OLD SCHOOL CRAZY  5:31 pm July 18, 2012

Wingnut GOP Candidate Declares Self Senator In *Real* U.S. Government Because Sekrit 1871 Law Stole Constitution

by Doktor Zoom

It's not sedition if you love AmericaLet’s say you want to be a member of the Iowa Senate, but you decide that actually running for the seat is expensive and tedious, and you realize that even if you win, you’re mostly going to be voting on a lot of boring local issues, probably involving corn. Wouldn’t it be more fun to go straight to national office, maybe the Senate? But a candidacy in that arena costs even MORE time and money, and even if you won, you’d still have to think about corn. Subsidies, probably. Wouldn’t it be cool if you could just BE a U.S. Senator without all the trouble of “winning an election”? Well, meet Randi Shannon! She was running for Iowa’s 34th District senate seat, but on July 4 announced that she had “accepted the position of U.S. Senator in The Republic of The United States of America,” a pretend club of PatrioLoons who are taking America back from the illegitimate “UNITED STATES CORPORATION” (you have to type that in all-caps, because all-caps things are magically different legal entities from their lowercase counterparts).

It will undoubtedly come as a shock to many to learn that Ms. Shannon is a Ron Paul supporter and a home-schooling advocate. She also opposes children being vaccinated.

But she is participating in a rich tradition of Homegrown Grass-Roots American Prairie Lunacy! Long before there was a Tea Party, even before there was a Ron Paul, there were the tax protesters, those loveable nuts with their bizarre legal theories, strange interpretations of the Constitution and U.S. history, and their amusing penchant for mimeographing badly typed manifestoes, getting convicted of tax fraud, and occasionally hiding out in compounds until they and everyone in their entire tragic family are shot to death in futile gunfights with jackbooted federal thugs. Ms. Shannon’s July 4 letter explains, with the perfectly lucid-seeming tone of the average psychopathic axe murderer when speaking to neurotypical people, what REALLY HAPPENED to U.S. America:

Let me now announce to everyone in Iowa, I have become aware of the existence of the Original Republic for The United States of America. “We the People” re-inhabited our lawful de jure (de jur [sic] — “by right of lawful establishment”) government on March 30th, 2010. This is The Republic founded in 1787 and then abandoned during The Civil War in the 1860s.

It was then replaced in 1871 by the UNITED STATES CORPORATION. (de facto — without law). This Unlawful Corporate Democracy, established by the forty-first congress, has been acting as though it is the “official government” which clearly it is not! In point of fact, it is the reason why “We the People” Instead of Experiencing Freedom and Prosperity, suffer under the weight of Oppressive Statutes and an Out of Control, Monstrous National Debt which is Robbing Us and All Future Generations of Americans of Our Treasure and Our Legacy for which Our Founding Fathers’ so Valiantly Fought and Died.

And Remember This! Where the de jure Republic of The United States of America exists the de facto UNITED STATES CORPORATION, having no standing, must go away!

So there! GO AWAY, you fake old government, because “We The People” no longer believe in you! Raw Story describes Shannon’s statement as “riddled with curious capitalization meant to emphasize the government’s foibles,” but we think it more likely that, apart from the bizarro magic belief that all-caps words denote legal fictions, this isn’t satire, it’s Just Really Incompetent Writing, with maybe a side helping of Trying to Sound Olde-Timey and Important Like The Declaration of Independence.

Ms. Shannon also has a Facebook Page with an unreadable satirical graphic, and a link to an unwatchable video that explains that there are actually TWO Americas, but not the way John Edwards meant it (Spoiler alert: Turns out that the 1871 law establishing a government for the District of Columbia is what did it). She warns that anyone who tries any funny stuff on her Facebook page “just might get bumped for a month off FB or banned permanently-account CLOSED. TRY ME PLEASE…”

[RawStory]

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 485 comments }

nounverb911 July 18, 2012 at 5:33 pm

I declare myself the President of the United States of Bellevue Hospital, WA.

emmelemm July 18, 2012 at 5:39 pm

I thought Kemper Freeman was the President of the United States of Bellevue.

nounverb911 July 18, 2012 at 5:41 pm

He's more Napoleonic than presidential.

emmelemm July 18, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Is he short?

(I've never seen him on TV or paid attention to any photographs that may have been published.)

nounverb911 July 18, 2012 at 5:47 pm

I don't know about short, but he does have an edifice complex.

WhatTheHeck July 18, 2012 at 5:59 pm

He put his left hand into his coat and felt a right tit.

weejee July 18, 2012 at 5:41 pm

But what about your suburb Seattle?

nounverb911 July 18, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Ichiro is already the King.

sullivanst July 18, 2012 at 7:42 pm

I thought it was King Felix?

weejee July 18, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Nice change-up on the corner sullivanst

Strike!

doloras July 18, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Don't be a dick. Or P. Dick.

actor212 July 19, 2012 at 9:00 am

I thought station K I N G was the King?

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 18, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Seattle is run by narco-communist syndicate.

emmelemm July 18, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Worse! Dirty hippie bike-lovin' McGinn!

UW8316154 July 18, 2012 at 6:25 pm

No no, Seattle is run by Sgt. Rich O'Neill, President of the Seattle Police Officers Guild, dontcha know?

Cops in Seattle can (and do) just cold murder old guys crossing the street with impunity, fuck the DOJ and your pansy-ass "civil rights".

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 18, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Same thing, really.

Doktor Zoom July 18, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Strange men standing around in the outfield catching flies is no basis for a system of government!

Negropolis July 19, 2012 at 12:03 am

Them's fightin' words!

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 18, 2012 at 6:56 pm

I hereby declare myself director, president, CEO and dictator for life of Woodinville, the alcohol capital of the northwest.

WordPress_Sucks July 19, 2012 at 1:45 am

I shall be emperor of Spokane.

I hereby resign as emperor of Spokane. Have you seen this place? Jesus.

Caelan Aegana July 19, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Woodinville, meet Burbank. Supplying all your bathtub mash needs.

actor212 July 19, 2012 at 9:00 am

I humbly accept the position of Philosopher-King of the Republic Benevolent Order of these United States. I will humbly resign said office after I've disposed of Ms Shannon and her ilk into a deep dark cell in Gitmo.

Or after I've accrued a few billion. I haven't made up my mind yet.

In the meantime, marijuana for all! Small American flags for some.

Beowoof July 18, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Too bad there is no vaccine against being a moron. Not that she would want it.

Pragmatist2 July 18, 2012 at 5:39 pm

A vaccine would be a bit late.

vtxmcrider July 18, 2012 at 8:08 pm

How about a vaccine that would kill all her eggs? Then again, who would want to shoot a load into her anyway?

Callyson July 18, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Don't the wingnuts think vaccines cause autism?

Oh, wait, that's Jenny McCarthy.

As I was saying…

el_donaldo July 18, 2012 at 5:33 pm

I guess she just got tired of waiting for that owl from Hogwarts to show up.

Ryy July 18, 2012 at 5:40 pm

This comment makes me so happy :-D

Doktor Zoom July 18, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Agreed. That comment is Prime Snark For America And Freedom. (damn, after writing that, I Seem to Be Stuck!)

actor212 July 19, 2012 at 9:16 am

Me, I'm sort of hoping her brother shows up and explains it all away as a mild case of Tourettes and why she has to be taken with a large grain of salt, like the "P-E-N-I-S" woman.

Sadly, it seems she may be more pathetic than even that.

Hammiepants July 18, 2012 at 5:34 pm

What an underachiever? I mean, why not go for President? Or Pope? Or Ruler of all Creation? Pfft, Senator!

Dr_Zoidberg July 18, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Or Space Pope, while we're at it?

Fare la Volpe July 19, 2012 at 2:49 am

Does she look Reptilian to you?

Dr_Zoidberg July 19, 2012 at 9:29 am

Yes, yes she does.

GeorgiaBurning July 18, 2012 at 5:57 pm

There is a guy in Kansas who says he's the real Pope, since all those in Rome since 1958 are heretics. There are reasons we bring bottled water and packaged food when visiting the middle of the country.

Butch_Wagstaff July 18, 2012 at 6:37 pm

I proclaimed myself the Queen of All the Known Universe!
I now have nice "summering" spots on thousands of different planets.
I have outlawed Crocs throughout my domain.
I have declared that Tea Partia and Ronpaulandia natural disaster areas.
Now bring me my tiara!

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 9:21 pm

So far, you make way more sense than Shannon. Please say more.

HistoriCat July 19, 2012 at 10:52 am

Hey – I called Emperor of the Universe last year; kneel before Emperor Historicat! Wait-that doesn't sound right…

Pithaughn July 18, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Master of Time Space and Dimension, you can't beat that.

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Leon Russell libel!!!

actor212 July 19, 2012 at 10:17 am

President requires a steel cage match against The Big Show.

You don't want to know how they determine Ruler of all Creation.

Dr_Zoidberg July 18, 2012 at 5:36 pm

I Am a huge Fan of The Hot New trend of Randomly Capitalizing words in All my Written Sentences.

Tundra Grifter July 18, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Pretty much like the US Constitution, huh?

anniegetyerfun July 18, 2012 at 6:18 pm

You know Who Else liked to Capitalize Nouns in Sentences? (yes, I've used this one before)

Fraudulently_Joe July 18, 2012 at 6:21 pm

George Fox?

Dr_Zoidberg July 18, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Fozzie Bear?

didgen July 18, 2012 at 9:57 pm

My dog Fozzie practices correct grammer. He requests an apology, ThAnK yOu ;

sullivanst July 18, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe?

