Kathryn Jean Lopez Gets Thrill Up Her Leg For Romney’s ‘Vision Thing’

  taxi cabs

starburstsApparently, there has been a turning point in Mitt Romney’s campaign—a GOOD turning point of some kind. We know this because Kathryn Jean Lopez has taken to the National Review to inform us of such, even if she can’t quite identify exactly why this was a turning point, or what it means, or how it benefits Mitt Romney. But she does make sure to note that this turning point has something to do with his glorious speech to the NAACP (no, really) which she knows was glorious because her Nigerian taxi driver told her how much he loved it (again, no, really). Also, Mitt Romney doesn’t need a woman or a person of color as his VP because he doesn’t need anything so gimmicky as a non-white person for a VP given that he “has a record of being all about winning the future.” (Once again, no, really.) And he will be a GREAT president because he believes so strongly in Freedom and in personal choices, and the NAACP was a perfect showcase for all of that because he quoted from Dr Martin Luther King Jr and Frederick Douglass.

The mid-July rumor that Mitt Romney might pick former secretary of state Condoleezza Rice as his running-mate was a fun Matt Drudge scoop…A woman is a good idea. Or a Marco Rubio. A Bobby Jindal….But the insistence that Governor Romney is a deficient candidate who needs to make up for a lack of “sex appeal” or “a vision thing” misses a central point about him: He’s got a record of being all about winning the future, to borrow a phrase. And if his recent speech to the NAACP is any indication, he’s intent on making sure America knows.

There is the business success, his turnaround of the scandal-crippled 2002 Winter Olympics, or his time as governor of Massachusetts. Or you can talk to a cab driver from Nigeria, who has been a U.S. citizen for 16 years. Having admired Reagan, he has always voted Republican, but he has had misgivings about Romney and the whole “Repeal Obamacare!” business… And then Mitt Romney spoke to the NAACP. “For the first time since coming here, I heard what I’ve been waiting to hear from a presidential candidate,” my taxi driver told me as he braved D.C. traffic to get me from one meeting to the next…

[Romney] may just get to work on rebuilding something we’ve been undervaluing of late: freedom. Freedom to believe as we choose, even outside our places of worship. To have the dream of upward mobility. To have dreams again, period. At a time when our government is insisting that women’s fertility is a disease, that parents and individuals simply do not know best what they and their families need, invention and creativity and American exceptionalism all seem on the verge of becoming past tense…

 
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The Romney campaign doesn’t need a vice-presidential gimmick. Mitt Romney just needs to be himself. That NAACP speech was a model and a turning point. “Take a look,” he said at his unleashing. If he keeps talking that way, whole new audiences might do just that.

So much to say here! Choices, choices! But let’s start with this one: here I am, thinking Romney had a record of lying to the SEC when in in fact, he has a record of winning the future. Never having seen one, I wouldn’t know what it looks like. As it turns out, it looks like having $100 million in an IRA and retroactively retiring from a venture capitalist firm. And: Kathryn Jean Lopez, the Bush Administration, and Tom Friedman have something in common, being that they regard taxi drivers as founts of wisdom and/or voices of the man on the street, so that’s interesting. Oh and there’s this: what do “a Bobby Jindal” and “a Marco Rubio” and “a woman” all have in common (besides “sex appeal” or “a vision thing”)? Apparently, picking one of them would be “gimmicky” because (DUH) why else would you pick an Indian, a Cuban, or a Black woman as your VP? Who needs one of them when you’re ALREADY so in touch with FREEDOM?

[The National Review]

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About the author

Kris E. Benson writes about politics for Wonkette and is pursuing a doctorate in philosophy. This will come in handy for when they finally open that philosophy factory in the next town over. @Kris_E_Benson

View all articles by Kris E. Benson

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168 comments

      1. HogeyeGrex

        I have issues with the letter "F".

        Yes, this also makes certain episodes of Sesame Street problematic as well.

  1. Texan_Bulldog

    …"which she knows was glorious because her Nigerian taxi driver told her how much he loved it." Once again, a white person gets scammed by a Nigerian.

  2. randcoolcatdaddy

    "He’s got a record of being all about winning the future"

    That's funny. I thought he was all about buying the future.

    1. va_real

      I wasn't aware that you needed to win or buy the future- I always assumed that we automatically just get a future? Of course, if Romney wins & you later need food, shelter &/or healthcare, your future may involve interment or cremation…

      1. randcoolcatdaddy

        You didn't hear? The Republicans outlawed the future in a recent session of Congress. They mumbled something about it being unconstitutional.

  3. actor212

    Or you can talk to a cab driver from Nigeria, who has been a U.S. citizen for 16 years. Having admired Reagan, he has always voted Republican

    Lemme see…2012 – 1989 = 33 years…so this shithead was here 16 years AFTER Reagan destroyed the country and swallowed whole K-Load's, um, load?

      1. savethispatient

        You also need to be a legal resident for at least 5 years* before becoming a citizen… So, yeah, the timeline makes sense. As an immigrant, you always remember your first President fondly, no? Like me, when I first moved here in '06… I'm very fond of that cowboy guy you guys had. Whatshisface. Shrub.

        * 3 if you married a US citizen

  4. sbj1964

    Mitt needs VP that will make him look like a Human,and not a refugee from the Mormon Home planet of Kalos.

  5. kissawookiee

    And with retroactively resigning from Bain, he is also apparently winning the past.

  6. FakaktaSouth

    What in the hell did Romney say to the NAACP that could convince a dude "braving" (just shut the fuck up) DC traffic that it's better to let poor people die in the streets of treatable diseases?

    1. prommie

      "Freedom," something neglected of late. The freedom to die in the streets. The freedom to hate people of other faiths. The freedom to confine women to a subordinate role, barefoot and pregnant. The freedom for the rich to control things and fix the game so that they and theirs will forever be entrenched and others will be held back. The freedom of Amurrican exceptionalism, which seems to have something to do with exceptional stupidity.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        Perhaps that's where I am always wrong! here I am thinking our government is SUPPOSED to be a way of keeping people who ALREADY have power, money, and therefore actual freedom (Jackie Treehorn draws a lot of water in this town, you don't draw any) from fucking other people out of having a decent life. My bad. Eventually I will get this, or forget what I am talking about. Those are the options, yes?

        1. prommie

          Eventually, I always wind up forgetting what I was talking about. Look, a butterfly. . . . .

  7. MLHencken

    Dame Noonington saw a Mexican; K-LO talks to her cabbie. It's a veritable UN freaking roundtable.

    Advice to Ms. Lopez: more arugula, less doughnuts.

  8. UW8316154

    "Sex appeal"? ha, don't even *try* to go there, cuz noone's got sex appeal like my Barry has sex appeal.

      1. SorosBot

        Or humoring the crazy lady. It's shocking, but some people in service industries who rely on tips will pretend to agree with their customers on topics like politics and religion even when they don't!

    1. ph7

      I've found waiters, cabbies, and bartenders all tend to agree with my politics, as I pull out my wallet.

  9. SorosBot

    But Romney hates freedom; otherwise he wouldn't oppose the right to choose or same-sex marriage.

    1. Nothingisamiss

      That's not freedom, silly, that's……ummmm…shut up, because having the right to choose something isn't freedom……

  10. coolhandnuke

    Don't listen to Lopez when it comes to the election road Mitt.
    Heed the words of Yogi Berra instead…."when you come to a fork in the road–take it."

      1. ProgressiveInga

        "Looks like Kathryn Jean Lopez might want to, um, put down the forklift."

        /fixed

        KJL biggies her orders and needs major equipment.

  11. LastGasp

    Mitt "… has a record of being all about winning the future".

    Charlie Sheen for Vice President?

  12. ChernobylSoup

    I understand the fellow from Niger misses home and wants his new country to be just like the old country.

  13. BaldarTFlagass

    "as he braved D.C. traffic to get me from one meeting to the next…"

    What a busy on-the-go-go-go gal!!!

    1. Dildeaux

      "Ooooh, driver! A Five Guys! Your coal black ass best pull this rattle trap to the curb now muhfucka!"

    2. Boojum

      First, she met breakfast, then brunch, then lunch, whereupon it was off to lupper, then tea…

  14. WhatTheHeck

    Her Nigerian taxi driver told her she was a millionaire, but only if she could prove to him she had any brain, he would then send her the millions.

  15. keinsignal

    I guess Lopez and I are going to have to agree to disagree, and I'm glad to know she's a fan and all, but when I think about the Romney campaign these days, the Sisters of Mercy song that leaps to mind is not so much "Vision Thing" as "Detonation Boulevard"…

    1. doloras

      Are you sure? "TWENTY-FIVE WHORES IN THE ROOM NEXT DOOR" certainly sounds like a Romney donor gathering.

  16. SorosBot

    Yeah, there's Mittens' tenure as Governor of Massachusetts – which he was for a single term, and declined to run for reelection because he would probably lose. And that's it; nothing else he's done is relevant to being President. Yet the Republicans claim Obama didn't have enough experience when, prior to his time in the Senate, he had nearly a decade in the Illinois State Senate and was previously a professor of Constitutional law.

      1. SorosBot

        Obviously helping a rich corrupt organization that puts on a super-expensive meaningless spectacle every four years and serves no purpose but making a shitload of money is a lot more important than helping poor Chicago residents.

  17. BaldarTFlagass

    "women’s fertility is a disease"

    Well, lady, if it's your fertility we're talking about, it's more of a virus. Or a plague.

  18. Billmatic

    I'm gonna go ahead and assume that the cab driver was the first black person she had a conversation with since the mid-90s.

  19. LettucePrey

    Why is it Wonkette's mission to take away every good thought I've ever had about sex?

  20. ph7

    Mitt Romney just needs to be himself. That NAACP speech was a model and a turning point. “Take a look,” he said at his unleashing.

    K-Lo, imagining something as true doesn't make it true.

  21. BaldarTFlagass

    Guess she's making up for not making the cheerleading squad in high school, there.

  22. MissTaken

    Freedom to believe as we choose, even outside our places of worship

    Lemme guess! That Nigerian cabbie better not do his fake praying to Mecca thing though, right?!

  23. Nostrildamus

    The Romney campaign doesn’t need a vice-presidential gimmick.

    Indeed. Where would they put it? Their gimmick closet is like Fibber McGee's.

    1. docteur_giraud

      Imaginary indeed.

      Back in ye olde newspaper days, long-dead columnist Mike Royko created a fake cab driver ("Slats Grobnick") as his man in the street voice. Friedman and K-Lo just insult readers by pretending that their cab drivers aren't in their heads (which are, for the record, firmly up their respective asses).

  24. BaldarTFlagass

    “Take a look,” he said at his unleashing.
    Unleashing the Crack-hen? "Romnetheus Unbound?"

    1. emmelemm

      Love it.

      For me, "unleashing" brought to mind that movie with Jet Li where he has a collar like a dog.

  25. MissTaken

    I'm not a doctor but I'm sure that 'thrill up her leg' isn't Mittens Vision but rather Restless Leg Syndrome, the leading disease of the fupa-set.

  26. Billmatic

    If we don't elect a social regressive and economic pillager, America will lose its throbbing sense of exceptionalism.

  27. BlueStateLibel

    Talk to any cab driver and they will tell you over and over that people are batshit crazy – which is most likely what that Nigerian cab driver thought of Kathryn Lopez.

  28. qwerty42

    K-Lo:
    …[Romney] may just get to work on rebuilding something we’ve been undervaluing of late: freedom. . …
    He might want to start with rebuilding the train wreck called "The Romney Campaign".

  29. SayItWithWookies

    At a time when our government is insisting that women’s fertility is a disease, that parents and individuals simply do not know best what they and their families need, invention and creativity and American exceptionalism all seem on the verge of becoming past tense…

    Yes, it's only freedom when women can't have access to birth control or safe abortions and when parents are allowed to teach their children that science is a conspiracy against the Bible. And while I agree that K-Lo is repressed, it has nothing to do with other people having sex and being happy. Oh wait — let me rephrase that…

    1. SheriffJoeBiden

      I like the part before that, where she says how mean old Obama made it illegal to dream and think outside of churches.

  30. Monsieur_Grumpe

    I’m guessing that “F” is the grade she got in her superhero costume class.

  31. Callyson

    “For the first time since coming here, I heard what I’ve been waiting to hear from a presidential candidate,” my taxi driver told me as he hoped I would give him a decent tip for once…

    /fixed

  32. Extemporanus

    Confidential to the exceptionally solid yet overworked Wonkette "IT Department", with whom I "interfaced" last "Friday":

    On an iPad, this page took approximately four minutes before it stopped hopping and I was able to submit this comment. The debug console currently lists 28 errors, the majority of them Facebook-related. (Fuck Facebook.)

    The best part? That's the fastest load time, and least number of errors, that I've experienced all day.

    Hang in there, man…it gets better?

      1. Extemporanus

        I will cut off my own head, stick it on a tripod, and courier it over to Mark Zuckerberg with a handwritten, shit-smeared note ordering him to use it as his real life avatar of fly-attracting shame before I ever let that happen.

        Sharing is caring, and I don't fucking care.

        [ADDING: Woah, really sorry dude! I'm an exposed nerve today. You're welcome to hang out on my lawn as long as you want.]

      1. Extemporanus

        Yes.

        And you might want to avoid using any escalators this week, if you know what I'm saying…

    1. Texan_Bulldog

      I don't even get on Wonkette from my iPad because of the time it takes. Wish they'd come up with a better mobile version — where you can still view comments/post comments without it taking forever.

      1. Extemporanus

        He (Peter? Jerry? I can't remember his name, but he's super genial and exuberant, a Japanese Dorian Grey or something, and Rebecca's slave labored ex!) is working on it.

        1. va_real

          I'm not on an iPad, but I do use a Mac & often see pages load & reload several times before stabilizing (if they do stabilize). I use Safari for Wonkette, since Firefox is hopeless here (although I love FF usually).

    2. MissTaken

      Mine's been extra slow since Wonkette moved to the fancypants magazine layout for iPad. When I go to the comments section it hops all over the place and takes forever to load. I haven't tried with a non-safari browser, though, so I'm not sure if it's that or not.

      And yes, Fuck Facebook. Preferably with K-Lo's fupa

      1. Extemporanus

        Do you also experience times — like right goddamn now– when typing is nearly impossible due to seconds-long character input lag time?

        Or is that just a guy thing?

        1. MissTaken

          I haven't experienced that, so maybe it's a guy thing. Or a tall thing. Or a hat thing.

        2. Texan_Bulldog

          No, that happened to me, too (when I would get on Wonkette from my iPad). Very frustrating & I'm a short woman!

  33. Joshua Norton

    For both K-Lo and RMoney, their whole "pay no attention to that man behind the curtain" schtick is as over as Uggs.

    BTW "retroactive retirement" has become the new campaign season punch line.

  34. mavenmaven

    "…When Mitt Romney was governor, he adamantly resisted efforts to fund human-cloning research. It wasn’t even good science, in addition to being an affront to human dignity… "
    This is certainly relevant in some way to the Romney VP issue?

  35. Slim_Pickins

    Our lady of the NRO, the virgin Kathryn, has spoken. Jonah be praised, we have epistemological closure in the contest for POTUS!

  36. CrunchyKnee

    What's with this malarkey? "Your comment must be approved by the site admins before it will appear publicly."

  37. Callyson

    At a time when our government is insisting that women’s fertility is a disease

    Um, what? Calling for coverage of contraception is equivalent to treating fertility as a disease now? WTF is next, claiming that covering the flu shot amounts to insisting that Americans are a bunch of lepers?

    JFC…

      1. emmelemm

        I know, right? There's only two possible explanations for her childlessness: 1. She's used birth control at some point. 2. She's never, ever, ever had sex.

  38. Estproph

    "Or you can talk to a cab driver from Nigeria, who has been a U.S. citizen for 16 years. Having admired Reagan, he has always voted Republican, but he has had misgivings about Romney and the whole “Repeal Obamacare!” business… And then Mitt Romney spoke to the NAACP. “For the first time since coming here, I heard what I’ve been waiting to hear from a presidential candidate,” my taxi driver told me as he braved D.C. traffic to get me from one meeting to the next…"

    Following this, he said, "By the way, as it turns out I may have a business proposal for you. I used to be the Minister of Finance for Nigeria, and I need someone with a bank account in the United States…"

  39. Dildeaux

    "He’s got a record of being all about winning the future."

    So is this like a ball game and The Future is ahead of Us? Is it the 4th qtr yet?

    Exactly how does one win the future?

    Ill tell you….tomorrow.

    1. La_Cieca

      Exactly how does one win the future?

      Well, to begin with, you ask the Fatherland to show you a sign his children have waited to see.

    2. emmelemm

      Paraphrase b/c I'm too lazy to look it up:

      Time travel companion wanted. Safety Not Guaranteed.

    3. bobbert

      I will gladly pay you next Tuesday (retroactively to yesterday) for a hamburger today.

  40. IceCreamEmpress

    When I was a journalist, the city editor would blue-pencil any "my cabbie's opinion" bullshit without quarter.

  41. anniegetyerfun

    The nerve of those fucking politicians, treating fertility like it's something that can be controlled! Fertility is like obesity, right? You just have to let it run its course.

  42. widestanceromance

    Listen up she-beast, those Nigerian solutions didn't work there, and they won't work here. Keep your tawdry jungle fever hook-ups to yourself, please.

  43. SheriffJoeBiden

    I'm just gonna block quote this part because it's so, so good:

    "Freedom to believe as we choose, even outside our places of worship. To have the dream of upward mobility. To have dreams again, period. At a time when our government is insisting that women’s fertility is a disease, that parents and individuals simply do not know best what they and their families need, invention and creativity and American exceptionalism all seem on the verge of becoming past tense…"

    It's really funny until you realize that she is paid money to think up stuff like that. I've said it before–I really wish I hadn't been raised to value honesty because how hard could it be to punch a meal ticket writing insane shit for right-wing media?

    1. anniegetyerfun

      Seriously, though, someone does give her money to record words. To think that we like to pick on Richard Cohen for sucking.

      1. SheriffJoeBiden

        And then you get depressed because you realize, hey, the only way that can happen is that there are so many people out there nodding along, going "Yup, that Obama took the dreams right outta my head! Yup yup yup, that socialist prick stoled away all my invention and creativity!"

  44. Manhattan123

    She really is America's saddest pundit. Also, I wouldn't fuck her with Ann Coulter's dick.

  45. Chichikovovich

    K Lo: “Take a look,” he said at his unleashing.

    Remarkably enough, millions of American women and gay men dream of those very words, of that very scene, unfolding with Obama in front of them. Only it's not a poorly received NAACP speech that he's unleashing. he said at his unleashing.

  46. DahBoner

    The Turning Point: The GOP realizes it must vote for a Mormon or chew it's leg off

    COYOTE UGLY MOMENT

  47. occams8ball

    bullshit! There is no way that those particular words can be arranged in that particular order. Even if it was possible, nobody would ever say "yes that was me, I wrote that."

  48. CindynEncinitas

    Well I hope this lady wasn't all butt hurt when she didn't win best Whatever-She-Is-Besides-Ugly at Comic Con.

  49. PartyMarty

    I just let out the most thunderous laugh upon seeing that picture. As if K-Lo weren't already deliciously hilarious.

  50. W88

    Looks like Ms. Lopez didn't get the memo that Romney the 'Pro-Lifer' and $75 million Stericycle investor made money from the corpses of aborted unborn babies.

  51. Designer_Rants

    Kris, I am so, so sorry you have to read NRO stories. On purpose. To make money (if you are paid in AmeroDollars for doing such). This is a tragic example of Capitalism's Failure.

  52. lulzmonger

    Inept lickspittle is made of god-bothering & cellulite.
    Good fluffers do not make one wonder if a sad violin is playing nearby.
    K-Lo is not a good fluffer.

    (ps: Y DID U RAEP MY EYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYES)

  53. Boojum

    This conversation was right before she provided the account information necessary to wire that $100,000,000 in mislaid funds to her account for safekeeping.

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