GIMMICKS  2:30 pm July 16, 2012

Kathryn Jean Lopez Gets Thrill Up Her Leg For Romney’s ‘Vision Thing’

by Kris E. Benson

starburstsApparently, there has been a turning point in Mitt Romney’s campaign—a GOOD turning point of some kind. We know this because Kathryn Jean Lopez has taken to the National Review to inform us of such, even if she can’t quite identify exactly why this was a turning point, or what it means, or how it benefits Mitt Romney. But she does make sure to note that this turning point has something to do with his glorious speech to the NAACP (no, really) which she knows was glorious because her Nigerian taxi driver told her how much he loved it (again, no, really). Also, Mitt Romney doesn’t need a woman or a person of color as his VP because he doesn’t need anything so gimmicky as a non-white person for a VP given that he “has a record of being all about winning the future.” (Once again, no, really.) And he will be a GREAT president because he believes so strongly in Freedom and in personal choices, and the NAACP was a perfect showcase for all of that because he quoted from Dr Martin Luther King Jr and Frederick Douglass.

The mid-July rumor that Mitt Romney might pick former secretary of state Condoleezza Rice as his running-mate was a fun Matt Drudge scoop…A woman is a good idea. Or a Marco Rubio. A Bobby Jindal….But the insistence that Governor Romney is a deficient candidate who needs to make up for a lack of “sex appeal” or “a vision thing” misses a central point about him: He’s got a record of being all about winning the future, to borrow a phrase. And if his recent speech to the NAACP is any indication, he’s intent on making sure America knows.

There is the business success, his turnaround of the scandal-crippled 2002 Winter Olympics, or his time as governor of Massachusetts. Or you can talk to a cab driver from Nigeria, who has been a U.S. citizen for 16 years. Having admired Reagan, he has always voted Republican, but he has had misgivings about Romney and the whole “Repeal Obamacare!” business… And then Mitt Romney spoke to the NAACP. “For the first time since coming here, I heard what I’ve been waiting to hear from a presidential candidate,” my taxi driver told me as he braved D.C. traffic to get me from one meeting to the next…

[Romney] may just get to work on rebuilding something we’ve been undervaluing of late: freedom. Freedom to believe as we choose, even outside our places of worship. To have the dream of upward mobility. To have dreams again, period. At a time when our government is insisting that women’s fertility is a disease, that parents and individuals simply do not know best what they and their families need, invention and creativity and American exceptionalism all seem on the verge of becoming past tense…

The Romney campaign doesn’t need a vice-presidential gimmick. Mitt Romney just needs to be himself. That NAACP speech was a model and a turning point. “Take a look,” he said at his unleashing. If he keeps talking that way, whole new audiences might do just that.

So much to say here! Choices, choices! But let’s start with this one: here I am, thinking Romney had a record of lying to the SEC when in in fact, he has a record of winning the future. Never having seen one, I wouldn’t know what it looks like. As it turns out, it looks like having $100 million in an IRA and retroactively retiring from a venture capitalist firm. And: Kathryn Jean Lopez, the Bush Administration, and Tom Friedman have something in common, being that they regard taxi drivers as founts of wisdom and/or voices of the man on the street, so that’s interesting. Oh and there’s this: what do “a Bobby Jindal” and “a Marco Rubio” and “a woman” all have in common (besides “sex appeal” or “a vision thing”)? Apparently, picking one of them would be “gimmicky” because (DUH) why else would you pick an Indian, a Cuban, or a Black woman as your VP? Who needs one of them when you’re ALREADY so in touch with FREEDOM?

[The National Review]

 
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{ 168 comments }

HogeyeGrex July 16, 2012 at 2:35 pm

I am finding that picture very difficult to masturbate to.

Butch_Wagstaff July 16, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Because of the cape, right?

HogeyeGrex July 16, 2012 at 7:38 pm

I have issues with the letter "F".

Yes, this also makes certain episodes of Sesame Street problematic as well.

extreme_left July 16, 2012 at 11:53 pm

I'm going to sue for damages to my cerebral cortex caused by the 'lady in red'.

