today in derp

Fox & Friends Has All Sorts of Problems With These Olympic Team Berets

The thought-free muppets who host Fox News’ illiterate dementia variety hour Fox and Friends briefly mentioned the actual news nugget about the unveiled U.S. Olympic Team outfits today — they’re made in China, har har — but spent considerably more time examining the team’s hat wear: berets. Like all the fruity poets and mimes in France wear, amirite? Just imagine if these berets were green. How foo-foo mcgay would green berets be?

Steve Doocy cut right to the bone with his analysis. Why can’t les compétiteurs des États-Unis wear baseball caps or cowboy hats? Why can’t they put apple fucking pie on their heads?

DOOCY: Should the American team be wearing a beret? Why not a baseball cap? Why not a cowboy hat like when we went to Calgary?

After minutes of such mockery, Doocy does offer this counterpoint:

Fox’s mockery of the “French” headgear continued until they received “a lot of email” from viewers pointing out the military connection to the Olympic team’s headgear, forcing co-host Steve Doocy to make a disclaimer: “There is a team that’s already wearing a Beret for America, and that’s the special forces guys, and they look great.”

What a horrendous television show (that we watch because Morning Joe isn’t as hate-funny and also we hate ourselves.)

[Media Matters]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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      1. Fare la Volpe

        MTM vs. Douchy would be the most one-sided celebrity deathmatch ever. She'd mop the floor with him.

    1. CommieLibunatic

      Word. Fox 'n' Friends, will you explain to me why you hate the troops?

      The words of Man struggle to capture this utter stupidity.

    1. LionHeartSoyDog

      Uh Oh!
      Conspiracy Nut Alert!

      Pat Tillman was studying Socialism(!).
      And that may be why he was shot in the forehead at close range.

      and i am serious.

    2. Negropolis

      They already think that without the beret. Pat had a lot of sharp opinions about America.

  1. SayItWithWookies

    And we should rename french fries douchefries. And french toast should be called french Romney.

    1. Negropolis

      And french toast should be called french Romney.

      That is good, most good, mon wookie.

  2. UnholyMoses

    So Doocy has the hots for special ops dudes.


    Guess he doesn't want to see or hear them coming …

    1. WhatTheHeck

      Know who else didn’t wear a beret?
      Jeebus, thats who. He wore his hair too long to fit in a beret.

  3. UnholyMoses

    More Meta than OT: How does this post state that it had 5 comments, but only 2 views?

    Fucking math—how does it work?

    1. Fare la Volpe

      I've long suspected that Wonkette consisted of exactly two people: me, and Barb with a million sockpuppet accounts.

      Today I have proof.

      1. Jus_Wonderin

        Wait, I am not real? Do I begin to fade to transparent soon? Is there a Rod Serling voice over?

      2. Butch_Wagstaff

        Yes, I am actually Barb who recently started following Butch_Wagtaff who is myself, Barb. And now I'm following YOU as Butch_Wagstaff.
        I know. Mind. Blown.

    2. anniegetyerfun

      That's for the people who aren't actually reading the article, but just say the first thing that comes to their mind in the comments.

      Oh, that's just me?

        1. Butch_Wagstaff

          If it's anything related to the gay, all I have to do is read the headline. The comments write themselves.

  4. RedneckMuslin

    No gold this year. They want to look like cheese eating surrender monkeys then all is hopeless.

  5. Generation[redacted]

    Look, I understand Doocey's hatred of The Green Berets. The movie sucked. It was fat old John Wayne pretending Alabama was Vietnam and asking why the local villagers don't speak English.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Yep, and the switch actually pissed off some Special Forces types since they saw it as all the the lesser troops getting in on their cool club. But they still get to wear their own fancy versions.

  6. Texan_Bulldog

    Ummm…not to mention every damn soldier in the US Army wears them (unless they're wearing Kevlar helmets to help stop bullets).

    1. Chet Kincaid

      It just gives the lie to the implied super-patriotism of FOX on-air "talent" that they have never bothered themselves to look at their own news footage or an Army website to find out that every fucking soldier gets a beret!

  7. Allmighty_Manos

    Fat pants, XXXL T-Shirts with angels and baseball hats should the formal American Olympic uniform.

    1. Fare la Volpe

      And giant chunky pedophile glasses, because they still want the hipsters to watch ironically.

      1. Butch_Wagstaff

        If I had never actually been in a Wal-Mart, I would think that people responsible for that site were just fucking with us.
        But I have been in a Wal-Mart more times than I'd like to admit.

      1. Theywontlisten

        Yellow Twitty Bird holding a coffe cupT shirt that says I Hate Mornings for the girlz. Plain white wife beaters for the boyz

  8. el_donaldo

    I think they should go full American. Wear cheese hats. Complemented by Big Gulp hats. Extra-large-order-of-fries hats. Giant-stack-of-pancakes-with-a-side-of-bacon hats.

      1. Generation[redacted]

        No one hat represents America. We are a melting pot. In fact, a sombrero filled with chips and melted cheese sounds pretty good right now.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      I get this image of a horrible munching death at the petting zoo. I don't know why.

  9. RedneckMuslin

    Did any of these three stooges tell us the results of the Chamber of Commerce survey?

  10. johnnyzhivago

    I actually think the entire Army wears berets – wasn't there a controversy among Rangers when everyone got them?

    Of course when would a Fox host ever have met an actual US service member?

    1. Crank_Tango

      In their defense, it would be hard to see the kind of hat someone is wearing through a glory hole.

    2. Lazy Media

      You are correct on both points. The Rangers used to wear black berets, and switched to tan when the entire Army got black berets. Paratroopers wear red, Special Forces green, Rangers tan, everybody else black.

      That's kind of a sharp blazer, btw; be picking up one of those cheap on eBay in about six months.

  11. Barb

    That's gayer than a clutch bag at the Tony Awards. I mean, the Fox & Friends crew and not the kicky little beret`.

  12. Goonemeritus

    I did like Doocy’s idea of competitors going topless it might even get me to watch archery.

  13. Hera Sent Me

    We should take up a collection to buy appropriate headgear for Fox News talking heads.

    Dunce caps can't be too expensive, even if they're made in the USA.

    1. SayItWithWookies

      Give a FOX host a dunce cap, and he's got a dunce cap for a day — teach a FOX host to make his own dunce cap and you've got a potentially serious accidental scissors wound for the rest of his life.

  14. CapnRadio

    Fuck hats altogether. You wanna be a REAL American, Olympic athlete? Wear a goddamned Kardashian on your head.

  15. SorosBot

    "Why not a baseball cap? Why not a cowboy hat like when we went to Calgary?"

    Wait, so Fox wants our team to look like either a bunch of fratboy assholes or giant morons?

    1. MissTaken

      'either a bunch of fratboy assholes or giant morons?'

      Fratboy assholes and giant morans are not mutually exclusive.

    2. Fare la Volpe

      I'm amazed they didn't suggest sombreros so we could look like assholes at spring break Cancun.

    3. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      wait…what's your problem with baseball hats? I played baseball for nearly my entire youth. Besides, Doocy is a dumb pussy…everyone knows real 'Merikans sport NASCAR trucker hats. The actual uniform would be NASCAR trucker-hat, stained wifebeater with long sleeved flanel and gold plated chain with a cross on the end. Then they could have a pair of Wranglers with a giant gold belt buckle and torn up black steel-toed workboots…now that's a real 'Merikan. Just saying…but I think you're being insultingly generic with the whole baseball cap thing…

  16. Baconzgood

    I think to be truely american they should come in on hover rounds waving truck nutz.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      Oh, I guess you probably expect me to pronounce "faux" like the French do, now?

  17. Neoyorquino

    Well, you see, it's different with the special forces guys – they're just so . . . butch.

  18. PuckStopsHere

    Please tell me the gang over there at Fox used this to make a joke about the Gay Olympics. Please.

  19. johnnyzhivago

    How about Top Hats, tuxedos, walking sticks and have Mitt-cash stuffed into their pockets and orifices? They should also act cockily as if the games are fixed and sneer and refuse to play with the poorer countries.

    What could be more American?

  20. Gopherit

    Fuck-n-a, Bubba! Doocy's right again. We need truckers hats, wife-beaters, and jorts. MURIKA!!!

  21. SexySmurf

    What kind of hat will Steve Doocy be wearing when he competes in the Special Olympics?

    Oh yeah, I went there. I fucking live there.

  22. freakishlywrong

    I will be finally happy when the union thugs who film that shit, catch Doochy and Killjoy buttfucking in the dressing room.

  23. mavenmaven

    Though my favorite line is when she says "you have to pronounce it [berets] the French way". What would the American way to pronounce it be, "bear-it"?

  24. PuckStopsHere

    It's ironic that Fox would ask it's viewers, "What do you think?' since there entire reason for being is to tell their viewers what to think.

      1. Negropolis

        To be fair, this is exactly what Ed Schultz does. lol I love his +90% results agreeing with what he just set up.

  25. sullivanst

    Vaguely amused by the confidence with which they declare their entirely Americanized pronunciation to be the how you "have to pronounce it … because that's the French way".

  26. poorgradstudent

    Can we just talk about how boring the Olympics are and how crazy the IOC is about copyrights (they're even shutting down clips of NBC shows on YouTube that happen to show the rings logo) and mostly about how boring the Olympics are. It's a rare opportunity to unite conservatives and liberals.

    1. SorosBot

      I haven't watched the Olympics since the one twenty years ago, way back when I was in high school. Not missing much.

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Hah. Every time an American fails to win gold, a thousand wingtards will be foaming at the mouth about how it's Obama's fault.

    3. anniegetyerfun

      I remember my dad pulling me in front of the TV when I was, like, 12 and saying "Annie, you need to watch this. It's the Olympics, and they are special because they only happen once every four years."

      As far as I can tell, that is the ONLY thing remarkable about the Olympics, from a viewer's standpoint.

    1. SorosBot

      Ah dressage, making rhythmic gymnastics and ballroom dancing look like legitimate sports.

      1. Chichikovovich

        That's putting it mildly. It even makes ordinary equestrian jumping look like a legitimate sport.

      2. Biel_ze_Bubba

        It would be OK, if they gave the medals to the horses, instead of to the horses' asses.

  27. DrunkIrishman

    These people are fucking morons.

    Back in 2002, when Salt Lake hosted the Olympics, the Olympic team wore these berets. They were so fucking popular in red Utah that prices spiked from $20 to $100 and they instantly became a collectors item. If you had one, you could probably get any woman to do anything to you. If you didn't, you were shunned like a leper, or Mitt Romney at last call.

    They were huge. They looked good. They were stylish. Trendy. People loved 'em.

    They started here. In Utah. Back in '02. And red state asswipes gobbled 'em up like they were the last Prozac on the market.

  28. timbo71351

    Steve Doocy may be the dumbest motherfucker on TV — dumber than any member of the Jersey Shore cast. I'm halfway convinced he's a performance artist working along with Jon Stewart.

  29. emmelemm

    "foo foo mcgay" is my new favorite phrase and I look forward to using it whenever possible.

  30. OneYieldRegular

    This coming from a guy you just know was disappointed when he found out the urban sombrero only existed in a sitcom.

  31. Dumbedup

    Can't the editors find any stories about politicians assfucking interns, like in the old days? These stories about Fox news just bum me out.

  32. anniegetyerfun

    Well, if we wore cowboy hats to Calgary, then we need some proper British headwear for London. Um, bowlers? The giant hats that the ladies were to Ascot?

        1. bobbert

          Because they're disk-shaped and because we have made a compact with the devil.

          Thanks for the flashback.

  33. Antispandex

    Next they will be arguing that we should have our soldiers go back to steel pots, because Kevlar is for wussies.

  34. barto

    As I recall, and perhaps I don't drink quite as much as these guys, perhpas the most famous photo of Pat Tillman had him sporting one of those Frenchy hats. Zoot Allures!

  35. anniegetyerfun

    Fox N Friends are just jealous because berets won't fit over the special helmets that they have to don as soon as they are off the air.

  36. Hammiepants

    The fucking bullshit these dumbasses get their panties in a wad about never ceases to amaze me. Honestly, HATS? Y'all are clutching your pearls over HATS? Jesus Christo.

    1. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Uh….why is my comment "waiting to be approved", Wonkette? I didn't use the Palin simile, or threaten to skull-frack anybody…so what the hell?

  37. MRjonz

    Amazing. The question "Just how stupid are the Twit Triumvirate at Fox and Friends” gets a new answer five days a week. It's the closest thing we have to perpetual motion.

    And I’m willing to bet that with as much time as they spend putting their foot in their mouth, Brian Kilmeade and Steve Doocy now exclusively purchase shoes that are edible.

  38. Designer_Radio

    The show that I sometimes hate-watch because my wife insists on getting her TomKat Divorce news, Inside Edition just said that the French Fried Queens that make up our olympic team also wore the same berets at the Utah Olympics. I would expect a little more Historical Perspective from a show of the caliber of Fox & Friends.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      You mean, the Olympics that Romney is so proud of having salvaged from the ashes?

  39. Willardbot9000_V2.5

    Aha! you can't say "p_ssy"! anymore, either…even if Steve Doocy is the posterchild for the male version…that's a shame since I love to call those suburban-bitch titted wingnut "toughguys" that word regularly…I suppose c*nt is out, too? Even when referring to Palin?

  40. Willardbot9000_V2.5

    Did I miss some new phony flap wonkette has gotten pulled into to make you guys act like chickenshits in the face of rampant wingnuttery like the Stuef incident again? Just wondering why we're being censored even more to comment on this site…

  41. Baba_NinjaCat12

    They overruled Mitt R'money plan for U.S. athletes to wear a top hat and a monocle for the 2002 Winter Olympics opening ceremony. Yet still, the gear is likely be made in China.

  42. Negropolis

    They also totally seemed to have forgotten when the team wore berets a few winter olympics back. But, is that really a surprise?

  43. lulzmonger

    Fox & Friends Has All Sorts of Problems With These Olympic Team Berets Logic, Semantics, Grade 2 Math, Cause & Effect, & Which Comes First, "Wipe" Or "Flush"


  44. dogscantlookup

    the whole [hehe hole] uniforms look likkke they were made by Hugo Boss cerca1940s.
    Fascist as hell!

  45. DahBoner

    Wait? Fox News said Special Forces are French and Gay????


  46. larrykat

    The best part was when the blond moron said "I suppose we better pronounce it the French way, beret!" I would like ask her what the fuck the American way to pronounce 'beret' is?

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