Yep, I'm still hereIt’s Condi Fever everywhere! And we don’t mean the kind where little Middle Eastern children get bomb shell infections during the arbitrary “eh what the hell, sure” American occupation du jour. We mean the hot new Vice Presidential sensation sweeping the land, for a pretermined narrative duration of ~48 hours! And while Mitt Romney is only pretending to be considering the tenured Stanford warlord for vice president as a stunt get the reporters yappin’ about things unrelated to his personal finances and employment history, some on the Right are taking the occasion to share their sharp anti-Condi stand while they can. How old is this story, 20 hours? Because yeah, we’ve already received a comical wingnut forwarded chain email.

Let’s give the floor to “Liz in Ohio.” She writes a list of furious grievances against Condolleezza Rice, who could be the nation’s first black female vice president, and appends a link to a popular white nationalist website. Who knows? Her politics are really anyone’s guess. In any event, your Wonkette has made a few minor emphases and comments:

To: Everyone

Please forward this and post it on your websites.

———- Forwarded message ———

I just forwarded this popular chain email to everyone in my address book. Please forward this to everyone you know. Urgent.

———- Forwarded message ———

Say No to Rice!!!

I hereby vow not to vote for Mitt Romney if he chooses the liberal Condoleezza Rice as his running mate.

We thought the open-borders Rubio was bad. Rice is even worse. Check out some of her positions:

On most social issues, Rice is a liberal.

Like Rubio, Rice supports the Third World invasion of the US. Both legal and illegal immigration are driving down American wages, but Rice doesn’t seem to care. Like Cultural Marxists engaged in social engineering, Rice wants to destroy the historic American nation.

Rice is tied to the disastrous foreign policy of the Bush years. Romney should be trying to distance himself from the disastrous Bush years, not embracing them. [This is true! Back to the comedy, Liz in Ohio — Ed.]

Rice is inexperienced, uninspiring and uncharismatic. (In fact, she’s quite unattractive.) [Liz in Ohio/Santelli ’16?]

Rice has never held elected office. The selection of her as a running mate would be blatant affirmative action — much like Obama getting the early blessing of the Democratic Party was blatant affirmative action. Aren’t Republicans supposed to be against affirmative action?

If it’s a female that Romney seeks as his running mate, there are much better choices, such as Jan Brewer, who would inspire and energize conservatives. [Liz in Ohio, we agree completely about how great a Jan Brewer vice presidential campaign would be]

If Romney is so naive to select someone like Rice as his running mate, he doesn’t deserve conservatives’ votes.

Please take the conservative pledge with me and promise not to vote for Romney — either don’t vote for vote third party — if Romney chooses Rice as his running mate.

Thank you.

Please forward this to everyone you know.

Liz in Ohio

———- Forwarded message ———

NeocCons are Bullying Romney into choosing Rice:

Don’t worry out there, in Ohio, Liz. He’ll settle for Colonel McBull Connor Sanders in the end.

Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • glasspusher

    Wow, I don't know whether to sign this or sabotage it! Talk about wingnuts imploding! Better to just grab a brew and watch.

  • WhatTheHeck

    so Condi will be Romney’s 2nd wife, but in a different way from being Dubya’s second wife.

  • kissawookiee

    If it’s a female that Romney seeks as his running mate, there are much better choices, such as Jan Brewer, who would inspire and energize conservatives.

    At least conservatives have gotten over 2008's little flirtation with "marginally boneable" as the sole criterion for selecting a veep candidate.

    • WhatTheHeck

      You are giving them too much credit. Intelligence doesn’t run deep with that crowd.

      • kissawookiee

        I did note that they found Lou Sarah even marginally boneable, which bespeaks an intelligence level in the vicinity of ass times twelve. So there's that.

        • Rotundo_

          "…An intelligence level in the vicinity of ass times twelve." Perfectly put, humorous and accurate. Thanks, you have made my day. I relish a masterful put down phrase.

          • Grief_Lessons

            Hey, let it not go down the memory hole that our beloved Wonkette declared Palin more than marginally boneable, back when she was a governor and we didn't know anything about her.

    • I'm not sure whether to be grateful or horrified.

    • I would think they'd consider Jan Brewer marginally boneable since she already has a bag on her head.

      • I thought that was a mask. Like what Leatherface wears in Texas Chainsaw Massacre?

    • Warwhatgoodfor

      See, here be yur trouble here. When you is sayin' "bonable" some of the boys what ain't real big on that readin' thing thought you said "bony", took a look an' said, "she be too damn bony for me! Hoo boy, that some scarecrow piece of dark stuff there! No thank you anyway!".
      Any how, I have heard from folks who would know that she be more interested in muff stuff than man stuff, if you know what I mean.
      Now that Brewer, a man could get some action just using those wrinkles on her face. Satisfaction guaranteed.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      I'm confused. Liz (of Ohio) thinks Condi isn't attractive but Jan Brew-ha-ha is?

      • flamingpdog

        attractive = pale skin

        • Butch_Wagstaff

          Not just pale but it looks like a topographic map.
          Nothing wrong with that, really. But the hatred underneath said skin makes Jan's appearance truly gruesome.
          Bet her laugh sounds like the Crypt Keeper's.

          • She *laughs*? (shudders)

          • BerkeleyBear

            I assume she tries, when telling the story of how she "got Obama" by wagging a nasty finger at him. Or when she signed 1070 into law. But maybe like that Tex Richman guy in the Muppet movie, she can't actually laugh but just has to describe how she would be laughing if she could.

          • sati_demise

            Now she is trying to get Obama to drop his requirement that Federal workers get same sex partner benefits.

            all the way to the Supreme Court, probably.
            Jan certainly loves to go to court.
            It is what she does best, but costs a shitload of money.

          • BerkeleyBear

            Good luck with that seeing as how all the courts to look at it are dumping on that aspect of DOMA. I don't even see where Arizona would have standing. But then again, like every other person with half a brain, I didn't think the Medicaid expansion would somehow be seen as improper.

          • I don't understand why the same maroons who are howling the house down because Obama is spendyunthrifty can sit by quietly as their Governor proceeds to light the entire fucking state treasury on fire on a whim. These people are the fucking worst liars, hypocrites, dissemblers, and assholes.

          • The cheek of that rotten old hag, daring to wag that finger in the President's face! It's one thing to disagree with the guy. It's quite another to offer such brazen disrespect to another human being.

          • I know! That was unbelievable. Black person did that to W, secret service woulda dragged him off in handcuffs.

          • Hell, let's not forget that some poor schlub was walking through a mall with his young son, and got dragged off by the SS for having the temerity to tell Dark Lord Cheney that he disagreed with the flesh-eating, blood-sucking policies said Evil Overlord had initiated.

            And here we have this hideous old hag wagging her predatory bonyfinger, and there, on the other hand, a DC motorcycle cop who is sworn to "serve and protect" the First Lady, among other citizens, bragging to his friends about the gun he's gonna use to take her out. Fuck me!

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      "marginally boneable"
      You called?

  • OzoneTom

    She's pro-choice just like Mitt used to be.

  • Angry_Marmot

    I'd say that for destruction, Rice
    Was also great
    And would suffice.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      but when you talk about destruct-shuhh-uhhn/
      don't you know that you can count me out/

      unless you're talking about a Condi-Brewer-Bachman-Palin
      tag team vice presidency/

      because Mitt's a Mormon and he can get away with stuff like that

    • Vecchiojohn

      Wow! A Robert Frost reference. You ARE the man (or woman, as the case may be).

  • Callyson

    Obama getting the early blessing of the Democratic Party was blatant affirmative action

    Really? It had nothing to do with wanting a fresh face after eight years of the Clintons, wanting an anti – war candidate, or being inspired by Obama's all-too-opitmisitic aspiration toward a post – partisan society? It was all just affirmative action?

    I know, I know, why am I arguing with idiots and assholes, but come on…

    • BarackMyWorld

      I still have to explain this to people all the time.

      Conservatives seem more interested in rehashing arguments from 2008 than defending Mitt.

      • Chichikovovich

        Yes, it's amazing. My favorite is the "no experience in executive positions when he was elected president. Unlike Mitt, who was a governor that everyone hated by the end of his tenure."

        OK, well 3.5 years ago Obama was running against someone with no such experience either, and the Republicans were fine with that.

        But now, Obama's had 3.5 years of executive experience. As president. And his popularity and approval rating, is far higher than Romney's was in the state he governed, by the end of his governorship. (Of a state he is certain to lose badly in November.)

    • SorosBot

      And if Clinton had gotten the nomination, it would have been blatant affirmative action to put a woman there. The past four years would have been fairly similar, except the the teabagger's outrageous racism would have been replaced by outrageous misogyny.

      • I speculate the misogyny might have been even worse.

        • miss_grundy

          Like the misogyny we've had so far, hasn't been bad enough, especially here in MIchigan. (Vagina!!!) The current GOP wants to take the country into a time machine back to the 18th century, when women were chattel.

          • Quote, "At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you cunt." Close quote.

      • Dood, they're all about the "Waaah, waaah, waah … I haz a butthurt!"

    • Tundra Grifter

      I don't recall Mr. Obama getting an early blessing from anyone. I recall he and Sen. Clinton slugged it out for months.

      In, I will add, a much more seemly manner than the GNoP managed in 2011 and 2012.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Yes, it's odd that a teabagger wingnut chain-letter-sender would get this important detail wrong, because they're USUALLY SO ACCURATE WITH HISTORICAL FACTS.

      • I'll drink to that.

        Do these bozos just have a "reset" button on the old memory, or what? My memory's going to shit, but even I can remember things that happened a mere four-five years ago, geez.

        • SorosBot

          Considering that the conservatives seem to have forgotten everything that happened from 2001 to 2008, it seems their memory is that bad.

          • Vecchiojohn

            Remembering things that happened in the past is socialism.

    • not that Dewey


      -LSM, early 2007 – late 2008

      • well, to be fair, she WAS the presumptive nominee.

        (she's much better as sec of state)

        • not that Dewey

          Yes, to the people doing the presuming.

          To non-journalists, it wasn't such a foregone conclusion.

        • True. I love me some Hils, but frankly, I think she would've made a lousy Prez. She's too aggressive, macha, and militant for me. I think there's a time and a place for that, and this world at this time just didn't need it. Especially after that last aggressive, macho, militant asshole.

          She's a *great* SoS. She gets to do a ton of ballbusting, but it's out of the limelight so it's *more* effective. She's actually got the fucking Burmese to relent. The world's been waiting since Aung San's death assassination for something like this. I can't believe she pulled it off. She's fucking amazing.

    • I'm a Democrat, and Democrats were supposed to be for Obama. That's why I voted for him.

      • and will vote for him again.

      • Chichikovovich

        Really? 'Cause when I voted for Obama I had just become a naturalized citizen. So naturally, I just wanted more free stuff.

        • Geminisunmars

          So how much have you gotten? (and where can I go to get mine?)

  • coolhandnuke

    Since Walnuts chose Palin, shouldn't Nonuts choose Glen Rice.

    • 12X34X

      Glenn Beck would ensure the lunatic vote, speaking of Glenn-nuts.

  • RadioSlut

    It's a CondiLoma. A wart on the news cycle.

  • Generation[redacted]

    "She supported the disastrous Iraq war (which we also supported)!"

  • BarackMyWorld

    The problem Mitt will have with selecting a running mate is that he will have to choose a Republican, and all of them kind of suck.

    • AbandonHope

      Actually, that's a novel idea! He should choose a running mate from another party, to really throw people off. Maybe the National Socialist party, although they might be a bit too left-wing for the Republicans.

    • Geminisunmars

      Well, there is Ron or Rand. Oh. Never mind.

  • Billmatic

    They will nominate a woman or a minority as the Veep, guaranteed.

    Disclaimer: I also guaranteed that Rick Perry would be the Republican Nominee but I was thwarted by my unfamiliarity with his fondness for pain killers and my overestimation of his intelligence. I mean I thought the guy was dumb I really didn't expect him to fail at remembering three bullet points.

    • glasspusher

      You gotta wonder what he was on. Fuck, I got jobs I interviewed for when I was on painkillers. WTF, he was on fentanyl?

      • Billmatic

        Probably some experimental shit he got from Merck.

        • glasspusher

          My parents worked for CIBA-Geigy (now Novardis), one of my best friends works for Pfizer, my younger brother is a pharmacist, and do I get free samples? No!

          • You didn't, by any chance, work for Accelrys, didja?

          • glasspusher

            No. Closest I got to the pharmaceutical industry was working at American Cyanamid, Process Development, Herbicide intermediates. I love to do the organic synthesis, but I've ended up doing electrochemistry/physical chemistry. Could get a job with a pharmaceutical firm doing analytical chemistry, I suppose…

          • I have lots of friends who do, so I thought you might know them, especially since I believe they're now maintaining all that software that research chemists and biologists use. Oh well.

          • glasspusher

            Hey, it's all good. Honk if you passed PChem!

          • (still trying to figure out how to honk audibly on Teh InterToobz)

          • Just squeeze your little red nose, silly.

          • glasspusher

            I would try ASCII code 7, “bell”

      • Even on drugs, I can usually count to three without a problem.

        • glasspusher

          Maybe he saw you do it first, and thought it was easy? You may have derailed a career there…

          • You may have just made my day, dood. If I could, like, get credit for having sent Rick Perry down in blazes? I would make myself fabulous breakfasts for a year, just as a reward.

          • UW8316154

            No my dear, I would have made them *for* you…

          • (Hugs UW) Awww! That is SO sweet.

            Did you know that everything tastes better when somebody *else* does the hard work of cooking it?

          • glasspusher

            Mmm. Fabulous breakfasts! I like to whip up whole wheat buttermilk pancakes on occasion. When I have friends over, I top them with real maple syrup and fresh whipped cream…Now you're making me hungry…

          • I'm fond of frittata, myself. With thinly sliced, butter-sauteed mushrooms, sliced asparagus, green peas, onions, garlic, and fresh herbs. Mmmm.

            I'm cruel that way.

          • glasspusher

            Oh…migod! That sounds awesome. Maybe we should team up for a Wonkette brunch.

        • Fare la Volpe

          I've a remarkable talent for sobering up when Shit Gets Real. I've talked my way out of a cop stop on the street while absolutely blazed. I told my friend to shut his mouth, hunch over, and pretend to cough, while I threw my coat over his shoulders and told the officer he had come down with a bad case of the flu and needed to be brought to his mother's house right away. Cop looked straight into my eyes and waved us through.

          • glasspusher

            I consider that a good dividing line between those who can handle it and those who can't. That, and knowing when you can't handle it.

            …or, possibly, the repub presidential debates weren't Real?

          • I'm'a start taking you with me EVUHwheah.

            I've been known all my life as a responsible person. Whenever ANYthing goes wrong, ANYwhere, EVERYbody up and assumes that I'm somehow responsible.

          • va_real


          • Watch what you say, lady. I don't mind being called a dumb-assed motherfuck, but it'll be a cold day in hell before I let you insult me like that.

          • va_real

            No, no, it's one of those comedy tricks that often don't work where you exaggerate, then I exaggerate & then you get mad at me & I feel all sad & misunderstood until I figure you were maybe not REALLY mad, but just still exaggerating… It's just like that, see?

          • Well, yeah, but you're not doing the "sad & misunderstood" schtick too good, baby. I expected at least a phenomenal *pout.* Instead, I get explanations.

            C'mere, you. (Hugs the va_real) At least you didn't think I was serious.

          • va_real

            Whaddaya mean, I didn't do the 'sad & misunderstood" schtick too good? According to my screen I pouted 11 hours!

            (Hugs the MittBorg back.)

          • (beams delightedly)

          • I've a remarkable talent for sobering up when Shit Gets Real

            My sister insists I drive better drunk than when sober. It seems to be the only time "Mind Over Matter" works in my favor.

      • Warwhatgoodfor

        Ketamine. And roofies.

        • glasspusher

          Wow. The only way I know that's quicker into a lady's pants than that is ballroom dancing!

    • lunchbox360

      Dont forget his predisposition to the buttsecks. With dudes. Not that there is anything wrong with that!

    • NellCote71

      Billmatic, don't be so hard on yourself. I am from Texas and I didn't realize Perry was that freakin' dumb.

