those wacky gentiles

Kansas Fetus Memorial To Be Classy, Jew-y

I think this is where my junior prom was heldYour Comics Curmudgeon is of Hebrew extraction, in part, and considers himself lucky to live in the time and place where he does! For instance: for most of history, if you were a Jew who encountered a really religious Christian, or a Christian really focused on Jewry, probably you were going to get forcibly converted, or ordered to live in an actual ghetto, or maybe just lynched for poisoning all the wells with bubonic plague. But in early 21st century America, more often than not, your Jew-focused gentile is more likely to talk about how neat the Chosen People are, what with their covenant with the Lord and such. Sure it’s secretly about Jesus’s long-term plan for the apocalypse, but still: beats having your village burned down by Cossacks, right? So, yes, anti-abortion nuts in Wichita are trying to build a copy of the Western Wall at some hilariously awful Kansas memorial to unborn victims of the Abortio-caust, and professionally irritated people like ADL head Abe Foxman deem this offensive, but we think it’s super hilarious.

Probably all humans should be offended by the “International Pro-Life Memorial and National Life Center” being planned in Wichita, because it is monstrously tacky, featuring what appears to be the atrium of a mid-90s suburban Radisson glommed onto a brick wall that it is intended to be an “exact replica” of the Western Wall, aka the Wailing Wall, aka the retaining wall to the Temple Mount in Jerusalem, where Jews go to pray and stick notes between the stones and such. It seems churlish to point out that the actual Western Wall does not, for instance, have a stair-stepped top, like the one in the picture above. Nor does it face a broad lawn dotted by crosses, each representing a million dead fetuses. But, you know, to each their own.

It’s also worth mentioning that the sad memorialization aspects of the Western Wall tend to be about the destruction of the Temple, rather than the Holocaust-y vibe that the International Pro-Life Memorial and National Life Center is going for. The actual Holocaust memorial in Israel, Yad Vashem, was designed by a serious modernist architect, whose aesthetic would obviously clash with the mall-class kitsch that the International Pro-Life Memorial and National Life Center feels best embodies our national grief over the dead babies.

Anyway, the Forward feels it needs to condemn this, for form’s sake, but we say: go on with your ridiculous selves, International Pro-Life Memorial and National Life Center! And the local Jewry seem to agree; when the Forward tracked down a Wichita rabbi for an outraged quote, all Michael Davis of Congregation Emanu-El could muster was this: “People are talking about it in a very dismissive, funny way.” That’s right! Because Jews invented being dismissive and funny about things that annoy us. We control it, through our Sarcasm Cabal. (Also, most people seem to think that the International Pro-Life Memorial and National Life Center will never raise enough money to be built, probably because Jews also control world finance.) [Forward; thanks to iburl on Wonkville for the tip!]

About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger
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    1. Terry

      It would be worth it to pay for a bill board nearby saying "Coming soon! The Kansas National Abortionplex! For more information, call…" and put the phone number of the district office of one of Kansas' GOP Congressional delegation.

        1. RadioSlut

          Glad to see you back. Great to be be back. They couldn't take my nicotine, guns or Wonkette.

          1. Barb

            I have to go and do some insane hostess duties for my out-of-town guests. I will be back later. Thanks for the smile.

  1. SorosBot

    And yet I'm sure the memorial will ignore the only actual victims of abortion, the heroic clinic doctors and staff who have been murdered by "pro-life" terrorists; who are not actually victims of abortion but of their fascist movement that wants to outlaw it.

    1. Rosie_Scenario

      And the women who have died from illegal abortions. But the post-born don't count do they?

    2. glamourdammerung

      I have met more than a few Christians that have tried to insist that "Thou shalt not kill" somehow means something other than do not kill people.

  2. Chow Yun Flat

    “[The Western Wall] is a place that memorializes what happened during the Holocaust,” said Pastor Mark Holick, the spokesman for the anti-abortion project.

    Pastor Mark Holick should lick a ho.

      1. guangho

        The fundy grasp of Jewry is kinda loose. There are these fellows named Lahayne and Jenkins who write apocalpsy books where the yids go to jerusalem to wait for j.c. to make a comeback (contract negotiations are pending but he'll probably choose the Lakers) and my god those yids are stereotyped to the max.

    1. SayItWithWookies

      Wow. In much the same way that Stonehenge memorializes the Battle of Britain.

    2. pdiddycornchips

      The jews are so awesome for getting King Harod to build a memorial to a historical event that would happen two thousand years later.

  3. sezme

    They can build a fake wall if they want to. Just as long as I can stil buy fetus keychains in the gift shop.

  4. Beowoof

    Well glad to see they have nothing better to do, than piss off Jews. I do find their attempts at promoting their particular mythology getting more and more desperate as more and more people think these people are full of shit. And I say that a German-Irish Jew.

    1. Dashboard Buddha

      This is Timmy – possible future Pulitzer prize winner

      This is Suzie – 100 Ethiopian children might have been saved had she grown up and become a doctor.

      This is Alberto – Possible future president of El Salvador (we deported his parents).

      1. SorosBot

        This is Ted – Possible future serial killer of at least 30 women.

        This is Adolph – Possible future dictator responsible for genocide of 12 million undesirables and 60 million deaths in a war he started.

          1. Dashboard Buddha

            Agreed. Heck, thanks to Bain capital, heaven was able to outsource that whole "Let god sort them out" thing.

    2. pdiddycornchips

      No, but on the way out, every woman gets an aspirin embossed with a full color photo of a partial birth abortion to keep between her knees.

  5. notanncoulter

    I call dibs on the Starbucks[es] encompassed within.

    Umm… anyone have any idea what sort of items might be displayed in this facility?

    And further… have not the Mormons retro-converted all the dead, making this, in addition to REALLY tacky, pointless?

    1. Generation[redacted]

      You can have the Starbucks franchise, I'll take Whitecastle. I'm sure the patrons won't mind a little "pink slime" in their burgers.

    1. lunchbox360

      The General from Exodus? (not that Exodus, the movie) "He's a bit of a Jew himself you know." It came right out of Paul Newman's (also a half Jew) mouth hole.

  6. Texan_Bulldog

    When they hang pictures of aborted fetuses, I gotta think that's gonna hurt business at the Taco Bell and Village Pizza at the International Pro-Life Memorial and National Life Center Food Court.

  7. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I say we build a wall around Kansas to protect us from the stupid. It will be easy, straight lines.

  8. Goonemeritus

    Thank God our Abortionaplex was designed by Frank Gehry. We may be going to Hell but at least we have taste

  9. bureaucrap

    "Western Wall" ™ is the trademarked intellectual property of International Judiasm, Inc., and may not be used without all living Jews' unanimous consent. Also, you must donate enough money to the UJA to plant ten trees in the REAL Israel.

  10. Chichikovovich

    Nor does it face a broad lawn dotted by crosses, each representing a million dead fetuses.

    Each cross represents a Million ex-fetii? A million? I would have thought that each precious God-created unique blessed snowflake baby would deserve its own cross, out of love. Evidently the International Pro-life Memorial and National Life Center doesn't love the unborn all that much.

    1. Generation[redacted]

      So if they built an actual holocaust museum it would have, like, six crosses?

      1. Chichikovovich

        If the Catholic Church built it, yes.

        And then the people who got upset would be taking away their precious freedom to worship.

    2. SorosBot

      Well a blastocyst is about 0.1 millimeters long, so a million would take up about 1000 square millimeters, or one square meter. Sounds about right, size-wise!

      1. Generation[redacted]

        With recent advances in micro-lithography, this shouldn't be a problem to build.

      2. Guppy

        (0.1 mm)² = 0.01 mm²
        0.01 mm² * 10^6 = 10^4 mm²

        1 m² = (10^3 mm)² = 10^6 mm²


        1. SorosBot

          Looking back, I actually fucked up the English, but think I got the math right – it's cubic, not square, millimeters.

    1. BornInATrailer

      Plaque sounds a little classy. Probably a big red and yellow McDonald's style "Y" with a rolling "XXX billions aborted" counter.

  11. Callyson

    I don't even want to know what that red stain on the coathangers in the coat check room is…

  12. BaldarTFlagass

    You Jewish people should be a little more careful about who you let see you when you're drinking the blood of those Christian babbies.

  13. edgydrifter

    There is no finer way to lament life's suffering than in an air-conditioned atrium with a Slurpee in hand, hymn-ish Muzak on the overhead speakers, and an expansive gift shop conveniently located a few waddles away.

  14. owhatever

    The most popular section is the little theater that shows the film of how life begins. A buxom lass and a hung dude are screwing in a sleeping bag in Alaska. "Bristol!" he shouts at the moment of maximum pleasure. "Bristol! I'm Sarah, you jerk," shouts a familiar voice. Bristol then walks into the scene, carrying one of the many Palin babies, to give her abstinence only speech.

  15. Generation[redacted]

    I heard they will include an exhibit showing the attic where fetuses hid to avoid being aborted.

  16. Crank_Tango

    I got some of that Hebrew Extraction at the cannabis club and that shit fucked me up. I was shvitzing like crazy and just dying for a good gnosh.

  17. BaldarTFlagass

    "a broad lawn dotted by crosses, each representing a million dead fetuses."
    I bet the excitement amongst the memorial staff will be palpable, and rise and rise as they get closer and closer to being able to go out and erect another new cross.

  18. EatsBabyDingos

    As an ongoing protest site, it will have a Joe's Abortion and Plumbing Service exhibit. "Hello, Joe's Abortions. You screw 'em, we do 'em. No fetus can beat us!"

    It'll be next to Joe's Garage. [humming]
    We didn't have no dope or LSD but a coupla quarts of beer
    would make it so the intonation would not offend your ear.

    Unlike this.

  19. freakishlywrong

    Will the International Pro-Life Memorial and National Life Center actually acknowledge a full grown gestating female person?

  20. Dashboard Buddha

    OT – can someone tell me where to find a shopped Bane mask? I'm too lazy to trim it for my own uses.

  21. Dashboard Buddha

    Awesome…a fetus museum. Will Bush (Santorum? – I can't keep up with the crazy) donate the Fetus-in-a-Jar?

    1. chicken_thief

      If I'd only known, I could have saved and donated all the almost fetuses housed in crusty socks over the years. Those would have made a cool wall.

  22. Baba_NinjaCat12

    So when are they going to sell the Unborn Flyer, seen on Jay Leno, at their gift shop?

  23. poorgradstudent

    It's also funny because the teachings of Judaism (like really most religions until the Catholics got a dead fetus in their bonnet about abortion and politically savvy American Protestants in the late 20th century thought it would be cool to go along) are pretty explicit about the fetus not being a human. Hell, rabbinic law actually mandates abortion if the mother's life is in any way endangered by the pregnancy.

    Oh but I forget in modern America religious freedum means the freedom to know that (21st century free market Jesus-brand conservative evangelical Protestant) Christianity is really right about everything.

  24. MissTaken

    What's most shocking to me about this is it's 2012 and Kansas is only *now* getting around to building a memorial to dead fetii.

    1. SorosBot

      Someone must have noticed the many states building creationist "museums" and figured they had to top them in dumbassness.

  25. SayItWithWookies

    Whatever the pro-life peoples' original intent, this strikes me as a memorial to the people who should've been aborted but weren't.

    1. Generation[redacted]

      If you look at the Kinkade painting of the western wall, you'll see that it definitely does. It also glows.

    1. IonaTrailer

      "Calling the Christian faith’s New Testament a “despicable book,” a right-wing Israeli lawmaker tore up a copy of the biblical text and threw it in a trash can as one of his aides took pictures that he later released to Israeli media."

        1. IonaTrailer

          Well, God told them they were right. Maybe God is just a big joker, and he's fuckin' with them.

  26. el_donaldo

    Shouldn't they be representing all the world religions then? Will they put green crescents and stars in all the urinals and toilets?

  27. JustPixelz

    "…the actual Western Wall does not … have a stair-stepped top…"

    Also, the top of the Western Wall is the edge of the al Aqsa Mosque complex — the Dome of the Rock. I assume there's also a mosque as part of the "exact replica", but just out of sight in the drawing.

    The project will cost $20 and $40 million. Imagine how many living children could be saved with that money. (It costs about 20cents a day to feed a third world child, so $20million = 100million meals.)

    Most off-putting is the 60 crosses each representing one million "little baby boys and girls … murdered since 1973 in America alone". As if every (sad) abortion in America is of a Christian.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      "little baby boys and girls … murdered since 1973 in America alone".

      I guess if you were aborted before 1973, you're chopped liver.

      1. Generation[redacted]

        There were no abortions before 1973. Making them illegal completely stops the practice. Everyone knows that!

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        Wait … the Wichita Weinman was a rebbe?

        Finally, an explanation of the lyric "I can hear you through the whine."

  28. Generation[redacted]

    I'm looking forward to hearing about the resistance, a group of brave fetuses who took up arms against their oppressors.

    They're also planning a remake of Casablanca with an all-fetus cast.

  29. sullivanst

    The Jews must've borrowed Mitts' time machine to retroactively build the Western Wall Holocaust Memorial.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Wait, I thought it was Obama that had the time machine. Or maybe that was just his handlers.

  30. FraAnima

    I've seen a lot of ugly building presentations in my time, but that is one ugly piece of shit. I mid-90's Radisson could win the Pritzker Prize next to that thing. And the "sculpture", Jeebus, don't get me started.

  31. Chichikovovich

    I have a story about a visit to Kansas.

    I was in Manhattan, Kansas (yes, the city naming Gods were in a really dickish mood the day that one was handed down) at a café for lunch with the group I was flown in to talk to. The menu was unambitious, and since I had my doubts about the place as a place to buy food (as opposed to, say, a place to rush into and furtively use the bathroom, or a place to store petri dishes). So I chose a Rueben sandwich, on the theory that it is hard to screw that up too much.

    When it came, it was bad (expected) and the bread was untoasted (expected) but unexpectedly it lacked Russian dressing. I looked at the menu – and sure enough the list of what's in a Rueben sandwich did not contain Russian dressing. So I asked the waitress if this was a mistake, that perhaps they had forgotten the Russian dressing. She seemed to be stunned by the very idea, and conveyed that no, you have there all the ingredients of a Rueben sandwich, combined in the Rueben-sandwich manner. I asked, reasonably, and in a reasonable tone, well, though this may depart from canonical practice, could I perhaps have some Russian dressing added. You know, just for kicks. Her look turned from stunned to shocked. The idea of putting salad dressing on a sandwich evidently violated some profound dietary taboo among the good folk of her village. So I let the topic drop.

    Thank you for listening to my story about Kansas.

    1. chicken_thief

      Are you from one the New Englandy places that calls 1,000 Island dressing "Russian" dressing? If so, that may have been the cause of the waitresses bewilderment.

      If forced to return to Kansas, try asking for a dab of 1,000 Island next time to see if my theory holds.

      1. Chichikovovich

        I come from a place that calls it “Thousand Island Dressing” too. So I tried “You know, Thousand Island Dressing”? No dice.—

        1. chicken_thief

          Oh, well, I tried to cut them a little slack. In that case, fuck them idiots. BTW, I can relate. I'm from a 20k sized midwestern town, and just returned from a 10 day visit, where their idea of “fine dining” is Applebee's or Montana Mike's. Ugh. The only redemption is the battered and deep fried pork tenderloins which are unheard of here on the east coast.

    2. BaldarTFlagass

      Waitress: A #2, chicken salad sand. Hold the butter, the lettuce, the mayonnaise, and a cup of coffee. Anything else?
      Chichi: Yeah, now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, give me a check for the chicken salad sandwich, and you haven't broken any rules.
      Waitress: You want me to hold the chicken, huh?
      Chichi: I want you to hold it between your knees.

  32. Jerri

    So uh, off to the left there. Is that…is that a statue of the twin towers unfurling a vagina that has been penetrated by a cross? Because without my glasses it looks like that is a statue of the twin towers unfurling a vagina that has been penetrated by a cross.

    1. IonaTrailer

      I agree, it looks a little vaginal to me.
      (Well, maybe a vagina that's been de-flowered over and over again?)

  33. ph7

    The centerpiece is a live show of Dorothy in the stirrups, ruby slippers in the air, while Oz pulls Munchins dressed as aborted fetuses from her womb and reanimates them with the Good Witch's wand.

  34. pdiddycornchips

    $100 buck for the first Kansas couple to do it on top of the dead baby wailing wall of Kansas. Pix or it didn't happen.

  35. mavenmaven

    Apparently there's a special wing, designed as an exact replica of Michaelangelo's David, to commemorate the millions of dead children that resulted from wasted sperm due to masturbation.

  36. chicken_thief

    I get my Kansas fucktarded cities confused – can I beat my wife at this memorial?

  37. larrykat

    Kentucky? South Carolina? Mississippi? Kansas is eating your lunch in the Stupidest State Contest! Who will step up and show Kansas what stupid looks like? Anyone? Arizona maybe?

  38. Biel_ze_Bubba

    Obviously, it's the adjoining theme park that's going to bring in the crowds.

    Ride the Placenta-Whirl ….

  39. MonkeyBiz

    Everyone keep calm. I've talked to the World-Wide Jewish Conspiracy and they've assured me that even if they manage to get this thing funded (which they wont, because we control all the money and all the banks), they'll never get any press or advertisements (because we control the media), and they'll be sued out of existence long before breaking ground (because we have no shortage of lawyers).

  40. Redhead

    That staircase on the side looks a lot like the Centre Pompidou (a modern art museum) in Paris. SOSHULIZTS!11!!!111!!!111

  41. guangho

    You know, and this is just a suggestion, if you wish to save fetuses, you could visit abortion clinics and sign binding contracts with the women there that if they give birth you will adopt the baby on the spot- and you will pay the costs of delivery and pregnancy. Just some Jewish thinking for ya.

  42. ibwilliamsi

    Is it just me, or does that cross look as though it is spurting out of a giant penis?

  43. ttommyunger

    So, a Jew, a Preacher and a Fetus walk into a bar…….(fill in your own punch line).

  44. mwittier

    Just wait 'til all them dead baby zombies under them crosses reanimate, and come hungrily looking for museum-goers. And their nipples.

    Colicky baby zombie hordes. Cross your arms over your chestses: you've been warned.

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