At The Movies With Donald Trump: The Greatest, Classiest Review Of Dark Knight Rises

  two thumbs way up

NOW I AM YELLING ABOUT ANOTHER THING!Gelatinous swamp-thing Donald Trump has taken to his Youtube again, and the result is a veritable Cindy Adams column of nonsequiters from the new Batman movie (have you heard? There is a new Batman movie) to his nuanced take on Anthony Wiener’s “sexual perversions” (“he was never good before and he really turned out not to be good”) to OPEC to Obama’s college transcripts. Only in New York, kids! Only in New York! But the Daily Caller, it seems, does not care for Trump’s brand of narcissist thuggery (it’s not as sophisticated a narcissist thuggery as Tucker Carlson’s), and they make fun of him! Like this:

Trump explains that the masses have requested his thoughts on a variety of subjects, and he has decided to humor the people by bequeathing his film knowledge upon the plebeians.

Meow, Daily Caller, you catty bitch!

And like this:

Related video

“Many people have been asking me to review things, especially movies,” Trump says during his opening remarks. “So last night I went to the opening of ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ which is commonly known as ‘the Batman movie.’”

Thank you for that clarification, Mr. Trump, for without you we commoners would not have known that “The Dark Knight Rises” was the same as “the Batman movie.”

Anyway, here is a video of Trump yelling at the camera all derp derp derp. Because that is what your day was missing until now.

[DailyCaller, via Wonkette superoperative "chascates"]

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About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Hola wonkerados.

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124 comments

  1. neiltheblaze

    You know your credibility is in trouble when Tuckie Carlson's vanity rag makes sense mocking the shit out of you.

  2. actor212

    But the masses DID ask for his opinions! I saw it on his Twitter feed! There was @DTrump, @DonaldT, @WorldClassTrump, @WCDTrump, @FredTrumpsSon, @D-BagTrump…and some slut with a bikini avatar named @IvankaT

        1. widestanceromance

          Snausages no self-respecting dog would bother to piss on so other dogs would avoid them.

  3. bullies4romney

    Best Description of "The Donald" we think we've ever heard… "Gelatinous swamp-thing."

    1. Taj_Mahalo

      I still prefer "short-fingered vulgarian" but "gelatinous swamp-thing" is a worthy addition to the literature attempting to describe Donald Trump.

  4. widestanceromance

    GAH! That face is a giant suppurating ass wound tearing its way out of an aborted wig.

  5. LettucePrey

    Donald Trump hasn't seen a "Batman movie" in over 20 years. Or, in Trumpian terms, he hadn't seen one in over three wives.

    1. kittensdontlie

      Or expressed more properly as seven in donkey years, being such an ASS that he is.

  6. ChernobylSoup

    Are we sure it's wise to cover Trump and Daily Caller in one post? I fear creation of a vortex of stupid.

  7. SorosBot

    “Many people have been asking me to review things, especially movies,”

    Donald, the yes-men you surround yourself with are not actually "many people", and their agreeing with whatever idiotic idea you throw out there is not "asking you".

    1. flamingpdog

      Roger Ebert can pass the torch and relight it in Trump's crotch.

      EDIT: With votes.

    2. anniegetyerfun

      Why bother with thoughtful, carefully-worded reviews when you can just shout at the vide3o camera like it's your gardener?

  8. MissTaken

    “And most importantly, my building, Trump Tower, plays a role,”

    It's credited as "Gaudy Assed Piece of Shit We Blew Up"

  9. SoBeach

    “Many people have been asking me to review things, especially movies,”

    Yeah, all kinds of people are just clamoring to know what that annoying fraud thinks about the movies.

    I have met only one person in my life who gives the first shit about what Trump is thinking or doing. And that person also spent hundreds of dollars one time texting votes to American Idol.

    1. MissTaken

      They were going to have Bane wear that instead of the gorilla mask but realized it would be far too frightening.

  10. FakaktaSouth

    I wish there was another Donald Trump that could make fun of this Donald Trump, like in the same way he talks, something about how

    "Everybody in the whole world wants me to tell you how much they do not give a fuck about your stupid tea-tarded-birther opinions on the Batman Movie. Get out of here, you're an idiot and everybody says so."

    What kind of mental illness is this, the belief that truly there are legions of people dying to hear what you think, or that you are the most important and amazing person on earth? Whatever that is, this guy's got it.

    1. Self-Uploader

      Actually, most people on the internet, especially youtube users suffer from this disease, including most forum users, bloggers, twitters, etc.

      The difference is most of us aren't as repulsive and stupid as this guy.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        Hang on now, I AM biased, but I have actually seen Charlie act like he was in on the joke sometimes though, like he realizes he's a dumbfuck lucky-spermer born into money and good looks and haha fuck all y'all – Trump totally seems to buy his own myth. I can't abide people like that.

          1. SorosBot

            That's better than the good looks which he completely trashed with his fist, of his ex-wife and girlfriends. Pisses me off that people still ignore his serial abuse and just focus on the drugs and trashing his old boss.

          2. emmelemm

            Oh, sure. He's a terrible person that his "good looks" could never adequately camouflage. But his physical looks have mostly been destroyed with drugs. Have you seen photos of him without his fake teeth in?

  11. LastGasp

    The Donald is probably all in a twist because of the characters in the new Batman movie. The Dark Knight, who fights against the villain Bane.

    Is there a hidden meaning behind this movie? Does life imitate art, or to be more specific, does the upcoming Presidential election presage a tale of good vs. evil?

    1. 12X34X

      That wizened sage of the wingnuts, Rush Limbaugh, thinks the whole film is a Romney smack down from those Hollywood commies.

  12. elviouslyqueer

    I think I set the world's record for fucks not given during the 2:20 spent listening that that babbling rat's anus.

  13. MissTaken

    I will not buy my ticket to see ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ which is commonly known as ‘the Batman movie until I hear Sarah Palin's review.

    1. flamingpdog

      And I will only "hear" it if she writes it on her hand so I can turn the sound off.

  14. SorosBot

    If the next movie is casting villains, Trump would be perfect for both Tweedledum and Tweedledee.

      1. SorosBot

        But he's already appeared recently, played by Aaron Eckhart – and Tommy Lee Jones – and Billy Dee Williams – yeah another actor switch would hardly be noticed.

  15. anniegetyerfun

    The idea of Trump and Tucker engaging in a giant bitch fight is too delicious. Please, let's ensure that Trump knows how The Daily Caller feels about him.

  16. SayItWithWookies

    Thanks Donald — we're all better, more informed people for you being here on this earth. Now please review a dick in your mouth.

    1. flamingpdog

      Review his own campaign documentary??

      Oh, wait, my bad, I thought you said The Lyin' King.

  17. prommie

    On last night's Simpsons re-run, Monty Burns had supposedly died, and Kent Brockman was covering the funeral on TV. Brockman says "Community leaders, prominent citizens, and spiritual leaders are now approaching to spit in Montgomery Burns' open grave." The action shifts to the Simpsons dinner table conversation for a moment, but then Bart shouts "look, now they're dancing on his grave," and on the TV, a Bob Fosse caricature was berating a troupe of dancers to dance their hearts out on the grave.

    I thought to myself this was some kind of premonition, that I had been granted a glimpse of what will happen when Trump dies.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      I figure that will be some of the most pimped out gold plated TRUMP casket, TRUMP headstoney-ness ever. And as they lay him in to the ground it will complete the cycle that was his life of destroying, wasting and devaluing precious real estate. I would love to see it, I'm afraid he's too mean to die before me, but I would just love to know.

  18. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I hope the administrator is having a really good time reviewing my comment.

  19. mavenmaven

    Wow, I just watched it, its a string of unrelated sentences, its the feeling you get when a schizophrenic begins to "tell you things" in pressured speech, same facial expression. Medicate Trump Immediately!

  20. OkieDokieDog

    The "masses" wanting the opinion of The Donald are either on drugs (and not a good kind) or not on enough drugs.

    His opinions, views, thoughts, ramblings, etc., are about as relevant as those of Bristol Palin.

  21. WhatTheHeck

    And the best Critics’ Choice Award in the most idiotically verbose Category goes to Trump/

  22. Oblios_Cap

    Some people should just shuffle on off this mortal coil while the shuffling's good. Trump is one of them.

  23. Nostrildamus

    Of all those spreading the meme "the rich are different from us", Donald Dick does it best.

  24. BaldarTFlagass

    Maybe this will be a trend, and Trump can have his own movie blog, Ain't it Uncool News.

  25. rickmaci

    Every time I look at the header "Two Thumbs Way Up" I burst out laughing because that is exactly how he appears in the damn picture.

    1. Serfville

      Rebecca is sure damn funny, as is the rest here. I know I've been laughing at that two thumbs comment for a few minutes here.

  26. MissTaken

    The Donald The Critic is the real reason Rotten Tomatoes closed down their comments.

  27. YouBetcha

    It's a good thing he's rich, because homey could not get laid otherwise. Ever. By anyone.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      Let's see if I can gross everybody out.

      Just picture this: That creeping mass slobbering all over you for million dollar sexytime. 15 mintues of pain, a life time of shame.

      1. YouBetcha

        Million bucks? Fifteen minutes? I'd hit that. There's nothing a mouthful of Xanax and Veuve can't numb.

  28. sullivanst

    Trump explains that the masses have requested his thoughts on a variety of subjects, and he has decided to humor the people by bequeathing his film knowledge upon the plebeians.

    Fucker Carlson, on the other hand, would never even dream of stooping so low as to bequeath his knowledge upon mere plebeians. Fucker is aware they exist, but does not ever wish to encounter them.

    1. LetUsBray

      Plus Tuck the Fuck is surely aware that there isn't one single person, anywhere, who'd dream of requesting his thoughts about anything. Ever.

      1. ChessieNefercat

        Now that's the kind of mean comment that just makes him whimper and suck on his bowtie. Do another one, please.

  29. chascates

    Limbaugh sez today that 2012 will be between Bain Capital and Obama's Das Kapital. Apparently the wily Democrat Party and their sycophants in Hollyweird have planned this movie just so the evil villain 'Bane' will be confused with the virtuous Bain Capital charity. His big news is that the stimulus money all went to Obama's cronies: teachers, unions, Democrat governors, and to nonexistent companies such as Solyndra. The people at that company (as well as other solar and wind energy companies) took the stimulus money and then funneled it back to Obama. Pretty slick, huh? Of course the bad thing is the stimulus money had to come from actual American businesses because the federal government can't make money; it's a government! So the stimulus actually TOOK money out of circulation in order to give it to Obama's friends!!!!

    He also said that if Obama's 'you didn't create that business' comment was taken out of context (which it was) it simply proves that Obama is not the Great Communicator or the Smartest Guy in the Room! And Limbaugh somehow makes tens of millions of dollars a year from jabbering shit like that! THAT is the invisible hand of the fucking free market!

  30. Serfville

    Sooooo, when is Marcus Bachman's Sweeeeeeeet reviews of gay porn being showcased? Hey, I saw you peeps at your get together, you all sure are purtey, ever think of starring in your own Newsroomy kind of show on HBO? You all would ACTUALLY be funny, instead of trying to be serious & cool & NOT being funny, but only cringeworthy giggly.

  31. Serfville

    Why does Tha Dahnald always look like he's getting surgery without anesthesia? They do that in China you know. He's obsessed with China, please go get your plastic surgery in China.

  32. HarryButtle

    “Many people have been asking me to review things, especially movies,”

    Mr Trump, sir, could you please review the best-tasting rat poisons on the market? Thanks ever so much…

  33. fawkedifiknow

    I hear Mitt is in trouble lately. You know, this guy could still get the nomination, don't you?

    If I prayed, I'd be praying for it. It would be like Jebus hisself pissed all over the Republican Party.

  34. ttommyunger

    Yes, please. I just took a massive Trump, would you mind dropping by and reviewing it at your earliest convenience? Oh, and you can check my Donald while you're at it, I think my 'roids may be acting up, also, too, as well as.

  35. redarmyzombie

    And here I was, thinking how hard it must be to get one-upped by the Daily Caller…

Comments are closed.