AUSTERITY IS FOR LITTLE PEOPLE  10:54 am July 12, 2012

Hot Houston City Councilwoman In The Running For America’s Next Top Grifter

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

grifter please

Well, hellooooo Houston City Councilwoman Helena Brown! How have you and those big brown eyes come to Your Wonkette’s attention today? Oh, you are busy asking local Houston Korean businessmen to give you money for an $11,000 flight to Korea, even though it was already paid for on the public dime? That is kind of weird! Why are you doing that? Do you have to pay off an evil meth dealer? Do you have an unfortunate stripper habit?* What is the deal, Sweet Councilwoman Brown?

From the Houston Press:

In a recent e-mail, which the Houston Press obtained, Brown said: “The trip to Korea is a costly trip. … Please make checks out to Helena Brown who will personally be offsetting the costs.”

But that wasn’t true. Brown paid for airline tickets to South Korea with public money — $11,000 — according to her expense report. Enrique Reyes, her director of communication, said last week hotel costs hadn’t been charged yet, but declined all questions. Brown’s office said the council member returned to Houston today.

Asking for direct contributions under such circumstances appears to break both city law and Harris county policy. Brown not only solicited money during a period when it wasn’t allowed, but in her e-mail she also asked all contributors to pay her at a June 28 gathering held at a Harris County building in Spring Branch, a violation of County policy. Meeting organizers are informed before forums that fundraising isn’t allowed. “If solicitation for money was happening, that’s not right,” said Ricardo Guinea, director of the Sosa Community Center, which housed the gathering.

So what’s that about soliciting money “during a period when it wasn’t allowed”? Houston has “black-out periods” when you can’t fundraise; we’re sure the Supreme Court will be rectifying that soon.

But there is more fun stuff coming out of Brown’s office — namely, that aside from probably totally breaking the law, she is also an asshole! Little Ms. “Just Make the Check Out to ‘Cash’” is very much about austerity, you see. At least when it only affects the help.

Last April, Brown tried to force out one staff member because she was pregnant, says a letter that employee wrote to the Mayor Pro Tem’s office. She also deleted hours her staff had worked, according to employee time cards, so it would show they worked fewer than 40 hours per week. All of Brown’s staff except one, have been part-time and without benefits, exhibiting Brown’s austerity politics.

“Who wouldn’t want to receive benefits?” asked Brown staff member, Marni Rainey. “But it’s a big issue of hers.”

None of the employees received overtime, required under the federal Fair Standards Act, though several of them worked more than 40 hours per week. It’s also a violation of city policy, which prohibits managers from tampering with time cards unless there are errors.

Helena Brown, you are going places! Probably the Governor’s Mansion, 2015!

*Fun fact! Sarah Tressler was your Editrix’s intern at the late alt-weekly LA CityBeat! She was very flirty.

[HoustonPress, via iburl at Wonkville]

 
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{ 97 comments }

ChernobylSoup July 12, 2012 at 10:55 am

She's not hot.

Estproph July 12, 2012 at 10:59 am

It's impossible to tell without an infrared photograph.

noodlesalad July 12, 2012 at 11:02 am

We certainly know she didn't spend $11k on that blazer. Did she just win a golf tournament or something?

ChernobylSoup July 12, 2012 at 11:13 am

♪♫ Come See the Softer Side of Sears ♪♫

bobbert July 12, 2012 at 11:06 am

Sarah Tressler, on the other hand…

ElPinche July 12, 2012 at 11:16 am

ooooh yeah…my right hand and 10 min break.

actor212 July 12, 2012 at 11:09 am

I dunno, she kind of reminds me of Sean Young in Bladerunner. Right down to being a replicant.

Lascauxcaveman July 12, 2012 at 11:56 am

Yes, I was going to say, she's kinda hot for 1982.

OzoneTom July 12, 2012 at 1:10 pm

She looks even more like P.J. Grethe.

