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Romney Camp To Take Up Breitbart’s Torch In Obama Vettening

knock knock, who's there, ghost andrew breitbart!Watch out, Barack Obama! You’re in for a good old-fashioned VETTENING!

“[Romney] has said Obama’s a nice fellow, he’s just in over his head,” [a Romney] adviser said. “But I think the governor himself believes this latest round of attacks that have impugned his integrity and accused him of being a felon go so far beyond that pale that he’s really disappointed. He believes it’s time to vet the president. He really hasn’t been vetted; McCain didn’t do it.”

Is it twue? Did Obama Hug A Black Guy? Romneyland will get to the bottom of it!

“I mean, this is a guy who admitted to cocaine use, had a sweetheart deal with his house in Chicago, and was associated and worked with Rod Blagojevich to get Valerie Jarrett appointed to the Senate,” the adviser said.

Oh shit, the US Senator from a state “was associated and worked with” the governor of that state to pick his replacement? Impeachment just won’t do! Put him in the hoosegow! The other stuff — the drugs and the sweetheart deal — yeah, we honestly don’t care about that. Maybe their Fast & Furious stuff will have some traction though, here is hoping!

“[Obama’s] policies have been such utter failures, the only thing he can do is to try to destroy a decent man and his wife,” the adviser said. “So he gets some hack political adviser from Chicago who has nothing to point to in her own life, and tells her to call [Romney] a felon… When did our politics get to that point? I mean, it’s Nixonian.”

When did our politics get to that point, unnamed Romney advisor? That is an excellent question! Was it when everybody said Bill Clinton murdered Vince Foster, or that Hillary was putting condoms and crack pipes on the White House Christmas tree? Was it then? Or was it all the way back in 1885, when the “Ma ma, where’s my pa?” chants went up about Grover Cleveland? Maybe it was then? Or was it just recently, when Joe Arpaio said Barack Obama was never born, because of codes? Or was it in that very sentence, when you sneered about Obama spox Stephanie Cutter “having nothing in her own life,” presumably because she is a sad, benighted spinster, with no husband and children to thaw her frozen womb and frozen loins?

But we think you guys might be forgetting the best attack of all. Don’t know if you heard? Shhhh. Barack Obama had two babies with a black chick.


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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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  1. actor212

    He wasn't vetted?

    Dude, we knew his fucking underwear size! Which is a lot more than we know, or even want to know, about Romney.

    And it's that last clause that says why his ass is toast in November.

  2. ChrisM2011

    I heard that Obama tied the Black Panthers to the top of his car during vacation. Scandalous!

      1. LesBontemps

        Coming this fall to FOX TV, Romney & the Zombie: An awkward robot and an undead blogger travel the country in search of conservative brains and/or votes. Hilarity ensues.

        1. doloras

          The "Julius Caesar is a big homo" meme survived his death as a political weapon, when Mark Antony got up in the Senate and said that Octavian (the future Augustus) was only adopted by Caesar in return for buttsechs privileges.

    1. HistoriCat

      He's black?!? What the hell is wrong with the media? We should have been told this in 2008.

      1. MittBorg

        Yeah, it's just amazing how those dumbass voters will cold MISS stuff like that. What was it the wealthy bazillionaire was saying at Mitt's fundraiser? All these little people, the nail girls, the salon ladies, they don't understand the issues.

        Apparently, his blackity-black-blackness is one of those "issues."

    1. chicken_thief

      I thought it was code for "dumb nigger". 'Cause, you know, without Affirmative Action, Hussein would still be getting high and shootin' hoops in Honolulu.

    2. ChessieNefercat

      Or that, you know, those people just don't have the intellectual capacity for higher level white collar jobs. Nice guy (boy?), though.

    3. MittBorg

      Except, of course, it's SO OBVIOUSLY Mitt who's in over his head. Barack's campaign is releasing videos one after the other. Short, sharp shocks. Mitt is reeling and flailing like a punch-drunk boxer. Almost sad.

    4. BoroPrimorac

      That's what I hear when Krauthammer calls Obama an adolescent and Rubio calls him naive.

  3. JustPixelz

    "wasn't vetted" is the new "isn't white"

    The Romney camp should be very careful accusing other people of "sweetheart deals". He got $100K a year to do "nothing whatsoever" at Bain from 1999 to 2002.

    And if the Romney camp thinks Obama's policies have been a failure, imagine what they think of Dubya Bush's! (Hint: Romney calls those "my policies too".)

    1. AncienReggie

      And that $100k was just his salary. It's a good guess a few of Bain's investments yielded a buck or two on top of that.

  4. SorosBot

    "the only thing he can do is to try to destroy a decent man and his wife"

    Wait, I thought they were saying Obama is trying to destroy Romney? There is nothing decent about that dog-torturing, job-destroying, tax-cheating bully.

  5. weejee

    I heard from an unnamed source on the Intertubes that Mitt Romney luvs having buttsechs with goats. Madame Editrix you need to get Newell on this storyline immediately.

    1. eggsacklywright

      "With your snakeskin suit and your alligator boot,
      You don't need a laundrette, you can take 'em to the vet."

  6. Mittens Howell, III

    Unnamed Advisor is very effective.

    And cheap, too!

    Mostly because he lives in Mumbai and doesn't require any of those annoying employee benefits.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      What wasn't communicated in the article is the tone of grudging admiration that colored that statement.

  7. SoBeach

    So the guy who won't release his tax returns thinks the President hasn't been vetted. Next item straight out of the Rove playbook: Obama is stiff, awkward in public, and tone deaf.

    By October they'll have nearly half the public believing that Obama is a communist who used to run a venture capital firm that gutted companies and outsourced jobs while evading income taxes.

    1. SorosBot

      Fuck, they're already trying to claim that Obama is responsible for outsourcing by investing in clean energy firms. Because some of those firms are foreign, even though the money was for development within the US. Um, yeah, that makes sense.

    2. freakishlywrong

      He's already called him "out of touch". With a straight face. (RMoney has no other face).

  8. SorosBot

    And once again, how the fuck can anyone claim that Obama wasn't vetted when his history and personal life were examined in fine detail by the media more than any other Presidential candidate in history? It's like they forget the endless media obsessions with remarks by his pastor taken out of context and his knowing a guy who was part of the Weather Underground back when he was ten back in 2008.

    1. SoBeach

      And once again, how the fuck can anyone claim that Obama wasn't vetted when his history and personal life were examined in fine detail by the media more than any other Presidential candidate in history?

      It's easy. Not everyone knows Obama is a secret Kenyan Muslim commie socialist nazi incompetent evil genius out to Saul Alinsky the USA. We'll know he's been vetted when everyone finally gets it and we have our freedom back.

      1. anniegetyerfun

        I love the "incompetent evil genius" part because everyone wingnut blog is just spilling over its gravy-stained sweatpants with comments about how Obama is so incredibly crafty and simultaneously too stupid to tie his own shoes.

      1. SorosBot

        So in the tank that they repeated every smear against Obama constantly, while never even mentioning the name of Charles Keating!

    2. ChessieNefercat

      Yeah, but remember, these half-witted dolts just this year finally got around to finding out (not actually reading, mind you) what was in the not one, but two, Obama autobiographies that have been available since the early 90s.

      Shocking, really. Since back in 2008 they had done all that exhaustive word comparison massaging and squinting real hard to prove that Bill Ayers wrote the books.

  9. valthemus

    "… the only thing [Obama] can do is to try to destroy a decent man and his wife…"

    I don't know who that adviser could possibly be talking about.

  10. randcoolcatdaddy

    Translation: This Obama person is probably a nice guy, but would _never_ get a membership at _my_ country club….

  11. Mittens Howell, III

    Smithers, release the tax returns. No, wait a minute … Hounds! Release the Hounds!!

  12. SayItWithWookies

    “I mean, this is a guy who admitted to cocaine use, had a sweetheart deal with his house in Chicago…"

    Only one house, Mitt? And it probably doesn't even have a car elevator or its own lobbyist. Really, a guy without a lobbyist for his house shouldn't even be able to get elected dogcatcher in this country.

  13. ManchuCandidate

    This should work out awesome, for everyone but Romboto. Since Captain Angry's heart kicked out, the Bitparters have been jumping from one farce to the next… like Romney.

  14. Dildeaux

    "Vetting the President" is code for

    "We have $1,000,000,000 of SuperPAC money sitting on the sidelines right now. We are in the process of developing and releasing dozens of videos that will call into question the very existence of Barack Obama. This will make swiftboating look like LOLcats by comparison. We will say and do anything, absolutely anything, to win. We are about to prove that to anyone who doubts us. Our made-up-from-whole-cloth attacks against the President will be so outrageous, so factless, the media will fawn over them for their brazen, crass misuse of language and images. The story becomes our ability to attack. Truthfulness is a quaint, unnecessary political requirement for pussies and reality-focused morans. Step aside and watch the Right Wing Noise Machine work its magic."

    1. MittBorg

      That might work, except that Romney is a man without a core, a hollow man, and nothing he says or does at this point can refute that impression. He knows it, so he's flailing around *desperately* trying to change the subject. He's been trying for about ten days now. And *nothing* is working. At this point, he's resorting to, "OMG, Obama's DESTROYINGK me, oh, noes, I R DED." Now, I would give him a chance of recovery if he had some good people on his team. But because he is a hollow man, he is only capable of surrounding himself with like-minded folks, and sycophants. And that is what is killing him. His sycophants are ALSO hollow men, and they have no authentic core from which to respond. And that is coming through VERY clearly.

      Also, too, David Axelrod has some fucking GENIUSES on his staff.

      1. cletar

        It's worth bearing in mind that Mitt couldn't beat McCain. Now he has to run against the guy who beat the HELL out of McCain.

  15. arihaya

    Or was it all the way back in 1885, when the “Ma ma, where’s my pa?” chants went up about Grover Cleveland?

    since when did a Muppet can run for president?

  16. arihaya

    btw that pic will made a great Halloween mask

    just don't do "Trick or Treat" on NRA members' house

  17. Billmatic

    President Chester A. Arthur was also repeatedly accused of not having been born in this country.

  18. EatsBabyDingos

    I remember when Obama would put live fish in a blender, hit puree, and drink the froth. Called it the "Bass-o-Matic."

  19. Terry

    The Romneyites are really getting cranky, aren't they?

    Their battle plan has been brilliant thus far. Promote Romney's business experience and acumen, then try to place that same business record beyond questioning (both his Bane, uh, Bain work and his taxes).

    1. MittBorg

      The RWNJs are weeping and wailing because the vaunted RMONEY Death Star appears to have PLOTZED in the fight with O. They can't seem to do *any*thing right. If he can't change the tenor of the public discussion within five days MAX, they're gonna turn on him. It won't be pretty. They don't like him, and it's starting to show.

  20. el_donaldo

    So the big question as Romney was cinching the nomination was whether he would try to navigate to the center and woo independents or double-down on the crazy and excite the base. Any questions about his strategy now?

  21. chascates

    I just sent this in as a tip but it's way too important to take a chance on it not getting posted: Barack Obama was not only a RED DIAPER BABY his entire entourage were COMMIE YOUTHS as well!!!!! <a href="” target=”_blank”>

    Kengor: Frank Marshall Davis, Communist Party USA (CPUSA) number 47544, was a 20th century American who wrote pro-Soviet propaganda in newspaper columns and was a loyal Soviet patriot. I must note that it was also through this group that Davis would work with Robert Taylor, who just happened to be the grandfather of Valerie Jarrett.

    FP: That’s remarkable. Valerie Jarrett today is Obama’s right-hand woman in the White House.

    Kengor: Yes, and it’s even more eerie than that. Frank Marshall Davis, Obama’s mentor, also worked with Vernon Jarrett in these circles. Vernon Jarrett was Valerie’s father-in-law. And it’s worse still. Davis, Obama’s mentor, also worked with Harry and David Canter, two other Chicago communists. The Canters mentored a young man named David Axelrod in Chicago in the 1970s. So, the troika that’s arguably running America today—Obama and Valerie Jarrett and David Axelrod—all have common bonds in Chicago’s communist circles from the 1940s. Their mentors knew each other.

    I know this is incredible, but it’s true. You couldn’t make this up. No one would believe it. We’re being governed by ghosts from Chicago’s Communist Party glory years.

    FP: Are there other people that Frank Marshall Davis worked with in Chicago who have relevance today?

    Kengor: Oh, yes, I could go on and on. At the Chicago Star, the communist newspaper for which he wrote and was the founding editor-in-chief (1946-48), Davis regularly shared the op-ed page with Senator Claude “Red” Pepper, who at that exact time was writing the bill to nationalize healthcare in the United States—which Davis himself advocated in his columns. By the way, Pepper’s chief of staff, who wrote that bill, was Charles Kramer, who we now know was working for the KGB under the codename “mole.”

    So not only was Sen. McCarthy right but Dick Nixon as well! But why didn't they warn us about Barack Hussein Obama? WHO GOT TO THEM?!?!?!?!

      1. chascates

        Our descent began at the Potsdam Conference when Harry 'Red' Truman sold us out to Uncle Joe.

    1. RadioSlut

      I heard this shit yesterday Chas. What a crock. So scary. There is a commie in the White House. And he uses those scarier Chicago politics. And scariest of all of that he of a Muslim to boot. And if that is not enough bogeymen for you HE IS A NEGRO.

    2. Blueb4sunrise

      Claude Pepper. Wiki

      OMFG!!!!!!!!!! MURDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      On May 26, 1989, Pepper was presented with the Presidential Medal of Freedom by President George H. W. Bush and died in his sleep four days later.

    3. ChessieNefercat

      "… Robert Taylor, who just happened to be the grandfather of Valerie Jarrett."
      Gee, I thought he was just the Sheriff on Longmire.

      Oh, and the rest of this? Claude "RED!" Pepper? The saintly Claude Pepper worshiped by his constituents for his tireless support of the elderly?
      And troika! Axelrod!

      I'm thinking this is just not going to get a whole lot of traction even in our current dim-witted media environment.

  22. CapnRadio

    That crunching noise you hear is just the Romney folk throwing Nixon's fetid corpse under the campaign bus.

  23. RadioSlut

    It's code for "he it's a lazy nigger radical who hates whitey and got everything handed to him."

    1. KeepFnThatChicken

      Yes. The law degree, the presidency… just handed to him like a shriner throwing candy from a parade.

  24. sharethegrief

    Face it, if you don't have a Dressage horse and a car elevator, you have nothing in your life.

  25. CapnRadio

    Whenever did politics get to the point where we can question how someone makes all of their pretty, shiny money?

  26. zumpie

    So vetting Mittens is "destroying a decent man and his wife" (because running for national office never entails any sort of scrutiny), but endlessly rehashing non-existen issues from umpteen catrillion years ago with the Prez is being responsible?

    Yup, Republicans.

    1. SorosBot

      But how a man makes his money and avoids paying taxes on it is nothing but character assassination! While digging up every single person a man has ever once met in his personal life and finding some tangential way they may have been related to or known a "communist" and demanding documentary proof of what he was doing every second of his life is perfectly reasonable.

      1. bikerlaureate

        Class envy is another cause, too, also.

        If a Democrat can destroy someone by citing facts, even a generous interpretation of the word "decent" isn't going to fly with independents with an average IQ or better.

    1. GlowneyHouse

      Strange.. when you run that phrase through the the Google English-to-Wingnut translator "phantom" comes out as "spook."

    1. Chet Kincaid

      Perhaps this is because, as unconfirmed reports on the Internet suggest, Romney has many financial ties to international trafficking in pre-pubescent girls, as can be traced via damning evidence in his unreleased tax returns?

      1. rickmaci

        There is something in those returns that he reeaaallly does not want America to see. He was born well off, no question. But he went from well off to super mega wealth in his own adult lifetime. That just doesn't happen unless you create something unique and marketable, which we know Mitt did not do. So he is a financial parasite and the only way those types get that kind of bank is by doing things that are illegal, immoral or unethical, or some combination of all of those things.

        1. MittBorg

          HufflePuffz just ran a story about how the 2010 returns are incomplete because they don't include the FBAR report regarding his Swiss bank account. And Forbes was speculating yesterday that he's not releasing because he paid ZERO taxes in 2009, just as the rest of us were watching our savings/retirement/IRA melt away. More rain on ShittyMitty's parade in the forecast, I'm afraid.

  27. KeepFnThatChicken

    If Romney loses this election, I guess he can comfort his sorrows of being personally attacked by counting his munnies. Or he can pray for divine guidance from Moron, or go search for golden plates, or marry another woman. He has lots to accomplish.

  28. Callyson

    "Wasn't vetted" = Dammit, no matter what we do we can't seem to destroy Obama…


  29. ChessieNefercat

    "He believes it’s time to vet the president. He really hasn’t been vetted; McCain didn’t do it.”

    Every time one of these poopheads says "vet", "vetted", or "vetting", insert "beat", "beaten", or "beating."

    "He believes it’s time to beat the president. He really hasn’t been beaten; McCain didn’t do it.”


  30. fartknocker

    The bottom of the barrel that Romney is scraping looking for malfeasance in President's Obama's life is looking pretty fucking clean.

  31. Chet Kincaid

    Bring it, motherfucker! All the crap you mentioned is Old Obama News. Your candidate's shit, however, is fresh, piping hot pie for the media, and it has goaded him into putting his fingerprints all over the bullshit attacks you're going to launch. How many fingers does Romney have left to blow off with these "fireworks"?

  32. OneYieldRegular

    Wait, so a guy who's intent on hiding everything he's ever done now wants to supersize the vettening in this election season? This should be fun.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      No, no, no! Only the Kenyan candidates need vettening! It's in the Konstuhtueshun!

  33. lunchbox360

    Something tells me that "vetting" in this case is just Romney speak for "we're just gonna make some shit up".

  34. rickmaci

    Never mind that we are all getting Mitt's mushroom treatment- kept in the dark about his taxes and covered in shovel loads of shit to hide the truth.

  35. anniegetyerfun

    "Waaaah! For once in their lives, the Democrats are on the offensive! No fair! Waaaaaah!"

  36. DahBoner


    But can Mitt Rommey hold his leg out while licking his sss, like my cat???

  37. bobbert

    "Nixonian"? Who does this moron think he's talking to? People younger than about 55 only remember Tricky as a historical figure. People who are old enough to remember the motherfucker are not going to confuse him with Bamz, whatever their opinions are about either. Invoking Nixon isn't going to change anyone's mind.

    Now, "Rovian" might have some impact, but, oh, wait ….

    1. rickmaci

      The comment actually speaks volumes about the old white guy Rethug mentality. They have never gotten over the takedown on Trickydickie and have been thrashing around for a payback ever since, which is how the whole gottcha thing with Clinton brewed up. When Clinton got away from them, that just made them mental. They were ready to burn BHO effigies if the SCOTUS knocked down the ACA. The outcome in the court has turned them into an all out full blown batshitcrazy mob. Look for their desperation level to amp up even more as Romoney falters.

  38. cletar

    Yeah, McCain didn't vet Obama. You know who McCain did vet, though? Romney. McCain vetted Romney for VP, and then PICKED SOMEONE ELSE.

    Good luck with the whole "not vetted" thing, Willard.

    1. MittBorg

      You do know that the entire 100-pg oppo-research FILE McCain assembled on RMONEY is available online as a PDF download, right? Some mysterious person appears to have leaked it to the press. Everyone associated with McCain's campaign is blaming one of the two FamilyCircus villains.

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