REMEMBER WHEN SHE RAN FOR PRESIDENT  3:04 pm July 17, 2012

This May Be Michele Bachmann’s Worst Stunt Yet

by Jim Newell

Hi MarcusUgh, a Bachmann story that we’d like to ignore if it was just another stupid gaffey line about nothing, but this really seals it: she needs to be in a mental institution, which we mean 100% seriously and with the utmost concern for her mental health, or she needs to be sued for abuse of power or defamation or whatever legalese doo-da buzzword thing it is. SHE HAS RELEASED A DOCUMENT, friends, outlining how the Muslim Brotherhood has achieved “deep penetration” into the highest levels of the federal government. She points to Huma Abedin, Hillary Clinton’s State Department slave and Anthony Weiner’s wife, as an Infiltrator, and how does she even have a security clearance? Michele Bachmann is either mentally insane or too stupid to be allowed on a federal ballot, and the latter would be an extraordinary feat. Why is she allowed to be in Congress? Why are these professionally damaging and hurtful and trashy hallucinatory accusations allowed to flow into the world without an official reprimand or censure? How is Michele Bachmann allowed to happen?

It is probable that the Muslim Brotherhood has a presence in Washington, since it RUNS THE COUNTRY OF EGYPT NOW and we recognize this. They surely have many lobbyists and diplomats in Washington, representing the nation of Egypt, in official capacity.

But… maybe they do the illegal infiltration spy route anyway, for the thrill! Here is Michele Bachmann’s case against Huma Abedin, as described by Salon’s Alex Seitz-Wald:

In the new letter, Bachmann questions why Abedin, a top aide to Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and the wife of former Rep. Anthony Weiner, was able to receive a security clearance despite having family members that Bachmann believes are connected to the Brotherhood. “I am particularly interested in exactly how, given what we know from the international media about Ms. Abedin’s documented family connections with the extremist Muslim Brotherhood, she was able to avoid being disqualified for a security clearance,” the congresswoman wrote.

As evidence, she pointed to Abedin’s late father, Professor Syed Z. Abedin, and a 2002 Brigham Young University Law Review article about his work. Bachmann points to a passage saying Abedin founded an organization that received the “quiet but active support” of the the former director of the Muslim World League, an international NGO that was tied to the Muslim Brotherhood in Europe in the 1970s through 1990s. So, to connect Abedin to the Muslim Brotherhood, you have to go through her dead father, to the organization he founded, to a man who allegedly supported it, to the organization that man used to lead, to Europe in the 1970s and 1990s, and finally to the Brotherhood.

The next paragraph of the law review article she cites quotes Syed Abedin concluding that the Koran calls for, “multiple ways of life … i.e. religious and cultural plurality among mankind.” Pretty scary Islamo-fascist stuff. It’s also worth nothing that Weiner, Huma Abedin’s husband, is one of the most unquestionably pro-Israeli politicians in America. But Bachmann would have us believe that the security clearance process somehow missed Abedin’s nefarious connections, and thus she knows more than, say, the CIA and FBI, who are involved in the background-check process.

Think of Joe McCarthy, if you will. Joe McCarthy is *the* example of witch-hunt absurdity in our politics, and he eventually faced censure, humiliation, and shame. Rightfully so — and yet, the hunch that Soviet sympathizers and communists had infiltrated the government was far less outrageous than what Michele Bachmann is now doing. Joe McCarthy is like a … super… good… guy…. he is a super good guy, compared to the Minnesota mistake.

Keith Ellison should accuse her at length of direct ties to Nazi Holocaust genocide crimes and just run with it for a while, why the hell not. It’s not as if there are rules.

(DISCLAIMER: I am a spy for the Muslim Brotherhood and may have some biases. Come and arrest me, Michele Bachmann! I’ll tell you everything.)

[Salon, via Wonkville miner "Ashleigh_Joe"]

 
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{ 251 comments }

sbj1964 July 17, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Mitt,Please Pick her for your Veep!

Chill_Bill July 17, 2012 at 3:13 pm

According to Walnuts, Michelle is a better candidate than Mitt.

MittBorg July 17, 2012 at 7:10 pm

He's already walked that back by saying he didn't mean it that way.

supernoun July 17, 2012 at 4:00 pm

As a woman, I would fully support Mittens choosing her to pander to me and my lady-vote.

MittBorg July 17, 2012 at 7:09 pm

She's pushing for it, which is why this little exhibition.

Chill_Bill July 17, 2012 at 3:07 pm

"Muslim Brotherhood has achieved “deep penetration”"

Marcus, take note.

tbogg July 17, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Oh fuck you, bill with your fast typing fingers.

tbogg July 17, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Oh, so now I'm just a pity fuck to you.

Actually, that's the story of my life…

actor212 July 17, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Now, Bogg, as you get older, you get slower. Many women appreciate that.

Fare la Volpe July 17, 2012 at 4:10 pm

"I don't have to chase him down no more."

