flotus files

Michelle Obama Threatened By Cops, People Who Hate Spider-Man Musicals

That's MRS. Flotus to you... One would think that the words following “Michelle Obama threatened by…” would be something along the lines of “Slurpee Machine Technicians” or “Vengeful Hoveround Gang.” Actually, though, the threats made against the First Lady’s life in recent days came from – surprise! – a police officer and a run-of-the-mill moron. First, a D.C. police officer “who worked as a motorcycle escort for White House officials and other dignitaries” was just jokin’ around with his pals and figured the time was right to whip out a picture of a gun and proclaim that he would use it to shoot Michelle Obama. Okay sure! But do not worry, he has been moved to an “administrative position” now, for safety. And then there was the poor idiot who made a bomb joke at a bad time. In 2012 in New York City. Really, sir?

Our FLOTUS was just about to take Malia and Sasha to see “Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark” (Why not “Newsies?” Makes no sense!) when there was a SUPER TERRIBLE threatening bomb threat that almost killed everyone dead.

The First Lady and her daughters hit Broadway Sunday to watch “Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark” — and for a moment it looked like the women in the President’s life might need Spidey’s help.

Just before Michelle Obama and her girls, Sasha, 11, and Malia, 14, arrived at the Foxwoods Theatre, a boneheaded theater-goer joked to cops that his luggage might “blow up.”

The jokester, whose name was not released, apparently did not know the First Lady and her daughter were attending the 3 p.m. matinee when he and other theatergoers were asked to check their bags at the door.

“Yeah, I’ll check my bags but if the show is bad, they’ll blow up,” the man said, according to a police source.

“It was a stupid thing to say to any cops, but particularly in this case,” the source said.

NYPD officers and the Secret Service interviewed the man and inspected bags, but found nothing suspicious. He was not arrested.

But was this the white Spider-Man or black/Latino minority hybrid Miles Morales? Details. [NY Daily News]

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About the author

Blair Burke obsessively follows Michelle Obama's every move and fashion decision for Wonkette's The FLOTUS Files feature, which appears here every Monday.

View all articles by Blair Burke

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108 comments

  1. Oblios_Cap

    NYPD officers and the Secret Service interviewed the man and inspected bags, but found nothing suspicious. He was not arrested.

    Not even a beating? LAPD is making the NYPD look like a bunch of pussies.

    1. kittensdontlie

      NYPD figured that it was obvious by his actions they had beat him senseless so many times before, why exacerbate the situation.

  2. Come here a minute

    There was a time when if you said "the Spider Man musical" and "bomb" in the same sentence, nobody batted an eyelash.

  3. Beowoof

    DC police, from the murder record in DC, I thought they were in on the action. Now here is more proof.

  4. freakishlywrong

    Unless that "administrate duty" is served at GITMO, this is truly fucking baffling.
    She's a wife and a mother, not a politician. I realize she's blah, so that justifies this shit in their minds. Cool it racist fuckers.

    1. James Michael Curley

      Transferred to desk duty with pay was the line from another pub. Should give him a few weeks of where will I get the money to feed my family and we will see how ready he is to execute bad jokes about executing Obama's family.

    2. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Yes I agree…and the fact that there hasn't been an example of zero tolerance only emboldens the fuckers to think we the people are with them. I know I don't have the political experience of some of you but I don't think there's been a time since the end of the Civil War and particularly since the Kennedy assassination that opponents of the President can just so casually threaten to murder him. That being said, this goes beyond the pail…what does it take? a misfire? Multiple Secret Service agents were culled from failing to pay a prostitute and yet this fucker who apparently has some access to Michelle can just threaten to kill her…and is punished with a desk job? Unbelievable…until these psycho racist right wing fuckers are visited with serious consequences (remember in 2008 6% of McCain voters voted for him simply because Obama is black) they will continue to ramp up their aggression without fear of punishment…particularly once Barry finishes off the RMoney botzilla 2.9. Something more than this needs to be done…

  5. SorosBot

    Well a bomb wouldn't be any more dangerous at the Spider-Man musical then their normal performance.

    1. actor212

      Probably kill fewer people, too. I heard of people who tried to commit suicide to get out during the first act when it was in previews.

  6. chascates

    The Obama kids live like prisoners for their own protection. And then when they get to do something normal kids do the media complain about how much it costs to protect them.

  7. danielwalldammit

    Just another example of racists coming out of the closet over Obama. He seems to have been quite a self-revelation for a lot of people.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      He did point out to Letterman that he was black before the election … some folks are just noticing?

    2. Nothingisamiss

      I still don't think they're that self-aware. "Racist? No, YOU are! I jest want my country back!"

      If you live in the south you know it's heritage not hate, silly boy.

    1. Dashboard Buddha

      Does working as the night watchman at an abandoned toxic waste dump count as a promotion?

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        How about a job with "security", inspecting the luggage of the occasional dimwitted jokester? (Because the geniuses in charge of our security know that terrorists always joke about the bombs in their luggage.)

      2. SorosBot

        Careful, we don't want racist moran cop falling into a vat of toxic waste and developing super-powers.

  8. FakaktaSouth

    I do think it would be the most fun to drink margaritas and watch the hump the floor stripper movie with MichelleO – and I'll bet anything the kid that said that lame ass shit was stoned as a goat and just trying to go see Ted. What a suck weekend that turned out to be instead, I'll bet.

  9. Goonemeritus

    If you outlaw violent hyperbolic speech in NYC people will be reduced to just snarling at each other.

  10. actor212

    Is that what that was all about? When I saw the commotion, I just figured the Tony committee was performing a mercy killing on the show.

  11. SayItWithWookies

    For a moment there after I read the title I thought Michelle Obama was threatened by everyone who hated the Spider-Man musical — which is as close to being universally disliked as it's possible to get. I'm now slightly relieved.

  12. Mojopo

    What happens next to the psychotic weirdie cop? How long can they keep him chained to a desk, processing an endless stream of spitting prostitutes? Because forever seems reasonable to me.

      1. sudsmckenzie

        For presnits there's usually something in the "mezzanine level", but that hasn't, …on second thought, just dont do it.

  13. SoBeach

    re DC cop: "We received an allegation that inappropriate comments were made."

    "Inappropriate" would be snarky comments about the First Lady's wardrobe.

    Somebody buy those people a thesaurus.

    1. SayItWithWookies

      I think threats were downgraded to inappropriateness right around the same time that "racist remarks" became "racial remarks," as in "The Mayor of Wonderbread, Arkansas, was asked about an email he forwarded calling the president a (*^%@(@ and apologized for his racial remarks."
      On the other hand, I guess it's good that some folks are no longer proudly calling themselves racist — that slight degree of shame has been a long time in coming.

      1. ASHLEIGH_Joe

        Whenever I hear the phrase "racial remarks", I think "David Chapelle standup routine". If it's any more mean-spirited than that, you're definitely using the wrong word to describe it.

    1. kittensdontlie

      That's a nice gesture, although 'love bombing' was made popular by the Unification Church(yes, the Moonies) in their attempt to recruit converts, so…

  14. Biel_ze_Bubba

    "Unexpected Drama at Foxwoods Theater"

    I hope at least one reporter can sneak that past his editors.

  15. mrpuma2u

    OT one of the ads sez I can get 3 gb/sec download (at least I think that is what it means according to my questionable interpretation of the Nordic runes) for 39 Kroner a month,so maybe we should all bug out for this socialist tree hugger paradise, where luggage doesn't explode.

  16. didgen

    For a short period, I thought racism was weakening in our society. The last four years have proved that wrong. Perhaps our grandchildren can achieve what we cannot. I have some small faith that my multicultural, multiracial grandchildren will grow up in a better world.

    1. DemmeFatale

      This is not the first time that particular boil has been lanced, but judging from my daughter's (ages 22 and 25) reactions of "WTF?" to all the racism (and gay-bashing), I also have faith.
      All this hate just doesn't make sense to them.
      I think the kids, (most of them), will be alright.

      (Sorry to get all serious on you.)

    2. Jimmyone

      My 9 year old multiracial grandson has already been Racistized by the local redneck spawn. It has always been an Olympic Sport in our valley to jump on and beat up the Messican running away event. My grandson, bless his mixed race heart, has for the last two school years has had to defend, not only himself, but he sees attacks on the "special" students to be an attack on himself, great kid….so like his mom, who was the defender of the underdog, and downtrodden. He will be a black belt soon enough, but his training has been a real blessing when it comes to confronting the bullies.

  17. JustPixelz

    Slightly OT: There's a Target (boo) commercial on teevee where a kid puts on a Spiderman outfit, then shoots those web strings from his hands to swing from building to building until he lands on the side of building with the real Spiderman. And they talk about Target (boo). At the beginning of all the swinging it says on the screen "do not attempt". WTF?!? I say if you're ten years old and can shoot spider webs from your hands and swing through the city and stick to the side of buildings … well, if you can do those things, you should by all means "attempt" them. Otherwise, the terrorists have won, you hate the troops, are French, etc.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Same with those auto ads: They could have sombody racing around on the Moon or something, and still the warning: "Professional driver, closed course. Do not attempt."

      1. GhostBuggy

        I saw a Nike one the other day that had a guy running around a video game environment come to life (like running up a Donkey Kong set-up, etc.) and it had the DO NOT ATTEMPT warning at the bottom of the screen. OK, Nike, I won't attempt to leap around on magic floating platforms 50 feet in the air. Good advice.

  18. Estproph

    An administrative position? So the cop gets to manage other cops who threaten to shoot Michelle Obama?

    1. rickmaci

      "Administrative position" better involve mopping out the holding cells in the drunk tank. Otherwise, I say WTF is wrong with those asshats?

  19. AncienReggie

    I remember a couple times when cops moved me to an "administrative position" and I was really worried about forcible unprotected flashlight sex.

  20. mavenmaven

    I yearn for the simpler days in America when it was whipping out a picture of your shlong that got you in trouble.

  21. PuckStopsHere

    This would never had happened to Ann and her children. Mormons aren't allowed to go to the theater. Probably.

  22. ElPinche

    The most shocking thing of all is why did Michelle even consider going to see Bono's abombination …..HAHAHA …ha ….heh…..ugggg..sorry.

  23. lunchbox360

    Jeez, if you cant talk openly about bombing and/or shooting people in New York City, where CAN you talk openly about bombing and/or shooting people?

  24. Limeylizzie

    OT Wonketteers, my beloved MrLimeylizzie has had a mild stroke,we think, he is en route to hospital right now, he called me from Mulholland Fountain in the middle of the night, I had just got back to NYC, he had no idea why he was there, so I am headed back to LAX as soon as I can get a flight, so if I am not around for a while that is why. Wish us luck.

      1. Limeylizzie

        Thanks actor212,I am a bit of a mess and I have a fucking audition today, great timing!

    1. Chow Yun Flat

      My wife had a mild stroke several years ago. Scary as hell for both of us for a while but she has recovered completely–it is amazing how resilient our bodies/minds can be.

      Hang in there, lots of thoughts and prayers are with you.

      1. Limeylizzie

        Oh that is good to hear, I just got back last night to NYC and he left me three messages in the middle of the night all saying he was confused and he didn't know why he was where he was in the middle of the night, I had to call LAPD and have them do a wellness check.He cannot remember taking me to the airport yesterday at all.

    2. IceCreamEmpress

      Take care. Confusion and memory loss are typical after a stroke, but they often resolve 100%, especially in otherwise healthy folks.

      1. Limeylizzie

        I just heard from him, the cat scan is clear and they think it was very minor, just a small bleed due to high blood pressure and they are keeping him in overnight, so I am a lot more optimistic than I was a few hours ago!

  25. joshleefolsom

    The good news is NYPD credited itself with thwarting yet another terrorist attack. Good work, men!

  26. Willardbot9000_V2.5

    You know, officially our country is very opposed to this kind of bullshit…but when assholes like this only get a small demotion it really makes me wonder. If any libtard had (and I stress this as a very loose equivolency because libtards do not seem to issue violent threats against the President casually) threatened the life of Dumbya like this…Malkintit would have published their home address and Beerfart idiots and Freepers would have made 'round the clock death threats (like what happened with the Frost family and anti-war liberal college students) alongside the epic punishment that would have followed…this is why these delusional idiots continue to labor on thinking people and institutions secretly support them because that kind of reality never happens…

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