SCANNERS  4:25 pm July 12, 2012

Sarah Palin Demands Head-Exploding Orgasms From Mitt Romney, Will Not Get Them

by Josh Fruhlinger

If it caught on fire the fumes would suffocate us allNow that Mitt Romney seems to have the Republican nomination wrapped up (although who knows, maybe he’ll be going to jail for lying on his resume), we need to know what Sarah Palin thinks of him. Ex White House deputy Press secretary Bill Burton is very curious about why Sarah Palin hasn’t endorsed Mitt yet. Are you curious? Enh, probably not, but that hasn’t stopped Sarah Palin from explaining what it is that she, and by extension the Republican base and independents (who she seems to think are the same people?), really need: for him to be “courageous and bold and passionate” and “light our hair on fire”. Is this a sex thing? Normally we’d say “yes,” because we’re crass like that, but Mitt Romney is surrounded by a powerful anti-erotic forcefield from which no cheap sex joke can escape.

But that doesn’t mean we can’t try! Here, here is a terrible and loathsome ad for some line of Trojan-branded “massager”, where ladies keep saying it’ll “blow your hair back,” as if that’s a thing humans say:

This is what your Editrix showed your Comics Curmudgeon in the Wonkette Secret Chat room when the phrase “light our hair on fire” was mentioned, which will serve as evidence in the sexual harassment suit currently being prepared. Also, former counter-terrorism head Richard Clarke said that George W. Bush’s spymasters were running around with their hair on fire in the summer of 2001 trying and failing to get the administration’s attention about al-Qaeda, so maybe Sarah Palin is demanding that Mitt Romney stop terrorism, forever?

But anyway, here are the word-noises Sarah Palin made to Sean Hannity about the presumptive nominee:

“He’s already got the right message,” the 2008 GOP vice presidential nominee told Fox News’ Sean Hannity Tuesday.

But Palin added, “There are a lot of his base supporters — independents — who are saying, well, light our hair on fire, then! Remind us how important it is that we get engaged in the presidential election because it is the election of our lifetime.”

The Fox News contributor encouraged the former Massachusetts governor to be more “courageous and bold and passionate” in presenting his case.

In other words, Sarah Palin is totally fine with the standard-issue establishment GOP party line policies espoused by Mitt Romney, but she wishes he were being much more of a dick about promoting them, which sounds about right. [Newsmax]

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 208 comments }

Barb July 12, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Sarah and the rest of the Palin girls had to light their hair on fire to get rid of the pubic lice. I recommend a second sweep with an ice pick.

nounverb911 July 12, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Why does Sarah Palin hate pubic lice?

Barb July 12, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Because they are smarter and more interesting than she is?

widestanceromance July 12, 2012 at 4:46 pm

AOT,K

Callyson July 12, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Because they get more action than she does?

MissTaken July 12, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Because she hates parasites not named Sarah Palin?

RevJuanMessycan July 12, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Because she thought they were "public" and she don' want no soshulesm. (If it's not on her hand, she can't read it.) She wants them all to herself, like a good (?) grifter.

metamarcisf July 12, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Sarah and Todd were very upset over an Alaska health initiative to rid the state of headlice. They were afraid they'd get in trouble for driving their snowmobiles after dark.

DustBowlBlues July 12, 2012 at 5:07 pm

First Commenter Barb does it again. Seriously, shouldn't you change your screen name to that?

CivicHoliday July 12, 2012 at 5:09 pm

It does have a suitably socialist ring to it.

Barb July 12, 2012 at 6:54 pm

This is a list of the Wonkette stories today, followed by the name of the first poster:

Nail Girls-thatsitfortheother1
Rick Perry’s Mansion-Actor212
Hot Houston…ChernobylSoup
Biden Live Blog-Barb
Left Bain….DumbedUp
Florida Lesbian-SuperDave
Mitt Romney v Black People-Drunk Irishman
Underwater German-Barb
Dick Cheney to Shoot….NounVerb911
Radio Wits-Actor212
Sarah Palin Demands-Barb
Fox News Magazine-NounVerb911
—————————————–
Twelve stories and I was first three times.

wondering where i am July 12, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Hot Houston-Chernobyl Soup. Isn't that the soup of the say at Applebees on Fridays? Florida Lesbian Super Dave sounds cool, though.

Barb July 13, 2012 at 1:48 am

Yes, it does, Wondering. It totally sounds like the lunch menu at some fern bar T.J. O'Pootin' Toot's menu.

Boojum July 13, 2012 at 2:09 am

Well, that proves it, eh? The Power of Three!

But, see, Barb, you can never be more than second, because Becca has stolen our hearts away.

I think she is studying them to work out a way to defeat Lord Cheney's evil, but they are stolen nonetheless.

Warwhatgoodfor July 12, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Careful, those things have teeth. Oh, and so the lice.

not that Dewey July 13, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Hey! Welcome back. Have you seen Wile E. Quixote?

Warwhatgoodfor July 13, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Been drunk. Only thing I seen was some damn repuke pink elephants.

actor212 July 12, 2012 at 4:28 pm

I humbly volunteer to light the hair of any Republican who so wishes to have it. Just let me get my gas can…

nounverb911 July 12, 2012 at 4:31 pm

I suggest using a ten foot pole…

actor212 July 12, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Sorry, they only grow to 7'4"

NellCote71 July 12, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Will a Serb do?

rickmaci July 12, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Can I help, pleeez?

sbj1964 July 12, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Sarah can see Mitt's Tax returns from her porch.

nounverb911 July 12, 2012 at 4:33 pm

And his Swiss money.

YasserArraFeck July 13, 2012 at 9:26 am

Romney – (R) Geneva

Tundra Grifter July 12, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Gov. George Romney in 1967, answering the question why did he release 12 years' of Federal income tax returns, "One year could be a fluke, perhaps done for show."

"Vanity Fair," August 2012.

bobbert July 12, 2012 at 5:29 pm

by the light of a flaming bumpit.

nounverb911 July 12, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Palin's endorsement is the kiss of death.

anniegetyerfun July 12, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Seriously, my guess is that he is hoping she'll eventually forget that there's an election at all.

Jus_Wonderin July 12, 2012 at 4:59 pm

He just needs to throw her a ring of keys or some sticky foil.

Designer_Radio July 12, 2012 at 8:40 pm

So is Cheney's: http://goo.gl/aa6Xs

emmelemm July 12, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Something something Michael Jackson joke.

(It's been a long week already.)

nounverb911 July 12, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Needs more Pepsi?

PuckStopsHere July 12, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Something something Richard Pryor joke. (It has been a long week…)

Baconzgood July 12, 2012 at 5:03 pm

NEED MOAR FREEBASING!

Billmatic July 12, 2012 at 4:30 pm

I'm sure Glenn Rice is somewhere, smiling.

actor212 July 12, 2012 at 4:33 pm

It would explain the bad wigs…

Callyson July 12, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Palin added, “There are a lot of his base supporters — independents — who are saying, well, light our hair on fire, then! Remind us how important it is that we get engaged in the presidential election because it is the election of our lifetime.”

I thought the wingnuts' talking point was all about how they were going to win in November because they are so energized? Sounds like someone is losing her touch…

Tundra Grifter July 12, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Duh Gov' is just phoning it in. When you try to listen to what she says, it has no relation to the news of the day. She could have said it three months ago, and she will be saying it three months from now.

Toomush_Infer July 12, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Um, many of his base supporters don't have any hair, so there's that….

Boojum July 13, 2012 at 2:11 am

Hey! Bald libel!

Barb July 12, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Sarah, your pants have been on fire for so long that I can't believe it hasn't reached your hair yet.

actor212 July 12, 2012 at 4:37 pm

The wig is asbestos

Negropolis July 13, 2012 at 1:32 am

WIN

James Michael Curley July 13, 2012 at 7:51 am

And Charleton Heston spends several tedious minutes talking to a burning bush.

fitley July 13, 2012 at 10:12 am

Here snapper was probably bald already, remember she's a GILF to baggers now.

