry McAwful July 20, 2012 at 2:37 pm

I checked my Bible, and none of those books appear in it. Are you using a Mormon Bible, or what?

C_R_Eature July 20, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Masonic.

RadioSlut July 20, 2012 at 2:59 pm

What an ass art thou!
-Two Gents of Verona

C_R_Eature July 20, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Yes, absolutely.

fuflans July 20, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Rudesby, be gone

C_R_Eature July 20, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Concise. Gold Star!

fuflans July 20, 2012 at 3:46 pm

just lazy really. i played the part three times in my misspent youth (olivia, 12th night)

C_R_Eature July 20, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Still doesn't diminish the appropriateness of the reference. I doff my hat at you.

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Is it OK if I Tweet each of those to Louie Gohmert separately and sign them, "An Adoring Fan"? Or do I need to attribute?

C_R_Eature July 20, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Have at it, please. No attribution necessary, unless you want to sign with "Citizen" or "Member of the Human Race".

bumfug July 20, 2012 at 2:21 pm

If there were really a God, Louie Gohmert would be on fire.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 20, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Patience, my friend. Patience.

CthuNHu July 20, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Vengeance is a dish best served — uh, best served later on.

Though I would scarcely venture to reprimand the Almighty were a firebolt from above to strike this inflamed and festering pustule on the backside of America's body politic, say, this afternoon.

Hint, hint? Word to the Wisest? Just sayin'…

I would also promise to go to church more often, if that helps.

Preferred Customer July 20, 2012 at 4:08 pm

If there were really a God, Louis Gohmert would be recognized as a dipshit idiot who spews incoherent nonsense, and would be mocked, openly.

Whoa. I just blew my own mind.

Hera Sent Me July 20, 2012 at 2:21 pm

In World War I, every European combatant claimed to be fighting in the name of, and beseeching the blessing of, the Christian God.

Four years of trench warfare, gas attacks, sinkings of unarmed passenger liners and massacres of unarmed civilians later, 10,000,000 Europeans lay dead, Europe was half-destroyed, its peoples half-starved and being rollicked by communist revolutions, and Adolf Hitler was standing off to the side, waiting for the chance to do even worse.

God is Good.

Steverino247 July 20, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Lest we forget: Hitler called those four years the happiest of his life.

Oblios_Cap July 20, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Don't get me started about his honeymoon.

bobbert July 20, 2012 at 3:23 pm

That's why I love mankind.

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 3:26 pm

It's a COOKBOOK!

Oh. Sorry, wrong cue.

sewollef July 20, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Is that you, Randy?

Preferred Customer July 20, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Gott mit uns, insh'allah.

SmutBoffin July 20, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Where was God during all this? He was there, not doing anything, really. Watching. Maybe touching Himself a little. (Yes, He loves guns that much.)

Billmatic July 20, 2012 at 2:40 pm

He's talking to the gun, not with it. Big difference.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 20, 2012 at 3:20 pm

That sound you heard was God, snorting coffee all over His sacred keyboard.

Maman July 20, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Yeah. It was the lack of God that caused the Oklahoma City bombing and the Atlanta Olympics.. and the killing of Dr. Tiller. Why the fuck can people by teargas canisters?

Larry McAwful July 20, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Because freedom. I expect the Supreme Court to overturn the ban on civilian ownership of nuclear weapons, which clearly violates the Second Amendment. Once the Joneses have the Bomb, you'll have to keep up with them. Unless you're some limp-wristed peacenik, of course.

Maman July 20, 2012 at 2:45 pm

If we can give up our freedom to go unmolested at the airport for safety, I would gladly give up my freedom to own an assault rifle for safety.

Crank_Tango July 20, 2012 at 3:30 pm

If Jim Jones had a nuke, he wouldn't have needed all that Kool Aid, so there's that.

miss_grundy July 20, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Tear gas canisters, explosives galore, guns galore, etc. Why, because this country loves its myth of living by the skill of drawing a gun and killing. That is what has always been celebrated in this country. And we have a very powerful lobbyist group in Washington pushing that myth. And that is why the rest of the civilized world looks at America, and thinks that we are all a bunch of deranged cowboys and mobsters. Because we like killing.

Honestly, what was this white kid's fracking problem? That he wasn't doing well studying neuroscience, so he decided to kill people who wanted to go to a midnight showing of a terrific blockbuster. And decided to kill strangers??? Is there something in the air out in Colorado that makes people pick up guns and resolve their problems by killing strangers, including children????

AlterNewt July 20, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Sounds come out of his mouth. One shouldn't look for meaning there.

SheriffJoeBiden July 20, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Holy shit, just secede already! We won't stop you this time, promise!

Vecchiojohn July 20, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Let's give Texas back to Mexico and THEN build the danged fence.

Monsieur_Grumpe July 20, 2012 at 2:23 pm

What weapon would Jesus pack?

BaldarTFlagass July 20, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Why, of course, a nine-bladed sword! Nine-bladed! Not two, or five, or seven, but nine, which he will wield on all wretched sinner-sinners, just like you sir, there!

Monsieur_Grumpe July 20, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Atheist Ninjas Attack!!!!!!11!

WhiteyMcFlyover July 20, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Crossbow.

actor212 July 20, 2012 at 2:39 pm

A bag lunch

Larry McAwful July 20, 2012 at 2:40 pm

If Jesus had been packing, there's no fucking way they would ever have gotten him up on that cross, believe you me.

Monsieur_Grumpe July 20, 2012 at 4:13 pm

There's an NRA bumper sticker in that comment.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 20, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Jesus just kills people with his mind.

But given that he used to hang out with poor Middle Easterners, if he had to be armed, I'm guessing a AK-47.

Flat_Earther July 20, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Mary Magdalene said Jesus was packing…

Flat_Earther July 20, 2012 at 2:23 pm

This idiot used to be a judge. I bet there was a lot of “Christian” justice in his court. Let’s not forget he is one of the five signers of the Bachmann letters about the Muslim Brotherhood.

HistoriCat July 20, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Just remember that judges are elected in Texas … need I say more?

BloviateMe July 20, 2012 at 2:23 pm

I have as much use for your god as I have for Zeus. Keep your mythology.

PDA July 20, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Wow, MY beliefs were being attacked constantly, and then this happened. STOP ALL YOUR ANTI-GREEN-SOCIALIST-DHARMA-PUNK-ATHEIST RHETORIC, OR ELSE MOAR AURORAS!!!

johnnymeatworth July 20, 2012 at 2:24 pm

"Gohmert also wondered why no one at the crowded theater had had the foresight to be packing heat."

Because this ISN'T FUCKING TV and that shit DOESN'T FUCKING HAPPEN.

Larry McAwful July 20, 2012 at 2:41 pm

A bunch of people in a dark, crowded theater, firing guns? That sounds safe to me.

johnnymeatworth July 20, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Sure, what could possibly go wrong????

Chichikovovich July 20, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Well, especially because there was all that tear-gas that would make it hard for the crazy shooter to see, and that would make it easier for the law-abiding Americans in the theatre to hit him dead between the eyes.

Larry McAwful July 20, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Oh, absolutely! Context is everything.

bobbert July 20, 2012 at 3:25 pm

The crazy shooter with the gas-mask.

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Precisely.

JustPixelz July 20, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Gohmert should have checked this morning's tweet from the NRA before he spoke:

"Good morning, shooters. Happy Friday! Weekend plans?"

Obviously "go to church with my gun" is the required response.

C_R_Eature July 20, 2012 at 2:55 pm

"Good morning, shooters. Happy Friday! Weekend plans?"

Jail.

IncenseDebate July 20, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Man gets the God he creates.

widestanceromance July 20, 2012 at 2:24 pm

If this man had an ounce of decency, he'd be with Palin and her family at this difficult time, not making the Internet even more painful for her and them.

MissTaken July 20, 2012 at 2:24 pm

but all of the people who have committed suicide within their two percent studied, were part of their 2 percent most atheistic members of the military.

So they studied 2% of the 2% of the military that is atheist and all of the 2% of the atheist 2% were atheist? Got it.

ph7 July 20, 2012 at 2:32 pm

There are no statisticians in the foxhole!

actor212 July 20, 2012 at 2:38 pm

In the Fantasy Foxhole League, however…

MissTaken July 20, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Nate Silver LIBEL!!1

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 20, 2012 at 2:33 pm

By Gohmert's reasoning, how is that a bad thing?

va_real July 20, 2012 at 3:13 pm

I thought he was saying that 2% milk made you atheistic & suicidal? Maths is hard!

MissTaken July 20, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Give me WHOLE or give me DEATH!

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Um … hmmm … I thought you were an innie who liked outies.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 20, 2012 at 4:07 pm

That's what she said!

