STOP OR LAPD WILL SHOOT!  1:00 pm July 13, 2012

LAPD Celebrates City’s Lowest-Crime Ranking By Arresting People For Chalking On Sidewalk, Shooting Them

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

It is hard sometimes to be the police force for the big city with the lowest crime rate, we guess, which is why the LAPD recently arrested people for drawing on a sidewalk with chalk? But then whoops the #Occupy kids came out to Downtown LA’s monthly Thursday night artwalk to protest that — because it was nonsense — and then the LAPD had no choice but to show up in riot gear, which in turn forced the #Occupy kids to throw bottles at them, which of course led the LAPD to shoot.

Hey coppers? Drawing on a sidewalk in chalk is not vandalism, you bloody fucking morons. Why don’t you go arrest Bert in Mary Poppins? Hey #Occupy? Don’t throw bottles at the po-po, it’s an asshole move for entitled babies. Hey Downtown LA artwalk? Stop filling your vanity galleries with trust-fund art-school kid crap. Hey MOCA? We saw your Earthworks show — possibly the worst show we have seen in 20 years as an art critic — and if Paul Schimmel was responsible for it, we would have fired him too.

Chim chim cheree, motherfuckers.

[LAT]

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 104 comments }

Jus_Wonderin July 13, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Well, we all know they were going to snort it.

SorosBot July 13, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Well the LAPD has to arrest and beat someone.

Oblios_Cap July 13, 2012 at 1:06 pm

And in that order, too.

starfanglednut July 13, 2012 at 1:39 pm

They can't sit in the donut shop all day.

Lascauxcaveman July 13, 2012 at 2:01 pm

It's not like those hippie artists are gonna beat themselves.

Negropolis July 14, 2012 at 2:01 am

Well, since they chased all the black people out of LA, and since it'd be suicide to hassle LA's current dominant ethnic minority, all that leaves is Asians and artists, and, well, we saw that during the riots the Koreans do. not. play. let me tell you.

Maman July 13, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Look out Starbucks baristas! The fuzz will be coming for you next!

succalina July 13, 2012 at 6:41 pm

LAPD: "Stop drawing that heart on the cappaccino foam or I will end you!"

Oblios_Cap July 13, 2012 at 1:04 pm

and then the LAPD had no choice but to show up in riot gear, which in turn forced the #Occupy kids to throw bottles at them, which of course led the LAPD to shoot.

It's the only way they know how to respond. That ammo ain't going to just use itself up, you know.

mormos July 13, 2012 at 2:21 pm

yeah man, those bullets were coming up on their expiration date. Can't just let that stuff go to waste.

Callyson July 13, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Hey coppers? Drawing on a sidewalk in chalk is not vandalism, you bloody fucking morons. Why don’t you go arrest Bert in Mary Poppins?

Christ, I'd settle for them cracking down on the assholes on their cell phones who don't even have headsets. Nearly got sideswiped by one of those self entitled pricks the other day…

MissTaken July 13, 2012 at 1:14 pm

I got smacked in the head by a guy's elbow as he answered his phone a few months ago. He never even acknowledged me, even as I stumbled around with stars in my head. Asshole.

Lascauxcaveman July 13, 2012 at 2:03 pm

I apologize. Normally I wouldn't talk and drive at the same time but I was totally smashed.

fuflans July 13, 2012 at 3:24 pm

to be fair, bert's english accent deserves to be arrested.

hagajim July 13, 2012 at 1:04 pm

LAPD was just trying to celebrate the death of Rodney King in the proper manner.

satyricrash July 13, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Nobody chalks in LA.

anniegetyerfun July 13, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Well played.

Callyson July 13, 2012 at 1:11 pm
elviouslyqueer July 13, 2012 at 1:14 pm

*golf clap*

Lascauxcaveman July 13, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Quite possibly the first (and last) Dale Bosio reference you'll ever see on teh Wonkettes.

CapnRadio July 13, 2012 at 1:05 pm

"Just you try to draw boxes on that sidewalk, and soon you'll be playing hopscotch permanent-like." —LAPD

not that Dewey July 13, 2012 at 1:24 pm

"You wanna see sky blue? I'll show you sky blue."

CapnRadio July 13, 2012 at 1:27 pm

"And don't even think of playing Olly Olly Oxen Free. You won't be 'Home Free' for a loooooooong time!"

not that Dewey July 13, 2012 at 1:29 pm

"Red Rover, Red Rover, let DEAD MAN come over."

CapnRadio July 13, 2012 at 1:37 pm

"Duck, duck, duck, duck, FREEZE!"

Oblios_Cap July 13, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Art leads to violence. That's why the GOP wants to defund the NEA.

ChernobylSoup July 13, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Did you see what the Luftwaffe did to Guernica after that Picasso chap came 'round painting landscapes?

Infrogmation July 13, 2012 at 2:33 pm

You can take my chalk when you pry it from my cold chalky hands!

anniegetyerfun July 13, 2012 at 1:05 pm

I got arrested for doing that on a sidewalk once, too.

Oh, "chalking"?

Guppy July 13, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Yeah, you gotta get rid of those trip hazards.

MiniMencken July 13, 2012 at 1:05 pm

But, wait, Paul Schimmel is a trust-fund art-school kid! Now you are making me all confused.

Extemporanus July 13, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Drawing on the sidewalk is not vandalism only if the drawing is a chalk outline of a person who was just shot to death for drawing on the sidewalk with chalk.

Jus_Wonderin July 13, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Ya know, I have often drawn a chalk outline of my EX on the sidewalk. I have yet to snag her in it though. Isn't that the way its suppose to work?

Extemporanus July 13, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Try using pink chalk sprinkled with glitter — dead chicks really dig that shit.

OneYieldRegular July 13, 2012 at 1:26 pm

One exceptionally foggy 3 a.m. in San Francisco when I was maybe 18 years old, a friend and I were out walking and found chalk outlines of several bodies in Union Square. At age 18, we thought it was creepy and thought it was great art.

Extemporanus July 13, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Ooh, nicely set scene. I really miss the pre-remodel Union Square — it had so much more character (e.g. bums, broken bottles, belligerent body painted robots), and so many fewer living tourists.

I lived right next to Duboce Park about a decade ago. Drunk one night, I drew chalk outlines of dogs' bodies on the path to register my seething frustration with the fact that one could not take a single shit-free step in the goddamn grass.

Instead of enforcing a modicum of owner responsibility, the city just said screw it, fenced the whole thing in for the dogs, and essentially told the neighborhood residents to go find their own dumb park. I now live next to Alamo Square, where the dogs know their place.

The tourists, on the other hand…

OneYieldRegular July 13, 2012 at 5:04 pm

That was you, those chalk dogs? I distinctly remember seeing a dog chalk outline there and mentally applauding it for the very same reason you put it there (I've been obliged to walk across Dogshit Park pretty much every workday for the past 14 or 15 years). Alamo Square is now getting almost equally out of control; I'm not sure that half the dogs there aren't tourists, and vice versa. Anyway, we're neighbors. See you at the drinky thing, I hope.

Extemporanus July 13, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Either me or someone simpatico. (Sorry for the shitty history lesson — I didn't realize that you lived in the City, let alone the 'hood!) Looking forward to exchanging Lower Haight horror stories with you around 8, neighbor.

radio-of-owls July 14, 2012 at 3:52 am
not that Dewey July 14, 2012 at 8:03 pm

He looked like 65 when he died.

radio-of-owls July 14, 2012 at 10:25 pm
Extemporanus July 15, 2012 at 3:25 am
Extemporanus July 15, 2012 at 3:30 am

The camera adds five years.

Extemporanus July 15, 2012 at 3:23 am
ManchuCandidate July 13, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Three wrongs make a very dumb wrong.

ChernobylSoup July 13, 2012 at 1:07 pm

OWS is where it's at!

SexySmurf July 13, 2012 at 1:08 pm

And yet Justin Bieber remains free. And un-pepper-sprayed.

Oblios_Cap July 13, 2012 at 1:14 pm

There is no Gawd!

viennawoods13 July 13, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Sigh… once again, Canada apologizes.

BerkeleyBear July 13, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Yeah, funny thing – people with guns don't react well to projectiles (or missiles, depending on who writes up the incident and how much they want to slant the language) coming at them. See intifada- or the recent Border Patrol killings of rock-throwers.

Heck, for that matter, riot cops with batons don't react well to bottles anywhere near them, either. And don't check whether the people they are chasing are the ones who threw said bottle. Learned that in the great People's Park Sand Volleyball Riots of 1991.

sewollef July 13, 2012 at 1:36 pm

If those projectiles had been thrown in France, Greece or Spain recently, they'd have been half-full of petroleum distillate with a lit taper stuffed in the end of said bottle.

Striking Spanish miners were launching commercial-sized firework rockets and molotov cocktails directly at advancing Spanish riot police last week. Funny, they didn't like getting a lit rocket up their ass either.

Americans are pussies. Well, half of 'em.

Negropolis July 14, 2012 at 2:06 am

Don't bring chalk to a gunfight.

Mayhaps, they shouldn't have been coming in riot gear in the first place is kind of the point. That's a provocation in and of itself.

ph7 July 13, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Graffiti Limbo
Where do you go?
Graffiti Limbo
When there ain't no justice

commiegirl99 July 13, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Oh I loved Graffiti Limbo.

va_real July 13, 2012 at 1:12 pm

It's all fun & games until somebody loses an eye.

CapnRadio July 13, 2012 at 1:12 pm

BREAKING NEWS: LAPD arrest Uncle Albert for incessant laughing, citing that he was disturbing the peace.

Chill_Bill July 13, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Have they arrested Dick Van Dyke for that awful faux British accent yet?

Jus_Wonderin July 13, 2012 at 1:18 pm

I believe the statute of limitations is up on Dick. Carrie Fisher, however, is ripe for an arresting.

UnholyMoses July 13, 2012 at 1:27 pm

But only in Episode IV. Her accent magically disappeared on the way to Hoth, apparently …

SorosBot July 13, 2012 at 1:33 pm

And they still haven't brought Kevin Costner to justice for his Robin Hood.

mormos July 13, 2012 at 2:23 pm

or waterworld in general

Fairtackle July 13, 2012 at 1:14 pm

What were they drawing?
From my experience at liberal arts college filled with trust fund hippies, most of their "art" really should be a shooting offense.

Antispandex July 13, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Well, in the quest to take us back to the 1920's, the far right has gotten us back to the 60's. A Mittster presidency could finish the job!

MissTaken July 13, 2012 at 1:16 pm

But, If It Never Rains In Southern California, where will the chalk go?

Oblios_Cap July 13, 2012 at 1:19 pm

it pours, man, it pours.

SorosBot July 13, 2012 at 1:34 pm

And now you've got that song stuck in my head; well at least it's replaced Party In the USA.

GorzoTheMighty July 13, 2012 at 2:12 pm

to the desert on a horse with no name.

Hammiepants July 13, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Boy, we need a new serial killer out here stat. Ain't no one safe when our coppers get bored.

Blueb4sunrise July 13, 2012 at 1:16 pm

One officer suffered a minor concussion after being hit in the head by an object thrown by the crowd, police sources said.

The Police Union is gonna kick some ass if an officer got hurt because he didn't have a full helmet and face-shield, or removed it.

Monsieur_Grumpe July 13, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Maybe they were really bad drawings that looked a little LeRoy Neimanesc.
That might fall under the self-defense category.

ttommyunger July 13, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Chalk is obviously a gateway substance which inevitably leads to more lawless forms of expression and thought. Just say no- or get the shit beaten out of you, or worse.

MissTaken July 13, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Hopscotch does lead to that really urban Double Dutch.

ttommyunger July 13, 2012 at 1:27 pm

I'm ready for a double-Scotch, and I'm on the wagon.

MissTaken July 13, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Have they arrested Glenn Beck for his use of chalk yet? If that ain't vandalism I don't know what is.

Monsieur_Grumpe July 13, 2012 at 1:19 pm

When Hop Scotch turns ugly…..

Jus_Wonderin July 13, 2012 at 1:32 pm

"In a world….where Hop Scotch is outlawed………………………………..."

Goonemeritus July 13, 2012 at 1:19 pm

This is just part of an overall strategy, The LAPD will get the sidewalk artists to roll over and give-up the unlicensed one man bands.

freakishlywrong July 13, 2012 at 1:19 pm

I wonder how the LAPD is going to react when the oligarchs buy the election for an oily corporate vulture and we "Patriots" act accordingly and water the tree..blahblahblah. Good times!

MissTaken July 13, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Dammit, I was going to have a hopscotch tournament this weekend.

Oblios_Cap July 13, 2012 at 1:21 pm

RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH!

Sir_Fartz_Alot July 13, 2012 at 1:21 pm

those nogoodnik street artists probably had it coming anywaiz

bibliotequetress July 13, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Chalk art?! Why didn't they show up with water guns?

proudgrampa July 13, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Well, my 7-year old granddaughter will NOT be playing hopscotch in Los Angeles any time soon, I can tell you that!

mavenmaven July 13, 2012 at 1:29 pm

C'mon, with Rodney King dead the LAPD has to beat up on somebody…

UnholyMoses July 13, 2012 at 1:30 pm

This reminds me of the great Whiteboard Riots of Aught Four …

UnholyMoses July 13, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Five- and six-year-olds all across suburban California just became felons …

Geminisunmars July 13, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Shoot 'em!

rickmaci July 13, 2012 at 1:31 pm

They came for the Starbucks barristas and I said nothing because I am not a barrista…

va_real July 13, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Is "chalking" a euphemism?

Blueb4sunrise July 13, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Chalking the sidewalk.

Jus_Wonderin July 13, 2012 at 1:40 pm

That is a good question. In fact a public service. I was one of those rubes who thought watersports was an activity that folks who liked swimming, boating and waterskiing enjoyed.

GeorgiaBurning July 13, 2012 at 1:32 pm

I see another CSI spinoff…

Guppy July 13, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Why, it's almost as if Our Illustrious Editrix was once an art critic…

Allmighty_Manos July 13, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Better keep my 4-year old out of LA

ph7 July 13, 2012 at 1:38 pm

I'll give up my chalk when they peel my cold dead pastel fingers from it?

Dildeaux July 13, 2012 at 1:46 pm

You can flip your still smoldering cig butts onto public property. You can toss that burger wrapper on the ground. You can pinch a squat behind the dumpster. But dont be bringing that revolutionary anarchist drawing shit around here. Civil society has its limits.

sati_demise July 13, 2012 at 1:49 pm

It will alllll be thrown out of court, the evidence washed away with the rain….

coolhandnuke July 13, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Chalk outlines are people too.

barto July 13, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Supercalifornaliciousexpialatrocious!

CommieLibunatic July 13, 2012 at 2:18 pm

And meanwhile, that fuck-face from the auto-customizing garage who drives down the street every day with a sound system that rattles my window remains untazed.

Eric Jaffa July 13, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Tweets last night from people there said there was no dispersal order from the cops & no bottles thrown at the cops.

People were drawing with chalk when they were surprised as cops shot rubber-coated bullets at anyone who happened to be on the sidewalk.

swordfis July 13, 2012 at 8:21 pm

"My sidewalk works in chalk are meant to speak to the impermanence of… OW!!"

Negropolis July 14, 2012 at 2:16 am

Begun, the chalk wars have.

Negropolis July 14, 2012 at 2:03 am

"I'd like to see you capture this flag, you DFHs."

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: