that smarts

Here Are Some Hot Young People Laughing At Mitt Romney, For You To Fap To

It has been a No Good Terrible Horrible Very Bad Week for Mittens Romney, His Lord High Hairgel. So he lied about some stuff (every “stuff”), so what who cares? No, way more important is the hotness of these young people the Obama campaign pulled off the street, to read his lordship’s statement on Batman supervillain “Bain.”

Who do you choose? The pretty blonde? The other pretty blonde? We will take the caramel hipster dude raising that eyebrow. Intern slots are open, caramel hipster dude! Mama needs another cup of hot black joe.

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

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  • Barb

    Mitt reminds me of the manager of a fine steak house that keeps interrupting your meal to ask if everything is okay.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      That's not a fine steak house. That's Outback.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Golden Corral, now that's a fine steak house.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Mmmmm, endless cotton candy salads…..

        • UnholyMoses

          Ryan's or GTFO.

      • Preferred Customer

        I like Outback. No rules. It is like the State of Nature in there.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          That's simply not true. For instance, I tried to take a waitress in my booth and, well, let's just say the settlement precludes me from talking about it.

          • Preferred Customer

            There hasn't been a case of false advertising this obvious since Neverending Story…

      • flamingpdog

        It's the Mittster – Outhouse, not Outback.

      • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

        only on wonkette could a presidential candidate posting immediately devolve into a discussion of outback steakhouse.

        and now i am fucking hungry for steak.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Mitt and Outback share something in common, at least: All sizzle, no steak.

          • sullivanst

            Except Mitt's also short on the sizzle. More greenback than Outback.

    • Barb

      My post got replied to before I could add on:

      ❀ HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIZZIE ❀

      • http://wonkette.com/ weejee
        • Limeylizzie

          That is excellent, Weejee!

          • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

            do something unseemly to celebrate

          • Limeylizzie

            A friend is taking me to dinner at Red Rooster in Harlem

          • Chichikovovich

            Happy birthday from the LimeyTimezone too. Hope it's a great dinner!

          • bobbert

            We'd sing for you, but you already got that from the Mr, so many happy returns.

          • UnholyMoses

            Happy bday, ya limey!! :-)

          • redarmyzombie

            Happy anniversary of thy revolution around the sun!

          • Limeylizzie

            Cool way to put it, I like that.

      • Limeylizzie

        Thanks darling girl.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Two seconds after you put a fork full of fud into the pie hole.

    • OneDollarJuana

      And when you complain that the steak is terrible, he backs off quickly, blaming the cook and denying that he's ever been in the kitchen.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        This!

      • miss_grundy

        Retroactively……

    • 12X34X

      And you just know the reason he's asking is because he's itching to fire somebody before he goes home.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

      "I take no responsibility for the quality of your steak, or the service. But I will take your tip!"

  • nounverb911

    Bain is the Bane of Mitt's existence?

    • va_real

      But he has always been banal?

  • nounverb911

    Does Ann own a Catwoman suit?

    • Terry

      No, but one of the Romney sons does.

      • ChessieNefercat

        He has never denied it!

        • vtxmcrider

          That's how he got the name Tagg.

    • Callyson

      Maybe she can borrow the one from Wonkette's cover girl.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Would that make her part of Rushblow's Batman – Rmoney conspiracy?

    • va_real

      Maybe whatever she was wearing for this cattiness? http://bit.ly/MltJLk

    • Boojum

      More important, does Becca?

      • commiegirl99

        Who do you think our Wonkette covergirl IS, Booj?

        • Boojum

          Mmrraaooo!

    • commiegirl99

      Editrix libel!

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Gimme the chick in the spaghetti straps.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Mmmm…spaghetti…

    • sewollef

      But what if she doesn't want you? What then?

      She could, could be ghey too….

      • ProgressiveInga

        Oh, she's gay…….in my mind, anyway, she's totally gay.

  • freakishlywrong

    The hate-laugh is getting really villainous now.

  • Billmatic

    So where was the Obama/Biden Truth Team during the debt ceiling insanity?

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      Or the Healthcare "debates."

    • ChessieNefercat

      I bet that it was during the debt ceiling insanity that they realized they needed a Truth Team.

      • Billmatic

        Politics is becoming memetic warfare.

  • Callyson

    Who do you choose?

    Has to be said…AOTK…

  • edgydrifter

    Privatizing his successes and socializing his failures–Mitt Romney really is a corporation with a hairdo. This is why he can say corporations are people. They are. They're just a very specific kind of synthetic person, exactly like him.

    • valgal2342

      OMG, "Corporation with a hairdo"…spew, cough…..reach for kleenex….wipe off keyboard. LOL

    • sharethegrief

      That's why he only uses Mobil 1 on his hair.

    • EatsBabyDingos

      And the song in his head? "Call me, hair responsible.."

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Love that jaunty tune!

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      Great music!
      All that's missing is the muted trombones going waaah, waaah.
      (Too obvious?)

      • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

        i was thinking it's almost yakkety sax.

      • ChuckieJesus
  • SexySmurf

    The Romney campaign is going to respond by having John Sununu, Mary Matalin, and a leper read passages from Dreams from My Father.

    • sullivanst

      Then the Obama campaign will respond with the clips from the audiobook with the man himself reading, and all the wimminz will climax, four more years – yay!

    • Oblios_Cap

      I doubt that Thomas Covenant will do any portion of the reading.

    • Boojum

      So, that will be one or two separate people?

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

      Sounds like a typical day on "Morning Joe." With Mike Barnicle as the leper.

    • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

      My money is on Bristol in an ape suit reading Darwin.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Mitt just hopes those young people realize that when they're laughing at him, they're putting themselves in the same category as his chauffer, Ann's nail lady, the car elevator operator, the liveryman, the pastry chef, the tutor, the nanny — so, if that's what they expect out of life, they can go right ahead and laugh. Just sayin'.

    • Boojum

      Yes, and fart in his car, file off her nails, smash off a bumper, wear the wrong shirt, piss in his muffins, teach them the truth, and feed them bourbon…with votes!

    • lunchbox360

      "Aww, you never turned around to see the frowns of the jugglers and the clowns and the chauffeur and the nail lady and the car elevator operator and the liveryman and the pastry chef and the tutor and the nanny when they all came down and did…tricks for you" I love Bob Dylan.

  • OkieDokieDog

    Speak English, Mitt! That's like trying to read and understand the fine print on a credit card app.

    And I vote for hipster dude. Meowr.

    • va_real

      Whoopi?

  • FraAnima

    I'm having visions of Rebecca in a Catwoman suit and the cafe au lait dude wearing only shades and a raised eyebrow… 'scuse me, BRB.

  • miss_grundy

    My friends who are true blue Democrats swear that his dad, George, was a friend to the people during his term as governor of Michigan and that everyone loved him. Obviously, whatever lessons he tried to impart on young Mittens did not take hold because he sounds like the greediest sum bitch you can ever imagine.

    And now he's attacking the Pres because the Pres is showing him up for the liar that he is. The Pres is not John Kerry or Al Gore, he will go out fighting and I'm glad of it. 'Cause I'm tired of the Dems not demonstrating cojones.

    Have you heard the latest from Mittens' camp that the Pres is against success? The Pres is the embodiment of success; right next to the definition in the dictionary is the Pres' picture.

    • PhilippePetain

      I can't imagine, a rich kid not learning from his relatively more self made father, and turning into a bullying arrogant brat? I'M SPEECHLESS!

      Seriously, though, he couldn't be more like a John Hughes rich kid.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

        Mitt Romney is marrying you as soon as you get off the Titanic, America — right after he deals with that boy from steerage you've been rutting with!!

        • PhilippePetain

          Ha! Well done.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

            Couldn't have done it without you!

        • ChessieNefercat

          That was so good, you deserve a treat: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/brooke-carey/titani

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

            Thanks, that was fun!

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    *sigh* Not a big fan of any side that ever says "truth" or "the American people", no matter which side says it.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

      You might find that a dry blanket is more comfortable.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Reminds me of that old "Things That Make Ya Go Hmmmm" song.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Chill_Bill

    "No, way more important is the hotness of these young people the Obama campaign pulled off the street, to read his lordship’s statement on Batman supervillain “Bain.”"

    …if Uwe Boll directed Batman.

    • ChuckieJesus

      Coen Brothers.

  • Tommy1733

    Rmoney is really making it easy on the Obama campaign – no challenge at all to find something to use as a campaign ad.

  • mrpuma2u

    OK ya got 2 brotha men, one dude (the potential intern) is actually decent looking, but all you gave us was nordic blondies. Where are the mamitas calientes? The sistah-hotties?

    • Thurman Munster IV

      They're in Madison. Trust me.

    • va_real

      Patience. Mitt will be handing out more rope- er, I mean press releases soon.

  • AddHomonym

    LEAVE MITT ROMNEY ALONE!

  • SoBeach

    "He says 'entity' a lot."

    Now THAT was funny.

    • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

      "heh-heh…I guess he DID say 'well' a lot"

      Homer Simpson, listening to his "Rappin' Ronnie Reagan" cassette

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Who do you choose?

    Mrs. weejee for certain.

  • mavenmaven

    Say entity to me again, sweetie

    • WhatTheHeck

      entity to me again, sweetie

  • SorosBot

    No, Romney is allowed to take full credit for his Bain experience somehow making him an expert on the economy, and for any jobs it may have created even after he left, but you can't hold him responsible for anything bad the company did under him, or for lying about it, that's just character assassination!

    • Geminisunmars

      The buck stops:
      Over there
      Retroactively
      Where I say it does
      In my Swiss bank account

    • ChessieNefercat

      " that's just character assassination!"

      Well then, why won't he lie down and be quiet?

      • miss_grundy

        Bring me a beer and make me a sammitch, dang nap it!

  • proudgrampa

    This video makes me hopeful. Our young people get it! Bless 'em

  • coolhandnuke

    It's not too big a secret at Romney Manor(s) that Alfred the Butler(s) is the reason for Mitts' success.

  • flamingpdog

    Mitt Romney is an ass-in-the-Bain.

  • James Michael Curley

    Not gonna need the Viagra tonight!

  • Estproph

    Even Romney's explanation sounds like a corporation.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Mitt has to talk that way — it's in his charter. I mean genes.

    • Graham Cracker

      He was built that way.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

      What do you expect from that fiduciary-bag?

  • Preferred Customer
    • Thurman Munster IV

      Yep

  • Woodshedding

    Actually, cunning Mitts is only PLAY-acting dumb, getting people used to it so if he wins he can say "yeah, I'm POTUS, but that doesn't necessarily mean I DO anything! Leave me alone! I just hope you guys learn to be AMERICANS!"

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    wtf happened to the obama team? and why did they just show up?

    • ChuckieJesus

      they are like the green lantern corps. they were off doing 'ring shit'.

    • sullivanst

      "Why was the campaign not campaigning between campaigns, and why are they campaigning now it's campaign season"?

      • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

        well a tad more of this aggressiveness would have been comforting back around september and october of 2010

        • sullivanst

          Perhaps, but that doesn't mean it would've been the optimal strategy, considering the truly epic amount of money the campaigns are going to be spending over the next 5 months.

        • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

          Didn't have the singular lousy candidate to focus on then.

          • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

            you people are being all 'accurate' and 'fact-y'. i simply want to wallow in this entirely satisfying assault.

  • el_donaldo

    Isn't Baconz on vacation? And you're posting things that we can masturbate to? Oh, that's cruel.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Now the Obama campaign needs an ad set to Benny Hill music…no particular reason why, it just makes me laugh.

    • ChessieNefercat

      Oh God, yes. And their wall-eyed, foot-stamping, eyes bugged out, spittle-flecked hissy fit response will be awesome to see. Especially after it is remixed to the Benny Hill theme.

    • vtxmcrider

      Video of Mitt with arms full of tax returns, running around trying to find rocks big enough to hide them under, all set to Benny Hill music.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    OT, but I wanted to put this in Wonkville but I must be screwing something up.
    http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2012/07/14/iowa-republ

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Sometimes the "add a new story" form takes a moment. I find if I back-tab to the URL box, and then tab forward, it catches up.

      • Dashboard Buddha

        got it…it just takes a while for the "domain box" to fill in.

    • sullivanst

      Looks like some fairly run-of-the-mill sovereign citizen nonsense. I wonder if she's renounced her citizenship of the real United States to declare herself a citizen of her fictional home. If so, can we deport her, please? Or at least make sure she's struck from the voter rolls.

  • neiltheblaze

    Entities are people too, my friends.

  • Oblios_Cap

    The more Mitt goes on camera, the less everybody likes him.

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    Man, I love it when Dems grow balls and come out swinging.

  • elburritodeluxe

    Is it me, or have Democrats somehow figured out how to stay on message?

  • http://www.indiegogo.com/revive-vlad Doktor Zoom

    Nice ad, but I was waiting for the music to lead into a Tom Waits vocal…

  • WhatTheHeck

    Bain was rudderless for 2 years. Beached on the sands of the Cayman Is.

  • http://thefastertimes.com/absurdnews/ inapewetrust

    those people are hot? the one dude maybe, but otherwise damn, you need to get laid, editrix.

    • chicken_thief

      The chick with the bikes in the background was cute enough. I'd do her.

      Right there.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    I've just picked up a fault in the AE35 unit. It's going to go 100% failure in 72 hours.

    • vtxmcrider

      Preceded by a core dump.

  • PubOption

    Just consider Bain Capital as Schrodinger's Cat. In the closed system (Bain), Mittens could be both alive (managing) and dead (retired).

  • IceCreamEmpress

    Y'ALL! They're just playing into the hands of Mittens's master plan.

    Remember the ad where Hopey was looking all hot and singing properly? That was Mittens's cunning plan to target the ugly and awkward, who as we know make up the vast majority of the voting public. It was foolproof (or would have been if it weren't for those meddling copyright holders!)

    Now the hubristic Obamanians are just doing Mittens's work for him. "Reasonably attractive people mock Romney" is a dog whistle for the smelly nerds and doughy church ladies of this great country to rise up. No more will they be oppressed by the swag of Hopey and Chelle and their attractive daughters! It's just like that time in high school when the cheerleaders pointed and laughed at the Dungeons and Dragons Club (or the We Love Jesus Club or the Future Farmhands of America or whatever shit those uggums are into).

    Big, big mistake, Hopey handlers. Shoulda got Herman Cain's campaign manager or someone else with a high Q rating among the unfuckables.

    • sullivanst

      Right, like the nerds are going to vote for the guy who not only looks like the entitled asshole who sneered at them and bullied them all through high school, but actually was that guy.

      • IceCreamEmpress

        They'll get a load of his mom jeans and everything will be aces, right? Eric Fehrnstrom said so o it has to be true.

  • chicken_thief

    But… but….. COCAINE!!! Weed at Columbia!!!! Sweet deal on his house!!!!

    • BerkeleyBear

      I can only hope they keep bringing this up like Fox and Friends idiotically did. Hell, the coke and weed are about the only mistakes Obama made in life and, when coupled to his openness about it and obvious success in overcoming those mistakes, are some of the most humanizing aspects of his story. Especially in contrast to Bush, who sure acted like he was still getting high somehow, and Mitt's whole Eddie Haskell straight arrow piece of shit persona.

      And yeah, the Rezko house thing is a tiny bit sketchy, but I don't really think the guy who won't release his tax returns and has Cayman island accounts plus a full time lobbyist for his house renovations wants to go there.

      • sullivanst

        Rezko house is also so four years ago. Even more than the drugs.

        • bikerlaureate

          B-b-but the Kenyan usurper wasn't vetted the first time around. That's why the Rev. Wright brouhaha came and went so quickly.

      • LetUsBray

        "Bush, who sure acted like he was still getting high somehow,"

        Sure. <finger quotes>Acted like</finger quotes>.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    These four young people obviously don't know how the system works and how all the jobs in the world are created by rich people who shouldn't have to pay taxes.

    So these four shouldn't be allowed to vote.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      there's a good chance they won't be.

      • vtxmcrider

        Two have vaginas they cannot control and one is too dark. Voter purge by Scott Walker!

  • UnholyMoses

    Who do you choose? The pretty blonde? The other pretty blonde?

    All of them, Katie Editrix.

  • chascates

    Mama likes her men the way she likes her coffee: expensive and bitter.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    OT – can someone tell me where to find a shopped Bane mask? I'm too lazy to trim it for my own uses.

  • Nostrildamus

    Young and hot? Clearly, not real Americans.

  • Puffperney

    I swear, if I hear Mitt say "…if you will" one more time I'm gonna hurl.

    • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

      I always take "…if you will" to mean "I'm not sure if those words I just said mean what I think they mean."

  • lunchbox360

    Was "hot black joe" the guy with the sunglasses? I'll have a cup of that!

    • vtxmcrider

      Forget the fucking cup. I'll just take him by the mouthful.

  • W88

    Willard's worst enemy is Mitt.

  • owhatever

    The Dems can't believe how the Mittbots have let this tax thing dominate the news for two weeks straight with the convention so close. Not even the veep choice is going to derail it, unless Sarah comes back. Tim Pawlenty will be just another dancing horse.

  • poorgradstudent

    That hipster dude can vet my VP anytime.

    Er, anyway, kudos to Obama for sticking to Bain like an angry Pomeranian to an ankle. I'm not sure if I have enough faith in the American people to get the implications of a business scandal, but at least it's highlighting Romney as a callous empty suit.

  • Dumbedup

    Today, for the first time, I actually felt sorry for RMoney, because he hasn't hit back in a week. If this was a fight, RMoney would be on the ground with his eyes rolled up in his head and Obama kickin him in the gut, sayin "call me unamerican now, mother…etc"

  • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

    The buck stops here. Please take the responsibility down the hall and drop it in the incinerator, however.

  • VeraSevera

    Caramel hipster guy + spanish-speaking Romney fils + blonde responsibility girl. Yeah!

  • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

    "We will take the caramel hipster dude raising that eyebrow. Intern slots are open, caramel hipster dude! Mama needs another cup of hot black joe."

    Ooo! Steamy!

  • DahBoner

    The only thing I know about hipsters is that they are too cool dumb to own an umbrella or raincoat….

  • ttommyunger

    This is comforting on two levels: young people today can read, and two, they seem to have a working bullshit detector. Nice, Wonkette, nice…

  • undeadgoat

    The more articulate pretty blonde one appears to be standing less than a mile from my apartment–hometown pride, and all of that! “He says ‘entity’ a lot.” THAT’S MADISON FOR YOU.

  • Tribbz

    Ms Tribbz votes for the hot caramel hipster with the flexible and talented eyebrows. Oy, momma, where's my fan?