Texan_Bulldog July 16, 2012 at 2:35 pm

…"which she knows was glorious because her Nigerian taxi driver told her how much he loved it." Once again, a white person gets scammed by a Nigerian.

randcoolcatdaddy July 16, 2012 at 2:36 pm

"He’s got a record of being all about winning the future"

That's funny. I thought he was all about buying the future.

va_real July 16, 2012 at 3:47 pm

I wasn't aware that you needed to win or buy the future- I always assumed that we automatically just get a future? Of course, if Romney wins & you later need food, shelter &/or healthcare, your future may involve interment or cremation…

randcoolcatdaddy July 16, 2012 at 3:54 pm

You didn't hear? The Republicans outlawed the future in a recent session of Congress. They mumbled something about it being unconstitutional.

actor212 July 16, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Or you can talk to a cab driver from Nigeria, who has been a U.S. citizen for 16 years. Having admired Reagan, he has always voted Republican

Lemme see…2012 – 1989 = 33 years…so this shithead was here 16 years AFTER Reagan destroyed the country and swallowed whole K-Load's, um, load?

TheGyrus July 16, 2012 at 2:38 pm

23 years

actor212 July 16, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Say, you sound like one them "scientitians" we're always being warned about…

savethispatient July 16, 2012 at 3:04 pm

You also need to be a legal resident for at least 5 years* before becoming a citizen… So, yeah, the timeline makes sense. As an immigrant, you always remember your first President fondly, no? Like me, when I first moved here in '06… I'm very fond of that cowboy guy you guys had. Whatshisface. Shrub.

* 3 if you married a US citizen

actor212 July 16, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Yes, but you came from a civilized country, the land of John Bull.

sbj1964 July 16, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Mitt needs VP that will make him look like a Human,and not a refugee from the Mormon Home planet of Kalos.

Ayn Rand Paul Tard July 16, 2012 at 4:23 pm

I hear C-3PO needs work. When you notice Swiss Mitt has the ability to make eye contact people will actually mutter 'huh…he does sorta look human.'

kissawookiee July 16, 2012 at 2:36 pm

And with retroactively resigning from Bain, he is also apparently winning the past.

snackypants July 16, 2012 at 5:47 pm

And you win the Internet with that comment, my friend.

kissawookiee July 16, 2012 at 2:37 pm

I assume "fap" is also off the table.

ElPinche July 16, 2012 at 4:44 pm

I don't remember what I said, BUT I HAD MY CHANCE AS FOIST AND I BLEW IT!

ElPinche July 16, 2012 at 2:37 pm

F is for "Fatback? "

FakaktaSouth July 16, 2012 at 2:37 pm

What in the hell did Romney say to the NAACP that could convince a dude "braving" (just shut the fuck up) DC traffic that it's better to let poor people die in the streets of treatable diseases?

prommie July 16, 2012 at 2:52 pm

"Freedom," something neglected of late. The freedom to die in the streets. The freedom to hate people of other faiths. The freedom to confine women to a subordinate role, barefoot and pregnant. The freedom for the rich to control things and fix the game so that they and theirs will forever be entrenched and others will be held back. The freedom of Amurrican exceptionalism, which seems to have something to do with exceptional stupidity.

FakaktaSouth July 16, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Perhaps that's where I am always wrong! here I am thinking our government is SUPPOSED to be a way of keeping people who ALREADY have power, money, and therefore actual freedom (Jackie Treehorn draws a lot of water in this town, you don't draw any) from fucking other people out of having a decent life. My bad. Eventually I will get this, or forget what I am talking about. Those are the options, yes?

prommie July 16, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Eventually, I always wind up forgetting what I was talking about. Look, a butterfly. . . . .

emmelemm July 16, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Freedom of women to celebrate their endless fertility.

I mean, really, WTF???!!??

MLHencken July 16, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Dame Noonington saw a Mexican; K-LO talks to her cabbie. It's a veritable UN freaking roundtable.

Advice to Ms. Lopez: more arugula, less doughnuts.

Boojum July 17, 2012 at 12:59 am

Fewer doughnuts, less doughnut.

Reichsmarschall Boojum.

UW8316154 July 16, 2012 at 2:38 pm

"Sex appeal"? ha, don't even *try* to go there, cuz noone's got sex appeal like my Barry has sex appeal.

BaldarTFlagass July 16, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Most cabbies are pretty crazy, hers was just clinically insane.

Texan_Bulldog July 16, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Or maybe a figment of her imagination…

SorosBot July 16, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Or humoring the crazy lady. It's shocking, but some people in service industries who rely on tips will pretend to agree with their customers on topics like politics and religion even when they don't!

Butch_Wagstaff July 16, 2012 at 5:30 pm

K Lo tips well?

Boojum July 17, 2012 at 1:00 am

FUPA precludes anything but tip.

ph7 July 16, 2012 at 2:49 pm

I've found waiters, cabbies, and bartenders all tend to agree with my politics, as I pull out my wallet.

SorosBot July 16, 2012 at 2:39 pm

But Romney hates freedom; otherwise he wouldn't oppose the right to choose or same-sex marriage.

Nothingisamiss July 16, 2012 at 3:40 pm

That's not freedom, silly, that's……ummmm…shut up, because having the right to choose something isn't freedom……

LetUsBray July 16, 2012 at 6:55 pm

Right; freedom is your local bishop choosing these things for you.

coolhandnuke July 16, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Don't listen to Lopez when it comes to the election road Mitt.
Heed the words of Yogi Berra instead…."when you come to a fork in the road–take it."

LastGasp July 16, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Looks like Kathryn Jean Lopez might want to, um, put down the fork.

ProgressiveInga July 16, 2012 at 2:46 pm

"Looks like Kathryn Jean Lopez might want to, um, put down the forklift."

/fixed

KJL biggies her orders and needs major equipment.

actor212 July 16, 2012 at 2:53 pm

I bet she's leading the opposition to Bloomberg's soft drink initiative.

Chill_Bill July 16, 2012 at 2:39 pm

"He’s got a record of being all about winning the future."

What's Mittard's election winning record again?

ProgressiveInga July 16, 2012 at 2:39 pm

"…Or you can talk to a cab driver from Nigeria…."

Robert DeNiro libel!

Oblios_Cap July 16, 2012 at 3:45 pm

This is somehow all Art Buchwald's fault.

LastGasp July 16, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Mitt "… has a record of being all about winning the future".

Charlie Sheen for Vice President?

Extemporanus July 16, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Have no fear…FUPAWOMAN IS HERE!

ChernobylSoup July 16, 2012 at 2:40 pm

I understand the fellow from Niger misses home and wants his new country to be just like the old country.

BaldarTFlagass July 16, 2012 at 2:41 pm

"as he braved D.C. traffic to get me from one meeting to the next…"

What a busy on-the-go-go-go gal!!!

Dildeaux July 16, 2012 at 3:11 pm

"Ooooh, driver! A Five Guys! Your coal black ass best pull this rattle trap to the curb now muhfucka!"

Boojum July 17, 2012 at 1:04 am

First, she met breakfast, then brunch, then lunch, whereupon it was off to lupper, then tea…

WhatTheHeck July 16, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Her Nigerian taxi driver told her she was a millionaire, but only if she could prove to him she had any brain, he would then send her the millions.

keinsignal July 16, 2012 at 2:41 pm

I guess Lopez and I are going to have to agree to disagree, and I'm glad to know she's a fan and all, but when I think about the Romney campaign these days, the Sisters of Mercy song that leaps to mind is not so much "Vision Thing" as "Detonation Boulevard"…

doloras July 16, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Are you sure? "TWENTY-FIVE WHORES IN THE ROOM NEXT DOOR" certainly sounds like a Romney donor gathering.

SorosBot July 16, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Yeah, there's Mittens' tenure as Governor of Massachusetts – which he was for a single term, and declined to run for reelection because he would probably lose. And that's it; nothing else he's done is relevant to being President. Yet the Republicans claim Obama didn't have enough experience when, prior to his time in the Senate, he had nearly a decade in the Illinois State Senate and was previously a professor of Constitutional law.

MissTaken July 16, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Community Organizer vs Savior of the Mormon Olympics

SorosBot July 16, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Obviously helping a rich corrupt organization that puts on a super-expensive meaningless spectacle every four years and serves no purpose but making a shitload of money is a lot more important than helping poor Chicago residents.

RedneckMuslin July 16, 2012 at 3:28 pm

He couldn't find Elizabeth Smart. Barry found UBL.

Maman July 16, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Winning the future? Shouldn't he just concentrate on winning the present?

RadioSlut July 16, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Rmoney should put that dog on the roof.

ph7 July 16, 2012 at 2:48 pm

"Utah Family Crushed in I-95 Roof Collapse"

Mumbletypeg July 16, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Uh, y'all can keep your Comic Con if that's what it's all about~

BaldarTFlagass July 16, 2012 at 2:44 pm

"women’s fertility is a disease"

Well, lady, if it's your fertility we're talking about, it's more of a virus. Or a plague.

Boojum July 17, 2012 at 1:06 am

Or an engineering problem.

Billmatic July 16, 2012 at 2:44 pm

I'm gonna go ahead and assume that the cab driver was the first black person she had a conversation with since the mid-90s.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 16, 2012 at 2:49 pm

It was Herman Cain. He's hit hard times.

prommie July 16, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Go Gators!

IncenseDebate July 16, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Yeah, eat that heavily larded crazy human!

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 16, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Wonkette just commited a war crime on my eyeballs.

LettucePrey July 16, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Why is it Wonkette's mission to take away every good thought I've ever had about sex?

anniegetyerfun July 16, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Think of this as Wonket's contribution to abstinence-only education.

actor212 July 16, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Just say "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 16, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Yes.

kissawookiee July 16, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Because sex = death. Come to Wonkville and live forever.

ph7 July 16, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Mitt Romney just needs to be himself. That NAACP speech was a model and a turning point. “Take a look,” he said at his unleashing.

K-Lo, imagining something as true doesn't make it true.

BaldarTFlagass July 16, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Guess she's making up for not making the cheerleading squad in high school, there.

actor212 July 16, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Talk about "soft bigotry"…

Boojum July 17, 2012 at 1:08 am

Which is very close to "soft back titty".

MissTaken July 16, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Freedom to believe as we choose, even outside our places of worship

Lemme guess! That Nigerian cabbie better not do his fake praying to Mecca thing though, right?!

Nostrildamus July 16, 2012 at 2:49 pm

The Romney campaign doesn’t need a vice-presidential gimmick.

Indeed. Where would they put it? Their gimmick closet is like Fibber McGee's.

randcoolcatdaddy July 16, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Yay! Someone who knows who Fibber McGee is.

bobbert July 16, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Molly?

ManchuCandidate July 16, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Jeez. Nigerians get a bad rap. First as scammers now as imaginary voters.

docteur_giraud July 16, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Imaginary indeed.

Back in ye olde newspaper days, long-dead columnist Mike Royko created a fake cab driver ("Slats Grobnick") as his man in the street voice. Friedman and K-Lo just insult readers by pretending that their cab drivers aren't in their heads (which are, for the record, firmly up their respective asses).

IncenseDebate July 16, 2012 at 2:49 pm

She is insane.

DahBoner July 16, 2012 at 4:25 pm

No, she is fucking insane.

BaldarTFlagass July 16, 2012 at 2:50 pm

“Take a look,” he said at his unleashing.
Unleashing the Crack-hen? "Romnetheus Unbound?"

actor212 July 16, 2012 at 3:01 pm

In Boston, an unleashing gets you a hearing in night court.

emmelemm July 16, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Love it.

For me, "unleashing" brought to mind that movie with Jet Li where he has a collar like a dog.

MissTaken July 16, 2012 at 2:50 pm

I'm not a doctor but I'm sure that 'thrill up her leg' isn't Mittens Vision but rather Restless Leg Syndrome, the leading disease of the fupa-set.

Billmatic July 16, 2012 at 2:50 pm

If we don't elect a social regressive and economic pillager, America will lose its throbbing sense of exceptionalism.

Nostrildamus July 16, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Is this the new Mutually Beneficial Arrangements ad? Where's the car?

jodyleek July 16, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Under her crotch fat.

4TheTurnstiles July 16, 2012 at 2:51 pm

deep down she's still feelin' like a big fat fuck.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIDAI0vfUYg

no one likes a self-hating insecure and lashing-out grumplestiltskin, Ms. Lopez. Get out and find something to like about yourself, so you'll quit being such an asshole all the time.

BlueStateLibel July 16, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Talk to any cab driver and they will tell you over and over that people are batshit crazy – which is most likely what that Nigerian cab driver thought of Kathryn Lopez.

qwerty42 July 16, 2012 at 2:51 pm

K-Lo:
…[Romney] may just get to work on rebuilding something we’ve been undervaluing of late: freedom. . …
He might want to start with rebuilding the train wreck called "The Romney Campaign".

BaldarTFlagass July 16, 2012 at 2:51 pm

I wonder if she asked that Nigerian cabdriver for his birth certificate.

SayItWithWookies July 16, 2012 at 2:51 pm

At a time when our government is insisting that women’s fertility is a disease, that parents and individuals simply do not know best what they and their families need, invention and creativity and American exceptionalism all seem on the verge of becoming past tense…

Yes, it's only freedom when women can't have access to birth control or safe abortions and when parents are allowed to teach their children that science is a conspiracy against the Bible. And while I agree that K-Lo is repressed, it has nothing to do with other people having sex and being happy. Oh wait — let me rephrase that…

SheriffJoeBiden July 16, 2012 at 3:31 pm

I like the part before that, where she says how mean old Obama made it illegal to dream and think outside of churches.

Monsieur_Grumpe July 16, 2012 at 2:52 pm

I’m guessing that “F” is the grade she got in her superhero costume class.

Callyson July 16, 2012 at 2:53 pm

“For the first time since coming here, I heard what I’ve been waiting to hear from a presidential candidate,” my taxi driver told me as he hoped I would give him a decent tip for once…

/fixed

CrunchyKnee July 16, 2012 at 2:53 pm

I thought that all Nigerians were socialist commie Muslins?

Extemporanus July 16, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Confidential to the exceptionally solid yet overworked Wonkette "IT Department", with whom I "interfaced" last "Friday":

On an iPad, this page took approximately four minutes before it stopped hopping and I was able to submit this comment. The debug console currently lists 28 errors, the majority of them Facebook-related. (Fuck Facebook.)

The best part? That's the fastest load time, and least number of errors, that I've experienced all day.

Hang in there, man…it gets better?

sbj1964 July 16, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Facebook is the Borg collective.Resistance is futile.You will be Assimulated.

Extemporanus July 16, 2012 at 3:22 pm

I will cut off my own head, stick it on a tripod, and courier it over to Mark Zuckerberg with a handwritten, shit-smeared note ordering him to use it as his real life avatar of fly-attracting shame before I ever let that happen.

Sharing is caring, and I don't fucking care.

[ADDING: Woah, really sorry dude! I'm an exposed nerve today. You're welcome to hang out on my lawn as long as you want.]

metamarcisf July 16, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Are you from the future?

Extemporanus July 16, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Yes.

And you might want to avoid using any escalators this week, if you know what I'm saying…

Texan_Bulldog July 16, 2012 at 3:10 pm

I don't even get on Wonkette from my iPad because of the time it takes. Wish they'd come up with a better mobile version — where you can still view comments/post comments without it taking forever.

Extemporanus July 16, 2012 at 3:33 pm

He (Peter? Jerry? I can't remember his name, but he's super genial and exuberant, a Japanese Dorian Grey or something, and Rebecca's slave labored ex!) is working on it.

va_real July 16, 2012 at 4:21 pm

I'm not on an iPad, but I do use a Mac & often see pages load & reload several times before stabilizing (if they do stabilize). I use Safari for Wonkette, since Firefox is hopeless here (although I love FF usually).

bobbert July 16, 2012 at 6:47 pm

Ed?

MissTaken July 16, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Mine's been extra slow since Wonkette moved to the fancypants magazine layout for iPad. When I go to the comments section it hops all over the place and takes forever to load. I haven't tried with a non-safari browser, though, so I'm not sure if it's that or not.

And yes, Fuck Facebook. Preferably with K-Lo's fupa

Extemporanus July 16, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Do you also experience times — like right goddamn now– when typing is nearly impossible due to seconds-long character input lag time?

Or is that just a guy thing?

MissTaken July 16, 2012 at 3:40 pm

I haven't experienced that, so maybe it's a guy thing. Or a tall thing. Or a hat thing.

Extemporanus July 16, 2012 at 3:47 pm

I'm so fucked.

Texan_Bulldog July 16, 2012 at 4:36 pm

No, that happened to me, too (when I would get on Wonkette from my iPad). Very frustrating & I'm a short woman!

bobbert July 16, 2012 at 6:48 pm

If you experience character-input lag times of four hours …..

Oh, fuck it.

Joshua Norton July 16, 2012 at 2:53 pm

For both K-Lo and RMoney, their whole "pay no attention to that man behind the curtain" schtick is as over as Uggs.

BTW "retroactive retirement" has become the new campaign season punch line.

mavenmaven July 16, 2012 at 2:54 pm

"…When Mitt Romney was governor, he adamantly resisted efforts to fund human-cloning research. It wasn’t even good science, in addition to being an affront to human dignity… "
This is certainly relevant in some way to the Romney VP issue?

Boojum July 17, 2012 at 1:15 am

It is how he both did and did not leave Bain.

Slim_Pickins July 16, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Our lady of the NRO, the virgin Kathryn, has spoken. Jonah be praised, we have epistemological closure in the contest for POTUS!

CrunchyKnee July 16, 2012 at 2:54 pm

What's with this malarkey? "Your comment must be approved by the site admins before it will appear publicly."

MissTaken July 16, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Ooohhhhh, you said a bad word! You're in trouble and now you're gonna get the whip!

Jus_Wonderin July 16, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Oh, how do I get the whip?

Nostrildamus July 16, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Fatman: Under the White Hood

Generation[redacted] July 16, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Mitt Romney has won your future. Now hand over your pension.

Callyson July 16, 2012 at 2:57 pm

At a time when our government is insisting that women’s fertility is a disease

Um, what? Calling for coverage of contraception is equivalent to treating fertility as a disease now? WTF is next, claiming that covering the flu shot amounts to insisting that Americans are a bunch of lepers?

JFC…

SorosBot July 16, 2012 at 3:15 pm

K-LO must be diseased then with her zero children.

emmelemm July 16, 2012 at 4:11 pm

I know, right? There's only two possible explanations for her childlessness: 1. She's used birth control at some point. 2. She's never, ever, ever had sex.

Chichikovovich July 16, 2012 at 4:22 pm

3) She's really a man.

emmelemm July 16, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Touché!

iburl July 16, 2012 at 3:00 pm

It's amazing how Mitt Romney has transformed from a RINO to Reagan ever since he sealed up the nomination.

Estproph July 16, 2012 at 3:00 pm

"Or you can talk to a cab driver from Nigeria, who has been a U.S. citizen for 16 years. Having admired Reagan, he has always voted Republican, but he has had misgivings about Romney and the whole “Repeal Obamacare!” business… And then Mitt Romney spoke to the NAACP. “For the first time since coming here, I heard what I’ve been waiting to hear from a presidential candidate,” my taxi driver told me as he braved D.C. traffic to get me from one meeting to the next…"

Following this, he said, "By the way, as it turns out I may have a business proposal for you. I used to be the Minister of Finance for Nigeria, and I need someone with a bank account in the United States…"

Estproph July 16, 2012 at 3:03 pm

So an Indian, a Cuban, and a Black woman meet up with a Mormon in a bar…

anniegetyerfun July 16, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Mitt Romney just needs to be himself.

Yes please keep doing this.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 16, 2012 at 3:49 pm

I think there is an app for that.

La_Cieca July 16, 2012 at 3:05 pm

K-Lo, please call Aaron Sorkin. You are sorely in need of belitting.

jodyleek July 16, 2012 at 3:05 pm

This post reminds me that I need to get bacon and toilet paper.

Dildeaux July 16, 2012 at 3:06 pm

"He’s got a record of being all about winning the future."

So is this like a ball game and The Future is ahead of Us? Is it the 4th qtr yet?

Exactly how does one win the future?

Ill tell you….tomorrow.

La_Cieca July 16, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Exactly how does one win the future?

Well, to begin with, you ask the Fatherland to show you a sign his children have waited to see.

emmelemm July 16, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Paraphrase b/c I'm too lazy to look it up:

Time travel companion wanted. Safety Not Guaranteed.

Chichikovovich July 16, 2012 at 4:21 pm

And wasn't there also something like "Must bring your own weapons" ?

bobbert July 16, 2012 at 6:53 pm

I will gladly pay you next Tuesday (retroactively to yesterday) for a hamburger today.

La_Cieca July 16, 2012 at 3:08 pm

"Romney II: the Unleashening"

IceCreamEmpress July 16, 2012 at 3:09 pm

When I was a journalist, the city editor would blue-pencil any "my cabbie's opinion" bullshit without quarter.

anniegetyerfun July 16, 2012 at 3:18 pm

The nerve of those fucking politicians, treating fertility like it's something that can be controlled! Fertility is like obesity, right? You just have to let it run its course.

