LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!  4:30 pm July 18, 2012

‘Weather’ On List Of Things GOP Will Not Talk About

by Kris E. Benson

sweetest tabooStupid liberals, why must you always be so stupid, introducing LOGIC into discussions that are clearly driven by IDEOLOGY and also: MONEY. See, after the Colorado wildfires burnt up a large portion of Colorado Springs, Democrats thought that it might be a good time to hold a hearing exploring the links between climate change and extreme weather. They were hoping that heatwaves and wildfires and all kinds of other extreme weather would translate into some sort of motivation to DO something about it, but as usual, this rested on the assumption that the GOP would be interested in “doing something” or sensitive to “evidence.” But as we all know, the government just infringes on our freedom to buy lightbulbs when they “do something” and  “evidence” has no place in sober discussions held by the world’s most deliberative legislative body. So the GOP did what any sensible freedom loving political party would do, and refused to hold the hearing:

Via TPM:

House Republicans are blocking Democrats’ push for a hearing on the extreme weather that has ravaged the nation, from record heatwaves to severe storms. The move highlights the extent to which denial of the scientific consensus on man-made climate change has become Republican orthodoxy, even in the face of mounting evidence to the contrary.

In a letter (PDF) sent last Friday to their Republican counterparts, Reps. Henry Waxman (D-CA), the ranking member of the Energy & Commerce Committee, and Rep. Bobby Rush (D-IL), the ranking member of the E&C subcommittee on energy and power, made what they counted as their 15th effort to hold a hearing into the matter. [...]

A new report by the National Climatic Data Center determined that the odds of this year’s extreme weather being a fluke — as opposed to the consequence of manmade carbon dioxide emissions — are extremely low.

“Willful ignorance of the science is irresponsible and it is dangerous,” the Democrats wrote.

First of all, why should the GOP focus on climate change when they could be working on blocking poor women from getting access to abortion? This, as we know, is one of their top legislative priorities. And second: stupid, stupid Democrats, with their reliance on “science” and “facts” and “evidence” and “logic.” You can use facts to prove something that isn’t even mostly true and everyone knows that, ESPECIALLY the GOP. Better luck next year, losers.

[TPM]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 252 comments }

nounverb911 July 18, 2012 at 4:32 pm

I, for one, can't wait until the oceans rise enough to inundate DC.

Generation[redacted] July 18, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Neither can Grover Norquist.

actor212 July 18, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Hey! Common ground!

anniegetyerfun July 18, 2012 at 4:49 pm

They can put out the fires, as well.

Eve8Apples July 18, 2012 at 5:02 pm

And wipe out Florida and the entire Redneck Riviera. It should raise the collective American IQ by at least ten points and lower the number of obese people living in the U.S.

GunToting[Redacted] July 18, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Fat floats.

mwittier July 19, 2012 at 1:47 am

Stop watching me. Bath time is private.

bikerlaureate July 18, 2012 at 5:06 pm

A virtual bathtub, one could say.

glamourdammerung July 18, 2012 at 7:29 pm

You seem to think they would not simply move, leeching off the useful members of society while whining about how they are not like "those people during Katrina"? That is so cute!

mormos July 18, 2012 at 9:24 pm

why, so all the poor minorities who can't afford to leave the city drown like so many rats while congress flies away on their personal jets to some distant haven?

We should see if any of these assahats are buying up areas that will be beach front property once sea levels rise. I wouldn't put that kind of Lex Luthorian villany past some of these people. What has Rove been spending his money on I wonder…

actor212 July 18, 2012 at 4:34 pm

House Republicans are blocking Democrats’ push for a hearing on the extreme weather that has ravaged the nation, from record heatwaves to severe storms.

We're having a floodable thunderstorm in NYC as I read this.

gullywompr July 18, 2012 at 4:57 pm

DC's getting it too. This means traffic will be backed up on the beltway.

Hey! Maybe that's how we get them to care! Climate change = traffic backups!

actor212 July 18, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Flood the Caymans and Bermuda. That will get their attention

Limeylizzie July 18, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Isn't it crazy out there?

actor212 July 18, 2012 at 4:35 pm

“Willful ignorance of the science is irresponsible and it is dangerous,” the Democrats wrote.

Republican response: "I see your science and raise you God. What are you going to do, huh? Where's your savior now? Where's your Moses now?"

emmelemm July 18, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Well, as you just said, there's a flood a-risin' in NYC. Who's built an ark?

SorosBot July 18, 2012 at 4:49 pm

It's a hard, it's a hard, it's a ha-ard; a hard rain a-gonna fall.

actor212 July 18, 2012 at 4:50 pm

We've gone to hail and back again

actor212 July 18, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Ark? Ark? Man, we go underground when it floods!

Nobody said we were smart, just pigheaded.

OneYieldRegular July 18, 2012 at 5:12 pm

God: "Idiots! I sent two boats and a helicopter!"

Fraudulently_Joe July 18, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Both dead, the last time I checked.

hagajim July 18, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Willful ignorance of anything is pretty much irresponsible and dangerous. Can we just start referring to the GOP as "The" party of willful ignorance?

nounverb911 July 18, 2012 at 4:36 pm

The Invisible hand of Mother Nature is hopefully going to deny the free market farmers socialist farm aid.

WhatTheHeck July 18, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Have you ever wondered why “Mother Nature” was not called “Father Nature” instead?

It was another opportunity to put women down.

Estproph July 18, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Please, national Democratic party, become extremely anti-suicide. Ohpleaseohpleaseohplease!

ManchuCandidate July 18, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Rep Joe Barton <Texas/Exxon Whore and BP cocksucker> will introduce Bill 45 which will summarily execute anyone saying the following statements:
"Boy is it hot here."
"Hey, remember snow?"
"Another hurricane!"
"Where's the water?"
"Deserts suck"
"Man made global climate change" <noun> or <verb>
"How about that weather?"

mwittier July 19, 2012 at 1:51 am

If it's limited to executions for those discussing weather (sometimes in several distinct groups, noisily, pointlessly, and simultaneously) in elevators where I work, I'm all for it.

CrunchyKnee July 18, 2012 at 4:38 pm

To paraphrase Travis Bickle, "All the animals come out at night – whores, skunk pussies, buggers, republicans, Koch Brothers, dopers, junkies, sick, venal. Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets." Climate change I can believe in.

Extemporanus July 18, 2012 at 5:45 pm

"…if a Clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as well as if a Mannor of thy friends or of thine owne were…"

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 7:55 pm

I dunno, there are a good many clods in DC I don't think I'd miss.

nounverb911 July 18, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Your comment must be approved by the site admins before it will appear publicly.
What?

Estproph July 18, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Uh oh! You were bad!

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 18, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Happened to me too! Editrix is keeping all the best ones for herself is my guess.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 18, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Just looked back. Mine finally loaded an hour later in the spot it should have been with no thumbs up, so I look like a loser that everyone hates.

DustBowlBlues July 18, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Same thing happened to me, maybe for talking about Paul Giamatti, John Adams and Ben Bernanke. It has become annoying to the brain trust that is the wonkerattii.

To make you feel better, I'll follow you. If you follow me.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 18, 2012 at 7:43 pm

I called Bruce Wayne a secret muslim Kenyan. Must be a controversial subject.

Callyson July 18, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Aw, you must be some kind of VIP elitist commenter…

mrpuma2u July 18, 2012 at 4:49 pm

She says intense debate technical is being run by Sherrif Joe and Gov. Walker and some other incompetent contards who are mucking things up, so in other words doing what they always do.

PubOption July 18, 2012 at 5:01 pm

I got that message about a week ago. Interestingly, it was on the second of three comments I posted in the span of a few minutes, there were no problems with the first or third.

FlownOver July 18, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Official GOP position: the climate is retroactively cool.

nounverb911 July 18, 2012 at 4:41 pm

How ice age of them.

Maman July 18, 2012 at 4:42 pm

We are kinda fucked when the GOP answer to problems is that GOD will fix it. What exactly does one do to entice the almighty's interest? Make a golden calf? Sacrifice a virgin?

GregComlish July 18, 2012 at 4:51 pm

The GOP God can be appeased by cutting taxes, bombing Muslims, persecuting gays. Haven't you ever seen the 700 Club?

Preacher_Griz July 18, 2012 at 4:56 pm

If you want to Get God's Attention, vote for allahbama and his elitocratic kronies. That will perk Him up

Eve8Apples July 18, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Maybe God has lost his patience with the homosapien experiment and is preparing to wipe the slate clean. God's going Etch-A-Sketch on us.

WhatTheHeck July 18, 2012 at 5:11 pm

youare just bitter because god threw you out of the republican garden.

C_R_Eature July 18, 2012 at 7:58 pm

GOD can fix this by taking all these awful jackasses away, finally. We've been promised that for long enough.

SorosBot July 18, 2012 at 4:42 pm

They've cut all funding to NASA too, as they base their exploration of the planets on the heathen scientific ideas of heliocentrism and the so-called law of gravity, and that the stars are distant suns instead of simple lights embedded in the celestial sphere.

actor212 July 18, 2012 at 4:43 pm

RETROGRADE MOTION LIBEL!

emmelemm July 18, 2012 at 4:45 pm

the so-called law of gravity

Theory, my friend. It's just a theory.

SorosBot July 18, 2012 at 5:00 pm

The schools must acknowledge the alternative theory of intelligent falling!

Fraudulently_Joe July 18, 2012 at 5:11 pm
Maman July 18, 2012 at 4:54 pm

NASA does climate change and urban heat island research. Thus making them evil

SorosBot July 18, 2012 at 4:58 pm

And they talk about the Big Bang, which they claim was 13.7 billion years ago, which is impossible since the universe is only 6000 years old! They are tools of Satan!

actor212 July 18, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Big Bang?

Stupid libtards and their sex ed…

HarryButtle July 18, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Sure, the country's sinking on both sides and burning down all across the middle…but c'mon, guys, they're very busy holding hearings on repealing Obamacare! Priorities, people.

ph7 July 18, 2012 at 5:29 pm

The sound you hear is 535 Neros fiddling.

DerrickWildcat July 18, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Here in the Corn Belt, the corn ain't lookin' so good.

UnholyMoses July 18, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Dead and dry by the 4th of July.

No, wait. That's not it …

BaldarTFlagass July 18, 2012 at 4:43 pm

They like their cranio-rectal inversion. Nice view from up there.

mavenmaven July 18, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Romney refuses to allow public disclosure of the temperatures of the last several summers.

OldWhiteLies July 18, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Yes, indeed. And one wonders if placing ones hands over one's eyes and saying, "Peekaboo, where did the baby go?" elicits gooogly-eyed wonderment and giggles from the GOPtard house members.

CrunchyKnee July 18, 2012 at 4:45 pm

I believe that is foreplay for many of them.

mwittier July 19, 2012 at 1:54 am

Ah ha ha… WAIT. WHERE DID IT GO?

Did you abort the peekaboo baby, damning its soul to Kansas for all eternity?

BaldarTFlagass July 18, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Well, at least the drought here in Texas seems to be over for the moment. Tough titty for you, though, Colorado.

nounverb911 July 18, 2012 at 4:47 pm

When do the floods start?

sullivanst July 18, 2012 at 7:29 pm

I do love me a good Texas flood.

sharethegrief July 18, 2012 at 4:54 pm

See? Rick Perry and god really are best friends.

DustBowlBlues July 18, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Talked to a friend in TX today who was lording it over me that their high was supposed to be 99 and ours, 104. 106 on Saturday. Good think I just read up on the Dust Bowl.

MissTaken July 18, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Higher oceans just means more space for Jesus to fill up with all those fishes he makes.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 18, 2012 at 4:52 pm

More water for him to walk on!

Ooooh! And turn into wine! He can do that with salt water, right?

actor212 July 18, 2012 at 4:56 pm

If you count Ripple as wine…

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 7:58 pm

I'm afraid you end up with retsina.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 19, 2012 at 10:09 am

While we are transubstantiating, might as well go the full LOKO and turn the salt into caffeine.

SorosBot July 18, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Too bad there's almost no fishies left since we've overfished those seas to empty.

MissTaken July 18, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Jesus will make more fishies to go with the loaves. He's cool like that!

sullivanst July 18, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Good, we'll need Jeebus loaves when the wheat crop fails due to drought and/or flooding.

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Goddam loafing fish. No fucking net worth.

actor212 July 19, 2012 at 8:55 am

Well, they work for scale, what did you expect?

kittensdontlie July 18, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Silly liberals, learn your lessons. God/jesus would give us a better climate only if we dump the Kenyan and elect that real amirican, that sweet little mexecan Mittsy!

ph7 July 18, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Jesus is just prepping the waters for the World's 1.5B Muslims he and Michelle Bachman personally plan to baptize and/or forcibly drown next year.

BaldarTFlagass July 18, 2012 at 4:46 pm

"Everyone is doing something about the weather, but nobody talks about it."

Tundra Grifter July 18, 2012 at 4:53 pm

I would give that Post another thumb up if I could!

C_R_Eature July 18, 2012 at 7:56 pm

I must steal this post. Credited of course. One Thousand Virtual Upfists and a Gold Star!

mrpuma2u July 18, 2012 at 4:46 pm

It's like Steve Martin said "I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was, a frozen wasteland covered in ice" and now it seems the stupid neo-cons didn't realize he was joking.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 18, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Now that's what I call taking America back!

edgydrifter July 18, 2012 at 4:46 pm

The only silver lining to this man-made cloud of CO2, benzene and sulfuric acid is that the same nature that produced the honey badger simply doesn't give a fuck about your gated community or your exclusive yacht club. When the land burns and the seas rise, when the crops wilt and the air stings to breathe, we the underlings won't be alone in our misery. Seeing these worthless, ignorant assholes on their knees begging for God or government to save their shit ought to be worth a chuckle as the world slowly dies.

actor212 July 18, 2012 at 5:05 pm

They'll just build the walls so high, they create domes.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 18, 2012 at 5:37 pm

The world will get on just fine … won't miss us a bit.

sullivanst July 18, 2012 at 6:04 pm
Callyson July 18, 2012 at 4:46 pm

21st century update of famous quote:

"Let them eat ice cubes."

coolhandnuke July 18, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Just blame it on the Weather Underground so we can go back to watching "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia."

SorosBot July 18, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Looking out the window, no it's cloudy right now and looks like it should start raining soon; I hope so because that could really cool things off.

SoBeach July 18, 2012 at 4:47 pm

“Willful ignorance of the science is irresponsible and it is dangerous,”

It's not ignorance. It's just your basic don't-give-a-shit-as-long-as-those-checks-clear.

sullivanst July 18, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Ah, it's not willful ignorance, it's a state of professional uninformedness?

Fraudulently_Joe July 18, 2012 at 4:47 pm

“Willful ignorance of the science is irresponsible and it is dangerous,” the Democrats wrote.

I don't have anything to add, but I wanted to get a comment in here while I could, because I just heard from my supervisor at the CANCER HOSPITAL I work at that there's a non-trivial chance of us losing power sometime tonight, because of the completely typical and seasonable weather we're having over here.

actor212 July 18, 2012 at 5:18 pm

That's why the hospital will lose power: it's an exorcism.

Jukesgrrl July 18, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Hey, take care, OK?

Fraudulently_Joe July 18, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Well, I'm fine; it's mostly those "cancer patients" that I'm worried about. Although, in Radiology, the worst thing that happens if we lose power is that they need to get an extra dose of X-rays again, later.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 19, 2012 at 10:20 am

Well, a loss of power is unlikely to lead to a THERAC-25 situation.

Wait, I retract that assertion. If you don't have power to control the gating of the radiation, yeah.

Fraudulently_Joe July 18, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Wrong! Cancer is caused by SIN. Infectious diseases are caused by gremlins.

Well, except for AIDS, which is caused by amyl nitrate.

MittBorg July 18, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Backup generators will kick in, right? RIGHT?

Fraudulently_Joe July 18, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Yes (well, probably yes), but it ends up, power surges suuuuuuuuck if you're in the middle of a scan.

sullivanst July 18, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Interesting that the linked piece discusses how climate scientists are starting to shift their cautious language about weather events ("many causes, can't attribute any one local record high to climate change") to the way we talk about smoking ("cigarettes cause cancer") even though in the health sector there are also many complicated factors that mean you can almost never definitively attribute a single cause to a particular tumor.

Now about that completely typical and seasonable weather: there's an 80% chance the record high you experienced was due to climate change.

Fraudulently_Joe July 18, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Right.

And ironically, a lot of lung cancer advocacy is actually moving away from the "smoking causes cancer" line, suddenly, too, since a non-trivial number of lung cancer cases occur in non-smokers, and victim-blaming means that research and education tend to be very under-funded, especially considering it is the most common form of cancer, and has one of the worst prognoses.

SorosBot July 18, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Come on now, it may be a sweltering 98 degrees out here, and the high may have been in the upper 90s at least half the days this month when there's usually only a handful of them, but that doesn't mean the Earth is getting warmer! I mean it snowed last winter. Once. Only about an inch.

Extemporanus July 18, 2012 at 4:49 pm

You don't need a weather hearing to know which way the wind blows.

kittensdontlie July 18, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Or who the bells toll for…

Extemporanus July 18, 2012 at 5:42 pm

"No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe…"

ChessieNefercat July 18, 2012 at 5:44 pm

John Donne, that socialist!

ChessieNefercat July 18, 2012 at 5:45 pm

"Your comment must be approved by the site admins before it will appear publicly."

What? All I said was "John Donne, you socialist?"

MittBorg July 22, 2012 at 3:11 pm

It's the magic word "c1@l1s" in there.

ChessieNefercat July 18, 2012 at 5:46 pm

"Your comment must be approved by the site admins before it will appear publicly."

Oh, come on! Do we have to start putting peri.ods and ze0ros in comments like I see on Huffpo?

Edit: Apparently, yes. And J0hn D0n.ne is a dir.ty w0rd.
Edit 2: And my zer0s (the word "zer0" has a 0 where the "o" should be, right now) were corrected to "o"s. H.m.m.
Edit 3: Cur.se you, Inte.nse De.bate. Are we still using Inten.se Deba.te?

ChessieNefercat July 18, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Not that you can tell, but I liked your comment.

Extemporanus July 18, 2012 at 6:25 pm
nyates314 July 19, 2012 at 12:10 am

or which way is south

el_donaldo July 18, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Wonkette may be one of the very few places on the Internet where a post about climate change isn't instantly swarmed by the foot soldiers of the Cheeto-dusted army explaining how it's all a liberal delusion.

It's easy to make fun of the little creeps, but Odin they've been effective.

anniegetyerfun July 18, 2012 at 5:05 pm

That's because they are payed by the oil companies to do nothing but that all day long.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 19, 2012 at 10:40 am

By Odin's beard!

neiltheblaze July 18, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Climate change is only going to affect us libtards. Everyone knows that.

widestanceromance July 18, 2012 at 5:01 pm

It's just like the voodoo, in that it only works if you believe in it. Silly libtards.

Fraudulently_Joe July 18, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Guy's, I think you're missing the obvious counterpoint here:

It snowed last February. Also, Al Gore is fat, and has a house. And sometimes flies. In conclusion, God said that flooding will never happen ever, and also I misread some methodology discussion between some scientists.

Q.E.D, Bitches!

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 8:10 pm

And it's a really big house! Next.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 18, 2012 at 4:54 pm

It's 72F right now where I am. What are you bitches bitching about?

anniegetyerfun July 18, 2012 at 5:06 pm

You're up to 72F? I'm certain that it's exactly 59F in Redmond right now.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 18, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Maybe not. Stupid internet. But its a beautiful grey day, is my point!

anniegetyerfun July 18, 2012 at 5:11 pm

It's days like this that make me miss pretty much everywhere else I have ever lived.

emmelemm July 18, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Have to say it: NORTHWEST LIBEL!

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 18, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Not me. I like being vitamin D deficient.

SorosBot July 18, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Yeah, this talk makes me wonder why anyone lives up in fake Washington.

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 8:12 pm

Last week I was a little worried about Global Warming, but this week it's only low 80's so suck it, Algore.

SayItWithWookies July 18, 2012 at 4:55 pm

What those silly Democrats don't realize is that it's been getting steadily warmer ever since the Supreme Court outlawed prayer in schools. But they just go on and on, saying science this and science that, totally oblivious to the real reasons things happen. Of course one day they'll find out the truth — but then it'll be too late, won't it?

Extemporanus July 18, 2012 at 5:55 pm

"…It tolls for thee."

sullivanst July 18, 2012 at 6:26 pm

The way that made no sense in "Last Activity" order… makes perfect sense.

Preacher_Griz July 18, 2012 at 4:55 pm

This is SUCH a non-issue

How many times do we have to say it?? If you think the earth is getting too warm just ask God to cool it during your prayers.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 18, 2012 at 5:39 pm

Worked for Rick Perry, didn't it? Wait … didn't it??

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 8:14 pm

God answers all prayers.

Sometimes He says "yes".

Sometimes He says "no".

Sometimes He says "HAAHAHAHAHA!!! Burn, motherfucker!"

MittBorg July 22, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Asshole's been saying a LOT of that last one lately.

Tundra Grifter July 18, 2012 at 4:55 pm

The House can vote over thirty times to repeal the Affordable Health Care Act – with no chance the Senate will even bring it to the floor; the House has time to read the US Constitution; the House has time to waste on all manner of meaningless legislation.

But no time to actually look into something that could end life on Earth?

Remarkable.

imissopus July 18, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Remarkable. Par for the fuckin' course with this band of nitwits.

FIFY

bikerlaureate July 18, 2012 at 5:10 pm

That's apostate speech right there, Professor.

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 8:15 pm

And, by "remarkable", you mean "Fucking Republicans", amirite?

Blueb4sunrise July 18, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Seasonably warm here in the Derp-West.

MittBorg July 18, 2012 at 5:50 pm

UNseasonably mingy out here in Teh Fog Belt.

Franknflower July 18, 2012 at 4:57 pm

That makes me kinda sad and depressed. Don't they have gold lined gas masks or something?

HippieEsq July 18, 2012 at 4:57 pm

"Willful ignorance of the science is irresponsible and it is dangerous". By calling "the science", the Dems managed to make it sound even SCARIER to the unfrozen caveman house republicans!

Extemporanus July 18, 2012 at 5:52 pm

"And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls…"

coolhandnuke July 18, 2012 at 4:59 pm

According to much-noted climatologist Pat Robertson, it's those flaming homosexuals that are starting all them wild fires

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 18, 2012 at 5:03 pm

The buttsecks causes sparks! Who knew?

emmelemm July 18, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Metal dildoes?

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 18, 2012 at 5:21 pm

It's Satan clapping.

coolhandnuke July 18, 2012 at 5:25 pm

The gravy will ignite if the ham and biscuits get real frictiony.

sullivanst July 18, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Only when it's really good.

starfanglednut July 18, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Only if yer doin' it right!

widestanceromance July 18, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Maybe we not using enough lube.

IonaTrailer July 18, 2012 at 5:01 pm

"What? Obama's against it? That does it. Goodbye"

(Fictional conversation with John Boner).

GregComlish July 18, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Now is the time to purchase 100% renewable energy for your home. At this point the marginal cost of green energy is about $0.02/kW and should be small potatoes for most employed wonketeers. It's a small price to pay and it can make a huge difference.

DOE has a guide you can use to find suppliers near you: http://apps3.eere.energy.gov/greenpower/buying/in

SexySmurf July 18, 2012 at 5:10 pm

If it will help break Obama's electricity monopoly, I'll do it.

SorosBot July 18, 2012 at 5:11 pm

"employed wonketeers"

Hahahaha.

I've been unemployed and broke for so long, they idea of anything that costs more than a buck being "small potatoes" is ridiculous.

GregComlish July 18, 2012 at 6:44 pm

well, to be fair I wasn't talking about you. That's why I didn't say "broke ass unemployed wonketteers."

MittBorg July 22, 2012 at 3:18 pm

I'm worried about that, SB. Is the market for your particular skillset just low where you are? Is it a seasonal thing? SHOULD you consider moving out to the West/Left Coast, where jobs seem to be picking up? I'm actually getting calls and offers after close to a decade of no work at all in my field, so I wonder if moving out here would help. (It sure woud help your relationship!)

Fraudulently_Joe July 18, 2012 at 5:39 pm

Signed up for it years ago. Also, I "conveniently" "forget" to "mention" it to my roommates, who I then rope into paying electric by letting them have the air conditioner. "Everybody" wins!!

C_R_Eature July 18, 2012 at 8:07 pm

On my second year of 100% wind power from WGES. I got tired of feeding the Coal Companies (56% power generation by coal, in my area) and so indirectly funding Climate Change Denial. I ran the numbers and the cost pretty much evens out, since there's a yearly contract and the price stays stable for the duration. No big spikes in the high demand times. I sleep better at night, too.

WhatTheHeck July 18, 2012 at 5:05 pm

In other news relating to Karma, a giant iceberg, the size of Maine, broke off the polar ice cap striking an oil tanker carrying crude oil. But too late. The polar bears were already gone and could not applaud.

Extemporanus July 18, 2012 at 5:43 pm

"…every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine…"

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 8:21 pm

You're going to force me to say "beene there, Donne that", aren't you?

SorosBot July 18, 2012 at 5:06 pm

How dare do these Democrats and scientists claim we humans are capable of changing the climate? We all know that the weather and seasonal change are controlled by the moods of Demeter, who lets the harvest grow fallow while her daughter Persephone is off in the underworld with her husband Hades. Obviously if the climate is changing that's just because something in their relationship has changed and has maybe pissed Demeter off.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 18, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Jeez …. ya leave the toilet seat up just once, and all Hades breaks loose. Sorry 'bout that.

Fox n Fiends July 18, 2012 at 5:09 pm

the 1930s were the hottest years on record and everyone knows that the free market turned that around.

OneDollarJuana July 18, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Actually, LiveScience.com says that the 11 hottest years have occurred in the last 13.

ph7 July 18, 2012 at 7:09 pm

LiveJesus.com says you are Beezlebub, trying to trick us.

IonaTrailer July 18, 2012 at 5:09 pm

"Liberal media propaganda".

inhales spleef

Biel_ze_Bubba July 18, 2012 at 5:30 pm

With luck, a Category 5 example of liberal media propaganda will make landfall in Tampa next month.

elviouslyqueer July 18, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Derp from the Southland: "How can we be in the middle of a catastrophic drought, when we just had all that flooding last year?"

ChessieNefercat July 18, 2012 at 5:58 pm

You should provide a pillow for us to bang our heads on if you're going to provide quotes like that one.

IonaTrailer July 18, 2012 at 5:15 pm

"In 2004, as governor of Massachusetts, Romney introduced a statewide Climate Protection Plan, billed as “an initial step in a coordinated effort to reduce emissions of greenhouse gases.” Two years later, however, the governor stepped away from a regional plan to reduce emissions by 10 percent by 2019 – because the plan would cost too much. "New England has the highest energy rates in the country,” he told The Boston Globe, “and [the plan] would cost us more."

Because it would cost too much….. wait until you see your AC bill for this month…

IonaTrailer July 18, 2012 at 5:20 pm

They deny climate change for the same reasons they endorse abstinence as birth control.

ph7 July 18, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Floods, drought and natural disasters do have a way of converting the welfare class to the decendent class. That's one way to tidy up a state's balance sheet.

Extemporanus July 18, 2012 at 5:48 pm

"…any mans death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankinde…"

sullivanst July 18, 2012 at 6:22 pm

"No man is an island"… because we have all been flooded.

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 8:24 pm

"he's a peninsula"

ph7 July 18, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Limbaugh, or O'Reilly? I always get my philosphers confused.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 18, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Remember when folks used to say, "Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it."?

Thank goodness the Republicans are getting away from the old way of doing things.

weejee July 18, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Rethugs want 7 sigma p-ness or GTFO. Five sigma was okay for Higgs, but this is 'Murica and we can do better. BTW, theirs are, but on they're 7 sigmas to the left side of the mean.

ChessieNefercat July 18, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Comments like that are going to have somebody heating up the twigs and branches around the stake for you, once we have achieved the Republican Utopia.

Limeylizzie July 18, 2012 at 5:43 pm

OT But just wanted to say how much all the wishes of the Wonketteers have meant to me both today and over the last couple of days with all the worry over MrLimeyLizzie. He is doing so much better, they will release him tomorrow probably, the outcome is the best possible , considering what we first thought, everything can be helped greatly with some lifestyle tweaks. Getting rid of me is not one of the tweaks. Anyway, many of you were unbelievably kind and reached out to me, Barb and I have actually spoken on the phone and yes, she is as fabulous as you would imagine, and I want to say how much I appreciate all that everyone has done or said and how much it has meant to me, and MrLimeylizzie in absentia.So, before I weep, thanks again and what a fine bunch of cunts you all are.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb July 18, 2012 at 5:51 pm

That's great news! Speedy recovery to MrLimeyLizzie.

Extemporanus July 18, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Thank you for the update, birthday girl, and best wishes to your beau for a full fucking recovery. To play it safe, perhaps give him some sort of warning before you jump out of your cake.

(As an aside, my last comment to you on the matter was said jestfully, though not in jest. Should such a side effect become manifest, please don't hesitate to pick my brain.)

ChessieNefercat July 18, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Hugs to you and the mister, Limeylizzie. Glad everything is going well.

ttommyunger July 18, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Leave it to a Wonketeer. In 71 years I figured I'd been called every name possible, many of them hundreds of times, even nigga (a little unusual for a southern white boy), but cunt? A first; and considering the source and circumstances, I feel somewhat flattered. Glad things are looking up.

sullivanst July 18, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Just put it down to limeyness. The English have a penchant for using insults as terms of endearment.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 18, 2012 at 8:03 pm

It's Lizzie's adjectives you got to watch for … if she tacks on "dozy", you're in trouble.

va_real July 18, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Happy Birthday to you & best wishes to you both!

emmelemm July 18, 2012 at 7:02 pm

I somehow missed this, but glad to hear you have some good news.

radio-of-owls July 18, 2012 at 7:08 pm

Well that right there is a pretty swell birthday present, I daresay. Huzzah, mi amor y feliz cumple!

docterry6973 July 18, 2012 at 7:42 pm

There is a Mr. Limeylizzie? Another dream shattered.

GregComlish July 18, 2012 at 8:04 pm

huh, I always figured you were a Lizzbian

C_R_Eature July 18, 2012 at 8:12 pm

I'm wishing you and your husband well retroactively, LL, as I've just heard about this! Had to go back and study up to figure out what was going on.
I'm glad your husband is doing so much better now and sorry you had to go through that worry and uncertainty. It truly is the worst.
All the Best, and thanks for the "fine bunch of Cunts" comment – if you meant me too.

CRE

Limeylizzie July 18, 2012 at 8:29 pm

You are truly a cunt, my friend.

C_R_Eature July 18, 2012 at 8:34 pm

That means the world to me, coming from you. I'll fly my Cunt Flag high.

C_R_Eature July 18, 2012 at 8:53 pm

You should go and do something nice for yourself now, when you get the chance. Maybe go find a bench on the Hudson River Greenway and just sit and watch the boats go by on a nice day. Have lunch. It helps to push the reset button now and then.

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Excellent news. Now, in future, try to remember "just short of oblivion".

Barb July 18, 2012 at 11:32 pm

Sis, I love you so much. I'm so glad that you and I agree about our husbands and the things in life that we don't give a hoot about and the people who matter most in our lives. I loved the e-card that you sent tonight. That was so clever. I admire a woman with your strength. My love to Mr Lizzie.

MittBorg July 22, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Thank you. I've never enjoyed being called a cunt quite so much. SO glad that you are both OK. And just remember, if Mr. Limeylizzie ever decides to get rid of you, there are MANY fine Wonketteers who will happily take you in.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 18, 2012 at 5:48 pm

No models, no nothing, just the math.
Any teatard that disputes the above, go ahead and shoot him.

And now a look at the facts: no theories, no models, no extrapolations — this is just reading the fucking thermometer.

Welcome to the brave new world of 4-sigma weather. (God only knows what the first-ever 5-sigma days will be like.) Not talking about this is the only thing left for the Fucking Republican Morons.

emmelemm July 18, 2012 at 7:01 pm

And if anyone would know a hot day, it'd be you, amirite?

Biel_ze_Bubba July 18, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Off the charts.

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 9:12 pm

This is excellent. It might be worth pointing out that the axes of the second graph are "temperature anomaly" — that is, deviation from the mean — on the X, and probability on the Y.

The most significant feature (you know this, I'm just emphasizing it), isn't the shift in the mean value, but the fact that in recent decades the distribution has become less and less Gaussian; it is now much wider than Gaussian.

So the chance of a given value (say,any Wonker's local temperature) being 3 standard deviations from the mean is now maybe 3%, whereas in 1980 it was only a tenth of a percent. That is, in 1980 (or before), you might expect one day every couple of years to be 3 sigma hotter or colder than the average; today, you'd expect ten days per year each way. Of course, the mean itself has also increased, so the probability of extremely cold days (compared to 1980) is actually slightly reduced.

Anyway, fewer really cold snaps, moar and longer hot spells. Oh, and the 5 sigma days will be another 2 or 3 degrees F hotter than the 4 sigma days, I imagine.

Of course, this all comes from James Hansen, so algore is fat, lalalala I can't hear you.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 18, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Yep … the problem isn't at the top of the curve, where the average temp goes up a degree or two. It's in the tail of the curve: hundred-year storms start coming every year, and you have to actually expect, and plan for, the thousand-year storm.
That's where the water comes over the top of the New Orleans levees, or washes Miami Beach off the face of the Earth. You have to wonder if even that would get the Republitards' attention.

And yeah, it's Hansen … but it's actual temperatures, from actual thermometers, from NORTH AMERICA — no tree rings, nothing to question or deny or blow smoke about.

not that Dewey July 19, 2012 at 8:56 am

"Yeah, but we used to use mercury thermometers, and now everything is semiconductor, and that creates the appearance that temperatures are rising. Urban Islands, also, too."

-some dipshit at my work

Biel_ze_Bubba July 19, 2012 at 10:59 am

Because no scientist would ever think of calibrating his thermometers. (Especially not one who's research is based on measuring temperature.)
Or notice that his weather station is now in the middle of a Wal-Mart parking lot.

The stupid is strong in that one.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 19, 2012 at 10:49 am

That last one might be helpful, actually. My favorite is the guy who bitches about the cost of carbon controls, and in the next breath says "we'll adapt" … like that's not going to cost 100x more.

There's small comfort in the fact that it's the most backwards states that are going to get slammed the hardest. Maybe they'll wake up when ADM decides that you just can't grow corn in Iowa anymore, or when Galveston or the Florida Keys get obliterated (again).

AbandonHope July 19, 2012 at 11:20 am

Wait, here at work we're supposed to design for six-sigma, so I guess we're all good, right?

Right?

Fukui-sanRadioBarb July 18, 2012 at 5:53 pm

The whackdoodles on Free Republic have the explanation for the extreme weather events: it's Obama.

Seriously, they claim God is pissed because of socialism and they predict the end times. I wonder why the weather in Cuba is so good?

Biel_ze_Bubba July 18, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Castro must be jailing the gheys, and scoring brownie points with Jeebus.

One_Man_Band July 18, 2012 at 6:24 pm

"You can use facts to prove something that isn’t even mostly true and everyone knows that, ESPECIALLY the GOP."

If I may be the Simpson's quote pendant, I believe the PROPER FORM of that phrase is:

"Facts are meaningless. You can use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true."

– Homer Simpson

steamynachos July 18, 2012 at 6:33 pm

How is Romney going to initiate awkward small talk with voters now?

Slim_Pickins July 18, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Ideology? Do you mean idiotology?

ttommyunger July 18, 2012 at 6:59 pm

"Willful ignorance?" I think you give them too much credit, Dear Author. I firmly believe they have no choice in the matter.

valthemus July 18, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Why do we need science? Ancient Mayan psychics have predicted that Jesus will be arriving at National Airport before Thanksgiving and anyone with a water sign is going to be eaten by demons anyway. Who needs science? That stuff never works.

a_pink_poodle July 18, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Clearly the Arctic is a liberal hoax perpetrated by the Lame Stream media. I mean, have you ever seen an Arctic before outside of the internet and television? I've never seen it with my own eyes and we're to take the liberals word that it exists?

C_R_Eature July 18, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Zounds, these awful fuckers drive me mad. They're the modern day
Knights Who Say NI! who just cannot hear what they don't want to hear and are willing to let the whole world burn to preserve their ideology.

I wish I could just say "IT!" to them until they run away.

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 9:14 pm

I would like to stick a carefully selected shrubbery up each of their asses.

C_R_Eature July 18, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Indeed. Then they have to cut down the largest tree in the forest with a herring.

not that Dewey July 19, 2012 at 8:59 am

Well, that won't be too much of a problem, since soon the forests will be full of herrings, and the ground will be really soft.

C_R_Eature July 20, 2012 at 10:40 am

Soon the annual Herring run will be passing through my living room. It'll be convenient, in a way.

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 8:20 pm

On the one hand. PR claptrap. OTOH, I have no doubt that there are business units within exxonmobil that are looking into things like giant, heavily-taxpayer-subsidized solar installations on formerly public lands.

Nobody knows better than fossil fuel companies that fossil fuels are finite.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 18, 2012 at 8:30 pm

Just finished reading "The Swerve" … cannot recommend it too highly to the Wonkeratti.

Fascinating story (the atomic theory, and evolution and humanism, had all been figured out in 150 B.C.), but it's a tad depressing to know that two thousand years later, we're still battling religious morons over the very same ideas.

C_R_Eature July 18, 2012 at 9:32 pm

"How the World became Modern." by Steven Greenblatt? Now it's on my list. Thanks!

MittBorg July 22, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Thanks, Biely! On the list it goeth.

mormos July 18, 2012 at 9:20 pm

silly democrats, republicans have a plan for dealing with global warming. Ban abortion and make the womenz have as many babies as possible. That way some will survive the inevitable bottleneck when whole cities are washed away and there are massive crop failures from drought and extreme weather patterns.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 18, 2012 at 11:35 pm

And making billionaires richer, so the walls around their compounds can be higher. (Levees around the poorz, ehh, not so much, because taxes, and socialism.)

And something about the gheys? I have no idea how, but I'm sure that's part of the plan.

rocktonsam July 18, 2012 at 10:57 pm

willful ignorance = any repub/tea bagger/consevative/really rich guy and Fred Thompson,also

HedonismBot July 19, 2012 at 12:26 am

I think my 5-year-old nephew must be a Republican. When the conversation takes a turn he doesn't like, he sticks his fingers in his ears and yells really loudly until the bad words stop.

mwittier July 19, 2012 at 1:45 am

Boy, if the GOP doesn't like to hear about the weather, they better not take any calls from my mom.
Because like a great many people her age, she seems to believe that she has sole access to forecasts, and is obligated to share them every evening in great detail, while drinking a glass of wine.

CogitoErgoSumo July 19, 2012 at 8:43 am

Everyone calm down! When it gets too hot, just turn down the thermostat. Problem solved, Sheesh.

anniegetyerfun July 18, 2012 at 5:40 pm

For the salmon.

emmelemm July 18, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Oh no you di'int!

DC is the fake Washington.

OldWhiteLies July 18, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Well SB, when you all get tired of being parboiled, fly on over to our left coast, grab MissT and come on up and we'll get the SeaTac contingent together and show you all the fake things to enjoy about our fake temperate lil piece of earth. We'll fake drink into a fake stupor and celebrate our fakeness. Bring your skis/snowboard. Bring your recreational and tech (including cave and deep-wreck) dive gear. Bring your underwater camera in case we bump into one of our cephalapody GPOs (turns out they smile with their arms). Bring your drift diving hook and tether so you can have a go at what being a kite feels like; hooked into the old Galloping Gurdy set blocks under the Tacoma Narrows and "flying" at the end of 4 meters of climbing rope during a 4plus knot current. Bring your sea kayak, white-water kayak, river kayak, recreational [lake] kayak, and even your surf kayak. Bring your hiking boots and backpack. Bring your water ski(s). Bring your mountain climbing gear and your mountain bike. And bring the assorted helmets for all of those. Oh, and don't forget your fishing gear; freshwater (including flys both dry and wet) and saltwater. We'll fake you through all those activities and send you both off back home with fake smiles. NOBODY puts the "Holy shit, this is a kick in the ass – can we do it again? Can we?" into fake shit like we do, SB. And for at least a quarter of the year you can do any or all of those things in the same visit. Oh, and some folks think we have decent coffee, too, also.

Cheers [and smileythingeys as necessary].

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 18, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Thems fightin words soros! And don't listen to Annie. It's not actually 59. More like 70. And not even raining! Yet.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 19, 2012 at 10:46 am

If by fake Washington you mean you mean the place where Poly Math majors have piercings and write software, as opposed to the DC WASPs, yeah, let's fake it up.

Have you seen a DC goth club? No colored hair!!!

bobbert July 18, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Oh, fuck no, don't tell me we have to comment in 1337 now.

va_real July 18, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Didn't know they HAD the Internetz back in 1337? Oh, you mean retroactively commenting…

Extemporanus July 19, 2012 at 12:27 am

Thank you for the poetic replies, neighbor. I'd respond to each, but the Great Wall of Plug-Ins over to the right is making Our Wonkette more impossible to use via iPad (which I'm on the majority of the time when surfing) with each passing day.

Bon soir…

BoatOfVelociraptors July 19, 2012 at 10:15 am

Fin.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 19, 2012 at 10:33 am

If you set onswipe_redirect=never in your query your cookie will be set to serve up old school content. What you have to worry about is the timestamp in the cookie and the IntenseDebate parsing.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 19, 2012 at 10:37 am

The best workaround I have come across is to start a random reply, get the timeout message, and then the real reply can go through.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 19, 2012 at 10:49 am

Seriously, you can't even snowboard down Capitol Hill.

not that Dewey July 19, 2012 at 11:13 am

As far as I know, the triple-point of water hasn't changed much in the last 150 years.

not that Dewey July 20, 2012 at 10:44 am

All you can eat!

C_R_Eature July 20, 2012 at 10:50 am

Roe, Roe, Roe your boat
Gently down the hall
Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Merrily,
Life is just a BALL

MittBorg July 22, 2012 at 3:13 pm

I get depressed when there isn't any sunshine. Deeply, suicidally depressed.

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