what a girl wants

GOP Florida Lt. Gov. Lady Giggles That She Can’t Be A Lesbian Because She’s Not Ugly And Stuff

Hey Florida Lieutenant Governor (and Republican) Jennifer Carroll, what are the reasons that former employee Carletha Cole must be lying when she says she walked in on you in a mutually beneficial arrangement with a female employee? Let us count the ways: 1) Carletha Cole is single and ugly, so she must be the real lesbian. B) Carroll is pretty and black. 3) And furthermore? Married to A MAN! Giggle giggle giggle whee!

Is this one of the grosser anti-gay alibis we’ve seen in some time? Verily, and forsooth! Props to the local news station for pointing out that Cole — who passed a lie detector — is a grandmother and also a pastor. Maybe not a sexy Episcopalian pastor, but a pastor nonetheless. Also, ask John Travolta: “I’m married” just isn’t the alibi it used to be. (God, poor John Travolta.) But why does Carroll even need a gay alibi? Ask Queen Latifah, Whitney Houston, and every other “strongly rumored” black lesbian who isn’t Wanda Sykes, because we do not know the answer at all. Plus also too, she’s, you know, a Republican. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. [Advocate]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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  1. Blunderthing

    Hahaha. People sure do hate lesbians, even though they fantasize about them all the time. Except for me. I'm a part timer. Right now, anyway.

    1. MittBorg

      I think it's sort of an extension of hating women. If you hate women, it just makes sense to hate women who might love women even MOAR.

      1. ProgressiveInga

        I don't have pics or anything, but I'd bet ten thousand dental dams that she is. But for a queer, my gaydar is waaaay off. I pretty much assume everyone is gay until they tell me differently.

        1. MittBorg

          I went through a period like that. I was SO happy to be out of the closet, I wanted the whole world to be queer like me. I'm'a tell that hopeless faggot to buck up and do eeet. She's been following DB around on Twitter like a lost puppy. Sad, really.

  2. Gopherit

    Oh, do I have some internet links I could post to refute the "women who look like me don't do things like that."

  3. Lazy Media

    You ladies just don't know how this works; let me brosplain it for you. The Lt. Gov.'s not a lesbian, just those chicks she has sex with.

    1. MittBorg

      Oh god every faggot in town has one of those teeshirts.

      I'm not gay, my boyfriend/girlfriend is.

      Are you rly Extemporanus' brother?

    2. Butch_Wagstaff

      Some women can't say the word lesbian… even when their mouth is full of one.
      –Kate Clinton

    1. anniegetyerfun

      That's just a part of being Floridian. Rubio titters like a motherfucking schoolgirl.

    1. Callyson

      She forgot to keep the noise down the last time her girlfriends came over…and over…

    1. FakaktaSouth

      Well I thought she was hot and bangable til she started talking so I guess that makes me a dude.

  4. anniegetyerfun

    I'm married to a man, but think women are hot. But I'm not a black Republican, so maybe that's what her problem is.

          1. anniegetyerfun

            End of October. If she takes after my husband, she'll be here early. If she takes after me, she'll arrive late. I'm hoping she'll split the difference and arrive right on time. :)

          2. anniegetyerfun

            Several. Now I just have to talk the husband out of the ones that are Old Norse war princesses or whatever.

          3. MittBorg

            Here's hoping your little girl arrives happy, healthy, and beautiful. You'll have to come brag after your ordeal is over. With pix.

    1. MittBorg

      I don't even understand why the one should preclude the other. I'm married to a man and I think men, women, and transexuals of various kinds are hot. She needs to move to NY or SF or LA and get a taste of big city life. What a fucking bumpkin.

  5. JustPixelz

    Is her husband's name Marcus?

    It's a good thing she's a Repubican. Because if a Demoncrat was accused of being a lesbian, it would be all 24×7 on Fux News.

    In her denial, she's kinda declaring her own personal war on women.

    1. va_real

      I thought she had already declared her own personal war on women (& men) when she became a Repug?

  6. GregComlish

    Wait-a-minute! Wasn't Jennifer Carroll one of those lesbians who assaulted Michele Bachmann in the bathroom??

  7. Schmannnity

    War on Women day 287. Lt. Gov. of Florida declares: if you're a single woman, you're a lesbian.

  8. MissTaken

    Carletha Cole is single and ugly, so she must be the real lesbian

    By that logic Kathryn Jean Lopez is also a lesbian. A virgin lesbian, but still a lesbian.

