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Hey Florida Lieutenant Governor (and Republican) Jennifer Carroll, what are the reasons that former employee Carletha Cole must be lying when she says she walked in on you in a mutually beneficial arrangement with a female employee? Let us count the ways: 1) Carletha Cole is single and ugly, so she must be the real lesbian. B) Carroll is pretty and black. 3) And furthermore? Married to A MAN! Giggle giggle giggle whee!

Is this one of the grosser anti-gay alibis we’ve seen in some time? Verily, and forsooth! Props to the local news station for pointing out that Cole — who passed a lie detector — is a grandmother and also a pastor. Maybe not a sexy Episcopalian pastor, but a pastor nonetheless. Also, ask John Travolta: “I’m married” just isn’t the alibi it used to be. (God, poor John Travolta.) But why does Carroll even need a gay alibi? Ask Queen Latifah, Whitney Houston, and every other “strongly rumored” black lesbian who isn’t Wanda Sykes, because we do not know the answer at all. Plus also too, she’s, you know, a Republican. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. [Advocate]

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