scissor sisters

Is Florida’s Pretty Lt. Gov. Lady Having Lesbionic Interracial Affair With Aide?

Like Lynne Cheney's SistersThat’s a good question, in that headline right there up above here, that you just read. It comes to us via the court filings of a lady who worked for Florida’s lieutenant governor, Jennifer Carroll, and who is now on trial for sharing secret tape recordings with a reporter. She says, and we believe this is a direct quote from her filing, “Dude, everyone in the office recorded everyone else, it was the policy, and also I totally saw Jennifer Carroll and travel aide Beatriz Ramos lezzing out.”

Carletha Cole says she was fired from Lt. Gov. Carroll’s office shortly after walking in and seeing Carroll and Ramos in “a compromising position” (scissoring). Then she shared a secret tape recording with a reporter, and now she is on trial for it. She passed a polygraph kind of? Meanwhile, there are further allegations that Ramos may have arsoned a fire with a “cigar” and that Carroll transferred an investigator to keep Ramos safe.

This is all a LOT of to-do for a lieutenant governor’s office. In California, our hot lt. gov. is so bored he got a paper route.

While your Wonkette is all for interracial lesbionic affairs, it’s possible that Carroll’s GOP voters (OH WE FORGOT TO SAY SHE IS A REPUBLICAN!) might not!

[MiamiHerald, via Wonkette operative Schmannity.]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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  1. mirrorballdc

    Why can't the DC Council have scandals like this? No, it's always illegal money stuff and smoking crack. Not sexy at all.

    1. va_real

      Scissoring? Isn't that what Mittens did to that guy in high school while other boys held him down?

          1. James Michael Curley

            Dunkin' Donuts another Bain Capital Company from 2005 to 2009 and what a combination Mitt Romney, Geroge HW Bush (and W) in the name of the Carlyle Group and Thomas Lee Partners the company that brought you the Refco meltdown in 2005 and the prototype for government bailouts of leveraged buyout companies that go under.

            Why aren't these people standing up against a wall?

    2. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      ah yes…the best lesbian position of all. Too bad Carrol is hardly attractive but that can feature in heavily with the Sarah Silverman-Erin Burnett encounter that's been filling up my fantasies lately. Still, I'd like to see Ramos…if she's a bitchy Cuban there's a chance she could have great ghetto booty like my favorite Cuban Vida Guerra.

  2. thefrontpage

    I've been sleeping with Lt. Gov. Jennifer for several months, so if there is a lesbionic thing going on, it's news to me!

    1. FakaktaSouth

      A lovely, black, lady gay – republican. One of these things is not like the other, one of these things just doesn't belong. She needs to also be handicapped and Muslim and I would want to study her forever.

  3. FlownOver

    In Baja Nebraska our sex scandals are usually about charges that someone in state government once claimed to know where babbies come from. Even if they get it wrong.

  4. Callyson

    Timothy Robinson, retired chief polygraph examiner for the Florida Department of Law Enforcement, said that “Ms. Cole’s charts were somewhat difficult to read,” but he believed her.
    “Her charts, in my opinion, are indicative of a non-deceptive examinee (truthful),” Robinson wrote. “Ms. Cole passed her polygraph.”

    When is the Lt Gov's polygraph test scheduled?

    Actually, fuck that: when is *Mittens* taking his test?

    1. va_real

      Could it be that Robinson- like many Wonketeers- just really, really wanted Ms. Cole to be telling the truth…?

      1. MacRaith

        Reading polygraphs is like reading tea leaves – you can make them say whatever you're being paid to make them say.

  5. weejee

    I totally saw Jennifer Carroll and travel aide Beatriz Ramos lezzing out.

    Will Faux Newz treat this lezz-ay faire? Hand-off the hands-on since Carroll has the GOPness?

    1. Ducksworthy

      And she's a Blah-GOP. That should buy her a lot of protection from the jackals at FAUX

  6. freakishlywrong

    She'll be gone. The tealiban only voted for her to show they aren't racist. Lesziness is a bridge too far.

  7. Goonemeritus

    Common decency demands we await photographic evidence. But please don’t make us wait that long.

    1. kittensdontlie

      Truly he is, you know, he doesn't keep his head shaved for no reason at all….

  8. Callyson

    Steve MacNamara, former chief of staff for Gov. Rick Scott, viewed Carroll as a “loose cannon”

    Loose cannon? Is that the new euphemism for "slut" now?

    1. Crank_Tango

      Have you ever tried to stick your cock in a cannon? Probably not. Also, I don't believe that is what the expression originally meant, but what do I know, I just tried sticking my dick in a gunbarrel.