Crank_Tango July 12, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Needs moar…oh who am I kidding, I don't watch anything that bitch ever does. Nice hair tho. It's like donald trump's wig fucked sasquatch. Goonie goo goo, gus.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ July 12, 2012 at 9:28 pm

"…shaved the bitch down and taught her to speak."

glasspusher July 12, 2012 at 10:24 pm

And if my wife don't like it…

ph7 July 12, 2012 at 4:31 pm

No one confuses Mittens for Mr. Mojo Risin'.

Sarah needs someone else to light her fire.

WunkRocker July 12, 2012 at 8:14 pm

That husbian in the Dildo commercial is totally going to put all 3 up his buttercup.

Chill_Bill July 12, 2012 at 4:32 pm

"Light our hair on fire"? If I were Mitt, I'd show up at the Palins with a flamethrower.

Cicada July 12, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Silly Sarah, bumpits melt before they burn.

CapnRadio July 12, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Well, hello, stranger.

LastGasp July 12, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Am I curious what Sarah Palin has to say? No, of course not.

Would I like to see Mitt's supporters with their hair on fire? Yes, I most certainly would!

Jughead2130 July 12, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Where do I get in line to set Sarah's hair on fire?

Barb July 12, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Hurry up and do it before they invent the fire retardant Bump-it.

SexySmurf July 12, 2012 at 4:54 pm

You can't say that word. It's "fire very unique person Bump-it."

MrFizzy July 12, 2012 at 4:43 pm

I would rather try to extinguish it with an axe.

Callyson July 12, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Behind me…

Butch_Wagstaff July 12, 2012 at 8:59 pm

It would be a bonfire of the inanities.

Baconzgood July 12, 2012 at 4:33 pm
Generation[redacted] July 12, 2012 at 4:33 pm

"Light our hair on fire! Or at least hold us down and take some scissors to it!"

OneYieldRegular July 12, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Do we know for a fact that Mitt hasn't already held some poor kid down and lighted his hair on fire?

You'd think Republicans would be just a little more cautious about using the words "hair" and "Mitt Romney" in the same sentence.

randcoolcatdaddy July 12, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Is Sarah implying that our beloved Mittens is lacking in personality, wit, and passion?

What gave her that idea?

Boojum July 13, 2012 at 2:14 am

Or, rather, who? Sarah likes her ideas carefully packaged, or she gets bored and wanders away looking for cotton candy trees.

SorosBot July 12, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Is a wig like Sarah's more or less flammable than real hair?

Baconzgood July 12, 2012 at 4:58 pm

You wanna borrow my bic?

trampndirtdown July 12, 2012 at 10:06 pm

That's a wig? i thought a muskrat crawled up on her head.

Troglodeity July 12, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Be bold, Mitt: Remember how bold and innovative you were at 39, when you unhesitatingly strapped your diarrhetic dog to the roof of your car in a homemade airtight container! Be that way, only this time it's the American public with the shits!

coolhandnuke July 12, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Mitt Romney is the Trojan Nuclear Plant of erotic forcefields.

*It was blown to smithereeens in 2006.

Maman July 12, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Between their hair on fire and their pants on fire, the GOP is going up in smoke!

Nostrildamus July 12, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Sarah should watch Bristol's reality show. It makes me want to light my hair on fire.

DustBowlBlues July 12, 2012 at 5:10 pm

This is why God, in all Her wisdom, invented the remote control. I teach Sunday School, so I know.

Boojum July 13, 2012 at 2:16 am

The concept of spontaneous abortion didn't cross his mind?

Beowoof July 12, 2012 at 4:35 pm

I see she is wear protective gear disguised as hair in case of that explosion.

MrFizzy July 12, 2012 at 4:44 pm

That really is quite the 'do – listening to too much Duran Duran or something.

PB Goodfriend July 12, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Mitt is proof that to be sexy – even metaphorically – you need more than a cutting jawline and great hair. In fact, it's like someone took that presidential looking head and put it on the Tin Man. Or is it the Scarecrow? He's lacking in so many departments.
His charisma is more like charis-meh.

Jus_Wonderin July 12, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Mitt / Flying Monkeys 2012

Boojum July 13, 2012 at 2:18 am

It's CharisMecha, which is an app currently in beta testing.

Baconzgood July 12, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Jebus every presidential election is the "election of our lifetime," for these twits!

GorzoTheMighty July 12, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Lost me at "Sarah Palin demands head". Now must clean keyboard of vomit. Thanks

MOG2410 July 12, 2012 at 4:44 pm

I hate it when that happens, and it always happens when she's around.

montreal_bruin July 12, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Lost me at "we need to know what Sarah Palin thinks."

SmutBoffin July 12, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Sarah Palin is not privy to any insider-y Republican information.
Sarah Palin does not know anything about policy: foreign, domestic, economic, defense, &c.
Sarah Palin does not know anything about politics: how to mobilize your personnel and prospective voters effectively in order to enact your policies
Sarah Palin has no expertise in interpreting any of the above
Sarah Palin cannot speak the English language
Sarah Palin smells like moose-balls

Feel free to add more facts about this important and respected pundit below!

actor212 July 12, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Sarah Palin once shot a man in Reno because her water broke.

Billmatic July 12, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Sarah Palin learned a lot about mutually beneficial arrangements.

MissTaken July 12, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Sarah Palin is not hot.

montreal_bruin July 12, 2012 at 4:49 pm

May we add conjectures??

Jus_Wonderin July 12, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Hell, she adds conjuntions like they were going out of style so…sure, conject away.

montreal_bruin July 12, 2012 at 7:50 pm

There's the well-known "Palin Hookworm conjecture". I've read about it on the internet so it must be true, and no-one in her family has ever denied it . . .

Estproph July 12, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Sarah Palin can play the 1812 Overture in her armpit.

Butch_Wagstaff July 12, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Including the cannon fire volley.

YasserArraFeck July 13, 2012 at 9:30 am

they're pingpong balls

va_real July 12, 2012 at 4:59 pm

I think you could have easily stopped after "Sarah Palin does not know anything…"

Blueb4sunrise July 12, 2012 at 5:02 pm

To be fair, in her day, she could suck the chrome off of a trailer hitch.

Baconzgood July 12, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Sarah Palin is a cunt.

ThundercatHo July 12, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Sarah Palin obvs needs to get well laid. Good fucking luck.

Butch_Wagstaff July 12, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Sarah Palin punches herself in the head to jumble up her wordy thoughts right before she goes on camera.

superdave July 13, 2012 at 10:42 am

Sarah Palin sure knows her way around a bucket of wings.

Lazy Media July 12, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Worst Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz wig EVAR.

SoBeach July 12, 2012 at 4:40 pm

When Mitt tries to look bold, courageous, and passionate all he looks is silly. And he reminds people he's none of those things.

TootsStansbury July 12, 2012 at 4:57 pm

He looks like a raving lunatic. His eyes bug out and something predatory happens around his mouth and he slobbers.

Nostrildamus July 12, 2012 at 4:41 pm

TrojanGift has more personality than Mittens.

MOG2410 July 12, 2012 at 4:44 pm

I'm loving that video. ugh.

Monsieur_Grumpe July 12, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Why do people ask for her opinion?
I think a conversation with a fire hydrant would be more intellectually stimulating.

emmelemm July 12, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Possibly, a dining room table?

Jus_Wonderin July 12, 2012 at 4:55 pm

"I think a conversation with a fire hydrant would be more intellectually stimulating."

Yeah, sure, if you could find one that Bristol or Willow weren't riding like a Levi.

Butch_Wagstaff July 12, 2012 at 5:56 pm

And fire hydrants provide a better public service.

YasserArraFeck July 13, 2012 at 9:36 am

You'll notice that the only people who ask her opinion are Fox News pundits, who know she can be relied upon to blather the party line, albeit incomprehensibly. Bear in mind that the knuckle-draggers who suck this shit up don't actually need to hear coherent sentences, just the requisite buzz-words and phrases, regardless of order or sentence structure – for example, "Kenyan", "Obamacare", "Socialist" "Liberties" "Fascist" etc etc

SayItWithWookies July 12, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Speaking of anti-erotic forcefields, what the hell is going on with Palin's hair? I can only imagine it's trying to escape so it can search for a head with a brain inside.

Mumbletypeg July 12, 2012 at 4:55 pm

*regards Trojan "wedding shower" ad*

Guilty of gross negligée, also.

SayItWithWookies July 12, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Oh dear — does she get her wardrobe from the dumpster behind the halfway house for tranny hookers?

FakaktaSouth July 12, 2012 at 5:01 pm

It looks exactly like the wigs girls wear here for cotillion and other such fetes where gals don hoopskirts and petticoats – it's also a massive lady boner killer. I can't speak for the guys but this whole thing is just ruining my afternoon wanna be naked time.

rickmaci July 12, 2012 at 4:43 pm

As we used to say as kids, "Liar, liar, hair on fire…"

HarryButtle July 12, 2012 at 4:45 pm

You had me at "Sarah Palin's…head explodes"

OK, I paraphrased…but I enjoyed the article I made up in my head much more than I did the actual piece in which dimwitted Sarah acted dimwitted.

MrFizzy July 12, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Do you really think someone would pay for such an object?

Jus_Wonderin July 12, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Well, knowing Sarah, it was in a GOP swag bag.

fartknocker July 12, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Listening to that stupid twat is like climbing a tree to catch a fish.

GunToting[Redacted] July 12, 2012 at 6:59 pm

For some reason this reminds me of a story my friend once made up whilst playing the piano. It was about a young boy who made friends with a lobster. It was quite a lovely story. It ended when the boy realized that it was not fair to the lobster to keep him from his home, so he walked into the forest and threw the lobster into a tree.

I did not realize it at the time, but my friend was talking about a Palin.

Hammiepants July 12, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Well, I know if either Mittens or the Palin was on fire, I wouldn't waste my piss putting them out.

Baconzgood July 12, 2012 at 4:49 pm

"who are saying, well, light our hair on fire, then!"

MICHAEL JACKSON LIBEL!!!!!!!

emmelemm July 12, 2012 at 4:54 pm

There it is!

Baconzgood July 12, 2012 at 4:56 pm

I know. I thought for sure someone would have said it first.

emmelemm July 12, 2012 at 5:02 pm

I could only manage "something something Michael Jackson" above. My brain is a little shot.

Baconzgood July 12, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Well its vodka o'clock here.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 12, 2012 at 6:30 pm

RICHARD PRYOR LIBEL!!!

GunToting[Redacted] July 12, 2012 at 7:00 pm

"Fuck THAT, I'm gonna have another heart attack."

George Carlin.

Estproph July 12, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Phrases Palin refused in favor of "light our hair on fire" to describe exciting the base:

"Smash our toes with a sledgehammer"

"Take a chainsaw to our vaginas"

"Shove his hand down our throats with a sandpaper glove"

"File down our teeth with a Dremel"

"Break our kneecaps with a Louisville Slugger"

Baconzgood July 12, 2012 at 4:57 pm

And great Lyrics also too.

marconidarwin July 12, 2012 at 4:51 pm

well, light our hair on fire, then!

Just this once, I want Obama to open drilling in Alaskistan so that we can be sure that there is enough lighter fluid.

widestanceromance July 12, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Does she make that wig ride on the top of her vehicle (none of that is a euphemism for anything else)?

johnnyzhivago July 12, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Patriots still hold out hope for an open convention so they can crown their queen Bee Sarah, mate with her and then go on to lose in a landslide.

NellCote71 July 12, 2012 at 6:22 pm

God, I would pay to make that happen. Would it be too much to hope for a Palin-Paul ticket at a brokered convention?

pdiddycornchips July 12, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Lighting hair on fire? Is Levi cooking meth in the trailer out back again?

YouBetcha July 12, 2012 at 4:54 pm

You just know this blind item is about her. http://www.nationalenquirer.com/guess-who/which-l
"THIS prominent lady politico is frantic to keep news of her recent tummy tuck and liposuction procedures out of the media. The conservative mom wants her fans to believe she’s all natural and stays trim by exercising daily! Can you name her?"

I think I speak for all of us when I say, "SHOW US YOUR TITS!"

Gleem McShineys July 12, 2012 at 7:20 pm

If it hadn't mention "mom" I would have gone with Ann Coulter, getting a little you know, trouser tuck.

trampndirtdown July 12, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Let's hope she didn't use the hack that cut on Bristol.

coolhandnuke July 12, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Since $arah believes fire has only been around for 3,000 years, it fits Mitt here, because it seems like he's been running for President for 3,000 years.

johnnyzhivago July 12, 2012 at 4:54 pm

I'd go further and ask Mitt to incinerate the entire GOP before it's too late.

va_real July 12, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Romney's "base supporters"? How is that not redundant?

MissTaken July 12, 2012 at 4:55 pm

There are a lot of his base supporters — independents — who are saying, well, light our hair on fire, then!

Can't she just use her daughter's baby daddy's mother's meth lab for hair explosions and leave the rest of us alone?

bibliotequetress July 12, 2012 at 4:55 pm

If I were rockin' that Marilyn Quayle 'do Sarah's got, I'd want my head set on fire, too.

WHO'S THE SEXY LIBRARIAN NOW, BITCH!

kittensdontlie July 12, 2012 at 11:40 pm

What about a good ol' fashioned book burning, tossing in that thing on Palin's head(which may be a long-haired muskrat,…and possibly still alive), attached or not?! Yea, just thinking out loud here…

bibliotequetress July 13, 2012 at 7:46 am

Hmmm, I like the way you brainstorm. After all, if she's not a witch, she won't burn.

kittensdontlie July 13, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Funny. Or a true conservative, if the books providing our flame are from Beck, Coulter, Rand…

YouBetcha July 12, 2012 at 4:56 pm

She means, "He needs to set this bad wig on fire," right? That is not human hair on her head.

MissTaken July 12, 2012 at 5:12 pm

That is not even mammal hair on her head.

gullywompr July 12, 2012 at 4:56 pm

"Sarah Palin Demands Head-Exploding Orgasms From Mitt Romney"

Who? And too also – who?

sbj1964 July 12, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Yes, how scared will the Terrorist be of President Mittens? Abdul,will be shaking in his turban as Mitt rolls up to him on his Mormon 10 speed bike with a leaflet.

MissNancyPriss July 14, 2012 at 6:36 pm

3-speed.

Wadisay July 12, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Even written transcriptions of Palin's remarks are screechy.

WhatTheHeck July 12, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Fox News and Sarah Palin have as much relevance as a stripper in a nudist colony.

imissopus July 12, 2012 at 5:02 pm

I'd say something about Sarah Palin but my brain is too busy with that Trojan vibrator commercial. Love the dude's reaction at the end: "I cannot pleasure my fiance and she is dissatisfied with our lovemaking, so three of her friends gave her battery-operated machines that can do it for me? SWEET!"

dennis1943 July 12, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Not Dick enough..?…he's enough like Nixon for me……………

JustPixelz July 12, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Maybe she'll get her wish after the media is through vetting him. Except I think she's against vetting for white men, in favor for blah men, against it for women, except ones named Michelle (two Ls).

Walkinwiddaking July 12, 2012 at 5:06 pm

“light our hair on fire”. Is this a sex thing? If a shag rug is involved, count me in.

BoatOfVelociraptors July 12, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Rug Burn?

JackObin July 12, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Just when I thought I wasn't going to hear from an irrelevent community college dropout, up pops the Alaskan halfwit. Thank ya jesus.

Blueb4sunrise July 12, 2012 at 5:07 pm

I always think of this when I see Her Ignorance
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PM_0viDplik

CivicHoliday July 12, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Someone over at Monsanto better get busy engineering winged pigs, STAT

rocktonsam July 12, 2012 at 5:11 pm

how many more pieces of her mind can $arah give?

HedonismBot July 12, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Her mind has a half-life, like uranium. Each "half" gets successively smaller and smaller, so on ad infinitum. So yeah, she'll keep going forever and ever, all the while getting dumber and dumber.

DustBowlBlues July 12, 2012 at 5:12 pm

That shade of lipstick has to go, plus whoever does her makeup for her onscreen appearances (what are they paying her now, anyway? All the moose she can shoot?) should rethink the overuse of gloss.

widestanceromance July 12, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Wearing that wig backwards could only improve her "look."

barto July 12, 2012 at 5:19 pm

No need to light her hair on fire. You can already smell the wood burning.

Preacher_Griz July 12, 2012 at 5:21 pm

What lights my hair on fire is CEO GOV Mitt Romney telling all the NCAAP baby mama negroes at once that they are freeloaders and that it is time to step off the freeloading allahbama bus and get on the Conservative Christian Party of Self-Responsibility

BZ1 July 12, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Sarah who?

Butch_Wagstaff July 12, 2012 at 8:57 pm

It's the Palin not named Toad, Track, Trap, Tipsy, or Topsy Turvy.

Negropolis July 13, 2012 at 1:41 am

Don't you wish.

LetUsBray July 12, 2012 at 5:43 pm

I will totally vote for Willard if he'll light Grifterella's hair on fire!

(Actually I won't, but please, don't anyone tell him until after.)

owhatever July 12, 2012 at 5:46 pm

We can't get the Republican base too excited, or they will forget to take their pills and die, and that would be a real shame. Burning blue hair causes the same reaction. Also.

NellCote71 July 12, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Yeah, a real shame.

Halloween Jack July 12, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Piper's writing all her lines these days. She has Mommy trained with a double bump of meth to get her up for the backyard studio sessions and a mickey of cheap rum afterwards.

labman57 July 12, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Well, since so many conservative pundits and bloggers already have their pants on fire, if Mitt complies, they can boast that they’re burning the candle at both ends.

iburl July 12, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Hair on Fire? Why didn't Mitt think of that when he was tackling effeminate men in High School and cutting their hair?

SorosBot July 12, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Well we can be pretty sure it's not Victoria Jackson.

Extemporanus July 12, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Good prank, Josh!

Let's have sex.

viennawoods13 July 12, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Hmmm… "the election of our lifetime.” Sarah won't endorse the presumptive nominee. And yet… how COULD an election possibly be THE most important without the most qualified half-governor ever as candidate???

I smell floor fight!

NellCote71 July 12, 2012 at 6:23 pm

I bet Baconz is having a hard time fapping to this thread, too. Also.

hippie13 July 12, 2012 at 6:57 pm

I mean do they need a lighter or some starter fluid…how can I help?

OneYieldRegular July 12, 2012 at 7:04 pm

"There are a lot of his base supporters – independents – who are saying, 'Well, hold us down and cut our hair off with garden shears! We deserve it! Remind us how important it is for us to get traumatized for this presidential election, because it's the election of your lifetime, and you don't want waste a good chance to bully some lackadaisical uncommitted longhairs into voting for you!'"

Gleem McShineys July 12, 2012 at 7:27 pm

I loved that movie! Oh wait, I thought that was a still shot of Darth Helmet from Spaceballs.

telecustom1972 July 12, 2012 at 7:42 pm

I still think ashe looks like the youngest sister of the deceased at a Baptist funeral.

trampndirtdown July 12, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Perfect! You nailed it.

Negropolis July 13, 2012 at 1:43 am

ROTFLMAO!!!!!

Schmegeg July 12, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Remember hen lots of wingers thought this broad was a Hotty? Now she looks like the scary substitute you had one week in second grade.

Antispandex July 12, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Wait, I thought the FIRST time that, "that awful negro", ran for President (against the Republican war hero) was the election of our lifetime. Is it going to be like this every time someone runs against a rich white guy, who isn't a rich white guy?

ttommyunger July 12, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Meh. I don't even want to give her a good hate-fucking anymore.

moseyon July 12, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Does she want this for the Republicans, or for all the Country.
Well I guess self-immolation, is one way to get rid of those haters, as her daughter and her
go on about. Why get Mitt to do it. Oh that's right she can be the victim then. Blood Libel.

Manhattan123 July 12, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Good Lord, what's the matter with her hair? If HBO does a sequel to that movie they're going to have to get Ruth Buzzi to play her now instead of Julianne Moore.

HedonismBot July 12, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Sarah, Sarah Palin! Queen of the Alaskan frontier – skinned a beaver pelt and stuck it on her head.

Neoyorquino July 12, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Light our hair on fire = chafe our un-lubricated lady-bits until they burst into flames.

HedonismBot July 12, 2012 at 10:30 pm

I just don't get it: I like milque, and I like toast, but for some reason I can't get excited about Mitt!

NYNYNYjr July 12, 2012 at 10:58 pm

"Mitt Romney's repeated claim that he played no part in executive decision-making related to Bain after 1999 is false, according to Romney's own testimony in June 2002, in which he admitted to sitting on the board of the Lifelike Co., a doll maker that was a Bain investment during the period."

Lifelike Co. has also repeatedly denied that it made large man-sized dolls with moving parts, though a decades long paper-trail and various patent documents seem to say otherwise. "Even if we did make them, they're still dolls," said their CEO, "you can tell them from human beings. Just examine their genitals."

bibliotequetress July 13, 2012 at 7:52 am

If Mitt were produced by a doll maker his hair would be more lifelike.

viennawoods13 July 13, 2012 at 9:14 am

Not to mention his personality. It's like a Genuine People Personality produced by the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation.

FieryLocks July 13, 2012 at 12:58 am

we need to know what Sarah Palin thinks of him

Sarah Palin 'thinks'? Since when?

Dr_pangloss July 13, 2012 at 8:07 am

Wasn't she calling Mittbot5000 to liberal about this time last year?

rayy1960 July 13, 2012 at 8:54 am

Well, he must be exceedingly lame, because her hair does look pretty darn flammable!

Is she saying she wants someone younger? Sorry, honey, you don't get to pick the nominee single-handedly.

DahBoner July 13, 2012 at 9:36 am

"Former Alaska Govenor"

REHAB IZ 4 QUITTERS

Tundra Grifter July 13, 2012 at 11:26 am

From this morning's Politico email:

"Romney said he remained on the boards of several companies, including the Lifelike Co., in which Bain Capital held a stake until 2001. …"

Sometimes the jokes just write themselves!

Blunderthing July 13, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Snowbilly Grifter's still treading water in the cesspool. She's a fart bubble that has popped.

lulzmonger July 13, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Fireplay – this is not how it is done.
Rarely have I clicked "READ MORE" with such trepidation.

Here, Sarah, let me help you with that …

*sprays evil Snow-Witch with white phosphorus*

LibertyLover July 13, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Maybe Palin is expecting Mitt to get a personality implant? With a side of integrity and character?

mosjef July 14, 2012 at 11:03 pm

An obvious ploy to work a refund from Walmart on that throw rug on her skull. Did it come with matching curtains?

dcjdjay July 15, 2012 at 4:59 pm

She's beginning to look more and more like the Vice-President of a dildo company.

emmelemm July 12, 2012 at 5:12 pm

I'm on the West Coast (heeeyyyy!), so it's only 2:00, and I'm thinking I'm going to leave early and have nap o'clock soon.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: