scissor sisters

Is Florida’s Pretty Lt. Gov. Lady Having Lesbionic Interracial Affair With Aide?

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Like Lynne Cheney's SistersThat’s a good question, in that headline right there up above here, that you just read. It comes to us via the court filings of a lady who worked for Florida’s lieutenant governor, Jennifer Carroll, and who is now on trial for sharing secret tape recordings with a reporter. She says, and we believe this is a direct quote from her filing, “Dude, everyone in the office recorded everyone else, it was the policy, and also I totally saw Jennifer Carroll and travel aide Beatriz Ramos lezzing out.”

Carletha Cole says she was fired from Lt. Gov. Carroll’s office shortly after walking in and seeing Carroll and Ramos in “a compromising position” (scissoring). Then she shared a secret tape recording with a reporter, and now she is on trial for it. She passed a polygraph kind of? Meanwhile, there are further allegations that Ramos may have arsoned a fire with a “cigar” and that Carroll transferred an investigator to keep Ramos safe.

This is all a LOT of to-do for a lieutenant governor’s office. In California, our hot lt. gov. is so bored he got a paper route.

While your Wonkette is all for interracial lesbionic affairs, it’s possible that Carroll’s GOP voters (OH WE FORGOT TO SAY SHE IS A REPUBLICAN!) might not!

[MiamiHerald, via Wonkette operative Schmannity.]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • superdave

    In my mind she certainly is.

    • actor212

      Brings a whole new meaning to "running down the hall with scissors"…

    • Preacher_Griz

      negress lesbots are rare, which makes them so HAWT!!!

      • JohnnyQuick

        Many fine rap videos beg to disagree.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Syd the Kyd Libel!!!

  • bibliotequetress


    • BornInATrailer

      I'll open an entire new safe deposit box in the spank bank for this if true.

  • mirrorballdc

    Why can't the DC Council have scandals like this? No, it's always illegal money stuff and smoking crack. Not sexy at all.

    • Designer_Radio

      Smoking crack… with HOOKERS! C'mon! That's prolly kinda hot, if you're also out of your mind on cocaine…

      • Crank_Tango

        I dunno, sure beats work.

      • SorosBot

        Bitch set him up!

        • MOG2410


  • Barb

    This is the first normal news out of Florida in decades.

    • MOG2410

      The new normal, works for them. Wait until they decide to get married!

  • Hammiepants

    "Lesbionic" is what Lindsey Wagner is, right?

  • FraAnima

    I find this excellent to fap to.

    Scissoring. Mmmmmmmm.

    • va_real

      Scissoring? Isn't that what Mittens did to that guy in high school while other boys held him down?

      • FraAnima

        That image is a serious impediment to my fappage.

        • va_real

          Sorry to harsh your mellow, dude. As you were.

        • Crank_Tango

          bumping donuts!

          • actor212


          • James Michael Curley

            Dunkin' Donuts another Bain Capital Company from 2005 to 2009 and what a combination Mitt Romney, Geroge HW Bush (and W) in the name of the Carlyle Group and Thomas Lee Partners the company that brought you the Refco meltdown in 2005 and the prototype for government bailouts of leveraged buyout companies that go under.

            Why aren't these people standing up against a wall?

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      ah yes…the best lesbian position of all. Too bad Carrol is hardly attractive but that can feature in heavily with the Sarah Silverman-Erin Burnett encounter that's been filling up my fantasies lately. Still, I'd like to see Ramos…if she's a bitchy Cuban there's a chance she could have great ghetto booty like my favorite Cuban Vida Guerra.

  • thefrontpage

    I've been sleeping with Lt. Gov. Jennifer for several months, so if there is a lesbionic thing going on, it's news to me!

    • actor212

      So you're the "tri" in tribad?

  • DerrickWildcat

    I found this article particularly easy to masturbate to.

    • Extemporanus

      TOO BLUE!

      • DerrickWildcat

        i know.

        • Extemporanus

          It's OK.

    • emmelemm

      Just the right amount of blue!

    • WABishop

      Not blue enough!

  • Dildeaux

    Faptastic! Moar lez stories plz.

  • freakishlywrong

    Condi Rice only wishes she had Carroll's balls.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Finally, a republican gay scandal that I can get excited about!

    • FakaktaSouth

      A lovely, black, lady gay – republican. One of these things is not like the other, one of these things just doesn't belong. She needs to also be handicapped and Muslim and I would want to study her forever.

  • FlownOver

    In Baja Nebraska our sex scandals are usually about charges that someone in state government once claimed to know where babbies come from. Even if they get it wrong.

    • va_real

      Babbies- where does they come from? Probably not the Lt Gov's ofiice…

    • Negropolis

      In Baja Nebraska, your sex scandals involve livestock and sunflowers.

  • Callyson

    Timothy Robinson, retired chief polygraph examiner for the Florida Department of Law Enforcement, said that “Ms. Cole’s charts were somewhat difficult to read,” but he believed her.
    “Her charts, in my opinion, are indicative of a non-deceptive examinee (truthful),” Robinson wrote. “Ms. Cole passed her polygraph.”

    When is the Lt Gov's polygraph test scheduled?

    Actually, fuck that: when is *Mittens* taking his test?

    • SorosBot

      Just after he releases the rest of tax returns.

    • va_real

      Could it be that Robinson- like many Wonketeers- just really, really wanted Ms. Cole to be telling the truth…?

      • James Michael Curley

        If the chart don't fit you must acquit.

      • MacRaith

        Reading polygraphs is like reading tea leaves – you can make them say whatever you're being paid to make them say.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Mitt's chart will reveal a perfect 60 Hz sine wave.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I'm pretty sure I saw this on Cinemax in the mid 90's.

    • Guppy

      That's why God gave us VCRs!

  • hagajim

    The scissoring is sexy. Rub those genitals together girlies!

  • MissTaken

    That's how you wear a flag pin.

  • Blueb4sunrise


  • weejee

    I totally saw Jennifer Carroll and travel aide Beatriz Ramos lezzing out.

    Will Faux Newz treat this lezz-ay faire? Hand-off the hands-on since Carroll has the GOPness?

    • Ducksworthy

      And she's a Blah-GOP. That should buy her a lot of protection from the jackals at FAUX

  • freakishlywrong

    She'll be gone. The tealiban only voted for her to show they aren't racist. Lesziness is a bridge too far.

    • actor212

      I dunno. Now they can show they aren't gay hating either…

      • Negropolis

        They don't ever show that.

  • Schmannnity

    I can't wait until Gov. Rick Scott is caught in flagrante delicto with Batboy.

    • Terry

      Caught with Batboy? He IS Batboy.

      • HateMachine

        So, masturbating, then.

  • Goonemeritus

    Common decency demands we await photographic evidence. But please don’t make us wait that long.

  • Crank_Tango

    Well this makes sense, considering the Gov is a walking dildo.

    • Ducksworthy

      The Gov. has clearly OD'ed on all the chemo he stole from Medicare.

    • kittensdontlie

      Truly he is, you know, he doesn't keep his head shaved for no reason at all….

  • bumfug

    Fucking Florida – one board squeaks and out come the freaks.

  • Callyson

    Steve MacNamara, former chief of staff for Gov. Rick Scott, viewed Carroll as a “loose cannon”

    Loose cannon? Is that the new euphemism for "slut" now?

    • Crank_Tango

      Have you ever tried to stick your cock in a cannon? Probably not. Also, I don't believe that is what the expression originally meant, but what do I know, I just tried sticking my dick in a gunbarrel.

      • Extemporanus

        Crank "Cock Cannon" Tango has a very sexy ring to it.

        • Crank_Tango

          Crank "Cannon Cock Ring" Tango…unfortunately my real name is Willard.

  • SorosBot

    "Meanwhile, there are further allegations that Ramos may have arsoned a fire with a “cigar” and that Carroll transferred an investigator to keep Ramos safe."

    That sounds like a Mutually Beneficial Arrangement.

    • Guppy

      But where's the car?

    • Swampgas_Man

      Sounds like the return of Bill and Monica.

  • nonbeliever7

    She may be lesbionic, but as a Republican, she's still a dick.

    • emmelemm


  • Nostrildamus

    But how does naked, Asian car lady fit in?

    • dijetlo

      with a little baby oil

    • superdave

      What the heck are you referring to? And gimme a web link.

      • Crank_Tango

        exactly. this is worthless without pics.

      • SorosBot

        Link? Just scroll back up and look at the sidebar ads.

        • superdave

          Heh. Just goes to show the efficacy of web ads. I didn't even notice the half nekkid, bent over chick.

          • Nostrildamus

            Half naked? What, you like 'em bald?

    • Guppy

      It's called a "daisy chain," I believe.

  • Oblios_Cap

    This is front page news here in Flor-i-duh. Lez blahs are all the rage!

    The Lt. Gov's also under investigation for more mundane things, as well.

    • SorosBot

      Lesbian black Republicans must be self-hating in three ways; I had thought Condoleeza was one of a kind.

    • Terry

      You'd think that an elected official with a degree from an unaccredited diploma mill would be held above such petty suspicions.

    • bibliotequetress

      "Under investigation" seems to be SOP for Florida politicians, Oblios_Cap. But we aren't often handed hot lesbian GOP scandal. MORE!

  • MissTaken

    I love me some Gavin, but he talked shit about my hometown and broke my heart. Well, he was absolutely correct in what he said, but still.

    • SorosBot

      Well I prefer Sacramento to San Francisco because it's easier to find parking in Sacramento.

    • Limeylizzie

      I'm sorry, I have also talked a lot of shit about Sacramento as MrLimeylizzie's son and daughter-in-law live there, so we go somewhat frequently. It is so awful ,and I whine so much, that he as to take me to San Francisco , to stay at the Mark Hopkins for a couple of nights, on the way back.

      • MissTaken

        I grew up there so I know it's horrible. All strip malls everywhere. I dragged SB last month to meet my friends and family. Afterwards we spent the rest of the week in Napa drinking wine to detox from it.

        • Limeylizzie

          It is , although there is a really good Food Co-Op that we went to, to get snacks for the roadtrip, other than that….

        • SorosBot

          Although I did enjoy my time there – probably because we spent the whole time drinking and meeting your friends, who are all cool.

          And you didn't take me to see the Old Sac.

        • bibliotequetress

          Well, now, that's something good about Sacramento: it makes you appreciate Napa more! Not everyone's hometown can make that claim.

    • Crank_Tango

      I think "dull" is a compliment when referring to Sacto.

      • Limeylizzie

        Fresno also just ghastly.

        • James Michael Curley

          Twenty Nine Palms. Blew through there once at close to 110 and stopped by a CHP. Town was so out of it that he let me go without a ticket saying "I'd rather not damn you by making you come back here."

          • Limeylizzie

            That place frightens me, so desolate and trashy at the same time.

          • James Michael Curley

            It’s been decades and I can’t imagine it getting any better.

          • Steverino247

            One of my many "happy" childhood memories involves Twentynine Palms. A very intoxicated great-aunt banging away on an out-of-tune upright piano singing "The Old Rugged Cross." She finished a quart of vodka while we were there, if I recall correctly.

            I've been that drunk, but never that depraved.

          • Juan_Oriley

            HIGH DESERT LIBEL!! OK, Twentynine Plams is pretty ghastly but I'm a Navy boy so all those Marines make me nervous. Joshua Tree is just down the road though and they got a nice little saloon with good music regularly. It's the final resting place of Gram Parsons too. Pioneer Town is just a little further down the way up in the hills and they have the coolest road house in all of Cali. Back me up here Ken Layne!

          • James Michael Curley

            There are a few things about the whole area I actually like, though I haven’t been through there in decades. As I mentally plan The Last Great Continental Cruise which I intend to start about six and a half minutes after I retire/get laid off, I probably will go through there. I have friends in Tuscon, Phoenix and Prescott so going out to LA through that part of the desert and seeing Joshua Tree Park seems to be the best way. Besides, I plan to do the whole trip without going on an Interstate. There is alternative though, I once drove from Chicago to LA along Route 66 when there still was a lot of Route 66 left. That seems attractive. (I may even replace the sign I borrowed.)

        • Negropolis

          California has some great coastal cities, but there is a huge drop off once you reach the interior. I'm sure they all have their interesting parts, but come on. San Bernardino, Fresno, Modesto, Stockton….gawd.

  • Callyson

    This Miami Herald story gets better and better…

    Cole goes beyond simply alleging an isolated incident, saying Ramos “jealously hoarded the Lieutenant Governor’s attention in a manner which can only be described as bizarre” and that Cole was ordered to book adjoining rooms when Ramos traveled with Carroll. Cole also said that policy was changed without explanation after Carroll’s husband went along on one of the trips.

    No threesomes for the hubby, huh? He must be disappointed…

    • SorosBot

      Yeah, you'd think most husbands would be all excited and want to watch.

    • weejee

      It a Florida thing, they try to keep this sorta stuff quiet. To do otherwise would be like lifting the curtain at Disney World.

      • Ducksworthy

        Fucking goofy seems to be a theme today.

    • MissTaken

      He is the real victim here.

    • MOG2410

      Yeah, I used to do the adjoing room thing on business trips, but it was strictly so we could work late. No really.

    • Extemporanus

      Whenever I travel with my wife and her mistress, I reserve a single room with adjoining genitals.

  • Designer_Radio

    I'm going to withhold judgement until I hear Brian Fischer's thoughts on this…

    • RadioSlut

      Or Anita Bryant's.

      • Designer_Radio

        I just need some clarification on why the GOP promotes Man On Dog sex now.

  • SorosBot

    Wait, the state can prosecute whistle-blowers who leak a boss' secret recordings now? The ghost of Richard Nixon is cursing.

    • Chichikovovich

      Though actually the tapes themselves were not leaked. Some low-level doofus being examined by the Watergate panel let slip that all the Oval Office conversations were recorded, and Archibald Cox was already preparing subpoenas before the witness took his next breath.

      • PuckStopsHere

        WTF? Nixon was driven from office by an obsessed left wing media! I heard it on the radio.

    • HateMachine

      Other recent innovations in the field include the Fast and Furious "whistle-blower" being the only member of the ATF task force that actually engaged in gun-walking, against the express wishes of his superior.

  • DrunkIrishman


    Oh wait…misread the headline.

  • Buzz Feedback

    Bumping donuts is not a crime.

  • Self-Uploader

    Maybe Ramos was just trying to place a flag pin on Carroll when she slipped and fell landing on top of her boss with her legs spread. The pin then pierced Carroll's skin causing her to squeal like a pig at the moment when Cole opened the door.

  • Chichikovovich

    "Affair" is really a loaded word. I prefer "Mutually Beneficial Relationship"

    • RadioSlut

      My upfist bionic wrist is just getting warmed up.

    • MOG2410

      With a strong ROI, no doubt.

  • Poindexter718

    Bad, bad lieutenant!

    • Ducksworthy

      Sadly, I see what you did there, zoot.

    • MOG2410


  • MLHencken

    I need much, much more evidence — preferably in MPEG format — before I can render any judgement.

  • Billmatic

    I feel like a Black Republican, money I got comin' in.

  • lulzmonger

    Needs more Star-Spangled Strap-ons.

  • RadioSlut

    Running while (scissoring).

    • Mumbletypeg

      "da dew run, run-run, da dew run, rrrrrun!" ♪

      • RadioSlut

        Busy Lizzies.

    • MOG2410


    • CapnRadio

      Now that's what I call shear–let me finish–delight!

      • not that Dewey

        Cut it out.

        • RadioSlut

          Don't get snippy.

  • metamarcisf

    Which explains budgetary line items such as "strap-on" expense.

  • sbj1964

    GOP, Girl on Girl action?Well it will have to be better than the DNC Hillary & Janet Reno tapes.

  • DerrickWildcat

    Found her on Christian Mingle. So it's ok.

    • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

      because I won't go there, because MARRIED and ATHEIST, do they have a MSM/WSW area at Xtian Mingle?

  • didgen

    Go girls, Go girls, Go girls!!!!!!

    • James Michael Curley

      Before they started down sizing the Coast Guard up here in NJ, it had a ferry used to take members from the mainland to a couple islands for their duty tours. The ferry was called "You Go Girl." Still can't figure that one out? Coast Guard Ferries? Nah, lets not go there.

  • dijetlo

    Pix or GTFO

  • ph7

    I googled "Beatriz Ramos" to complete my mental image of this tryst, and I must say, this pol on pol action is either very hot, or very disturbing. FWIW, I'm going with very hot!

    • Limeylizzie

      I wonder which one it is??

    • sezme

      Apparently Beatriz Ramos looks like whatever you want her to look like. This works for both Jennifer Caroll and for me.

  • IncenseDebate

    I'm glad we're over balls, finally.

  • Tommy1733

    This has been a sex-x-xy week at Wonkette – first Mitt gets booed by NAACP and now this! I hear Pulitzer bells ringing.

  • CrunchyKnee

    Charlie Crist LIBELZ!!!!1

  • ManchuCandidate

    Seems pretty fishy to me. If there were only a 69th of a chance that these allegations were true. The investigators are just going to have to dive into this hairy mess and find out. But knowing how GOPers do things, it will be sloppy and they'll miss the point as they spend most of their time licking around the issue.

    • Chichikovovich

      Do dry to be direct for once. Stop beating around the bush.

    • RadioSlut

      They just can't sweep this under the rugs. They've got to stay on top and get to the bottom of this.

    • Estproph

      The GOP is full of cunning linguists who will swirl this around on their lips until the teabaggers have only their story on their tongues. I guarantee this is going to get muffed. They're Merkins, after all!

    • WABishop

      It looks like she's going down.

  • prommie

    I could find it very easy to fap to this story, if there were video.

    • LetUsBray

      I for one would prefer a nice, vividly written description. And if they didn't spank each other and buttsechs with a strap-on, could they maybe pretend they did?

  • Exhausted66

    Kind of a waste of that rack.

  • ph7

    The filing implies that Carroll worked to snuff out an arson investigation at the Capitol that could have implicated Ramos. Carroll personally met with the FDLE investigator looking into a fire in Cole’s trash can. Ramos later told the investigator she put a cigar that she thought she had extinguished into the trash can; the case was closed.

    Her girlfriend was playing with a cigar. NICE!

    • James Michael Curley

      Drudge Siren calling Bill Clinton an arsonist coming up.

  • lisawines

    I don't think that LPAC will be supporting her reelection.

  • e_z

    Time for the ol' Laissez-faire on the Lezzie affair.

  • Estproph

    "Scissoring"? Guess they finished "rocking".

    • jqheywood

      And now they are trying to paper it over…

  • Mumbletypeg


    I'm holding off any further opinionating til I hear what Jamie Sommers Geminisunmars has to say about this.

  • OneYieldRegular

    "Lezzing out"? Seriously? I think the bigger scandal may be that the Florida Lieutenant Governor's Office was staffed by girls who were still in junior high school.

    • Chichikovovich

      Remember that Wonkette often features a style that literary-critic types call "the unreliable narrator".

  • TribecaMike

    You say Tobago, I say tobacco — let's call the whole thing off.

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™


  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    …so the only dick she likes is Governor Scott?


  • mavenmaven

    "it’s possible that Carroll’s GOP voters (OH WE FORGOT TO SAY SHE IS A REPUBLICAN!) might not!"
    Rush Limbaugh is demanding the videos.

    • YasserArraFeck

      At least the slut isn't looking for the taxpayer to pick up the tab for her birth control!!!

  • Rosie_Scenario

    Perhaps Condi Rice is her role model. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

  • rickmaci

    Is there a stripper in this story too? Pleez!!!

  • StealthMuslin

    If a Republican does it it's not gay.

  • rocktonsam

    that rack is superlezbionic

  • Neoyorquino

    Excellent. One step closer to the interracial, bisexual love quadrangle I've been waiting for.

  • timbo71351

    This is the same dumb broad who compared Gov. Bat Boy to MLK…. .

  • owhatever

    What two drag queens do in private is none of my business.

  • ElPinche

    Victimless crime, my ass. What about the double-dildo's feelings?

  • ElPinche

    "Session is adjourned!" ( slams down the very misplaced 20" double-dildo)

  • sezme

    Wait. As a Republican, is she a self-hating lesbian or a self-hating blah?

  • Larry McAwful

    What is this? Wonkette is shilling for Republicans now? Because this story would totally make me vote for her, and I haven't voted for a Republican since 1994. My Wonkette is lucky that I don't live in Florida, where I could be tempted to act on this impulse. Otherwise you'd have a lawsuit on your hands. From me.

    • emmelemm

      Why on earth did you vote for a Republican in 1994?

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    "Lezzing out"?

    Is this one of those new fads like planking I keep hearing about on the Intertubes?

  • Preacher_Griz

    Lesbian's are SO HAWT!!! Especially when they have tats!!!!

    Even so, homosexual fornication is disgusting!

  • Halloween Jack

    For a second, I thought that this was an article about Condi Rice.

  • Schmegeg

    OK, time to cool off, contributors, And I have just the pill to do it. Two Words;

    Chris Christie

  • MiniMencken

    So, uhm, this Carroll walks into the Tampa convention hall during the Republican national and declares, "I could lick Sarah Palin with one hand tied behind my back! Ditto for Michele Bachmann!" She is chosen over Mittens by a riotous acclamation.

  • Fuck Toad

    Cigar-smoking Cuban lesbians, hm?

  • ttommyunger

    "Bitch set me up."

  • ColonelDoctor

    I gotta tell y'all, as a real live lesbian, "scissoring" is only something that happens in straight porn. Sorry. Try again.

  • arihaya

    gay black female republican !!

    you can't be more minority than this

  • emmelemm

    Fair enough.

    I do agree that there used to be decent Republicans. Doesn't mean I would have voted for any of them, though.