Oblios_Cap July 20, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Of course, I'm not sure which God of Abraham is the best one, but they seem to be for killing anybody that was different from whichever of his followers happened to be packing.

One God of Abraham believes that Jesus was a prophet, but not the Messiah.

One God believes "Jesus, meh".

And one God believes Jesus was his son, but not really, because God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are the same thing.

God's a mess.

Barrelhse July 20, 2012 at 4:11 pm

He seems to be suffering from multiple personality disorder.

JustPixelz July 20, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Quick! Someone ask George Zimmerman if this shooting was also God's plan.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 July 20, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Awesome question…but shouldn't we ALSO get Donald Trump's take on this as well? Quick, to the Youtubes!

worrytron July 20, 2012 at 2:26 pm

God was busy telling Michelle Bachmann where the muslims in government are.

SayItWithWookies July 20, 2012 at 2:27 pm

There was a study commissioned, 6,000 personal of index profiles and what they found, and I don’t ‘know if they’ll make it public…but all of the people who have committed suicide within their two percent studied, were part of their 2 percent most atheistic members of the military. We’ve lost our faith.

Go fuck yourself in the ass with a hot poker, Louie. As an atheist (though more significantly as a scientific rationalist) I treasure this brief life because evidence points to me being dead forever after it's over. Thus, I'd think that atheists — regardless of your made-up "secret study which I don't know if they're going to release" that you probably read on NewsMax or some shit — have a lot more reason to work out their problems while alive and not resort to suicide.

So please — shut your damn yap.

actor212 July 20, 2012 at 2:30 pm

So let me get this straight: Two percent of suicides in the military self-identified as atheist which mirrors the fact that two percent of the military self-identifies as atheist?

SayItWithWookies July 20, 2012 at 2:39 pm

I'm not even sure if Louie knows what he's saying, and even if he does, it certainly didn't leave his mouth in any coherent form. It looks like he's saying that 6,000 person-of-index thingies were studied, and then everyone they studied killed themselves. Which, you know, might lead one to suspect there was something malicious about the folks conducting the study, but since he's just making shit up there's little cause for an investigation.

MissTaken July 20, 2012 at 2:41 pm

I just may kill myself I learned I was a 'person-of-index' and had to be studied by Louis Gohmert, too.

actor212 July 20, 2012 at 2:44 pm

It reads like it was in English but translated to Hmong and then back to English via Italian.

Oblios_Cap July 20, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Kinda like the bible, except it started in Aramaic and ended up in English.

elviouslyqueer July 20, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Well, if I'm reading his math correctly, he's saying that two percent of the study (120 people) were atheists, and of these, two percent (2.4 people) killed themselves.

OMG crisis time for Christianity in the military.

Larry McAwful July 20, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Why do we need God? Just give everyone their own gun. Then we'll all be protected, and we won't have to bother with prayer. I feel safer already just thinking about that.

actor212 July 20, 2012 at 2:44 pm

I would build an altar to my Gun and worship it every day.

ph7 July 20, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Where was God? What have we done with God? We don’t want him around. I kind of like his protective hand being present.”

GOD DIDN'T BUILD THAT!

Nostrildamus July 20, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Where is God in all of this? Where he usually is. Flittering around in your head, keeping you from learning anything or doing anything useful.

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Sounds like a large, thick-bodied annoying insect.

IceCreamEmpress July 20, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Colorado is a concealed carry state. The requirement to get a permit is one four-hour review class at a licensed gun range, of which there are bazillions.

If there was nobody in the theater carrying, it was by their own choice. Or maybe there were people in the theater carrying, but they were well enough trained that they know that taking potshots with a handgun in a crowded, smoke-filled theater would be idiotic and not help anything.

Sorry, no joke here because fuck this shithead.

Oblios_Cap July 20, 2012 at 2:40 pm

I have a concealed carry permit and never actually pack heat.

OldWhiteLies July 20, 2012 at 2:31 pm

…but all of the people who have committed suicide within their two percent studied, were part of their 2 percent most atheistic members of the military.

Fucking toad. First, he is clearly having a NotMeantAsFactualStatement moment, because while the study itself is real, he pulled this part out of his encrusted ass. Second, atheism isn't a sliding scale on which some are most, unlike Gohmert's own level of inhumanity.

Fraudulently_Joe July 20, 2012 at 3:12 pm

I dunno, I woke up this morning feeling just a little atheistic, but by the time I read and heard Gohmert's statements, I was feeling very atheistic, and considered calling out from work, in case I'm contagious.

