stop or lapd will shoot!

LAPD Celebrates City’s Lowest-Crime Ranking By Arresting People For Chalking On Sidewalk, Shooting Them

It is hard sometimes to be the police force for the big city with the lowest crime rate, we guess, which is why the LAPD recently arrested people for drawing on a sidewalk with chalk? But then whoops the #Occupy kids came out to Downtown LA’s monthly Thursday night artwalk to protest that — because it was nonsense — and then the LAPD had no choice but to show up in riot gear, which in turn forced the #Occupy kids to throw bottles at them, which of course led the LAPD to shoot.

Hey coppers? Drawing on a sidewalk in chalk is not vandalism, you bloody fucking morons. Why don’t you go arrest Bert in Mary Poppins? Hey #Occupy? Don’t throw bottles at the po-po, it’s an asshole move for entitled babies. Hey Downtown LA artwalk? Stop filling your vanity galleries with trust-fund art-school kid crap. Hey MOCA? We saw your Earthworks show — possibly the worst show we have seen in 20 years as an art critic — and if Paul Schimmel was responsible for it, we would have fired him too.

Chim chim cheree, motherfuckers.

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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104 comments

    1. Negropolis

      Well, since they chased all the black people out of LA, and since it'd be suicide to hassle LA's current dominant ethnic minority, all that leaves is Asians and artists, and, well, we saw that during the riots the Koreans do. not. play. let me tell you.

  1. Oblios_Cap

    and then the LAPD had no choice but to show up in riot gear, which in turn forced the #Occupy kids to throw bottles at them, which of course led the LAPD to shoot.

    It's the only way they know how to respond. That ammo ain't going to just use itself up, you know.

    1. mormos

      yeah man, those bullets were coming up on their expiration date. Can't just let that stuff go to waste.

  2. Callyson

    Hey coppers? Drawing on a sidewalk in chalk is not vandalism, you bloody fucking morons. Why don’t you go arrest Bert in Mary Poppins?

    Christ, I'd settle for them cracking down on the assholes on their cell phones who don't even have headsets. Nearly got sideswiped by one of those self entitled pricks the other day…

    1. MissTaken

      I got smacked in the head by a guy's elbow as he answered his phone a few months ago. He never even acknowledged me, even as I stumbled around with stars in my head. Asshole.

    2. Lascauxcaveman

      I apologize. Normally I wouldn't talk and drive at the same time but I was totally smashed.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Quite possibly the first (and last) Dale Bosio reference you'll ever see on teh Wonkettes.

  3. CapnRadio

    "Just you try to draw boxes on that sidewalk, and soon you'll be playing hopscotch permanent-like." —LAPD

      1. CapnRadio

        "And don't even think of playing Olly Olly Oxen Free. You won't be 'Home Free' for a loooooooong time!"

    1. ChernobylSoup

      Did you see what the Luftwaffe did to Guernica after that Picasso chap came 'round painting landscapes?

  4. MiniMencken

    But, wait, Paul Schimmel is a trust-fund art-school kid! Now you are making me all confused.

  5. Extemporanus

    Drawing on the sidewalk is not vandalism only if the drawing is a chalk outline of a person who was just shot to death for drawing on the sidewalk with chalk.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      Ya know, I have often drawn a chalk outline of my EX on the sidewalk. I have yet to snag her in it though. Isn't that the way its suppose to work?

      1. Extemporanus

        Try using pink chalk sprinkled with glitter — dead chicks really dig that shit.

    2. OneYieldRegular

      One exceptionally foggy 3 a.m. in San Francisco when I was maybe 18 years old, a friend and I were out walking and found chalk outlines of several bodies in Union Square. At age 18, we thought it was creepy and thought it was great art.

      1. Extemporanus

        Ooh, nicely set scene. I really miss the pre-remodel Union Square — it had so much more character (e.g. bums, broken bottles, belligerent body painted robots), and so many fewer living tourists.

        I lived right next to Duboce Park about a decade ago. Drunk one night, I drew chalk outlines of dogs' bodies on the path to register my seething frustration with the fact that one could not take a single shit-free step in the goddamn grass.

        Instead of enforcing a modicum of owner responsibility, the city just said screw it, fenced the whole thing in for the dogs, and essentially told the neighborhood residents to go find their own dumb park. I now live next to Alamo Square, where the dogs know their place.

        The tourists, on the other hand…

        1. OneYieldRegular

          That was you, those chalk dogs? I distinctly remember seeing a dog chalk outline there and mentally applauding it for the very same reason you put it there (I've been obliged to walk across Dogshit Park pretty much every workday for the past 14 or 15 years). Alamo Square is now getting almost equally out of control; I'm not sure that half the dogs there aren't tourists, and vice versa. Anyway, we're neighbors. See you at the drinky thing, I hope.

          1. Extemporanus

            Either me or someone simpatico. (Sorry for the shitty history lesson — I didn't realize that you lived in the City, let alone the 'hood!) Looking forward to exchanging Lower Haight horror stories with you around 8, neighbor.

  6. BerkeleyBear

    Yeah, funny thing – people with guns don't react well to projectiles (or missiles, depending on who writes up the incident and how much they want to slant the language) coming at them. See intifada- or the recent Border Patrol killings of rock-throwers.

    Heck, for that matter, riot cops with batons don't react well to bottles anywhere near them, either. And don't check whether the people they are chasing are the ones who threw said bottle. Learned that in the great People's Park Sand Volleyball Riots of 1991.

    1. sewollef

      If those projectiles had been thrown in France, Greece or Spain recently, they'd have been half-full of petroleum distillate with a lit taper stuffed in the end of said bottle.

      Striking Spanish miners were launching commercial-sized firework rockets and molotov cocktails directly at advancing Spanish riot police last week. Funny, they didn't like getting a lit rocket up their ass either.

      Americans are pussies. Well, half of 'em.

    2. Negropolis

      Don't bring chalk to a gunfight.

      Mayhaps, they shouldn't have been coming in riot gear in the first place is kind of the point. That's a provocation in and of itself.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      I believe the statute of limitations is up on Dick. Carrie Fisher, however, is ripe for an arresting.

      1. UnholyMoses

        But only in Episode IV. Her accent magically disappeared on the way to Hoth, apparently …

  7. Fairtackle

    What were they drawing?
    From my experience at liberal arts college filled with trust fund hippies, most of their "art" really should be a shooting offense.

  8. Antispandex

    Well, in the quest to take us back to the 1920's, the far right has gotten us back to the 60's. A Mittster presidency could finish the job!

    1. SorosBot

      And now you've got that song stuck in my head; well at least it's replaced Party In the USA.

  9. Blueb4sunrise

    One officer suffered a minor concussion after being hit in the head by an object thrown by the crowd, police sources said.

    The Police Union is gonna kick some ass if an officer got hurt because he didn't have a full helmet and face-shield, or removed it.

  10. Monsieur_Grumpe

    Maybe they were really bad drawings that looked a little LeRoy Neimanesc.
    That might fall under the self-defense category.

  11. ttommyunger

    Chalk is obviously a gateway substance which inevitably leads to more lawless forms of expression and thought. Just say no- or get the shit beaten out of you, or worse.

  12. MissTaken

    Have they arrested Glenn Beck for his use of chalk yet? If that ain't vandalism I don't know what is.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      "In a world….where Hop Scotch is outlawed………………………………..."

  13. Goonemeritus

    This is just part of an overall strategy, The LAPD will get the sidewalk artists to roll over and give-up the unlicensed one man bands.

  14. freakishlywrong

    I wonder how the LAPD is going to react when the oligarchs buy the election for an oily corporate vulture and we "Patriots" act accordingly and water the tree..blahblahblah. Good times!

  15. proudgrampa

    Well, my 7-year old granddaughter will NOT be playing hopscotch in Los Angeles any time soon, I can tell you that!

  16. rickmaci

    They came for the Starbucks barristas and I said nothing because I am not a barrista…

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      That is a good question. In fact a public service. I was one of those rubes who thought watersports was an activity that folks who liked swimming, boating and waterskiing enjoyed.

  17. Dildeaux

    You can flip your still smoldering cig butts onto public property. You can toss that burger wrapper on the ground. You can pinch a squat behind the dumpster. But dont be bringing that revolutionary anarchist drawing shit around here. Civil society has its limits.

  18. CommieLibunatic

    And meanwhile, that fuck-face from the auto-customizing garage who drives down the street every day with a sound system that rattles my window remains untazed.

  19. Eric Jaffa

    Tweets last night from people there said there was no dispersal order from the cops & no bottles thrown at the cops.

    People were drawing with chalk when they were surprised as cops shot rubber-coated bullets at anyone who happened to be on the sidewalk.

Comments are closed.