NOAH PERFECTED THE LEVERAGED BUYOUT  2:29 pm July 19, 2012

Scott Walker’s Got This Whole ‘You Didn’t Build That’ Uproar Figured Out

by Jim Newell

Scott Walker, in better timesBarack Obama’s “somebody else made that happen” speech last week — in which he essentially said that government helps create the conditions for markets to thrive — has now, in the hands of Mitt Romney, been molded into this much grander thing: “To say what he said is to say that Steve Jobs didn’t build Apple Computer or that Bill Gates didn’t build Microsoft or that Henry Ford didn’t build Ford Motor Company or that Ray Croc didn’t build McDonald’s or that Papa John’s didn’t build Papa John’s Pizza.” If one of those things doesn’t look like the others, well, look, Papa John’s throws a good fundraiser. But the point stands: Obama thinks some DoT bureaucrat built the computers and hamburgers because he hates the private sector. Is that it? Let’s let Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker explain this with a more lucid comparison to Noah, a character from the novel The Bible.

There are several hundred great responses to this on the Twitter, but Josh Barro’s “The ark was never built” about takes care of it. Oh, what’s that, angry responder, you heard about a piece of wood discovered at Mount Ararat, and you think that that is from Noah’s animal boat? That was mostly just a piece of wood. In any event, we’re glad to hear that the principled Scott Walker won’t be offering a dime in government resources for disaster preparedness and response.

Wait, we’re wrong! Noah’s Ark actually was built… thanks to massive tax breaks offered by the Kentucky state government. Noah knew how to hustle local governments in a race-to-the-bottom tax competition, alright. He was our greatest American.

[Scott Walker, image via tipster "that guy"]

 

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{ 200 comments }

actor212 July 19, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Errrr, Scott?

Noah got the blueprints for the ark from the Ultimate Government.

Dooshhat

nounverb911 July 19, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Noah was a Union Contractor.

actor212 July 19, 2012 at 2:34 pm

He even apprenticed his sons: Moe, Larry, Curly, and Shemp.

mrpuma2u July 19, 2012 at 2:56 pm

He was also clearly a "save the animals" tree hugging socialist hippie.

mrpuma2u July 19, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Your comment must be approved by the site admins before it will appear publicly.

He was also a tree hugging "save the animals" tree hugging hippie socialist, had to double up cuz of above cut and pasted text.

smokefilledroommate July 20, 2012 at 5:24 am

Jerry was a race car driver.

smokefilledroommate July 20, 2012 at 5:14 am

Wasn't Jesus a member of the United Brotherhood of Carpenters?

KeepFnThatChicken July 19, 2012 at 2:33 pm

I agree with Scott on this one. It might have never been built.

kittensdontlie July 19, 2012 at 3:30 pm

"Gov Walker loves us, this I know, cause his Bible tells us so…

Come here a minute July 19, 2012 at 2:34 pm

You probably weren't aware that Papa John single-handedly built every inch of road that his delivery drivers drive upon.

nounverb911 July 19, 2012 at 2:35 pm

And the cars they crash?

Biff July 19, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Bitchin' Camaro libel!

actor212 July 19, 2012 at 2:46 pm

More like "Mom's Corolla"

Biff July 19, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Papa John had that ad campaign a few years back, trying to find the Camaro he sold to finance his first store.

Sounded like a crock to me, too.

johnnymeatworth July 19, 2012 at 2:58 pm

I ran over some old lady one night at the county fair;
And I didn't get arrested, because my dad's the mayor.
BITCHIN CAMARO, BITCHIN CAMARO
Doughnuts on your lawn
BITCHIN CAMARO, BITCHIN CAMARO
Tony Orlando and Dawn

sullivanst July 19, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Also, invented the currency you use to purchase pizzas, which he then uses to purchase ingredients and pay employees (and hookers).

He also hand-wired the phones you use to call in your order.

PsycWench July 19, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Don't forget that he developed the shipping methods necessary to stock all of his stores and the preservation methods to keep that tomato sauce and cheese "fresh" during shipping. I'm pretty sure one of those chemicals at the end of the ingredients lists on canned food is named after him.

sullivanst July 19, 2012 at 3:39 pm

He also founded the independent agency which tests both his ingredients and his end-products so that customers can be confident they won't get sick from eating his pizzas. He went to great lengths that farmers would have sufficient confidence that they'd be able to cover their costs that they'd go ahead and grow stuff. Moreover, he personally discovered and drilled the oil needed to fuel the delivery vehicles both for ingredients and pizzas (and also necessary to get his employees to the kitchen).

