SEXY PARTIES  3:06 pm July 13, 2012

Remember To Drink With And Kidnap Your Wonkette Editor Tonight, In San Francisco!

by Jim Newell

Editor Rebecca is on a plane as we speak — it’s the future! — to uncircumcised libtard fish valley San Francisco, and she wants your author, “Jim,” to remind you nearby bums to show up on time for tonight’s meetup. Show up where though? Whoa whoa, easy now, just cooool down. It’s Friday and the editor is away. What mischief shall we get ourselves into?… Let’s play like… all the Parental Advisory CDs we have… yeah. Here are England’s most controversial new hitmakers, the Rolling Stones, playing just outside the Bay Area at a “speedway” of some sort?This song is just crazy; right around the bridge there’s this guitar part where… someone gets stabbed and the Dreams of the ’60s die all at once. Mmm mmm mmm, Fridays.

Here’s the drinking meet-up spot, again:

The 540 Club, 540 Clement St., at Seventh Ave., San Francisco. We are told this is nowhere near BART, and that we do not “understand transportation.” To which we can only answer, “What part of ‘we are from Los Angeles’ do you not understand?” So, sorry, Yups and Yupettes!

Oh right, and it’s at 7 p.m. First unknown quantity of beers is on us!

Be sure to (1) Take really embarrassing photos of our drunk editor flopping around on the ground in a pool of her own vomit (2) Send those pictures to our advertisers! Wait a minute… only do one of those things, not sure which.

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 226 comments }

CountryClubJihadi July 13, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Looking forward to seeing everyone. I was hoping you would be there tonight, Jim. I think I am ovulating.

freakishlywrong July 13, 2012 at 3:46 pm

I met the Ginger at the D.C. confab. He's as cute as he is funny.

nounverb911 July 13, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Needs more Haight-Ashbury?

MissTaken July 13, 2012 at 3:12 pm

I'm stretching my liver as we speak in preparation.

actor212 July 13, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Is that yogag?

SorosBot July 13, 2012 at 3:21 pm

And I hope you have fun, sweetie. I'll be looking for you all blurry and sideways whenever the editors posts pictures!

actor212 July 13, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Yes. Plenty of sideboob

Steverino247 July 13, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Fuck that. Front boob, dude!

kittensdontlie July 14, 2012 at 11:39 am

Don't forget the old gold standard, cleavage.

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 5:07 pm

So … er, how exactly does one do this?

not that Dewey July 13, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Very carefully…

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 6:07 pm

I think mine done gave up, po' li'l thang. It's as stiff and hard … gitcher mind outa the gutter, dood.

Srsly. Isn't it sad, ntD, I just can't drink *at all* any more. One glass of wine and I feel like shit. I miss the wine.

not that Dewey July 13, 2012 at 6:17 pm

I know. It sucks. I guess we just gotta accept it.

SorosBot July 13, 2012 at 3:12 pm

That was the day the 60s died; December 31, 1969.

FlownOver July 13, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Fucking literalists. They ruin everything.

Crank_Tango July 13, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Too soon!

James Michael Curley July 14, 2012 at 9:30 am

To nit pick, I think Altamont was in mid-December. If the 60's died at Altamont it was brutally butchered and entombed in a swamp in rural Ohio on May 4, 1970.

actor212 July 16, 2012 at 7:08 am

Actually, to be pedantic, he meant 12/31/70, since the 70s started in 1971

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 13, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Have fun guys. I would regale you all with stories of our Seattle meetup, but we swore an oath that we would never again speak of that night and the things that occured.

Nostrildamus July 13, 2012 at 3:15 pm

ixnay on the ondagebay.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 13, 2012 at 3:17 pm

If only we had done something as innocent as kidnapping.

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Uh … you gave us all the details already, man.

BigSkullF*ckingDog July 13, 2012 at 3:50 pm

That was our cover story. And we took pictures of random people to post.

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Pix or GTFO. No, wait.

I haz a confoozled.

actor212 July 13, 2012 at 3:13 pm

I'm all about the kidnapping. Particularly if there are leather laces and chairs involved.

johnnymeatworth July 13, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Sympathy For The Editrix?

nounverb911 July 13, 2012 at 3:15 pm
HogeyeGrex July 13, 2012 at 4:03 pm

So now, instead of panties chucked onstage, they get Depends?

actor212 July 13, 2012 at 3:16 pm

o/~ Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man who's all stabby…o/~

SayItWithWookies July 13, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Is "editor" the new word for editrix? I can't keep up with you kids and your newfangled ways.

comrad_darkness July 13, 2012 at 3:21 pm

With you in spirit. Drink up!

