TWO THUMBS WAY UP  2:40 pm July 18, 2012

At The Movies With Donald Trump: The Greatest, Classiest Review Of Dark Knight Rises

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

NOW I AM YELLING ABOUT ANOTHER THING!Gelatinous swamp-thing Donald Trump has taken to his Youtube again, and the result is a veritable Cindy Adams column of nonsequiters from the new Batman movie (have you heard? There is a new Batman movie) to his nuanced take on Anthony Wiener’s “sexual perversions” (“he was never good before and he really turned out not to be good”) to OPEC to Obama’s college transcripts. Only in New York, kids! Only in New York! But the Daily Caller, it seems, does not care for Trump’s brand of narcissist thuggery (it’s not as sophisticated a narcissist thuggery as Tucker Carlson’s), and they make fun of him! Like this:

Trump explains that the masses have requested his thoughts on a variety of subjects, and he has decided to humor the people by bequeathing his film knowledge upon the plebeians.

Meow, Daily Caller, you catty bitch!

And like this:

“Many people have been asking me to review things, especially movies,” Trump says during his opening remarks. “So last night I went to the opening of ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ which is commonly known as ‘the Batman movie.’”

Thank you for that clarification, Mr. Trump, for without you we commoners would not have known that “The Dark Knight Rises” was the same as “the Batman movie.”

Anyway, here is a video of Trump yelling at the camera all derp derp derp. Because that is what your day was missing until now.

[DailyCaller, via Wonkette superoperative "chascates"]

 
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{ 124 comments }

neiltheblaze July 18, 2012 at 2:43 pm

You know your credibility is in trouble when Tuckie Carlson's vanity rag makes sense mocking the shit out of you.

actor212 July 18, 2012 at 2:43 pm

But the masses DID ask for his opinions! I saw it on his Twitter feed! There was @DTrump, @DonaldT, @WorldClassTrump, @WCDTrump, @FredTrumpsSon, @D-BagTrump…and some slut with a bikini avatar named @IvankaT

bumfug July 18, 2012 at 2:44 pm

He gave it "Two Thumbs Up My Ass".

badseeds July 18, 2012 at 3:12 pm

short thumbs.

neiltheblaze July 18, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Short vulgarian thumbs.

widestanceromance July 18, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Snausages no self-respecting dog would bother to piss on so other dogs would avoid them.

Callyson July 18, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Which means Marcus Bachmann is dying to seee it, pronto…

bullies4romney July 18, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Best Description of "The Donald" we think we've ever heard… "Gelatinous swamp-thing."

Infrogmation July 18, 2012 at 4:43 pm

On behalf of South Louisiana, I must protest this libel against Swamp Thing!

Taj_Mahalo July 19, 2012 at 9:00 am

I still prefer "short-fingered vulgarian" but "gelatinous swamp-thing" is a worthy addition to the literature attempting to describe Donald Trump.

widestanceromance July 18, 2012 at 2:44 pm

GAH! That face is a giant suppurating ass wound tearing its way out of an aborted wig.

Jadetiger79 July 19, 2012 at 4:51 am

I would double upfist you if I could.

emmelemm July 18, 2012 at 2:44 pm

ME-OW is right!

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 18, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Bruce Wayne is a secret Muslim Kenyan Socialist!

Hammiepants July 18, 2012 at 2:45 pm

He confounds the question, "how stupid can you get?"

ChernobylSoup July 18, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Meat Loaf and Gary Busey do not many people make.

actor212 July 18, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Have you seen either one of them lately? They sure could.

sullivanst July 18, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Many personalities, though.

actor212 July 18, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Frankly, I'm shocked Tucker knew how to spell "plebeian"

DemmeFatale July 18, 2012 at 3:17 pm

It's his only "big boy" word, so he likes to use it whenever possible.

LettucePrey July 18, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Donald Trump hasn't seen a "Batman movie" in over 20 years. Or, in Trumpian terms, he hadn't seen one in over three wives.

kittensdontlie July 18, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Or expressed more properly as seven in donkey years, being such an ASS that he is.

