It is a worship word! You will not say it!Small but highly excitable segments of the Wingnutosphere are in high dudgeon over the maybe-treasonous remarks of Rep. Paul “Gosar the Destroyer” Gosar (DDS, R-AZ), who said some very outrageous things at a June 28th online town hall thing hosted by largely unknown Tea Party group “Unite in Action” and posted to the group’s YouTube channel over the weekend. Oh god you are totally NOT going to believe the thing he said. It’s just so unbelievably traitor-y and freedom-hating! No, really, it’s bad. You are probably guessing that maybe Gosar announced plans to sell America’s top-secret interdimensional portal technology to Red China, or that he invited the UN to dictate our children’s lunch menus, or maybe even that he reminded “Unite In Action” that they were the group that, even during the teabagger heyday of 2010, had to cancel a “National Tea Party Unity Convention” in Las Vegas because nobody would pay to attend it, but no, it is even more shocking: He comes right out and says that defending the Constitution is a losing cause, so why even bother, right? Insane, isn’t it? Watch this shocking video where Gosar (here in the form of a large and moving Torg) literally throws the Constitution under an actual bus:

Did you SEE that? He straight up said that, as far as gaining an electoral edge, merely carrying on about how you dry-hump the Constitution more passionately than anyone else is not going to get you very far, because half of Americans don’t believe in the Constitution anyway. (And Gosar should know, because he simply loves the Constitution so much that he has to carry a spare terrycloth wipe around with him just to catch all the patriojizz that leaks from him whenever he sees a flag).

It’s really rather astonishing what Rep. Gosar has accomplished here: He has made us feel a little bit of sympathy for him, even though he is a Tea Party loon whose 2010 candidacy was endorsed by Sarah Palin, Joe Arpaio and Sheriff Paul “I’m NOT your sweet Babeu” Babeu. Clearly, what our Liberty-frotting hero actually means here is that loving the Constitution 300% is necessary but not sufficient to win in a country where the mass of people do not froth at the mouth at the mention of the Constitution. Even a bunch of Woody-Guthrie lovin’ commies like us can tell that this is the point he was fumbling toward with that “We have to have the Constitution, but a plan to get back” bit. The poor doofus simply didn’t account for the tendency of his fellow teabaggers to start shouting “TREASON!” whenever they think the Constitution is imperiled, which is, of course, ALL THE FUCKING TIME. We have a friend with a little yappy dog like that, whose batshit crazy barking fits are triggered by the presence of another dog anywhere within a three-parsec radius, because eternal vigilance is the price of owning a squeaky rubber hotdog.

So anyway, where Gosar’s remarks were really about elecoral strategy for a fringe political movement, that very fringe political movement has now decided that what he said was that the Constitution “isn’t worth fighting for” or that he personally will not fight for the Constitution, or perhaps even that Gosar announced that his own testicles have not descended and so he is a big sissy fairy who doesn’t really love America. Never mind Gosar’s NRA endorsement or his opposition to abortion even in cases of rape or incest, or even the fact that he’s a teabagger and a dentist, just like Orly Taitz. Tea Party America seems to have decided that Paul Gosar is now afraid to even SAY the holy words of the E Plebnista Norkohn Forkohn Perfectunun now, for indeed his tongue would burn with fire if he tried, the dirty traitor.

Now all that’s needed to drive the final nail into the coffin of Rep. Gosar’s congressional career is to inform Wingnut America that Your Wonkette thinks they’ve badly misunderstood him, and that we even think he’s right, in his peculiar way: most Americans do not rub one out on the altar of the Constitution the way teabaggers do. (Incidentally, for all the accusations of treason against Gosar, the Youtube and blog comments seem to have a pretty vague notion of what treason actually is, which makes sense, given what they understand about the Constitution itself.)

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  • This is nice, being able to comment again!

    • Hey, easy now. We don't want any trouble, understand?

      • a_pink_poodle

        Watch out! He/she's got a Thesaurus!

        • : ) It's "she" — and especially dangerous, given the thesauraus IN MY HEAD

          • radio-of-owls


          • PresqueVu

            *wags cigar* *wiggles eyebrows*

    • RadioSlut

      Gosar was right. No free speech for you.

