bring on the dancing horses

Democrats Alienate Pony-Loving 12-Year-Old Voters With New Horsey Ad

How impressive is the Olympic sport of “dressage”? Well, maybe more impressive than the synchronized ribbon-twirling in rhythmic gymnastics. But that is probably it! So here is some “dressage” for you, and some “Mitt Romney” for you, and a wee reminder that the Romneys wrote $77,000 in horsecare off their taxes. (AT LEAST THE TAXES THAT WE ARE ALLOWED TO KNOW ABOUT.) Do stick through the video at least through the Rick Santorum cameo. Oh man we miss that guy.

Now, to wash all that silliness out of your eyeballs, please have some high school!

You are welcome, America.

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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  1. freakishlywrong

    One wonders how much the horseshit that comes out of their mouths is worth in tax deductions.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      This is an odd coincidence, I think. I was just, prior to reading this, looking for my Elmer's Glue.

    1. glamourdammerung

      I thought all those guys were either paultards and/or have had their voting rights removed.

  2. SayItWithWookies

    Why does Mitt torture horses by making them do prissy prancy nonsense? Also, the blind trust he talks about — that's the one managed by his wife, right? I'm sure she never lets him discuss it, either.

  3. SorosBot

    At least in the "sports" of rhythmic gymnastics and ice dancing, the medal actually goes to the living creatures that do the actual work.

      1. ChuckieJesus

        Via teh Googz: US$ 7.25 per Hour (January 1, 2012)
        Utah, Minimum wage

        $7.25 an hour = $290 a week before taxes
        times an impossible 52 week run (because there's a lot of holidays, etc.)

        $15,080 before taxes if you're overly optimistic about how many hours you can get in a year.

        Also, too via this handy dandy calculator

        In 2010, Mitt Romney made $15080 in 6 hours 5 minutes and 54 seconds.

        It would take you 1436 years 5 months 4 days 8 hours 56 minutes and 58 seconds to make what Mitt made in 2010.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      It warms my heart that Mitt's (apparently tax deductible?) horse expenses are considerably higher than my household's annual gross income, with two full-time earners.

      Those better be some happy fucking horses. Even if they are forced to do silly horse-dancing tricks.

  4. Hera Sent Me

    "Romney writes off more on his taxes caring for his dancing horse than most American households make."

    Try to dance your way around that one, Mitt.

  5. Texan_Bulldog

    Ha ha…nothing like making Mittens look shifty, evasive and like a glorified dandy all in one ad.

          1. Lascauxcaveman

            Mitt would like to take this discussion on a different tack.

            (This would work too if the subject were his expensive sailboat.)

      1. Jus_Wonderin

        Well, we all do have lunch together everyday. I deduct that as a business expense.

  6. Oblios_Cap

    $77,000 sure buys a lot of oats! It's better to give to the dressage horse than to use it to feed hungry people.

    1. Generation[redacted]

      Only dirty hippies eat oats. Real murkins eat the all grease denny's breakfast special!

  7. freakishlywrong

    Maybe if we all collectively wish for a time machine, we'll magically get one and we can share it, and spare ourselves all this horseshit. Any one else just fucking over it already?

    1. mayor_quimby

      I can't wait to just get to the election and get it over with. I live in a solidly red state, so my vote won't make a difference. Just gonna vote and give some of my whore dollars to the campaign.

  8. JustPixelz

    A lot of the video only showed the back of the horse. And they kept cutting away to that arena.

  9. Hammiepants

    According to the My Little Pony name generator, Mitt's My Little Pony Name is Twisted Rose. I have no idea what that means, but I'm throwing it out there.

  10. SexySmurf

    Fun fact about horsies: When a female horse becomes pregnant she has sex with every male in the herd; if she doesn't, she self-aborts the fetus. This is because male horses are extremely territorial and will stomp any pony that they think isn't theirs to death.

    Hey, that fact wasn't fun at all!

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      I remember that time my ex broke a nail. Yeah, well, it was almost as much "fun".

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      If Hopey's video producers keep up this pace, Mitt will eventually get to the point of not worrying so much about losing the election, but rather ending up on the wrong end of pitchforks & torches deal.

      Nice to see the good guys playing a little hardball, for once.

  11. mavenmaven

    Funny how human Santorum looks compared to Romney. Smart move to keep him in the ad. And that laugh of Romney's, omg

    1. sullivanst

      Santorum always reminds me of Will Arnett, so yeah, I guess that alien he plays in the Hulu commercials still looks human compared to Rmoney.

  12. PuckStopsHere

    You can say what you want to, but I, for one, am not prepared to see my country's ass kicked in horse dancing!

  13. Serolf_Divad

    Remember when the GOP ridiculed Mike Dukakis for riding around in a tank?

    Payback's a bitch, GOP bitches!

    1. SorosBot

      And yet, when Bush tried an even sillier similar stunt with a plane the media claimed he was all tough and manly.

  14. SoBeach

    I hope someone gets Mitt in a quiet room and points out that his $77,000 write-off for his horsies is more than the average family makes in an entire year. Because saying it in public would be gauche and class warfare-y.

    1. Preferred Customer

      Bah. It's less than a quarter of what he made on speaking fees, and he's already explained that that wasn't very much.

    1. Vecchiojohn

      I've been waiting for a chance to make that joke and you beat me to it. Damn you, Zoom! You haven't heard the last of this. (Exit, jowls shaking in fury.)

  15. Wilcoxyz

    Santorum thought Romney was going to marry the horse. That makes Rafalco a dependent, so no problems with the tax deduction.

  16. Mittens Howell, III

    Romney's so mad at this he's just walking around spitting silver spoons at his campaign staff.

  17. ChernobylSoup

    Romney camp responds with footage of Obama sinking a 3-pointer; doesn't understand why it's not effective.

  18. sezme

    I saw Echo and Bunnymen live in about 1985. Ian McCullough played with himself onstage. My girlfriend enjoyed the concert. I wondered why he couldn't at least wait until he was back in his hotel room.

  19. UnholyMoses

    Ya know … I don't even have a car with AC during the worst heatwave of my lifetime, need about $1K to get the teeth of my autistic/Tourette's having son fixed, and would love to finally pay off medical bills from three years ago that total a whopping $400. Oh, and our house needs a new roof, a water heater, and $30K in work to keep the creek from running through the center of aforementioned house (well … if it ever rains again).

    And yet I consider myself lucky 'cause I have a job and a bit of health insurance.

    Meanwhile, this out-of-touch fuckfaced asshole deducts nearly six figures for a horse.

    Not spends that much.

    Deducts that much.

    Median household income in America as of 2011: $51,914.

    So, yeah, I'm certain that deducting 50% more than that for a goddamn horse is something to which most Americans can relate, and is making millions think to themselves, "That's the guy who understands my situation and will make it better."

    Eat the rich, indeed …

    1. ChernobylSoup

      May the creek that washes through your house flow with wine, jewels, and the skulls of Republicans.

      1. UnholyMoses

        At this point, I'll take just enough to get the kid's teeth and the creek fixed. Oh, and a downpayment on a used car with AC.

        I can earn the rest.

        Though the skulls would look nice on my mantle …

          1. UnholyMoses


            No. No we don't.

            But I am considering having the builder retroactively install one.

          2. Jus_Wonderin

            I do feel your pain though. Hang in there.

            And, have a retroactive mantle is better than a radioactive one, at least.

        1. sullivanst

          Though the skulls would look nice on my mantle …

          Also, easily accessible for fucking.

          1. UnholyMoses

            I damn near had mac and cheese come out my nose …

            which is odd, since I haven't had any for two days.

    2. jodyleek

      I hear ya, Moses. Right down to the autistic son (have one of those myself). Hugs to you 'cause I certainly feel and live your pain.

      I hear the rich go well with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.

    3. freakishlywrong

      Haven't you heard? Conservatives don't have autistic children or houses that could possibly flood, you librul. (I feel your pain).

    4. BerkeleyBear

      Yeah, dental work on kids with developmental disabilities is a bear (my son not only is autistic but he got his mom's teeth, which are terrible – prone to cavities, some adult teeth not growing in, etc.) For those who don't see a connection, one big issue is that they generally can't sit still and have to go under general sedation, which blows the cost up. We found one guy who did great work in Indiana, but it still cost us a shit load of money (3 grand or so, and that was 7 years ago). Just grateful that we haven't had a repeat of that problem of late.

      1. UnholyMoses


        Thanks for sharing that — many might not know why it's so hard to get dental work done for autistic kids. And the Tourette's (ticks and clicks, not verbal) adds a WHOLE other dimension to it.

        Still trying to find someone who can do it in office, rather than at a hospital, which just adds to the costs.

        Not sure we're gonna find one within 100 miles (and Indiana is quite the haul from KC!).

        1. Doktor Zoom

          UM, I know you weren't actually asking for help, there, because really, situations like yours are exactly the reason we need national healthcare, goddammit. BUT, if you were considering an actual fundraising appeal, indiegogo is a pretty good platform to use, and I would be willing to bet there are plenty of Wonkers who would be delighted to chip in. Apologies if even mentioning this seems insulting; the hell of it is that in The Most Prosperous Country On Earth, people shouldn't have to be fucking begging for this, or trading tips on effective online begging tools.

          1. UnholyMoses

            First, not in any way insulted. (Take a bit more than that!)

            Second, thank you! Not sure if we'll use it — not due to pride (I have very little) but because so many others are struggling, too. I'd just hate for any friends/family to feel obligated or guilty for not donating.

            But I will most certainly bookmark that site. Just in case.


        2. fuflans

          my brother is developmentally disabled (and diabetic and has ADD and a mild form of tourettes). he had to have quite a bit of dental surgery last year (?). i believe my dad was able to (eventually) get Medicare to pay for it. it was a fight, but he was successful in the end (i think peter wracked up 60k or something). got them to reclassify as actual surgery or something.

          they have also had success (for peter's other – much more significant and costly – heart surgeries) getting the hospital to donate the costs. i think they all have to provide such care (though i imagine others here are more qualified to weigh in).

          don't know if any of this helps, but thinking of you and wish the wonkettes could do more.

      2. jodyleek

        I hear ya, BBear. My son won't sit still for a haircut, let alone dentistry.
        Now, if we could just list our sons as polo ponies on our tax returns, we could write off their dental work, as I'm sure Mitt does with his horse.

        1. ChessieNefercat

          "Now, if we could just list our sons as polo ponies on our tax returns, we could write off their dental work, as I'm sure Mitt does with his horse."

          Send this to whoever is making the snappy campaign ads for the Prez. I would like to see it on billboards everywhere, also too, on all the intertubes ads.

    1. kittensdontlie

      And they love the fresh air blowing through their mane. Those driving behind getting horsey doo doo on their windshield….not too happy.

      1. mayor_quimby

        I don't live in Washington, but i DO read The Stranger. That was some sick shit, in the video, which I absolutely didn't watch. Or show to friends so they shared my horror. I surely did not do any of those things.

          1. SorosBot

            I'm not clicking, but there was an incident in Washington state (which is what I gather they're talking about, not Washington proper) I recall which I'm guessing they're referring to.

      2. Fairtackle

        "Wow, that's pretty arcane …"

        Not in some circles (big Romney donors (some say)).

        1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

          I just read something on the internets about Romney and horse fucking. Now what was it? …

  20. Eve8Apples

    $77,000 a year for horse care?
    Annual tuition at Harvard Law School is $47,000.
    He could have sent the horse to Harvard Law School for less than he spent on horse care.
    Yet, he argues he is the better candidate to control federal spending.

      1. sullivanst

        Presumably, though, the $77,000 was spread around all Ann's secretly-many dressage horses.

  21. Fox n Fiends

    Anchor Baby Mitt Romney spends more on Dressage Ponies than Real Americans do on..everything. I don't think this assclown could be easier to defeat.

  22. JohnnyQuick

    Wow, that's what Dressage looks like? It… It can't!

    It must take all the self-restraint Romney has to not get his handlers to throw that horse down and shave its mane.

  23. 12X34X

    A horse is a massive, magnificent creature. What the hell was that weird, pink little dance they were forcing it to do? This is dressage? This alone is a reason to not vote for Romney. Gah! I'll say about this what I say about bull fighting – do it without the animals.

    Prance onward, Romneys!

  24. owhatever

    What line on the tax form is that? I could have had a vet cut off my dog's balls and deducted it off on my taxes? Instead I did it myself with a serrated Kinsu kitchen knife.

    I want to hear Mitt explain it. "Democrat Party opposition research twisted the fact that I deducted $77,000 for horse care. I was not at Bain Capital at the time, and my horses were in a blind trust safe deposit box in Switzerland — one was in the Caymans — well before we installed the four-car elevator at our home in Del Mar."

    Or, "I'll just let Rush and Sean and Fox carry the water for me on this one."

  25. OneYieldRegular

    If the Obama campaign doesn't stop putting out ads like this, I may have to stop sending them money after each one.

  26. Jerri

    But windsurfing was too effeminate.

    Also: If I'm grateful for anything this election cycle, it's learning the phrase "horse dancing" exists and refers to a real and hilarious thing.

  27. DemonicRage

    Sometimes the Wonkette editors should show a little restraint. That high school video added little/ nothing to this otherwise magnificent posting.

  28. ttommyunger

    Living in Georgia, I can tell you 99% of the people I deal with hate Barry. My pleasure comes from asking me what they like best about Mittens. The puzzled look on their faces is almost as enjoyable as the deafening silence.

  29. Arishii

    Would like to have seen the transitions into and out of the passage and pirouette. Overall impression 7.5

Comments are closed.