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 17, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Michele is just upset that Marcus hasn't been able to do during their entire marriage.

Flat_Earther July 17, 2012 at 4:18 pm

He has; just not with her.

Sometimes he pitches; sometimes he catches; sometimes it is a reach around.

Boojum July 17, 2012 at 3:20 pm

If the deep penetration involves Huma Abedin, please sign me up on the list.

nomadicview July 17, 2012 at 4:59 pm

No kidding. With Michele there's often a Freudian twist in her statements. A clear sign of repression. And all the time, I was sure it was Marcus who was repressing his desires.

MittBorg July 17, 2012 at 7:12 pm

Tell us more. (gazes dreamily at nomadicview)

miss_grundy July 17, 2012 at 7:09 pm

That's not the person he would want to achieve "deep penetration" with. Maybe Mittens would be more his style.

tbogg July 17, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Marcus is gay.

First with that!

kittensdontlie July 17, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Yea but he converted himself straight so technically….no, he's gay.
The problem being that his forbidden thoughts are gone, but his body is still gay.

LesBontemps July 17, 2012 at 4:22 pm

He's not gay. He just wonders why all these homosexuals keep sucking his cock.

phlox✔ July 17, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Trust me on this: No self-respecting homosexual would get within sucking distance of his cock.

starfanglednut July 17, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Onion libel!

MittBorg July 17, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Actually, knowing Marcus and Michele, I'm sure *he's* wondering why he keeps sucking all these homosexual cocks.

kittensdontlie July 19, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Woow…I meant stereotypically he is light on his feet, his lisp is wonderous, his favorite meal is fried chicken and watermelon with a supersized glass of grape soda. That's what I meant….

Self-Uploader July 17, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Poor Huma seems to have a history of getting screwed by assholes.

DemmeFatale July 17, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Really.
Poor thing.
Doesn't she have enough problems?

arihaya July 17, 2012 at 7:11 pm

I don't think you can say that Hillary is asshole.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 17, 2012 at 3:08 pm

"Too stupid to be allowed on a Federal ballot." Wow — that's like a whole new level of stupid. I don't think that any public figure has ever achieved it.

James Michael Curley July 17, 2012 at 3:18 pm

You're forgetting Congressman Theodore McCotter who submitted his ballot petition with over 2,000 signatures and only 224 were valid – many of the pages were photocopied from his 2010 petition.

Boojum July 17, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Thaddeus?

James Michael Curley July 17, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Processing glitch.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 17, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Too stupid to get on the ballot is a whole different thing. (Right, Newt?)

Oblios_Cap July 17, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Even Issa has been on a ballot.

sullivanst July 17, 2012 at 3:19 pm

I present to you: Thaddeus McCotter.

EDIT: I knew I should've refreshed first.

WhatTheHolyHeck July 17, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Sounds like a new addition to Foxworthy's list. Right below, "If you've ever been too drunk to fish."

Marge75 July 17, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Until now.

actor212 July 17, 2012 at 3:08 pm

How is Michele Bachmann allowed to happen?

Well, you see, sometimes a man and a llama have deep feelings for each other and they express these feelings physically, and nine months later…

EatsBabyDingos July 17, 2012 at 3:17 pm

…a little alien pops out of the chest of the guy standing next to Sigourney Weaver.

actor212 July 17, 2012 at 3:22 pm

"Hello, my honey! Hello, my baby! Hello, my rag time gal!"

savethispatient July 17, 2012 at 3:24 pm

The sad thing is that while we insult her for her Llama-brains, over on the Llama blogosphere, they're insulting her for her short neck.
Why can't we all just get along!?!

DemmeFatale July 17, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Can't be a llama.
Llama has two L's.

actor212 July 17, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Well, hello, Dalai!

She retroactively retired one.

MittBorg July 17, 2012 at 7:16 pm

The one-l lama, he's a priest
The two-l llama, …

and so forth, thank you, Ogden Nash.

rmjagg July 17, 2012 at 5:19 pm

it doesn't take nine months to take a dump ….

Biel_ze_Bubba July 17, 2012 at 5:39 pm

None of us here knows the gestation period of a llama. Or the digestion period, for that matter.

MittBorg July 17, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Bah! You cannot convince me, fellow, that that innocent llama had anything to do with the creation of that pinheaded monster trying to eat its face.

ChernobylSoup July 17, 2012 at 3:10 pm

I blame that Higg's boson thing.

Oblios_Cap July 17, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Michele sure is in awe of the Weiners.

EatsBabyDingos July 17, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Is that why Marcus likes to do her in the butt and call her Oscar Meyer?

starfanglednut July 17, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Dude, that's just gross.

SorosBot July 17, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Well I've heard that Michele Backmann has ties to extremist Christians, so how could she pass a security check?

Chill_Bill July 17, 2012 at 3:44 pm

She's a member of the "Sisterhood of the Traveling Twats."

supernoun July 17, 2012 at 4:02 pm

See the thing is, extremist Christians are White. So y'know, not terrorists.

CindynEncinitas July 17, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Like their patron saint, Timothy McVeigh.

flamingpdog July 17, 2012 at 3:11 pm

outlining how the Muslim Brotherhood has achieved “deep penetration” into the highest levels of the federal government.

It would be nice if sanity achieved "deep penetration" into the highest levels of her thought processing.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 17, 2012 at 3:17 pm

"Deep"? The slightest penetration would send you clear through and out the other side.

coolhandnuke July 17, 2012 at 3:11 pm

…How is Michele Bachmann allowed to happen?…

Shit happens.

sewollef July 17, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Shit happens. – Donald Rumsfeld.

Another unpleasant clusterfuck of a human being.

idrobny July 17, 2012 at 5:28 pm

must be a slow day. they are quoting dear old michelle & her gay husband. michelle, shut the fuck up already. you lost! get over it.

elburritodeluxe July 17, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Did Michele forget to mention a certain Mr. Barack Hussein Obama in her anal ysis.

Nostrildamus July 17, 2012 at 3:17 pm

ysis cyst

sudsmckenzie July 17, 2012 at 3:12 pm

I can see her "Chutspa" from my house.

SayItWithWookies July 17, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Someone should tell her to close her drapes.

sewollef July 17, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Or her legs.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 17, 2012 at 3:12 pm

How is Michele Bachmann allowed to happen?

She was vaccinated?

kittensdontlie July 17, 2012 at 3:51 pm

She endured too many long cold Minnesotan winters, although she did have her big teddy bear to cuddle…. oh, it was a actual teddy bear, with marcus having to work late most nights…wink…wink.

Oblios_Cap July 17, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Deep penetration by the weiner-wife!

Bachmann stands proudly alone as her generation's "Deep Throat".

bonghitforjesus July 17, 2012 at 4:50 pm

and boy is Marcus jealous!

UW8316154 July 17, 2012 at 3:13 pm

No, no – it is I who is a spy for the Muslim Brotherhood!!

Estproph July 17, 2012 at 3:17 pm

No! I am Spartacus!

flamingpdog July 17, 2012 at 3:18 pm

No, I'M Spartacus!!!

actor212 July 17, 2012 at 3:21 pm

THIS! IS! SPARTA!

Wait. Wrong movie…

widestanceromance July 17, 2012 at 3:44 pm

I BROKE THE DAM!

mmeetoilenoir July 17, 2012 at 10:04 pm

I shot the (Omar) Sharif?

But, I did not kill the deputy.

SayItWithWookies July 17, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Michele Bachmann and Allen West are in a race to see who can be the first to fuck Joe McCarthy's corpse. I hope it's a tie.

Steverino247 July 17, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Double penetration on Taking-It-in-the-Tail Joe?

rmjagg July 17, 2012 at 5:21 pm

the gooiest fustercluck ever …

miss_grundy July 17, 2012 at 7:14 pm

But Joe McCarthy was from Wisconsin….. Okay, same difference.

Callyson July 17, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Muslim Brotherhood has achieved “deep penetration”

Well, now we know what Crazy Eyes fantasizes about…

Self-Uploader July 17, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Well, I mean really, it's been such a long time.

bureaucrap July 17, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Just remember — the observation that "ANYONE can grow up to be president of the United States" was not intended to be a compliment.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 17, 2012 at 3:14 pm

"[T]o connect Abedin to the Muslim Brotherhood, you have to go through her dead father, to the organization he founded, to a man who allegedly supported it, to the organization that man used to lead, to Europe in the 1970s and 1990s, and finally to the Brotherhood."

You need specialized intelligence tools to find these connections. Does Michele have clearance to use Glenn Beck's blackboard?

rickmaci July 17, 2012 at 3:15 pm

I am Huma Abedin!!! Come get me you bigoted fascist b****.

KeepFnThatChicken July 17, 2012 at 3:35 pm

I'd say she's gotta be the bigger turrist.

Tundra Grifter July 17, 2012 at 7:12 pm

Today, we are all Huma Abedin.

actor212 July 17, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Michele Bachmann is of Norwegian descent. She's got Lutheran blood in her. Her great-great-great-grandfather attended church in Norway.

Just like the great-great-great grandfather of Norway's mass killer, Anders Breivik!!!! When will you wake UP, sheeple! She's a mass murderer!

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 17, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Her ancestors probably raped and pillaged my ancestors. RAPIST! SHE'S A RAPIST!

actor212 July 17, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Let's not get crazy here. We Vikings weren't rapists, we got retroactive permission.

WhatTheHeck July 17, 2012 at 3:41 pm

you retired from raping before you started raping?

Fare la Volpe July 17, 2012 at 4:13 pm

I did not have sexual relations with that woman…or that woman…or that woman…or that sheep.

actor212 July 18, 2012 at 9:25 am

At the law, silence presumes consent. It wasn't our fault their heads fell off from a simple axe blow.