Busy man, that Papa John.

HoytClagwell July 19, 2012 at 2:49 pm

He also ran telephone lines from his stores to the homes of each and every potential customer so they could order their pizzas.

actor212 July 19, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Well, that would explain why the pepperoni is so chewy: it doubles as asphalt.

iburl July 19, 2012 at 4:49 pm

That would also explain why he didn't have time to create a decent tasting pizza.

nounverb911 July 19, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Can Teabaggers swim?

Dashboard Buddha July 19, 2012 at 2:38 pm

I can say from personal experience that fat is VERY buoyant.

Crank_Tango July 19, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Fat floats, but hoverrounds need modifications.

Biff July 19, 2012 at 2:40 pm

How long can you tread water?

not that Dewey July 19, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Don't tread on me.

Chill_Bill July 19, 2012 at 2:54 pm

No need, cause turds float.

SorosBot July 19, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Do they weigh as much as a duck?

OneYieldRegular July 19, 2012 at 3:41 pm

They'll soon find out the tea bags do not work well as water wings.

sullivanst July 19, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Where'd he get the wood?

Dashboard Buddha July 19, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Mrs. Noah?

KeepFnThatChicken July 19, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Lot's daughters. They put out for anything.

Dashboard Buddha July 19, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Notice how the authors of the fucking bible couldn't have been bothered to even give them names?

Edit: Apostrophe fail

actor212 July 19, 2012 at 2:37 pm

heh heh…got wood?…heh heh.

IonaTrailer July 19, 2012 at 2:56 pm

The only Wood that doesn't wash up on shore?

actor212 July 19, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Natalie?

KeepFnThatChicken July 19, 2012 at 3:12 pm

That shit is cold.

anniegetyerfun July 19, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Child labor, if I'm not mistaken. The story really is a conservative's wet dream!

Doktor Zoom July 19, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Gophers.

sullivanst July 19, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Golf clap. Nicely done.

Looks like maybe t3h Jewz are in slight disagreement with the 'vangies over how to interpret that ;)

Tundra Grifter July 19, 2012 at 2:35 pm

When Henry Ford started building cars, we were essential an agrian society. The majority of people lived and worked on farms.

And, as Old Henry pointed out, you can't fix a dead horse with a wrench.

With the advent of the automobile working people could afford, the government began to build roads and bridges. A tractor is helpful on a farm, but a car or truck won't do you a whole heck of a lot of good unless you have roads to drive on.

Gov. Huey Long in Louisiana realized the economy couldn't improve until farmers could bring their produce to market, and he began building bridges (lots and lots of rivers and swamps in LA) to make that possible.

Ray Kroc wouldn't have sold hamburgers from restaurants off the freeways unless there were freeways.

actor212 July 19, 2012 at 2:38 pm

He could have retroactively built the McDonald's in anticipation of freeways!

If, you know, he could borrow Obama's time machine.

sezme July 19, 2012 at 3:37 pm

And Mittens wouldn't have built all his money were it not for the Swiss Financial Market Supervisory Authority, a government body which regulates all banks in Switzerland.

iburl July 19, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Not to mention the government police officers that protected him when he sent thousands of hard working Americans' jobs overseas.

IncenseDebate July 19, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Wait, which one got swallowed by the big fish?

KeepFnThatChicken July 19, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Luca Brasi.

SorosBot July 19, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Pinocchio.

actor212 July 19, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Ewan MacGregor

BaldarTFlagass July 19, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Big Pussy Bonpensiero?

Generation[redacted] July 19, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Quint

Boojum July 19, 2012 at 5:01 pm

All of them, Katie, I hope.

edgydrifter July 19, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Thank goodness Mr. Internet invented this awesome tube-thingy we're using here.

mavenmaven July 19, 2012 at 2:59 pm

The Lord invented it. And the Twitter ScottKWalker is using.

lulzmonger July 19, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Our DARPA who art in cyberspace, hallowed be thine uplink …

nounverb911 July 19, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Steve Jobs personally built all of his factories in China.

RadioSlut July 19, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Too bad he didn't get government help to graduate college.

ManchuCandidate July 19, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Imagine if Gubbiment never existed. Scott Walker would have never had a career.

sullivanst July 19, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Guess it's not all bad in Somalia.

Urban_Achiever July 19, 2012 at 2:41 pm

EXACTLY THIS–uhhh, Scott? Hate to break it to you, but you ARE the government

Boojum July 19, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Your comment must be approved by the site admins before it will appear publicly.

You just harshed my s-word-isms.

Boojum July 19, 2012 at 5:05 pm

So, s-o-ci-al-is-m is a word that requires administrator approval?

Boojum July 19, 2012 at 5:02 pm

You just harsher my socialisms.

BloviateMe July 19, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Strange argument. Praise the ark that was built, but ignore the fact the god he adores destroyed the world in the process. I'm guessing he's logicing that two free market economies were also on the ark.

Biff July 19, 2012 at 2:42 pm

That helps explain the story my dad told me that one time:
"When two corporations love each other very much…"

Crank_Tango July 19, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Imagine if we needed the government to defeat the Nazis–we might all be speaking German right now!

CrunchyKnee July 19, 2012 at 2:43 pm

So true. And what if the government was in charge of protecting us from all that scary TERROR???!!!???

SorosBot July 19, 2012 at 2:38 pm

All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what has the government ever done for us?

actor212 July 19, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Brought peace?

SoBeach July 19, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Regulated financial firms and equity markets to protect investors from fraud and ensure efficient access to capital markets?

Heh heh. Just kidding about that one.

Barrelhse July 19, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Rural Electrification Act!

fartknocker July 19, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Protected us when conflagrations and natural disasters strike.

bikerlaureate July 19, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Increased demand for intravaginal wands and drug tests ?

Callyson July 19, 2012 at 2:39 pm

OK, let's have some fun:

Imagine if Noah had needed financing from Wall Street to build that ark…

actor212 July 19, 2012 at 2:41 pm

The animals would all have been bundled into collateralized commodities contracts and some poor sucker would have been stuck with a herd of free range spiders for slaughter.

va_real July 19, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Well, if I remember my bible stories, all of Noah's neighbors thought he was a wacko & laughed at his ark-building feats. By the time they wanted in on the ark, it was a bit late… Noah wasn't one of the 1% before the flood…

Blueb4sunrise July 19, 2012 at 2:50 pm

The tranches were messy.

SorosBot July 19, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Just look at how much effort Wall Street is putting into combating the real-world non-fantasy threat of global warming and resultant rising sea levels.

lulzmonger July 19, 2012 at 3:17 pm

"As the waters did wax terrible high with the wrath of GOD, Noah looked out, & behold! Deputies did verily evict Noah from his own Ark, as it had come to pass that the Angel of the LORD had robosigned that shit out from under the old coot before he knew what hit him."

KeepFnThatChicken July 19, 2012 at 2:39 pm

What do those "Hell is HOT" stickers do to the resale value of a car?

prommie July 19, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Regarding Bill Gates, it has been observed that when you have a trust fund, from the beginning of your life, that will ensure you would never have to work to be assured the basic necessities of life, it makes it a lot easier for you to maybe take some chances and shoot for the moon. Whereas if your born with nothing and even though you excel you leave college with less than nothing, you start life at 22 with nothing but enormous debt, well, paycheck to paycheck doesn't leave much room for risk-taking.

IncenseDebate July 19, 2012 at 2:44 pm

So do you think the 1 percent like those non-risk taking employees who need to pay back all those loans working in the businesses they are building all by themselves?_

SorosBot July 19, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Why don't those people who were born with nothing just borrow $20,000 from their parents to start a business?

FakaktaSouth July 19, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Yes, if you are Bill Gates, you have the 5000 dollars to pay the person who wrote DOS to turn in for your project that will ultimately ensure you may become a bazillionaire. Otherwise, you're just failing your computer class or wishing you had the cash to take one.

prommie July 19, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Or if you are Jobs you hire all the people let go by Xerox PARC who had developed a Xerox version of windows 10 years before windows. Then you let them reinvent for you what they had already invented on Xerox's dime. True story, in 1989 I worked at a firm that had that old Xerox system, it was fucking unreal.

FakaktaSouth July 19, 2012 at 2:56 pm

and then Jobs turns around and claims Gates had stolen what became windows too – see? ya gotta have that extra "something" to be a competitive elite rich person. Something really bad.

prommie July 19, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Chutzpa. You know, as Michelle would say, "shoot-spa."

Generation[redacted] July 19, 2012 at 3:47 pm

If you are Jobs you befriend Wozniak and convince him to let you sell his computer.

actor212 July 19, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Uhhhh, Gates' father was pretty wealthy.

FakaktaSouth July 19, 2012 at 3:03 pm

right, that's why Bill's an example of the trust funded risk taker.

sullivanst July 19, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Interesting.

The wealth Bill leveraged to turn Microsoft into a success was available to him at least in part because his father attended a State university with GI Bill subsidies. Clearly, the government had nothing to do with it!

Mumbletypeg July 19, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Walker, your llama- kissin' pill gobblin' neighboring state loonybird Bachmann would like to add that without government help, bodacious family-fulls of foster kiddies might've never been built either~

nounverb911 July 19, 2012 at 2:40 pm

But Noah forgot to load the Unicorns on the Ark.

Biff July 19, 2012 at 2:44 pm

All we get are dressage horses.

actor212 July 19, 2012 at 2:47 pm

They learned to dance because Ham's family was a little….handsy.

SorosBot July 19, 2012 at 2:52 pm

The dinosaurs too, according to the Biblical literalist morans.

actor212 July 19, 2012 at 2:55 pm

There was green alligators, and long necked g'afes, some humpty-backed camels and some chimpanzees. Some cats, some rats, some elephants, but Lordy so forlorn, Noah forgot the unicorns…

SorosBot July 19, 2012 at 2:40 pm

And imagine if Emperor Palpanine had needed help from the government to build the Death Star. It might never have been built.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 19, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Noah's ark got rescued by the Coast Guard.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 19, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Noah depended on NOAA for all of his weather forecasts.

IonaTrailer July 19, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Or Vessel Assist when the ark started to sink.

Or GPS in the Auto-Pilot so he could go below and bone Mrs. Noah while still staying on course.

upthruster July 19, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Imagine if Noah's ark was foreclosed on because God needed the funds to leverage a buyout of..oh let's say Antarctica. We might not have……..of for f@*k sake!

Extemporanus July 19, 2012 at 2:42 pm

"The Ark" was just God's code name for his secret offshore account.

not that Dewey July 19, 2012 at 4:06 pm

"Where would you like this Skilling done?"

Goonemeritus July 19, 2012 at 2:42 pm

This Scott Walker guy seems a little dickish has anyone considered a recall?

blitzgal July 19, 2012 at 4:07 pm

All the idiots who only voted to show that "recalls are wrong" screwed it up.

va_real July 19, 2012 at 2:43 pm

The animal trainer's name is Dan Breeding? Srsly?

Barrelhse July 19, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Florida.

CthuNHu July 19, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Imagine if Republican children had to depend on government schools to think, instead of being home-schooled by their marmots and puppets. They might have learned.

IncenseDebate July 19, 2012 at 2:43 pm

So do you think the 1 percent like those non-risk taking employees who need to pay back all those loans working in the businesses they are building all by themselves?

prommie July 19, 2012 at 2:56 pm

The best employees are the ones struggling just to keep up with their debt, don't you think? The desperate ones who will take all the shit you give them because they NEEEED that job so bad. They're the ones who will run in that gerbil wheel till they drop and half of all they make goes to the finance industry that financed their car and house and I-pad and jetski and education and handles their 401-K and insures them.

actor212 July 19, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Yes, indentured serfs

IncenseDebate July 19, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Yep.

Goonemeritus July 19, 2012 at 2:44 pm

If private industry built the arc it would have only had room for the 1%.

Crank_Tango July 19, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Imagine the world being repopulated by people who can only take money and turn it into more money…hmm. that might make a good book, and a great laugh.

TheMightyHaltor July 19, 2012 at 10:20 pm

"Atlas Shrugged: Part 2"?

edgydrifter July 19, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Private industry building the arc would explain why leeches and mosquitoes were saved but unicorns weren't.

RadioSlut July 19, 2012 at 3:06 pm

What about the unicorn in my pants?

bobbert July 19, 2012 at 4:29 pm

You shot a unicorn in your pants?

Blueb4sunrise July 19, 2012 at 2:51 pm

+++++++++++++++++++++

Come here a minute July 19, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Some animals are more equal than others.

RadioSlut July 19, 2012 at 3:07 pm

So that is how the dinosaurs became extinct.

RadioSlut July 19, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Obama clearly had read and digested "Winner Take All Politics." A great book that dismantles the whole individual/cowboy myth that pervades the American psyche. Fuck these clowns. We are social beings and for our entire existence government has set the stage for any and all economic enterprise.

IncenseDebate July 19, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Someone went to commie camp.

SorosBot July 19, 2012 at 2:50 pm

I do love when fundie morons bring up the Noah myth, because it is the most ridiculous of the myths in the Bible; even more so than the story of Adam and Eve, or the Exodus, or that guy being born of a virgin and later raising from the dead; it is completely preposterous, there is no way anyone with an ounce of sense can believe it really literally happened, from the impossible logistics of getting two of every species onto a boat to the idiocy of every animal, including us, being descended from just one pair, and thus the product of generations of incest, it is so totally stupid that you know anyone who believes it over the age of five is an utter moron.

OneYieldRegular July 19, 2012 at 3:43 pm

The toughest part was herding two great white sharks on board.

Extemporanus July 19, 2012 at 3:52 pm
actor212 July 19, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Why would you need to put the sharks on the ark? It was water, hullo?

Jerri July 20, 2012 at 9:13 am

Because God said to!

Dr_Zoidberg July 19, 2012 at 2:51 pm

I don't want to live on this planet any more.

prommie July 19, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Don't lets start.

emmelemm July 19, 2012 at 3:39 pm

I believe I reached that point yesterday.

bobbert July 19, 2012 at 4:31 pm

I don't want Scott Walker to live on this planet anymore.

(With votes, of course)

OneYieldRegular July 19, 2012 at 4:47 pm

No problem. For a pledge of just $1,000,000, you can help us build an interplanetary ark and secure your first class reservation. Free toaster to the first 50 contributors.

Native_of_SL_UT July 19, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Imagine if the private sector had built the Bomb. Who would be the world's superpower now?

FNMA July 19, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Papa John's?

DemmeFatale July 19, 2012 at 2:52 pm

I can't tell if "Papa John" uses Botox, or has had a facelift.
(Or both.)

JackDempsey1 July 19, 2012 at 2:52 pm

OK, so let's concede that some of the more nuanced Old Testament stories are untweetable.
Snk=S8n, Eve totally newd now. Apl not delish, mayB only icon for intrtubes.

actor212 July 19, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Dude! Bubies? B rite ovr!

wondering where i am July 19, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Man the Facebook pages! The doctored Obama quote is going viral:

"Let me tell you something. If you’ve got a business, you didn’t build that." they quote the Bamz.

Of course he did not say that. He was talking about bridges and roads. The lady who owns the knick knack store on suburban main street, did not build no roads, even though she is that most sainted of beings, the small-business owner

IonaTrailer July 19, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Yeah, fuck the guv'mint. We can all do our own air traffic control, interstate highway construction and meat inspection.

The man's got his foot on our necks with all those pharmaceutical standards and restaurant inspections.

anniegetyerfun July 19, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Air traffic control is a scam! There's so much room up there, we don't need no government bureaucrats telling us where to fly!

Jus_Wonderin July 19, 2012 at 2:56 pm

I am really speechless today. All I can manage is to say I want to slap some of these fools repeatedly.

IonaTrailer July 19, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Retroactive abortions, anyone?

Chill_Bill July 19, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Imagine if Scott Walker hadn't gotten help from the Kochs to win an election. He might have never been a Governor.

DerrickWildcat July 19, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Noah's Ark had to also carry 7 of every germ. Which is a lot!

Billmatic July 19, 2012 at 2:59 pm

That Romney quote is very revealing, this whole debate is. The knee jerk response is to say "Why, that's hogwash!" but then you start to think about it…

I don't even think it should be limited to "the government," everyone's success is built on by a community, not the iron will of the free individual as per Rand, who sucks.

anniegetyerfun July 19, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Next thing you're going to tell me is that Al Gore didn't invent the internet.

