FLOTUS FILES  10:00 am July 16, 2012

Michelle Obama Threatened By Cops, People Who Hate Spider-Man Musicals

by Blair Burke

That's MRS. Flotus to you... One would think that the words following “Michelle Obama threatened by…” would be something along the lines of “Slurpee Machine Technicians” or “Vengeful Hoveround Gang.” Actually, though, the threats made against the First Lady’s life in recent days came from – surprise! – a police officer and a run-of-the-mill moron. First, a D.C. police officer “who worked as a motorcycle escort for White House officials and other dignitaries” was just jokin’ around with his pals and figured the time was right to whip out a picture of a gun and proclaim that he would use it to shoot Michelle Obama. Okay sure! But do not worry, he has been moved to an “administrative position” now, for safety. And then there was the poor idiot who made a bomb joke at a bad time. In 2012 in New York City. Really, sir?

Our FLOTUS was just about to take Malia and Sasha to see “Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark” (Why not “Newsies?” Makes no sense!) when there was a SUPER TERRIBLE threatening bomb threat that almost killed everyone dead.

The First Lady and her daughters hit Broadway Sunday to watch “Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark” — and for a moment it looked like the women in the President’s life might need Spidey’s help.

Just before Michelle Obama and her girls, Sasha, 11, and Malia, 14, arrived at the Foxwoods Theatre, a boneheaded theater-goer joked to cops that his luggage might “blow up.”

The jokester, whose name was not released, apparently did not know the First Lady and her daughter were attending the 3 p.m. matinee when he and other theatergoers were asked to check their bags at the door.

“Yeah, I’ll check my bags but if the show is bad, they’ll blow up,” the man said, according to a police source.

“It was a stupid thing to say to any cops, but particularly in this case,” the source said.

NYPD officers and the Secret Service interviewed the man and inspected bags, but found nothing suspicious. He was not arrested.

But was this the white Spider-Man or black/Latino minority hybrid Miles Morales? Details. [NY Daily News]

Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


Oblios_Cap July 16, 2012 at 10:03 am

NYPD officers and the Secret Service interviewed the man and inspected bags, but found nothing suspicious. He was not arrested.

Not even a beating? LAPD is making the NYPD look like a bunch of pussies.

actor212 July 16, 2012 at 10:15 am

In fairness, our cops beat people regularly in the Stop & Frisk program. This was probably viewed as overkill.

thatsitfortheother1 July 16, 2012 at 10:32 am

The Stop & Beat program?

kittensdontlie July 16, 2012 at 10:34 am

NYPD figured that it was obvious by his actions they had beat him senseless so many times before, why exacerbate the situation.

Come here a minute July 16, 2012 at 10:04 am

There was a time when if you said "the Spider Man musical" and "bomb" in the same sentence, nobody batted an eyelash.

prommie July 16, 2012 at 10:40 am

A respectful "plus one" to you, sir.

Oblios_Cap July 16, 2012 at 11:47 am

I would be more worried about an actor falling on me than some nut in the crowd.

Beowoof July 16, 2012 at 10:06 am

DC police, from the murder record in DC, I thought they were in on the action. Now here is more proof.

freakishlywrong July 16, 2012 at 10:08 am

Unless that "administrate duty" is served at GITMO, this is truly fucking baffling.
She's a wife and a mother, not a politician. I realize she's blah, so that justifies this shit in their minds. Cool it racist fuckers.

DahBoner July 16, 2012 at 11:51 am

Why do these Republicans hate Stay-at-Home mothers?