Spawn Paul July 12, 2012 at 11:12 am

Oh, I don't know… with a little coaching she could probably mine that 'slutty librarian' vein that the wingnuts seem to go coo coo puffs for.

actor212 July 12, 2012 at 11:15 am

Relevant

SFW

Spawn Paul July 12, 2012 at 11:26 am

Exactly. Wear glasses, put your hair up, and say something bitchy. It's just that easy!

MOG2410 July 12, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Not again. Please.

Maman July 12, 2012 at 11:17 am

It's Houston. Of course she is hot.

Barb July 12, 2012 at 10:56 am

She's just Christine O'Donnell with a southern drawl. Bless her heart.

weejee July 12, 2012 at 11:11 am

Top of the morning to you Barb

You say Xtine is Pole-ish? Who knew????

♪♫ On Dancer, On Prancer, on Grifter and Vixen… ♫♪

actor212 July 12, 2012 at 11:15 am

On Donner and Blitzkrieg…

FlownOver July 12, 2012 at 1:25 pm

And Agnew and Nixon!

nounverb911 July 12, 2012 at 10:56 am

She's the latest sensation in the world of Korean porn.

weejee July 12, 2012 at 11:16 am

She's probably a 화이트 플레이트, "white plate", which although part of the newer women's shaving style, traditionally is bad luck in Korea and used as a pejorative.

nounverb911 July 12, 2012 at 10:58 am

Did she go to Korea to outsource jobs?

SorosBot July 12, 2012 at 10:59 am

What can Brown do for you?

Steverino247 July 12, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Swallow.

Jus_Wonderin July 12, 2012 at 10:59 am

"Sweet Councilwoman Brown"

Though I don't remember the release date, I did like the funk version of that song. It didn't quite have the same impact when it was sampled in MC Gansta Dude's classic "Bitch Be Takin' It".

noodlesalad July 12, 2012 at 11:01 am

Shitty, awful, embezzling bosses are people too, my friend.

eggsacklywright July 12, 2012 at 11:09 am

Laws are for commoners.

Texan_Bulldog July 12, 2012 at 11:02 am

Sniff…Snowbilly must be so proud.

Tundra Grifter July 12, 2012 at 11:02 am

"America's Next Top Grifter" – I'll be the judge of that.

Generation[redacted] July 12, 2012 at 11:50 am

It's the only contest you can win by having the judges bribe you.

MOG2410 July 12, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Houston Barbie? Don't Mess with Texas Barbie? Hot and Humid Barbie? Inquiring minds want to know.

Joshua Norton July 12, 2012 at 11:02 am

Have you ever noticed how, when you read something stupid about wingnutz, you see a hot flash of red, the veins in your neck tighten, and you wake up hours later, covered in entrails, in a location you've never been to before.

Or is it just me?

Generation[redacted] July 12, 2012 at 11:52 am

Sometimes I wake up with someone's torn off face in my mouth and I think, "Who is this?"

MOG2410 July 12, 2012 at 1:52 pm

At that point it probably doesn't matter. I usually just sponge off, throw on my raincoat, turn the hotel TV up a few decibels, sneak down the fire stairs to the rental car and leave the state. But that's just me.

Fairtackle July 12, 2012 at 1:48 pm

"Or is it just me?"

Huh? That is not normal?

mrpuma2u July 12, 2012 at 11:03 am

Woot you go, Downtown Helena Brown! Keep those staffers from gettin' uppity, while you get your dead preznints stacking up!!

Tommy1733 July 12, 2012 at 11:05 am

I'll bet councilwoman Brown is not flirty.

SorosBot July 12, 2012 at 11:05 am

She's a job creator!

actor212 July 12, 2012 at 11:06 am

Blow. Hand. Screw.

MOG2410 July 12, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Yeah, but in Korea.

JoeHoya July 12, 2012 at 11:05 am

There's no such thing as an "unfortunate" stripper habit. We're fortunate to have as many strippers as we do.

Estproph July 12, 2012 at 11:06 am

So is Demi Moore going to play her in the movie adaptation?

