Hey Florida Lieutenant Governor (and Republican) Jennifer Carroll, what are the reasons that former employee Carletha Cole must be lying when she says she walked in on you in a mutually beneficial arrangement with a female employee? Let us count the ways: 1) Carletha Cole is single and ugly, so she must be the real lesbian. B) Carroll is pretty and black. 3) And furthermore? Married to A MAN! Giggle giggle giggle whee!
Is this one of the grosser anti-gay alibis we’ve seen in some time? Verily, and forsooth! Props to the local news station for pointing out that Cole — who passed a lie detector — is a grandmother and also a pastor. Maybe not a sexy Episcopalian pastor, but a pastor nonetheless. Also, ask John Travolta: “I’m married” just isn’t the alibi it used to be. (God, poor John Travolta.) But why does Carroll even need a gay alibi? Ask Queen Latifah, Whitney Houston, and every other “strongly rumored” black lesbian who isn’t Wanda Sykes, because we do not know the answer at all. Plus also too, she’s, you know, a Republican. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. [Advocate]
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Was this the episode on Star Trek with the furry little creatures?
Klingons?
Tribbings.
the Carpet Munchers?
Oh. Cuz you said "furry" and I figured there was a fetish thing going on.
Tribbles.
The Trouble With Nipples
It's harder for women to grow a beard.
Anne Coulter shaves daily.
And Lord knows it's not easy shaving around that Adam's apple.
Not in Miami, mijo
Hahaha. People sure do hate lesbians, even though they fantasize about them all the time. Except for me. I'm a part timer. Right now, anyway.
I think it's sort of an extension of hating women. If you hate women, it just makes sense to hate women who might love women even MOAR.
Someones a diesel burner, but I can't figure out who. So back to the booze.
"3) And furthermore? Married to A MAN!"
When did Marcus have a sex change?
Can we get Donna Brazile's opinion on this?
Or Condi Rice's?
I think we can all fathom the Brazilian perspective on our own
Oh, srs, girl, is Donna playing on our team? Because I know someone who's pining away for love!
I don't have pics or anything, but I'd bet ten thousand dental dams that she is. But for a queer, my gaydar is waaaay off. I pretty much assume everyone is gay until they tell me differently.
I went through a period like that. I was SO happy to be out of the closet, I wanted the whole world to be queer like me. I'm'a tell that hopeless faggot to buck up and do eeet. She's been following DB around on Twitter like a lost puppy. Sad, really.
Such trials and tribadulations.
sinking in a gentle pool of whine.
Don't disturb me now! I can see the answers…
I would prefer a pool of wine. Champagne even
Oh, do I have some internet links I could post to refute the "women who look like me don't do things like that."
As a Lipstick Lesbo, I resemble that remark!
We know you are gorgeous, you are Inga-Binga.
I do love danish, but I'm not blonde….
We're waiting.
This is Wonkette, not StuffyPo…post away!
Okay, but just one. I leave the rest as an exercise for the reader:
http://et0.xhamster.com/t/430/320/1_248430.jpg
Tasty. (sigh)
Well? Whattaya waiting for?
She certainly is believable, what with that girly giggling.
Carroll is a retro-active lesbian…she's into '50s chicks.
I was wondering who was into that cone bra look, besides Madonna circa 1990…
Pity the poor soul who lifts up that poodle skirt.
WOOF!
Republicans are not gay. How many times do they have to pound it into you?
They just keep shoving it down our throats.
Be like a man! Strap it on!
Sometimes a potato is just a potato.
Until they cut off my hair.
From top to bottom.
You ladies just don't know how this works; let me brosplain it for you. The Lt. Gov.'s not a lesbian, just those chicks she has sex with.
She could re-write this classic Onion article as "Why Do All These Lesbians Keep Licking My Clit?"
That never gets old. Or soggy.
I can BI into this. Deeply.
Oh god every faggot in town has one of those teeshirts.
I'm not gay, my boyfriend/girlfriend is.
Are you rly Extemporanus' brother?
Some women can't say the word lesbian… even when their mouth is full of one.
–Kate Clinton
Oh, love it!
I friggin' love Kate Clinton.
Didn't Charlie Crist giggle a lot too, also?
That's just a part of being Floridian. Rubio titters like a motherfucking schoolgirl.
Jiggle….
Them lips been on other lips, if you know what I mean, and I think you do
Wait, why do her kids know about her sexual preferences?
Ewwww.
She forgot to keep the noise down the last time her girlfriends came over…and over…
I don't find her attractive at all. Does that make me gay?