  9. SorosBot

    "Meanwhile, there are further allegations that Ramos may have arsoned a fire with a “cigar” and that Carroll transferred an investigator to keep Ramos safe."

    That sounds like a Mutually Beneficial Arrangement.

        1. superdave

          Heh. Just goes to show the efficacy of web ads. I didn't even notice the half nekkid, bent over chick.

  10. Oblios_Cap

    This is front page news here in Flor-i-duh. Lez blahs are all the rage!

    The Lt. Gov's also under investigation for more mundane things, as well.

    1. SorosBot

      Lesbian black Republicans must be self-hating in three ways; I had thought Condoleeza was one of a kind.

    2. Terry

      You'd think that an elected official with a degree from an unaccredited diploma mill would be held above such petty suspicions.

    3. bibliotequetress

      "Under investigation" seems to be SOP for Florida politicians, Oblios_Cap. But we aren't often handed hot lesbian GOP scandal. MORE!

    1. SorosBot

      Well I prefer Sacramento to San Francisco because it's easier to find parking in Sacramento.

    2. Limeylizzie

      I'm sorry, I have also talked a lot of shit about Sacramento as MrLimeylizzie's son and daughter-in-law live there, so we go somewhat frequently. It is so awful ,and I whine so much, that he as to take me to San Francisco , to stay at the Mark Hopkins for a couple of nights, on the way back.

      1. MissTaken

        I grew up there so I know it's horrible. All strip malls everywhere. I dragged SB last month to meet my friends and family. Afterwards we spent the rest of the week in Napa drinking wine to detox from it.

        1. Limeylizzie

          It is , although there is a really good Food Co-Op that we went to, to get snacks for the roadtrip, other than that….

        2. SorosBot

          Although I did enjoy my time there – probably because we spent the whole time drinking and meeting your friends, who are all cool.

          And you didn't take me to see the Old Sac.

        3. bibliotequetress

          Well, now, that's something good about Sacramento: it makes you appreciate Napa more! Not everyone's hometown can make that claim.

        1. James Michael Curley

          Twenty Nine Palms. Blew through there once at close to 110 and stopped by a CHP. Town was so out of it that he let me go without a ticket saying "I'd rather not damn you by making you come back here."

          1. Steverino247

            One of my many "happy" childhood memories involves Twentynine Palms. A very intoxicated great-aunt banging away on an out-of-tune upright piano singing "The Old Rugged Cross." She finished a quart of vodka while we were there, if I recall correctly.

            I've been that drunk, but never that depraved.

          2. Juan_Oriley

            HIGH DESERT LIBEL!! OK, Twentynine Plams is pretty ghastly but I'm a Navy boy so all those Marines make me nervous. Joshua Tree is just down the road though and they got a nice little saloon with good music regularly. It's the final resting place of Gram Parsons too. Pioneer Town is just a little further down the way up in the hills and they have the coolest road house in all of Cali. Back me up here Ken Layne!

          3. James Michael Curley

            There are a few things about the whole area I actually like, though I haven’t been through there in decades. As I mentally plan The Last Great Continental Cruise which I intend to start about six and a half minutes after I retire/get laid off, I probably will go through there. I have friends in Tuscon, Phoenix and Prescott so going out to LA through that part of the desert and seeing Joshua Tree Park seems to be the best way. Besides, I plan to do the whole trip without going on an Interstate. There is alternative though, I once drove from Chicago to LA along Route 66 when there still was a lot of Route 66 left. That seems attractive. (I may even replace the sign I borrowed.)

        2. Negropolis

          California has some great coastal cities, but there is a huge drop off once you reach the interior. I'm sure they all have their interesting parts, but come on. San Bernardino, Fresno, Modesto, Stockton….gawd.

  11. Callyson

    This Miami Herald story gets better and better…

    Cole goes beyond simply alleging an isolated incident, saying Ramos “jealously hoarded the Lieutenant Governor’s attention in a manner which can only be described as bizarre” and that Cole was ordered to book adjoining rooms when Ramos traveled with Carroll. Cole also said that policy was changed without explanation after Carroll’s husband went along on one of the trips.

    No threesomes for the hubby, huh? He must be disappointed…

    1. MOG2410

      Yeah, I used to do the adjoing room thing on business trips, but it was strictly so we could work late. No really.

    2. Extemporanus

      Whenever I travel with my wife and her mistress, I reserve a single room with adjoining genitals.

  12. SorosBot

    Wait, the state can prosecute whistle-blowers who leak a boss' secret recordings now? The ghost of Richard Nixon is cursing.

    1. Chichikovovich

      Though actually the tapes themselves were not leaked. Some low-level doofus being examined by the Watergate panel let slip that all the Oval Office conversations were recorded, and Archibald Cox was already preparing subpoenas before the witness took his next breath.

      1. PuckStopsHere

        WTF? Nixon was driven from office by an obsessed left wing media! I heard it on the radio.

    2. HateMachine

      Other recent innovations in the field include the Fast and Furious "whistle-blower" being the only member of the ATF task force that actually engaged in gun-walking, against the express wishes of his superior.

  13. Self-Uploader

    Maybe Ramos was just trying to place a flag pin on Carroll when she slipped and fell landing on top of her boss with her legs spread. The pin then pierced Carroll's skin causing her to squeal like a pig at the moment when Cole opened the door.

  14. sbj1964

    GOP, Girl on Girl action?Well it will have to be better than the DNC Hillary & Janet Reno tapes.

    1. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

      because I won't go there, because MARRIED and ATHEIST, do they have a MSM/WSW area at Xtian Mingle?

    1. James Michael Curley

      Before they started down sizing the Coast Guard up here in NJ, it had a ferry used to take members from the mainland to a couple islands for their duty tours. The ferry was called "You Go Girl." Still can't figure that one out? Coast Guard Ferries? Nah, lets not go there.

  15. ph7

    I googled "Beatriz Ramos" to complete my mental image of this tryst, and I must say, this pol on pol action is either very hot, or very disturbing. FWIW, I'm going with very hot!

    1. sezme

      Apparently Beatriz Ramos looks like whatever you want her to look like. This works for both Jennifer Caroll and for me.

  16. Tommy1733

    This has been a sex-x-xy week at Wonkette – first Mitt gets booed by NAACP and now this! I hear Pulitzer bells ringing.

  17. ManchuCandidate

    Seems pretty fishy to me. If there were only a 69th of a chance that these allegations were true. The investigators are just going to have to dive into this hairy mess and find out. But knowing how GOPers do things, it will be sloppy and they'll miss the point as they spend most of their time licking around the issue.

    1. RadioSlut

      They just can't sweep this under the rugs. They've got to stay on top and get to the bottom of this.

    2. Estproph

      The GOP is full of cunning linguists who will swirl this around on their lips until the teabaggers have only their story on their tongues. I guarantee this is going to get muffed. They're Merkins, after all!

    1. LetUsBray

      I for one would prefer a nice, vividly written description. And if they didn't spank each other and buttsechs with a strap-on, could they maybe pretend they did?

  18. ph7

    The filing implies that Carroll worked to snuff out an arson investigation at the Capitol that could have implicated Ramos. Carroll personally met with the FDLE investigator looking into a fire in Cole’s trash can. Ramos later told the investigator she put a cigar that she thought she had extinguished into the trash can; the case was closed.

    Her girlfriend was playing with a cigar. NICE!

  19. OneYieldRegular

    "Lezzing out"? Seriously? I think the bigger scandal may be that the Florida Lieutenant Governor's Office was staffed by girls who were still in junior high school.

    1. Chichikovovich

      Remember that Wonkette often features a style that literary-critic types call "the unreliable narrator".

  20. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    …so the only dick she likes is Governor Scott?


  21. mavenmaven

    "it’s possible that Carroll’s GOP voters (OH WE FORGOT TO SAY SHE IS A REPUBLICAN!) might not!"
    Rush Limbaugh is demanding the videos.

    1. YasserArraFeck

      At least the slut isn't looking for the taxpayer to pick up the tab for her birth control!!!

  22. Rosie_Scenario

    Perhaps Condi Rice is her role model. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

  23. Neoyorquino

    Excellent. One step closer to the interracial, bisexual love quadrangle I've been waiting for.

  24. Larry McAwful

    What is this? Wonkette is shilling for Republicans now? Because this story would totally make me vote for her, and I haven't voted for a Republican since 1994. My Wonkette is lucky that I don't live in Florida, where I could be tempted to act on this impulse. Otherwise you'd have a lawsuit on your hands. From me.

  25. randcoolcatdaddy

    "Lezzing out"?

    Is this one of those new fads like planking I keep hearing about on the Intertubes?

  26. Schmegeg

    OK, time to cool off, contributors, And I have just the pill to do it. Two Words;

    Chris Christie

  27. MiniMencken

    So, uhm, this Carroll walks into the Tampa convention hall during the Republican national and declares, "I could lick Sarah Palin with one hand tied behind my back! Ditto for Michele Bachmann!" She is chosen over Mittens by a riotous acclamation.

  28. ColonelDoctor

    I gotta tell y'all, as a real live lesbian, "scissoring" is only something that happens in straight porn. Sorry. Try again.

  29. emmelemm

    Fair enough.

    I do agree that there used to be decent Republicans. Doesn't mean I would have voted for any of them, though.

Comments are closed.