    1. MittBorg

      Actually, that's a question I often get from LGBTQ friends. If you have a sexual inclination, but don't act on it (either because you have Bed Death syndrome, or young kids so you never have the time, or you're just going through a celibate phase), does that mean you can't call yourself by whatever label your group uses to designate sexual preference? After all, if you're not having sex at all, there's hardly any room to talk about your sexuality, is there?

  9. BloviateMe

    Nice to see she didn't hesitate , and countered the lesbianic claims lickety-split.

  10. Jus_Wonderin

    What, you can't anymore tell they are lesbian by their flannel shirts and tool belts?

  11. Dr. Nick Riviera

    The Republicans are breaking new barriers. No longer are Republican married men the only ones caught in gay sex scandels

  12. Mumbletypeg

    Missus Lieuty-Gov' Carroll, how you disappoint. Long time with the same husband, so what? Don't you know, woman, it's the marryin' kind that are proven The Most Likely To Get Divorced!!

  13. BloviateMe

    You know, building the Republican log cabin with a tongue-in-groove construction style will only help strengthen the structure of said cabin.

  14. SorosBot

    Wait, lesbians can't be attractive? Try telling that to Jodie Foster, Portia de Rossi, half the WNBA…

      1. Fare la Volpe

        They just need to marry a nice ex-gay gentleman, so they can have a mutually beneficial arrangement together. That's all marriage is, really: growing old and growing beards together.

    1. ProgressiveInga

      Chely Wright is hot, too.

      But whatever you do, do NOT google 'pretty lesbos'……

  15. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Jeesh people. Just because she makes all of her female employees go down on her all the time doesn't mean she's gay.

  16. sezme

    Interesting to note that in all that yakety yak about "my husband knows the type of woman I am" and "usually black women who look like me don't engage in relationships like that" she never denies what Carletha Cole said.

  17. flamingpdog

    Finally, on the fourth try, my work computer let me view the video. I think my computer was trying to tell me something.

  18. Oblios_Cap

    It's good to see her husband's right out there telling the world what he knows.


        1. MittBorg

          Apparently, one group had a falling out with the other (which is Ron Paul's OFFICIAL host), so the first group folded. The Pauliots will still be showing up en masse to celebrate "Liberty or Whatever," by weeping copiously and taking shots at random Republicans and posing for photos while stroking their *guns.*

    1. emmelemm

      Point of order: I don't know who Jada Fire is, but do you really consider Jenna Jameson attractive?

  19. widestanceromance

    No one accused her of being a stone butch lesbian, so the "pretty" alibi fails. Maybe she's the, you know, woman one in the lesbian, you know, thing.

    1. ProgressiveInga

      Lesbo #1: "Let me be frank."
      Lesbo #2: "No, let ME be Frank."

      Don't remember the joke, just the punch line.

  20. GregComlish

    Seriously people, Jennifer Carroll is not hot! I'd rather jerk off to a bottle of Mrs. Butterworth's

    1. GregComlish

      And BTW, even you did jerk off to Mrs. Buttersworth, your fingers still wouldn't be as sticky as Jennifer Carroll's

  21. rhubarbpie2

    I think we should note for the record that Lt. Gov. Carroll does not actually deny the accusation. A giggle is not a denial.

  22. mavenmaven

    She's not a lesbian, she just enjoys having sex with women. Its like the offshore vs outsourcing thing, if you can't understand these differences then you must be Paul Krugman or something.

  23. BaldarTFlagass

    I don't know if they're related, but Diahann Carroll was pretty hot, back in the day.

  24. MittBorg

    WTH?! Jenny, honey, sump'n don't sound right here and all that little-girl tee-hee shit ain't deflecting attention like you thought it would, neither.

    Geez. A grown fucking woman. Er, I mean, well, never mind. Y'all know damn well what I mean.

  25. HolyCow!!

    This sounds like a Clinton style play on words to me…She's not a lesbian because she's bisexual.

    Mystery solved.

  26. gurukalehuru

    We still haven't seen any photos of seductress Beatrix Ramos. How are we suppose to arrive at an informed opinion if we haven't seen pictures of Beatrix Ramos?

  27. Isyaignert

    To answer the question, I do think there is something wrong with a black woman being an operative for the Republicons. In this case, she's either a self-loathing closeted homosexual like 75% of them or she's just stupid.

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