Old School Crazy

Wingnut GOP Candidate Declares Self Senator In *Real* U.S. Government Because Sekrit 1871 Law Stole Constitution

It's not sedition if you love AmericaLet’s say you want to be a member of the Iowa Senate, but you decide that actually running for the seat is expensive and tedious, and you realize that even if you win, you’re mostly going to be voting on a lot of boring local issues, probably involving corn. Wouldn’t it be more fun to go straight to national office, maybe the Senate? But a candidacy in that arena costs even MORE time and money, and even if you won, you’d still have to think about corn. Subsidies, probably. Wouldn’t it be cool if you could just BE a U.S. Senator without all the trouble of “winning an election”? Well, meet Randi Shannon! She was running for Iowa’s 34th District senate seat, but on July 4 announced that she had “accepted the position of U.S. Senator in The Republic of The United States of America,” a pretend club of PatrioLoons who are taking America back from the illegitimate “UNITED STATES CORPORATION” (you have to type that in all-caps, because all-caps things are magically different legal entities from their lowercase counterparts).

It will undoubtedly come as a shock to many to learn that Ms. Shannon is a Ron Paul supporter and a home-schooling advocate. She also opposes children being vaccinated.

But she is participating in a rich tradition of Homegrown Grass-Roots American Prairie Lunacy! Long before there was a Tea Party, even before there was a Ron Paul, there were the tax protesters, those loveable nuts with their bizarre legal theories, strange interpretations of the Constitution and U.S. history, and their amusing penchant for mimeographing badly typed manifestoes, getting convicted of tax fraud, and occasionally hiding out in compounds until they and everyone in their entire tragic family are shot to death in futile gunfights with jackbooted federal thugs. Ms. Shannon’s July 4 letter explains, with the perfectly lucid-seeming tone of the average psychopathic axe murderer when speaking to neurotypical people, what REALLY HAPPENED to U.S. America:

Let me now announce to everyone in Iowa, I have become aware of the existence of the Original Republic for The United States of America. “We the People” re-inhabited our lawful de jure (de jur [sic] — “by right of lawful establishment”) government on March 30th, 2010. This is The Republic founded in 1787 and then abandoned during The Civil War in the 1860s.

It was then replaced in 1871 by the UNITED STATES CORPORATION. (de facto — without law). This Unlawful Corporate Democracy, established by the forty-first congress, has been acting as though it is the “official government” which clearly it is not! In point of fact, it is the reason why “We the People” Instead of Experiencing Freedom and Prosperity, suffer under the weight of Oppressive Statutes and an Out of Control, Monstrous National Debt which is Robbing Us and All Future Generations of Americans of Our Treasure and Our Legacy for which Our Founding Fathers’ so Valiantly Fought and Died.

And Remember This! Where the de jure Republic of The United States of America exists the de facto UNITED STATES CORPORATION, having no standing, must go away!

So there! GO AWAY, you fake old government, because “We The People” no longer believe in you! Raw Story describes Shannon’s statement as “riddled with curious capitalization meant to emphasize the government’s foibles,” but we think it more likely that, apart from the bizarro magic belief that all-caps words denote legal fictions, this isn’t satire, it’s Just Really Incompetent Writing, with maybe a side helping of Trying to Sound Olde-Timey and Important Like The Declaration of Independence.

Ms. Shannon also has a Facebook Page with an unreadable satirical graphic, and a link to an unwatchable video that explains that there are actually TWO Americas, but not the way John Edwards meant it (Spoiler alert: Turns out that the 1871 law establishing a government for the District of Columbia is what did it). She warns that anyone who tries any funny stuff on her Facebook page “just might get bumped for a month off FB or banned permanently-account CLOSED. TRY ME PLEASE…”

[RawStory]

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About the author

Doktor Zoom lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his pseudonym after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom

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485 comments

        1. emmelemm

          Is he short?

          (I've never seen him on TV or paid attention to any photographs that may have been published.)

          1. UW8316154

            No no, Seattle is run by Sgt. Rich O'Neill, President of the Seattle Police Officers Guild, dontcha know?

            Cops in Seattle can (and do) just cold murder old guys crossing the street with impunity, fuck the DOJ and your pansy-ass "civil rights".

          2. Negropolis

            No kidding. They can also just plain deck blah teenage girls for resisting arrest, apparently.

    1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

      I hereby declare myself director, president, CEO and dictator for life of Woodinville, the alcohol capital of the northwest.

      1. WordPress_Sucks

        I shall be emperor of Spokane.

        I hereby resign as emperor of Spokane. Have you seen this place? Jesus.

    2. actor212

      I humbly accept the position of Philosopher-King of the Republic Benevolent Order of these United States. I will humbly resign said office after I've disposed of Ms Shannon and her ilk into a deep dark cell in Gitmo.

      Or after I've accrued a few billion. I haven't made up my mind yet.

      In the meantime, marijuana for all! Small American flags for some.

      1. vtxmcrider

        How about a vaccine that would kill all her eggs? Then again, who would want to shoot a load into her anyway?

    1. Callyson

      Don't the wingnuts think vaccines cause autism?

      Oh, wait, that's Jenny McCarthy.

      As I was saying…

    1. actor212

      Me, I'm sort of hoping her brother shows up and explains it all away as a mild case of Tourettes and why she has to be taken with a large grain of salt, like the "P-E-N-I-S" woman.

      Sadly, it seems she may be more pathetic than even that.

    1. GeorgiaBurning

      There is a guy in Kansas who says he's the real Pope, since all those in Rome since 1958 are heretics. There are reasons we bring bottled water and packaged food when visiting the middle of the country.

    2. Butch_Wagstaff

      I proclaimed myself the Queen of All the Known Universe!
      I now have nice "summering" spots on thousands of different planets.
      I have outlawed Crocs throughout my domain.
      I have declared that Tea Partia and Ronpaulandia natural disaster areas.
      Now bring me my tiara!

      1. HistoriCat

        Hey – I called Emperor of the Universe last year; kneel before Emperor Historicat! Wait-that doesn't sound right…

  1. Dr_Zoidberg

    I Am a huge Fan of The Hot New trend of Randomly Capitalizing words in All my Written Sentences.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      You know Who Else liked to Capitalize Nouns in Sentences? (yes, I've used this one before)

  2. bumfug

    I don't want to bum you out but if her certificate was signed by Emperor Norton this shit's legit.

  3. Pragmatist2

    They are crazy! They are batsh*t crazy!! They are off their freaking rockers!!!
    And their universe is so inverted from reality that they think WE are the crazy ones.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      Oh, there are crazies on our side, too. I met with a group of liberals one time, and got a lecture on the "Coming Vegan Holocaust", which I took to mean that vegans were going to be massacred, as opposed to doing the killing – but to be fair, I didn't double-check.

  4. timbo71351

    Hey, anything that keeps those kooks from participating in politics is OK by me. Maybe Snow Snooki will declare herself president of the Original U.S. Republic. Tell her there's a big payday that comes with the job.

          1. BoatOfVelociraptors

            I was going to say “Alaska Is”, which used to be the PBS time filler program that showed scenery with classical music. However that twit Palin has ruined the indexing for the terms “Alaska Is”, so it's difficult to provide a link.Thanks

    1. Crank_Tango

      I tried some retroactive business with my girlfriend but she said it hurt too much.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      The Colonies tried that with the Declaration of Independence, but Goode King George figured it all out anyway. Or, at least, somebody explained it to him.

        1. Negropolis

          I don't know. We've got to prove that Senatress Shannon has tertiary syphilis and/or lead poisoning to go along with her crazy before she can even be on George's level.

  5. Hera Sent Me

    SO IF I DECLARE MYSELF KING USING ALL CAPS, DOES THAT MAKE IT LEGAL?

    I'd make a good king, really. Just give me a banana grove and I won't send anybody to the dungeon.

    1. MissTaken

      Damn, work blocked it for "Violence/Hate/Racism". Must wait until I get home for the fun.

        1. Biel_ze_Bubba

          Prolly just a canned set of filters … no IT department has time to evaluate six million nutbag websites.

    2. starfanglednut

      Actually, that just makes me sad. It is clearly untreated schizophrenia. Having several friends with schizophrenia, I can tell you whoever wrote that stuff was suffering acutely.

  6. elviouslyqueer

    Oh good lord. Grandma's on the porch again, and she's wearing her fancy hat. Time to call the orderlies and get the damn net ready.

    1. Butch_Wagstaff

      Where I'm from it'd be:
      "Aunt Della's walkin' down the dirt road in nothin' but her bra & bloomers, quotin' Scripture…again!"

    2. vtxmcrider

      OT Why do you show up with a unique pale green background? Have you bought Wonkette from Rebecca? Or did she give you your own special color just to sleep with her?

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        You talking 'bout the colored, instead of light grey, rectangle? I think that indicates the people who you're following.

    3. Negropolis

      Grandma's on the porch again, and she's wearing her fancy hat.

      You've just described the near entirety of Black People Oldzdom.

  7. emmelemm

    Also, too, I don't click over to other linkies, preferring to stay in the shelter of my Wonkette, but is that an ACTUAL PHOTO of the lady in question? Or just a random "crazy lady in tinfoil hat" stock photo?

    1. el_donaldo

      Crazy lady in question is actually kinda Jodie Foster hot. Click the very first link up top to see.

      1. emmelemm

        Daaaaaaaaaamn. She ain't bad lookin'. But she's at least Michele Bachmann level crazy.

        ETA: I give her more than .27 Timecubes. That's low-ballin' it, Zoom.

        1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

          Hot Dayum!

          Losing all connection with reality seems to act as a preservative. That's my theory, at least.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      Is that the latest Batman flick, or Deneesh D'Range'd movie produced by Glumm Bleek about President Obama?

  8. SmutBoffin

    It's one thing if Teabaggers wanna just make up history, but when you start making up current events, well, that's just the mark of the insane.

  9. Mumbletypeg

    explains that there are actually TWO Americas, but not the way John Edwards meant it

    Tha's right, Randi! The america ya have [lowercase] and the America Ya Wish Ya Had [deservedly Uppercase, says it all, don't it now?]

    1. bobbert

      And this doesn't even begin to address the two Amercias, and AmericaciremA, and fuck it this isn't going anywhere. Sorry.

    2. not that Dewey

      It also doesn't include Ameritrade, Promerica, Comerica, Ameriflex, etc. There are literally thousands of Americas.

      1. bobbert

        You know, for real, I've always wanted to decry something. But I figure I've already had my RLA (recommended lifetime allowance) of jail time.

  10. bikerlaureate

    3,557 people like Republic for the united States of America.

    Ladies and Gentlemen, our future FEMA Camp administrators.

  11. Serolf_Divad

    THE UNITED STATES CORPORATION…

    Wait… does this mean the United States is a legal person? Quick, someone ask Mitt Romney.

  12. rickmaci

    Her writing problem could be fixed if she would just wrap that hat in more tin foil. The secret control waves coming from the intergalactic Bilderberg control craft are getting through those tin strips she has on there now…

  13. Jus_Wonderin

    Does she oppose pets being vaccinated? Because, if she does, I can send her a rabid ferret. Just sayin………………

  14. weejee

    Used to be if you wanted to hear the call of the loon, you had to go camping on some mosquito-infested lake somewhere. Ah, with the Intertubes we can now hear the forlorn call of the loon 24/7.

  15. sbj1964

    Mitt, now can retroactivly retire as President? And save America the whole B/s of losing.A win/win !

    1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

      My idiot cousin? (Thanks for exposing me to whooping cough you ignorant cunt!)

    1. schvitzatura

      Fifty four Titles of the USC, condensed and distilled to the Laws of Eight are preeminently superior, than all the lies, lies, lies!

      Romney/Holn '12!

  16. anniegetyerfun

    “We the People” Instead of Experiencing Freedom and Prosperity, suffer under the weight of Oppressive Statutes and an Out of Control, Monstrous National Debt which is Robbing Us and All Future Generations of Americans of Our Treasure and Our Legacy for which Our Founding Fathers’ so Valiantly Fought and Died.

    Worst Fiona Apple album ever.

    1. BloviateMe

      Fiona Apple is a singer? Just always assumed it was a sexual thing, like a Cleveland Steamer, or a Dirty Sanchez.

    1. emmelemm

      Man, today is awesome. First, Mark Hamill references The Thing, now you're on Escape from New York.

      John Carpenter lives!!!

      1. edgydrifter

        The judges would have also accepted Boxy Brown from ATHF, but either way it's awesome.

    2. Callyson

      You can't meet the Duke! Are you crazy? Nobody gets to meet the Duke. You meet him once and then you're dead!

      1. Steverino247

        You can't meet the guy who said those lines. Nobody gets to because he's dead.

        Which is a shame. He seemed like such a nice guy, especially when he talked about masturbating daily on TV.

  17. coolhandnuke

    And keep your ARMADILDOS outta my roottabagas their eating all MY ROOTABAGAS don't try an fool me I have BECOME aware of the EXISTENCE of armadildos for a coons age de jure and their eating my ROOTABAGAS.

      1. coolhandnuke

        Now you've planted oysters in my brain…and i thank you, sir.
        A dozen Wilipa Bay oysters will do it.
        And my girlfriend thanks you.

        1. ttommyunger

          Don't count on it. Last time I ate a dozen and only eight of them worked.Sent from my iPhone

    1. ChessieNefercat

      You make a whole lot more sense than she does. Or most other republicans, for that matter.

    2. anniegetyerfun

      This comment has made me so happy, in part because it's the second time this week that someone has referred to a root veggie that I have never seen.

      ETA: OK, just Googled it and it's just a fucking turnip?

  18. BloviateMe

    A bit of a tangent, but I bet this chick has a 85:15 Shart to Fart ratio, and still wears white pants. Just a gut feeling.

  19. Tundra Grifter

    Just what is there about the year 1871? Gold standard something, something. Reconstruction was in full swing. The Posse Cunnilingus law was passed.

    Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…

  20. va_real

    HEy- how diD you gEt my fOTO? Teh TiN-fOil HATT wAS1 supPOsed tO dEFlekt the zOOm kapabBILities of teH caMERas On bOrd the blaH HELicOpters? YOO KidS!! GiT ouT of MY RePuBlik!!

  21. ChessieNefercat

    But she can say "de jure", and "de facto." So ipso dipso, she knows what she is talking about, right?

    We should send her the fake Latin placeholder gibberish from any old template and tell her it is the lost Constuhtushun, tragically held hostage by uh, 18th century ye libtardf waiting for the birth of the UNITED STATES CORPORATION. Think she'd buy it?

  22. WhatTheHeck

    This is bullshit.
    This means Americans can no longer chant “USA USA USA”.
    We now have to chant “TROTUSA” (The Republic of The United States of America)

    1. sbj1964

      TROTUSA,TROTUSA What a wonderful phrase! It means no worries for the rest of your days! It's our problem free philosophy Hacunna TROTUSA!

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      But you have to make the "U" lower case: TROTuSA.
      Or, as they prefer it, RuSA.

      Because using the big U "capitulates" to the ordinary old USA, and you can't have that.

    3. Negropolis

      Tortusa would be an awesome name for a new nation. You have to say it really Italian-like or Spanish-like, though.

  23. Estproph

    You know what's even more fun with the crazy than Randi Shannon? Her supporters! The comments on the Raw Story link are priceless! Tons of people defending her, and none of them apparently realized that she simply can't declare herself senator of a non-existent country and expect to be taken seriously!

      1. Callyson

        Keep going and you'll see people going on about how the Southern Poverty Law Center is a hate group, because SHUT UP THAT'S WHY!

      2. bobbert

        When you see those white trails crisscrossing in the sky, just go out and take a deep breath. I DARE YOU!!!KJDH?LKJSCL?KJO:Ic LISDFH/LJIp:SDJOAF'PASJ

  24. marconidarwin

    1871…1871, wait when could wimmin actually vote? 19th Amendment, 1920.

    Sorry, but the bitch cannot be senator unless enough white males vote for her.

    1. GeorgiaBurning

      You just need a majority of the white male members of the Iowa legislature. 1871 was before the 17th amendment.

  25. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

    Pathetic grasp of history.

    Since the declaration of independence was an illegal act carried out by terrorist insurgents, and given that the restoration of Charles II had no basis in English Common Law, I hereby declare myself Imperial Governor of the Fifty Colonies of America.

    My first proclamation is that gay marriage and weed be legalized, and that Mitt Romney should have his treasure confiscated and that he be tarred, feathered, and chased into New Brunswick.

    1. C_R_Eature

      My Liege!

      Please note that I was the first one here to recognize your Authoritah. I'd like you to appoint me Secretary of the Food, Drugs,Alcohol, Fun and Maritime Pub Inspection Agency. I promise to do a really really good job.

      Very Sincerely Yours,

      CRE

      1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

        I dub thee Sir CREature of New Hampshire!

        Your first job will be to remove all laws restricting the sales of liquor in every territory.

        1. C_R_Eature

          Many Thanks, Your Highness!

          I'm drafting the decree now. Craft Beer will be mandatory in the workplace, Thursday Ladies drink free and on Hawaiian Shirt Gonzo Friday there will be Rum Drinks. All Kinds of Rum Drinks.With little paper umbrellas and pineapple!

          Oh, and – with all due respect, Your Highness – it's "New Hempshire" now.

          Sincerely, CRE

          1. C_R_Eature

            Yellowbeard wasn't out in theaters for too long and hard to find on VHS for years. A genuinely bad and ridiculous movie with a stellar cast and just chock-full of catch phrases.
            See it very drunk, at home, with a good friend.

          1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

            You'll have to share the high commissionership with CountryClubJihadi, at least for the cats bit. Other than that, top stuff.

            First job would be to stop assholes like like Fetzer and the Gallos wasting good space in the Napa Valley.

    2. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

      Hmm, I'm unsure the the government of Canada is working out. I hereby proclaim BigSkullF*ckingDog interim governor of Canada with a view to merging the 50 colonies with those territories.

      Now we just need a name for this new country.

        1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

          That'd be ideal but I've decided that the English civil war was illegally won by the blasted monarchists.

          I'm thinking of going with "Splunge"

          1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

            Heh, I wondered if anyone would notice that!

            There were three, apparently (thanks, wikipedia!)

            It's the restoration which I've declared illegal, anyway.

      1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

        WOOOOT! I hereby declare an end to canadian bacon because it's ridiculous. I will work tirelessly until our #1 export is BC bud. No Palins are allowed to fly over my airspace or sail my waters. Lastly, I suggest Canada be renamed North North Dakota. That is all.

        Thank you for this honor Governor Fukui-san. I won't let you down!

        1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

          Sound policies for a better future!

          Once reunification is complete, I'm considering a land-grant incentive program for Francophone North North Dakotans to move to Texas (which will be renamed New Brittany). Anything to get some culture into that ex-Austin wasteland.

          Also we'll need your healthcare program.

    3. Callyson

      New Brunswick? The phallic image of the Rutgers mascot would terrify him…

      …oh, what a good idea…

    4. RadioSlut

      Your Highness:
      May I so humbly offer a few political prisoners that may need re-education/enhanced interrogation for crimes against the state?
      1. Russ Limbnuts
      2. Sean Inanity
      3. Mark "the no longer great one" Levin?
      4. Stuart Varney
      5. etc

      1. Chichikovovich

        Didn't he, like, give up his Canadian citizenship so he could Lord it over the Brits? Why didn't we just say "Sorry, no do-overs!"

        [Though I've always had one good thing to say about that douchebag: I read his book on Duplessis in high school and really liked it. Learned a lot. ('Course, I liked a lot of crummy things in high school and I haven't reread it recently.) If only he had stuck to writing books about corrupt, cynical politicians instead of acting on the lessons he learned from them….)

    5. Vintariq

      Can I be head of the Dept of Grow-House & Strip Club Inspections. I'm, like, totally professional, fer real. I was leaning towards Ambassador to Ms Shannon's country, but I'm not sure if raucous laughter and tinfoil hat jokes will do a lot for relations between our nations. Best if I just stick to boobs and weed, I think.

    6. redarmyzombie

      Too Late, Fukui-san! I have already declared myself His Divine Imperial Majesty of the East Pacific Mandate! And in my first act of governance, I hereby decree…

      …Pretty much what you just said, to be honest…

    7. James Michael Curley

      Don't send that dude to New Brunswick, NJ. I'm planning to go to George's Camera to see if I can find a nice, relatively inexpensive, Rollieflex or Halsselblad. Oh! you meant New Brunswick Canuckistan. Fine with me.

    8. schvitzatura

      Dibs on the controlling shares of the West Indies/Albion Company franchise, please.

  26. Blueb4sunrise

    HAH !! She's obvously a FRAUD!!!
    FIRST she says:
    Republic for The United States of America
    then she says:
    Republic of The United States of America

    WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    1. Generation[redacted]

      The ol' bait and switch. Like when you go to a charity event you think is Ballet for the Blind, when it's really Ballet of the Blind.

  27. Fraudulently_Joe

    Spoiler alert: Turns out that the 1871 law establishing a government for the District of Columbia is what did it

    Weird. Usually, it's 1868, because the 14th Amendment secretly turned every then-citizen (read: white people) into slave pseudo-citizens, and then drew loans with their slave-value as collateral.

    You know, just to add a dash of not-racism to the nutbar sandwitch.

  28. coolhandnuke

    "My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball; but tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward; upward, not forward; and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!"

  29. neiltheblaze

    Excellent! I hope C-Span will cover them when they convene their first Senatorial session at a local KFC.

  30. Chet Kincaid

    Unfortunately for her, their Congress will never officially convene, because it is physically impossible to take the oath of office in a strait jacket.

  31. Limeylizzie

    This is my favourite comment, from a true American hero, on her FB page.

    Eric Zachary Turner
    Is weed legal in the Republic
    30 minutes ago via mobile · Like · 1

    1. jodyleek

      Happy Birthday, Lizzie! A monster hit off the bong in your honor! Huzzah! Cough, cough, cough.

    2. berkeleyfarm

      Ha ha. Does one of you fine Wonkette commenters want to fess up to that?

      Happy birthday!

      1. Butch_Wagstaff

        Single spaced. All caps. Quotes the Protocols of the Elders of Zion. Quotes from the Turner Diaries. Maybe has a few cherry picked quotes from Thomas Paine and lotsa quotes from noted philosopher Ayn Rand to appear intellectual.

  32. keinsignal

    "Let me now announce to everyone in Iowa, I have become aware of the existence of the Original Republic for The United States of America." deserves to go down in history as one of the great opening sentences of all time. Right up there with "it was the best of times, it was the worst of times", or "It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen".

    1. va_real

      "Gingrich, that is, the main massing of the original stone, taken by itself would have displayed a certain ponderous architectural quality were it possible to have ignored the circumfusion of those mean dwellings that swarmed like an epidemic around its outer walls.

  33. vodkamuppet

    Soooo… Do you think she realizes her weird fantasy fake government doesnt afford her the right to vote?

    1. Fraudulently_Joe

      As I mentioned, the original version of this same conspiracy theory/tax fraud ring made the connection much more explicit, and claimed that what the 14th Amendment actually did was take away Actual (white) Americans' Real "Soverign" Citizenship, and replace it with a phoney slave-citizenship. And that the government then took out loans using their new slave-citizens as collateral.

      It's not exactly reading between the lines to note the racism built into this conspiracy theory.

      Incidentally, this is also why my eyebrows involuntarily raise whenever someone with a white-trashy name starts going on about how the guvmin't is ignorin' the constitushun and turnin' "us all" into slaves. It's not always what's being alluded to, but it's a conspiracy theory that circulates in the same circles, so it's not a surprise that the "we're being reverse-slaveried!" sentiment crops up a lot.

      1. Generation[redacted]

        If the gubmint is using US Americans as collateral, the best they're going to get is a per-weight value of soylent green.

  34. ChessieNefercat

    It's hard to concentrate on the comments because I can't get the words from that song out of my head. The one that goes "They're coming to take me away, haha heehee, and I'll be happy to see those nice young men in those clean white coats etc. etc."

    For God's sake, I was in junior high and haven't thought of it since. Now it's a brainsticker.

      1. imissopus

        There is no shame here. A man can be in the depths of a horrific drunk and still know this is a place where he is welcome. Or something.

      2. redarmyzombie

        Could be worse. I once had Surfin' Bird stuck in my head for a full four days…

  35. Thurman Munster IV

    You know she's onto something. Vonnegut called it USA Inc. and he was smart. And so it goes.

  36. radio-of-owls

    Randi Shannon is aware of all Original Republic for The United States of America traditions.

  37. radio-of-owls

    “We the People” re-inhabited our lawful de jure

    It could have been worse, Randi. Our lawful de jure could have been re-inhabited by "Up With People" instead.

  38. Blunderthing

    Hmmmph. As self declared Senator from the Great State Of California, I have informed the worthy Senator from the Great State Of Iowa that My State Is Bigger Than Hers. So she should watch out with her TRY ME PLEASE talk and air of hotness that is Issueing From Her Mouths. Indeed. By my hand I do Seal This Epistle To Dippy.

    1. bobbert

      Also, Imma thinking there oughta be a shit-ton more Senators of the Republic for the United States of America from the Great Motherfucking State of California than from the Pissant State of Iowa.

      I'm one, maybe.

      1. C_R_Eature

        Hot & Slimy here, and Hanging In.

        Ha, Nice!
        Allison Krauss just keeps getting better and better. Saw her & Union Station as the guest act for a Helicon Christmas concert in the late 90's in Baltimore and she was fantastic then.

        Randi Shannon, You Drive Me Crazy.

        1. Blueb4sunrise

          re: Mr. Brown
          Can't help but always wish good things for the guy. I guess he's doing okay so far.

          A.K. would just have to glance at me for there to be a major, ummmmm, event.

          It's
          Crazy man, crazy

          1. C_R_Eature

            Greg Brown is one of the best, for sure and I think he's fine and still touring lots. When I saw Allison, there were lots of guys in the audience who had to sit for a bit after the show.

            This Summer's been Hazy, Lazy and Crazy.

    1. bobbert

      Tommy. I think you gotta be at least Generalissimo Sergeant Major of the Repubic Armed Forces.

  39. ChessieNefercat

    The question is, can she appoint the Mittster as President for Life, and this point, might he not snap it up?

  40. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    "She warns that anyone who tries any funny stuff on her Facebook page “just might get bumped for a month off FB or banned permanently-account CLOSED. TRY ME PLEASE…”

    What the hell, I never really liked facebook anyway.

    1. Butch_Wagstaff

      "She warns that anyone who tries any funny stuff on her Facebook page “just might get bumped for a month off FB or banned permanently-account CLOSED. TRY ME PLEASE…”

      Translation: Don't make fun of me or point out my craziness because I am Queen Shit of Fuck Mountain and I will make your life a living hell because you won't have your precious Facebook!!! <Maniacal laugh>

    1. Chet Kincaid

      Like I said.

      Now all we need is a wingnut pundit to spell it all out for us in a glorious review. (The "Nolan" who co-created Bane in the comics is not one of the Nolan Brothers who created this movie, it should be noted.)

    2. Fraudulently_Joe

      So by this analogy, horse ballet and running for office on a platform of self-serving tax policy = costumed vigilante counterterrorism? Sure, why not, that works.

  41. coolhandnuke

    The Miami Hurricanes head football coach has really, I mean really let himself go.
    And who designed that helmet–ALCOA?

  42. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Her name is Randi? With an i? Declaring herself senator must be a backup plan after her career as a stripper didn't pan out.

  43. docterry6973

    Do Iowa repubs think she is crazy, or do they think she is brave? Is there any chance that they will examine whether they may have gone a bit to far? No, I didn't think so either.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      There's no such thing as going too far, in Teabaggistan.

      If we could convince these loons that they can't join RuSA while still voting in the USA — and that really should not be a hard sell, to people who worry that using a capital "U" surrenders their soverignty — it would probably put a dent in the vote totals for teabagger congresscritters.

  44. Designer_Rants

    I live in Iowa, and all I can say is: "Move over, Arizona!"

    Actually, thankfully, we have a state senate with a narrow Dem majority. Otherwise, you should see the crazy teabagger shit that would be flying at our lawbooks and not getting blocked by the adults in the room. This insane woman is definitely disappointing the Iowa GOP, since she's bailing out of a run in a contestable district for a senate seat that they definitely want control of.

    They talked about this today on Iowa Public Radio, where I first heard of it. Starts at the 36:50 mark on the audio.

    Earlier, I was LOLing when some wingnut called in talking about "Barack Obama's college records" and totally got shot down by one of the political analysts. Wingnut sez "Don't you think that's important?" Analyst sez: "No, not really. Do you? Have you looked into Romney's college records?" Wingnut gets upset, sez: "This is why only Lefties listen to public radio". They never do that, call a loon out, so today was a special day in Iowa "Politics Day".

  45. owhatever

    And congratulations on the new position from all of us Wonketeers to you, Randi Shannon. I am a deposed Nigerian prince and have a wonderful financial opportunity for you and your supporters. Call me.

  46. Mort_Sinclair

    The FB comments are a hoot. I actually love this comment. Just the right "tone":

    Thank you so much for your brave and bold stance. I have announced that I am now a Senator from the great state of California. I will see you in Congress. Where is it exactly?

  47. Callyson

    The ad in the Raw Story link:

    Drugs are just a phase. Seriously, I did them in high school and I'm fine.

    Thought it was part of the story at first…

  48. Tundra Grifter

    "The Republic of The United States of America."

    Orly Taitz is the Attorney General of that one.

  49. Callyson

    Judging from her photo in the Raw Story link, she appears to be the long lost younger sister of Ann Romney…

  50. Biel_ze_Bubba

    You know, if we could get all the teabagger nutbags in our Congress to move over to positions in her CONGRESS, we just might be able to start getting things done in the lower-case world.

    Better yet, maybe we could get the Faux News fucktards to pay attention to THEM, and leave the real world behind completely. It's only a small step, if you think about the alternate universe they already inhabit.

    1. C_R_Eature

      That's a good plan.
      As soon as all the Fucktards crowd themselves into their very own special Universe-Bubble, we can fire up the CERN Super Collider, fire a high energy Proton beam at the connection and pinch that sucker off from the Real World. They'll go floating off by themselves into the Multiverse, never bother us again and everyone will be happy.

      True Genius. That's why you make the Big Bucks.

    1. bobbert

      There is actually a place called "Ozark, Alabama"? Fuck me.

      EDIT: sorry about the double comment. I posted, it appeared, I went away for a while, came back, refreshed, comment not there, posted again, it appeared, refreshed again, original comment came back. Intense Debate is a little creaky.

  51. rocktonsam

    I love the bumble bees. I got beat up at a IowaUW football game for calling them Iowans bumble bees..

    I LOVE Iowa.

    just not this idiot out wondering around

  52. StealthMuslin

    This might be the greatest standing up for decency on Facebook quote ever: "There is NO emotion in a photo of my son and me standing next to each other and a man writes for my son to bend me over and give me one for old glory and many more like that. It's not free speech that's perversion. This discussion is over."
    I hope she re-sets the calendar too. "Randi Shannon in 1872!"

  53. bureaucrap

    "I have accepted the position of U.S. Senator in The Republic of The United States of America, where I may better serve You and All of The People of Iowa,”…

    It goes without saying (but I'll say it anyways) that her constituent services staffers are likely to be singularly ineffective, particularly with issues involving the IRS.

  54. Negropolis

    So? I just declared myself Supreme Leader and Most Glorious Chief of the Associated States of America. Well, retroactively, of course. Ms. Crazy ain't the boss of me!

    BTW, looks like Rick Perry has long sense declared himself President of the reconstituted CSA.

    BTW x Dos: I love the random capitalization in her statement. Just like the founding fathers intended.

  55. imissopus

    I am declaring myself the Senator of the Real United States of my Couch. One of you peons go to my fridge and get me a bottle of Blue Moon. And be snappy about it!

  56. Willardbot9000_V2.5

    Sweet now the loons have their own 'sovereign' state maybe they will secede again…but before they do…we need to make some trades. Every black person, hispanic person and white liberal in the South in exchange for RMoney, Boehner…Cantor (we're keeping Virginia…or Northern Virginia) Gov. Ultrasound…all the Miami libs…in fact every rich lib who retires into little enclaves which makes the red south look less poverty stricken..we'll also give them the Kochs, Cheneys, etc. They can also have all the remaining Northern wingnuts including Fatcakes McLardbucket (FR-NJ) the screamer, the Faux Nuuz building, etc. But we get to charge an expatriation fee of 50% of their wealth…and good luck, wingers! See ya!
    Edit: They can even create a flag that takes the Gadsden Flag and crosses it with the Confederate Flag…..their hearts desire for free, on us! No true wingnut could refuse such an exchange…oh, and they can have most of Wallstreet…we'll convert the building into a commune for extra angergasms.

  57. Negropolis

    OT: I'll be leaving for rural Arkansas ("The 49th State – Thank god for Mississippi") in a few hours. By car. With family. Long story, but I'll be gone for a few days without internet access. It will possibly be the longest few days of my life in a very long time. I haven't been to Real America in years – and the heart of it, no less – so wish me luck.

    1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

      Blimey. Good luck mate.

      Bring us back entertaining stories from the heartland!

    2. flamingpdog

      Be sure to stop in at Big Dick's Halfway Inn and buy all us commenters a souvenir while you're there.

      ♫ Liquor in the front and poker in the rear.♫

      EDIT: That is, if you happen to go via Missouri. Damn, I always think it's in Arkansas!

    3. vodkamuppet

      "rural Arkansas" what does that even mean?! Eh cough cough those people are weird down there and….Gah…

      1. Negropolis

        "Rural Arkansas" is basically anything that's not downtown Little Rock.

        See, one set of my grandparents are from the place, so I spent nearly a month down there every summer until in my late teens, but haven't been back in years. You enjoy certain things about getting away from the city, especially when you're a child, but I've had my fill of the place to be honest.

        BTW, when I'm talking about "rural" I'm also talking about a place where cellphone service is almost non-existent, and where the houses are spaced a quarter-mile apart on acres of wooded land. I'm talking about a location where the nearest McDonalds is about twenty miles away, and you all know how ubiquitous Micke Dees are. I'm not even talking about a small town or even active farmland. I'm talking about remote lumber country.

        1. Jukesgrrl

          But surely there's a Walmart … right?? I count on those greedy Waltons to have run the feed store out of business.

          Drive safely, friend. You don't strike me as a bumpersticker guy, but if you have them, think twice.

        2. ChessieNefercat

          Well, on the downside you won't have internet, but on the upside, you'll have family! In a car. In the summer. Hmm.
          Honestly, hope you have a good trip and some fond memories once you're back.

        3. Estproph

          I know that area pretty well too. The nature part is very nice indeed – prettiest rivers anyone could ever imagine, with water so blue it looks like sky.

          It's a shame that so many of the people ruin it.

  58. Vintariq

    We're all having a good laugh about these bobos, but there is a serious angle here. This imaginary country, funny as it is, is a really bad sign. The Right in this country is never going to accept Obama winning in November, and they're armed to the teeth. I like jeering at idiots as much as the next fella (I may have caused a diplomatic crisis with my comments on Senator Shannon's FB page; I retroactively declared myself Ambassador of Weedland, so I clearly have immunity, but if they decide to impose sanctions, or cut off our supply of Crazy, it could have a negative impact on our blowing-coffee-out-the-nose plans…)
    And now I'm banned from the FB page? Go to DEFCON ONE now, people! The Bear Cavalry is on it's way as we speak!

    1. vodkamuppet

      They never accepted Obama, then or now. We liberals lose the day every day but conservatives lose history. Our causes may sap every bit of strength we have and go on way beyond our dirt naps but we win in the end. I firmly believe that.

    2. Estproph

      Yeah, I agree. I really think the rightwing crazy media is irresponsibly whipping the goobers into a frenzy. I don't think there's any way we will avoid a lot more violence coming soon.

  59. richmx2

    I just wasted a few minutes of my life reading that "pretend club" website. Fascinating… that ACT of 1871 gave the U.S. jurisdiction over the Maldives.

  60. BaldarTFlagass

    Well, she's at least right about the corporations running America.

    (Sorry if someone already said this, but I'm not going to read 425 comments this morning just to find out).

  61. elburritodeluxe

    As Senator of the Republic of New Jersey in the America United American States of the Republic of America, I find her position ludicrous.

  62. Self-Uploader

    Doesn't she realize she can't appoint herself Senator? She has to get the imaginary citizens of her Republic to appoint her?

    Also my husband is the Emperor of Ice-Cream and I am the Queen of Romania.

  63. James Michael Curley

    I worked on the case in NJ where the courts all but eliminated the out dated concept of parental immunity. I hope this concepts spreads so when the children of some of our country's rightwindnut parents refuse to have them vaccinated these kids sue their parents for life long disabilities from polio and life long disfigurement from small pox.

  64. EleanorG

    Her husband recently being caught in a prostitution sting might also have something to do with her exit from the Iowa race.

  65. CapnRadio

    Poor Lube. Too radical for his time. He was saying what we were all thinking; we just weren't ready to hear it.

      1. Barb

        Rebecca's post about Intense Debate deleting posts tonight covers your first complete lie. "V" was not banned, he QUIT, answering your second complete lie. "Lube" is posting tonight, proving your third lie about his being banned and that is the perfect trifecta of bizarre lies you just posted. And you say I am "embarrassed?" You just got strike one, strike two, strike three of uninformed, completely off-the-wall BULLSHIT falsehoods. Shouldn't YOU be the one who is "embarrassed?" You just accused me of three things that you just got proven a complete liar about.

        You started this crap. You chose to call me out and to say that I got "V" banned. He quit. You chose to be the champion of the "Lube", the troll and you defended him and blamed me for his being banned. Duh, he's still posting. You also blamed me for the Intense Debate "hiccup" and posts that got deleted. Reality sucks and you just got proven COMPLETELY wrong. If you think my words to you are harsh, remember that YOU came to me and accused me of crap that you couldn't back up with any sort of facts FIRST. I am just replying to your lies and that is to be expected when someone is attacked, completely without merit, and without anything that would be based upon reality.

        I don't know what your problem is and I really don't care. You chose to stand up to me and you failed over and over again. Before you pick a fight to stand behind you should really do some research, seriously. I'm not going to hold my breath and wait for you to admit that you were wrong. The facts support what I just said.

        .

        1. Mumbletypeg

          I cannot answer for the reply I got from Barb, or for the subsequent Owls-advocacy raid over more recent threads, but I’ll try to answer for my reply shown.

          Above, I embedded a link to a comment of hers that had struck me as having nothing whatsoever to with the posted story. This happens from time to time and a commenter will get called on it more often than not. No one replied to inquire what this comment had to do w/ anything yet it kept, mysteriously, getting thumbed and I decided to give it a nudge with my reply shown in the link. Highlighting others’ mistakes has its elements of spite and of that I am not proud. The wording Cap’n had invoked “saying what others were thinking” was too irresistible for me not to play off of with its reminding me of how often I see comments that only want to pull a barely gleaned inference from and bounce an irrelevant remark from the posted story, thoughtlessly, impulsively. It is a peeve of mine, I have now identified it as such. I bite my lip most times when I see it populating our boards and I unbuttoned my lip this time. Not the individual occurrences mind you but the pattern of it.
          The whereabouts of V572 was a situation that had bummed me out since his abrupt departure concluded a long commenting history wherein I had gotten used to seeing his presence here. His absence did not receive the fuller explanation it deserved IMO and I wish I had attempted to seek a more thorough understanding of it. Since much of what went down concerning his withdrawal was off-site, all I had to go on was one person’s account of the deterioration of his behavior, i.e. Barb’s comment one evening on the subject, and the idea someone in good if complicated standing can be shown the door at moment’s notice with no discernible trail of incriminating acts or words vexed me. I can accept that some folks ‘snap’ or take leave of their senses and I find it unfortunate this happened with one of our fellow commenters and caused others grief.
          There are “lies” and there are misunderstandings. I emphasize misunderstandings because I’m not sure how the return-missive [mis]interpreted what I depicted in my brief comment. A reply-to-a-reply about Lube might support a… perpetuation of a falsehood? but I got bogged down determining where my somersaulting off Capn’s wordplay ended and perceived personal attack began. I cannot hold responsibility for Lube’s comments, or Lube’s ability to dodge around banned status, nor can I predict from day to day if he’s in again or still locked out. The meaning of such assertions that I built a “lie” out of intensedebate glitches, extrapolated from Becca’s post on the subject, eludes me.

        2. Gopherit

          Barb, you always sucked. Congrats on being gone. Bring back owls….please. no need for a war blog. Also undelete the comment. It is a firstfor wonkette to censor….junior breitbart.

    1. not that Dewey

      we just weren't ready to hear it

      Like Bobby Kennedy, or Mork, or the Velvet Underground.

  66. M. Bouffant

    C_R_Eature (& nounverb911, I, & all of Wonkville) would like to thank you for the credit, Dok!

    Why waste time with that unpleasant election stuff: Iowa Republican state Senate candidate drops bid; so she appoints herself ‘Republic’ Senator instead.
    5 days ago by C_R_Eature
    6 Comments
    from desmoinesregister.com

    Currently Nos. 52 & 53 on the hit parade.

    Once again, the age-old question "Why the fuck bother?" is raised.

Comments are closed.