Chichikovovich July 20, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Call a suicide hotline immediately!!!!

Steverino247 July 20, 2012 at 2:32 pm

I would say weathering the crisis sometimes caused by realizing suddenly that all religions are bullshit could be a bit troublesome, but on the scale of 1 to 10, seeing your buddies blown up right in front of you has got to peg whatever meter you're using.

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 3:42 pm

This is why I think that crap about "no atheists in foxholes" is crap. Some of my vet buddies are raging fucking atheists, and they served and left a piece or two of themselves some place far away. Watching people die is the best possible proof that there is no god. What loving creator could bear to let its creations suffer the way we all do? Hell, writers have problems killing off THEIR characters. Imagine a deity that could snuff people as casually as our purported deity seems to. That is not a deity that deserves an iota of love or respect from me.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 20, 2012 at 2:33 pm

“People say … where was God in all of this?” Gohmert said.

God was in every bullet and shot gun pellet fired, God was in the smoke and screams and tears. God was in every blood coated popcorn kernel spilled on the floor of the theater.

La_Cieca July 20, 2012 at 3:21 pm

He's already answered his own question. God was busy sulking because His name wasn't mentioned at some Podunk high school graduation.

And people ask why I worship Baal. Yeah, sure, we have to burn a few children each year as an offering, but at least our god's not a big old butthurt pussy.

Vecchiojohn July 20, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Preach it, brother!

Butch_Wagstaff July 20, 2012 at 5:07 pm

This is all that needs to be said about where "God" was in "all of this".

elburritodeluxe July 20, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Thank God we have our Talking Points to help us weather this tragedy.

TribecaMike July 20, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Huh?

Geminisunmars July 20, 2012 at 2:37 pm

My granddaughter often goes to that theater. Thank the Goddess she was preparing for an early morning departure to go camping in our glorious (albeit flame besmirched) mountains.

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Holy shit. Your heart must have stopped beating for a minute there. (Hugs Gem) I'm glad you and yours are OK. And very sad about all the others.

Geminisunmars July 20, 2012 at 4:36 pm

My hubby woke me up this morning to tell me. We were glued to tv. The whole city seems to be in shock.

MittBorg July 21, 2012 at 2:01 am

Dear heart. (Hugs Gem)

MissTaken July 20, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Where was God? What have we done with God? We don’t want him around.

Louis is absolutely correct. I don't want God around. God sent a flood to kill a shit ton of his people. God had his only begotten son crucified. God said women should be subservient to their man. God is a dick. And so is the gunman who brutally killed and hurt dozens of people this morning.

Oblios_Cap July 20, 2012 at 2:41 pm

god was there as both my parents laid dying in pain from cancer. What a guy.

The lord certainly works in mysterious ways.

C_R_Eature July 20, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Dear God, get a grip on your Followers.

viennawoods13 July 21, 2012 at 3:29 pm

You, sir, have excellent taste in music. Once again, you have linked to one of my faves!

C_R_Eature July 21, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Thank you, very much. It seemed fitting.

Doktor Zoom July 21, 2012 at 3:42 pm

That's Why He Loves Mankind.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 20, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Some one is in need of a stoning.

Oblios_Cap July 20, 2012 at 3:33 pm

I'll get stoned for the team.

pdiddycornchips July 20, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Genesis 22:5

God tells Abraham to kill his only son just to see if he would actually do it! That's pretty douchey.

fuflans July 20, 2012 at 3:31 pm

missy you are begging a smiting.

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Smooch.

There. Do what you will, SorosBot. I have just smooched this brilliant beautiful woman you love. She deserved it.

HistoriCat July 20, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Two second limit and no hands!

MittBorg July 21, 2012 at 2:02 am

Smooch! I love me some kitties, too.

iburl July 20, 2012 at 2:38 pm

I'd like to learn more about his "science study of 2%".

Not sure this wasn't written in crayon on his kitchen table.

johnnymeatworth July 20, 2012 at 2:38 pm

"What's going to happen to the arms industry when we realize WE'RE ALL ONE? It's gonna FUCK UP THE ECONOMY! The economy that's FAKE ANYWAY!"
–Bill Hicks

OneYieldRegular July 20, 2012 at 2:39 pm

This "God" that Louis Gohmert is talking about – is it the god that approves of following up on a senseless act of insane violence with a knee-jerk rush to judgment and an expression of toxic self-righteousness designed to divide grieving people and produce finger-pointing acrimony?

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Yeah, that would be the asshole.

BaldarTFlagass July 20, 2012 at 2:40 pm

So, who is the most atheist on this board? I'd like to nominate myself, but maybe someone out there out-atheists me, and you know, me with my Christ-like humility and all…

IncenseDebate July 20, 2012 at 2:44 pm

I believe if there is a God he doesn't seem to give a rat's ass. Or God's a sadist.

BaldarTFlagass July 20, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Actually, the way he casually throws human life on the bonfire, I would be more inclined to say "homicidal sociopath."

Oblios_Cap July 20, 2012 at 2:58 pm

I think these so-called christians actually worship their devil. They certainly ignore the parts of their bible that contains anything that Jesus supposedly said.

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 3:53 pm

You do know that Blake, as devout a Christian as any, by his definition anyway, sincerely believed that? As did many later Christians, though most were afraid to say so, seeing as Christianity is all tolerant and loving and The Religion of Peace, see, for instance, Galileo Galilei.

Anywho, C.S. Lewis himself entertained some doubts. I think they're most clearly articulated in his Perelandra, but it's been 40 years since I read it, so please, young whippersnappers with working memories, feel free to put me in my place.

BloviateMe July 20, 2012 at 3:01 pm

I'm ignoring god's voice in my head right now…how's THAT for devout atheism??

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 3:54 pm

I wish the voices in MY head would fucking identify themselves, so I can decide which ones to ignore.

SmutBoffin July 20, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Well, earlier I suggested that maybe G-d masturbates while watching people die (I am CRANKY today!), but that's really only blasphemy.

An atheist's atheist would probably make some super-serious comment about the fact that G-d doesn't exist and Gohmert is just trying to manipulate believers (all true, but would be an unremarkable Wonket post).

pdiddycornchips July 20, 2012 at 3:36 pm

So you don't believe every sperm is sacred? That's going to kill your chances of heading the RNC.

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Well, if you have Christ-like humility, you're not an atheist, obvs.

Barrelhse July 20, 2012 at 4:26 pm

I find the concept of "God" to be absurd, my mind just doesn't accept it.
While I used to consider religion as somewhat "quaint", I now find it has become an excuse for the fanatics to impose their repression on the whole of society. The brazeness of the Christian Right and the degree of acceptance by the voters is highly disconcerting.

Steverino247 July 20, 2012 at 4:28 pm

I think our Editrix knows.

Dudleydidwrong July 20, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Gohmert must make many Texans proud to have someone of his caliber representing them in government. He brings to the task an empty mind, the analytical powers of a brick, and a simple faith in a God who rejoices in lots of killing. Above all, he's a fucking moron with an IQ approaching absolute zero. He is a wonderful example of the adage that you get the government that you deserve because, Texans, you voted for this utter asshole. Put a barbed cork in your bunghole, Louie.

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Did you ever see Jeremy Irons in Dead Ringers? I want to invent something for Gohmert along those lines.

Billmatic July 20, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Hopefully everything settles down and we can all blame Batman.

Oblios_Cap July 20, 2012 at 2:58 pm

I'm blaming Bain Bane!

Billmatic July 20, 2012 at 3:10 pm

ah here we go, reliable liberal douchery and opportunistic speculation from Salon
http://www.salon.com/2012/07/20/does_batman_have_

Chet Kincaid July 20, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Ugh.

bobbert July 20, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Oh for fuck's sake.

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 3:57 pm

It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

Billmatic July 20, 2012 at 4:23 pm

holy crap i thought this was from some funny show or another and it's an actual peggy noonan quote

WIDTAP July 20, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Where was John Derbyshire? Didn't he promise us that he would rush the next gunman who went on a killing spree?

elviouslyqueer July 20, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Only if it was a blah. White med students don't count.

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Thing is, if you look at the stats, it's usually white kids who do the mass killings. Lots of black kids do drive-bys and gang fights and just shoot-em-up shit. But to date, almost all the *mass* killings have been committed by disaffected young white men.

pdiddycornchips July 20, 2012 at 3:40 pm

In a way, I'm glad he wasn't there. If I win the lottery tonight I plan to hire him as my butler.
http://gawker.com/5900452/

Larry McAwful July 20, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Waitaminit… Wasn't Gohmert a cosigner on the letter that Crazy Eyes Bachmann wrote about how Huma Abeddine was a sister in the Muslim Brotherhood, or something? Dammit, what's with this guy? On one hand, he's trying to root out religious people from government, and on the other, he's pining that we're just not religious enough. What the hell does he want, already?