Negropolis July 19, 2012 at 12:06 am

Thomas Jefferson?

George Jefferson?

Jefferson Davis?

Fraudulently_Joe July 20, 2012 at 6:48 am

Jefferson Airplane?

redarmyzombie July 19, 2012 at 4:33 am

E.E. Cummings?

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 18, 2012 at 6:57 pm

All the Cool kids Are Doing it!

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 9:22 pm

It Sounds Better In The Original Golem.

Doktor Zoom July 19, 2012 at 9:06 am

Very Good, Mister Lipvig!

RadioSlut July 18, 2012 at 5:36 pm

She just leaped past Condi with a bullet for the VP nod.

actor212 July 19, 2012 at 10:17 am

She looks like such a sweet kindly ol' nutbag.

bumfug July 18, 2012 at 5:36 pm

I don't want to bum you out but if her certificate was signed by Emperor Norton this shit's legit.

Dr_Zoidberg July 18, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Now, Emperor Norton was a ruler!

Butch_Wagstaff July 18, 2012 at 6:40 pm
Boredw/Gravitas July 18, 2012 at 6:40 pm

And a fine member of teh Wonket.

Pragmatist2 July 18, 2012 at 5:38 pm

They are crazy! They are batsh*t crazy!! They are off their freaking rockers!!!
And their universe is so inverted from reality that they think WE are the crazy ones.

anniegetyerfun July 18, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Oh, there are crazies on our side, too. I met with a group of liberals one time, and got a lecture on the "Coming Vegan Holocaust", which I took to mean that vegans were going to be massacred, as opposed to doing the killing – but to be fair, I didn't double-check.

Doktor Zoom July 18, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Maybe they overheard someone talking about Plants vs. Zombies?

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Maybe they're planning to exterminate vegetables? Wait..

Designer_Rants July 18, 2012 at 9:44 pm

According to some of my, let's say "wacky" liberal friends, Monsanto is worse than satan.

Negropolis July 19, 2012 at 12:08 am

No shit. I have to say, though, our crazies are far more fun on net.

12X34X July 18, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Bizarro World.

timbo71351 July 18, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Hey, anything that keeps those kooks from participating in politics is OK by me. Maybe Snow Snooki will declare herself president of the Original U.S. Republic. Tell her there's a big payday that comes with the job.

12X34X July 18, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Snow Snooki!!!!! Are you by any chance referring to Wasilla's answer to Annie Oakley?

Butch_Wagstaff July 18, 2012 at 6:42 pm

And tell her she can quit her term whenever she wants.

PubOption July 18, 2012 at 7:55 pm

I don't see how Alaska can be part of the Original U.S. Republic.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 18, 2012 at 9:05 pm

That's why they call you the "lower" 48.

Boojum July 18, 2012 at 9:20 pm

So, do they Have To Be alaska?

BoatOfVelociraptors July 18, 2012 at 10:16 pm

I was going to say “Alaska Is”, which used to be the PBS time filler program that showed scenery with classical music. However that twit Palin has ruined the indexing for the terms “Alaska Is”, so it's difficult to provide a link.Thanks

Extemporanus July 18, 2012 at 5:38 pm

This retroactive business really got out of hand.

Chill_Bill July 18, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Except that she didn't retire, she retarded.

Crank_Tango July 18, 2012 at 7:37 pm

I tried some retroactive business with my girlfriend but she said it hurt too much.

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Needz moar lube.

radio-of-owls July 18, 2012 at 10:25 pm

!

flamingpdog July 19, 2012 at 1:25 am

T

Gopherit July 21, 2012 at 7:29 pm

WHO IS USER OF OWLS.

DCNole July 18, 2012 at 5:38 pm

If You Capitalize The Words The Government Can't Read Them Doh.

Ron Paul 2012, Amen.

Tundra Grifter July 18, 2012 at 6:01 pm

The Colonies tried that with the Declaration of Independence, but Goode King George figured it all out anyway. Or, at least, somebody explained it to him.

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 9:25 pm

George III wasn't as crazy as Senator* Shannon.

*not really

Negropolis July 19, 2012 at 12:10 am

I don't know. We've got to prove that Senatress Shannon has tertiary syphilis and/or lead poisoning to go along with her crazy before she can even be on George's level.

Fraudulently_Joe July 20, 2012 at 6:55 am

Puh-leese. Everyone knows King George III was a vampire.

Hera Sent Me July 18, 2012 at 5:39 pm

SO IF I DECLARE MYSELF KING USING ALL CAPS, DOES THAT MAKE IT LEGAL?

I'd make a good king, really. Just give me a banana grove and I won't send anybody to the dungeon.

sullivanst July 18, 2012 at 7:48 pm

No, it makes the corporation of you King, instead of the real you.

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 9:26 pm

As long as you don't put gold trim on your flag, maybe.

metamarcisf July 18, 2012 at 5:39 pm

No. I'm not surprised that she is a home-drooling advocate.

12X34X July 18, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Well, you know all o' them schoolteachers is soshulists. an' whatnot.

emmelemm July 18, 2012 at 5:39 pm

TRY ME PLEASE…

In a court of law, baby.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 18, 2012 at 5:47 pm

I would be glad to try you.

emmelemm July 18, 2012 at 6:47 pm

"Is this code?"

sullivanst July 18, 2012 at 7:49 pm

"In your pants!"

Negropolis July 19, 2012 at 12:11 am

"Balls."

viennawoods13 July 19, 2012 at 12:40 am

That sounds dirty.

emmelemm July 19, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Cheeky monkey!

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 18, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Yes, I'm Kenyan.

emmelemm July 19, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Funny, I don't remember you having a bone through your nose.

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Shit, I never go on fucking Faceblech, but I'm a sucker for a challenge.

Negropolis July 19, 2012 at 1:00 am

I wouldn't touch her with a 10-point tort.

Chill_Bill July 18, 2012 at 5:39 pm

This is also Mitt's only path to the Presidency.

Estproph July 18, 2012 at 5:39 pm

There's 2 Americas, and there's4 complete days in each 24 hour earth rotation! You are just educated stupid!
http://www.timecube.com

el_donaldo July 18, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Wow. That's some potent crazy.

Doktor Zoom July 18, 2012 at 5:48 pm

No kidding. The Republic For America folks only rate about .27 Timecubes.

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 9:28 pm

You have to use Cantor transfinites to rate timecube.

GeorgiaBurning July 18, 2012 at 6:01 pm

What is it about crazies and big typefaces??

Butch_Wagstaff July 18, 2012 at 7:17 pm

THEY HAVE IMPORTANT THINGS TO SAY AND IT'S ALL TRUE!! DUH!

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 9:29 pm

You know what they say: "Big typeface, big brain tumor".

gingerland62 July 18, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Yikes, when did the screaming man on the corner get a computer.

GeorgiaBurning July 18, 2012 at 7:48 pm

That's why you recycle old computers, don't just sit them by the curb.

MissTaken July 18, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Damn, work blocked it for "Violence/Hate/Racism". Must wait until I get home for the fun.

Butch_Wagstaff July 18, 2012 at 6:45 pm

There's Violence/Hate/Racism at home?

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Recreational, eh?

Fraudulently_Joe July 18, 2012 at 7:34 pm

The guy apparently is kinda racist, I have to give your IT administrator or whomever mad props for managing to glean that from the page.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 18, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Prolly just a canned set of filters … no IT department has time to evaluate six million nutbag websites.

starfanglednut July 18, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Actually, that just makes me sad. It is clearly untreated schizophrenia. Having several friends with schizophrenia, I can tell you whoever wrote that stuff was suffering acutely.

jodyleek July 18, 2012 at 8:51 pm

It's like Doctor Bronner got ahold of the bad acid.

gurukalehuru July 19, 2012 at 3:30 am

viviparous (teehee) he said viviparous.

GeneRay/Randi Shannon 2012! You heard it here first.

HistoriCat July 19, 2012 at 11:23 am

Never go full timecube.

elviouslyqueer July 18, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Oh good lord. Grandma's on the porch again, and she's wearing her fancy hat. Time to call the orderlies and get the damn net ready.

Chet Kincaid July 18, 2012 at 6:15 pm

You are so folksy when you eviscerate!

DemmeFatale July 18, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Oh Elvis, I heart you!

emmelemm July 18, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Too lazy to link in the Memaw photo, but you know the one!

Butch_Wagstaff July 18, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Where I'm from it'd be:
"Aunt Della's walkin' down the dirt road in nothin' but her bra & bloomers, quotin' Scripture…again!"

vtxmcrider July 18, 2012 at 8:11 pm

OT Why do you show up with a unique pale green background? Have you bought Wonkette from Rebecca? Or did she give you your own special color just to sleep with her?

Biel_ze_Bubba July 18, 2012 at 9:25 pm

You talking 'bout the colored, instead of light grey, rectangle? I think that indicates the people who you're following.

Negropolis July 19, 2012 at 12:14 am

Grandma's on the porch again, and she's wearing her fancy hat.

You've just described the near entirety of Black People Oldzdom.

AbandonHope July 19, 2012 at 11:21 am

Oh man, that excellent comment earns you a stalkin'!

emmelemm July 18, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Also, too, I don't click over to other linkies, preferring to stay in the shelter of my Wonkette, but is that an ACTUAL PHOTO of the lady in question? Or just a random "crazy lady in tinfoil hat" stock photo?

el_donaldo July 18, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Crazy lady in question is actually kinda Jodie Foster hot. Click the very first link up top to see.

Doktor Zoom July 18, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Stock foto. Real pic in the Raw Story linky.

emmelemm July 18, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Daaaaaaaaaamn. She ain't bad lookin'. But she's at least Michele Bachmann level crazy.

ETA: I give her more than .27 Timecubes. That's low-ballin' it, Zoom.

YouBetcha July 18, 2012 at 6:51 pm

S'alright. Crazy in the head, crazy in the bed. I'd hit that.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 18, 2012 at 7:21 pm

Hot Dayum!

Losing all connection with reality seems to act as a preservative. That's my theory, at least.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 18, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Time flows more slowly where she's at.

coolhandnuke July 18, 2012 at 5:41 pm

She represents all of us. That's why there's no "i" in Randy.
Wait…what.

mavenmaven July 18, 2012 at 5:42 pm

yeah, yeah, but what does she think about the nww dark knight rises movie?

Tundra Grifter July 18, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Is that the latest Batman flick, or Deneesh D'Range'd movie produced by Glumm Bleek about President Obama?

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 9:33 pm

I don't know, BUT I'M SURE SHE'LL SHARE HER OPINION WITH US!!!!!!!

SmutBoffin July 18, 2012 at 5:42 pm

It's one thing if Teabaggers wanna just make up history, but when you start making up current events, well, that's just the mark of the insane.

Mumbletypeg July 18, 2012 at 5:42 pm

explains that there are actually TWO Americas, but not the way John Edwards meant it

Tha's right, Randi! The america ya have [lowercase] and the America Ya Wish Ya Had [deservedly Uppercase, says it all, don't it now?]

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 9:34 pm

And this doesn't even begin to address the two Amercias, and AmericaciremA, and fuck it this isn't going anywhere. Sorry.

not that Dewey July 18, 2012 at 9:58 pm

It also doesn't include Ameritrade, Promerica, Comerica, Ameriflex, etc. There are literally thousands of Americas.

UW8316154 July 18, 2012 at 10:35 pm

And then you get into the Amercias…..

SayItWithWookies July 19, 2012 at 12:19 am

Don't forget Kramerica!

not that Dewey July 19, 2012 at 12:51 am

They only provide fantasy-world corporate experience.

But I repeat myself.

BloviateMe July 18, 2012 at 5:42 pm

She then decried the hubris of fabric softener, and threw a spoon at the window.

va_real July 18, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Anyone who decries fabric softener is okay in my book!

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 9:36 pm

You know, for real, I've always wanted to decry something. But I figure I've already had my RLA (recommended lifetime allowance) of jail time.

va_real July 18, 2012 at 11:41 pm

Mr. Madoff?

bikerlaureate July 18, 2012 at 5:42 pm

3,557 people like Republic for the united States of America.

Ladies and Gentlemen, our future FEMA Camp administrators.

Serolf_Divad July 18, 2012 at 5:42 pm

THE UNITED STATES CORPORATION…

Wait… does this mean the United States is a legal person? Quick, someone ask Mitt Romney.

Guppy July 18, 2012 at 7:17 pm

And then wait a little while and ask him again, to see if the answer changes.

rickmaci July 18, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Her writing problem could be fixed if she would just wrap that hat in more tin foil. The secret control waves coming from the intergalactic Bilderberg control craft are getting through those tin strips she has on there now…

Jus_Wonderin July 18, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Does she oppose pets being vaccinated? Because, if she does, I can send her a rabid ferret. Just sayin………………

weejee July 18, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Used to be if you wanted to hear the call of the loon, you had to go camping on some mosquito-infested lake somewhere. Ah, with the Intertubes we can now hear the forlorn call of the loon 24/7.

Doktor Zoom July 18, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Listen, Norman! They're calling each other!

(hell, that shoulda been the alt-text)

gullywompr July 18, 2012 at 5:43 pm

I'll wave to her the next time I fly over Iowa.

sbj1964 July 18, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Mitt, now can retroactivly retire as President? And save America the whole B/s of losing.A win/win !

anniegetyerfun July 18, 2012 at 5:45 pm

You know who ELSE opposed children being vaccinated?

Hint: The Taliban.

I did that wrong, didn't I?

Tundra Grifter July 18, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Kellie Preston?

Fraudulently_Joe July 18, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Nude Model/History's Greatest Monster, Jenny McCarthy?

flamingpdog July 18, 2012 at 7:01 pm

The lady who cornered single-L after the debates and was NOT a scary lesbian.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 18, 2012 at 7:23 pm

My idiot cousin? (Thanks for exposing me to whooping cough you ignorant cunt!)

jakegittes July 18, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Jonas Salk?

barto July 18, 2012 at 5:45 pm

That's A Very Lovely Arrangement Of Tinfoil Flowers On Your Hat Du Jour, Missy.

ChessieNefercat July 18, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Said while backing away slooowly?

Billmatic July 18, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Well she ain't wrong about the CORPORATION(s) running the country.

FlownOver July 18, 2012 at 5:46 pm

I hereby certify her Senatorhood in the Restored United States of America.

– Richard Starkey, President

va_real July 18, 2012 at 6:06 pm

RINGO libel!

schvitzatura July 21, 2012 at 1:18 am

Fifty four Titles of the USC, condensed and distilled to the Laws of Eight are preeminently superior, than all the lies, lies, lies!

Romney/Holn '12!

anniegetyerfun July 18, 2012 at 5:47 pm

What's the soup de jur?

FlownOver July 18, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Vegetable scalia, I think.

Tundra Grifter July 18, 2012 at 5:55 pm

We know the wing nut de jur.

savethispatient July 18, 2012 at 6:23 pm

It's the soup of the day

anniegetyerfun July 18, 2012 at 6:25 pm

That sounds good. I'll have that.

Designer_Rants July 18, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Kick his ass, Sea Bass!

flamingpdog July 18, 2012 at 7:03 pm

At teh Wonkette, it's prolly this.

savethispatient July 18, 2012 at 7:20 pm

My favourite soup!

Butch_Wagstaff July 18, 2012 at 9:23 pm

This will work well with my planned upcoming liquid diet.

Negropolis July 19, 2012 at 12:21 am

Creme de Crazie

Nostrildamus July 18, 2012 at 5:47 pm

TRY ME, PLEASE

Based on her RawStory pic, I'm ready to try her.

flamingpdog July 18, 2012 at 7:04 pm

RawSex?

Nostrildamus July 18, 2012 at 7:07 pm

BJ probs. Don't want her talking.

jakegittes July 18, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Feeling a little Randi, today?

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 18, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Why am I surprised that Herman Cain, Rick Santorum or Newt Gingrich did not think of this first?

emmelemm July 18, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Definitely sounds like a Herman Cain move.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 19, 2012 at 7:54 am

If only the number "9" was involved somehow.

va_real July 18, 2012 at 7:38 pm

Are you on their mailing lists?

anniegetyerfun July 18, 2012 at 5:51 pm

“We the People” Instead of Experiencing Freedom and Prosperity, suffer under the weight of Oppressive Statutes and an Out of Control, Monstrous National Debt which is Robbing Us and All Future Generations of Americans of Our Treasure and Our Legacy for which Our Founding Fathers’ so Valiantly Fought and Died.

Worst Fiona Apple album ever.

emmelemm July 18, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Oh, man. I love this comment.

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 9:43 pm

I rarely say this, but I'd like to have sex with that comment.

BloviateMe July 18, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Fiona Apple is a singer? Just always assumed it was a sexual thing, like a Cleveland Steamer, or a Dirty Sanchez.

Negropolis July 19, 2012 at 12:24 am

Oh, don't you worry. Fiona Apple is very much a sexual thing, too.

GuanoFaucet July 18, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Win

Steverino247 July 18, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Well, I'm the Duke of New York. I'm A Number One!

emmelemm July 18, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Man, today is awesome. First, Mark Hamill references The Thing, now you're on Escape from New York.

John Carpenter lives!!!

edgydrifter July 18, 2012 at 6:21 pm

The judges would have also accepted Boxy Brown from ATHF, but either way it's awesome.

Steverino247 July 18, 2012 at 11:38 pm

If I'm not back by morning, call the President.

BaldarTFlagass July 19, 2012 at 8:10 am

The President of what?

—Snake Plissken

Callyson July 18, 2012 at 8:41 pm

You can't meet the Duke! Are you crazy? Nobody gets to meet the Duke. You meet him once and then you're dead!

Steverino247 July 18, 2012 at 11:37 pm

You can't meet the guy who said those lines. Nobody gets to because he's dead.

Which is a shame. He seemed like such a nice guy, especially when he talked about masturbating daily on TV.

coolhandnuke July 18, 2012 at 5:53 pm

And keep your ARMADILDOS outta my roottabagas their eating all MY ROOTABAGAS don't try an fool me I have BECOME aware of the EXISTENCE of armadildos for a coons age de jure and their eating my ROOTABAGAS.

ttommyunger July 18, 2012 at 6:46 pm

We in the south refer to them as "Possums on the Half-Shell", Sir.

coolhandnuke July 18, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Now you've planted oysters in my brain…and i thank you, sir.
A dozen Wilipa Bay oysters will do it.
And my girlfriend thanks you.

ttommyunger July 18, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Don't count on it. Last time I ate a dozen and only eight of them worked.Sent from my iPhone

ChessieNefercat July 18, 2012 at 6:48 pm

You make a whole lot more sense than she does. Or most other republicans, for that matter.

anniegetyerfun July 18, 2012 at 6:51 pm

This comment has made me so happy, in part because it's the second time this week that someone has referred to a root veggie that I have never seen.

ETA: OK, just Googled it and it's just a fucking turnip?

BloviateMe July 18, 2012 at 5:57 pm

A bit of a tangent, but I bet this chick has a 85:15 Shart to Fart ratio, and still wears white pants. Just a gut feeling.

Designer_Rants July 18, 2012 at 7:00 pm

That also means that she doesn't instigate her bathing regimen, it's initiated by caretakers shaming her into her sponge baths and diaper changes.

Tundra Grifter July 18, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Just what is there about the year 1871? Gold standard something, something. Reconstruction was in full swing. The Posse Cunnilingus law was passed.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…

va_real July 18, 2012 at 5:59 pm

HEy- how diD you gEt my fOTO? Teh TiN-fOil HATT wAS1 supPOsed tO dEFlekt the zOOm kapabBILities of teH caMERas On bOrd the blaH HELicOpters? YOO KidS!! GiT ouT of MY RePuBlik!!

Tundra Grifter July 18, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Here's another de facto: She makes Ole Crazy Eyes appear sane.

GeorgiaBurning July 18, 2012 at 6:04 pm

I miss Emperor Norton, mostly he just drank

YouBetcha July 18, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Your move, Orly Taitz.

ChessieNefercat July 18, 2012 at 6:06 pm

But she can say "de jure", and "de facto." So ipso dipso, she knows what she is talking about, right?

We should send her the fake Latin placeholder gibberish from any old template and tell her it is the lost Constuhtushun, tragically held hostage by uh, 18th century ye libtardf waiting for the birth of the UNITED STATES CORPORATION. Think she'd buy it?

va_real July 18, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Anyone who can speak fluent Lorem Ipsum is okay in my book!

Doktor Zoom July 18, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Even though it's an unreadable book.

ChessieNefercat July 18, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Not if you know the codes!

va_real July 18, 2012 at 7:42 pm

Inscrutability is a plus! There are traitors to the RePUblik everywhere…

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Yang libel!!!!111!!!

WhatTheHeck July 18, 2012 at 6:06 pm

This is bullshit.
This means Americans can no longer chant “USA USA USA”.
We now have to chant “TROTUSA” (The Republic of The United States of America)

sbj1964 July 18, 2012 at 6:19 pm

TROTUSA,TROTUSA What a wonderful phrase! It means no worries for the rest of your days! It's our problem free philosophy Hacunna TROTUSA!

Callyson July 18, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Say "TROTUSA" too quickly and it sounds like "Trotsky."

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Trotusa is one of the routines dressage horses have to perform.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 18, 2012 at 9:51 pm

But you have to make the "U" lower case: TROTuSA.
Or, as they prefer it, RuSA.

Because using the big U "capitulates" to the ordinary old USA, and you can't have that.

Negropolis July 19, 2012 at 12:30 am

Tortusa would be an awesome name for a new nation. You have to say it really Italian-like or Spanish-like, though.

Estproph July 18, 2012 at 6:06 pm

You know what's even more fun with the crazy than Randi Shannon? Her supporters! The comments on the Raw Story link are priceless! Tons of people defending her, and none of them apparently realized that she simply can't declare herself senator of a non-existent country and expect to be taken seriously!

Doktor Zoom July 18, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Good god, just a little way into it and there's a fervent discussion of CHEMTRAILS!

Callyson July 18, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Keep going and you'll see people going on about how the Southern Poverty Law Center is a hate group, because SHUT UP THAT'S WHY!

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 9:48 pm

When you see those white trails crisscrossing in the sky, just go out and take a deep breath. I DARE YOU!!!KJDH?LKJSCL?KJO:Ic LISDFH/LJIp:SDJOAF'PASJ

ChessieNefercat July 18, 2012 at 6:30 pm

But that's just it! It is not a non-existent country! It's real! See?

Callyson July 18, 2012 at 8:17 pm

They're taking comments now? BRB…hee heh hee…

marconidarwin July 18, 2012 at 6:07 pm

1871…1871, wait when could wimmin actually vote? 19th Amendment, 1920.

Sorry, but the bitch cannot be senator unless enough white males vote for her.

GeorgiaBurning July 18, 2012 at 8:00 pm

You just need a majority of the white male members of the Iowa legislature. 1871 was before the 17th amendment.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb July 18, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Pathetic grasp of history.

Since the declaration of independence was an illegal act carried out by terrorist insurgents, and given that the restoration of Charles II had no basis in English Common Law, I hereby declare myself Imperial Governor of the Fifty Colonies of America.

My first proclamation is that gay marriage and weed be legalized, and that Mitt Romney should have his treasure confiscated and that he be tarred, feathered, and chased into New Brunswick.

anniegetyerfun July 18, 2012 at 6:22 pm

New where? Are you just making up places now?

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 9:50 pm

It's where new bowling balls come from.

OOPS, I see owls beat me to it.

Blueb4sunrise July 18, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Hell, Julius crossing the Rubicon was illegal too.

C_R_Eature July 18, 2012 at 6:39 pm

My Liege!

Please note that I was the first one here to recognize your Authoritah. I'd like you to appoint me Secretary of the Food, Drugs,Alcohol, Fun and Maritime Pub Inspection Agency. I promise to do a really really good job.

Very Sincerely Yours,

CRE

Fukui-sanRadioBarb July 18, 2012 at 6:59 pm

I dub thee Sir CREature of New Hampshire!

Your first job will be to remove all laws restricting the sales of liquor in every territory.

C_R_Eature July 18, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Many Thanks, Your Highness!

I'm drafting the decree now. Craft Beer will be mandatory in the workplace, Thursday Ladies drink free and on Hawaiian Shirt Gonzo Friday there will be Rum Drinks. All Kinds of Rum Drinks.With little paper umbrellas and pineapple!

Oh, and – with all due respect, Your Highness – it's "New Hempshire" now.

Sincerely, CRE

fuflans July 18, 2012 at 10:47 pm

this is why the rum will ALWAYS be gone.

fuflans July 18, 2012 at 10:51 pm

i would like to be in the department of Cats and REd wIne. is that still open and do we get benefits?

Fukui-sanRadioBarb July 18, 2012 at 11:02 pm

You'll have to share the high commissionership with CountryClubJihadi, at least for the cats bit. Other than that, top stuff.

First job would be to stop assholes like like Fetzer and the Gallos wasting good space in the Napa Valley.

radio-of-owls July 18, 2012 at 6:52 pm

You want to chase him into a bowling alley?

C_R_Eature July 18, 2012 at 8:16 pm

No, he's going old Skool

radio-of-owls July 18, 2012 at 9:06 pm

School won't help Romney, his campaign is already history.

C_R_Eature July 18, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Bah. History is Bunk!

Generation[redacted] July 18, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Gear! I'll have some fish and chips, please.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb July 18, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Hmm, I'm unsure the the government of Canada is working out. I hereby proclaim BigSkullF*ckingDog interim governor of Canada with a view to merging the 50 colonies with those territories.

Now we just need a name for this new country.

Generation[redacted] July 18, 2012 at 7:13 pm

I propose East Wankershire.

Blueb4sunrise July 18, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Brador?

C_R_Eature July 18, 2012 at 10:26 pm
Chichikovovich July 19, 2012 at 4:46 am

OOOOh! Good choice. I want to be Minister of Beer.

Chet Kincaid July 18, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Queensrÿche?

Fukui-sanRadioBarb July 18, 2012 at 7:31 pm

That'd be ideal but I've decided that the English civil war was illegally won by the blasted monarchists.

I'm thinking of going with "Splunge"

va_real July 18, 2012 at 7:47 pm

What's wrong with Amercia?

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 9:53 pm

I'll be disappoint if it isn't "Repubic of" something.

doloras July 19, 2012 at 5:43 am

Er, the bastard republicans won the English Civil War.

ChuckieJesus July 18, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Peepeepoopoocacashire.

Chet Kincaid July 18, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Canabeer?

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 18, 2012 at 7:37 pm

WOOOOT! I hereby declare an end to canadian bacon because it's ridiculous. I will work tirelessly until our #1 export is BC bud. No Palins are allowed to fly over my airspace or sail my waters. Lastly, I suggest Canada be renamed North North Dakota. That is all.

Thank you for this honor Governor Fukui-san. I won't let you down!

Fukui-sanRadioBarb July 18, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Sound policies for a better future!

Once reunification is complete, I'm considering a land-grant incentive program for Francophone North North Dakotans to move to Texas (which will be renamed New Brittany). Anything to get some culture into that ex-Austin wasteland.

Also we'll need your healthcare program.

C_R_Eature July 18, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Still waiting to hear about the Tim Horton's Company Towns.

C_R_Eature July 18, 2012 at 7:40 pm

"Bob!"

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 9:51 pm

You called?

C_R_Eature July 18, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Bottom of the Barrel?

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 18, 2012 at 7:46 pm

The United States of FUCK YEAH!

Doktor Zoom July 18, 2012 at 9:27 pm

The Glorious People's Republic of Treacle Mine Road!

Motto: "Truth, Justice, Freedom, Reasonably-Priced Love and a Hard-Boiled Egg!"

James Michael Curley July 19, 2012 at 10:51 am

Your motto sounds like a night I spent in a Saigon Bar.

Negropolis July 19, 2012 at 12:37 am

Americanada? Canadica? East St. Louis?

Chet Kincaid July 19, 2012 at 6:59 am

My Canadica is actin' up. I gotta lay down.

Chet Kincaid July 18, 2012 at 7:12 pm

I, for one, welcome our Bewigged and Red-Coated Overlords!

Chet Kincaid July 18, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Surely on this, her Royal Birthday, there is some fresh Title of Nobility to be granted to Lady Limeylizzie!

Blueb4sunrise July 18, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Lizzie, Queen of HAWTS!!!

Fukui-sanRadioBarb July 18, 2012 at 7:50 pm

It shall be so!

Limeylizzie July 20, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Kneel down, while I smite thee with this here sword-thingy.

Callyson July 18, 2012 at 8:25 pm

New Brunswick? The phallic image of the Rutgers mascot would terrify him…

…oh, what a good idea…

Barrelhse July 18, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Finally someone is talking some sense.

RadioSlut July 18, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Your Highness:
May I so humbly offer a few political prisoners that may need re-education/enhanced interrogation for crimes against the state?
1. Russ Limbnuts
2. Sean Inanity
3. Mark "the no longer great one" Levin?
4. Stuart Varney
5. etc

viennawoods13 July 19, 2012 at 12:47 am

Dammit, we don't want him here! We just got Conrad Black back!

Chichikovovich July 19, 2012 at 4:54 am

Didn't he, like, give up his Canadian citizenship so he could Lord it over the Brits? Why didn't we just say "Sorry, no do-overs!"

[Though I've always had one good thing to say about that douchebag: I read his book on Duplessis in high school and really liked it. Learned a lot. ('Course, I liked a lot of crummy things in high school and I haven't reread it recently.) If only he had stuck to writing books about corrupt, cynical politicians instead of acting on the lessons he learned from them….)

Vintariq July 19, 2012 at 1:11 am

Can I be head of the Dept of Grow-House & Strip Club Inspections. I'm, like, totally professional, fer real. I was leaning towards Ambassador to Ms Shannon's country, but I'm not sure if raucous laughter and tinfoil hat jokes will do a lot for relations between our nations. Best if I just stick to boobs and weed, I think.

redarmyzombie July 19, 2012 at 4:56 am

Too Late, Fukui-san! I have already declared myself His Divine Imperial Majesty of the East Pacific Mandate! And in my first act of governance, I hereby decree…

…Pretty much what you just said, to be honest…

James Michael Curley July 19, 2012 at 10:36 am

Don't send that dude to New Brunswick, NJ. I'm planning to go to George's Camera to see if I can find a nice, relatively inexpensive, Rollieflex or Halsselblad. Oh! you meant New Brunswick Canuckistan. Fine with me.

schvitzatura July 21, 2012 at 1:53 am

Dibs on the controlling shares of the West Indies/Albion Company franchise, please.

Jus_Wonderin July 18, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Hey folks, did I miss the word of the day? Retroactively? Do we all yell now?

BlueStateLibel July 18, 2012 at 9:20 pm

You yell 15 minutes ago.

Blueb4sunrise July 18, 2012 at 6:16 pm

HAH !! She's obvously a FRAUD!!!
FIRST she says:
Republic for The United States of America
then she says:
Republic of The United States of America

WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Generation[redacted] July 18, 2012 at 6:58 pm

The ol' bait and switch. Like when you go to a charity event you think is Ballet for the Blind, when it's really Ballet of the Blind.

Fraudulently_Joe July 18, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Spoiler alert: Turns out that the 1871 law establishing a government for the District of Columbia is what did it

Weird. Usually, it's 1868, because the 14th Amendment secretly turned every then-citizen (read: white people) into slave pseudo-citizens, and then drew loans with their slave-value as collateral.

You know, just to add a dash of not-racism to the nutbar sandwitch.

coolhandnuke July 18, 2012 at 6:19 pm

"My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball; but tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward; upward, not forward; and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!"

Generation[redacted] July 18, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos.

Negropolis July 19, 2012 at 12:40 am

I want to see Kang's long-form birth certificate.

neiltheblaze July 18, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Excellent! I hope C-Span will cover them when they convene their first Senatorial session at a local KFC.

Chet Kincaid July 18, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Unfortunately for her, their Congress will never officially convene, because it is physically impossible to take the oath of office in a strait jacket.

Limeylizzie July 18, 2012 at 6:27 pm

This is my favourite comment, from a true American hero, on her FB page.

Eric Zachary Turner
Is weed legal in the Republic
30 minutes ago via mobile · Like · 1

jodyleek July 18, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Happy Birthday, Lizzie! A monster hit off the bong in your honor! Huzzah! Cough, cough, cough.

Chet Kincaid July 18, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Happy Birthday, Baby!

berkeleyfarm July 18, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Ha ha. Does one of you fine Wonkette commenters want to fess up to that?

Happy birthday!

imissopus July 19, 2012 at 12:45 am

LL, in honor of your birthday I'm putting on a Nazi uniform and smoking some legally-obtained medical weed.

MissTaken July 18, 2012 at 6:27 pm

I like her ideas. I wonder if she has a newsletter I can subscribe to.

neiltheblaze July 18, 2012 at 6:32 pm

A manifesto might be nice.

Butch_Wagstaff July 18, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Single spaced. All caps. Quotes the Protocols of the Elders of Zion. Quotes from the Turner Diaries. Maybe has a few cherry picked quotes from Thomas Paine and lotsa quotes from noted philosopher Ayn Rand to appear intellectual.

Guppy July 18, 2012 at 7:19 pm

It's a mishmash of photocopied magazine cut-outs delivered in a hand-written envelope.

keinsignal July 18, 2012 at 6:32 pm

"Let me now announce to everyone in Iowa, I have become aware of the existence of the Original Republic for The United States of America." deserves to go down in history as one of the great opening sentences of all time. Right up there with "it was the best of times, it was the worst of times", or "It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen".

Blueb4sunrise July 18, 2012 at 6:35 pm

and " Ice-cream , Mandrake. Children's ice-cream, ."

emmelemm July 18, 2012 at 6:43 pm

"Is this heaven?"

"No, it's Iowa."

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 9:57 pm

"It was a dark and stormy gazornemplatz".

FraAnima July 18, 2012 at 10:35 pm

"Howard Roark laughed."

obvsly.

Negropolis July 19, 2012 at 12:43 am

Or "Call me Email!"

va_real July 19, 2012 at 1:24 am

"Gingrich, that is, the main massing of the original stone, taken by itself would have displayed a certain ponderous architectural quality were it possible to have ignored the circumfusion of those mean dwellings that swarmed like an epidemic around its outer walls.

DerrickWildcat July 19, 2012 at 1:28 am

States Rights!
This is why I would like to impose a tax of 1.00 dollar per person on anyone from Iowa that wants to cross into Nebraska.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 19, 2012 at 11:57 am

Hey, that's cheap … we charge $8.00 just to get into Manhattan.

savethispatient July 18, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Jinx!

vodkamuppet July 18, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Soooo… Do you think she realizes her weird fantasy fake government doesnt afford her the right to vote?

Designer_Rants July 18, 2012 at 6:34 pm

1871? You mean right after they freed the slaves? She's not racist, though.

Fraudulently_Joe July 18, 2012 at 6:54 pm

As I mentioned, the original version of this same conspiracy theory/tax fraud ring made the connection much more explicit, and claimed that what the 14th Amendment actually did was take away Actual (white) Americans' Real "Soverign" Citizenship, and replace it with a phoney slave-citizenship. And that the government then took out loans using their new slave-citizens as collateral.

It's not exactly reading between the lines to note the racism built into this conspiracy theory.

Incidentally, this is also why my eyebrows involuntarily raise whenever someone with a white-trashy name starts going on about how the guvmin't is ignorin' the constitushun and turnin' "us all" into slaves. It's not always what's being alluded to, but it's a conspiracy theory that circulates in the same circles, so it's not a surprise that the "we're being reverse-slaveried!" sentiment crops up a lot.

Generation[redacted] July 18, 2012 at 7:12 pm

If the gubmint is using US Americans as collateral, the best they're going to get is a per-weight value of soylent green.

Designer_Rants July 18, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Yep. Definitely gotta read between the lines, since they're too stupid to understand their nationalistic, paranoiac outrage.

Chet Kincaid July 18, 2012 at 7:38 pm

I am still waiting for Amazon to fulfill the cracker family order I made months ago!!

Joshua Norton July 18, 2012 at 6:34 pm

NeedZ m0aR rAndOm capitAliZatIon.

Thurman Munster IV July 18, 2012 at 6:35 pm

The paranoids are after me! Ack!

Butch_Wagstaff July 18, 2012 at 7:46 pm

The paranoids are after my paranoia!

ChessieNefercat July 18, 2012 at 6:35 pm

It's hard to concentrate on the comments because I can't get the words from that song out of my head. The one that goes "They're coming to take me away, haha heehee, and I'll be happy to see those nice young men in those clean white coats etc. etc."

For God's sake, I was in junior high and haven't thought of it since. Now it's a brainsticker.

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 9:59 pm

Oh, goddammit. "Napoleon the What"? You gonna make me look it up?

C_R_Eature July 18, 2012 at 10:41 pm

You mean They're Coming To Take Me Away Ha Haa! by Napoleon XIV?

Ordinarily, I'd be embarrassed to admit I had that bookmarked, but this is Wonkette after all.

imissopus July 19, 2012 at 12:41 am

There is no shame here. A man can be in the depths of a horrific drunk and still know this is a place where he is welcome. Or something.

redarmyzombie July 19, 2012 at 5:02 am

Could be worse. I once had Surfin' Bird stuck in my head for a full four days…

Thurman Munster IV July 18, 2012 at 6:38 pm

You know she's onto something. Vonnegut called it USA Inc. and he was smart. And so it goes.

radio-of-owls July 18, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Randi Shannon is aware of all Original Republic for The United States of America traditions.

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Not, one must say, a very high bar.

RadioSlut July 18, 2012 at 10:50 pm

ORTUSA! ORTUSA! ORTUSA!

radio-of-owls July 18, 2012 at 6:46 pm

“We the People” re-inhabited our lawful de jure

It could have been worse, Randi. Our lawful de jure could have been re-inhabited by "Up With People" instead.

Generation[redacted] July 18, 2012 at 7:06 pm

Or Mott the Hoople.

weejee July 18, 2012 at 8:14 pm

lol

/ collapses on keyboard

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Dude.

BlueStateLibel July 18, 2012 at 6:47 pm

Wow, that's some full-blown crazy wingnuttery on that Facebook page …

Blunderthing July 18, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Hmmmph. As self declared Senator from the Great State Of California, I have informed the worthy Senator from the Great State Of Iowa that My State Is Bigger Than Hers. So she should watch out with her TRY ME PLEASE talk and air of hotness that is Issueing From Her Mouths. Indeed. By my hand I do Seal This Epistle To Dippy.

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Also, Imma thinking there oughta be a shit-ton more Senators of the Republic for the United States of America from the Great Motherfucking State of California than from the Pissant State of Iowa.

I'm one, maybe.

C_R_Eature July 18, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Well, I'm the King of Somewhere Hot!

Blueb4sunrise July 18, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Hey, howz the slime hangin?

Was listening to Cluck Old Hen, but this seems more in line with Randi Shannon.

Crazy as me.

C_R_Eature July 18, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Hot & Slimy here, and Hanging In.

Ha, Nice!
Allison Krauss just keeps getting better and better. Saw her & Union Station as the guest act for a Helicon Christmas concert in the late 90's in Baltimore and she was fantastic then.

Randi Shannon, You Drive Me Crazy.

Blueb4sunrise July 18, 2012 at 10:26 pm

re: Mr. Brown
Can't help but always wish good things for the guy. I guess he's doing okay so far.

A.K. would just have to glance at me for there to be a major, ummmmm, event.

It's
Crazy man, crazy

C_R_Eature July 18, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Greg Brown is one of the best, for sure and I think he's fine and still touring lots. When I saw Allison, there were lots of guys in the audience who had to sit for a bit after the show.

This Summer's been Hazy, Lazy and Crazy.

ttommyunger July 18, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Most excellent! Is "Grand Poohbah of Upper Butt-Crack" taken?

Callyson July 18, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Marcus Bachmann beat her to that title.

ttommyunger July 18, 2012 at 8:46 pm

That's not all he beats.Sent from my iPhone

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Tommy. I think you gotta be at least Generalissimo Sergeant Major of the Repubic Armed Forces.

ttommyunger July 18, 2012 at 10:12 pm

I can be Sergeant, my kid, however, is a Major…..really.;)

johnnyzhivago July 18, 2012 at 6:51 pm

You know what this means???? It means Romney is wrong when he says Obama has never worked a day in his life in the private sector!

ChessieNefercat July 18, 2012 at 6:54 pm

The question is, can she appoint the Mittster as President for Life, and this point, might he not snap it up?

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 18, 2012 at 6:59 pm

"She warns that anyone who tries any funny stuff on her Facebook page “just might get bumped for a month off FB or banned permanently-account CLOSED. TRY ME PLEASE…”

What the hell, I never really liked facebook anyway.

Butch_Wagstaff July 18, 2012 at 7:06 pm

"She warns that anyone who tries any funny stuff on her Facebook page “just might get bumped for a month off FB or banned permanently-account CLOSED. TRY ME PLEASE…”

Translation: Don't make fun of me or point out my craziness because I am Queen Shit of Fuck Mountain and I will make your life a living hell because you won't have your precious Facebook!!! <Maniacal laugh>

flamingpdog July 18, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Who knew Zuckerberg has a crazy Aunt Randi?

Generation[redacted] July 18, 2012 at 7:18 pm

He has a sister Randi, but she's pretty normal.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 18, 2012 at 7:00 pm

All of this "de jure" talk is making me hungry for soup!

Generation[redacted] July 18, 2012 at 7:19 pm

America Au Jus — you're soaking in it!

Biel_ze_Bubba July 19, 2012 at 11:59 am

Liberty and au jus for all.

Dr. Nick Riviera July 18, 2012 at 7:19 pm

OT: Which one of you beautiful people predicted they'd be trying to ink OWS with Bane ysterday? Here's the creator of Bane doing just that! He also says if there ever was a Batman running for president, it would be Mitt Romney.
http://gawker.com/5927095/bane-creator-chuck-dixo

Butch_Wagstaff July 18, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Hey Chuck, hate to tell ya…but this is NOT gonna help Romney.

Chet Kincaid July 18, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Like I said.

Now all we need is a wingnut pundit to spell it all out for us in a glorious review. (The "Nolan" who co-created Bane in the comics is not one of the Nolan Brothers who created this movie, it should be noted.)

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 10:10 pm

I know shit about this, but I will affirm that you called it, fwiw.

Fraudulently_Joe July 19, 2012 at 9:30 am

So by this analogy, horse ballet and running for office on a platform of self-serving tax policy = costumed vigilante counterterrorism? Sure, why not, that works.

coolhandnuke July 18, 2012 at 7:20 pm

The Miami Hurricanes head football coach has really, I mean really let himself go.
And who designed that helmet–ALCOA?

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 18, 2012 at 7:27 pm

Her name is Randi? With an i? Declaring herself senator must be a backup plan after her career as a stripper didn't pan out.

weejee July 18, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Did she get displaced and move to Iowa when they closed the strip joint across the street from SAM?

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 10:11 pm

It'd be kind of cool if the Amazing Randi could make her disappear.

docterry6973 July 18, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Do Iowa repubs think she is crazy, or do they think she is brave? Is there any chance that they will examine whether they may have gone a bit to far? No, I didn't think so either.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 18, 2012 at 10:00 pm

There's no such thing as going too far, in Teabaggistan.

If we could convince these loons that they can't join RuSA while still voting in the USA — and that really should not be a hard sell, to people who worry that using a capital "U" surrenders their soverignty — it would probably put a dent in the vote totals for teabagger congresscritters.

owhatever July 18, 2012 at 7:44 pm

So this makes her different from the average Republican how?

GeorgiaBurning July 18, 2012 at 7:50 pm

HTML knowledge?

Designer_Rants July 18, 2012 at 7:47 pm

I live in Iowa, and all I can say is: "Move over, Arizona!"

Actually, thankfully, we have a state senate with a narrow Dem majority. Otherwise, you should see the crazy teabagger shit that would be flying at our lawbooks and not getting blocked by the adults in the room. This insane woman is definitely disappointing the Iowa GOP, since she's bailing out of a run in a contestable district for a senate seat that they definitely want control of.

They talked about this today on Iowa Public Radio, where I first heard of it. Starts at the 36:50 mark on the audio.

Earlier, I was LOLing when some wingnut called in talking about "Barack Obama's college records" and totally got shot down by one of the political analysts. Wingnut sez "Don't you think that's important?" Analyst sez: "No, not really. Do you? Have you looked into Romney's college records?" Wingnut gets upset, sez: "This is why only Lefties listen to public radio". They never do that, call a loon out, so today was a special day in Iowa "Politics Day".

littlebigdaddy July 18, 2012 at 7:51 pm

She is obv German since she capitalizes all the nouns.

owhatever July 18, 2012 at 7:51 pm

And congratulations on the new position from all of us Wonketeers to you, Randi Shannon. I am a deposed Nigerian prince and have a wonderful financial opportunity for you and your supporters. Call me.

Mort_Sinclair July 18, 2012 at 8:10 pm

The FB comments are a hoot. I actually love this comment. Just the right "tone":

Thank you so much for your brave and bold stance. I have announced that I am now a Senator from the great state of California. I will see you in Congress. Where is it exactly?

Mumbletypeg July 18, 2012 at 11:38 pm

wth have you been. you have been missed!

Callyson July 18, 2012 at 8:19 pm

The ad in the Raw Story link:

Drugs are just a phase. Seriously, I did them in high school and I'm fine.

Thought it was part of the story at first…

Tundra Grifter July 18, 2012 at 8:32 pm

"The Republic of The United States of America."

Orly Taitz is the Attorney General of that one.

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Attorney General, Dentist General, and Realtor General, plz.

Steverino247 July 18, 2012 at 11:40 pm

E hotter and wetter.

Chet Kincaid July 19, 2012 at 12:34 am

Under-appreciated!

Callyson July 18, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Judging from her photo in the Raw Story link, she appears to be the long lost younger sister of Ann Romney…

Barrelhse July 18, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Half-sister. You know those Mormons!

Biel_ze_Bubba July 18, 2012 at 8:48 pm

You know, if we could get all the teabagger nutbags in our Congress to move over to positions in her CONGRESS, we just might be able to start getting things done in the lower-case world.

Better yet, maybe we could get the Faux News fucktards to pay attention to THEM, and leave the real world behind completely. It's only a small step, if you think about the alternate universe they already inhabit.

C_R_Eature July 18, 2012 at 9:10 pm

That's a good plan.
As soon as all the Fucktards crowd themselves into their very own special Universe-Bubble, we can fire up the CERN Super Collider, fire a high energy Proton beam at the connection and pinch that sucker off from the Real World. They'll go floating off by themselves into the Multiverse, never bother us again and everyone will be happy.

True Genius. That's why you make the Big Bucks.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 18, 2012 at 9:40 pm

If only this were just one charmingly nutty lady, this would be all in fun … but the fact is, she's actually gotten mixed up with some seriously deranged characters.

berkeleyfarm July 18, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Oh, yes, the "sovereign citizens" really are batshit.

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 10:58 pm

There is actually a place called "Ozark, Alabama"? Fuck me.

EDIT: sorry about the double comment. I posted, it appeared, I went away for a while, came back, refreshed, comment not there, posted again, it appeared, refreshed again, original comment came back. Intense Debate is a little creaky.

rocktonsam July 18, 2012 at 10:05 pm

I love the bumble bees. I got beat up at a IowaUW football game for calling them Iowans bumble bees..

I LOVE Iowa.

just not this idiot out wondering around

C_R_Eature July 18, 2012 at 10:35 pm
VinnyThePooh July 18, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Somebody has been sneaking sips down at the ethanol plant.

StealthMuslin July 18, 2012 at 10:55 pm

This might be the greatest standing up for decency on Facebook quote ever: "There is NO emotion in a photo of my son and me standing next to each other and a man writes for my son to bend me over and give me one for old glory and many more like that. It's not free speech that's perversion. This discussion is over."
I hope she re-sets the calendar too. "Randi Shannon in 1872!"

DerrickWildcat July 18, 2012 at 11:06 pm

USA! USA! USA!

bureaucrap July 18, 2012 at 11:15 pm

"I have accepted the position of U.S. Senator in The Republic of The United States of America, where I may better serve You and All of The People of Iowa,”…

It goes without saying (but I'll say it anyways) that her constituent services staffers are likely to be singularly ineffective, particularly with issues involving the IRS.

Negropolis July 18, 2012 at 11:57 pm

So? I just declared myself Supreme Leader and Most Glorious Chief of the Associated States of America. Well, retroactively, of course. Ms. Crazy ain't the boss of me!

BTW, looks like Rick Perry has long sense declared himself President of the reconstituted CSA.

BTW x Dos: I love the random capitalization in her statement. Just like the founding fathers intended.

imissopus July 19, 2012 at 12:26 am

I am declaring myself the Senator of the Real United States of my Couch. One of you peons go to my fridge and get me a bottle of Blue Moon. And be snappy about it!

Willardbot9000_V2.5 July 19, 2012 at 12:54 am

Sweet now the loons have their own 'sovereign' state maybe they will secede again…but before they do…we need to make some trades. Every black person, hispanic person and white liberal in the South in exchange for RMoney, Boehner…Cantor (we're keeping Virginia…or Northern Virginia) Gov. Ultrasound…all the Miami libs…in fact every rich lib who retires into little enclaves which makes the red south look less poverty stricken..we'll also give them the Kochs, Cheneys, etc. They can also have all the remaining Northern wingnuts including Fatcakes McLardbucket (FR-NJ) the screamer, the Faux Nuuz building, etc. But we get to charge an expatriation fee of 50% of their wealth…and good luck, wingers! See ya!
Edit: They can even create a flag that takes the Gadsden Flag and crosses it with the Confederate Flag…..their hearts desire for free, on us! No true wingnut could refuse such an exchange…oh, and they can have most of Wallstreet…we'll convert the building into a commune for extra angergasms.

not that Dewey July 19, 2012 at 12:59 am

The Parliament of Fools.

va_real July 19, 2012 at 1:46 am

The Parliament of Smarts: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNoj-PZbcO8

Doktor Zoom July 19, 2012 at 10:33 am

And a Confederacy of Dunces

Negropolis July 19, 2012 at 1:11 am

OT: I'll be leaving for rural Arkansas ("The 49th State – Thank god for Mississippi") in a few hours. By car. With family. Long story, but I'll be gone for a few days without internet access. It will possibly be the longest few days of my life in a very long time. I haven't been to Real America in years – and the heart of it, no less – so wish me luck.

va_real July 19, 2012 at 1:41 am

Good luck- we'll leave the light on for ya…

Fukui-sanRadioBarb July 19, 2012 at 1:44 am

Blimey. Good luck mate.

Bring us back entertaining stories from the heartland!

flamingpdog July 19, 2012 at 1:52 am

Be sure to stop in at Big Dick's Halfway Inn and buy all us commenters a souvenir while you're there.

♫ Liquor in the front and poker in the rear.♫

EDIT: That is, if you happen to go via Missouri. Damn, I always think it's in Arkansas!

vodkamuppet July 19, 2012 at 2:25 am

"rural Arkansas" what does that even mean?! Eh cough cough those people are weird down there and….Gah…

Negropolis July 19, 2012 at 3:01 am

"Rural Arkansas" is basically anything that's not downtown Little Rock.

See, one set of my grandparents are from the place, so I spent nearly a month down there every summer until in my late teens, but haven't been back in years. You enjoy certain things about getting away from the city, especially when you're a child, but I've had my fill of the place to be honest.

BTW, when I'm talking about "rural" I'm also talking about a place where cellphone service is almost non-existent, and where the houses are spaced a quarter-mile apart on acres of wooded land. I'm talking about a location where the nearest McDonalds is about twenty miles away, and you all know how ubiquitous Micke Dees are. I'm not even talking about a small town or even active farmland. I'm talking about remote lumber country.

vodkamuppet July 19, 2012 at 4:21 am

When you put it like that, sounds nice.

Jukesgrrl July 19, 2012 at 4:52 am

But surely there's a Walmart … right?? I count on those greedy Waltons to have run the feed store out of business.

Drive safely, friend. You don't strike me as a bumpersticker guy, but if you have them, think twice.

ChessieNefercat July 19, 2012 at 8:12 am

Well, on the downside you won't have internet, but on the upside, you'll have family! In a car. In the summer. Hmm.
Honestly, hope you have a good trip and some fond memories once you're back.

Estproph July 19, 2012 at 10:15 am

I know that area pretty well too. The nature part is very nice indeed – prettiest rivers anyone could ever imagine, with water so blue it looks like sky.

It's a shame that so many of the people ruin it.

Doktor Zoom July 19, 2012 at 10:35 am

Protip from car trips in the 80s: Take more than two cassette tapes.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 20, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Are we there yet?

redarmyzombie July 19, 2012 at 5:19 am

"Abandon hope, all ye who enter…"

Chet Kincaid July 19, 2012 at 8:16 am

Ah, The Great Northern African-American Trip Down South For Family Obligations. I feel for ya, Dude!

Doktor Zoom July 22, 2012 at 5:40 pm

That really sounds like the sort of thing that could make for a fine little independent film…Sundance material for certain!

bobbert July 19, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Stay safe. Those families can be unpredictable.

MittBorg July 22, 2012 at 2:56 pm

I'll be worrying on your behalf. Stay away from mean looking honkies.

Vintariq July 19, 2012 at 1:19 am

We're all having a good laugh about these bobos, but there is a serious angle here. This imaginary country, funny as it is, is a really bad sign. The Right in this country is never going to accept Obama winning in November, and they're armed to the teeth. I like jeering at idiots as much as the next fella (I may have caused a diplomatic crisis with my comments on Senator Shannon's FB page; I retroactively declared myself Ambassador of Weedland, so I clearly have immunity, but if they decide to impose sanctions, or cut off our supply of Crazy, it could have a negative impact on our blowing-coffee-out-the-nose plans…)
And now I'm banned from the FB page? Go to DEFCON ONE now, people! The Bear Cavalry is on it's way as we speak!

Fukui-sanRadioBarb July 19, 2012 at 1:45 am

Bonerhitler? Weedlord Bonerhitler is that you?

MittBorg July 22, 2012 at 2:57 pm

*cough*

vodkamuppet July 19, 2012 at 2:40 am

They never accepted Obama, then or now. We liberals lose the day every day but conservatives lose history. Our causes may sap every bit of strength we have and go on way beyond our dirt naps but we win in the end. I firmly believe that.

Estproph July 19, 2012 at 10:18 am

Yeah, I agree. I really think the rightwing crazy media is irresponsibly whipping the goobers into a frenzy. I don't think there's any way we will avoid a lot more violence coming soon.

Jeffer July 19, 2012 at 2:25 am

Scooter? Gosh, I miss him and his all caps comments.

gurukalehuru July 19, 2012 at 3:33 am

2 Americas, 3 Mexicos and 26 Chinas! Yeeeeehaw!

redarmyzombie July 19, 2012 at 4:35 am

DING, DONG, THE WITCH IS DEAD!

richmx2 July 19, 2012 at 4:48 am

I just wasted a few minutes of my life reading that "pretend club" website. Fascinating… that ACT of 1871 gave the U.S. jurisdiction over the Maldives.

Tundra Grifter July 19, 2012 at 11:42 am

Can we open sweatshops there?

Jukesgrrl July 19, 2012 at 4:52 am

Is there a Mrs. Basil Marceaux.com? If not …

redarmyzombie July 19, 2012 at 5:21 am

Wow. All this, over a black man in the white house…

bflrtsplk July 19, 2012 at 5:51 am

I lost that tin foil hat in a robbery last month!

Nowisallthereis July 19, 2012 at 5:58 am

I think Mittens has found his ideal VP.

Chichikovovich July 19, 2012 at 6:45 am

A little nudge and he/she/it just slid right out of here.

BaldarTFlagass July 19, 2012 at 8:11 am

Well, she's at least right about the corporations running America.

(Sorry if someone already said this, but I'm not going to read 425 comments this morning just to find out).

Allmighty_Manos July 19, 2012 at 9:14 am

you know I kind of feel bad picking on this woman.

fawkedifiknow July 19, 2012 at 9:29 am

"I'm Michele Bachmann and I approve this message. Hell, I wrote it."

Poindexter718 July 19, 2012 at 9:29 am

Needs moar AU JUS.

Fraudulently_Joe July 20, 2012 at 6:47 am

Fun ways to annoy the French, #237: When ordering steak sandwich, be sure to ask that it be served "with au jus sauce".

Biel_ze_Bubba July 20, 2012 at 2:54 pm

In most of Real America™, "au jus sauce" is right there on the menu.

elburritodeluxe July 19, 2012 at 9:37 am

As Senator of the Republic of New Jersey in the America United American States of the Republic of America, I find her position ludicrous.

Self-Uploader July 19, 2012 at 9:45 am

Doesn't she realize she can't appoint herself Senator? She has to get the imaginary citizens of her Republic to appoint her?

Also my husband is the Emperor of Ice-Cream and I am the Queen of Romania.

James Michael Curley July 19, 2012 at 10:14 am

I worked on the case in NJ where the courts all but eliminated the out dated concept of parental immunity. I hope this concepts spreads so when the children of some of our country's rightwindnut parents refuse to have them vaccinated these kids sue their parents for life long disabilities from polio and life long disfigurement from small pox.

SorosBot July 19, 2012 at 10:18 am

Were our editors all out late partying last night, and now sleeping it off?

EleanorG July 19, 2012 at 10:49 am

Her husband recently being caught in a prostitution sting might also have something to do with her exit from the Iowa race.

Oblios_Cap July 19, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Prostitution is legal in her country.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 20, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Doesn't she have to submit to hubby, though?

CapnRadio July 19, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Poor Lube. Too radical for his time. He was saying what we were all thinking; we just weren't ready to hear it.

Mumbletypeg July 19, 2012 at 1:46 pm

He was saying what we were all thinking; we just weren't ready to hear it.

Which is not as embarrassing as saying what no one else was thinking. Or getting extinguished before having a chance to say you were sorry.

Barb July 21, 2012 at 1:14 am

Rebecca's post about Intense Debate deleting posts tonight covers your first complete lie. "V" was not banned, he QUIT, answering your second complete lie. "Lube" is posting tonight, proving your third lie about his being banned and that is the perfect trifecta of bizarre lies you just posted. And you say I am "embarrassed?" You just got strike one, strike two, strike three of uninformed, completely off-the-wall BULLSHIT falsehoods. Shouldn't YOU be the one who is "embarrassed?" You just accused me of three things that you just got proven a complete liar about.

You started this crap. You chose to call me out and to say that I got "V" banned. He quit. You chose to be the champion of the "Lube", the troll and you defended him and blamed me for his being banned. Duh, he's still posting. You also blamed me for the Intense Debate "hiccup" and posts that got deleted. Reality sucks and you just got proven COMPLETELY wrong. If you think my words to you are harsh, remember that YOU came to me and accused me of crap that you couldn't back up with any sort of facts FIRST. I am just replying to your lies and that is to be expected when someone is attacked, completely without merit, and without anything that would be based upon reality.

I don't know what your problem is and I really don't care. You chose to stand up to me and you failed over and over again. Before you pick a fight to stand behind you should really do some research, seriously. I'm not going to hold my breath and wait for you to admit that you were wrong. The facts support what I just said.

.

Mumbletypeg July 21, 2012 at 4:47 pm

I cannot answer for the reply I got from Barb, or for the subsequent Owls-advocacy raid over more recent threads, but I’ll try to answer for my reply shown.

Above, I embedded a link to a comment of hers that had struck me as having nothing whatsoever to with the posted story. This happens from time to time and a commenter will get called on it more often than not. No one replied to inquire what this comment had to do w/ anything yet it kept, mysteriously, getting thumbed and I decided to give it a nudge with my reply shown in the link. Highlighting others’ mistakes has its elements of spite and of that I am not proud. The wording Cap’n had invoked “saying what others were thinking” was too irresistible for me not to play off of with its reminding me of how often I see comments that only want to pull a barely gleaned inference from and bounce an irrelevant remark from the posted story, thoughtlessly, impulsively. It is a peeve of mine, I have now identified it as such. I bite my lip most times when I see it populating our boards and I unbuttoned my lip this time. Not the individual occurrences mind you but the pattern of it.
The whereabouts of V572 was a situation that had bummed me out since his abrupt departure concluded a long commenting history wherein I had gotten used to seeing his presence here. His absence did not receive the fuller explanation it deserved IMO and I wish I had attempted to seek a more thorough understanding of it. Since much of what went down concerning his withdrawal was off-site, all I had to go on was one person’s account of the deterioration of his behavior, i.e. Barb’s comment one evening on the subject, and the idea someone in good if complicated standing can be shown the door at moment’s notice with no discernible trail of incriminating acts or words vexed me. I can accept that some folks ‘snap’ or take leave of their senses and I find it unfortunate this happened with one of our fellow commenters and caused others grief.
There are “lies” and there are misunderstandings. I emphasize misunderstandings because I’m not sure how the return-missive [mis]interpreted what I depicted in my brief comment. A reply-to-a-reply about Lube might support a… perpetuation of a falsehood? but I got bogged down determining where my somersaulting off Capn’s wordplay ended and perceived personal attack began. I cannot hold responsibility for Lube’s comments, or Lube’s ability to dodge around banned status, nor can I predict from day to day if he’s in again or still locked out. The meaning of such assertions that I built a “lie” out of intensedebate glitches, extrapolated from Becca’s post on the subject, eludes me.

Gopherit July 21, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Barb, you always sucked. Congrats on being gone. Bring back owls….please. no need for a war blog. Also undelete the comment. It is a firstfor wonkette to censor….junior breitbart.

not that Dewey July 19, 2012 at 2:02 pm

we just weren't ready to hear it

Like Bobby Kennedy, or Mork, or the Velvet Underground.

radio-of-owls July 19, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Lube = Jesus

radio-of-owls July 19, 2012 at 3:16 pm

I am Lube-acus!

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 19, 2012 at 5:34 pm

No soup for you!

M. Bouffant July 19, 2012 at 7:01 pm

C_R_Eature (& nounverb911, I, & all of Wonkville) would like to thank you for the credit, Dok!

Why waste time with that unpleasant election stuff: Iowa Republican state Senate candidate drops bid; so she appoints herself ‘Republic’ Senator instead.
5 days ago by C_R_Eature
6 Comments
from desmoinesregister.com

Currently Nos. 52 & 53 on the hit parade.

Once again, the age-old question "Why the fuck bother?" is raised.

Lube July 20, 2012 at 8:45 pm

CRUBBB?????????!!!!!!!!!!!:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

Gopherit July 21, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Who is user of owls

emmelemm July 18, 2012 at 6:42 pm

You have a point.

Negropolis July 19, 2012 at 12:04 am

No kidding. They can also just plain deck blah teenage girls for resisting arrest, apparently.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 18, 2012 at 9:02 pm

So did he.

radio-of-owls July 18, 2012 at 9:35 pm

That's not what my secretary says!

C_R_Eature July 18, 2012 at 9:57 pm

She probably gives you the Bird behind your back.

radio-of-owls July 18, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Hey, that was uncalled for.

C_R_Eature July 18, 2012 at 10:15 pm

So Sooie me.

C_R_Eature July 18, 2012 at 10:23 pm

I keep asking myself that.

radio-of-owls July 18, 2012 at 10:34 pm

You best watch your back, pal, I got a razor you know.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb July 18, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Company Scrip consists of doughnut vouchers.,

C_R_Eature July 18, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Mmmmm, Tim Bits!

C_R_Eature July 18, 2012 at 10:57 pm

I'd better Fly, then!

C_R_Eature July 18, 2012 at 11:11 pm

And Pirates will always be Grouchy.

fuflans July 18, 2012 at 11:22 pm

no no i just want a subcommittee. the chicago way is far easier to overlook at lower levels.

va_real July 18, 2012 at 11:26 pm

With only a few exceptions:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQ7SVMVrick

va_real July 18, 2012 at 11:30 pm

Play Dough?

C_R_Eature July 18, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Kevin Kline! He's a lot less Grouchy than This Guy, for sure.

va_real July 18, 2012 at 11:44 pm

Well, he's in disguise, you stupid tart. How did I miss this Yellowbeard thingy?

C_R_Eature July 18, 2012 at 11:50 pm

Yellowbeard wasn't out in theaters for too long and hard to find on VHS for years. A genuinely bad and ridiculous movie with a stellar cast and just chock-full of catch phrases.
See it very drunk, at home, with a good friend.

va_real July 18, 2012 at 11:59 pm

Will try to do that- just checked the cast credits- Wow!

C_R_Eature July 19, 2012 at 12:00 am

Have fun!

Fukui-sanRadioBarb July 19, 2012 at 5:49 am

Heh, I wondered if anyone would notice that!

There were three, apparently (thanks, wikipedia!)

It's the restoration which I've declared illegal, anyway.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 19, 2012 at 5:35 pm

The bone is not in my nose, if you know what I mean.

emmelemm July 20, 2012 at 2:29 am

Well, I do declare, Mr. Hutz!

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: