'IN FACT SHE'S QUITE UNATTRACTIVE'  5:06 pm July 13, 2012

Let Us Memorialize This Fake One-Day Condi Boomlet Thing With a Wingnut Chain Letter

by Jim Newell

Yep, I'm still hereIt’s Condi Fever everywhere! And we don’t mean the kind where little Middle Eastern children get bomb shell infections during the arbitrary “eh what the hell, sure” American occupation du jour. We mean the hot new Vice Presidential sensation sweeping the land, for a pretermined narrative duration of ~48 hours! And while Mitt Romney is only pretending to be considering the tenured Stanford warlord for vice president as a stunt get the reporters yappin’ about things unrelated to his personal finances and employment history, some on the Right are taking the occasion to share their sharp anti-Condi stand while they can. How old is this story, 20 hours? Because yeah, we’ve already received a comical wingnut forwarded chain email.

Let’s give the floor to “Liz in Ohio.” She writes a list of furious grievances against Condolleezza Rice, who could be the nation’s first black female vice president, and appends a link to a popular white nationalist website. Who knows? Her politics are really anyone’s guess. In any event, your Wonkette has made a few minor emphases and comments:

To: Everyone

Please forward this and post it on your websites.

———- Forwarded message ———

I just forwarded this popular chain email to everyone in my address book. Please forward this to everyone you know. Urgent.

———- Forwarded message ———

Say No to Rice!!!

I hereby vow not to vote for Mitt Romney if he chooses the liberal Condoleezza Rice as his running mate.

We thought the open-borders Rubio was bad. Rice is even worse. Check out some of her positions:

On most social issues, Rice is a liberal.

Like Rubio, Rice supports the Third World invasion of the US. Both legal and illegal immigration are driving down American wages, but Rice doesn’t seem to care. Like Cultural Marxists engaged in social engineering, Rice wants to destroy the historic American nation.

Rice is tied to the disastrous foreign policy of the Bush years. Romney should be trying to distance himself from the disastrous Bush years, not embracing them. [This is true! Back to the comedy, Liz in Ohio -- Ed.]

Rice is inexperienced, uninspiring and uncharismatic. (In fact, she’s quite unattractive.) [Liz in Ohio/Santelli '16?]

Rice has never held elected office. The selection of her as a running mate would be blatant affirmative action — much like Obama getting the early blessing of the Democratic Party was blatant affirmative action. Aren’t Republicans supposed to be against affirmative action?

If it’s a female that Romney seeks as his running mate, there are much better choices, such as Jan Brewer, who would inspire and energize conservatives. [Liz in Ohio, we agree completely about how great a Jan Brewer vice presidential campaign would be]

If Romney is so naive to select someone like Rice as his running mate, he doesn’t deserve conservatives’ votes.

Please take the conservative pledge with me and promise not to vote for Romney — either don’t vote for vote third party — if Romney chooses Rice as his running mate.

Thank you.

Please forward this to everyone you know.

Liz in Ohio

———- Forwarded message ———

NeocCons are Bullying Romney into choosing Rice:

http://www.vdare.com/posts/neocons-condi-rice-for-vp-no-white-men-need-apply

Don’t worry out there, in Ohio, Liz. He’ll settle for Colonel McBull Connor Sanders in the end.

 
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{ 426 comments }

glasspusher July 13, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Wow, I don't know whether to sign this or sabotage it! Talk about wingnuts imploding! Better to just grab a brew and watch.

WhatTheHeck July 13, 2012 at 5:12 pm

so Condi will be Romney’s 2nd wife, but in a different way from being Dubya’s second wife.

kissawookiee July 13, 2012 at 5:13 pm

If it’s a female that Romney seeks as his running mate, there are much better choices, such as Jan Brewer, who would inspire and energize conservatives.

At least conservatives have gotten over 2008's little flirtation with "marginally boneable" as the sole criterion for selecting a veep candidate.

WhatTheHeck July 13, 2012 at 5:33 pm

You are giving them too much credit. Intelligence doesn’t run deep with that crowd.

kissawookiee July 13, 2012 at 5:47 pm

I did note that they found Lou Sarah even marginally boneable, which bespeaks an intelligence level in the vicinity of ass times twelve. So there's that.

Rotundo_ July 13, 2012 at 6:33 pm

"…An intelligence level in the vicinity of ass times twelve." Perfectly put, humorous and accurate. Thanks, you have made my day. I relish a masterful put down phrase.

Grief_Lessons July 14, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Hey, let it not go down the memory hole that our beloved Wonkette declared Palin more than marginally boneable, back when she was a governor and we didn't know anything about her.

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 6:13 pm

I'm not sure whether to be grateful or horrified.

smokefilledroommate July 13, 2012 at 6:37 pm

I would think they'd consider Jan Brewer marginally boneable since she already has a bag on her head.

Designer_Radio July 13, 2012 at 7:50 pm

I thought that was a mask. Like what Leatherface wears in Texas Chainsaw Massacre?

Warwhatgoodfor July 13, 2012 at 6:42 pm

See, here be yur trouble here. When you is sayin' "bonable" some of the boys what ain't real big on that readin' thing thought you said "bony", took a look an' said, "she be too damn bony for me! Hoo boy, that some scarecrow piece of dark stuff there! No thank you anyway!".
Any how, I have heard from folks who would know that she be more interested in muff stuff than man stuff, if you know what I mean.
Now that Brewer, a man could get some action just using those wrinkles on her face. Satisfaction guaranteed.

Butch_Wagstaff July 13, 2012 at 7:24 pm

I'm confused. Liz (of Ohio) thinks Condi isn't attractive but Jan Brew-ha-ha is?

flamingpdog July 13, 2012 at 7:36 pm

attractive = pale skin

Butch_Wagstaff July 13, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Not just pale but it looks like a topographic map.
Nothing wrong with that, really. But the hatred underneath said skin makes Jan's appearance truly gruesome.
Bet her laugh sounds like the Crypt Keeper's.

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 8:32 pm

She *laughs*? (shudders)

Monsieur_Grumpe July 13, 2012 at 9:49 pm

"marginally boneable"
You called?

OzoneTom July 13, 2012 at 5:14 pm

She's pro-choice just like Mitt used to be.

Angry_Marmot July 13, 2012 at 5:14 pm

I'd say that for destruction, Rice
Was also great
And would suffice.

Lascauxcaveman July 13, 2012 at 6:32 pm

but when you talk about destruct-shuhh-uhhn/
don't you know that you can count me out/

unless you're talking about a Condi-Brewer-Bachman-Palin
tag team vice presidency/

because Mitt's a Mormon and he can get away with stuff like that

Vecchiojohn July 13, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Wow! A Robert Frost reference. You ARE the man (or woman, as the case may be).

Callyson July 13, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Obama getting the early blessing of the Democratic Party was blatant affirmative action

Really? It had nothing to do with wanting a fresh face after eight years of the Clintons, wanting an anti – war candidate, or being inspired by Obama's all-too-opitmisitic aspiration toward a post – partisan society? It was all just affirmative action?

I know, I know, why am I arguing with idiots and assholes, but come on…

BarackMyWorld July 13, 2012 at 5:19 pm

I still have to explain this to people all the time.

Conservatives seem more interested in rehashing arguments from 2008 than defending Mitt.

Chichikovovich July 14, 2012 at 6:49 am

Yes, it's amazing. My favorite is the "no experience in executive positions when he was elected president. Unlike Mitt, who was a governor that everyone hated by the end of his tenure."

OK, well 3.5 years ago Obama was running against someone with no such experience either, and the Republicans were fine with that.

But now, Obama's had 3.5 years of executive experience. As president. And his popularity and approval rating, is far higher than Romney's was in the state he governed, by the end of his governorship. (Of a state he is certain to lose badly in November.)

SorosBot July 13, 2012 at 5:24 pm

And if Clinton had gotten the nomination, it would have been blatant affirmative action to put a woman there. The past four years would have been fairly similar, except the the teabagger's outrageous racism would have been replaced by outrageous misogyny.

starfanglednut July 13, 2012 at 5:53 pm

I speculate the misogyny might have been even worse.

miss_grundy July 13, 2012 at 7:06 pm

Like the misogyny we've had so far, hasn't been bad enough, especially here in MIchigan. (Vagina!!!) The current GOP wants to take the country into a time machine back to the 18th century, when women were chattel.

Spurning Beer July 13, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Quote, "At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you cunt." Close quote.

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Dood, they're all about the "Waaah, waaah, waah … I haz a butthurt!"

Tundra Grifter July 13, 2012 at 6:56 pm

I don't recall Mr. Obama getting an early blessing from anyone. I recall he and Sen. Clinton slugged it out for months.

In, I will add, a much more seemly manner than the GNoP managed in 2011 and 2012.

Lascauxcaveman July 13, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Yes, it's odd that a teabagger wingnut chain-letter-sender would get this important detail wrong, because they're USUALLY SO ACCURATE WITH HISTORICAL FACTS.

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 8:33 pm

I'll drink to that.

Do these bozos just have a "reset" button on the old memory, or what? My memory's going to shit, but even I can remember things that happened a mere four-five years ago, geez.

SorosBot July 13, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Considering that the conservatives seem to have forgotten everything that happened from 2001 to 2008, it seems their memory is that bad.

Vecchiojohn July 13, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Remembering things that happened in the past is socialism.

not that Dewey July 13, 2012 at 9:23 pm

"HILLARY CLINTON IS THE PRESUMPTIVE NOMINEE"

-LSM, early 2007 – late 2008

fuflans July 14, 2012 at 12:09 am

well, to be fair, she WAS the presumptive nominee.

(she's much better as sec of state)

not that Dewey July 14, 2012 at 12:50 am

Yes, to the people doing the presuming.

To non-journalists, it wasn't such a foregone conclusion.

MittBorg July 14, 2012 at 2:08 am

True. I love me some Hils, but frankly, I think she would've made a lousy Prez. She's too aggressive, macha, and militant for me. I think there's a time and a place for that, and this world at this time just didn't need it. Especially after that last aggressive, macho, militant asshole.

She's a *great* SoS. She gets to do a ton of ballbusting, but it's out of the limelight so it's *more* effective. She's actually got the fucking Burmese to relent. The world's been waiting since Aung San's death assassination for something like this. I can't believe she pulled it off. She's fucking amazing.

deanbooth July 13, 2012 at 9:42 pm

I'm a Democrat, and Democrats were supposed to be for Obama. That's why I voted for him.

fuflans July 14, 2012 at 12:10 am

and will vote for him again.

Chichikovovich July 14, 2012 at 6:52 am

Really? 'Cause when I voted for Obama I had just become a naturalized citizen. So naturally, I just wanted more free stuff.

Geminisunmars July 14, 2012 at 2:28 pm

So how much have you gotten? (and where can I go to get mine?)

coolhandnuke July 13, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Since Walnuts chose Palin, shouldn't Nonuts choose Glen Rice.

12X34X July 13, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Glenn Beck would ensure the lunatic vote, speaking of Glenn-nuts.

RadioSlut July 13, 2012 at 5:16 pm

It's a CondiLoma. A wart on the news cycle.

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Wart's that? Wart'dju say?

smokefilledroommate July 13, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Has it Foxtastasized?

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 7:32 pm

(writes down "Foxtastasized.") Pardon me, I'm about to steal that priceless term.

starfanglednut July 14, 2012 at 5:35 pm

It's foxtastic!

Generation[redacted] July 13, 2012 at 5:16 pm

"She supported the disastrous Iraq war (which we also supported)!"

BarackMyWorld July 13, 2012 at 5:18 pm

The problem Mitt will have with selecting a running mate is that he will have to choose a Republican, and all of them kind of suck.

AbandonHope July 13, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Actually, that's a novel idea! He should choose a running mate from another party, to really throw people off. Maybe the National Socialist party, although they might be a bit too left-wing for the Republicans.

Geminisunmars July 13, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Well, there is Ron or Rand. Oh. Never mind.

Billmatic July 13, 2012 at 5:19 pm

They will nominate a woman or a minority as the Veep, guaranteed.

Disclaimer: I also guaranteed that Rick Perry would be the Republican Nominee but I was thwarted by my unfamiliarity with his fondness for pain killers and my overestimation of his intelligence. I mean I thought the guy was dumb I really didn't expect him to fail at remembering three bullet points.

glasspusher July 13, 2012 at 5:30 pm

You gotta wonder what he was on. Fuck, I got jobs I interviewed for when I was on painkillers. WTF, he was on fentanyl?

Billmatic July 13, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Probably some experimental shit he got from Merck.

glasspusher July 13, 2012 at 6:08 pm

My parents worked for CIBA-Geigy (now Novardis), one of my best friends works for Pfizer, my younger brother is a pharmacist, and do I get free samples? No!

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 8:34 pm

You didn't, by any chance, work for Accelrys, didja?

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Even on drugs, I can usually count to three without a problem.

glasspusher July 13, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Maybe he saw you do it first, and thought it was easy? You may have derailed a career there…

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 7:25 pm

You may have just made my day, dood. If I could, like, get credit for having sent Rick Perry down in blazes? I would make myself fabulous breakfasts for a year, just as a reward.

Fare la Volpe July 13, 2012 at 6:43 pm

I've a remarkable talent for sobering up when Shit Gets Real. I've talked my way out of a cop stop on the street while absolutely blazed. I told my friend to shut his mouth, hunch over, and pretend to cough, while I threw my coat over his shoulders and told the officer he had come down with a bad case of the flu and needed to be brought to his mother's house right away. Cop looked straight into my eyes and waved us through.

glasspusher July 13, 2012 at 6:55 pm

I consider that a good dividing line between those who can handle it and those who can't. That, and knowing when you can't handle it.

…or, possibly, the repub presidential debates weren't Real?

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 7:26 pm

I'm'a start taking you with me EVUHwheah.

I've been known all my life as a responsible person. Whenever ANYthing goes wrong, ANYwhere, EVERYbody up and assumes that I'm somehow responsible.

Mumbletypeg July 14, 2012 at 1:29 pm

I've a remarkable talent for sobering up when Shit Gets Real

My sister insists I drive better drunk than when sober. It seems to be the only time "Mind Over Matter" works in my favor.

Warwhatgoodfor July 13, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Ketamine. And roofies.

glasspusher July 13, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Wow. The only way I know that's quicker into a lady's pants than that is ballroom dancing!

lunchbox360 July 13, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Dont forget his predisposition to the buttsecks. With dudes. Not that there is anything wrong with that!

NellCote71 July 13, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Billmatic, don't be so hard on yourself. I am from Texas and I didn't realize Perry was that freakin' dumb.

Negropolis July 13, 2012 at 10:12 pm

You really think they are going to make the mistake of going for a "game-changer", again, after what happened their last go around? I think it's possible, but I'm not even sure if it's likely, and I especially don't believe it's guaranteed.

Romney isn't McCain.

Billmatic July 14, 2012 at 3:38 pm

I feel like the RNC wouldn't go up against the first minority president without a minority on the ticket…i mean i think they're going to do their homework this time and not select a hick from the stix.

Negropolis July 14, 2012 at 10:20 pm

Let them sign their death warrant, again, then. I really think they've learned their lesson, but we shall see.

SorosBot July 13, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Come on Liz in Ohio, write what you really think!

"If it’s a female that Romney seeks as his running mate, there are much better choices, such as Jan Brewer, who is white and hates brown people".

Billmatic July 13, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Another freedom loving American muzzled by political correctness.

bumfug July 13, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Plus, Jan Brewer doesn't have the disadvantage of being "quite unattractive". – she goes all way to "complete cure for a four-hour Viagra boner".

Antispandex July 13, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Jan Brewer. Please Mitt, pick Jan, because you just can't have a more hilarious election than that.

NellCote71 July 13, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Right. They owe us this. They teased us with Cain, Michele one Hell, Gingrich, et al, then jerked them away. They owe us Brewer as VP.

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Please imagine Jan Brewer debating Handsome Old Joe Biden. Without swallowing your tongue or choking to death from laughter.

zumpie July 13, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Does it include her scolding finger in poor Joe's face????

Warwhatgoodfor July 13, 2012 at 6:50 pm

He'd bite that puppy off and spit it right back in her face.

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Can you see him putting up with that shit from her?

Barry's polite, his momma raised him right, he don't talk back to no old farts. Joe IS an old fart. He'll beat her ass insensible if she tries that shit.

gurukalehuru July 14, 2012 at 8:48 am

Can I call you Joe?

ASHLEIGH_Joe July 13, 2012 at 6:44 pm

I'm tempted to swallow my own tongue just over the mental image of televised Jan Brewer.

Jukesgrrl July 13, 2012 at 7:16 pm

I live in Arizona where we have that all the time and I can attest to the fact it comes with a LOT of dead air.

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 7:31 pm

We can't afford to lose you, dear. Is there any way you can make *her* do that, instead?

redarmyzombie July 14, 2012 at 5:08 am

PFFFTBWAAAAHAAAAAHAAAHAAAHAAA-HAAAHAAA-HAAAHAAAHAAA…
*Gasp, wheeze, inhale*
HAAAA-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-HAAAHAAAHAAAAAA…

MittBorg July 14, 2012 at 1:31 pm

(Pats RAZ's back, frowns worriedly)

NYNYNYjr July 13, 2012 at 6:31 pm

She'll bring in more crazy to vote. You can always use that. http://barkersandrubes.wordpress.com/2012/01/09/p

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 7:30 pm

ZOMG. Perfect. Tweeted.

Designer_Radio July 14, 2012 at 9:37 am

Subscribed to feed. I likey teh photoshopz.

aramis July 14, 2012 at 10:05 am

Thanks for sharing my humble blog with the world.

miss_grundy July 13, 2012 at 7:11 pm

And that way, when he runs into the NAACP or any blah or brown people, they will do more than just boo him. And I will have even more reason to hate him if he picks that hootchie-hilbilly-bitch Brewer.

flamingpdog July 13, 2012 at 7:44 pm

Virginia Fox might choose to disagree.

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 8:37 pm

She's pretty damn disagreeable, so, yeah, I imagine so.

Extemporanus July 13, 2012 at 6:13 pm

In Liz in Ohio's defense, she did politely refrain from pointing out the fact that Condolleezza Rice is a closeted clam bumper with an S&M boot collection that would make Hitler jealous.

Geminisunmars July 13, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Hurry up everybody and work on Ex's p-ness. It's still not a round number.

MittBorg July 14, 2012 at 2:14 am

I'm hurt. You never rallied the troops around to work on *mine.* *pout*

Dashboard Buddha July 14, 2012 at 10:01 am

I pout in solidarity with you, friend…even though you have a high enough score that I should probably think of you as a Wonk 1%-er.

Geminisunmars July 14, 2012 at 2:21 pm

But Darling, yours is already so huge. Let's not be piggy about this, shall we?

not that Dewey July 13, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Yeah, but that can only take Willard so far…

Vecchiojohn July 14, 2012 at 8:59 am
Dashboard Buddha July 14, 2012 at 10:04 am

Condi and the Clam Bumpers

MittBorg July 14, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Condi Loma and the Clam Bumpers. All-girl punks?

elviouslyqueer July 13, 2012 at 5:24 pm

If it’s a female that Romney seeks as his running mate, there are much better choices, such as Jan Brewer, who would inspire and energize conservatives.

OH HELL YES PLEASE.

Schmannnity July 13, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Romney/Leatherface 2012

12X34X July 13, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Romney & Rabies 2012.

Fare la Volpe July 13, 2012 at 6:40 pm

You leave Jan Brewer out of this.

flamingpdog July 13, 2012 at 7:47 pm

I'm pretty sure there are more than a few conservatives who are inspired and energized by methamphetamines, too, also.

MITT/METH/2012!!!1!

DahBoner July 14, 2012 at 10:52 am

I'll have what she's having.

CrunchyKnee July 13, 2012 at 5:25 pm

So, if you are a hyper-miltary war loving Bush sycophant with an Exxon tanker named after you, yer still a lib'ral if yer a blah? USA USA Us….ah fuck it.

owhatever July 13, 2012 at 5:26 pm

It is time for Mitt to name Sarah Palin as his vice presidential partner, for she is the only one with experience in that job, and has already been vetted. Her voice of reason would again energize the Republican base. Bristol, Willow, Todd and all the gang (even Levi) are already household names. What could go wrong with America's sweetheart on the ticket?

Jukesgrrl July 13, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Her major accomplishment in life is forever changing the definition of "vetted."

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Over on C4P (Conservatives for Palin), the last few remaining nutbags are whooping mightily over the inevitability of Scarah as the Veep candidate. I wonder if they ever actually look at the numbers?

Negropolis July 13, 2012 at 10:34 pm

I seriously believe that she probably feels entitled to playing that role until she gets tired of it. She's turned the Veepstakes into a serious hustle.

kittensdontlie July 13, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Nice try but I don't believe Repubs will fall for your disingenious proposal, unless…follow me now, you would put it in a CHAIN LETTER…

SoBeach July 13, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Rice is unattractive, but Jan Brewer is acceptable?

What is it with wingnuts and women's looks? It's so childish. So now I get to be childish and say I've got $20 that says "Liz in Ohio" is ugly as homemade sin, and like her wingnut brothers, has no business commenting on the attractiveness of anyone.

CrunchyKnee July 13, 2012 at 5:29 pm

If she's from Ohio, then she probably wears her fondness for large orders of chili cheese fries and buckets o' lard with dollops of corn "sugar" like a second skin on her badly tattooed flabby arms, for Jeebus.

cheetojeebus July 13, 2012 at 5:51 pm

I may have seen her at the grocery store today. Dyed orange flattop haircut spiked with hair gel. Looked 7 months pregnant but was just a beer gut. Nose stud and tattoos, but her mom was a classic. meth skinny mid 50s but looked 70, lots of tattoos, tank top, you could see her breasts were tattooed. No teeth or dentures and an obvious tongue stud. it may be Fall before I'm able to be aroused again.

James Michael Curley July 13, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Another inter-terrestrial alien sighting the government will no doubt deny.

Jukesgrrl July 13, 2012 at 7:25 pm

I'm not saying your grocery store pals weren't from Ohio (I'd guess someplace between Dayton and Lancaster), but surely they can't spell as well as Liz from Ohio can. I think she's more of a Sharron Angle-type.

MittBorg July 14, 2012 at 2:17 am

I just want you to know that it took me this long to be able to work up the courage to say anything about this vision of pulchritude. The "No teeth or dentures and an obvious tongue stud" line will accompany me into my nightmares tonight.

I hope you're happy.

cheetojeebus July 14, 2012 at 11:02 am

My deepest apologies. btw in this same grocery store, I also at one point saw a 400 pound ex hippy in a hoveround with homemade 1960s face tattoos of daisies. A vision, offered as a kind of palate cleanser.

elviouslyqueer July 13, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Homemade Sin Libel!

va_real July 13, 2012 at 6:27 pm

I've got $20 that says 'Liz in Ohio' is really 'Jan in Arizona'.

Fare la Volpe July 13, 2012 at 6:44 pm

What is it with wingnuts and women's looks? It's so childish.

When you can dismiss someone for being ugly, you don't have to listen to what they say.

flamingpdog July 13, 2012 at 7:52 pm

What is it with wingnuts and women's looks?

With wingnut women, you can pretty much throw out "brains" and "personality". That pretty much leaves "looks".

BoatOfVelociraptors July 14, 2012 at 11:08 am

We're talking toupee types.

ManchuCandidate July 13, 2012 at 5:27 pm

I expected to read this "newsletter" in Western Frontier Jibber Jabber a la Gabby Johnson with more shrieking, apostrophes and usage of "NEARER!"

Come on Mittens Electoral Fraudster. Pick her. Send your rabid base shrieking.*

*you probably won't.

LetUsBray July 13, 2012 at 6:03 pm

She sure did want everyone to know that for any nearer person to gain high office would be affirmative action!. That's pretty much the same thing.

Texan_Bulldog July 13, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Ahhh…I love the smell of Republican freak out in the morning–okay, the afternoon.

Ron Paul, get your Nebraska flying monkeys (I mean minions) to the Republican state convention tomorrow–you still have a chance!

ttommyunger July 13, 2012 at 5:27 pm

The difference between Condi and a bowling ball: I could eat a bowling ball if I had to.

metamarcisf July 13, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Heh. Yeah, that's the PG version.

ttommyunger July 13, 2012 at 6:11 pm

I'm a PG kind of guy, NOT!

coolhandnuke July 13, 2012 at 6:18 pm

That's gotta be AMF–A Mother Fucker.

ttommyunger July 13, 2012 at 7:00 pm

I'm guessing it would still smell like Dubya's breath.

flamingpdog July 13, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Yeah, but you could also empty a truckload of Condis with a pitchfork.

ttommyunger July 13, 2012 at 8:43 pm

There were times during the last Administration I would have loved to give it a try.

Limeylizzie July 13, 2012 at 5:28 pm

I have not moved to Ohio, I promise.

PeaceWithHonor July 13, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Jesus, when will that fucking "Boys From Brazil" Reagan grow up already and give Liz the ideological orgasm she so richly deserves.

caelanaegana July 13, 2012 at 5:29 pm

"In fact, she's quite unattractive."

Liz in Ohio's standards are so high the only nominees she'll accept are Sarah Palin and Miss Teen South Carolina.

rocktonsam July 13, 2012 at 5:30 pm

I'll bet Condi can't wait to throw a shoe at Mittard.

berkeleyfarm July 14, 2012 at 2:42 am

I can just imagine.

(Back from the Wonkette Drinky Thing in SF … it was great. Everyone should contribute to the travel fund so you can get the Editrix in your area and meet cool and funny Wonketteers.)

docterry6973 July 13, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Condi Rice wants to destroy the historic American nation? I'll be darned, she IS a liberal!

flamingpdog July 13, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Condi Rice is an upppity blah. That's how she's planning "to destroy the historic American nation."

SayItWithWookies July 13, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Please forward this to everyone you know.

It's so refreshing to know that the people who used to clutter our inboxes with apocryphal tales of how they asked for the recipe for red velvet cake at Macy's and ended up being billed $250 have now become politically active. Not aware, mind you, but active.

Hammiepants July 13, 2012 at 5:42 pm

I picture this entire missive in Comics Sans, with possibly a bible verse or an animated GIF of our old friend Crying American Eagle in the signature block.

Jadetiger79 July 13, 2012 at 7:35 pm

In blue with the furious parts in red, 24pt size. I've got dumbfuck Fox News loving relatives and that's the format if you want to be taken seriously in WingNut Land.

Oh and a shitty angel gif too.

Hammiepants July 13, 2012 at 8:08 pm

I was going to mention color and font size, but I think you nailed it.

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Jesus god if I see another fucking angel gif within the next 24 I swear, I'll strangle the person who sent it.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 14, 2012 at 11:22 am

How many angels are invited to the pinhead orgy?

MittBorg July 14, 2012 at 2:10 pm

I dunno. You remember how many will fit?

Designer_Radio July 13, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Don't forget the Maxine clipart.

Hammiepants July 13, 2012 at 8:09 pm

I effing HATE Maxine clipart. In fact I hate clipart.

Designer_Radio July 13, 2012 at 8:26 pm

A few years ago I still got a lot of these forwards, usually with the Maxine clipart, or some screed about how awful Mexicans are (attributed as direct quotes from Our National Treasure Bill Cosby, of course). But since those same friends and family have been treated to years of my Loudmouth Radical Libtardery on Facebook, I must have been taken off the forwards lists.

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 8:41 pm

(wipes tear) I'm SO PROUD of you!

Butch_Wagstaff July 13, 2012 at 8:43 pm

"…attributed as direct quotes from Our National Treasure Bill Cosby, of course…"
And he STILL has to tell people that he never said that shit.
Same thing Carlin had to do. But Carlin is dead now & there's still mediocre quotes attributed to him floating around in the email-o-sphere.

edgydrifter July 13, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Tea Partiers like Liz might find Condi more attractive if her skin weren't so, so… something. I'm having a hard time putting my finger on it. Wait a minute. Gosh this is hard. There's something wrong with her skin, though, dammit!

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 6:34 pm

It's the ringworm.

miss_grundy July 13, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Because her skintone is kinda…….blah………….? I mean, if you are going to question the citizenship of the current inhabitant of the White House, why would you want someone of the same skintone as Veep? After all, the Veep is only a heartbeat away from holding the office of the presidency.

IceCreamEmpress July 13, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Lesbian?

Geminisunmars July 13, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Is it a look that is the result of too much piano playing? Is that what you are trying to come up with?

not that Dewey July 13, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Condoleeza's skin has a nice, soft, human feel to it.

Antispandex July 13, 2012 at 5:43 pm

"….the liberal Condoleezza Rice as his running mate."

Seriously? That is stretching the term liberal to the breaking point. I mean, downward dog, lotus cobra dumpster dive stretching.

Lazy Media July 13, 2012 at 5:44 pm

What does the No. 1 source for Condinews think about this?

Jukesgrrl July 13, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Your link isn't working for me but I'm guessing Princess Sparkle Pony. Surely, this is a special day for that Great and Stylish American.

flamingpdog July 13, 2012 at 7:59 pm

My thoughts, too. I was thinking about sending the link to a recent Princess Condi-post to Wonkette when it came out, but I guess I didn't.

Nostrildamus July 13, 2012 at 5:45 pm
starfanglednut July 13, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Oh thanks, now I'm gonna have nightmares for a week.

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Oh, Nostril! Sheer genius!

flamingpdog July 13, 2012 at 8:00 pm

In the words of the immortal MittBorg, "When am I going to learn not to click on your linkies?!?".

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 8:42 pm

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Suck it, pdog! REVENGE for a thousand brain-burnings and eyeball leaks, buddy.

metamarcisf July 13, 2012 at 5:45 pm

If we're talking a female veep for the GOP, there's really one choice: that girl from the Progressive Auto Insurance Commercials. Please forward this comment to everyone you know.

va_real July 13, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Many a truth is spoke in jest…

GeorgiaBurning July 13, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Flo could make the deficit disappear by bundling auto insurance with the defense budget, it's magic

Negropolis July 13, 2012 at 10:39 pm

I hate that I love Flo, and she's only a television character. Really, girl has a personality to kill.

lunchbox360 July 13, 2012 at 5:49 pm

I want to know where they got that horribly unflattering photo of me to go with this story. Well at least they got my good side.

metamarcisf July 13, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Not only that. How did they get into your house?

lunchbox360 July 13, 2012 at 6:22 pm

My chubby chaser web cam? Either that or my mom is really mean.

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 8:43 pm

I'd go with Mean Mom.

va_real July 13, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Did I hear you say Memaw?

starfanglednut July 13, 2012 at 5:51 pm

I hope Romney picks Condi, and all the wingnuts take Liz's advice and stay home on election day.

AncienReggie July 13, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Sorry, starf, I'm still all excited about the Willard Romney/Jan Brewer ticket.

DRAFT JAN! DRAFT JAN! DRAFT JAN!
Please forward this to everyone you know!!

sudsmckenzie July 13, 2012 at 5:52 pm

But, Liz from Ohio, she plays "classical piano", so all of Condi's awefullness is OK.

smokefilledroommate July 13, 2012 at 5:53 pm

I miss the Condi Roundup graphic.

Mumbletypeg July 13, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Not sure which graphic you mean… But for international affairs of the heart I'm partial to this one.

smokefilledroommate July 13, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Here it is. (I think it accompanied all Princess Sparkle Pony posts).

Mumbletypeg July 13, 2012 at 10:22 pm

You know.. the more I take stock and try to purge myself of some easy laffs — "oh it's really not fair that McConnell can't help if he looks like a constipated turtle, or that photo still of Sarah Palin's tongue sticking out is such a cheap laugh" — then along comes something like that which throws the whole endeavoring-beyond-cheap-humor thing off.

The Sparkle Pony hysterics were before my time but I recognize the name and now am grateful to see one of the accoutrements to those send-ups.

flamingpdog July 13, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Oh, Sparkle Pony lives.

smokefilledroommate July 13, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Ew–I shudder thinking about a Moneybags/Leatherface ticket.

SayItWithWookies July 13, 2012 at 6:07 pm

At least the poors wouldn't have all this uncertainty that the Obama administration has created — the not knowing whether their lives will eventually improve is probably killing them. Under an Rmoney/Brewer administration, they won't have that problem.

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 6:38 pm

They won't have ANY problems!

Jukesgrrl July 13, 2012 at 7:32 pm

There's no "they," where I'm concerned it's a "we." And in the event of a Rmoney/Brewer victory, I fully expect to be one of the headless in the desert that Jan is always yapping about.

flamingpdog July 13, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Heartless in the White House = Headless in the desert.

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 8:44 pm

Oh, hon. The minute those two take office, there will be a Raid on Wonketz. They'll leave our remains out someplace as a warning to Teh Locals.

This is why we have to work our asses off to elect Obama.

NYNYNYjr July 13, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Yeah, Jan Brewer, me want Jan Brewer. It will make sure I'll watch alot less election coverage TV, which is for the better.People will be canceling their HD TV.

OldWhiteLies July 13, 2012 at 5:59 pm

If it’s a female that Romney seeks as his running mate, there are much better choices, such as Jan Brewer, who would inspire and energize conservatives.

How the fuck is Jan Brewer going to energize ANYONE?!?

SERIOUSLY? Jan Brewer? We are talking about that, erm, weathered lass from Arizona – aren't we? Cause I'm thinking she would drain even the energizer bunny to nothing but a husk, just like one of those weird ass vampire things in that movie Life Force – and she'd still look like a dried up old prune afterward. Hell, JB'd give nightmares to the damn witch in Snow White. She ain't gonna energize shit, let alone the party of aging scooter jockeys.

HarryButtle July 13, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Ixnay on Anjay…anything to get her the fuck out of Arizona is good for us. Plus, she's dumber than Palin, so she's comedy GOLD!

BlueStateLibel July 13, 2012 at 6:56 pm

Damn, that woman needs a good sunblock is all I can say.

Jukesgrrl July 13, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Too late.

Jadetiger79 July 13, 2012 at 7:38 pm

Scooter jockeys. I love it. New word for WingNut Bingo!

starfanglednut July 13, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Perhaps I'm stupid, but wtf are "cultural marxists engaged in social engineering"?

James Michael Curley July 13, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Groucho, Chico and Harpo changed the way people think. Now we all ask; "Why a duck?" We worry that if we "want stucco, boy will we get stucco" and wake up in the night to check whether there is an elephant in our pajamas.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 14, 2012 at 11:51 am

How he got in ou pajamas we do know. 5-4

va_real July 13, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Wonkette?

ASHLEIGH_Joe July 13, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Liberal Jews.

So not even kidding, that is the actual wingnut-to-English translation of that phrase.

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 6:41 pm

You're not stupid. That's an excellent question. However, the phrase makes no sense whatsoever, so your attempts to parse it must be futile.

Jukesgrrl July 13, 2012 at 7:34 pm

It makes sense in its native German.

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Ah, yes. Der juden.

NYNYNYjr July 13, 2012 at 7:23 pm

It's means people have healthcare, or more healthcare. It also means Jews.

MilwaukeeKent July 13, 2012 at 8:05 pm

I'm not sure, but the best I make of it is they've announced their engagement and are a planning a large family.

flamingpdog July 13, 2012 at 8:05 pm

I never could figure it out either. I've worked for 32 and a half years with engineers, and none of them were anything close to socialists.

starfanglednut July 13, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Or cultural.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 14, 2012 at 11:53 am

Posted from your iPad.

Buckminster July 14, 2012 at 1:59 am

I missed this part. TL;DNR

gurukalehuru July 14, 2012 at 8:57 am

Today, we are all cultural marxists engaged in social engineering.

Schmannnity July 13, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Zombie Khadafi is jealous.

Extemporanus July 13, 2012 at 6:01 pm

This is, hands down, Princess Sparkle Pony's best prank yet.

Jukesgrrl July 13, 2012 at 7:36 pm

I call on our Editrix to invite Princess Sparkle Pony to a guest blog on Wonkette.

DemmeFatale July 13, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Yes!
PRINCESS! PRINCESS! PRINCESS!

flamingpdog July 13, 2012 at 8:06 pm

It happened once before.

Blueb4sunrise July 13, 2012 at 8:19 pm

HELP US OBI WAN SPARKLE PONY!!!!

Angry_Marmot July 13, 2012 at 8:54 pm
elgin_pelican July 13, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Pony Pals 2012! You too, breeders, climb on the bandwagon!

Jennyjen798 July 13, 2012 at 10:05 pm

All hail the Princess!

tigernole July 13, 2012 at 6:06 pm

I thought that old Mitt would just out source the position to Mumbai and then tout this as a stance for reducing government jobs, all the while ensuring he gets his "consulting fee" for doing so

fawkedifiknow July 13, 2012 at 6:08 pm

In favor of Mitt choosing Condi, as the Veep she would be less dangerous to our national security than she was as Bush's National Security Advisor.

flamingpdog July 13, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Says Darth Cheney.

Comrade Wingtardd July 13, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Shouldn't this be in Comic Sans, and at least three colors?

not that Dewey July 13, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Why, was it written by my payroll department?

raffinemilligan July 13, 2012 at 6:08 pm

I hoping for Harriet Miers!

proudgrampa July 13, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Come on now. Seriously. This isn't real. Where's the link to The Onion?

not that Dewey July 13, 2012 at 6:19 pm

"Area Woman Disparages Condoleeza Rice's Qualifications"

weejee July 13, 2012 at 6:28 pm

There are definite risks with democracy. Our Wonkette helps to point out a few of them.

TribecaMike July 13, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Liz in Ohio needed the break from almost four years of obsessing over Biden being the first papist vice president.

Jukesgrrl July 13, 2012 at 7:39 pm

She worries about that tingly feeling between her legs she gets every time she sees Joey on TV. She's afraid it might be cancer.

Beowoof July 13, 2012 at 6:14 pm

I think he might pick Erin Burnett. Right wing and married to a banker. The righties would think she is boneable, She is on TV so she is as qualified as Sarah Palin.

sati_demise July 14, 2012 at 12:57 am

Not enough money in it for the Main Line Hooker. Nope, she would decline.

NellCote71 July 13, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Ohhh. It is going to be a good drinking night, I can already tell.

Woodshedding July 13, 2012 at 6:22 pm

I'm SURE this chain letter wasn't started by Jan Brewer's camp.

weejee July 13, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Say no to Rice

The Teatarded are still banging the wee no likee Chinee gong? Hop Sing is gonna get mad and start peeing in Little Joe's and Hoss's beans.

johnnyzhivago July 13, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Condi was a Bilderberg Beer Garden Maiden this year I heard….

OldWhiteLies July 13, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Saaaay now, what's all this about Mutually Beneficial Arrangements?

Cause that's one heart-stoppingly beeeoooteeful bit of wunderful there.

But that nekkid laydee is kinda in the way. Now, I am willing to give her a ride somewhere if she needs to go clothes shopping or whatnot (cuz she's nekkid). But I'd need to put a towel down or sumptin on the passenger seat so she doesn't leave, you know, skin oils and such on the leather (cuz she's, you know, nekkid). Even if that's a replica with only a puny domestic V8, I'd still want the interior left pristine and all. Just sayin.

Mmmmmm, AC Ford Shelby Cobra; vroom, vroom.

(Someone has told that laydee she's nekkid, right?)

NYNYNYjr July 13, 2012 at 7:25 pm

I think it's a prostitution service. I didn't click on it because I assume 50 live chat windows with fat trannies will open up.

OldWhiteLies July 13, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Yeah, OK. But you do see that the laydee is nekkid, dontchya?

I mean, holy cow, she's nekkid. Sumbuddy should do sumpthing.

Geeeze, [shakes head in bewilderment - and points] SHE'S NEKKID.

Chet Kincaid July 13, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Yeah, somebody should act like they've seen one before.

SorosBot July 13, 2012 at 8:09 pm

It's a "service" to hook up rich old men with young women looking for sugar daddies; so yeah, prostitution but of a form that's legal.

flamingpdog July 13, 2012 at 10:44 pm

That's the impression I got, too. But I'm not sure why they're advertising here. Old men – plenty. Rich men – um …

OldWhiteLies July 13, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Gentlemen. Just to be clear, I understand exactly what that advertisement is truly advertising.

I was just having a bit of fun. For the purposes of said fun, I assumed the "voice" of the Somewhat-Slow-Witted-Wholesomish-Having-Lived-Entire-Life-Sheltered-Country-Bumpkin-Young-Man that doesn't have any experience dealing with "nekkid laydees," and is wholly unaware of what other not-so-sheltered heterosexual males would do with said laydees, given the chance. It pains me greatly to think that I am explaining this, but I thought perhaps others here might have drawn some always-needed amusement from my [clearly inadequate] ministrations of wit. Alas, It would seem that I have instead served up some FAIL, at least for some of you.

I now return you to whatever it was you were doing prior to reading this. Cheers.

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Oh, OWL, we all get tormented eventually by fellow Wonketteers. This wouldn't be the Wonketz without a little gratuitous cruelty, buttsechs, spelling/grammar Nazism, and typo critiquery. It'll be O-tay. (Hugs OWL)

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 13, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Don't worry OWL. Just relax and enjoy the sideboob.

flamingpdog July 13, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Trust me, OWL, you haven't made it at teh Wonkette until you've been spanked by Chet Kinkaid.

HistoriCat July 14, 2012 at 12:48 am

Is that at one of the meetup things? Because I was just hoping for a beer and some conversation. I mean I really like you guys but I'm just not into that whole spanking thing.

Chet Kincaid July 14, 2012 at 8:15 am

Hey, I toss a lot of bouquets, too! (No, it's not that disgusting thing you're thinking.)

Chichikovovich July 14, 2012 at 7:28 am

That's the occupational hazard of the ironist's trade: someone doesn't catch that you know well that you're saying things that are literally false or uninformed.

(I still remember a grimace-worthy moment some years ago, speaking with a human rights person who worked with Chichikovna. At some point in the conversation we were discussing the prospects for trial of (I believe it was) the Argentine Junta, and I made some remark to the effect that they should try the defence "I was just issuing orders". He looked at me as if I was insane. So I added, "the contrast is with "just following orders". Then he patiently explained to me that "just following orders" was not considered to be a legitimate defence, because of some trials of Nazis at Nuremberg.)

OldWhiteLies July 14, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Yes, indeed. And up above I demonstrate the classic Ironist's Trap: Hmmm, bloody hell, they don't get it. Mental face-palm. Now what?

Option 1: Double down and stay in character, but deploy "voice" in full-on absurd, over-the-top architecture; hoping the "audience" catches the quickly-disappearing anchor rope and allows one the opportunity to haul oneself back in from oblivion. Right. Deploy option 1 … … oh, bollocks [leans over gunwale and watches end of anchor rope slip into the inky depths].

Option 2: Explain the irony in enough detail so as to provide an exit to all parties – thus stopping the bleeding. (This I also demonstrated above, and it appears to have indeed stopped the hemorrhaging.) Part of Option 2 may well be, as Chichikovovich's example demonstrates, further explaining to the "audience" that your already deployed irony was not meant to mock them or what is important to them; but is in fact the exact opposite. That you have in fact attempted to display a kinship and an understanding of exactly that which is important to them by recognizing the gravity of their feelings, and as such employed said irony in an effort to provide them a brief respite from said gravity (of feelings). This last part is a messy, most uncomfortable exercise; made necessary if one ever wishes in future to have any credibility with the "audience." If circumstances force one to this last part of Option 2, the recovery rate, should the "audience" be a new or budding acquaintance, is so slim as to be near non-existent.

Option 3: Create an exit (Acme Hole and Tunnel Paint works well here) and beat a hastened retreat; sometimes just metaphorically, sometimes physically. This option can include distraction and bold deployment of conversation-redirection.

Lessons to be learned: Irony-as-Comedy (as opposed to it being used as a weapon) is nearly all about knowing your audience – and they knowing you. It is a Pandora's Box if you wish to remain on speaking terms after-the-fact. It is a perilous art form, and should be deployed with due diligence and caution.

[Bell rings] Now, don't forget that test next Wednesday, people – chapters 3 through 8 of your Philosophy of Comedy text. It's a quarter of your grade!

(Now this paragraph directly above is an example of Mocking-One's-Self. It is meant here to demonstrate that I am fully aware of my long-winded lecturing monologue, and yet still wish you to at least good-naturedly chuckle and indulge me my comedy misfires; as they are always deployed with the best of intentions. Irony, also.)

Have a great weekend. Cheers.

bobbert July 15, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Injecting straight-faced irony into a "serious discussion" is risky unless your interlocutor actually knows you, or at least your conversational style, fairly well.

I provisionally assume that all comments from recognizable Wonkameraden are intended as snark, unless accompanied by a disclaimer.

After Friday night, I feel quite confident in this.

C_R_Eature July 14, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Members:
* Old Rich Guy, fondness for young hot chicks and fast classic cars
* Young Hot Chick, fondness for money and fast classic cars

Mutually Beneficial Arrangement:
*Wash and Wax classic, restored AC Cobra. Nude.

Conclusion:
*Wax On, Whacks Off.

johnnyzhivago July 13, 2012 at 6:32 pm

I'd think Condi would be in favor with the Nazi crowd given the boots and everything???
http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com/2012/07

va_real July 13, 2012 at 9:24 pm

And if her boots happen to have bootstraps, the Paulbearers will plotz with joy!

Veritas78 July 13, 2012 at 9:52 pm

She certainly played the piano like a Nazi.

HarryButtle July 13, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Jan Brewer can see Mexico from her house.

ASHLEIGH_Joe July 13, 2012 at 6:34 pm

I really can't imagine why Liz in Ohio insists that Jan "Leatherface" Brewer is more attractive than Condi Rice.

And I'm definitely certain it's not in any way tied to the repeated shouts of affirmative action at the suggestion that a former Secretary of State, diplomat, and provost of a major university might be getting the nod.

I just can't see any connection between those two thoughts, is basically what I'm saying.

ASHLEIGH_Joe July 13, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Anyway, this is the best summary of the fakety fakeness of the fake Condi Rice for VP rumor story and why it happened to day and why it's damned tacky, that I've seen so far.

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Yup. Nice.

LetUsBray July 13, 2012 at 6:38 pm

O/T, but can we have an Rmoney/Bain meltdown thread to play with for the weekend? Pretty please?

smokefilledroommate July 13, 2012 at 6:41 pm

That's exactly who would complete the ticket–Conrad Bain!!
(sorry..)

Jukesgrrl July 13, 2012 at 7:44 pm

He was too nice to blahs. They wanted someone with a wide streak of MEAN.

SorosBot July 13, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Besides, they probably condemn the idea that "Now, the world don't move to the beat of just one drum, What might be right for you, may not be right for some" as multiculturalism, and with their contempt for the poor they definitely don't agree that "Everybody's got a special kind of story, Everybody finds a way to shine, It don't matter that you got not alot, So what, They'll have theirs, and you'll have yours, and I'll have mine. And together we'll be fine…."

ASHLEIGH_Joe July 13, 2012 at 6:55 pm
flamingpdog July 13, 2012 at 8:11 pm

That's just pathetic. No snark. Just pathetic.

savethispatient July 13, 2012 at 8:11 pm

Also, here's a less worthy headline: Romney breaks Facebook rules! http://gizmodo.com/5925949/mitt-romney-breaks-fac… promoting-cover-photo

Edit: wth, linking seems broken.

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 8:30 pm

I want to do something endearingly crude, like go "Haw, haw!" while picking my teef with a Bowie knife, or sump'n.

MilwaukeeKent July 13, 2012 at 8:31 pm

OT but…[Heavy Sigh] I really miss commenting on Talking Points Memo since they switched to a FaceBook system. The trolls are as bad as ever since everyone's crazy Uncle Ed jumps in. The few times I've made the effort, unless you find the box to check (which moves around, FaceBook-style), your wing-nut aunt and everyone else who's "friended" you gets treated to your untoward opinions about an obscure Mississippi state assemblyman.
The Obama camp should definitely keep the pressure on Mitt — "what's he hiding?" — but refrain from calling him a felon. Since, like W, in part he just wants to one-up Daddy, and old man Romney released 12 years of tax returns, he can start by releasing 15. Come on, Mitt, surely you have nothing to hide?

SorosBot July 13, 2012 at 8:54 pm

I hate all these places using the Facebook commenting system, and have left any place that uses them. I have reason to make my internet commenting anonymous, and they're trying to force you to use your real name, which is really fucking stupid.

not that Dewey July 13, 2012 at 9:35 pm

I know. Even fucking TPM. I told them as much, when they asked me in a survey, which they didn't read. So long, suckers!

MilwaukeeKent July 13, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Agree with you and SorosBot both. I still read TPM religiously, but not as a stakeholder in a shared community of interest. Hearty shout-out to Wonkette on this point, may it remain free-wheeling, filthy, with all the necessary snark, etc.

ASHLEIGH_Joe July 13, 2012 at 8:54 pm

I think I'm inclined to disagree on how far the Team Obama can push this. I mean, by all means, stop short of an out-right accusation, but:

False robosigning of court documents is still pretty strong in the public consciousness due to Bank of America/Wells Fargo/et al. I think it's fair, and not especially dangerous, as a result, to point out that either Mitt telling self-interested lies to the American public at this very moment (that contradict less-interested remarks at the time), or he lied on legal documents that he signed as late as 2002. One or the other.

I'm not saying, I'm just sayin'.

ASHLEIGH_Joe July 13, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Also, apparently saying out-right unhyphenated was getting my post burninated by Administrator.

I guess that basically rules out an off-topic conversation about one of my favorite anime series.

MilwaukeeKent July 13, 2012 at 9:38 pm

There's a lot of mileage in "he's hiding something". Maybe Chris Wallace and Mitt can discuss all this in "a quiet room" somewhere for the benefit of a sympathetic, woefully misinformed Fox audience (as if Roger Ailes would let that happen). I worry that any legal move would just give the Right an opening for the old "See? Chicago-style politics…"

ASHLEIGH_Joe July 13, 2012 at 9:57 pm

I guess my main counterpoint would be that it was just yesterday that Mitt Romney, who has literally built his entire campaign on a foundation of convenient lies, revealed that he was going to go Full Rove and start attacking Obama as an untrustworthy liar.

The truth is, the only effective defense I see for the Rove Strategy is to hit back, and hit back hard. The previous Karl Rove Hatchet-Jobs worked so well because the targets didn't respond in force and let themselves be put on the defensive on a topic they had no business being defensive over.

not that Dewey July 13, 2012 at 9:26 pm

I think you meant "Bain, Capital"

Typo, I understand.

ASHLEIGH_Joe July 13, 2012 at 9:31 pm

If I'd stopped to check my spelling, or do basic fact-checking, I would have missed out on this HOT SCOOP.

Who do you think I am, CNN?

not that Dewey July 13, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Wolf? Is that you?

MilwaukeeKent July 14, 2012 at 1:33 am

Is Blitzered the same as Rick-Rolled? My memes are all tangled.

Negropolis July 13, 2012 at 10:50 pm

What the president has for Willard he better duck it, as they say.

neiltheblaze July 13, 2012 at 7:38 pm

Liz in Ohio has been nipping at whatever Pamela Geller has been drinking for the last decade.

MissTaken July 13, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Sideboob!

DustBowlBlues July 13, 2012 at 8:21 pm

"Stanford warlord"

Condi says that's warLADY to you, Mister.

NYNYNYjr July 13, 2012 at 8:29 pm

I have a good first debate question for Romnster:

Your spokesperson has said that you "did not participate in the investment or management decisions on any of these or any other investments during this period…" Over those three years, you just signed documents and agreements that were handed to you because you were, on paper, the CEO, sole shareholder of Bain and had to sign things. If Bain had given you a document to sign saying it was starting a new company harvesting human organs from political prisoners, would you have robotically signed it (given that you were being paid to sign things and not make decisions) or would that have been slightly out-of-bounds?

DustBowlBlues July 13, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Better: a company that's making dog food from aborted fetuses.

BlueStateLibel July 13, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Well done, friend. I think part of what our warm-hearted robot is trying to avoid his connection to a medical-waste company that Bain invested in after 1999. As a medical-waste company, this company also deposed of aborted fetuses, something which of course the robot knows would make his batwing base bonkers. Or you probably know this; if so, apologies.

ASHLEIGH_Joe July 13, 2012 at 9:13 pm

You know what's funny? All this talk about how Romney was an absentee president/chief executive who just robosigned documents and totally had no idea what the company he was sole owner of was actually doing during that time is giving me crazy flashbacks of Ron Paul and the Mystery of the Racist Newsletter.

BarackMyWorld July 13, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Somehow that barely affected his popularity, either…sadly.

not that Dewey July 13, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Do you really think Noam Chomsky is going to get a chance to interview the candidates?

Chichikovovich July 14, 2012 at 7:38 am

Gawd, that would be great. I've been dying to know how Obama and Romney would account for the rules governing pronominal anaphora.

BarackMyWorld July 13, 2012 at 10:43 pm

I once prepared a list of questions I'd ask Romney, but I think I can limit it to one: How would your administration be different than George W. Bush's, both in terms of policy and management style?

sati_demise July 14, 2012 at 1:04 am

he would say "I am a real fiscal conservative" that is all any of them say now.

BarackMyWorld July 14, 2012 at 12:07 pm

My follow up question would be "Why are you such a douche?" and he'd probably give the same answer.

DustBowlBlues July 13, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Maybe "our" wonket should start a pool on who will be veep. While Jan Brewer would be HIlarious and would save the treasury money because she'd carry her own gunz and would need no security guard, maybe that's just too much to hope for.

My money is on T-Paw or that congressman no one knows because Romney's handlers (more commonly known as electrical engineers who keep him in tip-top shape) don't want a running mate who outshines him (aka, looks more human that Mittensbot.)

Plus, Teepaw is so cool he likes Lady Gaga, so Romney believes it would get him the youth vote. Like singing that new hipster fave, Who Let the Dogs Out, to a group of negro youth.

Antispandex July 13, 2012 at 8:31 pm

"A top aide for the former secretary of state, however, tells Yahoo News that Rice has no plans to consider such an offer."

Which Republicans hear as, "Oh my god, she's going to do it".

Estproph July 13, 2012 at 8:34 pm

"On most social issues, Rice is a liberal."

JESUS FUCK! What is wrong with these people?!?

The Republican Party 2012 – A Cell For Everyone, And Everyone In Their Cell!

MilwaukeeKent July 13, 2012 at 8:35 pm

— Liz in Ohio has testicles. Please forward this to everyone you know —

DahBoner July 14, 2012 at 11:16 am

Balls!!!

MilwaukeeKent July 14, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Sidemoobs!

[No, really, I think Liz in Ohio is more likely Joe in Mesa,AZ]

DustBowlBlues July 13, 2012 at 8:46 pm

I know it's a totally stereotypical reference for a liberal to make, but did anyone hear Mark Shields on NPR with some bitch from the Reagan administration or see Mark S on PBS with that Gershon perso?

Is it just me, or have the Republitards gone completely ape-shit mean? Even the so-called intellectuals of the right? It's always amusing to see these people bend themselves like pretzels while they try to defend Republic candidates that have become progressively more egregious? I can't wait to see David Brooks turn the civilized PBS debate with Mark Shields into a verbal cage wrestling smackdown.

GeorgiaBurning July 13, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Isn't Jan Brewer for VP talk a teaser for an Avengers movie? Mittens and Brewer together would be an all-Skrull ticket

flamingpdog July 13, 2012 at 11:04 pm

An all-Skrull-fucking ticket?

Clankie July 13, 2012 at 9:17 pm

This letter does raise a very good point, which is that we would all be better served by Mitt Romney/Jan Brewer 2012/forever.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 13, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Are there really any old men here rich enough to be a sugar daddy? I don't think that ad is targeting the correct audience. Not that I'm complaining …

emmelemm July 14, 2012 at 2:55 am

And could they please identify themselves in the comments? Thanks.

DerrickWildcat July 14, 2012 at 2:58 am

I'm more interested to know if anybody has talked to that cat.

Chichikovovich July 14, 2012 at 7:44 am

I think it's targeting the other side of the arrangement. They have learned about the brilliant wit, charm and beauty of the women who comment on Wonkette, and they are wondering if any of them want rich older men to give them lots of expensive things.

Vecchiojohn July 14, 2012 at 9:04 am

That thing is a complete rip-off. There isn't a single example of rich young women looking for old men to fuck and give money to.

Dashboard Buddha July 14, 2012 at 10:06 am

It's always been a dream of mine to have a tan, lovely, and naked young woman touch her toes while standing in front of my Bugatti.

Alas, I am poor.

DahBoner July 14, 2012 at 11:18 am

What's a Bugatti?

Dashboard Buddha July 14, 2012 at 10:09 am

Aw shucks…on my end at least, it looks like the toe touching hotty has been replaced by boring old "save the earth blah blah blah ads".

flamingpdog July 14, 2012 at 11:19 am

HA, she's still showing up at my end. That's what I get for clicking on the link.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 14, 2012 at 11:34 am

She's still there for me. She's butt to butt with the rhino that I'm supposed to save.

Negropolis July 13, 2012 at 10:05 pm

This woman gave you all these damned, unnecessary wars, conservatives, and this is how you repay her?

BTW, what the hell is "the historic American nation."? The Native Americans, because I'd agree with that.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 13, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Salem witch trials.

Chichikovovich July 14, 2012 at 7:40 am

Pre-13th Amendment.

Negropolis July 13, 2012 at 10:09 pm

I also believe she's spoken of the benefits of Affirmative Action. The letter is actually correct that she's quite liberal on a lot of social/cultural issues.

SorosBot July 13, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Yeah, she's a Republican because she likes killing brown people, and commies; but on domestic issues she's basically a Democrat. That would make her unacceptable to the base even without her dark skin and vagina.

Blueb4sunrise July 13, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Professor Juan Cole IZ BRINGIN IT!!!! BIG TIME.
http://www.juancole.com/2012/07/dream-ticket-post

randcoolcatdaddy July 13, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Jan Brewer? Bring it on ….

MITTENS/LEATHERFACE 2012!!!!!!

Estproph July 13, 2012 at 10:31 pm

" The selection of her as a running mate would be blatant affirmative action — much like Obama getting the early blessing of the Democratic Party was blatant affirmative action. "

Dem neegras is gettin too uppity! Best smack em down sos dey minds dey place!

Negropolis July 13, 2012 at 10:48 pm

What no "Condi did 9/11."? Liz, I'm so disappointed. You're slipping, old gal.

Dashboard Buddha July 13, 2012 at 11:00 pm

OT, but…

Learn About
Mutually Beneficial
Arrangements

I'm not clicking that so, W.T.F?

flamingpdog July 14, 2012 at 2:09 am

SDS (Sugar Daddy Search). Two separate "dating" services – one for singles, and one for those who want to "cheat". "Arrangement Finders", as seen on "Time", "NIghtline", and "Tyra".

"Traditional members of the dating community, go on dates in the hopes to fall in love, and get married. However, for the Sugar dating community, traditional dating rules don't apply. Rich men typically seek a form of companionship, called a mutually beneficial relationship that often requires exquisite physical beauty of the women, whom they have a desire to pamper with gifts, vacations, allowances, and more. Males on Arrangement Finders are looking for the mutually beneficial relationship that matches their lifestyle and needs. Many younger women who are from this new class of society understand the unique needs and desires of successful men. A mutually beneficial arrangement allows both parties to be up front about what type of arrangement they are looking for. FWB, or friends with benefits, would be another type of relationship that can develop on our website."

flamingpdog July 14, 2012 at 2:10 am

- This information brought to you as a pubic public service by Flamingpdog Enterprises, inc.

ibwilliamsi July 13, 2012 at 11:01 pm

"Liz in Ohio". Liz? Liz Cheney? Is that you? I never would have recognized you! (Not)

DahBoner July 14, 2012 at 11:21 am

If she started talking about Pioneer Porn…

mavenmaven July 13, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Keeping in mind that in nazi language "neocon" is code for "Jew".

catholic4condom July 13, 2012 at 11:21 pm

I keep seeing stories from Theatlantic.com on Wonkette. C'est la net!

ElPinche July 13, 2012 at 11:29 pm

LMAO!! Hahahaha…you almost think that conservatives don't want Condolleezza Rice because she's black!!! HAHAHA.. isn't that nuts? No way!

I like to keep it simple . She's a war criminal.

Update: BTW, I found a "typo" on that VDARE site. It lists whiteamerica.us on the URL list. That can't be right.

SorosBot July 14, 2012 at 12:22 am

Meanwhile, our San Francisco brethren are partying and leaving the rest of us behind; to bring horrible music into it, it's a party in the USA; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M11SvDtPBhA

(and sorry, but I got woken up by that song this morning so it's been stuck in my head all day)

flamingpdog July 14, 2012 at 2:13 am

Not going there – wouldn't be prudent.

EDIT: OK, I went there long enough to see it was a Miley Cyrus video. I'm thinking mebbe you're like me – I wake up to the crappy classic rock station in the hopes that they'll put on a Steve Miller Band song (almost a given if I lay in bed for 15 minutes after the radio comes on) that'll force me to leap outta bed and slam my hand down on the off button before I go back to sleep and get into work late.

SorosBot July 14, 2012 at 9:41 am

Yes, except I've got the station that says they "play anything we feel like". And they play some good music, and also some horrific crap. Yesterday it was Miley Cyrus; this morning I was woken up by Call Me Maybe. Ugh.

sati_demise July 14, 2012 at 1:07 am

Is this the special Friday the 13th edition of Wonkette?

Because you got me, man. freaked!

MittBorg July 14, 2012 at 1:53 am

OK. Maybe I won't, then.

It's OK. I'm not half as mean as I sound. I would *never* hurt anyone else.

Buckminster July 14, 2012 at 1:58 am

God does not want an intellectual concert pianist and policy wonk female in the Veep slot. God does not want any intelligence to corrupt the fine "public policy" the Repugs have given us these many years.

DerrickWildcat July 14, 2012 at 2:26 am

Wouldn't the ability of speaking a (GASP!) foreign language automatically disqualify her from being queen of the imbeciles?

Chichikovovich July 14, 2012 at 7:49 am

I thought that this would be a problem for Mitt, with him being on video speaking French and all, but then I realized that the wingnuts make one specific exception: You are allowed to learn a foreign language if it is for the specific purpose of going to foreign countries to try to get the inhabitants to believe lunatic things.

Geminisunmars July 14, 2012 at 2:24 pm

It's like sex: You shouldn't be enjoying it while you do it.

dennis1943 July 14, 2012 at 5:06 am

But,but,she's decisive……..two hours after 9/11 she told the British Ambassador it was Iraq……and stood by her guns….

Dashboard Buddha July 14, 2012 at 10:12 am

And what pert guns she has.

James Michael Curley July 14, 2012 at 7:29 am

Evil Mescans Tequila did that to me once, maybe twice or – hell I forgot a few.

potterchik July 14, 2012 at 7:41 am

I love the parenthetical "In fact, she's quite unattractive." Like Mitt is so hawt.

Chichikovovich July 14, 2012 at 8:02 am

"much like Obama getting the early blessing of the Democratic Party was blatant affirmative action."

OK, guys. She's busted, it's a fake. I was almost taken in, but as with the English spy who instinctively looked right when crossing a German street, sometimes the simplest things give you away.

Next time remember that it's "Democrat Party", "Liz" of "Ohio".

BarackMyWorld July 14, 2012 at 8:15 am

BUT WHAT DOES SARAH PALIN THINK???

Oh, shit, I was just kidding.

Someone actually fucking asked her…
http://www.capitolcolumn.com/news/sarah-palin-ric

RadioSlut July 14, 2012 at 10:03 am

Palin, Schmalin. What does Wolf Blitzer have to say on the subject?

viennawoods13 July 14, 2012 at 10:16 am

Well, to be fair, it WAS Greta. BFF's always tell each other everything.

DahBoner July 14, 2012 at 11:27 am

We'll keep that in mind.

//condescending Tea Party sneer

BarackMyWorld July 14, 2012 at 11:51 am

The Money Quote: “She has much more experience than our sitting President does today,” Ms. Palin continued.

Not that I'm surprised, but… This. Makes. No. Sense.

not that Dewey July 14, 2012 at 9:44 am

Debbie Schlussel: Condoleeza Rice is a "liberal Sovietologist who is the mother of HAMASastan" and "Obama in a skirt".

RadioSlut July 14, 2012 at 10:16 am

She makes my old joke, “That is uglier than a Michigan co-ed" funnier than ever. She gives yentas a bad name.

va_real July 14, 2012 at 1:02 pm

She gives earthlings a bad name.

johnnyzhivago July 14, 2012 at 10:26 am

Brilliant Comment On NYT Today – I hope this gets forwarded to Obama Team:

If, as Mitt claims, all that extra income from tax breaks for the .01% would be invested in job creation, then why is all HIS extra income stashed offshore and not invested in job creation here in the good old U.S. of A.?

RadioSlut July 14, 2012 at 10:30 am

Isn't this Liz in Ohio the same one who sent me that chain email a few months ago saying she would rather die than vote for Romney?

DahBoner July 14, 2012 at 10:57 am

This confusion is good news for half-term snowbilly grifter quiters!!!

Chow Yun Flat July 14, 2012 at 11:18 am

Mitts should just cut to the chase and announce that Sarah Palin is his pick for vice-president.

She would become the permanent candidate for VEEP, a perfect match for permanent presidential candidate Romney.

weejee July 14, 2012 at 11:19 am

Happy 100th birthday Woody Guthrie

♪♫ This land is your land, this land is my land
From California to the New York Island
From the Redwood Forest to the Gulf Stream waters
This land was made for you and me.

As I went walking that ribbon of highway
I saw above me that endless skyway
I saw below me that golden valley
This land was made for you and me.

I roamed and I rambled and I followed my footsteps
To the sparkling sands of her diamond deserts
While all around me a voice was sounding
This land was made for you and me.

When the sun came shining, and I was strolling
And the wheat fields waving and the dust clouds rolling
A voice was chanting, As the fog was lifting,
This land was made for you and me.

This land is your land, this land is my land
From California to the New York Island
From the Redwood Forest to the Gulf Stream waters
This land was made for you and me.

As I went walking I saw a sign there
And on the sign it said "No Trespassing."
But on the other side it didn't say nothing,
That side was made for you and me.

Nobody living can ever stop me,
As I go walking that freedom highway;
Nobody living can ever make me turn back
This land was made for you and me.

In the squares of the city, In the shadow of a steeple;
By the relief office, I'd seen my people.
As they stood there hungry, I stood there asking,
Is this land made for you and me? ♫♪

Blueb4sunrise July 14, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Gov. Sam singing along.

"Farmers and ranchers are at the mercy of Mother Nature," Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback said. The state "will continue working to make sure farmers and ranchers have access to the resources they need to cope with crop losses and impacts on livestock."

http://azstarnet.com/news/weather/drought-stricke

Az. ranchers on the dole .
http://azstarnet.com/business/local/az-farmers-ra

weejee July 14, 2012 at 12:29 pm

But the Feral assistance to the farmers and ranchers is helping the hard working ruralz as opposed to the dole given to the urban welfare queens and lazy unemployed. Not sure Gov. Sam knows the last three verses.

Blueb4sunrise July 14, 2012 at 12:35 pm

I just realized that he said 'Mother Nature'.
Fucking pagan he is.

Steverino247 July 14, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Happy Bastille Day! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bastille_Day

Thanks for helping us beat the Brits. Thanks for the Louisiana Purchase. Thanks for warning us about Iraq. Smart move palming Vietnam's civil war/war of independence off on us.

va_real July 14, 2012 at 12:59 pm

And thanks for french fries, french kissing, french toast & berets too also!

Negropolis July 14, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Belgium libel!

BoroPrimorac July 14, 2012 at 1:22 pm

I'm just stoked that Marco Rubio is despised by wing nuts for trying to tack to the middle.

va_real July 14, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Have you ever paid attention to the lyrics of 'La Marsellaise'? Makes me wanna go blow up a private prison in Louisiana, or something… With votes, bien sûr: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4K1q9Ntcr5g

C_R_Eature July 14, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Yes, thanks for the linky. One of the Olympic events (I forget which) had a lovely little girl singing the French National Anthem, with subtitles. It was chilling to see the words that sweet little girl was saying.
And yes, I did feel like gathering decadent Aristocrats together and Voting their heads off.

Doktor Zoom July 14, 2012 at 2:10 pm

As opposed to the US America anthem, which, as Laurie Anderson notes, is "a lot of questions written during a finre"

C_R_Eature July 14, 2012 at 2:27 pm

That's the truth. Also too, listening to the US America Anthem makes me want to go vote the head off whoever is singing it. I much prefer America the Beautiful, it makes me less stabby.

va_real July 14, 2012 at 2:38 pm

A good rendition of the Star-Spangled Banner is hard to find. Especially at sporting events… Even when sung properly, the lyrics are- as the good Doktor points out- pretty lame…

va_real July 14, 2012 at 2:36 pm

It makes me wonder how French conservatives like Sarkozy even exist, much less get elected. Do they ever sing their anthem & worry that they might be French toast come the next Revolution?

C_R_Eature July 14, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Good point. If I were Sarkozy I'd have kept an armored Suburban and a fully fueled Citation on standby at all times.

va_real July 14, 2012 at 3:37 pm

I suspect he may do that already!

Jukesgrrl July 14, 2012 at 10:06 pm

I, too, remember that little girl singing those horrible lyrics. I already knew what the words were, but several other people in the room at the time didn't and they were shrieking.

MeikiSquire July 15, 2012 at 5:25 pm

It's interesting that Lizzy is against affirmative action, yet suggests female pols as VP nominees.

Nesnora July 16, 2012 at 10:15 am

Summary:

"SHE IS BLACK SHE IS BLACK SHE IS BLACK SHE IS BLACK"

Jukesgrrl July 13, 2012 at 7:14 pm

It's hard to bite bone, but still I hope he'd try.

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 7:28 pm

I would PAY in hobo beans, or even munnies, to see that.

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 7:32 pm

I didn't think air wanted to coexist with Brewer, dead or alive.

Butch_Wagstaff July 13, 2012 at 8:11 pm

"Jan Brewer, you're no Sarah Palin."

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 8:36 pm

(speechless with horror)

not that Dewey July 13, 2012 at 9:37 pm

"I knew Sarah Palin. Sarah Palin was a friend of mine."

Negropolis July 13, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Gawd, what I wouldn't give to see a scenario in which he could utter this line.

va_real July 13, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Dubya?

BerkeleyBear July 13, 2012 at 9:42 pm

I assume she tries, when telling the story of how she "got Obama" by wagging a nasty finger at him. Or when she signed 1070 into law. But maybe like that Tex Richman guy in the Muppet movie, she can't actually laugh but just has to describe how she would be laughing if she could.

bikerlaureate July 14, 2012 at 12:02 am

This place is sanity-preserving, in part because I don't know who any of you wits really are… but even more because I can stay cloaked behind my handle if I choose.

sati_demise July 14, 2012 at 12:26 am

Now she is trying to get Obama to drop his requirement that Federal workers get same sex partner benefits.

all the way to the Supreme Court, probably.
Jan certainly loves to go to court.
It is what she does best, but costs a shitload of money.

MittBorg July 14, 2012 at 1:47 am

The cheek of that rotten old hag, daring to wag that finger in the President's face! It's one thing to disagree with the guy. It's quite another to offer such brazen disrespect to another human being.

UW8316154 July 14, 2012 at 12:33 am

No my dear, I would have made them *for* you…

glasspusher July 14, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Mmm. Fabulous breakfasts! I like to whip up whole wheat buttermilk pancakes on occasion. When I have friends over, I top them with real maple syrup and fresh whipped cream…Now you're making me hungry…

BerkeleyBear July 14, 2012 at 12:45 am

Good luck with that seeing as how all the courts to look at it are dumping on that aspect of DOMA. I don't even see where Arizona would have standing. But then again, like every other person with half a brain, I didn't think the Medicaid expansion would somehow be seen as improper.

MittBorg July 14, 2012 at 1:49 am

I don't understand why the same maroons who are howling the house down because Obama is spendyunthrifty can sit by quietly as their Governor proceeds to light the entire fucking state treasury on fire on a whim. These people are the fucking worst liars, hypocrites, dissemblers, and assholes.

MittBorg July 14, 2012 at 1:52 am

(Hugs UW) Awww! That is SO sweet.

Did you know that everything tastes better when somebody *else* does the hard work of cooking it?

MittBorg July 14, 2012 at 2:01 am

Watch what you say, lady. I don't mind being called a dumb-assed motherfuck, but it'll be a cold day in hell before I let you insult me like that.

MittBorg July 14, 2012 at 2:22 am

Oh, MAN! That is, like, SO fucking MEAN, girlfriend.

Designer_Radio July 14, 2012 at 8:58 am

I bet Joe's bitten off more than one Wicked Witch's fingers. He'll know just where to aim them money-makin' choppers.

glasspusher July 14, 2012 at 12:39 pm

No. Closest I got to the pharmaceutical industry was working at American Cyanamid, Process Development, Herbicide intermediates. I love to do the organic synthesis, but I've ended up doing electrochemistry/physical chemistry. Could get a job with a pharmaceutical firm doing analytical chemistry, I suppose…

va_real July 14, 2012 at 12:56 pm

No, no, it's one of those comedy tricks that often don't work where you exaggerate, then I exaggerate & then you get mad at me & I feel all sad & misunderstood until I figure you were maybe not REALLY mad, but just still exaggerating… It's just like that, see?

MittBorg July 14, 2012 at 1:33 pm

It's a disguise. I'm trying to sabotage the 1% from within. (Hugs DbB)

I think I just got it for loving y'all so much. So there.

MittBorg July 14, 2012 at 2:09 pm

(Hugs cheetojeebus) Dude, I suspect you mean well, but it sounds like another nightmare tonight. OTOH, this is what White Widow was developed for. Deep and dreamless sleep (I think).

MittBorg July 14, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Wait, was it male or female?

Oh god why am I even asking? (Beats head against wall)

MittBorg July 14, 2012 at 2:13 pm

I'm fond of frittata, myself. With thinly sliced, butter-sauteed mushrooms, sliced asparagus, green peas, onions, garlic, and fresh herbs. Mmmm.

I'm cruel that way.

MittBorg July 14, 2012 at 2:15 pm

I have lots of friends who do, so I thought you might know them, especially since I believe they're now maintaining all that software that research chemists and biologists use. Oh well.

MittBorg July 14, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Well, yeah, but you're not doing the "sad & misunderstood" schtick too good, baby. I expected at least a phenomenal *pout.* Instead, I get explanations.

C'mere, you. (Hugs the va_real) At least you didn't think I was serious.

cheetojeebus July 14, 2012 at 2:18 pm

she was of the softer sex, and by soft, I mean like a loaf of dollar store white bread.
Thank your stars you don't have the actual visuals imprinted in your mind first hand.

va_real July 14, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Whaddaya mean, I didn't do the 'sad & misunderstood" schtick too good? According to my screen I pouted 11 hours!

(Hugs the MittBorg back.)

MittBorg July 14, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Excuse me, I bleev I haz sworn off food for life. I'll be lying in a fetal ball under the covers if anyone wants me.

MittBorg July 14, 2012 at 2:33 pm

OWEEEEEEEENK!!

Ah, hell. It's a fair cop. (Hugs the Gem)

Didja hear about my 'maters? I have a TON and some of them are HUGE! (I'm bragging. The squirrels got 'em all last year, so I have a right to brag THIS year.)

MittBorg July 14, 2012 at 2:45 pm

(beams delightedly)

Geminisunmars July 14, 2012 at 2:46 pm

I sure wish I could taste your 'maters.

MittBorg July 14, 2012 at 2:57 pm

I sure wish you could too, sweetie. I'll take pictures when we harvest, OK?

C_R_Eature July 14, 2012 at 3:03 pm

This has to be my all-time favorite version and it's dammed near impossible to find these days: "Star Spangled Mojo" off of
Mojo Nixon's Otis album.

WHOOOGAH!

Geminisunmars July 14, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Yes, please.

starfanglednut July 14, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Couldn't you send some through the internet? It's a series of tubes, after all.

glasspusher July 14, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Oh…migod! That sounds awesome. Maybe we should team up for a Wonkette brunch.

glasspusher July 14, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Hey, it's all good. Honk if you passed PChem!

C_R_Eature July 14, 2012 at 3:45 pm

I understand that Berlusconi kept a 707 with no seats on standby that he called the "Bunga-Bunga Express".

starfanglednut July 14, 2012 at 5:22 pm

I know! That was unbelievable. Black person did that to W, secret service woulda dragged him off in handcuffs.

MittBorg July 14, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Hell, let's not forget that some poor schlub was walking through a mall with his young son, and got dragged off by the SS for having the temerity to tell Dark Lord Cheney that he disagreed with the flesh-eating, blood-sucking policies said Evil Overlord had initiated.

And here we have this hideous old hag wagging her predatory bonyfinger, and there, on the other hand, a DC motorcycle cop who is sworn to "serve and protect" the First Lady, among other citizens, bragging to his friends about the gun he's gonna use to take her out. Fuck me!

MittBorg July 14, 2012 at 5:29 pm

(still trying to figure out how to honk audibly on Teh InterToobz)

starfanglednut July 14, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Just squeeze your little red nose, silly.

glasspusher July 14, 2012 at 11:06 pm

I would try ASCII code 7, “bell”

Jukesgrrl July 14, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Maybe money-COSTING choppers, too?They're not Jon Bon Jovi chicklets, but they're a big smile.

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