(PS Please don't Tosh me, bro!)

GunToting[Redacted] July 17, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Immigrant Song libel!

emmelemm July 17, 2012 at 5:02 pm

That's just fucking brilliant. Deep insight you got there.

rmjagg July 17, 2012 at 5:23 pm

to The Hague with her – crimes against humanity

ThankYouJeebus July 17, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Michele says Huma is a Mooslim…
Mooslims are imprisoned at Guantanamo Bay…
Kevin Bacon was in A Few Good Men.

3 Degrees!

Mittens Howell, III July 17, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Michelle Bachmnann sees deep penetration EVERYWHERE.

Except in her marriage.

boom-boom.

Oblios_Cap July 17, 2012 at 3:19 pm

"Try the veal."

Hammiepants July 17, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Oh she sees deep penetration in her marriage. It's just not with her.

rmjagg July 17, 2012 at 5:26 pm

;-)

MissTaken July 17, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Amateur Hour, Michele. You really needed to link Huma to Saul Alinsky, Bill Ayers, and Obama's Birth Certificate to get this to really stick.

SorosBot July 17, 2012 at 3:41 pm

And what was her involvement in making up the moon landing, hiding the aliens in Roswell, and JFK's assassination?

OneYieldRegular July 17, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Weather Underground. Muslim Brotherhood. They both have the same number of syllables.

I rest whatever case I was trying to make.

Marge75 July 17, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Well, see, she's um-m not too bright?

SoBeach July 17, 2012 at 3:16 pm

She's not going to re-elected in November right? Right?

SorosBot July 17, 2012 at 3:22 pm

I think there may actually be a good shot at get rid of her, thanks to redistricting making her district not quite so wingnut-heavy. That would be bad news for comedy, but good news for America.

actor212 July 17, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Not so easy to get rid of, however. She has $8 million raised just in this two year cycle, on top of the $14 million she banked in 2010 and 2011 ahead of her Presidential campaign. She has close to $2million in the bank, altho she still owes about a mil from the national run.

Her Democratic opponent has $400,000 in cash reserves, of which he donated or loaned $250K.

sullivanst July 17, 2012 at 3:37 pm

On the other hand, hopefully he at least lives in the district…

Callyson July 17, 2012 at 3:17 pm

she hints that she has access to secret information as a member of the House Select Committee on Intelligence supporting her claims but can’t make it public

You know who *else* had secret information and couldn't make it public?

SorosBot July 17, 2012 at 3:22 pm

John McCain, on how to catch Osama bin Laden?

sullivanst July 17, 2012 at 3:27 pm

John McCain?

EDIT: Again too slow. You gotta be quick around here, dontcha?

actor212 July 17, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Arthur Treacher?

sudsmckenzie July 17, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Kelly Preston?

emmelemm July 17, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Katie Holmes?

doloras July 17, 2012 at 9:55 pm

DAVID MISCAVIGE

MissTaken July 17, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Donald Trump in Hawaii?

sullivanst July 17, 2012 at 3:38 pm

IT'S GONNA BE YOOJ!

bobbert July 17, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Colonel Sanders?

Steverino247 July 17, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Me.

chicken_thief July 17, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Ted Kennedy?

GunToting[Redacted] July 17, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Willard "Mittens" "R-Money" Romney Howell III?

Tundra Grifter July 17, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Jamie Dimon?

Ya know how to make a small fortune on Wall Street? Go to JP Morgan Chase and invest a big one.

Eve8Apples July 17, 2012 at 3:17 pm

"How is Michele Bachmann allowed to happen?"

It is a representative democracy, and she represents the insane, paranoid and racist segments of our society.

Extemporanus July 17, 2012 at 3:18 pm

I fail to see the Huma in this story.

(The Muslim Brotherhood made me say that.)

actor212 July 17, 2012 at 3:20 pm

The Dude Abedin.

Extemporanus July 17, 2012 at 3:50 pm

I really wish that I'd had a chance to change that to "Michele Bachmann has a poor sense of Huma." before you replied, you fucking nihilist.

Chill_Bill July 17, 2012 at 4:10 pm

He really fucking hates the "Edit" button, doesn't he?

Extemporanus July 17, 2012 at 5:17 pm

He p'd on my pun!

emmelemm July 17, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Humina humina!

Extemporanus July 17, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Abedin-Abedin-Abedin-dat's all folks!

EBGrey July 17, 2012 at 3:18 pm

I know Bachman's allegations sound absurd. But, keep in mind, she has first-hand knowledge of how a spouse can lead a double life…ahem.

mull_man July 17, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Lovely logic. So, my father was a typist at Los Alamos in 1945. Therefore, I am responsible for the deaths of ~ 200,000 Japanese civilians. Sheesh, and I thought I had enough guilt issues…

Extemporanus July 17, 2012 at 3:28 pm

"So, my father was a typist at Los Alamos in 1945."

And apparently a lazy one, at that, which explains why it's called an 'A' bomb.

NellCote71 July 17, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Snorting ice tea over my keyboard on that one.

And, what's up with the Enola GAY????

Steverino247 July 17, 2012 at 4:04 pm

That's just fucking brilliant!

KeepFnThatChicken July 17, 2012 at 3:18 pm

"Representative Bachmann, are you now, or have you ever been, a dumbass?"

Nostrildamus July 17, 2012 at 3:19 pm

It is vital to our national interests that no one in government have any understanding of Islam !!!

Guppy July 17, 2012 at 4:39 pm

It's how Bush kept us safe!

Nibbler of Niblonia July 17, 2012 at 3:19 pm

this makes me hate her/want to bang her even more than i originally thought possible.

fucking crazy = crazy fucking

actor212 July 17, 2012 at 3:20 pm

I dig crazy chicks, but this is one I couldn't dig deep enough.

NellCote71 July 17, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Kris Kristofferson: "The number-one rule of the road is never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself. You will break this rule, and you will be sorry."

Biel_ze_Bubba July 17, 2012 at 3:27 pm

You're just lazy: you want to fuck her brains out, but you don't want to have to work hard at it.

Nibbler of Niblonia July 17, 2012 at 3:30 pm

maybe it would snap her brain back into place. i'd try, for science.

sullivanst July 17, 2012 at 3:31 pm

S'true.

FNMA July 17, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Yeah, it's all fun and games until you wake to her standing on the bed, holding a cleaver and speaking in tongues.

Dashboard Buddha July 17, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Dammit! What is up with you people reading my diary???

GunToting[Redacted] July 17, 2012 at 4:42 pm

"Shely, put the bunny DOWN."

MittBorg July 17, 2012 at 7:24 pm

AGAIN with the fucking bunny! It's a PLOTZ!

Dashboard Buddha July 17, 2012 at 3:55 pm

tighter, wetting, stronger, crazier.

SpeedoFart July 17, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Wait, isn't ol' crazy eyes a member of the "highest levels of the Federal government"? Has *she* been pentrated by the Muslim Brotherhood?

MacRaith July 17, 2012 at 3:25 pm

No. The Muslim Brotherhood has standards.

Nibbler of Niblonia July 17, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Her real name is Meesh al Backmahan

bobbert July 17, 2012 at 3:37 pm

In her dreams.

widestanceromance July 17, 2012 at 3:51 pm

She is unclean dog. They no penetrate her.

Dashboard Buddha July 17, 2012 at 3:54 pm

If she has, Marcus is breathing a sigh of relief right now. He's off the hook for the time being.

Steverino247 July 17, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Any penetration, however slight, is sufficient to complete the crime.

rmjagg July 17, 2012 at 5:28 pm

she's still waiting – she's used to waiting .. and waiting …

MittBorg July 17, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Oh, how she longs to be! Especially by that Hussein guy, uh, uh, uh, uh, ummm.

Goonemeritus July 17, 2012 at 3:20 pm

I believe Congress Woman Bachmann needs to go full Joe McCarthy on this. If we are going to ever stop this character assassination she needs to stand up and give the country a good look at her philosophy.

flamingpdog July 17, 2012 at 3:25 pm

If by "philosophy" you mean "boobies".

spends2much July 17, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Yes, Crazy Eyes has to work hard to ensure that the Brotherhood don't take hold in Murrica. If they did, they'd get rid of pro-choice laws, make everyone worship god, send the ladies home to bake pies, destroy liberal Hollywood…

Wait, is Michele Bachmann in the Muslin Brotherhood???

MittBorg July 17, 2012 at 7:26 pm

AH-HA!

BloviateMe July 17, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Big deal betch, connect the Muslim Brotherhood to Kevin Bacon if you want to impress me.

sudsmckenzie July 17, 2012 at 4:04 pm

No problem, the Muslim Brotherhood references the Qur'an as the "sole reference point for …ordering the life of the Muslim family, individual, community and state". Christians site the Bible, the Gutenberg Bible was the first major document ever mass produced, Steve Gutenberg played "Eddie" Simmons in the movie "Diner" and who's role was the "breakout" performance in Diner? Kevin Bacon

emmelemm July 17, 2012 at 5:12 pm

I give that a 9.5. Well done!

ShreditorsDesk July 17, 2012 at 3:22 pm

She'd make a great secretary of secretaries….if it was pageant !

rickmaci July 17, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Paraphrasing the immortal words of Joesph N. Welch. "Little did I dream you could be so reckless and so cruel as to do an injury to that young woman. I fear she shall always bear a scar needlessly inflicted by you. If it were in my power to forgive you for your reckless cruelty I would do so. I like to think I am a gentle person but your forgiveness will have to come from someone other than me. Congresswoman. You've done enough. Have you no sense of decency? At long last, have you left no sense of decency? "

JackDempsey1 July 17, 2012 at 3:24 pm

" I am a spy for the Muslim Brotherhood and may have some biases."

Jim: I would like to request your humus recipe prior to the interrogation.
(Waterboarding does funny things to the long-term memory.)

Mumbletypeg July 17, 2012 at 3:32 pm

and, just FYI: humus does weird things to hummus~

JackDempsey1 July 17, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Well, at least I got both of the m's in "memory," which made the comment partially intelligible.

MittBorg July 17, 2012 at 7:27 pm

Also too Ful Medammes. I want that recipe!

jodyleek July 17, 2012 at 3:24 pm

I'm sure she thinks she has been personally called by the Arbitrary Tyrant in the Sky to investigate what she considers "Anti-American" activities. Shelly, hang up the phone! It's not even plugged in.

rmjagg July 17, 2012 at 5:32 pm

she needs to take the pin out of the hand grenade so she can plug her phone in , count to ' 3 ' , and wait ….

MittBorg July 17, 2012 at 7:28 pm

What IS it with you people? You actually think she can COUNT! Hah!

Boojum July 17, 2012 at 3:25 pm

I would gladly represent Ms. Abedin in suing Michele Bachman.

Huma, don't lose my number, you don't want to call nobody else.

fuflans July 17, 2012 at 3:25 pm

irresponsible stupid fear-mongering twat.

mavenmaven July 17, 2012 at 3:26 pm

I'm not going to check. Am I poster number 15 writing "I wouldn't mind deep penetrating Huma Abbedin"?

rickmaci July 17, 2012 at 3:30 pm

No. You're the first, you MCP. I hate you for thinking of it before me.

Boojum July 17, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Make that second. Got you by six minutes, which is five minutes longer than my penetration would be likely to last.

Eve8Apples July 17, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Llamas originate in South America. Although they look like sweet little farm animals, they are actually spies sent by Hugo Chavez to infiltrate our state fairs and 4-H clubs.

GunToting[Redacted] July 17, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Damn. The family up the hill from us has two in their yard. I THOUGHT the fuzzy bastards were looking at me funny.

rmjagg July 17, 2012 at 5:37 pm

and michelle happened to hook up with the suave looking one . when he spat in her face , as llamas ( and baggers ) are prone to doing , the spit contained the terrorist plans for our enslavement , to be passed on to their christofascist brothers ….

Estproph July 17, 2012 at 3:27 pm

I remember when Sen. Paula Hawkins (R-FL) was the official crazyfuck on Capitol Hill…

FNMA July 17, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Wouldn't even make the top 10 now…

MittBorg July 17, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Surely Helen Chenoweth gets an honourable mention?

BornInATrailer July 17, 2012 at 3:28 pm

"Imagine Marcus atop her, imagining he's atop some stud while Michelle imagines that it's Jesus atop her."

OK, which one of you made that comment at Salon?

occams8ball July 17, 2012 at 4:20 pm

they are both imagining Jesus who loves them too.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 17, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Huh … so this is why "muscular Jeebus" has so many fans.

KeepFnThatChicken July 17, 2012 at 3:28 pm

A person talking this much crazy needs to find a good counselor.

Gee, I wonder where she could find one.

SorosBot July 17, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Beyond that, I suspect Michele was replaced by one of the Founders or Changelings, the shape-shifting rulers of the Dominion! No human could be that crazy, be that oblivious to her husband's obvious homosexuality, or spell Michelle that way. I demand that she submit to a blood test to prove that she is actually a solid, non-morphogenic being!

ASHLEIGH_Joe July 17, 2012 at 3:51 pm

But they can fake the blood tests, too, though, so we really need to assume that any negative tests are actually due to the Changeling practice of Space-Taqiyya

emmelemm July 17, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Is this going to turn out like the scene in The Thing, where you run electricity into the blood and the monster leaps out of the petri dish?

Biel_ze_Bubba July 17, 2012 at 5:55 pm

In this version, the monster proceeds to run for Congress.

emmelemm July 17, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Reminds me of the Alien "Hello my honey hello my darling hello my ragtime gal!" that somebody referenced in another comment today.

MissTaken July 17, 2012 at 3:29 pm

In Sarah's VP audition tape she just did some fancy pageant walking. The competition this time around is so stiff that Michele has to go on and on about deep penetration.

Next up, Herman Cain shows Michele what's *really* meant by deep penetration.

bobbert July 17, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Talk about "stiff competition".

DahBoner July 17, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Hard Times for Limp people.

SorosBot July 17, 2012 at 4:03 pm

It's something that she has never learned about from Marcus.

His "therapy" clients on the other hand…

rmjagg July 17, 2012 at 5:40 pm

michelle will have to do cartwheels across the stage , without underpants , a la Tallulah Bankhead , to get noticed these days …

James Michael Curley July 17, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Michele, Dumb bell,
These are words that go together well.

flamingpdog July 17, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Paul McCartney libel!!1!

Did you know he was in a group before Wings?

James Michael Curley July 17, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Yea. He helped the Brits celebrate their victory in WWII with that classic “Bund on the Run!”

NellCote71 July 17, 2012 at 4:04 pm

And I had a life before wingnuts.

Nibbler of Niblonia July 17, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Just checking, did anyone make a joke about deep penetrating either Bachman or Abedin yet?

Boojum July 17, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Yes, x 2

flamingpdog July 17, 2012 at 3:31 pm

OHHHH, THE HUMANITY!

randcoolcatdaddy July 17, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Nixon wandering around the White House in an alcoholic haze mumbling at Presidential portraits has got nothin' on the current crop of Republicans for crazy…

smashedinhat July 17, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Regret clicking "READ MORE"
REGRET!

DemmeFatale July 17, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Sometimes, when I am ordered to READ MORE, my brain screams NOOOOOO!

Designer_Rants July 17, 2012 at 11:35 pm

Reading more, about Michele Bachmann, and regretting are no way to go through life, son.

rickmaci July 17, 2012 at 3:35 pm

If the Dems are smart they do a bunch of TV buys in the Detroit area for ads that glue Batshitcrazy to Romoney and make the Repukes spend the rest of the week trying to so some 'splainin.

miss_grundy July 17, 2012 at 7:29 pm

They can use Thaddeus McCotter as an example of what happens when Repubs lose all sense of reality, especially when they gerrymandered what was supposed to be a "safe" seat.

DemmeFatale July 17, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Michele is more like Senator Iselin than McCarthy.

(Amirite, Manchu?)

ASHLEIGH_Joe July 17, 2012 at 3:39 pm

It’s also worth nothing that Weiner, Huma Abedin’s husband, is one of the most unquestionably pro-Israeli politicians in America.

Actually, if you'll remember back to the days when Andrew Breitbart, who is still dead, was waving around dick pics, there's a really excellent answer to that one, too:

Anthony Weiner is a secret Muslim.

Facts in evidence to support this: a) he's married to a Muslim, and everyone knows that interfaith relationships don't exist, and b) he (pseudo-)cheated on her, which non-Muslims never do, ever. That was the entirety of the thesis and supporting arguments of that column, if I remember correctly.

bobbert July 17, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Thank you for reminding me that Andrew Breitbart is still dead. I can never get too much of that.

Chet Kincaid July 17, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Oh jeez I forgot, it was covered here too, of course! http://wonkette.com/448116/anthony-weiner-scandal

zippy_w_pinhead July 17, 2012 at 3:43 pm

alpacalypse now

Barrelhse July 17, 2012 at 3:44 pm

She's the better candidate.

smokefilledroommate July 17, 2012 at 3:46 pm

They're under your bed, Michele! There are Mooslims under your bed !!

Designer_Rants July 17, 2012 at 11:37 pm

The document… it came from inside the house!

thefrontpage July 17, 2012 at 3:47 pm

What Bachmann doesn't actually admit is that her mother is Arabic, and Bachmann's maiden name is actually Bachabilitiv, which is Arabic for "insane," and the family's name was changed at Ellis Island. Bachmann is abou 40 percent Saudi Arabian, and her father was a famous industrialist in Saudi Arabia. Also, several of Bachmann's ancestors were all members of the Muslim Brotherhood, and several of her relatives played in the rock band, The Muslim Brotherhood of Man, which is probably best known for its 1972 Top 40 hit, "He's Not Heavy, He's My Muslim Brother."

rmjagg July 17, 2012 at 5:46 pm

those 23 foster kids/free domestic labor / cash cows were brainwashed into spies for the muslim/christian brotherhood , who are hell bent on enslaving us …

Robman2 July 17, 2012 at 3:48 pm

There hasn't been any really deep penetration over in her realm for a while, perhaps someone from the SF drinky, can direct Ms. B to an appropriate self manged device for that purpose?

rmjagg July 17, 2012 at 5:49 pm

all she needs is to take the engine out of the power mower , rig it to an industrial sized piston , slip a plastic tent on it and voila , problem solved

Blunderthing July 17, 2012 at 3:50 pm

In the land of the blind, the complete idiot throws anything against the wall hoping it will stick and get her into the news cycle.

Dashboard Buddha July 17, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Then: Let us not assassinate this lad further, Senator. You've done enough. Have you no sense of decency, sir? At long last, have you left no sense of decency?

Now: For the love of Christ you blithering harpy will you just Shut.the.fuck.up?!

GunToting[Redacted] July 17, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Ms. Bachmann, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Blueb4sunrise July 17, 2012 at 3:52 pm
OneYieldRegular July 17, 2012 at 3:56 pm

How ridiculous. I mean it's not like Abedin Huma was so unpatriotic as to accept citizenship in Switzerland or anything.

DahBoner July 17, 2012 at 4:00 pm

She has released a document

Yeah, but she didn't use the new TPS cover sheets…

Terry July 17, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Minnesotans should be deeply ashamed and embarrassed that they elected this woman to national office. Yes, I know that less than 150,000 people actually voted for her, but the rest of Minnesota should sit those people down and talk some sense into them. Perhaps over a nice cup of coffee.

GunToting[Redacted] July 17, 2012 at 4:49 pm

I'll bring the hotdish!

Biel_ze_Bubba July 17, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Must have been something in the lutefisk.

MittBorg July 17, 2012 at 7:36 pm

Oy, gevalt, lutefisk by itself is bad enough.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 17, 2012 at 10:37 pm

That's why you can't tell when there's something fishy about it.

docterry6973 July 17, 2012 at 4:08 pm

I thought we all were paid by the Muslim Brotherhood to destroy America with snarky comments. I know I am.

ASHLEIGH_Joe July 17, 2012 at 4:17 pm

I really have no idea how she lost the nomination to Mitt Romney.

Hammiepants July 17, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Man, she is dumber than a sack of hammers. I think she truly believes that having a name that SOUNDS Islamic or "Muslin" or what have you is some sort of tacit admission of terrorist leanings.

rmjagg July 17, 2012 at 5:54 pm

why doesn't michelle go by her full name ' michelle osama abdulla bachmann ' . why does she not do that ? I saw it written on the latrine wall at the breibart memorial truckstop bathroom stall

rickmaci July 17, 2012 at 4:52 pm

I have this fantasy that Hillary confronts OneL somewhere in D.C. when there are lots of reporters around and just winds up and bitchslaps Bachman into 2013.

rmjagg July 17, 2012 at 5:57 pm

bitchslap ? how about a high five … in the face ….. with a chair ?

Dashboard Buddha July 17, 2012 at 5:28 pm
Baba_NinjaCat12 July 17, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Next, she probably will investigate Algebra, Hospitals, scientific terms and anything that was touched and historically influenced by the Islamic world as an insidious plot to turn our nation into Islamic culture. What a Ha*BOOB.

BarryWDC July 17, 2012 at 7:48 pm

After the confluence of "Bachmann" and "deep penetration," I just couldn't focus to read the rest of the article.

ttommyunger July 17, 2012 at 7:58 pm

When Michele spouts shit like this, it just makes me want to burst in un-invited during her Christmas Dinner with Marcus, hog-tie him to a chair, bend her over the dining room table, ass-rape her then wipe my dick off on the drapes and calmly walk out. But that's just me.

labman57 July 18, 2012 at 3:05 am

Another day, another example of Republican buffoonery.

Bachmann and a number of another tea party brown-nosing politicos share fundamental character flaws — they all have a propensity toward making snide, petty comments about those with whom they disagree, they rarely do their homework before making public comments regarding important science-related issues, societal topics, and historical events, and none appear to be mature enough to accept responsibility for their own mistakes, failures, and shortcomings.

Bachmann has a penchant for taking unsubstantiated, isolated anecdotal accounts taken from supermarket rags and online blogs run by right wing extremists — along with her own personal biases — and using them as the basis for formulating public policy. Who needs verifiable evidence, unbiased comprehensive data, fact-checking, and sound reasoning when you can rely upon highly speculative supposition and inflammatory innuendo instead?

Bachmann's m.o. is to promote irrational fear — delusional nonsense about taking up arms against census takers, the government sending people to internment camps, progressives in Congress having unAmerican motives, repealing the U.S. Senate, encouraging her constituents to be armed and dangerous, etc.

Bachmann's banal, nonsensical rhetoric is 40% demagoguery, 20% paranoid delusion, and 40% the result of being an ignorant dumbs**t.

mwittier July 18, 2012 at 4:00 am

Michele is pictured above with her peer and adorable co-conspiracy theorist, Victoria Jackson.

ChapterUndVerse July 18, 2012 at 10:55 am

"…to connect Abedin to the Muslim Brotherhood, you have to go through her dead father, to the organization he founded, to a man who allegedly supported it, to the organization that man used to lead, to Europe in the 1970s and 1990s, and finally to the Brotherhood."

And through Michele Bachmann's beliefs, also. Too.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 July 18, 2012 at 9:18 pm

You know Newell I think this woman has gone so long without sex that it's completely screwed up her brain. I mean over the last 40 years the only excitement she's gotten has been the spin cycle…Marcus cries every time she mentions it. If someone really wanted to take one for the team…they could totally fuck Bachmann blue. Imagine the nexus of crazy energy released in one nuclear orgasm of pent-up frustration for being married to the fruitiest closet case in modern history…

danielwalldammit July 24, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Shameless Muslim-baiting for the win! The sad part is that this will work with her base.

Chill_Bill July 17, 2012 at 5:27 pm

I wish I could retroactively edit some of the comments actor212 cemented for me.

Extemporanus July 17, 2012 at 6:18 pm

I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my edits. Some commenter took them from me in Korea.

MittBorg July 17, 2012 at 7:20 pm

They were Vikings. It was much more likely to be " [...] with that sheep … or that sheep … or that sheep. Not before *eating* them, anyway."

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