La_Cieca July 16, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Well, not "run," exactly.

widestanceromance July 16, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Listen up she-beast, those Nigerian solutions didn't work there, and they won't work here. Keep your tawdry jungle fever hook-ups to yourself, please.

emmelemm July 16, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Yo, she-bitch! Let's go!

SheriffJoeBiden July 16, 2012 at 3:24 pm

I'm just gonna block quote this part because it's so, so good:

"Freedom to believe as we choose, even outside our places of worship. To have the dream of upward mobility. To have dreams again, period. At a time when our government is insisting that women’s fertility is a disease, that parents and individuals simply do not know best what they and their families need, invention and creativity and American exceptionalism all seem on the verge of becoming past tense…"

It's really funny until you realize that she is paid money to think up stuff like that. I've said it before–I really wish I hadn't been raised to value honesty because how hard could it be to punch a meal ticket writing insane shit for right-wing media?

anniegetyerfun July 16, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Seriously, though, someone does give her money to record words. To think that we like to pick on Richard Cohen for sucking.

SheriffJoeBiden July 16, 2012 at 3:45 pm

And then you get depressed because you realize, hey, the only way that can happen is that there are so many people out there nodding along, going "Yup, that Obama took the dreams right outta my head! Yup yup yup, that socialist prick stoled away all my invention and creativity!"

timbo71351 July 16, 2012 at 3:37 pm

This is all that needs to be said about this poor, dumb, sad, lonely woman… .http://www.salon.com/2012/06/21/k_lo_the_saddest_hack/

Designer_Rants July 16, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Oh man. That's a takedown. That's how it's done. I'm sorry for Pareene that he so clearly and intimately had to know his enemy, though.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 16, 2012 at 3:50 pm

So, how long did K-Lo have to stand on the curve until she found a cabbie who was both an American citizen and voted Republican?

Manhattan123 July 16, 2012 at 3:53 pm

She really is America's saddest pundit. Also, I wouldn't fuck her with Ann Coulter's dick.

Chichikovovich July 16, 2012 at 4:19 pm

K Lo: “Take a look,” he said at his unleashing.

Remarkably enough, millions of American women and gay men dream of those very words, of that very scene, unfolding with Obama in front of them. Only it's not a poorly received NAACP speech that he's unleashing. he said at his unleashing.

DahBoner July 16, 2012 at 4:23 pm

The Turning Point: The GOP realizes it must vote for a Mormon or chew it's leg off

COYOTE UGLY MOMENT

occams8ball July 16, 2012 at 4:49 pm

bullshit! There is no way that those particular words can be arranged in that particular order. Even if it was possible, nobody would ever say "yes that was me, I wrote that."

CindynEncinitas July 16, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Well I hope this lady wasn't all butt hurt when she didn't win best Whatever-She-Is-Besides-Ugly at Comic Con.

PartyMarty July 16, 2012 at 5:55 pm

I just let out the most thunderous laugh upon seeing that picture. As if K-Lo weren't already deliciously hilarious.

Guppy July 16, 2012 at 6:22 pm

By K-Lo's own logic, Romney doesn't need a Cafflick veep either.

Sadface.

Jadetiger79 July 16, 2012 at 6:29 pm

I think K-Lo and Jean Teasdale of the Onion are the same person.

PartyMarty July 16, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Pareen beat you to that:
http://www.salon.com/2012/06/21/k_lo_the_saddest_

That's a must-read for those of us who clutch our sides at the tragic hilariousness of K-Lo.

bobbert July 16, 2012 at 7:00 pm

This cabbie sounds like a prince of a fellow.

W88 July 16, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Looks like Ms. Lopez didn't get the memo that Romney the 'Pro-Lifer' and $75 million Stericycle investor made money from the corpses of aborted unborn babies.

Designer_Rants July 16, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Kris, I am so, so sorry you have to read NRO stories. On purpose. To make money (if you are paid in AmeroDollars for doing such). This is a tragic example of Capitalism's Failure.

lulzmonger July 17, 2012 at 12:27 am

Inept lickspittle is made of god-bothering & cellulite.
Good fluffers do not make one wonder if a sad violin is playing nearby.
K-Lo is not a good fluffer.

(ps: Y DID U RAEP MY EYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYES)

Boojum July 17, 2012 at 12:54 am

This conversation was right before she provided the account information necessary to wire that $100,000,000 in mislaid funds to her account for safekeeping.

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