James Michael Curley July 16, 2012 at 11:57 am

Transferred to desk duty with pay was the line from another pub. Should give him a few weeks of where will I get the money to feed my family and we will see how ready he is to execute bad jokes about executing Obama's family.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 July 16, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Yes I agree…and the fact that there hasn't been an example of zero tolerance only emboldens the fuckers to think we the people are with them. I know I don't have the political experience of some of you but I don't think there's been a time since the end of the Civil War and particularly since the Kennedy assassination that opponents of the President can just so casually threaten to murder him. That being said, this goes beyond the pail…what does it take? a misfire? Multiple Secret Service agents were culled from failing to pay a prostitute and yet this fucker who apparently has some access to Michelle can just threaten to kill her…and is punished with a desk job? Unbelievable…until these psycho racist right wing fuckers are visited with serious consequences (remember in 2008 6% of McCain voters voted for him simply because Obama is black) they will continue to ramp up their aggression without fear of punishment…particularly once Barry finishes off the RMoney botzilla 2.9. Something more than this needs to be done…

SorosBot July 16, 2012 at 10:09 am

Well a bomb wouldn't be any more dangerous at the Spider-Man musical then their normal performance.

actor212 July 16, 2012 at 10:16 am

Probably kill fewer people, too. I heard of people who tried to commit suicide to get out during the first act when it was in previews.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 16, 2012 at 10:58 am

When did a bomb at that theater become news?

chascates July 16, 2012 at 10:09 am

The Obama kids live like prisoners for their own protection. And then when they get to do something normal kids do the media complain about how much it costs to protect them.

danielwalldammit July 16, 2012 at 10:10 am

Just another example of racists coming out of the closet over Obama. He seems to have been quite a self-revelation for a lot of people.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 16, 2012 at 10:18 am

He did point out to Letterman that he was black before the election … some folks are just noticing?

MissTaken July 16, 2012 at 10:29 am

He obviously should've delivered a speech about race during the last election.

actor212 July 16, 2012 at 10:31 am

That would have been seen as politicizing race. He should know his place.

JustPixelz July 16, 2012 at 10:36 am

"racists coming out of the closet" hee hee. A lot of them never went in.

Nothingisamiss July 16, 2012 at 11:10 am

I still don't think they're that self-aware. "Racist? No, YOU are! I jest want my country back!"

If you live in the south you know it's heritage not hate, silly boy.

ManchuCandidate July 16, 2012 at 10:10 am

To DC Kill Cop, I suspect your performance review and any possible chance of promotion let alone keeping your job will be an even bigger joke.

Dashboard Buddha July 16, 2012 at 10:16 am

Does working as the night watchman at an abandoned toxic waste dump count as a promotion?

Biel_ze_Bubba July 16, 2012 at 10:38 am

How about a job with "security", inspecting the luggage of the occasional dimwitted jokester? (Because the geniuses in charge of our security know that terrorists always joke about the bombs in their luggage.)

SorosBot July 16, 2012 at 10:40 am

Careful, we don't want racist moran cop falling into a vat of toxic waste and developing super-powers.

Dashboard Buddha July 16, 2012 at 11:30 am


BaldarTFlagass July 16, 2012 at 10:36 am

Well, at least until there's another Republican president.

FakaktaSouth July 16, 2012 at 10:11 am

I do think it would be the most fun to drink margaritas and watch the hump the floor stripper movie with MichelleO – and I'll bet anything the kid that said that lame ass shit was stoned as a goat and just trying to go see Ted. What a suck weekend that turned out to be instead, I'll bet.

Schmannnity July 16, 2012 at 10:12 am

It was his surveyor's bag.

Goonemeritus July 16, 2012 at 10:13 am

If you outlaw violent hyperbolic speech in NYC people will be reduced to just snarling at each other.

actor212 July 16, 2012 at 10:17 am

Hey! We can still do the hand gestures! We'd get the point across.

Nesnora July 16, 2012 at 10:23 am

I hardly know what merrgroooOOWWWWlgushhhh you mean…

prommie July 16, 2012 at 10:42 am

Shut the fuck up, Donny.

viennawoods13 July 16, 2012 at 10:51 am

Do you have to use so many cuss words?

prommie July 16, 2012 at 11:03 am

You got a fucking problem with that?

viennawoods13 July 16, 2012 at 11:06 am

Okay, Dude. Have it your way.

Nothingisamiss July 16, 2012 at 11:11 am

You're way out of your league!

(Not you, Prommie.)

rickmaci July 16, 2012 at 10:56 am

…and New Jersey would become, well, Connecticut.

actor212 July 16, 2012 at 10:14 am

Is that what that was all about? When I saw the commotion, I just figured the Tony committee was performing a mercy killing on the show.

IncenseDebate July 16, 2012 at 10:16 am

Dumbass says what?

actor212 July 16, 2012 at 10:22 am



Oblios_Cap July 16, 2012 at 11:48 am

I thought that only applied to sphincters.

MissTaken July 16, 2012 at 10:18 am

Friendly Neighborhood Bomber-Man

SayItWithWookies July 16, 2012 at 10:20 am

For a moment there after I read the title I thought Michelle Obama was threatened by everyone who hated the Spider-Man musical — which is as close to being universally disliked as it's possible to get. I'm now slightly relieved.

Mojopo July 16, 2012 at 10:21 am

What happens next to the psychotic weirdie cop? How long can they keep him chained to a desk, processing an endless stream of spitting prostitutes? Because forever seems reasonable to me.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 16, 2012 at 10:54 am

Until retirement. It'll seem like forever, which is what we really care about.

sudsmckenzie July 16, 2012 at 10:22 am

Why not " Book of Mormon", just to rub it in.

JustPixelz July 16, 2012 at 10:37 am

Even the Obamas can't get those tickets.

prommie July 16, 2012 at 11:18 am

And another plus one.

sudsmckenzie July 16, 2012 at 11:30 am

For presnits there's usually something in the "mezzanine level", but that hasn't, …on second thought, just dont do it.

Nothingisamiss July 16, 2012 at 11:12 am

Inspired, inspired choice.

SoBeach July 16, 2012 at 10:24 am

re DC cop: "We received an allegation that inappropriate comments were made."

"Inappropriate" would be snarky comments about the First Lady's wardrobe.

Somebody buy those people a thesaurus.

SayItWithWookies July 16, 2012 at 10:42 am

I think threats were downgraded to inappropriateness right around the same time that "racist remarks" became "racial remarks," as in "The Mayor of Wonderbread, Arkansas, was asked about an email he forwarded calling the president a (*^%@(@ and apologized for his racial remarks."
On the other hand, I guess it's good that some folks are no longer proudly calling themselves racist — that slight degree of shame has been a long time in coming.

ASHLEIGH_Joe July 16, 2012 at 11:05 am

Whenever I hear the phrase "racial remarks", I think "David Chapelle standup routine". If it's any more mean-spirited than that, you're definitely using the wrong word to describe it.

IncenseDebate July 16, 2012 at 10:25 am

The only bomb I'd drop on Michelle is a love bomb.

kittensdontlie July 16, 2012 at 11:03 am

That's a nice gesture, although 'love bombing' was made popular by the Unification Church(yes, the Moonies) in their attempt to recruit converts, so…

sudsmckenzie July 16, 2012 at 11:03 am

I .. ahahaha am so in love with that coment

Jus_Wonderin July 16, 2012 at 10:26 am

More importantly, did any of the actors go hurtling into the audience?

hollywooddood July 16, 2012 at 10:31 am

But exploding luggage is so funny. A laff riot.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 16, 2012 at 10:34 am

"Unexpected Drama at Foxwoods Theater"

I hope at least one reporter can sneak that past his editors.

mrpuma2u July 16, 2012 at 10:38 am

OT one of the ads sez I can get 3 gb/sec download (at least I think that is what it means according to my questionable interpretation of the Nordic runes) for 39 Kroner a month,so maybe we should all bug out for this socialist tree hugger paradise, where luggage doesn't explode.

didgen July 16, 2012 at 10:44 am

For a short period, I thought racism was weakening in our society. The last four years have proved that wrong. Perhaps our grandchildren can achieve what we cannot. I have some small faith that my multicultural, multiracial grandchildren will grow up in a better world.

DemmeFatale July 16, 2012 at 11:02 am

This is not the first time that particular boil has been lanced, but judging from my daughter's (ages 22 and 25) reactions of "WTF?" to all the racism (and gay-bashing), I also have faith.
All this hate just doesn't make sense to them.
I think the kids, (most of them), will be alright.

(Sorry to get all serious on you.)

Jimmyone July 16, 2012 at 12:01 pm

My 9 year old multiracial grandson has already been Racistized by the local redneck spawn. It has always been an Olympic Sport in our valley to jump on and beat up the Messican running away event. My grandson, bless his mixed race heart, has for the last two school years has had to defend, not only himself, but he sees attacks on the "special" students to be an attack on himself, great kid….so like his mom, who was the defender of the underdog, and downtrodden. He will be a black belt soon enough, but his training has been a real blessing when it comes to confronting the bullies.

JustPixelz July 16, 2012 at 10:44 am

Slightly OT: There's a Target (boo) commercial on teevee where a kid puts on a Spiderman outfit, then shoots those web strings from his hands to swing from building to building until he lands on the side of building with the real Spiderman. And they talk about Target (boo). At the beginning of all the swinging it says on the screen "do not attempt". WTF?!? I say if you're ten years old and can shoot spider webs from your hands and swing through the city and stick to the side of buildings … well, if you can do those things, you should by all means "attempt" them. Otherwise, the terrorists have won, you hate the troops, are French, etc.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 16, 2012 at 11:04 am

Same with those auto ads: They could have sombody racing around on the Moon or something, and still the warning: "Professional driver, closed course. Do not attempt."

GhostBuggy July 16, 2012 at 5:03 pm

I saw a Nike one the other day that had a guy running around a video game environment come to life (like running up a Donkey Kong set-up, etc.) and it had the DO NOT ATTEMPT warning at the bottom of the screen. OK, Nike, I won't attempt to leap around on magic floating platforms 50 feet in the air. Good advice.

Estproph July 16, 2012 at 10:46 am

An administrative position? So the cop gets to manage other cops who threaten to shoot Michelle Obama?

rickmaci July 16, 2012 at 10:59 am

"Administrative position" better involve mopping out the holding cells in the drunk tank. Otherwise, I say WTF is wrong with those asshats?

Estproph July 16, 2012 at 11:09 am

What's wrong with them? The president's a NI-<BONG>!

mrblifil July 16, 2012 at 10:49 am

All I know is Bono should be tazed for promulgating that piece of shit.

AncienReggie July 16, 2012 at 10:50 am

I remember a couple times when cops moved me to an "administrative position" and I was really worried about forcible unprotected flashlight sex.

prommie July 16, 2012 at 11:20 am

Flashlight? Hey, thats VIP treatment compared to the broom handle.

AncienReggie July 16, 2012 at 11:51 am

Well, duh. I'm white.

MozakiBlocks July 16, 2012 at 10:55 am

Maybe he meant to whip out his other gun and shoot Michelle but got confused?

mavenmaven July 16, 2012 at 10:55 am

I yearn for the simpler days in America when it was whipping out a picture of your shlong that got you in trouble.

Nothingisamiss July 16, 2012 at 11:14 am

Anthony Weiner, we hardly knew ye.

PuckStopsHere July 16, 2012 at 10:58 am

This would never had happened to Ann and her children. Mormons aren't allowed to go to the theater. Probably.

ElPinche July 16, 2012 at 11:03 am

The most shocking thing of all is why did Michelle even consider going to see Bono's abombination …..HAHAHA …ha ….heh…..ugggg..sorry.

SorosBot July 16, 2012 at 11:10 am

No, the Abomination is a Hulk villain, not a Spider-Man villain!

sbj1964 July 16, 2012 at 11:06 am

A spiderman musical? Hulk crush! Hulk hate musicals!

lunchbox360 July 16, 2012 at 11:08 am

Jeez, if you cant talk openly about bombing and/or shooting people in New York City, where CAN you talk openly about bombing and/or shooting people?

Limeylizzie July 16, 2012 at 11:17 am

OT Wonketteers, my beloved MrLimeylizzie has had a mild stroke,we think, he is en route to hospital right now, he called me from Mulholland Fountain in the middle of the night, I had just got back to NYC, he had no idea why he was there, so I am headed back to LAX as soon as I can get a flight, so if I am not around for a while that is why. Wish us luck.

actor212 July 16, 2012 at 11:19 am

My prayers are with you, Lizzie.

Limeylizzie July 16, 2012 at 11:25 am

Thanks actor212,I am a bit of a mess and I have a fucking audition today, great timing!

AncienReggie July 16, 2012 at 11:42 am

Good luck with the audition and MrLimeylizzie's temporary setback.

Dashboard Buddha July 16, 2012 at 11:31 am

Thinking of you and yours, love.

MozakiBlocks July 16, 2012 at 11:32 am

Sending good vibes and prayers to you and Mr. Limeylizzie!!

SoBeach July 16, 2012 at 11:41 am

Hang in there.

Chow Yun Flat July 16, 2012 at 11:59 am

My wife had a mild stroke several years ago. Scary as hell for both of us for a while but she has recovered completely–it is amazing how resilient our bodies/minds can be.

Hang in there, lots of thoughts and prayers are with you.

Limeylizzie July 16, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Oh that is good to hear, I just got back last night to NYC and he left me three messages in the middle of the night all saying he was confused and he didn't know why he was where he was in the middle of the night, I had to call LAPD and have them do a wellness check.He cannot remember taking me to the airport yesterday at all.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 16, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Sending good brain vibes to you and your Mr.

Limeylizzie July 16, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Thanks, Baby. He is in getting tests now and flirting with the nurses, natch.

ttommyunger July 16, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Indeed! Be safe.

IceCreamEmpress July 16, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Take care. Confusion and memory loss are typical after a stroke, but they often resolve 100%, especially in otherwise healthy folks.

Limeylizzie July 16, 2012 at 2:41 pm

I just heard from him, the cat scan is clear and they think it was very minor, just a small bleed due to high blood pressure and they are keeping him in overnight, so I am a lot more optimistic than I was a few hours ago!

bobbert July 16, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Good to hear.

fuflans July 16, 2012 at 6:28 pm

very late but lizzie wishing you all the best and that the news continues to improve.

Jadetiger79 July 16, 2012 at 7:12 pm

I am so sorry, best wishes and good vibes to you both.

joshleefolsom July 16, 2012 at 11:27 am

The good news is NYPD credited itself with thwarting yet another terrorist attack. Good work, men!

SoBeach July 16, 2012 at 11:40 am

What's that make the total? 134,759?

Billmatic July 16, 2012 at 11:45 am

Thanks to Fruhlinger, I also hate Spider-Man.

Stevola July 16, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Of course this happened at FOXwoods

deanbooth July 16, 2012 at 12:57 pm

I suspect Hardy Laurel — aka Clown 9!

Willardbot9000_V2.5 July 16, 2012 at 2:01 pm

You know, officially our country is very opposed to this kind of bullshit…but when assholes like this only get a small demotion it really makes me wonder. If any libtard had (and I stress this as a very loose equivolency because libtards do not seem to issue violent threats against the President casually) threatened the life of Dumbya like this…Malkintit would have published their home address and Beerfart idiots and Freepers would have made 'round the clock death threats (like what happened with the Frost family and anti-war liberal college students) alongside the epic punishment that would have followed…this is why these delusional idiots continue to labor on thinking people and institutions secretly support them because that kind of reality never happens…

prommie July 16, 2012 at 11:17 am

This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass.

Angry_Marmot July 16, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Meet a stranger in the Alps!

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: