remember when she ran for president

This May Be Michele Bachmann’s Worst Stunt Yet

Hi MarcusUgh, a Bachmann story that we’d like to ignore if it was just another stupid gaffey line about nothing, but this really seals it: she needs to be in a mental institution, which we mean 100% seriously and with the utmost concern for her mental health, or she needs to be sued for abuse of power or defamation or whatever legalese doo-da buzzword thing it is. SHE HAS RELEASED A DOCUMENT, friends, outlining how the Muslim Brotherhood has achieved “deep penetration” into the highest levels of the federal government. She points to Huma Abedin, Hillary Clinton’s State Department slave and Anthony Weiner’s wife, as an Infiltrator, and how does she even have a security clearance? Michele Bachmann is either mentally insane or too stupid to be allowed on a federal ballot, and the latter would be an extraordinary feat. Why is she allowed to be in Congress? Why are these professionally damaging and hurtful and trashy hallucinatory accusations allowed to flow into the world without an official reprimand or censure? How is Michele Bachmann allowed to happen?

It is probable that the Muslim Brotherhood has a presence in Washington, since it RUNS THE COUNTRY OF EGYPT NOW and we recognize this. They surely have many lobbyists and diplomats in Washington, representing the nation of Egypt, in official capacity.

But… maybe they do the illegal infiltration spy route anyway, for the thrill! Here is Michele Bachmann’s case against Huma Abedin, as described by Salon’s Alex Seitz-Wald:

In the new letter, Bachmann questions why Abedin, a top aide to Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and the wife of former Rep. Anthony Weiner, was able to receive a security clearance despite having family members that Bachmann believes are connected to the Brotherhood. “I am particularly interested in exactly how, given what we know from the international media about Ms. Abedin’s documented family connections with the extremist Muslim Brotherhood, she was able to avoid being disqualified for a security clearance,” the congresswoman wrote.

As evidence, she pointed to Abedin’s late father, Professor Syed Z. Abedin, and a 2002 Brigham Young University Law Review article about his work. Bachmann points to a passage saying Abedin founded an organization that received the “quiet but active support” of the the former director of the Muslim World League, an international NGO that was tied to the Muslim Brotherhood in Europe in the 1970s through 1990s. So, to connect Abedin to the Muslim Brotherhood, you have to go through her dead father, to the organization he founded, to a man who allegedly supported it, to the organization that man used to lead, to Europe in the 1970s and 1990s, and finally to the Brotherhood.

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The next paragraph of the law review article she cites quotes Syed Abedin concluding that the Koran calls for, “multiple ways of life … i.e. religious and cultural plurality among mankind.” Pretty scary Islamo-fascist stuff. It’s also worth nothing that Weiner, Huma Abedin’s husband, is one of the most unquestionably pro-Israeli politicians in America. But Bachmann would have us believe that the security clearance process somehow missed Abedin’s nefarious connections, and thus she knows more than, say, the CIA and FBI, who are involved in the background-check process.

Think of Joe McCarthy, if you will. Joe McCarthy is *the* example of witch-hunt absurdity in our politics, and he eventually faced censure, humiliation, and shame. Rightfully so — and yet, the hunch that Soviet sympathizers and communists had infiltrated the government was far less outrageous than what Michele Bachmann is now doing. Joe McCarthy is like a … super… good… guy…. he is a super good guy, compared to the Minnesota mistake.

Keith Ellison should accuse her at length of direct ties to Nazi Holocaust genocide crimes and just run with it for a while, why the hell not. It’s not as if there are rules.

(DISCLAIMER: I am a spy for the Muslim Brotherhood and may have some biases. Come and arrest me, Michele Bachmann! I’ll tell you everything.)

[Salon, via Wonkville miner "Ashleigh_Joe"]

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Hola wonkerados.

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251 comments

    1. supernoun

      As a woman, I would fully support Mittens choosing her to pander to me and my lady-vote.

      1. Flat_Earther

        He has; just not with her.

        Sometimes he pitches; sometimes he catches; sometimes it is a reach around.

    1. nomadicview

      No kidding. With Michele there's often a Freudian twist in her statements. A clear sign of repression. And all the time, I was sure it was Marcus who was repressing his desires.

    2. miss_grundy

      That's not the person he would want to achieve "deep penetration" with. Maybe Mittens would be more his style.

    1. kittensdontlie

      Yea but he converted himself straight so technically….no, he's gay.
      The problem being that his forbidden thoughts are gone, but his body is still gay.

        1. phlox✔

          Trust me on this: No self-respecting homosexual would get within sucking distance of his cock.

      1. kittensdontlie

        Woow…I meant stereotypically he is light on his feet, his lisp is wonderous, his favorite meal is fried chicken and watermelon with a supersized glass of grape soda. That's what I meant….

  1. Biel_ze_Bubba

    "Too stupid to be allowed on a Federal ballot." Wow — that's like a whole new level of stupid. I don't think that any public figure has ever achieved it.

    1. James Michael Curley

      You're forgetting Congressman Theodore McCotter who submitted his ballot petition with over 2,000 signatures and only 224 were valid – many of the pages were photocopied from his 2010 petition.

    2. WhatTheHolyHeck

      Sounds like a new addition to Foxworthy's list. Right below, "If you've ever been too drunk to fish."

  2. actor212

    How is Michele Bachmann allowed to happen?

    Well, you see, sometimes a man and a llama have deep feelings for each other and they express these feelings physically, and nine months later…

    1. EatsBabyDingos

      …a little alien pops out of the chest of the guy standing next to Sigourney Weaver.

    2. savethispatient

      The sad thing is that while we insult her for her Llama-brains, over on the Llama blogosphere, they're insulting her for her short neck.
      Why can't we all just get along!?!

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        None of us here knows the gestation period of a llama. Or the digestion period, for that matter.

    3. MittBorg

      Bah! You cannot convince me, fellow, that that innocent llama had anything to do with the creation of that pinheaded monster trying to eat its face.

  3. SorosBot

    Well I've heard that Michele Backmann has ties to extremist Christians, so how could she pass a security check?

  4. flamingpdog

    outlining how the Muslim Brotherhood has achieved “deep penetration” into the highest levels of the federal government.

    It would be nice if sanity achieved "deep penetration" into the highest levels of her thought processing.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      "Deep"? The slightest penetration would send you clear through and out the other side.

    1. idrobny

      must be a slow day. they are quoting dear old michelle & her gay husband. michelle, shut the fuck up already. you lost! get over it.

  5. elburritodeluxe

    Did Michele forget to mention a certain Mr. Barack Hussein Obama in her anal ysis.

    1. kittensdontlie

      She endured too many long cold Minnesotan winters, although she did have her big teddy bear to cuddle…. oh, it was a actual teddy bear, with marcus having to work late most nights…wink…wink.

  6. Oblios_Cap

    Deep penetration by the weiner-wife!

    Bachmann stands proudly alone as her generation's "Deep Throat".

  7. SayItWithWookies

    Michele Bachmann and Allen West are in a race to see who can be the first to fuck Joe McCarthy's corpse. I hope it's a tie.

  8. Callyson

    Muslim Brotherhood has achieved “deep penetration”

    Well, now we know what Crazy Eyes fantasizes about…

  9. bureaucrap

    Just remember — the observation that "ANYONE can grow up to be president of the United States" was not intended to be a compliment.

  10. Biel_ze_Bubba

    "[T]o connect Abedin to the Muslim Brotherhood, you have to go through her dead father, to the organization he founded, to a man who allegedly supported it, to the organization that man used to lead, to Europe in the 1970s and 1990s, and finally to the Brotherhood."

    You need specialized intelligence tools to find these connections. Does Michele have clearance to use Glenn Beck's blackboard?

  11. actor212

    Michele Bachmann is of Norwegian descent. She's got Lutheran blood in her. Her great-great-great-grandfather attended church in Norway.

    Just like the great-great-great grandfather of Norway's mass killer, Anders Breivik!!!! When will you wake UP, sheeple! She's a mass murderer!

    1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Her ancestors probably raped and pillaged my ancestors. RAPIST! SHE'S A RAPIST!

          1. Fare la Volpe

            I did not have sexual relations with that woman…or that woman…or that woman…or that sheep.

          2. MittBorg

            They were Vikings. It was much more likely to be " [...] with that sheep … or that sheep … or that sheep. Not before *eating* them, anyway."

          3. actor212

            At the law, silence presumes consent. It wasn't our fault their heads fell off from a simple axe blow.

            (PS Please don't Tosh me, bro!)

    2. ThankYouJeebus

      Michele says Huma is a Mooslim…
      Mooslims are imprisoned at Guantanamo Bay…
      Kevin Bacon was in A Few Good Men.

      3 Degrees!

  12. Mittens Howell, III

    Michelle Bachmnann sees deep penetration EVERYWHERE.

    Except in her marriage.

    boom-boom.

  13. MissTaken

    Amateur Hour, Michele. You really needed to link Huma to Saul Alinsky, Bill Ayers, and Obama's Birth Certificate to get this to really stick.

    1. SorosBot

      And what was her involvement in making up the moon landing, hiding the aliens in Roswell, and JFK's assassination?

    2. OneYieldRegular

      Weather Underground. Muslim Brotherhood. They both have the same number of syllables.

      I rest whatever case I was trying to make.

    1. SorosBot

      I think there may actually be a good shot at get rid of her, thanks to redistricting making her district not quite so wingnut-heavy. That would be bad news for comedy, but good news for America.

      1. actor212

        Not so easy to get rid of, however. She has $8 million raised just in this two year cycle, on top of the $14 million she banked in 2010 and 2011 ahead of her Presidential campaign. She has close to $2million in the bank, altho she still owes about a mil from the national run.

        Her Democratic opponent has $400,000 in cash reserves, of which he donated or loaned $250K.

  14. Callyson

    she hints that she has access to secret information as a member of the House Select Committee on Intelligence supporting her claims but can’t make it public

    You know who *else* had secret information and couldn't make it public?

    1. Tundra Grifter

      Jamie Dimon?

      Ya know how to make a small fortune on Wall Street? Go to JP Morgan Chase and invest a big one.

  15. Eve8Apples

    "How is Michele Bachmann allowed to happen?"

    It is a representative democracy, and she represents the insane, paranoid and racist segments of our society.

      1. Extemporanus

        I really wish that I'd had a chance to change that to "Michele Bachmann has a poor sense of Huma." before you replied, you fucking nihilist.

          1. Extemporanus

            I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my edits. Some commenter took them from me in Korea.

  16. EBGrey

    I know Bachman's allegations sound absurd. But, keep in mind, she has first-hand knowledge of how a spouse can lead a double life…ahem.

  17. mull_man

    Lovely logic. So, my father was a typist at Los Alamos in 1945. Therefore, I am responsible for the deaths of ~ 200,000 Japanese civilians. Sheesh, and I thought I had enough guilt issues…

    1. Extemporanus

      "So, my father was a typist at Los Alamos in 1945."

      And apparently a lazy one, at that, which explains why it's called an 'A' bomb.

      1. NellCote71

        Snorting ice tea over my keyboard on that one.

        And, what's up with the Enola GAY????

  18. Nostrildamus

    It is vital to our national interests that no one in government have any understanding of Islam !!!

  19. Nibbler of Niblonia

    this makes me hate her/want to bang her even more than i originally thought possible.

    fucking crazy = crazy fucking

      1. NellCote71

        Kris Kristofferson: "The number-one rule of the road is never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself. You will break this rule, and you will be sorry."

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      You're just lazy: you want to fuck her brains out, but you don't want to have to work hard at it.

    2. FNMA

      Yeah, it's all fun and games until you wake to her standing on the bed, holding a cleaver and speaking in tongues.

  20. SpeedoFart

    Wait, isn't ol' crazy eyes a member of the "highest levels of the Federal government"? Has *she* been pentrated by the Muslim Brotherhood?

    1. Dashboard Buddha

      If she has, Marcus is breathing a sigh of relief right now. He's off the hook for the time being.

  21. Goonemeritus

    I believe Congress Woman Bachmann needs to go full Joe McCarthy on this. If we are going to ever stop this character assassination she needs to stand up and give the country a good look at her philosophy.

  22. spends2much

    Yes, Crazy Eyes has to work hard to ensure that the Brotherhood don't take hold in Murrica. If they did, they'd get rid of pro-choice laws, make everyone worship god, send the ladies home to bake pies, destroy liberal Hollywood…

    Wait, is Michele Bachmann in the Muslin Brotherhood???

  23. BloviateMe

    Big deal betch, connect the Muslim Brotherhood to Kevin Bacon if you want to impress me.

    1. sudsmckenzie

      No problem, the Muslim Brotherhood references the Qur'an as the "sole reference point for …ordering the life of the Muslim family, individual, community and state". Christians site the Bible, the Gutenberg Bible was the first major document ever mass produced, Steve Gutenberg played "Eddie" Simmons in the movie "Diner" and who's role was the "breakout" performance in Diner? Kevin Bacon

  24. rickmaci

    Paraphrasing the immortal words of Joesph N. Welch. "Little did I dream you could be so reckless and so cruel as to do an injury to that young woman. I fear she shall always bear a scar needlessly inflicted by you. If it were in my power to forgive you for your reckless cruelty I would do so. I like to think I am a gentle person but your forgiveness will have to come from someone other than me. Congresswoman. You've done enough. Have you no sense of decency? At long last, have you left no sense of decency? "

  25. JackDempsey1

    " I am a spy for the Muslim Brotherhood and may have some biases."

    Jim: I would like to request your humus recipe prior to the interrogation.
    (Waterboarding does funny things to the long-term memory.)

      1. JackDempsey1

        Well, at least I got both of the m's in "memory," which made the comment partially intelligible.

  26. jodyleek

    I'm sure she thinks she has been personally called by the Arbitrary Tyrant in the Sky to investigate what she considers "Anti-American" activities. Shelly, hang up the phone! It's not even plugged in.

    1. rmjagg

      she needs to take the pin out of the hand grenade so she can plug her phone in , count to ' 3 ' , and wait ….

  27. Boojum

    I would gladly represent Ms. Abedin in suing Michele Bachman.

    Huma, don't lose my number, you don't want to call nobody else.

  28. mavenmaven

    I'm not going to check. Am I poster number 15 writing "I wouldn't mind deep penetrating Huma Abbedin"?

    1. Boojum

      Make that second. Got you by six minutes, which is five minutes longer than my penetration would be likely to last.

  29. Eve8Apples

    Llamas originate in South America. Although they look like sweet little farm animals, they are actually spies sent by Hugo Chavez to infiltrate our state fairs and 4-H clubs.

    1. GunToting[Redacted]

      Damn. The family up the hill from us has two in their yard. I THOUGHT the fuzzy bastards were looking at me funny.

    2. rmjagg

      and michelle happened to hook up with the suave looking one . when he spat in her face , as llamas ( and baggers ) are prone to doing , the spit contained the terrorist plans for our enslavement , to be passed on to their christofascist brothers ….

  30. Estproph

    I remember when Sen. Paula Hawkins (R-FL) was the official crazyfuck on Capitol Hill…

  31. BornInATrailer

    "Imagine Marcus atop her, imagining he's atop some stud while Michelle imagines that it's Jesus atop her."

    OK, which one of you made that comment at Salon?

  32. KeepFnThatChicken

    A person talking this much crazy needs to find a good counselor.

    Gee, I wonder where she could find one.

  33. SorosBot

    Beyond that, I suspect Michele was replaced by one of the Founders or Changelings, the shape-shifting rulers of the Dominion! No human could be that crazy, be that oblivious to her husband's obvious homosexuality, or spell Michelle that way. I demand that she submit to a blood test to prove that she is actually a solid, non-morphogenic being!

    1. ASHLEIGH_Joe

      But they can fake the blood tests, too, though, so we really need to assume that any negative tests are actually due to the Changeling practice of Space-Taqiyya

    2. emmelemm

      Is this going to turn out like the scene in The Thing, where you run electricity into the blood and the monster leaps out of the petri dish?

        1. emmelemm

          Reminds me of the Alien "Hello my honey hello my darling hello my ragtime gal!" that somebody referenced in another comment today.

  34. MissTaken

    In Sarah's VP audition tape she just did some fancy pageant walking. The competition this time around is so stiff that Michele has to go on and on about deep penetration.

    Next up, Herman Cain shows Michele what's *really* meant by deep penetration.

      1. SorosBot

        It's something that she has never learned about from Marcus.

        His "therapy" clients on the other hand…

    1. rmjagg

      michelle will have to do cartwheels across the stage , without underpants , a la Tallulah Bankhead , to get noticed these days …

      1. James Michael Curley

        Yea. He helped the Brits celebrate their victory in WWII with that classic “Bund on the Run!”

  35. Nibbler of Niblonia

    Just checking, did anyone make a joke about deep penetrating either Bachman or Abedin yet?

  36. randcoolcatdaddy

    Nixon wandering around the White House in an alcoholic haze mumbling at Presidential portraits has got nothin' on the current crop of Republicans for crazy…

  37. rickmaci

    If the Dems are smart they do a bunch of TV buys in the Detroit area for ads that glue Batshitcrazy to Romoney and make the Repukes spend the rest of the week trying to so some 'splainin.

    1. miss_grundy

      They can use Thaddeus McCotter as an example of what happens when Repubs lose all sense of reality, especially when they gerrymandered what was supposed to be a "safe" seat.

  38. ASHLEIGH_Joe

    It’s also worth nothing that Weiner, Huma Abedin’s husband, is one of the most unquestionably pro-Israeli politicians in America.

    Actually, if you'll remember back to the days when Andrew Breitbart, who is still dead, was waving around dick pics, there's a really excellent answer to that one, too:

    Anthony Weiner is a secret Muslim.

    Facts in evidence to support this: a) he's married to a Muslim, and everyone knows that interfaith relationships don't exist, and b) he (pseudo-)cheated on her, which non-Muslims never do, ever. That was the entirety of the thesis and supporting arguments of that column, if I remember correctly.

    1. bobbert

      Thank you for reminding me that Andrew Breitbart is still dead. I can never get too much of that.

  39. thefrontpage

    What Bachmann doesn't actually admit is that her mother is Arabic, and Bachmann's maiden name is actually Bachabilitiv, which is Arabic for "insane," and the family's name was changed at Ellis Island. Bachmann is abou 40 percent Saudi Arabian, and her father was a famous industrialist in Saudi Arabia. Also, several of Bachmann's ancestors were all members of the Muslim Brotherhood, and several of her relatives played in the rock band, The Muslim Brotherhood of Man, which is probably best known for its 1972 Top 40 hit, "He's Not Heavy, He's My Muslim Brother."

    1. rmjagg

      those 23 foster kids/free domestic labor / cash cows were brainwashed into spies for the muslim/christian brotherhood , who are hell bent on enslaving us …

  40. Robman2

    There hasn't been any really deep penetration over in her realm for a while, perhaps someone from the SF drinky, can direct Ms. B to an appropriate self manged device for that purpose?

    1. rmjagg

      all she needs is to take the engine out of the power mower , rig it to an industrial sized piston , slip a plastic tent on it and voila , problem solved

  41. Blunderthing

    In the land of the blind, the complete idiot throws anything against the wall hoping it will stick and get her into the news cycle.

  42. Dashboard Buddha

    Then: Let us not assassinate this lad further, Senator. You've done enough. Have you no sense of decency, sir? At long last, have you left no sense of decency?

    Now: For the love of Christ you blithering harpy will you just Shut.the.fuck.up?!

    1. GunToting[Redacted]

      Ms. Bachmann, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

  43. OneYieldRegular

    How ridiculous. I mean it's not like Abedin Huma was so unpatriotic as to accept citizenship in Switzerland or anything.

  44. Terry

    Minnesotans should be deeply ashamed and embarrassed that they elected this woman to national office. Yes, I know that less than 150,000 people actually voted for her, but the rest of Minnesota should sit those people down and talk some sense into them. Perhaps over a nice cup of coffee.

  45. docterry6973

    I thought we all were paid by the Muslim Brotherhood to destroy America with snarky comments. I know I am.

  46. Hammiepants

    Man, she is dumber than a sack of hammers. I think she truly believes that having a name that SOUNDS Islamic or "Muslin" or what have you is some sort of tacit admission of terrorist leanings.

    1. rmjagg

      why doesn't michelle go by her full name ' michelle osama abdulla bachmann ' . why does she not do that ? I saw it written on the latrine wall at the breibart memorial truckstop bathroom stall

  47. rickmaci

    I have this fantasy that Hillary confronts OneL somewhere in D.C. when there are lots of reporters around and just winds up and bitchslaps Bachman into 2013.

  48. Baba_NinjaCat12

    Next, she probably will investigate Algebra, Hospitals, scientific terms and anything that was touched and historically influenced by the Islamic world as an insidious plot to turn our nation into Islamic culture. What a Ha*BOOB.

  49. BarryWDC

    After the confluence of "Bachmann" and "deep penetration," I just couldn't focus to read the rest of the article.

  50. ttommyunger

    When Michele spouts shit like this, it just makes me want to burst in un-invited during her Christmas Dinner with Marcus, hog-tie him to a chair, bend her over the dining room table, ass-rape her then wipe my dick off on the drapes and calmly walk out. But that's just me.

  51. labman57

    Another day, another example of Republican buffoonery.

    Bachmann and a number of another tea party brown-nosing politicos share fundamental character flaws — they all have a propensity toward making snide, petty comments about those with whom they disagree, they rarely do their homework before making public comments regarding important science-related issues, societal topics, and historical events, and none appear to be mature enough to accept responsibility for their own mistakes, failures, and shortcomings.

    Bachmann has a penchant for taking unsubstantiated, isolated anecdotal accounts taken from supermarket rags and online blogs run by right wing extremists — along with her own personal biases — and using them as the basis for formulating public policy. Who needs verifiable evidence, unbiased comprehensive data, fact-checking, and sound reasoning when you can rely upon highly speculative supposition and inflammatory innuendo instead?

    Bachmann's m.o. is to promote irrational fear — delusional nonsense about taking up arms against census takers, the government sending people to internment camps, progressives in Congress having unAmerican motives, repealing the U.S. Senate, encouraging her constituents to be armed and dangerous, etc.

    Bachmann's banal, nonsensical rhetoric is 40% demagoguery, 20% paranoid delusion, and 40% the result of being an ignorant dumbs**t.

  52. ChapterUndVerse

    "…to connect Abedin to the Muslim Brotherhood, you have to go through her dead father, to the organization he founded, to a man who allegedly supported it, to the organization that man used to lead, to Europe in the 1970s and 1990s, and finally to the Brotherhood."

    And through Michele Bachmann's beliefs, also. Too.

  53. Willardbot9000_V2.5

    You know Newell I think this woman has gone so long without sex that it's completely screwed up her brain. I mean over the last 40 years the only excitement she's gotten has been the spin cycle…Marcus cries every time she mentions it. If someone really wanted to take one for the team…they could totally fuck Bachmann blue. Imagine the nexus of crazy energy released in one nuclear orgasm of pent-up frustration for being married to the fruitiest closet case in modern history…

  54. danielwalldammit

    Shameless Muslim-baiting for the win! The sad part is that this will work with her base.

Comments are closed.