Louis Gohmert Claims ‘FIRST’ In World Comment Thread On Colorado Shootings

Let's talk about the REAL victims...In the always-crowded race to become the first public figure to say something incredibly douchey immediately after a tragedy, it would appear that bragging rights go to Rep. Louis Gohmert, (R-TX), who, asked about the shootings in an interview on right-wing radio, took the opportunity to blame the shootings on America’s failure to be Jesusy enough:

“You know what really gets me, as a Christian, is to see the ongoing attacks on Judeo-Christian beliefs, and then some senseless crazy act of a derelict takes place,” Gohmert said….

“People say … where was God in all of this?” Gohmert said. “We’ve threatened high school graduation participations, if they use God’s name, they’re going to be jailed … I mean that kind of stuff. Where was God? What have we done with God? We don’t want him around. I kind of like his protective hand being present.”

Gohmert also wondered why no one at the crowded theater had had the foresight to be packing heat so that, in a dark theater full of screaming people, they could have calmly shot the gunman, and speculated that the root cause of violence is probably atheism:

Most of us that follow the military, love the military know that we have had an extraordinary increase in suicide rates in the military and it’s just heartbreaking … There was a study commissioned, 6,000 personal of index profiles and what they found, and I don’t ‘know if they’ll make it public…but all of the people who have committed suicide within their two percent studied, were part of their 2 percent most atheistic members of the military. We’ve lost our faith.

It is not yet clear whether Gohmert has set a new record for the shortest time between a massacre and a public statement blaming the murderer’s actions on the spiritual beliefs of other Americans, but he clearly hopes to be a contender for the title.


Thanks to Alert Wonketteer Weejee for calling attention to this story

About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom
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  1. mavenmaven

    So, Louis, where was God? Why didn't your God stop this murderer? After all, your God packs the sacred heat, correct?

          1. CommieLibunatic

            Like the old song goes, He's in every Zeppelin album, He's in all Rush Limbaugh's rants, He's the reason that the Boston Red Sox even had a chance.

    1. Doktor Zoom

      Isn't it clear? We aren't Godly enough, so God has removed His protective hand. Except for some kid at the theater who narrowly survived–God intervened there, but He sort of forgot to protect some other people. Mysterious ways, man.

          1. Biel_ze_Bubba

            Kid was already borned – he was on his own.
            Poor choice anyhow for a 3-month-old, going to a loud, violent midnight movie. Kids these days …. sheesh.

    2. MissTaken

      God is too busy with his plans to kill black teenagers in Florida who carry Skittles and iced tea to be bothered with a crowded movie theater.

      1. SorosBot

        I liked that god fellow better when he was just deciding what football teams should win games based on whichever fans prayed harder.

      1. redarmyzombie

        Actually, God was having dinner with me last night. He had to leave a little early though, when he spilled Fetus Tartar on himself.

          1. redarmyzombie

            Oh gosh, MittBorg, I'm so sorry! God had stopped by, saying he decided to try new things in life and that he'd never had Fetus before. I'm sorry, it was thoughtless of me, really.

            Why don't I make it up to you? I'll treat you to the best Zygotes Benedict you ever laid eyes on!

    3. Biel_ze_Bubba

      When you're busy smiting red states with shitty climate weather, it's easy to overlook the small stuff.

    4. zippy_w_pinhead

      it's not the sacred heat you should be worried about, He also packs the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch

      1. Vecchiojohn

        Armaments, chapter two, verses nine to twenty-one. "And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high . . . "

    5. toaster_pastry

      God says:

      Thou shalt not wield thy mac-10 in a crowded theater.

      Thou shalt lob thine Holy Hand Grenade at the heathen commies.

      dontcha know.

  2. BaldarTFlagass

    “People say … where was God in all of this?”

    Perhaps, maybe, God told this guy to do it. What say you to that, Mr Gohmert?

      1. MittBorg

        We found a particle that does away with the need for him, and boy, is he … nonexistent.

        Not with a bang but a whimper. Thanks to the scientists all over the world, and to CERN, especially. God is dead, and here's the proof.

    1. Larry McAwful

      Funny how the drought is also an act of God. He gets us coming and going, He does.

      1. SorosBot

        Well of course it's an act of god; I mean anyone who claims that humanity's release of excessive carbon dioxide into the atmosphere changes our climate is part of the commienvirofascist conspiracy to do … something sinister. It's never clear what.

    2. vtxmcrider

      He is too busy right now trying to decide who the fuck should be the Republican nominee. All the people he already asked have lost and let him down, and he never did ask Mitt … and He's smiting Mitt for pretending that God chose him.

    1. weejee

      Capn, is your comment along the lines that if we dunked ol' Louie in a vat of tar, and then did it again, and again, and again, and again. Then the Congressman would be multi-tarded, or something like that?? Save, he's done the multitarding all by his lonesome.

  3. BaldarTFlagass

    From some of the comments I've seen elsewhere on the internet, God may very well have been pissed off at people who take their 3-month-old babies to the movies, especially to midnight movies, and sent this Holmes guy along to sort things out.

    1. TheGyrus

      Cut the parents a break. Three months old is the perfect age for sleeping through a movie.

      Two year olds in movies, on the other hand – thats trouble.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        Especially nice quiet movies with soothing soundtracks. They sleep right through those.

      2. SorosBot

        Nope; parents taking babies to movies other than Disney stuff made for them is a crime against humanity.

          1. viennawoods13

            My son and I went to see Moonrise Kingdom last Saturday, first matinee, and the theatre was empty!! We were an audience of two! Which meant… no heads in our way, no stupid people talking and… we could talk to each other when we wanted to!! Bliss!

          2. MittBorg

            See, now, *that* is perfect. Matinees were designed for little kids. They can ask questions, or fall asleep, or go to the bathroom 20 times without bothering other patrons because all the OTHER patrons are either their age or accompanying parental units who expect this kind of behaviour.

            Late-night screenings of Rocky Horror = SO NOT the place for toddlers and infants.

          3. viennawoods13

            Well the kid is 19 now, but we do like to comment to each other on the wonders of Wes Anderson. And I'm usually the one going to the bathroom.

      3. MissNancyPriss

        Hell to the NO. If you are grown up enough to have kids, you are grown up enough to miss a midnight screening of a super loud comic book movie.

        1. TheGyrus

          That's the thing. If you have a three month old, you are frigging exhausted, strung out, and a midnight screening of a super loud comic book movie is exactly the sort of break you need.

          1. MittBorg

            And having your kid's crying interrupt their watching is just what the other patrons need? Lots of kids cried all the way through LOTR when I watched it. The parents had to be SHAMED into taking their poor little tykes out. These movies are NOT for kids! They're designed to be scary for ADULTS!

    2. Larry McAwful

      I'm no expert on children, but I can tell you, as a former baby myself: babies don't like movies. Not that my parents took my three-month-old self to the Columbia Theater to see "Midnight Cowboy", but I'm pretty sure they don't.

      1. MittBorg

        Little human babies — like any other little babies — are eat/sleep/poop machines for the first X months of their lives. Like all other small, fragile creatures, they need a warm and soothing environment with no sudden or loud noises. Taking a kid to a violent movie with explosions and gunshots and god knows what-all screaming and yelling is inexcusable, in my book. When I'm tired and sleepy, I don't put loud rock music on. I expect if babies could talk they would say the same.

        1. redarmyzombie

          Agreed, though I have to say I once had a bunny who would fall asleep to Metallica.

          1. redarmyzombie

            Oh, he was the sweetest little thing! My neighbor had a little yorkshire terrier mix at the time, and they were such good friends! Although I also have to say he had me tearing my hair out with his love of cigarettes and jelly-filled Krispey Kremes…

          2. MittBorg

            (visualizes cigarette-smoking bunny chowing down on jelly-filled Krispy Kremes while rockin' out to Metallica)

            OK. Fine. Whatever. I'm going back to bed now.

          3. MittBorg

            I believe you! I lost my big fat orange kitty a year ago. He LOVED orange food. Peaches, cantaloupes, apricots, nectarines, peach yoghurt. Anything orange. I had one who was a vegetarian. (We had to force-feed her meat because her idea of a good dinner was rice and vegetables, and the dr. said she was malnourished.) And then we had a dog who LOVED a cup of tea and a biscuit around 4 pm. Dad and the dog would take their tea together. I'm just grateful the current crop of buggers is satisfied with their kibble.

            I'm not even gonna tell you about the cocaine-snorting kitteh.

          4. redarmyzombie

            Oh, I'd love to hear that one!

            I also have an Asparagus cat, who is deathly afraid of people yet nonetheless beats up the German Shepherd next door. I have a little orange people-climber who also beats up the German Shepherd next door. A few years prior, I had a black kitty with grey tiger-stripes who's comprehension of the English language was superior to most ten year olds, who also got into fights with racoons (& won) & also had a tryst with a lady cat after we neutered him. He was also deathly afraid of bunnies, but that's because we also had a rabbit from Mordor in his kittenhood…

            Oh, and we had a cockatiel with Stockholm's Syndrome.

          5. MittBorg

            Ramon Rivera (yes, a relative of famed muralist DIEGO Rivera), a famous artist among felines, also known as Shadowdancer because the silly git adored to be chasing shadows around all night long, was a rescue. I found him outside a building and kidnapped him (he really didn't look like he was doing THAT great, although after we got rid of his worms, he cleaned right up). He was a city kitty, who liked to prowl, and a very handsome fellow, mostly Persian but obviously also part-Siamese, with grass-green eyes and a long, fluffy black coat.

            We lived in the city in those days, and Ramon took to late night excursions, dragging his ass home in the mornings and sleeping late. One night, I couldn't take any more and started looking for the little bugger, scouring the neighbourhood.

            Your MittBorg was young and studly in those days, and in the course of neighbourhood wanderings had sort of kept an eye on the guy next door who had the most beautiful house (built around an enormous redwood tree with a hot tub). Ramon, as we all knew, liked to *rest* on the hot tub. So we went next door to check on the rich and studly neighbour.

            Chatting away with the guy, I notice a gorgeous kitty stretched out on a priceless Persian rug, and say, "In fact, he looks just like YOUR kitty." Whereupon the kitty turns around, and it's Ramon, just as the guy says, "Oh, he's not MY kitty, he's just a friendly little guy who likes to visit." Yes. Our Ramon. Lying next to a large mirror with a HUGE pile of cocaine on it. And just as I notice this, Ramon leans over to sniff the coke, inhales a goodly bit, and sneezes kitty snot all OVAH the mirror.

            We moved to the countryside after that. Couldn't have The Boy exposed to drogas and bad influences like that.

    3. YasserArraFeck

      We used to take our 2-3 mo son with us to the movies – park him in his car seat, stick him on the boob when he woke up – after that, he slept through anything.

      1. viennawoods13

        I saw a baby at a gimungus, crowded, LOUD Who concert back in 1980. I still remember that as a stand-out example of where not to take a baby.

        1. MittBorg

          In their first year of life, babies' exposure to adults should be carefully regulated. Their immune systems are delicate and not quite mature, and things that adults can shrug off can make a little tyke quite ill. Also, too, their tender sensory organs are just starting out in life. Rock music has been *proven* to damage hearing. Is it fair to subject a tiny BABY to this kind of assault? Let the baby grow up and choose for itself if it wants to be deafened and horrified and terrorized. All kinds of shit happens at concerts, loud people, drunks, fights, drugs. Why would any responsible adult want to risk their child's health/wellbeing by dragging it to such events? It's not like the kid has the first fucking clue what it's listening to anyway.

      2. TheGyrus

        At three months old, they are too young to notice the violent, the scary, and possibly even the loud. All they really care about is sleep, pooping, and tits.

        1. MittBorg

          There's plenty of scientific evidence that loud and sudden noises register on our consciousness even when we are deeply asleep. Violent scary stuff has a subliminal component. A lot of thought goes into making these movies loud, violent, and scary. A baby has no defenses against this kind of shit. It may seem to be a sleeping food/poop bag, but it has a brain and a nervous system, and they are being affected by the million-dollar electronics being employed.

  4. anniegetyerfun

    “People say … where was God in all of this?” Gohmert said.

    Huh. I never say that.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Over almost before they started. Gomer is the Usain Bolt of douchebaggery … he's way ahead of everyone, and just coasting through the finish line here.

    1. NellCote71

      That reminds me. How does this affect Lou Sarah, and in what way is this another example of Obama's failed economic policies.

  5. Hammiepants

    Not only were those comments douchey, they were barely coherent. Are we sure he's not a muslin terrier? Because I'm pretty sure English is not his first language.

    1. Terry

      Yeah, what the heck does "6,000 personal of index profiles"? Personal of index? That's word salad.

    2. miss_grundy

      He's from Texas. As we have experienced in this country, white people of a certain political persuasion are not known to speak the English language well from that state. They can only speak in word salad.

  6. didgen

    Yes, where was God's protective hand? Apparently stirring the shit in your head that you call brains Louis. I am failing to understand, is he actually saying that all of the suicides in a group of studied atheists were atheists?

    1. MissTaken

      I think so. Also, in that group of military personnel who committed suicide the study also showed they all committed suicide. Why is this not being made public??

  7. sbj1964

    Isaiah 43 :10-13 I am the lord none were created before me nor shall I create any.Beside me there is no savior.So much for Jesus.A Greek myth created for Greeks.

    1. sewollef

      Could've been worse, much worse:

      "From there Elisha went up to Bethel. While he was on his way, some small boys came out of the city and jeered at him. "Go up baldhead," they shouted, "go up baldhead!" The prophet turned and saw them, and he cursed them in the name of the Lord. Then two shebears came out of the woods and tore forty two of the children to pieces."
      (2 Kings 2:23-24 NAB)

      Just saying'…

  8. Oblios_Cap

    Most of us that follow the military, love the military know that we have had an extraordinary increase in suicide rates in the military and it’s just heartbreaking … There was a study commissioned, 6,000 personal of index profiles and what they found, and I don’t ‘know if they’ll make it public…but all of the people who have committed suicide within their two percent studied, were part of their 2 percent most atheistic members of the military. We’ve lost our faith.

    If you really loved the military, you wouldn't be expect them to make repeated tours in god-forsaken parts of the world to fight this county's trade wars. That, the shitty pay, and the strain it puts on the vets and their family life are the reason they're blowing their brains out.

  9. shortsandpants

    As long as nobody blames the person WHO ACTUALLY SHOT AT PEOPLE AND CAUSED THIS, I'm cool with whatevs.

        1. SmutBoffin

          LEAD LIBEL!

          Bullets don't kill people, exsanguination as a consequence of ballistically-induced puncture wounds kills people.

          1. Crank_Tango

            Everything would have been fine if everyone in that darkened theater was concealed carrying.

          2. Butch_Wagstaff

            And it would have just like the movies!
            The "good guys" would have hit their target while the "bad guy" would've missed every time. Because reality is movies!

      1. shortsandpants

        We'd have to know which God, first— that mean Old Testament one or that "nice guy's always finish last" New one with the H.R. Department.

  10. Goonemeritus

    “Not Jesusy enough”

    If we got any more Jesusy we would be nailing each other to crosses for relaxation.

    1. MittBorg

      I just want you to know that the Catholic Church has come out against crucifixion.

      I'm perfectly serious about this. They announced it yesterday.

      Bit late, what with the dude being dead already and all, but hey.

  11. BoatOfVelociraptors

    Where was god while Kyle Huff was walking through the house of my friends, executing them one by one for their differing sexual mores?

  12. ChernobylSoup

    God thought this was a Batman and Robin movie and figured it was time for some smiting.

  13. UW8316154

    Dunno, tough call one what came first – the loss of faith in God….OR being sent to the Sandbox to fight two unjust wars, living in the hell of violence, heat and sand, watching your friends get killed, occasionally losing a limb, and coming back home to untreated PSTD?

  14. C_R_Eature

    I just don't have the proper words for Mr. Gohmert, yet. But I know who does:

    Why, thou clay brained guts, thou knotty pated fool, thou whoreson obscene greasy tallow catch!
    – Henry V, Part 1

    Poisonous bunch backed toad.
    -Richard III

    Foul spoken coward, that thund'rest with thy tongue, and with thy weapon nothing dares perform
    -Titus Andronicus

    From the extremest upward of thy head to the descent and dust beneath thy foot, a most toad spotted traitor
    -King Lear

    A fool, a coward, one all of luxury, an ass, a madman
    -Measure for Measure

    That is all.

    1. elviouslyqueer

      He is deformed, crooked, old and sere,
      Ill-faced, worse bodied, shapeless everywhere;
      Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind;
      Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.

      –The Comedy of Errors

    2. Larry McAwful

      I checked my Bible, and none of those books appear in it. Are you using a Mormon Bible, or what?

      1. C_R_Eature

        Have at it, please. No attribution necessary, unless you want to sign with "Citizen" or "Member of the Human Race".

    1. CthuNHu

      Vengeance is a dish best served — uh, best served later on.

      Though I would scarcely venture to reprimand the Almighty were a firebolt from above to strike this inflamed and festering pustule on the backside of America's body politic, say, this afternoon.

      Hint, hint? Word to the Wisest? Just sayin'…

      I would also promise to go to church more often, if that helps.

    2. Preferred Customer

      If there were really a God, Louis Gohmert would be recognized as a dipshit idiot who spews incoherent nonsense, and would be mocked, openly.

      Whoa. I just blew my own mind.

  15. Hera Sent Me

    In World War I, every European combatant claimed to be fighting in the name of, and beseeching the blessing of, the Christian God.

    Four years of trench warfare, gas attacks, sinkings of unarmed passenger liners and massacres of unarmed civilians later, 10,000,000 Europeans lay dead, Europe was half-destroyed, its peoples half-starved and being rollicked by communist revolutions, and Adolf Hitler was standing off to the side, waiting for the chance to do even worse.

    God is Good.

  16. SmutBoffin

    Where was God during all this? He was there, not doing anything, really. Watching. Maybe touching Himself a little. (Yes, He loves guns that much.)

  17. Maman

    Yeah. It was the lack of God that caused the Oklahoma City bombing and the Atlanta Olympics.. and the killing of Dr. Tiller. Why the fuck can people by teargas canisters?

    1. Larry McAwful

      Because freedom. I expect the Supreme Court to overturn the ban on civilian ownership of nuclear weapons, which clearly violates the Second Amendment. Once the Joneses have the Bomb, you'll have to keep up with them. Unless you're some limp-wristed peacenik, of course.

      1. Maman

        If we can give up our freedom to go unmolested at the airport for safety, I would gladly give up my freedom to own an assault rifle for safety.

      2. Crank_Tango

        If Jim Jones had a nuke, he wouldn't have needed all that Kool Aid, so there's that.

    2. miss_grundy

      Tear gas canisters, explosives galore, guns galore, etc. Why, because this country loves its myth of living by the skill of drawing a gun and killing. That is what has always been celebrated in this country. And we have a very powerful lobbyist group in Washington pushing that myth. And that is why the rest of the civilized world looks at America, and thinks that we are all a bunch of deranged cowboys and mobsters. Because we like killing.

      Honestly, what was this white kid's fracking problem? That he wasn't doing well studying neuroscience, so he decided to kill people who wanted to go to a midnight showing of a terrific blockbuster. And decided to kill strangers??? Is there something in the air out in Colorado that makes people pick up guns and resolve their problems by killing strangers, including children????

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Why, of course, a nine-bladed sword! Nine-bladed! Not two, or five, or seven, but nine, which he will wield on all wretched sinner-sinners, just like you sir, there!

    2. Larry McAwful

      If Jesus had been packing, there's no fucking way they would ever have gotten him up on that cross, believe you me.

  18. Flat_Earther

    This idiot used to be a judge. I bet there was a lot of “Christian” justice in his court. Let’s not forget he is one of the five signers of the Bachmann letters about the Muslim Brotherhood.

  19. PDA

    Wow, MY beliefs were being attacked constantly, and then this happened. STOP ALL YOUR ANTI-GREEN-SOCIALIST-DHARMA-PUNK-ATHEIST RHETORIC, OR ELSE MOAR AURORAS!!!

  20. johnnymeatworth

    "Gohmert also wondered why no one at the crowded theater had had the foresight to be packing heat."

    Because this ISN'T FUCKING TV and that shit DOESN'T FUCKING HAPPEN.

    1. Larry McAwful

      A bunch of people in a dark, crowded theater, firing guns? That sounds safe to me.

      1. Chichikovovich

        Well, especially because there was all that tear-gas that would make it hard for the crazy shooter to see, and that would make it easier for the law-abiding Americans in the theatre to hit him dead between the eyes.

  21. JustPixelz

    Gohmert should have checked this morning's tweet from the NRA before he spoke:

    "Good morning, shooters. Happy Friday! Weekend plans?"

    Obviously "go to church with my gun" is the required response.

  22. widestanceromance

    If this man had an ounce of decency, he'd be with Palin and her family at this difficult time, not making the Internet even more painful for her and them.

  23. MissTaken

    but all of the people who have committed suicide within their two percent studied, were part of their 2 percent most atheistic members of the military.

    So they studied 2% of the 2% of the military that is atheist and all of the 2% of the atheist 2% were atheist? Got it.

  24. Oblios_Cap

    Of course, I'm not sure which God of Abraham is the best one, but they seem to be for killing anybody that was different from whichever of his followers happened to be packing.

    One God of Abraham believes that Jesus was a prophet, but not the Messiah.

    One God believes "Jesus, meh".

    And one God believes Jesus was his son, but not really, because God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are the same thing.

    God's a mess.

    1. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Awesome question…but shouldn't we ALSO get Donald Trump's take on this as well? Quick, to the Youtubes!

  25. SayItWithWookies

    There was a study commissioned, 6,000 personal of index profiles and what they found, and I don’t ‘know if they’ll make it public…but all of the people who have committed suicide within their two percent studied, were part of their 2 percent most atheistic members of the military. We’ve lost our faith.

    Go fuck yourself in the ass with a hot poker, Louie. As an atheist (though more significantly as a scientific rationalist) I treasure this brief life because evidence points to me being dead forever after it's over. Thus, I'd think that atheists — regardless of your made-up "secret study which I don't know if they're going to release" that you probably read on NewsMax or some shit — have a lot more reason to work out their problems while alive and not resort to suicide.

    So please — shut your damn yap.

    1. actor212

      So let me get this straight: Two percent of suicides in the military self-identified as atheist which mirrors the fact that two percent of the military self-identifies as atheist?

      1. SayItWithWookies

        I'm not even sure if Louie knows what he's saying, and even if he does, it certainly didn't leave his mouth in any coherent form. It looks like he's saying that 6,000 person-of-index thingies were studied, and then everyone they studied killed themselves. Which, you know, might lead one to suspect there was something malicious about the folks conducting the study, but since he's just making shit up there's little cause for an investigation.

        1. MissTaken

          I just may kill myself I learned I was a 'person-of-index' and had to be studied by Louis Gohmert, too.

          1. SayItWithWookies

            I'm just glad His followers finally got the word of The LORD in the right language.

        2. elviouslyqueer

          Well, if I'm reading his math correctly, he's saying that two percent of the study (120 people) were atheists, and of these, two percent (2.4 people) killed themselves.

          OMG crisis time for Christianity in the military.

  26. Larry McAwful

    Why do we need God? Just give everyone their own gun. Then we'll all be protected, and we won't have to bother with prayer. I feel safer already just thinking about that.

  27. ph7

    Where was God? What have we done with God? We don’t want him around. I kind of like his protective hand being present.”


  28. Nostrildamus

    Where is God in all of this? Where he usually is. Flittering around in your head, keeping you from learning anything or doing anything useful.

  29. IceCreamEmpress

    Colorado is a concealed carry state. The requirement to get a permit is one four-hour review class at a licensed gun range, of which there are bazillions.

    If there was nobody in the theater carrying, it was by their own choice. Or maybe there were people in the theater carrying, but they were well enough trained that they know that taking potshots with a handgun in a crowded, smoke-filled theater would be idiotic and not help anything.

    Sorry, no joke here because fuck this shithead.

  30. OldWhiteLies

    …but all of the people who have committed suicide within their two percent studied, were part of their 2 percent most atheistic members of the military.

    Fucking toad. First, he is clearly having a NotMeantAsFactualStatement moment, because while the study itself is real, he pulled this part out of his encrusted ass. Second, atheism isn't a sliding scale on which some are most, unlike Gohmert's own level of inhumanity.

    1. Fraudulently_Joe

      I dunno, I woke up this morning feeling just a little atheistic, but by the time I read and heard Gohmert's statements, I was feeling very atheistic, and considered calling out from work, in case I'm contagious.

  31. Steverino247

    I would say weathering the crisis sometimes caused by realizing suddenly that all religions are bullshit could be a bit troublesome, but on the scale of 1 to 10, seeing your buddies blown up right in front of you has got to peg whatever meter you're using.

    1. MittBorg

      This is why I think that crap about "no atheists in foxholes" is crap. Some of my vet buddies are raging fucking atheists, and they served and left a piece or two of themselves some place far away. Watching people die is the best possible proof that there is no god. What loving creator could bear to let its creations suffer the way we all do? Hell, writers have problems killing off THEIR characters. Imagine a deity that could snuff people as casually as our purported deity seems to. That is not a deity that deserves an iota of love or respect from me.

  32. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    “People say … where was God in all of this?” Gohmert said.

    God was in every bullet and shot gun pellet fired, God was in the smoke and screams and tears. God was in every blood coated popcorn kernel spilled on the floor of the theater.

    1. La_Cieca

      He's already answered his own question. God was busy sulking because His name wasn't mentioned at some Podunk high school graduation.

      And people ask why I worship Baal. Yeah, sure, we have to burn a few children each year as an offering, but at least our god's not a big old butthurt pussy.

  33. Geminisunmars

    My granddaughter often goes to that theater. Thank the Goddess she was preparing for an early morning departure to go camping in our glorious (albeit flame besmirched) mountains.

    1. MittBorg

      Holy shit. Your heart must have stopped beating for a minute there. (Hugs Gem) I'm glad you and yours are OK. And very sad about all the others.

      1. Geminisunmars

        My hubby woke me up this morning to tell me. We were glued to tv. The whole city seems to be in shock.

  34. MissTaken

    Where was God? What have we done with God? We don’t want him around.

    Louis is absolutely correct. I don't want God around. God sent a flood to kill a shit ton of his people. God had his only begotten son crucified. God said women should be subservient to their man. God is a dick. And so is the gunman who brutally killed and hurt dozens of people this morning.

    1. Oblios_Cap

      god was there as both my parents laid dying in pain from cancer. What a guy.

      The lord certainly works in mysterious ways.

      1. viennawoods13

        You, sir, have excellent taste in music. Once again, you have linked to one of my faves!

    2. pdiddycornchips

      Genesis 22:5

      God tells Abraham to kill his only son just to see if he would actually do it! That's pretty douchey.

  35. iburl

    I'd like to learn more about his "science study of 2%".

    Not sure this wasn't written in crayon on his kitchen table.

  36. johnnymeatworth

    "What's going to happen to the arms industry when we realize WE'RE ALL ONE? It's gonna FUCK UP THE ECONOMY! The economy that's FAKE ANYWAY!"
    –Bill Hicks

  37. OneYieldRegular

    This "God" that Louis Gohmert is talking about – is it the god that approves of following up on a senseless act of insane violence with a knee-jerk rush to judgment and an expression of toxic self-righteousness designed to divide grieving people and produce finger-pointing acrimony?

  38. BaldarTFlagass

    So, who is the most atheist on this board? I'd like to nominate myself, but maybe someone out there out-atheists me, and you know, me with my Christ-like humility and all…

    1. IncenseDebate

      I believe if there is a God he doesn't seem to give a rat's ass. Or God's a sadist.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        Actually, the way he casually throws human life on the bonfire, I would be more inclined to say "homicidal sociopath."

        1. Oblios_Cap

          I think these so-called christians actually worship their devil. They certainly ignore the parts of their bible that contains anything that Jesus supposedly said.

          1. MittBorg

            You do know that Blake, as devout a Christian as any, by his definition anyway, sincerely believed that? As did many later Christians, though most were afraid to say so, seeing as Christianity is all tolerant and loving and The Religion of Peace, see, for instance, Galileo Galilei.

            Anywho, C.S. Lewis himself entertained some doubts. I think they're most clearly articulated in his Perelandra, but it's been 40 years since I read it, so please, young whippersnappers with working memories, feel free to put me in my place.

    2. SmutBoffin

      Well, earlier I suggested that maybe G-d masturbates while watching people die (I am CRANKY today!), but that's really only blasphemy.

      An atheist's atheist would probably make some super-serious comment about the fact that G-d doesn't exist and Gohmert is just trying to manipulate believers (all true, but would be an unremarkable Wonket post).

    3. pdiddycornchips

      So you don't believe every sperm is sacred? That's going to kill your chances of heading the RNC.

    4. Barrelhse

      I find the concept of "God" to be absurd, my mind just doesn't accept it.
      While I used to consider religion as somewhat "quaint", I now find it has become an excuse for the fanatics to impose their repression on the whole of society. The brazeness of the Christian Right and the degree of acceptance by the voters is highly disconcerting.

  39. Dudleydidwrong

    Gohmert must make many Texans proud to have someone of his caliber representing them in government. He brings to the task an empty mind, the analytical powers of a brick, and a simple faith in a God who rejoices in lots of killing. Above all, he's a fucking moron with an IQ approaching absolute zero. He is a wonderful example of the adage that you get the government that you deserve because, Texans, you voted for this utter asshole. Put a barbed cork in your bunghole, Louie.

        1. Billmatic

          holy crap i thought this was from some funny show or another and it's an actual peggy noonan quote

  40. WIDTAP

    Where was John Derbyshire? Didn't he promise us that he would rush the next gunman who went on a killing spree?

      1. MittBorg

        Thing is, if you look at the stats, it's usually white kids who do the mass killings. Lots of black kids do drive-bys and gang fights and just shoot-em-up shit. But to date, almost all the *mass* killings have been committed by disaffected young white men.

  41. Larry McAwful

    Waitaminit… Wasn't Gohmert a cosigner on the letter that Crazy Eyes Bachmann wrote about how Huma Abeddine was a sister in the Muslim Brotherhood, or something? Dammit, what's with this guy? On one hand, he's trying to root out religious people from government, and on the other, he's pining that we're just not religious enough. What the hell does he want, already?

  42. Grokenstein

    Huh. Wayne La Pierre's gonna be pissed that Gomer swiped his "it's your fault for not bringing your own arsenal" shtick. You're supposed to wait until the day of the funerals to unleash that puppy.

  43. Guppy

    act of a derelict

    Yes, a derelict, because Gohmert, the committed disciple of Christ that he is, is not his brother's keeper.

    all of the people who have committed suicide within their two percent studied, were part of their 2 percent most atheistic members of the military

    It must be a religious problem. If it were a healthcare problem, Congressman Gohmert might have to actually fund the VA, rather than buying airplanes the DoD doesn't want.

  44. hagajim

    I don't care where God is….he prolly told the guy to do it, they usually say that sort of thing. But what I really want to know is where in the hell Louie Gohmert's brain is? Dumbass.

    1. pdiddycornchips

      It's obvious you don't understand how the systems work. Must be a nails person.

  45. pdiddycornchips

    Louie's grasp of Christian theology is a little spotty. God is everywhere. At least that's what my bible says. He probs isn't scared off by some local school board's threat to toss him in jail. So why wasn't god there to stop this tragedy before it happened? I don't know.
    I went Catholic grade school and once asked our priest, "if god answers all prayers like you said in your sermon, why wasn't my prayer answered?" He said, "god does answer all prayers, sometimes, the answer is no".

  46. barto

    God hates atheists, obs, that's why he kills them. It's all in the Bible. When will you people get it?

  47. Beowoof

    Oh hey the comments on Facebook were more frightening. One guy said Obama and Holder are responsible as they sent Holmes in to shoot up the theater so they could take away guns. He had several likes for his insight. In a country that produces people that stupid any one who can think is lost. Pass the Brawndo.

  48. coolhandnuke

    I recall Gohmert's anti-Semitic rant after he saw "Titanic." He blamed the icebergs, Goldbergs and Hindenbergs for everything.

  49. VA_Dreaming

    Gohmert has a twitter acount. I wonder if a few thousand direct tweets telling him how sick he is might encourage him to think before he spews this crap to the public.

  50. SorosBot

    "“You know what really gets me, as a Christian, is to see the ongoing attacks on Judeo-Christian beliefs"

    Yeah, all those attacks on Christian beliefs, like um – wait what? Please name one attack on Christian beliefs (we know you just add the "Judeo" to try and not look like the bigot you are) that's occurred in America. Just one. Note that preventing Christians from forcing their beliefs on non-Christians is not an attack on Christian beliefs.

  51. proudgrampa

    The Flying Spaghetti Monster has also been ignored. These things will happen when you deny him!.

    If only someone had served the shooter a nice spaghetti and meatballs dinner, maybe this would never have happened.

    May you be touched by his Noodly Appendage.

  52. SorosBot

    "Where was God?"

    The same place as Superman and Santa Clause; a work of fiction who can't help us because he doesn't really exist.

  53. DahBoner

    What have we done with God

    Since you claim "God is everywhere", why don't you look down in the toilet BEFORE YOU FLUSH GOD DOWN THE DRAIN???

  54. zippy_w_pinhead

    "I kind of like his protective hand being present.”

    Now Louis, show us on the doll where exactly he put that protective hand…

  55. schvitzatura

    If only Maxentius had not been so much of a prat and wasted his heavy cavalry at Turin in 312 (CE, AD, WTFE…), a Gohmert-like provincial back bencher functionary may have been visibly and vocally sanguine at the general societal lack of reverence for Sol Invictus.

    And the beat goes on…

  56. sewollef

    "but all of the people who have committed suicide within their two percent studied, were part of their 2 percent most atheistic members of the military. "

    What does this illiterate drivel even mean? The guy's a friggin' moron, but then he's a Texas Republican so I guess that's an oxymoron.

  57. IceCreamEmpress

    This guy was apparently raised Presbyterian and was active in his church youth group. Find some other fucking straws to grasp at, Louis.

  58. Spider-Jerk

    No, my first thought upon hearing about this incident wasn't "Where is god in all this?", it was "how the hell do these lunatics keep getting guns?!"

  59. Yankee_Steve

    GOHMERT: "What have we done with God?"

    You and people like you have killed him – paraphrase of Nietzsche

  60. Willardbot9000_V2.5

    I'm surprised it took this long for some GOPee'er to come out and blame this all on atheism and liberal gun control, really I am. Give them a week and the connections will begin: the guy said he was the Joker and A) Heath Ledger was a Democrat and B) Larouchies and teabaggers like to portray Obama as the joker…the next one is, this occured in Colorado and Colorado voted Obama in 2008…then they'll make some tenuous connection based upon reading material or whatever and soon enough, Obama will BECOME the shooter! Watch.

  61. vtxmcrider

    On the upside, Mitt Romney bought up all the shares of the Aurora Casket Company as soon as the market opened this morning.

  62. RatPuke

    Dear Humans,

    You suck. You were my greatest creation and so beautiful and perfect that I gave you free will in a moment of weakness, and all you've done ever since is fuck it up and then try to blame your shit on me.


    PS Are you listening, George Zimmerman?

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