Billmatic July 20, 2012 at 3:02 pm

yes

he's horrible that's whats with him

Grokenstein July 20, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Huh. Wayne La Pierre's gonna be pissed that Gomer swiped his "it's your fault for not bringing your own arsenal" shtick. You're supposed to wait until the day of the funerals to unleash that puppy.

Larry McAwful July 20, 2012 at 2:51 pm

I don't think Louis Gohmert is afraid of what some pissy Frenchman thinks.

Guppy July 20, 2012 at 2:49 pm

act of a derelict

Yes, a derelict, because Gohmert, the committed disciple of Christ that he is, is not his brother's keeper.

all of the people who have committed suicide within their two percent studied, were part of their 2 percent most atheistic members of the military

It must be a religious problem. If it were a healthcare problem, Congressman Gohmert might have to actually fund the VA, rather than buying airplanes the DoD doesn't want.

hagajim July 20, 2012 at 2:49 pm

I don't care where God is….he prolly told the guy to do it, they usually say that sort of thing. But what I really want to know is where in the hell Louie Gohmert's brain is? Dumbass.

Chet Kincaid July 20, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Even more offensive is that not one word of what he said made any fucking sense.

MissTaken July 20, 2012 at 3:05 pm

What part of "personal of index profiles" doesn't make sense?

bobbert July 20, 2012 at 3:31 pm

No, I won't do it, Katie.

pdiddycornchips July 20, 2012 at 3:54 pm

It's obvious you don't understand how the systems work. Must be a nails person.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 20, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Yo, Sexy, you are a white male? I'm terribly disappointed.

SexySmurf July 20, 2012 at 2:54 pm

I'm almost out of my 20s, also.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 20, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Just make it harder and harder for me to fap to your comments, why don't you.

redarmyzombie July 20, 2012 at 7:27 pm

Just look at the smurf, man. Look at the smurf.

pdiddycornchips July 20, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Louie's grasp of Christian theology is a little spotty. God is everywhere. At least that's what my bible says. He probs isn't scared off by some local school board's threat to toss him in jail. So why wasn't god there to stop this tragedy before it happened? I don't know.
I went Catholic grade school and once asked our priest, "if god answers all prayers like you said in your sermon, why wasn't my prayer answered?" He said, "god does answer all prayers, sometimes, the answer is no".

bobbert July 22, 2012 at 1:07 am

And sometimes the answer is "bullet in your brain".

barto July 20, 2012 at 3:03 pm

God hates atheists, obs, that's why he kills them. It's all in the Bible. When will you people get it?

Beowoof July 20, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Oh hey the comments on Facebook were more frightening. One guy said Obama and Holder are responsible as they sent Holmes in to shoot up the theater so they could take away guns. He had several likes for his insight. In a country that produces people that stupid any one who can think is lost. Pass the Brawndo.

C_R_Eature July 20, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Oh, Jesus. Save me.

coolhandnuke July 20, 2012 at 3:09 pm

I recall Gohmert's anti-Semitic rant after he saw "Titanic." He blamed the icebergs, Goldbergs and Hindenbergs for everything.

VA_Dreaming July 20, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Gohmert has a twitter acount. I wonder if a few thousand direct tweets telling him how sick he is might encourage him to think before he spews this crap to the public.

bobbert July 20, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Think?

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Warblog??

fuflans July 20, 2012 at 3:10 pm

didn't texas just legalize killing the developmentally diabled?

Billmatic July 20, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Just legalize? Naw man, we've been doing that for decades.

SorosBot July 20, 2012 at 3:11 pm

"“You know what really gets me, as a Christian, is to see the ongoing attacks on Judeo-Christian beliefs"

Yeah, all those attacks on Christian beliefs, like um – wait what? Please name one attack on Christian beliefs (we know you just add the "Judeo" to try and not look like the bigot you are) that's occurred in America. Just one. Note that preventing Christians from forcing their beliefs on non-Christians is not an attack on Christian beliefs.

proudgrampa July 20, 2012 at 3:16 pm

The Flying Spaghetti Monster has also been ignored. These things will happen when you deny him!.

If only someone had served the shooter a nice spaghetti and meatballs dinner, maybe this would never have happened.

