FACEPALMBOOK  5:00 pm July 19, 2012

Embedded Journalist Connie Schultz Weasels Out Of Breitbart Wannabe’s Sneaky Gotcha! Question

by Doktor Zoom

He's no Distinguished Gentleman...

Syndicated columnist and Elite Media Figure Connie Schultz presents us with an object lesson in how to cleverly avoid answering pointed questions from citizen-journalists who tell you that they have the goods on you. (Above. It is right there above. Did you not see it?)

But a couple of Tips to the best journalist of his (or her!) generation:

1) Make sure you spell your target’s name right.
2) Do not announce to your target that you are “doing an exposé” on them. Instead, use more subtle terminology, such as “We are investigating your corrupt practices for a hit piece that will destroy you and your ilk for all time. Thank you so much for your cooperation, and have a great day!”
3) Make use of reliable inside-journalism sources like Wikipedia or an Ouija board to do basic fact checking.

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{ 319 comments }

nounverb911 July 19, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Breitbart's still dead, right?

docteur_giraud July 19, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Yes. And his minions are trying to put journalism into the same condition.

Maman July 19, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Jinx!

Maman July 19, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Breitbart's dead but he still has minions. In fact, my batshit sister is trying to sic one on me for asking my sister about her trip to Poland. Contacting my sister via the comments part of her blog once a quarter makes me a cyberstalker apparently.

va_real July 19, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Wow- I would not have pegged you for a cyberstalker. You just never can tell, huh?

Maman July 19, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Nope. Be very careful. I might wish you a happy birthday.

va_real July 19, 2012 at 5:25 pm

And clearly I should avoid visiting Poland.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 5:27 pm

You're Maman's sister? How can you be so *mean*?

va_real July 19, 2012 at 5:51 pm

If I were, would I need to change my user name to 'Tante'? Or maybe 'tant mieux', but ironically?

Maman July 19, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Thank you to whoever just posted on my sister's blog and said the family feud was more interesting that the blog itself. I owe you a juicy kiss!

HistoriCat July 19, 2012 at 9:05 pm

3 hours and no one bothered with a "you know who else went to Poland" comment?

This is not the Wonkette I remember…

emmelemm July 19, 2012 at 9:33 pm

"Hello? Is this thing on?"

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 5:27 pm

HAHAHAHA. Yes.

Biff July 19, 2012 at 5:43 pm

For which I give thanks daily.

worrytron July 19, 2012 at 5:03 pm

I would've strung him or her along for at least 3 more emails…… but that's why I'm just an internet troll and not a politician.

anniegetyerfun July 19, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Yes, she could have really gone to town on this one, with all kinds of denials and back-and-forths. And then once they published the piece and it was picked up by DOZENS of conservative blogs, someone could have pointed out the truth.

Seriously, now I'm just mad at her for taking away what would have been so much fun.

worrytron July 19, 2012 at 5:20 pm

I should give the Democrats a presentation on how to troll… the GOP has them beat hands down this year.

anniegetyerfun July 19, 2012 at 5:23 pm

It's a seriously crucial skill that so many liberals lack. Almost worth putting together a certificate program through the local university.

worrytron July 19, 2012 at 5:38 pm

"Trolling in the 21st Century: Get out from under your bridge and call someone Hitler. 3 credits."

Maman July 19, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Clearly all you have to do ask them about their vacation.

sullivanst July 19, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Stalking isn't the same as trolling.

DemmeFatale July 19, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Do you have a blog?
You should share some tricks of the trade!
Even non-trolls could learn something.
I mean it!

worrytron July 19, 2012 at 6:50 pm

Hah that's a really good idea. Though I'm just the padawan. I come from the world of video games, where trolling was perfected by battle-hardened 15 year old masters of the art. I'd be terrified to ask them to contribute………..

That being said, i'll let you know next time i get bored at work and head to CNN.com ;)

va_real July 19, 2012 at 5:15 pm

From each according to his abilities…

worrytron July 19, 2012 at 5:19 pm

I guess i can take comfort in knowing that good trolling skills are becoming more important in politics.

Tundra Grifter July 19, 2012 at 7:23 pm

Agreed! She should have started off by begging them not to publish any photos and then just take off from there.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 20, 2012 at 1:11 am

She really should have ended it at "he's so cute."
Or better yet, "I can't wait to get him into bed."

Then sit back and wait for the "exposé." With luck, it would make it all the way to the Faux News blowhards, and totally make Jon Stewart's day week.

Callyson July 19, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Watch, now they'll demand to see the marriage license…

va_real July 19, 2012 at 5:16 pm

She should tell them it's in Kenya…

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Tee hee. (I'm practising my FL Lt.-Gov girly giggle)

va_real July 19, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Have you also been scissoring? You wouldn't be the mysterious artist who's behind these library donations, are you? http://thisiscentralstation.com/featured/mysterio

bobbert July 19, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Holy Moley. That's fantastic.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 6:10 pm

My dear friend, you flatter me exceedingly. Indeed, you are much too kind. If I were capable of this kind of work, I would be doing it every minute of the day.

ETA: Thank you for the link.

starfanglednut July 19, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Lovely. Makes me feel like a shitheel for spending half my time on wonkette.

You might like these, also too.
http://origamit.scripts.mit.edu/
http://www.langorigami.com/

didgen July 19, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Beautiful beyond words. Thank you for sharing it.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 19, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Does Kenya issue marriage licenses?

flamingpdog July 19, 2012 at 5:46 pm

It better be the looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong-form marriage license!

sullivanst July 19, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Aren't they all long-form?

Except for Kim K's, of course.

SorosBot July 19, 2012 at 5:04 pm

So they're going to investigate all those journalists who attended John McCain's barbeques, right?

flamingpdog July 19, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Wait'll they find out who supplies the fetuses!

Fraudulently_Joe July 19, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Maybe while they're at it they could investigate the journalists that go on those right-wing swingers' cruises, or the ones that join the Kochs for their annual orgies in Vail.

Trannysurprise July 19, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Ghost Breitbart isn't nearly as slick as the undead one was.

Maman July 19, 2012 at 5:11 pm

In all fairness, The Google is really hard and scary.

worrytron July 19, 2012 at 5:22 pm

And in unfairness .. isn't a ghost also undead?

va_real July 19, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Ghost Breitbart & Undead Breitbart are both in agreement that there are few things tormenting them in the afterlife that can compare to the wit of a literalist liberal..

worrytron July 19, 2012 at 5:36 pm

We prefer pedantic progressive, thankyouverymuch!

And i'm glad to know i can still get under reanimated Breitbart's waxy, rotting skin.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 20, 2012 at 1:19 am

The ghost is just a ghost; the undead includes the rotting corpse, and therefore smells worse. Also, BRAINS!!!1!

Generation[redacted] July 19, 2012 at 5:23 pm

The Google is run by libtards!

rickmaci July 19, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Put another way, Dead Breitbart remains better than the living ones left behind.

actor212 July 19, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Shame on her, socializing with her husband when she should be banging her editor. What's the point in being in journalism if you're not going to drink and screw around?

PubOption July 19, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Especially now that hacking into the e-mail accounts of murder victims and also bribing police for exclusive information, seem to be frowned upon.

Jus_Wonderin July 19, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Oh, this makes me grin. I haz a happy.

widestanceromance July 19, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Same here. I want to bear her many strong sons for that (which is impossible, but a guy can dream, right?).

sewollef July 20, 2012 at 8:18 am

I just read this — on a Friday morning, the best day of the week!

Fucking hilarious! This has made my weekend all the sweeter….

RadioSlut July 19, 2012 at 5:05 pm

I would kiss Senator Brown full on the lips too.

Geminisunmars July 19, 2012 at 5:13 pm

I'd kiss him full on the hips, myself.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Woo. Girl? You just beggin' for sum TROUBLE. He's cute as all-get-out, fershure.

Geminisunmars July 19, 2012 at 5:32 pm

I'd be willing to entertain that kind of trouble.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 5:48 pm

And I'll bet $10,000 you'd entertain it very well.

va_real July 19, 2012 at 5:18 pm

He is pretty cute, but I'd look out for that wife of his…

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 5:25 pm

And all this time, I thought you were *straight.*

starfanglednut July 19, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Me too! But on teh wonkette, anything goes!

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 6:55 pm

Always pleased to find a Member of my various Tribes, me.

SorosBot July 19, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Though I kind of wish Schultz had added, "I have also fucked the man on numerous occasions".

actor212 July 19, 2012 at 5:06 pm

The pundit in question would no doubt have printed the word "fuck" in some other context to make her look bad.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 19, 2012 at 5:28 pm

In reply to my emails, Ms. Schultz states "[F]uck the man!"

SigDeFlyinMonky July 19, 2012 at 5:46 pm

I think the terminologies to be made current are: a) noun, carnal congress ; b) verb, swive. All presented in memory of Readers' Digest, "Toward More Colorful Language."

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Or she could go all Biblical on his ass, and just say "I have known him," waggling her eyebrows meaningfully.

va_real July 19, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Sadly, it's getting harder for the chattering classes to waggle- too much Botox…

Fare la Volpe July 19, 2012 at 5:16 pm

That would have been a lie — they're married, after all.

SorosBot July 19, 2012 at 5:18 pm

But presumably they were dating for awhile before.

Fare la Volpe July 19, 2012 at 5:21 pm

The Brown / Schultz clans are well known for their elaborate mating rituals, wherein the female ruffles her feathers at passing males, who take turns presenting her with pebbles from a nearby brook. The female selects the largest pebble, and lets the male into her nest long enough to fertilize the already laid eggs. Thereupon she expels him from the nest, leaving him no recourse but to run for US Senate.

It's really quite a beautiful process.

Jus_Wonderin July 19, 2012 at 5:35 pm

For some reason, I am thinking of "Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom".

Veritas78 July 19, 2012 at 6:38 pm

As opposed to the strategy employed by females of the McCain/Gingrich species, who lock onto their males' probosci during intercourse then proceed to eat them from the inside out. A great deal of peroxide is required beforehand, I've heard.

Biff July 19, 2012 at 5:47 pm

It's one of those skillz they retire once the cake is cut.

bibliotequetress July 19, 2012 at 6:57 pm

A liberal politician getting fucked is, sadly, not distictive.

Texan_Bulldog July 19, 2012 at 5:05 pm

So that's what Halperin's been up to lately…since I haven't seen his douchey mug on teevee lately.

weejee July 19, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Spouses sucking face? American morality is in free fall. Where are Newt and Bristol to light the most proper way. oh, yeah…

I_P July 19, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Whar marrig certifikit whar!!!11!!

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 5:26 pm

How is babby fromed?

Billmatic July 19, 2012 at 5:34 pm

I think Shultz is a pretty cool guy, eh writes emales and doesn't afraid of anything

edgydrifter July 19, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Dear Ms. Schultz,

GET ON MY DILDO BOAT!!

Respectfully yours,
Crack Investigative Journalist Who Is Not At All James O'Keefe

ph7 July 19, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Please don't tell Breitbart's widow that he was recently seen in the arms of Eva Braun.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 19, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Normal liberal, getting the story wrong to make a Conservative look bad. In the arms of Braun, please. He was seen being hammered up the ass by Himmler.

IonaTrailer July 19, 2012 at 5:28 pm

and Eva Peron

Callyson July 19, 2012 at 5:06 pm

"Care to comment?"

"Yes, he has an enormous dick…jealous?"

coolhandnuke July 19, 2012 at 5:07 pm

She is one conning linguist.

spends2much July 19, 2012 at 5:07 pm

I love the last line from the genius blogger "care to comment?"- you can just see the self-satisfied smirk coming right off the screen, like this douchebag has Ms. Schultz just backed into a corner…

Then she hits him in the nuts, but with his own hand. It's quite beautiful.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Why are you *thwop* HITTING yourself? Why are you *thwop* HITTING yourself?

sullivanst July 19, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Damn you!

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Great minds think alike, sweetie. (Leers)

Either that, or small minds seldom differ. You pick.

Biff July 19, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Or in the words of the formerly alive breitbart: Behaaaaave yourself! Stop raping people!

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 6:19 pm

That braying jackass is now braying the same exact thing to Biely, who delights in supervising the repeated and demonic pranging of his asshole.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 20, 2012 at 1:26 am

Hardly worth my attention … that's what minions are for. Being pranged by mere minions is particularly painful for attention whores. So we do it.

sullivanst July 19, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Then she hits him in the nuts, but with his own hand.

Repeatedly. "Stop hitting yourself".

FidoMcCokefiend July 19, 2012 at 5:07 pm

I love the term "Elite Media".

Yet, I'm sure this dickhole will tell us how Ann Romney is the bee's knees for her dressage tax credits.

Insert Willy Wonka photo meme with "So, you don't care for the Elite? Please tell me about your love for Mitt Romney"

Boojum July 19, 2012 at 5:08 pm

I see what is happening here. She is "socializing" with a US Senator.

You know who else "socialized" with government officials?

Generation[redacted] July 19, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Harry Whittington?

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 19, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Half the gay prostitutes in DC?

flamingpdog July 19, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Only half?

HistoriCat July 19, 2012 at 9:12 pm

The other half have standards.

AncienReggie July 19, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Marcus Bachmann?

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Um … Hitler?

Hey, the last time I didn't reply with "Hitler," it turned out to be Hitler. I'm not takin' any chances.

sullivanst July 19, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Mandy Rice-Davis?

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Does anyone even remember Christine Keeler and Mandy Rice-Davies any more? (Other than us, obvs. You must be as old as I am.)

flamingpdog July 19, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Elizabeth Ray? Fanne Fox?

SorosBot July 19, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Who?

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 6:22 pm

It was the first sex scandal to take down a powerful politician. Britain's John Profumo lost his political career over his dalliance with a high-end callgirl named Christine Keeler who was believed to be the mistress of a Soviet spy. His affair, his lies under oath, and Keeler's particulars brought down the British government of the day.

sullivanst July 19, 2012 at 5:57 pm

I'm only halfway old, but Joanne Whalley left quite an impression in Scandal when I saw it as a teen.

That, and my dad likes to repeat the common misquote of Mandy: "Well, he would say that, wouldn't he?"

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 6:01 pm

I've never seen that. Clearly, I must.

I was a young'un when Profumo was brought down by this scandal. Interesting times.

bobbert July 22, 2012 at 12:12 am

Well, me.

PubOption July 19, 2012 at 5:33 pm

That woman, Miss Lewinsky.

SorosBot July 19, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Ros the prostitute?

sullivanst July 19, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Deborah Palfrey?

Ashley Dupré?

cheaphits July 19, 2012 at 7:50 pm

Linda Ronstadt?

UW8316154 July 20, 2012 at 12:35 am

Both Clintons?

Biel_ze_Bubba July 20, 2012 at 1:31 am

Carla Bruni?

gurukalehuru July 20, 2012 at 4:14 am

Jeff Guckert AND Jeff Gannon

Boojum July 20, 2012 at 6:51 am

Lidia Pereprygina.

In Russia, government socialize you!

el_donaldo July 19, 2012 at 5:08 pm

But was the guy filming himself in a pimp outfit as he wrote that email. Because that just proves it.

UnholyMoses July 19, 2012 at 5:09 pm

These guys are to journalism what _____________ is to _________________.

I'll start: jumper cables/chocolate cake.

Crank_Tango July 19, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Farts/Cow patties?

FlownOver July 19, 2012 at 5:19 pm

CNN/journalism

Callyson July 19, 2012 at 5:20 pm

FOX News / actual reality

Mittens / someone who should ever venture to sing in public

Michelle Bachmann / intelligence

Jus_Wonderin July 19, 2012 at 5:24 pm

The cold realization that you opened the wrong airlock / Sweet, sweet puppy breath

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Li'l puppies *do* have sweet breath, don't they? Kittens, too.

Then they turn into dogs and cats with fetid moufette-pourri breath, as one Chichikovovich might say.

Jus_Wonderin July 19, 2012 at 5:57 pm

So true. Call me cold but I never let my dog lick my face. And now, even when asked (teased, actually) she won't do it. She will lick other, but not me. I guess I taught her well, right?

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Better than I taught *these* assholes, apparently. These guys think licking my nose is a great way to get me to feed them, preferably at 3 a.m. Their breath *stinks,* they have tongues like *sandpaper,* and — yeah, I guess it works, since the first thought that pops into my head when my nose is being reshaped at 3 am by cat tongue is, "I wonder if they just cleaned their butt?"

emmelemm July 19, 2012 at 6:10 pm

My dog is always trying to lick my damn face. I always yell, "Too much tongue!"

UW8316154 July 20, 2012 at 12:36 am

Either that or you just taste really bad.

UnholyMoses July 20, 2012 at 11:40 am

Our newish Corgi (Pembroke variety) has the NASTIEST breath I've ever smelled. I mean, it's like he ate a pile of catshit with a side of rotting carcass. Hell, our Corgi/Basenji mix eat poop and doesn't have breath like that. (Our Whippet has no breath smell at all.)

As far as licking:
– Karma (the mix) isn't allowed to lick us for any reason.
– Kei (the Pembroke) only does when he wants to be petted — and it's
usually on the calf since he's so damn short (and ADORABLE).
– Zoey (the Whippet) gives kisses like the sweetheart she is.
– I (Unholy Moses) am encouraged to lick often, but only The Mrs.

Eve8Apples July 19, 2012 at 5:27 pm

a teabagger/ competent government

rickmaci July 19, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Scalia is to judging

SigDeFlyinMonky July 19, 2012 at 6:12 pm

odalisque ; seraglio

Biel_ze_Bubba July 20, 2012 at 1:32 am

Romney/job creating

ChernobylSoup July 19, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Dear Ms. Mitchell: We are doing an expose of journalists who socialize with Randian fuckups who used to chair the Fed. We realize you're married to this destroyer of civilizations and willfully blind douchebag, but would you care to comment?

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Now, *that's* a letter I'd *like* to see.

widestanceromance July 19, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Surely they have not replied because

a) they are tracking down the secret love child she had with her husband
b) Obama droned 'em

Choose the wrong answer unless you want to get sent to a Hope Camp.

Dr_Zoidberg July 19, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Oh, snap!

PeaceWithHonor July 19, 2012 at 5:13 pm

And this was the "smart" wingnut.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Well, in all fairness — the smartest of the litter. Which don't say much for the rest of 'em.

Fare la Volpe July 19, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Doesn't calling something "elite" usually denote a sense of, I dunno, competency?

anniegetyerfun July 19, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Used to. Now it denotes people who take birth control.

raffinemilligan July 19, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Whatta elitist!

MLHencken July 19, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Hawt.

gullywompr July 19, 2012 at 5:15 pm

One thing for sure, you'll never see a photograph of Conservative Blogger getting a hug from someone. Ever.

ph7 July 19, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Agreed – that possibility went to the grave with Breitbart.

sullivanst July 19, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Wow, death becomes him. I'd started to forget quite how complete a douche he was.

Kid there looks like he's coming in his pants; Breitbart looks like he's plotting a 3-way with the photographer.

Fare la Volpe July 19, 2012 at 5:34 pm

That's our beloved ex-intern Riley! He is clearly pissing himself from molestation fear!

gullywompr July 19, 2012 at 5:50 pm

That wasn't the first time, either.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 6:24 pm

OMG, poor Riley!

starfanglednut July 19, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Oh, poor, poor Riley. he really took one for the team. I wonder how he is.

HistoriCat July 19, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Last we heard he was hiding out in Europe and indulging in Czech beer.

FlownOver July 20, 2012 at 10:31 am

Pilsner Urquell for all!

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 5:21 pm

I've never hugged 'em. Never.

Rotundo_ July 19, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Not so sure about that one, K-Lo probably has wrapped her bingo winged arms around the doughy pantload a time or two at office parties, I'm sure Pammycakes has been hugged really hard by all those horndog conservative types trying to see if the breasts are, indeed live or Memorex.

gullywompr July 19, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Gee, thanks for the imagery there, now I gotta double up on the Ambien tonight.

bobbert July 19, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Nikki Haley libel!

Tundra Grifter July 19, 2012 at 7:26 pm

You beat me to it! I was going with "Didn't they mean to send that email to Gov. Nikki Haley?"

Did you see how it looks like she is not going to get to give the keynote address at the Republican Convention? She sold her state's port of Savannah down the river for Charleston, South Carolina. In return, the story goes, she was going to get national press and ink.

Ha. Ha. HA!

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 9:42 pm

I missed that story.

va_real July 20, 2012 at 12:13 am

Haley = corrupt bitch
http://bit.ly/s6xscu

Obama scores! (As do Graham, Clyburn & Mayor Riley.) http://bit.ly/MxSpVV

GeorgiaBurning July 19, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Don't be so sure, there's some pretty lifelike inflatables out there.

Eve8Apples July 19, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Dear Conservative Blogger:

Not only do I hug and kiss Sen. Brown, but I frequently fuck him crazy style. Unfortunately, you will never know what that is like.

Have a nice day,
Connie Schultz

emmelemm July 19, 2012 at 6:14 pm

"I do the weird stuff with him."

Vecchiojohn July 19, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Let's find a picture of Obama hugging his mother and put it up someplace where the nitwits will see it.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Secretly "leak" it to the Daily Caller. Next day's drudge-siren-flashing headlines: Obama Makes Out With White Woman. Mystery White Woman Threatens Obama's Marriage. Is Barry Leaving Michelle For A WHITE Woman?

SorosBot July 19, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Schultz should have replied with, "I see nothing. Noth-ing!"

Jus_Wonderin July 19, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Instead, she pulled the best "Col. Hogan" on "Col. Klink" I have seen in…years.

flamingpdog July 19, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Damn you – I even went to all the trouble of copying a picture of Sergeant Schulz off of Google images!

SorosBot July 19, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Hey, I was pleasantly surprised no one else made the reference before I did.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 5:20 pm

I just want to point out that Connie Shmutz, like the liBRADT that she is (yeah, that's for you, 'BeccaLou, and those dolts at IncensedRebatez that keep trapping my perfectly innocent comments in that filter that's tighter than a Freshman Repuglycnut's asshole) and also too a FEMALE wily devious cnut-having person, TRAPPED that young journalist and brutally mocked him like a Feminazi. Which is what you females do to poor innocent men.

Billmatic July 19, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Yeah what's up with the weirdness, I posted "SOCIALISTS!" as a response to something and it needs approval from the editor, and i am disappoint

Billmatic July 19, 2012 at 5:39 pm

i keep getting something about site admins

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 5:56 pm

I'd like to know who this site admin is. They need a refresher course on writing scripts.

Billmatic July 19, 2012 at 6:06 pm

I wanted to respond to "You know who socializes with government officials?" with "SOCIALISTS!!!!" because pun, but it won't let me.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Yeah, I put "socialist" in a comment yesterday and the site admin ate it.

Of course, I might have been talking about tirgonometry, or something, but it was innocent. Let's see if this gets et.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Welp, there ya go. It ate it.

To clarify, I responded to your post with the same magic word, and got that "your comment has been blabbety blabbety blah blah" bull.

va_real July 19, 2012 at 11:22 pm

Wow- my response was 'socialist butterflies' & it got sloughed off the Internetz in the same fashion. Why would this site of ALL sites, have a problem with that word? Actually, I've gotten that message many times lately, & there is no discernible pattern…

Butch_Wagstaff July 19, 2012 at 6:33 pm

You could write for a MRM site.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 6:52 pm

You talkin' to me? Huh? You talkin' to ME?

(So, um, what's MRM, dood?)

Butch_Wagstaff July 20, 2012 at 4:14 pm

MRM = Men's Rights Movement. Although I don't think you could match the vileness of the posts/comments on those sites.

starfanglednut July 19, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Oh, you love it.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 7:53 pm

How well you know me! (Leers meaningfully)

starfanglednut July 19, 2012 at 8:11 pm

Oh Z, you're too funny. How are your aches and pains?

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Much better, actually. It's amazing what a little REST can do.

sullivanst July 19, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Connie's relationship status is right there on facebook. Smoove move, conservatard.

Doktor Zoom July 19, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Worth noting that this was probably not sent to her thru Facebook, but most likely her business email, and then she posted it on Facebook, but, yeah, it's pretty open info anyway.

emmelemm July 19, 2012 at 6:15 pm

It's in the Wikipedias.

UW8316154 July 20, 2012 at 12:40 am

I'll bet the Google Machine has it, too.

Butch_Wagstaff July 19, 2012 at 6:33 pm

And I thought I could be lazy when it came to research.

EdFlintstone July 19, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Has World Net Daily offered this guy an editor's job yet?

StealthMuslin July 19, 2012 at 5:21 pm

"Ha! Bizarro Breitbart Pulitzer am mine! Boo-yah!"

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 19, 2012 at 5:22 pm

But when will zombie Breitbart and his legions follow up on the photo of Trent Lott and Mitch McConnell blowing Grover Norquist?

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 5:57 pm

At the *same time*? (boggles)

didgen July 19, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Ewwwwww

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Total Lemon Party, amirite?

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 20, 2012 at 12:10 am

Well, Norquist is a giant dick.

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 12:37 am

Yes, but I don't think that means his *dick* is a giant dick, nowutimean?

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 20, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Oh, I"m pretty sure his actual apparatus is small and shriveled.

smitallica July 19, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Just proves what I've always said: Life is short. But "total asshole" never dies.

raffinemilligan July 19, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Fred Willard said this story is surprisingly easy to masturbate to.

Steverino247 July 19, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Too soon!

SorosBot July 19, 2012 at 5:46 pm

That story shocked me – I mean, there are still porn theaters in this day and age? (Oh and what a fucking stupid thing for the police to care about).

GeorgiaBurning July 19, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Part of a "Life in the '80's" living history museum for the tourists, I guess. Too bad Aunt Peg isn't around anymore.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Fred Willard can masturbate to *any*thing.

LettucePrey July 19, 2012 at 5:59 pm

What I want to know is: If you're a cop, who do you have to piss off to get masturbatory patrol?

sullivanst July 19, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Or is it "who do you have to blow to get paid to watch porn"?

Geminisunmars July 19, 2012 at 6:05 pm

I hadn't heard about this and had to look it up. Oh, for fuck's sake. (The article I read said he was doing research for an in-production movie called "The Yank".)

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Yes, my partner has been laughing hysterically about that for the past X hours now.

starfanglednut July 19, 2012 at 6:56 pm

The yank?!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA….

Fucking awesome.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Srsly, you can't make this shit up. Because The Universe will beat you to it FO SHO.

Geminisunmars July 19, 2012 at 7:04 pm

You don't suppose he set it up for the publicity, do you?

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Ya THINK?

NAAAH. Even movie publicity hounds wouldn't stoop THAT low.

Would they?

Antispandex July 19, 2012 at 5:26 pm

"Oh, so you're married? So you don't deny fucking him either I guess? Answer the question, Ok? I guess we will just have to say you never denied that you were fucking him…how's that?"

Come here a minute July 19, 2012 at 5:28 pm

What do you expect with a columnist for the Cleveland Steamer?

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Whatta dump.

Goonemeritus July 19, 2012 at 5:29 pm

It’s harder to document Republicans having down time because dungeon themed sex clubs discourage photography.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 5:58 pm

And you would know this how, Goonemeritus?

Goonemeritus July 19, 2012 at 6:05 pm

A team building event at my last corporation.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 6:27 pm

They hiring, by any chance?

Goonemeritus July 19, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Yes but only from Wharton Business School or GE unless you are on a technology track. I should point out that tech. track guys never get to have any corporate sponsored fun.

Jus_Wonderin July 19, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Such class and restraint.

Blueb4sunrise July 19, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Hey , check out Crank Tango's new Wonkville post.

starfanglednut July 19, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Wow. That's fucked up.

redarmyzombie July 19, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Wait, what's that? It appears to be…yes, It's the sound of somebody's schaden landing in my freude!

LettucePrey July 19, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Oh, c'mon, Connie, out the little bugger! Was he from Breitbart's Home for Little Unemployables? Tucker Carlson's Island of Misfit Toys? The O'Keefe Skool of Jernalizms? CNN? Esquiring minds demand to know.

Steverino247 July 19, 2012 at 5:44 pm

This could have gotten much more interesting:

"And his ears pop when I give him head, that's how hard I suck his cock."

"Yes, and he can thump my cervix from across the room."

OK, you next, dear Wonketteers!

OneYieldRegular July 19, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Two smackdowns in a single week. Michelle Bachmann should really give up journalism.

rickmaci July 19, 2012 at 5:47 pm

The problem with wingnutz is they only turn one way, you know, "righty tighty" ass.

GeorgiaBurning July 19, 2012 at 5:48 pm

"You know that, right?" should be a meme phrase

valthemus July 19, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Sherrod Brown *is* really cute, isn't he?

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Yes. Dammit.

YouBetcha July 19, 2012 at 5:52 pm

This would have been much better if she had replied, "No comment. None of your business. Nothing to see here." Ten minutes later the "exposé" would have gone up on O'Keefe's website. Magic.

valthemus July 19, 2012 at 5:54 pm

"We are doing an expose on journalists in the elite media…"

I'm sure this is exactly how Mike Wallace would have approached Schultz.

barto July 19, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Funny how reality rarely works out in conservative blogger land.

flamingpdog July 19, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Snoop-y, meet Schultz.

KotBR July 19, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Connie also quit her job at the Cleveland Plain Dealer b/c she knew admitted she couldn't provide the paper with the type of impartial reporting the readership deserves. Oh, and because she's too good for that piece of junk rag. Again, things the wingnuts can't be bothered to look up.

Blunderthing July 19, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Yeah, but she's probably had sex with him for purposes other than Procreation which makes her a Liberal Whore who prolly wants Free Birth Control and to give blow jobs to illegal immigrants while gay married couples watch with Boy Scouts in the room.

ChessieNefercat July 19, 2012 at 6:55 pm

I can't see the details in the graphic, but I hope she copied it to every single journalist right, left and center in this country and some of the major international markets.

Designer_Rants July 19, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Any guesses on who the "Conservative Blogger" was? I'm gonna say Steve Doocy.

savethispatient July 19, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Is this article proof that Wonkville Works?
I think more than one of us submitted that story, tbh, but not that Dewey got the traction!

Doktor Zoom July 20, 2012 at 12:41 am

Sorry, Dewey (& others?), I found it elsewhere… but I will try to trawl Wonkville for content, really I will.

not that Dewey July 20, 2012 at 9:42 am

Hey, thanks. I'm just happy to see Mrs Schultz's wit (and the Breitbart idiot's idiocy) get some wider coverage.

Wonkville seems to be a successful experiment. Several of the submissions have gone mainline, and among the ones that don't, there are many good reads and excellent headlines.

mavenmaven July 19, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Teabagger Journamalism. As valid as their economic theories.

Soylent Green July 19, 2012 at 9:18 pm

now THAT's ownage!

Soylent Green July 19, 2012 at 9:21 pm

I wish she'd have escalated it before letting the cat out of the bag. "I have no comment! No comment!! How much for the pictures?!!!"

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 9:32 pm

It is beautiful. Rly, it is.

MozakiBlocks July 20, 2012 at 12:11 am

The good Senator from Ohio is a lucky man.

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 12:37 am

He sure is. She's a smart pretty lady. Woof.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 20, 2012 at 1:54 am

Know what's best, best, best about this? That "exposé of media elites" can never be published, without exposing the identity of the fuckwit conservatard blogger.

Buckminster July 20, 2012 at 2:42 am

Pwned also a legitimate internet meme?

Willardbot9000_V2.5 July 20, 2012 at 3:12 am

Hah! That was classic but I agree Mrs. Schultz lacks the killer instinct for a truly good troll. Had she maybe mentioned her mutually beneficial relationship with Sherrod Brown like "he gives me special favors in exchange for sex" followed by an innocent "does that clarify things for you?" would have sent this wingnut ablaze…she could have kept the poor winger going until Faux Nuuz was reporting 'shocking' allegations that Sherrod Brown is exchanging special favors for sex with her comment when asked what those are by Hannity: "he takes the garbage out, washes the car and dances around in his drawers" before adding, "we're married by the way, you know that, right?" which would have caused an internal hemmorage in his smug, stupid brain. Oh it would have been SO worth it…especially when House Republicans demanded to investigate these 'corrupt' dealings…

Robman2 July 20, 2012 at 3:49 am

Burning Andrew

Brightly lit

On Bill Maher

He acted twit

Like a rocket

With an arc

He seemed to flame

As lighted fart

gurukalehuru July 20, 2012 at 4:26 am

"An" Ouija board?? Oh, Doktor Zoom, Doktor Zoom, how are you pronouncing ouija? Because I always pronounce it just like wedgie but with a long e.

smokefilledroommate July 20, 2012 at 5:29 am

All your 'c' are belong to us.

ttommyunger July 20, 2012 at 8:30 am

Sadly, Conservatards are devoid of any sense of shame, so no lessons learned here.

Maman July 19, 2012 at 5:41 pm

no idea. She didn't send me any pictures.

meany

Lascauxcaveman July 19, 2012 at 5:45 pm

That's 'cause you're supposed to read her blog. Pictures, page hits, big $$$ for sis!

sullivanst July 19, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Yeah, without the facial hair it's more obvious that the look is "holy shit, what is he doing and how do I make it stop?"

Geminisunmars July 19, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Well, I don't like to brag, but you could do quite well for yourself if the bet were taken.

emmelemm July 19, 2012 at 6:07 pm

+1 for colorful imagery

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Uh … urp … BRB.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 6:07 pm

tant pis.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 6:08 pm

You watch it, lady/gentleman.

Signed Weedlord BonerHITLER

Butch_Wagstaff July 19, 2012 at 7:51 pm

You know who else got under their bridge?

Can't believe I just typed that but I did.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 6:14 pm

I was counting on that, since I don't *have* $10,000 to lose. You entertaining creature, you. (Hugs the Gem)

va_real July 19, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Yes- we spend so much time with the wingnut idiocies, it helps to remind ourselves that sometimes people are amazingly creative & cool!

va_real July 19, 2012 at 6:29 pm

I would be, too!

va_real July 19, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Dommage!

actor212 July 20, 2012 at 8:37 am

Tante tainte

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 6:44 pm

It's stunningly beautiful. Exquisite. I can't wait for the mystery artist to come forward and claim their due.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Unless they are very scaredy dogs, they usually react to that with a great big doggy grin, and more licking. Although one of ours just had a habit of looking guilty when ANYone yelled about ANYthing.

emmelemm July 19, 2012 at 6:55 pm

I just like yelling, "Too much tongue!!!"

bobbert July 22, 2012 at 12:14 am

Although one of ours just had a habit of looking guilty when ANYone yelled about ANYthing.

Mm, dog, right.

va_real July 19, 2012 at 7:16 pm

I do like those!

And these, too: http://www.paper-and-arts.com/ http://www.japandesign.ne.jp/IAA/chatani/gallery/

But the book sculptures really got me, given my background in bookstores & libraries…

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Now, now, sweetie. This place fills a need for those of us who are here. You will do what you do when you decide to do it. You do plenty as it is. Beating yourself up does not make for great art.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Are you a paperfolder too?

Very nice, darls. Thanks.

va_real July 19, 2012 at 7:29 pm

There was an accompanying note to one of the sculptures that implied that the mystery donor was a woman & preferred to remain anonymous. http://www.flickr.com/photos/chrisdonia/639307880

DemmeFatale July 19, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Us olds are used to 15 year old masters for all things tech.
The gaming world is so foreign to me, that I had no idea that trolling took place there. (After using a Wii-Fit for a year, I had an "aha moment" when I realized it was also a game! Duh!)
Trolling is a wicked sub-set of snark, and I commend the intrepid souls that "take one for the team" to bring us info.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 9:30 pm

WARBLOG!!

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 7:50 pm

Amazing. A modest creatrix.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 20, 2012 at 1:16 am

Wait 'till the library finds out where all the paper came from.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Welp, there go my — I mean MY FRIEND, yaknow, my, uh, FRIEND, that's the ticket, my FRIEND's chances of some of that sweet corpogrift.

starfanglednut July 19, 2012 at 8:08 pm

I know. I love the weirdness of life sometimes.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Speak for yourself, Demme.

Signed, Aged Techie, Veteran of the Alt.Flame Wars

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 9:40 pm

I should try that on someone — but whom?

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Herb Caen used to run a column about strange names/professions, like the very not-estimable Dr. Andrew Carver, podiatric surgeon.

DemmeFatale July 19, 2012 at 10:21 pm

I'm surrounded.
I live in Silicon Valley, Mr. Fatale is a brilliant computer professional, and my daughters, (22 and 25), are both computer literate. (They were shocked that I knew what a "meme" was when we discussed it a few years ago.)
Even so, they feel like they can't keep up with the "cutting edge" in the techie universe.
I'm happy to defer to the smart-mouthed kids.
And some of, (well, most of), my friends are aged techies!

HuddledMass July 20, 2012 at 10:52 am

Fellow alt vet salutes you

bobbert July 22, 2012 at 12:06 am

Ah, memories of pre-Web newgroups.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 10:34 pm

You KNOW I was only teasing you, right? I only pretend to be mean.

And, yeah, I threw out nearly a whole shelf full of tech stuff last week, because ya just can't keep up with this shit. Both my partners are also tech geeks, so conversation time in this house can be pretty damn interesting.

DemmeFatale July 19, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Good for you!
I wish Mr. Fatale could bear to part with some of his stuff!
Notes from some APL conference in 1977 are useful? Really?

va_real July 19, 2012 at 10:55 pm

The 3 Billy Goats Gruff?

not that Dewey July 19, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Floyd Rose?

CthuNHu July 19, 2012 at 11:25 pm

People who formerly provided services to Mitt Romney?

UW8316154 July 20, 2012 at 12:19 am
va_real July 19, 2012 at 10:56 pm

But they aren't mutually exclusive, are they?

va_real July 19, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Some day they might be useful. Or of historical interest if you keep them long enough… My sweetheart is also a techie who hoards the outdated stuff, & these are the excuses I hear…

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 11:07 pm

(Hides two large file boxes full of stuff)

I have no idea how these tech geeks can *stand* to be such PACK rats, honest. (shoves various papers under bed)

bobbert July 22, 2012 at 12:07 am

APL was pretty cool.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 11:08 pm

I think I finally got the hubster to throw out *some* of his college texts. Which is good, because they date back to the 1970s.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 11:19 pm

Connie looks delightfully Botox-free — although that could just be the effect of my aging peepers.

va_real July 19, 2012 at 11:32 pm

Yes, she looks fabulously waggle-ready & just fabulous in general. I just meant that in a general way…

va_real July 19, 2012 at 11:35 pm

How on earth did you manage it? Sharing would be a public service, you realize…

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 11:46 pm

True. But I didn't realise that till after I hit reply and wandered off, woolgathering.

MittBorg July 19, 2012 at 11:48 pm

We're *both* terrible packrats, as is our other partner, and we've *all* lost our parents over the past decade. Having to pack and dispose of 60-90 years' worth of shit gets tiresome pretty damn fast. So I sat him down and gave him the talk, and then made him the deal: I'll throw away one item for every one item he tosses. He's a wily little rat, tho. I have to keep a sharp eye on him.

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 12:36 am

Well, isn't that tasty? Thank you, my dear.

actor212 July 20, 2012 at 8:40 am

Is that a knitting needle in your hand or are you just happy to see her?

HistoriCat July 20, 2012 at 9:36 am

Don't make me have to come over there!

Billmatic July 20, 2012 at 10:58 am

They all just popped up just now so now I look insane.

va_real July 20, 2012 at 11:56 am

The (kinda) funny thing is that my response above about the site admin approval immediately also got the site admin approval message & didn't show up for long time…

Wait- you're posting on Wonkette & worried about looking insane? : >)

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Mine too. Geez. We need to go over to ID and kick some butt.

Billmatic July 20, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Hah! Right? Especially me, the guy who makes jokes about lizard people and shadow planets.

va_real July 20, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Those were jokes? OMG! So there ARE no lizard people or shadow planets?

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Sometimes you people RLY worry me.

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 1:35 pm

I should hope so, young man. If you started licking the dogs, the Mrs. might have *plenty* to say about it.

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 1:45 pm

I see nothing, NOTHING!!!

MittBorg July 20, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Heyo! (waves)

The Flame Wars of Usenet were legendary, indeed.

DemmeFatale July 22, 2012 at 12:34 am

He worked with the guy who invented it.
I always thought "A Programming Language" was pretty funny.

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