Billmatic July 13, 2012 at 3:21 pm

If I were there I would take the photos of the Team America-esque vomit pool and send them to the advertisers so that Rebecca may learn about mutually beneficial arrangements.

CountryClubJihadi July 13, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Ooh, maybe I should wear my pink camo pants.

weejee July 13, 2012 at 3:22 pm

There wuz some talk about another later this summer. The incoherent babbling of the bottle, but some talk none the less.

bumfug July 13, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Look out Richmond District, craziness is coming!
Historical note: This place is just up the street from the site of the legendary Holy City Zoo (408 Clement St), a small, dank, smelly little hole that was home in the '80s to comedians like Robin Williams, Dana Carvey, Ellen DeGeneres, Paula Poundstone, A. Whitney Brown, Nora Dunn, Rob Schneider, Jake Johanssen, David Feldman, Dana Gould, Kevin Meaney, Kevin Pollak and many more (including your humble commenter Bumfug).

emmelemm July 13, 2012 at 5:17 pm

What's A. Whitney Brown up to these days, anyway?

bumfug July 13, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Whitney's living in Austin TX with his lovely bride, singer Carolyn Wonderland. They both were extremely supportive of comedian Ron Shock and his wife during Ron's recent fatal illness.

Antispandex July 13, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Damn! I wish I could be there to surreptitiously grope our editrix. I never have any fun.

actor212 July 13, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Surreptitiously?

Hell, when she comes to NY, I'm setting up a "Twist Her Nip" booth…

Nothingisamiss July 13, 2012 at 3:23 pm

SO FUCKING JEALOUS.

SorosBot July 13, 2012 at 3:24 pm

I just wish this could have been one of the times I was out visiting MT and so could join you all.

starfanglednut July 13, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Pffft. Like you two would ever leave her bedroom.

SorosBot July 13, 2012 at 3:39 pm

We did briefly last time I was there, for me to meet her friends and family.

Callyson July 13, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Aw, wish I could be there!

Also, per the latest Wonkette ad, will anyone be attired in the finest designer apparel from onefinepieceofass.com?

ETA, from that site: It's time someone sexed up politics–and not in the adulterous way. Satisfy your liberal urges by slipping on a Democratease t-shirt or tank top–OR, the next time you drop your drawers for that special someone, make sure they're clear on your political stance with a pair of our Democratease underoos!
Stay Connected!

OK then…

SorosBot July 13, 2012 at 3:33 pm

I'm not getting that one – have ads for several books, the young girls for rich old men ad, the old Crucial computer upgrade ad that's been there forever, the poll, and one for Ben & Jerry's. Now I want ice cream served by a bent-over, possibly Asian naked young lady.

Billmatic July 13, 2012 at 4:22 pm

All I want is to learn more about mutually beneficial arrangements and what they have to do with tawny naked women and classic automobiles. Perhaps College Girls and Single Moms may be the threads to connect this mystery together.

BarackMyWorld July 13, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Yay…a snuff film…

freakishlywrong July 13, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Good fucking Friday fellow Wonks. I've had a week from sht and just got to Mr. Freakish's mancave and have poured myself a stiffy, (any hard liquor I can get my paws on and some fruity, carbonated shit). I drink to you in San Fran and wish I could be there. I left my placenta there lo these many years ago.

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 3:36 pm

And a very good fucking Friday to you too, freakish. Now, when you say you "left my placenta there," are you referring to the one you *came in,* or one that you made?

Because, you know, if the latter, that would mean you have Teh Ladyparts, and I have to start being nice to you and stuff.

freakishlywrong July 13, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Thank you, I needed that! T'was born in that lovely city and dream of it often…oh, and my tits are huge, bitches.

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 3:59 pm

(Hugs freakishlywrong) You funny, girl. It is a lovely city. But we're having a cool, gray, foggy day today, and I'm wondering aloud, where is summer? (The partner takes great delight, as a native New Yorker, in reminding me that this is typical summer weather, the little shit.)

not that Dewey July 13, 2012 at 4:01 pm

I thought gay, froggy days only happened in Paris.

Geminisunmars July 13, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Borg of my heart; the heat moved here, to Denver.

HogeyeGrex July 13, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Yeah. This is summer here.

The season you're thinking of happens in Sept-Oct. We're a bit slow.

actor212 July 13, 2012 at 3:46 pm

You caught that too, huh?

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Always with the ears out, actor.

actor212 July 13, 2012 at 4:08 pm

They make great handles.

BlueStateLibel July 13, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Sounds like a great opportunity to try out Amber Milt's ways to "spice up your relationship" with your editrix; have fun!

Extemporanus July 13, 2012 at 3:26 pm

SEXY WONKETTEER EXTORTION CHALLENGE!

Enlarge my p-ness to 118 by the end of the day, and I'll personally present your Editrix with a very special somefin-somefin* on everyone's behalf at this evening's electric car key party.

*[Accepting suggestions...]

MissTaken July 13, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Just doing my part.

Extemporanus July 13, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Are you volunteering to be presented to Rebecca on everyone's behalf?

HAWT!!

actor212 July 13, 2012 at 3:42 pm

+14000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

MissTaken July 13, 2012 at 4:19 pm

It's a Mutually Beneficial Arrangement, no?

Designer_Radio July 13, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Eyes Wide Shut parties always happen without me.

starfanglednut July 13, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Upfisted. Hope it helps.

Extemporanus July 13, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Thank you, kind person.

I couldn't care less about the size of my p-ness — I just really fucking hate the pointy-ass number 7, and would much rather stare at a number that resembles a nice pair of tits.

not that Dewey July 13, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Extemporanus July 13, 2012 at 3:50 pm

FAℙ FAℙ FAℙ

actor212 July 13, 2012 at 3:45 pm

I can forward you an awful lot of spam I have sitting in my email, for your small p-ness

Extemporanus July 13, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Wait, so you're the dude who writes those emails?!

Why am not surprised?..

actor212 July 13, 2012 at 4:01 pm

I'm more a middleman

Billmatic July 13, 2012 at 4:25 pm

You take the spam from the developers and give it to the engineers?

va_real July 13, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Sir Can-a-Lot, is that you?

CapnRadio July 13, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Ooh, a threesome!

SoBeach July 13, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Next drinky thing is going to be in a one-light Florida town, right? Cuz I just got a new Mossy-Oak t-shirt and some truck nutz and I wanna show 'em off.

prommie July 13, 2012 at 3:51 pm

I nominate Starke, Florida, wonderful place. There or Yeehaw Junction, or maybe Micanopy.

SoBeach July 13, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Yeehaw Junction is closest to me. Starke definitely has the right vibe. So do Bithlo and Bunnell.

Micanopy is too movie-set pretty. Visitors might get the impression Florida has some class.

Oblios_Cap July 13, 2012 at 3:28 pm

I picked a bad week to not travel.

coolhandnuke July 13, 2012 at 3:28 pm

As a semi-professional frotteurer, I look forward to the pics rubbing me the right way.

Geminisunmars July 13, 2012 at 3:31 pm

She's leaving, on a jet plane…

prommie July 13, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Someone gave her a ticket for an aeroplane, she had no time to take a fast train. . . .

Limeylizzie July 13, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Hey Prommie I am coming back to NYC on Sunday, what say you and I have a little Drinkfest of our own in the next couple of weeks?

prommie July 13, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Yes!

Limeylizzie July 13, 2012 at 3:59 pm

OK then.

SorosBot July 13, 2012 at 3:38 pm

She couldn't; the LA-SF fast train isn't scheduled to be complete until 2028.

actor212 July 13, 2012 at 3:42 pm

She wrote a letter?

prommie July 13, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Her Baby wrote her a letter.

actor212 July 13, 2012 at 3:55 pm

She wrote her a letter, said she couldn't live without, um, him, no mo'?

Geminisunmars July 13, 2012 at 3:49 pm

You must take the “A” planeTo go to Sugar Hill, way up in Harlem

va_real July 13, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Transport songs? Howsabout:

You got a fast car
I want a ticket to anywhere
Maybe we make a deal
Maybe together we can get somewhere

GorzoTheMighty July 13, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Starting from zero got nothing to lose
Maybe we'll make something
But me myself I got nothing to prove

Geminisunmars July 13, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Must be aeroplane to qualify.

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Pardon me, boy
Is that the cat that chewed yer new shoes …

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 5:04 pm

The first girl I fell in love with used to sing that song. She had a whisky-and-cigarettes kinda voice and the biggest, bluest eyes I have ever seen.

Thurman Munster IV July 13, 2012 at 3:33 pm

How about next time in flyover country you fucking elitist Jewish liberal homosexuals? We've got all that and more here in Madtown plus local micro and nano brews coming out the wazoo.

Estproph July 13, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Well, we were just another band out of Boston
On the road to try to make ends meet.
Playing all the bars, sleeping in our cars,
And we practiced right on out in the street.
No, we didn't have much money,
We barely made enough to survive,
But when we got up on stage and got ready to play
People came alive.

Chorus :-
Rock and Roll band, everybody's waiting,
Getting crazy, anticipating
Love and music.
Play, play, play.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

actor212 July 13, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Needs moar Foreplay

starfanglednut July 13, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Those of you who are going, be sure to wear some flowers in your hair.

SorosBot July 13, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Hippie.

Chichikovovich July 13, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Will it be a summertime love-in there?

Limeylizzie July 13, 2012 at 3:39 pm

I wish I could be there, I am in LA, but have to fly to NYC on Sunday at 7am, I am very sad about this. However if there is an East Coast one and any of you criminals need a couch, just let me know.

Extemporanus July 13, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Whaddya drink, dame? I'll knock back a stiff one on your behalf.

Limeylizzie July 13, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Rose's Lime Juice -2 measures, topped up with seltzer in a tall glass, couple of ice cubes.

Extemporanus July 13, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Are you trying to get my ass beat up?!

I shall have two fingers of Scottish whiskey topped with a muddled cherry, and think of England.

CHEERS!

Limeylizzie July 13, 2012 at 4:18 pm

MrLimeylizzie has been sober for 30 years and I have never been much of a drinker anyway.

va_real July 13, 2012 at 4:18 pm

That should keep the scurvy away. Have just been watching Hornblower on DVD & one of the little educational extras explains how the English came to be called Limeys…

Chichikovovich July 13, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Yes – for that reason, when I imagine LimeyLizzie, I picture her with a full set of teeth.

prommie July 13, 2012 at 3:50 pm

I have room for 27 on my 34 foot boat! (this is a sick sick joke)

Steverino247 July 13, 2012 at 4:09 pm

I could have used a tank when I was there on the 6th. Damn, that traffic was horrendous. I eventually got through the Bronx on surface streets to the FDR, over the Brooklyn Bridge and the hell outta there. 100 degrees, too, it was.

Have a safe trip back!

Limeylizzie July 13, 2012 at 4:17 pm

I am not looking forward to the weather after 6 weeks in balmy Los Angeles!

Steverino247 July 13, 2012 at 4:46 pm

It's a bit humid today, so get out and get acclimated!

Or stay inside and chill, heh, heh.

OneYieldRegular July 13, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Hey, there's still stand-by on Southwest. You could be here and back without LA even noticing.

Crank_Tango July 13, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Do we need to do some crowdfunding? I just accidentally typed crowfunding…we could do that too I guess. CAW CAW!!!

actor212 July 13, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Ginger, since the Editrix left you the keys, can I use the bathroom?

I have some skullfucking I need to get done

not that Dewey July 13, 2012 at 3:46 pm

I'm gonna libel the shit out of that bathroom.

actor212 July 13, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Right? I'm going to go all rétard in there…

C_R_Eature July 13, 2012 at 4:14 pm

I'm going to scrawl some Tr1go_nometry on the walls.

not that Dewey July 13, 2012 at 5:33 pm

[knock, knock]

"Mom, leave me alone! I'm ideating!"

Joshua Norton July 13, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded.

actor212 July 13, 2012 at 3:47 pm

I can understand Editrix' need to test the show out of town, but hey, I live in NYC and I've never performed in a bomb. It'll be great!

DahBoner July 13, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Wow! The Future sounds an awful lot like the Present.

Just a bunch of bums drinking in a bar, somewhere.

WHEREZ MY SPACE BEVERAGES???

Blueb4sunrise July 13, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Mittborg referenced 'Sympathy for the Devil ' just the other day.
Coincidence?

va_real July 13, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Yeah, we got plenty of Sympathy for the Devil- just not for_____________.

Blueb4sunrise July 13, 2012 at 4:32 pm

ummmmmmmmmmmm,
nope, no clue.

qwerty42 July 13, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Have a good time. Don't get arrested.

Steverino247 July 13, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Yeah, whatever you do, don't draw on the streets with chalk!

actor212 July 13, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Those two statements are irreconcilable.

qwerty42 July 13, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Do you mean like P and ¬P or "Certs is a candy mint", "Certs is a breath mint"?

C_R_Eature July 13, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Well, I'm still not recovering from the last Drinky Thing I didn't go to, but that's not going to keep me from wishing you all a great time. Do something monstrous for me.

Don't forget to put a quarter in the Juke and Boogie 'till you Puke.

actor212 July 13, 2012 at 4:05 pm

I hope no one has triskaidrinkaphobia…a fear of that thirteenth drink

va_real July 13, 2012 at 8:37 pm

You deserve more upfists for this than I can supply.

Mumbletypeg July 13, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Agreed, so I lent mine too.

UnholyMoses July 13, 2012 at 4:10 pm

As I am nowhere near San Fran (when are we having one of these in Kansas City? I swear I won't boo anyone from NY!) and cannot drink alcohol (the joy pain of morphine sulfate) I will instead … um … get crazy on a Friday and drink a caffeinated beverage later than 5 pm as a salute to y'all!

Hey, it's either that or drinking bong water in the hopes there's enough THC is in it to do something.

Steverino247 July 13, 2012 at 4:12 pm

I'll be up there on the 28th for the day with the family so if anybody wants to see disgustingly wholesome people and rat me out to my wife about the ball rubbing joke I beat to death months ago. Let me know.

Party on up there!

MissTaken July 13, 2012 at 4:20 pm

I'm still standing at the corner of Fifth and Market waiting to rub your balls.

Steverino247 July 13, 2012 at 4:55 pm

That's you, outside Marshall's? Or is that you and SB in the photos on the outside of the San Francisco Shopping Centre? (Gotta love Google Maps and Street View)

Well, then, have somebody at the party tonight take a picture of your hands and post it so I can see what I'm (not ever) getting when I show up there on the 28th.

glasspusher July 13, 2012 at 4:13 pm

glasspusher & Co. will be there. I still have space for a couple more folks if they would like a ride from bart in my chariot.

I will be bringing my camera and my expertise, so if only blurry photos show up about this, they didn't post mine!

SorosBot July 13, 2012 at 4:17 pm

But you will make sure to follow Wonkette tradition and take all your photos sideways, right?

glasspusher July 13, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Sideways is a state of mind, my friend…or maybe a movie, also.The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees, and try your call again.

SorosBot July 13, 2012 at 4:26 pm

I should have realized that number was imaginary; it was 867-530i.

va_real July 13, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Tommy? Zat you?

bobbert July 15, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Well done, that.

On a related note, I went to Vegas a couple weeks ago and stayed with my son, who had already been there for a month. He sent me a text telling me that the room number was 5309. When I checked into the Rio and told the clerk that, he gave me a blank stare. Yes, the little fucker was actually in 867.

glasspusher July 13, 2012 at 4:15 pm

You soiled your back after lifting a bag of pot? happens to the best of us.

SheriffRoscoe July 13, 2012 at 4:15 pm

I plan to be there and although I don't really drink beer (especially when it's free, duh) I do enjoy an occasional snifter of eighty-year-old brandy. XOXOXO

glasspusher July 13, 2012 at 4:25 pm

If you're willing to share, Ms. glasspusher will probably be going home with you then. How do I feel about this?

glasspusher July 13, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Have you ever been to… electric landlady?

PubOption July 13, 2012 at 5:47 pm

RIP Kirsty

Antispandex July 13, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Well, I AM Experienced.

fartknocker July 13, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Please, oh pretty please, come to Austin. I'll even bring my homemade stuffed jalapenos and the 1st round of Heradura Silver tequila is on old Farknocker.

glasspusher July 13, 2012 at 4:23 pm

I have confirmed my kid will be home and taking a nap. Check!

jodyleek July 13, 2012 at 4:29 pm

You're never coming to Minneapolis, are you? Come on, tell me! I can take it.

CountryClubJihadi July 13, 2012 at 4:36 pm

You guys are getting something even better: The First Internet cat Video Film Festival. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/11/internet

proudgrampa July 13, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Hey, Jody. Don't feel so bad. There is at least some hope for Minneapolis. I know that there is absolutely NO chance they're ever coming to Salt Lake City…

glasspusher July 13, 2012 at 5:04 pm

What's the point in wearing a clean shirt when some chick is just going to throw her drink in my face when I say something inappropriate?

Crank_Tango July 13, 2012 at 8:30 pm

So you can ring the shirt out and salvage the drink. Best done with a clean shirt…

docterry6973 July 13, 2012 at 5:04 pm

I'd love to be in San Fran tonight. Actually, on most nights.

ttommyunger July 13, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Standard rules apply for all my kidnappings: released in three hours unharmed, but not unsatisfied, heh, heh…

emmelemm July 13, 2012 at 5:26 pm

To all you lucky duck San Franciscans, I say, DON'T MISS IT!

Seattle one was a lot of fun.

OneYieldRegular July 13, 2012 at 5:40 pm

I'm writing that address down before I start drinking, because in addition to the 540 Club San Francisco also has a 500 Club, a 711 Club, a 3300 Club, a 21 Club, a Club 93, and a Lucky 13. If I just follow the numbers, you'll see me there eventually.

Extemporanus July 13, 2012 at 6:26 pm

If you follow the numbers, you'll be Lost.

not that Dewey July 13, 2012 at 9:43 pm

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE USED THE NUMBERS!

C_R_Eature July 13, 2012 at 5:45 pm

I'm buying you all a Virtual Round of Ol' Janx Spirit shots. Enjoy.

Don't forget to bring your towels!

not that Dewey July 14, 2012 at 6:31 pm

So, we're having a "discussion" at work about what to name the electronics modules that do not fit neatly into one of the prescribed categories, and how the DNS should handle these. They are mainly auxiliary and utility modules, not tied to any particular antenna or location. Each one connects over an Ethernet port, and so must have a unique, descriptive identity. We have about 900 modules in total, and these represent ~0.1%, and are hardly even worth thinking about, but we have to name them something.

Most of these are no-brainers:

Atmospheric Phase Interferometer = API
Weather Station = WS
Generator Utility Module = GUM
Chiller Utility Module = ???

Dare I even suggest it at the next meeting?

C_R_Eature July 14, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Now, you know that I'm going to Strongly Encourage you to suggest that acronym. Why the hell not, Eh? You must do this absolutely deadpan, though, for maximum effect. I have faith in you, though.

Hopefully, they haven't added the Digital Utility Multiple Pair Serial Tunneling Electron Radiograph.

That would be a tough one.

PubOption July 13, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Keep a look out for anyone resembling KBJ, or interrogate the editor/editrix regarding her whereabouts, employment status, etc.

CountryClubJihadi July 13, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Is there a gang sign or something we should use to make sure we are approaching the right people when we arrive?

Extemporanus July 13, 2012 at 6:24 pm

I propose one of the following:

- Do Spock hands with your palms toward you, then touch your pinkies together to form a "W" (for "Wonkette")

- Make an upfist

- Take your penis out and punch it three times; ladies, take someone else's penis out and punch it three times

Crank_Tango July 13, 2012 at 7:03 pm

So, same thing I always do.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb July 13, 2012 at 6:44 pm

If I gleaned anything from the blurry sideways photos of the other gatherings it's that our delicious editrix makes us all wear "HELLO MY NAME IS DEAD BADGER" stickers or whatever.

davitydave July 13, 2012 at 6:39 pm

"uncircumcised libtard fish valley" um, what?

Also, she's going to freeze her editorial ass off tonight out in the avenues. I hope she packed a parka.

Crank_Tango July 13, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Oh I can pack her parka for her.

jtimwillis July 13, 2012 at 6:43 pm

I hope rape jokes are off the table…too uncomfortable up there.

……

…too soon?

;-)

MissTaken July 13, 2012 at 7:31 pm

Shit getting weird on this SF Friday the 13th:

1. Coworker watched a seagull murder a pigeon this morning. Pigeon would play dead, seagull would walk away, pigeon would try to get up, seagull would come back and peck the living shit out of the pigeon. Rinse, repeat.
2. The guys in my office keep getting locked in the men's room. The door handle broke so they can't get out. That's what they are *saying* at least.
3. I watched a homeless lady drink Hidden Valley Ranch dressing straight from the squeezy bottle today at lunch.
4. ??

not that Dewey July 13, 2012 at 8:07 pm

5. Profit!

emmelemm July 13, 2012 at 8:12 pm

Wow.

That's it, just wow.

Designer_Radio July 13, 2012 at 8:37 pm

The Hidden Valley Ranch thing is a problem for my sense of being. I should probably drink Hidden Valley Ranch straight from the squeezy bottle until this memory is erased.

Designer_Radio July 13, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Just… don't get murdered by a bunch of PCP snorting hippies. I saw it on 700 Club. (kinda like 540 Club, huh?)

TribecaMike July 13, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Bartender, there's a satirist in my drink!

Extemporanus July 14, 2012 at 4:56 am

Thank you, Rebecca…

(Sorry that I forgot to kidnap you!)

Boojum July 14, 2012 at 7:33 am

How could you forget?

Extemporanus July 14, 2012 at 1:50 pm

It was more a case of me forgetting that there was a hole in my pocket through which she subsequently escaped.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb July 14, 2012 at 5:56 am

That was a lot of fun.

Thank you to both glasspusher and CountryClubJihadi for trying to get me to go home.

The $140 taxi ride taught me a lesson.

CountryClubJihadi July 14, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Oh, Dude. Ouch. I woke up at 3am worried that you were trapped at BART with all of the hobos. I'm just glad you made it home. BART should run until 2am on weekends.

Extemporanus July 14, 2012 at 1:45 pm

I think I have one of your socks.

Extemporanus July 14, 2012 at 1:41 pm

The $140 whiskey bill taught me a lesson as well.

Good to meet you, and glad you made it home, my friend.

Crank_Tango July 14, 2012 at 4:49 pm

ouch!!!

berkeleyfarm July 14, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Oh, ouch!

Next time we should have a Wonkette Carpooly Thing.

kittensdontlie July 14, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Kidnap! Oh, it seems that the least Jim wants have happened…the subliminal messaging with the R(olling) S(tones) video indicates a wish for greater mayhem for the R(ebecca) S(choenkopf) visit. As the crowd of W-kettes swell around her, the Hell's Angels( instead, the pepper-spraying UC Davis police will make a special guest appearance) will subdue the (political) junkie crowd, ending one of the great eras of W-kette Drinking Extravaganzas. This imagery is disturbing, and I hope everyone had a great time!!

berkeleyfarm July 14, 2012 at 5:46 pm

That reminds me that someone gave me a great (if sarcastic) idea for a Cafe Press store. (UC Davis was part of what put the Farm in BerkeleyFarm.)

SheriffRoscoe July 14, 2012 at 2:04 pm

The veil of anonymity has been lifted. Social lubricant flowed by the pitcher-full. And you are all way more awesome in person than I ever could have imagined.

Extemporanus July 14, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Lubricant certainly helped our relationship, that's for damn sure! (Sooo messy!)

And I agree, Officer: Everyone was way more awesomer. Even the lurkers impressed!

By the way, did you ever figure out whose blood it was that you stepped in? That was a real bummer…

Crank_Tango July 14, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Blood libel!

Extemporanus July 15, 2012 at 3:52 am

Guilty as charged.

Perhaps it was from that douche you clocked for trying to cop a feel on MissTaken (you owe CT Big Time, JMP!). That was really quite impressive, dude, both because of your surprisingly solid left hook, and because of the fact that you didn't spill your drink when landing it.

I really hope that someone got a picture of that shit. Wow.

MissTaken July 15, 2012 at 9:18 pm

CT is my hero!

berkeleyfarm July 14, 2012 at 5:44 pm

That was huge fun, everyone! Great meeting you. Sounds like it kept going for a while after I left at 10 pm. I have one (non embarassing) pic of the Editrix that I'll send.

I had forgotten that Green Apple Books was on that block. Really almost got sucked into that vortex, but I was home in Berkeley after about 11:15.

And, yes, I did say "REAR DOOR" out loud on the 38 Geary. TRADITION!!!

Extemporanus July 15, 2012 at 4:00 am

BUSSECHS?!1

It was a pleasure meeting you, too. And if Green Apple had a bar, I can guarantee you that that vortex woulda been lousy with spine cracking Wonketteers.

Left_Leftie July 14, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Oh a drinky good time it was! Great to meet the lurkers and oue Editrix is a fantastic hostess! No Snark. Wonketters are good peeps. The results of my poll question: Mitt Romney, Alien or Robot? Most said: He is a Mormon, they are just like that. So that means Alien wins right?

Extemporanus July 15, 2012 at 4:06 am

Blah, blah, blah…

You are awesome, LL. (Also, I have that same jacket. Seriously. Which makes you even more awesomer.) Thanks for letting me touch your hair, and for keeping things boisterously upbeat right up till the bitter end.

bobbert July 15, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Wait, did I say "Mormon" or "Moron"? Over and over, I suppose.

Nice talking with you. And, on reflection, "Alien".

not that Dewey July 13, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Aleph them, Katie.

Geminisunmars July 13, 2012 at 4:01 pm

So you like carnal numbers, do you Dewey?

va_real July 13, 2012 at 4:02 pm

I'm not clickin' on the link (burned too many times) but you are so upfisted for the punny.

Extemporanus July 13, 2012 at 4:03 pm

You're the , Dewey!

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Hedley? Hedley Lamarr, is that you?

Chichikovovich July 13, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Good heavens no! You can find them from Weehawken to Duluth!

prommie July 13, 2012 at 4:14 pm

All-righty then, indeed!

glasspusher July 13, 2012 at 4:18 pm

You meant "criminals" in a good way, right?

Extemporanus July 13, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Just the muddled cherry, then…

Really too bad you couldn't make it — have an uneventful flight back to NYC, and be sure to let us San Franciscopalians know if you ever wander up our way.

Limeylizzie July 13, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Natch

va_real July 13, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Is this close enough?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVjmtyE-aP0

(It's the only way I'm getting to SanFran ce soir.)

glasspusher July 13, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Jenny?

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Dearest of Gems, I'm so sorry. If you sent it back, perhaps my Cherokee Purple would bronze up about the shoulders like a Cherokee Purple should. I've given up trying to grow peppers.

Dare I hope, dear lady, that you are not too uncomfortable? (Hugs the Gem)

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 5:02 pm

I've lived here for decades, and I still feel cheated by the cool foggy days of summer. It can't be more than 70F out there right now, if that. The cats have decided to sleep in as a protest, and it's windy enough out there that the *oaks* are swaying.

And even in Sept-Oct, we're lucky if we get more than a week without fog. Or maybe that's my microclimate because we're higher up the mountain here.

not that Dewey July 13, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Listen, mister.

C_R_Eature July 13, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Fap Fap Fap Fap Fapfapfap Fapityfapityfapityfap…
Skritch Skritch Skritch Skritch Skritchskritchscritch Skritchityskritchityskritchityskritch…

"Eureka!"

HogeyeGrex July 13, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Yeah, well, I'll still take 65 and foggy over the hundred and fucking five in the shade some folks are enjoying lately.

We had a bunch of really nice days recently, I thought, even out in the hinterlands where I live.

Ah, SF. The only town I know where the real estate gets cheaper the closer you get to the beach.

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 7:20 pm

True. Although it's about 55 right here — I'm not in SF, I'm in the hills you can see across the bay, and it's usually more like Pacifica than SF in these parts. Although we do get a FEW fog-free days each year. Right now, the fog is blowing in tattered sheets across the deck. It looks like fucking winter in Norway.

MittBorg July 13, 2012 at 7:23 pm

On the PLUS side, think of how much I'm saving. (For what, I wonder.) I quit smoking, I quit drinking, but I ain't giving up my weed.

I'm just waiting for Rmoney to lose this election by a landslide so I can be Weedlord Bonerhitler, in all my righteous glory.

Geminisunmars July 13, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Astralutely!

Crank_Tango July 13, 2012 at 8:28 pm

I think that cherry done been muddled long ago, so TOO LATE!!

Mumbletypeg July 13, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Woot! I'm San Franciscan by birth AND cradle-Episcopalian! Thank you for the new word-pop. I'll steal it if I can succeed in pronouncing it.

Boojum July 14, 2012 at 7:20 am

Cherokee Purple sounds like a Native American erection lasting four hours or longer.

MittBorg July 14, 2012 at 2:05 pm

I'd better take it to a doctor, quick.

Actually, it's one of the very few true purple tomatoes, and it was developed by the Cherokee people, who gave some seeds to a fellow-gardener, who (clever fellow!) passed them on to the Seed Savers' Exchange, which preserves rare heirloom seeds of many different varieties of plants. In taste and flavour, Cherokee Purple routinely takes first prize at tomato-tasting competitions, or ties with the legendary Brandywine cultivar, routinely voted one of the finest tasting tomatoes in the world.

Srsly. Eating these tomatoes is as close to an orgasm as most RWNJs will ever get. I should donate my crop to them, but tough noogies. I'll eat it all myself and BWAHAHA while doing it.

commiegirl99 July 15, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Is that a thing that happened, for real? I love parties.

SorosBot July 15, 2012 at 9:39 pm

You didn't tell me about that part! Yeah thanks CT for clocking that asshole.

MissTaken July 15, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Nah, at least not that I'm sober-ly aware of!

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