Billmatic July 18, 2012 at 2:48 pm

I'm sick of Batman! Outlaw Batman! Who's with me?

RadioSlut July 18, 2012 at 2:49 pm

What a Joker.

Chill_Bill July 18, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Donald had already endorsed Bain, right?

Sue4466 July 18, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Hasn't he heard, the balcony is CLOSED.

elviouslyqueer July 18, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Oh Donald, STFU and piss off back to Arkham, you pathetic piece of shit.

ChernobylSoup July 18, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Are we sure it's wise to cover Trump and Daily Caller in one post? I fear creation of a vortex of stupid.

DemmeFatale July 18, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Really.
The Donald and The Tucker could (hopefully) cancel each other out.

LetUsBray July 18, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Just make sure no one mentions Sarah Palin.

SorosBot July 18, 2012 at 2:51 pm

“Many people have been asking me to review things, especially movies,”

Donald, the yes-men you surround yourself with are not actually "many people", and their agreeing with whatever idiotic idea you throw out there is not "asking you".

HistoriCat July 18, 2012 at 3:02 pm

This review is going to be yooge – Sorosbot you're fired!

BaldarTFlagass July 18, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Roger Ebert can pass the torch and retire now.

SorosBot July 18, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Donald Trump is a worse speaker than Roger Ebert today.

MissTaken July 18, 2012 at 3:03 pm

I'm going to hell for it, but upfist for you.

SorosBot July 18, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Aw, thanks for that.

flamingpdog July 18, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Roger Ebert can pass the torch and relight it in Trump's crotch.

EDIT: With votes.

anniegetyerfun July 18, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Why bother with thoughtful, carefully-worded reviews when you can just shout at the vide3o camera like it's your gardener?

MissTaken July 18, 2012 at 2:53 pm

“And most importantly, my building, Trump Tower, plays a role,”

It's credited as "Gaudy Assed Piece of Shit We Blew Up"

prommie July 18, 2012 at 3:47 pm

I liked the role it played in Borat.

SoBeach July 18, 2012 at 2:54 pm

“Many people have been asking me to review things, especially movies,”

Yeah, all kinds of people are just clamoring to know what that annoying fraud thinks about the movies.

I have met only one person in my life who gives the first shit about what Trump is thinking or doing. And that person also spent hundreds of dollars one time texting votes to American Idol.

johnnymeatworth July 18, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Wow, you met Donald Trump? Was it fun kicking him in the balls?

rickmaci July 18, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Trumpie = ughlyazz toupe with lips.

MissTaken July 18, 2012 at 2:56 pm

They were going to have Bane wear that instead of the gorilla mask but realized it would be far too frightening.

SorosBot July 18, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Plus that hair just looks too fake to believe.

rickmaci July 18, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Uh. Because it is?

IncenseDebate July 18, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Coincidentally The Daily Caller is what Trump calls his doodie.

FakaktaSouth July 18, 2012 at 2:55 pm

I wish there was another Donald Trump that could make fun of this Donald Trump, like in the same way he talks, something about how

"Everybody in the whole world wants me to tell you how much they do not give a fuck about your stupid tea-tarded-birther opinions on the Batman Movie. Get out of here, you're an idiot and everybody says so."

What kind of mental illness is this, the belief that truly there are legions of people dying to hear what you think, or that you are the most important and amazing person on earth? Whatever that is, this guy's got it.

Self-Uploader July 18, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Actually, most people on the internet, especially youtube users suffer from this disease, including most forum users, bloggers, twitters, etc.

The difference is most of us aren't as repulsive and stupid as this guy.

emmelemm July 18, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Nor do we have as much money.

prommie July 18, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Two words: Charlie Sheen. They are more alike than apparent at first glance.

FakaktaSouth July 18, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Hang on now, I AM biased, but I have actually seen Charlie act like he was in on the joke sometimes though, like he realizes he's a dumbfuck lucky-spermer born into money and good looks and haha fuck all y'all – Trump totally seems to buy his own myth. I can't abide people like that.

emmelemm July 18, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Good looks which he completely trashed, with drugs.

Kids, a lesson!!!

SorosBot July 18, 2012 at 3:24 pm

That's better than the good looks which he completely trashed with his fist, of his ex-wife and girlfriends. Pisses me off that people still ignore his serial abuse and just focus on the drugs and trashing his old boss.

DemmeFatale July 18, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Yeah, Charlie was beautiful back in the day.
So was Mickey Rourke, and now they're both painful to look at.
A lesson, indeed.

sullivanst July 18, 2012 at 3:33 pm

He sure ticks a lot of the DSM IV's boxes for narcissistic personality disorder. (All of them, Katie)

MLHencken July 18, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Donald Trump is commonly known as "that asshole with the obnoxious voice and ridiculously constructed combover."

Self-Uploader July 18, 2012 at 2:57 pm

1:45: "People used to respect us. They don't respect us anymore. They laugh at us."

How true.

LastGasp July 18, 2012 at 2:58 pm

The Donald is probably all in a twist because of the characters in the new Batman movie. The Dark Knight, who fights against the villain Bane.

Is there a hidden meaning behind this movie? Does life imitate art, or to be more specific, does the upcoming Presidential election presage a tale of good vs. evil?

valthemus July 18, 2012 at 11:11 pm

I've only just learned that the Bane/Bain thing was an actual thing causing paroxysms of outrage on the right. Hilarious.

12X34X July 20, 2012 at 10:02 am

That wizened sage of the wingnuts, Rush Limbaugh, thinks the whole film is a Romney smack down from those Hollywood commies.

Comrade Wingtardd July 18, 2012 at 2:58 pm

I would like to see a double panel video of Armond White and Donald reviewing films. Although Armond's review of Dark Knight was the only one I agreed with.

Extemporanus July 18, 2012 at 3:00 pm
elviouslyqueer July 18, 2012 at 3:00 pm

I think I set the world's record for fucks not given during the 2:20 spent listening that that babbling rat's anus.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 18, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Is it possible that Mitt Romney can buy both Trump and The Daily Caller and bankrupt them and outsource them to India?

flamingpdog July 18, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Why do you hate America India?

MissTaken July 18, 2012 at 3:01 pm

I will not buy my ticket to see ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ which is commonly known as ‘the Batman movie until I hear Sarah Palin's review.

flamingpdog July 18, 2012 at 3:13 pm

And I will only "hear" it if she writes it on her hand so I can turn the sound off.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 18, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Which Batman movies has see seen?

All of them, Katie.

Fraudulently_Joe July 18, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Even Batman and Robin? Well, I guess that explains the brain damage.

SorosBot July 18, 2012 at 3:02 pm

If the next movie is casting villains, Trump would be perfect for both Tweedledum and Tweedledee.

flamingpdog July 18, 2012 at 3:16 pm

And Romney for Two-Face.

SorosBot July 18, 2012 at 3:27 pm

But he's already appeared recently, played by Aaron Eckhart – and Tommy Lee Jones – and Billy Dee Williams – yeah another actor switch would hardly be noticed.

slowhansolo July 18, 2012 at 3:42 pm

He's a dead ringer for the Mad Hatter, except without the heart and brains.

anniegetyerfun July 18, 2012 at 3:02 pm

The idea of Trump and Tucker engaging in a giant bitch fight is too delicious. Please, let's ensure that Trump knows how The Daily Caller feels about him.

SayItWithWookies July 18, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Thanks Donald — we're all better, more informed people for you being here on this earth. Now please review a dick in your mouth.

emmelemm July 18, 2012 at 3:20 pm

"A little salty."

gullywompr July 18, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Still waiting for his review of The Lion King.

flamingpdog July 18, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Review his own campaign documentary??

Oh, wait, my bad, I thought you said The Lyin' King.

ManchuCandidate July 18, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Old Man Yells at <Noun>

actor212 July 18, 2012 at 3:27 pm

St. Don Gumby

prommie July 18, 2012 at 3:05 pm

On last night's Simpsons re-run, Monty Burns had supposedly died, and Kent Brockman was covering the funeral on TV. Brockman says "Community leaders, prominent citizens, and spiritual leaders are now approaching to spit in Montgomery Burns' open grave." The action shifts to the Simpsons dinner table conversation for a moment, but then Bart shouts "look, now they're dancing on his grave," and on the TV, a Bob Fosse caricature was berating a troupe of dancers to dance their hearts out on the grave.

I thought to myself this was some kind of premonition, that I had been granted a glimpse of what will happen when Trump dies.

FakaktaSouth July 18, 2012 at 3:14 pm

I figure that will be some of the most pimped out gold plated TRUMP casket, TRUMP headstoney-ness ever. And as they lay him in to the ground it will complete the cycle that was his life of destroying, wasting and devaluing precious real estate. I would love to see it, I'm afraid he's too mean to die before me, but I would just love to know.

prommie July 18, 2012 at 3:17 pm

NOW wouldn't be too soon!

smashedinhat July 18, 2012 at 3:05 pm

"Gelatinous swamp-thing Donald Trump"
WIN!
I mean.
High. Fucking. Five!

Blueb4sunrise July 18, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Nope. Not gonna.
Maybe take a barefoot walk on the 150 deg. asphalt instead.

An_Outhouse July 18, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Actually, my day is still missing this.

Estproph July 18, 2012 at 3:07 pm

He's just angling for the part of The Penguin in the next movie.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 18, 2012 at 3:07 pm

I hope the administrator is having a really good time reviewing my comment.

mavenmaven July 18, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Wow, I just watched it, its a string of unrelated sentences, its the feeling you get when a schizophrenic begins to "tell you things" in pressured speech, same facial expression. Medicate Trump Immediately!

OkieDokieDog July 18, 2012 at 3:09 pm

The "masses" wanting the opinion of The Donald are either on drugs (and not a good kind) or not on enough drugs.

His opinions, views, thoughts, ramblings, etc., are about as relevant as those of Bristol Palin.

Jus_Wonderin July 18, 2012 at 3:12 pm

It's a tribble!

WhatTheHeck July 18, 2012 at 3:13 pm

And the best Critics’ Choice Award in the most idiotically verbose Category goes to Trump/

Dildeaux July 18, 2012 at 3:13 pm

I blame Obama.

Oblios_Cap July 18, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Some people should just shuffle on off this mortal coil while the shuffling's good. Trump is one of them.

Generation[redacted] July 18, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Wow, Tony Clifton has really let himself go.

Nostrildamus July 18, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Of all those spreading the meme "the rich are different from us", Donald Dick does it best.

BaldarTFlagass July 18, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Maybe this will be a trend, and Trump can have his own movie blog, Ain't it Uncool News.

occams8ball July 18, 2012 at 3:18 pm

White Lout Rises

rickmaci July 18, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Every time I look at the header "Two Thumbs Way Up" I burst out laughing because that is exactly how he appears in the damn picture.

Serfville July 18, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Rebecca is sure damn funny, as is the rest here. I know I've been laughing at that two thumbs comment for a few minutes here.

MissTaken July 18, 2012 at 3:19 pm

The Donald The Critic is the real reason Rotten Tomatoes closed down their comments.

YouBetcha July 18, 2012 at 3:20 pm

It's a good thing he's rich, because homey could not get laid otherwise. Ever. By anyone.

Jus_Wonderin July 18, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Let's see if I can gross everybody out.

Just picture this: That creeping mass slobbering all over you for million dollar sexytime. 15 mintues of pain, a life time of shame.

YouBetcha July 18, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Million bucks? Fifteen minutes? I'd hit that. There's nothing a mouthful of Xanax and Veuve can't numb.

emmelemm July 18, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Have you heard about the Sarah Silverman campaign?

Jus_Wonderin July 18, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Yes. I saw that. She's funny.

YouBetcha July 18, 2012 at 3:22 pm

The folks posting comments on Daily Caller are fucking stupid.

OneYieldRegular July 18, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Thanks but no thanks. I'm holding out for his review of "Salò."

sullivanst July 18, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Trump explains that the masses have requested his thoughts on a variety of subjects, and he has decided to humor the people by bequeathing his film knowledge upon the plebeians.

Fucker Carlson, on the other hand, would never even dream of stooping so low as to bequeath his knowledge upon mere plebeians. Fucker is aware they exist, but does not ever wish to encounter them.

LetUsBray July 18, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Plus Tuck the Fuck is surely aware that there isn't one single person, anywhere, who'd dream of requesting his thoughts about anything. Ever.

ChessieNefercat July 18, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Now that's the kind of mean comment that just makes him whimper and suck on his bowtie. Do another one, please.

chascates July 18, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Limbaugh sez today that 2012 will be between Bain Capital and Obama's Das Kapital. Apparently the wily Democrat Party and their sycophants in Hollyweird have planned this movie just so the evil villain 'Bane' will be confused with the virtuous Bain Capital charity. His big news is that the stimulus money all went to Obama's cronies: teachers, unions, Democrat governors, and to nonexistent companies such as Solyndra. The people at that company (as well as other solar and wind energy companies) took the stimulus money and then funneled it back to Obama. Pretty slick, huh? Of course the bad thing is the stimulus money had to come from actual American businesses because the federal government can't make money; it's a government! So the stimulus actually TOOK money out of circulation in order to give it to Obama's friends!!!!

He also said that if Obama's 'you didn't create that business' comment was taken out of context (which it was) it simply proves that Obama is not the Great Communicator or the Smartest Guy in the Room! And Limbaugh somehow makes tens of millions of dollars a year from jabbering shit like that! THAT is the invisible hand of the fucking free market!

Serfville July 18, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Sooooo, when is Marcus Bachman's Sweeeeeeeet reviews of gay porn being showcased? Hey, I saw you peeps at your get together, you all sure are purtey, ever think of starring in your own Newsroomy kind of show on HBO? You all would ACTUALLY be funny, instead of trying to be serious & cool & NOT being funny, but only cringeworthy giggly.

Serfville July 18, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Why does Tha Dahnald always look like he's getting surgery without anesthesia? They do that in China you know. He's obsessed with China, please go get your plastic surgery in China.

HarryButtle July 18, 2012 at 4:59 pm

“Many people have been asking me to review things, especially movies,”

Mr Trump, sir, could you please review the best-tasting rat poisons on the market? Thanks ever so much…

fawkedifiknow July 18, 2012 at 5:45 pm

I hear Mitt is in trouble lately. You know, this guy could still get the nomination, don't you?

If I prayed, I'd be praying for it. It would be like Jebus hisself pissed all over the Republican Party.

valthemus July 18, 2012 at 6:50 pm

Very soon Donald's ego will become massive enough that it will collapse into a black hole and we'll be rid of him for good.

ColonelDoctor July 18, 2012 at 7:09 pm

But what does the Muslim Brotherhood think?

ttommyunger July 18, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Yes, please. I just took a massive Trump, would you mind dropping by and reviewing it at your earliest convenience? Oh, and you can check my Donald while you're at it, I think my 'roids may be acting up, also, too, as well as.

redarmyzombie July 19, 2012 at 3:45 am

And here I was, thinking how hard it must be to get one-upped by the Daily Caller…

12X34X July 20, 2012 at 9:59 am

Now t hat's what I call a ringing endorsement. Anthony Weiner, you have my vote!!!!!!

emmelemm July 18, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Oh, sure. He's a terrible person that his "good looks" could never adequately camouflage. But his physical looks have mostly been destroyed with drugs. Have you seen photos of him without his fake teeth in?

prommie July 18, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Did Mickey get stuck in that Charles Bukowsky part?

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