that smarts

Here Are Some Hot Young People Laughing At Mitt Romney, For You To Fap To

It has been a No Good Terrible Horrible Very Bad Week for Mittens Romney, His Lord High Hairgel. So he lied about some stuff (every “stuff”), so what who cares? No, way more important is the hotness of these young people the Obama campaign pulled off the street, to read his lordship’s statement on Batman supervillain “Bain.”

Who do you choose? The pretty blonde? The other pretty blonde? We will take the caramel hipster dude raising that eyebrow. Intern slots are open, caramel hipster dude! Mama needs another cup of hot black joe.

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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  1. Barb

    Mitt reminds me of the manager of a fine steak house that keeps interrupting your meal to ask if everything is okay.

        1. actor212

          That's simply not true. For instance, I tried to take a waitress in my booth and, well, let's just say the settlement precludes me from talking about it.

          1. Preferred Customer

            There hasn't been a case of false advertising this obvious since Neverending Story…

      1. fuflans

        only on wonkette could a presidential candidate posting immediately devolve into a discussion of outback steakhouse.

        and now i am fucking hungry for steak.

    1. OneDollarJuana

      And when you complain that the steak is terrible, he backs off quickly, blaming the cook and denying that he's ever been in the kitchen.

    2. 12X34X

      And you just know the reason he's asking is because he's itching to fire somebody before he goes home.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      I bet that it was during the debt ceiling insanity that they realized they needed a Truth Team.

  2. edgydrifter

    Privatizing his successes and socializing his failures–Mitt Romney really is a corporation with a hairdo. This is why he can say corporations are people. They are. They're just a very specific kind of synthetic person, exactly like him.

    1. valgal2342

      OMG, "Corporation with a hairdo"…spew, cough…..reach for kleenex….wipe off keyboard. LOL

  3. SexySmurf

    The Romney campaign is going to respond by having John Sununu, Mary Matalin, and a leper read passages from Dreams from My Father.

    1. sullivanst

      Then the Obama campaign will respond with the clips from the audiobook with the man himself reading, and all the wimminz will climax, four more years – yay!

  4. SayItWithWookies

    Mitt just hopes those young people realize that when they're laughing at him, they're putting themselves in the same category as his chauffer, Ann's nail lady, the car elevator operator, the liveryman, the pastry chef, the tutor, the nanny — so, if that's what they expect out of life, they can go right ahead and laugh. Just sayin'.

    1. Boojum

      Yes, and fart in his car, file off her nails, smash off a bumper, wear the wrong shirt, piss in his muffins, teach them the truth, and feed them bourbon…with votes!

    2. lunchbox360

      "Aww, you never turned around to see the frowns of the jugglers and the clowns and the chauffeur and the nail lady and the car elevator operator and the liveryman and the pastry chef and the tutor and the nanny when they all came down and did…tricks for you" I love Bob Dylan.

  5. OkieDokieDog

    Speak English, Mitt! That's like trying to read and understand the fine print on a credit card app.

    And I vote for hipster dude. Meowr.

  6. FraAnima

    I'm having visions of Rebecca in a Catwoman suit and the cafe au lait dude wearing only shades and a raised eyebrow… 'scuse me, BRB.

  7. miss_grundy

    My friends who are true blue Democrats swear that his dad, George, was a friend to the people during his term as governor of Michigan and that everyone loved him. Obviously, whatever lessons he tried to impart on young Mittens did not take hold because he sounds like the greediest sum bitch you can ever imagine.

    And now he's attacking the Pres because the Pres is showing him up for the liar that he is. The Pres is not John Kerry or Al Gore, he will go out fighting and I'm glad of it. 'Cause I'm tired of the Dems not demonstrating cojones.

    Have you heard the latest from Mittens' camp that the Pres is against success? The Pres is the embodiment of success; right next to the definition in the dictionary is the Pres' picture.

    1. PhilippePetain

      I can't imagine, a rich kid not learning from his relatively more self made father, and turning into a bullying arrogant brat? I'M SPEECHLESS!

      Seriously, though, he couldn't be more like a John Hughes rich kid.

      1. Chet Kincaid

        Mitt Romney is marrying you as soon as you get off the Titanic, America — right after he deals with that boy from steerage you've been rutting with!!

  8. KeepFnThatChicken

    *sigh* Not a big fan of any side that ever says "truth" or "the American people", no matter which side says it.

  9. Chill_Bill

    "No, way more important is the hotness of these young people the Obama campaign pulled off the street, to read his lordship’s statement on Batman supervillain “Bain.”"

    …if Uwe Boll directed Batman.

  10. Tommy1733

    Rmoney is really making it easy on the Obama campaign – no challenge at all to find something to use as a campaign ad.

  11. mrpuma2u

    OK ya got 2 brotha men, one dude (the potential intern) is actually decent looking, but all you gave us was nordic blondies. Where are the mamitas calientes? The sistah-hotties?

  12. SorosBot

    No, Romney is allowed to take full credit for his Bain experience somehow making him an expert on the economy, and for any jobs it may have created even after he left, but you can't hold him responsible for anything bad the company did under him, or for lying about it, that's just character assassination!

    1. Geminisunmars

      The buck stops:
      Over there
      Where I say it does
      In my Swiss bank account

    2. ChessieNefercat

      " that's just character assassination!"

      Well then, why won't he lie down and be quiet?

  13. coolhandnuke

    It's not too big a secret at Romney Manor(s) that Alfred the Butler(s) is the reason for Mitts' success.

  14. Woodshedding

    Actually, cunning Mitts is only PLAY-acting dumb, getting people used to it so if he wins he can say "yeah, I'm POTUS, but that doesn't necessarily mean I DO anything! Leave me alone! I just hope you guys learn to be AMERICANS!"

    1. sullivanst

      "Why was the campaign not campaigning between campaigns, and why are they campaigning now it's campaign season"?

        1. sullivanst

          Perhaps, but that doesn't mean it would've been the optimal strategy, considering the truly epic amount of money the campaigns are going to be spending over the next 5 months.

  15. el_donaldo

    Isn't Baconz on vacation? And you're posting things that we can masturbate to? Oh, that's cruel.

  16. Texan_Bulldog

    Now the Obama campaign needs an ad set to Benny Hill music…no particular reason why, it just makes me laugh.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      Oh God, yes. And their wall-eyed, foot-stamping, eyes bugged out, spittle-flecked hissy fit response will be awesome to see. Especially after it is remixed to the Benny Hill theme.

    2. vtxmcrider

      Video of Mitt with arms full of tax returns, running around trying to find rocks big enough to hide them under, all set to Benny Hill music.

    1. sullivanst

      Looks like some fairly run-of-the-mill sovereign citizen nonsense. I wonder if she's renounced her citizenship of the real United States to declare herself a citizen of her fictional home. If so, can we deport her, please? Or at least make sure she's struck from the voter rolls.

    1. chicken_thief

      The chick with the bikes in the background was cute enough. I'd do her.

      Right there.

  17. Blueb4sunrise

    I've just picked up a fault in the AE35 unit. It's going to go 100% failure in 72 hours.

  18. PubOption

    Just consider Bain Capital as Schrodinger's Cat. In the closed system (Bain), Mittens could be both alive (managing) and dead (retired).

  19. IceCreamEmpress

    Y'ALL! They're just playing into the hands of Mittens's master plan.

    Remember the ad where Hopey was looking all hot and singing properly? That was Mittens's cunning plan to target the ugly and awkward, who as we know make up the vast majority of the voting public. It was foolproof (or would have been if it weren't for those meddling copyright holders!)

    Now the hubristic Obamanians are just doing Mittens's work for him. "Reasonably attractive people mock Romney" is a dog whistle for the smelly nerds and doughy church ladies of this great country to rise up. No more will they be oppressed by the swag of Hopey and Chelle and their attractive daughters! It's just like that time in high school when the cheerleaders pointed and laughed at the Dungeons and Dragons Club (or the We Love Jesus Club or the Future Farmhands of America or whatever shit those uggums are into).

    Big, big mistake, Hopey handlers. Shoulda got Herman Cain's campaign manager or someone else with a high Q rating among the unfuckables.

    1. sullivanst

      Right, like the nerds are going to vote for the guy who not only looks like the entitled asshole who sneered at them and bullied them all through high school, but actually was that guy.

      1. IceCreamEmpress

        They'll get a load of his mom jeans and everything will be aces, right? Eric Fehrnstrom said so o it has to be true.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      I can only hope they keep bringing this up like Fox and Friends idiotically did. Hell, the coke and weed are about the only mistakes Obama made in life and, when coupled to his openness about it and obvious success in overcoming those mistakes, are some of the most humanizing aspects of his story. Especially in contrast to Bush, who sure acted like he was still getting high somehow, and Mitt's whole Eddie Haskell straight arrow piece of shit persona.

      And yeah, the Rezko house thing is a tiny bit sketchy, but I don't really think the guy who won't release his tax returns and has Cayman island accounts plus a full time lobbyist for his house renovations wants to go there.

        1. bikerlaureate

          B-b-but the Kenyan usurper wasn't vetted the first time around. That's why the Rev. Wright brouhaha came and went so quickly.

      1. LetUsBray

        "Bush, who sure acted like he was still getting high somehow,"

        Sure. <finger quotes>Acted like</finger quotes>.

  20. Chow Yun Flat

    These four young people obviously don't know how the system works and how all the jobs in the world are created by rich people who shouldn't have to pay taxes.

    So these four shouldn't be allowed to vote.

      1. vtxmcrider

        Two have vaginas they cannot control and one is too dark. Voter purge by Scott Walker!

  21. UnholyMoses

    Who do you choose? The pretty blonde? The other pretty blonde?

    All of them, Katie Editrix.

  22. Dashboard Buddha

    OT – can someone tell me where to find a shopped Bane mask? I'm too lazy to trim it for my own uses.

  23. owhatever

    The Dems can't believe how the Mittbots have let this tax thing dominate the news for two weeks straight with the convention so close. Not even the veep choice is going to derail it, unless Sarah comes back. Tim Pawlenty will be just another dancing horse.

  24. poorgradstudent

    That hipster dude can vet my VP anytime.

    Er, anyway, kudos to Obama for sticking to Bain like an angry Pomeranian to an ankle. I'm not sure if I have enough faith in the American people to get the implications of a business scandal, but at least it's highlighting Romney as a callous empty suit.

  25. Dumbedup

    Today, for the first time, I actually felt sorry for RMoney, because he hasn't hit back in a week. If this was a fight, RMoney would be on the ground with his eyes rolled up in his head and Obama kickin him in the gut, sayin "call me unamerican now, mother…etc"

  26. VeraSevera

    Caramel hipster guy + spanish-speaking Romney fils + blonde responsibility girl. Yeah!

  27. valthemus

    "We will take the caramel hipster dude raising that eyebrow. Intern slots are open, caramel hipster dude! Mama needs another cup of hot black joe."

    Ooo! Steamy!

  28. DahBoner

    The only thing I know about hipsters is that they are too cool dumb to own an umbrella or raincoat….

  29. ttommyunger

    This is comforting on two levels: young people today can read, and two, they seem to have a working bullshit detector. Nice, Wonkette, nice…

  30. undeadgoat

    The more articulate pretty blonde one appears to be standing less than a mile from my apartment–hometown pride, and all of that! “He says ‘entity’ a lot.” THAT’S MADISON FOR YOU.

  31. Tribbz

    Ms Tribbz votes for the hot caramel hipster with the flexible and talented eyebrows. Oy, momma, where's my fan?

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