May you be touched by his Noodly Appendage.

Billmatic July 20, 2012 at 3:25 pm

May you be touched as well, brother.

MissTaken July 20, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Ramen.

SorosBot July 20, 2012 at 3:20 pm

"Where was God?"

The same place as Superman and Santa Clause; a work of fiction who can't help us because he doesn't really exist.

DahBoner July 20, 2012 at 3:23 pm

What have we done with God

Since you claim "God is everywhere", why don't you look down in the toilet BEFORE YOU FLUSH GOD DOWN THE DRAIN???

MissTaken July 20, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Someone's God really stunk up the work bathroom this morning.

zippy_w_pinhead July 20, 2012 at 3:41 pm

"I kind of like his protective hand being present.”

Now Louis, show us on the doll where exactly he put that protective hand…

not that Dewey July 20, 2012 at 3:41 pm

There are no atheists in FOXholes.

Callyson July 20, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Oh, for God's sake.

randcoolcatdaddy July 20, 2012 at 4:05 pm

"I am not amused with Gohmert and his god." – Zeus

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 4:07 pm

This, Louie. This is what happened to your fucking God, OK?

schvitzatura July 20, 2012 at 4:11 pm

If only Maxentius had not been so much of a prat and wasted his heavy cavalry at Turin in 312 (CE, AD, WTFE…), a Gohmert-like provincial back bencher functionary may have been visibly and vocally sanguine at the general societal lack of reverence for Sol Invictus.

And the beat goes on…

NellCote71 July 20, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Again, on behalf of all Texans (add boilerplate).

sewollef July 20, 2012 at 4:35 pm

"but all of the people who have committed suicide within their two percent studied, were part of their 2 percent most atheistic members of the military. "

What does this illiterate drivel even mean? The guy's a friggin' moron, but then he's a Texas Republican so I guess that's an oxymoron.

Vecchiojohn July 20, 2012 at 4:52 pm

I've changed my mind. Dried santorum is now called gohmert, not sununu.

IceCreamEmpress July 20, 2012 at 5:03 pm

This guy was apparently raised Presbyterian and was active in his church youth group. Find some other fucking straws to grasp at, Louis.

ttommyunger July 20, 2012 at 5:12 pm

I know who tells him what to say, but I wonder who dresses him in the mornings?

spinozasgod July 20, 2012 at 6:33 pm

according to Mr. Zimmerman shootings are part of God's plan……

Spider-Jerk July 20, 2012 at 7:29 pm

No, my first thought upon hearing about this incident wasn't "Where is god in all this?", it was "how the hell do these lunatics keep getting guns?!"

Yankee_Steve July 20, 2012 at 7:40 pm

GOHMERT: "What have we done with God?"

You and people like you have killed him – paraphrase of Nietzsche

Willardbot9000_V2.5 July 20, 2012 at 9:03 pm

I'm surprised it took this long for some GOPee'er to come out and blame this all on atheism and liberal gun control, really I am. Give them a week and the connections will begin: the guy said he was the Joker and A) Heath Ledger was a Democrat and B) Larouchies and teabaggers like to portray Obama as the joker…the next one is, this occured in Colorado and Colorado voted Obama in 2008…then they'll make some tenuous connection based upon reading material or whatever and soon enough, Obama will BECOME the shooter! Watch.

vtxmcrider July 20, 2012 at 11:29 pm

On the upside, Mitt Romney bought up all the shares of the Aurora Casket Company as soon as the market opened this morning.

RatPuke July 21, 2012 at 12:15 am

Dear Humans,

You suck. You were my greatest creation and so beautiful and perfect that I gave you free will in a moment of weakness, and all you've done ever since is fuck it up and then try to blame your shit on me.

–God

PS Are you listening, George Zimmerman?

Baba_NinjaCat12 July 22, 2012 at 2:33 am

First to comment
Last in intelligence

va_real July 20, 2012 at 2:56 pm

God only loves the unborn, and not all of them, either…

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Imagine: Aramaic to Hebrew to Greek to Latin to English. Of various periods.

Butch_Wagstaff July 20, 2012 at 4:34 pm

And it would have just like the movies!
The "good guys" would have hit their target while the "bad guy" would've missed every time. Because reality is movies!

bobbert July 22, 2012 at 1:02 am

And wearing kevlar.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 20, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Yes. Thanks.

redarmyzombie July 20, 2012 at 7:13 pm

"Okay, guys, which one of you sold your soul last night?"

SayItWithWookies July 20, 2012 at 10:28 pm

I'm just glad His followers finally got the word of The LORD in the right language.

MittBorg July 21, 2012 at 12:58 pm

See, now, *that* is perfect. Matinees were designed for little kids. They can ask questions, or fall asleep, or go to the bathroom 20 times without bothering other patrons because all the OTHER patrons are either their age or accompanying parental units who expect this kind of behaviour.

Late-night screenings of Rocky Horror = SO NOT the place for toddlers and infants.

viennawoods13 July 21, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Well the kid is 19 now, but we do like to comment to each other on the wonders of Wes Anderson. And I'm usually the one going to the bathroom.

C_R_Eature July 21, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Because We Really Need Him.

Except for the Short People. They have no reason.

redarmyzombie July 22, 2012 at 5:57 am

Oh, he was the sweetest little thing! My neighbor had a little yorkshire terrier mix at the time, and they were such good friends! Although I also have to say he had me tearing my hair out with his love of cigarettes and jelly-filled Krispey Kremes…

MittBorg July 22, 2012 at 11:31 am

Forgiven. Just because "Zygotes Benedict."

MittBorg July 22, 2012 at 11:33 am

(visualizes cigarette-smoking bunny chowing down on jelly-filled Krispy Kremes while rockin' out to Metallica)

OK. Fine. Whatever. I'm going back to bed now.

redarmyzombie July 22, 2012 at 9:59 pm

I'm not joking, Mittborg. He LOVED all those things…

MittBorg July 22, 2012 at 10:38 pm

I believe you! I lost my big fat orange kitty a year ago. He LOVED orange food. Peaches, cantaloupes, apricots, nectarines, peach yoghurt. Anything orange. I had one who was a vegetarian. (We had to force-feed her meat because her idea of a good dinner was rice and vegetables, and the dr. said she was malnourished.) And then we had a dog who LOVED a cup of tea and a biscuit around 4 pm. Dad and the dog would take their tea together. I'm just grateful the current crop of buggers is satisfied with their kibble.

I'm not even gonna tell you about the cocaine-snorting kitteh.

redarmyzombie July 23, 2012 at 6:07 am

Oh, I'd love to hear that one!

I also have an Asparagus cat, who is deathly afraid of people yet nonetheless beats up the German Shepherd next door. I have a little orange people-climber who also beats up the German Shepherd next door. A few years prior, I had a black kitty with grey tiger-stripes who's comprehension of the English language was superior to most ten year olds, who also got into fights with racoons (& won) & also had a tryst with a lady cat after we neutered him. He was also deathly afraid of bunnies, but that's because we also had a rabbit from Mordor in his kittenhood…

Oh, and we had a cockatiel with Stockholm's Syndrome.

MittBorg July 23, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Ramon Rivera (yes, a relative of famed muralist DIEGO Rivera), a famous artist among felines, also known as Shadowdancer because the silly git adored to be chasing shadows around all night long, was a rescue. I found him outside a building and kidnapped him (he really didn't look like he was doing THAT great, although after we got rid of his worms, he cleaned right up). He was a city kitty, who liked to prowl, and a very handsome fellow, mostly Persian but obviously also part-Siamese, with grass-green eyes and a long, fluffy black coat.

We lived in the city in those days, and Ramon took to late night excursions, dragging his ass home in the mornings and sleeping late. One night, I couldn't take any more and started looking for the little bugger, scouring the neighbourhood.

Your MittBorg was young and studly in those days, and in the course of neighbourhood wanderings had sort of kept an eye on the guy next door who had the most beautiful house (built around an enormous redwood tree with a hot tub). Ramon, as we all knew, liked to *rest* on the hot tub. So we went next door to check on the rich and studly neighbour.

Chatting away with the guy, I notice a gorgeous kitty stretched out on a priceless Persian rug, and say, "In fact, he looks just like YOUR kitty." Whereupon the kitty turns around, and it's Ramon, just as the guy says, "Oh, he's not MY kitty, he's just a friendly little guy who likes to visit." Yes. Our Ramon. Lying next to a large mirror with a HUGE pile of cocaine on it. And just as I notice this, Ramon leans over to sniff the coke, inhales a goodly bit, and sneezes kitty snot all OVAH the mirror.

We moved to the countryside after that. Couldn't have The Boy exposed to drogas and bad influences like that.

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