the bright shiny object is shiny

Romney Campaign Responds To Bain Controv– OH MY GOD LOOK OVER THERE IT’S CONDI RICE!

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We were there, manSo here we were, the Great Big American Family, watching the Obama campaign just beating the dickens out of a cornered Mitt Romney and all of his secret Bain Capital overlord-for-life titles. Didn’t it seem pretty bad, relative to these other stupid nonsense gaffe days? Just look at Stephanie Cutter! Stephanie Cutter, the Obama spokesperson, calling Romney a possible felon yesterday afternoon was the most baller campaign move we’ve seen in some time from this pathetic limping death hole of an ostensibly left-of-center political party. But maybe the attacks weren’t really all that damaging — one of those “secret internal polls say opposite of all public polls” type deals. Hmm, we’ll see. BUT THEN, LAST NIGHT: a sudden blast of 900 billion emails from Mitt Romney’s campaign about his VP selection process, along with a fat “CONDI FOR VEEEPEPEPEPEP??” leak to Drudge? Why, this attempted topic switch had all the trappings of a diversion! Diversion us away, sweet Romney flacks, wherever you’ll have us.

This is sort of mean, to Condi. Which is fine — be mean to her — she’s terrible and lies about everything and loves war war war, just loves it. Not that the mountains of childrens’ corpses that resulted from her manipulation of Iraq intelligence was her only shining, VP-qualifying achievement, either: Rice, hired for her background as a Russia Scholar, *did* play a leading role in crumbling US-Russia relations to rubble and leaving good ol’ entrenched mutual hostility in its place.

It’s just mean to Condi for the Romney campaign to use CONDI VP? WE MAY DO IT! as yesterday’s emergency escape pod from a tremendously bad news cycle, because we all know that there’s a 0% chance he will pick Condi Rice as his vice presidential candidate.* She is pro-choice — done. Well, maybe if she really wanted to, she could set to work confus-ifying her past abortion talk to look like she never really had a firm position/has always been secretly pro-life and only said she was pro-choice in public to be ironic. But no, sorry, no pro-choicey veep will work for the GOP. Which is completely reasonable. What if the Democrats picked some pro-lifer for a ticket nowadays? Yeah, no, that just wouldn’t fly.

The other thing is that Condi Rice’s presence would make George W. Bush and his Iraq War a front-and-center autumn election chat topic that the GOP most likely wouldn’t want to go out of its way to talk about.

But other than those, what other possible problems could the GOP rank-and-file have with a black woman being on their presidential ticket?

Anyway, sorry for all that, we’re a little dizzy-brained dead tired today, but in any event now seems as good a time as any to drop the block quote. Here’s Matt Drudge, reporting in his fantastically gay scoop voice:

Late Thursday evening, Mitt Romney’s presidential campaign launched a new fundraising drive, ‘Meet The VP’ — just as Romney himself has narrowed the field of candidates to a handful, sources reveal.

And a surprise name is now near the top of the list: Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice!

The timing of the announcement is now set for ‘coming weeks’.

The distraction email from Romney campaign email guy Matt Rhoades really was that obnoxious, too: “We’re getting ready to share some exciting news. Sometime between now and the Republican convention, Mitt will be announcing his choice for VP.” That’s just a dick pair of sentences, you dick. “Sometime between now and the Republican convention, Mitt will be announcing his choice for VP.” Yeah, we were aware, Romney Email Guy, and you knew that we were aware, and we know that you’re just sending this non-news as “exciting news” to distract people from the pulverization of Mitt Romney’s political career, and you know that we know that you’re doing that… stop being fresh, is the point. Politics is terrible.

*–If Romney does end up picking her though then pretend that “0%” was “100%”; it’s institutionally important for your Wonkette to have been right all along, about politics.

Sponsored Intermission

[Drudge]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Oblios_Cap

    The website's gone crazy! Stuff's just disappearing!

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Hey everybody, wanna see me pull a rabbit out of my hat?

      • Oblios_Cap

        I've got a coin in my pocket
        Wanna see it disappear?

        • Dashboard Buddha

          Is that a Sacagawea dollar in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

      • GhostBuggy

        Wanna see something REALLY scary?

        • elviouslyqueer

          Put it back in your pants, Lindsey. That tired kielbasa is well past its sell-by date.

          • Graham Cracker

            And the older it gets, the more it shrinks!

          • GhostBuggy

            Aw, ham biscuits!

          • Dashboard Buddha

            and smells

      • FraAnima

        Must of got the wrong hat.

        And now, for a REALLY important message!

    • http://wonkette.com Chill_Bill

      I'm actually glad they got rid of that David Brooks article.

    • Callyson

      I think the website decided that it just could not handle the wussy David Brooks, even in an ironic way. Can't say I blame it…

    • SorosBot

      Wait, I thought Stueff was already disappeared a year ago.

    • MissTaken

      Tis Friday the 13th. WOooooooo….creepy!

    • http://methowtv.com/ Blueb4sunrise

      I will say that the dozen or so comments in that Bobo thread were among the greatest EVAH!!!!!

      • Oblios_Cap

        you had one, too?

        • http://methowtv.com/ Blueb4sunrise

          errrrrr, uhhhhhhhhh…..

          "Sigh, not another WND article."

    • C_R_Eature

      I blame David Brooks. I think he has finally had it with our shit.

  • tihond

    THIS IS GREAT NEWS! FOR JACK DONAGHY!

  • Oblios_Cap

    Why, this attempted topic switch had all the trappings of a diversion!

    Yes- Friday afternoon is always the best time to attempt that! Go, Rmoney.

  • Billmatic

    Yet again, the Republican Party shows its strong ties with the black community and a total unwillingness to resort to crass opportunism.

  • SorosBot

    I'd make a comment but I'm afraid this post is going to vanish into the aether soon and take it with it.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Again!

    • va_real

      But a thing of beauty is a joy forever…

      • Chichikovovich

        So it would be terrible for our usernames to be writ on water.

        [I really hope the comments aren't transported into the ether, because this one is, like, all sophisticated and stuff.]

        • va_real

          Ars longa, vita brevis, or somethin'.

  • Callyson

    You know, Mittens is actually in something of a bind. He needs an attack dog for Veep, one who will appeal to the base, but at the same time he doesn't want to end up with a Palin who frightens the mushy middle. Plus, he doesn't want the VP to outshine him, which is hard since a roasted chicken could outshine Romney.

    I'd feel sorry for him, if I gave a shit…

    • BerkeleyBear

      Rob Portman in a pander to the Midwest, since Ohio is critical to Romney having any chance. Or, depending on the polling du jour, Bob McDonnell for that Southern twang/slightly better shot at getting VA to flip back. Either way, base beloved white men who no one will confuse for a rock star but who know how to make all the dog whistles you could want.

      • horsedreamer_1

        I have been thinking Portman is inevitable, & the Ayotte & Haley & Jindal & Rubio bubbles are mere window-dressing to make the GOP seem not raycess nor sexy, but maybe it's too much like Romney Redux. Glib white guy in a Brooks Brothers suit talking businessman talk.

        Then, I think, who's going to appeal otherwise to the party base, be it business or xenophobe? Sandoval? No, first termer & MESSICAN. Susana Martinez? No, first termer & ANCHOR BABY. Mc Donnell? No, first termer & warrior against women.

        I think the pick will be Brownback, then. Culture warrior, but low profile in that, of late. Washington exoerience as former Senator. From the Midwest. Can be a pit bull or a glad-hander.

        & as a bonus, if Rmoney is to win, Kris Kobach might well step into the governor's office, gaining pedigree for a 2020 run for Pres.

        • BerkeleyBear

          Only thing is, Sammy (while a hero to the base and certainly experienced in a backhanded way) adds no electoral math they don't already have. He isn't going to help in Iowa or Wisconsin, which are the only states anywhere near Kansas that are in play, much less Ohio. Plus, I'm guessing that Brownback's long history in the Senate and Kansas is not something Mitt "Etch a Sketch, don't put any policy details in pencil because it is too permanent" Romney wants hanging around his neck. What Sam gives them in Va and NC can be gotten more cleanly with McDonnell, but I still lean Portman (or Daniels, if they can make him run) or an absolute insane WTF choice like the ex-gov. of Hawaii who is running for Senate or Rick Scott or some random non-pol no one's ever heard of.

          • horsedreamer_1

            Lingle is pro-choice.

          • BerkeleyBear

            Ah, that's a kiss of death. It just felt like the only thing as nutbar out there as naming Caribou Barbie that I could think of.

          • MissNancyPriss

            Romney is pro-choice.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      He doesn't need your pity. He's got a half a billion in his portfolio and various hidden bank accounts located in very nice vacation spots.

  • CapnRadio

    ANOTHER THING ABOUT DAVID BROOKS . . . (looks up) . . . wait . . .

  • http://methowtv.com/ Blueb4sunrise

    Her real name must be Riceowitz.

    • JustPixelz

      Or Arroz.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Nothing says, Vice President of the United States more than a chick who could be arrested for crimes against humanity!

    • kittensdontlie

      That's small potatoes…as VP, she would be proud to up that ante…set us on a nuke war, etc

    • C_R_Eature

      Well, we just had a Dude who could be arrested for crimes against humanity. At least the Republicans are consistent.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      It would be pretty constricting for Veep Condi to have to limit her travels to countries that don't observe international law.

  • ChernobylSoup

    If Condi Rice acted more like a Jew she might have gotten somewhere in life.

    • Oblios_Cap

      She plays a mean piano. Surely that counts for something. And I'll bet she can whistle real good…

      • HistoriCat

        Someone bounced a quarter off her ass – that counts, right?

    • prommie

      Hey, she couldn't act more like a jew if she tried! She supports every one of the Likud's wars in the middle east, Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, all of them, and any new ones they ask for.

  • CapnRadio

    "Condi Rice: The Anti-Portman!"

  • Baconzgood

    “Sometime between now and the Republican convention, Mitt will be announcing his choice for VP.”

    Uh….doesn't everyone announce the VP choice before the convention? LIKE EVERYONE!

  • Antispandex

    Female, check. African-American, check. Bush Cheney connection, check. Wealthy enough to satisfy the true base of the Teapublicans (billionaire donors)….well, no one is perfect.

    • Dildeaux

      pro-choice? WE HAVE A PROBLEM!!1!

      • Antispandex

        You know, that's true. Also, she doesn't have a man…what's up with that?

  • PsycWench

    "Look over there!" is my prime technique for taking the last asparagus spear before my husband can get it. Who knew it was so versatile?
    Warning to Romney: the victim catches on pretty quickly.

    • ph7

      My urine will soon smell like Condi?

    • va_real

      But hey- at least you got one asparagus spear out of it! And I'm guessing that your hubby may be smarter than the average Romneyite?

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      is the bain story really getting traction? are they in trouble?

      (no snark, i've been in a production bubble for the last few days.)

      • sullivanst

        The real danger in the Bain story isn't really the fetuses or the outsourcing, those would like be forgotten by election day. The real danger is it could finally persuade the MSM to use the word "lie" in connection with Mitt Romney, which given that Steve Benen has a nicely indexed and sourced collection of literally hundreds lies Romney has told this campaign, would be a fatal narrative if it caught on.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Warning to Romney: the victim catches on pretty quickly.

      Um. If you're talking about MSM, I'll have to disagree with ya there, pard.

      • glasspusher

        …or the american electorate :(

    • Tundra Grifter

      (r)Money is like a guy meeting his girl friend's parents for the first time.

      Realizing his zipper is at half-mast, he vaguely waves at the picture window with "Hey, look!"

      Then he glances up and two dogs are on the front lawn humping like rapid weasels.

  • SorosBot

    See, Mitt Romney's not a racist, some of his best VP candidates are black!

  • Baconzgood

    Wasn't this just about David Brooks a few minutes ago?

    • Oblios_Cap

      It was. We switched topics.

    • va_real

      The Jews need to become more like the blahs, apparently.

  • PsycWench

    I can't help thinking that someone's going to get a porn flick out of this.

    • Dildeaux

      It wont be about toe sucking cause condi's feet are ewwww yucky. One can imagine her tossing a few salads though.

    • Steverino247

      Spear, porn flick. You're in for an interesting weekend.

    • kittensdontlie

      Funny, but that never crossed my mind. Don't listen to your friends with their concern about your sanity,…you are doing just fine…just fine.

  • Oblios_Cap

    That Condi puppet in the picture is adorable! Especially the way she's picking her nose.

  • ph7

    Mitt is brilliant to tap into the groundswell of nostalgia for the W years!

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Guys and gals… Political tip for you all!!!

    Just remember if YOU decide to run for president, be sure to say no – CAPITAL "NO" when the investment firm you own decides to buy a company that incinerates aborted fetuses.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    About that question of whether or not Romney is a felon, the Washington Examiner is already on the case:
    http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2012/07/life-imitate

  • prommie

    Nobody could have imagined that the fetuses were people!

  • PhilippePetain

    "Hello fellows, I wish to present you with a VP candidate who can pull herself up by her bootstraps just like a Jew."

    • Lascauxcaveman

      And oh, those boots!

      (The only thing I like about Condi.)

      • PhilippePetain

        "I am aware that some males enjoy seeing a female human in footwear that accentuates the dimension of the female's limbs. This, fellows, is an additional reason for my selection."

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    What other companies could Bain have invested besides the fetus disposal company? A company that prints Korans??? A company that makes Olympic uniforms and American flags in China??? An arugula farm??? A company that turns 9/11 wreckage into office decorations???

  • UnholyMoses

    Condi? Really?

    Look at how Das Base treats a guy who's only half blah.

    Now imagine how they'd treat a fully blah pro-choice woman.

    Methinks they wouldn't go Full Gadafi for her.

  • freakishlywrong

    Mitt is so awful, I'm pretty sure Condi will turn him down, (and then go shoe shopping, with a *friend).

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      it has to be said if you are shallow like me that condi has fab shoes.

  • anniegetyerfun

    "And a surprise name is now near the top of the list: Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice!"

    Not remotely surprising. They at least want to look like they aren't complete racist douchebags for about five seconds. "Look, we are considering talking to a black woman! We're so tolerant."

  • Not_So_Much

    Can we get some campaign footage of Condi with the Florida Lt. Governor? (If ya know what I mean, wink-wink nudge-nudge!)

    • Oblios_Cap

      The Lt. Governor already has a girlfriend. And a husband she won't let watch.

  • Dildeaux

    This smacks of diversion tactics. The media will follow.

    Im so confident that condie will not under any circumstances be the VP nominee that I will publically commit to sucking her dick if she is nominated.

    No way. No how is she the pick. Its Portman.

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Who doesn't want to bring back memories of the Bush Admin?

    • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

      Four More Wars!

    • Tundra Grifter

      The GNoP is completely un self-aware. Every issue with Mr. Obama is "Worse Than Watergate." They claimed he had an Enemies List – just like President Nixon.

      Next thing ya know, they'll be whining he didn't increase the deficit 275%, like President Reagan.

  • C_R_Eature

    No one could have predicted that reminding America of the catastrophic, excruciating Bush Administration would be bad for Romney.

    • http://methowtv.com/ Blueb4sunrise

      I think there was a memo on that .

      • C_R_Eature

        Yes, but at least that guy covered his ass.

        • viennawoods13

          Romney determined to scuttle presidential campaign with mammothly bad choices.

  • Nostrildamus

    If Mittens really is a felon, he and Condi make a nice set.

  • CapnRadio

    Writing a piece about how Romney is using Condi Rice as a distraction to distract us from the missing David Brooks post, Jim? Very meta.

  • mrpuma2u

    Will the extreme right wing throw Condi under the bus as a blah RINO?
    I think the most dangerous thing Condi could do as VP candidate is go out and give speeches.

    How do we work in the Gadaffi fap book thing without seeming tasteless? Oh wait I'm posting on Wonkette.

    Gadaffi objet de fap libel!!!!!!!

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Condi is pro-choice & black (gasp!). This should make the Tea-Tard's heads explode–go for it Mittens! I'll just get some popcorn & watch the show.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      I'm buying stock in popcorn.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    This is all good news for Sarah Palin!

  • lulzmonger

    I believe the title of the memo was "SEC Determined To Strike In Federal Court."

    Surely noone could have predicted that Team Romney would fly poorly-thought-out distractions into the campaign!

  • ShreditorsDesk

    Not until she plays piano while whistling through her front teefs.

  • Goonemeritus

    Rice-A-Romney may be their weakest product offering to date.

  • va_real

    Did Dick Cheney put him up to this last night?

  • Extemporanus

    We don't want the vice president to be a mushroom cloud.

    • va_real

      With a hookah-smoking caterpillar on top?

  • Wadisay

    I predict Mittens' running mate will be…Halliburton Corporation! Think about it:
    * It's a person, too, my friend.
    * Lots of foreign policy experience (OK, bad experience, but still…)
    * Lots of money.
    OK, it's never been pro-life, but it's not gay, either.

    • prommie

      Halliburton was basically VP during W's two terms, anyway.

  • zumpie

    Doesn't MIttens remember what happened the LAST time a losing, desperate Puggie did a Hail <insert lady's name here>????

    • C_R_Eature

      Mooseolini?

  • BlueStateLibel

    Actually, it'd be fun if Mitt Rmoney chose Condi – just imagine the incredible heights of awkwardness we'd see him rise to, and how even more pissed off she'd look.

  • va_real

    It's a little sad, really, how half the voters in this country long to vote Republican, but only if they can have St Ronnie again.

  • sullivanst

    Yeah, that'll keep the wolves from the door.

    Nice tweet by Josh Marshall today, btw:

    W/all coming out now about Romney, u'd think his only opponents in primaries were a serial philanderer, a guy w/aphasia and Rick Santorum

    I'm somewhat amused by the fact that the Rmoney campaign's decided that instead of admitting "OK I shipped jobs overseas and then lied to cover that up" it's better to go with the line that "Sure, I was CEO, President, Chairman and 100% owner of my company, from which I drew a 6-figure salary in addition to taking investment returns, but I wasn't responsible for anything that happened there". As Steve Benen notes, that might not play too well with your average middle class, middle American voter.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      "but I wasn't responsible for anything that happened there".

      Hell, he's got Reagan Legacy written all over him. Didn't most of the St. Ronnie white house get stuff done while Ron was asleep?

  • Generation[redacted]

    This is all just preparing us for his inevitable VP pick: Sarah Palin.

    • zumpie

      And Mittens' revamped campaign strategy of, "look! A dirty Hippie/Jeremiah Wright/Pallin' around with terrorists/um….Obama's a Kenyan Muslin AND a blah???"

    • horsedreamer_1

      The Wm. Jennings Bryan of VP nominees.

      I await the Palin "hymen of pyrite" speech.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    is romney email guy the same guy tweeting the shit out of jim messina?

    i'm not sure they really have figured out social media yet.

  • Chichikovovich

    Well, if Condi Rice doesn't distract from this dynamite story, their only hope is that people will get caught up in the Bastille Day celebrations.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

      Tell me about it! Do you know how long it took me to put this slide show together?! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GW72Gmqjse4

  • GeorgiaBurning

    Condie's professional qualifications are:
    1) expert on a country that hasn't existed for over 20 years
    2) GW Bush's Secretary of State- sort of like being Col. Sanders' Officer in Charge of Chicken Welfare and Morale
    3) University bureaucrat
    Outside of that she's a black woman who can start work on Monday. Great hire, Mittens! It's easy to see how you made so much on your IRA!

  • C_R_Eature

    Uh, Romney Campaign? If this is your idea of a Friday News Dump, you're doing it wrong.

  • ttommyunger

    Great, two charismatically-challenged cyborgs! As I've said, Obamar has got to be the luckiest man in recorded history.

  • mavenmaven

    Condi? The rich folks will like having her play piano at their posh parties, so hard to find a cultured domestic these days.

  • barto

    The main thing Condi has going against her from the perspective of the GOP is that she is one of "those people".

    And by that I mean a woman, of course.

  • mormos

    "just as Romney himself has narrowed the field of candidates to a handful, sources reveal"

    I'm sure the list of people who haven't flat turned him down or aren't batshit insane is pretty short.

  • Tundra Grifter

    This is a replay of Mr. Obama's race for the Senate in Illinois. After the Republican dropped out, the GNoP brought in Alan Keyes. Hey – they got a Black guy, we'll get a Black guy!

    Now, it's "Black GUY? We got a Black chick."

    If Condi can't fire up the GNoP base, what will?

    PS: What does it say about (r)Money's campaign that they think you shouldn't save the Hail Mary for the end of the 4th Quarter? It's barely the end of the first half…

  • BoroPrimorac

    Picking Condi may fire up the wrong base.

  • DustBowlBlues

    Oh, our favorite Ginger: the headline is this one is brilliant. How can a mere child be so clever?

  • elgin_pelican

    The ticket wouldn't work. She's sort of a libertarian, and he's a lyin' sack 'o shit.

  • elgin_pelican

    "“We’re getting ready to share some exciting news. As part of our Magic Underwear Transparency Initiative, we will unscrew Mitt's faceplate on Hannity and Colmes, so you can look under the hood, so to speak, at our next president."

  • DahBoner

    My first question to VP candidate Rice would be:

    "Who did you have to blow to get an oil tanker named after you?"

  • fawkedifiknow

    If she gets the nod, maybe some random journamalist might think to ask her why we should replace the guy who got the perp of 9/11 within about two years of taking office with one of the fuckups from the previous adminanation that couldn't find him after almost 8 years of looking.

    Probably not, though.

  • Buckminster

    Ron Paul better ramp it up and get this party split!

  • CogitoErgoSumo

    Mitt Romney: The guy the McCain campaign passed over for VP because of the horrifying revelations found in his (still unreleased) tax returns. Instead they went with someone else more qualified.