FakaktaSouth July 12, 2012 at 11:21 am

Demi Moore 25 years ago maybe. And speaking of, I saw some pics of Demi Moore naked from way back and I reeeeeallllly think she is more suited for Christine O'Donnell's life story. That shit was untenable and I cannot get it out of my head. Every time I see a dead mammal on the side of the road now, I flash back to visions of Demi's ginormous nether-parts.

Lascauxcaveman July 12, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Now I'll know what to say if someone asks me: In what way does your wife most remind you Demi Moore?

FakaktaSouth July 12, 2012 at 12:20 pm

To each his own incredibly incredibly hairy snatch, my brother, to each his very own.

Lascauxcaveman July 12, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Actually, if it was my wife asking, I'd say it was her piercing, blue brown hazel lovely eyes.

actor212 July 12, 2012 at 11:07 am

Sarah Tressler was your Editrix’s intern at the late alt-weekly LA CityBeat! She was very flirty.

Oh man, this is so easy to masterbate to…

James Michael Curley July 12, 2012 at 11:21 am

You'll lower your IQ!

actor212 July 12, 2012 at 11:50 am

It's OK, I already need glasses.

James Michael Curley July 12, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Well, there you go! Ladies don’t make passes at men who wear glasses. Scrap the Nerd Windshield and you’ll soon be giving up that onerous onanism.

FraAnima July 12, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Just keep the sound on mute. On the Kathleen Turner to Sarah Palin scale, Sarah Tressler's voice rates an 8.

Tundra Grifter July 12, 2012 at 11:07 am

"Houston works best when its leadership reflects the values, needs, and aspirations of its citizens." – from Helena Brown's website.

Sadly, that statement may well be true.

Generation[redacted] July 12, 2012 at 11:52 am

Tom Delay agrees.

Joshua Norton July 12, 2012 at 11:08 am

austerity politics

Which is repig-speak for "I got mine, sukka!"

YasserArraFeck July 12, 2012 at 11:09 am

Definitely a 'Tard to watch. I see great things in Ms Brown's future (like Medium Security).

elviouslyqueer July 12, 2012 at 11:13 am

After surveying airfare costs to South Korea, it's apparent, however, that spending $11,000 for a ticket ain't a great deal. Most economy fares hover around $1,600, while first-class tickets usually run more than $8,000.

I've heard of stupid ridiculous "convenience charges," but damn.

Joshua Norton July 12, 2012 at 11:14 am

From the "Tea Party Politics for Dummies" handbook:

Aus·ter·i·ty (ô-st r -t ). n. pl. aus·ter·i·ties. – Mooch as much expensive, free stuff for yourself as possible and steal the rest. Screw everyone else.

ManchuCandidate July 12, 2012 at 11:16 am

Seems like she's a Dick Park for a Dick, um, Richard Park.

jodyleek July 12, 2012 at 11:41 am

Apparently she and her "senior adviser" are rather chummy. What brand of kink do you get in Korea that you can't get in the States? I might not want to know the answer to that.

FakaktaSouth July 12, 2012 at 11:18 am

Helena Brown, you are going places! Probably the Governor’s Mansion, 2015!

Make the checks out to "new fucking floors, get that pine shit outta here, I want travertine tile Building fund"

ASHLEIGH_Joe July 12, 2012 at 11:19 am

Your move, umm.

..Which state are we up to at this point?

elviouslyqueer July 12, 2012 at 12:08 pm

All of th…

Oh, never mind.

Biff July 12, 2012 at 11:23 am

Where do I sign up for my very own hot, flirty intern?

GeorgiaBurning July 12, 2012 at 11:27 am

$11,000 for a flight to Korea? Nice of the taxpayers to buy her a row of seats. Oh, and the extra 11k should be good for shopping at the duty-free

Allmighty_Manos July 12, 2012 at 11:33 am

Hot. circa 1992.

Dildeaux July 12, 2012 at 11:48 am

Me thinks I see shoulder pads hiding descreetly underneath that blouse.

GeorgiaBurning July 12, 2012 at 1:41 pm

"Designing Women" had a yard sale

CindynEncinitas July 12, 2012 at 4:01 pm

But her hair makes her look super earnest.

flamingpdog July 12, 2012 at 11:34 am

Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job!

chascates July 12, 2012 at 11:37 am

11 Grand? Is she taking a Learjet?
Also, flirty with men, with women, or with both?

PubOption July 12, 2012 at 11:42 am

Will Sarah Tressler be a special correspondent for Wonkette, and report from the political conventions?

pdiddycornchips July 12, 2012 at 11:42 am

Texas was just voted the best state in the country to do business in (according to CNBC).
Our overlords love Texas. Low taxes, horrible schools, virtually no rights for working stiffs and cheap whore houses just across to border,

Dildeaux July 12, 2012 at 11:47 am

$11,000 to fly to Korea? Is she taking the Houston Rocket bball team with her?

Austerity? Thats for the proles.

actor212 July 12, 2012 at 11:50 am

Foist class!

glasspusher July 12, 2012 at 11:48 am

She was just trying to lead by example in forcing out her pregnant staffer, knowing that that woman would soon have to force one out also

rocktonsam July 12, 2012 at 11:54 am

I'm not seeing a ring on that claw guys.

I'm drunk in Walker's Wisconsin too so I;m not seeing much anyway..

fuflans July 12, 2012 at 9:25 pm

you have to be drunk in Walker's Wisconsin.

iburl July 12, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Wonkette is obviously a UN plot.

Nostrildamus July 12, 2012 at 12:14 pm

But can she play cross-eyed flute?

Guppy July 12, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Usually you have to look to Congress to see a legislative staff abused like that.

MiniMencken July 12, 2012 at 12:28 pm

She should have asked the Moonies to pay for her ticket.

hagajim July 12, 2012 at 12:33 pm

How do I apply for a job – she sounds like a joy to work for.

Not_So_Much July 12, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Was her manager training at Wal*Mart or is she just naturally gifted?

Fox n Fiends July 12, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Conservatives are AWESOME PEOPLE!!!

thefrontpage July 12, 2012 at 1:07 pm

I swear, I saw Helena Brown dancing naked with Jennifer Carroll at a Houston strip club just last week! I think Helena Brown and Jennifer Carroll are dating! And according to U.S. Rep. Harrington Dracon, Montana Democrat, he was recently on an official congressional delegation trip to South Korea, earlier this year, and he attended a strip club in Seoul–and who did he run into there?! Helena Brown and Jennifer Carroll! And, according to the National Enquirer, Helena Brown and Jennifer Carroll had something to do with the recent divorce of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes! It's all related, I'm telling you!

Dildeaux July 12, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Lifetime movie stars Sean Young.

Gratuitous World July 12, 2012 at 1:11 pm

where ya been, Donna Hayward?

lulzmonger July 12, 2012 at 1:35 pm

X-Ray that photo plz?

AFAF.

OneYieldRegular July 12, 2012 at 1:39 pm

She sure has come a long way since founding Cosmopolitan magazine back in the '60's..

Oh wait – never mind.

DahBoner July 12, 2012 at 1:41 pm

She has that hit on the back of the head with a frying pan look, so popular in the 80's…

Helena Brown, when's yo corrupt dumbass goin' down?

COULD IT BE A FADED HOSE FROM DAYS GONE BYE???

MOG2410 July 12, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Delta Dawn libel!

FlownOver July 12, 2012 at 1:44 pm

I seem to remember Helena "Girly" Brown looking a lot older back when she was editing Cosmo. Musta had some major work done.

rickmaci July 12, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Lose the TeaTard, keep the stripper.

Troglodeity July 12, 2012 at 4:46 pm

I applaud Helena Brown for her creative thinking! If all employers did like her and altered their employees' timesheets to turn them into part-time employees, think how many more employees they could hire! Unemployment: solved.

BZ1 July 12, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Another zany republican lady?!

ttommyunger July 12, 2012 at 9:07 pm

KAL? Flight 007 I hope.

HolyCow!! July 13, 2012 at 10:13 am

She looks like Sean Young

larrykat July 13, 2012 at 1:06 pm

My gosh she is a pro! Wonder what she'd do for one of these dollar bills that are burning a hole in my pocket?

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