Well I thought she was hot and bangable til she started talking so I guess that makes me a dude.
The GOP.The Gay Old Party!Talk about getting called on the Carpet.
and munched out!
I would rather her be gay than to be messing around with her boss…
I'm married to a man, but think women are hot. But I'm not a black Republican, so maybe that's what her problem is.
You have a bun in the oven ! There's no way* for you to be gay!
*Lots of ways.
There's gold in them thar hills.
OK, now you've got e thinking about them thar hills, and that is NOT OK with Preggo LayDeez.
So when's the baby due?
End of October. If she takes after my husband, she'll be here early. If she takes after me, she'll arrive late. I'm hoping she'll split the difference and arrive right on time. :)
I don't even understand why the one should preclude the other. I'm married to a man and I think men, women, and transexuals of various kinds are hot. She needs to move to NY or SF or LA and get a taste of big city life. What a fucking bumpkin.
Do NOT name her after anybody on Wonkette. Gurukalehuru would be a terrible baby name. Baconzgood would be even worse.
Is her husband's name Marcus?
It's a good thing she's a Repubican. Because if a Demoncrat was accused of being a lesbian, it would be all 24×7 on Fux News.
In her denial, she's kinda declaring her own personal war on women.
I thought she had already declared her own personal war on women (& men) when she became a Repug?
A little trench warfare?
Rent Girls FTW! Hee Hee.
Wait-a-minute! Wasn't Jennifer Carroll one of those lesbians who assaulted Michele Bachmann in the bathroom??
War on Women day 287. Lt. Gov. of Florida declares: if you're a single woman, you're a lesbian.
She's ugly where it counts.
Deep down inside?
What's the ugliest…
Carletha Cole is single and ugly, so she must be the real lesbian
By that logic Kathryn Jean Lopez is also a lesbian. A virgin lesbian, but still a lesbian.
… AND my sex drive just jumped off a cliff.
Actually, that's a question I often get from LGBTQ friends. If you have a sexual inclination, but don't act on it (either because you have Bed Death syndrome, or young kids so you never have the time, or you're just going through a celibate phase), does that mean you can't call yourself by whatever label your group uses to designate sexual preference? After all, if you're not having sex at all, there's hardly any room to talk about your sexuality, is there?
Nice to see she didn't hesitate , and countered the lesbianic claims lickety-split.
Haha you said "lickety-split."
Yeah but, you said that I said "lickety-split."
Yeah, you know, lesbians. LICKety SPLIT.
She also does not use scissors.
See her forthcoming: Running from Scissors, a Memoir
What, you can't anymore tell they are lesbian by their flannel shirts and tool belts?
The Republicans are breaking new barriers. No longer are Republican married men the only ones caught in gay sex scandels
Missus Lieuty-Gov' Carroll, how you disappoint. Long time with the same husband, so what? Don't you know, woman, it's the marryin' kind that are proven The Most Likely To Get Divorced!!
The lady doth protest too much.
“…to
o muchmunch.” There, fixed that for you.Just because an aide mistakes an Indian Leg wrestling exhibition for sexytime…
But does she have long fingers? That's what the lezzies call "well-hung."
And the closely cropped fingernails gives it away everytime
I didn't see her fingers. She was just sitting in the corner licking her eyebrows.
So, is this the female equivalent to a man announcing that he has a wide stance?
Fish tacos for lunch I think…
Red snapper?
Or a tuna taco with a side order of thighs?
You know, building the Republican log cabin with a tongue-in-groove construction style will only help strengthen the structure of said cabin.
Call your girlfriend, it's time you had the talk.
A Republican denying that they are gay. Is there any better way to know that we are in full election mode?
Remember, it's not gay if you're the big spoon.
Wait, lesbians can't be attractive? Try telling that to Jodie Foster, Portia de Rossi, half the WNBA…
They aren't really lesbians, they just haven't found a good man yet.
But then Elinor Roosevelt was married to a good man and that didn't stop her.
They just need to marry a nice ex-gay gentleman, so they can have a mutually beneficial arrangement together. That's all marriage is, really: growing old and growing beards together.
(Hugs the Fare) You're wicked smart, boy. And that's equal parts wicked and smart.
Yes, they're all committed to their careers. And Subarus.
Yeah, I used to be a lesbian–I mean owned a Subaru…
Chely Wright is hot, too.
But whatever you do, do NOT google 'pretty lesbos'……
But I'm at home, and so can look up pretty "lesbian" photos and videos all I want!
Well, there goes my leisure time…
Greta Garbo …
and the inimitable Marlene Dietrich.
Yesssss!
Jeesh people. Just because she makes all of her female employees go down on her all the time doesn't mean she's gay.
"Why are these homosexuals always sucking on my dick?"
Ahem.
http://wonkette.com/478403/gop-florida-lt-gov-lad…
Interesting to note that in all that yakety yak about "my husband knows the type of woman I am" and "usually black women who look like me don't engage in relationships like that" she never denies what Carletha Cole said.
Time to give her the definitive test: blindfold her and put her in a fish market.
If all the women you're sexing have fishy-smelling cunts, you really should do your best to warn them about vaginosis.
Finally, on the fourth try, my work computer let me view the video. I think my computer was trying to tell me something.
It's good to see her husband's right out there telling the world what he knows.
What?!
I think she has the low down on the down low.
OT: Best summer show cancelled. Ron Paul looses Nebraska, will not get 'automatically' placed in nomination in Tampa.
One less Rand to kick around.
In addition to the PaulBearers' cancellation of their Liberty Loopdeloop in FL, this is good news.
I wonder if it will get replaced with the Justice Juggalos.
Apparently, one group had a falling out with the other (which is Ron Paul's OFFICIAL host), so the first group folded. The Pauliots will still be showing up en masse to celebrate "Liberty or Whatever," by weeping copiously and taking shots at random Republicans and posing for photos while stroking their *guns.*
BTW, FWIW, I don't find her "attractive."
Being attractive never stopped Jada Fire or Jenna Jameson from dining at the Y.
Point of order: I don't know who Jada Fire is, but do you really consider Jenna Jameson attractive?
Pre Plastic surgery yes. Post, no way.
Pre-facial surgery? Yes.
Jada Fire is…well….scrumptious.
She giggles like Anderson Cooper.
Hate to be the one to tell you, but Jennifer…tee hee…you aren't all that.
(Looked in the mirror lately?)
No one accused her of being a stone butch lesbian, so the "pretty" alibi fails. Maybe she's the, you know, woman one in the lesbian, you know, thing.
Lesbo #1: "Let me be frank."
Lesbo #2: "No, let ME be Frank."
Don't remember the joke, just the punch line.
It *really* shoulda been "Phranc."
Madame Curie was the first scientist to split the beaver.
Seriously people, Jennifer Carroll is not hot! I'd rather jerk off to a bottle of Mrs. Butterworth's
Who hasn't?
And BTW, even you did jerk off to Mrs. Buttersworth, your fingers still wouldn't be as sticky as Jennifer Carroll's
How can she be a lesbian when she's a gay man? Ta Heee heeee……
I think we should note for the record that Lt. Gov. Carroll does not actually deny the accusation. A giggle is not a denial.
Tee hee.
She's not a lesbian, she just enjoys having sex with women. Its like the offshore vs outsourcing thing, if you can't understand these differences then you must be Paul Krugman or something.
" And furthermore? Married to A MAN!"
That made me think of this for some reason: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-AuFV09uviI
That was hilarious!
Ha! I haven't heard that in years – thanks!!
I don't know if they're related, but Diahann Carroll was pretty hot, back in the day.
WTH?! Jenny, honey, sump'n don't sound right here and all that little-girl tee-hee shit ain't deflecting attention like you thought it would, neither.
Geez. A grown fucking woman. Er, I mean, well, never mind. Y'all know damn well what I mean.
Perhaps she's a retroactively heterosexual lesbain (typo and it stays).
And suddenly, this is technically not off-topic.
Ugly lesbions? This woman isn't watching enough porn.
maybe the hiking boots and rainbow bumper sticker were a dead give away
Holy shit she is more gay than I thought she was.
This sounds like a Clinton style play on words to me…She's not a lesbian because she's bisexual.
Mystery solved.
Only the big donors get treated to her bondage show.
We still haven't seen any photos of seductress Beatrix Ramos. How are we suppose to arrive at an informed opinion if we haven't seen pictures of Beatrix Ramos?
To answer the question, I do think there is something wrong with a black woman being an operative for the Republicons. In this case, she's either a self-loathing closeted homosexual like 75% of them or she's just stupid.
At least John Travola knows how to fly. Can Lesbians fly, too?
Well, let's hope she starts life right by doing what Mama wants.
So, it's a girl. Got a name picked out yet?
Several. Now I just have to talk the husband out of the ones that are Old Norse war princesses or whatever.
Here's hoping your little girl arrives happy, healthy, and beautiful. You'll have to come brag after your ordeal is over. With pix.
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