    • Negropolis

      You really think they are going to make the mistake of going for a "game-changer", again, after what happened their last go around? I think it's possible, but I'm not even sure if it's likely, and I especially don't believe it's guaranteed.

      Romney isn't McCain.

      • Billmatic

        I feel like the RNC wouldn't go up against the first minority president without a minority on the ticket…i mean i think they're going to do their homework this time and not select a hick from the stix.

        • Negropolis

          Let them sign their death warrant, again, then. I really think they've learned their lesson, but we shall see.

  • SorosBot

    Come on Liz in Ohio, write what you really think!

    "If it’s a female that Romney seeks as his running mate, there are much better choices, such as Jan Brewer, who is white and hates brown people".

    • Billmatic

      Another freedom loving American muzzled by political correctness.

    • bumfug

      Plus, Jan Brewer doesn't have the disadvantage of being "quite unattractive". – she goes all way to "complete cure for a four-hour Viagra boner".

    • Antispandex

      Jan Brewer. Please Mitt, pick Jan, because you just can't have a more hilarious election than that.

      • NellCote71

        Right. They owe us this. They teased us with Cain, Michele one Hell, Gingrich, et al, then jerked them away. They owe us Brewer as VP.

      • Please imagine Jan Brewer debating Handsome Old Joe Biden. Without swallowing your tongue or choking to death from laughter.

        • zumpie

          Does it include her scolding finger in poor Joe's face????

          • Warwhatgoodfor

            He'd bite that puppy off and spit it right back in her face.

          • It's hard to bite bone, but still I hope he'd try.

          • I bet Joe's bitten off more than one Wicked Witch's fingers. He'll know just where to aim them money-makin' choppers.

          • Maybe money-COSTING choppers, too?They're not Jon Bon Jovi chicklets, but they're a big smile.

          • I would PAY in hobo beans, or even munnies, to see that.

          • Can you see him putting up with that shit from her?

            Barry's polite, his momma raised him right, he don't talk back to no old farts. Joe IS an old fart. He'll beat her ass insensible if she tries that shit.

          • Butch_Wagstaff

            "Jan Brewer, you're no Sarah Palin."

          • (speechless with horror)

          • not that Dewey

            "I knew Sarah Palin. Sarah Palin was a friend of mine."

          • Negropolis

            Gawd, what I wouldn't give to see a scenario in which he could utter this line.

          • Can I call you Joe?

        • I'm tempted to swallow my own tongue just over the mental image of televised Jan Brewer.

          • I live in Arizona where we have that all the time and I can attest to the fact it comes with a LOT of dead air.

          • I didn't think air wanted to coexist with Brewer, dead or alive.

          • We can't afford to lose you, dear. Is there any way you can make *her* do that, instead?

        • redarmyzombie

          *Gasp, wheeze, inhale*

          • (Pats RAZ's back, frowns worriedly)

      • NYNYNYjr

        She'll bring in more crazy to vote. You can always use that.

        • ZOMG. Perfect. Tweeted.

        • Subscribed to feed. I likey teh photoshopz.

        • aramis

          Thanks for sharing my humble blog with the world.

      • miss_grundy

        And that way, when he runs into the NAACP or any blah or brown people, they will do more than just boo him. And I will have even more reason to hate him if he picks that hootchie-hilbilly-bitch Brewer.

      • flamingpdog

        Virginia Fox might choose to disagree.

        • She's pretty damn disagreeable, so, yeah, I imagine so.

    • Extemporanus

      In Liz in Ohio's defense, she did politely refrain from pointing out the fact that Condolleezza Rice is a closeted clam bumper with an S&M boot collection that would make Hitler jealous.

      • Geminisunmars

        Hurry up everybody and work on Ex's p-ness. It's still not a round number.

        • I'm hurt. You never rallied the troops around to work on *mine.* *pout*

          • Dashboard Buddha

            I pout in solidarity with you, friend…even though you have a high enough score that I should probably think of you as a Wonk 1%-er.

          • It's a disguise. I'm trying to sabotage the 1% from within. (Hugs DbB)

            I think I just got it for loving y'all so much. So there.

          • Geminisunmars

            But Darling, yours is already so huge. Let's not be piggy about this, shall we?

          • OWEEEEEEEENK!!

            Ah, hell. It's a fair cop. (Hugs the Gem)

            Didja hear about my 'maters? I have a TON and some of them are HUGE! (I'm bragging. The squirrels got 'em all last year, so I have a right to brag THIS year.)

          • Geminisunmars

            I sure wish I could taste your 'maters.

          • I sure wish you could too, sweetie. I'll take pictures when we harvest, OK?

          • Geminisunmars

            Yes, please.

          • Couldn't you send some through the internet? It's a series of tubes, after all.

      • not that Dewey

        Yeah, but that can only take Willard so far…

      • Vecchiojohn
      • Dashboard Buddha

        Condi and the Clam Bumpers

        • Condi Loma and the Clam Bumpers. All-girl punks?

  • elviouslyqueer

    If it’s a female that Romney seeks as his running mate, there are much better choices, such as Jan Brewer, who would inspire and energize conservatives.


    • Schmannnity

      Romney/Leatherface 2012

      • 12X34X

        Romney & Rabies 2012.

      • Fare la Volpe

        You leave Jan Brewer out of this.

    • flamingpdog

      I'm pretty sure there are more than a few conservatives who are inspired and energized by methamphetamines, too, also.


    • DahBoner

      I'll have what she's having.

  • CrunchyKnee

    So, if you are a hyper-miltary war loving Bush sycophant with an Exxon tanker named after you, yer still a lib'ral if yer a blah? USA USA Us….ah fuck it.

  • owhatever

    It is time for Mitt to name Sarah Palin as his vice presidential partner, for she is the only one with experience in that job, and has already been vetted. Her voice of reason would again energize the Republican base. Bristol, Willow, Todd and all the gang (even Levi) are already household names. What could go wrong with America's sweetheart on the ticket?

    • Her major accomplishment in life is forever changing the definition of "vetted."

    • Over on C4P (Conservatives for Palin), the last few remaining nutbags are whooping mightily over the inevitability of Scarah as the Veep candidate. I wonder if they ever actually look at the numbers?

    • Negropolis

      I seriously believe that she probably feels entitled to playing that role until she gets tired of it. She's turned the Veepstakes into a serious hustle.

    • kittensdontlie

      Nice try but I don't believe Repubs will fall for your disingenious proposal, unless…follow me now, you would put it in a CHAIN LETTER…

  • SoBeach

    Rice is unattractive, but Jan Brewer is acceptable?

    What is it with wingnuts and women's looks? It's so childish. So now I get to be childish and say I've got $20 that says "Liz in Ohio" is ugly as homemade sin, and like her wingnut brothers, has no business commenting on the attractiveness of anyone.

    • CrunchyKnee

      If she's from Ohio, then she probably wears her fondness for large orders of chili cheese fries and buckets o' lard with dollops of corn "sugar" like a second skin on her badly tattooed flabby arms, for Jeebus.

      • cheetojeebus

        I may have seen her at the grocery store today. Dyed orange flattop haircut spiked with hair gel. Looked 7 months pregnant but was just a beer gut. Nose stud and tattoos, but her mom was a classic. meth skinny mid 50s but looked 70, lots of tattoos, tank top, you could see her breasts were tattooed. No teeth or dentures and an obvious tongue stud. it may be Fall before I'm able to be aroused again.

        • James Michael Curley

          Another inter-terrestrial alien sighting the government will no doubt deny.

        • I'm not saying your grocery store pals weren't from Ohio (I'd guess someplace between Dayton and Lancaster), but surely they can't spell as well as Liz from Ohio can. I think she's more of a Sharron Angle-type.

        • I just want you to know that it took me this long to be able to work up the courage to say anything about this vision of pulchritude. The "No teeth or dentures and an obvious tongue stud" line will accompany me into my nightmares tonight.

          I hope you're happy.

          • cheetojeebus

            My deepest apologies. btw in this same grocery store, I also at one point saw a 400 pound ex hippy in a hoveround with homemade 1960s face tattoos of daisies. A vision, offered as a kind of palate cleanser.

          • (Hugs cheetojeebus) Dude, I suspect you mean well, but it sounds like another nightmare tonight. OTOH, this is what White Widow was developed for. Deep and dreamless sleep (I think).

          • Wait, was it male or female?

            Oh god why am I even asking? (Beats head against wall)

          • cheetojeebus

            she was of the softer sex, and by soft, I mean like a loaf of dollar store white bread.
            Thank your stars you don't have the actual visuals imprinted in your mind first hand.

          • Excuse me, I bleev I haz sworn off food for life. I'll be lying in a fetal ball under the covers if anyone wants me.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Homemade Sin Libel!

    • va_real

      I've got $20 that says 'Liz in Ohio' is really 'Jan in Arizona'.

    • Fare la Volpe

      What is it with wingnuts and women's looks? It's so childish.

      When you can dismiss someone for being ugly, you don't have to listen to what they say.

    • flamingpdog

      What is it with wingnuts and women's looks?

      With wingnut women, you can pretty much throw out "brains" and "personality". That pretty much leaves "looks".

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        We're talking toupee types.

  • I expected to read this "newsletter" in Western Frontier Jibber Jabber a la Gabby Johnson with more shrieking, apostrophes and usage of "NEARER!"

    Come on Mittens Electoral Fraudster. Pick her. Send your rabid base shrieking.*

    *you probably won't.

    • LetUsBray

      She sure did want everyone to know that for any nearer person to gain high office would be affirmative action!. That's pretty much the same thing.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Ahhh…I love the smell of Republican freak out in the morning–okay, the afternoon.

    Ron Paul, get your Nebraska flying monkeys (I mean minions) to the Republican state convention tomorrow–you still have a chance!

  • ttommyunger

    The difference between Condi and a bowling ball: I could eat a bowling ball if I had to.

    • metamarcisf

      Heh. Yeah, that's the PG version.

      • ttommyunger

        I'm a PG kind of guy, NOT!

    • coolhandnuke

      That's gotta be AMF–A Mother Fucker.

      • ttommyunger

        I'm guessing it would still smell like Dubya's breath.

    • flamingpdog

      Yeah, but you could also empty a truckload of Condis with a pitchfork.

      • ttommyunger

        There were times during the last Administration I would have loved to give it a try.

  • Limeylizzie

    I have not moved to Ohio, I promise.

  • PeaceWithHonor

    Jesus, when will that fucking "Boys From Brazil" Reagan grow up already and give Liz the ideological orgasm she so richly deserves.

  • caelanaegana

    "In fact, she's quite unattractive."

    Liz in Ohio's standards are so high the only nominees she'll accept are Sarah Palin and Miss Teen South Carolina.

  • rocktonsam

    I'll bet Condi can't wait to throw a shoe at Mittard.

    • berkeleyfarm

      I can just imagine.

      (Back from the Wonkette Drinky Thing in SF … it was great. Everyone should contribute to the travel fund so you can get the Editrix in your area and meet cool and funny Wonketteers.)

  • docterry6973

    Condi Rice wants to destroy the historic American nation? I'll be darned, she IS a liberal!

    • flamingpdog

      Condi Rice is an upppity blah. That's how she's planning "to destroy the historic American nation."

  • SayItWithWookies

    Please forward this to everyone you know.

    It's so refreshing to know that the people who used to clutter our inboxes with apocryphal tales of how they asked for the recipe for red velvet cake at Macy's and ended up being billed $250 have now become politically active. Not aware, mind you, but active.

  • I picture this entire missive in Comics Sans, with possibly a bible verse or an animated GIF of our old friend Crying American Eagle in the signature block.

    • Jadetiger79

      In blue with the furious parts in red, 24pt size. I've got dumbfuck Fox News loving relatives and that's the format if you want to be taken seriously in WingNut Land.

      Oh and a shitty angel gif too.

      • I was going to mention color and font size, but I think you nailed it.

      • Jesus god if I see another fucking angel gif within the next 24 I swear, I'll strangle the person who sent it.

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          How many angels are invited to the pinhead orgy?

          • I dunno. You remember how many will fit?

    • Don't forget the Maxine clipart.

      • I effing HATE Maxine clipart. In fact I hate clipart.

        • A few years ago I still got a lot of these forwards, usually with the Maxine clipart, or some screed about how awful Mexicans are (attributed as direct quotes from Our National Treasure Bill Cosby, of course). But since those same friends and family have been treated to years of my Loudmouth Radical Libtardery on Facebook, I must have been taken off the forwards lists.

          • (wipes tear) I'm SO PROUD of you!

          • Butch_Wagstaff

            "…attributed as direct quotes from Our National Treasure Bill Cosby, of course…"
            And he STILL has to tell people that he never said that shit.
            Same thing Carlin had to do. But Carlin is dead now & there's still mediocre quotes attributed to him floating around in the email-o-sphere.

  • edgydrifter

    Tea Partiers like Liz might find Condi more attractive if her skin weren't so, so… something. I'm having a hard time putting my finger on it. Wait a minute. Gosh this is hard. There's something wrong with her skin, though, dammit!

    • It's the ringworm.

    • miss_grundy

      Because her skintone is kinda…….blah………….? I mean, if you are going to question the citizenship of the current inhabitant of the White House, why would you want someone of the same skintone as Veep? After all, the Veep is only a heartbeat away from holding the office of the presidency.

    • IceCreamEmpress


    • Geminisunmars

      Is it a look that is the result of too much piano playing? Is that what you are trying to come up with?

    • not that Dewey

      Condoleeza's skin has a nice, soft, human feel to it.

  • Antispandex

    "….the liberal Condoleezza Rice as his running mate."

    Seriously? That is stretching the term liberal to the breaking point. I mean, downward dog, lotus cobra dumpster dive stretching.

  • Lazy Media

    What does the No. 1 source for Condinews think about this?

    • Your link isn't working for me but I'm guessing Princess Sparkle Pony. Surely, this is a special day for that Great and Stylish American.

      • flamingpdog

        My thoughts, too. I was thinking about sending the link to a recent Princess Condi-post to Wonkette when it came out, but I guess I didn't.

  • Nostrildamus
    • Oh thanks, now I'm gonna have nightmares for a week.

    • Oh, Nostril! Sheer genius!

    • flamingpdog

      In the words of the immortal MittBorg, "When am I going to learn not to click on your linkies?!?".


        Suck it, pdog! REVENGE for a thousand brain-burnings and eyeball leaks, buddy.

  • metamarcisf

    If we're talking a female veep for the GOP, there's really one choice: that girl from the Progressive Auto Insurance Commercials. Please forward this comment to everyone you know.

    • va_real

      Many a truth is spoke in jest…

    • GeorgiaBurning

      Flo could make the deficit disappear by bundling auto insurance with the defense budget, it's magic

    • Negropolis

      I hate that I love Flo, and she's only a television character. Really, girl has a personality to kill.

  • lunchbox360

    I want to know where they got that horribly unflattering photo of me to go with this story. Well at least they got my good side.

    • metamarcisf

      Not only that. How did they get into your house?

      • lunchbox360

        My chubby chaser web cam? Either that or my mom is really mean.

        • I'd go with Mean Mom.

          • va_real

            Did I hear you say Memaw?

          • Oh, MAN! That is, like, SO fucking MEAN, girlfriend.

  • I hope Romney picks Condi, and all the wingnuts take Liz's advice and stay home on election day.

    • AncienReggie

      Sorry, starf, I'm still all excited about the Willard Romney/Jan Brewer ticket.

      Please forward this to everyone you know!!

  • sudsmckenzie

    But, Liz from Ohio, she plays "classical piano", so all of Condi's awefullness is OK.

  • I miss the Condi Roundup graphic.

    • Not sure which graphic you mean… But for international affairs of the heart I'm partial to this one.

      • Here it is. (I think it accompanied all Princess Sparkle Pony posts).

        • You know.. the more I take stock and try to purge myself of some easy laffs — "oh it's really not fair that McConnell can't help if he looks like a constipated turtle, or that photo still of Sarah Palin's tongue sticking out is such a cheap laugh" — then along comes something like that which throws the whole endeavoring-beyond-cheap-humor thing off.

          The Sparkle Pony hysterics were before my time but I recognize the name and now am grateful to see one of the accoutrements to those send-ups.

  • Ew–I shudder thinking about a Moneybags/Leatherface ticket.

    • SayItWithWookies

      At least the poors wouldn't have all this uncertainty that the Obama administration has created — the not knowing whether their lives will eventually improve is probably killing them. Under an Rmoney/Brewer administration, they won't have that problem.

      • They won't have ANY problems!

        • There's no "they," where I'm concerned it's a "we." And in the event of a Rmoney/Brewer victory, I fully expect to be one of the headless in the desert that Jan is always yapping about.

          • flamingpdog

            Heartless in the White House = Headless in the desert.

          • Oh, hon. The minute those two take office, there will be a Raid on Wonketz. They'll leave our remains out someplace as a warning to Teh Locals.

            This is why we have to work our asses off to elect Obama.

    • NYNYNYjr

      Yeah, Jan Brewer, me want Jan Brewer. It will make sure I'll watch alot less election coverage TV, which is for the better.People will be canceling their HD TV.

  • If it’s a female that Romney seeks as his running mate, there are much better choices, such as Jan Brewer, who would inspire and energize conservatives.

    How the fuck is Jan Brewer going to energize ANYONE?!?

    SERIOUSLY? Jan Brewer? We are talking about that, erm, weathered lass from Arizona – aren't we? Cause I'm thinking she would drain even the energizer bunny to nothing but a husk, just like one of those weird ass vampire things in that movie Life Force – and she'd still look like a dried up old prune afterward. Hell, JB'd give nightmares to the damn witch in Snow White. She ain't gonna energize shit, let alone the party of aging scooter jockeys.

    • HarryButtle

      Ixnay on Anjay…anything to get her the fuck out of Arizona is good for us. Plus, she's dumber than Palin, so she's comedy GOLD!

    • BlueStateLibel

      Damn, that woman needs a good sunblock is all I can say.

    • Jadetiger79

      Scooter jockeys. I love it. New word for WingNut Bingo!

  • Perhaps I'm stupid, but wtf are "cultural marxists engaged in social engineering"?

    • James Michael Curley

      Groucho, Chico and Harpo changed the way people think. Now we all ask; "Why a duck?" We worry that if we "want stucco, boy will we get stucco" and wake up in the night to check whether there is an elephant in our pajamas.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        How he got in ou pajamas we do know. 5-4

    • va_real


    • Liberal Jews.

      So not even kidding, that is the actual wingnut-to-English translation of that phrase.

    • You're not stupid. That's an excellent question. However, the phrase makes no sense whatsoever, so your attempts to parse it must be futile.

    • NYNYNYjr

      It's means people have healthcare, or more healthcare. It also means Jews.

    • I'm not sure, but the best I make of it is they've announced their engagement and are a planning a large family.

    • flamingpdog

      I never could figure it out either. I've worked for 32 and a half years with engineers, and none of them were anything close to socialists.

      • Or cultural.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        Posted from your iPad.

    • Buckminster

      I missed this part. TL;DNR

    • Today, we are all cultural marxists engaged in social engineering.

  • Schmannnity

    Zombie Khadafi is jealous.

  • Extemporanus

    This is, hands down, Princess Sparkle Pony's best prank yet.

    • I call on our Editrix to invite Princess Sparkle Pony to a guest blog on Wonkette.

      • Yes!

      • flamingpdog

        It happened once before.


    • Angry_Marmot
    • elgin_pelican

      Pony Pals 2012! You too, breeders, climb on the bandwagon!

    • Jennyjen798

      All hail the Princess!

  • tigernole

    I thought that old Mitt would just out source the position to Mumbai and then tout this as a stance for reducing government jobs, all the while ensuring he gets his "consulting fee" for doing so

  • fawkedifiknow

    In favor of Mitt choosing Condi, as the Veep she would be less dangerous to our national security than she was as Bush's National Security Advisor.

    • flamingpdog

      Says Darth Cheney.

  • Shouldn't this be in Comic Sans, and at least three colors?

    • not that Dewey

      Why, was it written by my payroll department?

  • raffinemilligan

    I hoping for Harriet Miers!

  • proudgrampa

    Come on now. Seriously. This isn't real. Where's the link to The Onion?

    • not that Dewey

      "Area Woman Disparages Condoleeza Rice's Qualifications"

    • There are definite risks with democracy. Our Wonkette helps to point out a few of them.

  • TribecaMike

    Liz in Ohio needed the break from almost four years of obsessing over Biden being the first papist vice president.

    • She worries about that tingly feeling between her legs she gets every time she sees Joey on TV. She's afraid it might be cancer.

  • Beowoof

    I think he might pick Erin Burnett. Right wing and married to a banker. The righties would think she is boneable, She is on TV so she is as qualified as Sarah Palin.

    • sati_demise

      Not enough money in it for the Main Line Hooker. Nope, she would decline.

  • NellCote71

    Ohhh. It is going to be a good drinking night, I can already tell.

  • Woodshedding

    I'm SURE this chain letter wasn't started by Jan Brewer's camp.

  • Say no to Rice

    The Teatarded are still banging the wee no likee Chinee gong? Hop Sing is gonna get mad and start peeing in Little Joe's and Hoss's beans.

  • Condi was a Bilderberg Beer Garden Maiden this year I heard….

  • Saaaay now, what's all this about Mutually Beneficial Arrangements?

    Cause that's one heart-stoppingly beeeoooteeful bit of wunderful there.

    But that nekkid laydee is kinda in the way. Now, I am willing to give her a ride somewhere if she needs to go clothes shopping or whatnot (cuz she's nekkid). But I'd need to put a towel down or sumptin on the passenger seat so she doesn't leave, you know, skin oils and such on the leather (cuz she's, you know, nekkid). Even if that's a replica with only a puny domestic V8, I'd still want the interior left pristine and all. Just sayin.

    Mmmmmm, AC Ford Shelby Cobra; vroom, vroom.

    (Someone has told that laydee she's nekkid, right?)

    • NYNYNYjr

      I think it's a prostitution service. I didn't click on it because I assume 50 live chat windows with fat trannies will open up.

      • Yeah, OK. But you do see that the laydee is nekkid, dontchya?

        I mean, holy cow, she's nekkid. Sumbuddy should do sumpthing.

        Geeeze, [shakes head in bewilderment – and points] SHE'S NEKKID.

        • Yeah, somebody should act like they've seen one before.

      • SorosBot

        It's a "service" to hook up rich old men with young women looking for sugar daddies; so yeah, prostitution but of a form that's legal.

        • flamingpdog

          That's the impression I got, too. But I'm not sure why they're advertising here. Old men – plenty. Rich men – um …

    • Gentlemen. Just to be clear, I understand exactly what that advertisement is truly advertising.

      I was just having a bit of fun. For the purposes of said fun, I assumed the "voice" of the Somewhat-Slow-Witted-Wholesomish-Having-Lived-Entire-Life-Sheltered-Country-Bumpkin-Young-Man that doesn't have any experience dealing with "nekkid laydees," and is wholly unaware of what other not-so-sheltered heterosexual males would do with said laydees, given the chance. It pains me greatly to think that I am explaining this, but I thought perhaps others here might have drawn some always-needed amusement from my [clearly inadequate] ministrations of wit. Alas, It would seem that I have instead served up some FAIL, at least for some of you.

      I now return you to whatever it was you were doing prior to reading this. Cheers.

      • Oh, OWL, we all get tormented eventually by fellow Wonketteers. This wouldn't be the Wonketz without a little gratuitous cruelty, buttsechs, spelling/grammar Nazism, and typo critiquery. It'll be O-tay. (Hugs OWL)

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        Don't worry OWL. Just relax and enjoy the sideboob.

      • flamingpdog

        Trust me, OWL, you haven't made it at teh Wonkette until you've been spanked by Chet Kinkaid.

        • HistoriCat

          Is that at one of the meetup things? Because I was just hoping for a beer and some conversation. I mean I really like you guys but I'm just not into that whole spanking thing.

        • Hey, I toss a lot of bouquets, too! (No, it's not that disgusting thing you're thinking.)

      • Chichikovovich

        That's the occupational hazard of the ironist's trade: someone doesn't catch that you know well that you're saying things that are literally false or uninformed.

        (I still remember a grimace-worthy moment some years ago, speaking with a human rights person who worked with Chichikovna. At some point in the conversation we were discussing the prospects for trial of (I believe it was) the Argentine Junta, and I made some remark to the effect that they should try the defence "I was just issuing orders". He looked at me as if I was insane. So I added, "the contrast is with "just following orders". Then he patiently explained to me that "just following orders" was not considered to be a legitimate defence, because of some trials of Nazis at Nuremberg.)

        • Yes, indeed. And up above I demonstrate the classic Ironist's Trap: Hmmm, bloody hell, they don't get it. Mental face-palm. Now what?

          Option 1: Double down and stay in character, but deploy "voice" in full-on absurd, over-the-top architecture; hoping the "audience" catches the quickly-disappearing anchor rope and allows one the opportunity to haul oneself back in from oblivion. Right. Deploy option 1 … … oh, bollocks [leans over gunwale and watches end of anchor rope slip into the inky depths].

          Option 2: Explain the irony in enough detail so as to provide an exit to all parties – thus stopping the bleeding. (This I also demonstrated above, and it appears to have indeed stopped the hemorrhaging.) Part of Option 2 may well be, as Chichikovovich's example demonstrates, further explaining to the "audience" that your already deployed irony was not meant to mock them or what is important to them; but is in fact the exact opposite. That you have in fact attempted to display a kinship and an understanding of exactly that which is important to them by recognizing the gravity of their feelings, and as such employed said irony in an effort to provide them a brief respite from said gravity (of feelings). This last part is a messy, most uncomfortable exercise; made necessary if one ever wishes in future to have any credibility with the "audience." If circumstances force one to this last part of Option 2, the recovery rate, should the "audience" be a new or budding acquaintance, is so slim as to be near non-existent.

          Option 3: Create an exit (Acme Hole and Tunnel Paint works well here) and beat a hastened retreat; sometimes just metaphorically, sometimes physically. This option can include distraction and bold deployment of conversation-redirection.

          Lessons to be learned: Irony-as-Comedy (as opposed to it being used as a weapon) is nearly all about knowing your audience – and they knowing you. It is a Pandora's Box if you wish to remain on speaking terms after-the-fact. It is a perilous art form, and should be deployed with due diligence and caution.

          [Bell rings] Now, don't forget that test next Wednesday, people – chapters 3 through 8 of your Philosophy of Comedy text. It's a quarter of your grade!

          (Now this paragraph directly above is an example of Mocking-One's-Self. It is meant here to demonstrate that I am fully aware of my long-winded lecturing monologue, and yet still wish you to at least good-naturedly chuckle and indulge me my comedy misfires; as they are always deployed with the best of intentions. Irony, also.)

          Have a great weekend. Cheers.

        • bobbert

          Injecting straight-faced irony into a "serious discussion" is risky unless your interlocutor actually knows you, or at least your conversational style, fairly well.

          I provisionally assume that all comments from recognizable Wonkameraden are intended as snark, unless accompanied by a disclaimer.

          After Friday night, I feel quite confident in this.

    • C_R_Eature

      * Old Rich Guy, fondness for young hot chicks and fast classic cars
      * Young Hot Chick, fondness for money and fast classic cars

      Mutually Beneficial Arrangement:
      *Wash and Wax classic, restored AC Cobra. Nude.

      *Wax On, Whacks Off.

  • I'd think Condi would be in favor with the Nazi crowd given the boots and everything???

    • va_real

      And if her boots happen to have bootstraps, the Paulbearers will plotz with joy!

    • Veritas78

      She certainly played the piano like a Nazi.

  • HarryButtle

    Jan Brewer can see Mexico from her house.

  • I really can't imagine why Liz in Ohio insists that Jan "Leatherface" Brewer is more attractive than Condi Rice.

    And I'm definitely certain it's not in any way tied to the repeated shouts of affirmative action at the suggestion that a former Secretary of State, diplomat, and provost of a major university might be getting the nod.

    I just can't see any connection between those two thoughts, is basically what I'm saying.

  • Anyway, this is the best summary of the fakety fakeness of the fake Condi Rice for VP rumor story and why it happened to day and why it's damned tacky, that I've seen so far.

  • LetUsBray

    O/T, but can we have an Rmoney/Bain meltdown thread to play with for the weekend? Pretty please?

    • That's exactly who would complete the ticket–Conrad Bain!!

      • He was too nice to blahs. They wanted someone with a wide streak of MEAN.

        • SorosBot

          Besides, they probably condemn the idea that "Now, the world don't move to the beat of just one drum, What might be right for you, may not be right for some" as multiculturalism, and with their contempt for the poor they definitely don't agree that "Everybody's got a special kind of story, Everybody finds a way to shine, It don't matter that you got not alot, So what, They'll have theirs, and you'll have yours, and I'll have mine. And together we'll be fine…."

    • flamingpdog

      That's just pathetic. No snark. Just pathetic.

    • savethispatient

      Also, here's a less worthy headline: Romney breaks Facebook rules!… promoting-cover-photo

      Edit: wth, linking seems broken.

    • I want to do something endearingly crude, like go "Haw, haw!" while picking my teef with a Bowie knife, or sump'n.

    • OT but…[Heavy Sigh] I really miss commenting on Talking Points Memo since they switched to a FaceBook system. The trolls are as bad as ever since everyone's crazy Uncle Ed jumps in. The few times I've made the effort, unless you find the box to check (which moves around, FaceBook-style), your wing-nut aunt and everyone else who's "friended" you gets treated to your untoward opinions about an obscure Mississippi state assemblyman.
      The Obama camp should definitely keep the pressure on Mitt — "what's he hiding?" — but refrain from calling him a felon. Since, like W, in part he just wants to one-up Daddy, and old man Romney released 12 years of tax returns, he can start by releasing 15. Come on, Mitt, surely you have nothing to hide?

      • SorosBot

        I hate all these places using the Facebook commenting system, and have left any place that uses them. I have reason to make my internet commenting anonymous, and they're trying to force you to use your real name, which is really fucking stupid.

        • not that Dewey

          I know. Even fucking TPM. I told them as much, when they asked me in a survey, which they didn't read. So long, suckers!

          • Agree with you and SorosBot both. I still read TPM religiously, but not as a stakeholder in a shared community of interest. Hearty shout-out to Wonkette on this point, may it remain free-wheeling, filthy, with all the necessary snark, etc.

          • bikerlaureate

            This place is sanity-preserving, in part because I don't know who any of you wits really are… but even more because I can stay cloaked behind my handle if I choose.

      • I think I'm inclined to disagree on how far the Team Obama can push this. I mean, by all means, stop short of an out-right accusation, but:

        False robosigning of court documents is still pretty strong in the public consciousness due to Bank of America/Wells Fargo/et al. I think it's fair, and not especially dangerous, as a result, to point out that either Mitt telling self-interested lies to the American public at this very moment (that contradict less-interested remarks at the time), or he lied on legal documents that he signed as late as 2002. One or the other.

        I'm not saying, I'm just sayin'.

        • Also, apparently saying out-right unhyphenated was getting my post burninated by Administrator.

          I guess that basically rules out an off-topic conversation about one of my favorite anime series.

        • There's a lot of mileage in "he's hiding something". Maybe Chris Wallace and Mitt can discuss all this in "a quiet room" somewhere for the benefit of a sympathetic, woefully misinformed Fox audience (as if Roger Ailes would let that happen). I worry that any legal move would just give the Right an opening for the old "See? Chicago-style politics…"

          • I guess my main counterpoint would be that it was just yesterday that Mitt Romney, who has literally built his entire campaign on a foundation of convenient lies, revealed that he was going to go Full Rove and start attacking Obama as an untrustworthy liar.

            The truth is, the only effective defense I see for the Rove Strategy is to hit back, and hit back hard. The previous Karl Rove Hatchet-Jobs worked so well because the targets didn't respond in force and let themselves be put on the defensive on a topic they had no business being defensive over.

    • not that Dewey

      I think you meant "Bain, Capital"

      Typo, I understand.

      • If I'd stopped to check my spelling, or do basic fact-checking, I would have missed out on this HOT SCOOP.

        Who do you think I am, CNN?

        • not that Dewey

          Wolf? Is that you?

          • Is Blitzered the same as Rick-Rolled? My memes are all tangled.

    • Negropolis

      What the president has for Willard he better duck it, as they say.

  • neiltheblaze

    Liz in Ohio has been nipping at whatever Pamela Geller has been drinking for the last decade.

  • MissTaken


  • DustBowlBlues

    "Stanford warlord"

    Condi says that's warLADY to you, Mister.

  • NYNYNYjr

    I have a good first debate question for Romnster:

    Your spokesperson has said that you "did not participate in the investment or management decisions on any of these or any other investments during this period…" Over those three years, you just signed documents and agreements that were handed to you because you were, on paper, the CEO, sole shareholder of Bain and had to sign things. If Bain had given you a document to sign saying it was starting a new company harvesting human organs from political prisoners, would you have robotically signed it (given that you were being paid to sign things and not make decisions) or would that have been slightly out-of-bounds?

    • DustBowlBlues

      Better: a company that's making dog food from aborted fetuses.

    • BlueStateLibel

      Well done, friend. I think part of what our warm-hearted robot is trying to avoid his connection to a medical-waste company that Bain invested in after 1999. As a medical-waste company, this company also deposed of aborted fetuses, something which of course the robot knows would make his batwing base bonkers. Or you probably know this; if so, apologies.

    • You know what's funny? All this talk about how Romney was an absentee president/chief executive who just robosigned documents and totally had no idea what the company he was sole owner of was actually doing during that time is giving me crazy flashbacks of Ron Paul and the Mystery of the Racist Newsletter.

      • BarackMyWorld

        Somehow that barely affected his popularity, either…sadly.

    • not that Dewey

      Do you really think Noam Chomsky is going to get a chance to interview the candidates?

      • Chichikovovich

        Gawd, that would be great. I've been dying to know how Obama and Romney would account for the rules governing pronominal anaphora.

    • BarackMyWorld

      I once prepared a list of questions I'd ask Romney, but I think I can limit it to one: How would your administration be different than George W. Bush's, both in terms of policy and management style?

      • sati_demise

        he would say "I am a real fiscal conservative" that is all any of them say now.

        • BarackMyWorld

          My follow up question would be "Why are you such a douche?" and he'd probably give the same answer.

  • DustBowlBlues

    Maybe "our" wonket should start a pool on who will be veep. While Jan Brewer would be HIlarious and would save the treasury money because she'd carry her own gunz and would need no security guard, maybe that's just too much to hope for.

    My money is on T-Paw or that congressman no one knows because Romney's handlers (more commonly known as electrical engineers who keep him in tip-top shape) don't want a running mate who outshines him (aka, looks more human that Mittensbot.)

    Plus, Teepaw is so cool he likes Lady Gaga, so Romney believes it would get him the youth vote. Like singing that new hipster fave, Who Let the Dogs Out, to a group of negro youth.

  • Antispandex

    "A top aide for the former secretary of state, however, tells Yahoo News that Rice has no plans to consider such an offer."

    Which Republicans hear as, "Oh my god, she's going to do it".

  • Estproph

    "On most social issues, Rice is a liberal."

    JESUS FUCK! What is wrong with these people?!?

    The Republican Party 2012 – A Cell For Everyone, And Everyone In Their Cell!

  • — Liz in Ohio has testicles. Please forward this to everyone you know —

    • DahBoner


      • Sidemoobs!

        [No, really, I think Liz in Ohio is more likely Joe in Mesa,AZ]

  • DustBowlBlues

    I know it's a totally stereotypical reference for a liberal to make, but did anyone hear Mark Shields on NPR with some bitch from the Reagan administration or see Mark S on PBS with that Gershon perso?

    Is it just me, or have the Republitards gone completely ape-shit mean? Even the so-called intellectuals of the right? It's always amusing to see these people bend themselves like pretzels while they try to defend Republic candidates that have become progressively more egregious? I can't wait to see David Brooks turn the civilized PBS debate with Mark Shields into a verbal cage wrestling smackdown.

  • GeorgiaBurning

    Isn't Jan Brewer for VP talk a teaser for an Avengers movie? Mittens and Brewer together would be an all-Skrull ticket

    • flamingpdog

      An all-Skrull-fucking ticket?

  • This letter does raise a very good point, which is that we would all be better served by Mitt Romney/Jan Brewer 2012/forever.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Are there really any old men here rich enough to be a sugar daddy? I don't think that ad is targeting the correct audience. Not that I'm complaining …

    • emmelemm

      And could they please identify themselves in the comments? Thanks.

      • I'm more interested to know if anybody has talked to that cat.

    • Chichikovovich

      I think it's targeting the other side of the arrangement. They have learned about the brilliant wit, charm and beauty of the women who comment on Wonkette, and they are wondering if any of them want rich older men to give them lots of expensive things.

    • Vecchiojohn

      That thing is a complete rip-off. There isn't a single example of rich young women looking for old men to fuck and give money to.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      It's always been a dream of mine to have a tan, lovely, and naked young woman touch her toes while standing in front of my Bugatti.

      Alas, I am poor.

      • DahBoner

        What's a Bugatti?

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Aw shucks…on my end at least, it looks like the toe touching hotty has been replaced by boring old "save the earth blah blah blah ads".

      • flamingpdog

        HA, she's still showing up at my end. That's what I get for clicking on the link.

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        She's still there for me. She's butt to butt with the rhino that I'm supposed to save.

  • Negropolis

    This woman gave you all these damned, unnecessary wars, conservatives, and this is how you repay her?

    BTW, what the hell is "the historic American nation."? The Native Americans, because I'd agree with that.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Salem witch trials.

    • Chichikovovich

      Pre-13th Amendment.

  • Negropolis

    I also believe she's spoken of the benefits of Affirmative Action. The letter is actually correct that she's quite liberal on a lot of social/cultural issues.

    • SorosBot

      Yeah, she's a Republican because she likes killing brown people, and commies; but on domestic issues she's basically a Democrat. That would make her unacceptable to the base even without her dark skin and vagina.

  • Professor Juan Cole IZ BRINGIN IT!!!! BIG TIME.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Jan Brewer? Bring it on ….


  • Estproph

    " The selection of her as a running mate would be blatant affirmative action — much like Obama getting the early blessing of the Democratic Party was blatant affirmative action. "

    Dem neegras is gettin too uppity! Best smack em down sos dey minds dey place!

  • Negropolis

    What no "Condi did 9/11."? Liz, I'm so disappointed. You're slipping, old gal.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    OT, but…

    Learn About
    Mutually Beneficial

    I'm not clicking that so, W.T.F?

    • flamingpdog

      SDS (Sugar Daddy Search). Two separate "dating" services – one for singles, and one for those who want to "cheat". "Arrangement Finders", as seen on "Time", "NIghtline", and "Tyra".

      "Traditional members of the dating community, go on dates in the hopes to fall in love, and get married. However, for the Sugar dating community, traditional dating rules don't apply. Rich men typically seek a form of companionship, called a mutually beneficial relationship that often requires exquisite physical beauty of the women, whom they have a desire to pamper with gifts, vacations, allowances, and more. Males on Arrangement Finders are looking for the mutually beneficial relationship that matches their lifestyle and needs. Many younger women who are from this new class of society understand the unique needs and desires of successful men. A mutually beneficial arrangement allows both parties to be up front about what type of arrangement they are looking for. FWB, or friends with benefits, would be another type of relationship that can develop on our website."

      • flamingpdog

        – This information brought to you as a pubic public service by Flamingpdog Enterprises, inc.

  • ibwilliamsi

    "Liz in Ohio". Liz? Liz Cheney? Is that you? I never would have recognized you! (Not)

    • DahBoner

      If she started talking about Pioneer Porn…

  • mavenmaven

    Keeping in mind that in nazi language "neocon" is code for "Jew".

  • catholic4condom

    I keep seeing stories from on Wonkette. C'est la net!

  • ElPinche

    LMAO!! Hahahaha…you almost think that conservatives don't want Condolleezza Rice because she's black!!! HAHAHA.. isn't that nuts? No way!

    I like to keep it simple . She's a war criminal.

    Update: BTW, I found a "typo" on that VDARE site. It lists on the URL list. That can't be right.

  • SorosBot

    Meanwhile, our San Francisco brethren are partying and leaving the rest of us behind; to bring horrible music into it, it's a party in the USA;

    (and sorry, but I got woken up by that song this morning so it's been stuck in my head all day)

    • flamingpdog

      Not going there – wouldn't be prudent.

      EDIT: OK, I went there long enough to see it was a Miley Cyrus video. I'm thinking mebbe you're like me – I wake up to the crappy classic rock station in the hopes that they'll put on a Steve Miller Band song (almost a given if I lay in bed for 15 minutes after the radio comes on) that'll force me to leap outta bed and slam my hand down on the off button before I go back to sleep and get into work late.

      • SorosBot

        Yes, except I've got the station that says they "play anything we feel like". And they play some good music, and also some horrific crap. Yesterday it was Miley Cyrus; this morning I was woken up by Call Me Maybe. Ugh.

  • sati_demise

    Is this the special Friday the 13th edition of Wonkette?

    Because you got me, man. freaked!

  • OK. Maybe I won't, then.

    It's OK. I'm not half as mean as I sound. I would *never* hurt anyone else.

  • Buckminster

    God does not want an intellectual concert pianist and policy wonk female in the Veep slot. God does not want any intelligence to corrupt the fine "public policy" the Repugs have given us these many years.

  • Wouldn't the ability of speaking a (GASP!) foreign language automatically disqualify her from being queen of the imbeciles?

    • Chichikovovich

      I thought that this would be a problem for Mitt, with him being on video speaking French and all, but then I realized that the wingnuts make one specific exception: You are allowed to learn a foreign language if it is for the specific purpose of going to foreign countries to try to get the inhabitants to believe lunatic things.

      • Geminisunmars

        It's like sex: You shouldn't be enjoying it while you do it.

  • dennis1943

    But,but,she's decisive……..two hours after 9/11 she told the British Ambassador it was Iraq……and stood by her guns….

    • Dashboard Buddha

      And what pert guns she has.

  • James Michael Curley

    Evil Mescans Tequila did that to me once, maybe twice or – hell I forgot a few.

  • potterchik

    I love the parenthetical "In fact, she's quite unattractive." Like Mitt is so hawt.

  • Chichikovovich

    "much like Obama getting the early blessing of the Democratic Party was blatant affirmative action."

    OK, guys. She's busted, it's a fake. I was almost taken in, but as with the English spy who instinctively looked right when crossing a German street, sometimes the simplest things give you away.

    Next time remember that it's "Democrat Party", "Liz" of "Ohio".

  • BarackMyWorld


    Oh, shit, I was just kidding.

    Someone actually fucking asked her…

    • RadioSlut

      Palin, Schmalin. What does Wolf Blitzer have to say on the subject?

    • viennawoods13

      Well, to be fair, it WAS Greta. BFF's always tell each other everything.

    • DahBoner

      We'll keep that in mind.

      //condescending Tea Party sneer

    • BarackMyWorld

      The Money Quote: “She has much more experience than our sitting President does today,” Ms. Palin continued.

      Not that I'm surprised, but… This. Makes. No. Sense.

  • not that Dewey

    Debbie Schlussel: Condoleeza Rice is a "liberal Sovietologist who is the mother of HAMASastan" and "Obama in a skirt".

    • RadioSlut

      She makes my old joke, “That is uglier than a Michigan co-ed" funnier than ever. She gives yentas a bad name.

      • va_real

        She gives earthlings a bad name.

  • Brilliant Comment On NYT Today – I hope this gets forwarded to Obama Team:

    If, as Mitt claims, all that extra income from tax breaks for the .01% would be invested in job creation, then why is all HIS extra income stashed offshore and not invested in job creation here in the good old U.S. of A.?

  • RadioSlut

    Isn't this Liz in Ohio the same one who sent me that chain email a few months ago saying she would rather die than vote for Romney?

  • DahBoner

    This confusion is good news for half-term snowbilly grifter quiters!!!

  • Mitts should just cut to the chase and announce that Sarah Palin is his pick for vice-president.

    She would become the permanent candidate for VEEP, a perfect match for permanent presidential candidate Romney.

  • Happy 100th birthday Woody Guthrie

    ♪♫ This land is your land, this land is my land
    From California to the New York Island
    From the Redwood Forest to the Gulf Stream waters
    This land was made for you and me.

    As I went walking that ribbon of highway
    I saw above me that endless skyway
    I saw below me that golden valley
    This land was made for you and me.

    I roamed and I rambled and I followed my footsteps
    To the sparkling sands of her diamond deserts
    While all around me a voice was sounding
    This land was made for you and me.

    When the sun came shining, and I was strolling
    And the wheat fields waving and the dust clouds rolling
    A voice was chanting, As the fog was lifting,
    This land was made for you and me.

    This land is your land, this land is my land
    From California to the New York Island
    From the Redwood Forest to the Gulf Stream waters
    This land was made for you and me.

    As I went walking I saw a sign there
    And on the sign it said "No Trespassing."
    But on the other side it didn't say nothing,
    That side was made for you and me.

    Nobody living can ever stop me,
    As I go walking that freedom highway;
    Nobody living can ever make me turn back
    This land was made for you and me.

    In the squares of the city, In the shadow of a steeple;
    By the relief office, I'd seen my people.
    As they stood there hungry, I stood there asking,
    Is this land made for you and me? ♫♪

    • Gov. Sam singing along.

      "Farmers and ranchers are at the mercy of Mother Nature," Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback said. The state "will continue working to make sure farmers and ranchers have access to the resources they need to cope with crop losses and impacts on livestock."

      Az. ranchers on the dole .

      • But the Feral assistance to the farmers and ranchers is helping the hard working ruralz as opposed to the dole given to the urban welfare queens and lazy unemployed. Not sure Gov. Sam knows the last three verses.

        • I just realized that he said 'Mother Nature'.
          Fucking pagan he is.

  • Steverino247

    Happy Bastille Day!

    Thanks for helping us beat the Brits. Thanks for the Louisiana Purchase. Thanks for warning us about Iraq. Smart move palming Vietnam's civil war/war of independence off on us.

    • va_real

      And thanks for french fries, french kissing, french toast & berets too also!

      • Negropolis

        Belgium libel!

  • BoroPrimorac

    I'm just stoked that Marco Rubio is despised by wing nuts for trying to tack to the middle.

  • va_real

    Have you ever paid attention to the lyrics of 'La Marsellaise'? Makes me wanna go blow up a private prison in Louisiana, or something… With votes, bien sûr:

    • C_R_Eature

      Yes, thanks for the linky. One of the Olympic events (I forget which) had a lovely little girl singing the French National Anthem, with subtitles. It was chilling to see the words that sweet little girl was saying.
      And yes, I did feel like gathering decadent Aristocrats together and Voting their heads off.

      • As opposed to the US America anthem, which, as Laurie Anderson notes, is "a lot of questions written during a finre"

        • C_R_Eature

          That's the truth. Also too, listening to the US America Anthem makes me want to go vote the head off whoever is singing it. I much prefer America the Beautiful, it makes me less stabby.

          • va_real

            A good rendition of the Star-Spangled Banner is hard to find. Especially at sporting events… Even when sung properly, the lyrics are- as the good Doktor points out- pretty lame…

          • C_R_Eature

            This has to be my all-time favorite version and it's dammed near impossible to find these days: "Star Spangled Mojo" off of
            Mojo Nixon's Otis album.


      • va_real

        It makes me wonder how French conservatives like Sarkozy even exist, much less get elected. Do they ever sing their anthem & worry that they might be French toast come the next Revolution?

        • C_R_Eature

          Good point. If I were Sarkozy I'd have kept an armored Suburban and a fully fueled Citation on standby at all times.

          • va_real

            I suspect he may do that already!

          • C_R_Eature

            I understand that Berlusconi kept a 707 with no seats on standby that he called the "Bunga-Bunga Express".

      • I, too, remember that little girl singing those horrible lyrics. I already knew what the words were, but several other people in the room at the time didn't and they were shrieking.

  • MeikiSquire

    It's interesting that Lizzy is against affirmative action, yet suggests female pols as VP nominees.

  • Nesnora



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