Someone Please Assure Us That This ‘Steampunk Palin’ Comic Is An Elaborate Prank

  'wild wild west' was a good movie right

Sure, this is a thing that exists in reality, why not Everyone should drop what they’re doing right now and give a million Pulitzers to the Comics Alliance for blowing the lid off of an upcoming “Steampunk Palin” comic book/graphic novel/spank mag. It is (obviously) about a near-future crisis where “Big Oil/Nuke” seizes control of energy production and so everyone has to switch to steam power (STEAM IS USUALLY GENERATED BY BOILING WATER WITH HEAT DERIVED FROM FOSSIL FUELS OR NUCLEAR POWER FYI), and then Sarah Palin is terribly injured by a bomb and wakes up months later having been turned into a steampunk cyborg superhero. With very large breasts? We’re not sure how that fits into this. (Haha, we are 100% sure how it fits into this: it helps you masturbate to the drawings more vigorously.) Anyway, if you would like to see more amazing/traumatizing images from this nightmare, which we’re pretty sure you do, go ahead and click the “READ MORE” link.

Robama!

Oh, did we mention that Barack Obama was also injured in the same bomb attack? And they also turn him into a cyborg? And people call him “Robama”? Well, that all happens. And then he and Sarah Palin team up to fight the real enemy, the leader of Big Oil/Nuke, “Professor Greenhouse,” who is Al Gore. Al Gore! Because he likes … oil? Sure, he likes oil.

Anyway, you’ll be happy to know that, according to the table of contents, there are only 16 pages of this insane plot, and then they just go into the “Sarah Palin pin-ups.” “Pin-ups”! Certainly sounds erotic! Wonder what those look like?

AUUUGGGGHHH

Good luck ever feeling arousal ever again, everybody! [Comics Alliance, via MacRaith on Wonkville]

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About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger

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164 comments

      1. SorosBot

        Hell, the fact that Shadowcat of the X-Men would often complain about her small chest in dialogue didn't stop many of the artists from still drawing her with big 'uns.

      2. Tundra Grifter

        Remember – Angelina Jolie got a costume boost when she played Lara Croft. And she certainly didn't need it – what God gave her are just fine.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      It's a pretty simple convention among comix artists.

      Large breasts: good
      Extra large breasts: extra good

    2. CommieLibunatic

      Although few, far between, and often on the Internet, there are comic women who don't cause windsheers when they stand up. The heroine in this fine publication is even called "a slip of a girl with no tits" at one point.

        1. CommieLibunatic

          I don't suppose Tsutomu Nihei's Blame! doesn't count either, being Japanese and ferrin and all.

  1. Barb

    “Sarah Palin pin-ups.” Why just pin her up? Use a nail gun to be sure.
    Oh, you didn't mean actually "pinning" Sarah up. You were talking about drawings of Sarah? My bad. Um, those were just "surveyor's marks"

    1. SorosBot

      Drawings of Sarah, made to look like she's actually attractive; along with dialogue written as if she knows how to speak properly. It's a total fantasy.

        1. SorosBot

          Because they are conservative and must pathologically pretend any woman who agrees with them politically is extremely hot and fappable, no matter how hideous they are; it's been termed Coulter Disorder.

      1. actor212

        You think that first drawing is attractive?

        It looks like someone crossed Jamie Lee Curtis with an antelope. A not-particularly sexy antelope. With large breasts.

        1. chicken_thief

          Not that I'd want seconds after an antelope, but Jamie Lee was/still is pretty hot. Except for that possible dick thing….

    2. James Michael Curley

      Let's not talk about Nailing Palin. Other than conjuring up a mediocre porn film, it will give her delusions of grandiose crucifixion and we will be stuck hearing about her for two thousand years.

  2. One_who_wanders

    I am trying to picture what possible event would have Palin and Obama close enough together that they could be injured in the same blast that would not also destroy around 20% of the US.

  3. Joshua Norton

    When you pull the string the action figure has a voice that is a dick-shriveling nasal whine that sounds like aluminum siding being forced through a shredder.

    1. GunToting[Redacted]

      Or one of my favorite descriptions… "Sounds like someone sawing through a rusty screen door with a cat."

  4. FakaktaSouth

    Oh my, a tongue stud. Dang, tongue piercing guy, you were RIGHT THERE – it would have been better had you just stapled her yap shut. She is in desperate need of some kind of muzzle.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        One of those full head cover things like the gimp, but with no zipper for the mouth part.

        1. James Michael Curley

          Pulease! You will get some of those good old boys all roused up suggesting she 'put a bag over her head.'

  5. Terry

    As a public service, I would like to remind you all that a whole bunch of the male Wonketeers lusted after Palin before she was tapped as McCain's running mate.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Guilty as charged. But you have to remember that we were going off one or two pictures from, like 2006, no video, no audio, no idiotic word salad from that vile yap. And well, y'know, the whole naughty librarian thing… for all we knew about her, she really WAS a naughty librarian.

      1. Terry

        …and in y'all's defense, she was a lot more attractive than many governors such as John Sununu.

      2. kittensdontlie

        Naughty librarian is what McCain was counting on…but she went all 'good' cop when Bristol became the'bad' cop.

    2. James Michael Curley

      Not true.! I always lusted for the catholic school girl look on the original head mast, not the illiterate librarian look.

    3. 102415

      But some of us knew she was nothing but a puppy murdering cunt whose last child was born in Texas.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      I am NOT googling that. Or docking, even though I really do think that is really the loch ness monster of sex acts.

      1. prommie

        I wouldn't even google that to win an argument, and thats saying something. Snowflake was way bad enough.

        1. FakaktaSouth

          With all this talk of Cleveland and Steamers and such this morning, things truly have gotten way far down bad enough – I don't even think docking is all that bad, just way silly, comparably.

          1. prommie

            For Palin, I think the perfect thing would be the Donkey Punch. She looks like a strong girl, who would be a wild ride if you startle her.

      2. Dashboard Buddha

        I'll take the hit because I love you all so much. Here are my findings…

        - While there are entries with tentacle…manga…Nazi, I could not find such a specific thing.

        -However, apparently someone is working on a manga version of Mein Kampf.

        -Jesus weeps.

  6. Fare la Volpe

    Reminds me of the last time Sarah "stood up" to big oil, and didn't just cash their checks to spend on Prada bags.

  7. ChernobylSoup

    Not sure why she needs the flotation devices when all water freezes in her presence.

  8. ManchuCandidate

    Yeah… I hate steampunk as a genre. It assumes that humans could build expansive and extremely complicated shit out of cast iron and brass valves and that they were better. If humans could build computers out of steam locomotives they would have, but they couldn't. I find it no better than the whole genre of alternative history fantasies where the South won the Civil War, excuse me, Wah of Nawthun Aggresshun or the Nazees won WW2. It's not even really about the authors, but a lot of the fans (but not all) who cling to this fantasy that they can turn back time and change shit to whatever fantasy they believe. Sorry folks, but the Victorian Era sucked if you weren't a rich WASP and no matter hard you try you Sothurn recidivists there is no fucking way the agrarian south was ever ever ever gonna win against the Nawth's industrial might.

    What? No literary rantings?

    Assfucking!

    1. glamourdammerung

      I am still waiting for this to make the natural evolution to "slavepunk" now that the alleged "genre" basically includes everything involving technology past wooden clubs.

    2. CommieLibunatic

      Forget all that, it's the aesthetic among the fans that pisses me off. I can appreciate some of the finer crafts, but when you just hot-glue some gears to your boots, put some goggles on your head (not actually wear them), and call it "steampunk," I'll blow up like an overloaded boiler.

    3. James Michael Curley

      There are a few homes and some business buildings in the downtown area of Pittsburgh which are still heated by Allegheny Steam; a company created in the mid 19th century to distribute steam from massive boilers on the rivers.

    4. AbandonHope

      I think it depends on your outlook. I like alternative history, and to a lesser extent steampunk, because they start with one admittedly implausible or outlandish concept, but then go on to try and logically predict what would plausibly follow as a result, and it's that part I find fascinating. It's like sci-fi in that sense; I'm just about 99.9% sure that Einstein is right and faster-than-light travel is impossible, but if we gloss over that part, what could result?

      Now those people who truly believe that steampunk is/was possible, yeah, they annoy the heck out of me.

      1. Doktor Zoom

        Scott Westerfeld's Leviathan YA series has tremendous fun with the conceit that Darwin discovered DNA and then England went on a binge of creating incredible GM beasties. World War I is then fought between diesel-powered German walkers and airships made from floating whales. Fun!

    5. UnholyMoses

      Some steampunk stuff is gorgeous, as CommieLibunatic points out.

      A vast majority of it, however, is utter crap.

    6. valthemus

      I love good steampunk (costumes, props, stories, art, all of it). Cheap, stupid "glue some gears on it" steampunk deserves heaping piles of withering contempt.

    7. Guppy

      If humans could build computers out of steam locomotives they would have

      Well, we did, but we didn't find much application for them beyond naval ballistics, which itself went obsolete. It also helped that the steam plant was only a few hundred feet away.

      Beyond the problem of getting your steam from point A to point B without structure fires and third-degree burns, the only real hurdle is trying to match the development of semiconductors and transistors.

    8. extreme_left

      I still haven't been able to scrub the image of the sheep intestine condom stank sex scene in 'the difference engine' from my mind… and I read it 14 years ago…fuck you Gibson.

    9. Butch_Wagstaff

      Many moons ago, I wrote an alternative US history outline for my HS creative writing class where TX remained an independent republic and the Mormons ended up settling there and not in what became the Utah Territory. The outline ended during WWI with the election of the first Mormon (who had 12 wives) to President of the Republic of Texas.

  9. SorosBot

    Now this is getting geeky, but both the look of "Palin" in that panel and her origin were very familiar; it's a total rip-off of the character of Circuit Breaker from the old Marvel Transformers series. All she needs is reddish-blonde hair and a pathological hatred of robots, particularly Shockwave (my avatar!) and she'd be exactly the same.

    1. GhostBuggy

      It's been awhile since I've read them, but one of my favorite stories is when that peacenik Skids abandons his post and starts living with a human woman.

          1. FakaktaSouth

            Oh my gosh you hush, there is nothing hotter than a guy that knows things and has opinions and will share such with others. You behave.
            (nerd-lover)

        1. GhostBuggy

          Jeez, I thought I was remembering it being weirder than it was, but nope, it's weird.

  10. AbandonHope

    I have to say, if it weren't about Palin it looks like it could be pretty good. In fact, just get the comic, white-out every time they say "Sarah Palin" and replace it with "Tina Fey" — problem solved.

  11. sbj1964

    Steam Punk Sarah's nemesis Dr.Reality,The Fantastic Facts?Come on people help me out here.Any other super hero puns are welcome.

    1. James Michael Curley

      The she will claim it is all packed up in her garage and all come pick it up.

  12. JackDempsey1

    "according to the table of contents, there are only 16 pages of this insane plot"

    Originally, 32 pages of action-packed fun were storyboarded, but one animated character found another outlet.

    1. edgydrifter

      I don't know what graphic novelists think boobs do, because they're always drawn as if they're wrestling with each other over territory. Guys–it's a chest, not a range war.

  13. le petit mort

    Six movie studios – including Vivid – just greenlighted this for release next summer.

  14. proudgrampa

    OK. Someone help me out here. Who is that third character? And why does he (she?) have condoms on his (her?) fingers?

    1. WIDTAP

      Dude! Do not cast such a thought out into the universe. You will bring shame and ruin on us all when it returns in Full Darkhose Comics treatment.

      1. Tundra Grifter

        No question there is a lot of Jules Verne and H.G. Wells in steampunk.

        I've been a fan of "Treasure Island" pretty much my whole life, and I really liked "Treasure Planet" from the first time we saw it in the theater.

        I realize steampunk started before that film, but I think it encapsulates the neat aspects of the genre.

        Slightly OT, if you haven't read "The Lost World" by A. Conan Doyle, I recommend it.

        1. Tangled sin tax

          I read that when I was about 10. It gave me nightmares about being tossed off the cliff to be impaled on the stakes below for years. I soothed my frayed nerves with The Pit and the Pendulum.

      1. Tundra Grifter

        Yes. Remember the song "Double-O Soul?"

        I never had a Continental Suit like Jim West, but I did wear high-collar shirts!

  15. Dildeaux

    Thats what all the gopers see when they view Paylin. Tits with legs. And a bump up. And shit for brains.

  16. mavenmaven

    Someone had to do it, so here goes: "How many secret weapons does your evil cabal have?"
    "All of them!"

  17. MLite

    Her breasts are full of FREEDOM and she is powered by the steam of the boiling tears of bald eagles.

  18. Dashboard Buddha

    ….aaaaand steampunk has just jumped the shark. I'm glad I cancelled my order for blue goggles and top hat.

    1. CommieLibunatic

      It hasn't simply jumped the shark. It jumped a row of megalodons and crashed into a wall of big-screen TVs with a lit stick of dynamite tied to its head LONG ago.

  19. MacRaith

    Hey, my link made the front page! Do I get a prize? And if I do, can it be something completely unlike this comic book?

  20. GunToting[Redacted]

    Didn't we see this 4 years ago? It's impossible to say, because I've been diligently scrubbing my cortex with Rye whisky for years.

  21. rengeek81

    This came out about a year or so ago actually and it's actually a superfun read because it's a satire and a rather cleverly written one by noted comic writer Ben Dunn. I've well-read this as well as their other titles which include digs at The Governator and their steampunk Time Lincoln series beats the pants out of any vampire hunting version of the president, especially when he fights Hitler.
    Your local comic book shop might not have these anymore so you'll probably have to rely on AP's con presence for which they'll always have these on hand. They also have Sarah Palin: Rogue Warrior and Sarah Palin vs. The World, both hilarious reads.

  22. SenileAgitation

    It's not just the pierced tongue and fishnet gloved hand performing the universal cunnilingus gesture that is so troubling, but the thought that she is using these wiles to snare Evil Al Gore. But at least Sarah has decent comic book tits.

  23. ElPinche

    This reminds me of Billy Idol's album "Cyberpunk" when cyberpunk died that fateful release day.

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