Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't because its feet grew into its cageThe longtime Wonkette reader will know from many perilous exposures to the not-at-all-graphic-and-horrible animal rights ads we carry that chickens in particular are super screwed in this country. So some states, like California, have passed laws saying that starting in 2015, all eggs that come into the state must be from chickens in cages big enough to actually let them stand up. Yay California! Oh sorry, we mean “BOO NAZI SOCIALISM!” Iowa Rep. Steve King was so outraged by this nonsense move that he did something that is not allowed if you are a Republican: he invoked the Commerce Clause, which Republicans hate because it makes hotels rent rooms to black people. Just ask Rand and Ron Paul: freedom means never having to do business with an African American! Steve King must really want to torture those chickens!

So right, Steve King invoked the Commerce Clause, and then he amended the giant Farm Bill to say that no state could impose regulations on products coming in from another state! Why? Because Big Chicken trumps a state’s right to enact its own laws regarding health and safety! States rights are only for denying partner benefits to gheyz, and purging Democrats from voter lists.

Taking aim at California’s pioneering efforts to bolster animal safety, the House Agriculture Committee has moved to block states from imposing their own standards for agriculture products on producers from other states.

That could jeopardize California laws to protect chickens as well as one to ban foie gras, which took effect this month.

The panel’s amendment to the farm bill was a response to a California law, which will take effect in 2015, that requires that all eggs sold in the state be produced by hens held in cages big enough to allow the chickens to stand and spread their wings. The amendment, if it becomes law, would prevent the state from applying this standard to eggs from other states.

Rep. Steve King, an Iowa Republican who represents the country’s leading egg-producing state, said he introduced the amendment because the California law and others like it “scrambles and creates a patchwork quilt of state regulations.”

He said that the California requirement violates the commerce clause of the Constitution, which gives the federal government jurisdiction over interstate commerce issues.

Here are words that came out of Iowa Rep. Steve King’s mouth: “If California wants to regulate eggs that come into the state, fine,” King said. “But don’t be telling the states that are producing a product that’s already approved by the USDA or the FDA how to produce that product.”

Wait what? That makes no sense, Steve King! That first part is the exact opposite of that second part! Unless it is just us? Maybe “regulating eggs that come into the state” (which is fine) is somehow different from “telling the states that are producing a product how to produce that product” (which is not fine)? No, it is not us. It is Steve King, who is bird-brained. Keep fucking that chicken. [LAT]

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  • Keep torturing fucking that chicken, Steve.

    • Callyson

      Same thing, in his case…

    • DahBoner

      With a tank of Nitrous Oxide?


    • kittensdontlie

      And that idiot also has his head stuck up the chicken's ass.

  • Steve King and friends with the latest dance craze.

    • Baconzgood

      I'm not going to click that link. I suspect what it is and you're an evil person for putting that up.

  • Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢

    Keep fuck– Damn! You guys are fast.

  • freakishlywrong

    You know, I like a lot of this guys books, but why does he hate chickens?

    • boobookitteh

      They were buried in the Pet Semetary?

      • Obviously, it wasn't The Stand.

    • eggsacklywright

      Shaken bacon syndrome.

  • dogscantlookup

    Steve, Bock Bock Chickenhead

  • Jus_Wonderin


    • Hey, King! Cluck you!

    • widestanceromance

      Does someone have a five cock shadow on their face this morning?

      • Jus_Wonderin

        Always. It's always casual here.

  • not that Dewey

    Which came first the chicken or the egg?
    They get so damn crazy they eat their own legs

  • eggsacklywright

    King is such a retread. Funky chickens uber alles!

  • GeorgiaBurning

    Creeping Shar-iowa Law!

  • prommie

    Dormant Commerce Clause Libel! 1L flashback suckitiude! I hate this motherfucking lawyering shit!

    • rickmaci

      Speaking of sickitude. Commerce Clause allows Congress to establish national standards for the health care of chickens but does not apply to establishing health care for humans. Fuck, I now have a very unnecessary and improper migraine.

      • I know! Is there any evidence that Steve Kings are sentient and have self-awareness? I think not.

        • rickmaci

          King is a chicken shit clown.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Illinois mudflaps! Arizona train gauges! Mass hysteria! Although I gotta say that I'm having a hard time buying King's argument – rather than some "crazy patchwork", this is much more like California's higher emissions standards in the 80s and 90s. Those were fine as far as St. Ronnie & Co. were concerned, even though the net effect was that automakers had to build cars they wanted to sell in California differently. Isn't the whole "laboratories of democracy" one of the favorite bs lines of the GOP (and specifically its current standard bearer, Willard "what's good for Massachusetts sucks wicked hahd for everyone else" Rmoney)?

  • noodlesalad

    Don't tell me those egg council people have gotten to you, too!!???

    • Baconzgood

      No no it's nothing like that *looks suspiciously at a man in an egg costume lurking in the corner*

      • noodlesalad

        Top 10 episode, imho.

        "Who keeps down the electric car? Who made Steve Gutenberg a star?"

  • JackDempsey1

    Take away the remote controls, and the chickens will get all the exercise they need when they get up to change the channel. Problem solved.

  • Baconzgood

    Yes, keep fucking that chicken indeed.

    • is baconz spending his vacation commenting on wonkette?

      • Baconzgood

        I go on vacation in 1 hour and 40 min. 1/2 day today to tie up loose ends. I'm going to DC to hang with the lil' lady's family. So if there are any Wonkers in the DC area feel free to say "Hi" if you see me. I'll be the guy wearing slacks.

        • flamingpdog

          Not purple bellbottoms? That would be the DC I remember (barely. Hell, I barely remember yesterday.).

  • Rep. Steve King, an Iowa Republican who represents the country’s leading egg-producing state

    Thus his opposition to abortion. Maybe Iowan women should stop being so fertile.

  • It all makes sense! The Commerce Clause means you can get healthcare AND you can barter for it with an out-of-state chicken!

    • widestanceromance

      It's included in the new Health Care Eggschanges [ducks] [ducks again]

      • That one was debilitating. I think I sprained an ab. I can haz your coverage?

        • widestanceromance

          Only if you live in a debilitated state.

      • CivicHoliday

        King's just worried about how to make a buck-buck-buck-buck

    • One_who_wanders

      With medical marijuana does that mean you can get pot for every chicken?

  • One_who_wanders

    Iowa is, of course, where those eggs came from in the 2010 salmonella outbreak.

    Ironically Galt, Iowa.

    • SayItWithWookies

      That's not irony, that's freedom — the doubled-over, feverish, dry-heaving birth pangs of freedom.

  • i would like to see steve king and darrel issa in a cage match.

    maybe throw in joe walsh too for fun times.

    • va_real

      As long as they cannot actually stand up.

    • Swampgas_Man

      I'd just settle for seeing them all caged.

  • Ima think King is going to have a lawsuit on his hands over this law. It's fairly well-established that a state can set different standards (cf California emissions standards) on products produced out of state.

    if you want to sell your fetuses eggs to America's largest market, Representative, you'll simply need to comply.

    • How can I trust your counsel on this? Have you played a lawyer on TV?

      • And judge, jury, AND executioner by lethal injection. And my p-ness is bigger.


        • You're Sam Waterston! Admit it!


            Sorry…it's just that the show is getting terrible reviews here and…oops.

          • Are you waggling your silver/gray mane righteously, your voice trembling with moral outrage?

  • Yes VirginCalifornia, there is no Sanit-Clause.

    (I had a sneaking suspicion Xmas was all about commerce, anyways)

  • Baconzgood

    So the Commerce Clause is only in place to HARM living things. WHEW! That cleared it up for me.

    • Sheesh! If it wasn't, it would have been called the "Com-mercy Clause"…

  • Tundra Grifter

    So Rep. King (who probably isn't as smart as a chicken) things California is trying to " “scramble" egg regulations?


    • eggsacklywright

      I resemble that. Chicken caviars of the world, unite.

    • Vecchiojohn

      The cluck.

      • Tundra Grifter

        What the cluck?

    • Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢

      Maybe the revisions will just be a "shell" of the original bill.

      • Tundra Grifter


        I think Steve King has just scratched the surface of this outrage, as he runs around like Representative with his head cut off.

        We must all hope the Reps won't come home to roost.

    • viennawoods13

      Why did Rep. King cross the road?

      • Tundra Grifter

        For fowl purposes.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Did someone ask him about the FDA's approval of RU-486 yet? Keep the camera running for the reaction shot.

    • qwerty42

      Well, obviously, he'd be in favor; state regulation of this
      …creates a patchwork quilt of state regulations… and he's opposed to that. Amirite?

    • docterry6973

      RU-486 is completely different, because Freedom!

  • mrpuma2u

    I always knew Steve King was a chicken choker, but now he has to legislate about it?

  • sharethegrief

    Regulating women's eggs is a different story.

  • Antispandex

    `He would say that he is not supporting torturing chickens, just choking them. Or, he is a intelligent as every other red-state red neck.

    Edit: Damn! You've got to be REALLY fast to be the first one with a chicken choking joke here at the Wonkette commenter coop.

    • It's not a race and really, it's better the longer it takes.

  • Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢

    This is bad news for the Chick-Fil-A cows!

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I really believe if they knew how to spell better, they'd have gained more ground in their cause. Oh, and grammar too. Grammar.

  • owhatever


  • King will have to get all his tortured chickens from Gitmo now. So sad.

  • SpeedoFart

    One would almost believe that Republicans on the whole are hypocrites. Almost.

  • widestanceromance

    States rights are exactly like the Holocaust. Exactly.

  • rhubarbpie2

    King's right — why would you want to treat chickens humanely? They're not humans!

  • mavenmaven

    Those Republicans don't seem to like eggs or broccoli.

  • Obviously political satirists have hired Steve King to be their asshole-on-call in case they need someone ridiculous to write about. That's cheating, Ms. Schoenkopf!

  • OurDailyBread

    If Steve King tortured his own chicken more, maybe he wouldn't be an epic asshat.

  • Uh, flap?

  • rickmaci

    So let me get this straight. According to Republigoon King, BigFarma's chickenz eggs are protected from state interference under the Constitution but American wimenz carrying around their own eggs are not? All I have to say is, "what the cluck?"

  • FakaktaSouth

    Maybe you should be a therapist. People could come in whining and you could be all "OH YEAH? YOU THINK YOUR LIFE SUCKS?? WELL LEMME JUST TELL YOU SOMETHING" and then they would feel better about any old thing that makes some one go to therapy.

    • prommie

      Damn, that is a great idea!

  • C_R_Eature

    Steve King is The Eggman!

  • Oblios_Cap

    Yes. Iowa egg producers certainly need no regulation!

    • We don't need no regulation
      we don't need no egg control
      no dark sarcasm in the henhouse
      hey! Liberals! Leave those eggs alone!

  • The only rights Steve King is for is the right to whore himself out for pennies on the dollar.

  • Guppy

    The only "states' right" that red staters really care about is the right to federal money.

  • upthruster

    "“scrambles and creates a patchwork quilt of state regulations.”

    Really… he just had to say "scrambles" and "patchwork quilt" to pull his country-folk's chain didn't he?

    Also, "don’t be telling the states"

    How many terms has this Iowa guy been working in DC? Get some fucking grammer!

    • prommie

      You done went and told it straight! Fuck yeah!

  • Goonemeritus

    I’m sure Iowans will just take up the slack and start eating more omelets

  • ttommyunger

    "A country is known by the way it treats its prisoners and its animals." – Ghandi? I don't remember who said that, but I know we're pretty well fucked.

    • CthuNHu

      I think it was, "A country is doomed if it ceaselessly praises cultural heroes even as it utterly ignores their advice and misspells their names."

      • ttommyunger

        werks fer me!

  • gullywompr

    Are Steve King's brains scrambled, or fried?

  • RadioSlut

    What do you expect from a chickenhawk?

  • IncenseDebate

    Q: Why didn't the chicken in Iowa cross the road?

    • DahBoner

      He heard some hippies on the other side coughing & didn't want to catch TB???

  • Poor Steve. Nobody wants his unethical huevos.

  • “If California wants to regulate eggs that come into the state, fine,” King said. “But don’t be telling the states that are producing a product that’s already approved by the USDA or the FDA how to produce that product.”

    Which means that California can regulate eggs as long as they don't use any words in the regulations.

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Yeah…I think so…or California can regulate eggs that come into the state so long as they don't….regulate eggs that come into the state? In conservative America this makes perfect sense.

  • PsycWench

    The law "creates a patchwork quilt of state regulations." Now that's a damning condemnation of a law. Unlike a law, say, that exempts a state from recognizing another state's marriage of two gay people.

    • Antispandex

      Maybe if gay people could somehow tie the marriage thing to corporate welfare?

    • We are on a slippery slope to marrying chickens!!

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      yes and the adoption nonsense gets even wierder…gay couples can adopt a baby in California but cannot raise it in Tennessee…can I get a ruling on that one? Either way…these fuckers are all about patchworks of laws because it's cheaper for corporations to purchase entire state legs than it is for them to buy congressman. Bird brain here is a complete asshole, also.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Jesus Christ, what an asshole.

  • Oblios_Cap

    It's certainly getting harder for a whore to make a buck these days, what with all these citizen journalists about.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      "It's hard out there, for a pimp"

  • Terry

    "chickens in particular are super screwed "

    They are also super stewed. Yum.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      And, few chickens have a 'tude.

  • JustPixelz

    First the Repubicans regulated women's eggs … and I said nothing*. Then they regulated chicken eggs….
    * not meant to be a factual statement

  • Billmatic

    If only those chickens would accept personal responsibility for their bad choices and we would stop vilifying the hard working family farm that totally exists i swear.

  • karlamarx

    having stood on a lonely road outside of Egg City in moorpark california with cesar chavez and a band of united farmworkers and a few of my goodly wimmin friends in the 1980s to protest the treatment of the workers (one of whom had fallen into the grain grinder and had been killed,) i am here to testify that this piece was MAGNIFICENT. thankew rebecca from me and all the chickens who try to survive in a space no bigger than a piece of typing paper.

  • anniegetyerfun

    These lazy welfare chickens just keep lying around, thinking that everything will be given to them free. Like chicken Cadillacs. Meanwhile, they just keep popping out egg after egg. Get a job, you losers!

  • Poindexter718

    Cotton, Cotton.

    Babs won't give me my eggs.

    Cotton, please come in here

    and give me my eggs.

  • fawkedifiknow

    I challenge all other states to match the mental defective level of Steve King and Chuck Grassley in any two of their representatives in Congress. And, remember, this is from a middling sized delegation. I predict it can't be done.

    • Joe Walsh is such a jackass he counts as two. Illinois wins!

    • Well, California has Darrell Issa and….they must have somebody else.

  • "Rise Of The Planet Of The Chickens" features some of Andy Serkis's best motion-capture acting.

  • prommie

    The nation seems to be getting along OK for the last 80 years abiding by New York state milk regulations and Penna. Dept. Ag. food regulations, just to be serious for a second and not just whine about being a lawyer which seems to bother some people.

  • DahBoner

    But do the chickens have color TV, iPhones and A/C???


  • josephbrill

    "But don’t be telling the states"…. He's from Cicero or he learned English from watching Jerry Springer.

    It's as if he's carrying his uncle-daddy's unborn child: "Don't you be telling me! You don't know me! You don't know me!"

  • Blunderthing

    Has no one suggested that the gentleman continue to have intercourse with the fowl? Oh yes, I see they have.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Wall Street laid an egg. That doesn't mean every representative of an egg producing state needs to lay one as well.

  • 1. If there is reincarnation, Steve will be clucking up a storm in a few years.

    2. Why is every politician named Steve King an asshole?

  • Willardbot9000_V2.5

    I know this is a redundant question, but is there any "principle" these fuckers won't subvert to serve big business? I remember the teabaggers were initially up in arms about the too cozy relationship between Washington and the banks…and the teabagger elected reps responded by bending over without even asking Jamie Dimon for flowers or candy first. I swear to god…every time I read about the most ridiculous, thin veneered corruption of the robber baron era I turn around and these fuckfaces top it. FFS man, just FFS…

  • Willardbot9000_V2.5

    Rebecca…you're forgetting conservative principles 1, 2, 3…corporations are people. Corporations are richer than black people therefore corporations are worth more to conservatives than black people. Take these princples and use them ad nauseum and replace "black people" with any group aside from WASPS because WASPS ARE corporations (principle #4).Hope that clears it up and you're welcome.

  • elgin_pelican

    Spread their wings, hmmmmm…Steve-O's no doubt nervous about those "'wide-stance" chickens from the left coast.

  • I am a native of the green and fertile state of Iowa and, most of the time, take pride in that fact. It is the land that Kevin Costner compared to heaven, the birthplace of James T. Kirk and the place Julia Roberts went to to escape her abusive husband.
    It is also an agricultural powerhouse. First in the nation in corn production, pork production and all other piggy meats, and, apparently, which I hadn't even realized, egg production.
    But today, the corn is all Monsanto genetically modified frankencorn, the pigs are all raised on concrete feed lots so they can just hose all the pigshit off and pollute the rivers quicker and the hens are all battery hens. And nasty, creepy fuckers like Steven King are totally cool with that.
    Damned shame, really.

  • Veritas78

    So this whole thing of "one state can't tell another state what to do" — does it apply to Texas schoolbooks, too?

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    I find this post extremely hard to flap to.

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