arch emperor for life of all bains

By ‘Left Bain’ Mitt Romney Actually Meant ‘Continued To Run/Own 100% Of/Chair Bain For Years’

Is there ever a *bad* time to go with Hezbollah Mickey Mouse?The Boston Globe has a fantastic story today about Mitt Romney, the local candidate. Romney has long claimed that he left Bain Capital in 1999, shortly before the firm unleashed a particularly sharp, blood-soaked assault on American jobs, to take up his new job as an Olympics Saver. And yet documents that Bain later filed with the SEC — and savvy cats know that you can tell those dopes anything — say that “he remained the firm’s ‘sole stockholder, chairman of the board, chief executive officer, and president'” for, oh, another three years. Were you aware of this, stockholders? Did you know about all of this papery play-governance going on behind your backs? No, you didn’t, because you didn’t exist, since Romney “still owned 100 percent of Bain Capital in 2002.”

This certainly doesn’t square with the official Mitt Romney timeline of important Mitt Romney dates. We know that he left in 1999 to save the Olympics, we know this. And to “save the Olympics,” reader, is quite a thing. One cannot “save the Olympics” while maintaining a part-time side gig owning in its entirety/running/presidenting/ chairing a major financial firm. One envisions him, Mitt Romney, atop the snow mountain, all day, fending off Persians with the one hand, cutting a zoning deal with Zeus with the other, paying off Poseidon’s Army with his one foot, kicking a neverending stream of Church intern rock-crushing slaves with the other. To Save an Olympics is to sacrifice all for the sake of competitive sport.

And yet?

Government documents filed by Mitt Romney and Bain Capital say Romney remained chief executive and chairman of the firm three years beyond the date he said he ceded control, even creating five new investment partnerships during that time.

Romney has said he left Bain in 1999 to lead the winter Olympics in Salt Lake City, ending his role in the company. But public Securities and Exchange Commission documents filed later by Bain Capital state he remained the firm’s “sole stockholder, chairman of the board, chief executive officer, and president.”

Also, a Massachusetts financial disclosure form Romney filed in 2003 states that he still owned 100 percent of Bain Capital in 2002. And Romney’s state financial disclosure forms indicate he earned at least $100,000 as a Bain “executive” in 2001 and 2002, separate from investment earnings.

The timing of Romney’s departure from Bain is a key point of contention because he has said his resignation in February 1999 meant he was not responsible for Bain Capital companies that went bankrupt or laid off workers after that date.

Even so, here your Wonkette finds itself stuck, not really sure how “Mitt Romney worked that job a few more years” is supposed to be a devastating, blockbuster election year story that forever alters the course of time. Please, Boston Globe, please tell us you dialed one of your rent-a-provocative-angry-lawyer people to spice this up?

“You can’t say statements filed with the SEC are meaningless. This is a fact in an SEC filing,” said Roberta S. Karmel, now a professor at Brooklyn Law School.

“It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to say he was technically in charge on paper but he had nothing to do with Bain’s operations,” Karmel continued. “Was he getting paid? He’s the sole stockholder. Are you telling me he owned the company but had no say in its investments?” […]

“If someone invested with Bain Capital because they believed Mitt Romney was a great fund manager, and it turns out he wasn’t really doing anything, that could be considered a misrepresentation to the investor,’’ she said. “It’s a theory that could be used in a lawsuit against him.”

Ooh, possible lawsuits — provocative.

Who is the Real Mitt Romney? A guy who worked at Bain Capital until 1999… or 2002? It’s time he quit this race and let secret winner Ron Paul have the nomination.

[Boston Globe]
[Also everyone on twitter and the blogs says that Mother Jones and TPM had already led the way reporting this story, so here are links to those websites]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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    1. James Michael Curley

      Lying to the SEC is a penalty only for those who contribute to Democratic candidates like Martha Stewart.

    2. An_Outhouse

      Ha, ha ,ha, ha … like any of those laws are enforced. Everyone knows they're just suggestions.

    3. Wadisay

      Mittens will not be the nominee of the Republican Party. You heard it here first. Let the death watch begin.

    4. JohnnyQuick

      I really have a problem, which is that I've been imagining Romney in jail all day now.

      How can you have an all-day orgasm without pills? I hope I'm OK.

      1. Callyson

        Seriously–Nixon is rolling over in his grave, thinking "Christ, at least I was smarter about it than this…"

  1. ChernobylSoup

    I don't get it. This is almost too easy. And what about contradictions between his SEC and FEC filings? Felonies there, too, I'd reckon.

    1. ibwilliamsi

      This was Obama's stock in trade in Illinois elections. There's no way he's not using this.

    2. Terry

      I have no trouble believing he lied about all this, but I truly can't understand WHY he lied. He could have easily said that while he remained the sole stockholder of the company, he relied on his top notch staff to run Bain while he was off saving the Olympics.

  2. SorosBot

    Next thing you know it might turn out that he's trying to hide something by refusing to release his tax returns.

    1. Terry

      Well, there's his hiding his money outside of the country for a start. What a patriot, that guy.

  3. Barb

    Romney seems to think that releasing his tax returns is a game of "rock, paper, scissors" You can't just yell, "scissors beats paper" and win this one. release the tax returns! Have Ann dumpster dive in a restaurant parking lot for receipts, get your shit together and just do it.

  4. WhatTheHeck

    When there’s money involved, you can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave.

    1. Callyson

      My mouth just watered and my eyes just widened upon reading this.

      Keep talking about this possibility and I may have to take a quick masturbation break…

    2. Ducksworthy

      As Outhouse says-Cheney is all they have left. Cheney is like Thorion in the Le Guin story "Dragonfly" -returned from the dead to save us all, but actually still dead.

    3. Bezoar

      "Hmmmm, Ron Paul and a Contested Convention. I like the sound of that. "

      And remember, lots of concealed firearms!

  5. sbj1964

    Mittens makes $58,000 dollars an hour off his Bain investments.Yet he's still just a common middle class Joe in blue jeans?

  6. Goonemeritus

    I’m sure he was really spying for Pakistan those three years and the paperwork is just cover.

  7. noodlesalad

    According to the long-form Bain birth certificate, Mitt Romney IS Bain Capital, and half-Cayman, and therefore ineligible to run for office. When will they report the TRUTH???

    1. Ducksworthy

      Half Cayman? So the rumors about the lizard people are true. That's why he never takes off his special underwear.

    1. SoBeach

      I have a feeling all we're seeing right now is the tame stuff. Come October, if Mittens looks like he has a chance of winning, the REAL dirt will come out.

          1. doloras

            *ahem* Before you think of coming to this backwards sheep-herding Mexicans-with-cellphones country, google "john key peter jackson industrial law change".

  8. BarackMyWorld

    "Bain Capital and the campaign for the presumptive GOP nominee have suggested the SEC filings that show Romney as the man in charge during those additional three years have little meaning, and are the result of legal technicalities."

    Like with all things, Mitt will find his wiggle room, whether it is true or not.

    1. Guppy

      If there's anybody who firmly believes that anything filed with the SEC "have little meaning," it's the GOP.

  9. MissTaken

    Does one have to file with the SEC when they enter into "Mutually Beneficial Arrangements"? I have a, um 'friend', who is interested in crouching naked next to a sports car but I don't, ooops, I mean she doesn't want it to be a campaign issue if I, dammit!, SHE runs for office someday.

    1. BarackMyWorld

      That took me a second because most of us (me) were too busy looking at the picture to notice the text.

    2. actor212

      Well, you can ask the SEC to give a ruling ahead of filing, but you.. I mean, she…will have to provide supporting evidence.

      You may email the package to me. I'll be sure to get it to the right people.

    3. Guppy

      Don't worry about the SEC; the smart sugar daddies will make you sign a 500-page prenup ("prefuckbuddy?")

  10. Baconzgood

    I don't think he should to proud of that olympic thing either. Wasn't there like a bribery controversy surrounding that?

    P.S. Found it Mumbletypeg!

  11. eggsacklywright

    Mitt is a fucking liar. Will any corporate media clowns ever have the balls to just say it to his face?

  12. PuckStopsHere

    I'm sure Mr. Romney paid all taxes due on all his accounts in Switzerland and the Caymans from 1999-2002, so what's the issue here?

  13. viennawoods13

    I don't get it. How does this sort of shit, plus the 100 million IRA, not totally fuck Rmoney over? How can he possibly be taken seriously? Oh, wait, he's running to replace a blah. Never mind.

  14. SayItWithWookies

    Oh, three years of erroneous SEC filings are just completely meaningless — can't we concentrate on the real issues, like, for instance, an unpublished biographical paragraph about Barack Obama that says he was born in Kenya?

      1. James Michael Curley

        I got 8,500% and I was using conservative estimates and the lowest end of all the ball park figures and gave both him and his wife full benefit for 'catch up' contribution amounts and a simple, not compounded, earnings over principal calculation.

        8,000% or 8,500% whatever. It is impossible unless he got some really, really sweat deals in a self directed IRA. And by sweat, I'm talking he will be dead from diabetes before the election.

        I forgot that 'self directed IRAs' were not permitted until 1983 or 1984 so the first 10,000 or 12,000 would have been in investments the fund manager decided upon not Romney.

        (Shit, where's my blood pressure meds?)

    1. barto

      if you had made the maximum contribution allowed to us little fold since the inception of IRAs in 1975, you would only have had to have a return slighly north of 30% per year, every year. Maddoff did it, why can't you?

  15. bobbert

    So, if Rmoney wasn't associated with Bain after 1999, who was running the show? That should be a pretty easy question to answer. It seems like an interview with that person would be interesting.

    1. An_Outhouse

      It would be nice if someone found a disgruntled investor who would like the answer to that question.

  16. Ducksworthy

    So if the Repuklikans chicken out in Tampa and decide to run somebody else, who would that be?

    1. An_Outhouse

      Cheney. They've pretty much screwed the pooch already. They can't do any worse while the lame stream media continues to tongue Republican asshole.

  17. FakaktaSouth

    See? He wasn't doing dirty blood deals, he was "creating partnerships." What the fuck is wrong with all you people? He was creating, um, more wealth. And more wealth is people too.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        Maybe this has been my problem all along. I need more of them "people" in my "corner."

      1. FakaktaSouth

        Very, very dirty, very very cheap, except for all those ruined lives, but STILL very cost effective for the man. And now I have that damn song in my head.
        To the AC/DC!

        1. prommie

          Release the Angus! I wanted to do commercials for my real estate practice, using that song. The stick- up-the-ass committee on ethics woulda reprimanded me for tackiness unbecoming of an asshole lawyer, though.

          1. James Michael Curley

            I remember when they actually used to do that. My favorite 'violation' was an ambulance chaser who eventually was disbarred for trolling for county funded 'uncontested divorces' and the overwhelming number of them became contested and the county got soaked for his overage fees. I was walking out of the Allegheny County Court House one day and heard the sound of a fist smashing a nose. Old Howard dropped like a brick but bounced up and started soliciting witnesses before anyone got out the door. Everyone said, "Sorry Howard, I didn't see a thing, I was facing forward.'

  18. poorgradstudent

    Thank Free Market Jesus the majority of Americans are too dumb to understand a scandal involving lots of numbers but no dead white women.

  19. Ducksworthy

    So Wilard sort of left his wholly owned ripoff machine to tackle the Winter Olympics that had been corrupted by his friends in the Mormon Mafia. His "work" there might also be of interest to voters.

    1. sewollef

      He could always have Anne Frank baptized – again. That's sure to get him off scott-free.

  20. Mumbletypeg

    Perfecting the legacy of his forebears and beating Prosperity Gospel preachers at their own game, Romney is. He's about to outdo his patron saint Smith in perpetuating an entire empire on fraudulent statements, mixed messages, misled minions and transparent motives.

  21. BlueStateLibel

    There's more unsolved mysterious surrounding Mitt Rmoney than the teevee show "Unsolved Mysteries." You'd need Sherlock Holmes plus the accountant who took down Capone to unravel this guy's past.

      1. BlueStateLibel

        Personally, I like the hot guy Josh from "Destination Discovery." "In this episode of Destination Discovery, Josh and the team hunt down the fabled lost Mitt Rmoney's tax returns." (Girls screaming in the background.)

    1. FakaktaSouth

      Yes, perchance one of them could explain how exactly this is not illegal, just for Romney, like how whatever law he wrote that lowered Bain's taxes also made it okay to just lie like a rug and say whatever makes you the most electable.

      1. prommie

        Well, its legal to just flat out lie most all the time. Except that its illegal in SEC filings. So his defense is pretty simple: "I wasn't lying in the SEC filings, I was just lying all those other hundreds of times I lied when it wasn't in an SEC filing."

        1. FakaktaSouth

          HAHAHA All these fucking brainiac Mitt Lovers have hooked themselves up to a guy using the BillC 'depends on what the definition of is, is' defense but in a way that actually affects them, not just in the getting blow jobs from young corpulents way.

          I hate those people.

          1. prommie

            Now hey, young chubbie chicks can be beautiful. Even older curvy ladies celebrating their mammary freedom.

      2. prommie

        Plus too there is the deconstructionism aspect of it, what with the ultimate impossibility of ever knowing the "meaning" of any statement anyway.

        1. FakaktaSouth

          It is DEFINITELY, ultimately impossible to EVER know the 'meaning' of ANY statement ever coming out of that assholes face, cept, "tell me what to say, baby, just tell me what to say…" Terrible, terrible.

  22. hagajim

    Kinda funny how lying liars seem to get caught with their lying pants down every time. I know someone who is at best an independent and I asked him his opinion of Mittens – his answer was classic. "I think he's a lying sonofabitch who will say anything to get elected" I say classic because that seems to pretty much pigeonhole all politicians nowadays.

  23. Ducksworthy

    So maybe Bain was in a blind trust operated by one of his minions maybe? Only he still owned all of it but he left but he was still CEO. How do I get a job like this?

  24. fawkedifiknow

    Romney trying to have it both ways? Say it ain't so!! He never even heard of the words "man" and "date" being put together before Obamacare. He is the world's best champion of all things America, except for it's banks, who suck compared to those in Switzerland. Jobs created? What difference if it's in the USA or Commonist China? Jobs is jobs. It's so unfair to say he's a freaking hypocrite. Jebus weeps.

  25. prommie

    It seems that Mitt is just an acolyte of Derrida. Must have been all that time in Paris that made made him a deconstructionist.

  26. fartknocker

    Well if Mittens becomes President Mittens, look forward to the SEC as the first group of people he'll enjoy firing.

  27. Ducksworthy

    So, at the risk of venturing into conspiracy-theory-land, why didn't the former employees of Dade-Behring do anything when Bain stole their pension fund to plump up its returns before bankrupting the company? The guy at the pension counseling clinic at the Alabama law school say they were "extraordinarily nervous". Why would that be?

  28. Callyson

    Wow, this is serious…the trolls aren't even on HuffyPo gabbing about Solyndra/Reverend Wright/food stamps/whatever other trumped up crap FOX News calls talking points yet…

      1. prommie

        Oh Jesus, thats eerie, should we start looking around for a job as a comedy writing team?

        1. FakaktaSouth

          I dunno how many people would really appreciate the things that we find funny.
          We're kinda sick, ya know, it just seems normal when folks like you are laughing too.

          1. prommie

            No, really, we can be like Franken and Davis, and then I can run for Senate! The only person on earth that I KNOW is sicker than I am is Robert Smiegel, and he gets work.

          2. FakaktaSouth

            OH MY GOD I was JUST telling my kids about Triumph like two days ago and I hadn't thought about him in a looong ass time – aight, maybe you're right. Especially about the eerie part.

            and how come I can't run for senate? SEXIST.

          3. prommie

            Its alright, you can make the muffalettas! Now say goodnight, Gracie (I have heard she was the brains of that operation).

          4. FakaktaSouth

            Probably after i get out of the youtube spiral that reference just sent me in to. My eldest child LOVES the Colbert and Carrell and all things gay, she'd absolutely LOVE Ace and Gary.

  29. Ducksworthy

    Bishop Rmoney is privy to the secret doctrine that says the duping the gentiles is OK as long as you tithe. This fits in well with the conservative doctrine that GOP politicians are the "chosen of Gawd" and are therefore exempt from moral law- like King David in the bible.

  30. sewollef

    I like the sound of Rmoney getting into some lying and (possibly) cheating.

    Slightly OT: I read a story recently, where Sen. Angry (R-Arizona) and former Senator Russ Feingold have repeatedly claimed (particularly McCain) that there's so much money in politics now, there's going to be a "big scandal" that'll bring down some major players.

    McCain claimed it'd dwarf Watergate in its impact (clearly he overlooked Iran-Contra, but still). I hope Rmoney's faux-pas with the SEC is the start of it all.

    1. HarryButtle

      "…clearly he overlooked Iran-Contra,…"

      Yea, unfortunately so did the rest of the country at the time! Reagan should have been run out of town on a rail, Elder Bush should have been imprisoned for the rest of his miserable life (meaning no Junior Bush in 2000), and Oliver North should have been shot for treason.

      How much better off would this country be today if that had come to pass?

  31. barto

    Oh, you mean THAT Mint Rmoney. Yeah, sure, THAT Mint Rmoney was totally in charge of Bain. This one, not so much. Got it? Now get outta here.

  32. pdiddycornchips

    If you lie on an application to McDonald's about your recent work history and they find out about it, you would be fired or disqualified from consideration. Why won't Mittens suffer similar consequences? Because, unlike fry cooks and nails ladies, Mittens knows how the "systems work".

  33. ASHLEIGH_Joe

    Well the main issue is that either he baldly lied to the public (again, that is), or he lied on his SEC filing, which is perjury. And as we all know, perjury is an impeachable offense, if the president is a Democrat.

  34. proudgrampa

    I wouldn't be surprised if David Icke runs an expose on Romney declaring that Mitt is a Reptilian.

  35. rickmaci

    OMG OMG OMG Mitt Romoney lied about something. Next thing you'll be telling me is Massachusetts health care reform was put in place by Teddy Kennedy.

  36. lulzmonger

    Massive corporate fraud is people too, my friend!

    Clenis 2.0: "It depends on what your definition of 'SEC filings' is."

    New Campaign Promise: on Day One, President Willard Romney will relocate the White House to … uh, let's see now – who hasn't got an extradition agreement with the US? Bermuda? Bermuda it is, then!

  37. lochnessmonster

    "Left Bain" = he left the building, got in his limo, went to the airport, got in his private jet and flew to Utah.

  38. DahBoner

    When Romney left Bain, he made one of his sons get on the intercom:


  39. Willardbot9000_V2.5

    Hah so the richest major candidate in US history is a big fat liar about his finances? Also…funny how RMoney's lie about when he left Bain just perfectly coincides with Bain activities that would make him unelectable. Fucking douchebag in mom jeans and magic underwear, he is.

  40. Willardbot9000_V2.5

    If Mittens is trying to save himself maybe he ought to claim his cat was actually the CEO of Bain from 1999-2002 and because cats are all selfish assholes he (Republicans would NEVER buy a female cat being able to lead…) fired all those people because they interrupted licking time. Hell, it worked for Nixon and Reagan…and if that doesn't work, Mittens can jangle keys in front of the Media like Dubya did for all of 2003.

  41. ttommyunger

    Just how far can they push this "We create our own reality" shit? We are about to find out.

  42. Blunderthing

    Shit, any more stories about how this guy lied and fucked over the American people and he'll win in a landslide because, you know, dumb shits.

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