    • not that Dewey

      Commenters should be seen and not heard.

      • radio-of-owls

        Commenters should be seen and not heard.

        I believe that's a context dependent variable, not a constant. Although in some contexts, it sure can seem constant.

        • not that Dewey

          The Constant Commenter was a terrific movie about corruption and the limitations of first-person knowledge.

          • Extemporanus

            Dn't frgt The Consonant Commenter, whch ws trrfc nvl bt qwrt[y]psdfghjklzxcvbnm nd th lmttns f Vnn Wht's knwldg .

          • radio-of-owls

            Or The Continent Commenter, a notorious 19th Century broadside put out by the Women's Anti-Diarrhea League of Cape Poopyhead, New Jersey.

          • Extemporanus

            The Continent Commenter was full of shit, and not at all the worldly travelogue that its trite title made it out to be.

            The Constant Cormoranter, however, offered readers a bird's eye view of shagging that was a damn sight more than just ukai.

            [The endangered California condor will return to its nest by sundown…]

          • not that Dewey

            I'd like to vie for a bowel.

          • radio-of-owls
          • I thought it was about tea.

    • Don't be silly. Wonkette doesn't allow comments.

      • Nostrildamus


  • One_who_wanders

    Dentists and the crazy, must be all the mercury fumes.

    • freddymcmurray

      Went to dental school. Quit dental school. Trust me, they are crazy way before they get to dental school, much less have a career in dentistry. Their parents are the same way. (see mittens dynasty)

      • Terry

        Just thinking "Say, I want to spend my working hours staring in people's mouths and doing lots of paperwork!" qualifies a person as crazy.

        • freddymcmurray

          But way less crazy than "I want to spend my working hours staring in people's butts and doing paperwork". IMO

      • SorosBot

        Maybe being unable to make it in real medical school drives them nuts?

        • freddymcmurray

          That's a common joke/myth about dental school students. Many of them had no ambitions to ever be MDs. And the school is every bit as grueling. (if you're cutting people and giving them drugs, you have to know the same things) Rather, many dental students have parents that are dentists. In school they'll ask you over and over again why you want to be a dentist ("making tons of money," is one acceptable answer, no joke; "because my dad is", is another). Golf jokes on day one of class, obviously. Students running around at election time: "vote Republican or we'll get SOCIALIZED medicine", with a sneer. You can see why I didn't fit in.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            The fact that a DMD is a sure way to score a high-quality J.A.P. is a huge motive, at least on Long Island.

  • thatsitfortheother1

    "most Americans do not rub one out on the altar of the Constitution the way teabaggers do."

    They don't?

    • If the church won't interfere in my relationships then I won't fuck on the altar.

      • thatsitfortheother1

        Just once?

        • I've done the pews already.

          Pew! Pewpew!

    • RadioSlut

      Imagine what they do to a Reagan pic.

      • That thing is crusty now. Phew!

      • thatsitfortheother1

        "Why, it's an oil painting of Ronald Reagan in the style of van Gogh."

        Uh, no, it was an 8 x 10 glossy.

    • elburritodeluxe

      the parchment is super scratchy

  • SorosBot

    Psst, Rep. Gosar and teabaggers; the reason your defending of the "Constitution" is a losing cause is because that's not actually the Constitution you keep claiming to defend, you guys hate the real one we actually have, it's the Articles of Confederation, and they were thrown out after proving to be a miserable failure way back in 1787.

    • But we could easily have seen this coming: any political (or any movement, for that matter) that is fueled by rage and reaction is doomed to failure once they get frustrated.

      Indeed, about the only political movement that had any longevity that was based on hatred and rage was the Reign of Terror under Robespierre and even then, it only lasted four years or so.

      • Chichikovovich

        Even shorter than that, really. Dating the Reign of Terror as beginning with the 5 September 1793 declaration by the Convention ("Terror is the order of the day") that the revolutionary armies, controlled by Robespierre's Committee for Public Safety, could be used to enforce government policy (like, price controls) on the citizens, and ending it with the execution of Robespierre, St.-Juste, etc. on 28 July 1794 ("10 Thermidor") it didn't even last a year.

        • I was dating from the Franco-Prussian War to the second Constitution, to sort of set up the bloodbath that was outer-directed but then was turned inward, up until the whole mess was basically swept under a rug.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            That must have been one hell of a lumpy rug, even wihthout all the heads.

        • Willardbot9000_V2.5

          Yes…the rage that started the French Revolution started long before then..besides I thought the Reign of Terror wasn't so much about anger as it was deep set paranoia which eventually claimed Robespierre himself…I mean, I guess we can argue whether or not reactionary paranoia is the same as anger…but I think it comes much more from fear. Soooo…since teabaggers are politically actually kind of pussy (they're afraid of everything…especially death and that's why they're right wing) they do have something in common with Robespierre…just not on the 'manly' anger emotion…

        • Willardbot9000_V2.5

          ah damnit…I texted the p-word again…I was just posting that the Reign of Terror was more about reactionary paranoia than anger…the execution of Louis XVI was anger-based red meat for the mob. But the Reign of Terror was like any other paranoia-based campaign against ones detractors…it had the same characteristics of Stalin's purges (even down to the megalomania of Robespierre) and Hitler's campaigns against Jews, leftists, commies, etc. Actor…I actually agree with your premise but disagree with the emotion…teabaggers are political pansies (edit from original apparently banned word) who are afraid of EVERYTHING…especially death. It is WHY they are right wingers and are so dogmatically stupid, also. Just my opinion…but mostly based on fact…social science is learning SO MUCH about the ties that bind ultra-authoritarian movements.

    • Boojum

      Wasn't Gosar the demon from Ghostbusters?

      • Willardbot9000_V2.5

        Sure was and it was what coated that post in awesome then dripped Sofia Vergara's tit sweat on it as well. Well…Gozer the Gozarian, but Zoom did an awesome job of nicknaming an unremarakable teabagger drip.

  • I'm starting to think that the Tea Party might be nothing but a bunch of retarded crypto fascists.

    • prommie

      Let it go, relax, its ok, just accept it.

    • elburritodeluxe

      And I'm starting to think that water is wet and cocaine is awesome!

    • You just figured that out?

      • I know, maybe the Texas heat is finally getting to me (this is still a snark site, right?).

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      starting? Sheesh…these idiots have been closeted fascists longer than Brian Fischer has been a closeted rentboy pounder. The whole "teabagger" thing is just a sleazy corporate rebranding of Bushies (because corporations absolutely ADORE fascism)…same authoritarianism, same stupidity…same theocratic, feudalistic and prison-city bent.

  • Defending the Constitution is not a dead cause.

    Defending the WHITE WEALTHY Constitution is, however.

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Sadly not…Mittens is the concentrated Wealthy white Constitution…there's no coincidence wingnuts reacted to the first black President by selecting the human embodiment of White Privilege as his opponent….so, we know who is trying to "take their country back"…of course that's just stupid racist bullshit because Obammz has hardly been hostile to white privilege but oh well…stupid authoritarian racist haters goin' hate.

  • FraAnima

    Many Shuvs and Zuuls and Democrats knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!

    • GhostBuggy

      Gah, I was working on the same line, but I was going to substitute in Gingrich for the sloar.

      • FraAnima

        Who ya gonna call? GhostBuggy!

      • So you were going to turn it into a Newt?

  • freakishlywrong

    "Rubbing one out at the altar of the Contitusion" is tantamount to treason. You know, like expanding health care coverage to 'Muricans is tyranny. Or something. Thease teatards, they are fucking confusing.

  • mavenmaven

    This Stephani Scruggs is certifiably insane. Those are some scary people at that podium.

    • Thank goodness she's a slave, really, since freedom would clearly be more than she could handle.

      • mavenmaven

        Apparently she's allowed her personal fetish life to emerge publicly.

      • thatsitfortheother1

        BTW, nicely done, Dr.

        • I would simply point out that there is a tip jar. Also, try the veal.

          • Schmannnity

            That car deserves a decent crushing.

          • So true (tho as I note, the photo is not actually my own 73 Chevy, which I forgot to take pics of before the aborted trip). Like so many recipients of our love, there is very little rationality involved in my relationship with Vlad the Impala

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            There's just something about carrying around enough sheet metal for three Civics (and burning enough gas for four.)

          • thatsitfortheother1

            Having owned an Impala (not when it was cool) and lived in Idaho, I feel compelled to participate.

          • Thanks!

    • Schmannnity

      It's interesting how she and others can assemble and freely speak about how the 1st Amendment doesn't exist anymore. She might more profitably focus on the "unreasonable search and seizure" language of the 4th.

      • SorosBot

        But people keep violating their First Amendment right to never be criticized for your speech!

      • Yeah, but just try and exercise your 2nd amendment right to kill libruls, and they call you a murderer.

  • GuanoFaucet


  • Schmannnity

    If you disagree with me, you hate the constitution.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    There's room to move as a fry cook, Gosar.

    • prommie

      I know the fry-cook position, I worked the fry station, I was a frycook. You, Gosar, are no frycook.

    • GlowneyHouse

      They should have to prove their radicalism. Maybe go get sushi and not pay.

  • He comes right out and says that defending the Constitution is a losing cause, so why even bother

    To be fair: making sensible statements about their treatment of the Constitution probably does qualify as treason to the teabuggers. And presuming such logic and forethought will make sense to them constitutes insanity to the rest of us.

  • FakaktaSouth

    "we are already slaves, my church cannot speak freely, this is the theft of our freedoms and it is not good enough for me or my children"

    Absolutely, if this lady's church is not allowed to tell us all what to do, what IS the point of the Constitution? We truly should stop making her a slave to our inability to do what HER church says. It hurts her children, why can't we see that?

    I hope she's serious about fighting to the death over this – I feel like getting in a cage.

    • prommie

      Aux les barricades time, maybe?

    • thatsitfortheother1

      What good is governance if ya can't tell people how to scrog?

    • I especially like that this woman went to a public meeting, streamed live on the internet and posted to YouTube, to say that Free Speech has been completely crushed by the dictator who rules America with an iron fist, presumably because her church is barred either from acting as an official arm of a political campaign, or maybe because her church can't replace the local schools' science curriculum with Bible study.

      • FakaktaSouth

        This fish is not aware of the water in which she swims, you are correct. I don't know WHY everyone in the world isn't jumping into her deep end, she seems so smart.

    • Fare la Volpe

      I wish all the self-proclaimed Christian martyrs out there would put up or shut up. Throw yourselves in the fucking lion pits already so the rest of us can throw your books out of our hotel rooms and go on with our days.

      • FakaktaSouth

        This would be THE PERFECT place for us to wear our speedos and take mushrooms, I bet even your facebook flashbacks would show up to cheer on the lions with us.

    • Schmannnity

      You know, it's not like a church can run around the country, saying whatever it wants, like "God Hates Fags" or burning Korans.

    • I've posted this in the YouTube comments a couple times now, in reply to people saying that the time for talk is over and it's time to man the guns:

      "OK. Just to be clear, with whose blood do you intend to water the tree of liberty first? Do you consider James Adkisson a hero for taking the fight to liberals in Knoxville?" (only without the linky, since YouTube don't allow that…)

      • FakaktaSouth

        I love the idea of you bringing a brain to a moron fight. I bet you confused the hell out of those people on the youtubes. I swear it is just words and feelings, not words and definitions or meanings or concepts with these folks, it's quite disheartening.

        *and NONE of these folks knows what a Unitarian "is" much less why it is bad to shoot one, even a kid one.

        • The kid ones are just as dangerous. Himmler pointed out that purification has to be total.

        • prommie

          Umm, brains are fun at a moron-taunting, but for a fight, morons are actually quite immune to brains. Baseball bats, on the other hand, are very effective on morons. We do not reason with cattle, when we want them to move, we fucking electrocute them with an electrocution-stick.

    • PuckStopsHere

      Let's get back to the important issue at hand here: the cage thingy. It goes without saying that you will be wearing your car washing outfit, right?

      • FakaktaSouth

        Oh absolutely, for as long as it will stay on me, this lady here looks like a clothes-tearing-hoohah-grabbing type fighter, so things might get dicey before I have to put her down.

        • PuckStopsHere

          "for as long as it will stay on me…"
          I think I just passed out, a little bit. Like Belushi at the window of the sorority, you know?

          • prommie

            He went with a smile on his face, at least.

        • prommie

          My Daddy taught me to fight dirty. He really did, and the most important part of the lesson was, if you are gonna go dirty, you have to commit totally. The last thing you want is a tit-for-tat (ahem) escalation. You want to cause so much pain so immediately that they capitulate. My dad was a big advocate of mayhem, he told me to go for the eyeballs.
          Toujours le audace!

          • Jimmyone

            Yeah, I taught my daughter dirty fighting, because 1. she was on the small side…5'2" 100 lbs. 2. She didn't believe in backing down when she knew she was right. 3. I was getting too old and decrepit to fight her battles…She was always defending the weak, and "non white", and 4. I wasn't always going to be around to help.
            I was surprised when she got thrown in jail in Chicago, and was the only white girl there, when the largest women in the group approached her with some bad ideas, and the first thing my little girl did was to jump up and tried to bite off the woman's nipple….worked like a charm, they became friends and no one else tried anything. I would like to take credit for the move…but I can't. Nipple biting was not on my list of what to do in an emergency.

  • Dildeaux

    What is this clown thinking. Anytime the word CONSTITUTION is involked, Ron Paul must be allowed the final word.

    C'mon Editrix. Plz put "Ron Paul" the the title of a story. Hilarity ensues when they decend on the site.

    • Fare la Volpe

      What's sad is that those fellas spend every hour of every day googling Ron Paul over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again, all day every day, in the hopes that someone, somewhere, might write something mean about him.

    • SorosBot

      Sometime I do miss the attacks of the Paultards that we got whenever his name was invoked back in 2008. They're apparently too lazy to register.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      His son, Ru, er Rand is a better dancer.

  • prommie

    In the minds of these sub-verbal morons, the Constitution is just a fetish (not THAT kind of fetish, you), an idol. They worship it with a vague but passionate zeal, but with no understanding at all. Its just exactly the same as the chimpanzee reading Nietzsche.

    • FakaktaSouth

      The truth is that they are used to being able to end arguments with certain key c-words (not THAT c-word, you) church, children, Constitution. They "believe" in these things and anyone who "does not" is fundamentally evil. You say something about how to build roads, they say I got God, kids and freedom on my side, I am right, you shut up.
      It's a hell of a way to build consensus, and lord, look how GREAT it's working. We should stop arguing with them in the first place.

      • prommie

        Your either with-em, or agin-em.
        I blame America's fascination with sports, winning, championships. "My tribe beat your tribe, we number one." Go 'Canes.

        • FakaktaSouth

          Yeah well, if I didn't have sports down here to give me some sort of tether to my fellow man I'd've already burned the whole place to the ground, so ya know, Roll Tide and fuck a Hurricane.

          • prommie

            But the problem is it only gives you a tether to other 'Bama fans, whereas members of the tribe of "Bama wind up teabagging members of the tribe of Auburn because they wear orange and blue (the WRONG orange and blue, I must add) instead of crimson. Now of course not you, but gawd, those others. Why can't we all just get along? Surely the Gator and the Bulldog, the Tide and the Volunteer, can lay aside their enmity and, umm, oh fuck that all. Fuck Auburn with a strap-on, and twice for LSU.

          • FakaktaSouth

            Just so you know, we were teabagging a BENGAL tiger, an LSU-er, after WINNING the National Championship right thar in Louisiana itself. NO self respecting Bama boy would dangle the balls of an Aub upon his chin, good sir, we are always a gentleman, gentle-lady? Classy when we act like we have balls in our mouths at the Krystal?

          • prommie

            Why'd you stop me, I was on a roll, just because it wasn't the Germans who bombed Pearl Harbor.

          • FakaktaSouth

            Because Aub-balls are a bag too far. You could have even said Kentucky, and they all just got one each, but not Auburn, not even with a strap on.

          • prommie

            Ah ha, so the Tide is to Auburn, as Florida is to FSU?

          • prommie

            Re: Kentuck fans, I knew about the one tooth each thing, but I didn't know they only had one ball each, is this true?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      So, would think of it as a shoe, or perhaps more of a gourd?

      • prommie

        A totem. A magical amulet that they wave around and it gives them power over their enemies.

        • Fare la Volpe

          Like that tiki necklace from the Brady Bunch movie!

          • prommie


        • E Plebnista!

    • thatsitfortheother1

      "chimpanzee reading Nietzsche"

      So you saw my Philosophy 101 grades…

    • SorosBot

      They believe that the Constitution enshrines whatever rules they already believe in, and selectively misinterpret the text to confirm their preconceived views; it's similar to the way Christians treat the Bible.

      • prommie

        Yes, precisely, they make a fetish, an idol, of the bible, it is merely a symbol to them of some vague ideas, a symbol just like a carved piece of rock, even if it is a book, to them it is a magical symbol, literally, an idol.

    • In fairness, Immanuel Kant was a real pissant.

      • thatsitfortheother1

        My street in Germany is Kantstraße. How gross is that (and I don't mean "big")?

    • mavenmaven

      "What does not kill me makes me fling poo. "

    • AS A NIETZSCHE-READING CHIMPANZEE I RESENT THE TENOR OF YOUR REMARKS. On the other hand, Nietzsche did say that most of those who practice religion have no idea what it's actually about.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Damn. Half-way through that post I was already planning to link to that Onion story as my comment, and then you go and scoop me. It's way too early in the morning for me to come up with something on my own.

  • eggsacklywright

    It's enough to make Ogden Gnash.

    • PubOption

      But Gosar is from Arizona, not Utah.

    • Enough to make Claire Booth Luce…

  • Just wanted to add that the YouTube comments on that video are a veritable Mos Eisley Cantina of political insanity (I just knew there were a couple more nerd references to be made).

    It's a hive of clueless teabaggers (I liked the woman who said that Thomas Jefferson wrote the Constitution all by himself) and fringe political beliefs that make teabaggers look mainstream (we got yer 9/11 truthers AND yer Sovereign Citizen types, among others)…

    I'm sure these folks would love some (well-psudonymized!) company.

    • prommie

      Posse Comitatus Libel!

    • Fare la Volpe

      these folks would love some (well-psudonymized!) company

      No psudonymizing here. They believe in the Sanctity of Marriage.

    • Nostrildamus

      Psudomize 'em all !!!

  • rmontcal23

    Stephani(e) is a MILF. When she said barrage, I had a little patriojizz myself.

  • This jerk acts as if "freedom of speech" was in the Bill of Rights or something!

  • Fare la Volpe

    This is literally the worst thing that has ever happened ever.

  • We cannot equivocate ??

    Her teatarded thinking is as light as a feather, and since what is light cannot be dark, then a feather cannot be dark. Please don't tell the bald eagles that only their heads and tails got the Tea Party's message.

    Why do I now have a vision of Dr. Frank N. Furter curling his lips and saying "EQUIVOCATION"

  • Hate the constitution = socialist = communist = nazi = hitler

  • Star Trek was wrong. It didn't take a nukular war to turn Yankees into Yangs. It took the election of Nearer as Preznit.

    Every Teabagger pissing match should be themed with the Star Trek Fight song. I'd bet 2000 Quatloos on the Fat one, but which one?

    • eggsacklywright

      Goddam grups.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    This is just a Cave Johnson message.

    • "You're here because we want the best, and you're it.

      Nope. Couldn't keep a straight face."

      (So could you tell what KidZoom was playing all afternoon while I was writing the piece?)

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        You should devise a trap to lure Erik and Chet out as soon as you get your failmobile working. They are the writers behind Portal and OldManMurray, now based in the Seattle area.

        Seattle and tech go together like Portal Browsing and Javascript..

  • Pragmatist2

    I never picture Teabaggers slapfighting. Mud wrestling seems right. Not Jello wrestling, though. That would be elitist.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Jello is fine as long as they use Newt's mom's recipe.

  • freddymcmurray

    a slap fight, you say? just as long as it doesn't turn into a slap-and-tickle fight. that would give white jeebus a frowny face.

    • chicken_thief

      Eric Massa libelz!!!

  • This guy might as well have gone on TV urinating on the constitution while shoving bald eagles into a blender and reading from the Koran.

    • Vecchiojohn

      reading from the Koran . . . In Kenyan!

    • Fare la Volpe

      Yeah, that really was a weird issue of Family Circus.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    "….because eternal vigilance is the price of owning a squeaky rubber hotdog."

    Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. How can I get any work done knowing my rubber hotdog is home, alone, unprotected?

  • elburritodeluxe

    Incremental steps, people! First, abolish the liberalism, then make everyone wear tri-corner hats and knee breeches.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Teabag Politician Actually Uses Brain. Teabaggers´╗┐ Outraged.

  • sbj1964

    Gozar,was he the KeyMaster,or the Gate Keeper? I remember the StayPuff Man.Who you going to call?

    • Estproph

      Gozer was the Gozerian, the Destructor. The Keymaster and The Gatekeeper were who allowed him in to try and destroy Bill Murray.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I thought Neo had to reach the Source of the Matrix by finding the Keymaker, who was being held prisoner in the home of the Merovingian.

      • SorosBot

        Wait, there was no Keymaker or Merovingian in the Matrix, which was a very fun sci-fi movie; sometimes I wish people had made sequels to it but that never happened.

  • Goonemeritus

    We lost all our rights the day that Commie George Washington started taxing home Whiskey production. The last 200 years have been just a slow march to the Gulag.

  • thatsitfortheother1

    Needz maor book burning.

  • Preferred Customer

    All of this excitement over an obsolete sailing ship.

  • Why teabaggers love the constitution: By white people, for white people. It's not like they give a shit about what's in it.

  • James Michael Curley

    They held that conference on the 'Went with the Wind' set of the Carol Burnette Show.

  • Poindexter718

    On behalf of myself, Wonkette and the entire Greater New England and California NAMBL federation, we hereby express our solidarity with Rep. Gosar in his effort to undermine the vile American Constitution.

  • Slapfight? Oh, I thought you said …
    Never mind.

  • Nothing like twits with microphones pretending that they know something. I have a sister like one of those jackasses. It is "My Way or the Highway" with her all the time. There is no living copacetically with these shits.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    For all of the talk of masterbation, this story is decidedly unsexy.

    • SorosBot

      Well the thought of masturbating teabaggers, with their average age of 69, is quite boner/wetness-killing.

      • Fare la Volpe

        And now you ruin 69 for me too? UGH!

        • SorosBot

          And here I was just expecting an "I see what you did there". But don't worry, teabaggers would never 69, because they will never give oral, what with sex for pleasure being so dirty and sinful. (Some, particularly the closet cases, may take oral, but that will be from hookers / rentboys and they will never give it).

          • "It's not a Lemon party without old Dick!

            — Buck Henry

  • Oblios_Cap

    eternal vigilance is the price of owning a squeaky rubber hotdog.

    Words to live by, my friends!

  • Estproph

    Teabillies love the Constitution in the same way that the army loved My Lai.

  • naturecalendar

    Poor guy must have known that if they're modeling the table setting on "The Last Supper," someone was gonna have toplay Judas.

  • ThundercatHo

    I'm gonna give them the benefit of the doubt and believe that they read the CONSTITUTION and most likely parts of the BIBLE also, too. However, it's fairly obvious that reading comprehension is not in the wingnut skillset.

  • Antispandex

    It's OK. I think things will settle down pretty quick. If the Tea's don't have something to bitch about at least once a week, they start to feel ignored.

  • Is it me, or does this thing look like a r#t$arded last supper?

    • FraAnima

      I wish I could give this multiple upfists.

    • rickmaci

      Gozer as Judas?

  • those are some mighty endowed wenches up there.

    • chicken_thief

      I didn't watch the vid – too busy here at work!, but from the still, they look to me like they been grazing in the grease fried section of the Golden Coral buffet too long.

  • Oh, good. I needed to cut some glass and that first gal's voice handled the project beautifully.

  • MacRaith

    This is the only post on Wonkette tagged "None Dare Call It Delusional Teabagger Infighting". This is a travesty. We need many, many more posts like this one, please.

  • I heart you, Dok, but I can't start out my day like this.
    (I already have a headache.)

  • Allmighty_Manos

    "most Americans do not rub one out on the altar of the Constitution the way teabaggers do"

    Err..James Madison didn't even rub one out on the altar of Constitution. When you actually see how sausage is made, it ceases to resemble the direct words of God carved into gold.

  • PuckStopsHere

    How many of the Five Planks of our Wonkette 1st Amendment rights have we lost? Freedom to say "skullfuck?" Gone. Freedom to say "retard", gone. (Except as a musical term meaning to "slow down.") Freedom to fap? Well, okay, that's still there although I find this disturbing video difficult to masturbate to. Freedom to say "all of them, Katie?" Gone. (Not really a bad thing, actually.) Etc. and etc. Wake up SHEEPLE!

  • I would give anything to know how many people were actually in the audience for this circle jerk. I am guessing 8, and 5 of them were related to people on the panel. My sympathies to the staff of the Tempe Days Inn.

    • they ran out of sweet-n-low, now i have to use that commie stevia! (overhead pov, crane shot, camera spins) OBAMA!!!!!

  • The First Amendment's a tad chilled, I'll admit, mainly due to the flagrant violations of the Fourth Amendment since the Patriot Act. Other than that, the Constitution's in reasonably good shape, even their quaint 2nd amendment is in fine shape. And no, they can't make blacks 3/5ths of a citizen again, sorry.

    • SorosBot

      Or the flagrant violations of the 24th Amendment that so many states are embracing with their Jim Crow voter ID laws.

  • fawkedifiknow

    Here's a scary thought: That panel is the brainy side of the outfit.

    Don't make me think too hard about the people who listen to the likes of them. It hurts MY brain.

  • JustPixelz

    There's an eerie resemblance to religious cult where members compete for status based on who is the most pure. (c.f. madrassas)

    The Constitution was an important milestone in the evolution of democracy. But if we were writing it today, we would not make the same choices. We still don't directly elect the POTUS. Two senators per state instead of representation by population is not democratic. Lifetime appointments to SCOTUS means a justice could serve for 50 years with today's life expectancy.

    Maybe it's time for a "new testament" for the Constitution.

    • Why do you hate America?


  • Those poor people… their John Bircher parents probably told them that they'd inherit the country and those dang minorities and non-Christian preverts would mind their manners and not use the Constitution to challenge their absolute, preordained, God-given authority. Suckers.

  • Getting Paul Gosar to utter one coherent sentence is like pulling teeth.

  • owhatever

    Where are the guns? Let them pursue their Second Amendment rights amongst themselves. The tree of liberty and the Tea Party must occasionally be purified with the blood of patriots.

  • i would like to invite some of the millions of sex slaves in the 3rd world to educate her about what being a slave is really all about, 'cause i bet none of them drove a $40,000 suv to a white folks whine-a-thon meeting today.

    " eternal vigilance is the price of owning a squeaky rubber hotdog."
    is probably the funniest thing i've read in week.

  • DahBoner

    Can't the Koch brothers just buy a bunch of tickets and put one inside of every bottle of corn syrup??stripped

  • caelanaegana

    Having owned beagles (alt: bugles) for a number of years I have come to the conclusion that eternal vigilance is more the price of defending a yard full of poo…or at least the poo that wasn't eaten.

    Says a lot, really.

  • Extemporanus

    Today, we are all McKetrick supplicants.

  • ttommyunger

    Have those women EVER had a proper boning? The angst poured out all over my keyboard during that exercise in mental masturbation.

  • KrisAnne, in addition to winning the white-trash-names lottery, seems to be struggling to recall the specifics of that Jefferson quote there in the beginning.

    And Stephani, who was first runner up, is right: if you can't control aspects of your own life, you are a slave. Which is why it's safe to assume that she's pro-choice, right?

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