Oblios_Cap July 19, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Oddly enough, nowhere in my copy of the bible does it say that god is Jewish. Just that he made man in his image.

bobbert July 19, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Well, Jewishness descends matrilineally, so hmmm.

GorzoTheMighty July 19, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Caesar built Litttle Caesars. Not like this guy Caesar had any connection to the Guberment or the Appian way.

Extemporanus July 19, 2012 at 3:01 pm

About an hour ago, Romney was giving a little spin & grin at some grease monkey widget warehouse or something. Every hoary sentence out of his whorey mouth — I repeat (without hyperbole) every fucking sentence — was a lie, deliberate misquote, dodge, dog whistle, or some other bad thing that starts with 'd'.

The only thing that kept me from just cold bludgeoning myself to death with the nearest available object (3 lives left, little Fabienne!) was the fact that there were two blue collar-y dudes — one older and white, the other middle aged and black — standing directly behind him who appeared to be doing everything in their power to keep from laughing their damn asses off at the oily, animatronic asshole eating into their lunch break.

Crank_Tango July 19, 2012 at 3:06 pm

you had me at oily, animatronic asshole eating. Wait, what?

Extemporanus July 19, 2012 at 3:15 pm

You didn't know? Romney owns a five unit team of robots that toss his salad.

I believe that Tagg-2000 was the one on duty today.

Crank_Tango July 19, 2012 at 3:25 pm

After all, salad-tossing is just a primitive form of bending.

Oblios_Cap July 19, 2012 at 3:54 pm

At least Bender drinks.

Extemporanus July 19, 2012 at 3:55 pm

And an exciting sporting event held at the Salt Lake City Olympics.

(Oh, by the way, were you aware that I told everyone last weekend that you laid a guy out at the meet-up — one punch! didn't spill your drink! blood everywhere — because they tried to cop a feel on MissTaken?

You're welcome.)

Nostrildamus July 19, 2012 at 3:01 pm

What lady would Mutually Beneficial Arrangements pair with that truck?

mavenmaven July 19, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Hey, Scott, the ark of the covenant and the Temple was created with mandatory tax dollars levied on all, including the wealthy.

MissTaken July 19, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Those were Jew-y

Nostrildamus July 19, 2012 at 3:04 pm

I think that sign means his dildo is circumcised.

Maman July 19, 2012 at 3:04 pm

But would Noah have built the ark if not for a hint from someone in control?

Fox n Fiends July 19, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Imagine if Scott Walker built the Ark. It would be the first real job he's ever had.

Hammiepants July 19, 2012 at 3:04 pm

C'mon, a book that says snakes talk, people turn into salt pillars and this dude who's allegedly the son of god can walk on water but can't save his own ass from being nailed to a cross must be legit, right?

actor212 July 19, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Or written by WIlliam Burroughs.

IncenseDebate July 19, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Hello, Papa John's? Do you deliver to arks? I have a large order…kosher.

bureaucrap July 19, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Actually the Noah analogy is just right for Republicans — "I've got MY Yacht; the rest of you can all drown in the ocean for all I care."

kissawookiee July 19, 2012 at 3:08 pm

It truly is a good thing that Noah's Ark didn't actually get built, because if you check the specs (and the mockup rendered in painstaking detail by the Kentucky museum), you'll notice that sucker would roll like a log in a lumberjack contest (or a turd in a poorly evacuated toilet). But if there had been a Noah and a government in charge of issuing permits back in the day, the guy with the rubber stamp would've taken one look at the blueprint, rolled his eyes, and told Noah to either find an actual engineer or pound sand.

James Michael Curley July 19, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Some Wood just don't float.

MissTaken July 19, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Imagine if Ronald Reagan worked for the government. Our country would still be suffering the effects.

Estproph July 19, 2012 at 3:10 pm

And look at that Tower of Babel! Typical government project. Complete failure, and no one can figure out what anyone means!

Antispandex July 19, 2012 at 3:10 pm

"The spirits of all the things about to be created were also in the Hogahn with the gods and the chiefs. All the corn and all the seeds were brought by the Yeh gods at Begochiddy’s request. Hashjeshjin brought all the stars, the Sun, the Moon, and all the Light, and the other people brought the rest of the things that were to be on this world. They were all in the Hogahn."

If we are going to take creation myths as literally true, I prefer those of the Navaho. Now, if we are talking metaphorically, of course, I prefer the ones I grew up on.

SorosBot July 19, 2012 at 3:17 pm

I like the Egyptian creation myth, where the primordial god Atum masturbated and his spunk became the gods who created the world.

Antispandex July 19, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Yeah, it has some limited appeal, but then you start thinking about not only being created by a jizz god, but then thinking about your parents "doing it" (and eww, that's gross even if your parents are Brad and Angie)….I don't know. Creating the stars with your shot might be cool though.

DahBoner July 19, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Shorter Walker: Hey, Cock bros! I'm gittin' jiggy wit yo moneyz!!!

HippieEsq July 19, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Dear Governor Walker:

When I send the next flood, you're not Noah.

Love and Peace.
God

weejee July 19, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Flying Spaghetti Monster Museum of Myth and Mirth or GTFO.

Generation[redacted] July 19, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Finally! A museum with a decent pasta bar.

MissTaken July 19, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Because nothing says 'America, Fuck Yeah!' like a missile being ridden by a teddy bear.

SorosBot July 19, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Well America needs to show off its giant penis to the world.

BaldarTFlagass July 19, 2012 at 3:17 pm

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OT, but I just got my first one of these.

This is why I stopped visiting Huffpost.

sullivanst July 19, 2012 at 3:22 pm

HuffPo does that to you if you're thinking bad thoughts. Wonket does it if you're not, which is why it's rare.

Generation[redacted] July 19, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Not enuf pedobear jokes.

lulzmonger July 19, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Whoa … Scott Walker just straight-up told Wisconsin the remainder of his term will focus on Screwin' Teh Pooch on their dime.

POOCH LIBEL?!?

RedneckMuslin July 19, 2012 at 3:31 pm

The Mississppi River flooded and Noah built the St Louis Ark to get to safety, Geez, get it right.

PubOption July 19, 2012 at 5:49 pm

He would have had trouble getting an elephant into one of those little elevator cars.

valthemus July 19, 2012 at 3:40 pm

I'm trying really hard to avoid slipping into a why-does-anyone-take-the-GOP-seriously laughing fit. They are hell on my productivity.

raffinemilligan July 19, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Marlon Brando built Godfather's Pizza..?

barto July 19, 2012 at 3:44 pm

HaHa, imagine if Noah's ark HAD been built – we'd all be related to Scott Walker! GAHHHHHH!.!.!.!.!

IonaTrailer July 19, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Oh, and did I mention that we need guv'mints to keep drugs illegal so private companies can imprison th browns?

Generation[redacted] July 19, 2012 at 3:51 pm

If the Ark hadn't been built, Indiana Jones would just be cold wasting the university's money with all his globe-trotting.

ttommyunger July 19, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Papa John: when Godfathers or a shit sandwich just won't do it for you.

homotownrecords July 19, 2012 at 4:39 pm

that theme park looks pretty cool, the old testament will really impress the kids.

iburl July 19, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Imagine if our government was populated by idiots who believed that Noah's Ark was a real thing…. oh, never mind.

smitallica July 19, 2012 at 5:14 pm

What's funny about this "You didn't build that" meme is that because right-wingers see it in the right-wing media they watch, they think it's catching on and the whole country is talking about Obama's big gaffe.

Guess what, assholes. Nobody outside your echo chamber gives a flying fuck. And your guy is still gonna lose.

PoliPop July 19, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Ray Croc didn't build McDonald's. He bought it from the McDonald brothers.

Aridzona July 19, 2012 at 7:16 pm

The next time you refer to The Bible as a novel, at least have the decency to call it an epic novel. Thank you.

horsedreamer_1 July 19, 2012 at 7:43 pm

GILGAMESH LIBEL!!!

badgitator July 19, 2012 at 8:19 pm

I doubt this is actually from Walker. Not one typo.

FakaktaSouth July 19, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Hell I got all the yiddish terms for being a go-getter you need, I'm just missing the lack of ethics and ability to take credit for someone else's smarts. That's the extra.

prommie July 19, 2012 at 3:22 pm

They should call those special qualities "the Trump quotient." To get that rich, you have to have a high TQ.

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